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italianfish · 5 years ago

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Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- Michael Jackson part 1, before he came around

- That’s a sexy gauge

- We have cones in our eyes??? *Turns to friend* Show me your eyes.

- What’s ROYGBIV? Is that a person?

- I put the jewish inside of him

- The air in my house is polluted with sleeping pills

- One day someone will react to my gay jokes

- One day someone brought a tub of ice cream out of their backpack in the middle of class

- Hey Francis (Talking to a blow up alien)

- Why do you like assholes

- Aladdin doesn’t have nipples

- Support your own god damn neck!

- I saw my friend in the bathroom and he gave me orange juice

- FORM THE EQUATOR!!!

- Yes, indeed my good sir

- Sharing your wealth is the way to become poor

- I’m sorry I don’t have calcium in my body

- Why the pancreas?!

- I watched this show and these characters exploded and it was my favorite show

- Someone is going to lose a pancreas

- A: Don’t lose your pancreas B: I’ll try to hold onto it

- She knew how to multiply! And I was like “You’re only three!”

- Come on Moser, hitting the nut won’t do anything

- I work with a prostitute

- I love crunchy pancakes

- You are a big neon doof

- Look I can spit, I’m cool now

- ‘Ay! Trout!

- In her free time she did her taxes

- Hey! You like Raisin Bran?

- If you get a rooster you’ll be hungry, unless you eat him

- It smells like Hawaii

- If A claims he’s a god and Jesus says he’s the son of god... Does that mean Jesus is A’s son?

- We managed to convince our sub that this was a film and lit class so we watched infinity war all period

- A- So let’s keep the duck B- It’s a vulture...

- Did you just call me fuzzy?

- I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on

- He looks like a punk rock jazz drummer

- A- British! British! B- I HAVE A NAME!

- Stop putting your dog in the oven!

- Did you expect it to be that good of a cactus?

- I relate to Squidward so much

- He was like the dad that left to get cigarettes and never came back

- We’re literally following Marty Mcfly

- My elbows are funky fresh

- A- You shank em’ B- No! That is the exact opposite of a solution!

- Unicorns caused global warming

- A- No balls in class! B- But we’re in health

- The crazy chellos are back

- See! I do have friends!

- It’s a train, a train of love

- A- Why do they keep getting rid of the babies? B- I don’t know, abortion

- You have to earn the bucket hat

- My friend brought in 7 bucket hats

- Hide the forks!

- The turtles tried to cross the road once

- I’m scared of turtles

- So does everyone just carry a sword around in their back pocket?

- When you’re fishing, anyone in a bucket hat has authority

- She has cheese on her hook!

- Are your knee pits moist?

- Why are you molesting me with water

- I was born vaccinated

- I was born to be a little spoon

- Why do I look like a hispanic man

- Can I tickle your knee pits?

- You’re going to get eaten by the ocean

- A- You’re a hot mess B- Hey! At least I’m hot!

- They’ve developed a handshake! Isn’t this a problem?!

- We’re in the OG thirteen colonies

- A- I’m not used to seeing those big grassy structures B- You mean trees?!

- My name is bagged milk

- You only drink bagged milk once, in Canada

- It’s not expensive, you’re just poor

- I forgot I’m a lady

- That’s you after I poop

- I want to be Brazilian

- I figured out what the voice was! They’re playing Bingo

- A- Do “coo coo” B- CAW

- It’s probably in a nice aisle, aisle 9

- So inside the bag there are 3 more bags full of milk

- Mom we got the bagged milk

- He told me I looked like Nicholas Cage

- Her bio says inhale the kale

- I feel like an easy bake oven

- The bags just like, left

- But what about the unicorns

- Look at that potato! That looks free!

- Everyone! Find a piece of metal and lick it

- I’m the toilet man

- Go fetch me grapes

- All girls want to molest this

- He ate a whole pancake out of an Applebee’s dumpster

- Why did he eat turf

- I’m on a mission to find dairy products

- I was going to go to school and pretend to be a witch

- Remember when you put the lotion in my mouth and I drank it?

- We’re playing quarter baseball

- Pretend you’re sleeping

- The ultimate frisbee association

- My mom picked me up from school so I could go to ultimate frisbee practice

- They got a $2000 grant for a barely existing ultimate frisbee team

- She’s ultra mom

- The dodgeball guy called my friend a walrus

- We did a dramatic reading of an adult novel

- He was buying materials to make a whip

- Grate her down like a piece of cheese

- We sat in a circle and named our most Jewish quality

- 4 is the cosmic number

- I hate being a fertile woman

- Excuse me I’m Jewish

- Surprise disco duet

- I shook like 7 tents

- She’s the strings teacher, we keep her in the basement

- Whenever we finished a test and we said “I’m done” he would say “I’m done! You’re finished!” his last name was Done

- I thought the fire hydrant was a turkey

- I asked him if his password was like an anniversary or something and he said “It’s the date of my grandparents death”

- He gives us weekly quantum physics lectures

- Bruh! That looks like a lunchbox!

- No offense but this guy would make out with a floorboard

- You seem like the kind of person to kiss a floorboard

- You sound exactly like my pediatrician

- Lots of poop, no sock

- She’s not doing her work, she’s looking at Peppa pig

- Yo neighbor, I need some sugar

- White moms are really easy to scare

- Even though it’s part of Asia, ITS NOT

- Why was there a hanging waffle?!

- I got complimented on my croissant

- You can sell your liver

- Bernie Sanders reminds me of a muppet

- WHY IS THERE A HELICOPTER IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

- What are you going to do? Hunt squirrels?

- *A bunch of AP students shouting “Linguini”*

- I got bitten by an iguana in Aruba

- We got an actor to join the hammock group chat

- Say goodbye to your ovaries

- I’m half a butt cheek away from death

- Are you one of those people who puts ice cream and pop tarts in a blender

- Yo! You got any shoes I can eat???

- That’s how you segregate your trail mix???

- He has a six pack of ribs

- I’m so done with books about African children

- Do homies kiss

- I’m here for the num nums

- Don’t touch my pizza you savage!!!

- HURRY UP AND MEDITATE

- What are you for Halloween? Jewish?

- Do ducks have tails

- He was the one that broke the constitution

- Oh god now there’s Hitler on my paper

- God given right of ruling... Manifest destiny in China

- Do you shampoo your eyebrows

- This isn’t Bayblade!

- Bob Ross wasn’t an artist, he was an art therapist

- If anyone on the team is a jellyfish, it’s definitely Brandon

- It’s your fault that I’m not going to college!

- I’m having spinach for dinner! I’m so excited!

- I locked him in his toolbox

- Let’s rent a midget for a day and we can throw him against a wall

- I know how to utilize money, but do I know how to utilize it well, that’s another question

- Man, that place needs a Chick-fil-a, and I’m going to make it

- We should have the purge in school one day

- If you’re weird enough, people won’t want to rape you

- Flex seal it with tape

- Oh yeah, I got vinegar all over my sweatshirt

- Don’t say “Have a good day”, because I’m not having a good day

- Well maybe someday you’ll have cancer

- What’s up guys, I’m from Richie’s pizza, and today I’ll be showing you my body count

- An obo sounds like a clarinet with Down syndrome

- I DONT HAVE ANY MARINARA SAUSCE ON ME RIGHT NOW

- WE WILL SMUGGLE OUR KIDS TO AMERICA

- I’m the jolly black giant

- You pissed off a priest

- If we get a lot of money, I can take her boyfriend to prom

- Ted Bundy would share a lot of ideas with you

- They’re doing a milk experiment... But with marinara

- A- That’s not a color! B- But it’s on a crayon!

- Hey what’s up cheese goblin

- I’m letting my toes breathe

- I’m just saying, tinfoil doesn’t taste that bad

- YOURE EATING IT YOU UNGRATEFUL SWINE

- When I was away were you in my house? Because it’s happened before

- How do you say I have scoliosis in Italian?

- I’m gonna give give birth to a duck, right here, right now

- Are you comparing a 3D printed violin to genocide

- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE

- Brother from another mother, TELL ME ABOUT THAT

- I’m a vulture, just vulturing

- I’m going on a field trip to the sewage treatment plant on my birthday

- You’re making my vagina angry

- Competitive Just Dance team

- Oh no there’s spaghetti falling out of my pockets!

- (Yoda impression) Take anger out on minorities I must

- I can turn off the lights and you’d still be white

#overheard #i just overheard #conversation #funny #funny conversations #haha #long post

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kaleidoscopeheartache · 5 years ago

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SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Sin 1: Lust

1. Who was the last person you checked out? Did they check you out too?

Does bumble count? I’m scrolling through this guy name Brad’s profile right now because we matched. Lol.

2. Who was the last person you desired, but they didn’t feel the same?

Like literally? The last person I wanted was my Brad, like 20 seconds ago.

3. Ever cheated on a significant other? If so, have you learned from it?

Yep. It fucking blows. Don’t do it.

4. Do you watch porn?

Sometimes. I tune out pretty quickly though. Or I skip to the parts where it’s not like violent or weird.

5. Do you masturbate?

Yep.

6. Best physical features on your preferred sex?

Backs. Good facial hair. Eyes. Collarbones.

7. Who are some celebrities that you think are totally hot?

Chris Evans. Michael B. Jordan. Liam Hemsworth. Idk plenty. I don’t think about them that much because they’re so out of reach lol.

8. Did you ever lust after a best friend’s significant other? How did it turn out?

Not a BEST friend’s, but a friend’s. I ended up dating someone else. They broke up eventually but I stopped paying attention.

9. When was the last time you had sex?

A little over a week ago? Before this stint though it had been literally years.

10. Ever pursued someone, even though they were taken?

No. I just liked them from afar.

Sin 2: Gluttony

1. When did you last eat at a restaurant? What restaurant was it?

Like sitting down? Chili’s, a few days ago with Shannon.

2. When did you last have fast food? Where did you get it?

Chick-fil-a. In my car today. Classic nugs and a sweet tea. I ate too fast.

3. What was the biggest meal you had all day?

See #2.

4. Do you have too many clothes? How often do you go shopping?

Jesus Christ yes. I use shopping as an emotional crutch for other holes in my life. I need to purge so much shit.

5. What’s something you have a LOT of?

Clothes. Shoes. Nail polish. Pens and markers. Books. Regrets 😂

6. Do you eat a lot?

I eat in like weird intervals. I won’t eat all day and then forget that I’m hungry and then I’ll overeat junk at night. It’s bad.

7. What was the last thing you splurged (spent a lot of money) on?

I was about to buy running shoes but they didn’t have the ones I wanted in my size. I probably would’ve gotten a different pair if Anna didn’t convince me not to.

8. What do you spend most of your money on (besides bills and anything necessary like that)?

Clothes I guess. Maybe restaurants?

9. Last time you ate candy? What was it?

I guess whenever I had some of the chocolate from my stocking.

10. Last thing you ate too much of?

Muddy buddies this morning probably. No reason for that.

Sin 3: Greed

1. Do you share things? How often?

Share what like things? Or thoughts? Idk I’m fairly generous with people I like.

2. Someone asks you for a piece of your cookie. You break it in half, but the pieces aren’t equal. Who gets the bigger piece?

I let them pick.

3. When you see change on the ground, do you pick it up?

Depends on where it is.

4. How often do you lend money to people?

I don’t get asked often. Venmo makes things pretty convenient these days.

5. Do you loooove money?

I told my mother I was a slave to capitalism this morning so I’d venture yes.

6. If someone offers to pay for you, do you decline or readily accept?

If it’s a date and he seems to have his shit together, then I’m fine. I don’t like getting paid for all the time though. Not a date, I’ll question and probably fight it.

7. Which of your friends is the wealthiest?

Anny. Easily. Bitch gets to fly on this fancy airline to Australia all the time.

8. Would you take a high-paying job that you didn’t really like just for the money and benefits?

Depends on how high paying. If like double my current salary, then yeah. At least for a little so I can pay down some of my debt 😂

9. Ever stole from anyone? What about stole from a store? What happened?

Sometimes I “forget” to scan things at the Target self checkout. Nothing’s ever happened.

10. Do you ever have enough money?

Like in comparison to so much of America, yes absolutely. I do have student debt and regular debt, and I’m living paycheck to paycheck. But I live well. So.

Sin 4: Sloth

1. Last thing you procrastinated on?

Velocity QA.

2. When you’re at a strip mall and the next store you want to go to is at the other side, do you drive over there instead of take a short walk?

I usually just walk.

3. What’s a typical day off of school and/or work like for you?

Sleep in, probably work out at some point if I’m purposely taking off, watch YouTube, probably play Dead by Daylight. Maybe walk Teddy. Hopefully nothing else.

4. What’s one talent you have that you don’t really work on, even though you have the ability to be good at it?

Uhhh I mean I’m a good singer but I don’t do anything with it anymore.

5. How many hours of television do you watch a day?

Like actual tv very little. I put on YT most of the time these days when I get home until I go to bed.

6. What about the amount of time you spend on the internet a day?

I’m almost always on my phone just poking around the web. All day.

7. How many hours of sleep do you get a day? Do you sleep in late?

I don’t typically sleep in that much, though some of these weekends I’ve really taken advantage. I’m usually in bed around midnight and get up around 7:30ish if I’m not working out in the morning.

8. Do you drive to places that are less than three blocks away?

Nah my neighborhood is quite walkable.

9. When was the last time you exercised?

Today. Bout to get up in 7 hours to run 7 miles lolol.

10. Ever copied and pasted your homework from a website on the internet?

Probably though I definitely tried to make it look at least a little more like mine.

Sin 5: Wrath

1. If you could kill one person and get away with it, would you do it?

Like how would I have to kill them though? Like if I could somehow poison Donald Trump from afar I totally would.

2. Is there anyone you honestly and truly can say that you hate?

Yeah dude have you seen some of the assholes in DC lately?

3. Is there anyone you want revenge on, whether you want to get them back big-time or just play a little prank on them for hurting your feelings?

Yep. I would love for my old friends to feel ashamed and embarrassed about being total dicks to me. They deserve a comeuppance.

4. Are you fighting with any friends right now? Why?

Fighting? No.

5. Last time you were really angry? What happened?

James and I stopped talking yesterday but that’s only partially because I was angry. Partially it was him being a coward so 🤷🏽‍♀️

6. When you’re angry, what do you do to calm yourself down?

I text people for feedback. I vent. I sometimes raise my voice.

7. “Hate is just the fear of loving someone.” true or false?

Psh. Love and hate are both passionate emotions but I don’t think they’re that similar. Love involves respect.

8. What’s the best revenge you ever got on someone?

I haven’t actually gotten revenge, unless you count I Told You Sos, in which case I’ve had plenty. I have good instincts.

9. Was there any hard feelings after your last break-up? On whose end was it on?

Actual last relationship was Austin. He technically broke up with me, but then we had a non-commital thing for months afterwards because we were a good match in bed. There were hard feelings because he was a selfish asshole in the end.

10. Ever been cheated on? How did that make you feel?

Not that I know of? Though late-stage Austin definitely felt like it when he was hooking up with other people and we were still sometimes together. Shitty feeling. It’s really just bad optics, the person is trying to have their cake and eat it too. Just come clean that you don’t want them anymore.

Sin 6: Envy

1. Is there anyone you’re jealous of? Name a person and tell us why.

I am an extremely envious person. Currently I’m most jealous of Toni, because she’s engaged to my Brad. I am neither engaged nor with him.

2. List three physical features some other people have that you’re envious of (no need to get specific and name people; you can just say something like “brown eyes” or “having perfect eyebrows”).

A symmetrical smile. A flat stomach. Thinner legs.

3. List three personality features that other people have that you’re envious of.

Care-free. Charismatic. Subtle.

4. Are you a jealous significant other?

Yes.

5. Could you date someone who was really jealous?

Some jealousy is healthy but it’s obvious when it’s too much.

6. What celebrity’s looks do you envy the most?

Eh? Idk maybe Janelle Monaé? She’s like a robot she’s so pretty.

7. Do you think anyone is envious of you? In your opinion, what characteristics (physical and mental) do you possess that you think someone might be envious of?

Probably. Everyone thinks the grass is greener. I have really long eyelashes. I am very passionate and confident in my abilities.

8. What are a few things you wish you were good at?

Being upfront about what I need from people. Drawing. Letting things go.

9. Did you ever date someone, break up, and then see them dating someone very attractive a few days later? Were you jealous of that person?

Yep. It’s called high school.

10. When looking at a love interest’s exes, do you often find yourself jealous of their good-looking exes?

Sure. If they dated someone totally hot and now they’re with me I get confused. I’m quirky and cute, not hot. What are you tryna pull homie

Sin 7: Pride

1. What’s something you brag about a lot (be honest–we all brag sometimes)?

I work a lot. I have a very cute dog.

2. What physical features do you take the most pride in?

Eyelashes!

3. Are you satisfied with what you have?

Mmmmmostly.

4. Be honest… when someone is telling you something, do you often change the subject so it’s about you and your accomplishments instead?

Lol no I’m not a fucking narcissist.

5. Do you like talking about your achievements?

Eh not really. I like when people acknowledge them but I don’t like bringing them up myself.

6. Do your parents tend to brag about how well you came out?

Idk. They’re not really the bragging type. I’m doing pretty well.

7. Do you strive to be better than others? Do you think competing with others is healthy?

Yes. I’m very competitive. I think it’s a good thing, it pushes you to be a better you. Mostly. Just don’t go overboard.

8. What do you do better than most people?

Project manage. Sing.

9. Do you believe in taking pride in things you can’t control (ex. being proud of your heritage, being proud of your skin color, being proud of your natural artistic ability)?

Yeah for sure. There’s so much culture to celebrate it’d be a waste not to lift it up.

10. Who are you competing with right now (it could be anything–classmates for a grade, co-workers for a position, other girl for a guy, etc.)?

I am apparently competing with this chick Kiffen for a chance at dating James. Though I don’t think she knows that. I don’t even remember if that’s her name that’s just what’s in my head.

#idk I felt like doing a survey and being really real #survey

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