#all it takes is a bit of explanation and usually The Child (in my experience) will go like 'yeah okay whatever'

[mothbaaalls]

i so don't understand ppl who don't like it when children ask questions bc like? i have the time of my life when ppl are actually interested in what i'm talking about and want to understand?

The Child will ask me like seven questions in a row and the only thing that bothers me is when it's distracting us (as in BOTH OF US) from what we're supposed to be doing...

[goddessofroyalty]

Fandom: Arcane

Pairings: Jayce/Viktor

Tags: mpreg, mention of post-birth pain

I now have two prompt fills that are in progress but not finished (oops). So instead take a “this popped into my head basically fully formed so I had to write it” things – Mel visiting at the hospital after Jayce and Viktor have their first child.

This is a bit more based on modern medical conventions than what I think Arcane would truly be like but, again, not really a thought out thing just words that flowed too easily. Thus it’s really abrupt ending as well. Easy flow stopped then.

---------------

There’s a knock at the door of the hospital room and Viktor is a little surprised to see Councillor Medarda instead of another doctor come to have a final prod at him before they send him home.

“I thought I would come visit. If you feel up to it that is,” she says. Only coming in when he gestures that she can. A wrapped box carried in her hands like an offering. “Where’s Jayce?”

“Currently trying to bully the doctors into prescribing stronger painkillers to go home with.” Mel’s face twists in question at Viktor’s explanation. “We are, ah, not well designed for childbirth.”

“My mother gave birth to me on a battlefield,” Mel says. Quietly enough that Viktor does not know if he was actually aimed at him or not.

“I suppose we are not all your mother then.” The boredom of bedrest the closest to a battle Viktor fought in his pregnancy.

“No, of course,” Mel says with a small shake of her head. She takes the seat next to the bed with her usual grace. The box settled neatly in her lap. Viktor sure he looks a mess next to her, the bags under his eyes deep from sleep constantly disturbed by doctors or his and Jayce’s son and the hospital gown rumpled and baggy on him.

“I would offer you something to eat but I would not recommend the food here,” Viktor says more out of politeness than actually caring about being a good host.

“I will take your word at it,” Mel says, looking around the room at all the flowers and gifts that they had taken to piling along the walls to deal with once they get home and figure out a routine with a newborn. “Have you had many visitors?”

“No.” Ximena had visited a few times, bringing things from their apartment so Jayce wouldn’t have to leave to get them. Sky as well, with updates on their ongoing experiments and things for the both of them so they can continue working as best they can from a hospital room. Councillor Kiramman and her daughter had visited once, Caitlyn looking terrified when she was offered the baby to hold. That was it. “People keep sending Jayce gifts.”

“I’m sure they are for you as well,” Mel says as she looks over them.

“Yes. That is why they all have only his name on them.” Viktor had never been naïve about how people saw him, or rather didn’t see him, next to Jayce. But he will admit to some annoying in the situation on account of how he was the one bedbound from having their child yet Jayce the one getting all the gifts.

Mel’s lips purse.

“Well, I suppose this one can be for you then,” she says, handing the neatly wrapped box onto his lap.

“What?”

“That is what the rule is, isn’t it ­­– I bring you a present and you let me see the baby?” Mel asks, her tone light. “Only if you are comfortable with it of course.”

“I- ah- yes. I am. Just-“ Naph is in the bassinette at the other side of the room and getting out of bed still rather painful and difficult to do. Not something he wants to attempt with an audience.

Jayce thankfully returns before Viktor has to decide with Mel getting Naph herself.

“Jayce,” Viktor says before his partner can get too into detail about how the doctor was going to write a script for some decent pain relief. A nod to Mel thankfully distracting him from that train of thought. “Can you bring Naph over.”

“Of course.”

“I see he’s taking good care of you,” Mel says as Jayce goes to get their son and bring him over.

“I cannot complain.” Viktor is sure the doctors would be glad to see them off if only so Jayce could not continue looming over their shoulders as if double-checking their work whenever they are tending to either Viktor or Naph.

Mel gives him a humoured smile at it.

“Mel would like to hold him,” Viktor says when Jayce goes to hand Naph to him.

“Oh. Right.” Jayce easily switches to hand Mel the swaddle that is their son instead. “Make sure to support his head.”

“Already an over-protective father,” Mel jokes but her hands are careful when accepting their child. Her expression soft when she looks down at him. “Definitively one of the cuter babies I’ve been handed.”

Jayce beams at the praise for their son as false as it probably is. Slipping into the other chair by the bed and reaching to take Viktor’s hand.

“He looks just like Viktor doesn’t he?”

“I can see the resemblance,” Mel says with a quick glance up at Viktor. It is apparently enough for her to remember the gift. “Open it. Please.”

Viktor pulls his hand away from Jayce’s to undo the wrappings, revealing a wooden box with holes of various shapes and blocks matching to them as well as a small plastic hammer.

“I thought if he is anything like his parents he’ll want to find ways to fill any gap he finds. And the hammer reminded me of Jayce.”

“Thank you.” It is nice to receive something that wasn’t just the first cute thing the person had seen. Or flowers.

[accio-bagel]

✧ MC Intro Post ✧

I finally filled these out for my lil criminal 💚

Explanations & more info (ramblings) + her presets below the cut for anyone interested.

✧ Family ✧

Does not talk about it. Will either be evasive about her history or outright lie about it if asked. An only child born to parents who didn’t want her, and when it became apparent she had no magic they they cast her out as a Squib. Hadn’t spoken or seen them since, and has no idea whether they're alive or not. Never fitting into the wizarding world or muggle society, she always dreamed of a better life for herself - the life she was supposed to live at Hogwarts.

Struggling to take care of herself after being abandoned by her family, she resorted to petty crime to survive, then more often upon discovering she was rather good at it. At age 15, her first accidental magic outburst involved a chase with authorities after pressing her luck one too many times, resulting in Fig finding her on the streets of London, panicking after she'd suddenly turned a policeman into a chicken. Professor Dad Fig took her in during the summer before term began at Hogwarts.

✧ Patronus ✧

Some associations with crows: gregarious, intelligent, creative problem-solvers, mysterious, deceptive, mischievous, manipulative, intuitive, and adaptable. Symbolic of community and loyalty, change and transformation, magic and the supernatural. Conflicting interpretations as harbingers of death or omens of fate, destiny, and good luck. They never forget a face, and will reward those who help them or may punish those who harm them. I also couldn't resist the connection between crows' habit of stealing and collecting shiny objects, and of course a flock of crows is called a Murder. 

✧ Classes ✧

She loves learning magic now that she's got the opportunity. Strives to do well at Hogwarts and wants to impress her professors and peers. Open-minded about magic of all kinds.

Charms is her absolute favorite, the most useful and enjoyable form of magic for her. Defense follows closely, as she's got an innate gift for dueling and developed a bit of an ego about it - especially enjoys teasing Sebastian about kicking his ass. Ever pragmatic, she also knows how important the subject is and wants to add to her repertoire of spells.

It's not her strongest subject naturally, but she loves Potions. She can follow a recipe well and works hard at it. While she finds Garreth's experiments interesting and doesn't mind stealing for him, for her own self-preservation she doesn't ever sit at his station, nor will she risk Sharp's wrath again by stealing from his office. Everyone knows she is Sharp's favorite student by the year's end, though he denies it.

History isn't uninteresting to her - it’s just Professor Binns is too boring for her to stay awake through class.

✧ Personality ✧

😉 Charismatic and persuasive, comes across as highly confident (faking it til she makes it.) She isn't shy about walking up to talk to someone she finds interesting, loves spending time with a small group of friends, and prefers a partner in crime on her adventures. That said, she is quite independent and needs plenty of alone time to think and recharge.

🧠 She prefers efficient, not lazy. She's highly active with her chosen activities and will take the lead naturally, but it has to be worth her while for her to put in the effort. She'll also take nearly any advantage given to her, especially in high-stakes situations.

💁🏻‍♀️ She wishes she were stylish and tidy, but it doesn’t come naturally and she hasn’t got the time (would rather get the extra 10 minutes of sleep in the mornings.) She starts the day looking relatively put-together, but you'll usually see her looking disheveled from running around, waistcoat askew, hair coming loose, boots dirty, possibly a bit banged up from her adventuring. Leaves half-drunk cups of coffee lying around the RoR and laundry on her dormitory floor. Handwriting is atrocious, she uses an enchanted quill to make her essays legible.

😾 Not that grouchy but can't say she's very nice, either. She isn't taking on extra tasks just out of the kindness of her heart - she needs to get paid or receive something else in exchange. Snarky and sarcastic, somewhat selfish, mocks/teases/messes with people (told Zenobia she’d keep her gobstones, then said jk lol, and gave them back.) Anger issues rage blackouts when pushed to her limit. She's got soft spots though - especially for animals/beasts, orphans, and freckles. Will do anything for her closest friends even if she gives them a hard time.

🤔 Generally weighs the risks of what she's getting herself into before acting. Stealthy and strategic, usually likes to silently petrify a few enemies to even the odds before taking on a group. She's prioritizing protecting herself and her friends rather than foolishly charging into unnecessary danger, balancing out her more reckless companions. Again, if one of her loved ones is in danger she won’t hesitate to dive in and help them.

😏 Mischievous, jokes a lot, a bit silly. Likes breaking rules. She's made many a daring escape with a smile on her face, will turn to her mates and laugh together once they've made it out alive. Taunts and goads her opponents in duels to throw them off. While very capable of deep thoughts and feelings, she covers hurt with humor and doesn’t often let it show.

🏃🏻‍♀️Athletic. Fast runner and climber, she regularly outpaces Sebastian “out-of-breath” Sallow on their outings. An evasive and agile fighter, swiftly dodging all over the place before striking. Quick on a broom, joins the Quidditch team in sixth year as Keeper (and acknowledges the irony here.) Has her clumsy moments when she's not paying attention or had too many Butterbeers, accidentally breaking a vase at the bottom of the stairs in the Slytherin common room on more than one occasion.

✧ Extras ✧

Amortentia scents: autumn rain, cinnamon, butterbeer, and smoke

Her scent: green apple and lilac

Bisexual who flirts with everyone, to the point that it's hard to tell when she actually means it. No time to properly court anyone during fifth year but she has many fleeting fancies and won't readily admit to real feelings. All of this inevitably leads to confusion on all sides.

Goes insane for the food at Hogwarts after years of barely scraping by, eating stolen food and scraps. Always snacking to keep her energy up with how much running around she does. If she misses a meal, something is very wrong. 

Funny (at least she thinks so) and uses humor as a coping mechanism.

Loves cats. Pets all the cats.

Loves puns and will give a genuine laugh at a particularly good one.

Constantly running late, much to the chagrin of all her friends.

Drinks like a fish and smokes an occasional cigarette. Swears like a sailor.

Likes to dance but isn't very good at it.

Has an academic rivalry with @freddiestheproblemchild’s mc, Freddie Harpis (AU/HCU)

As Sharp says, Wiggenweld doesn't fix everything, so I imagine her gaining quite a few permanent scars over the course of her fifth year. Significant mentions are a cut brow courtesy of Rookwood and some burns on her body from Solomon.

After her hair was partially singed during the battle with Ranrok, she cut it short for a drastic change.

Girl is not doing very well after everything she went through, especially losing Fig. Not sleeping, not eating enough, and prone to thousand-yard stares. She will need time to heal, plus a lot of help from her new chosen family.

✧Future ✧

Ellie is very ambitious and she knows her strengths. She wants to live up to the reputation she's built for herself as a powerful witch, and wants to be known for more than what she went through in her fifth year. Taking time to make a name for herself as a Curse Breaker, she'll spend several years in the field before coming back to Hogwarts as Charms Professor when Ronen retires.

💚 If you have read any of this, I love and appreciate you so much! I have more to say about her but this was already too long so maybe I’ll do a part 2 or something.

✧ Presets ✧

5th Year:

6th Year changes:

[smilesatdawnmain]

a question from the Author of the tragedy of the six how would you define the boys' personalities? (English is not my original language, I don't know if it will be understood)

Oh my gosh okay okay! I put a summary of how they are in the Tragedy of Six Au below~

-- Red Son:

As the oldest member of the group, Red Son takes his responsibilities very seriously. He is often trusted to watch over the others and as a result, has become quite strict when it comes to following rules. Though he may come across as overprotective, it's only because he cares so deeply for the well-being of his peers. Despite having a quick temper, Red Son always keeps stress toys on hand to help him manage his anger. In fact, he goes through so many that he has quite a collection. However, one thing that can easily soften his demeanor is seeing something cute. This is especially true with the younger children in the group; their innocence and adorableness make it hard for him to stay mad at them, and he often lets them have their way.

He can be stern and serious, but it's evident that he wants to let loose and experience life as a normal child. He yearns to fully immerse himself in the things he enjoys and openly express his passions, but fears letting himself be too open like that. Only the other children can draw out his more playful sides and creativity when it comes to machines.

Fully aware of the wild and unpredictable nature of his powers, he dedicates himself to mastering them. He is deeply afraid of what he could do if he lost control. In his mind, the woman known as LBD is not a mother figure, but a savior. He clings to the belief that she saved him from certain death after being abandoned by his birth parents, still having faint memories of them and a flash of… burning his Mother. He cannot remember anything after that other than screaming and fire.

During missions, Red Son is the one who stays focused and ensures that they stay on track. He does not allow himself to become distracted by the wonders of the outside world.

Mei is often the person he confides in the most, as she has a completely different demeanor from his own. He finds that her contrasting nature helps to ease his worries and fears.

Emerald:

Even though he is the second oldest, he's always been the smallest one in the group. With his fluffy hair and gentle demeanor, he's often likened to a tiny ball of cotton. He's a kind and caring soul, but he startles easily and lacks the strength of the other children. He's painfully aware of this, especially since LBD never misses a chance to belittle him.

Although she treats all the children with a maternal warmth, Emerald can feel the distinction in her treatment towards him. He tries his hardest to earn her love and approval, but nothing seems to work. This has created Guilt Complex in him, making him constantly question if he's at fault for everything and refrain from defending himself when wrongly accused.

He struggles a bit with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, constantly aware of his physical differences from the other children and trying to seem more… normal, such as hiding his ears with a his hoodie or tucking in his tail. Whereas they are easily identified as specific animals - a bull, a monkey, a dragon - he is both lion and dragon. This uniqueness causes him great discomfort and he has no explanation for it. He usually keeps these feelings to himself, only sharing them with Bai He in hushed tones.

The outside world is a scary place for him, thanks to the manipulation and deceit of LBD that has plagued his mind. He may follow the other children out to experience it, but he always stays close by their side, seeking comfort from Red Son, Mei or MK- as he deems them the strongest in the group.

Interacting with strangers and making new friends is a challenge for him, but within his family, he never stops talking and engaging with them, coming out of his shell to show is very bright and bubbly personality.

He holds a phobia to the Emperor of the Celestial realm, Azure Lion- due to the lies of LBD.

Mei:

As the third child in the family, she is known for her mischievous spirit. With no memory of her origin, she often leads the way in their escapades alongside Xiaohua. She is fearless, outspoken, and a bit impulsive when it comes to trying new things. While most would heed Red Son's stern warnings, she charges ahead driven by her love for adventure and fun. As a result, the rest of the group typically follows along with Red Son's objections ignored.

Although she does call LBD “Mother,” it is more of a title than a term of endearment used for a parent. In reality, her true father figures are Nezha and Erlang - and that’s how she sees them, despite Erlang stubbornly claiming otherwise.

She has a strong desire to explore the world and discover more about her dragon lineage. She dotes on Emerald, treating him like a little brother despite being younger than him. She feels a special connection with him due to their shared Dragon blood and frequently suggests teaming up with him.

She is fiercely protective of her family, always stepping up to the plate when things go awry. She has no fear of any potential consequences that may come from LBD, perhaps earning a bit of admiration from the Witch in the process.

Despite often getting annoyed with Xiaohua, as one would a sibling, she often turns to him in hours of need as well, as he can often get her back on her feet and into a good head space again.

MK (Xiaotian):

Born as a twin, he is the second one to arrive in the world. He has always been a gentle and affectionate child, but there is a hint of darkness lurking within him. However, deep down, he is inherently good and pure. His senses are heightened, making him sensitive to loud sounds and strong smells. This can be challenging for him as he constantly needs to adapt to his surroundings.

He is considerate to others, outgoing, often forgetting to use his brain before acting.

He feels the weight of his “Mother’s” expectations pressing down on his shoulders. She sees him as her champion, a title that he doesn't quite grasp, and he worries about what it will mean in the end.

He is often conflicted about his path, torn between the opposing ideologies of his "Mother" who advocates for a brutal and cold approach as true strength, and his Master Nezha, who believes in the power of compassion and forgiveness. His young mind struggles to reconcile these conflicting perspectives.

His role as a protector has instilled a savior complex within his personality. While he acknowledges that others can also protect themselves, he tries to restrain himself from becoming too overbearing. However, this restraint often leads to an intense anger towards those who still pose a threat to his loved ones, despite his clear warnings for them to leave them alone.

Thanks to LBD's manipulations, he has developed an unhealthy sense of protectiveness towards Emerald and an irrational hostility towards Azure Lion.

Xiaohua:

Xiaohua, the twin of MK, possesses a playful nature and a sharp mind. He is always up to mischief with his partner in crime, Mei. Despite his mischievous tendencies, he is also full of energy and excitement for new experiences and adventures. In fact, he is the most eager among them to embark on new missions and explore the world around them.

Despite his outward appearance of confidence, he harbors a deep sense of inferiority towards himself. This stems from his "Mother" constantly comparing him to his brother, who surpasses him in strength and speed. Though he possesses impressive talents, they are overshadowed by the brilliance of his brother's abilities. To match MK's level of ability, his Mother regularly subjects him to personalized and rigorous training long after everyone else’s is done.

He has a connection with MK, often able to share thoughts, emotions, and even feel the physical pain of the other at times. This keeps the two often close together, as they are strongest when together.

Among his family, he is the most curious one, always sensing when something is not quite right with their actions. Despite knowing that the "Celestial court and Monkey King" are seen as malevolent and deceitful, he can't help but feel intrigued by their story and wants to know more about it.

Bai He;

Being the youngest in the family, she is often coddled and shielded from conflicts. But behind her sweet demeanor lies a sharp mind that many underestimate.

She possesses a brilliant mind and can decipher any text, read any book, and seem to have an endless wealth of knowledge. Despite this, she often doubts her own strength and abilities and remains unaware of her true talents. Her family is constantly in awe of her intelligence and quick thinking, and even Xiaohua turns to her for strategic advice as she always provides helpful tips and suggestions.

She constantly seeks her Mother's approval and attention, though she only receives a small amount. She can't help but feel envious of MK, who clearly holds more value in her Mother's eyes. However, Nezha often steps in to balance things out. He has a soft spot for the girl and frequently shower her with gifts. Even Erlang seems to value the child more than the Witch herself, enjoying the more poetic and political debates he can engage with the child, as the other children only stare at him blankly.

Among the children, she has the strongest bond with MK. However, this sometimes leads to feelings of guilt when she experiences rare moments of animosity and jealousy towards him. She feels comfortable sharing her thoughts and emotions with him, often confiding in him about her feelings and desires.

Previous:

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[belit0]

i'm curious, do you have any romantic headcanon (or something cute or idk) of Indra? 👀👀

IN FACT, YES, I can talk about this man all day long, I never run out of ideas for him 😭💕I love to picture Indra as a father, it warms my heart.

I usually paint Indra as the worst villain and a terrible person in my works, but I also like to fantasize about a beautiful, human, real side of him🤗❣️

Here's a little bit of that, romanticism and cute stuff, Indra being a nice father and a good husband💫🙏

- Unexpected, but the best father of all Uchiha men. He grew up so lonely and abandoned by his parental figures that no matter how consumed he is by the curse of hatred, he has a special place in his heart for his children (and he has a lot of them, yes). People would think he is absent with his children, but he is in fact the mama bird of the relationship.

- His best way of showing trust is by allowing her to touch his hair. He has an intrinsic affectionate relationship with his mane, it is impossible for him to cut it or reduce its size because it has accompanied him during all his odysseys, it is his sign of power. Allowing (Y/N) to comb it, or make a braid, a ponytail, is because he genuinely trusts her.

- Special affection for animals. Who initiates the family cat tradition, and is personally in charge of feeding all the living beings he allows to inhabit his house. He has only one dog to symbolize the companion he lost as a child, but about eight cats mixed between nature and his home.

- He is the one who teaches his children how to take care of their hair. Having inherited his father's imposing hair, Indra himself is in charge of telling them how to wash it, comb it, and what styles to use for comfort and practicality.

- Every night and when the children are already asleep, he likes to sit on the engawa of his house facing the garden, and ask (Y/N) to sit between his legs resting her back against his chest. Staying in that position, for a good few minutes, brings him peace.

- Never having been able to express in words how he feels about her, he chooses to show her firsthand. He gives her a beautiful graphic explanation of everything he feels for her through his eyes, using his Sharingan to give concept and form to the beautiful things only she can make him experience.

- He is not a person of many words, but every time he comes across her at home during the day, he kisses the crown of her head, resting his cheek against her hair after a few seconds and closing his eyes, breathing in her perfume and recharging his energy.

- He only says I love you when he thinks (Y/N) is asleep. Indra finds it insanely hard to accept he is only human, that he feels, and hates it when people acknowledge him as such. Only when he thinks she cannot hear him is he can put into words what he feels, and (Y/N) always waits to hear him by pretending to sleep.

- His love language is giving gifts. Without affinity for the verbal part of the relationship, he decides to show how he feels with expensive things, clothes, jewelry, make-up, you name it. Sometimes, if he is in a good mood, he leaves a note with a heart drawn next to his gift, but he hopes (Y/N) won't comment on it.

- He is happy seeing her happy. After achieving his main goal and the reason his life functioned, he found that taking care of his wife's fulfillment gave him the same satisfaction as trying to destroy his brother. He focused 100% on her, and no matter how many children were in between, (Y/N) never ceased to be his priority.

- With their first born and in his first months of life he loved to have him sleep between the two of them. Indra would put him to bed between mom and dad, enveloping him in the presence of his parents and wanting him close at all times. He loves his babies sleeping on his chest too, good winter naps laying on daddy.

- He loves flowers, madly appreciates their beauty, and loves to gather a small sprig from the garden to leave on (Y/N)'s bedside table for her to see when she wakes up. Again, he hopes she doesn't thank him or comment on them, but simply sees them and thinks of him. He always makes sure to interchange types and colors so as never to repeat the same pattern of flower arrangement. With the arrival of his children, he has assistants assembling the perfect bouquet for mom.

- The best at singing lullabies. He doesn't remember where he got them from, but he knows so many bedtime songs there is no doubt who is in charge of putting the little ones to rest. His voice becomes extremely soft when it comes to them, and they fall asleep in a matter of minutes with daddy's voice.

- With his first child, he didn't sleep the first three nights of the baby's life, worried that something would happen to him while he was resting or that someone would steal him. He stood guard all night and took care of all the child's cries, Sharingan always active just in case any threat was near. Ultimately, after giving in to a full afternoon nap, he chooses to tuck him into bed with them both.

- He does not like (Y/N) to work or exert herself, always surrounding her with his best servants to ensure she has everything she needs and lacks nothing. If she refuses to receive assistance like royalty, he himself will do the chores so his wife won't lift a finger.

- He loves to cook. He refuses to have a personal chef, almost always taking care of all the day's dishes. On the nights they spend with (Y/N) for their dates, he is usually the one in charge of dinner, and if she wants him to not have to do anything, they go out to eat at some fine food stand.

- He loves all of his children, but his favorite is his little girl. The last of all to arrive is the one who steals his heart completely, his princess. He kills and hurts for anyone in his family, but this little girl has him in a chokehold. He fulfills her every whim without complaint.

- He always seeks intimacy with (Y/N), be it a small moment of the day or a night dedicated to themselves. Loves and needs her emotionally as well as physically, and always prioritizes adult time with no children around. He takes it upon himself to get a babysitter so he can shower his wife with quality time and good sex.

- He doesn't really know how to be romantic, but he tries by preparing special dinners with (Y/N's) favorite dishes and asking her how her day was after a tiring one. His love language consists of gestures and gifts, and he tries to make them present so that his wife never doubts his love.

- (Y/N) caught him several times telling the children about their uncle Ashura, what a good man he was, and the honorable way he fell in battle. He never mentions their fight or his family's conflict, and she assumes it is to preserve a favorable image of their uncle. Perhaps after his death, Indra made peace with his brother.

[writeandsurvive]

Maybe we can get some Parker x pregnant!reader? Maybe with some angst? I love your writing so much

You asked for some angst, I shall deliver. 🫣 hope it's what you wanted!! Thank you for your kind words ❤️

(yes, I'm a bit obsessed with the band Måneskin)

Warnings: pregnant!reader, false alarm, hospital, bed rest, cheating, Alden screwing up big time, lots of crying

I wanna hate you ~ Alden Parker

You didn't know how you were going to go through this. It was supposed to be the most amazing time of your life, an incredible experience, but everything was ruined. Stroking at your belly, you kept replaying the past week in your mind and cried.

It was your second anniversary with Alden. You had plans to have an early dinner at the restaurant he took you two years ago and then go to a concert. Your boyfriend wasn't fond of the idea, as you're entering your third trimester, but you definitely wanted to. It was a band you've been dying to see for ages, got Alden to love their music, and luckily there was a specific area for disabled people and pregnant ladies like you. Everything would be perfect.

Except that you couldn't figure out what to wear. You spent hours trying on different outfits, some were maternity clothes that you hated, some were your usual clothes you didn't fit anymore. "Baby, I love you so much, but you make me so big." You told your unborn child. "I want to look pretty for your daddy, but nothing fits." You sighed, taking one more look at yourself in the mirror. Nope, not this outfit.

You changed one more time, to put the dress you had in the maybe pile. "I guess that could work with my doc martens." You tried to convince yourself. "It's gonna be your first concert, baby! I hope they'll play Coraline. Let's put it on." You grabbed your phone and played 'Coraline' by Måneskin, the band you were seeing tonight. You and Alden agreed to keep the gender a surprise till birth, but if it's a baby girl, she'd be named Coraline because of that particular song.

Listening to your Måneskin playlist, you finished getting ready. It was after putting on lipstick that you realized you still haven't heard about Alden. Checking the time and realizing how late it already was, you called him. No answer. You waited a few minutes and tried again. Same. "Alden, don't do this to me." Obviously, his work asks a lot, and you're very much aware of that, but Alden always makes a point to be there for the special occasion. He wouldn't miss it, unless there was an emergency. So, that's where your mind went.

You decided to text Kasie.

You: Hey boo! 😘 I was wondering if my man was near you or if there was an explanation as to why he's not answering?

Kasie typed, stopped, typed again and stopped. It took a few minutes to get an answer.

Kas: Hey babe ❤️ Sorry but I left the office a while ago, no idea where he's at! Wants me to ring him on Bandium?

You: Did everyone else leave too?

Kas: Idk, Parker was still there when I left.

You: Okay, thanks for answering love!

Kas: Of course, keep me updated. ❤️

An hour later, still nothing. No answer, no text, nothing. You should already be at the restaurant but instead, you didn't know where Alden was, what he was doing or even if he was okay. Your anxiety level was extremely high, which wasn't good for the baby. Kasie stayed on the phone with you and offered to pin his phone.

You gave in and told her to.

"Huh, that's weird." She said.

"What?! Where is he? Please don't tell me he's at a hospital or something." You were on the verge of crying.

"No no, not at all. He's like an hour away from DC. Got the address but it doesn't seem to be anything particular."

"What does it mean?"

"Well, do you know someone who lives on (address)?"

You thought for a moment. "No, no one! Can't you find out who lives there?"

"Pinning Parker's phone is already very unethical--"

"You're right, sorry. Thank you for doing this, I owe you one."

"You're growing my godchild inside of you, we're even." She managed to get a small laugh out of you despite the situation.

Everything went through your mind, you imagined every possibility as to what was going on, what happened to the father of your child. It was driving you crazy, you were pacing around the entire apartment, texting back and forth to his team, who had all left work a while ago after they closed their case. But somehow, you had this nagging feeling that they were hiding something from you. From the beginning of the relationship, you knew Alden couldn't tell you much about his job and you were okay with that. But that night, you were not. You needed to know.

You needed him.

By the time he finally came back home, you were a complete mess. You rushed to the door as soon as the noises of keys reached your ears. You jumped into his arms, the baby bump getting in the way. "Thank god you're okay!" You cried in his neck.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so so sorry." He hugged you back, as tight as he could. Your anxiety dropped down, as you were finally able to breathe again. No idea what happened yet, but at least he was there, alive and well.

You let go reluctantly and scanned him entirely, making sure he wasn't hurt anywhere. But what caught your attention was the tears in his eyes. His hands were resting on your belly, and the baby was clearly awake, probably aware that daddy was home. Alden dropped to his knees in front of you, kissing your bump, and apologizing over and over again.

"What happened, baby? Are you okay? Where were you?"

He looked up to you, tears rolling down his cheeks. You grabbed them softly, catching them with your thumbs. "Talk to me." You whispered, still crying too.

"I shouldn't -- I should've never --" he broke eye contact to press his forehead against your baby bump. "I'm sorry, to both of you."

After a moment there, you managed to get Alden to follow inside the apartment. Sitting on the couch, with a huge sigh of relief - it was getting harder and harder to carry this tiny human - Den dropped his head on your lap. You stroked his hair and waited for him to talk.

"I made a huge mistake." He finally said. "The biggest mistake of my life."

"What would that be?" Anxiety was coming back in a rush.

"Please don't leave me. Please, I will do anything for you--"

"Alden, you have to tell me what you did, right now."

"I slept with my ex."

And just like that, your entire world fell apart. Your heart broke into thousands of pieces. Silently, and quiet slowly, you pushed his head off your lap. Alden tried to hold onto you but knew he had to let go. His touch was the last thing you wanted at this very moment. You tried to stand up but your legs immediately gave up, finding yourself back on the couch but further from him. His reflex kicked him as he tried to catch you but you snapped his arms off. "Don't touch me." You couldn't look at him.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I know you hate me right now, but--"

"Shut the fuck up."

He did.

You stayed silent for a very long moment, tears of anger and heartbreak covering your cheeks. But the worst was what you were feeling in your lower abdomen. That pain was not normal. In your mind, you talked to your baby. "Honey, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. Stay inside." But you let out a muffled scream and curse when a sharper pain hit.

Alden was quick on his knees next to you, asking if there was something wrong with the baby. Between the long hours of waiting and now this, something wrong was definitely happening. "Drive me to the hospital."

Alden was asking a bunch of questions as he helped you to the car. You didn't understand any of them, as the pain was increasing and you were silently begging your baby to be okay, telling him and her that it was going to be fine. You hoped you could believe it.

"If anything happens to my baby, Alden, I want you out of my life, for-fucking-ever."

He stayed silent because nothing he'd say would be good enough.

~

It was the longest hours of Alden's life. He wasn't allowed in as the doctors were checking up on you and his child. Alone in the hallway, he cried. He wished he could be outside of his body to give himself a beating down. He deserved it. If you left him, he'd deserve it too. He screwed up, he ruined the best thing he ever had and for what? His first love he hadn't seen in over 30 years?

If anything happened to you and/or the baby, Alden would never recover. He'd never forgive himself.

He kept going over to the front desk, asking for news. He grabbed every nurse and doctor he saw. Finally, the nurse he remembered taking you in earlier came up to him.

"How are they? Where are they?" He probably looked like a lunatic, but didn't care. She invited him to sit down but he refused. "Tell me where are my wife and kid!" He yelled.

"They are fine, sir. I'll be taking you to them in a minute. We'll be keeping your wife here at least for the night and as of right now, she's on strict bed rest."

It was fine. He'd take the next three months off if he had to.

The nurse took Alden to you.

Laying down on the bed, with a monitor on your baby bump, you turned your head away when you saw him coming in. "God, I was so scared." He dried his tears off as he approached the bed. "Can I?" He asked, his hand a few inches from your belly. You nodded and he gently touched and stroked where the product of your love was. "How are you feeling?"

You let out a humorless laugh. "You fucking kidding right? I almost lost her, Alden!"

He locked eyes with you. "H--her?"

You sighed. "The doc didn't know I didn't know the gender." You explained.

"We're having a babygirl," his emotions were all over the place, he cried again.

You allowed him to stay after he begged, as long as he stayed silent. You wanted to sleep, feeling both physically and mentally exhausted, but it never came. You stayed awake, feeling Alden's presence on the chair next to your bed. He was looking at you, looking at your belly, looking at the machines. It was only when you saw him typing on his phone that you broke the silence. "Texting her while I'm next to you, Parker?" You asked, in the coldest ton you've ever used.

"God, no! Absolutely not! Baby, I --" he sighed and stopped what he wanted to say. "I'm just writing some stuff down so I don't forget." He showed you his phone but you turned your face away.

After another silence, as you were stroking your belly, you broke into tears. You cried like a baby, having no more self control. Alden didn't hesitate long before moving to the bed, and bringing you to his chest. The only reason you didn't push him off was that you didn't have the strength. "How could you?" You struggled to say.

"I don't know. I wish I could give you a reasonable explanation but there's none. I'm a fucking jerk who ruined the best thing that ever happened to him." He held you tight, breathing in your shampoo. "There's nothing I wouldn't do to get your forgiveness. If you just let me--"

"I hate you." You simply said.

A week later

Back home, you've been on bed rest per doctor's orders. Alden had taken some time off work, even though you didn't want him to. You wished you could just tell him off, leave the apartment, leave town even but you couldn't go anywhere with your baby girl inside you. Plus, as much as you hated his guts, he's your daughter's father, no matter what. You'd never let your girl grow up with her daddy.

Alden tried to talk to you numerous times but you always shut him off. He made sure you had proper meals everyday, and you forced yourself to eat for your daughter. He'd bring your favorite snacks and refill your water, leave flowers on your nightstand, and buy books. He offered you massages (turned them down), offered to brush your hair (turned him down), offered to play games to keep you busy (turned him down). And every afternoon, he'd play piano in the living room, making you cry every single time.

The only time you allowed him to stay near you was when he asked if he could read something to his daughter. He would grab a baby book and read it to your belly. Sometimes, your girl would be completely still, and other times, she'd move and kick around a lot. The only way for her to calm down? Feeling daddy's hand.

You wanted to hate him so bad, and a part of you really did. But when he was there, talking to his daughter, you couldn't. And it hurt.

Your sleep schedule was a mess and babygirl wasn't helping at all. It was 3am, you were utterly exhausted - yes, despite the bed rest -, and your daughter was taking your uterus for a gym. Or a dancefloor.

On the verge of a meltdown, you texted Alden who had been sleeping on the couch since the hospital. The guest room had already been turned into the nursery.

You: You sleeping?

Hearing his phone ping from the living room, it didn't take long until he was knocking at the bedroom door. "Are you okay? Do you need something?" He asked, after you told him to come in.

"I need you to calm her, please." He heard the exhaustion in your voice.

Alden walked over to the bed. "Is it okay if I lay down?"

"I guess."

He laid down next to you, above the covers. Despite the dark, you could sense he was in his useless night shorts and shirtless. You did hate him a little.

He put a hand in your belly, "Shh, babygirl. It's time to sleep now, mama is tired." He stroked your skin exactly where he felt a kick. "Hush, little baby don't say a word. Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird. And if that mocking bird don't sing. Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring..." He sang softly.

"Why did you do this, Alden?" You cried.

He took a deep breath. "I think I needed closure. I-- it was like 16 years old me took over and forgot everything else." You felt his free hand grabbing yours. "I know it's no excuse."

"It didn't have to involve sex."

"You're absolutely right." He squeezed your hand, his mind having a victory dance that you weren't pulling away. "It shouldn't have. I'm willing to do anything, my love. Jeremy gave me the contact of the therapist him and Josie went to, after the accident. Will you agree to give it a try?"

Your daughter was calming down. Daddy's power.

"Maybe." You answered.

"I'll take it." You heard him sniff. It'd be too easy and too soon to reach out for a hug, no matter how much you needed it. "I love the two of you more than anything in this world. I hate myself for what I did."

You didn't answer, couldn't.

You didn't realize how cold it was outside the blankets until you felt Alden shivering by your side. The man had been above the covers the entire time. "Get under the blanket, Alden."

"Are you sure? I may-- fall asleep here if I do,"

"It's fine. Just -- don't cuddle me."

He respected your barrier. You thought you heard him snore not too long after.

"I want to hate your guts so bad, but what they said is true. Sometimes, the person who hurts you is the only one who can make the pain go away. Don't ever hurt me again, please."

He wasn't asleep. He squeezed your hand as an acknowledgment.

[cruyuu]

Last chapter leaked and is so, so bad

Hi anon.

I've actually skipped looking at leaks this time (and would do so in the future) because I've wanted to experience one chapter in its entirety and not just have it vaguely translated. Besides, I started to really hate how popularized leak culture is in this fandom. It's gotten so bad to the point that some people don't even read chapters, they just read leaks and that's it.

I understand why you might think it's bad. I also think so. There's two chapters left and, as a fan of the story, I dislike the direction of everything. It feels rushed and forced... it isn't fulfilling at all. I'm happy for those who do think it's good but for me it's a hard miss. Landings in shonen usually aren't pretty though so I'm used to it. (and even though there are two chapters left it still wouldn't change much really.)

As a Yuuji fan though, oh am I having fun lol.

I'm going to put the rest behind the cut (which is my opinion on this chapter).

We get explanations because of course we do. There were many fans who disapproved and called bs on the way the entire Sukuna fight was handled. I have to admit that even though I do think what Gege wrote makes sense, it still feels overtly complicated and just a tad plot convenient how everything played out perfectly. It's all just... I don't know. Too much explanation and little to do with imagination. I'm not a child so I don't need a chapter dedicated to spelling out little things that could've easily been mentioned at an according time (like during the battle).

Still... the way the powers work here in this story does require you to really sit and think and do require block after block of text. This is the one part that I never liked about jjk because explanations like these make character-oriented moments feel less alive and make all of them behave like a bunch of dolls because one moment you'll see them talking but the next panel you're met with a whole class on jujutsu. It was always bizarre to me how little interaction there was between characters... hell if you take away the class sessions, they rarely have moments where they talk amongst themselves for themselves instead of giving a lesson on jujutsu or strategizing. It's admittedly a bit strange but oh well... it is what it is ig.

There's a reason (aside from certain characters being hot) why jjk's tag on ao3 has a lot of works. Some people take what we know and expand on it in a far less Gege-way by having characters interact with each other. I have grown to like more characters in fics way more so than in canon. In canon, only a handful of characters get my love and I'm sad to admit that those that do (such as Maki and Higuruma), quickly slip out of that loving spot and now I can't really feel as happy as I did about them before.

On that note, I haven't felt anything when Higuruma showed up alive. Yep lmfao. I used to feel for this man a lot and he is one of my top 3 (aside from Yuuji and Sukuna) but... I can't say I am happy that he's back. Now his sword disappearing in Yuuji's hand is for nothing and him clearly dying in front of Yuuji was for nothing. I still do love him and can't really dislike him (absolutely not) but canon... man the story really is kicking me in the butt when it comes to execution because ever since 265, the story had been a literal mindfuck. When I think I have a sense of where it is going to go, it goes a total opposite direction (and usually the one that doesn't really fit the vibes of the previous chapter). To me... the story's now all over the place which is contradictory because everything is being spoonfed to the readers and everything is "fine and dandy".

I still will complain because Shibuya arc had me thinking that I'd be reading something different (like CSM did) but then... here we are. There are practically no real consequences (aside from Gojo) in the Sukuna battle but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if he, too, gets a pass and gets resurrected. I would love nothing more than to read a shonen where the dead don't come back and where there's actual troubling consequences but then that wouldn't really be a shonen but would be a different genre all together (a seinen) so... yeah. I'm not going to count in Megumi's sister (because she's barely even a character) nor reincarnated cursed spirits (because we couldn't really even invest ourselves in them before they were gone) so you could say the only real casualty of the whole vs. Sukuna (aside from the Merger which wasn't even a real threat since Kenjaku wasn't even that intent on that plan in the end) is my time.

I'm just joking ofc, but I hope you get my point. It's not rewarding, not fulfilling and definitely not a good conclusion for someone who could barely even invest themselves into other characters. I still can't give a fuck about Yuta, or Kusakabe, or Panda. I feel just as stone-faced as Nobara and Yuuji did during the latter half of 268 when Megumi joined them. It's all so... whatever. (and it's kinda hilarious to me because the fandom is losing their minds and meanwhile the characters are lowkey behaving like dolls lol)

Still for those who did enjoy this and do love how everything is unraveling and so on and so forth, good for them. I'm just stating my opinion. Some might get the impression that I would love for jjk to be a tragedy, and tbh, I would not but I really would've loved if Gege, as an author, made me care about the side characters more. Instead the side characters to me feel like empty husks and I attached myself to Yuuji because his development seemed interesting only for it all to amount to weird ass interaction with the entire cast and back to being benched. He's literally playing spectator now in this chapter and yeah... it's really disappointing.

Again, two chapters left and this is where we're at. Lol.

I don't want to be a killjoy but yeah. It's not all so bad really but it is frustrating how little there is about the world and in general how many things have been shelved in favor of what we got now. Instead of seeing these interactions (which was just recycled "ok so this happened which wasn't explained") we could've gotten explanations regarding Yuuji's linage, his talk with Gojo, or for that matter, had character behave a little less like npc's in a video game that repeat the same dialogue when you come up to talk with them.

What this chapter did reveal which was also funny (said with anger btw) to me is this:

So Yuuji's "gloves" weren't really a cool feature that came from swallowing his half-brothers but by mr. Chosen One himself. Le big sigh.

Okay so... the Yuta glaze. No offense to people that like him but since when did he develop this much that he overshadowed everyone (even the King of Curses) in the end? Not only is his plan this successful but turns out that without him, everything would've failed.

I'm just straight up baffled at the amount of attention he's getting because last time I checked he wasn't the one who brought back the literal threat of the series and had absolutely no connections with the secondary antagonist (Kenjaku). Instead of the supposed main character who never had gotten the spotlight in his own fucking story (which is just proving those haters right atp because truly what the actual hell is jjk about? Everyone but Yuuji.) to get something that belongs to him... Nope. None of that.

If you thought this was an actual serious story then well... jokes on you. This panel is actually lowkey hilarious but because I really had grown fond of the story I just find it frustrating.

Yeah I... I don't know what to say really but Gege really disappointed me with this. I'm not much hopeful for the future (because the writing does feel quite cheap) and therefore will stop treating jjk like I did before. Does this mean that I hate it? No. I'm just disappointed.

I will keep my head up for like two chapters more since I'm curious what else can happen but then will definitely move on. Not from the characters tho who (luckily) can exist outside of canon. Yuuji and Sukuna will always be my babies and others are still there in my heart even though I'm very much so frustrated with the story.

So yeah... there you go. I probably might skip answering asks regarding the chapters in the future bc I really don't care anymore. If Yuuji's linage get addressed (which is the only thing I care about atp bc everything else is starting to annoy me) I might be okayish with whatever the hell we get as the ending.

[nancyheart11]

I wish I had more to offer but I can offer you some Ordon Fam that’s been sitting in my drafts:

Rusl always knew that whenever he came home, there would be warm food and an even warmer hug waiting for him. Whether it was from working in the forge, delivering something to Castle Town, the more covert affairs of the Resistance, or more recently the shroud of darkness that had engulfed Hyrule, Rusl could always rely on Uli to hold the fort at home.

Of course, he tried to pitch in as best he could. When he wasn't doing any of the aforementioned activities, he at least tried to maintain cleanliness in the house, and of course he always looked after the children when he had time to do so. Uli generally managed the home happily on her own, though, and he thanked her for it every day.

So it was a strange and concerning thing when, one evening, Rusl returned home to find Uli sitting on the sofa, no fire crackling in the fireplace, no food to be seen or smelled, and a general dark atmosphere to the space.

"Uli?" he questioned, walking towards her. "Are you alright?"

Uli jumped, startled, having been lost in thought. "Oh! Dearest, I--I'm so sorry, I just--"

His wife paused, sighing and sagging a little in the sofa. Rusl knelt in front of her to be at eye level and looked her over. She seemed very out of sorts. "What's wrong?"

Uli shook her head. "I'm just tired. I'm sorry. I'll work on dinner."

Rusl laid a hand on her knee. "If you're tired, then rest. I'll take care of dinner."

Uli's posture changed, stiffening a little as she shot him an uncertain, questioning glance.

Rusl tried not to be offended by the look. "Just because it didn't quite go that well last time doesn't mean I can't make something for you. Go rest in bed. I'll take care of everything."

Uli watched him a moment longer before sighing and nodding. Rusl kept an eye on her until she vanished into the bedroom, and he nodded to himself, setting to work. The cleaning could wait until after dinner. As for the children, he knew Colin had Hana as he usually took babysitting duty around the evening. He saw them outside just a moment ago. So that just left dinner.

And a bit more from that story…

Colin paused, expression growing worried. "Is Ma okay?"

"She'll be fine," Rusl assured his boy. He had to smile at the child's concern; Colin had such a big heart. Although it was a valid question since Uli usually never faltered, Rusl did know his wife had her slumps just as much as anyone else. He was more than happy to take care of her and the family until she recovered. "But we can make the load easier for her for a little while."

"Where are we going?" Colin questioned next.

"Well..." Rusl paused as they found their way to the last house in the village. "I figured I'd recruit some help."

Rusl and Link had both been on their own journeys now, after the attack on Hyrule. Rusl usually got by with scrounging together something somewhat edible, but he could just as well go a day without eating until he reached a settlement. Link might have better experience - the boy used to help Uli cook when he was younger.

Rusl was humble enough to admit he was a terrible cook, after all. But he was certain they could make something together.

Link was inside munching on a carrot (Rusl sincerely hoped the boy wasn't just going to eat that for dinner). After a brief explanation and another assurance that Uli was, indeed, going to be okay, the three put their heads together on the matter.

"What about an omelet?" Link offered. "It's better than just boiling them."

"How about egg stew?" Colin picked up a glass of milk and shook it. "Ma always says milk is great for stews."

"I've never heard of egg stew, I'm afraid," Rusl laughed. "Is that something you had in Kakariko?"

Ahhhh Lofty you're so sweet!!

I love how Rusl wants to help Uli, but isn't afraid to ask for help in the kitchen.

[thatbitch151]

Hello y’all! Gonna info-dump about a disorder I have now! (There’s a specific mutual that this is for and if you see thing you’ll know it’s you :D)

So I have P-DID, aka Partial-DID, aka Partial-Dissociative Identity Disorder

Before I can go more in depth about P-DID, first I need to explain regular DID, so

What Is DID? (Btw I’m not a professional so this is may be worded wrong but I’m trying my best)

DID is a dissociative disorder that forms when a child, roughly between the ages of 2-8 but those can have some wiggle room, goes through extreme and/or repetitive trauma. Basically, this disorder causes a split of the base identity into at least 2 distinct identities, but there can be any number of identities, or alters as I will refer to them from now on. A person with multiple alters is referred to as a system.

With DID, but not required of every system (there are other disorders that can cause systems, like OSDD and UDD) there are memory walls. The effect of these memory walls is to, well, block off memories between alters. The strength of the amnesia differs from system to system, with some not remember anything unless they are in front (or driving the car that is the body), while others can remember what other alters do crystal clear. Not only does the strength change from system to system, it can also change from alter to alter. Meaning that the wall between alters A and B might be strong and A won’t remember anything B does and vice verse, the wall between alter C and D could be thin or nonexistent so they share memories.

That’s the basics of DID, if anyone wants a more in depth explanation of that, or anything else in this post either, let me know and I’ll happily do so.

Now, what is P-DID?

P-DID is exactly like it sounds, Partial-DID. This means that some of the effects of the disorder are not as pronounced as regular DID. What does this mean?

It can, but doesn’t have to, mean little to no memory walls. It can, but doesn’t have to, mean less alters/less defined alters. It can, but doesn’t have to, mean that there is less switching of front (when alter A takes control of the body after alter B was out and vice versa).

What does that mean for my experience?

In my system, there is significantly less switching. Instead, 95% of the time me, the host (meaning the alter who is in front the majority of the time) is in front while the other 5% of the time a different alter is in front. Instead, the majority of the time I am usually co-con with someone else (co-con means co-conscious, when 2 or more alters are in the brain seat at the same time, or it could be both in the driving seat, or one in the driver one in the passenger ect. It means we are both conscious of the out side world at that moment).

It also means that between me and Most (not all) alters, there is very little memory wall. I remember the majority of what the others do when in front and vice versa.

It Also means that while we have a large number of known alters (and a probably larger number of unknown ((to me)) alters) most of them are fragments, or not as defined alters.

What is my experience like?

Like I said earlier, I am usually co-con with someone else. About 60% of the time, I am not alone in the front and 35% of the time I am (5% left for when I am not in front at all).

More over, in that 60% when I am co-con, about 30% of it is when someone else is in the driver seat instead of me, so I am left to watch what they do but not do it myself. I can give feed back and talk to them and such, but ultimately they are in control until I am back in the drivers seat.

I also experience little memory wall, when it comes to the front at least. There are only about 2 alters who I remember little to nothing when they front. This made it a bit difficult for me to even figure out I had the disorder since I had very few memory gaps. Instead, the memory wall that is there between most of the alters an I is an emotional memory wall.

For example, this means when I think about a trauma that I did not experience/it’s not my job to hold, I can remember what happened, sometimes in excruciating detail, but I do not feel the emotions connected to it. I can remember that we were upset or hurt or whatever during the event, but I do not feel anything for or from that event myself.

I only figured it out because I remembered a short period of time where I wasn’t the host, and instead someone of a completely different gender than me was. This, for pretty obvious reasons, led to me being confused and questioning it until eventually someone reached out and told me that yes, I was in fact part of a system. This took many months of questioning and even talking to a different system and asking questions before they finally told me.

How does having P-DID affect my day to day life?

Honestly? Not very much. Sometimes I’ll feel random emotions and be confused before I remember that there are others in my brain and it’s probably them, or I’ll have occasional bad memory and suddenly someone will tell me the thing I need to remember (or more often than not hear someone laugh at me for forgetting, the bastards).

Sometimes I’ll starts disassociating really hard and then suddenly someone else is moving our body and talking with our voice.

Another big way it affects me is that as it turns out I am a fictive. A fictive is an alter that is made based off of something that already exists, whether that’s a whole other person or a character from a book, game, movie, ect. This means that I Do Not match what the body looks like on the inside, this was another way I figured it out because everytime I looked in the mirror I would go “hey wait a minute, that’s not my face” before realizing that yes, it was in fact my face.

That’s the most of it for now, if anyone has any questions, or wants further explanation, you can either comment/reblog asking for that, or you can DM me directly :)

Thanks for reading, and for the one specific mutual I hope this helped in any way at all

[findroleplay]

Hello~ My name is Pidge and I'm looking for one, possibly two roleplay partners to create amazing stories with!

Everything You Need To Know:

*I’m a 30 year old female, who has roleplaying experience for about 15 years now, which has greatly helped improve my writing skills.

*I am in Central Time Zone

*I’m a pretty literate writer. I write in third person, usually multi-paragraph form. My posts are usually 1-3 paragraphs to 4-6 or more depending on what I have to work with, as I like to go into detail. I can also write multiple characters if needed.

* I currently work overnights, so I'll be most active and have plenty of time to work on writing at work. Daytime replies will be slow as I also have a child to take care of during the day, and need to get some sleep.

*Preferred RP medium can be done over email or Google Docs, whichever is easier. Communications can be easier over Discord as well!

* My pairings are usually MxM and MxF. I play mostly male characters. I do play female characters at times, but I’ve run into many people that only play female and require me to play the male. I have a few handfuls of previous characters I've created over the years I could reuse or I can create brand new characters.

* I LOVE drama and romance! The more dramatic the roleplay gets, more ideas surface and the better it gets. I have been known to come up with some crazy ideas, but the crazier the better! I am also known to like a bit(a lot) of violence, so if you don’t like that, then I’m not the partner for you.

* If there is the possibility of smut in the future, my partner HAS to be 21+. It is not required that smut be in the roleplay at all. I will quickly deny those underage if they even suggest it.

*I will NOT answer those who email me with one liner/short explanations as to why they want to roleplay with me, or if they have completely ignored my info and rules. Please, I beg of you! Tell me what you want! I cannot do all of the work and come up with all of the ideas, so I don't want any 'Oh, whatever's okay with you' or 'It's whatever you want'. It is one of my biggest pet peeves and I will stop answering if it gets to this point. I'm very laid back and easy going when it comes to the idea/plot making process, but I also enjoy the aspect of coming up with ideas together as a team.

*I WILL roleplay:

Experiment x Scientist***

Human x Angel/Fallen Angel**

Human x Dragon Hybrid**

Prince x Princess

Prince/Princess x Servant/Knight

Dragon Hybrids***

Anthro/Furry**

Medieval Fantasy*****

Arranged Marriage*****

****** = what I really want to do or what i’m used to doing!

I’m open to mixes of roleplay of any of the list above. 

I am open to new genres of roleplay, if you want to roleplay one that isn’t in the list above, go ahead and tell me what you would like and we could work something out. 

*I will NOT roleplay:

Any TV/Movie/Anime Show

Fandoms

Slice of Life

Horses/Wolves/Animals in general

Real life people such as celebrities

You can contact me by this Email: taokitsune@gmail.com

I hope to hear from you soon! 

-

[okamirayne]

O’Rayne!! Stalking your posts and totally freaked at your mention of HHU (please no pressure tho Rayne just see it as support and stalker interest lol) and was curious…is it your burnout that is the toughest part for you regarding HHU and your original works? Stupid question probably??? >.< I haven’t written in a looong time myself (so many unfinished fics heh >.>) but I think it’s block and not burnout. Is there a big difference?? I get confused but I know you’ve been struggling and always said it was burnout not block? I’m sorry and hope you heal soon. 🧡🧡🧡

Hello, hello! 🤗💜

Stalking your posts and totally freaked at your mention of HHU (please no pressure tho Rayne just see it as support and stalker interest lol)

[..] is it your burnout that is the toughest part for you regarding HHU and your original works? Stupid question probably???

Not a stupid question. And yes. It is undoubtedly the toughest, most frustrating, and devastatingly painful thing I've had to face regarding my creative journey.

I haven’t written in a looong time myself (so many unfinished fics heh >.>) but I think it’s block and not burnout. Is there a big difference?? I get confused but I know you’ve been struggling and always said it was burnout not block?

Oh luv, I'm sorry you've not been able to write for such a time. I'm not sure which camp you're in but I'll try to give my two cents re: differentiating between Block and Burnout. Please note: this isn't a one-size fits all explanation, as I can only speak to my own experience.

So for me, personally, the distinction is this:

Block = I have no ideas or inspiration; I have gas in the tank, just no map and no destination. Maybe my tyres are spinning in the mud a bit. I need a jump-start. Or maybe I need to figure out which gear I'm stuck in. With the right mechanical mojo, I can take the wheel.

Burnout = I have a destination, I want to reach it, I even have a map, but my engine is shot to shit and my tank is empty. I cannot be jump-started by my usual tricks and my gear-stick is broken. I have all the ideas and even sparks of inspiration yet I possess absolutely no capacity to actually get it OUT of my head onto the page. I am a fuming roadwreck. Even Jesus can't take this wheel.

Burnout, (again, I'm speaking to my personal experience of it) is a severe, scary, and surreal kind of shitshow that feels like my brain has mutinied and is gaslighting itself. Unlike a block, burnout is defined as 'a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress' (said stress is different and unique in each case). Basically your nervous system has been sadistically rewired into survival mode, your creative tyres have been slashed, and you're not firing on all cylinders because your cylinders are now warped scrap metal in a flaming junk yard. It is a godawful state of breakdown. And when you try to rev, it costs you.

Blocks are cordons that can be navigated or bulldozed...burnouts are the love child of napalm and Greek Fire. You can't smash or power through them. Unless you like third degree burns on your psyche and soul.

Drama. I am full of it. I know. This is what happens when a writer isn't writing. Monsterous. Inconsolable. Insufferable.

I’m sorry and hope you heal soon. 🧡🧡🧡

You're a sweetheart. Thank you so much, Anon. I really hope you manage to clock what's got you stuck (I sincerely hope it's block, not burnout) and that you are back to writing again ASAP! 🧡

[minecraftrelatedrandomness]

⭐ ramble about whatever you want o7

[ask game]

because i know you like it + i've wanted to talk about it for quite a while, i'll talk about and i can't live in a fairytale of lies in its entirety:

the humble beginnings + misc

i first started writing down the introspective/emotional spiel at the end of chapter 2 while i was at the yata supermarket in mong kok east. i wrote like half the fic in like five hours that day after coming home LMAO

also, i mentioned "no quarter given" in both chapters of the fic with no explanation for what it means. iirc it's basically old-timey military terminology for "kill on sight even if they surrender" (or sth along those lines)

titles

the working title for the fic was counting sheep, after the crane wives song whose lyrics i used for the chapter titles

there's one specific set of chapter titles that i decided against using in the final version purely because it's too politically inflammatory (as in i could get arrested)

[everything else under the cut because i like yapping a bit too much]

kuervo in childhood

[Chapter 1] Four walls. A tallboy of a child's clothes that no longer fit. A wall of books on Nayan history, politics, and military affairs, a decade or more out of date. [Chapter 2] As night fell, he read through some military documents from the Armada's offices. Perhaps it was out of sheer boredom, or perhaps he just wanted to stay up to date with the Armada's activities after all these years — though the reasons for that had changed, from genuine investment in state matters to something related, but quite different in motive.

my guy was Interested in big topics from a young age. it probably came with the childhood trauma and the propaganda. whether you'd classify it as a hyperfixation/special interest or whatnot is ENTIRELY up to you to decide.

btw a tallboy is basically like a wardrobe. a time period-appropriate wardrobe.

for there had been no tears left to cry since 1037, and never would there be again.

pirates started in 1040 (he was 19), so he was 16 in 1037, when it all began. i feel that emotional (and especially tear) repression crops up a lot in my fics. funny because i'm a pretty big crier in real life.

also, very sad, i know: kuervo needs a hug. he GETS a hug. but the person he gets a hug from doesn't UNDERSTAND the sheer amount of emotional turmoil he's been through over the years.

"Long may he reign." And may he and the Commanders reign until the Sun, Moon, and stars are extinguished and fall from the skies and all other life is destroyed, and may they reign thereafter as well.

this is actually a "me in real life" thing: snarking about "long may [totalitarian leader] reign" being so long that they're still alive at the heat death of the universe (or equivalent) and are STILL alive afterwards. except i tweaked it to be less scientific because of setting limitations; my basis for pirates worldbuilding IS the first half of the 19th century, after all.

nayan politics

there's so much politics that i could go into much more depth about. the anti-subversion laws and incrimination(? i only know the chinese as 連累) of family members who might not even be involved, among many others. though usually the incrimination part won't take literal decades to occur like it does in this fic; if this fic were to be realistic about it, mila's father and entire family and bloodline would probably be dead within the year after her escape (even a decade might be stretching it tbh).

the part about hidden postboxes for informants to tattle is partially inspired by totalitarian regimes in western europe in the 1940s, but moreso the chinese "spying/tattling on each other" mandate from legalist traditions over 2000 years ago. and also the cultural revolution. ESPECIALLY the cultural revolution. you can tell that my cultural experiences with politics REALLY affects the undertones of this fic.

also the fact that canon never explains why naya wants kuervo alive (as stated in the wanted poster). i actually gave an explanation here: political corruption. since his family is in high places in canon, part of me was arguing the whole with great power comes great responsibility thing + higher-ups should theoretically receive worse punishments, but my brain then said that was the legalism talking (i took a course on ancient chinese philosophy two years ago) + most real-life governments would let it slide much more easily, so i decided on the latter.

and the fact that his family is convinced that he's just misguided or whatnot. totalitarian politics is complicated, and the entwining of love and politics is even more complicated (and isolating). i personally didn't intend to project that part, but i just realized as i was writing this response that i might have done so subconsciously LOL

agriculture, connections, & kuervo's unreliable narration

At least his parents, in all their wealth and influence, were supportive of his newfound interest in the drink [coffee] and could afford to purchase some for him — they only grew well in the tropical south, and living in the far northwest meant that the average Nayan citizen would never see a coffee bean in their entire life. A guilty pleasure, he would call it, but it was one of the few remnants of his stint on the Faction Isles that he could keep where he was — Graecie had introduced him to the drink one autumn morning, saying that Marnie had introduced it to Will, who had introduced it to her. He wasn't quite sure if an afterlife existed, but if it did, he hoped that Alex could meet Marnie there. They'd get along well, even with Alex's devotion to what he had believed to be the Armada's anti-piracy convictions, and if the Nightingales were to be believed, she would welcome him with open arms nonetheless.

this part makes me so freaking sad for so many reasons.

on one hand, it's the biologist urge to talk about biology (climate and agriculture; kuervo implies in the dec 2nd stream that naya is located in the far northwest)

a lot of this segment is also inspired by that one tumblr post about how everyone is a patchwork of the people they've interacted with in the past: in this case, how coffee was passed down through interpersonal connections + kuervo misses his friends and the isles, dammit

on THE OTHER hand, it's also about kuervo NOT KNOWING the ending and what becomes of the faction isles. he doesn't know (for sure) that the isles survive their last encounter with ivy and iris. he doesn't know that p!will is dead. [and dw for context, the coffee enjoyer part is confirmed canon on p!will's part.] he doesn't know about how p!graecie's grief doesn't end where he left. he doesn't know he carries more than two dead people's direct legacies and memories with him.

in retrospect, the fact that this fic still works in the context of the bad alt ending for canon kills me even more, because kuervo's fate is among the very few that DON'T depend on the defeat of ivy and iris, so you can very well interpret this fic to take place in that continuity and it would still work out perfectly well. which then makes everything i said above take on ten extra layers of Sad bc Everyone Else Is Dead and Kuervo Doesn't Know.

political tactics

Alas, an order was an order, even when it was not worded as one, and again, he was no fool.

here i go, talking about totalitarian politics again. totally not because i live here.

Los Pelicanos, los Halcones, los Guinchos, y los Azulillos, he wrote of the factions. None of them were the correct translations for the birds, but it would hopefully throw the Armada off everybody's trails for a while.

i described this specific part in my writing outline/ideas as "he gives info but like, a bit to the left lol" [sic]

iirc guincho means "osprey" + i (and by extension, kuervo) deliberately worded it so that you can't directly refute the names on sight from the poster & the faction banner designs

symbolism

i talk about "unbound sailors" because that's what "pirates" translates to in my conlang LMAO

so here's the thing about the conlang: 'unbound' is the very direct translation and it initially refers to "not bound to a government or allegiance" or whatnot, but then the people living in ecclesia were like "so you are an anarchist type? so you must have no loyalty and must want to hurt everyone. pirate." and so the connotation was formed in-universe + how we got this translation + why pirates don't do "classic" destructive pirate activities

(i have SO SO SO MUCH worldbuilding lore tied to a single word, i can't believe it either. also speaking of: i do think of the faction isles as their own legal entity in-universe, but that's another can of worms to unpack LMAO)

"allies" who might turn him over to the authorities for two and a half dozen silver coins to line their pockets

thirty pieces of silver, it's fine, you can laugh me out of court, i had the then-new tv tropes page on my mind when i wrote that

tying stories together

so then i went on this entire spiel about the kingdom of rupestria, which actually ISN'T unique to this fic! i first mentioned it at the end of through blood and name, my p!owen naming fic, as the navy that she got arrested by and then served under (with commander sam) before getting out of dodge in her backstory

since owen mentioned that she came from the northwest (sept 20th vod, scott pov), i figured that her places of origin were located in the same general area as naya (i mentioned that headcanon in the life is a railway writer's cut too)

[through blood and name also mentions "owen of the egretry"; that's a reference to my "the faction isles are their own legal entity" headcanon as well bc i hc that the heron faction publishes under that alias into the greater academic world of ecclesia; egrets are taxonomically herons]

in this case, i also tied p!sausage's backstory into this bc i headcanon that his home island (canonically in the north iirc) was located in disputed territory around rupestria's waters. the section was mainly analysing the ethical implications of the attack from the navy's pov (but ofc, navies of ecclesia don't give a shit about this)

(again, i wonder about if there's correlation or even causation between the kites settling the northwestern side of the faction isles + so many totalitarian or otherwise restrictive regimes being located in northwestern ecclesia)

introspection & psychology

a lot about kuervo's quiet resistance after being put under house arrest near the end was me channeling my 2019/20 sociopolitical activist energy into a fic, hence the projection tags. the numbness towards politics? that's also me, but from 2021 and onward. as i said, it's been so long since i've written and published anything of that sort; i think the last time i did was in 2020

the naïvety self-blame is also kind of a very personal thing bc i remember watching the 2012 local chief executive (basically mayor/governor) elections on tv when i was a kid and the guy i was predicting to win (with all the innocence of a 7yo child) DID win. i was so happy at the time but then i was 7 and didn't understand the true political implications at the time, and i learnt just a couple of years later that the guy was actually an asshole (+ all-round not a person i should align myself politically if i want to stand by my morals and values)

i don't really blame myself for that bc i was 7 and didn't know better, but i feel that this is something that kuervo still has to come to terms with, because he grew up in a loyalist/pro-totalitarian household and his naïvety lasted until he was 16 before the entire world backflipped on him and crashed down in a single night, so i felt that the psychological impact of everything on him would be much greater when compared to my personal experience

and also as i mentioned in the tags: "i may or may not have given kuervo ptsd", so yeah: the flashbacks are canon + nightmares here, avoidance 101 (gun avoidance in canon) + sleep issues and paranoia here + ongoing negative emotions & blame (bro has been on a revenge arc for OVER A DECADE since CHILDHOOD) + implicit social isolation here (chapter 1)

conclusion

anyways teehee kuervo was one of the more fun cubitos to write purely because i get to put a spotlight on the guy and then OOPS i may have accidentally set him on fire with the projection beam in the process

(also holy shit this entire writer's cut is like 2k words long by itself. the fic is only 2.9k words. i like to yap i guess)

[hazelcephalopod]

Listen. So 911. Imma be honest Buddie ship is great, I’m here for it, I think they should do it. In the canon of the show -bonus if the relationship is 99% the same except they kiss now. Do I really believe that has always been the endgame for them? No. Absolutely not -and maybe I’m wrong idk the deep lore I’m just a slightly more than casual viewer whose recently noticed the fandom. That said… to be clear this isn’t me trying to call the show out but just analyze the text in a colloquial way. This is normal mainstream tv and my expectations are real low*.

The show has that old school “look how close these two guys are. Like sooo close. Mm if they were different genders this would 100% be a will they won’t they dynamic” thing, the “this probably started as, a little bit of a joke about how close these two guys -or sometime girls!- are” while being a genuine friendship but there’s a vibe. (Or the oopsie option, also possible here tbh. S/x actors just do a thkng but imho it’s the other creatures responsibility to work with that?) Which, later the show starts to play into that more and more, usually creating a queerbait. Now, to be clear I’m using that descriptively. No judgment here, just that’s what I’m seeing. As I said could be an accident, coulda dig themselves into the old QB hole.

Because. Let’s go over it. You’ve got these two guys, they meet. They click instantly. They become the most important people in each other’s lives. They do all the other things the romantic couples do in the show. Meta the creators clearly know people are shipping them and play into that a bit while backing off by pairing each with random woman. In canon there’s jokes and comments about their really close relationship. One of them adopts the others child basically. Sometimes when one is hurt the other looks like they might weep or cry in agony. Sometimes you swear the looks they give each other have no straight explanation possible. Canonicly they are still just really close bros*. These. Are all hallmarks of a queerbait.

Now, maybe they have shifted to making it end game, at some point, during all this. But tbh, bc of all the history of queerbait in mainstream tv for the past idk, minimum 20-30 years? Really hard to tell the difference. Without some obvious signs it isn’t just queerbait, it’s just looks the same! Until one of them… has… queer experiences, and clearly is like “hmm. Maybe I. Am not straight.” Some obvious “this relationship is indeed being teased. As a real possibility and not just a joke” then I remain skeptical. It’s ok, I’ve been on the great queerbait train many times, and I will take those ships to my -and the characters- grave! But it means I am on the look out for them. *theres several points im going to cover under the cut

Yes this show has. A lesbian couple, maybe a gay side character. And some queer characters on the spin off show, which is run by different people -at least enough it’s different, and now it’s on a different network, also there’s 1 same sex couple last time I checked. Tbh. While there’s some wonderful exceptions. It I commons for a mainstream show like this to have a max of one same sex couple per show. It’s a bad thing, I don’t like it, there should be room one these shows for multiple main queer couples. But it’s pretty standard for 1 max.

Yes men can be friends. Bros. Very close platonic bros. Absolutely.

You know who are also very close friends? Hen and Chim, I’ve never ever thought they were anything but close friends. Or even Athena and Hen -tbf I imagine there’s some shippable stuff there and go for it have fun- they seem really close, but not really like they’re gonna become a couple tbh.

you know who seems way closer than that? Bobby and Athena, or Chim and Maddie, or Hen and Karen, and Buck and Eddie often seem closer than them tbh.

Also. Let’s be honest. I also like QPR Buddie, but this is mainstream TV. I repeat. They can barely have more than one lesbian couple and a gay side character so, I have little faith they are going to grapple with, asexuality or aromanticism and QPR’s, especially with long standing cis so far het man main characters. But maybe I’m wrong and they might go there, and I’d be delightfully surprised. I’ll settle for just make them kiss already plz. (Tbh I admit the vibes of premier of season 7, increase my belief a little.)

I admit. Shippers are gonna ship. People like doing it it’s fun. S/x on almost nothing at all. Here I really do think, there’s some good reasons people are shipping these two characters. People can bring receipts. Anyway. I can only advise, not being an asshole. Either to shippers or shippers, shippers don’t be an asshole.

Personally I just needed to hash all this out. Get ready to be kinda disappointed and know… it’s just how it goes. Idk.

Also. Tbh. If they don’t do some of the “this isn’t a queerbait” signs soon -and this part is a criticism- than they are either ignorant, incompetent, or if not irresponsible, rude. Imho. Or at least like fully… explore that idea of them being in a romantic relationship and then reject it. I won’t like it but I’ll respect it.

[mydearselff]

no longer scared.

As a kid I knew that I may not end up with someone. I prepared myself from then until age 25. Which helped because through my entire teenage years and my early 20s I never felt left out or cared enough to wonder why I didn't have a boyfriend. I convinced myself enough that I didn't want to be a burden on anyone because of my skin condition; I felt unworthy of love. But truly, that was okay.

I remember my older cousin, who was in either high school or college, telling my middle school self that it's okay to end up alone- it's society that put's a pressure on us to have to be with someone and have a whole family. He wasn't aware of my thoughts about being single forever so it made me wonder what he was going through at the time to have said something like that. Whatever it was, I'm so glad he shared this opinion of his out of nowhere because i felt normal. I didn't feel alone.

At 25 (really about a week before I turned 26) I met this man, who very slowly changed my thoughts on everything I thought wouldn't come true. He told me in the beginning that he wanted to have kids and start a family and settle down and marry someone and this...scared the shit out of me. Especially because it was so early on. So I usually ignored that topic. Meeting him felt like everything was too good to be true. Every time I thought he seemed like he was lying, somehow my friend was able to back up the story/explanation/reason (whatever you wanna call it) without me even asking; it would someone get brought up in convos. I think there was some times I'd ask her about his personal life and it would still match up to what he was telling me.

But even then when I got scared and I tried sabotaging us. Every time I got scared, any chance I could take to try and catch him on something I would take it. And he would always be there to never give up on me; on us.

And the more we kept our relationship going the more I began to trust him. Sometimes I'd doubt my trust to save myself from being disappointed, but every day, minutes by minutes, I'd trust him more and more.

April 2023, a year and a month later, he had almost my entire trust (again i was still holding back to save myself from disappointment because everything felt too good to be true). We talked about moving in together once his lease ended in August. I was scared but I also really wanted to move in with him and see where life takes us. Inside I had already committed to him a while back; that if we were married you don't give up on that person, you work together to make it all work. I think we both had that mindset.

August 2023 he came a few years into the month to bring his stuff together and a week or so later he finally brought himself to our apartment.

October 24th 2023 I had a wonderful surprised that I was positive for pregnancy. I wish I would have recorded his reaction to my three urine test that I left on out bathroom counter but I was a bit in denial, and I was worried because I was on a medication that strongly recommends that you do not get pregnant while taking those pills.

Nov 13th 2023 we had our first ultrasound and even though he couldn't take that day off he still came to see the first part of it. He went out of his way just to see our first child. And even though I wish he had gotten the experience to see a better ultrasound of the baby, he still got the chance to see it on our first appointment- and that's all I could ever ask for.

Dec 21st 2023 will be our little wedding day. and today 12/4 is when I gave the card to my family. and to my surprise i didn't know he was trying to get a blessing from my dad until my dad told me over the phone. god i started bawling bc i thought we had given up on trying to tell my dad about it, and instead have him find out through my little card i made. It'll be a very small ceremony for only my family and his. Everyone else can find out slowly. June 2024 is our baby's due date if everything goes well so please if you're reading this, keep us in your prayers.

Dec 4th 2023 and I trust him entirely. I'm no longer scared to invest everything I have in myself and us because he is the person I want for the rest of my life. I truly believe that he loves me for me and not one bone in my body for the entire time I've known him did I ever doubt him as a person.

[bleedingovereden]

By this point in his career, Ink is more than used to customers who, for one reason or another, aren’t capable of making it home themselves. The man before him is nothing particularly unusual or surprising in that respect, and once upon a time, Ink found himself in a very similar position. Point is, even if Ink doesn’t understand what the man is going through, he’s very familiar with the sight before him, and he’s already mentally preparing to make sure the man makes it wherever he has to go safely, or at the very least doesn’t try to drive home intoxicated.

Even if that means the man has to sleep in the parking lot. Ink sincerely hopes it won’t come to that, but he knows very well that Lorelei won’t mind. The only one that would probably mind would be Derek, the building manager, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Ink hates to lie to people, but he wants to ensure that this poor man, as he does with many of the poor men who come into his establishment, has somewhere safe to stay for the night.

As per usual when interacting with customers, Ink doesn’t quite meet the man’s eyes, but when he looks over he can see the exhaustion plain in his expression. Something pangs deep in Ink’s heart at the familiarity of it all--for all that he’s used to these kinds of encounters, it never really gets easier. The man looks like he is on the verge of tears right now, though Ink isn’t going to call attention to that.

Instead, he listens, nodding in understanding as the man speaks. He barely manages a slight half-smile at the confirmation that he wouldn’t understand, though it doesn’t quite meet his eyes either. The smile falls a moment later, morphing into something more solemn, as the customer continues to explain.

Ink vaguely remembers hearing about the peak collapse, years and years ago, on the news. He doesn’t quite remember all of the details, considering both his age and lack of proximity to the incident, but he does remember the painful sinking feeling he’d had in his chest, thinking about all the people who died that day. It was a terrible tragedy, and Ink’s expression softens as he listens to the explanation.

He stays quiet as the man continues, not wanting to interrupt, even when he sees the tears start to fall. Ink always feels a bit awkward when customers start crying while he’s talking to them, always worrying about whether or not he’s comforting them the right way, but he never holds that against them. Alcohol really tends to bring sadness out in people, he knows very well by now.

“That’s… that’s terrible,” he says finally, though he’s sure that this man has heard that many times by now, from many different people. “I’m so sorry for your loss, sir. It’s awful anytime a parent has to outlive their child, but especially like that…” For a moment, he doesn’t know what else to say, trailing off into an uncomfortable silence. Part of him wants to try and relate, because on some level he does understand, but the rest of him quickly decides against it. This isn’t the time for comparing grief, and Ink doesn’t feel like sharing his own trauma when the older man clearly is barely shouldering his own.

Despite himself, Ink does jump slightly at the sound when the man brings the glass down hard on the bar, but he recovers quickly enough. A few of the other people scattered around the building glance over curiously, but they all seem to lose interest almost immediately once it’s clear there isn’t an actual problem taking place. Just as well, Ink supposes--he doesn’t think it would help the situation to have anyone else poking their nose in.

Though the customer is glaring him down now, Ink resolutely does not flinch under his gaze. Instead, he nods in understanding, shifting his stance slightly as he continues wiping down the bar. “What was she like?” he asks. A brief pause as he glances up. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything, but in my experience, talking about the good times is a good way to remember someone you’ve lost. Much better than reducing a whole person down to just a name on a list.”

A small smile spreads across his face, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Doesn’t make the whole thing any less sad, but it keeps her memory alive.” Christ, he sounds sentimental, doesn’t he? Maybe this conversation is getting to him a bit more than he first thought.

Jarod readily accepts the drink but merely stares into the amber liquid for a moment.  He knows he should cut himself off soon, but he does not feel close enough to sleep yet.  He is tired, sure, but his eyes won’t close, not in a way that feels restful for him, anyway, still all fire behind his eyelids.  He can’t tell if the booze is making it better or worse, but he will keep drinking until he has a definitive answer.

He has no idea how he is getting home tonight.  He parked his taxi around back so that it is out of everybody’s way. Joe always lets him sleep his stupor off in the parking lot, but he doesn’t know how the people take to that around here.  The tender seems nice enough, but there’s no telling how much of that is solely because he earns tips.  He has to keep his bosses happy, too, Jarod supposes, and that includes enforcing whatever parking rules they have in place.  He is just hoping that the man can look the other way for one night and let Jarod sleep restlessly in his own backseat until morning, at which point he’ll drag himself through the workday, trying to massage his hangover with soft jazz music and keeping conversation with passengers to a minimum.

He takes a swig from his glass and sighs—with relief or resignation, he doesn’t know—and then he looks at the bartender with bleary, bloodshot eyes.  He already knows they’re puffy and red without finding a mirror just because of how goddamn warm they are, and he can’t tell if it’s because the alcohol is hitting him hard (but not hard enough) or if he might be on the verge of tears again.  He hopes it isn’t the latter.

When the bartender invites conversation, Jarod decides to take him up on it.  After all, he is already starting off a lot better than most people do.  “Yeah, y’re right, you don’t,” he says, managing some twisted approximation of a smile that doesn’t move the top half of his face at all.  “Nobody does, really.”

His gaze drops back into the liquor in front of him, and he sways a little on his stool, unsure of what direction to go as he debates lying down.  “My daughter...”  His voice is barely above a whisper, and he doesn’t know if the other man can hear him, but he persists, nonetheless.  “You’ve heard about the peak collapse?  The big one—everybody’s heard about it.”  He draws out that last ‘R’ a little longer than he means to.  “Ten-year commen—com—commiseration’s ‘round the corner.”  He does not seem to notice he has used the wrong word for ‘commemoration,’ but if he did, it would have gotten another trenchant smile out of him.

“Not one of ‘em—not one of ‘em could try to help her.”  Now he is sure the heat behind his eyelids is bubbling up and over, leaving molten dribbles on the bar.  “Oh, but they’ll throw her picture up on screen ‘n’ let her name scroll on by with all the others.  And then, it’ll be over for another ten years.  End of somebody’s fucking life”—and now he’s not talking about Lola’s—“’nd it gets treated like some national holiday.”

He shakes his head slowly so as not to make himself too woozy.  “You got no idea.”  Then, he knocks back another good portion of his drink and brings the glass down hard on the bar, a smattering of golden droplets escaping over the rim and splashing onto the back of his dark glove.  He levels a glare at the man behind the bar as if he had something to do with Lola.  “You got no idea.”

[thenerdnextdoorxo]

can i request an AOU avengers cast x teen!reader. so the reader is starring in the movie as wanda’s like badass kid sidekick sister or whatever role you come up with and she’s the complete opposite of your average kid bc she’s so quiet reserved and uptight like even with rdj jokes she’s just straight faced bc her parents are rarely around bc they’re very successful in Hollywood but when they do get the chance to be around her they always criticize everything she does and generally dog her(mainly her mom) so the cast just wants her to have a different experience from that and have fun while shooting a film

This is an old request, sorry for taking so long T-T also this gif is adorable

You worked with marvel ever since you were ten, they were basically family to you. You were the youngest there, so naturally you were cared for by everyone. When you don't have anywhere to stay, one of them would offer you to stay at their place. If you want to go somewhere but don't want to go alone, just call one of them and they would immediately go with you. The fact that your parents are not always around makes them even more protective of you.

Your parents are famous Hollywood actors, and for that, they never really where around. They were always traveling and leaving you alone most of the time. When you where younger, you were convinced that you didn't need an adult in your life at all, so whenever some adult tries to help you, you would get annoyed. Frustrated even. You feel that way with every adult except the cast of the Avengers. They never made you feel that way.

Today, you were expecting to see your parents. You were not excited at all. With the new avenger movie coming out, you knew they would criticize the shit out of your performance. They did that every time a movie you were in came out. You would think that the amount of time that they criticize you would make you numb to their comments, but you weren't. You felt each and every one of them. But you hopped that they won't do the same thing today because you thought that you did amazing in the movie. Apparently you were wrong, they started criticizing you about literally everything.

You were confused, you did the best you can, is it not enough? these thoughts has been haunting you even the next week when you had an interview about the new movie and while you were preparing for it, the cast noticed how you were more quite than usual and looked like you were deep in thought about something. Some of them, like Robert and Scarlet tried talking to you to cheer you up a bit, but it didn't work. Then they decided to tell Lizzie about it since she is the closest to you. "She isn't alright I can tell, she didn't even laugh at my jokes, everyone likes my jokes," Robert said.

Lizzie started to get concerned about you, that was not your nature, what is going through your mind? She walked up to you while deep in thoughts and sat next to you. "Hey," She said. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine," You said, not even having the energy to look at her. "Is there something wrong? You know you can tell me. It's okay," She said slightly rubbing your shoulder. You couldn't hold your tears back. How could they be so nice to you when you probably ruined their movie because of your bad performance. When you started crying, the cast gathered around you to know what is going on. When they heard your explanation, they all were heartbroken. How can your parents do that to you? You were their child!

They kept on reassuring you that you did amazing and the fans loved you so much, there is no need to listen to your parents because they are dead wrong. The cast refused to let you live with your parents because they didn't appreciate you at all so they made you live with them and brought you with them to go to trips to make out what you were missing from your parents.

Quality time.

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Guess who has a final tomorrow but decided to write a fic instead of study? meeeeee

my requests are open :)

<3333