#all i've eaten today is gummy bears

[wayfaringauthorofficial]

After some careful consideration, I've chosen to work on both 'The Guardians' Inquisition' (book THREE in the Guardians series) and my rewrite of 'Waiting on a Miracle'. I will be sharing chapters as I write them, and I really hope you're as excited to leap back into these worlds as I am.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

kill her. kill sweetie. break my heart.

Why kill her outright when there's so much story left to tell?

Alfred's eyes narrowed when you pulled your jacket closer to your body. "Alright, girlie?" he asked.

"Fine," you tell him brightly. "How are you today, Alfred?"

"Fine," he answered, careful to keep his distance from you. Your voice was cheerful but your eyes were not. You look less than happy today. "How was the dance on Saturday?"

"I didn't end up going. Mom wanted me to clean the kitchen and then Jack had friends over."

He hummed and nodded, "A pity, Master Bruce said you were looking forward to it."

You shrug, "Maybe next time." You rub your arm and Alfredcatches sight of what looks like a burn on your forearm. Clumsily bandaged, not all the way covered and weeping.

"Good lord, what happened there?" he tutted, pulling your sleeve back when he watches your wrist.

"I-I- I was making spaghetti and the pot was heavy," you stammer.

"Well," he said blinking, knowing that isn't likely- he'd seen you cook when he'd gone along with Bruce on your Wednesday visit with your Grandmother. You were capable. In a few years, you'd be a good little cook. But he couldn't prove that DIDN'T happen either. "It looks nasty. Let's get a new bandage on it, hey?"

"I can-"

"It's a little tricky to do with one hand," he said smiling a little. "Let's get that seen to and then you can drag Master Bruce outside- I've not been able to get him out of the study since Friday."

And when you nod slowly, Alfred makes a note to keep an eye on that sort of thing. He wasn't sure what he'd do about it, of course. But someone would have to keep you from losing limbs to gangrene.

____________________

The knock on your door dragged you out of your bed and you staggered across the floor rubbing your eyes. The only way you could sleep was hard. You slept so hard and fell asleep so fast you weren't sure if your nap had been 20 minutes or a full day.

And when you check the peephole to see Alfred standing there, carrying bags you sigh. At least he already knows.

You open the door and stifle a cough with effort, "Alfred what-"

"Food for the freezer," he said, letting himself in, "keep your strength up."

"Thank you but-"

"I won't have you starving," he said sternly, putting bags down and taking a look around. Things were tidy enough but he could see where some of your housework had gotten away from you. Dust and the odd paper scrap. Laundry, he imagined was also hard and he made a note to contact a service to help. "Have you eaten anything at all today? Or have you been living on gummy bears?"

"I had some popcorn and part of a soda before I laid down," you murmur sinking into a chair.

"Hardly a balanced meal, Miss Y/N," he tutted, setting about inspecting your kitchen, making notes of things you needed. You had basics. Things were clean. But for some ungodly reason there was very little there that was just comforting. Like you were trying to deal with the bare minimum.

"Alfred I can-"

"You can certainly," he said, "But. Now that the cat's out of the bag there's no need to stand on ceremony, Girlie. You need help. You need to eat. And you need as little extra to worry about as possible. Thankfully, I know several lovely little services that can come in-"

"I'm not in hospice-"

"No you morbid little weirdo," he snorted, pulling down a bowl and pouring Chicken and dumplings into it deftly, "Someone to help with the cleaning and the laundry."

When you roll your eyes, Alfred takes the still-hot food and set it on the table with a fork, "Now you eat that and let me get to work. I have explicit instruction to see to it you have everything you need." He didn't. Bruce had been practically paralyzed after you left, dealing with the fact that you were dying. That you stared death directly in the face and told it you weren't done. But- he didn't think Bruce would care. Or notice if he was paying for some housework to be done.

"Alfred, it's going to be okay. I'm okay with-"

"Even a miracle needs a hand," Alfred said squeezing your shoulder. "Let us do something, Y/N. Even if all we can do is make it a little easier."

[v-poreons]

All I've eaten today is a pack of cheese its and some gummy bears because I can't even afford to buy food anymore

[waterdragonmp]

So, I didn't have anything that could be considered real food yesterday, just a handful of snacks and a little candy.

Today I've eaten 26 gummy bears and that's it so far. I hate how much I don't care anymore. I know this isn't safe, but I can't be bothered. It isn't even an image or control thing this time, I just can't eat. I don't know why. I wanna get at least one good meal tomorrow, and if things work out how they're supposed to, I'll be at my favourite pub. But I think I should eat something between now and then.

I don't know what though. I wanna try to pull an all-nighter to get things done while my housemates are gone, and I wanna hurt myself again. I don't know where that thought came from, I haven't felt that way in years. I'm gonna light some incense about it while I clean tonight. But I still have an hour and a half left of work. And I need to figure out what I'm going to eat. If I'm going to eat.

I don't get paid until tomorrow, so I have to find something from at home. I think all I have is chicken nuggets and frozen broccoli. I'd forgotten about that. I should eat when I get home so I have energy. And I have some rice. That'll make a good meal, right? It's balanced. I feel so unsure of myself. I can feel something stirring just under the surface, and I don't trust that what I think I'm hearing and seeing and feeling is real. Something inside is broken, like a fiberglass splinter. A wild energy just waiting, waiting for my guard to drop.

[tybalt-you-saucy-boi]

So far all I've eaten today is gummy bears and Reese's peanut butter cups. I should not be allowed to be an adult.