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theghostpinesmusic · 10 months ago

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So, when I first started writing about Goose jams regularly, I had a huge backlog of Euro tour shows to watch, and I thought it would be fun to occasionally write about a notable jam from the tour as I worked my way through the shows. Then I got to the end of the tour, weighed in on a few jams from Goosemas as well, and now...there's no more new Goose for the foreseeable future, for what seems like the first time since I started listening in 2019.

I'm going to survive, probably: it's actually been really fun diving back into other music over the last month-plus since Goosemas. I've caught up with some artists I used to love that had sort of fallen off my radar (Fleet Foxes, Wilco, Tallest Man On Earth), tried a few things I'd been meaning to try that I bounced off of (Dawes, Mt. Joy, Lord Huron), discovered some great new stuff (that Andre 3000 album is legitimately good), enjoyed some other jam bands (Spafford, JRAD), and remembered that I do, in fact, love Phish. And that's just in a month of listening!

While Goose's break from touring might mean that the scope of the jams I write about will broaden (I'll definitely share some Phish clips soon, and maybe some Spafford stuff), and it will definitely mean I write less of these posts than I have been lately, I do want to take some of the band's time off to return to some of the jams and shows that have had the biggest impact on me over the last four years.

This band has not only constantly grown and improved over the last four years, they've also blasted out such a nonstop barrage of content over that time that a) it's been hard to even hear/see/absorb it all once, let alone ruminate over much of it, and b) now that the fire hose has been off for a month, the prevailing attention-span-addled fan's attitude seems to be that Goose is done, and it's time to move on to a new fire hose.

To be clear, I'm not writing these posts to argue with some internet strawman, but once you engage with enough of these people often enough, their negativity sort of burrows into your brain and sets up shop (at least if you're me). The best counter to this, I've found, is to stay off social media and write stuff that makes me happy instead.

So, in that spirit, expect to see the occasional "archival" Goose post for the next few months as I revisit jams from the past, both from shows I attended in person and from shows that I just like a lot.

We're going to kick things off with "Rosewood Heart" from the 2/3/22 Wonder Ballroom show, which I attended. Because I haven't covered "Rosewood" yet, I'll have to talk a little about the song first.

And, because this show happened in early '22, I'll have to briefly talk about COVID-19. COVID first, I guess.

So, I could fill (and occasionally have filled) virtual pages of this blog with my thoughts on my experience of COVID-19 and the various ways in which it (mostly horribly) divided my life into thirty-eight years Before and (as I write this) four years After. But I want to focus on the jams today, so suffice to say that 2020 through 2022 was rough for me, like it was for many people.

In tough times, I often turn to music for perspective, escapism, catharsis...you name it. And of course, during 2020, new music was in short supply. Live new music was, basically, not happening. Honestly, as much as I love Goose for their songs and their jams, I think part of the reason I fell so hard for them during this time was because they were the only band still playing. That not only meant they were still putting out new music, it meant that you could watch a livestream of, say, Bingo Tour, and see evidence that someone out there was still doing something besides sneaking to the grocery store at 10pm and hand-washing their tomatoes. This is why, to this day, 3/27/20 is still one of my favorite Goose "shows." It's a good show, but under the circumstances at the time, being able to livestream it made me feel like maybe the world wasn't literally ending.

To cut a long story short, things slowly got better. I saw a bunch of shows in the summer of 2021: Phish at the Gorge and Shoreline and JRAD at the Frost and the Hollywood Palladium. It was a bit freaky to be around such large groups of people at the time, but my mental health was such that I also couldn't imagine not going. Standing out under the sun on the Gorge lawn was sort of the first time I'd felt normal in a year and a half at that point.

Of course, all of those shows were outside and it was easy to socially distance on the various amphitheater lawns (the Palladium is an indoor venue, but it wasn't sold out and it was easy enough to wear a mask and stay out of other people's bubbles during the show). The Goose shows I had tickets for in the spring of 2022 - the first headlining shows of theirs I would ever see and my first in-person Goose show since 2/20/20 - would all be indoors. What's more, in the months before these shows, following the halcyon days of summer '21, more and more concerts had become superspreader events, and frequently shows and entire tours were getting cancelled either because the performers themselves got COVID, or because the band couldn't justify the risk (to themselves and to their audience).

In summer '21, seeing Phish and JRAD had felt like reassurance: not all of my old life was gone, after all. But getting to see four full Goose shows in person in February of '22 felt like a possible step forward into a life beyond whatever the last year-and-change had been.

I was, of course, totally terrified for weeks before the shows that a) someone in the band would get sick, b) I would get sick, c) the tour would get cancelled for safety reasons, d) my car would break down, e) the weather wouldn't cooperate and I wouldn't be able to cross the mile-high pass to Portland, which frequently becomes a death trap during winter storms...

...and so on. It almost seems silly now (and is sort of hard to explain) how desperately a lot of people clung to this or that one good thing they had to look forward to during those times, and for me, for most of early 2022, it was those shows. I had lost so much over the previous year, it sort of felt inevitable that these shows wouldn't happen, that there would be some tragicomic denouement to the one thing I had allowed myself to look forward to.

But everything worked out!

My first show of the run was in Bend, on 2/2. This was a bit poetic, as my first (and only) Goose show before this had also been in Bend (the 2/20/20 one). It was a great show, but the venue was way oversold, so my wife and I hung way in the back, where we could approximate social distancing, and we wore masks the entire time. Of the two Wonder Ballroom shows on 2/3 and 2/4, conventional wisdom is that 2/4 was better, and the band clearly liked it better, too, as they posted the entire show on YouTube...but, I found 2/3 to be way weirder and more interesting for my money, including the "Rosewood" that I'm actually, finally going to get to here shortly. My last show of the run was at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, which was an absolute scorcher of an "encore" show...suffice to say, I went home happy.

While I certainly wouldn't say that this "Rosewood" was the best jam of the entire run (in my opinion, it's in about fifth place), there's a great video of it, and like I said a million words ago, I haven't written about a "Rosewood" yet.

Despite my ranking-language in the previous paragraph, I try to avoid rating and ranking art these days ("Comparison is the thief of joy," and all that)...but if you put a gun to my head and commanded me to pick a favorite Goose song (this is a weird situation, why are you doing this to me?), there're pretty good odds that I would choose "Rosewood." It's an older song of theirs (first played in 2015!) but also always sort of a rarity (only played fifty-five times total over eight years). There's a version of it on their first album, Moon Cabin, which doesn't sound a ton like the current iteration of the band (because it's not), but still gives you a nice snapshot of what makes the song great. In short, it's got some of my favorite compositional flourishes (especially on bass and keys) without being overly compositionally complex, the lyrics do that thing Rick does so well where they allude to a sort of mythological or existential lesson without getting so abstract they lose meaning, and...it's just a real pretty song, you guys.

So, finally, this version in particular. I was stuffed into an oversold Wonder Ballroom in Portland with hundreds of other fans, I was trying not to whack anyone with my poster tube, and I had already sweated through my mask, but I was pumped to hear my first live "Rosewood Heart."

It might just be me, but I feel like this version draws out the introductory noodling a bit longer than usual, before the drums kick in earnest at 0:52. We move quickly from ethereal swells of sound to cascading piano and guitar lines before Rick comes in on vocals. You'll notice immediately during the softer parts of the song how fucking loud the audience was throughout the show. Please go to a concert only if you plan to listen to the music. There are many other places in the world where you can talk.

I love how the feel of the song changes with the bridge section at 2:22. Trevor's bass parts here are particularly great. The piano break at 3:04 is also fantastic. The jam proper starts after the song's vocal outro, at 5:52.

Rick starts off with the lead, and the first thing I notice listening back is how much tinnier and thin his guitar sounds than it typically sounds during a '23 show. This isn't necessarily a good or bad thing in my opinion, but he's almost got a '09-'10 Trey Anastasio effect (what we jaded Phish fans called "the whale call" at the time) going on here. I like it way better when Rick does it, actually.

This beginning section of the jam has a really jazzy feel, because of Rick's playing but also the beat Ben is laying down and the scattered piano chords Peter is playing. It's pretty abstract compared to your "usual" Goose rock jam, which is neat.

Rick starts building some momentum at 7:40, and the band picks up the energy to match his shredding. There is an absolute Wall Of Cymbals here that is just great. Post-peak, there's a few minutes of high-energy shredding before Rick steps back at 10:00, setting the stage for the next jam space.

After a short, spacey interlude, Peter starts developing a riff (do you call it a riff when it's on piano?) on piano. Along with some great, nuanced drumming from Ben, this sets the stage for the next portion of the jam. This almost-but-not-quite-disco jam is a great example of what I often think of as Goose's "default" 2022 jamming style. Basically, Peter homes in on a particular "sample" that he plays over and over on keys for a few minutes while everyone else plays around him. It's something that happens a ton during many of the band's twenty-plus-minute jams from this year. I don't know if it's a matter of Peter not wanting to or being able to lead jams in other ways (he's a fairly new keyboard player, as per my understanding), or if this is just a reflection of the band's electronica influence (see songs like "Creatures" and "Into The Myst,") but they got a lot of mileage out of the approach during this year, to the point that I enjoyed it at first, but was getting a little tired of it by December. They'll come back to it occasionally these days, but to my ears, Peter's approach to improvising on keys is way more varied than it was two years ago.

All that said, the keys "sample" does provide a great foundation for this jam, as long as you're not being a grumpy, jaded fan about it. Rick adds a lot of flavor on rhythm and melody guitar, the percussion dropping in and out adds variety, and Trevor builds a nice, comfy wooden fence around the whole thing to keep it reasonably contained.

Things slow down a little at 17:10, when the bass drops out and then the drums switch up. Rick changes his playing shortly after to something that sounds a ton like "Atlas Dogs" in a cool way and the lights even change to something a bit more nightmare chic to reflect the jam's dark turn.

This second build really feels like it's driven by Trevor, and I'm here (there?) for it. The camera's focus on Jeff tearing it up also brings into focus what the percussion contributes to the energy. Rick, of course, comes in at the end to cast out all demons and nearly destroy the FOH camera setup.

The video fades out at the end as the jam wraps up, though in "real life" this was a transition into a great version of "Indian River."

If you've read all the way to the end of this, God help you. I didn't mean to write this much, but writing about music is a) fun and b) a way to procrastinate doing the writing I'm actually supposed to be doing. So, thanks for enabling me!

I'm not sure what I'm going to cover next, but I'd love to rewatch/revisit some of the other '22 shows I attended, especially the Dillon shows and NYE in Cincinnati, so...maybe that's next?

#goose #goose the band #music #live music #jams #jam bands #tour journal #writing #traveling #Youtube #covid 19

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mx-t4t0 · 1 year ago

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Every day you and another mutual of mine fill my dash with qsmp stuff and I stay tuned to everything that's happened without even know it how to watch it (very affectionate, ahdbsbbd, love the shenanigans, the only people I know are like the spanish guys. Cause I used to watch them. Jaiden and Phil, because I know who he is ig)

(no but actually how does watching it Work? I know they're streams but like, a lot of people are in it, do they just stream at the same hour or?? Do I have to watch multiple people's streams? I'm so curious wjbfbbfnne)

That post that says "an insane mutual does more than a million ad campaigns" is so true rn wjdnnsnd

Have a nice day, Mutual andnnsndnd /silly

ladies and gentlemen we got another one

There's livestreams pretty much at all times of the day now, it really depends on who you watch. You can watch however many streamers you can manage, but just one can be enough to get the bulk of the story. Also I'll be honest sometimes I watch things go down through liveblogs too if I'm just not in the mood to watch a stream. Besides if you miss something big while you're busy you WILL come back to your dash freaking out so it's hard to be out of the loop

My primary POV is Cellbit and in my timezone he streams between 10 pm and.. somewhere in the early morning. yes i have screwed over my sleep schedule just to watch my blorbo from my mcrp series go through the horrors (and also occasionally the joys). no i have no regrets. He's VERY involved in the main plot and he streams all week except mondays and tuesdays so obviously I know most of the stuff that happens on the server but! you don't have to do it like me! you can know just as much by watching however many streams you'd like and just. paying attention outside of streams.

There's also the a recap series on youtube if you wanna get up to date on the whole story but it only goes up to the end of may and there's been. A lot of things since! This is a very fast-paced server The wiki is more up to date and has translations, recaps and pretty much everything you need to know about most characters (the more active the streamer the more info there is on their character's page obviously)

Also qsmpblr has been doing an incredible job archiving clips with translations, so there's always that too. I have a friend who's been far too busy with finals to watch any streams, but I accidentally got them super invested in q!Cellbit when I infodumped to them and now I basically always catch them up on the lore the next day, and the clips, screenshots and translations have come in super handy.

But yeah you could totally jump in now if you're interested! Actually jumping in now might be good because we're right at the start of a new potentially massive arc with the elections

#mutuals my beloveds

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californiafacts · 2 years ago

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Disney Plus Error Code 39: A Quick Fix

Disney Plus Error Code: The options for over-the-top (OTT) services are extensive at this point. There is entertainment in every genre available on every streaming service, but none of them can compare to what Disney+ has to offer. Due to the exclusive nature of Disney Plus, my family and I like binge-watching there frequently. We get error messages like Disney Plus Error Code 39 while trying to watch our favourite shows or movies. Nonetheless, these glitches only occasionally show up as brief flashes on our screen. However, these negatives are enough to dampen any exhilaration. Social media search trends for the error code 39 seem to indicate that it is a widespread problem. Since then, a large number of Disney+ users have reported receiving Error Code 39 across a wide variety of platforms, including PCs, Apple TVs, Nvidia Shields, Android phones, and iOS gadgets. All of us are experiencing this same difficulty. In other words, you aren't the only one wondering where they can find their favourite films. Disney Plus error 39 could have a wide variety of potential causes. That's why we're committed to finding an answer for you. If you're seeing Disney Plus error code 39, keep reading to learn how to resolve the issue.

What Is Error Code 39?

The rights management code 39 indicates an error occurred when attempting to access protected content. If the streaming service is attempting a secure connection, this is good news. However, this system is not capable of delivering it. There are a number of possible culprits for this issue, including the Disney+ app, the streaming device, the HDMI cable, or even the TV itself. In the past, this was a typical Xbox One mistake. Today, though, it's not uncommon for smart TVs and other streaming devices to experience this issue as well.

Disney Plus Error Code

What Does Disney Plus Error Code 39 Look Like?

When the error occur, you will see the error message mentioned below: - We’re sorry, but we cannot play the video you requested. Please try again. If the problem persists, contact Disney+ Support (Error Code 39).

How to Fix Disney Plus Error Code 39?

Even though most people have some familiarity with technology now, many viewers still report having the problem. Users claim Disney has yet to provide a long-term fix for this issue. As a consolation, they give out some free stuff to their viewers. No one is breaking any rules, so how can they be fixed? If you're having trouble with Disney Plus and receiving error code 39, try applying the workaround provided below. Many people have reported great success after implementing these strategies. Now then, here it is. Solution #1 – Check All Other Connected Devices Having several accounts allows you to stream multiple videos at once. Your loved ones may be tuning in to your Xbox One livestream from their mobile devices or computers. However, having multiple devices streaming at once can disrupt your Xbox One experience. As a result, restrict Disney Plus use to a single device at a time. If you're using the account on more than the maximum number of devices, you'll need to log out before streaming on the Xbox One app. Solution #2 – Restart your Console Restart your Xbox One console to refresh the connection and fix the error quickly. Solution #3 – Check Your Internet Connection Do a speed test to see if you have at least 5 Mbps to stream Disney Plus. If not, improve your Internet connection. You may also contact your provider if there is a problem with your connection. Solution #4 – Change your HDMI port Try changing the HDMI port on your TV. Insert the HDMI plug into another port and try relaunching Disney+ app to check if the error code still exists or not. Solution #5 – Reinstall the App If none of the solutions above can help you, uninstall the app first on your Xbox One. Then, reinstall the app. Check if the error still exists. Read More: - Maria Taylor Height Weight: She Play Basketball In College - Rachel Weisz Plastic Surgery, Boob Job and More Facts Read the full article

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theminecraftbee · 3 years ago

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oh oh oh oh i have a question thats kinda adjacent to the current topic: do u know which hermits stream on the server and what their vibes are? i only got into hc right at the end of s8 so im curious what im missing from a livestream standpoint. (i had far too much fun watching foolish dsmp lose his mind over that giant statue and i wanna see if i can get that from the hermits ngl)

hermit livestreams are more common from certain hermits than others! before we continue, know that while livestreams are typically considered "places you might get spoiled", hermits tend to try to be polite and not give away pranks or big projects on stream before the people they apply to put them in a video. how well this goes... depends. but generally, don't expect brand new things live that often. with that said...

my guy, joe hills, is by FAR the most frequent streamer on the server; it's typically his nightly show. it's really interesting to watch him stream because its also how he films his episodes, so you end up getting a look at somewhat behind-the-scenes stuff. if you're awake/able at 10 PM est most days, then there will be a joe hills stream that takes place on the hermitcraft server!

others who are less deeply consistent than him, but who stream hermitcraft fairly regularly: xisuma streams on the server fairly regularly from what i can tell; i think he has a specific day during the week he normally schedules his hermitcraft streams for. he's normally morning in US time. cubfan streams pretty regularly from the server; he tends to be mid-afternoon. he tends to stream grinding a lot. for example, when he had to mine all that raw iron last season, he streamed a lot of the caving he did for that. jevin streams in the evening, and tends to stream hermitcraft. i don't watch enough jevin to tell you what his streams are like, though. pearl streams pretty regularly, normally in the morning us time. sometimes those streams are from the hermitcraft server. finally, impulse streams three times a week at 1 PM est. normally, at least one of those was hermitcraft. presumably, that schedule will continue in season 9!

as for the other hermits: bdubs has been streaming occasionally, i know hypno streams but i haven't spotted it enough to know if he's on a schedule or not, i know gem streams and that it's been hermitcraft from time to time (i watched her build trees once it was relaxing). scar streams and tries to do it as much as possible, but his health issues mean that they're pretty rare. they're fun streams, though, when they happen. doc has said he wants to stream more again, ren has been streaming more lately thanks to that hardcore achievement hunt he's been doing and maybe that will continue into hermitcraft? cleo streams hermitcraft from time to time, although she streams variety more often in my experience. tango streams occasionally on hermitcraft, and may stream on hermitcraft more when he has things to stream for decked out 2.0. iskall streams very regularly. in the past a large number of his streams have been vault hunters, but i think he streams hermitcraft sometimes as well!

and those are the ones i've spotted/know off the top of my head!

as for a few more scheduled hermitcraft things: on mondays, normally around noon est, there's a stream held called hhh, aka hermits helping hermits! normally, the gang includes hypno, joe, cleo, and xisuma, plus a group of other people who rotate in and out. normally, this is for a variety of grindy tasks that are easier to get done with a large group than a small one. if you want to watch people

lastly, hermitcraft will hold stream weekends! normally its announced on their social media, and will spread on tumblr when they happen. they're weekends where they have hermits scheduled all day, sending raids to each other at the end of the day! it's a great way to watch hermits stream with each other, as they normally pass a "torch" between each other all day and have specific tasks planned!

and that. ended up being longer than i expected, but yes, there are the hermits who stream that i am aware of/have seen around! i hope this helps!

#answered #hermitcraft #because i figure this is useful general information! thank you for that question!

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years ago

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𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝑴𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝑮𝒐 𝑶𝒏 (𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊 (𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛)/ 𝑪𝒂𝒎𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍! 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 (𝑭𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆)

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝑭𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇, 𝑺𝒎𝒖𝒕, 𝑳𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕

𝑺𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔: 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒅𝒐𝒍 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒇𝒖𝒍, 𝒔𝒐 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒖𝒍𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒇𝒆𝒘 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒘𝒌𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒃𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒅𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕.

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 6.8K

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝑷*𝒓𝒏 𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒑*𝒓𝒏 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒇𝒆𝒎𝒅𝒐𝒎 × 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒃!, 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒋𝒐𝒃, 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒆𝒅𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒖𝒏𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒙 (𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)

🍒｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍒

Soft pants once again slipped out of his lips, the bottom of them glossy after he had run his tongue over them. He tried so hard to keep quiet, even though he was the only one in the room. One of his hands was buried inside the blankets covering his exposed bottom half, stroking his length at a slow pace, his thumb occasionally playing with the slit on the bulbous head.

Through hooded eyes, he watched as the figure on the screen pushed her panties to the side and ran the tip of the pink glittery dildo across her soaking lips, effectively smearing some of her arousal onto the plastic toy. Her eyes were once again covered by a Venetian masquerade mask, a signature trademark she always possessed during her livestreams. But Mingi could see, and feel, the lust and yearning in them, he swore it was as if she was looking directly at him...

Probably the same thought and illusion the hundreds of thousands of other viewers had as well.

"Do you want me to put it inside me? Want me to fuck myself on this huge cock?"

Immediately a bunch of comments started pouring in, begging her to do it with a splatter of cuss words in between their request. The female let out a teasing chuckle as she read them.

"Desperate now aren't we? But you've all been so generous and I've teased you all too long.."

Lifting her hips up slightly, she lined the dildo up her entrance and slowly sank down on it, a sharp gasp coming from her mouth as the toy stretched her out in the most delicious and painful way. This was by far the biggest toy she had put inside herself and it turned Mingi on so much to see this tiny and cute girl fit a dildo that was almost as big as his own cock into her frail body. He watched in fascination as her legs trembled slightly as she tried to adjust to the size once it was all the way in. His hand squeezed hard at his throbbing length, waiting for her to move so his hand could match her rhythm.

Regaining her composure, she looked back at the camera and smirked before she started rolling her hips. As soon as he saw her movements, his hand began pumping himself once again, holding back the urge to speed up or cum before she did. He always did enjoy cumming at the same time she did. His eyes were latched onto the screen, gaze fixed on her and the way she slid in and out of the toy. He imagined it was his own cock, lord knows how many times he wished it was him she was touching, he wanted to taste her essence as it dripped out of her, wanted her to ride him as she called him 'baby boy' and just be good and pliant for her. He especially wanted to know what her face looked like, she was shrouded with pure mystery that only added to her sexiness and heightened his desire to be with her. For just one night.

But he had to be content with watching her livestreams. It was enough to get him through his stressful days. Especially now when they were preparing hard for a comeback. Mingi was grateful when she decided to pick up the pace and start bouncing on the dildo, his hand now furiously jerking himself off, getting dangerously close to cumming. The moans her pretty lips were pouring out wasn't helping either.

"Oh fuck! I'm gonna cum. You gonna cum with me?" She teased, her hand reaching down and rubbing at her clit.

Mingi resisted the urge to answer back, instead opting for muffling the groan that was about to burst out of him.

"Cum with me my pretty baby. Cum for me like the good boy you are." She cooed softly.

That was all it took for Mingi to spill all over his blanket, effectively soiling it. He gasped a little too loudly than what he intended to, but he couldn't help it. Not after edging himself for so long and biting down on his lip so much he'd swear he probably drew blood. He layed his arm to rest on the pillow next to him, feeling sore after that intense session. Looking back at the screen, he watched as the girl pulled the long toy out of her, trails of her slick juices pouring out and Mingi oh so wished to know what they tasted like.

Giving a tired smile to the camera, she waved at her audience. Mingi pouted slightly.

"I want to give you the best aftercare if only I knew who you were." Without realizing it, his fingers grazed the screen slightly.

"Thank you for joining me on my livestream. I hope you all have a good night."

She looked at the right hand side of the screen, looking at some of the comments before snorting.

"Oh. You guys wanna see it? Ok."

Turning around, she let them admire the tramp stamp adorning her lower back: a cherry slightly shaped like a heart with a green arrow stem piercing through the middle. All her viewers went crazy for it and Mingi was no exception.

Turning her head back to the camera, she winked.

"See you next time."

The screen went completely black, bright red letters on it as it read:

Cherry Venus' Livestream Has Ended

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Mingi!"

Hongjoong's voice called out for him. Mingi rolled his eyes, already dreading whatever the tiny leader was going to ask him to do. Shuffling his way down the hall, he yelled.

"What?!"

Hongjoong quickly appeared, an unamused look on his face.

"Don't give me attitude! I need you to do me a favor."

Without wasting a second, Mingi began walking to the kitchen, hand already opening the cabinet.

"Ok, what do you need me to get down for you?"

Hongjoong let out a mutter of incoherent noises.

"That's not what I needed you for!" He crossed his arms and frowned.

Mingi immediately retracted his hand.

"Oh....what'd you need?"

Hongjoong inhaled as he glared at the top of Mingi's head.

"I need you to go over with Y/N. Seonghwa wants a bake a cake but someone destroyed our pan, so go ask her if she has one we can borrow."

"What the heck? It was new. How did our baking pan get destroyed?"

Right at that moment as Mingi was asking that question, Yeosang walked in then rapidly spun on his heel and walked right back out, making the two other guys look at him curiously.

"While you go do that, imma go investigate what that bunny is hiding."

Without giving him an option, Hongjoong passed by Mingi and made his way to Yeosang's and Wooyoung's room, ready to start nagging and scolding for any involvement in the pan incident.

Having no other choice, Mingi put his shoes on and went over to their neighbor's door to ask for her help. He ran the doorbell and waited for her to come out.

"Oh. Hi Mingi." He observed the smaller girl as she slowly opened the door.

"Hey Y/N! How are you doing?" Mingi always made it a point to be extra friendly and enthusiastic around her, who was really shy and soft spoken.

He remembers the first time he and the rest of the members met her when she moved in next door. Yunho took the heavy box she was carrying out of her hands and she just stared at him with wide eyes, completely in shock at how tall he was. When they asked if she wanted help, she just nodded and uttered the quietest thanks in the history of soft words. San and Wooyoung were absolutely enamoured with how cute she was and tried hugging her or pinch her cheeks, but Seonghwa and Yeosang prevented them from doing so, thinking it would scare her to have complete strangers touching her, even if they meant no harm. Mingi just watched from the side as he helped bring some of her stuff inside. After a while, she started talking to them more, occasionally joking around and always checking up on them or bringing them food. She was still a bit shy, but not as much as before.

"I'm fine. Did you need something?" She asked.

"Yeah! We were wondering if we could borrow a baking pan from you."

She opened the door wider and gestured for him to follow her. As usual, her place was neat and spotless, not a single speck of dirt or a cushion out of place. She was always meticulous like that, something Seonghwa and her had in common. Mingi could only snort at that. But he'd never make fun of her for it. Seonghwa yes, but not her. She was too nice and never made fun of him or scolded him. In fact, she was always taking care to him when the others couldn't.

He followed her to the kitchen, hand already reaching for one of the cabinets.

"Will you need my assistance in getting anything down for you?" He offered.

Y/N rolled her eyes.

"I actually keep them down here, but thank you Mingi."

"Oh.... maybe I should stop insinuating that people need me to get things for them." He admitted awkwardly, remembering the incident with Hongjoong just minutes ago.

"You know Mingi. Just because you're taller than the rest of us, doesn't mean we can't get things down by ourselves. Ladders were invented for a reason." Her statement made him poke his bottom lip out.

"Maybe I like feeling useful."

She couldn't help but smile at his little confession as she crouched down, opening one of the lower cabinets, which was surprisingly unorganized. She glanced back at him with an embarrassed look.

"I haven't gotten to organize all of the kitchen supplies." She explained.

"Y/N you've seen how we live, trust me. You have nothing to be embarrassed about." He assured her.

Y/N went back to her task of rummaging around, trying to figure out where she stashed the damned baking pan. As she moved around, her shirt slightly rose up, exposing part of her lower back, which Mingi would have just shrugged off and not paid attention to......

If a certain splash of red tint wasn't sprawled all over it.

Mingi stared in shock as he recognized the familiar cherry heart tattoo that he had fantasized about so many times. He rubbed his eyes, hoping it was just his imagination, but when he looked back down, it was still there. So many thoughts were going through his head that he didn't notice Y/N had found the pan and was now holding it out to him.

"Mingi? Are you all right?" Her question snapped him out of his thoughts.

He stared at her in bewilderment, eyes boring right through her and Y/N shifted uncomfortably at his gaze.

"Um....here's the pan."

Mingi mentally slapped himself and managed to compose himself.

"Thank Y/N! You're so nice as always. I'll be sure to tell Seonghwa to bring you cake as a sign of appreciation."

He spoke just as fast as the footsteps he took to get out of her apartment.

"That-that won't be necessary-"

"Please! I insist. You're just as sweet as a cherry- I mean! A cotton candy! I mean....."

He decided to stop himself before he messed up even more.

"Thank you Y/N and have a good day!"

He sped back over to the dorm, shutting the door behind him, leaving Y/N confused as to his strange behavior and yet not at all surprised.

"He always was the most bizarre one of them..." But then the image of Hongjoong pouring his milk first before cereal immediately shut down that statement.

Mingi closed the door to the dorm behind him, his back settling on the wall as his eyes looked at the ground for a few seconds, completely oblivious to the argument coming from Hongjoong's room. Going inside the kitchen, he placed the pan in front of Seonghwa, who was already on the task of getting out the ingredients for the pastry.

"You look like you saw a ghost." He pointed out.

Seonghwa looked back at Mingi when the latter didn't respond. He just kept his eyes locked on the pan in front of him. Seonghwa waved a hand in front of him.

"Earth to Mingi!" He exclaimed.

Mingi covered his ears.

"There was no need to shout you know."

Seonghwa let out an incredulous "whoah". He decided it was best not to pay attention to whatever was going on in Mingi's mind, just in case it was something that would end up making him angry or just straight out make him lose brain cells. He opened the freezer door and took out the frozen fruits that kept there.

"What I should I decorate the cake with? San wants kiwis and pineapple, but I kinda wanted strawberries and cherries. What do you say?"

He held out the options out for Mingi to decide, however Mingi just shot up at the mention of cherries.

"I know nothing about cherries ok?!" He stormed out of the kitchen, speeding for his room to hide under the shelter of his blankets.

Seonghwa blinked at his sudden outburst before sighing.

"Literally just tell me you don't want them. No need to be such a drama queen."

Hongjoong opened the door to his room, with Yeosang and Wooyoung trailing behind him, their heads hung low as Hongjoong directed them to go to their room and follow through with their punishment.

"Well the mystery of the destroyed pan is solved." Hongjoong announced happily.

Seonghwa however ignored him, making him pout.

"You're not interested in what I have to say again." Hongjoong whined as he shimmied over to where Seonghwa stood. Tilting his head, he asked.

"Are you still mad about taking them into my room?"

Seonghwa glared at Hongjoong, his eyes speaking for him.

"Well I had to. Besides, it'll be good for you to know that the reason why the pan was destroyed is because your angel son, Yeosang, tried to kill Wooyoung with it when they stayed home by themselves."

Seonghwa involuntarily let out a laugh.

"Probably had it coming."

Hongjoong opened his mouth to say something, but ultimately decided against it. He stared at the contents in front of him.

"So did you finally decide what you want on it?"

"No. And Mingi is no help either. He got all freaked out when I pulled out the cherries. It was weird. He's not allergic right?"

Hongjoong picked up the cherries and held them in his hand for a bit before looking back at Seonghwa, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Let's find out."

"Kim Hongjoong! Are you seriously trying to poison the kids?! No wonder Yeosang thinks murder is ok!"

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Mingi could not get the image out of his head. What on earth was going on? What did this all mean? Could Y/N possibly be...?

He shook his head at that, not wanting to picture anything else. Besides, it couldn't possibly be her. Y/N was so soft, shy, sweet and the most innocent person on the planet. There was no way she was the camgirl he often fapped to late at night.

Then again........

Mingi noticed how they did seem to have similar heights, the same hair color and length, they looked to be around the same body proportions as well, but he wasn't too sure about that since Y/N wore either baggy or oversized clothes. He was so lost trying to figure out what was going on that minutes stretched to hours and soon there was a knock on his door.

"Mingi-ah! Seonghwa Hyung says you have to take cake over to Y/N!" San's voice called out.

Speak of the devil.

"Why don't you guys take it?" He protested, not wanting to see her so soon.

"Wooyoung and Yeosang aren't allowed out of their room for another 23 minutes. Yunho is already gorging himself on cake, Seonghwa is busy baking another one, Hongjoong is at the studio and Jongho is..... well.....I actually don't know what he's doing. He just promised he won't get arrested and then left to who knows where. So you have to go."

Mingi groaned as he rolled off the bed, hitting the ground with a slight thud.

"Be careful Mingi. Just cause you're a giant doesn't mean you can't fall off the bed." San reminded him rather innocently.

Opening the door, Mingi snatched the tupperware containing the cake from him.

"And why can't you go?" Mingi raised an eyebrow.

"I have been tasked with keeping count of the time they have to spend in their room." San answered, pointing to WooSang's room.

Knowing there was no way out of it, Mingi just dragged his feet over to Y/N's place once again, dreading having to face her for the second time. He ran the doorbell, but there was no movement or sound from the other side. He rang it again, but still no answer.

"Did she leave?"

Mingi casually typed in her passcode and went inside. He figured he'd leave it on the counter with a note on it for her. He looked around trying to find a pen or notepad, but found nothing.

"Where is her office?"

He tried to recall which door it was. He scanned the different doors by the hallway before ultimately deciding on the second to last door. He peered his head in but could not see anything do to the fact the lights were turned off. He carefully made his way inside and patted around the wall trying to find the light switch.

"A ha! Found you!" He squealed gleefully and flipped the lights on.

Turning around, he dropped the cake he was holding when he saw the room, his mouth hanging wide as his eyes scanned every corner and wall in there.

"And now I found you..."

Mingi thought he was about to pass out. He walked deeper and deeper in the room, staring at awe at the contents in there. Fairy lights were strung in the air, a soft ivory low bed was pushed against the walls, long sparkly chiffon curtains were pushed back to leave it exposed, and next to it was a pink treasure chest that he didn't need to open to know what was inside....

He recognized that room like the back of his hand.

"Holy hell...." He whispered as he realized he was in the very room where his favorite live streams happened.

"Mingi? What are you doing here?"

He was startled by a voice behind him. He swirled around and found Y/N standing by the door, her head tilted to the side, eyeing him curiously.

Mingi gulped as he thought about what he could answer. Should he just lie? Say he doesn't know anything? Apparently not since all he could get out was:

"You're Cherry Venus aren't you?!"

He quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late. He had already exposed himself. He was expecting Y/N to deny it, ask what he was talking about or give some reasonable explanation, like it's actually a friend of hers, or a long lost evil twin sister. And although she did widen her eyes slightly, it wasn't out of fear. It was out of amusement and it soon manifested itself in the form of a smirk.

"Oh....... you know who I am? Interesting."

Mingi began walking backwards when she started taking steps towards him. He felt intimidated by her complete change of aura. How did the sweet and pure girl suddenly turn into the same person that more than once has made his breath get caught in his throat? He gasped softly when his feet touched the bed and he nearly fell on it where it not for Y/N who took hold of his shirt and pulled him against her. Mingi blushed intensely at how hard she was staring at him, her touch felt electrifying. His eyes trained down to her lips as she run her tongue across her bottom lip. On impulse, he bit down on his lower lip as he recalled where that tongue had been just a few days prior.

"You know Mingi.....for a while I've been wanting to have a guest appear on my livestream..."

He shuddered slightly when her hand gently caressed his chest.

"If you're interested.......meet me here.....you know exactly when." She winked at him.

"W-wait.....are you suggesting that I...?" Mingi pointed at himself rather incredulous.

Y/N hummed softly, her hands unzipping part of his sweater.

"As I said, if you're interested. I always wanted to....fuck a fan of mine."

Mingi closed his eyes when she placed a hand on his chest, inching closer and closer and his neck, finger tapping on his Adam's apple.

"So let me know.....

Baby boy."

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Mingi could hardly believe that this was happening...he could not believe he actually agreed to this. Sensing his apprehension, Y/N stroke his head, making him relax a little at her touch.

"Mingi.....if you want to back out, it's ok. I understand."

She looked into his eyes again, softening for him as she waited for his reply. Although he was nervous, Mingi also knew he wanted to do this. It was a life long fantasy of his and now that he got the opportunity, he wasn't going to back down. Besides, the black mask covering his face gave him a sense of relief knowing that no one would be able to recognize him. He held onto Y/N's arm, giving it a light squeeze.

"Go ahead."

Y/N gave him a warm smile before kissing him softly. Just as Mingi had imagined, they were soft and plump. He could faintly taste her strawberry lip balm and was tempted to take her bottom lip in between his teeth, but just as soon as she kissed him, she pulled away, leaving him kind of disappointed. Y/N reminded him the safe word in case anything went wrong or if he wanted to stop at any moment. Mingi nodded and signaled that he was ok to start the session. Y/N went over to the computer in front of them and clicked the record button.

"Hello my little lovelies. Tonight I have a little surprise for you all. I'd tell you about it...but I think it's best to show you."

She stepped away from the camera and back over to the bed, where Mingi was already sitting on the bed, wearing nothing but the black mask Y/N had given him as well as his dark blue boxer briefs. He gazed at the camera, trying not to think of all the viewers that were watching him right now and he especially did not want to glance at the comments that were flooding in by the second. Y/N petted his hair gently and he directed his attention to her.

"Isn't he cute guys?"

Mingi blushed at her comment, but most of his visage was hidden under his mask, so he doubted Y/N could see it. But she did, however she didn't want to tease him too much.

"I'm going to start off slow with him guys. I don't want to scare him off.......yet."

Mingi was about to ask what she meant by that, but he had no chance to as Y/N straddled his lap, lips crashing onto his in a heated kiss. When Mingi felt her tongue run against his upper lip, he did not hesitate to grant her entrance. For someone claiming to take it slow, Y/N sure seemed to do the opposite. However Mingi just let her do her thing, allowing her to take control and let her tongue dance inside his mouth and then across his jaw.

As if his hands had a mind of their own, they went to her hips, his large hands pinching gently at her skin. Either Y/N was too busy sucking hickeys onto his neck or she wanted him to do as he pleased, but she didn't stop him even when he began squeezing her ass cheeks, occasionally snapping the straps of her garter belt against her body.

"You feeling more relaxed baby boy? Are you enjoying yourself?" She pulled back not only to ask him that but to also grind against his bulge that was now very noticeable.

"I- fuck yes! Yes." Mingi stuttered out when she pressed more of her weight down on his tent, allowing him to feel how wet she was becoming.

"Oh yeah? Can I have my little fun now?"

The way she gripped his hair to tilt his head back had him releasing a mix between a moan and a whimper. Mingi attempted to nod, but that just made Y/N's grip on his hair tighten.

"Use. Your. Words." She declared.

"P-please. Use me however you want." He cried out as he raised his hips up against hers so she'd do something about the problem he had.

Y/N seemed satisfied with his answer and she wasted no time in pining Mingi down on the bed, his hands above his head. All Mingi could think was when the hell did she get so strong? Her hands began caressing his torso, stopping right at the top of his underwear. She began palming his hard on, getting him even more worked up than what he already was. Turning her head, she peered at some of the comments.

"You guys want this to come off? Want to see how big he really is?"

Mingi took one quick look at the screen, briefly scanning all the comments that desperately wanted to see what he was hiding. Y/N tapped the side of his thigh, signaling him to lift up his hips which he obeyed immediately. As soon as it was freed, his cock hit his stomach, tip red and already leaking a bit. Y/N couldn't hide the surprised look on her face. Sure she always imagined him to be big, but not....that big. It made her even more aroused though, having always been somewhat of a size queen.

She looked back at the audience, giving a little chuckle.

"Are you all as surprised as I am?"

Lots of comments affirmed that they were, praising Mingi's size as well as stating all the filthy things they wanted to do with his cock.

"You want to deep throat it? Trust me, so do I." Y/N signaled out one of them.

Mingi's eyes shot up as soon as she said that. True to her word, she bent her head down. She spit on his cock and proceeded to stroke his length, for once it wasn't his hand that was doing the job. She maintained eye contact with him as she wrapped her lips around the head, her tongue playing with his slit, making Mingi gasped softly. He couldn't peel his eyes off such a dirty scene and his mouth went agape when she sunk her mouth down, taking all of him in her mouth. She gagged slightly when she reached the base, tiny drool escaping from the sides, but she didn't care. She began a steady pace of bobbing her head and sucking as much of him as she could. As her mouth was busy in the task of sucking him off, her hands entertained themselves by fondling his balls, making the experience even more pleasurable for Mingi. He hissed and gasped whenever she slid all the way down on him again or when she sucked particularly hard, catching him off guard and making him feel more dizzy. Y/N felt his cock twitch in her mouth, clear sign he was about to cum any minute, and the way his chest rose up and down, his moans becoming more and more loud just furthered her suspicions. She wanted to let him cum and swallow it all, but instead opted for pulling him out of her mouth, releasing his tip with a loud popping noise.

Mingi whined loudly and sat up, feeling dejected at having his climax taken away from him.

"I told you all he was cute. Even his little frustrated grunts are adorable."

Mingi frowned at her words. He wanted to retaliate but Y/N gave him no opportunity as she climbed onto his lap again.

"I wanna let you cum my little prince.... but first can you do something for me?"

Mingi had no idea what she was planning, but agreed nonetheless. Y/N beamed at his willingness and pushed him to lay fat on the bed again. Her hands hooked on her panties which she teasingly slid down a bit.

"What do you guys think? Should I make a mess on his pretty face and make him eat my pussy out?" She questioned.

Mingi's heart pounded harder when he heard her words. Was she really about to make his fantasy come true? His question was answered when she slipped her now soiled underwear off and crawled further up, bare pussy sticking to his chest.

"Can you do that for me baby boy? Can you eat me out like a good little pup?"

Mingi wetted his lips as his hands raised her up and placed her right on top of his face, her dripping cunt right in front of him, looking absolutely succulent.

"Somebody is definitely eager." Y/N mused as lowered herself down on him.

"Go ahead. Show me what that tongue of yours can do."

Mingi didn't hesitate as he layed his tongue flat against her folds, licking a strip up her slit and placing a small kiss to her tiny nub. He then attached his lips to her heat, his mouth working on sucking and lapping at her clit as fast as he could. He wanted to have her release all over his face. Y/N's hands steadied themselves on the bed, her thighs trembling as Mingi exceeded her expectations and ate her out with such voracity. She could feel her orgasm building up and it felt so amazing to have someone perform oral on her after so long. She couldn't help herself as she tugged at his hair rather harshly as she grinded her hips against his face. Mingi did not object at all, feeling somewhat proud that he could make her produce such sinful noises from her mouth. He just kept at his task of lapping and burying his mouth inside her, his moans sending vibrations on her core, making it feel even better.

"Ah! Fuck!"

Y/N's hands gripped tightly at his soft locks, she began to fuck his face as she chased her climax desperately. Mingi paid no attention to the pain in his scalp, he was so lost in the feeling, in finally being able to taste her essence and knowing it was he who was making her feel this good. Y/N's thighs closed around his face, her pussy smothering the lower part of his face, slightly lifting the mask he was wearing, she cried out incoherent words as her orgasm was ripped from her body. She was still trembling even after it passed, her breathing starting to become normal again. She sighed blissfully as she lifted herself off Mingi. He was a complete mess. He had cum all over his chin, nose and he was breathing heavily. His bangs were sticking to his forehead and he looked completely dazed. Y/N feared she might have gone too far, but the light giggle that escaped his lips let her know he enjoyed that.

"You taste even better than I what I imagined."

His comment made her feel flustered and she momentarily forgot where they were as she pulled him in for a soft and gentle kiss. She could taste herself on his lips, but she didn't care. Mingi was just so sweet and endearing she couldn't stop her heart from fluttering. She felt his dick poke at her ass, reminding her that she owed him an orgasm.

"You've been such a good boy. So patient and pliant. Let me return the favor."

She coated his dick with her slick, running his tip against her folds. Mingi sat up on his forearms, wanting to see when she sunk down on his length. Y/N lined him up at her entrance and slowly inserted him inch by inch. He was bigger and thicker than any toy she had put inside herself, so it took a bit of time to get fully adjusted to his immense size. Mingi groaned at how tight and warm her walls felt. He was in ecstasy and it took every strength he had left not to thrust his hips up and fuck himself inside her.

Y/N ran her hands down her body, stopping when she felt his bulge protruding from her abdomen. She pressed down on it and Mingi shuddered at how deep inside her he was. She ran her hand across it several times, a smirk on her face as she spoke to the audience once again.

"I bet some of you ladies are jealous of me. Having such a thick and huge cock inside my tiny pussy. I bet you all would want him to destroy you."

Y/N turned back to Mingi who was all red from her comments, his cock aching inside her. Y/N lifted her hips up and slammed back down on him, giving him no time to prepare as she began bouncing on his cock. Mingi began spurting out curses and moans, his hands reaching out to hold her hips and keep her from going, but Y/N slapped them away.

"Oh no baby. You wanted to cum? Well I'll make sure you cum."

The evil grin she had plastered on her face let Mingi know he was definitely in for a ride. Y/N purposefully clenched around him, edging him closer to his release. Mingi's hands clutched the bedsheets underneath him, he panted as he tried to tell Y/N that he was about to cum.

"You're gonna cum already? Go ahead my little prince."

Mingi grunted loudly as he released himself inside of her, feeling overwhelmed by how hard he came. He was about to ask Y/N about her cumming, but he was cut off when she began slamming down on him again, making him nearly choke and become sensitive at the overstimulation.

"P-please..t-too much ...c-can't"

He tried to grip her hips again but Y/N pinned them up above his head, this time landing a slap to his thigh that had him jolting up and trembling under her.

"Next time, I'll slap your face. Come on, you can take it. You're a big boy. Can't you?"

Her hand dropped down and began toying with his nipples, causing him to cry out and squirm at her touch. He didn't even realize that he was already cumming for the second time, pumping more of his seed inside her hole, some of it spurting out. Such lewd squelching sounds could be heard across the room. Mingi at this point had tears trailing down the corners of his eyes, his body a writhing mess as pathetic whimpers fell from his plump lips.

Y/N felt him twitch for the third time and she also felt her second orgasm for the night build up inside her. She wrapped a hand around his throat, applying just a bit of pressure to make his vision hazy.

"Cum for me just one more time baby boy. I want to feel you again. Can you do that for me? Please?" She begged him.

His body couldn't deny her request. He shook violently as he squirted himself inside her once again, her grip on his neck tightening, making his climax feel even more exhilarating. He nearly blurted out her name, but thankfully he was so worn out and his brain fucked dumb that nothing but guttural moans and small yelps could be made out. Y/N wasn't that far off as she squeezed against his cock, her legs shaking as her juices mixed with his. She released her hold on his neck and panted heavily as she calmed down from the high she just reached. When she regained her senses, she pulled out of him, hot white liquid pouring down her legs. Her thighs ached and she nearly toppled over when she tried standing up, but she managed to hold herself up with the help of the bed.

"I think.....we got a little carried away..." She smiled apologetically at the camera.

She looked at the comments, some asking if she was ok, some praising them both and others teasing her about how she was gonna feel that in the morning.

"Thank you for joining us today. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make sure my baby boy is taken care of. See you all soon."

Shutting off the camera and closing the laptop, Y/N took the mask off her face, rubbing her temples gently from how tight it had been wrapped. Getting up, she sat down next to Mingi, who looked absolutely tired and worn out. Smiling softly, she took off his mask and threw it across the room.

"How are you feeling?" She scanned his face for any signs of regret or discomfort.

Mingi gave her a faint smile.

"Better than any fantasy I ever had."

Y/N snorted softly at his answer. She opened a tiny bag that was hidden behind the bed and took out some wipes and towels from inside. Taking out some of the wipes, she began to clean in between Mingi's legs and thighs, making sure not to touch his dick as he was still extremely sensitive there. She then wiped his sweat off his forehead with one of the towels, gently patting around his temples and cheeks. All throughout it, Mingi just looked at her with adoration and tenderness.

"What?" She asked when she noticed his goofy grin.

"Glad to know my cute and caring Y/N still exists."

Y/N shook her head, a smile on her lips.

"She never left. I'm still the same me you met 3 months ago."

"Yeah....except now I know your dirty secret." He teased.

Y/N playfully smacked his cheek with the towel.

"And now you're part of that dirty secret actually."

Mingi hummed softly, enjoying the way she was pampering him. When she made move to get up again, he wasn't having it. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, his face resting on the top of her head.

"Mingi!" Y/N exclaimed.

"Y/N! Cuddle me!" He whined as he tightened his grip on her.

"Ugh. Fine."

Mingi let out a tiny shout of victory as he snuggled closer to her. His fingers played with her hair, so many thoughts running through his head.

"Hey Y/N......? I kinda wanted to ask.....what happens now?"

Y/N tilted her head.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I......and you......does this make us...?" He looked at her, hoping she could understand what he was trying to say.

"Song Mingi, are you asking if we should date right after we just got done fucking in front of hundreds of people?" She looked at him incredulously.

"Well I certainly wasn't going to ask you before we fucked."

They both laughed at his answer. He always did say the darnest things.

"So...will you go out with me?"

Y/N pretended to think about it, making him pout and look at her with puppy eyes.

"I can't say no to you when you look so adorable." She admitted.

Mingi lit up when she agreed and he couldnt stop himself as he kissed her softly, elated that she agreed. She giggled into the kiss and laughed even harder when Mingi began peppering her neck with kisses.

"Mingi! Stop!"

They were so lost in their own little world they failed to notice the figure that popped inside the room, eyes widening at the scene in front of him.

"Ummm......am I interrupting something?"

They both froze and looked up to see Yunho clearing his throat at the sight of them. Mingi immediately pulled the blanket over Y/N's body, covering her from Yunho's piercing eyes.

"Yunho, I swear it's not what you think." Mingi tried to explain as he covered himself with a pillow.

"Well I mean....let's be honest Mingi, one of us 8 would have ended up sleeping with Y/N sooner or later, so I'm honestly not surprised." Yunho scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

They all stared at each other in silence, not knowing what to do or say. Yunho noticed the camera equipment and laptop, peeking his interest.

"Did you guys just film a porn movie?"

Mingi and Y/N bursted out laughing.

"No." They shook their heads.

"Then what's that for?" He pointed to it.

Mingi looked back at Y/N. They both mentally asked the same question and both smirked when they realized they were thinking the same thing.

"Can you keep a secret?"

🍒｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡��ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍒

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theji · 3 years ago

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Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

#yizhan #bjyx #things yizhan made me do

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years ago

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Okay okay okay I didn’t want to have another update so soon in the battle of my psyche versus Twitter but here’s what’s happening now. So I started looking at some comedians’ Twitter pages once in a while in early summer, as the Johnson government started to collapse and not enough topical shows were running and I turned to Twitter to get comedians’ responses. I didn’t have a Twitter account so I went to their pages one at a time, and ended up with a whole bunch that I was checking sort of regularly. Then I slowed down to only checking a couple of accounts occasionally, but then there was queen death and I wanted to see how all the different comedians navigated that minefield, and I was checking so frequently that it was easier to just make a Twitter account and follow all the comedians I want so I can go to one page and see them all at once.

I learned ridiculously quickly why that’s a bad thing. Amazingly quickly. I know I hear about how bad Twitter is, but did not realize until I got there that even an account where all I do is follow comedians would be so bad. That front page was full of content from people I did not follow, and side stories designed to upset me, and I found myself getting mad about like six different things that didn’t matter at all in the first hour. And I don’t need that! I listen to the real news, from real news sources, and get angry enough about things that do matter, I do not need Twitter throwing all this other shit at me! I massively underestimated the algorithm when I thought I could just follow specific people and that would be fine. I knew within hours that it was bad for my mental health but I already was drawn in and had trouble stopping.

For the next couple of weeks I went back and forth on trying to stop looking at it, and now mostly have. Really. I haven’t actually deleted my account, but I haven’t looked at the home page of it in a couple of weeks and truly have no desire to do so again, and I’ve deleted the app off my phone, the way some people do with Tinder after a bad date. But I’ve still gone back sometimes to check on a few individual pages, while carefully avoiding the algorithm-poisoned home page, like I did at the beginning and that isn’t that bad but it’s still a slippery slope and I just think Twitter is bad on principle and I’d like myself better if I were a person who doesn’t do that. So I’m telling myself to stop.

But the trouble is that while I was checking my home page sometimes, that was how I learned about a makeshift post-queen death show by Mark Watson that got filmed and put online. I watched it while in bed with COVID (this required me to go to Instagram, which was a whole new level of social media, but it was worth it) and fucking miserable, and the warm lovely delightful show contrasted against my terrible weekend made it one of the best things I’ve experienced in quite some time. And I don’t want to miss things like that. I also saw a livestream earlier this summer featuring Alex Horne and Jen Brister and Nish Kumar that I only knew about because I looked at Nish’s Twitter feed, and that was so much fun. So how do I catch things like that but miss everything else?

I recently decided the answer is Mailchimp, and I have joined some mailing lists, including Mark Watson’s so he can personally tell me the next time he decides to put some light into the world on an awful weekend and give me a little hope for the basic good in humanity. So far I've received one email from this, it told me mainly about stuff I can’t see because the Atlantic Ocean’s in the way, but also a couple of online things that I had to miss due to scheduling but was still happy to know about and would like to know next time. I’ve been thinking anyway lately that I should get more into livestreamed shows; it seems like the logical next step as my interests have started to turn toward somewhat more obscure sides of British comedy (I haven’t gotten to any really obscure stuff, and there’s a level of obscure that I can’t get to while being too far away to actually go to things, but I’ve gotten a bit more outside the immediate mainstream than what I was discovering a year ago), and as I’ve gotten more into stand-up and stand-up-like things generally. I now have fewer than 100 Bugle episodes left, and then I will again be at the end of my Britcom list and looking for a new direction (and I'd like to already have a plan for where to go this time, so I don't just have a small breakdown the way I did when I came to the end of the first run of The Bugle), and I think this is the general direction I want to take. That, and some other podcasts (I am specifically saving a bunch of Comedian's Comedian Podcast episodes that I've downloaded, as well as a few other things I'm interested in, so I'll have something to do after I finish The Bugle), and related things.

Unfortunately the end of a pandemic (it's not the fucking end, as evidenced by me having it earlier this month, but people act like it is) is a bad time for me to decide to get into recordings of stand-up comedy on the internet. During lockdown was the time it was all happening. But for whatever is still going on in that world, Twitter seems like a common way to find out about it, and if I don’t want to do that then I guess mailing lists are the next best option.

But I did still check just the one Twitter account this morning, because my brain remembers how much happiness it got from that show it found from Mark Watson’s Twitter and keeps wanting to go back there and find more of that, and also Mark Watson is the best person and I just want to know what he'd saying all the time. What I found is that today, he said he wants to start a new mailing list for his production company, which does a lot of online shows, and this list will send out information mostly about online things. No More Jockeys and that House thing he did over social media that I don’t really understand but if he starts it again I’ll probably figure out social media enough to follow it, and any livestreamed shows with him and other comedians that he records with his production company. He's said things about how he believes in online stand-up comedy as a good thing that should last beyond lockdowns because that makes comedy more accessible, and he's trying to do that with his company, and wants to start a mailing list to tell people about it. So, exactly what I would like. I want to subscribe to that exact newsletter and then not need anything else. Thank you, Mark Watson for, once again, delivering the exact thing I want.

Except not quite, because he can’t just make a new Mailchimp thing and give us a form to fill out like a normal person. The procedure is to DM him your email address and he’ll add it to a list. But you can’t DM him unless he follows you, so you have to comment on his Tweet so he’ll follow you and then you DM him your email address. I could technically do that, because I technically have a Twitter account, even though I’ve never posted from it. But I also can’t do that, because what the hell? I can’t just DM Mark Watson. Obviously.

Anyway, I wasn’t going to post about this because it’s all too silly and I’ve posted about my battle against Twitter more than enough times in the last couple of weeks, but I was reading through the replies to his Tweet to try to decide if I could bring myself to join them since I really want to be on that list, and I saw this, and the reason I actually wrote this post is because I have to share it:

So it turns out that:

1) When Mark Watson sees the word “hockey” he has the correct response, which is to understand that they mean regular hockey, rather than what I learned a few years ago is the non-North American response (or maybe just non-Canadian response, I’m not sure what they do in the States, I first learned this from my Kiwi friend), which is to use the word “hockey” on its own to mean “field hockey”, and if they want to refer to regular hockey they call it “ice hockey”. Similar to when I'm reminded that when Andy Zaltzman hears "wrestling" his first thought is of the athletes and not the actors, I love this.

2) Mark Watson’s first thought upon reading the word “hockey” is to quote Stompin’ Tom Connors.

Look, I’ve said it before, and last time I said it it was because he was doing a really cool makeshift outdoor comedy show on a weekend when his country and this world were erupting into chaos and needed this and I was also pretty out of it from having COVID at the time, and that was probably a better justification for saying it than the fact that he quotes Stompin’ Tom Connors, but I’ll still say it again: Mark Watson might be the best person in the world. Rounding up, give or take a little, more or less, he might be the best one.

...The issue I'm currently contemplating is that if I don't leave a comment and then DM my email address to the best person in the world while sober, I'll do it the next time I get drunk and then feel like an idiot the next day. I have joked before about getting drunk and trying to contact one of these comedians, but I have never done it (or come at all close to doing it, I very much was only joking about that), but given that I'm genuinely considering this and it would genuinely be a reasonable thing to do, I'd probably do it this time. But even if it is objectively reasonable, if I do it while drunk I'll feel like I did something incredibly stupid. This feels like a very Mark Watson-esque issue to have (I almost called it a "Watsonian" issue, but that already means something else, as established with the Off Menu confusion that was discussed in that show that made me hate the world slightly less during a terrible weekend).

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medicinemane · 3 years ago

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I really am going feral

Lots of people say they're going feral, but I actually am

I moved out to the middle of nowhere and just do my own shit all day and now every passing day I hate more about society

I hate modern society. I hate traditional society. I hate society. Everything just sounds awful to me. I just want to buy shit in bulk and get craft materials and learn to make shit and not interact with any of it

No new music or movies appeal to me, at least nothing anyone big puts out. The occasional weird little artist makes cool stuff like that tardigrade song (though that's old now too), but it all just feels so focus group tested now

I don't hate other people, but I don't understand how collectively more than like 3 people like any of this shit. I don't get consumerism and shit, I don't get wanting the new thing when you could try to fix the old thing

This probably sounds super hipster, but that's not how it's meant. None of these people are bad for this stuff, but I just don't get why you would watch a live stream and buy shit like it's the shopping network instead of waiting two months to see if you really want it

I'm out of touch, I'm dropping out, I'm losing my domestication which I believe is the definition of going feral

My values, and idea of fun, and even reality you could argue just seem different. Quarantine didn't effect me, my life remained the same. I'm just kind of a almost hermit who talks with people on the internet and apparently has just the wrong taste in everything ever because it's rare for shit I like to be what gets popular

Wouldn't change it though. Better my weird fucked up life and being suicidal everyday than being anyone else. Only people I'd consider switching with are my woodworking professor or like... Keanu Reeves... maybe my old teacher Jeff, though I don't know if I could live his life though I get it now

I'd... toss this under a read more, but I'm on mobile

But seriously, I think I'm literally going feral. Feral usually implies anger with how it's used, but that's not it. I just... nothing I hear sparks any damn joy

Suburban shit buying trash during celebrity livestreams while ordering delivery before getting ready to go into the office tomorrow... it feels like that's somebody's dream, but it ain't mine

I'll take my 100 year old house that I'm trying to learn to take care of and having enough time in the day to slowly try and learn new shit like leather working

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thatmomentwhen345 · 4 years ago

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Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

#personal #long post #my art #please read if you are wondering about the change of atmosphere

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