#alien cubed - despite how much i go on about not liking that movie it's better than any of those

[autistickaitovocaloid]

If you could pick a letterboxd bottom four (4 least favorite movies) what would they be?

Some sense of order is attempted but don't take it too seriously:

Elf Bowling: The Movie – The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2007)¹

The Covenant (2006)

Poltergeist (2015)

Cats and Dogs (2001)

¹Despite it being at the top of this list unless I am forced to rewatch it clockwork orange style I am not giving this fucking movie the time of day on my letterboxd watched films list it's that bad.

[the-odd-job]

Building Dreams chapter 5 - I Hope Your World Is Kind

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Rating: Mature Category: Other Fandom: Transformers Relationships: Sideswipe & Sunstreaker Characters: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Unnamed Characters, Original Characters Additional Tags: Alien Culture, Dubcon, Angst, Sparkplay Words: 4661

( Previous )

They stayed up later than they probably should have, but the game was fun and addicting and they hadn’t had that many opportunities to just game before. True to what they’d been told, no one came to tell them they’d need to go to recharge already, despite someone no doubt knowing they were still up because their datapads were in active use. 

But they were left to their own devices, and that suited them just fine. They slept in a little, though, and when they exited their room in the morning, there was already plenty of activity in the common area. It looked like the others were watching a sappy movie and one of them—Whimsidium, if he remembered right—was straight up crying at it.

Sideswipe wasn’t going to judge if others got emotional over movies, but so that was a… Thing? Alright then.

They were wished good morning by guard and carrier both as they made their way down the ramp, then through the back of the common area to the kitchen. The energon dispenser continued to be a bit mystifying, but they got what they needed out of it, and sat down to drink as they had last time. Silvertips came in a while later, but he didn’t linger beyond greeting them and getting his energon. Then he was out again.

Yesterday had gone… Surprisingly well, all things considered. Sideswipe could feel their anxiety mounting, though. The longer nothing happened, the sooner something would happen, and he didn’t think there was any being prepared for what was still in store for them. They were sitting ducks with no real way to protect themselves. It wouldn’t matter if they didn’t want to, they’d still need to do it. 

They knew that much. They did their best to not even consider any possible outs of the whole thing, because there were none. Anything they’d think of would just be useless daydreams.

Sideswipe ended up with his helm on the table’s surface, the both of them trying and failing to calm down the agitation in their spark. Sunstreaker was rubbing his back, but even that was only marginal comfort. They weren’t in this alone, but that was the only positive about this. 

He wasn’t ready. Sunstreaker wasn’t ready. They weren’t ready.

It still didn’t feel right to voice any of their core deep reservations, knowing what they’d just be told, most likely. It was their duty. They were carriers. It was what carriers did. They could dislike it all they wanted to, they’d still need to go through with it because that was how things went. This was the way in which they would serve Cybertron and their entire race.

It was more useful than being a guttermech, that was for sure, but pits, he would’ve rather been a guttermech. Damn being useful to his species if it meant this.

But it wasn’t their choice any step of the way.

And they were just going in eternal circles here. They didn’t want to, but they’d need to, rinse and repeat to infinity. 

“We’re moping again,” Sideswipe spoke into the tabletop. He didn’t see, but could feel Sunstreaker’s nod. 

“Should we stop?”

“I think this is a pretty good reason to mope, all things considered.”

“You’re not the moping type, though.”

“I don’t even care at this point.”

Sunstreaker made a noncommittal sound to that before he downed the rest of his cube and dispersed it. Sideswipe pulled himself together and up enough to do the same, and then they were sitting in silence again, not even the excuse of fueling to keep them there. And what would be better? Just sitting and waiting like the luckless things they were, or should they distract themselves, even momentarily? If they even could distract themselves from the whole thing… But it was worth a try, no?

They both voted that yes, it was worth it, and as one they got up and went to find themselves seats in the center of the common area. The movie had ended and everyone was up to different activities again. Silvertips was… Weaving? Something? His digits moved with speed that entirely showcased his practice with the craft. Deepfire was playing some sort of tactical board game with Shambang and arguing rather loudly over it. It sounded friendly enough, but Sideswipe noticed the guards keeping a close eye on it. Probably just in case it turned not so friendly, although by Sideswipe’s judgment that wasn’t likely to happen. Both of the carriers were grinning and laughter was tossed in the midst of all of their disagreement. Over the exact ruleset of the game, apparently.

“Don’t you two have the rule book?” Silvertips asked from them pointedly to a dual answer of they knew the rules, to which he sighed and focused back on his own work.

Whimsidium wasn’t crying anymore and was instead smiling at the whole thing, even as he said nothing. He was the quiet sort, they’d already noticed. Didn’t speak much, but his optics were constantly alert and it was like he saw everything, even if he didn’t actively participate.

Sunstreaker was mildly curious about him, partly in the hopes of finding a kindred spirit, but put together two mechs disinclined to speak and the chances of them interacting meaningfully with each other were somewhat slim.

Sideswipe promised to get in the middle of that at some point. Sunstreaker’s half of them needed friends too. Something to entertain both of their frames.

“Hey! Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, wanna come play with us?” Shambang invited them in short order once it looked like he and Deepfire had come to some sort of agreement over how the game was supposed to be played.

“Sure,” Sideswipe agreed, and even Sunstreaker grumbled something along the same lines, and they relocated to the game board—to the same side of it.

“You’re not both gonna play?” Deepfire asked curiously.

“We can’t really outwit each other, you know,” Sideswipe smirked as he reordered the board’s hologram to include a third player. Deepfire and Shambang both made understanding sounds to that. Sideswipe wasn’t sure if they really understood, but the point remained that he and Sunstreaker wouldn’t have been able to surprise each other, and endlessly countering the other’s tactics that they were constantly perfectly aware of wasn’t going to get either of them very far.

Better they played as a team, then! Maybe that would even give them a bit of an advantage. They’d need it, because they had already noticed that the other carriers were proficient at the games they had, which made sense after they’d played them for who knew how long—though apparently that still left room for disagreements over the exact rule sets in use.

The twins had no such practice under their belts. They’d need the edge.

It was a distraction. The game required plenty of thinking and pulled their focus to it very effectively as they tried to play in a way that would’ve given them a shot at winning the whole thing. They had some success on that front, honestly, at least in the way that they weren’t wiped off the board right away.

They were both frowning hard at the board when one of the guards called to them. “Twins!” A glance up saw Coil gesturing them over. He was standing by the ramp on the side of the room their room was in. “You’ve got a client.”

A client.

Their spark dropped, shriveled, and stopped in its rotation. Or at least it felt like it did all that.

Sideswipe swallowed, hard. Sunstreaker was so tense at his back that he worried he was going to snap cables, and his own servos started shaking almost immediately. He balled them into fists just to ease it.

It didn’t ease it at all.

“Good luck,” Shambang wished them surprisingly quietly. Both him and Deepfire gave them reassuring smiles. Sideswipe didn’t find the will to do more than nod his acknowledgment before they steeled themselves and got up.

Whimsidium was invited to take their place, and when they passed the quiet mech, he too gave them a small smile and a nod that only read as reassurance.

It didn’t do much to reassure them, but Sideswipe distantly appreciated the gesture anyway.

What had they decided? That they’d try to fit into this lot in life to lull everyone into thinking they were no risk, while keeping an eye on any way out they might see? 

This was a part of that.

He still wanted to throw up. Or faint. Or both. Throw up, then faint. Sunstreaker’s engine was growling, but the aggression was only there to hide his own unease. Or “unease”, because that was putting it mighty lightly. Deepfire had said he was shaking out of his own plating his first time? Well, Sideswipe felt fit to do the same.

This was so much worse than their first fight in the Pits. That had been a stressful experience, when they didn’t really know what they were doing, and then needed to do it in front of one big audience—complete with the threat of severe bodily harm! They had been so nervous. Definitely shaking.

But it didn’t compare to this, even with the lack of risk of injuries that they knew of. They didn’t really know what they were doing now either, but they knew what was going to happen even if the details were fuzzy. 

Do a legit spark merge with a complete stranger, bare their very core to a mech they had never seen before, taste their essence and know their own was put in perfect display.

And on the other side, a newspark.

Primus.

Coil gestured them up the ramp, and they went. Another guard was waiting at the top of it. He gave them a small smile before directing them to their door, and every step they took closer to it, Sideswipe felt like he shook harder.

He wasn’t ready.

Sunstreaker caught his servo and squeezed so hard Sideswipe was pretty sure he’d leave dents behind, but he knew it was less about giving him comfort, and more about trying to find some strength for the both of them. 

They needed to do this.

There was no way out of this.

It was what they were here for. Simple as that.

They went into their room and Coil and the other guard followed them. Sideswipe tried not to think. Sunstreaker was thinking too hard. The fear in them was… Out of this world. What were they even afraid of?

But was it so wrong to want to keep their spark to themselves? Was it so wrong to not want a stranger’s touch on their lifeforce, to not want to touch another’s lifeforce? They’d never even… They were young, of course they had never considered the matter of ever bonding with someone. Willingly. Because they wanted to. They hadn’t entirely denied that as an option either, though, to consider again somewhere far off into the future. 

Well, that wasn’t them and their life anymore. Them and their life was never bonding, but always merging with mecha they would never choose for themselves, but that would choose them. And why would they be chosen? Based just on what they read from their file? Based on their availability?

It was business, nothing more, and they were available now. They weren’t carrying. They had never carried.

He didn’t want to carry.

“Lay down on the berth,” the other guard instructed them.

“We’ll call the client in. You’ll merge with each other first, then he’ll merge with you,” Coil continued. “Just a normal merge, and once that’s over, he’ll leave.”

Simple, right?

Sideswipe stared at the berth. Their berth, that they had recharged on, never really… Thinking it was the same surface this would happen on. But what had they thought?

They hadn’t really thought about the whole thing at all. Had just… Tried to ignore it, even as it loomed over them.

The guards’ fields were full of encouragement and Sideswipe took a step to the berth, leaning to place his servo on it and trying, trying so hard to will himself to climb onto it. It’d only last a moment. Just a few minutes. Merge, merge, and then it would be over already.

Just a moment.

His vents hitched, his vocalizer seized—but it was a small thing, wasn’t it? In the grand scheme of things. All the breeders everywhere did it all the time. It was normal. Just a small thing.

That would repeat over and over again, if not right away.

Pits, pits, pits…

He couldn’t do it. Sideswipe jerked away from the berth as if it burned him, gritting his denta together. He tried, he really tried–

But he couldn’t subject himself to it. “I-I can’t,” he gasped, retreating until his back hit the door of the small room. It had always opened for them before. It didn’t open for him now.

Locked.

Trapped.

He keened. Sunstreaker growled, but did nothing to try to talk him into the whole thing. Of course he didn’t. They were twins. His brother’s optics were bright with stress, now, and it circulated in their spark in an even growing typhoon until it strangled them both.

He started crying. It just was a few uneven, interrupted ventilations first, only then tears. “I can’t do it,” he repeated, glancing between the two guards, searching for understanding he knew he wasn’t going to find. Maybe they’d understand his reluctance–

But this was how things worked. Carriers made newsparks with anyone who bought one.

They weren’t going to change a longstanding, perfectly functional system just for the sake of a newcomer that couldn’t bring themselves to go through with it.

“This is what carriers do,” the guard that wasn’t Coil said, his voice gentle. “It’s your duty to your species.”

Sideswipe hung his helm. “I-I know,” he whispered, because he did, he damn well did…  

But he couldn’t do it. He shook his helm.

He couldn’t do it. It was so different to be on this side. On that side? Not being a breeder? He hadn’t even spared a thought to how the breeders felt about the whole thing. They just did it, because that was what they were supposed to do, and… He hadn’t thought. He hadn’t considered. Who did? Who gave them that much thought? Who saw them past their servitude to their race?

He couldn’t do it.

“Be a good breeder, Sideswipe,” Coil murmured to him.

He cried harder, shaking his helm, side to side. Sunstreaker came next to him, shaking himself, but his anger was mixing with their fear and getting overpowered by it, no matter how hard he tried to hold onto it. Sideswipe burrowed against the golden frame, cringing when Sunstreaker growled a deep, “Stay away.”

Coil stopped his approach and put his hands up, but neither guard gave up. They couldn’t, could they?

There was no escaping this. They would make sure of it. “This is what you’re here for,” Coil said, this too that they knew damn well already. Sunstreaker growled harder and Sideswipe could feel his brother’s arms tighten around him as they did what they had promised themselves they wouldn’t do, and tried to find an out.

Out of the situation. The door wasn’t that. They couldn’t get out of the room, anymore. So what were they to do?

Sunstreaker opted to fight. Sideswipe couldn’t deny the appeal of that, and when both of the guards moved to close in on them and Sunstreaker lashed out… So did Sideswipe. 

And they weren’t garbage fighters, they really weren’t. They had made it in the pits just fine.

But they were young. If Downturn was to be believed, all of the guards had trained for longer than they had lived, and then gotten who knew how much more experience since. When Sunstreaker tried to hit Coil for coming too close, the guard dodged out of the way in one easy motion and swiftly grabbed Sunstreaker, pulling him away from Sideswipe.

And when Sideswipe keened after him but turned to the other guard, he had no more success before he was spun around, his arms firmly caught, and he was pushed to the berth and pressed down onto it. 

He was shaking, harder even than before, and for the life of him he couldn’t find the strength to fight it properly. Fear weakened him, where he thought he really was past things like that after the amount of close calls and fright he’d just fought through in the Pits.

Clearly he wasn’t past the point of being unmoved by it, not really.

Sunstreaker wasn’t paralyzed the same, but it didn’t get him anywhere. He was snarling curses, but Coil overpowered him with depressing ease, pressing him onto the berth the same. With the same stupid superiority the guards pinned them each down with one arm only, freeing their other one to bring out familiar chips. Sunstreaker stilled before he doubled his efforts to… Something. Get away, stop the progression of things, anything—and even Sideswipe bucked, nearing straight up panic when it became obvious what the guards were planning. 

“No no no, please no–!” and he hated himself for pleading, for crying so hard it blurred his vision, and he hated them for shushing him.

“You’re a carrier, Sideswipe,” one of them repeated, he wasn’t even sure which one. They didn’t say more than that, but not like they needed to.

He was a carrier. This was what carriers did. This was what all carriers did. It was duty.  

There was no escaping it.

He closed his optics when his medical port was forced open just like Sunstreaker’s was, and where Sunstreaker never once stopped growling, threatening, Sideswipe’s tears fell silent when the chips were inserted and both of his frames fell lax. Not unconscious, though he wished he wouldn’t have needed to be at all aware of this. 

He didn’t want to feel, he didn’t want to know, yet he did when the guards maneuvered them. They plugged in, used their overrides to open their chestplates—made them merge with each other.

They were aware of all of it, both of them. Sunstreaker closed his optics with some difficulty when their spark-halves made contact, merging into a single physical entity until there was no distance between their fears. Their core pulsed with it, fitful, helpless, and even the comfort of being together was no comfort at all, knowing what the only reason for it was. 

Just to enable them to merge with another. Nothing else. It wasn’t kindness, just a necessity to enable a split spark to merge successfully with another spark. 

Just that.

And they couldn’t even leave it there. One of them weaseled their servo between their frames, between their spark and Sunstreaker’s frame, severing its connection until his brother’s frame went grey and their spark retreated into Sideswipe’s frame alone.

So much emotion he thought their spark might collapse from it when they took Sunstreaker’s frame and… Carried it out of the room. Sideswipe tried not to look, but he couldn’t not see it from the corner of his optic. It was just him, then. Him and Sunstreaker in spark, but only him in frame. 

Why did that make him feel even more alone? He wasn’t alone, he was everything but alone right then, when they were both together in the way they were supposed to be–

But they felt so alone. Maybe that was it. They had no one but each other anymore. No one else would look at them and see anything wrong. This was what they were meant to do, as carriers. That was all anyone would think. 

It was Coil that settled him onto the center of the berth, gently arranging his frame on it entirely comfortably aside from the fact he had almost no control over himself. Once that was done, he stepped back to stand next to the door that led to the common area—and the other one, at the back of the room, that opened.

A mech—their client—stepped through with another guard. He seemed nervous, fidgeting, his field drawn tight. Just like Sideswipe’s. His spark was trying to shrink in on itself where it was still in perfect display—trying to hide, to go unseen, ignored.

That wasn’t going to happen. “His first time too, huh?” the mech, client, asked, looking over his frame just waiting to be mounted and merged with.

“Yes. He’s sedated for everyone’s comfort. Please go ahead with the merge, but prepare for an unpleasant response. New breeders are always rather fearful.”

“I see,” the client said. He hesitated for a moment longer before he cautiously climbed onto the berth, looking like he was expecting Sideswipe to jump up and eat him at any moment. 

He might’ve tried, if he had that amount of control over his own frame. Instead the client scooted over and straddled him, before his chestplates began to part. The transformation looked reluctant, and at least Sideswipe could sympathize with that much. What was it like for the clients? Bare their spark and merge with someone under the watchful optics of the guards? That couldn’t be entirely comfortable.

Sideswipe still couldn’t find it in himself to feel particularly sorry for the mech. He didn’t really want to feel sorry for himself either, to pity himself, but it was a hard thing to manage when the client’s spark revealed itself and he leaned down. His and Sunstreaker’s spark pushed as far into the back of its chamber as it could, but it didn’t matter. Nothing they did mattered. The client leaned down until their parted chestplates were flush, and then there was no escaping any of it.

A gasp escaped Sideswipe despite his disconnect from his frame when their sparks came into contact. He hated the feeling instantly, the burn of life against his own—the confusion in both of them at something neither had done before, but also the desire in the other. Not for him, but for what he could do.

Spark. His spark could ignite where so few others’ could. Create new life, and the mech, he wanted that new life. He’d come this far for it, paid for the right to create one, and he was determined. Their spark’s reluctance didn’t matter, their fear didn’t matter. He’d been warned of it. Told to ignore it, to go through with everything in spite of it.

And he did. He knew that was what he needed to do to get what he wanted, so his spark pushed forward even where the twins’ tried so desperately to pull back, and deepened, maintained the merge, added energy to it, to their spark.

Of course it was like nothing they’d experienced before. It felt like their core was filled further by every second the merge continued, every second their spark was kept incapable of escaping it. It never gave in to it, it never agreed to it, it wouldn’t stop trying to get away from it even past their conscious control—just acting on their emotions.

And just for it to go entirely ignored. The other mech’s focus was steely. He had a goal in mind, and he would accomplish it. He held in place, his spark strong against theirs, forced the connection between them where they wanted nothing to do with it, when it was so obvious they wanted nothing to do with it–

Until their spark was filled to the brim and it all exploded. Sideswipe’s frame arched off the berth despite himself, into the other mech when the energy electrified his entire frame—but centered at his lifeforce, always came back to it, wave after wave. It made him shiver from helm to pede, tense up like no other overload ever had, and he didn’t know which way was up, he was blind but to the fact the whole world was light and sensation-

Sideswipe’s vocalizer clicked into unwilling functionality under the force of it, though only static came out. The mech above him groaned as his spark was pulled into that maelstrom until nothing made sense anymore, for either of them.

There was so much power in it all, released… But always coming back to their spark. It only ever flowed outward to ebb back to its starting point at their spark, and each wave was tighter, smaller, never going as far out–

Until, finally, enough of it halted that his frame collapsed again. It didn’t entirely end even there, but it barely went past his spark chamber anymore. His spark was shivering from the excess of it, raw to the contact of the other, and it hurt–

But that seemed to be the cue for their sparks to part. The other mech didn’t pull away immediately, but their sparks receded from their contact, the twins’ cowering into the back of its housing as it had, and the client’s similarly retreating into his own chamber.

Once they felt no more connection between them, the client pulled away, sat back on Sideswipe’s legs and let his chestplates close. “Did that go as it was supposed to?” he asked uncertainly, looking down at Sideswipe—Sideswipe, whose frame was shaking despite its sedation, his spark feeling like a withering little thing despite the simultaneous sense of having more power in their core than they ever had had…

He didn’t know what to make of it.

“Yes. We’ll let you know if you need to come back for a second try once the breeder has recovered from this attempt. If you feel disoriented yourself, it will pass soon,” the guard that had come into the room with the client said, gesturing at the back door. “I’ll escort you back to the lobby. We have refreshments there if you need a moment before leaving.”

“Yeah, alright,” the client said a little breathlessly, giving Sideswipe one more glance before he climbed off of him, off the berth, and followed the guard out the door. 

Coil stepped forward as soon as the door had closed and locked, turning Sideswipe’s helm to the side to remove the chip. Like last time, he didn’t get all of his control back right away, but there would’ve been enough to at least close his chest if Coil hadn’t said, “We’ll bring Sunstreaker right back in so you can separate, if you want to.”

He wanted to. He wanted to hug his brother, physically, just to feel his arms around him and hear him tell him it was going to be fragging okay–

Because he didn’t feel okay. Once he found he could, Sideswipe caught his bottom lip between his denta and bit down on it. He was crying again, if he even had stopped at any point, he couldn’t tell. Tears dripped from the corners of his optics, running down into the gaps between his faceplates and helmet, and his spark…

Primus, his spark. It felt hot, and cold, and full and empty and sore and stronger and weaker than it ever had, and he couldn’t tell what the pit was going on anymore.

But true to Coil’s word, the other guard came through the door to the common area, carrying Sunstreaker’s empty frame that he laid down on the berth next to Sideswipe. Sideswipe tested his frame, and although he didn’t think he had enough coordination for it yet, desperation still had him rolling over right away, against Sunstreaker’s side, then drag himself over his open chestplates until their spark connected to both frames. He had none of the wherewithal to go fully through with the separation, but color and life returned to Sunstreaker, and that was all he wanted right then.

Despite the aftereffects of the sedation in his own frame, Sunstreaker wrapped an arm around him, pulled him tight to himself, and Sideswipe pressed his face into his brother’s shoulder and let the grief come.

( Next )

[psychodollyuniverse]

Arrival is a stunning science fiction movie with deep implications for today 

Science fiction is never really about the future; it’s always about us. And Arrival, set in the barely distant future, feels like a movie tailor-made for 2016, dropping into theaters mere days after the most explosive election in most of the American electorate’s memory.

But the story Arrival is based on — the award-winning novella Story of Your Life by Ted Chiang — was published in 1998, almost two decades ago, which indicates its central themes were brewing long before this year. Arrival is much more concerned with deep truths about language, imagination, and human relationships than any one political moment.

Not only that, but Arrival is one of the best movies of the year, a moving, gripping film with startling twists and imagery. It deserves serious treatment as a work of art.

The strains of Max Richter’s "On the Nature of Daylight" play over the opening shots of Arrival, which is the first clue for what’s about to unfold: that particular track is ubiquitous in the movies (I can count at least six or seven films that use it, including Shutter Island and this year’s The Innocents) and is, by my reckoning, the saddest song in the world.

The bittersweet feeling instantly settles over the whole film, like the last hour of twilight. Quickly we learn that Dr. Louise Banks (Amy Adams) has suffered an unthinkable loss, and that functions as a prelude to the story: One day, a series of enormous pod-shaped crafts land all over earth, hovering just above the ground in 12 locations around the world. Nobody knows why. And nothing happens.

As world governments struggle to sort out what this means — and as the people of those countries react by looting, joining cults, even conducting mass suicides — Dr. Banks gets a visit from military intelligence, in the form of Colonel Weber (Forest Whitaker), requesting her assistance as an expert linguist in investigating and attempting to communicate with whatever intelligence is behind the landing. She arrives at the site with Ian Donnelly (Jeremy Renner), a leading quantum physicist, to start the mission. With help from a cynical Agent Halpern (Michael Stuhlbarg), they suit up and enter the craft to see if they can make contact.

It’s best not to say much more about the plot, except that it is pure pleasure to feel it unfold. The most visionary film yet from director Denis Villeneuve (Prisoners, Sicario) and scripted by horror screenwriter Eric Heisserer (Lights Out), its pacing is slower than you’d expect from an alien-invasion film, almost sparse. For a movie with so many complicated ideas, it doesn’t waste any more time on exposition than is absolutely necessary. Arrival is serious and smartly crafted, shifting around like a Rubik’s cube in the hand of a savant, nothing quite making sense until all the pieces suddenly come together. I heard gasps in the theater.

The film’s premise hinges on the idea, shared by many linguists and philosophers of language, that we do not all experience the same reality. The pieces of it are the same — we live on the same planet, breathe the same air — but our perceptions of those pieces shift and change based on the words and grammar we use to describe them to ourselves and each other.

For instance, there is substantial evidence that a person doesn’t really see (or perhaps "perceive") a color until their vocabulary contains a word, attached to meaning, that distinguishes it from other colors. All yellows are not alike, but without the need to distinguish between yellows and the linguistic tools to do so, people just see yellow. A color specialist at a paint manufacturer, however, can distinguish between virtually hundreds of colors of white. (Go check out the paint chip aisle at Home Depot if you’re skeptical.)

Or consider the phenomenon of words in other languages that describe universal feelings, but can only be articulated precisely in some culture. We might intuitively "feel" the emotion, but without the word to describe it we’re inclined to lump the emotion in with another under the same heading. Once we develop the linguistic term for it, though, we can describe it and feel it as distinct from other shades of adjacent emotions.

These are simple examples, and I don’t mean to suggest that the world itself is different for people from different cultures. But I do mean to suggest that reality — what we perceive as comprising the facts of existence — takes on a different shape depending on the linguistic tools we use to describe it.

Adopting this framework doesn’t necessarily mean any of us are more correct than others about the nature of reality (though that certainly may be true). Instead, we are doing our best to describe reality as we see it, as we imagine it to be. This is the challenge of translation, and why literal translations that Google can perform don’t go beyond basic sentences. Learning a new language at first is just about collecting a new vocabulary and an alternate grammar — here is the word for chair, here is the word for love, here’s how to make a sentence — but eventually, as any bilingual person can attest, it becomes about imagining and perceiving the world differently.

This is the basic insight of Arrival: That if we were to encounter a culture so radically different from our own that simple matters we take for granted as part of the world as it is were radically shifted, we could not simply gather data, sort out grammar, and make conclusions. We’d have to either absorb a different way of seeing, despite our fear, or risk everything.

To underline the point, Dr. Banks and the entire operation are constantly experiencing breakdowns in communication within the team and with teams in other parts of the world, who aren’t sure whether the information they glean from their own visits to pods should be kept proprietary or shared.

It’s not hard to see where this is going, I imagine — something about how if we want to empathize with each other we need to talk to one another, and that’s the way the human race will survive.

And, sure.

But Arrival also layers in some important secondary notes that add nuance to that easy takeaway. Because it’s not just deciphering the words that someone else is saying that’s important: It’s the whole framework that determines how those words are being pinned to meaning. We can technically speak the same language, but functionally be miles apart.

n the film, one character notes that if we were to communicate in the language of chess — which operates in the framework of battles and wars — rather than, say, the language of English, which is bent toward the expression of emotions and ideas, then what we actually say and do would shift significantly. That is, the prevailing metaphor for how beings interact with each other and the world is different. (Some philosophers speak of this as "language games.")

This matters for the film’s plot, but more broadly — since this is sci-fi, and therefore actually about us — it has implications. Language isn’t just about understanding how to say things to someone and ascribe meaning to what comes back. Language has consequences. Embedded in words and grammar is action, because the metaphors that we use as we try to make sense of the world tell us what to do next. They act like little roadmaps.

You have empathized with someone not when you hear the words they’re saying, but when you begin to ascertain what metaphors make them tick, and where that conflicts or agrees with your own. I found myself thinking a lot about this reading Arlie Russell Hochschild’s Strangers In Their Own Land, which is up for a National Book Award this year and describes the overarching metaphors (Hochschild calls them "deep stories") that discrete groups of Americans — in this case, West Coast urban liberals and Louisiana rural Tea Partiers — use to make sense of the world. She isn’t trying to explain anything away. She’s trying to figure out what causes people to walk in such drastically different directions and hold views that befuddle their fellow citizens.

Part of the challenge of pluralism is that we’re not just walking around with different ideas in our heads, but with entirely different maps for getting from point A to Z, with different roadblocks on them and different recommendations for which road is the best one. Our A's and Z's don’t even match. We don’t even realize that our own maps are missing pieces that others have.

Presumably one of these maps is better than the others, but we haven’t agreed how we would decide. So we just keep smacking into one another going in opposite directions down the same highway.

Arrival takes off from this insight in an undeniably sci-fi direction that is a little brain-bending, improbable in the best way. But it makes a strong case that communication, not battle or combat, is the only way to avoid destroying ourselves. Communication means not just wrapping our heads around terms we use but the actual framework through which we perceive reality.

And that is really hard. I don’t know how to fix it.

In the meantime, though, good movies are somewhere to start. Luckily Arrival is a tremendously well-designed film, with complicated and unpredictable visuals that embody the main point. Nothing flashy or explosive; in some ways, I found myself thinking of 1970s science-fiction films, or the best parts of Danny Boyle’s 2007 Sunshine, which grounded its humanist story in deep quiet.

The movie concludes on a different note from the linguistic one — one much more related to loss and a wistful question about life and risk. This may be Arrival’s biggest weakness; the emotional punch of the ending is lessened a bit because it feels a little rushed.

But even that conclusion loops back to the possibilities of the reshaped human imagination. And this week, especially, you don’t need to talk to an alien to see why that’s something we need.

from: https://www.vox.com/culture/2016/11/11

.

[girlbookwrm]

A New Year’s Thor

THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES WITH KENNETH BRANAGH’S thor

How did I spend New Year’s? Continuing our mighty pre-endgame rewatch with The Roommate ( @goteamwin ) and The Gal Pal ( @pegasuschick ). We’re watching Thor, the Kenneth Branagh-i-est of the Marvel Movies.

Note: We were all. Very Drunk. 

“You know what’s worked great in all our movies so far? TIME JUMPS!” - every early marvel film.

right away I comment to The Roommate: What is up with all these angled shots? 

The Roommate, a video editor and producer: Actually that’s called a canted shot.

Me, mere moments later: not a lot of shots in this that AREN’T canted, are there.

seriously, watch this movie. If I made note of every canted shot, these rewatch notes would be 90% CANT.

Stellan Skarsgard here bringing the Nord, and Natalie Portman bringing the... wait how the hell did they get Natalie Portman in-- oh right. Kenneth Branagh directed this.

hey it’s Tonsberg! like from CATFA! Neat!

listen there are too many blue cubes in marvel. This was super fucking confusing when I was wee and not yet obsessively into Marvel. There’s the Casket (which the frost giants use) and then there’s the Tesseract (which is different? but also blue??) and let it be known that in the comics there is ALSO the cosmic cube which is NEITHER of those things but the roommate initially called both the Casket and the Tesseract the Cosmic Cube, because -- as was previously mentioned -- this is super fucking confusing.

Let it be known that the Roommate, when quite young, went to see this movie in theaters with her very first boyfriend on her very first date.

The Roommate, Way Back When: So... they’re gods? like? the norse gods?

The Roommate’s Very First Boyfriend: They’re actually aliens.

The Roommate, Now: He was wildly underexplaining this.

what actually is this ceremony? what does it accomplish?

Tom Hiddleston has said nothing yet, but he has said So Much. Also, 

The Roommate: Who is that  lovely woman in the horned helmet? Loki has a beautiful woman’s face.

The Gal Pal: He does make a beautiful mare. The MOST beautiful mare, in fact.

She is Not Wrong.

thank god someone saved us from Malibu Thor here, he is Too Blonde

“I, Odin Allfather, Proclaim you the Frost Giants.” 

this must have been so confusing for all the Asgardians here.

Oh hey it’s Sif and What’s His Face and That Other Guy and F...

farrrr...

franduil?

fan... dis?

AT THIS POINT WE HIT MIDNIGHT WHILE IDRIS ELBA WARNED US TO BE CAREFUL IN THE COLD WASTES OF JOTUNHEIM

FANDRAL!

fandral is his name.

At this point, while the fighting was going on, we got a lil side tracked talking about the movie in general.

The Roommate: It’s like the Temptation of Thor. Christ spent 40 days in the desert, Thor spends 48 hours in New Mexico.

The Gal Pal: Are you saying Thor is better at this than Jesus?

The Roommate: No, I’m saying he’s half-baked.

This is the first time Thor flies with the hammer and all i could think was “oh my god the hammer pulled you off???”

Dear Anthony Hopkins, what are your acting choices?

Anthony Hopkins: HUARGH!!!!!

aaaaaand thirty minutes in, we’re finally back to the beginning.

“Yes I did” Darcy is a T R E A S U R E

So much of this movie is Thor becoming unconscious. bless.

C A N T

All men (with a few odd token women), grilling, pickup trucks, literal “hold my beer” -- u s a, U S A, U! S! A!

pooter!

Hey! Phil is here!

aw yissss thor with no shirt -- sidenote: he’s definitely freeballing it here, right? I mean there’s no way he’s wearing underwear under those jeans. Doesn’t that chafe on his little hammer?

Let’s all agree that right up until he goes way off the deep end, Loki is 10000% not wrong about any of this. Thor was definitely not ready to be king, he was an idiot. and also, I was never much of a Loki fan, personally, but Loki’s having a real bad day. 

Grows up being told that he was destined to be a king, but there’s only one throne --> has to watch his idiot brother get ?crowned? --> decides to play a prank (who wouldn’t, right?) --> fRoSt GIaNt???????? --> BRoTHerR BAnISHedD????????? --> FROST GIANT???????? --> ODINSLEEP?????????? --> KING NOW?????????? BUT FROST GIANT STILL??????????????

Loki and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

And seriously, what was Odin’s plan here? “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, and I’d just pepper in the fact that you’re a frost giant and I kidnapped you and you’d be totally cool with it.”

Odin Allfather: A+ parenting, Literal baby snatcher.

THIS DRINK! I LIKE IT! ANOTHER!

The Roommate: I love that Jane’s motivation isn’t really to get with Thor, it’s to get with SCIENCE.

Sometimes I forget that this is actually a funny movie, but they just had no idea how to handle the comedy in it? like, they had a comedy script and they just filmed it like a straight drama/action movie for some reason.

“A pioneer in gamma radiation” Is that bruce???

follow up: yes. Yes it is Bruce.

The canting here is Very Cant.

What time of year is it in NM that everyone is wearing this many layers.

Thor being all: “I know ur midgardian but I’d tap that.”

Jane Foster: Brilliant Scientist, Menace on the Road.

Why. Why is the SHIELD site set up like this.

What purpose does it serve

why.

W H Y.

(subnote, we investigated this afterwords and apparently it’s designed to look like a sigil of the word SHIELD, like all the letters smooshed on top of each other but also IT IS NOT and also also THAT IS DUMB AS FUCK.)

(though grudgingly, i admit, thematically appropriate given the overall norse-ness of this movie.)

(STILL FUCKING STUPID)

sitwell!

What is causing this rain?

The Roommate: Because, like everything else from Asgard, Meu-myeh is Extra™

Hey it’s Hawkguy!

Side side note, I am pretty sure that I also went to see this movie with my very first boyfriend and he got super excited about Hawkeye like “omg it’s clint and he has a bow and he’s so fucking cool omg omg omg!” and i was just like “????? kay? but he passed over all those obviously superior guns and then he does literally nothing tho????”

fast forward and the first comic i bought for myself was Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye

aaaaand I’m dating a woman now.

Honestly cannot tell if windy or cant

H U A R G H ! ! ! !

I really want to go into the roommate’s Benedict Cumberbatch Upgrade Theory of Tom Hiddleston but also this is getting super long and honestly she’s so right it deserves its own post

nah I’m gonna

The theory goes like this: Bandersnatch Cucumberpatch is an alien scout sent to learn our ways and gain influence in our culture, but he’s like, the first draft. They weren’t really sure what a human was supposed to look like. 

Tom Hiddleston is Model 2.0

Tom Hiddleston is the upgraded Benedict Cumberbatch

The roommate explained this to me and I just looked at her sidelong for a looooooooong minute and said: u sure u want me to put this on the internet? r u sure??

“You have great power, Heimdall”

The Gal Pal: yeah, ur the only black man is Asgard.

“hit you with my car” WAIT IS ALL THOR’S CHARACTER GROWTH THE RESULT OF TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY?

*CANT INTENSIFIES*

Thor: I’m just a man. Just a very tall, very handsome, VERY buff man.

wouldn’t it have been AMAZING if Jane had caught the hammer instead? I mean? WOULDN’T THAT HAVE BEEN FUCKING AWESOME????

Frigga: She Did Her Best, But She Still Raised The Two Dumbest Boys In the Nine Realms.

Despite my earlier statements, Loki definitely does end his day with attempted fratricide, successful patricide, and questionably successful genocide so.

“Is it madness? Is it? IS IT???”

The Roommate: I mean. Yeah, buddy.

At this point, Thor has No Idea what the fuck is going on. he doesn’t know Loki’s a frost giant.

ORRRR he does know, because everyone knew, everyone but Loki always knew.

Odin: *WAKES UP* WTF ARE MY SONS DOING?

“no loki” ODIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDE

“you’ve already made me proud” literally all you had to do was say that to your other son one (1) time.

wait is this a foo fighters song???

[skarabrae-stone]

Bucky’s house is simple, just one main room plus a bathroom. Steve looks askance at the glass-less windows and the curtain serving for a door.

“Aren’t you worried about animals getting in?”

“Nah. All the entrances have forcefields, nothing can get in.” Bucky presses a button or something, and a table folds out from the wall. “They’d keep humans out, too, but the kids want to come in here all the damn time, so I kept the settings pretty minimal.”

“The kids, huh?” says Steve, amused. Bucky’s always been a soft touch for children.

Bucky is unruffled. “Yup. They’ve decided I’m their new favorite toy.”

“Well, as long as it doesn’t bother you.”

“God, no.” Bucky takes a breath, turning to look at him with heartbreaking sincerity. “They like me, Steve. They don’t—they’re not afraid. I… I’d forgotten. What that’s like.”

Steve can almost hear the crack of his heart breaking, and can’t resist putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m glad, Buck,” he says quietly. “You deserve something good.”

Bucky gives an uneven shrug, mouth tilting in the cynical smile that Steve remembers from the war; he’d hated it then, and he doesn’t like it any better now. “Jury’s still out on that one, I think.”

He wants to argue, but before he can marshal the words, Bucky frowns and says, “Jesus, Steve, you’re still in your uniform. You should take a shower.”

“I didn’t bring anything to change into,” Steve admits. Now that he thinks about it, that was a stupid oversight. Then again, he hadn’t really been sure that Bucky would want him to stay. Not after everything, all the trouble Steve’s caused him.

“I’ve got stuff.” Bucky waves a hand toward the bathroom. “Go on. There’s towels in there. I’ll get you clothes.”

Steve can’t help the soft, stupid smile at even this minor show of hospitality. “Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky shakes his head, waves toward the bathroom. “Go on.”

He showers and changes into the clothes Bucky leaves for him, a soft cotton tunic and loose pants, and goes out to the main room.

There’s a pot of something boiling on the stove, and Bucky is cutting vegetables with a slicing tool that can be wielded one-handed. For a moment, Steve just stands there, drinking in every detail of him: the way his dark hair brushes his shoulders, the flex of his arm, the curve of his cheek. It still feels so impossible, that he’s really here, really real; Steve keeps thinking that he’ll wake up and find that this was a dream, and Bucky’s body is still lying somewhere in the frozen Alps.

“Something wrong?” Bucky asks, without turning.

He feels himself flush. All he wants to do is drape himself over Bucky’s back, hook his chin over his shoulder and press his cheek to Bucky’s. He forces himself to stand still. “Nothing’s wrong. Just… can’t believe we’re here, is all.”

Together, he means, but doesn’t say it. There are boundaries between them, invisible lines drawn in their many years apart. He doesn’t know the right things to say to Bucky now, after everything the past seventy years has thrown at them; it feels safer to say nothing at all.

Bucky lowers his head, so that his hair swings forward and obscures his face. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I know you didn’t want me to go back into cryo.”

God, I’m an idiot, he thinks. “Bucky, no, hey.” He crosses the room to stand in front of him, so Bucky can see his face. “Bucky, it’s not… I’m not—angry, or… you don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I think I kinda do.”

And Steve, he needs to make this right, needs to make sure this is one thing Bucky can’t flagellate himself for. “Bucky, I was selfish, okay? I’d only—I’d only just got you back, and I couldn’t stand the thought of—” losing you again. “I wanted you around, because I always want you around, and I wasn’t thinking. But it was—it was your choice, and I had no right to ask any different of you. I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything, so Steve adds, “You were trying to keep everyone safe, Buck. Looking out for others, just like you always do. And I—I think you did the right thing. I’m not gonna say it wasn’t hard—it was, for both of us. I can’t—God, I can’t even imagine what it’s been like for you. But I think you did the right thing.”

There’s another long moment of silence, and then Bucky sighs, and turns his head enough to offer Steve a soft little smile that fails to erase the sadness in his eyes. “If you say so.”

“Damn straight,” says Steve, trying for a little humor, and is rewarded when Bucky’s smile broadens. “Anything I can help with?”

“You could cut up that squash,” says Bucky, nodding at it. “It’s a little unwieldy with just the one arm.”

Steve carries the squash in question to the other side of the table, and begins peeling it. “Shuri said they were working on a new arm for you.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t say anything else, just carries his cutting board over to the wok on the stovetop and dumping the contents in.

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, Steve can occasionally take a hint, so he shuts up and concentrates on the squash, cutting it into even little cubes with more precision than is probably necessary.

Bucky smiles again when he notices. “You’ve still got the artist’s eye, Rogers.”

Steve ducks his head. “Not much of an artist, anymore.”

“You stopped drawing?”

“I was a little busy,” he says defensively. “What with alien invasions and saving the world, and all.”

“You’ve got time now,” Bucky points out. “Or are you—are you going back out again?”

Steve thinks—hopes—he sounds unhappy at the idea. He stretches his legs out under the table with a sigh, feeling sore muscles stretch and pull. “Well, yeah, but not for—a little while. When the next crisis hits, I guess.”

Bucky nods, hair swinging in front of his face again, and hands Steve a jar of honey to open.

 It’s fully dark by the time they finish dinner. Steve takes the compost out to the designated area, away from the houses, where it will be turned and watered and eventually used to fertilize the village’s gardens. The moon is just clearing the treetops, gleaming white and far larger than Steve is used to. He’d expected it to be quiet, but it’s not: insects chirp and buzz in the trees, and the howls and squeaks and growls of various animals echo from the depths of the jungle, just loud enough to be heard by his enhanced ears. Bats flit overhead, and he cranes his head to watch them swoop and dive, feeding on whatever insects dwell here.

I could get used to this, he thinks. The thought surprises him—not just that a city boy like him could grow to love the trees and savannah of this African nation, but that he could contemplate settling somewhere. It’s still a long way from a family and a white picket fence, but the idea of having a home somewhere, anywhere—it’s frightening, in a way. Getting attached to something, he’s learned, just leads to more pain when it’s inevitably torn away again.

Don’t dwell on it, he tells himself sternly. Wishing won’t change anything.

When he returns to the house, he finds Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed only in a pair of loose sleep-pants. There’s something incredibly beautiful about him like this, the low light softening his face and gleaming on his well-defined muscles, his long dark hair and the slight smile playing around his lips. Steve is walking toward him before he’s even aware of moving, pulled as if by a magnet; he comes to himself just in time, stopping just out of reach. He stuffs his hands in his pockets in an effort to control himself, his want, his need to touch.

“Bucky,” he starts, and can’t think of anything else to say. He just stands there, staring, enchanted and awkward.

Bucky’s eyes are dark, unreadable in the uncertain light. “I’m fucked up, Steve,” he says, for the second time that evening. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“Of course I am, Bucky, you’ve got to know—of course.” Steve clenches his fists in his pockets. This is important. It’s important to do this right. “I know it’s not the same,” he says quietly, “but I’m not—I haven’t been. In the best place. For awhile. I guess…” He takes a breath, blows it out. It’s incredibly hard to admit, even to Bucky—Bucky, for whom he’d do anything, anything at all. Who has always known him better than anyone else in the world. “I guess I’m a little fucked-up, too.”

“Okay, then.”

“O—Okay?”

Bucky’s mouth curves into something more like a smile, making him look years younger—as young as he actually is, when you take away the years spent in cryo. “Okay,” he repeats, and holds out his hand. “Come here, punk.”

Steve lets out a soft, wordless breath, and takes a step closer. Bucky’s head is tilted up toward him, hand still outstretched, and Steve falls to his knees, slotting in between Bucky’s legs.

“Bucky,” he says, and it feels like a prayer.

Bucky leans forward, until their faces are almost touching. “You sure you want this?” he breathes.

Steve makes a noise that is halfway to a sob. “Please.”

Then finally, finally, Bucky closes that last bit of distance between them, touching his mouth to Steve’s.

His lips are dry and a little chapped, and when he opens his mouth, he tastes of wintergreen—toothpaste, Steve thinks hazily, he must have brushed his teeth—and then he realizes that Bucky must have planned this, must have known how he looked, sitting shirtless on the bed—and the knowledge that Bucky is here, that Bucky remembers, that Bucky still wants him, after everything, crashes over him, and he gasps into Bucky’s mouth, pressing closer, his hands gripping Bucky’s hips hard enough to bruise.

Bucky doesn’t seem to mind; he bites Steve’s lip and swipes his tongue across his teeth, making him gasp and shudder, and Steve doesn’t deserve this, his callused palm cupping Steve’s cheek and his muscular thighs pressing against his ribs and his perfect mouth hot and needy on Steve’s; he doesn’t deserve Bucky’s love, his charity, after all the trouble he’s caused him, all the suffering and fighting and anguish. He sinks a hand into Bucky’s hair, feeling the long, silky strands, so different from the last time they did this—before the ice, before he fell. Bucky’s mouth is wet and warm and beautiful, and Steve doesn’t ever want it to end—wants this moment to go on and on forever, even as he feels that this is something fleeting, stolen before the next disaster.

Their panting breaths are the only sound in the room; they have long ago learned to communicate their desires without sound, back in their thin-walled apartment in Brooklyn, and again inside the flimsy privacy of the canvas tents they used during the war. Apparently, it’s a habit neither of them have lost. There’s an edge of desperation to Steve’s movements, the knowledge that this will inevitably be torn away from him, that anything so wonderful, so perfect, cannot possibly last.

Bucky pulls away, and it takes every ounce of his self-control not to chase after him. “Steve, wait.”

Steve looks at him, the loop of oh shit, you’ve gone too far, you’ve gone too fast, you’ve scared him off, he doesn’t want you anymore so loud in his head that it takes him a moment to hear what Bucky is actually saying.

“You’re crying.”

“What?”

Bucky brushes his thumb across the ridge of Steve’s cheekbone, his expression concerned and unbearably tender. “You’re crying.”

Steve echoes the movement, and is momentarily surprised when his fingers come away wet. “Oh.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says quickly. “Nothing, I’m not—I’m sorry, it’s stupid—”

“Steve.”

He stops, bowing his head, and shuts his eyes. Idiot, he thinks. You just had to go and ruin it, didn’t you, you couldn’t hold onto your stupid emotions for ten fucking minutes—

Cool fingers touch his chin, lifting his head. He forces himself to meet Bucky’s gaze, flushing with humiliation. But Bucky’s face holds none of the castigation Steve himself is feeling.

“What’s wrong?” he repeats quietly.

Such a simple phrase, but it hits Steve like a sledgehammer, smashing the walls he’s tried to build around himself for so many years. For so long, he’s tried to be brave, tried to be tough, tried to prove that he was more than just a skinny little kid or a meaningless figurehead or a patriotic relic of a bygone age. He’s wrapped himself in Captain America, the title just as much a shield as the vibranium one he threw away, burying all his loss and fear and loneliness deep down, where the cracks wouldn’t show.

Sam had come the closest to those buried feelings, but then they’d had to save the world, and then again and again and again, and Steve doesn’t know whether it’s stoicism or cowardice that kept him from confiding in him. He doesn’t know whether it’s cowardice now, to put this on Bucky—Bucky, who’s been through so much, who shouldn’t have to deal with Steve’s shit on top of everything else—or merely weakness.

In the end, it doesn’t matter; Steve has never had much defense against Bucky, and he’s too weary to hide any longer. Much as he hates himself for it, it’s an incredible relief just to lay his burdens at Bucky’s feet.

“It’s stupid,” he says again, a token protest.

Bucky runs his fingers through Steve’s hair, and it feels like a benediction. “Tell me.”

“I just—I’m afraid,” he confesses. “You—I’ve lost you so many times, and I just—I can’t lose you again, I couldn’t stand it—and I—Christ, I’m sorry, I wanted to—I wanted this to be good, and now I’ve gone and ruined it—”

“Steve, buddy, sweetheart,” says Bucky, “You didn’t ruin this, you can’t—you can’t ruin what we got, HYDRA tried for seventy fucking years and they still didn’t succeed.” His accent is becoming increasingly Brooklyn, and his fingers tighten in Steve’s hair. “You don’t gotta be ashamed, Stevie, you didn’t—you got every right to feel that way. You got every right.”

Steve hides his face in Bucky’s thigh. “I’m supposed to be stronger than this,” he mumbles.

Above him, Bucky’s voice is warm with sympathy. “Oh, baby, who told you you weren’t allowed to feel, huh?”

“Nobody told me, they all just—assumed—and I didn’t want to look—”

“Weak,” Bucky finishes. “You stubborn son of a bitch, you never change, do you?”

“Don’t talk about my ma that way.”

“You’re right, your ma was a saint, I don’t know how she managed to raise such a goddamned little punk like you,” says Bucky fondly, and gives his hair a little tug. “Get up here, that floor’s gonna kill your knees.”

“My knees are fine,” Steve protests, but he complies anyway, letting Bucky steer him to a seat on the bed.

Bucky rests his hand on Steve’s shoulder, meeting his eyes squarely. “Listen,” he says. “I can’t promise you it’s gonna be alright. We’ve both seen too much to believe that. But we can—we can take what’s given, hold on tight—we can have this, this moment, right now. And if you need to cry, you go ahead and cry. Lord knows you’ve been through enough.”

His voice breaks, and Steve burrows into him, holding him tight, offering as well as receiving comfort.

“You can, too,” he says hoarsely. “Cry, I mean. I won’t—I don’t mind.”

“I know,” says Bucky, and for awhile neither of them say anything else, just cling to each other, as though if they just hold tight enough, they can keep the world from ripping them apart again.

Finally, Steve pulls away, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “You’re incredible, you know that?” he says hoarsely. “Everything that’s happened, and you’re still… you’re still you.”

Bucky gropes for a handkerchief on the bedside table. “I’m not really,” he says. “Just—bits and pieces, trying to hold together.”

“Well, your bits and pieces are doing a damn good job, then.”

Bucky blows his nose, and gives a watery smile. “You always did see the best in me.”

“As opposed to you, who constantly overlooked my sterling qualities.”

“Shut up, punk.”

“Jerk.”

They grin at each other.

Steve says, “Can we try kissing again? I promise not to cry this time.”

“You better not. It’s hurting my fragile ego.”

Steve laughs, and leans forward to kiss him. Bucky responds enthusiastically, and soon they’re lying on the bed, bodies flush against each other as they explore each other with mouths and hands.

This could be heaven, Steve thinks, and then Bucky nips the sensitive skin beneath his ear, and he ceases to think at all.

 “You know I’ll follow you anywhere, Steve,” Bucky says the next morning, lying in bed with his head propped up on a small mountain of pillows.

Steve makes a small, wounded sound, remembering a badly-lit pub, and Bucky’s eyes all hollow despite his smirking mouth. “Bucky, you don’t have to—”

His hand comes down on Steve’s neck, a gentle pressure that always meant, calm down, shut up for a minute, I got you.

He obeys, biting his lip to keep the words from spilling out.

“I’ll follow you anywhere,” Bucky repeats. “But I…” He squeezes his eyes shut, hunches his shoulders a little. “I’m so tired, Stevie. I’m so tired of fighting.”

His voice is hoarse, barely more than a whisper, and he looks… afraid. As though this is too much to ask, as though he expects Steve to force him to the front lines. Again.

Just like all the other times, Steve thinks bitterly. How could I have been so selfish? He reaches out, brushing the pad of his thumb over Bucky’s cheek, smoothing over the side of his neck, across his collarbone.

“You don’t have to fight,” he says quietly. “Your war’s over, Bucky. You can rest.”

“And what about you?” Bucky asks, opening his eyes. “You ever gonna quit? Leave saving the world to someone else, for a change?”

“Do you want me to?”

Silence.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah,” he says at last, with a shuddering breath. “Yeah, I guess I do. But I can’t—I won’t try to keep you either, Stevie. God knows it’s never worked before.”

Steve winces at that, at the truth of it. “I don’t know what to do,” he admits. “The truth is… I’m tired, too, Bucky. We all are. But I don’t know if we can quit.”

“You didn’t sign up for a life sentence, Stevie.”

He sighs, deeply. “I know, Buck. I know. I just… I been fighting so long, I don’t know what else I’d do. Seems like the only thing I’m good for, anymore.”

“Steve, you’re thirty years old. I think you’ve got time to figure it out.”

“Thirty-two.”

“Oh, never mind, you’re too old to change your ways. Forget I said anything.”

Steve snorts. “You’re such a smartass.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“So what are you going to do?” Steve asks curiously. “Have you thought about it?”

“Well, yeah,” says Bucky. “A bit.” He takes a deep breath, as though steeling himself for Steve’s reaction. “Shuri said… Shuri thinks I’ve got a, a talent, for mechanics. You know I—I used to like to tinker with stuff, back when… anyway. She thought, she said I could maybe help her out. Mostly just do what she says, probably, but… yeah.” He looks at Steve nervously. “What do you think?”

“Bucky, I… that’s wonderful,” says Steve warmly. “I’m so proud of you.”

Bucky’s blush is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “Thanks.”

Steve wraps his arms around him again, breathes in the soft, spicy scent of him. They have possibilities, he thinks. They have choices. And here in Wakanda, miles and years from anything they’ve ever known, perhaps they even have a future.

[attract-mode-collective]

Scorpion Vs. Elon Musk’s Mom: FIGHT

Yes, that is indeed Elon Musk’s mother up there. And no, I do not have a bigger sized version of the pic. Guess we could always ask captain-price-official if one does exist.

Or perhaps make your own? Here’s Elon’s mum by herself (and in higher res)...

And with that, it’s time to see what else I tweeted during the first half of March! So, sticking with fighting games: which Street Fighter character does lighting better? Ryu, via the animated movie (via settei)...

… Or Bison, via the live action flick (via toghomevideo)...

I absolutely love win quotes from rom hacks (via bison2winquote)...

I have a massive backlog of games, yet Tekken 7 just shot straight to the top of the list, thanks to the knowledge that you can accurately recreate Dynamite Headdy characters (via mysterious0bob)...

This Hatsune Miku X Space Channel 5 figure is v. nice (via nendoroidoftheday)...

A friendly reminder to everyone that A. I'm a massive fan of Seaman & B. my birthday is about a month away (via nutastic)...

This scene at the beach with a Figma of Link, from A Link Between Worlds, feels more like Link's Awakening than anything else (via vyntic)...

Toys and models are no longer just for reenacting memorable in-game moments, they can also reproduce famous IRL events that surrounded the games themselves (via 8bitcentral)...

So what's the going rate for ET for the Atari 2600 that was supposedly dug up in for that so-called documentary, Atari: Game Over? Which I recently re-watched and still can't believe people think is real. At any rate, am assuming the autograph from Howard Scott Warshaw gives it some actual value (via it8bit)...

And what's the going rate for Chinese Famiclone karaoke carts, primarily one with Jackie Chan on the label. Am also wondering if it's cuz his songs are included... you are aware of his successful career in music as well, right? (via ulan-bator)...

Been struggling to come up with a zinger for the past 10 minutes, but ain't nuthin gonna beat "Welcome to the Velvet Room y'all!" (via jatayu)...

To be filed under: it's funny cuz it's true (via doctorbutler)...

So the weather has been awful around these parts, lots of rain & snow, which gets in the way of imagining a giant tetromino in the sky (via uvula.jp)...

When playing Super Mario Galaxy 2, please keep in mind that somewhere out there, despite being out of view, is the ghost of Luigi floating through vast stretches of empty space, with zero destination or purpose (via suppermariobroth)...

Speaking of Luigi, and Supper Mario Broth; they’ve taken the adventures he talks about in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door and illustrated them in the form of a comic that closely adheres to the style of the game...

Also a friendly reminder of that rift between Mario & Luigi for a few years (they'd eventually make up & resume doing games together, as everyone knows) after Mario discovered his brother being all friendly with the enemy in Super Mario World (via peazy86)...

Yet another obscure Mario factoid: the move he uses to defeat Bowser in Super Mario 64 originates from an old furikake commercial that predates the game by about a decade (via suppermariobroth)...

Yet another random gif of Mario from the 80s, this one from a video guide from Super Mario Bros; I miss the days in which his look was not yet standardized (via suppermariobroth)...

And here we have a completely unlicensed Dr. Mario, unless Nintendo gave him the OK to brush up on his doctoring skills by assuming an alias at a family clinic in Houston TX (via suppermariobroth)...

It's funny how, when it comes to obscure Mario games, everyone brings up Mario Is Missing or Hotel Mario, but what about Super Mario Bros. & Friends: When I Grow Up? (via kazucrash)...

Mario gets his own breakfast cereal.

Luigi? Booze. (via @carolynmichelle)

A question that I posed on MAR10Day (via retrogamerblog)...

It's not Super Mario Bros, but simply…. Bros (via therubberfruit)...

I've never wanted something "bootleg" to be official as much as as this Dark Souls fan art. And if the actual game somehow looked like this, that would be... gladly welcomed (via gamefreaksnz)

Oh God, Nier is amazing and all, but I would SO be down for a yelling & screaming match with Yoko Taro on this point (via @Avisch_)...

Behold my fave Twitter thread in recent memory: "You see, that was taken from Africa, but it belonged to the Keyblade Masters. Imma take it off your hands for ya."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Gaia. A sword far heavier than any sword has rights to be, yet a true 1st Class will wield it with ease. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Hyrule. Originally crafted by the goddess Hylia herself. Only a true hero that is pure of heart and strong of body is capable of wielding the sacred blade. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

Naturally the star of Home Alone 1 & Home Alone 2 has both a NES Classic and Famicom Mini, like all Hollywood bigwigs (via @SimonParkin)...

While discussing Ready Player One with a colleague, was reminded of the dude who was so inspired by the book that he turned his apartment into an arcade (and then his fiancé broke up with him; via nydailynews.com)...

Recently there was some kind of event at Sega HQ, I think? Details are basically nonexistent due to the language barrier, but far as I can gather, 16 super fans were invited to come by & party (via @SEGA_OFFICIAL)...

... If you check out #セガ公式アカウントオフ会 you'll see numerous pics from the get-together, though the one thing that stands out is the assortment of Sega hardware (via @KK__Cy)...

... MIA, cuz no variants were on display, is my fave alt ver. of the Mega Drive: the Wondermega. But @yu100s took one of his own… with the ugly ass US Sonic 1 NOT FOR RESALE cart inserted, Jesus fucking Christ...

The Sega logo in katakana looks pretty hawt (via @Exciteless)...

... Yet the Sega logo in Arabic which is official, is even hawter (via boingboing.net)...

Please enjoy your daily recommended dosage of an erotic hospital-management sim (via @topherflorence)...

NCSX makes the fidget spinner comparison, though the fidget cube seems a bit more appropriate; behold the fidget game controller...

Toy Fair recently took place, and naturally I took tons of pictures. You can find all of them on my personal Instagram, though a few are worth re-posting here. Like the latest in NECA's line of classic movie characters, as they appeared in video game adaptations...

Though in the case of their take on the Alien vs. Predator arcade game, they even included Capcom's original characters...

Unpainted, pre-production figures from Reflection's upcoming Ghost 'N Goblins line, sporting the oh-so popular Kenner-eqsue retro look...

Pint-sized arcade cabs, available this fall for $400. They’ll come unassembled, though dead simple to put together; the construction of the assembled mini cab was surprisingly sturdy, plus the screen wasn't bad (contrary to the picture that my iPhone's camera paints). Though the controls were shit; no word on whether the parts can be swapped or not...

Was delighted to not not only see Cuphead merch at Toy Fair, but more than just one instance (though this was the only time I was allowed to take a picture)...

Came across a producer of infant goods that had a selection of Super Mario baby bibs...

I asked the rep if this was their first foray into video games and the answer was "Yes." And when asked who's been mostly buying them, was told "Video game collectors, who don't even have children… it's so bizarre!!!"

Sticking with bibs, here's a set that tied to Dragon Quest (via miki800.com)...

... I asked on Twitter what they said and @alexfkraus was kind enough to provide translations, here and here.

Was so inspired by @MinusWorld listing which characters he'd like to see in the next Super Smash Bros that I decided to cite a few of my own:

- Mona from WarioWare - Nester from Nintendo Power’s Howard & Nester comics - Link from that Japanese A Link To The Past commercial - A deck of Hanafuda cards

... BTW, had no idea Ollie also mentioned a Hanafuda; I only saw his initial four, initially! Anyhow, my second round of choices:

- Ashley from Another Code - The "who are you running from?" guy in the Game Boy Camera - Lucas from The Wizard - The 4WD from Stunt Race FX (since Fighters Megamix with the Daytona USA 2 car clearly ain't ever happening)

I alas forgot to include BoxBoy, much like how I got these Uniqlo shirts when they were on sale last year (via minusworld.co.uk)...

Here we have my fave reaction on Tumblr to the Nintendo Direct with the Smash 5 reveal, if only for the punchline (via mendelpalace)...

And here we have my fave reaction on Twitter (via @redford)...

This one is also great because wrestling (via @SteveYurko)...

Speaking of wrestling, remember that time Tazz, while commentating for Smackdown, was also playing a game of Final Fantasy X-2… or so he thought? (via defjamvendetta)

"hey quick question whoever's developing the wwe games now: what the fuck"

"It helps him eat small fish"

"better question: why isn't this an option in every game ever"

"FAIR POINT" (via snoozlebee)

Whereas most publishers in Japan, during the 80s & 90s, had festivals (or carnivals) centered around shmups, Asmik's was based on women's wrestling (via oldgamemags)...

It's not for a video game, though the illustration is by someone who has been involved in a few; it's by Satoshi Yoshioka, of Snatcher and Policenauts fame (via videogamesdensetsu)...

It's not for a video game that actually exists, but is instead a completely fictional instructional manual, one that makes you wish it was real (via tomeccles)...

Just when you think you've seen every ultra, wacky & obscure video game box art there is to see out there (via @CoolBoxArt)...

I have a serious soft sport for the usage of video game imagery among early 80s musicians (via siryl)...

... What the final product looks like BTW/FYI...

A. so there's a VR version of Fruit Ninja, did not know that, & B. if you like watching people play it (for whatever reason), yet wish you could actually see a person swinging a sword and not just some abstract swiping motions… here ya go (via prostheticknowledge)...

Playing games in VR is so 2017… Handling your collection of games in VR? Now THAT is very 2018 (via mendelpalace)...

Lots of friends are playing the new DBZ fighting game, though I'll give it a shot once it hits the arcades and is also in a cab like this (via @Fotosdecomics)...

I absolutely need to get my hands on this S.H. Figuarts Shinya Arino (via tinycartridge)...

Available right now, some Altered Beast, Bare Knuckles, and Rent-a-Hero resin kits (via miki800.com)...

Cursed? More like blessed amirite (via @Pretzel_Pup)...

I know Yoji Shinkawa is best buds with Hideo Kojima, but would he be open to doing another gig at Konami? Cuz him art directing a reboot of Twin Bee would kinda be the best (via @SESKOU)...

There's money on the table with this Metroid X Pepsi mash-up, am confident of this (via ryangilleece)...

Cuz even someone like Samus Aran needs a good stretch every once in a while (via jon-bliss)...

And this third piece of Metroid fan art in a row is very much related to Metroid 3, aka Super Metroid (even though it technically depicts the ending to Metroid 2; via mmillus)...

Awakening indeed (via brookietf)...

For those who have asked, yes, I have seen the hack that connects the Switch to an itty-bitty black & white TV...

Though I'm only really interested in tiny b&w CRT TVs if I can play Duck Hunt on them (via arcade-crusade)...

I not only dig teeny-tiny displays for light gun games, but also for driving games as well (perhaps some of you might remember the following from this)...

Back to tube displays; seeing Zelda on a CRT also reminded me of how Dark Souls look on a CRT, aka CRT Souls or 480i Souls (which again I'm hoping regular readers of the blog remember, especially since the original post has fallen victim to a Tumblr bug)...

"while playing king's field just now i died in the magic cave of fire and when i warped back there were beautiful graphical glitches everywhere" (via mendelpalace)...

Some landscapes, filled with beauty and mystery and terror, are accidental (see: the graphical glitches from before)… whereas others are completely deliberate, as in the case of Atlantia (via obscurevideogames)...

Once again, I REALLY need to figure out a way to play some PC88 games (via obscurevideogames)...

Here we have a semi-common Space Invaders sighting for the time, in an episode of Battle Fever J, one of the earliest Super Sentai shows (via himitsusentaiblog)...

And here we have a rare Game Gear sighting, in old OVA anime, Starship Girl Yamamoto Yohko. Hell, it’s a rare Game Gear in anything sighting; the only other example that comes to mind is Rumble In The Bronx (via @TheOtaking)...

And an equally rare Sonic on the runway sighting (via kotaku.com)...

I normally watch a video in its entirety before making a recommendation. Yet when it came to this overview of Last Bronx's legacy in Japan (and lack thereof in the West), hearing the main theme to Beat Takeshi's Violent Cop near the 3 min mark was all I needed (have since watched the whole thing, and as expected, it's another awesome Kim Justice production)...

And finally, a friend notes: "subzero's right arm is real close to trump's spinal column

just sayin" (via @jbillinson)...

[clovexei]

An Honest Review of the Emoji Movie

Longer than intended! Tbh I’m just leaving this here as physical evidence of the fact that I watched the whole thing. What was The Emoji Movie? Honestly we just don’t know.

The world-building was cool in concept but underdeveloped. It feels like a knock-off of Inside Out, but I spent most of the movie plagued by the same sort of stressful confusion that accompanies the Cars universe. A sampling:

Where do emojis come from? Are they born? Are they initially created in heterosexual sets of two so that they are able to procreate? If they're not born, why do some of them have children? How does the Princess family work, where there are apparently no male princesses? Is the Poop emoji an only father? What about the emojis who don't apparently have children/a heterosexual counterpart? Are those emojis going to grow old and die? What happens then? Do emojis die natural deaths? Do emojis age?

Why do the face emojis have to express the same emotion all the time and not just when they're on screen? It's like they're actors, but they have to be in their roles forever. Why? Why not just take pictures of the emojis and put those in the cubicles? Why do emojis have to physically stand in the cubes and wait to be picked, if they're only going to be face-scanned anyway? If there are multiple emojis, do they all take turns in the cubicles? Do they have to eat or sleep? If they do, then why? Aren't they made of code? Do they have to be in the cubicles whenever the phone is on? What if that's all day, every day?

Most of the questions I have about this movie carry over from world-building into the plot. Most of the events driving the plot feel like thinly-veiled plot holes. For example, the reason Alex is going to wipe his phone is to keep it from acting up – but it's acting up because Gene and company are moving from app to app. Buy why do the emojis hopping from app to app activate each app? If they're bopping around behind the scenes, why does that activate the user interface?

Another: A big scene happens in a Just Dance app, but Just Dance isn't an app? It's a motion-based dancing game, and you can get accessory-style apps for it, but the game itself is only on consoles/systems with a sophisticated motion-following camera. So it's not something that Gene an Jailbreak would be able to activate as a game on a phone.

(As an aside, I am human proof that you can suck at dancing and still pass levels in Just Dance so cut Jailbreak some slack, she was doing fine.)

Hi-5 is presented with a character goal (be a part of the Elite Favorite Emoji Club), but he doesn't actually do anything to achieve this goal. He wants to be a part of the club, joins Gene on his adventure, learns nothing, and gets to have his goal as a result, despite having no character growth and no indication that he's done anything to actually earn his goal. It's given to him as a way to wrap up the movie in a neat little bow.

As much as I didn't like that Jailbreak rejecting Gene's romantic advances was what finally turned Gene into the “Meh” emoji of his dreams, I do appreciate that him getting his Good Feelings back wasn't dependent on her reciprocating his feelings. That's a very good post-rejection message, and as much as this movie was weird and bad-romantic (“I've known you for twenty minutes but I LOVE YOU so let's  BE TOGETHER FOREVER like in the FAIRY TALES”), at least it dodged that particular bullet.

The characters in general were likeable but ultimately uninteresting. It's the same standard fare that I think is the easy trap to fall into: bland but relatable main guy, tomboy girl, and comedic side character.

Jailbreak was my favorite, but even so, I'm not sure what to think about what her arc was. The intended direction felt like “girl feels oppressed by rigid gender roles and leaves home, forms agreement with fellow outcast to further both her goals and his goals, realizes that she can be different and returns home to create her own rules about how she represents herself.” And this largely feels like what does happen in the movie, but I'm not sure how I feel about the execution of it?

She makes some interesting comments about feminism that seem like Character Flavor, and have elements that fit into the story overall, but her backstory and thought process isn't explored beyond “I had to do princess stuff and I HATE princess stuff so I left.” It falls into a style that I think is in vogue right now: to present girls as being Princesses and Not-Princesses. (This is especially popular in movies that are deliberately lampshading Disney's princess movies, but Brave did this, too.) And while I like that, at the end, Jailbreak realized (apparently) that she didn't need to not be girly in order to be happy and express herself, I don't know if that message carried over really well in general. We last see her in her original princess design as she runs the tech board for the emoji cubicles, so I guess she's comfortable with herself? And she's not picking Princess or Not-Princess but occupying a gray area in the middle? So that's good? But everyone else is still in one box or the other? So that's maybe not good? But with Gene paving the way to “be different,” there's a place for her and for others to be more socially flexible? But it felt like a sudden and easy resolution to something that was something that was so ingrained in their society that Gene was going to be executed for diverging from it.

Anyway. That was a tangent. TL;DR: Jailbreak is very queer and I like her but if feminism was going to be a part of her character arc, then I want it to be done with a lot more focus and nuance than there was? Yeah.

I liked Gene in the beginning of the film, when he was set up to be this energetic force for ENTHUSIASM, but Hi-5 muscled him out of that. Hi-5 is excitable, energetic, causes more trouble than good, and honestly, why do they even need Hi-5 as a character? He has the role that should have been absorbed by Gene. Within the first five minutes of Gene's introduction, we know that Gene is goofy, cheerful, and doesn't fit in. Hi-5 coming in as the goofy and cheerful side character demonstrably pushes aside those traits in Gene so that Gene can, nearly every time, play the straight man to Hi-5's hi-jinks.

If Hi-5 wasn't in the movie, then Gene would be both comic relief and the protagonist, which suits the energetic, playful way in which he was introduced. He would also have a much more interesting dynamic with Jailbreak: Jailbreak is jaded and bitter; Gene is (or should have been allowed to be) peppy and enthusiastic. With that push-pull dynamic, the interactions between the two would have been much more exaggerated and engaging, and it would have been believable that Gene encourages Jailbreak to be less standoffish and isolated.

Recommendation: Instead of relying on one-time gags and overdone food-related jokes, drop Hi-5 as a character and let the interactions between Gene and Jailbreak carry the comedic weight of the film.

Also, what is the target audience for this movie? Kids? Kids younger than 12? High schoolers? What do you gain by portraying students who have smart phones as mindless phone-obsessed zombies? Aren't you alienating your target audience? You're making fun of the people you're making this movie for?

There's a lot of that: of the creators being out of touch with their target audience. The gag of the text-based emoticons being old and out-of-date struck me as odd, when people are still using emoticons like that all the time. And, on top of that, we've developed new ones.

I also can't tell if Jailbreak's asides about feminism and female stereotypes are supposed to reflect her Cool, Modern persona or if they're meant to be funny? I think they're supposed to be the former, but they come across as the latter, especially since she gets so angry about the “Birds come when princesses whistle” stereotype... and then that stereotype turns out to be true and also plot relevant.

It did have some good jokes overall. The constant mismatch between Gene's parents having no visual expressions or tonal inflections paired with lines like, “I'm on the edge of my seat,” was right up my alley of humor. I also liked the Devil emoji's poop joke followed by the Poop emoji's tired sigh and “Aim higher, Steven,” but overall there were rather too many toilet jokes. “Aim higher” is kind of a good overall takeaway: this movie had jokes, but most of them felt like the same basic fare that one can usually find in kid's movies. It felt a lot like the humor in The Smurfs: The Hidden Village in that they cracked a lot of jokes, but most of them were overused or borderline mean, and so I didn't spend much time laughing, despite the fact that I was watching a comedy.

As for overall theme/message, I am biased on this front because, with little effort, this movie is a really odd, definitely unintentional allegory for, like, gay conversion therapy? And why it's not good? And why it's okay to be queer? This movie is about a cheerful, enthusiastic young man who disrupts serious social norms in his home community, who sets out to find a way to artificially alter his genetic make-up and encounters a young woman who likewise does not fit in and has rejected the social role/gender role she was expected to embrace, and the two of them realize together that what makes them different isn't bad and their differences should be embraced both by themselves and the wider community. Gay.

That metaphor is PROBABLY DEFINITELY very unintentional, but the romance between Gene and Jailbreak feels ham-fisted even without the queer undertones.

So, for a takeaway message, we have “It's okay to be unique,” which is the same message 50% of the rest of the kids' movies have these days, so cool, I guess. It's good to have that message reinforced, but there are also, as a result, more cohesive movies with the same message but better plotting and more interesting characters.

Overall Verdict:

Not great, could have been worse. I left The Bee Movie brimming with a confused and impotent rage, but this movie left me with vague good feelings and no deep impressions. I couldn't remember anyone's name either during the viewing or after. The animation was stretchy and bright and expressive, which I really liked. And the soundtrack was bright and bouncy. But the message was muddled, and I think the world-building/plot could have been (and should have been) a lot stronger than it was.

[stark3000forever]

I'd like to clarify something

I love Tony Stark, adore him even. I don't like Steve Rogers. At all. But I don't have to HATE Steve to like Tony. To me, Steve Rogers is a man who isn't in the right place. I don't think he should lead the Avengers because, let's face it, the man is literally out of his own time. He doesn't know how the world has changed, he hasn't seen how the politics of being an icon work. Mentally the man is only 26 (I think?) and so he's pretty young himself, especially compared to most of the other Avengers. People put Captain America on a pedestal and made him seem perfect despite him being just a man and so he's held to a higher standard; he's America's Golden Boy. He had just lost his best friend and figured he was going to die saving his country only to wake up and realize all his friends were gone and that the woman he loved was an old woman he wouldn't have for long. Steve Rogers had a lot of shit on his plate and now he has to navigate a brand new century with aliens and technology he never imagined so he's going to make a few mistakes and bad calls. Tony Stark has been in the spotlight all his life, from a naive child, to an ungrateful, spoiled rotten teenager, to a narcissistic weapons dealer who knows he's smart and handsome and uses it to however he can, to what he is now; a man trying to redeem himself. If Afghanistan and Obadiah had never happened do I think Tony would've stopped dealing? Honestly I don't. If he'd never had to face what his weapons had caused I don't believe Tony would've become a better man. But he did see what his weapons did, he saw his weapons being sold to terrorists and he was tortured. When he came back Tony had obvious PTSD, gee I wonder why! You get Cap and Tony's first meeting and it's already going south. Tony heard all about Steve Rogers all his life. Howard told Tony stories about how great he was, about how perfect, Tony was neglected by Howard while Steve was so important to Howard. It doesn't take a genius to figure out why Tony resents Steve and he is petty when he calls Steve those names and acts like he does. Steve on the other hand, can't figure out how Tony is related to someone like Howard because the Howard he knew was so different to the one Tony knew. He thinks Tony is this narcissistic bastard (which to be fair...yeah he kinda is) and he is pretty much repulsed by the guy because there's no way his friend's kid should've ended up like that. Then we get into Tony hacking SHIELD because he's Tony and knows something isn't being explained. Steve is a military man, he follows orders, you don't go hacking the higher ranks because you don't like what you hear. Tony is being smug because he knows Fury needs him and Banner to track the Tesseract while Steve is basically useless. Steve can't believe that Tony is blatantly doing stuff like this but once he hears how Fury is the top spy and his secrets have secrets he gets suspicious. Because they work together (to spite each other so does it count as working together??) they figure out why Fury is so desperate to get the Cube back; that's Steve's first big slap in the face that humans haven't changed and that people are still trying to do whatever it takes to get ahead. Then come Ultron. To be honest I don't think Tony and Steve ever got away from those first impressions because they never really trust each other. When they get Loki's staff, and after Wanda has played with Tony's head, he asks Thor's permission to do tests and research on the staff to which Thor says yes. When Tony and Bruce realize the stone is, essentially, a very advanced AI Tony realizes that these specs could be the key to unlocking Ultron, a world wide defense. Bruce says it sounds like cold world but agrees to help him research. Bruce was there people! As they go to the party they say they are nowhere close to an interface. The gem, which is an alien artifact with intelligence, is what creates Ultron; Tony didn't set up the program, he wasn't even close to it. But Ultron comes to life and kicks the Avengers' collective asses. This is where my first major problem comes from. So Steve and team grill Tony (but not Bruce at all who cowers and hides back while Tony takes all the heat) and get in his face about SECRETS and how they're dangerous. Tony tried to explain how they weren't even close and he doesn't know how this happened but then Thor, a GOD, attacks Tony who is OUT OF HIS SUIT, but no one makes a move to help him. Cap doesn't say a word to intervene he just lets Thor hold Tony by the throat. Okayyy but he's the team leader right?? Aren't leaders supposed to, I don't know, step in at this point? I get it I'm Tony biased, but Tony is a civilian and not trained like most of the other people in the room. SOMEONE should have stepped in, it didn't have to be Steve but as the leader one would expect him to wouldn't they? Then Tony is blamed for Ultron the entire time and, yes the program was his idea, but he didn't create Ultron, the gem did and that's explained even. By the end of the movie Steve takes in Wanda, who he sees as just a kid, and brings her in without a word to anyone else. This girl invaded their minds, including Steve's!, and unleashed the Hulk on civilians and let herself be turned into a weapon but Steve willingly takes her into TONY'S home and she never, that we saw, apologizes for her actions. That's my first big problem. Civil War was a cluster fuck, there's no way around that. With the grief of Peggy and his mind constantly on Bucky yeah, his judgement is gonna be a bit clouded. He's grieving the love of his life and his last tie to his time; I don't blame him. Tony is trying to lay low after Ultron because he blames himself and others blame him as well. When the Accords come up he's trying to stay on the law's side on this one because he's already on thin ice. But look at it this way. The Avengers burst into countries, take out the bad guy and half the city, and then leave. Tony takes care of the damages, not them. In the beginning scene they were in that country trying to stop Hydra agents and Wanda lost control her powers. She didn't mean to buy the resent is the same; people, innocent civilians, were killed. Countries probably feel a bit...annoyed that the superheroes cause so much damage while saving them. Yes they get saved but look at the aftermath of it most of the time. 117 countries say they want to be able to bring in the Avengers, not let the Avengers just waltz in. These aren't just rules to tie them down people are actually voting this way! They want the Avengers to back off. Steve says no because it ties their hands and they can't help everyone despite telling Wanda earlier that 'sometimes people die and you just have to keep going' and I get the sentiment but I still think that was the wrong thing to say, it made him, to me, sound so self-righteous. Steve wants to help and doesn't trust the government because look at how deep Hydra was!! Ross is bad news and everyone knows it. Tony knows this, he understands. But he also knows you can't make change if you don't compromise. He's been in this game all his life and he knows how to play it; Steve doesn't. He just will not listen and thinks Tony is just trying to save his own ass. And maybe he is but 117 countries are telling the Avengers that they have a major problem with them. Then comes Bucky and that's Steve's blind spot. Okay no one knew Bucky was innocent. All we saw was a tape and it showed the Winter Soldier, or at least a look alike. Steve rushed in because they wanted to take him out but Steve wouldn't allow that. Look at all the damage he caused trying to get to Bucky. He's his friend and he wants to help him but look at all the damage he caused! That only brought more trouble in. When they bring him in Tony almost got Steve to sign and Bucky would've gotten help but once he hears about Wanda the deal is off and I'm sorry but being confined to basically a mansion with the man I'm in love with after accidentally killing people? I can think of worse! Steve was idiotic to shut down that offer because of something like that. Tony should've explained yes but Steve should've thought it through, it was a miscommunication. Then Bucky breaks free and hell breaks loose. We have the battle and Spider-Man and no Tony shouldn't have brought in a kid to fight but Steve dropped a fucking tanker said kid so sorry boys but you both lost points with me there! Only later did they find the proof needed to show that Bucky was innocent but Steve never told anyone! He kept it to himself even when it could've helped! Steve what are you doing? Then Tony shows up in Siberia willing to help only to find out that Cap knew his parents had not only been murdered but by the hand of his best friend he'd jeopardized everything to save. Tony should not have gone off like that because it wasn't Bucky, it was the brainwashing!! But this all caught Tony by surprise, he'd never known any of this!! And Steve had kept this whole thing SECRET. This could've been if Steve had told him. A lot of people say 'well why was it Steve's job!?' okay but didn't Steve get in Tony's face about secrets and how they can damage things? If Tony had already known these things Siberia would never have happened. (And let's not go into TWO SUPER SOLDIERS VS A CIVILIAN because that'll get ugly so no) My point is; yes I'm Tony biased but I don't think he's perfect. Tony Stark made a lot of mistakes! Steve Rogers made a lot of mistakes! I just happen to agree more with Tony's decisions than Steve's.

[untruthsteller]

Oh Shit it's P5 headcanon time

[paulsebert]

Secret Empire #1 Thoughts & Spoilers

Secret Empire #0 Recap

Previously: The Red Skull used Korbik (a sentient cosmic cube that sometimes takes a child’s form) to turn Captain America into a bad guy. Captain America is now a loyal agent of Hydra an evil organization that is sometimes Nazi affiliated and sometimes not depending on who is writing. Captain America planned a bunch of bad stuff behind everyone’s back. Captain America turned on his evil master.  Red Skull desperate to make Cap stop admitted that Captain America that his new history (that we saw in extensive flashbacks over many issues) was all lies he made up. Captain America doesn’t care because he’s EEEEVIL! He kills Red Skull and sets out to take over the world… his way!

Captain America sets about a frankly ludicrous plan to take over the world that involves enough material for several crossovers.  In fact much of them is stolen from other crossovers.  New York City is trapped under a magic dome, an act of congress has given Cap control over the army, all of S.H.I.E.L.D has been mind controlled, and both the Guardians of the Galaxy & The Ultimates are trapped in space fighting aliens.  Our comic ended with cliffhanger as dozens of Heli-Carriers were advancing on Washington. Meanwhile in the tie-in books it appears that everyone who knows that the world has changed is dead/MIA.  As previously mentioned Captain America killed Red Skull.  Winter Soldier (who hasn't been good since Ed Brubaker wrote him) was seemingly killed by Helmut Zemo (who hasn't been good since Fabian Nicieza wrote him.)  Korbik blew up because Jim Zub didn't know how to give Thunderbolts and ending but she's a magic space/time cube and can come back.

Notes: So Marvel went ahead and sent a press release saying that things are going to more or less go back to their old status quo to ABC.  So yes folks Marvel is basically saying “yeah Cap's going to be a hero before this is all over.”  So obviously they must be sweating the backlash so badly that they're either nervous about further losing sales or someone at Disney called and threatened to take Cap away.  Maybe they threatened to give him to that weird Canadian company that did the Big Hero 6 movie adaption. You know the one that's not even on Comixology...

Also do you think maybe Marvel could have avoided a lot of trouble if they had used A.I.M. or another villain organization that couldn't be mistaken for Nazis? Like they could have given away cardboard beekeeper helmets!  That would have been fun!

Remember how Daniel Acuña's art was pretty much the only thing I liked about Secret Empire 0?  He's gone.  Say hello to Steve McNiven on pencils.  He's ok...

We open up for a parent dropping his kid off to school. The kids are being told to salute Hydra. Yep Hydra's already taken over and we haven't seen how.  One of the kids is wearing a T-shirt of Hive an obscure villain from Secret Warriors. If Hydra is trying to go mainstream to get public acceptance maybe they could do better than to choose to make the hideous parasite man the guy who gets merchandise?

The kids are being taught that the Allies winning World War II was an illusion.  You know if you wanted to play the Hydra's a secret society different from Nazis maybe you should have gotten away from the World War II references. This is all supposed to be creepy but it's so sudden cartoonish it fails to be any kind of commentary on creeping fascism while failing to work in the context of the story.Turns out one of the kid's older brothers is an Inhuman who has the power to vomit lunch boxes or something. That's still a less stupid power than Jet Black from Rick Remender's run.  He's arrested by Hydra I.C.E. because of symbolism.

Actual Narration: “It's funny living in a world where the impossible happens. Where every time you look up there's some war, or invasion, or attack. And people say this will “Change everything” That “Nothing Will Ever be the same again.” You hear it so much you stop believing it. You're even surprised when it actually happens.” - Even the actual characters in Marvel comics are sick of crossovers.

Meanwhile Captain Marvel is in space to remind us that she and her team are still locked out of a force field.  Despite being on a team of people who were smart enough to figure out a way to reform Galatctus and having a teammate who can punch wholes in space and time she decides to try punching the force field.  It doesn't work and Carol comes across as not very bright.

Hydra Goons are chasing a teenager.  Amedeus Cho the Totally Awesome Hulk makes the save. Actual Dialog: “You're the Hulk. That's good.”  “Why good?” Because if anyone has a spare set of pants...” - Ok that was a good one.

The new Falcon, Iron Heart, The Champions, and Wasp help the kid escape Hydra's reinforcements. We're teased a chase scene involving the Fantasticar and Robot Soldiers but we cut away from that before it can get exciting. The kid’s name is Rayshaun Lucas and we’re introduced to him over and over again.

Meanwhile in Denver the evil Captain America is... calmly trying to talk a giant monster out of eating people.  It's a borderline comic scene more akin to something out of Spencer's work on Superior Foes of Spider-Man.  This book is having some really jarring tone shifts.

The monster won't listen to Captain America's request to leave so he calls the EVIL Avengers featuring featuring Thor Odinson, Deadpool, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Irredeamable Ant Man/Black Ant, Taskmaster, and Superior Doc Ock.  Ok is Scarlet Witch mind controlled? (That happens once every three months.)  Has vision been reprogrammed?  Is Deadpool too naive to know Cap's a bad guy now, because that I could totally see.  

We have a montage page of Hydra's propaganda news network boasting about a high stock market, falling unemployment, and job opportunities while various members of Hydra Command are presented as heroes. There's a clever idea here but you'll find more chilling fascist propaganda on an episode of Fox and Friends.  Did this book turn into a comedy all of a sudden after how super grimadark issue #0 was?

At Hydra high command evil Captain America looks bored while the villains discuss their schemes including a mind control plot (why else is Faustus here) and relations with Magneto's new sovereign republic north of California.  Magneto has a country again?  When did this happen?

Kraken is part of the Hydra Legion of Doom.  Wasn't he revealed to be a mole for Nick Fury all along in Secret Warriors?

We cut back to flying car/robot chase scene. FINALLY something exciting is happening in the comic! The heroes wreck the Welcome to Los Vegas sign.  It's the best action scene in the comic so far and... it's all of one page.

The Hydra Legion of Doom is talking about what to do about the good guys.  Zemo complains about Los Vegas being essentially a sanctuary city. Arnim Zola complains that Hydra Cap actually gave pardons to the freedom fighters the day Hydra took over.  So either Hydra Cap's a really incompetent bad guy or he's actually a mole whose plan was subvert Hydra's plot to take over by.. letting Hydra take over?  Either way he comes across as kinda dumb.

The bad guys want some kind of retribution against Los Vegas.  Zola wants to blow stuff up with the robot soldier.  Faustus wants to use mind control because of course he does.  Hydra Cap wants to do neither. They also complain that Hydra Cap keeps delaying the executions.  The lunchbox vomiting guy we saw earlier is being taken to a prison camp. Again Marvel if you don't want people to think Hydra=Nazis maybe you shouldn't include anything that can be interpreted as a concentration camp.

The Champions take Rayshaun Lucas back to their Super Secret Mountain Playset (other action figures and vehicles sold separately!)  Hakweye and Black Widow are there.  They're suspicious of Lucas. He has some kind of file that Rick Jones gave him that is our new mcguffin because it can win the war or... make Cap normal or something.

Hydra Cap is now trying have a romantic dinner with Sharon Carter oblivious to the fact that he is now a fascist villain and she is her prisoner. This is like a gag from the Venture brothers.  What am I looking at? Did Spencer say “fuck this crossover!!! I want to write comedy books again?”

Sharon asks Steve to spare Rick Jones.  Cap goes to visit Rick Jones in prison.  Steve is kinda chummy with Rick and once again seems totally oblivious to the fact he's a villain. Steve asks Rick to say “Hail Hydra.”  Rick refuses but says that Captain America will always come out on top.  Steve pouts as romantic music plays.

Rayshaun meets the new Giant Man and Force Ghost Tony Stark (long story). I swear this is like the fourth or fifth page where Rayshaun Lucas says “I'm Rayshaun Lucas.” This kid’s getting a spin-off book isn’t he? Rayshaun wants Tony to look at the thing Rick gave him but Tony is being sad and bitter. We get one panel flashbacks to fight scenes that happened off camera.

Black Widow and Hawkeye have a funny moment. I won’t spoil the punchline.

We briefly catch  glimpse of Dr. Strange trapped in the Dark Dimension. At least he's not trying to punch his way out like Carol.  Steve meets with the new Madam Hydra and she's really polite and friendly. She wants Hydracap to find the cosmic cube.

Actual dialog: “The rest of this who lives who dies is nothing but a distraction, you must remember that.”  We're going to get some sort of cosmic reset button aren't we?

Hydra Cap pouts as he's about to make a speech while Hydra goons execute Rick Jones. How many times as Ric Jones died now?  Also for a book that's being sold on the basis of “What if Captain America was totally evil” there's a lot of scenes of HydraCap either being oblivious to the fact he's evil or sad he has to be evil.

The line “Evil had finally won” is used so... I guess we can add Final Crisis to the crossover shout-out list from my recap of last issue.

Things are all super grimdark again and we have a cliffhanger where Helicarriers are attacking Los Vegas.  Is this going to be like the last cliffhanger where all the action happens off camera?

Final Thoughts

Issue #0 was a thousand different action scenes going on at once with no space to breath.  This one is better in the sense there's actual space for the character moments but... the tone changes are absolutely baffling. You'll get a couple of pages of superhero action followed by pages that are borderline self-parody by LOOK AT HOW GRIM WE ARE!  It's absolutely all over the map and considering that Spencer and Marvel had a year to set things up it speaks volumes to how poorly thought out this is.  Once again Hydra acts more like Cobra than actual Nazis but the world War II references kind of make it impossible to divorce them from Nazis which well... makes them a lot less fun villains. None of the cliffhangers from the zero issue have payoffs.  It's just “The Bad Guys” have taken over now!  And yeah there's still one of the underlying problems with the first issue.  The book doesn't go far enough from the “So Cap's a Nazi now?” complaints to make it just a fun superhero story yet doesn't go far enough with the “So Cap's a Nazi now?” to actually say something about actual creeping fascism in modern culture.

Characters on the cover that are not in the actual book: Storm, The Human Torch, Thor (Jane Foster), Ms. Marvel, Medusa, and Rocket Raccoon.

[danguy96]

In Light of Recent Events Regarding Magneto and HYDRA

 So, apparently, as I’ve recently heard, in the new Secret Empire series of comic books, Magneto, a villain well-known to be Jewish, is apparently siding with HYDRA in this event. Now, normally, I would be pretty pissed off about this, and, truth be told, until more information comes out (though, I doubt that will change anything, I still think that without a good explanation, this is pretty stupid. However, on the other hand, as some of you may know, I’ve actually grown pretty sick and tired over the whole “everyone I don’t like and I disagree with is a Nazi/Nazi sympathizer” (this doesn’t mean I condone or like Nazis, it just means that I don’t like hysteria), so I’ve started to try to practice not reacting to every single thing by becoming hysterical, and I just wanted to state my thoughts on this and give a somewhat quick history of HYDRA’s in-universe backstory for both the movies and the comics, and why there’s more to it than it just being a “Nazi/Neo-Nazi organization”. I hope you all don’t mind my commentary (also, just to let you know, I also learned about this stuff from other articles and research, and I do sort of paraphrase in places, but these are still my own thoughts).

 First off, I’m going to cover the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s version of HYDRA first, because that will take less time to explain than the long, convoluted history of it’s comic book counterpart. When they first appeared in the MCU, they were indeed once a part of the Third Reich’s advanced science branch, and received funding from them. However, the Red Skull recognized that in order to extend HYDRA’s influence and power, he and the organization would have to cut ties to Hitler and Nazi Germany (and in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment, despite being a Nazi himself and adopting most of the Third Reich’s Social Darwinist theories into HYDRA, even the Red Skull kind of thought that Hitler’s “master race” theory was full of shit), and so, after acquiring the Tesseract/Cosmic Cube, Red Skull and HYDRA went rogue and planned to overthrow and betray Nazi Germany once the Allies had lost, and it’s quite possible they would be even worse than Hitler and his goons were if they got their way. 

 After the Red Skull’s defeat and the fall of Nazi Germany, however, HYDRA seemed to transcend their Nazi roots, though they still retained their totalitarian and authoritarian goals with the belief that humanity could not be trusted with it’s own freedom and must be subjugated for it’s own good. When looking back on the events of the war, Armin Zola concluded the whole “German master race” thing didn’t really work and also concluded Hitler’s methods were pretty dumb and inefficient, even for HYDRA’s standards. Though they gave up working for the Nazis after their fall, they did manage to extend HYDRA’s reach into the Soviet Union (something that would’ve been impossible if they remained full-on Nazis and all of the Nazis beliefs), and, secretly, into the U.S. and SHEILD. As I said before, the HYDRA in the MCU’s present-day doesn’t seem to care that much about what your genetics say or if you have “Aryan” ancestry, and is more focused on just world domination. Hell, they move away even further from them originally being just Nazis, when it’s revealed in Agents of SHIELD that the MCU version of HYDRA has roots that actually extend back centuries and to alien influence, and that the original Nazi organization was just the latest incarnation of the group, similar to it is in the comics.

 Speaking of which, it’s about time I summed up the long history of HYDRA from the original comics, and I’ll start off with when it was first created in real life. HYDRA was originally created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby back in 1965, and first appeared in Strange Tales #135 (August 1965). While their inspirations from the Nazis was pretty blatantly evident in their early appearances (with them being under the leadership of guys who worked for the Nazi Party, Baron von Strucker and Johann Schmidt, the Red Skull), as various writers delved in their history and backstory Nazi connection sort of started to dwindle and become more vague until, even in early stories, the current incarnation of HYDRA was revealed as an organization which had roots in Imperial Japan. True, they worked alongside the Nazis during WWII, but they’ve always sort of had their own agenda. Their last remaining connection to outright Nazism, Baron von Strucker, was even shown to be a fugitive who allied his version of HYDRA with Germany's Third Reich in a grab for power before betraying them. Fleeing with the Red Skull, Strucker quickly abandoned Schmidt to join forces with a Japanese criminal organization also using the HYDRA name, because even he thought Red Skull was a monster. Though Strucker remained a constant part of Hydra until recent years, his ideology became less about Aryan supremacy and more about his own thirst for power. Later stories further retconned and clarified Strucker’s origins and motivations, placing him as the head of Hydra locked in a war with S.H.I.E.L.D. and other super-spy groups. The elements of totalitarianism, authoritarianism, and fascism still remained at Hydra’s core, but it sort of really wasn’t driven by white supremacy and racial hatred that much anymore. 

 But Hydra as a Japanese crime syndicate isn’t where the organization’s story begins, because in recent additions to HYDRA’s backstory, it turns out the group’s history spans over millions of years, including the Third Dynasty of Egypt, and has alien origins.  According to Jonathan Hickman's S.H.I.E.L.D. mini-series, which explored the secret history of the Marvel Universe (for better or worse), Hydra’s roots go back to before humans evolved, when a Before the evolution of mankind, a cabal of immortal hooded reptilian aliens came to Earth, planning to start a legacy of evil (it’s comic books, just roll with it). Millions of years later, they corrupted an Asian secret society of geniuses known as the Brotherhood of the Spear. They were opposed by a group called “The Order of the Shield” (get it, SHIELD?). Over the centuries, the Order of the Spear grew and changed, eventually becoming HYDRA – an organization that was revived in the early 20th Century in Imperialist Japan with ideals based on world domination inherited from their ancient alien masters. They also included the real life Cathari Sect and the real life Thule Society, which is where the Nazis came into the picture. You see, after the end of World War II, the Nazi sub-group of HYDRA, funded by the Thule Society, was brought into the main HYDRA fold, thus explaining how the likes Baron von Strucker and the Red Skull came to join and lead their ranks. 

 Currently in comic books, Hydra has splintered into several separate factions , but there are two main groups: one led by Baron Zemo, who has been trying to control what’s left of the old HYDRA, and leading a much more Darwinist version of the secret society based on survival of whomever HYDRA deems the fittest to live (usually its own members) - and one being built from the ground up, led by the Red Skull, who has returned to Nazi beliefs, and, for the first time in modern continuity, has introduced a philosophy of neo-Nazism and white supremacy into HYDRA (a move which I feel was supposed to be “topical” and “relevant”, but comes off as preachy and forced, as well as a move which over-simplified and misrepresented certain issues, something which Marvel has been terribly guilty of over the past few years).

 So, to answer, “Is HYDRA a Nazi organization?” Well, the answer is yes, and no. While it is clear that HYDRA’s original real world roots are planted in the idea of neo-Nazi terrorists, for a good portion of their history, they’ve also served the role as your run-of-the-mill supervillain terrorist organization, associating themselves with all kinds of tyrants and criminals throughout history, usually with whatever is considered a threat in real life at the time of when the story is written. 

 Now, going back to Magneto, do I think it’s a good move for him to join HYDRA? Of course I fucking don’t! Even if they’re not technically a Nazi organization anymore, he’d still hate their guts for associating with the Nazis, and he’d especially hate the like of the Red Skull. However, the important thing to remember is that while Magneto is a Holocaust survivor and a tragic figure, he’s also a character who has sought out the domination and/or extermination of humans several times in the past, as he is meant to show that if we allow ourselves to be consumed with hate and revenge, we end up being no better than the people we hate. Yes, he’s had a couple of changes of heart over the years, but still, it’s important to note that Magneto is no saint, either, even if isn’t as bad as the Red Skull (at least in the 616 universe). Still, I don’t think that Magneto would join HYDRA unless there was a reason, like him getting something out of it (though, I do think he would be wary in case they planned to double cross him), or if he was forced to do it for some reason, or if he was mind controlled, the last of which may possibly be the case (Captain America was basically brainwashed into thinking he’s a HYDRA sleeper agent, so I’m not gonna rule out the possibility of that being the big “twist”). Though, something to note is that the brainwashed Cap is currently planning with Baron Zemo to kill Red Skull and depose him from HYDRA (I take it that Zemo probably doesn’t really like how Red Skull is trying to bring back full-on Nazi ideology into HYDRA, even if they fascist terrorists, at least I assume/head-canon that, because it makes the books a tiny bit more tolerable, but not by much), and that Secret Empire looks like the result of his success in that endeavor, so one of my predictions is a combination of brainwashing to bring Magneto into the group, as well as him being a part of the anti-Red Skull faction.

 The one thing I’m shocked at is that I’m probably one of the few people who sees it less as “anti-Semitism” (and believe me, anti-Semitism is a problem, but I don’t looking for it everywhere I see), and more for what it really is; a cheap gimmick made to make people talk about it, even when the story itself hasn’t been released yet. Marvel wants this kind of reaction. They want dozens of articles, blog posts, tweets, and videos fueled by anger and controversy, just like they wanted this reaction from the Hydra!Cap fiasco. If they can’t sell comics by promoting them, then they decide to sell them and get people to talk about them based on controversy. I bet you that when the actual story comes out, it’s gonna end up being one of those things explained away with “it was brainwashing/magic/whatever”. I wasn’t surprised when it turned out to be the case with Hydra!Cap, and I’m not gonna be surprised if that it turns out to be the case with Hydra!Magneto. 

 I feel the best way to “protest” this is to not give in to this obvious publicity stunt like Marvel wants, and just not talk about and give it no attention when the story actually does come out, and then wait until the dust has settled to talk about. Speaking of which, as i said before, this outrage is sparking before the story even officially comes out or is even finished, and while I did just say that we shouldn’t give attention or make any puff pieces about it until the story arc is over with, I still say we should wait until the actual story comes and we learn everything about it (for better or worse), before critiquing it. When it finally does come out and we a whole lot more about it, then we can complain for (hopefully) good and/or justifiable reasons.

I’m sorry that this was long as shit, because I originally didn’t mean it to be like this long. I just really, really get annoyed when people simplify HYDRA as a “nazi/neo-Nazi organization”, because that just show signs of either not knowing a good amount of comic book history, or showing that you don’t actually read comics. I’m not condoning or “apologizing” for Nazism or white supremacism in any way, it’s just that I’m giant nerd who doesn’t like it when people make glaring mistakes and are ignorant of comic book history. Though, to be fair, it is a common misconception, made by both casual fans and even writers who don’t know comic history (something which they definitely should learn), but it still grind my gears when anyone makes any sort of big mistake regarding comic books (just see the numerous times I had to remind people that Harley Quinn isn’t exactly an innocent, quirky little cinnamon roll, when especially after she blows up children with bombs). 

[bmclassahan]

Everything We Need (Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker and Little Women)

Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker:

It’s hard to think Daisy Ridley was pretty much an unknown at the start of the most recent Star Wars trilogy. Even in The Force Awakens she carries herself with a grace and command beyond her years and, in her depiction of a character who goes from hunting for spare parts and quarter portions to, well saving the galaxy, is reason alone for these movies to exist. There’s much more of course, and here we are treated to a somehow still alive Emperor Palpatine, pulling puppet strings from some seemingly random corner of the galaxy. The reason for his survival from being thrown down the shaft of the second Death Star is not given, and may not entirely matter (landing somewhere in the middle of where did Jaws come from and how are you not going to explain why Walt from Lost has all the powers he has? in terms of film/TV mysteries). And maybe it’s a bargain you make when you have so much fun stuff going on anyways- giant snakes getting the force-healing treatment, little hairy alien guys giving baby Yoda a run for his money, and old Lando returning to the fold. Yeah yeah, maybe it’s overstuffed to a degree (I’m not sure we needed CGI Leia wielding a lightsaber, and think the filmmakers may have been better served by leaving Carrie Fisher’s performance in The Last Jedi as her swan song; the use of archived footage here felt somewhat clunky and off to me) and not everything seems to logically add up, but I was still floored and moved by the whole experience. A lot of that is due to Ridley (not to mention John Boyega as Finn) who, as Rey, is a compelling hero for new and old generations alike, reminding us of the power in our choices and actions, and how there is always the chance to claim our true destiny...

Before we go there were a few things on numbers I found kinda interesting (and if you want to read more on the end of the series this article is worth checking out: https://www.polygon.com/star-wars/2020/1/6/21051843/star-wars-rise-of-skywalker-trilogy-end-return-of-the-jedi-revenge-of-the-sith): 

Four: The number of consecutive episodic installments (going from Episode VI: Return of the Jedi to Episode IX: Rise of Skywalker) in which a pivotal series character died, with Darth Vader and Yoda in Return of the Jedi, Han Solo in The Force Awakens, Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi, and Leia Organa in Rise of Skywalker. Four also incidentally the number of the first episode released in the series, entitled A New Hope, which denotes beginnings (if you count Palpatine, Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker as two separate characters, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Jabba the Hutt you get 9, the number of the series, unless you think Boba Fett actually died in the Sarlaac pit). So birth- A New Hope- and death of important characters.   

Two: I owe this digression in part to the aforementioned article, but here goes- the final scene of the series shows two characters, Rey and BB-8 (a droid made of two spherical parts), looking at a twin-moon sunset on Tatooine. Shortly before Rey smiles at two force ghosts, Luke and Leia, who are force-sensitive twins. And Rey herself is part of something called a dyad, some kind of force twin union, with the redeemed Ben Solo (no longer solo in his turn to the light side). Two lightsabers also thrown by Rey into the sand, before she pulls out a new yellow lightsaber. Endings and beginnings. Suns setting, cycles ending, over a horizon on which we can only imagine what is there...I’m not really sure what this is all getting at, but it may point to the ideas of union, harmony, balance- the seeming state of there finally being balance between the light and the dark sides of the force and the possibilities that may now occur with the harmony that entails. And a union perhaps between George Lucas and his creative progeny and the fans, something that dawned like the sun when the first Star Wars came out and has come full circle, at least for the time being, with this latest installment (perhaps the amount of years it takes to orbit around this Star Wars Death Star of our fascination with this whole enterprise is...

Forty-two: The combination of these two numbers (and if you think of four and two as both having life and death elements then you have another type of knot here) and cited by C-3PO when the characters go to a festival on Pasaana (for other easter eggs: https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2019/12/star-wars-the-rise-of-skywalker-easter-eggs/every-42-years).  Also perhaps a nod to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. ALSO actually definitely the code Palpatine must have pressed at the bottom of the shaft to activate his escape pod, complete with chocolate milk-infused regeneration chamber, spicy Cheetos stash and Disney+ cubed subscription. 

Little Women:

Despite growing up near the home of author Louisa May Alcott in Concord, I didn’t know very much about her seminal work on which the new film directed by Greta Gerwig is based. I would like to correct that oversight as soon as possible, seeing in this film as fresh and vibrant a cast of characters as I can recall on the big screen for some time. Let’s face it, few young actors are better than Saoirse Ronan, here as the young writer Jo March, who is trying to make her way in the world through pursuit of the craft she loves, while getting stonewalled by crusty old would-be keepers of the printed word (thanks be to ye, Tracey Letts, who is also great as Henry Ford II in Ford v. Ferrari), and held back in her life from forces beyond her control. I was riveted by the dynamic between Jo and her younger sister, Amy (an also great Florence Pugh), who jealously idolizes Jo, yet ends up in an enviable position herself (perhaps). In terms of pure emotional wattage and fireworks, I doubt there is a more charged scene in the movies this year than the one between Jo and her seeming suitor, Lorie (played with a bravura nonchalance by Timothee Chalamet), when they go back and forth on why they should or should not be with one another. Set amidst the panoply of colors of a New England autumn and peppered with Gerwig’s ear for lively banter, this version of Little Women is a vibrant testament to the powers of its modern interpreter, and to the enduring spirit of Alcott. 

[anne-aad]

[017] Alien Autopsy AU

This is an Alien Autopsy AU. Most part is ORIGINALLY out of the movie, so I just rewrote it in a full text until the scene in Gary’s appartment. You’ll notice when my creativity kicked in xD

P.o.V. Ray Some days have passed since Gary told me he hated me. The last days have been sad for me. I didn’t laugh or smile much. I can’t believe everything was just a joke for him. I know, I also betrayed him but he said he never liked me. Isn’t that more of a betrayal?

Without even looking at my glass I take out the ice cubes out of my coke. I let my gaze wander around. I stop when I see my Nan and Maurice at the bowling alley. They seem very happy. A smile appears on my lips. I don’t know why I was so sceptical about Maurice. He just makes my Nan happy. With him she is more active, more alive. My smile vanishes. Gary was the one who made me feel that way. Since we don’t talk anymore I never smiled truthfully. He made me feel complete. Quickly I stand up and grab my burger. “I don't feel so well. I’ll see you later, Nan.” I kiss her on the cheek before I hasting leave the sports centre. I take a deep breath as I turn into a darker street. It’s not far from home. “Oi, Sansilly!” The voice sounds flouting. Please, don’t let it be them. Without stopping in my movement I turn around. “Alright, lads?” Nervously I look from the two guys in front of me to the dark street behind me and back. “Better now after seeing you. How was Cancun?” “Yeah, Cancun.”, his mate adds. They are coming even closer to me. I keep walking backwards. I can feel the tension rise even more the closer they come. “You know…” I swallow hard. “Sunny?” Panicky I throw my half-eaten burger on the ground and spin around. As fast as I can I run away, other quick footsteps following me. I keep looking back at them, afraid they’d catch me. I knew that wouldn’t happen. I am fitter than they are. As long as I keep running they won’t get me. At least, that’s what I thought! Because of not paying attention to my feet I stumble and fall… P.o.V. Gary I quietly listen to some music while working on my computer. After all I have more time for that now. If I was still with Ray I’d probably be somewhere else now: bowling, in the kebab shop… Maybe even back in America, who knows? I sigh quietly before grabbing a waffle. That’s the benefit of working at this factory: free waffles and cookies. I look to my right to see the waffle costume leaning against the wall. If Ray didn’t suggest the idea with the autopsy I probably still would have the job I had before. Carefully I clean my computer from crumbles. The ringtone of my phone makes me jerk a bit. I jump up to grab it from one of the boxes. One little box standing on top looses balance and slips to the ground. I swallow hard as I see the head of the alien between all the other cartons. Why did I have it? After all it was Ray’s… The phone keeps ringing and I quickly turn my gaze to the display Ray calling… Why would he call me? To apologize? To try to get me back? I hesitate. Yes, I am angry and yes, I am disappointed by him using me like that but something inside me wants me to forgive him. After some seconds I answer the call. “Hello?” A trembling voice talks back to me. “I screwed up… again…” I walk down the dark street. Only two street lamps light the way. There is no chance I’m going to find Ray when he does not make a noise. He probably thinks I didn’t even go to look for him. It took me some time to get here. When I walk past the trash barrels I see something, or better, someone sitting there. Curled together, head buried in his arms, knees to his chest. “Ray?” I quietly ask. Slowly the person raises their head and looks at me without saying a word. I gasp and drop to my knees in front of him. Blood is running down his temples and his right eye looks swollen. His clothes are soaked in blood, his blood. “Christ, Ray!” Helplessly and shivering he grabs my hoodie and pulls himself towards me to bury his head at my chest. “What’s happened to you?” Worriedly I turn his head to look at the wound on his temple. I carefully stroke his head. For some seconds he closes his eyes and seems to relax a bit before he swallows. When he opens his eyes again he stares at the fabric in his hands. “I sold a few…dodgy Forest Gump tapes to some blokes I thought I’d never see again.” Slowly he raises his eyes. A sad and hurt smile on his lips. “Tonight I saw them again.” The smile directly vanishes from his face. “I can’t go home, Gary… I don’t want my Nan seeing me like this…” His eyes are begging me to take him with me. Despite everything wrong he has done to me I cannot let him stay here all beaten up and blood-smeared. “Yeah, come on.” I gently pull him up with me and wrap my arm around his shoulder to support him. Every step seems to hurt as I lead him to my apartment. P.o.V. Ray I flinch as Gary softly wipes away the blood next to my eye and on the temple. “I’m sorry…”, Gary murmurs. I rest my head on his hand which he uses to support my head. “Why do you help me? After all I have done to you… I thought you wouldn’t even show up.” I open my eyes a bit. “I don’t know… It felt wrong letting you sit there… especially after I have seen you…” “Thanks, Gary.” He slightly smiles at me.. “Take a shower. I’ll be waiting in my room.”

After I took a refreshing shower I join Gary in his room. “So, you got your job back then?” I slightly point at the boxes standing in the middle of the room. “Yeah…” He hesitates. “Well, A job.” Confusedly I look at him as I spot a pink waffle suit leaning against his wardrobe. I open my mouth but before I’m able to speak Gary interrupts me: “Don’t ask…” Without saying a word I sit down on his bed. He is also sitting down, his back facing me. Gary doesn’t seem to be willing to say something. I have to break this silence. “Hey, eh…” I swallow. “You know, you’re in share of the money… It’s… It’s still yours whether you’re in or out.” For the first time after we sat down he looks at me. “Forget about the money.”, he hisses. I take a deep breath. For some seconds I only stare at the cup of tea in my hands before facing the wall. “Look, Gary. What I did… you know, opening your letter. I just wanna say: I’m really ashamed.” I turn around to look at him to notice him watching me. Directly I turn away my gaze. “Everything you said about me… you were right. I have used you Gary. I didn’t once think about what you wanted. I’ve been selfish and thoughtless and a pain in the neck, I know I have! But I didn’t throw your letter away just so you’d come to America with me…” I finally admit everything. I should have told him earlier. I could have prevented everything. But I didn’t. I was too afraid. “Why then?” The hurt sound in his voice still hasn’t vanished. “Look at me… Look at the world I live in. If you go to college and qualify as a lawyer do you really think you’re gonna stay somewhere like this? With someone like me?” I close my eyes for some seconds. Without looking up at him I continue talking. “I just don’t know what I’d do without you Gary. So I threw away your letter. I’m sorry.” The last sentence was just a whisper. He probably didn’t even hear me. In the corner of my eye I see him moving. “Without me…? Ray?” I raise my eyes. His gaze is so soft although he has every right to be angry. “Without you my life would be so unbelievably dull… You’re the most exciting thing about me… You always have been.” He smiles at me. For some seconds I return his smile before it vanishes. I face him with a serious look. “Are we supposed to have sex now? Because I’ll be honest with you, I’m not sure I’m up to it.” A slight laugh escapes his mouth. All the pain forgotten and happy to see Gary laughing I join his laughter. “Ouch…” I carefully touch the wound on my upper lip as a pain shots through it. “Careful.”, Gary warns me, the smile still present on his lips. I slowly let my hand sink on my leg. He moves closer to me and strokes over my lip. “It’s bleeding a bit again…” He softly wipes the blood away. The movement of his finger slows down and his hand rests on my cheek. The angry gaze he had when he told me he heated me some days ago was gone. His eyes lovingly look down on me. A small smile lays on his lips. Carefully he leans down and presses his lips on mine. I close my eyes and return the kiss softly. My hand moves to his chest. For some seconds we just enjoy the kiss. It is the most loving kiss I ever experienced. He slightly backs away and smiles at me. “I love you, Ray… I never hated you… I just felt so much hate when I found that letter… I’ve always loved you…” With a broad smile on my lips I move even closer to him and press my lips on his. Carefully I push him on the bed and lay down next to him. He softly strokes my hair. “I love you, too, Gary.”

[starfreightersays-blog]

Alien: Covenant

Spoilers ahead.

Alien Covenant is a sequel to Prometheus, which are both prequels to the original Alien film made in 1979. Prometheus was said to explain the space jockey’s from the first film, however, most people were disappointed with the result since it didn’t answer any of the questions from the first film and instead created more questions which confused most people. Because of this I had hoped that Alien: Covenant would answer these questions and set us up with the origins of the Derelict ship in the first film.

The film starts off with David’s ‘birth’, Peter Weyland, and we get an idea of David’s superiority complex as he’s already asking, ‘who made you?’ to his creator and pointing out that he will out-live him. We are then taken to the Covenant, a colony ship on its way to a planet to start a new civilization. Suddenly, a solar flare hits the ship while the solar sails are out causing several of the colonists to die as well as the Captain of the crew. Other than the flat screens and holograms, which bother me because of the inconsistency with the originals big chunky cathode ray TV’s, I was happy with this start. It shows the isolation of space which sets up a good atmosphere for the film.

We then follow the crew as they attempt to fix the solar sails. Other than everything sounding like it’s underwater rather than breathing this part is fine, there are only very nitpicking criticisms. When Tennessee (Danny McBride) is returning to the airlock a transmission strikes him as he is outside the ships signal blocking influence. Once back on the ship the crew inspect the transmission and they find that it is coming from a planet which looks like it was made for humans. When they clear up the transmission Tennessee points out that is clearly ‘Take me home country roads’, one of my favorite points in the movie. Since this planet is much closer than their destination the newly appointed captain decides to check it out.

They arrive at the planet and find that there’s a large ion storm so they make their first stupid decision, like impatient children they just go in anyway despite knowing that the storm will affect communications between the ground team and the mothership. This seems like a ridiculous idea seeing as they know hardly anything about this planet and there is a mysterious human transmission where there shouldn’t be any humans.

When they land on the surface and straight away step out without any helmets. I thought they were stupid in Prometheus taking off their helmets at all, but here they don’t even bother! But we see that they have lots of guns, so who needs helmets, am I right? They now realise that communications aren’t great with the mothership but they decide ‘Hell, let’s go on an adventure!’. I wouldn’t have such a problem with this if they used their common sense later in the film but they never find it so I feel they deserve all their mistakes pointing out.

As they make their way towards the mysterious transmission they find wheat growing, like actual Earth wheat. One guy seems to realise the craziness of this but everyone else just seems to brush it off. And in case you’re wondering, they don’t explain why there’s Earth plants. The team goes all Scooby-Doo and they split up as a scientist and her bodyguard go off to do some good sciencing, which makes sense, she’s doing a better job than most of them! She starts collecting samples when her bodyguard says he needs to take a leak, which turns out to mean ‘I need to go smoke a dubey’. He then proceeds to step on what, to me after playing a lot of Zelda, looks like it could only be a hearty truffle so I’m going to refer to it as such. After stepping on the hearty truffle it releases these spores which are reminiscent of the black goo from Prometheus. These spores apparently have a mind of their own and fly into the guys ear and burrow into his skin.

Elsewhere, the rest of the crew have found the source of the transmission: a crashed engineer ship, the very one we saw Shaw and David leave in at the end of Prometheus. When entering the ship one of the guys (wheat guy I believe) finds and starts poking a hearty truffle which leads to him getting a face full of the spores. But he’s like ‘I’m cool’, and they carry on inside the ship. They get to the cockpit where one of the guys accidently activates a hologram recording of an undiscernible Shaw sending the transmission, even though last time David needed an understanding of the alien language to activate a similar function. But hey, at this point I’m still pretty interested and have hopes that we will soon find out what happened to David and Shaw.

We then go back to science-lady and her bodyguard where he’s not looking so good. They decide to head back to the ship and the others decide to do the same. The science lady and her companion are almost at the ship when he throws up blood on her face, which should been kinda disgusting but it was just funny to me. They are then taken to the med-bay which is very poorly placed up lots of stairs and walkways.

Once in the room the dropship pilot examines the poor guys back which is now doing pretty disturbing things, when his back stuff just pops on her face! She, like any normal person, decides that’s enough of this shit for her and she locks the guy and the scientist in the med bay and runs off to tell her husband, Tennessee. Following this the guy with the ear spores starts wobbling violently until a ‘backburster’ pops out in a pretty gruesome manner. On the floor lies a small pasty alien looking thing which unlike the original chestburster doesn’t flee but takes on a human straight up and mauls the science lady but not before she slips on the pool of blood from the creature’s birth. The pilot returns with a shotgun, because creepy alien babies need to be killed, and she runs in the room where, like a slapstick comedy, she slips on the gore and shoots the ceiling. I mean one person slipping was funny but two is hysterical, especially when they’re trying to scare you. The woman then tries to shoot the baby but keeps missing until she shoots the explosive red barrels that someone carelessly left lying around in a med-bay.

The ship then explodes just as the rest of the crew arrive so that her husband, the Captain, can see her burning body collapse. At this point it feels like these people are having the worst day imaginable and you’ve just got to just laugh as bad things just happen one after another. But remember, wheat guy also had some spores! Although instead of the baby coming out the back, this time he just vomits it up and it runs away. I just want to point out at this point that these creatures have been developing for a maximum of 2 hours and in that time they’ve gone from spores to something the size of a small cat…that’s crazy, but let’s continue.

The crew then set up a camp for the night when they are attacked by the two pasty alien like creatures which have been called neomorphs. The attack begins when one of the neomorphs sneaks up on Daniels and is saved by Walter, the android of the Covenant who is identical physically to David, as he sacrifices his hand for her. The two creatures then go crazy on the crew and some people get killed, but you don’t really care because you only know a couple of them and it’s really dark anyway, so who cares - Death! Excitement! The crew then manages to shoot one of the creatures but the other is scared off by a signal flare which is shot into the sky by a mysterious figure in a cloak. The figure tells them to follow him so they do because he helped them. Daniels must go back for the Captain though as whilst all of this was happening he was still standing by the dropship wreckage crying about his dead wife. I mean I’m just saying, if these neomorph were anything like the original alien then I think they would have silently taken out the guy on his own who’s oblivious to everything around him rather than bumrushing a whole group of dudes with guns, but since these neomorphs seem less intelligent and more feral, I’ll let it slide.

The mysterious figure leads the crew into what appears to be an engineer structure since there are lots of black fossilized bodies around the place. Someone asked whether the neomorph will be able to get in too and the figure reassures them that it can’t. Everybody seems cool with this despite there not being any proper doors or anything. The figure then reveals himself to be David with grown his hair, which I didn’t realise was possible or necessary for an android but who am I to judge Mr Weyland. He reveals that their ship accidently deployed the black goo and in the confusion the ship crashed, killing Shaw! Now at this point I’m really bummed. Firstly because at the end of Prometheus Shaw asked the question ‘why did the engineers create then try to kill us?’ which I think is a good question to ask since it doesn’t make much sense, I mean you don’t make a sandwich then seconds later want to throw it out for no good reason! The second thing that annoyed me was the off-screen death of Shaw. I hate offscreen deaths, especially between films, it’s like Hick’s and Newt dying at the start of Alien cubed, it just feels like a cheap way to get rid of a character who they didn’t have room for.

The crew tries to contact the Covenant but can’t get through the ion storm, which they should have thought about before running onto the planet with guns blazing. At this point, Tennessee is worried about his wife so takes the Covenant in closer to the storm to see if he can contact the rest of the crew because he’s understandably panicky about his wife, who he last heard screaming in horror.

The next part gets a bit weird since David teaches Walter how to play a flute, and although it sounds very strange it seems to fit in with the rest of the film. David then shows Walter the devastation of the city and reveals in a flashback that he purposely released the black Goo onto the engineers and the he supposedly loved Shaw, which is weird. I’d like to point out now that the black goo which supposedly weaponizes life just turned the engineers to burnt looking corpses, which makes what it does even more confusing. I would also like to note how the engineers are just as stupid as the humans since they allowed a warship which carried world destroying black goo to reach the surface despite it being missing for so long and the fact they didn’t even check to see if there were any engineers on board either. So maybe David killed them because they just lack common sense! However, we never do find out why David suddenly decides genocide is what he wants for the engineers. David is disappointed by Walter and for some weird reason he decides to kiss Walter and then kill him, which is actually the scariest part of the film because damn Walter’s creepy android face as he dies!

While David’s with Walter the other, now fully, grown neomorph sneaks into the building through an open window, which isn’t really surprising, and it decapitates some woman who, if I’m honest, I didn’t recognise. David then finds the neomorph and tries to befriend the creature. The Captain sees this display and shoots the neomorph, because you know, it’s already killed people. The Captain then shows some more initiative and asks David for answers. David leads him to a laboratory where we see similar neomorphs that have been dissected. David explains that he’s been studying the black goo and perfecting the life it created. Now at this part any normal person would take out David cause he’s being a crazy man but the Captain just plays along which leads to the most ridiculous part of the film. David says he’ll show the Captain the results of his experiment as he leads him to a room full of alien eggs. And the Captain is still pretty chill, it’s like he completely forgot about what the pasty aliens were like. One of the eggs then open and David says ‘look! It’s perfectly safe I assure you’, why this man trusts this guy nobody will ever know but next thing we know…there’s a facehugger on the guy.

Now at this point Tennessee is way too close to the ion storm but it pays off since the crew get a message through and Tennessee prepares an industrial crane thing to pick the crew up since they only had one dropship on such a big ship (makes sense right). Anyway, some time passes, like 5 minutes maybe, the Captain wakes up and immediately a chestburster pops out! Usually this takes several hours but Alien: Covenant doesn’t care. What’s more is the chestburster isn’t the pasty worm like creature that we are familiar with, but for some reason it’s just a really small alien which looks like a cross between an alien and Baby Groot.

Now the rest of the crew go looking for all the missing people and they find David’s laboratory along with what looks like Shaw’s dissected body. They go into the room with the eggs and unlike the Captain, they realise that they should probably start running. However, one of the guys gets a facehugger latched onto him but luckily before it gets on properly his friend cuts it off, causing him to get acid on his face! Unfortunately, his hero friend pulls the short straw as he gets ambushed by a fully-grown alien…. that’s right, in the space of like 5 minutes a tiny Baby Groot Alien grows to 7 foot! Ridley Scott just disregards the other movies and just reduces the alien’s growth from egg to full size to about 10 minutes, I swear it takes longer than this in the AVP movies! At least the alien is acting right its hiding and waiting to ambush but this doesn’t make up for everything else that has happened.

While this is happening David and Daniels are fighting and, suddenly, David kisses Daniels! Was David really horny after being alone for 10 years? It really makes no sense. But Daniels is saved at the last moment by Walter who, being an upgrade from David, has a self-repair function and knows his moves! This leads to a pretty cool fight between two Michael Fassbenders as Daniels makes her escape. As the two fight, we see Walter on top about to finish David, yet before we see him finish it we’re shown David’s hand reaching for a knife…and the scene cuts, totally not insinuating anything.

Tennessee reaches the surface just in time for everyone to get on board. Those people being Burny face guy, Daniels and now David who is dressed like Walter who I guess we’re supposed to think is Walter but after not showing a death and David going for the knife it’s pretty obvious what’s happened. As the dropship takes off the alien manages to get on board. Daniels being a badass decides to take it on. What follows is some crazy antics and flying action where Daniels is being tossed around in ways which would kill most humans and the alien being crushed in a crane jaw thing.

They return to the ship and everybody is happy and nobody checks Walter despite him being identical to David who is a crazy android who wants to kill everyone. They patch up burny face guy with some playdoh and relax…But wait! It’s not over, the alarms go off since they detect an unknown lifeform on the ship. A strange piece of technology which would have been useful in Aliens so they could have known about that Queen sneaking on-board but hey I hear technology gets worse in the future. Anyway, Daniels and Tennessee go to investigate, only to find burny face guy all dead and chestbursted. Once again, this film can’t even keep to its own canon of gestation time since this guy would have had the alien in him for at least 30 minutes or maybe even an hour! What’s more, this guy never was properly facehugged. The facehugger needs to knock you out in order to get the eggs inside you since otherwise you’d throw them up, and not only that but as we’ve seen in all the alien films (including this one), the facehugger takes time to implant the eggs it can’t do it in a couple of seconds! But anyway, the super helpful computer knows where the alien is heading which is towards the only other crew left, who are having a shower at this point. We then see them get snuck up on by a fully-grown alien who takes them out. I think if this scene was somewhere else it would be great perfect sneaky alien and a good way to sneak up on people. I mean I can kinda justify the fact they didn’t hear the alarms, but this one scene can’t save a whole movie. Enough of the praising because I’m not sure if you notice but the alien has grown up even faster this time, it’s gone from chestburster to 7-foot alien in about 2 minutes or 3 at the max, and presumably without eating! Either that was one heavy baby or these aliens are just balloons that just puff themselves up after they pop out.

Anyway, Daniels and Tennessee find the carnage and Daniels has a plan. They lure the alien to the terraforming bay and trap it in a truck to send it out the back into space. Once again, if not for the rest of the film this would have been cool, but it’s not over yet of course. Tennessee gets put into hyper sleep and as Walter puts Daniels in her pod she finally figures out that it’s actually David, but it’s too late.

David then proceeds to go to an embryo holding tray and reguritates up a couple of baby facehuggers trapped in bouncy balls….no joke. Tiny facehuggers that can fit in your palm and incased in a clear sack. I mean at this point I want to exclaim “what are these…Facehuggers for ants?!” because this is just ridiculous. And talking about these facehuggers, why can’t the omnipotent ship computer not detect them or for that matter detect David not being Walter? So to end it we’re left questioning what will happen next, and also, for me at least, how did you screw it up so bad?

So, I want to summarise some of the main problems with this film. Firstly, everyone is really stupid, they need better scientists in the future. Secondly, David’s motives are never explained, what made him so crazy on the way to the engineer planet that he killed Shaw and committed genocide on a whole species. Thirdly, they completely screwed up the alien’s life cycle by shortening its growth to minutes which makes it unrealistic even for a sci-fi. And relating to that they made the once mysterious and ancient creature a product of a human creation since humans created David who created the aliens. Fourthly, it contradicts the other films, I was a cheesed off when the engineer’s elephant faces turned out to be masked but this time they actually change the lore. Now the ‘fossilised’ space jockey from the first film is less than 20 years old and for some reason is carrying eggs created by David, it doesn’t make much sense at all. Also it contradicts the painting we saw in Prometheus of an alien in the dreadnaught, the alien skull in Predator 2 and the AVP films (although they’re awful they’re still pretty fun) not to mention it strips the aliens of their mystery and did I mention those eggs on LV-426 must have been there less than 20 years! And the last problem is the technology being more advanced than it is in the future, but only diehard fans of alien will understand my pain.

This film could have been so great! For example, if David had found the eggs in a lock up on the planet, it would have kept some mystery. When David and Walter were fighting, they could have made us actually think David was killed so that the reveal would have actually been good.

I don’t just criticise it for no reason, I want to criticize it so Ridley Scott will make a worthy Alien prequel, hell in my opinion Prometheus was better than Alien Covenant since it didn’t have repercussions for the entire alien universe!