#alfred would be kermit

[cuntvonkrolock]

if tanz der vampire was a movie (yes i know it's based on a movie, i mean if the musical was a movie a la rocky horror) i would absolutely kill for a muppets remake where the only human character is sarah

[atopvisenyashill]

had to wait to watch the episode bc my cousin called and started asking clarification questions ahout rhaenyra’s kids (her ultimate opinion was “why do we need to recycle the name so often. there are plenty of other boy names I CHECKED ONLINE I HAVE A PAGE BOOKMARKED why did she have to choose aegon i’m so confused”) so let’s goooooo-

THE LADS THE LADS THE LADS THE LADS THE LADS THE LADS THE LADS

why does kermit not have red hair THATS THE TULLY HAIR COLOR GODDAMIT

i don’t like that rhaenys knows about marilda’s kids. makes absolutely no sense with her established character. what was the point of that scene.

alfred broome is so fucking annoying i need this man to die. why are you constantly picking fights with royal family members who have DRAGONS in PUBLIC.

“king consort” why are they so inconsistent with this

corlys walking in right when people are badgering his wife, i KNOW ser alfred almost pissed his pants lol

“the whore of dragonstone”

“ser criston is marching on rook’s rest” “rook—a pathetic prize!!” THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING ITS SO STUPID THAT THEY RISK TWO DRAGONS, THEIR KING, AND HIS NUMBER ONE ADVANTAGE ON FUCKING ROOK’S REST. AEMOND AND CRISTON U R DUMB BITCHES.

i like that aegon has to be goaded into it, at least that makes sense as to why he’d go for such a useless ficking castle. aemond trying to take control back after being humiliated in the brothel, where even his toxic safe space in sylvi has been violated by his brother. and aegon, ever uninterested in the nuances of ruling and his own culture, can only answer back in halting and unclear valyrian…has to save face by going for a castle he knows is useless.

larys picking up right away on everything alicent is leaving unsaid all while she’s suffering through the equivalent of taking plan b in front of him, and they both know that’s exactly why she’s cramping right now. delicious. sexy.

ITS LAENA HAUNT THAT MOTHERFUCKERS ASS

AGAIN I MENTION THE FIDGET TOY. why is it there. simply to distract aegon? that’s not fair, he’s just a goofy lil guy!!

“what thoughts would you have?” OMG?

it’s really interesting how aegon has been snapping at people or retreating but never really sticking around long enough to REALLY argue. but not only does he let his mother fucking DIG INTO him (as USUAL, it’s almost a comfort, the familiarity with which she sits across from him and tells him how much of a disappointment he is) but he straight up asks her opinion! grasps in the silence, reins in his temper, and asks his mother what she wants from him. and once again her answer is a reminder that he is never enough!

going to walk the doggy i’ll be backkkkk

[shadowjackery]

This post was brought to you by Parts of the Body and the letter H.

Continuing the train of thought from: https://www.tumblr.com/shadowjackery/709801424218963968/pick-a-live-action-movie-keep-one-human-actor?source=share

Design sketches and casting notes after the cut.

The token human is Hamlet. This seems obvious to me.

Bert and Ernie are Guildenstern and Rosencrantz. Their doppelgänger are what-not muppets, who turned out looking a lot like Andy Candy and Eddie Spaghetti from "Captain Vegetable" on Sesame Street.

Gonzo is The Player. Again, this feels perfect to me. The death-challenging artiste! Gonzo turned out to be surprisingly tricky to figure out how to draw well.

Piggy would demand to be Queen Gertrude, so Kermit has to be King Claudius. Mirroring her, Link Hogthrob in drag is the Player Queen. And for the Player King, Camilla, also in drag, to stay in theme.

I never got around to casting the Ghost of Hamlet's Father. Maybe Rolf? You could talk me into Uncle Deadly, or a bedsheet ghost, or that Jim Henson muppet they used in the ol' jugband numbers, or the hideous CG recreation of Jim himself with a machine AI voice.

In Stoppard's text, the youngest player, "Alfred", plays a Queen. I changed that here: Elmo plays Alfred who plays a Princess, mirror to Ophelia, and for her I just made up a girl monster because the girl monsters on Sesame Street seem too young to be fooling around with college boys. Though, yes, now that you mention it, Elmo is also far too young to be pimped out by Gonzo, but that part of the play is supposed to be transgressive, and anyway have you ever seen Elmo interviewed on a late night show? He and Gonzo would love the joke. They would conspire to make it somehow worse.

Last minute thought that I never drew: Ophelia could also be played by a fish, because she drowns.

Laertes: "...How?!" Claudius: "Well, it's too complicated to go into here. This play is long enough." Laertes: "I understand entirely. Shall we continue?" Claudius: "Please."

Sam the American Eagle is perfect for Polonius, and I invented a different bird for his player equivalent.

Grover plays Laertes cranked up to 11, and I think that's Harry Monster or someone similar as his player equivalent.

Scooter could be Horatio. I did think of Rizzo the Rat at one point, but he would not put up with Hamlet's shit for very long, while Scooter would shrug and roll with it, which is more true to the text.

I never quite figured out castings for Osric and Fortinbras, who don't appear in these drawings, because I honestly like Sweetums for either part and couldn't decide. I think I tend toward making him Osric ("A palpable hit!"), because the Swedish Chef playing the Norwegian Prince could be hilarious:

Fortinbras: "...Wat du hey?!"

Horatio: "What is it ye would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search."

Fortinbras: "De chicky cri un hackensvacken! O Morp, Wat festen toward yer unendinlindinlindin cell Ther thoo soo muchen kingen in un kaboom So bludili hast stroock?"

(My apologies to Danes, Swedes, and Norwegians...)

And, naturally, the Gravediggers who gleefully desecrate the grave of a certain much-despis'd court jester couldn't be anybody else but Statler and Waldorf.

[strangedreamings]

HOTD S2E4 (spoilers abound)

Halfway point of S2. No turning back now, folks.

God, I love the tapestry sequence. Threads of fate soaked in blood.

Daemon's dreaming, again? I'd say it's nice to see Young Rhaenyra again but her presence means our boy is losing it. Mental illness gallops in this family, so I shouldn't be surprised. I love that the crown is too big on her, it's a great detail.

Oookay, Daemon cutting her head off is NOT what I expected but yeah, just another sign of him losing the coin toss. Her disembodied head chastising him is ... an interesting touch.

Why are his hands bloody if he was only dreaming?

It's sad that instead of the four Muppet Tullys, we just hear of one and see another. Somebody with this show has no sense of humor and it ain't GRRM. C'mon, give me Grover, Elmo, Kermit, and Oscar, not just Oscar. Let the fans have some fun in an episode that is going to be nothing but pain.

Daemon, your sense of humor is not endearing you to anyone at all.

I just checked, GRRM hasn't said exactly how the Muppet Tullys are related to Catelyn Stark and her siblings, but that's not surprising -- there are huge gaps in most of the Great Houses' family trees.

Dismissing Oscar like that definitely isn't going to make him want to fight for you, Daemon. Of course, Daemon wouldn't know diplomacy if it bit him on the ass. Who in the fuck thought this trip to Harrenhal would be a good idea? Oh yeah, it was him. :P

I get a little giddy when House Blackwood is mentioned. What can I say, my favorite ASOIAF character is Brynden "Bloodraven" Rivers, the bastard son of a Blackwood mother and a Targaryen father, and the great-grandson of Daemon and Rhaenyra.

Ooo, does Rhaenys suspect that Alyn is her husband's bastard? (She's right, of course.) But touching his face like that, very creepy.

She does know! Corlys' past has come back to haunt their marriage.

"draw us back from the abyss." Too bad it won't happen. But at least Rhaenys knows the war is going to be very bad for everyone. She's not blinded by glory, duty, or anything else.

The dragon statuette Alicent's holding looks like it was carved out of Styrofoam, like it doesn't weigh a thing. Yeah, it doesn't sound like stone when it falls and breaks either. Where did the budget for this show go?

An abortifacient? And Alicent's pretending it's NOT for her? I'm sure the Grand Maester saw right through that. At least this is sparing Westeros from an Alicent-Criston baby. Can you imagine the utter nightmare such a kid would be?

Your doubts are nice to see but they're far too late, Alicent.

This Team Black Small Council is full of old men with no brains whatsoever. They do have plenty of misogyny, though. *eyeroll* Feed them all to your dragon, Baela.

I don't remember what Ser Alfred's surname is so I can't look him up but I really fucking hate him. I'm glad Corlys was able to shut him up (temporarily). I want a woman (any woman) to best him then kill him, is that too much to ask?

So, for two episodes running, we've seen the immediate aftermath of battles but not the battles themselves. It's a cost-saving measure by HBO, I'm sure, but they can't keep this up narratively -- it'll get boring after a while. I had to look up this one, it's the sack of Duskendale.

"Whore of Dragonstone," huh? Well, Criston, you're the Whore of King's Landing. :P

His white cloak is filthy. No honor in that man whatsoever and his cloak absolutely shows that.

Gwayne's face is bloody. I'm surprised he actually fought. He seems to be the type to hang back and let other people do the fighting for him.

"You are not fit for the white cloak." Tell him! He never was.

"Yours will come in kind." Too bad the Butcher's Ball (probably) isn't until next season, I can't wait to see it.

Ooo, Criston is avoiding Harrenhal! He's showing brains for fucking once. (It won't last.)

Green Small Council and they're talking about Rook's Rest. The ticking of the clock is getting louder and louder. Also, Aemond really does like to pout pensively, doesn't he? I'd hate him for it but fuck, he's too pretty (fucking nuts but yes, too pretty).

Things are getting tense between the brothers and the rest of the council is uncomfortably caught in the middle. Squirm, fellas. You deserve it. Oh, and where's Alicent? Knowing this show, she's probably hemorrhaging somewhere from the abortifacient.

Is this the first time we've seen any of Alicent's kids speak High Valyrian? But it looks like Aemond is fluent and Aegon II is decidedly not. Now I want fanfics of Aemond being firstborn and Aegon being the youngest, just to see if he would've been a better king. Looks like Aegon II realizes his baby brother does have strengths of his own.

No hemorrhaging but it looks like Alicent is making her own medieval heating pad. Larys isn't stupid, Alicent. It's in his nature to notice EVERYTHING, including the bottle you left out in the open. Aemond really didn't get his brains from his mother, did he?

"covered himself in glory" There's a phrase I never thought I'd hear in this franchise.

Larys knows about Alicole, lovely.

Back to Harrenhal. Daemon is following Aemond but I can only assume he's dreaming again, there's no way Aemond got there that quickly. Plus, we haven't seen Aemond's face yet. Besides, this is way too soon for the Battle Above The Gods Eye. I knew it -- "Aemond" has Daemon's face. Yeah, Freud would've had a field day with this dream.

Alys again. My apologies to the actress but I really fucking hate her voice. Nails on a chalkboard. (It's not her accent, that's fine, it's her voice itself.)

Daemon, a woman you suspect of being a witch gives you something to drink and you fucking do it? You have no self-preservation instincts left, do you?

Ser Willem's cute but I'm pretty sure the show's writers made him up -- Benjicot Blackwood didn't have a regent and I can't find any mention of his father having a younger brother. Well, at least he'll be nice to watch while he lasts (which I'm sure won't be long).

Hi, Laena! Back from the dead to haunt Daemon's conscience, I see.

As much as I like the Blackwoods, they really need to let their feud with the Brackens die out. (They won't, of course.)

"I removed them, I didn't burn them." For some reason, I really like the way TGC delivered that line. Whatever you're doing after HOTD, Tom, I intend to see it.

Aegon, you're merely a figurehead now. Unfortunately for you (but fortunately for the realm), you don't have the brains to be anything more.

Wow, Alicent really doesn't think highly of him, does she? I don't know if that's for the best but it makes me feel sorry for Aegon, just a little. If his parents actually gave a damn about him while he was growing up, he wouldn't have turned out the way he did.

Is that Rook's Rest? Title cards would've helped so much. If a castle wasn't in GoT, I can't be expected to recognize it, okay?

"They will not expect it because it is fucking madness." I hate Gwayne but he's right and I can't help liking that line.

"Are you afraid, Ser?"

"Worse. I'm rational."

Yep, I like that line too. Why is Gwayne getting all the good lines? It's making me like him a little and I don't want to.

Jace, your attitude is unhelpful. Show a little more respect to your mother and monarch, especially around other people. I'm not for corporal punishment normally but if I were Rhaenyra, I'd slap you.

Ugh, Rhaenyra's little trip has cost her what little respect she had from her small council.

Jace is a little too eager to use the nukes, isn't he? Kid, you'll never be a good king if you're this trigger happy. Rhaenyra wants to go, Jace wants to go. She undermines him in front of everyone. Good! Serves him right.

Rhaenys offers to go. Yeah, we knew this was coming.

Sorry but Jace is a brat. He's not ready to rule. He's not even ready to be the heir. He's too much of a hothead.

Ugh, the ASOIAF talk. Making this prophecy part of House Targaryen's legacy was a dumb idea.

Sunfyre nudging Aegon in the shoulder like he's a horse is just too cute. This'll be the last cute moment of the series, I'm sure.

Vhagar looks like she just wants to take a nap. Too bad Aemond didn't let her.

Aemond commands Vhagar in Valyrian, Aegon commands Sunfyre in English (sorry, Common Tongue). That says a lot about both of them.

Cole didn't want Aegon on the battlefield but he's not losing a chance to spin this to their advantage. Soldiers always fight harder when their leader is fighting with them.

Meleys vs Sunfyre. Poor Sunfyre is getting torn apart. (What can I say, the animals are innocent in this war.) He's bleeding out.

Vhagar really shouldn't be able to fly with that many holes in her wings.

Oh shit, is Aemond TRYING to kill his brother or is Aegon just in the way?

Poor Sunfyre's screeching sounds a lot like a bird (or a pterodactyl).

Rhaenys, you could've retreated and lived to fight another day.

Fuck this family, the Targaryen stubborn streak will get them all killed.

A seatbelt?! Do you really think that's going to save you against another fucking DRAGON?!

Holy fuck, the size difference between Meleys and Vhagar is ridiculous.

Cole got knocked off his horse while he was trying to get to Aegon. Too bad it didn't kill him.

I could've done without that jump scare, Ryan. :P

Not exactly how Rhaenys died in the book but honestly, I think I like this version better. She looked resigned to her fate as she was falling.

I think Cole might have a punctured lung. Or maybe that was just the sound of him trying to breathe on a battlefield full of smoke. I'm pretty sure he's got a concussion, but then he doesn't have much of a brain to injure. :P

Cole, you're on foot and you passed a horse just standing there. If you're not up for riding, at least bring the damn horse with you.

Aemond looking like he's about to do some more kinslaying, lovely.

A dying Sunfyre and an unmoving Aegon, lovely.

Aemond really has the devil's own luck. Too bad it runs out (next season).

Hey, writers, you spared Ser Harrold Westerling from his book fate, when are you actually going to use him again?

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Self-Indulgent Series December: Granite Hills

It's December, and that means I get to be self-indulgent and give myself gifts, mainly the gift of looking at actors I like.

I give you my series of self-indulgence, Granite Hills (1990):

~~💀💀~~

Set in 1980 in the fictional town of Mudslide, Wisconsin, mainly at the Granite Hills university. This cast will be a mix of actors who would and wouldn't be available at the time.

The Show's Cast Includes:

Alfred Molina as Angel Ramon Vega [Age: 24]

Anjelica Huston as Sandy Cherry Lawson [Age: 26]

Billy Connolly as Professor Darwin Derryl Rigby [Age: 40]

Billy Crystal as Jethro Mephisto Butcher [Age: 25]

Brendan Fraser as Dallas Nathaniel Gray [Age: 23]

Carrie Fisher as Veronica Beverly Chambers [Age: 21]

Cary Elwes as Easton Markos White [Age: 27]

Chris Barrie as Douglass Wilfred Bernard [Age: 20]

Christina Applegate as Storm Hekla Jóhannsson [Age: 18]

Christopher Walken as Professor Karl Cai Lowell [Age: 40]

Craig Charles as Chuck Vance Sheppard [Age: 21]

Dan Aykroyd as Cesar Clay Leon [Age: 23]

Danny John-Jules as Quentin Kingston Hollister [Age: 21]

Daryl Hannah as Bernadette Daphne Jordan [Age: 24]

Diane Lane as Saffron Elouise Mason [Age: 19]

Fran Drescher as Monique Joanne Curtis [Age: 22]

Geena Davis as Erin Kermit Cantrell [Age: 28]

Gunnar Hansen as Thor Hjörtur Jóhannsson [Age: 48]

Harold Ramis as Edmund Morgan Blackburn [Age: 29]

Jack Black as Odin Hrafn Jóhannsson [Age: 21]

Jeff Bridges as Professor Kennedy Troy Gill [Age: 40]

Joe Pesci as Professor Jeremiah Emmit Jekyll [Age: 40]

John Belushi as Julian Noel Hood [Age: 25]

John Candy as Dale Randall Newman [Age: 26]

John Cusack as Andrew Simon Garfield [Age: 23]

John Goodman as Cyrus Lars Nielsen [Age: 27]

John Leguizamo as Alijah Mrlon Cross [Age: 29}

Judd Nelson as Colton Kenelm Coy [Age: 19]

Katey Sagal as Ramona Adrienne Dunn [Age: 25]

Kevin Bacon as Brad Nathan Hardy [Age: 25]

Kiefer Sutherland as Trenton Homer Abbey [Age: 21]

Luis Guzmán as Jaxxon Garrett Flores [Age: 29]

Mandy Patinkin as Elishua Saul Zebedaios [Age: 28]

Matt Dillon as Dennis Waylon Marley [Age: 20]

Matthew Lillard as Alexander Buddy Jones [Age: 19]

Oliver Platt as Ruben Manuel Valdez [Age: 22]

O'Shea Jackson (Sr.) as Tyrese Jordan Maxwell [Age: 18]

Philip Seymour Hoffman as Parris Hayes Grant [Age: 19]

Raul Julia as Professor Marcel Gomez Agua [Age: 40]

Ray Winstone as Holden Montgomery Lynn [Age: 27]

River Phoenix as Kent Horace Woodward [Age: 18]

Robin Williams as Jaycee Aramis Ellis [Age: 26]

Sean Young as Maxine Jade Upton [Age: 26]

Stanley Tucci as Luke Robin Flynn [Age: 22]

Steve Buscemi as Hugh Chester Sweeney [Age: 25]

Tom Hanks as Mark Everett Shaw [Age: 20]

Tony Shalhoub as Orlando Jaime Guerrero [Age: 25]

Val Kilmer as Earl Blue Dior [Age: 29]

Wayne Knight as Osborne Finnegan Jarvis [Age: 28]

William Baldwin as Theodore Joshua Ball [Age: 20]

Willem Dafoe as Terry Roosevelt Jepson [Age: 27]

[horizon-verizon]

When the ravens brought word of the battle back to the Red Keep, the green council hurriedly convened. All of the Sea Snake’s warnings had proved true. Casterly Rock, Highgarden, and Oldtown had been slow to reply to the king’s demand for more armies. When they did, they offered excuses and prevarications in the place of promises. The Lannisters were embroiled in their war against the Red Kraken, the Hightowers had lost too many men and had no capable commanders, little Lord Tyrell’s mother wrote to say that she had reason to doubt the loyalty of her son’s bannermen, and “being a mere woman, am not myself fit to lead a host to war.” Ser Tyland Lannister, Ser Marston Waters, and Ser Julian Wormwood had been dispatched across the narrow sea to seek after sellswords in Pentos, Tyrosh, and Myr, but none had yet returned. King Aegon II would soon stand naked before his enemies, all of the king’s men knew. Bloody Ben Blackwood, Kermit Tully, Sabitha Frey, and their brothers-in-victory were preparing to resume their advance upon the city, and only a few days behind them came Lord Cregan Stark and his northmen. The Braavosi fleet carrying the Arryn host had departed Gulltown and was sailing toward the Gullet, where only young Alyn Velaryon stood in its way...and the loyalty of Driftmark could not be relied upon. “Your Grace,” the Sea Snake said, when the rump of the once proud green council had assembled, “you must surrender. The city cannot endure another sack. Save your people and save yourself. If you abdicate in favor of Prince Aegon, he will allow you to take the black and live out your life with honor on the Wall.” “Will he?” King Aegon said. Munkun tells us he sounded hopeful. His mother entertained no such hope. “You fed his mother to your dragon,” she reminded her son. “The boy saw it all.” The king turned to her desperately. “What would you have me do?” “You have hostages,” the Queen Dowager replied. “Cut off one of the boy’s ears and send it to Lord Tully. Warn them he will lose another part for every mile they advance.” “Yes,” Aegon II said. “Good. It shall be done.” He summoned Ser Alfred Broome, who had served him so well on Dragonstone. “Go and see to it, ser.” As the knight took his leave, the king turned to Corlys Velaryon. “Tell your bastard to fight bravely, my lord. If he fails me, if any of these Braavosi pass the Gullet, your precious Lady Baela shall lose some parts as well.” The Sea Snake did not plead, or curse, or threaten. He nodded stiffly, rose, and took his leave. Mushroom says he exchanged a look with the Clubfoot as he went, but Mushroom was not present, and it seems most unlikely that a man as seasoned as Corlys Velaryon would act so clumsily at such a moment. For Aegon’s day was done, though he had yet to grasp it. The turncloaks in his midst had put their plans in motion the moment they learned of Lord Baratheon’s defeat upon the kingsroad.

Fire and Blood, by George R.R. Martin, pg 563-565 [Aegon II’s Death PT.1]

[janeblr]

some more little tidbits about Lietuva My Beloved…

Literally will forget to eat/sleep/piss until it’s 2 AM, he’s surrounded by paperwork, his head is pounding, and he hasn’t eaten since the morning prior. He’s tried to leave sticky notes and set timers to remind him to take breaks, but the only thing that consistently works is Feliks calling him to snap him out of work mode, because no matter how busy Viktoras is, he will ALWAYS answer the phone for Feliks.

Black coffee black coffee black coffee. He’d boil it in a spoon and shoot it up if it would caffeinate him faster. A gross habit is that he rarely cleans his coffee mug- he reasons that since there’s no sugar or milk in it, and coffee is so acidic, that it kills the germs. So currently he’s drinking from a horrifically grimy mug with Kermit the Frog on it… a gift from Alfred, of course.

He doesn’t have a left leg. It was blown off above the knee in the War of the Second Partition and didn’t grow back. He has a pretty decent prosthetic but still walks with a bit of a limp. He actually managed to keep it hidden from the other nations, even Feliks, for over a century before he finally accepted it and didn’t mind others knowing he was missing a leg. Permanent injuries are rare among their kind, especially one so major as losing a limb, and it was a serious blow to his pride after already losing so much around that time.

When he moved in with Alfred, he unfortunately had to sell a LOT of his sentimental items because he could only take so much over to America. Among the things he kept were the crown he wore at his wedding, a rosary with amber beads(a gift from Feliks), a dagger with his name engraved on it(a gift from Natasha), and a few feathers off the wings of a Winged Hussar that died in battle taking an arrow for him.

He took Alfred’s virginity. He’s not very romantic, per se, and views sex less as a bonding activity and more as a mutually enjoyed hobby. This infuriates Feliks to no end because Vi is casually hooking up with Natasha, Lovino, and Katya while in a dedicated relationship with Feliks, who is probably the only nation on the planet who is exclusively committed to one person.

Blanket hog.

[peacocktalk]

#tell me who would play the sole human in Pride and Prejudice? #and which character

The sole human would be the director of the film, played by Alfred Molina. Miss Piggy would be thrilled to play Elizabeth, but she then goes ballistic when she gets to her first scene with Darcy and discovers Kermit got stuck in traffic, so Darcy is played by Gonzo, and at Miss Piggy’s insistence they do the rest of the film “on location” as they travel through Los Angeles traffic trying to find Kermit.

STOP no more live-action remakes. We're going the other way now. Animated Casablanca. Animated The Godfather. Animated Oppenheimer. Animated Fight Club.

[zorgishborg]

Listen I run the risk of looking absolutely deranged here but I drew something that was so funny I literally don't know if I can ever top it and I wanna share it but its absolutely bonkers without context, and even with context its ridiculous but...

Here's the idea I came up with after I had the sudden revelation that Alfred Molina would make an excellent muppet movie villain

Please this was so vivid in my head I needed people to see this

I know I probably sound like a lunatic but I just know in my heart and soul this would fuck unequivocally

[headingalaxys-spicy]

Some more platonic yanderes for ya: Established RusAme, but both become platonic yanderes for a darling. So, they just kinda share the darling while still being in a romantic relationship with themselves.

Even if their feelings for you are platonic both of them will still have a decent amount of control over you. They’re kind of like your gay dads. So congratulations, I hope you’ve always wanted to live in a Big Brother type of fantasy. 

Also you’re going to hate me for the amount of puns I put in this. 

How you met them: 

They were on another hiking trip dates. While they were hiking Alfred wanted to fawn over a black bear. Turns out this bear thinks Alfred was beargining for a bad time. He didn’t want to be cuddled by the ultra strength Didney Worl character. So the bear had chomped down on Alfred’s leg and had a tight grip on it. Ivan wrestled the bear off his cute but dumb boyfriend. 

“You need medic now.” He manages to get the park rangers and the medics to where they were in the mountains. You were the lead ranger that was leading your team to aid them. 

“Alright let’s get em fixed!” 

“Hahah. I guess my acting career is over.” Alfred jokes. Blood gushing out of his leg made him a little delirious. 

“Shut up, Alfred.” He says in a tone that hinted he was holding back laughter. He loved his idiot of a boyfriend and his crazy foolishness. 

While you finished the report and giving the document to sign Alfred was free to go…with crutches. 

“Thanks again y/n! You’re a cool dudette!” Cheerful even after getting bit by a bear. 

“No problem. Just try not to hug anymore bears.” 

“Yeah that was a pawful.” Alfred snorted. 

“Yeah, you were Bear-y bad pain.” You jab back at Alfred. 

<Kermit the frog on a ventilator of me laughing at my own joke.>

Ivan rolls his eyes and says ‘oh god’ in Russian. 

“I will give you a-PAWS for you and your teams rescue.” Alfred winks and thumbs up. Dropping his crutches in the process. 

“Nyet! Nein! NO! Nay! HELL NAW YOU AMERICAN.” He slowly stalks closer to Alfred with his purple aura expanding. 

“So are puns are clawing at you?” 

(In Russian) “I will fuck you sideways.” 

“Hahaha you’re cute when your irritated.”His grin grows wider at Ivan. Yep his viocidin was kicking in and making him feel woozy but he wanted to choose violence. 

The two of them began to rough house even with Alfred’s damaged leg. 

And you weren’t having any of this. You pried the two of them apart with your sheer will and physical prowess. Ivan and Alfred were stunned and amused. 

“You know y/n you should hang with us. We could totally party together.” Alfred had a mischievous smirk on his face. Oh the stunts and daredevil type things he’d want to do with you. Things like planking on a tight rope on a high rise in NYC. 

Yes, Alfred is a daredevil I headcannon that.

They will eventually start to low-key threaten you to hang with them.

“Ah, Sunflower nice to see you in these parts if the woods. It would be a shame if these tress are the reason you ceased to be.” Then he’d Homer Simpson his way back to the tress with a smile that would not fade. 

Alfred will try to be overwhelming with how often he calls your station for help. He ask question, inquires about random things, beg for help, etc. He practically clogs your phonelines. 

The overbearing and menacing yanderes can be quite the combination to handle. They eventually wear you down into a ‘friend contract’. 

You still have autonomy except on Mon-Wed and every other weekend. (they like to have their private time to bone and romance each other.) 

They text you daily. 

They put a tracker in your phone. 

If you dont answer when they call prepare to be hunted down by some of their nations best agents. 

Game nights are mandatory. (Usually happens on a Monday night.) 

It is nice to have them around when someones is being an asshole to you. They will end up in a dumpster bloody with broken bones. 

So, it’s not so bad. Right?

[scoobydoomistakes]

If every other form of entertainment was suddenly banned overnight... thrift stores would be all I needed.

Awwww, cute lil’ ducks statue!

Hey buddies, whatcha lookin’ over there fo–

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NEVER MIND, I’LL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR SMALL-CHILDREN-SCARING

...also... the top one kinda looks like Kermit the Frog. Just puttin’ that out there.

Of course, some items actually have a nice enigmatic quality to them.

Like, there’s a certain pleasant irony to a cactus made out of cuddly material.

Just waiting to be placed on display with a titanium sandcastle and an ice sculpture of a volcano.

Some images will stay with me forever, like the back of this mug...

...which, though I can’t explain why...

...is cryptic and strange enough to make my day.

I’d totally have bought it, if I didn't fully expect that anthropomorphic chocolate chip to haunt me the second I brought it home.

Now of course, in the magical land of vinyl...

Where to even begin.

I guess we can start with lumpy watercolor Alfred E. Neuman...

...and end with the California Raisins from ‘80s commercials... calcified, I guess?

...er... yeah, no, sorry guys. Title or otherwise, I can feel confident in saying... 

...we have not requested anything of you. Promise.

Except maybe for Granny Deathstare to not look at us like that.

Hey, it’s the 5 Neat Guys from SCTV! But there’s only–

*pauses*

*realizes this is a reference from 14 years before he was born, and 99.9% of viewers will be totally lost*

*leaves it in anyway to please a few old people and other comedy nerds*

Meanwhi–...

...I... have no words for those teeth.

The nutcrackers! They’re reproducing!

And last but not least...

...

...I...

...I have even fewer words

–Colin

[writerben01]

I love all of this. And while I really enjoy the idea of a fictional world where Kermit and Piggy are in a relationship with Bruce Wayne (it's hilarious), I can't help but think how that would look like when grounded into bat reality too.

The puppeteers approaching Bruce Wayne after the interview, both flustered from all the teasing and thankful for how he played along. Both surprised to learn that Bruce keeps flirting even when they’re not in costume and genuinely enjoys their company for the small moments after the show. Kermit’s puppeteer isn’t Kermit because it’s just a part they play, but they have to be capable of the compassion that Kermit shows in order to act it out. Piggy’s puppeteer isn’t Piggy, but they have to capable of her wit in order to act it out.

Bruce is supposed to go on patrol, but everyone’s been hounding him to take it easier. And while he regularly has to find a random man or woman to hang by his side to keep up his playboy persona, it’s rare he can be the playboy with people he actually enjoys the company of.

So as everything wraps up, he offers to take them to dinner. It can’t be in public, unfortunately, since the puppeteers aren’t supposed to be seen in the press. And that’s unavoidable if they go to dinner with Bruce. So Bruce calls Alfred and asks to have dinner for three ready.

They’re discreet. But they also have a great time. The puppeteers truly appreciate all that Bruce has done for the city, and Bruce really is amazed by their acting skills. Bruce is an actor just like them even if nobody knows it, and he’s learning so much just by talking to them.

Bruce end up bedding them.

And in post-coital bliss they start joking about how Bruce did end up sleeping with Kermit and Piggy just like he had promised. The puppeteers do the voices as they all stare at the ceiling (so much easier to imagine the puppets when you can’t see the puppeteers). And so much easier to be vulnerable and speak their minds. Bruce can talk all about how nice the swamps are and how he’ll have the best mud imported for Piggy’s baths. The puppeteers talk about how they’ve saved the theatre and have all the time in the world now. Why not stay there for longer?

But as the game ends, reality sets back in. They’re travelling all across the country to promote the movie and have to be on a plane within a few hours. Bruce doesn’t do long term relationships and as a playboy he can get sex anywhere. It was all fun, but is was also all pretend.

Almost all. Bruce tells them in all seriousness that he’d love to host them again if they’re back in the city. They try to make light of it, using the voices to tease about how Kermit and Piggy have a standing invitation to Bruce Manor. And Bruce just puts on his millionaire smile. You’re welcome whether you bring the puppets or not.

They part amicably. And Bruce feels a lot better.

When anyone asks what he was doing that night, he just gives them a look. Hadn’t they seen the interview? He was very clearly making good on his promises to the two famous muppets.

Time passes. Memes are made. The media loves to speculate.

The puppeteers call when the movie is pitched. The producers want to capitalize on the media success and make a sequel in Gotham with piggy ending up at Wayne Manor and Robert Dowey Jr playing Bruce. The puppeteers couldn’t explain why that would be inappropriate and wouldn’t disclose anything to the producers without Bruce’s consent. They’re professionals, of course.

And they’re surprised to learn how much Bruce loves the idea. They’re even more surprised when Bruce volunteers to appear as himself in the movie.

He negotiates a generous salary, which will all be donated to arts charities in Gotham. He holds on announcing it because it’ll be funnier if nobody realises it’s going to be Bruce himself appearing in the film. Robert Dowey Jr still gets taken on the promotional tours and they make a big deal about his mystery part and nobody guesses who he’ll play.

Obviously everyone instantly assumes he’ll play Bruce Wayne.

Imagine their surprise when the doors to Wayne Manor open and they see Roberty Dowey Jr playing Alfred instead.

The added benefit is that Bruce isn’t expected to promote the movie. He’s kept out of trailers for now, and he can focus on fighting crime and pretending to be a playboy.

Most nights he’s on a conference call with the puppeteers, who tell him about their day and the funniest highlights on set and during promotion.

Obviously there is a lot of movie to be made, and Bruce only plays a tiny part in it. He is only needed for a few days on set. He is his regularly charming self, talks up everyone like it’s the first time he’s ever seen a movie being made, taken completely by surprise at every little thing that is different compared to the set-up for interviews that he’s used to.

Bruce genuinely fumbles over his lines a few times. It’s hard to find a balance between pretending to be incompetent and caring about the script. As much as he’s used to acting, he’s never done it with a script before. He’s never been told to repeat the line twenty times with different emotions and projections. He’s never been told to slowly change his emotion over a scene and then jump back to how his emotions were thirty seconds ago because they want another take.

There are a lot of bloopers and everyone’s a sport about it. Especially because Kermit, Piggy and Bruce have amazing chemistry even as something goes wrong.

Bruce accidentally looks to Kermit when he says he just can’t resist that face (Piggy’s). Kermit makes a joke about it, and Bruce says it’s hard to find Piggy’s pretty face right away with Kermit’s pretty face so close by.

Bruce stands on Piggy’s puppet hand and falls to his knees in apology, giving a gentle kiss on her arm and asking what in the world he can give her to make it up to her.

Half the blooper real is Bruce ‘accidentally’ forgetting that the producers didn’t want any flirting happening between Kermit and Bruce. One memorable scene is him staring depressed at the script and asking sadly why Kermit and him can’t just share Piggy together.

Every night he gets to lay in bed with the puppeteers and talk about acting and the movie and everything else. Bruce helps to brainstorm some of the meanest lines about himself. At first the movie wanted to have Piggy live her life in luxury at Wayne manor while she learned to be a businessman like Bruce. But Bruce turned that around into Peggy having control of everything, humbling Bruce with her intelligence and business acumen. A place where she was appreciated more than with the Muppets.

He also keeps pitching adult jokes, which they have to reject. But if he has actual interest in being pegged by Piggy, they can handle that in private with no problems.

Bruce becomes less of a playboy around them, and more like his real self. He doesn’t even really know who that is anymore. He exaggerates when he’s Bruce and he exaggerates when he’s Batman. Around them he can let go of all the pretending and just have fun as an actor. Being an actor is more his real self than any of his roles are.

The movie comes out and everyone loses their shit.

Bruce keeps being asked about it in interviews. And with the straightest face acts like he only just realised what those cameras were for. He was just living his best life with Miss Piggy. He just can’t say no to that pig.

Part of him wanted to make it more. To really bring the puppeteers into his life. But he can’t do that to them. It would bring too much risk to people that just wanted to bring joy into the world. And he can’t do it to the people of Gotham, who need Batman to be without distractions.

But that doesn’t mean that Bruce can’t have any breaks. Or that he can’t have fun.

There are many more Muppet movies, and Bruce gets to make a cameo in every one. It’s just canon that Bruce is Kermit’s rival in Piggy’s affections. Kermit is the lovable underdog, while Bruce is the rich idiot.

In a movie about superheroes, Bruce makes a cameo as Batman. He wears a suit that is two sizes too big, can’t stop smiling (all the muppets keep telling him on the movie that he’s playing Batman so he should frown, and when Bruce tries to frown he just smiles wider), and is constantly tripping over himself. In the movie he became Batman because he wanted to be cool like Kermit/Superman and win Miss Piggy back.

Every movie Bruce gets to Cameo in, he gets to spend time with the puppeteers.

And maybe some day they’ll retire and decide to settle in Gotham. Perhaps some day Bruce can stop being Batman and he’ll be able to start an acting career.

Perhaps.

Bruce knows he can’t take any future for granted.

And in the mean time, he gets to freak out everyone in the Justice League when he casually mentions he had another threesome with the Muppets in his last vacation.

I feel like Bruce Wayne projects the kind of amiable playboy 'fun' vibe that he'd be the type of celebrity that certain interviewers feel comfortable surprising with puppies.

You know the kind of shows I mean.

The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.

So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.

Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)

(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))

Anyway, consider, for your amusement, Bruce Wayne getting highjacked on The Gotham Toight Show with a handful of wriggling puppies and, for a split second, not having to pretend he's delighted to be there.

[cosmik-homo]

It's good I don't have pain endurance otherwise you Know In an alternate reality I would not take Ritalin one day and get a Kermit the Alfred tatoo

[laannie0803]

Lady Baela Targaryen, apodada Bae, fue la hija mayor del príncipe Daemon Targaryen y su segunda esposa, Lady Laena Velaryon. Tuvo una hermana gemela, Rhaena.

De joven era una doncella asilvestrada y caprichosa, fibrosa y rápida, más hombruna que femenina que llevaba el pelo plateado tan corto como un muchacho, para que no se le atravesase en la cara cuando cabalgaba.

Cuando su madrastra Rhaenyra Targaryen se hizo con el dominio de Desembarco del Rey y el Trono de Hierro, Baela dividía sus días entre Marcaderiva y Rocadragón. Poco después de que la corte de la reina se trasladase a la capital, Baela fue descubierta dejando que un pinche de cocina la tocase por debajo de las faldas. El castellano de Rocadragón, Ser Robert Quince, enojadísimo ordenó que le cortaran la mano al chico y tan solo la llorosa intercesión de Baela lo salvó. Cuando el dragón Fantasma Ceniciento apareció calcinado y destrozado en la isla de Rocadragón, le prohibió a Lady Baela volar en Bailarina Lunar por miedo a que el dragón Caníbal, que se creía había atacado al otro dragón, le hiciera daño. Lady Baela no quedó feliz con la prohibición y esa misma noche trató de escabullirse hasta su dragona pero fue descubierta; luego de eso quedó confinada a sus habitaciones.

Cerca del final de la guerra, y debido a que Rocadragón cayó en manos de Aegon II Targaryen, Baela pudo escapar de sus habitaciones cuando la puerta fue destrozada. Se las arregló para llegar a su dragón y soltó sus cadenas, ensillándolo y escapando, pero mientras huía se encontró con Aegon II y Fuegosol. Los dragones lucharon hasta el amanecer en el aire, pero cayeron sobre la dura piedra del patio de la fortaleza. Aegon II se soltó de la silla cuando los dragones se encontraban a veinte metros del suelo, pero Lady Baela no corrió la misma suerte y quedó enganchada a la silla de Danzarina Lunar. Finalmente consiguió escapar, pero su dragona fue devorada por Fuegosol. Quemada y apaleada, Baela logró desengancharse de su silla y arrastrarse lejos de su dragona. Ser Alfred Broome la encontró y desenvainó su espada para matarla, pero Ser Marston Mares lo impidió arrancando la espada de la mano de Alfred. Tom Lenguatrabada la llevó hasta el maestre Hunnimore.

Después de la ascensión de su primo y hermanastro, el rey Aegon III Targaryen, Lord Cregan Stark tomó la regencia en lo que se conoció como la Hora del Lobo. Ordenó ejecutar a todos los hombres involucrados en la traición a Aegon II Targaryen, aun cuando estuvieran actuando por órdenes de los hombres del actual rey Aegon III. Champiñón afirma que Lady Baela empuñó una espada y declaró que cortaría la mano de cualquiera que intentase hacer daño a los hombres que la habían salvado; Lord Cregan sonrió y dijo que, "si la dama tenía tanto cariño a aquellos perros, le permitiría conservarlos". Lord Stark también se mostró inflexible sobre perdonar a Lord Corlys Velaryon, quien había jurado lealtad al rey Aegon II Targaryen a finales de la guerra.

Rhaena y Baela convencieron a Aegon III de no castigar a Corlys, afirmando que si no fuera por su abuelo, el estaría muerto. Aegon perdono la vida de la Serpiente Marina y lo hizo parte de su consejo Privado.

Como la gemela mayor, muchos consideraban a Baela como heredera al Trono de Hierro, pero ella detestaba estar en el centro de la atención de la corte de Desembarco del Rey. Su personalidad asilvestrada gustaba de compañía inadecuada para una noble, como un malabarista joven y simpático, un aprendiz de herrero cuyos músculos admiraba, un mendigo sin piernas, un mago de trucos baratos y un par de gemelas de un burdel.

En 132 d.C. se acordó que Baela se casaría antes de poder deshonrar a la Casa Targaryen. Fueron considerados como pretendientes Lord Kermit Tully, Lord Benjicot Blackwood, Lord Lyonel Hightower, Lord Dalton Greyjoy, el príncipe Qyle Martell y el autoproclamado Rey de los Peldaños de Piedra Racallio Ryndoon, pero la Mano Ser Tyland Lannister y el Consejo de Regentes se decidieron por el dos veces viudo Lord Thaddeus Rowan. Sin embargo, Baela no estaba satisfecha con la decisión.

Un día después, huyó del castillo y contrató a un pescador para que la llevara a Marcaderiva. Allí buscó a su primo, Lord Alyn Velaryon y le contó los planes de matrimonio; quince días después, Lady Baela, de dieciséis años, y Lord Alyn, de casi diecisiete, se casaron en el septo de Rocadragón. Aunque algunos regentes le pidieron a Ser Tyland que solicitara la anulación al Septón Supremo, la respuesta de la Mano fue de desconcertante resignación, haciendo correr el rumor de que matrimonio había sido arreglado por el rey y la corte. Posteriormente, se acordó que Baela no podría ser heredera del Trono de Hierro después de tal acción.

El matrimonio de Lady Baela y Lord Alyn fue famoso como tormentoso. En 133 d.C., Lord Alyn zarpó hacia las Tierras del Oeste y Lady Baela lo despidió con un beso y la noticia de que se encontraba embarazada; si el niño era varón, sería considerado heredero del Trono de Hierro. Lord Alyn le pidió que nombrara al bebé Corlys, como su abuelo, pero que Baela declaró que sería una niña y se llamaría Laena, como su madre.

Ese mismo año, mientras su marido estaba en Antigua, envió una carta a Baela después de que se recibió la noticia de la muerte de la reina Jaehaera, y el repentino anuncio del compromiso del rey con la hija de la Mano del Rey, Myrielle Peake. Se desconoce el contenido de la carta, pero poco después Lady Baela y Lady Rhaena llegaron a Desembarco del Rey con la joven pupila de Baela, Daenaera Velaryon, para el Baile del Día de la Doncella. El rey eligió a Daenaera como su segunda esposa, haciendo creciera el desagrado que Lord Unwin Peake sentía por Baela.

Al año siguiente, Lord Alyn Velaryon volvió a la capital a bordo del Lady Baela trayendo consigo al príncipe Viserys Targaryen, quien se creía muerto. Lord Alyn se encontró en los muelles de Desembarco del Rey con Lady Baela esperándolo con su hija recién nacida, Laena; tras besar a su esposa, Lord Alyn alzó a la niña para mostrársela a la multitud, que lo ovacionó. Con el regreso del hermano del rey, Lady Baela dejó de ser la heredera al trono. Poco después, Lady Baela regresó a Marcaderiva con Lord Alyn y su hija. Cuando el esposo de su hermana Rhaena, Ser Corwyn Corbray, fue asesinado en Piedra de las Runas, Baela viajó a Rocadragón para consolarla. Para 136 d.C., Lady Baela estaba embarazada de su segundo hijo.

Después de su muerte (entre el 165 y el 170 d. C. me imagino) su esposo tuvo un romance con su sobrina, Elaena Targaryen y tuvo mellizos bastardos, Jon y Jeyne Mares. Elaena esperaba casarse con Alyn, pero este desapareció en el año 175 d. C.

Su relación con Alyn no me parece del todo sincera y romántica (al igual que la de Daemon y Rhaenyra). Aun así al igual que su hermana, solo eran unas niñas en medio de una cruel guerra y Baela estuvo presente, me imagino que debió sufrir un poco mentalmente por todas las muertes y los destrozos al rededor de los Seis Reinos.

Lady Baela Targaryen, nicknamed Bae, was the eldest daughter of Prince Daemon Targaryen and his second wife, Lady Laena Velaryon. She had a twin sister, Rhaena.

As a young woman, she was a feral and capricious maiden, stringy and quick, more manly than feminine, with silver hair as short as a boy, so that she would not get caught in the face when she rode.

When his stepmother Rhaenyra Targaryen seized control of King's Landing and the Iron Throne, Baela divided her days between Marcaderiva and Dragonstone. Shortly after the queen's court moved to the capital, Baela was discovered leaving a pinche de cocina to touch her underneath her skirts. Dragonstone's Castilian Ser Robert Quince, very angry, ordered the boy's hand cut off and only Baela's tearful intercession saved him. When the Ashen Ghost dragon appeared charred and shattered on Dragonstone Island, he forbade Lady Baela to fly on the Moon Dancer for fear that the Dragon Cannibal, believed to have attacked the other dragon, would harm her. Lady Baela was not happy with the ban and that same night she tried to sneak up to her dragon but was discovered; after that she was confined to her rooms.

Near the end of the war, and because Dragonstone fell into the hands of Aegon II Targaryen, Baela was able to escape her rooms when the door was smashed. She managed to reach her dragon and released her chains, saddling and escaping, but as she fled she encountered Aegon II and Fuegosol. The dragons fought until dawn in midair, but fell on the hard stone of the courtyard of the fortress. Aegon II was released from the chair when the dragons were twenty meters from the ground, but Lady Baela did not suffer the same fate and was hooked to the Moon Dancer's chair. Finally she managed to escape, but her dragon was devoured by Fuegosol. Burned and beaten, Baela managed to unhook herself from her chair and crawl away from her dragon. Ser Alfred Broome found her and unsheathed his sword to kill her, but Ser Marston Mares prevented it by ripping the sword from Alfred's hand. Tom Lenguatrabada took her to Master Hunnimore.

After the ascension of her cousin and stepbrother, King Aegon III Targaryen, Lord Cregan Stark took over the regency in what became known as the Wolf Hour. He ordered all the men involved in the betrayal of Aegon II Targaryen to be executed, even though they were acting on the orders of the men of the current King Aegon III. Mushroom claims that Lady Baela wielded a sword and declared that she would cut off the hand of anyone who attempted to harm the men who had saved her; Lord Cregan smiled and said, "If the lady was so fond of those dogs, she would allow her to keep them." Lord Stark was also adamant about forgiving Lord Corlys Velaryon, who had sworn allegiance to King Aegon II Targaryen in the late war.

Rhaena and Baela convinced Aegon III not to punish Corlys, stating that if it wasn't for her grandfather, she would be dead. Aegon spared the life of the Sea Serpent and made it part of his Private council.

As the elder twin, Baela was considered by many to be heir to the Iron Throne, but she hated being in the center of the attention of the King's Landing court. Her feral personality liked inadequate companionship for a noblewoman, such as a sympathetic young juggler, a blacksmith's apprentice whose muscles she admired, a legless beggar, a cheap trick magician, and a pair of brothel twins.

In 132 A.D. it was agreed that Baela would marry before she could dishonor House Targaryen. Lord Kermit Tully, Lord Benjicot Blackwood, Lord Lyonel Hightower, Lord Dalton Greyjoy, Prince Qyle Martell and the self-proclaimed King of Stone Steps Racallio Ryndoon were considered as suitors, but the Ser Ser Hand Tyland Lannister and the Council of Regents were decided by the twice widowed Lord Thaddeus Rowan. However, Baela was not satisfied with the decision.

A day later, she fled the castle and hired a fisherman to take her to Marcaderiva. There she sought out her cousin, Lord Alyn Velaryon, and told her of the marriage plans; A fortnight later, Lady Baela, sixteen, and Lord Alyn, almost seventeen, were married in the Dragonstone Septa. Although some regents asked Ser Tyland to request annulment of the Supreme Septum, the Hand's response was one of disconcerting resignation, spreading the rumor that the marriage had been arranged by the king and the court. Subsequently, it was agreed that Baela could not be heir to the Iron Throne after such action.

The marriage of Lady Baela and Lord Alyn was famous as stormy. In 133 AD, Lord Alyn set sail for the Western Lands, and Lady Baela dismissed him with a kiss and the news that she was pregnant; if the boy was a boy, he would be considered heir to the Iron Throne. Lord Alyn asked her to name the baby Corlys, as her grandfather, but that Baela declared that she would be a girl and her name would be Laena, like her mother.

That same year, while her husband was in Antigua, she sent a letter to Baela after news of Queen Jaehaera's death was received, and the sudden announcement of the king's engagement to the daughter of the King's Hand, Myrielle Peake . The content of the letter is unknown, but soon afterwards Lady Baela and Lady Rhaena arrived at King's Landing with Baela's young pupil, Daenaera Velaryon, for the Maiden's Day Ball. The king chose Daenaera as his second wife, growing Lord Unwin Peake's dislike for Baela.

The following year, Lord Alyn Velaryon returned to the capital aboard the Lady Baela, bringing with him Prince Viserys Targaryen, believed to be dead. Lord Alyn met Lady Baela on the docks of King's Landing waiting for him with his newborn daughter, Laena; After kissing his wife, Lord Alyn raised the girl to show her to the crowd, who applauded him. With the return of the king's brother, Lady Baela ceased to be the heir to the throne. Soon after, Lady Baela returned to Marcaderiva with Lord Alyn and her daughter. When her sister Rhaena's husband, Ser Corwyn Corbray, was killed in Rune Stone, Baela traveled to Dragonstone to comfort her. By AD 136, Lady Baela was pregnant with her second child.

After her death (between AD 165 and 170 I imagine) her husband had an affair with his niece, Elaena Targaryen, and had bastard twins, Jon and Jeyne Mares. Elaena hoped to marry Alyn, but he disappeared in AD 175. C.

Her relationship with Alyn doesn't seem entirely sincere and romantic to me (like Daemon and Rhaenyra's). Even so, just like her sister, they were only girls in the middle of a cruel war and Baela was present, I imagine that she must have suffered a little mentally for all the deaths and destruction around the Six Kingdoms.

[pheacas]

Your opinion on Colton Ryan in DEH vs Colton Ryan in ABH (I know we only have on audio of the latter but still)

I can’t believe you’re using my favorite actor against me

Dear Evan Hansen was his first professional gig, and he was fresh out of college, so especially in the beginning he was extremely anxious, and there was a lot of pressure on him since he was the first ever person to go on after the beloved Ben Platt (and I still think to this day that he would have been better if he didn’t have such a hard act to follow and stressed over copying him).  I don’t think such a contemporary musical was suited for him, either; he was obviously classically trained, and that’s where he excels.  His acting was pretty good, but he wasn’t that good with the high belting and just needed more practice (I might be posting a WTAW ending comparison soon if I can get an ABF audio that I know I can use for a short clip).  Plus, Evan wasn’t his role; he was much better with Jared, a role where he could have fun.  He’s always had his best performances where he can have fun.

In Alice By Heart, from what we have so far, it’s obvious he’s improved.  The show is definitely one that’s a bit more free than something like Dear Evan Hansen, so his White Rabbit and Mare Hare is really fun and great, but even with his more serious acting with Alfred he does feel genuine (gotta add, his British accent kills me and his coughs sound disgusting).  His belting sounds improved, and he doesn’t have to worry about higher belts as far as I can tell, so he isn’t sometimes screaming (although honestly he could probably handle it better now).  He’s more confident in himself, and you can tell.  He still sounds a bit like Kermit, we can’t ever help that, but his voice is more sweet, and from the audio at least there seems to be a lot of chemistry between him and Molly.  The music is also just more suited for his voice and background.  Also not particularly on Colton but the end murders me.

Colton is still young, though, he’s still got so much room to improve, and I’m really excited to see where he goes!  He’s already incredible.

[horizon-verizon]

When the ravens brought word of the battle back to the Red Keep, the green council hurriedly convened. All of the Sea Snake’s warnings had proved true. Casterly Rock, Highgarden, and Oldtown had been slow to reply to the king’s demand for more armies. When they did, they offered excuses and prevarications in the place of promises. The Lannisters were embroiled in their war against the Red Kraken, the Hightowers had lost too many men and had no capable commanders, little Lord Tyrell’s mother wrote to say that she had reason to doubt the loyalty of her son’s bannermen, and “being a mere woman, am not myself fit to lead a host to war.” Ser Tyland Lannister, Ser Marston Waters, and Ser Julian Wormwood had been dispatched across the narrow sea to seek after sellswords in Pentos, Tyrosh, and Myr, but none had yet returned.  King Aegon II would soon stand naked before his enemies, all of the king’s men knew. Bloody Ben Blackwood, Kermit Tully, Sabitha Frey, and their brothers-in-victory were preparing to resume their advance upon the city, and only a few days behind them came Lord Cregan Stark and his northmen. The Braavosi fleet carrying the Arryn host had departed Gulltown and was sailing toward the Gullet, where only young Alyn Velaryon stood in its way…and the loyalty of Driftmark could not be relied upon. “Your Grace,” the Sea Snake said, when the rump of the once proud  green council had assembled, “you must surrender. The city cannot endure another sack. Save your people and save yourself. If you abdicate in favor of Prince Aegon, he will allow you to take the black and live out your life with honor on the Wall.”  “Will he?” King Aegon said. Munkun tells us he sounded hopeful. His mother entertained no such hope. “You fed his mother to your dragon,” she reminded her son. “The boy saw it all.”  The king turned to her desperately. “What would you have me do?”  “You have hostages,” the Queen Dowager replied. “Cut off one of the boy’s ears and send it to Lord Tully. Warn them he will lose another part for every mile they advance.”  “Yes,” Aegon II said. “Good. It shall be done.” He summoned Ser  Alfred Broome, who had served him so well on Dragonstone. “Go and  see to it, ser.” As the knight took his leave, the king turned to Corlys  Velaryon. “Tell your bastard to fight bravely, my lord. If he fails me, if  any of these Braavosi pass the Gullet, your precious Lady Baela shall lose some parts as well.” The Sea Snake did not plead, or curse, or threaten. He nodded stiffly,   rose, and took his leave. Mushroom says he exchanged a look with the Clubfoot as he went, but Mushroom was not present, and it seems most unlikely that a man as seasoned as Corlys Velaryon would act so clumsily at such a moment.  For Aegon’s day was done, though he had yet to grasp it. The  turncloaks in his midst had put their plans in motion the moment they learned of Lord Baratheon’s defeat upon the kingsroad.  […]  After the council meeting, King Aegon II was carried down to the yard by two strong squires. There he found his litter waiting, as was customary; his withered leg made steps too difficult for him, even with  a crutch. Ser Gyles Belgrave, the Kingsguard knight commanding his  escort, testified afterward that His Grace seemed unusually fatigued as  he was helped into the litter, his face “grey and ashen, sagging,” yet instead of asking to be carried back to his chambers, he told Ser Gyles to take him to the castle sept. “Perhaps he sensed his end was near,” Septon Eustace wrote, “and wished to pray for forgiveness for his sins.”  A cold wind was blowing. As the litter set off, the king closed the curtains against the chill. Inside, as always, was a flagon of sweet Arbor red, Aegon’s favorite wine. The king availed himself of a small cup as the litter crossed the yard. Ser Gyles and the litter bearers had no notion aught was amiss until they reached the sept, and the curtains did not open. “We are here, Your Grace,” the knight said. No answer came, but only silence. When a second query and a third produced the same, Ser Gyles Belgrave threw back the curtains, and found the king dead upon his cushions. “There was blood upon his lips,” the knight said. “Elsewise he might have been sleeping.”

Fire and Blood, by George R.R. Martin, pg 564-566