#alfonso the crocodile

[space-salaman]

PowerCroc vs 72 !!! 💥 This arrogant robot had it coming! 🤘 Don't you agree? ~ ~ ~

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[sparkylurkdragon]

While Alfonso the crocodile is obviously a much different character from Admiral Alfonso, I've known the little guy since the Gamecube days and the name coincidence has always been amusing to me. I usually change his catchphrase to some variant of "Dispose of them!" for the obvious reasons.

Anyway it worked out really well the other day

[onlydolia]

Liz and Gayle from animal crossing.

Though the snow was not any reptile’s favorite, Liz the alligator thought it would be best to live in Animal Forest, away from the politics and chaos of their homeland.

She and her family hated wearing tail sleeves, but as the rivers froze and the trees weighed with snow, they decided maybe it was not such a silly fashion after all. Better to be sleeved than to be numbed, dragging behind them in the snow.

[empressofmankind]

THE CUT

[Crocodile x Shivs (OC)]

Teen and up ~ 2k / 5 pgs

(A/N): I don't know how to sell you this - It's definitely a Crocodile x Shivs ficlet, but also he isn't in it?! He's mentioned one (1) time.

It's the bad old days prior to the Team Triassic's story line. It's the period between the hushed up Jurassic Park drama (in the aftermath of which Crocodile's accounts got frozen) and the infamous San Diego incident that saw him maimed in the way we all know him to be. That's right, it's 1996 and they're living in San Diego. And not the bella vita.

Tag(s): Suspense. Not-so-veiled threats of violence. Mafia shenanigans. Devil Fruit, whomst? Nothing graphic, this time.

🚬🚬🚬

It had been an typical Monday until just before closing time, when it took an abrupt turn for the worse.

Alfonso had immigrated to San Diego from Marsala three years ago and set up shop near the main street of Little Italy. An excellent spot for a skilled craftsman, and soon people knew where to find him. There had been several regulars today, in for their weekly or biweekly appointment. Some fresh faces, too. He was just wiping his hands on a towel while seeing off his last customer when she entered.

That’s right, a woman.

Dressed as she was in slacks and a vest situation, her face in the shade of a Coppola cap, he’d at first assumed she was a man. After all, all his customers were.

“Lady,” Alfonso said, his surprise evident in his tone. “This is a barbershop.”

Her long fingers lingered on the olive corduroy before she removed her cap to reveal a narrow face and hawkish eyes. Eye, he should say, as a neat leather eyepatch covered the left. She tilted her head like a bird. Or a cat. Perhaps, a cat casing a bird.

“I am aware.”

Her Italian was fluent, but he could not place her accent. She didn’t seem from the neighborhood to him with her red hair and pale skin. Unsure what to make of her, he slipped into the false comfort of his daily routine. She did have her hair cut in a short, flamboyant sort of quiff that had clearly outgrown its ideal length.

“You need a trim, donna?”

“Yes.” She smiled - a self-satisfied, toothy thing more a threat than a reassurance. “Unless you are closed, Alfonso?”

Alfonso frowned and looked her over again. No, he’d remember if he’d met a woman like her. How did she know his name? He shrugged off the unpleasant feeling. Word of mouth, no doubt. If her purpose was a trim, he would provide a trim.

“If there are customers, my doors are open,” he said as he gestured her to his salon chair. He pulled it out for her, but when she sat down, a metallic ‘clang’ rang against the frame. The source was a worn prosthetic, replacing the lower half of her left leg. It was just visible above the neat, two-tone derby when she sat. He busied himself with fashioning his barber cape about her neck and shoulders. If she’d been a man, he’d have assumed she’d lost it in a war, perhaps a severe work accident. What harms threaten a woman’s leg?

The color of her hair was remarkable - lustrous, as copper, and red as spilled wine. And her own, rather than painted as he had first thought. Her roots were as crimson as the rest of it. Yet its texture was rough and stiff as he inspected the grown out quiff. The culprit was hairspray, used amply and regularly, so it would bounce back when she removed her cap. He could determine this because he felt and remedied it on the daily.

“A wax is easier on the hair than a spray,” he said, conversationally, and not for the first time that day. “It holds just as well.” He gauged the length of the now drooping forelock, considering how to prune it into shape. Such an unusual hair shade. A wax would do it good, strengthen its natural shine. If she let it grow, it would be a sight to behold.

“I’ll swipe some from mio capo.”

That gave him pause.

Not the cavalier mention of theft, but whose mouths that particular noun tended to frequent. Then again, their thing, too, was men’s business. He caught her observing him in the mirror. She seemed amused.

He’d never cut a woman’s hair before. He supposed it shouldn’t be any different. Wondered if she would have other expectations of this masculine cut. “Signorina Chiara down the street can cut it proper.”

“Signorina Chiara has paid her protection.”

 Alfonso froze.

He hadn’t forgotten.

Not exactly.

For the past three years, he had made the payment every month on the precise time and day specified. He’d never heard anything, never seen anyone. He gave the envelope with cash to the Mexican girl chewing bubblegum at the corner store, and that was that.

Last week, the day after it was due this month, he realized he forgot to hand over the usual third of his income. He’d been worried, but no one had come. Not the day after that, either. He’d started thinking maybe they hadn’t noticed? His was but a small business. Surely, his few crumpled bills didn’t matter all that much.

She glanced up from the corner of her good eye. “I suggest you don’t ruin it.”

“I’d never, donna.” His hand shook as he combed her hair and lined up his scissors to refresh her haircut. He cut in silence for a while, and she observed him in the mirror. He could sense her gaze on him as snippets of red hair fell to the floor, collecting there like red autumn leaves or spilled blood about a drain.

“Leave the bangs a tad longer,” she said when he was almost done, and he obliged. “Full plate, today?”

“Usual, I would say,” he said as he cut. He’d helped customers all day, but no one had to be turned down.

“Lookin’ after your own, I see,” she surmised, and he noticed the snare around his ankle the moment it closed. “Friend of ours wouldn’t leave us out in the cold.”

He could have suggested that business had slowed down, should have said that income had been scarce.

Too late, now.

“Listen Alfonso.” She rolled her shoulders beneath the barber cape and caught his gaze in the mirror, a flick at their surroundings with her long fingers. “I was told to remind you who got you on solid ground when you arrived here, who helped you set up this little shop.”

She needn’t tell him.

He knew.

For as he watched the last snip of red hair drift to the tiled floor, he realized who sat in his salon chair.

Quello rosso - the red one.

Never had he imagined the Crocodile’s infamous enforcer might be a woman. No one had ever? He’d assumed - expected? He supposed it didn’t matter, now.

“This neighborhood can be rough,” she said as he cautiously tilted her head to trim up the sides. “You wouldn’t want to be without protection.”

“No, signora,” he hastily agreed as he touched the straight razor to the short hair just behind her ear. Unintentionally, his gaze lingered on the slow pulse of veins at the crease of her jaw.

“You seem a smart man, Alfonso.” Her tone was soft and deliberate. “Don’t think stupid thoughts, now.”

Alfonso frowned and coughed, putting the razor down as the fit’s intensity brought fluid up from his lungs. It left as quickly as it had started.

“Scuse,” he managed as he recovered, and rinsed and dried his hands before returning to the task at hand.

He glimpsed her sly smile in the mirror. “It’s been going around.”

He finished the cut, and she seemed well enough pleased with it as she rose and inspected it. “Listen, you bring the missing dough and a little extra for this hassle come Thursday, and I won’t be bringing this suit to the dry-cleaner.” She returned her cap to its proper place and turned to him. “That sound fair to you?”

Less than three days.

She tilted her head, and he felt another coughing fit come on.

“Si, signora,” he agreed in between coughs and his throat cleared. “Thursday, subito.”

She smiled and he hurried to open the door for her.

He didn’t release the breath he’d been holding until she’d crossed the street and disappeared into the alley behind Gino’s. He flipped the sign to ‘closed’ and sank to the ground with his back against the glass door.

‘A little extra for this hassle.’

How much money did they expect?

All of it.

He’d assume all of it. If that wasn’t sufficient… The magnitude of what had happened hit him, and he broke down in sobs. He knew he was lucky if this was all he ever saw of her.

Her.

Never would he have suspected… he marshaled his nerves.

He would not make that mistake again.

🚬🚬🚬

@tiredemomama @feral-artistry @lostfirefly @supermetalfandomfreak @biohazard-inevitable @fanaticsnail @gingernut1314 @katmihawk @momodwriter @dressycobra7 @bronsterbash

[prydainroyals]

"Grandmother. Do not treat me like a child," Alice snapped. Of all the ridiculous things for her grandmother could be doing at this very moment, cooing with airy condescension, why did it have to be that?

"Then stop acting like one," Gwyn retorted airily.

"We already have two grown-up children in this household, we do not need a third."

Alice bristled. She loved Gwyn, she truly, really, really did-- she admired and respected her for her resilience in dealing with the press over past decades, had fond memories of going out with her to tea parties and public events. She still had a little stuffed cat Gwyn had given her as a gift when she was three!

But this...?

"Arthur and Father are not overgrown children," Alice snapped back, her voice raised and filled to the brim with indignation. "And neither am I. If anyone here is being childish, Gran, it's you. Shame on you for being so dismissive of them! And of me!"

Gwyn seemed to recoil at Alice's fire--

--then leaned in, opened her mouth as if to say something, but shockingly did not interrupt. Instead, she pursed her lips silently--

--and at last began to pout.

"Alice, I am only trying to look out for--" Gwyn began, her cold and haughty tone abandoned for the soft and pathetic simpering of a crocodile of a woman.

Alice was having none of it; felt the ire stir up a storm. She threw up her hands, struck them through the air as though the oxygen round them was at fault.

"--Stop!" she shouted, composure finally lost. The clear manipulation that Gwyn had reserved for others for so long, now being used on Alice, had touched a nerve and caused her to snap. Whatever patience she'd had, was now seemingly lost against a tide of righteous indignation.

"The only person you're looking out for is yourself, Gran!"

"Why I never--"

"No! Let. Me. FINISH."

Alice stood from the table and took a deep breath. She couldn't let Gwyn "win" by absolutely losing control. She refused to do that-- she was better than that, and if she let her hot temper get the better of her, she would just be playing right into whatever stupid schemes Gwyn had in mind.

Calm. Relax. It's alright. Just think of Arthur. Think of Alfonso. Think of Carmen.

Gwyn stood to face her, and Alice let out a sharp sigh.

"Asking for your support for a mere recognition of the Heir's return home should not be so complicated," Alice stated, her voice sharp, shoulders squared, her sharp, green gaze sat piercing right through Gwyn.

"I say 'support' and not 'permission' because, to be quite honest, it isn't up to you," Alice quickly, but steadily, went on. "I am doing this for more than just Arthur, who is my twin, but for our family and for our reputation."

"If you don't like that, I've nothing else to say to you, Gran."

"Now, whether or not you'll excuse me, I am leaving to attend today's business. If I hear that you've pushed Father to deny this effort, you ought to know that your sabotage of my brother will not be successful."

"You're overreacting, my dear--" Gwyn replied as Alice turned her back and marched out of the tea room.

But Gwyn's bait was resoundly ignored and she was left to stand and fume alone.

---

Alice ain't wrong--this escalated entirely too quickly.

- - -

PREV | BEGINNING | NEXT

[acnhconfessions]

(swooce) from the creator of "how villagers got arrested", im bringing "what if animal crossing villagers had stands" bc i got burned out. anyways, starting by species instead of personalities!

alfonso: pocket crocodile

alli: alligator wine

boots: boots of spanish leather

del: alligator straps

drago: crocodile rock

gayle: heart is on the line

roswell: rocket man

sly: camouflage love

[acnhportraits]

[uncleredart]

Painted Alfonso from animal crossing. One of my favorite villagers!! _____ #alfonso #animalcrossing #nintendo #acnh #acpc #switch #villager #alligator #crocodile #digitalart #reptile #reptilian (at Brooks, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCfKDhXJEbQ/?igshid=11vbu25a7dqmv

[couriwaytown]

guys i think Alfonso and Tex are gay

[goblinkind]

@rackamz replied to your post “Alfonso is just a Mario kin we found down by the ocean”

I love him!!

He is cute! I love the crocs 🐊

[cloudy-leonhart]

REINER AND BERTHOLDT PLAYING ANIMAL CROSSING.

A/N: I needed to post something, and this was rushed since something has happened, and may result to me going on hiatus. 

TW: swearing. 

Theme: fluff/crack.

Recommended song: K.K Slide (That’s Alright) - Tony22, Cameron Sanderson.

✦REINER BRAUN

he doesn’t get the concept of it. Like why would you want to play a game where you have to live with a bunch of animals?? Aren’t they stinky?? why they walk like humans??

no he starts to like it, you forced him to play it, and now he’s liking it.

he doesn’t enjoy collecting the weeds because it clogs his inventory. 

do you think he’d have a pretty island?? no, sadly it’s a little bland. He made little fences around his villagers’ houses, and like, made a little farming place and like a park, the rest is bland. Trees. WEEDS.

I think his little villagers would be: Apollo, Barold, Hans, Aurora, Agnes, and Drake.

he hates Barold, but he puts up with him because Reiner thinks “it’s too late to kick him out.” 

no because he says that Aurora reminds him of Pieck?? I think Agnes would be better but he has his opinions lmao.

He’s so wholesome with his villagers, bye it’s his safe zone. 

He’s like a little kid, you guys HAVE to have a bag with both your switches in them, he doesn’t care if he’s a grown man, he will have a tantrum if he doesn’t get to run around his island while waiting at the doctor’s or is on a long road trip. 

will sulk if he misses a day of logging in, he just doesn’t want to miss a day of logging into the Nook Stop, he will be angry.

when he finally visits your island, he rethinks the look of his island, yours look so pretty and aesthetic then his?? bland, bland, bland.

He starts to make his town look pretty. He goes for a modern world with a bit of countryside.

his bells are always out, he can’t finish construction like this please...

no bc there’s this bridge that’s been there since the start of the month and has yet to be paid..

 ✦ BERTHOLDT HOOVER

He’s a very wholesome animal crossing player, I think he’d be those soft animal crossing streamers, I actually think he’d make a living in being a streamer. 

he enjoys the calmness of it, he likes the soothing music and sometimes listens to the soundtrack of animal crossing to help him go to bed.

I think his island would look fairly aesthetic, he probably went for the soft Japanese aesthetic, he probably have the amiibo’s for characters that have specific houses.

he definitely researches which characters have houses that would fit his aesthetic. but so far, what I think his characters would be are: Kabuki, Zucker, Gladys, Alfonso, Butch, Marshal.

His least favourite villager would probably be Alfonso, he’s just a little intimidated by Alfonso, even if the crocodile is 2D.

I think he’d be like packing bells, like your boyfriend is also a part-time in game sugar daddy when it comes to playing animal crossing.

he knows how to sell things, one side of his island is literally full of stuff he doesn’t want to sell because it’s not the hot item of the day.

he and udo are animal crossing buddies, they play almost all the time.

sometimes you guys have these battles where you make your islands look good and then have his viewers look around the town and then have polls on who’s looks better. Whoever wins gets 5 million bells.

no because he sits on his bum hours without end, fishing and catching bugs.

He also buys a bunch of turnips from Daisy Mae. It’s not even funny..

he’s a pro at catching bugs BUT tarantulas and scorpions, he just really can’t.

He prefers playing animal crossing with you, rather than playing it alone, it feels boring and a chore when he plays alone.

[space-salaman]

[nma] flex off!

alfonso doing the armstrong meme from full metal alchemist lol, by @/eoqurano @eoqurano

[lunurivelvet]

2018 art. Alfonso the crocodile.

[buzz-movies]

Best Animal Horror Movies

If you’re looking for scary animal horror movies, check out our list of the best animal horror movies.

25. King Kong (1933)

Backstory: This is the godfather of all eco-horror movies and has been remade numerous times. A film producer visits a remote island that harbors a giant ape. He captures it and ships it to New York City, expecting riches and fame rather than horror and destruction. The scenes where the giant ape struggles with a brontosaurus and a T. Rex employed special effects that were far ahead of their time. The film was an immediate sensation.

24. Squirm

Jeff Lieberman’s slimy slice of scare fare is a fantastic blend of camp and gross-out body horror, just as a flesh-eating worm flick should be.

23. Beneath (2013)

Larry Fessenden’s tense thriller about teens terrorized by a bloodthirsty fish flips the animal horror subgenre on its head by emphasizing the true danger between humans in desperate times.

22. Kingdom of the Spiders

William Shatner headlines this chilling cable television mainstay about creepy, crawly tarantulas ravaging through a rural Arizona town.

21. Grizzly

A low-budget, land-bound rip-off of Jaws, Grizzly has nonetheless harbored a cult audience and was even briefly acknowledged as the top-grossing independent film of all time prior to the release of Halloween.

20. Piranha 3D

Alexandre Aja’s first entry on this list features plenty of cameos, graphic nudity, and gruesome gore, but its tongue-in-cheek approach to its ridiculous elements helps the fierce horror-comedy stay above water.

19. Venom (1981)

Nicol Williamson, Susan George, and Oliver Reed added a level of pedigree to this underground horror favorite about kidnappers under siege by a deadly snake loose in a house that was nearly directed by The Texas Chain Saw Massacre’s Tobe Hooper.

18. Ticks

Produced by practical FX horror bastion Brian Yuzna, Ticks employed incredible creature designs and a charismatic cast that included Seth Green, Peter Scolari, and Alfonso Ribeiro to make up for an undercooked (yet admittedly fun) script.

17. Razorback

Australian filmmaker Russell Mulcahy may be best known for his beloved directorial work on the action classic Highlander, but the filmmaker first cut his teeth with this underrated ’80s killer boar movie.

16. Burning Bright

Step Up franchise stalwart Briana Evigan is incredibly effective in anchoring this survival horror film about a young woman and her autistic brother who must avoid their stepfather’s illegally purchased tiger who gets loose while they take shelter in their home during a hurricane.

15. Rogue (2007)

From the director of Wolf Creek, Rogue pits a number of rising stars, including Radha Mitchell, Michael Vartan, Sam Worthington, and Mia Wasikowska, against a man-eating crocodile that attacked their respective boats and left them stranded deep in Kakadu National Park.

14. Jaws II

A surprisingly maligned sequel, Jaws II may not be the stone-cold classic that is its predecessor, but the film nevertheless effortlessly crafts a stellar slasher flick in which the killer is another shark with a taste for human flesh.

13. Alligator

Before filmmaker Lewis Teague let a certain Stephen King creation off the leash, he turned heads with this impressive (if a little too outrageous) creature feature about a giant alligator wreaking havoc throughout a city, which includes a truly terrifying sequence in which the alligator makes an unwelcome appearance in a suburban swimming pool.

12. Backcountry

Though the film initially pulls off a pitch-perfect bait-and-switch on the audience, the animal attack elements in this horror picture are disturbingly realistic and nothing short of nightmare fuel.

11. The Shallows

Jaume Collet-Serra delivers (as per usual) with this largely one-woman show in which Blake Lively must use her wits and limited resources to avoid becoming shark food while stranded far from the shore of a remote beach.

10. Lake Placid

Written by TV wunderkind David E. Kelley and directed by horror legend Steve Miner, this awesome animal attack movie is especially bolstered by an inspired, against-type supporting turn from the legend herself, Betty White.

9. The Reef

Andrew Traucki’s utterly unnerving shark film not only contains some of the scariest scenes in the subgenre’s history, but is even more petrifying when you discover it was based on a true story.

8. Arachnophobia

Produced by Amblin Entertainment, Arachnophobia has enough practical uses of real spiders to send chills down your spine while offering enough goofiness and giant spider puppeteering goodness to keep you from slipping out of your skin.

7. The Grey

Liam Neeson lent his post-Taken star power to Joe Carnahan’s intense horror-thriller about survivors of a plane crash who find themselves stalked by a pack of hungry wolves.

6. Deep Blue Sea

Though people might know Deep Blue Sea best for its now-iconic shocking death scene, there’s plenty more to love in Renny Harlin’s high-concept “super sharks” horror movie.

5. Crawl

A young woman and her injured father fight for their lives when they are trapped in their basement with hungry alligators and rising water during a hurricane in Alexandre Aja’s brutal edge-of-your-seat horror-thriller.

4. Anaconda

This star-studded fright flick put animal attack films back on the map in the late ’90s and still remains a bone-crunching callback to the more lighthearted and somewhat exploitative era of the subgenre.

3. The Birds

This critically acclaimed film following birds that raise hell in a quiet San Francisco suburb will always be one of the most recognizable entries in Alfred Hitchcock’s late-career renaissance.

2. Cujo

Lewis Teague’s undeniable classic of the animal attack subgenre showcases Stephen King’s harrowing tale of a woman and her sick son trapped in a car stalked by a rabid St. Bernard in all of its ferocious glory.

1. Jaws

The most legendary animal attack horror film of all time, Jaws has changed not only the horror genre but the movie business permanently and caused multiple generations to think twice before going into the ocean.

You can also check The Best Halloween Movies of All Time

[catsatellite]

All the cute villagers are moving out of my town and the not cute ones are moving in lmao....like I have to see Alfonso’s crocodile lookin butt 24/7...that’s the pain I’m being subjected to

[my-world-travel]

Catedral de Sevilla, Seville, Andalusia, Spain

On reflection I don’t seem to have taken as many pictures of the scale as I had remembered. Seville Cathedral is one of the largest churches in the world, and the largest Gothic religious building. It is breathtaking. I have seen cathedrals fit inside one of the aisles. I felt, for all my own convictions, this was a building built by people who wanted to call down the Divine and put it into something of their own, a place to call holy.

Picture 2 is of an aisle, by the way, not the central nave. That’s much larger.

Picture 3 is from the bell tower, which is the only part remaining of the original mosque. Unlike Christian bell towers, it is square and not circular, and has ramps rather than stairs. I vastly preferred this but heard other tourists complaining. You can see the orange orchard--not original but I gathered that the tradition of keeping citrus trees predates the Reconquista. Among other things, the air was noticeably cooler under the branches.

Picture 4 is of the main altar. One of several. It was the largest, and that is gold and silver plate--when it is not pure gold. Most of it came from the Americas, looted by the conquistadores. The amount of gold in the building was overwhelming on a level completely independent from the size of it--knowing that this used to be treasures of another people, or was forced from the land by slaves...and that despite all that awful history, it has ended up here, in an altarpiece that has not changed for longer than the history of my country. Sobering--and something to reflect on. The cycle of horror we perpetuate and the glories we create, either to justify it or obscure it. It’s something I’m still chewing over.

Picture 5 is of someone’s bone, although I can’t honestly remember whose. In Catholicism, the holiness of saints places them closer to God than the average human, and so saints may speak to God on behalf of the average person. Rather predictably, this evolved into venerating the relics--often the bodies--of saints in an effort to approach the divine.

Equally predictably, I took pictures of many of them. :)

Not pictured--although I may have one I just can’t find it--is a sample of blood from Pope John Paul II. It raises questions about when and how it was taken, and why they so sacrilegiously preempted the beautification.

Picture 6 is of a crocodile. The crocodile is 700 years old. According to city legend, the Emir of Egypt wished to marry the daughter of Alfonso X of Castile, and made his case by sending a caravan of gifts, including a live crocodile. Why he thought this would be beneficial is lost to history (although I would certainly be wooed by gifts of apex predators, I can’t imagine my response is typical), but it doesn’t seem to have worked out for him. Nor did it work out terribly well for the crocodile: Depending on the variation, either he (the crocodile) converted to Christianity and eventually died of old age, or he promptly sickened for home and died. Either way he was skinned and the skin stretched over, uh, a wooden model by people who obviously had seen a crocodile but weren’t stellar at carving one, and then hung over one of the cathedral doors as...well, presumably some form of good luck charm.

Absolutely worth a visit, the cost of entry, and at least an hour to poke around into everything.