#alexia the woman of firsts

[thesunisatangerine]

alexia in that tie…wow she is so hot

i feel you anon the aura she exudes in that fit is sooo attractive 😩

yall know whats missing? a cowboy hat and a pair of leather boots ahahaha she looks like she owns a ranch with those leather pants

[wileys-russo]

Alexia - family backyard BBQ - “I’m going to marry you”

ring first II a.putellas

"-how you say it?" alexia frowned, sat on the counter watching you cook as you turned around with a smile. "marry me chicken." you repeated for the third time, the catalan woman mumbling it under her breath but not looking any less confused.

"por qué? you marry the chicken?" the midfielder questioned with an adorable look on her face making you laugh. "when you eat it, you will understand." you promised her with a grin, swatting away her foot with a playful glare as it poked at your ass.

"are you going to do anything to help? or just sit there and ask me questions?" you raised an eyebrow, moving the chicken to the side so you could focus on the sauce.

"princesa you told me you did not want help to cook!" your girlfriend scoffed causing you to roll your eyes fondly.

"you could go and change the sheets on the bed over, so they are done when we get back tonight." you suggested, turning back around and feeling her hazel eyes roaming over you from behind.

"lo siento, no entiendo inglés." alexia sighed with a shake of her head as you paused, narrowing your eyes at her over your shoulder. "lo siento, no más sexo." you shrugged, grinning to yourself at the way the blonde scrambled to jump down from the counter.

"alexia!" you laughed as her arms looped around your waist, peppering kisses all over your face and mumbling apologies. "go and make the bed!" you ordered, pushing into her and nudging her away, her hand grabbing your chin and pecking your lips twice as you hummed.

"te amo." alexia stated as again you only hummed, turning back to the stove as the catalan frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "te amo!" she repeated louder this time assuming you hadn't heard.

"sorry, no spanish." you glanced at her with an apologetic pout, squealing at the way her hand connected with your ass with a huff. "i love you. go be useful!" you pushed at her shoulders, the footballer grumbling her annoyances but going to do as you'd asked.

"ah! no." you smacked your girlfriends hand as you were covering the chicken with foil, everything else packed and ready to go as the two of you were about to head off to her mami's house for a family bbq.

"que? mi amor, one taste." alexia tried again, knuckles rapped with the handle of the ladel you were using to get the last of the sauce into the container as she gasped.

"at dinner? you can have as much as you want." you promised, kissing away her protests as the taller girl melted, as always she was wrapped around your little finger.

"is alba meeting us there or did you say you would pick her up?" you questioned, alexia's head a little woozy as you pulled away, the blonde nodding wordlessly as you grinned, patting her cheek lightly with a wink.

"close your mouth putellas, you'll catch flies."

there was a collectively loud cheer as the pair of you walked out into the backyard, already having been greeted by a handful of alexia's tia's and her mami eli who were in the kitchen getting everything ready.

despite the fact you'd been broken apart to continue with the greetings you were acutely aware of your girlfriends eyes on you as you made your way around the yard, hugged and kissed by her relatives who took you in as one of their own, your own family still based in england but they adored alexia just as much as hers cared for you.

and sure enough just like a magnet the moment she was free again she was drawn to your side, an arm settling comfortably over your shoulder as you leaned into her, the pair of you taking a seat and joining in with conversation.

it was about an hour later that the food was ready and your eyes almost bugged out of your head at the sheer amount of it, easily enough for a small army despite the fact there couldn't have been more than fifteen or so people present.

"i told you to bring the eh...how you say? tupperware?" alexia mumbled in your ear, accented english making you laugh and smack her chest with a grin. "sí, but when does your mami not already send us home with a doggy bag?" you quipped, watching her eyebrows furrow together as alba handed the pair of you a plate each.

"dog? que? why would mami give us a dog?" your girlfriend questioned as you bit your lip to stop from teasing her, knowing that as much as her english was better than your spanish, there were still some idioms that flew over her head.

you settled for an amused smile, merely pecking her lips and chuckling as her younger sister made a gagging noise in front of you, alexia's hand shooting out to smack the back of her head as they started to bicker.

that all fell silent as eli popped up out of nowhere, a stern glare and they were already focused on food again, alexia dishing up for the pair of you as you swooned at the small gesture, kissing her cheek in thanks as you both took a seat at the table.

"marry me chicken." alexia pointed to the dish on her plate as you nodded, a slight blush on your cheeks as praise was tossed at you all across the table from her family who'd already started to eat, a laugh leaving your lips as you promised eli you'd show her how you made it.

"good?" you asked as alexia took a bite, pausing for a moment to chew and swallow as you traced circles against her thigh under the table, awaiting her response.

"i am going to marry you." was all the midfielder said, grabbing your face in her hands and pressing a kiss to your lips causing cheers and whistles to errupt as your neck flushed bright red, grinning as your girlfriend began to shovel food into her mouth.

"ring first my love." you teased quietly in her ear, squeezing her knee and tapping your finger with a sly smile, attention captured by her cousin across from you who asked a question, missing the way alexia stared at you adoringly.

little did you know, the ring was already sorted, and true to her word alexia was going to marry you, and nothing else made her heart soar more than the thought of soon getting to call you her wife.

[leahwllmsn]

broke your heart, I’ll put it back together

alexia putellas x reader

In which Alexia is an excellent footballer yet a terrible, terrible girlfriend. You still love her nonetheless.

Alexia never had much experience with the love that she saw in movies: all the hugs and the “I love you”s and the heart-to-heart conversations. Alexia thought they were too cliché anyway. Especially the “I love you”s. Some people give proclamations of love too easily and not mean a single thing. 

Her sister loved to laugh every time people misjudged Alexia to be someone emotionless and cold, when in reality she was just “an awkward introvert who’s terrible at anything related to love and romance and all that jazz,” (Alba’s words). 

Although Alexia would say that that was false. Just because she turned awkward whenever someone showed a bit of affection didn’t mean that Alexia sucked at romance. Alexia had watched enough Nicholas Sparks movies to understand what she had to do when the time came. Flowers. Chocolates. Kissing in the rain. Simple.

(“Simple. Yup, definitely. That’s obviously why you’re still single at the age of thirty.”

“Excuse me! Puta.”

“Should I set you up with someone? Yeah. I’m gonna set you up with someone.”

“Alba, fuck off.”)

So maybe Alexia was thirty and still single. So what? Alexia just never thought of relationships to be that big of a deal. And it definitely wasn’t because of how she was as a person “distant and reserved”—or so how Alba described her to be. Her job was already taking too much of her time as it is.

Alexia was the best footballer in the world, and aside from trainings and matches to play, it also required back-to-back meetings and her full attention and wow, Alexia really was going to die alone as a cat lady which was so much worse because she was allergic to cats.

“Your turn, Ale.”

Alexia turned her gaze towards Mapi. It was media day at the Estadi Johan Cruyff. Alexia always had loathed doing interviews but it was part of the job. “How was it?”

“Fine as usual,” Mapi shrugged, flopping on the empty bench next to Alexia. “Have a feeling you will enjoy this one though.”

Alexia raised her eyebrows, moving to stand up. “Why?”

Mapi had a cheeky look on her face. “The interviewer is definitely your type.”

Alexia threw her jacket at Mapi’s face, causing the latter to laugh. “I will gladly say I told you so later! Just you wait!”

Alexia entered one of the rooms that was designated for her interview. It was going to be a fun and lighthearted video. Alexia couldn’t really remember the name of the media that she was assigned to, she had a lot on her mind lately. 

Especially since her family was throwing a get-together over the weekend and now both her mother and Alba were pestering her over bringing someone. Alba putting ideas into Eli’s head that Alexia should be seeing someone at this age and Eli quickly agreeing that she was spending too much time on football—

“Miss Putellas? Hi, nice to meet you.”

Alexia’s mouth went agape.

“I’m y/n and this is my team, Robert and Camila. Thank you for having us.”

On second thought, maybe Alba was right. Maybe Alexia really was destined to be the typical career woman who focused too much on work and never had time for love, especially since she was cold and distant and was really, really downright terrible at romance, because there was no way that her heart was doing somersaults when she should be working. This was awful timing. She was so unprofessional.

Her heart was definitely not skipping a beat because of an interviewer who looked to be in her twenties—oh god, Alexia was definitely not crushing on someone who looked like she was still in university.

But the moment you smiled, Alexia knew she was screwed

—

“Fuck you, Alba.”

“Well, Alexia Putellas, just so you know I do have hundreds of girls lining up wanting to fuck me.”

Alexia groaned into her phone. “First of all, ew! Not funny. I hate you.”

Alba laughed. “What did I do this time?”

“You planted these stupid, stupid thoughts into my head! I was thinking about being single so much that you made me have a crush on someone who’s supposed to interview me—”

“I’m gonna stop you right there. How is this my fault?”

“I don’t know!” Alexia exclaimed. “I went into the room and she was there with her stupid cute vest and little notebook in hand and her hair was brown and wavy but not too wavy, it was just perfect the way it falls perfectly down her shoulders and her stupid smile. She was smiling at me, Alba. At me. Smiling.”

“Oookay,” Alba dragged out. “When I said you should find someone I didn’t mean a sugar baby.”

“Alba!”

“What? An interviewer? Journalist? I doubt she’s making a lot per year—”

Alexia groaned even more. “Please don’t go around saying shit like this to anyone else.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Whatever, you’re no help,” Alexia stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, making sure that she looked fine. Not that she wanted to impress you—she just wanted to look fine to someone who was going to interview her. Yeah, that was it. “I'll talk to you later.”

“Going back to your new lover?”

“Shut up,” Alexia unlocked the door and stepped out of the bathroom. “I ran to the bathroom because I freaked out.”

Alba’s laugh was so loud that people in the hallways glanced at Alexia as she passed by. “Real smooth. You're totally good at romance. An expert. The real life Romeo—”

Alexia hung up and plopped her phone in the pocket of her tracksuit. She could get through this. She had played in front of thousands, she went through people criticizing her every move as if they were better than her. She wasn’t nervous then, why should she be nervous now?

“Sorry, where were we?” Alexia said as soon as she reentered the room. She took her seat, you on the other side of the camera, still with that damn smile on your face.

“I was just about to tell you that I have always wanted to interview you,” you replied.

“Me?” Alexia squeaked, immediately clearing her throat nervously. 

—No, not nervously. Alexia didn’t get nervous. Fuck.

“Yes. You’re a very interesting person,” you fidgeted with the notepad and pen in your hands, your shoes tapping on the floor slightly. Alexia realized that you were nervous, and somehow the thought placed a smile on her face.

“How long have you been working for …Dazn? You could pass as someone who hasn’t graduated university—not that I’m saying you’re not qualified to do your job or anything, you just look really young- not that it’s a bad thing! Lo siento. I’ll just stop talking.”

Real smooth, Alexia. Real smooth.

“Well,” you chuckled. “To answer your question, one: just for a little while and two: you’re kind of right.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and smiled bashfully. “I’m twenty-five years old, still in university, but for my masters.”

“I see,” Realization dawned on Alexia’s face and she had to look to the side to hide away her smile. A five year age gap. Not bad at all. 

…Not that it was important, though. Definitely not important. “What are you majoring in?”

You scrunched up your nose. “Isn’t this supposed to be me interviewing you?”

Alexia laughed. “I suppose so.”

“Should we jump into it then?”

“Fire away.”

—

As soon as you left, Alexia couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the day. She didn’t know whether it was because of how stupidly charming you were or because of your addictive smile—okay, no. It was probably not because of you at all. You, who she barely knew. You, with the stars in your eyes, staring at Alexia as if you adored her to bits and wanted to know every single detail about her, including Alexia’s favourite food.

“She asked the question out of nowhere, Albs. We were talking about the upcoming season the second before.” Alexia recalled.

“That does seem pretty random.” Alba replied in between bites of her food.

“Right?! It was like she was done with all her questions, but she wanted to get to know me further—”

Alexia’s sentence was cut off by Alba’s laughter. “Don’t get too cocky now, Ale. Just because you have a crush on her doesn’t mean she’s into you too.”

Alexia rolled her eyes. “I don’t have a crush on her. I can admit she’s attractive. And funny. And smart. Does not mean I have a crush on her.”

“Seems like you do,” Alba said, a smirk forming on her lips. “Which is great! Haven’t I been telling you to find someone? This is super great.”

“I’m not gonna date someone years younger than me, Alba,” Alexia cut into her steak and took a bite. Yup. She wasn’t going to date someone who was five years younger than her.

“She’s twenty-five, that’s nothing.”

Alexia narrowed her eyes at the brunette in front of her. “…How do you know her age? I never told you her age.”

“Google exists,” Alba said simply. “And remember the girl I’m sort-of-seeing-but-not-really?”

“Marta,” Alexia nodded.

“Maria,” Alba corrected. “She’s your girl’s best friend.”

Alexia paused her fork mid-air. “What?”

Alba hummed. “They're on the way here as we speak.”

“What?!” Alexia repeated, a clang echoing throughout her dining room as her fork fell to her plate.

“I invited them over for drinks.”

Alexia palmed her face and groaned. “I think I missed the part where you invited them over to my place without my acknowledgement.”

“Oh whatever, hermana,” Alba waved her off. “Stop acting as if I don’t live here.”

“You don’t,” Alexia reminded.

“Your place is my place and all that,” Alba teased.

“Alba,” Alexia felt like strangling Alba. Or anything to wipe that grin off her face—

The doorbell interrupted them.

Alba squeaked and jumped out of her chair. “That’s them!”

Alexia opened her mouth to say something but Alba was already out of the room before she could utter a word. Damn it.

Alexia forced herself to stay cool, following after Alba and sighing when she neared the front door and saw a girl she’d seen in Alba’s pictures and you.

“Hello,” Alexia greeted. 

“Amor, this is my grumpy and very single sister, Alexia,” Alba pointed at Alexia and Alexia slapped Alba’s hand away.

“I’m Alexia,” Alexia put her hand out, her smile widening when she caught your eyes. Okay, so maybe she didn’t hate Alba that much.

“I know, wow, it’s an honor,” your best friend shook Alexia’s hands. “You’re a legend.”

Alexia laughs, her cheeks turning red. “Thank you.” She turned to you and gave a little wave. “I don’t think introductions are necessary, is it?”

“Hi, Miss Putellas,” you said. Alexia hated how addicted she was to your voice despite having just met you today.

“Oh no. Alexia is fine, please.”

“Okay then,” you grinned and Alexia swore she could die on the spot. “Alexia it is.”

—

“So, Alexia,” you started. You were seated on one couch, Alba and Maria occupying the smaller seater to your left. No one seemed to be paying attention to the movie anymore. Alexia couldn’t even remember what the damn plot of the movie was. You, as it turned out, smelled really good and it was very addicting—and Alexia was insane. Insane for developing a tiny crush on you when you two had just met today. 

You looked like you didn’t know what to say, settling with, “Nice place.”

Alexia gave a soft laugh. “Thank you? There’s more that I haven’t shown you actually.”

“Yeah?” you sounded like you wanted to have Alexia show you around.

Alexia darted her eyes towards her sister and her ‘not-so-date’ to see that they had both fallen asleep. Alexia contemplated whether being alone with you would be something she should be doing or not, and after a moment she decided that there wasn’t any reason for her to not want to be alone with you. 

So Alexia stood up and offered a hand out for you to take. “Come on, I’ll show you around.”

—

Five minutes into being alone with you and walking around Alexia’s house—or mansion, as you called it—Alexia discovered five things about you.

You had two dogs, Salt and Pepper, and Alexia could tell how much you loved them with the way you excitedly told the story about how you got them.

You were an only child and your parents spoiled you to bits and they supported you in everything you did, all the way from the United States.

You were American.

You were taking your masters in sports science and Alexia made a mental note to talk to the physios at Barça on whether they have a vacant spot for you. Not because Alexia wanted to see you everyday, but because she was sure you were a certified genius.

You were hilarious and made Alexia laugh a lot. Alexia wanted more of you.

You were in the middle of retelling how your day went and Alexia somehow really wanted to kiss you, which was dumb and stupid, considering how she barely knew you. 

You got excited over the littlest things, you talked animatedly about how you saw a dog on your way to Alexia’s place that looked a lot like your own and you gushed about how the dog barked excitedly at you. Alexia found it adorable, despite being confused on how a dog can bark ‘excitedly’.

“I’m sorry I talk a lot,” you said, tucking your hair behind your ears. 

“Don’t be,” Alexia bumped your shoulders lightly as you two continued your walk around her house. “It’s cute.”

You playfully rolled your eyes. Alexia could see the red on the tips of your ears. Adorable. “Can we go outside?” you asked, changing the subject.

“Sure,” Alexia led you towards the nearest door that leads to her backyard. “The pool is on the other side, this is my flower garden.”

“You have a flower garden,” you stated. 

Alexia hummed in reply. “I love looking at flowers. They are pretty.”

Once you stepped outside, Alexia felt her teeth chatter, cursing herself for not wearing anything more appropriate for the cold night air. When she was about to ask you if you wanted to head back inside, a jacket was draped around her shoulders and Alexia was surrounded with the scent of your vanilla perfume.

“y/n, you don’t have to—”

“Take it,” you insisted. “You’re freezing.”

“You’re gonna freeze.” 

Alexia shook off the black jacket and was about to place it around your shoulders but you walked ahead. “I won’t,” you walked backwards, smiling reassuringly. “I’m still wearing long-sleeves, see? I can handle it. Don’t worry.”

Alexia hesitated for a second before putting on the jacket. Alexia hugged herself tighter, it was still cold but also because the jacket smelled really nice. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” you replied. You stopped walking and Alexia would know this if she wasn’t so busy looking elsewhere but you. 

The moment Alexia bumped into you, your hands immediately went to steady her, resting on Alexia’s forearms. Alexia could feel herself flush, her cheeks getting warm, profusely apologizing because she was usually never this clumsy.

You giggled, your hands were still sending fire to Alexia’s skin, your faces inches apart. “That’s okay.”

“I should’ve watched where I was going,” Alexia’s face was apologetic. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. Really,” you were smiling at her. “A lot on your mind today?”

Alexia studied your face and nodded. Definitely a lot. She noticed that you had a mole under your left eyebrow. 

“Mind sharing?” you asked.

Alexia immediately stood up straighter and cleared her throat. You dropped your hands, but made no move to step away. “Just- work. Media day has never been my favourite.”

Yup. Work. Definitely not because Alexia couldn’t get your pretty eyes off her mind.

You narrowed your eyes at her and Alexia held her breath. You were really close. It was getting harder to breathe. All Alexia could think about was that vanilla was about to become her favourite scent.

“You’re very interesting.”

Alexia raised her eyebrows at that. “I am?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I saw you at training yesterday, you know. We had a briefing to prepare for today. You were… I wouldn’t say scary, but I was pretty sure your teammates were about to pee their pants.”

Alexia broke into a laugh. “What?”

“You had that furrow between your brows,” you elaborated, raising your hand and hesitantly running a finger across Alexia’s forehead. “And I could hear your stern captain voice,” you chuckled, dropping your hand. “But despite that you were still as charismatic and graceful as ever. I could see why people would be so intimidated by you.”

“And that’s interesting to you?” Alexia said, her voice barely a whisper. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest.

“Yeah,” you answered, your voice matching Alexia’s whisper. “Because while I was interviewing you earlier today and this whole night, you’ve been acting the opposite and I couldn’t figure it out.”

“The opposite?”

“You’re… awkward,” you laughed. “You take charge on the field, your chin held high, you look people straight in the eye when conversing with them. But you’re so awkward—you bump into me, you stutter, you can’t look me in the eye for more than five seconds.”

Damn it. You were smart. Well, Alexia knew you were smart, but this was… this was you being able to read Alexia’s thoughts and damn. it.

Alexia couldn’t even defend herself because it was true. All the things you observed were true and what could Alexia exactly say to that? That Alexia acted that way because she was nervous? That being around you made her nervous? Which was baffling because Alexia had done speeches in front of thousands of people without tripping over her words once, yet one night with you and Alexia‘s vocabulary went out the window.

“Uh I’m sorry if that was overstepping,” you said, finally stepping backwards. “I was just stating what I saw.”

You looked really beautiful under the moonlight. Your eyes casted downwards, your hands fidgety, as if you were doubting yourself about why you said all that. You looked nervous, perhaps about what Alexia would say next. 

But despite everything, you looked really beautiful under the moonlight and Alexia figured that there was no harm in telling you that.

“You’re right,” Alexia laughed. “You’re absolutely right.” A pause. “You’re beautiful.”

You whipped your head up and looked at Alexia with wide eyes. “What?”

“I think you look really beautiful right now,” Alexia exhaled and stepped forward. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “That is why I’m so awkward around you. I just don’t know how to act. I get nervous around pretty girls.”

You laughed and Alexia took it as an opportunity to pull you in for a kiss, swallowing all your laughter.

Alexia became addicted to the scent of vanilla.

—

Turns out Alexia did suck at romance. She missed dates, forgot to call you back and was a bad texter. The first week Alexia didn’t think her thing with you was going to last. She really was terrible.

But weeks turned into months and despite the missed dinners, you stayed patient. You were there in her kitchen with takeout at 10 p.m., waiting for Alexia’s meeting to end. You were there at 7 in the morning before Alexia left for training, a bag of pastries in hand. Alexia would happily munch on her guilty pleasures on the way to training, quickly getting rid of any traces of crime from her nutritionists.

You didn’t get tired of her even though Alexia stupidly didn’t move an inch the first time you initiated a kiss. You only laughed when you first stayed the night at Alexia’s place and Alexia offered her bed while she slept in one of her spare bedrooms. You didn’t mind that you sent paragraphs of text only for Alexia to reply with one or two words—you didn’t get mad, instead you would call Alexia to get her reply because you knew Alexia preferred talking instead of texting.

And Alexia was never the one to show affection. Pats on the back between teammates were appropriate. Hugs were awkward. She kissed each of her exes once or twice. 

You were different and you were persistent. You liked hugs. You hugged Alexia any chance you could get. You preferred to cuddle during movie nights and you liked to hug Alexia from behind when she was cooking dinner. The fact that Alexia tensed whenever you hugged her just made you hug her even tighter.

Strangely, Alexia didn’t find it uncomfortable. If she did, she would've said something. But Alexia actually liked your hugs. 

(“Are all hugs like this?”

“What do you mean ‘are all hugs like this’?

“I don’t know, Alba. Like- you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.” 

“God, you’re nauseating.”

“I’m asking a genuine question!”

“You are in love that's what it is.”)

Five months into your relationship, Alexia started to be the one initiating the hugs. She was more affectionate; intertwining your hand with hers when you walk side-by-side and kissing you goodbye in front of your friends, not caring about the whistles thrown at you.

Alexia still missed dates and phone calls, but strangely enough you still didn’t seem to mind. Alexia was left dumbfounded because how were you perfectly fine with all of this? There was a reason why Alexia’s past relationships never lasted.

“I know you’re busy, baby. And I know you’re trying your best too.” you once said. Alexia almost shed a tear because how were you so. damn. perfect?

After eight months of being together, Alexia was juggling her relationship and football much better. She canceled an important meeting for the first time ever because she promised that she would pick you and your parents up from the airport.

Alba called her crazy, and her past self definitely would agree with Alba. Alexia didn’t care though. The smile on your face when Alexia showed up with flowers in hand was priceless.

“What are you daydreaming about?”

“Hm?” Alexia looked to the side and found you staring at her. “Nothing.”

You laughed, setting your book aside and rested your head on Alexia’s chest. Alexia wrapped her arms around your smaller frame and kissed the top of your head.

“If you say so,” you lazily drew circles on Alexia’s stomach. “What should we get for dinner?”

“What do you want?”

“You always ask me what I want,” you giggled. “Can you choose for tonight?”

Alexia hummed in thought and after a moment she added, “Pizza it is.”

You immediately sat upright, a huge grin on your face. “You really are a mind reader, you know?”

Alexia shrugged, a smile at the corner of her lips. “I told you.”

You shook your head fondly, laughing as you laid back down to your previous position.

“I love you, Ale.”

I love you. Right. Alexia should probably say it back at some point.

But should she even say it back? Wasn’t that too soon? Alexia didn’t know when the appropriate time of reciprocating your girlfriend’s confession of love would be.

When she asked Alba about it, Alba questioned her back asking if the reason she hadn’t said it back was because she didn’t feel the same way you did—which was stupid. Alexia made sure to throw her popcorn across the couch, all the way to Alba’s face, because what kind of stupid question was that?

The first time you said those three words to Alexia, Alexia accidentally sliced her finger instead of the tomato on her chopping board. It was three months after you became official and Alexia wasn’t expecting it. Not that soon, at least. But you did and Alexia was so caught off guard that you two had to halt your cooking session and order sushi for dinner instead. Alexia didn’t bring up the topic again all night and you didn’t either.

Just because Alexia didn’t say it back didn’t mean she didn’t love you. 

Or… maybe Alba was right. Did she love you? 

You, who were the most understanding and loving person Alexia had ever met. You, who made her laugh in the mornings and made her laugh before she went to sleep. You, who were never mad at Alexia when she forgot to call despite promising that she would.

“Being in love with someone and just enjoying their company are completely different things, you know that right?”

“What?” Alexia looked at her sister in disbelief. “Of course I do.”

“Cool. So which one is it with you?”

“Which one?”

Alba rolled her eyes. “Are you in love with her or do you just like having her around?”

In Alexia’s defense, she didn’t have much experience of being in love. How was she supposed to know whatever that feeling was like? The only relationship she had was with Jenni and that didn't work out because they were both too busy to have a relationship. Was she ever in love with Jenni? Maybe not. A crush, sure. Jenni was an attractive woman.

Was it the same with you? Alexia liked you a lot, that was for sure. Was it so much to the point that it was love?

Alexia figured if this was Jenni, she wouldn’t have to think about this so much. Jenni didn’t care about love and all the cliché things. Alexia didn’t either. 

And Alexia wouldn’t have cared so much if it weren’t for the fact that you told Alexia you loved her every chance you got. (Alexia felt like the world’s biggest asshole every time you got silence instead of her saying it back).

When it rained and Alexia always held the umbrella for the two of you, making sure not a single droplet of rain fell on top of your head but ended up soaking wet herself, you would laugh and “I love you, Alexia Putellas.” 

When you had to move out of your apartment and Alexia told you that you could stay with her until you found a place because she did have some spare rooms (even though you ended up sleeping in Alexia’s bed every night), “Really? Alexia Putellas, my saviour, thank you, I love you,” as you peppered her face with kisses.

When Alexia found out that Maria, your best friend, was also your first love, you reassured her that all your feelings for Maria were now strictly platonic. “She was my first love, but that was years ago. I love you. You’re my present and my future, Alexia Putellas.”

When you came home with Alexia for Christmas and some of her family members kept on sending wary glances towards you, you held Alexia’s hand on top of the dinner table and proclaimed your love for her for everyone to hear, your chin up and your tone proud. “I love Alexia. I’ll take care of her the best way I can.”

When Alexia would pick you up from classes, leaning against her grey Cupra, you would sprint towards her, a big smile on your face and a “You didn’t have to pick me up, I know you’re a busy woman. Love you.”

Every single time Alexia would return a smile or a kiss, never saying it back when she knew you were expecting it every single time. Alexia realized romance wasn’t as easy as she thought and this whole thing with you was bound to blow up if she didn’t get her shit together.

—

Turns out, it did blow up sooner than Alexia expected. She wished this point never came—she knew it would, she had been dreading it ever since—but Alexia cursed the stars for actually making it happen. She just wanted to at least hold you for another night.

You two were getting ready for bed, Alexia changing into her pyjamas while you were already tucked in bed and you two were fine. 

Alexia was talking about her day, how her mom scolded her because she was five minutes late to breakfast (which was insane because it was only five minutes), about the meeting she had for a possible new brand deal, and how she missed you the entire day. And maybe Alexia should’ve noticed how quiet you were or how your body tensed the moment Alexia slid her arms under the cover and wrapped them around your waist.

When Alexia thought you had fallen asleep, you spoke, just barely above a whisper.

“I love you.”

It was silent—so silent that Alexia could hear a hair pin drop. She didn’t know why this night felt different. Alexia didn’t know why there was an edge to your voice and why there was something else she couldn’t quite place.

You turned around to face your girlfriend. Alexia could make out the faint outlines of your face in the dark—she had memorized every single inch of you.

“I love you, Alexia,” you stated once more. This time Alexia could clearly hear the challenge in your tone.

Alexia stared back at you, a sinking feeling started to settle in the pit of her stomach.

Seconds passed by, Alexia saw the mixture of emotions all over your face. You were hurt, Alexia could tell. You looked angry too, this Alexia wasn’t expecting. 

“Do you love me?”

Alexia was taken aback by the bluntness of the question. “What?”

“Do. you. love. me?” your tone turned impatient.

Alexia was wide-eyed. This wasn’t where she was expecting this night to go. “y/n—”

You got up from the bed and Alexia followed suit. You two were standing in front of each other on the foot of the bed, you with your arms across your chest and a scowl on your face. 

“Hey, what’s going on?

“‘What’s going on’?” you scoffed. “Do you love me or not? I asked you a simple question, Alexia.”

“I—” Alexia‘s voice got stuck in her throat. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t like that she was being put on the spot like this either.

You stayed silent, an expectant look on your face. When Alexia didn’t say anything else, you let out a big sigh.

“y/n…” Alexia croaked out. She was afraid where this conversation would go.

You groaned, taking a fistful of your hair before exploding at Alexia. “It’s a simple fucking question, Alexia!”

Alexia was taken aback by your outburst. “I—”

You stepped forward, a fiery look in your eyes. “I. Love. You.” you punctured each word with a jab to Alexia’s chest. 

Alexia stared into your eyes, seeing the mixture of rage, sadness and disappointment swimming around in them. Alexia knew she should say something—she should say the one thing she knew you wanted to hear. But why was it so hard for her to utter those words? Was it because she didn’t feel it? Or was it because she was scared? Alexia didn’t know, she needed to think, but you weren't letting her.

“You don’t love me, do you?” your tone was full of defeat. Alexia knew that it was now or never. She was going to lose you—really lose you—if she didn’t say something. “All this time you never said it. I tried to make sense of it, I tried to make sense of you. You got me flowers every week—sometimes even twice a week. You listen when I ramble about useless things, you accompany me to my lame university events, let people talk to you about politics and you never talk back to them even though I know you have opposite views on things. You just want my friends to like you. You remember all the dumb little things, remember when we first met and what I was wearing at that time. You tell me I look good even though I stayed up all night doing my assignments, you tell me I’m beautiful at five in the morning, at midnight, in the middle of the day. You look at me like you’re in love with me. Like you love me.” 

You paused and took a deep breath. You gave a bitter laugh before looking straight into Alexia’s eyes. “You do all these things but you never told me that you love me. Not even once, Ale. And once upon a time, I believed you loved me. But I just—I don’t know anymore.”

Alexia stayed silent. 

“You’re not even gonna say anything?”

Alexia stayed silent because she didn’t know how to say anything without hurting you even more.

“So it’s true, then?” your tone was full of defeat, your eyes shining with unshed tears. Alexia hated herself for being the cause of it.

“y/n,” Alexia whispered, her hands reaching out to touch you but you moved away. “I—”

“No,” you ran a hand through your hair and gave a humourless laugh. “Just, save it, Alexia. I think I heard you loud and clear.”

When you slammed the door shut, Alexia felt the sobs at the back of her throat but she swallowed them. To cry meant she regretted everything that led you to walk out. 

Alexia did this to herself. She was the reason you left, Alexia didn’t deserve to cry. So Alexia stared out her window all night, wondering whether the reason her heart hurt so much was because the feeling she had for you was love all along and she was just too dumb to realize.

—

When Alexia didn’t get a single ‘I love you, beautiful’ in the middle of a meeting and when no one was there to kiss her goodnight and whispers of ‘I love you’, Alexia wondered how dumb she was to let everything slip from her fingers.

—

Maria came by her house a few days after you left, saying that you had asked her to pack your stuff up. Alexia couldn’t do anything else but let her in and watched as your things that were scattered around her house were shoved into boxes.

Alexia didn't say anything, she couldn’t ask Maria where you were staying now or if you were okay. Alexia figured she didn't deserve an answer. 

“Is this y/n’s?” Maria was holding a stuffed teddy bear, one of its eyes missing and an embroidery of your initials seen on its left chest.

“No,” Alexia lied, taking the teddy and sending your best friend a small smile hoping that she was convincing enough. “It's mine. I know I’m too old to own one of these… it has… sentimental values.”

Maria nodded and Alexia had a feeling that Maria knew she was lying, that she knew exactly that it was your favourite teddy bear and that Alexia lied because she wanted to keep a part of you to herself. 

“Okay then, I’ll get going,” Maria lifted the last of the boxes and gave Alexia an awkward smile. 

Alexia nodded and gestured towards the door. “I’ll walk you out.”

Once the back of Maria’s car was filled with your things, it dawned on Alexia that you were really gone.

You weren't talking to her anymore and there weren't any of your things left in Alexia’s house. There was no more reason for you to come back and Alexia had to force a smile on her face, not wanting to cry, especially not in front of Maria.

“Actually, uhm,” Maria cleared her throat. “y/n has something for you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Maria gave an awkward laugh before reaching into her car and pulling out an envelope. “She told me to give you this.”

Alexia took the envelope with shaky hands, once again forcing a smile onto her face. “Thanks.”

Maria was looking at her with so much pity in her eyes and a part of Alexia was angry at her, because just like Maria, she pitied herself too. How could she ruin such a good relationship? She felt pathetic and she understood why Maria was looking at her that way.

“Alexia, look,” Maria stepped forward and placed a hand on the captain’s arm. “I honestly think you two will get through this.”

Alexia gave a bitter laugh at that. Was Maria mocking her now? “She packed all of her things. Well, you did, but it doesn’t matter. What part of all of this still makes you think that she’ll come back? Because I don’t think she will. I screwed up. She is not coming back. It’s fine, I’ll live.” Alexia hated how despite trying to act unaffected, anyone could hear the shakiness in her voice.

Maria squeezed her arm lightly. “She loves you. And right now she doesn’t think that you love her back, which I know isn’t the case.”

“How? You don’t know what I’m feeling,” Alexia felt her defensiveness kick in. “What if she’s right and I don’t love her, not even a little bit?”

Maria shook her head and gave a soft smile. “You seem to forget that I’ve been in your place before. I know what it looks like to love y/n—to be in love with her. You can’t lie to me.”

Alexia crossed her arms. She didn’t know why she was getting annoyed at where the conversation was going. “Then why don’t you go be with her?”

Maria laughed at that. “Because she loves you, not me, silly. Plus, I’m in love with your sister.”

Alexia didn’t say anything in reply and Maria took that as a cue to leave. Before getting in her car, she looked at Alexia one last time. “Contrary to what you think, you haven’t really lost her—not for good anyway.”

“I appreciate your optimism,” Alexia replied, her voice lacking any enthusiasm.

“I know that if you show up in front of her right now and tell her how you really feel, she’ll take you back in a heartbeat. She loves you.”

“Then why did she ask you to pack her things?” Alexia challenged back. “If she still loves me like you claimed, wouldn’t she be fine with seeing my face and not having to avoid me? And she wouldn’t just- just leave.”

“Ale, you two broke up over something so stupid. I can’t for the love of me figure out why- how something so simple can—” Maria palmed her forehead, letting out a sigh. “Just tell her you love her. What’s so hard about that?”

“Because I don’t know if I do!” Alexia shouted frustratedly. “Okay?”

Maria softened at that and gave Alexia a reassuring smile. “I have a feeling that you already know the answer,” she shrugged. “Think it through. Don’t take too long.” 

And with that Maria left, leaving Alexia standing with your envelope in her hands. She took a deep breath and opened it. Alexia expected a long letter—maybe of you ranting about how much you hated her for breaking your heart, or pages filled with curses and how you never wanted to see her again. But all she got was a small piece of paper with one sentence and a bracelet that Alexia gave you on your one month anniversary.

it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way I do, don't beat yourself up

-y/n

—

When days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and Alexia still hadn’t heard from you, Alexia realized she finally lost you for good. Alexia realized that maybe she should’ve taken Maria’s advice, but she had put it off so much that now it had been months and who was to say that you hadn’t already found someone new? Someone who actually loved you.

The thought caused Alexia to finally bawl her eyes out, exactly three months after you left. Alexia let herself feel all the pain and hurt, savoring every little twinge in her heart because she deserved it all. She hurt you, she didn’t deserve anything good anymore.

Alba pulled her out of bed, telling her to get her shit together and usually Alexia was never the one to dwell on things—once you fall, you get back up. 

But this time it was different. Alexia felt that this was it. How could she recover from all this hurt when all she wanted was your smile back? Alexia thought that if she was given a choice, she would rather lose the Ballon d’Or than to lose you—that was how important you were to her. Alexia knew she was dumb to not realize it sooner.

Despite Alexia’s complete despair about the whole thing, Alba was adamant that Alexia could do something about it. Alba was the one who told her to woman up and chase after her girl and “Seriously, hermana? I know I said you’re terrible at romance but don’t let that define you?! Do something!”

One night, Alexia discovered a pub not far from her place. No one was there except for her and one bartender. It was nice, Alexia could drink as much as she wanted without any judgment from anyone, and most importantly, she could think.

Alexia had a list and it went something like this:

Do I love y/n? 

Can I get y/n back

Do I even deserve y/n back

Am I in love with y/n

Does y/n still love me

How can y/n be so perfect

Do. I. Love. Her

Alexia was brooding and drowning in her sorrows, everything seemed so wrong. It all seemed so difficult and it took hours of being alone, surrounded by alcohol, for Alexia to finally realize that it was actually simple.

Well, the drink definitely helped, but a song was playing on the speakers and Alexia would think that it was odd for a Taylor Swift song to be playing there if it weren’t for the fact that she was the only customer that night and the bartender probably just didn’t care about his song choices.

“Let me get this straight,” Alba said slowly, sipping on her coffee. It was the morning after and a Saturday, Alba was always at Alexia’s at 7 a.m.  “You had an epiphany… because of a song you heard?”

“Yes,” Alexia nodded. “It’s actually very simple.”

“Very simple…?”

“This whole thing. I’m in love with y/n.” Alba choked on her coffee and Alexia patted her back. “A shocker,” Alexia grimaced at Alba’s coughs. “I know.”

“What kind of song led you to this conclusion?” 

“Taylor Swift.”

“No fucking way.”

“What?” Alexia shrugged. “Kissing on sidewalks, light-hearted jokes, coffees at midnight… they’re all simple things but it’s who you’re with that makes it all so special. And I had all the things that the song mentioned with y/n, and they meant a lot to me—even though these things seem trivial, I cherish them a lot because I felt happy and- and in love. I get it now.”

Alba was stunned, Alexia could see with the way her eyes were widened and mouth agape.

“So this is definitely months overdue. Maybe I should’ve looked for y/n right after Maria took her things away, but it is what it is. I want to make things right. Help me, please.”

“Finally,” Alba sighed, a smile slowly forming on her lips. “I know where she lives now. Will you promise me not to break her heart anymore, because she's my girlfriend’s best friend and I really can’t have you breaking her heart again.”

Alexia grinned as Alba told her your address.

—

To get you back, Alexia had a plan (courtesy of Miss Taylor Swift):

Stand there like a ghost shaking from the rain

Say “It’s been a long three months and I was too afraid to tell you what I want”

Say “I want you for worse or for better. I would wait forever and ever. Broke your heart, I'll put it back together”

Remind her how it used to be

—

“Hi.”

Your eyes immediately widened once you saw Alexia. 

You stared at the girl in front of you for a good minute. Alexia had to hug herself tighter, her teeth chattering from the cold. “Are you going to let me in? Besides it being so cold, I don’t want your neighbour to see me in these.” Alexia gestured towards the baby pink sweatshirt with tiny puppies she was wearing. 

“You’re—”

“Insane?” Alexia grinned. Exactly like what the Taylor Swift song said. This was going as planned.

“No- well that too,” you said, looking at Alexia in disbelief. “What I meant to say is that you’re drenched.”

“Yes,” Alexia agreed. “It is raining.”

“Exactly! Why are you out in the rain?”

“Because- because I’m supposed to stand here like a ghost, shaking from the rain.” Alexia had a smile on her lips, hoping that you would smile back at her because that would mean that you didn’t hate her.

So when you laughed in disbelief and shook your head, ushering her inside, Alexia breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Do you want some tea?” you offered.

“No, thank you.”

“Right, my bad,” you opened your fridge, taking something out. “What I meant to offer is milk,” you placed the tiny sized milk carton on the kitchen counter and sat across Alexia. “I still can’t believe you drink this.“

“You don’t drink milk,” Alexia stated.

You shrugged, your cheeks showing a hint of pink. “This has been a permanent thing on my grocery list. It’s second nature. I guess.”

Alexia stayed silent. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but she wasn’t expecting this. Maybe she was expecting you to hate her. For you to slam the door in her face and never talk to her again. 

With how your last interaction turned out, Alexia was expecting you to be more angry, or to be anything other than to welcome Alexia into your new apartment and provide her with her favourite drink that you still bought even though you two broke up months ago.

It wasn’t making any sense to her. 

“How are you so civil towards me?” Alexia blurted out.

“I’m sorry?”

“You didn’t slam the door in my face.”

You looked confused. “Was I supposed to do that?”

“No!” Alexia quickly said. “I mean- it’s nice that you didn’t slam the door in my face. I think I would’ve, if I were you.”

“Oh. Well. I don’t think I’m the type to slam the door in my ex’s face.”

Alexia laughed softly. “Thanks.”

“Welcome,” you grinned. A warm feeling settled in Alexia’s chest because she really missed that smile.

The silence that followed was nice. Alexia’s eyes darted around your apartment as she sipped on her strawberry milk. You poured yourself a cup of tea and it was still funny how your choice of drink was more mature than Alexia’s despite being five years younger than her. 

“So what brings you here?” you broke the silence.

“Oh,” Alexia rubbed the back of her neck. “Why I came here…” Alexia trailed off.

“Why you came here…” you copied.

Alexia gave a nervous laugh. She had a whole speech planned out, but now you were staring at her and Alexia was surprised that your eyes that used to look at Alexia with so much love were still looking at her the exact same way. 

That, and combined with the fact that Alexia couldn’t spot a single trace of anger in your face despite what Alexia did, made her burst into tears.

Here was the thing: Alexia disliked crying. That was obvious with the way Alexia cried for you months after you left and not the days that followed. Alexia was convinced that crying was a sign of weakness, so whenever she felt hot tears at the back of her eyes, she would always squeeze her eyes shut and push them away.

It was surprising to her that she was openly letting her tears fall in the middle of her ex’s kitchen, her chest shaking as her cries became harder.

Alexia felt you next to her and the next thing she knew, she was being pulled into your arms. She could hear the pounding of your heart and she could feel your gentle kisses on the top of her head. It felt good and it made Alexia realize that letting her emotions show wasn’t so bad.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hm?”

“I’m really sorry for being so oblivious about things,” Alexia croaked out. “Sorry for hurting you. I never meant to.”

“Alexia—”

“Let me finish,” Alexia interrupted, turning in her chair to face you. She looked up into your warm eyes and took a deep breath. She could do this. Just like what she practiced. “Uhm- it’s been a long three months. I was too afraid to tell you what I want—”

“You are not quoting Taylor Swift,” you were holding in your laughter. “Are you?”

“y/n,” Alexia groaned. “I don’t know how to do this, okay? But Taylor Swift said—”

You laughed so hard and Alexia felt the warmness back in her chest. “Sorry it’s just,” you sighed fondly. “You hate Taylor Swift, Ale.”

“I don’t! I just don’t know her well enough to like her,” Alexia corrected. “There’s a difference.” 

“Mhmm, sure.”

“I listened to a couple of her songs and they weren’t that bad. Plus, the lyrics really resonated with me.”

“So all this speech is just you telling me you like Taylor Swift now?”

Alexia rolled her eyes, ignoring your remark. “No. There was one song about being in love, and it was so-” Alexia’s voice grew smaller, her cheeks reddening before she could finish her sentence. “It describes how I feel about you. It helped me… understand my feelings.”

You had an amused look on your face, almost smug. Alexia’s face kept on flushing under your gaze. “Hm. How so?”

“Oh you know,” Alexia started fidgeting with her hands on top of the kitchen counter, looking everywhere but you. “Just… That I understand why they lost their minds and fought the wars.”

You were quiet before you burst out laughing. Alexia had an offended look on her face yet she was smiling nonetheless. “Excuse me,” Alexia chastised. “I’m trying to confess something here.”

You immediately pursed your lips but not a second later the laughters were back. “Sorry,” you said once your laughter died down. “You’ve been quoting Taylor Swift the entire night. Who are you, Alexia Putellas?”

“Can you not?” Alexia pouted. “I’m not good at this, you know that.”

Alexia could feel your hands cupping her cheeks, causing them to burn under your touch. All this felt awfully familiar and Alexia had to remind herself that you were broken up.

Taking a deep breath while still having you so near, Alexia continued. “I can’t remember what to say next. Maybe because you’re too close,” Alexia bluntly said. When a hint of hurt and confusion flashed across your face, Alexia was quick to clarify. “You’re making me nervous, y/n. It’s- I’m just so nervous. You know I always get nervous around you. Can you please stand at least five feet away?”

You shook her head in amusement and moved away, sitting on your previous spot across from Alexia. “You’re ridiculous.”

Alexia smiled sheepishly. “I think what’s ridiculous is how we’re broken up yet it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“It does, doesn’t it,” you had your eyes casted downwards, a wistful smile on your lips. ‘Remind her how it used to be’, checked.

“I’m sorry I screwed things up. You know how dumb I can be sometimes.”

“Yeah,” you scrunched up her nose. “You can be pretty dumb sometimes.”

“Hey!”

“But I still love you nonetheless.” And there it was again, the challenge in your tone. Alexia was transported back to that night three months ago when you left.

“Okay…” Alexia dragged on. “I know what you’re expecting and honestly I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it but—” Alexia took a deep breath. 

“I don’t have much experience with love and believe it or not, I’ve never been in love before. I just don’t find it important. What was important to me was football and being the best in the world, making sure my legacy lives on and how my dad would be proud of me, wherever he is. So if you’d ask me what love was a year ago, my paper would turn out blank, because I just don’t care. Alba kept on making jokes about how I’m going to end up alone and—” Alexia laughed. “Frankly, it wasn’t even a joke because I was pretty sure it would come true. But then I met you, and I was so determined to prove Alba wrong because I can care about someone other than football, but then you left, and I was back to the sinking feeling that maybe I’m just not meant for anyone. And before you say anything, y/n, I know I can overthink sometimes—or maybe a lot. But uhm- you being gone, it forced me to think and I realized that it’s actually a lot simpler than what I imagined.”

“Alexia, breathe,” you interrupted, a fond look on your face. 

Alexia took a deep breath, she didn’t realize how much she was rambling. “Sorry,” Alexia smiled sheepishly, scratching at the back of her neck nervously. “What I meant to say is—“

You caught Alexia’s hands that were waving around crazily in front of her. “I think,” you laughed, you intertwined your fingers and Alexia had to take another deep breath because she forgot what a sight it was to see your hands locked. “I really think you should breathe first.”

Alexia gave a nervous laugh. “I don’t know why I’m so all over the place with you. I can win championships, but with you… I had to practice my speech in front of a stupid mirror, because I know this will happen. This, as in me throwing up words- God, I’m such a mess.”

“You practiced in front of a mirror?” 

“Huh? Yeah,” Alexia’s cheeks grew red. “Of course I did…”

You let go of Alexia’s hands and leaned back. “Well then, go on.”

“Huh?” Alexia squeaked.

“Yes, your speech. We wouldn’t want your practice to go to waste now, do we?” you were smiling and Alexia really wanted to kiss that smile away. 

“Fine. Yes. My speech.” Alexia took a deep breath. “y/n. Love is… Love is mornings with you and how your smile is the first thing I see when I wake up. Love is the sound of your laughter echoing throughout the supermarket aisle when I did a stupid dance after getting the last box of mac and cheese. Love is the nights spent together, feeling the rise and fall of your chest and how you talk in your sleep. Love is the silence on the way home, when we’re both too tired to talk, but it’s nice and I don’t mind it. Love is the way your hands instantly find mine every single time. And I know that love isn’t perfect because love is me breaking your heart and unknowingly breaking mine too. Love is scary because love is lowering your guards down and putting your heart on a damn silver platter and giving your person the chance to ruin you. But I’d let you, y/n. I’d give you a million chances to ruin me because I love you.” 

Your stare was intense and Alexia had to look away. “Te amo. I do. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, and I know it has been months and a lot has changed… but I’m here, if you want me. I am all yours. Because I love you. I’ve been in love with you ever since the first night, I think.”

Alexia forced herself to look back at you, her eyes locking with her favourite pair of orbs. “I want you for worse or for better, mi amor, and I would wait forever for you. I know I broke your heart, but I promise I'll put it back together.”

You had a smile on your lips and your eyebrow raised after Alexia’s last sentence and Alexia wanted to celebrate internally because maybe Taylor Swift was a genius after all.

But when you didn’t say anything else, Alexia’s smile dropped and she had to accept that you could very well reject her. It had been months. A lot could happen in three months.

Alexia could feel the start of pain in her chest but then you laughed and Alexia’s eyes widened because why would you be laughing if you were going to reject her?

“You love me,” you stated.

Alexia was still staring at you. “I do…”

You went closer to her until your hands were back cupping Alexia’s face and that was when Alexia realized that you weren't rejecting her. Holy shit.

“You dummy,” your tone was light but Alexia turned serious.

“I know,” Alexia sucked in a deep breath. “I was a terrible girlfriend, amor. I don’t know how you loved me when all I did was mess up, but I promise that I’ll be better if you—”

“We all mess up,” you interjected. “We’re not perfect, baby. And you’re gonna mess up again in the future and I will too, but we’ll get through it together.”

Alexia was silent, taking in your words. “So uhm,” Alexia had to contain herself from grinning from ear-to-ear. “You still want to be with me?”

Instead of answering, you leaned down and kissed her. Alexia let herself grin into the kiss and she swore that she would do whatever it takes to never lose you again.

—

Ale: I got the girl *insert smiling face with sunglasses emoji*

Albs: what

Albs: just use the emoji wtf weirdo

Ale: Thank you, Taylor Swift

Albs: you’re seriously so weird

Albs: how are we related?

Albs: but anyway congratulations 

Albs: you won’t end up as a cat lady after all :D

Ale: Fuck off, Alba. You know I’m allergic to cats

—

** INTERVIEW NOTES:

ALEXIA PUTELLAS

SHE SMELLS NICE Y/N !!! FOCUS

VERY SERIOUS, ONLY LAUGHED ONCE

JUST TOLD HER TO SMILE MORE BECAUSE SHE HAS A PRETTY SMILE WILL SHE KICK ME OUT

SHE LIKES TACOS ??? IS THIS EVEN IMPORTANT 

SMART, INTELLIGENT, VERY ELOQUENT WITH WORDS !!! JUST TAKE MY HEART ALREADY ALEXIA PUTELLAS 

HER EYES CRINKLE WHEN SHE LAUGHS OMFG ADORABLE

I THINK I’M IN LOVE

SHE JUST ASKED ME WHAT I’M WRITING DOWN

BYE

—

a/n: this was a looong one hope you enjoyed it, loves !!! please let me know your thoughts :) :) :)

[iinsertblognamee]

kiss me, please?

summary; alexia doesn't really do PDA, but she might make an exception for you.  pairing; alexia putellas x footballer!reader spanish | english translation

The first time you noticed was after your win against Levante UD Femenino. You had managed to score two of the seven goals throughout the match. The final whistle blew as the crowd went wild, Ona pulling you into her embrace as the two of you cheered with the surrounding atmosphere. Other teammates made their way into your embrace, congratulating each other with kisses on the cheeks and pats on their backs.

"Creo que alguien te está esperando" 'I think someone is waiting for you' Aitana giggles into your ear, pushing you towards the friends and family section seating section. The celebrations continued around you, as you made your way towards the cheering crowds - giving waves to fans before coming face-to-face with Alexia and Mapi. The younger woman pulls you into her embrace as she plants kisses all over your cheeks. Congratulating you over and over again.

"Gracias Mapi" 'Thank you Mapi' You laugh out, pushing yourself out of her embrace and wiping your face dramatically as she sticks her tongue out at you. Ingrid manages to join your little huddle, taking her girlfriend's attention off you as you make eye contact with your captain.

"Hola bebé" 'Hi baby' your words much softer than your conversation with Mapi, a shy smile playing on your lips as you take in your girlfriend. She pulls you in a small hug, a small tap felt at the back of your head before she pulls away.

"hola mi bella dama" 'Hello my beautiful lady' the pet name heats your cheeks up, Mapi pretending to hurl as Alexia scoffs and (softly) pushes Mapis's head in the other direction. You take notice of the pink blush covering your girlfriend's cheeks, and the small frown appearing on her eyebrows as she looks around the surrounding areas before her attention falls back to you.

You know your relationship was fairly new, not even hitting the six-month mark just yet but the pair of you had been friends since you signed for Barcelona two years ago. You could read Alexia like an open book, and you knew she was feeling on edge. Taking hold of Alexia's hands that were holding the barricade, you gave them a slight squeeze - trying to help her calm down just a little.

"The girls wanna go out and celebrate the win tonight" You start, trying to grab Alexia's attention once again, she gives a small hum in response. A clear indication she was only half listening to what you were saying.

"I think it'd be fun if you came with me?"

"No sé. I don't know if I'd be much fun mi amor" 'I don't know. I don't know if I'd be much fun, my love' She responds back, the frown only growing further. You wanted to run your fingers along her eyebrows, removing the tension appearing on her face. You don't, instead you pout your lips as you pull the best puppy dog eyes you could master.

"Por favor" 'Please'

You know you've hit the jackpot as a small smile appears on her lips once more, her eyes rolling back as she shakes her head. "Okay! Okay. But only to watch over you and keep you protected from Mapi"

The jab at the tattooed lady next to you takes offence, giving Alexia a slight push before crossing her arms and pouting "Soy una gran influencia!" 'I am a great influence!'. Alexia snorts but doesn't give her best friend any form of response.

"I think that's a great idea" you mumble soft enough for Alexia to catch what you are saying, but your words become lost on Mapi's.

Alexia's guard finds its way back up once fans start calling out for you in the next section over, she gives you one last squeeze before letting go of your hand and creating some distance between the pair of you.

"Ve a saludar amor, te veré en el vestuario." 'Go say hi love, I'll meet you down in the locker room'

Ingrid takes your hand from your girlfriends, pulling you away from the barricade and towards the screaming fans, both of you signing items and taking photos over the next couple of minutes.

As much as you tried to forget the shift in Alexia's actions, you couldn't help but feel a little pushed aside. Alexia had never been one to shy away from affection, you weren't sure if it was just a Spanish thing or an Alexia thing, but from day one she had always managed to be touching you in some way. A tap at the back of your head, an arm wrapped around your waist, a leg pressed up against yours - you were no stranger to Alexia's physical touches.

You let yourself believe it was just the fact that your relationship was still fresh. The move from being friends to more only official as of four months ago.

It had been after one of your matches, the defence clearly picking on you throughout the game - although you weren't backing down which had led to you being subbed off just before the 80th minute. A late-timed (or perfectly timed depending on who you asked) tackle from the opposing team landed you on the ground gripping onto your ankle.

You had been led down the tunnel, towards the designated medical room, a physio waiting for you - alongside a fuming Alexia. Her arms were crossed, and a firey look flashed across her eyes as she watched every wince and jump you gave out as you got assessed.

The physio diagnosed you with deep bruising but nothing that couldn't be fixed with some rest and strength training over the next two weeks. The door hadn't even closed completely before Alexia was yelling at you in Spanish. Her arms flew in the air as she walked back and forth, her attention would fall you on every once and a while before it dropped down to your iced ankle before she started all over again.

You could make out the jiff of what she was ranting about, but your attempt to answer her questions was blocked, as she would ask another question before answering it for herself.

It wasn't until about five minutes later that she finally stood firm in her place, her arms hanging by her sides as she looked at her once again.

"What were you thinking? Getting yourself injured like that!"

You blamed it on the fact that you had just played a rough 80 minutes, your arms now crossed across your body as you let out a scoff - you felt like a child getting scolded by their parents.

"I didn't do it on purpose, Alexia! I was playing the game, that's it. I can't help that they were targeting me"

Her eyes flashed with something that definitely wasn't anger, her lips suddenly on yours, as she pushed you back into the bed you were sitting on.

It wasn't until Ona and Lucy had come to check on you after the game finished that the two of you broke away from each other.

The club is up and pumping by the time you make it through its doors. Mapi hand-in-hand with you, Alexia and Ingrid trailing behind. Shots are pushed into your hands before you can make your way around to say hello to everyone, a countdown is yelled before you drown the shot.

An hour or two flew by, Ona, Claudia and Patri were dancing with you, the music completely in Spanish but at this point, you couldn't really care. You felt one of the girl's hands on your waist, spinning you around before attempting to dip you. A small squeal left your lips before followed by laughter pulling yourself up to their chest and yelling that you were grabbing a seat and getting some water.

The table booked out for the team is half empty, Lucy is in a deep conversation with Frido and Keira, Marta laughing with Ingrid at something Mapi said - and your girlfriend sitting, watching over the table with a glass of water in her hand.

"Hola ladies!" 'Hello Ladies' You announce, squeezing yourself onto Alexia's lap - kissing her cheek before taking the glass of water out of her grip and up to her lips. Too busy with the glass in your hand, you miss the kissy faces Mapi makes towards Alexia, teasing her best friend. Alexia seemed to tense up, her grip around your waist tightened enough for you to turn your attention towards her and her red cheeks.

"Are you okay?" you ask, tilting your head a little to get a better look at your girlfriend's face.

"si, yo solo..." 'yeah, i just...' she trails off, her eyes flicking to the group surrounding the pair of you before it clicks.

"You don't like PDA?"

She seems to physically relax when she realises you understand her discomfort, the tension that had been present now non-existent. A little shy smile appears on her lips before her head hides in the crook of your neck. You feel her lips plant a small, hidden kiss on your shoulder before she brings her attention back to you.

"Not really. I just... no sé. I just don't like the idea of people watching us... be like that. Only I get to see you like that" 'I don't know'

You can't help but feel yourself fall just a little more in love with the Spanish woman in front of you, a smile growing on your lips as you throw your arms around her neck. Your lips trace her ear before you mutter "But what if I can't help myself?"

You almost freeze at the sound of a moan slipping from her lips, low enough that only you can hear - but it still has the same effect. "mi amor" 'my love' she warns, and you swear you see her swallow before her gaze is directly on you. "Please don't"

You want to push and see how far you can go before she snaps but you also want to enjoy the rest of the night out with the girls. Ultimately, you give her a small nod before shifting yourself off her lap and into the free spot next to her.

You don't miss the smile on her lips, nor do you miss the dark look in her eyes. Her body reaches over you, as she grabs the glass in your hand - her mouth right next to your neck before she whispers "Later"

You notice the change slowly, the way that she would hold your hand just a little longer before pulling away or when she would congratulate you at the end of games her lips linger against your cheek as her hands held onto your waist.

It wasn't until her first game back since her injury, you cheered alongside the crowds as she made her way back onto the playing field and again when she scored her first since being back. The whistle signifies the end of the match, and before you can turn your attention towards your girlfriend her arms wrapped around your body. Pulling up into her embrace as she brings her lips to yours.

"I thought you didn't like PDA?" you ask onto her lips, smiles matching one another.

"Just shut up and kiss me"

You didn't need to be told twice.

[wosohours]

i missed you - alexia putellas x reader

Alexia arrived at training in a sour mood with a pout on her face, the same pout that had been seen on her face frequently throughout the last three weeks.

“What’s wrong Capi? Your girl still hasn’t come back yet?” Mapi teased when she saw Alexia’s face. Alexia roller her eyes slightly shoving Mapi out of the way to get to her locker, “No, she will be there for four more days.” she sighed.

You had been gone for almost a month on a business trip out of the country. This is the longest you and Alexia have been apart since you two got together four years ago. Even when Alexia had to travel for major tournaments or national camp you would always try to be present at the games. Although this time it was you who was away and Alexia could not just ditch training and games to be with you.

Hence the reason for the almost permanent pout being stuck on the Catalan woman’s face for three weeks. Of course this is not the first business trip you have ever been on or the first time you and Alexia have been away from each other for a while, but being gone for more than a couple of days started to take a toll on Alexia. Little did she know it was starting to take a toll on you as well but with being constantly busy working you tried not to think about it as much.

Alexia did not want to seem clingy, obsessed, or act like she was heavily dependent on you, but to go from being attached to the hip everyday with someone to them not being around at all kind of threw her off a bit.

She did not realise how involved you were in each other’s daily lives and routines. Going to sleep and waking up alone sucked. Brushing her teeth alone was boring. Showering alone, of course, sucked. The first week you were gone she kept accidentally making two cups of coffee. She even tried to make the breakfast you make for her the same way, but it just did not taste right.

____________________

“The days will pass by soon, just think of it as…four more sleeps,” Patri chimed in across the room. “Yeah, four more ‘sleeps’ alone,” Alexia sulked, lacing up her boots.

“Okay Ale no more pouting, time to train,” Mapi walks over pulling Alexia up from her seat.

During training, Alexia was usually able to turn her brain off and do what she needed to do, but since her normal routine has been flipped upside down all this time and the anticipation of seeing you again weighed heavy on her might, she could not help but get distracted.

So much so that the amount of passes, easy shots, and penalties she was missing earned her concerned glances from her teammates and staff. Alexia understood their concern, they had El Clásico coming in two days, and messing up on easy drills was not looking good.

So she pushed through the rest of practice, showered, did her recovery, and left towards her car so she could get home and call you.

____________________

When Alexia arrived home she immediately jumped in bed and called you on FaceTime, “Hola bebé, I miss you so much.”

“Hola mi amor, I miss you too. How was training?” You asked her while propping your phone up so you two could see each other better.

Alexia groaned and smashed her head into your pillow before she looked up again, “It was terrible bebé I was missing everything, and on one of the set pieces I kicked the ball at Mapi’s back, and this time it wasn’t on purpose.”

That got a loud laugh out of you and Alexia thought about how she could not wait to hear it in person again. After you stopped laughing Alexia asked you about your trip and how work was going. You told her how great it was, how much fun you were having, and how special it was for you to be in the leadership position of the project.

“ I am very proud of you mi amor no one deserves this more than you and clearly the company thinks the same,” she told you with a small yawn.

“Thank you, baby. I appreciate it. Though I thought about you a lot, and it also made me think that maybe we needed this,” you said, causing Alexia’s eyes to shoot open.

Before she could respond you continued, “I know you are about to jump to conclusions but I mean that it is a good and healthy thing for our relationship. You know the saying ‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder.’ It made me stop and think about how much I love and appreciate you and the love that we have for each other.”

“You’re right, I didn’t think that far into it. I just thought about how much I miss you and that I can’t wait to have you by my side again.” Alexia replied, fighting to keep her eyes open.

“I’m going to let you sleep now, I love you and see you in a couple of days.” you told her. Alexia blew you a kiss through the phone, “I love you too, see you in four days.”

____________________

You had told Alexia the truth about how you had been thinking about her a lot. You two were very independent people when you first started dating and even now four years later, but in the last couple of months something had shifted between you and now you could not get enough of each other.

Now where you did not correct her was when she said “...see you in four days.” You were already at the airport staying in one of those convenient airport hotels waiting to get on your flight leaving for Barcelona in just a couple of hours. You texted Alba and Eli and told them your flight information letting them know what time you would be landing. Alba had agreed to pick you up and Eli would be sort of distracting Alexia from thinking of you all day.

The plan was to get to Barcelona a day early and stay with Alba so you could rest and the next day you would be attending El Clásico with the plan of surprising Alexia.

Checking the time on your phone you realize that you should get some sleep to prepare for your long travel day.

____________________

“Hola hermanaaa,” Alba cheered as you walked out of the airport with your luggage. “Hola Alba,” you laugh, letting go of your suitcases to give her a big hug.

“We have all missed you so very much, mami is making us all have dinner together at her place tomorrow so that we can all catch up and you can tell us about your trip,” she says, grabbing one of your suitcases and putting it in her car.

“That sounds great. I missed you all as well, your mama's cooking even more though,” you laugh as she rolls her eyes.

You both finally sit in the car and start the drive to Alba’s apartment, where you will be catching up on some sleep until the game tomorrow.

____________________

“Do you need a shirt or did you already pack ten for your trip?” Alba joked as you two started getting ready for the game. You were texting Alexia your usual, “Good Morning,” so that she would not get suspicious when you looked up hearing Alba speak.

“Haha, you’re so funny, but no I already have one,” you say, showing her the jersey with Alexia’s name and number on the back.

“Ouu and a special game worn one at that. I should’ve known, you are never without one,” she teases, shaking her head.

“I’m done getting ready. Are you ready to go now?” you ask, making Alba nod and grab her bag and keys so that you two can leave.

____________________

As you two were making your way to the entrance of the stadium you spotted Alexia and Alba’s mother and uncle already standing there waiting for you two. Everyone exchanges greetings and hugs before heading to their seats.

While you and Alexia’s family made small talk waiting for the game to start, Alexia was sitting in the locker room getting ready thinking about how this was the first El Clásico you would miss since you two got together.

“Are you ready Ale?” Mapi asked. Alexia looked up and gave her a nod and a small smile. Before Alexia could tie her boots she received a text notification from you.

“Don’t worry I’m watching. You’ll be great. I love you.”

She texted back, “Thank you. I love you more.”

This relaxed her a bit. Knowing that even though you were not physically here you would always support her no matter where you were. With that small boost of reassurance, Alexia stood up and clapped to get her team’s attention so that she could give her speech before the game.

____________________

When the girls started walking out you and everyone else stood up and started cheering. You were hoping to get Alexia’s attention but you know that she was focused on the game. The start of the game was entertaining as usual with both teams doing their best to score early and gain a lead, but with both teams holding their own it was 0-0 by the time half-time came.

As the girls were walking back to the locker room you and Alexia’s family tried once again to get her attention since you knew Alexia usually looked up at the family section when half-time was called. Sure enough, she heard her name being called and looked up to see her family there with you standing and cheering right next to them like you always did.

She could not believe that you were here when she was sure that you still had four more days of work in a whole different country. After she shook the disbelief off of her face she waved at all of you and slyly blew a kiss in your direction, which you pretended to catch.

In the locker room, Alexia could not hide the smile on her face. “Did you see your girl in the stands Capi?” Patri asked, grabbing her shoulder slightly, shaking her. “Looks like she couldn’t wait to see you either, Ale,” Mapi said, making Alexia blush.

After the half-time break was over the girls went back out with a little more fire earning them a goal from Frido, Aitana, and Caroline. Two goals being assisted by Alexia. Ending the game at 3-0.

Since the game was over the team did their rounds taking pictures and signing autographs. Alexia looked up at her family and nodded her head in the direction of the tunnel signaling them to make their way down there. Once Alexia was done she made her way to the tunnel and met with her family and she gave everyone hugs and kisses until she got to you.

“Oh mi amor I missed you so much, I can’t believe you here right now,” Alexia says pulling you into a tight hug laying kisses all over your face and the side of your head. “I also can’t even believe that you kept a secret from me, usually you spill faster than Mapi,” she teased, tickling your sides.

You laughed moving away from her a bit just for her to pull you back in, “I know it took a lot of willpower for me not to just give up and tell you, but when have I ever missed an El Clásico?” you asked her, holding her face in your hands.

“Never,” Alexia answered with a big smile.

“Okay, we know you too are in love and all, but Ale please go take a shower so that we can go eat,” Alba tells her. Eli softly slaps Alba on the arm and pulls her away.

“Yea go shower you stink, I will wait right here,” you tell her. Alexia rolls her eyes and nods before laying a soft kiss on your lips before going back into the locker room to take a shower.

____________________

You ended up riding back to Eli’s house with Alexia where you let her tell you all about the game, even though you were there. Her hand on your thigh the whole ride, you both stealing kisses at every red light. She thought she was slick taking the long way there but you had noticed and you were okay with it.

When you finally made it to the house, Eli was still finishing dinner so everyone sat around the kitchen and talked to keep her company while she finished. As dinner was served you started telling them all about your trip and the project you were working on. The whole time Alexia was not able to take her eyes and hands off of you, but it did not bother you because you were acting the same.

After dinner you all sat around the living room talking some more when Alexia whispered in your ear, “Are you ready to go home?” You nod your head and kiss her cheek.

When finished making your rounds to say goodbye to everyone and thanking Eli for the delicious dinner, you and Alexia head home.

____________________

When you two walk through the doors of your shared home Alexia pulls you into her arms and says, “I am never letting you out of my sight again.”

“I am so okay with that,” you reply, shoving your face in her neck to lay small kisses.

“Now let’s go to sleep, I know you miss me laying on top of you like your personal weighted blanket,” she says, making you laugh and follow her to the bedroom.

____________________

note: not sure i really like this 💀

also, i fight for my life not to say “yall” at least 20+ times

[hiitsm]

Whispers of Desires

You and your girlfriend are navigating the tender stages of experiencing your first time together.

Whispers of Desires is for 18+ only.

This piece contains intimate conversations about sex, characterized by a mix of awkward, shy, and loving moments. It also includes a depiction of soft, slow, and tender sexual activity, with a focus on emotional connection and mutual care.

-

Note: I’ve spent a lot of time crafting this piece, and while it may be a bit longer than initially planned, I felt that each moment deserved the detail it received. I've adjusted it a little. I hope it meets everyone’s expectations. Thank you so much for the kind messages and support after the teaser. I appreciate it a lot.

-

The kitchen is warm with the scent of freshly baked pastries, the lingering aroma of sugar and butter mixing with the comforting familiarity of Alexia’s home. You stand at the counter, carefully folding a dishcloth, trying to keep your thoughts focused on the simple, repetitive tasks. The to-do list lies nearby, a silent reminder of the things you can control, and the one thing you can't seem to face.

You glance at the list, its contents scribbled in your neat handwriting:

To-Do List: 1. Clean up the kitchen 2. Fold laundry 3. Talk to Alexia about her sexual desires

Your eyes linger on the third item, the one you've been dreading. With a sigh, you quickly strike through it, the pen's ink cutting across the words as if that could erase the anxiety gnawing at you. You can’t bring yourself to talk to her about that, not yet. What if the rumors are true? What if her desires are something you can't fulfill? You don’t want to lose her, but you also don’t want to lose yourself in the process.

You’ve heard all the rumors about Alexia Putellas. That she loves to dominate, to pull her partners apart with a fierce intensity. That she revels in control, in the thrill of the chase. That her passion is raw and fast. Each whisper you caught only fueled your anxiety, a churning storm of nerves that seemed impossible to quiet. You tried to ignore them, to push the thoughts aside, but they lingered in the back of your mind, casting shadows over the love you share.

And now, with the possibility of taking the next step in your relationship looming before you, the fear has only grown. You’re scared to take that step, terrified that your desires aren’t the same as hers. What if you can’t match her intensity? What if what she wants is something you can’t give? The thought of not being enough for her, of failing her in some way, sends a cold shiver down your spine.

You start wiping down the counters, moving in a methodical rhythm, each swipe of the cloth offering a brief distraction from the storm brewing in your mind. The sponge glides over the cool surface, removing traces of flour and sugar, but the tension in your chest remains.

As you straighten up the scattered baking supplies, your eyes drift toward the small, framed photo on the windowsill. It's a candid shot taken on a sunny day, the two of you caught mid-laughter, arms wrapped around each other, the kind of joy that feels almost too good to be true. The memory makes you pause, your fingers brushing the frame lightly as you wonder if you’re letting your fears overshadow the truth of what you have.

The whispers, the rumors, they all seem so distant when you think about the woman you know. The Alexia who smiles softly at you over breakfast, who texts you in the middle of the day just to say she misses you, who holds your hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. But still, the doubts linger, making you question whether you truly know her as well as you think.

The front door clicks open, and you hear the familiar sound of her footsteps, steady and sure, as they approach the kitchen. You barely have time to turn before she’s there, her presence filling the room with an effortless grace.

“Hola, amor,” she greets you, her voice soft and filled with warmth that wraps around you like a blanket. She glances around the kitchen, taking in the clean counters and organized space. “Cómo va todo?”

You quickly grab the to-do list, folding it in half and slipping it into your pocket before she can see the items you’ve been obsessing over. “Everything’s good,” you reply, hoping your voice sounds more steady than you feel. But Alexia is already closer, her eyes searching yours with a mixture of affection and curiosity.

Before she can ask anything more, you close the distance between you, leaning in to kiss her softly. Her lips are warm, and for a moment, the world outside fades away, leaving just the two of you in this quiet, shared moment. She hums contentedly against your lips, a small, pleased sound that makes your heart flutter.

“Mmm, that was nice,” she murmurs when you pull back, a playful grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. She switches to English, her accent making the words sound even sweeter. She wraps her arms around you, pulling you closer into the safety of her embrace. “What were you up to, amor?”

“Just trying to get things sorted around here,” you say, your voice quieter now, more intimate. “How was your day?”

“Busy, but good,” she replies, her voice a little softer now, as if the closeness between you demands a gentler tone. “I missed you, though.” The sincerity in her voice makes your chest tighten with emotion.

“I missed you too,” you admit, your hand resting on her arm, tracing small patterns on the sleeve of her shirt. You can feel the steady beat of her heart through the fabric, and it gives you a small sense of calm. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

Alexia’s eyes soften as she leans in for another kiss, this one more urgent, more filled with the longing that has been building up in both of you throughout the day. Her lips move against yours with a tenderness that quickly deepens into something more, a hunger that you feel echoing in your own chest.

Your heart races as you return her kiss, your fingers threading through her hair, holding onto her as if she’s the only solid thing in your world. For a moment, you lose yourself in the warmth of her touch, in the way she makes you feel safe and cherished.

But as the kiss grows more intense, a wave of anxiety crashes over you, pulling you back to the surface. You break the kiss abruptly, your breath coming in short, uneven gasps. Alexia pulls back just enough to look at you, concern etched on her features.

“Qué pasa?” she asks softly, her hand coming up to cup your cheek, her thumb brushing against your skin in a soothing gesture. Her eyes search yours, trying to understand what’s going on inside your head.

You struggle to find the words, torn between the love you feel for her and the fear that’s been gnawing at you for days. You want to be honest with her, to share what’s been weighing on your heart, but the words stick in your throat, refusing to come out. You’re scared, scared that your desires don’t match hers, scared that what she wants is something you’re not sure you can give. And more than anything, you’re scared of losing her, of the possibility that this might be something that could drive a wedge between you.

Alexia waits patiently, her gaze steady and filled with a quiet strength that both comforts and intimidates you. She deserves the truth, but you’re not sure you’re ready to face it yourself. Not yet.

Alexia's concerned gaze remains locked on you as you struggle to find the right words. Your chest tightens with the weight of your fears, and you can feel your face flush with a mixture of embarrassment and anxiety. The warmth of her hand on your cheek feels comforting, yet it only amplifies your nervousness. You take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart.

“I—” you start, your voice trembling slightly. “I’ve been... thinking a lot about us, and, um, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” You stumble over the words, each one feeling like a hurdle you’re barely able to jump. You clear your throat, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “I mean, I know we’ve been... close and everything, and I love you so much, but... but I’ve heard some things, and I—”

You stop abruptly, your hands gesturing awkwardly as if trying to physically grasp the right words. The shame of not being able to articulate your feelings is almost overwhelming. You glance around, desperately searching for something to focus on.

Alexia, sensing your distress, gently guides you towards the couch. “Come on, amor,” she says softly, her voice soothing. “Let’s sit down. You look like you could use a minute.” She leads you to the couch and gestures for you to sit, her touch light but reassuring.

You sink onto the couch, feeling a mixture of relief and dread. Alexia moves to the kitchen, her movements quick but purposeful. She returns with two glasses of water, handing one to you. “Here, drink this. It might help you feel a bit better.”

You take the glass, your hands still trembling slightly as you sip the cool water. Alexia sits beside you, her proximity comforting, yet her eyes are filled with an inquisitive tenderness. She reaches out and takes your free hand in hers, squeezing it gently.

“Whatever it is, we can talk about it,” she says softly. “I’m here for you.”

Feeling the pressure of your emotions building, you fumble for the to-do list you’d tucked away in your pocket. With a sheepish glance at Alexia, you pull it out and hand it to her. Her eyes widen slightly as she looks down at the list, and you see a faint blush spread across her cheeks.

“I, um, I had this list,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. “It was supposed to help me keep track of things... but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about... that last item.” You gesture vaguely at the paper, your cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Alexia’s eyes dart to the list, and she blushes lightly as she reads the crossed-out line. The color in her cheeks deepens, and she bites her lip, clearly feeling a bit awkward about the whole situation. “Oh, um...” she stammers, her cheeks growing warm. “I see you’ve, uh, crossed out that part.”

You can’t help but feel a pang of guilt as you watch her reaction. The sight of her blushing and stumbling over her words makes your heart ache. “I’m sorry,” you say quietly, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on you. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just… I’ve been hearing these things, and I didn’t know if we were on the same page.”

Alexia’s eyes soften with understanding, even though she’s clearly flustered. She reaches out, gently squeezing your hand in a gesture of reassurance. “I’m sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression,” she says, her voice a little shaky but kind. “I really didn’t mean to cause any worry. I guess I didn’t realize how much those rumors were affecting you.”

You nod, feeling a lump form in your throat. “Yeah, they’ve been on my mind a lot,” you admit. “I’m just scared that my own desires might not match up with what you want. I’ve always preferred things to be a bit softer, you know?”

Alexia’s blush deepens, but she quickly shakes off her shyness, her eyes meeting yours with a sincere intensity. “I understand,” she says softly. “And I want to make sure you feel comfortable with us exploring this together.” She pauses, then adds, her voice growing more confident but still tinged with a hint of awkwardness, “I, um, like to be in control and, well, sometimes a bit rough. But that doesn’t mean we can’t adjust things to fit what we both want.”

You feel a wave of relief wash over you at her honesty. “Thank you for sharing that,” you say, your voice tinged with gratitude. “I really appreciate you being open with me. Can I ask you something? What do you like, exactly?”

Alexia takes a deep breath, her shyness melting away as she becomes more animated. “I, um, really enjoy taking the lead, feeling like I’m in charge,” she says, her eyes brightening with a newfound confidence. “But I also love hearing what you like, what makes you feel good. I want to make sure we both have what we need.”

Her willingness to adapt and consider your feelings makes you feel incredibly valued. You squeeze her hand back, your heart swelling with appreciation. “I like it when things are gentle and tender,” you admit, feeling more at ease now that the conversation is flowing openly. “It’s important to me that we both feel good about what we’re doing.”

After the conversation, the dynamic between you and Alexia shifts subtly but significantly. There’s a new warmth in her gaze, an added layer of intimacy that wasn’t there before. The initial awkwardness has melted away, replaced by a deeper understanding and a tangible current of desire that flows between you.

In the days that follow, the air seems charged with a new energy. You notice the way Alexia's touches linger a little longer, the way her kisses are filled with a gentle urgency that wasn’t there before. Conversations take on a more flirtatious tone, filled with playful teasing and soft, suggestive glances. The connection between you feels more electric, more alive, as if the boundaries between affection and desire have become wonderfully blurred.

One evening, after a particularly busy day, you find yourselves curled up on the couch together. The soft light of the lamp casts a warm glow around the room, creating an intimate cocoon where it’s just the two of you. Alexia’s head rests on your shoulder, her fingers tracing delicate patterns on your arm as you talk about your day.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what we talked about,” Alexia murmurs, her voice low and warm. Her breath tickles your skin, sending a shiver of anticipation through you. “I’m really glad we had that conversation.”

“Me too,” you reply, your voice soft. “I feel like things are... different now, in a good way.”

Alexia lifts her head, her eyes meeting yours with a sparkle of playful mischief. “Different how?” she asks, her voice taking on a teasing edge.

You smile, feeling a flush of warmth at her proximity. “Well, for one, there’s this new... tension between us,” you say, your words coming out with a hint of nervousness and excitement. “I feel it every time we’re close.”

Alexia’s smile widens, her eyes darkening with a mix of affection and desire. “I’ve noticed that too,” she says softly. She leans in, her lips brushing against yours in a tender kiss that quickly deepens into something more passionate. Her hands find their way to your face, cupping it gently as her kisses grow more fervent.

As the days pass, the physical connection between you both becomes more intense. You find yourselves stealing kisses whenever you can, your touches lingering with a newfound intensity. Each caress, each look, becomes a promise of what’s to come, a gentle build-up to the moment when you’ll finally give in to the desire that’s been growing between you.

With your heart full of anticipation and a touch of nervousness, you decide to make tonight special. Something that reflects the tender connection you both cherish. You spend the afternoon preparing, wanting every detail to be perfect.

The apartment is filled with the warm, inviting scent of your cooking. You’ve prepared a simple yet elegant dinner, something that you know Alexia loves. The table is set with your best dishes, a bottle of wine breathing on the side, and soft, flickering candlelight casting a golden glow over everything. The lights are dimmed, the apartment bathed in a warm, romantic ambiance that feels almost magical.

You’ve added little touches around the room. Fresh flowers in a vase on the table, the soft strains of music playing in the background, the living room rearranged slightly to create a more intimate setting. It’s a space that feels safe and inviting, designed to make tonight memorable.

As the time draws near, you catch yourself fidgeting with the edges of your dress, smoothing out invisible wrinkles, adjusting the candles on the table one last time. There’s a nervous flutter in your stomach, a mix of excitement and anxiety as you wait for Alexia to arrive. You want everything to be perfect, but more than that, you want to show her just how much she means to you.

As the final touches are set, you hear the front door creak open, and your heart skips a beat. You quickly smooth down the fabric of your dress, a soft blush warming your cheeks. You’ve chosen something special for tonight. An elegant dress that flows gracefully, making you feel beautiful and confident, even if your heart is still racing with anticipation.

When Alexia steps into the apartment, she pauses in the doorway, her eyes widening slightly as she takes in the sight of you. Her reaction is immediate and genuine. A wide, happy smile spreads across her face, lighting up her features. For a moment, she just stands there, staring at you as if she’s seeing you for the first time. The look of admiration in her eyes makes your heart swell with warmth.

“Wow,” she breathes out, her voice tinged with awe. “You look... increíble, amor. So beautiful.” She takes a step closer, her gaze sweeping over you with a mixture of affection and admiration. “I—I’m so lucky,” she stammers, her usual confident demeanor giving way to a shy, almost bashful expression.

You feel a blush rise to your cheeks at her praise, and you can’t help but smile shyly. “Thank you,” you reply, feeling a rush of warmth from her words. The way she’s looking at you makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world.

Alexia’s gaze then shifts momentarily to her own outfit—casual training wear that she’s clearly worn just for comfort. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks as she nervously tugs at the hem of her sweatshirt. “Oh, I, um... I didn’t realize I’d be, uh, underdressed,” she stammers, her eyes flitting between you and her own attire. “I didn’t expect—”

You cut her off gently, stepping closer and taking her hand in yours. “You look great,” you say sincerely, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “I love how soft and relaxed you look. I just wanted to make tonight special for you, for us. It’s not about the clothes. It’s about being together.”

Alexia’s blush deepens, but she seems to relax at your words. She looks into your eyes with a mixture of gratitude and affection. “Thank you,” she says, her voice softening. “You really didn’t have to do all this, but it means so much that you did.”

Without another word, she leans in and presses a tender kiss to your lips. The kiss is warm and full of affection, a perfect encapsulation of the love and understanding that has blossomed between you. When she pulls back, her eyes are filled with a soft, loving glow. “I’m really lucky to have you,” she murmurs, her voice full of emotion.

Her words are reassuring, and you feel your nervousness begin to fade, replaced by a sense of calm. You lead her to the table, pulling out her chair before taking your seat across from her. The candles flicker between you, casting soft shadows on her face as she looks at you with a tenderness that makes your heart swell.

Dinner is a quiet, intimate affair. The conversation flows easily, filled with laughter and shared glances that say more than words ever could. The food is delicious, but it’s the company that truly makes the evening special. With each passing moment, the connection between you deepens, the unspoken promise of what’s to come lingering in the air.

After the last bite of dessert, Alexia leans back in her chair, her eyes never leaving yours. “This was amazing,” she says, her voice low and warm. “Thank you for doing all of this.”

You smile, feeling a flush of pride at her words. “I’m glad you liked it. I just wanted us to have a night that’s... just for you, for us.”

Alexia’s eyes soften even more, and she reaches across the table to take your hand, her thumb gently stroking the back of it. “You’ve made me feel so special tonight,” she murmurs, her voice filled with emotion. “And I want to make sure you feel the same.”

The intensity in her gaze sends a shiver down your spine, but it’s a different kind of shiver than the anxiety you’ve felt before. It’s one of anticipation, of knowing that you’re about to share something incredibly intimate and meaningful with the person you love. You nod, unable to find the right words to express what you’re feeling, but knowing that she understands.

She stands, pulling you up with her, and with a gentle smile, she leads you into the living room. The atmosphere here is even more intimate, the music playing softly in the background, the candles you’d placed around the room casting a soft, romantic glow. Alexia pauses in the middle of the room, turning to face you, her hands resting lightly on your waist.

She looks at you with such affection, such care, that it takes your breath away. “Are you okay?” she asks softly, her voice filled with concern and love. “We can take things slow, amor. There’s no rush.”

You nod, your heart full of love for her. “I’m okay,” you reply, your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest. “I want this... with you.”

Alexia’s smile is soft and full of warmth. She leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, one that speaks of all the tenderness she feels for you. The kiss deepens slowly, her hands moving up to cup your face, her thumbs brushing your cheeks in a gesture that is both protective and loving.

As the kiss lingers, your hands find their way to her back, holding her close, feeling the warmth of her body against yours. The room seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you in this bubble of intimacy. The fears and doubts that had once clouded your mind now seem distant, replaced by the certainty that this moment, this connection, is exactly where you’re meant to be.

When she pulls back slightly, her forehead resting against yours, you can see the love and desire in her eyes, tempered by the same care she’s shown throughout the night. “I want you to feel safe with me,” she whispers, her breath warm against your skin. “And I want you to tell me if there’s anything you need, anything you want.”

You nod, your heart swelling with emotion. “I feel safe with you,” you say, your voice trembling slightly with the depth of your feelings. “And I want to be with you... just like this.”

Her smile is full of understanding, and she takes your hand, leading you to the couch where you’d spent so many nights talking, laughing, and just being together. But tonight, it feels different. There’s a sense of anticipation, of something new and beautiful blooming between you.

She sits down, pulling you gently onto her lap, her arms wrapping around you in a way that feels both protective and possessive. Her lips find yours again, the kiss slow and tender, her hands exploring your body with a softness that speaks of her care for you. You feel her breath hitch slightly as her hands move over the curves of your body, her desire evident but tempered by the gentle way she touches you.

You respond in kind, your hands moving through her hair, down her back, holding her close as you both sink deeper into the kiss. The world outside ceases to exist, leaving just the two of you, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s embrace.

Her lips trail from your mouth to your neck, pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses along your skin, each one sending a shiver of pleasure through you. Her hands continue their gentle exploration, never rushing, always mindful of the pace you’ve set together. You can feel the tension in her body, the restraint she’s holding onto, and it only makes you love her more.

You shift slightly, straddling her lap, your hands resting on her shoulders as you look into her eyes. “Alexia,” you whisper, your voice filled with all the love and desire you feel. “I want this... with you.”

Her eyes darken with desire, but there’s also a softness there, a tenderness that reassures you. “I want this too,” she murmurs, her hands settling on your hips, holding you close. “More than anything.”

The moment feels like it’s wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and mutual affection. Alexia’s fingers gently trace the curves of your waist, and you can feel the connection between you growing stronger with each passing second.

Suddenly, with a playful glint in her eye, Alexia shifts slightly beneath you and starts to rise. You yelp in surprise, your arms tightening instinctively around her shoulders as she lifts you effortlessly from her lap. Her strength is both reassuring and exhilarating, a reminder of her athletic prowess.

“Whoa, careful!” you laugh nervously, gripping her tightly as she stands up. Her eyes sparkle with mischief, and she chuckles softly at your reaction.

“Relax,” Alexia teases gently, her voice low and soothing. “I’ve got you. I’m an athlete, remember?” She holds you securely against her, her muscles flexing as she adjusts her grip to make sure you’re comfortable.

With a tender smile, Alexia walks slowly towards the bed, her steps measured and deliberate. As she reaches the edge of the mattress, she carefully lowers you onto the soft surface. Despite her careful movements, you cling to her, your arms wrapped around her neck as if reluctant to let go.

She pauses for a moment, her eyes roaming over your body with a mixture of admiration and affection. Her gaze lingers on you, taking in the sight of you stretched out on the bed, your dress clinging to your form in a way that makes her eyes darken with desire.

A warm, affectionate smile spreads across her face as she looks up at you. The connection between you both feels electric, charged with an intensity that makes your heart race. Without breaking eye contact, Alexia leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your lips. The kiss is soft and lingering, a promise of the intimacy to come.

As she deepens the kiss, she begins to lay her own weight down beside you, her body pressing against yours with a comforting warmth. You can feel her heartbeat against your chest, syncing with your own in a rhythm that feels perfectly natural.

Her hands explore your dress, her fingers tracing along the fabric as she starts to unfasten it. You help her, your movements synchronized as you pull the dress up and over your head. The dress slides off with a soft rustle, leaving you in your underwear.

Alexia’s fingers trail along your exposed skin, her touch light and teasing. She smiles up at you, her gaze filled with adoration. “You look beautiful,” she murmurs, her voice low and sincere. The way she looks at you makes you feel cherished, every inch of you appreciated.

She then starts to peel off her tracksuit, her movements slightly awkward as she tries to juggle her clothing while maintaining her focus on you. You help her, your fingers brushing against her skin as you assist with removing the tracksuit. Her clothes fall to the floor in a soft heap, leaving her in a simple, form-fitting top and underwear.

With the room filled with a tender, expectant silence, you take a deep breath, your fingers hovering hesitantly above her skin. You let your hands drift toward her chest, your heart racing with a mix of excitement and nervousness. You want to trace your fingers over her beautiful breasts, but you hesitate, unsure if you’re crossing any boundaries.

Shyly, you lift your gaze to meet hers, seeking reassurance in her eyes. The vulnerability in your expression is met with a soft, reassuring smile from Alexia. Her eyes, full of warmth and encouragement, seem to invite you to continue.

“Está bien, amor,” she whispers in Spanish, her voice soothing and full of affection. She gently takes your hands in hers, guiding them with a loving touch to cup her breasts. The warmth of her skin beneath your palms is both exhilarating and comforting.

As you make contact, Alexia lets out a soft, breathy moan, a sound so beautiful and intimate that it sends a shiver of pleasure through you. The sound resonates deeply within you, amplifying the connection you share and making you feel incredibly close to her.

With a gentle yet assertive grace, Alexia begins to take more control of the moment. She shifts her weight slightly, pressing her body more firmly against yours, allowing her warmth and softness to envelop you. Her hands glide over your body with a tenderness that feels both exhilarating and reassuring.

“Just let me guide you,” she murmurs softly, her voice a mix of confidence and tenderness. “Tell me what you like, and we’ll explore this together.”

You nod, your breath coming in soft, uneven gasps as you let her lead. Her fingers trail down your sides, exploring your curves with a careful touch that sends waves of pleasure through you. She lifts her gaze to yours, searching for any sign of hesitation, and you respond with a soft, encouraging smile, giving her the silent permission she needs.

Alexia’s hands continue their journey, gently slipping beneath the waistband of your underwear. She eases them down slowly, her movements deliberate and careful as she uncovers your skin. The cool air against your exposed core contrasts with the warmth of her touch, intensifying the sensations you're experiencing.

As she removes your underwear completely, she turns her attention to her own, her fingers deftly working to peel them away. The sight of her undressing, her body illuminated by the soft light, makes your heart race with anticipation. When she finally discards her last piece of clothing, she pauses, letting you take in the beauty of her fully exposed form.

Overwhelmed by the intimacy of the moment, you slowly shift into a sitting position on the bed, reaching out to wrap your arms around her. The softness of her skin against your body is electrifying, and you hold her close, your breath mingling with hers.

You lean in to plant gentle kisses on her exposed breasts, your lips brushing against her warm skin with a reverence that conveys just how much you adore her. Each kiss is tender, filled with love and a desire to show her how much she means to you.

You then trail your kisses down her left inner arm, admiring the beauty of her tattoo as your lips make contact with her skin, adding a layer of intimacy and appreciation to the tattoo. You slowly and softly set you teeth in her soft flesh.

The sensation of your kisses and bites elicits a soft, appreciative sigh from Alexia, her body responding to the gentle affection. “I like that,” she murmurs softly, her voice laced with warmth and pleasure. “It feels so good.”

She continues to revel in the intimacy you’re sharing, her hands tenderly caressing your back as you continue to kiss her. The closeness between you both becomes even more palpable, each touch and kiss a testament to your deep connection.

After a while, with a loving and considerate touch, Alexia gently guides you back onto the bed. “Let’s take our time,” she says softly, her voice filled with reassurance. As she helps you settle onto your back, her gaze remains tender and attentive, ensuring you feel both comfortable and cherished.

Once you’re comfortably situated, Alexia positions herself above you with a graceful and deliberate motion. Her core makes contact with yours, and she begins to move with a slow, rhythmic motion. She rocks back and forth with a gentle, deliberate pace, creating a sensation that blends pleasure with the perfect amount of pressure.

Her movements are tender yet purposeful, each shift and glide against you enhancing the intimate connection you’re experiencing together. The rhythm she sets is both soothing and stimulating, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the shared moment of closeness. The feeling of her body moving against yours is a harmonious dance of pleasure and tenderness, deepening the bond you share and making each moment feel incredibly special.

As the pleasure builds, you finally allow yourself to be vocal about how good she makes you feel. Soft, breathy moans escape your lips, each sound a testament to the intensity of the sensations coursing through you. You find yourself unable to keep quiet, your voice betraying the immense pleasure you’re experiencing. The sounds you make only seem to encourage Alexia, her own movements becoming more attuned to your responses, amplifying the mutual pleasure you both are sharing.

As the pleasure between you builds, Alexia’s focus remains unwaveringly on you. Her eyes, filled with a mix of adoration and passion, roam over your face and body. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispers, her voice tender and filled with genuine appreciation. “And you make me feel so incredible.”

Her words are a soothing balm, adding to the warmth of the moment. The pleasure between you becomes almost overwhelming, and in the throes of it, her movements start to quicken. The rhythm of her grinding grows faster, her passion driving her actions as she becomes more lost in the sensation.

In her heightened state of desire, Alexia’s hand reaches out and firmly grabs your right breast, her fingers pinching your nipple roughly. The unexpected intensity makes you gasp in surprise, your body reacting sharply to the sensation. Her eyes widen in alarm as she notices your reaction, and she immediately halts her movements.

“Oh mierda, lo siento, lo siento mucho,” she breathes, her voice laced with concern. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Despite the sudden stop, the sensation had been unexpectedly pleasurable, and you find yourself blushing, feeling exposed but also intrigued. You look up at her, your cheeks flushed with a mix of embarrassment and arousal. “It, um, actually felt good,” you admit shyly. “If you want to, you can continue.”

Alexia’s expression shifts from concern to a warm, relieved smile. Her eyes reflect a blend of affection and excitement as she takes your words to heart. “Are you sure?” she asks softly, her voice tender and filled with a gentle eagerness.

You nod, feeling a newfound confidence in sharing your desires. “Yes, I’m sure,” you affirm. “I trust you, and I want to experience this with you.”

With your reassurance, Alexia resumes her movements, her touch becoming more deliberate and attentive as she finds a rhythm that balances both pleasure and sensitivity. Her continued exploration of your body is filled with a renewed passion and care, ensuring that every moment is both thrilling and deeply intimate.

As the sensations between you intensify, Alexia’s movements become a rhythmic dance of passion and tenderness. Her body rocks gently but purposefully against yours, each motion sending waves of pleasure through you. She maintains a steady gaze, her eyes never leaving yours, communicating unspoken affection and desire.

“You feel so amazing,” she murmurs softly, her voice a tender caress against your ear. “I love the way you respond to me.”

Her words are a constant comfort, her sweet reassurances adding an extra layer of intimacy to the moment. She leans down to kiss you, her lips finding yours with a fervent yet gentle touch. The kiss is a melding of emotions, a silent conversation of love and longing that deepens with each passing second.

As the pleasure reaches its peak, her hands move with a delicate precision, enhancing the sensations and making sure you feel cherished and adored. She holds you close, her body pressed against yours, and the steady rhythm of her movements becomes a perfect symphony of shared ecstasy.

The culmination of your mutual pleasure comes as a breathtaking crescendo. You both feel the rush of release, a powerful and overwhelming wave that washes over you, leaving you breathless and blissful. Alexia’s soft, contented moans mix with your own vocal expressions of pleasure, creating a harmony that is both beautiful and deeply personal.

You kiss her tenderly, your lips moving in a gentle rhythm that matches the lingering waves of pleasure. The kiss is a promise of love and devotion, a sweet exchange that further cements the bond you share. Her hands cradle your face, her touch tender and reassuring as she pulls back slightly to look into your eyes.

“Thank you for being so amazing,” you whisper, your voice filled with genuine affection. “I’ve never felt this close to anyone before.”

Alexia’s eyes shine with a mix of love and satisfaction. “It’s because of you,” she replies softly. “You’ve made this so special. I love you so much.”

As the euphoria of the moment begins to settle, Alexia’s teasing smile makes a reappearance, her eyes twinkling with playful affection. She leans in close, brushing a strand of hair from your face before speaking, her tone light yet filled with meaning.

“I don’t stand a chance of having a normal life with you, do I?” she teases, her voice laced with warmth. “You’ve made me want to do this with you every single moment, exploring new things, finding out what we both like. We’re just getting started, and I’m so excited to explore even more with you.”

She punctuates her words with that little shy smile of hers, the one that always manages to melt your heart. It’s a perfect blend of her natural confidence and the sweet, awkward vulnerability that makes her so endearing.

You can’t help but laugh softly at her words, feeling both exhilarated and a little overwhelmed by the intensity of your connection. “Gosh, what have I gotten myself into?” you tease back, your tone playful but your heart swelling with affection.

Alexia chuckles, her smile widening as she leans down to kiss you again, this time more slowly, savoring the moment. “Whatever it is, I hope you’re ready for it,” she murmurs against your lips, her voice carrying both a promise and a challenge.

“I am,” you whisper back, feeling a surge of anticipation for the adventures yet to come.

With her by your side, you’re ready to explore everything. Every desire, every emotion, every new discovery. As you lie there in each other’s arms, the future feels wide open, full of possibility, and you know without a doubt that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

As you hold Alexia close, the warmth of her embrace and the depth of your connection make you realize how unfounded your doubts had been. In this moment of intimacy and understanding, you know with certainty that your fears were unnecessary, and that what you share is stronger and more beautiful than you ever imagined.

-

Note: I realize that some transitions might not be as smooth as l'd like, and plan to refine them later. I just wanted to share this now, even though I haven't done a thorough grammar check yet. Please be gentle with your feedback!

[barcaatthemoon]

familia || alexia putellas x reader ||

how alexia realizes that you're the one.

"amor, what is taking you so long?" alexia huffed as she tried walking into her bedroom. her body hit the door, which didn't budge an inch since you had locked it. alexia groaned, pounding on the door until you walked over to open it. "what is taking you so long? if you do not hurry up, we will miss dinner completely."

"don't rush me, i'm almost done," you told her. alexia whined as she leaned against the doorframe. you looked ready, which was the frustrating part. however, alexia knew how you were, and you'd be insistent that something was missing.

"well, you could have fooled me," alexia said sarcastically. you swatted at her shoulder for the comment. alexia was unbothered, aside from a few dramatic noises as you sifted through your jewelry to find the perfect piece.

all of alexia's whining would be over the moment that she saw what you were looking for. the only issue was, you had entrusted alexia to put it back in your jewelry case after it was picked up from the cleaner's. several of your pieces were not in their rightful places, which meant that alexia had definitely been in the case, but you couldn't find the necklace.

"what are you even looking for?" alexia asked you. you held up your hand to silence her. you needed every bit of your concentration to find this necklace. you had met alexia's mother and sister separately many times, but rarely would both of them be together while meeting you. there were always game days, but those meetings tended to be rather brief.

"here it is!" you exclaimed as you pulled it up from a spot opposite to where you had asked alexia to put it. you were very particular about where your things went, something that alexia often made fun of you for. your spaces in her apartment were often much more chaotic, but you swore up and down that it was all perfectly arranged.

"a-are you sure that you want to wear that one?" alexia asked as she watched you put it on in the mirror. you were beyond certain that you wanted to wear this necklace that alexia had bought you. it was a choker style necklace with an 'a' charm in the center, something that she had bought after a lengthy discussion about how open you were going to be about your relationship. alexia wanted to keep things more private, but compromised with the necklace.

"of course i do. i like to wear it whenever i can," you told her. alexia smiled as she walked over to pull you into her arms. she pressed several kisses to the side of her face, all of them trailing towards your neck. "now, let's go. come on, we don't want to keep your mother waiting."

…

alexia knew to expect eli fretting over her. it always happened during their monthly family dinners. alba usually showed up earlier or even the night before, so eli had plenty of time to fuss over her youngest. alexia tended to be a bit busy, so she couldn't stick around as much.

"oh look at you, far too skinny. alexia, aren't you feeding this poor woman? you and i both know that i made sure you could cook properly before you left this house!" eli was quick to push past alexia and straight towards you.

you laughed nervously as eli pulled you further into the house. your recent weight loss was less because of alexia's lack of cooking skills and more due to the coaches and trainers putting you on a diet. in fact, alexia had been vehemently against it whenever it was first brought up at training. if anything, you swore that alexia had been trying to soften you up in her spare time.

"mami, i swear it is not me. the coaches have put (y/n) on a cut," alexia explained. you thought that she sounded a bit frantic, but you didn't think anything of it.

"well that is just stupid. she's already practically a skeleton." eli prodded at your ribs, causing you to chuckle a little.

"i promise eli, i am fine. a little cranky, but ale takes it with a smile and is very patient with me," you said. eli seemed to relax a little at that, but she still seemed a bit unhappy.

"well, why don't you take a seat at the table while alexia and alba bring the food out," eli told you. she led you over to the table where two glasses of wine were already waiting. alexia pouted as she shuffled into the kitchen to find alba drinking something a little stronger.

"mami's been so excited about (y/n) joining us. she didn't even tell me that i haven't been eating enough," alba huffed.

"at least mami loves her," alexia reasoned. she was feeling a little jealous at her girlfriend taking up all of her mother's attention, but alexia was more than happy that you got on with her family well.

"she loves her so much that she's forgotten about her actual children," alba grumbled. alexia swiped the bottle out of alba's hands, taking the last couple of drinks for herself in one big swig. the bottle was dropped into the trash before the girls grabbed the food and brought it out.

unsurprisingly, eli piled food onto your plate, despite your reminders that you were on a cut. alexia promised to finish whatever you couldn't, despite her plate being bigger than yours. while they had you on a cut, alexia was on a bulk. she couldn't spend as much of her training with the team as she would have liked, so she had spent that extra time lifting, which you were very appreciative of.

"so, i was looking, and there's a play on one of your upcoming off weekends. it's right after you get back from london. i was wondering if you wanted to go," alba said as she turned towards you and alexia.

"that sounds fun," you told her.

"but we might go out. it's been a while since i've had time to take (y/n) out. i was thinking ibiza," alexia said. alba frowned as she turned fully towards you, her subtle way of letting alexia know that she wasn't invited.

"well, we've got a pretty nice vacation in france coming up in the summer. besides, alba and i have been talking about going out to see another play. we had so much fun the first time." despite how gentle you were being, alexia knew whenever she had been rejected. you were choosing to spend time with alba over her, which was a nice thought, but alexia hated it. she no longer wanted you and alba to be friends with each other now that it was taking up her time with you.

"i mean, you do whatever you want," alexia huffed. she crossed her arms over her chest as she turned her attention to her food. alba was quick to come in and distract you from alexia's little sulking session. she knew that you'd go back on your agreement to go to the play, even though you had been wanting to for months now, and alexia hated going to the theater with you.

…

"alright, you take good care of yourself, nena. don't let that one get you down too much, okay?" eli pulled you into a tight hug. you nodded, thanking her for inviting you to dinner before you went over to alba. alexia and her mother spent a little longer on their goodbyes, but you were sure it was just because eli's attention had been on you for a good portion of the night.

"bye albs, i'll see you for brunch?" you asked. alba pulled you into a hug as she shook her head.

"sleep in, cook for alexia, she needs you more than i do," alba said. the two of you looked at alexia, who looked very pensive. you were afraid that she thought dinner hadn't went well as she pulled you away from alba and towards the car. you weren't surprised when alexia just shoved her sister away as they muttered their goodbyes to each other.

"i had fun tonight. thank you for letting me come with you." you knew that you sounded nervous, but you couldn't help it. alexia pulled onto the road and kept her focus on it. the car ride home was silent, something that only made you feel worse. alexia didn't talk to you until the two of you were dressed in comfortable clothes and just sitting in the living room together.

"te amo," alexia said as she placed her hand on your thigh. you glanced over at her. alexia had an unreadable expression on her face, the same one that she always did whenever she was rewatching old games. "my family does too. mami would adopt you if she could, and alba really likes spending time with you. i didn't think that i could get that again, not so quickly."

"you're not mad about tonight?"

"i couldn't be mad about my family loving you. if anything, i am elated because it means that every feeling that i have about you is right. i could never love somebody who didn't get along with my family. i can't wait for the day whenever we get to bring little babies with us to my mami's for the weekend."

"babies?" you questioned. alexia nodded as she moved to sit on your lap. it was a rarity that alexia got like that with you, so you just sat back and accepted it. "how many exactly?"

"two, maybe three. three little putellas girls. one of them will have your eyes, and even if she smiles like me, they'll still light up like the sun when she does. the second, she'll just like me, stubborn and maybe a little too serious, but she'll love like you. she'll love so much like you that her heart will break, but we'll be there to pick up the pieces every single time until her sisters are old enough to help. the third one, she'll look like you, and i won't ever be able to tell her no." alexia had a dreamy look on her face as she told you about the little family that she had planned in her head. you had never thought of a family like that, but alexia was doing a good job of convincing you.

"you know, i'll have to have your last name first. unless you're going to carry," you told her. alexia hummed thoughtfully as she thought about it. if alexia carried, she'd have to retire, but you could still bounce back from a pregnancy.

"then tomorrow, we go ring shopping," alexia stated. you wanted to make a quip about her actually asking, but you already knew there as no use in her proposing. you had wanted to marry alexia for a couple of weeks now, but you didn't want to push her before she was ready. "maybe if mami and alba can make it, we can go to the courthouse."

"even if they can't, i'd still marry you." you leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek, unsurprised when alexia turned her head so that you caught her lips.

"if that's the case, then we'll go after breakfast tomorrow. i don't want to wait any longer than i have to in order to make you mine."

[woso-dreamzzz]

If You Were My Little Girl

Alexia Putellas x Teen!Reader

Jenni Hermoso x Teen!Reader

Summary: Alexia doesn't know you

Jenni.

That's the first thing Alexia thinks of when she sees you.

You're fourteen, playing a five a side game at La Masia. Alexia's dropped in to watch the training session, a few hours early to a meeting she's meant to be having.

Jenni's the one that Alexia thinks of.

You look like her. In your face. In your height. In the way you shoot and find the net.

In the way your face crinkles as you turn to celebrate.

A young Jenni.

Jenni is the first thing Alexia think of when she sees you next.

You're fifteen now and growing into your lanky limbs.

Not much has changed in you since that last time, apart from looking much more self assured. You take shots from distance now. You're accurate as well, the ball going in nine times out of ten.

You've grown into Jenni's features now and Alexia's awestruck by them.

She passively mentions you at the next camp.

Jenni's face goes cloudy, something between annoyance and rage.

"I have no family in Barcelona, Alexia," Is what she says, conversation closed.

But Alexia's not so sure.

She doesn't broach the topic again until a year later.

It's been a while since Alexia has watched a Barcelona B match. She's familiar with a lot of the girls who move up and down into the first team when injuries allow.

Vicky has been the star so far.

Martina too.

You've never been moved up though but Alexia isn't surprised by that. Their front line is packed and with the introduction of Ewa, it's hard to give minutes over to a young striker like you.

Alexia wonders briefly if you'll leave like Julia did or if Barcelona will want to keep you close and send you out on loan.

She'd prefer to keep you.

A La Masia Jenni would be a boost to anyone's team.

You pop goals in like they're easy, grinning and Alexia knows now that Jenni has been lying to her.

Hermoso is what is on your shirt.

You're family and Jenni is a liar.

You turn sixteen at a restaurant in central Barcelona.

Alexia is there but only by accident.

It's after one of her matches and she goes out with her mother and her sister.

They've already sat down when the host comes down to move you and a woman into the table next to them.

You haven't even noticed Alexia, talking to the woman opposite you in rapid Catalan that would never fall from Jenni's lips.

It's your birthday, if the big birthday badge on the front of your shirt is anything to go by.

You dig into your meal happily.

"A gift from your father," The woman says, placing an envelope onto the table.

You were smiling before but your face goes cloudy now, the same kind of cloud that Alexia saw on Jenni's face a few years ago. Annoyance and anger.

You shove it away.

"I don't want it," You say and Alexia doesn't even pretend she's not eavesdropping.

"You need to save up," The woman reminds you," You age out of the system soon."

You look away from her. "I don't need his money."

"You do."

"I don't want it."

"I don't really think it's up to you," The woman says," Think of your future."

You don't answer for a moment before you push your half finished plate away from you.

"I'm done."

"Y/n-"

"I'm finished."

"Not even dessert? You've been wanting the cake from this place for a while now."

Tears spill from your eyes but you keep your voice steady. "I'm not hungry anymore."

You leave your birthday badge at the table along with the envelope.

Alexia doesn't see you for a long few months after that but you never leave her mind.

She keeps up to date with your training, with the way that your coaches have nothing but glowing remarks for you. She thinks you're doing well, in football at least because the next time she physically sees you, you're a mess.

Your hair is unkempt and messy. Your shoulders are slumped and even though you bang in goals, you don't celebrate even when everyone else does.

It's almost like you don't care.

It's almost like you have no passion for football anymore.

"I don't have family in Barcelona, Alexia," Jenni says again when she tries to broach the subject again.

"I know but there's this kid...this girl-"

"I don't have a sister!" Jenni snaps and Alexia takes a step back.

"I didn't say anything about a sister."

Jenni seethes, glancing away as she runs her hand through her own messy hair. "Good. Because I don't have one."

"Just come to a game." Alexia can't stop herself from pushing. She doesn't know what it is, what strange aura you have around you that pushes her to campaign for you. "Just one."

She doesn't know what it is about you that she just needs Jenni to see. What spark in you that she needs Jenni to acknowledge.

"I don't want to. I'm busy."

"I know you're going to a party with Mariona," Alexia says," I know you'll be in the city during one of her games. Please, Jenni. Just one game. You don't even have to talk to her. Just watch."

Jenni agrees only after days of badgering.

Somehow, you look worse than before.

You still bang in goals. a hattrick in the first half and Jenni's thoroughly disinterested, even if you wear her surname on your jersey.

Your hair is a mess and your kit is askew. There are bags under your eyes and your shoulders are hunched over.

You curl into yourself even more when you walk through the tunnel at halftime. Your eyes catch Alexia's.

She's been coming to these matches a lot recently but it's not her that causes you to stop.

Jenni looks down at you from the stands, her face neutral and one singular brow raised when you deign to meet her gaze.

Alexia frowns as your eyes drop and your posture tightens up again, head bowed as you walk away.

"You're still playing? I thought you were told to stop."

"He can't tell me what to do."

"Can't he?"

"Well, he's not exactly my father, is he?"

"You wear his name."

"It's my name!"

"Is it?"

"Don't-Don't tell him. Please."

"He'll find out sooner or later. A club like Barcelona, what were you thinking?"

"Please...Please."

"Quit while you're ahead, kid. Finish up your season and find something else to do."

"I-"

"It's for your own good, okay?"

Alexia rounds the corner at the end of the match.

You're sobbing, tears rolling down your cheeks as you slam your head against the stone wall.

"Hey...Hey!"

Alexia shoves her hand between your skull and the wall, trying to pillow the impact as much as possible.

You're still sobbing and Alexia pulls you into her arms, pressing your head into her neck as you shake.

"I-I have to quit."

"No you don't," She says," It's okay. You don't have to quit."

"I do."

These are the first words she's even spoken to you.

You know she watches you. You know that she lurks and analyses and sees something in you that keeps her coming back again and again.

You don't even know her. Not personally anyway.

Everyone knows Alexia Putellas. Everyone knows who she is, a legend.

You know her the same amount that you know your own sister.

Which isn't much.

She doesn't really know you either. Knows the same amount about you as your own sister.

But here she is, holding you as you sob after one of the best games of your life, holding you after you've been told to leave this all behind.

"It's okay. No one's going to make you quit if you don't want to."

"I have to."

"You don't," Alexia promises," I'll make sure of it."

[p0orbaby]

All This Money, Darling, What Else Is Left to Do?

summary: you’ve moved to barca for work, you meet alexia

warnings: SMUT 18+, strap use, bathroom sex, how original

a/n: based on this request !

word count: 1.1k

-

You’ve never been good with Spanish, which is unfortunate considering you’ve just moved to Barcelona to film a series that’s supposed to be your “dark, gritty” transition from Hollywood darling to Oscar-worthy actress. A role that will, in your words, “finally earn me that little golden bastard.” The director had only sighed in response, muttering something about Brits and their insatiable thirst for awards, before handing you a script written entirely in Spanish.

You’ve got all the superficial things down: tousled hair that looks like you just rolled out of bed in a sultry way (when in reality, it took your stylist an hour to perfect), designer sunglasses that scream “I’m too famous to be bothered,” and a wardrobe carefully curated to say, “I’m an artist, but I could still outdress you at a red carpet event.”

The language, though, remains your Everest.

Which is how you find yourself at a party hosted by some up-and-coming director who might actually be a waiter – it’s hard to tell when everyone here looks like they stepped out of an indie film. The only reason you’re here is because your agent insists you need to “immerse yourself in the culture.” Apparently, the key to embodying a brooding Spanish detective is to drink sangria and eat patatas bravas at a rooftop party with people who don’t recognise you. Or worse, pretend not to recognise you.

You’ve been nursing the same glass of wine for an hour, half-watching as a group of women discuss something with intense, dramatic flair. You’re only half-listening until one of them catches your eye.

You don’t know her name. Not yet. But you know she’s trouble from the way she moves. She’s all sharp edges and grace, the kind of woman who makes every hair on your body stand on end before you’ve even exchanged a word. When she looks at you, it’s like she already knows you – all of you – even the parts you try to keep hidden behind layers of well-crafted mystique.

You make a mental note to stay away from her. Which, naturally, means you’ll be making out in the bathroom with her within the hour.

And that’s exactly how it happens. One moment, you’re trying to figure out what the hell “Tarjeta amarilla” means, and the next, she’s pressed up against you, lips smashing into yours like she’s been waiting her entire life to taste you. It’s heady, intoxicating, the way she devours you like you’re something she plans to enjoy slowly – but not yet.

The bathroom is one of those annoyingly chic setups with a waterfall tap and hand towels that look like they should be in a palace. It’s also incredibly small, which is fine because she’s pressed up against you, and suddenly there’s no need for space.

You don’t know who makes the first move. It’s all a blur of hands and lips, and somewhere between her tongue tracing the line of your jaw and your fingers digging into her hips, you figure out you don’t actually care.

Her name’s Alexia. You learned that somewhere between her pushing you against the wall and slipping her hand under your bra. Alexia, whispered like a prayer. Or maybe it was a curse. She’s too good at this. Too good at the way she takes control, the way she knows exactly where to touch you to make you gasp, arch, and cling to her like she’s your lifeline.

And then she’s guiding you to the sink, bending you over like it’s the most natural thing in the world. It probably is for her – something about the way she holds you down with one massive hand and undoes her jeans with the other tells you this is far from her first time.

You glance up at the mirror, and there you are – tousled hair now a genuine mess, eyes blown wide, lips kiss-swollen and desperate. You look every bit the part of a woman who’s about to get absolutely wrecked.

Which is exactly what happens.

Alexia’s behind you, and then something cool and smooth is pressing against your entrance – a strap, because of course, she’d have one at the ready. You bite your lip, half to stifle a moan and half because you don’t want to give her the satisfaction of hearing you already coming undone. You’re an actress, after all, and the best performances are always the ones where you keep the audience guessing.

Not that it matters. The second she pushes in, you’re a mess, nails scraping against the sink’s surface as you try – and fail – to keep yourself together. She’s ruthless, setting a pace that leaves no room for pretense. It’s rough, raw, the kind of fucking that makes you forget your name and what you’re supposed to be doing here in Spain in the first place.

“Te gusta, ¿verdad?” she murmurs in your ear, voice low and teasing. And by her tone you just about make out she’s asked you a question.

“Fuck, yes,” you gasp, any attempt at playing it cool flying out the window as she thrusts harder, deeper. The sound of skin against skin fills the small bathroom, along with your increasingly loud moans. There’s no point in being quiet now – everyone out there either knows what’s happening or will by the time she’s done with you.

It’s filthy, the way she fucks you – no pretense, no gentleness, just pure, unbridled lust. You’re half-certain you’ll have bruises tomorrow, and the thought only turns you on more.

“Mírate,” she breathes, voice laced with dark amusement. “Miss Hollywood, siendo follada como una vulgar zorra"

You whimper in response, because you don’t know what else to do. You don’t understand a word she’s saying. Yet you’re still reduced to nothing but pure pleasure, body trembling as she drives you closer and closer to the precipice.

And then she does something with her hips – some angle that has you seeing stars, and you’re gone, crying out her name as you come harder than you’ve ever come in your life. The kind of orgasm that leaves you breathless, boneless, clinging to the sink like it’s the only thing keeping you upright.

But she doesn’t stop. Not until you’re shaking, overstimulated and begging her to – not until she’s milked every last bit of pleasure from you, until you’re nothing but a panting, sweaty mess in her extremely toned arms.

When she finally pulls out, you collapse against the sink, legs barely holding you up. Alexia’s still behind you, hands sliding up your sides in a way that’s almost affectionate. Almost.

“That was…” You try to find words, but they’re lost somewhere between the haze of lust and the aftershocks of your orgasm.

“Sí,” she agrees, smirking as she steps back, giving you just enough space to turn around and face her.

There’s something in her eyes, something that says she’s not done with you yet. And despite the fact that you should probably get back to the party, should probably straighten yourself up and pretend like you haven’t just been fucked within an inch of your life, you can’t bring yourself to care.

[girlgenius1111]

close to you part 4

alexia putellas x leila ouahabi x jenni hermoso x reader a third installment of the orgy fic: rush by @vixwritesagain [all chapters + all OOYG chapters linked on her masterlist] r executes jenni's plan. smut. 18+

–

You made a point of kissing Leila the second she slid the door shut behind her. She made the cutest confused sound but was quick to loosen up. An apology was on the tip of your tongue until Jenni pulled you away and pushed you in the direction of the door.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you stepped outside. You fiddled with the strap of your bikini, pretending to inspect the pool until you didn’t feel Alexia’s hawkish gaze anymore. 

Only when her guard was down did you make your move. “Alexia?” 

The blonde jolted at the call, clearly not expecting you to speak to her without the reassuring presence of your girlfriend. Still, she turned to look at you, raising her eyebrows. 

“Am I getting a tan line?” You asked innocently, yanking the strap down over your shoulder. 

Alexia studied you through her dark sunglasses, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips. After a moment, she nodded her head. “A little.” 

You sighed dramatically, reaching around to the back of your bikini, and pulling at the strings. Admittedly, you didn’t try very hard to untangle the knot, but you also knew Jenni had made sure it wouldn’t undo easily. You turned towards your captain again, fighting back a smile when you saw both Jenni and Leila peeking at the two of you through the kitchen window. 

“Alexia?” You called again. 

She didn’t startle this time, slowly turning her head to look at you. Her body was tense, likely surprised at the way you were suddenly boldly addressing her when you’d been avoiding her the whole trip. You stood up, walking over to her chair and standing close enough that Alexia had to crane her neck to look up at you. 

“Can you untie this knot? I want to even out my tan.” 

The blonde nodded, still expressionless, though her hands twitched in her lap. You sat on the edge of her chair, turning your back to her and pulling your hair out of the way. 

Though barely able to feel Alexia’s fingers on your skin, you could feel her pull at the knot, gently at first. A sigh, then a harder tug. 

“Who tied this?” She wondered, though her tone made her suspicion clear. 

You turned around quickly to face her. She froze, so still it didn’t even seem as though she was breathing. 

“I think Jenni got into my swimsuits.” You said, letting your eyes flicker to her lips from her sunglasses. 

She stared when your hands came up to pull the sunglasses off her face. You placed them onto the pool deck. 

It was odd, considering how nervous you’d been around the other woman for the past several days, how easily it was coming to you. It was as if you knew what would affect her before you even did it, knew to grab her hand and lace your fingers with hers. Her hand was warm, and so much larger than yours. You squeezed it before leaning closer. 

“You- uh, you could take it off over your head.” Alexia suggested, trying to take control of the situation. 

“Or… you could?” You replied.

Alexia blinked. You understood, then, what Jenni had been saying. Alexia really was convinced you weren’t interested.  

“I could?” She repeated, finding a bit of confidence as she rested her free hand on your thigh. 

“You don’t want to?” You teased.

It wasn’t often you got to see Alexia so caught off guard, so nervous, and you relished in it. She did want you, and that thought was filling you with confidence. 

“You… want me to?” She questioned, the softness and insecurity of her voice making you melt. 

“I really want you to.” You told her, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. You let your hand linger on her cheek. “I’ve missed you, Ale.” 

Her eyes widened as she leaned into your hand. “Oh.” 

You rolled your eyes, running your thumb across her cheekbone. “Tonta. How could I not?” 

The blonde’s lip curled upward before you pressed your lips to hers. 

Alexia kissed back tenderly, though it only stayed soft and gentle for a moment. The blonde seemed to remember who she was, one hand sliding up your thigh and squeezing at your hip, the other pulling away from yours to grip at the back of your neck. Gone was insecure, timid Alexia, replaced with the version that wanted to do all your thinking for you. 

A flick of her wrist, and the ties around your neck fell loose. Though you had to ignore the instinct, you didn’t try to cover up this time. You shifted closer, coaxed by her strong hands until she pulled your thigh over hers. The lounger wasn’t the most stable, but comfort wasn’t the priority. 

It was just her. The smooth heat of her, the relentlessness of her tongue, the harsh breaths she brushed along your skin. 

Already you could feel yourself tingling, desperate for her touch. Alexia seemed content enough when you settled on top of her, slowing the pace to filthy, deep kisses which made you whine against her lips. 

Your hands stroked back stray hairs and caressed her cheeks to keep her close. Her hands were far less delicate. 

You could feel her fingers dancing along the side of your thighs until they cupped your ass. A firm squeeze to pull your cunt firmly against her. Alexia touched you like she owned you. With every little sound she drew, you could feel her smile against your lips. 

It was only when her hands cupped your bare chest that your answering gasp was too delicious to kiss through. “Ale,” you breathed, “I wanted…” 

“Dime.” Her wet lips were so close, and there was real temptation to just keep kissing her and forget the whole thing. 

“I was thinking about you.” 

“Sí?” 

“And the first time.” 

Alexia’s eyes sparkled, but she just hummed back at you. 

“You said you wanted my mouth.” 

Alexia shifted, reaching up to drag her thumb over your bottom lip. “Yes.” 

“I want that. So much. Can I..?”

“Sí,” Alexia breathed, pupils blown wide even as she tried to keep her face composed. 

You kissed her again before glancing down. Hard muscle and her very bare chest. Her skin felt hot when you bent down to mouth at her neck. You could feel her hands mapping out every part of you, then settling back on the knot at your back. 

You’d only just licked at her nipple when the band suddenly loosened. Alexia made a triumphant noise, pulling away your top unceremoniously. 

Maybe it was too soon, but your hands had a mind of their own. They reached for her hips, slipping around her waistband. 

A gentle push to your shoulder made you straighten up immediately.

“You first.” Alexia mumbled, and while she met your eye, she couldn’t contain the pinkness of her cheeks. 

Without a thought, you shimmied off her until you could strip off the rest of the bikini. Yet when you moved to cover her body with yours again, Alexia’s stoicism had returned. 

“On your knees.” She ordered. 

And maybe you hadn’t fully thought through the logistics of the sun lounger, but sore knees felt like a small price to pay. You were careful scooting back and lowering yourself to the ground. 

Alexia didn’t waste time sliding down till her feet touched the floor. You took in the spread of her legs as she leaned over. To meet her kiss, you had to tilt your head back. If the hand which wrapped around your throat was any indication, that’s exactly what Alexia wanted. 

No sooner had she pulled away than she moved to strip herself too. You stayed quiet as she dropped her bikini to the side, then spread her legs once more. 

“You’re so pretty.” You breathed, just incase any part of her self-consciousness lingered. Besides, she was so pretty, all tan skin and wet.

“Shh,” her hand threaded through your hair. 

You leaned forward eagerly, stroking along her thighs and kissing at the inside of them. It’s not that you meant to tease, just that you’d been thinking about it for so long, and now, with her cunt not five inches away, it was hard to know where to start. 

Alexia let you get three kisses in before her grip tightened. “Más rápido, o voy a buscar a alguien más.” She complained.  

“Find someone else.” You scoffed, pulling away just a fraction, “You don’t want anyone else.” 

Your eyes flicked up to her after you spoke, cheeks heating up at your own words. It still wasn’t a statement you felt overly confident in, but the almost proud look on Alexia’s face told you that you’d said the right thing. 

“Tu español está mejorando.” 

Rather than let her see you blush even more, you chose that moment to lean forwards. 

You had every intention of precise, measured movements. You were going to make her come, and come hard because you had a point to prove. If she’d been thinking about this for as long as you had, you couldn’t disappoint her. 

As soon as your eyes fell shut and you pressed the first light kiss to her core, your desire to impress her fell away. Instead, you were drawn in by the taste of her, the smell, the shift of her muscles under your hands and the sighed exhales coming every few seconds. 

You spread her wider, licking at the wetness that had gathered between her legs. Alexia’s face never gave much away, but her pussy was a different story. Wet and hot, the evidence of her attraction to you was exactly what your ego needed. 

With her hand in your hair, you let her guide you up to her clit. You licked slowly, dragging your tongue through her folds and humming when she tilted her hips for you. “There,” she supplied breathily when you teased at it. 

As tempting as it was to torture her, or at least try, there was simply nothing you wanted more than to feel her come for you. If the gentle buck of her hips was any indication, she felt the same. 

“More,” she demanded. 

You blinked your eyes lazily to bask in her, all spread out. Alexia was so gentle when she stroked your hair back, gathering as much of it as she could to hold you against her. 

You licked more firmly at her, before taking her clit into your mouth and sucking. She let out a strangled sound that was somewhere between a whine and a moan, and it took everything in you not to slide your hand between your own legs. 

Instead, you brought your hand to her core, nudging at her entrance with one of your fingers. You sat back for just a second to find the angle.

“Wait,” she said breathlessly. “I’ll come. Too fast.” 

Another lick, just to enjoy the way she tried to swallow her sounds.  “I want you to come.” 

Alexia hummed, but her hand let go of your hair as you dove back in enthusiastically. You worked a finger into her slowly, in and out, bit by bit, fighting a wide grin when she gasped at the feeling. You could feel when she shifted to her elbows, one heel resting on your back.

“More.” She directed, losing the fight against her body’s instinct to grind down on your face. Her hips canted in time with your mouth. Without thinking too much, you teased a second finger against her. 

“I thought it was too fast?” You mumbled, not bothering to pull away to speak. Alexia’s body jerked at the vibration of your voice against her. 

“I-thought you… wanted me to come,” she replied, voice a touch more breathless now. 

Having your mouth occupied was both the best and the worst feeling. The best, because her hand found the back of your neck, holding you against her rocking hips as her quiet moans grew more and more frequent. The worse, because you longed to talk to her. To hear what felt good, and to kiss her in between pants. 

As it were, you worked a second finger in with the same care as the first. The angle wasn’t ideal, nor was the way you were kneeling at the foot of her lounger, leaning forward to adjust for her squirming. 

Yet none of it mattered. Your tongue flicked over her clit, your groan caused her gasp, and your free hand reached up to blindly grope at her chest. You pinched her nipple, curling your fingers inside of her at the same time. You could feel how she clenched, both around your fingers and with her thighs around your head. 

“Sí, así,” Alexia breathed, the closest thing to pleading you’d heard from her. “Don’t stop.” 

There was no way. Not with her fucking herself against your face, holding you tight while you sucked and fingered her higher. 

You knew it was going to come before it happened, but that didn’t make it any less of a prize. Her hips grew erratic and desperate towards the end, her fingers pushed up and tightened around your roots. Alexia was quiet, but in the tranquility, every little whimper she let out was amplified. 

From your place on the floor, you couldn’t watch like you wanted to, and yet your chest still bloomed with affection as she shivered. You changed nothing, working her through until she twitched. Had it not been for the pull to your hair, you would have kept going for a second round, if not a third. 

“Dios.” She panted, lying still as you stroked soothing hands over her waist. 

“I know what that means too.” You teased, shifting to kiss at her thighs instead. 

Her fingers unlaced themselves from your hair. You leaned back, wiping at your face with the back of your hand. Alexia sat up too, leaning over to kiss you.  With gentle coaxing, you rose to your feet with a wince. 

“Okay?” She murmured, raising one hand to block the sun from her eyes. Her other curved around the back of your thigh, pulling you to stand between her legs. 

You immediately held your hand up to shade her face. “Good. Just my knees.” 

Frowning at the redness of them, Alexia ran her thumb gently over the irritated skin. She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your stomach, before she rose to her feet and grabbed your hand in hers. You moved towards the house, blissfully uncaring that you were completely nude. 

“Think they made lunch?” Alexia wondered, a fond look on her face that told you she knew just how orchestrated the past half hour had been. 

“Nope. It’s fine, though. I just ate.” You grinned at her, relishing in the snort she let out. It was the first laugh you’d gotten from her while she wasn’t actively in you, the first laugh that wasn’t really teasing. 

Alexia slid the door open, her hand finding the small of your back, gently nudging you inside first. Your skin tingled where she touched you, but there wasn’t much time to linger in the newfound closeness you shared. 

Even without seeing the trail of bikini tops and bottoms leading you right to your girlfriends, the sounds coming from just a few feet away told you exactly what Jenni and Leila had gotten up to. 

The striker had your girlfriend bent over the kitchen counter, her hand buried between Leila’s thighs. The defender was mid gratuitous moan when she noticed you both walk in, a dazzling smile lighting up her face. 

“Bebé!” Leila said excitedly. 

Jenni withdrew her hand from your girlfriend, bringing her fingers up to her lips to clean them off. 

“Hi Lei. Having fun?” You chuckled, leaning back against Alexia as her arm wound around your abdomen and pulled you closer into her. 

“Sí! Jenni's fingers. You know!” 

Jenni moved back, allowing Leila to straighten up. She looked between you and Alexia, her eyebrows raised. 

“So? Whose room?” 

You rolled your eyes good naturedly and moved towards the hall, pulling Alexia behind you. “Yours. You already almost broke the bed the other day, we might as well limit the damage to one room.” You’d only just gotten the words out when Leila rushed past you, sliding across the hardwood floor into the room you shared. 

“I’ll get our toys!” She shouted. 

“Do you need help finding- oh!” You yelped as Alexia’s arms swept you up, carrying you into her room and gently dumping you on the bed. Jenni slipped in behind, stroking over her girlfriend’s waist affectionately. 

Both her and Alexia eyed you from the edge of the bed. 

“Leila can find the toys.” Jenni dismissed as she crawled next to you and began to dust kisses over your neck. Alexia was soon to join her, bending down to mouth at your shoulder. You heard when Leila entered the room. Knowing the size of the bag she’d packed, you came to the conclusion that the rest of the trip would be rather single-minded. 

—

Freshly showered, Leila was quick to dry your hair before shooing you away to bed so she could finish her own. You’d tried to draw it out - taking far too long to brush your teeth - but as much as you liked watching her, the comfort of a soft mattress called. Besides, there were only so many times you could hear her gentle reassurance about how much she loved the evening’s activities before the guilt ate away at you. By the time you felt her slide in beside you and switch off the light, you were already cozy. 

Still, you reached for her immediately, tangling your hands with hers before raising one to kiss at it. In the fresh darkness, you could see nothing. But you could feel her gaze searching you out too. 

“I was mean to you today,” you breathed. 

Leila shifted closer, until you could feel the heat of her legs curling along yours. “You were?”

“You asked if I was okay and I brushed you off.” 

A moment, then a gentle squeeze to your hand. “Hmm.” One of the most frustrating things about Leila was her ability to shut up right when you wanted her to talk most. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Were you jealous, bebé? I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

In the darkness, you shook your head because of course she’d try and take the blame. “No. Well yes. Actually. But it was just a lot of things.” “Hmm.” 

“Jenni was being snippy and Alexia wouldn’t look at me, and then I didn’t have you to talk about it with.”

You could feel her breath against your joined hands before she kissed your knuckles. “I understand. I was going to follow you but Jenni said she would.”

“Yeah.” 

Untangling her hand with yours, Leila sat up. As your eyes adjusted, you could see the outline of her. 

“Are you okay now?”

You grinned up at her, thinking back on the last few hours and stroking her hair back to no avail. “I’m good. I’m tired. But I love you.” 

Leila was quick to shift down the bed, snuggling against your side with her arm curved around your waist. She gave you a moment’s peace before you felt her grin. “And you had a very good talk with Jenni, sí?” 

“A good talk,” you giggled, “just talking. What about you? Did you do much talking?”

“None.” She purred proudly. “Just watched you outside.”

And, since you could tell she wanted you to, you gave Leila a step-by-step on how the day had evolved. 

“So confident,” she cooed as you recounted the time spent by the sunlounger. “We should sleep bebè. I have a feeling tomorrow will be a big day.” 

“I’m not tired,” you breathed back, though your hand felt heavy stroking through her soft hair, “and we haven’t talked all day. I missed you.” 

“Shh. Tomorrow.” And when Leila nuzzled in a little more, there was no arguing with her. 

—

Jenni was already half asleep by the time Alexia finally stepped out of the bathroom. The blonde was clad in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that had a 10 proudly displayed on the thigh, pajamas that had been laid out on the bathroom counter for her by her girlfriend. 

Alexia slid under the covers, a soft hum coming from the woman next to her as a pair of arms wrapped tightly around Alexia’s midsection, pulling her closer. Jenni nuzzled her face into the midfielder’s neck, inhaling the sweet, clean scent that always seemed to follow her girlfriend around. 

“Te amo.” She mumbled sleepily, blinking one eye open when she didn’t get a response. “Te amo!” 

Alexia rolled her eyes fondly. Even though darkness shrouded her girlfriend’s face, she could clearly picture the pout on Jenni’s lips. Instead of giving the response she knew the striker wanted and allowing them both to drift off, she twisted in Jenni’s arms and exhaled sharply. 

“You talked to her, no?” 

With a groan, Jenni rolled onto her back, sitting up slightly as she realized Alexia wasn’t going to let her sleep before they discussed the events of the day. She reached to the nightstand, flicking the lamp on and squinting at her girlfriend for a moment before answering. 

“I did.” 

Her suspicions confirmed, Alexia’s nostrils flared and she crossed her arms over her chest. “I told you not to. I wanted her to come to me.” 

“Amor, she did come to you. And then you came to her,” Jenni smirked, sobering quickly when Alexia continued to stare accusingly at her. 

“After you talked to her.” 

“Ale, I–”

“I asked you not to, and you didn’t listen.” The blonde said stubbornly. 

Jenni sighed dramatically, grabbing her girlfriend’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “Alexia, I know you both very well, and you both were overthinking. I didn’t tell her to go out there to you, or to have sex with you, that’s what she wanted to do. I told her to make a decision and be clear about what she wanted because the mixed signals were hurting you and–” 

“That’s why you did it?” Alexia interrupted, staring open mouthed at her girlfriend. “Because I was upset? Not because you wanted it and were tired of waiting?” 

Jenni looked at Alexia incredulously. “Of course that’s why. I can be patient, amor, but I don’t like seeing you sad, especially not when I can fix it.” 

“Oh.” Alexia murmured, her body sinking down seemingly of its own accord to curl into Jenni’s. 

“Tonta.” Jenni sighed, turning the lamp back off and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. “I yell at her for you, you get the sex you’ve been wanting all week, but I’m in trouble.” 

Her voice was teasing, warm with affection as she carded her fingers through Alexia’s hair. 

“You yelled?” Alexia wondered, feeling oddly protected at the thought of the normally easy going woman being so serious for her. 

“Mmm. A little bit.” Jenni amended. 

The lightest of kisses was pressed to Jenni’s cheek before Alexia’s face nudged into its spot against the striker’s neck. 

“Thank you.” Alexia mumbled softly, her words barely more than a soft puff of air on Jenni’s neck, yet she heard her all the same. “Te amo.” 

—

🙂

[ceesimz]

the love you have is better spent in some other place

knowing love and accepting love are two different things.

despite the menacing title+summary, it's not all doom and gloom :)

The funny thing about Alexia Putellas is that she's the version of herself she always imagined to be when she was younger. Yet, at the same time, she's nothing like she thought she would be. 

She's as good at football as she knew she could be. All the titles one could want, she has them under her belt. There are all kinds of awards scattered around her apartment, as well as her family home in the care of her mother. Stadiums chant her name in the same way she witnessed at Camp Nou with her father's hand in hers as a young girl. The combination of her name and number is spotted on the back of nearly every Barcelona shirt around the world, treasured near and dear to millions of hearts in the same way she cherished her Xavi shirt. 

Her wildest dreams had come true when it came to her career. But in her personal life, things weren't quite the same. 

Alexia had known from a younger age than most that she would end up marrying a woman rather than a man. That she would be the best spouse she could possibly be for her own wife. And when that opportunity seemed to arise, having a partner to love who is at her side throughout everything, it came at the most inconvenient time for her.

She acknowledged that, but failed to be the greatest version of herself for the woman of her dreams. Just as she was back from her injury, after winning the most notorious trophy of them all with her country and feeling like the world was hers, it all came falling down. The timing of it was exceptionally awful.

Football wasn't quite the same for her. Something was off. Her knee felt heavy, and it was evident in the way she played. Every game, it got worse and worse. With that came the anxiety, the doubt, the shame that she wasn't who she once was. And maybe she never would be that version of herself again.

That's when you came in. A saving grace, almost. Just one day in November weeks before her arthroscopy, the last attempt to recover and reinstate her name into the sport she loved, you and all you were walked in and flicked the lights in her desolate heart back on. You were a reminder of who she could be, you gave her a reason to change her ways, and if she never returned to football again, at least you never knew that part of her. She could take the fresh opportunity with you and grow into it, without having to face the embarrassment of no longer being the dominant figure of European football.

But she couldn't change her ways. Despite the fact that she didn't have to shy away from who she was, despite the fact she recovered and the surgery was as successful as it could be, she couldn't change her ways.

If Alexia had known about the deep-rooted problems she had surrounding love, she wouldn’t have put you through those first few months of your relationship. That time of her life was a dark one, where she hated the world just as much as herself, until you came along. Like the light at the end of the tunnel, she headed towards it, but with each step she took, the light never got any closer. It stretched on, slipping between her fingertips like water. The affection you gave her was there, but she never quite accepted it for herself. And it ate her up inside, gave her even more reason to loathe what her life had become.

In no way was it your fault, she knew from the moment she left you the night of your first date that there was so much wrong with her. Instead of working on those things, she chose to be selfish. She wanted you, despite the fact she didn’t want herself, and sure, maybe it did work out in the long run. But if time travel became a thing, it wouldn’t take her longer than a second to decide to go back and change her whole approach to falling in love with you. For her, that period of time was tarnished by her internal torment, when she should have given in to the desire to fall into your arms with no second thought rather than ruminate on all the wrong-doings she had been through.

Something had to change, she had to change, to ensure that didn't happen. She just didn't know how. How does one fix something that's been broken for years? Where does she even start?

Love was something everybody chased, whether that be platonically or romantically, and it was a bizarre concept, really. Was it a universal thing, or just something that occurred in this world only? What happened on the other planets? If there is life out there, what do they chase? Love, or something else?

Alexia began to think it was the latter, and that there was something so deeply wrong with her for her to reject such a beautiful idea when it was all anybody longed for. Almost as if her problems were alien to everyone else, because even her friends and family looked at her in utter confusion when she first stated she didn’t intend to go on a second date with you. Underneath the facade, there was nothing she wanted more than to chase the love you had to offer. She needed it, like food, like water, like oxygen. Why couldn’t she accept it for herself? It was something she wasn’t able to understand, and it felt unnatural to reach out and tell you how much she enjoyed the evening with you when her skin crawled at the hands of the devil on her shoulder, spewing all kinds of hate and insecurities in her ear.

She did it anyway, and it had worked itself out eventually. That’s how she had got here, months later, laying on her sofa with your arms around her and her head on your chest, finally at a place where she could accept your love with no second thoughts. However, the guilt still ripped through her whilst you were none the wiser (or so she thought), and she wanted that to change. That filled her with fear, approaching a topic she could barely stomach thinking about, but you had stuck around all this time and if it scared you away now, she was the only one to blame that she couldn’t have relished in your love longer.

—

The first time that you noticed something might be amiss with Alexia was after the third date. You’d known each other for a number of weeks now, and spoke near enough everyday. It was hard for the footballer to find time in her schedule to fully dedicate her time to you, which is how you ended up texting each other almost all day every day. But on the fourth date, when she joined you for breakfast one morning, she walked in like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

Each time you had seen her, there was a look in her eye that drew the image of a dark cloud following her wherever she went, but as soon as she settled into your company, it went away. She smiled, she laughed, her eyes creased with unfiltered joy when she was with you. Yet, when it was time for you to go your separate ways, that cloud loomed again. It weighed so heavily upon her, it was almost as if you could feel it too. Still, that didn’t deter you from falling in love with her.

There was something different about her though, on that fourth date. It was hard for you to not feel a little anxious when she sat down and that cloud didn't drift away like it usually did. The thought consumed you; maybe she was growing tired of you, since you didn't seem to have the same effect on her anymore. As it turned out, that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Just as you were about to leave for work, she reached out to take your hand as you bid each other goodbye outside of the café, and she leaned down to kiss you. It wasn’t the first kiss you had shared, but for some reason it felt like the last. There were too many emotions tied into it, and instead of getting that fluttery, lovesick feeling you got when you kissed her, all you felt was dread. 

However, before you could ruminate on that thought, she saved you the anguish and pushed through the mental roadblock that tried to stop her from being honest, and told you what was on her mind. She went against her instinct and opened up, for your sake. 

“I am having surgery after Christmas. It’ll be some time before I can go on a date like this with you again and I don’t expect you to wait for me. So… I am giving you an out.”

The look in her eyes had darkened, a facade built to temporarily shield her from the pain of hearing you agree and watching as you walk down the street, out of her life. Because how could you be with someone that was putting their weakness on show? How could you want to stay with someone that’s admitting there is something wrong with them? It went deeper than just a medical procedure, this surgery, it ran so much deeper and Alexia knew that you understood that, it didn't take a genius to piece the puzzle together of what was weighing her down. That’s why she was giving you an out.

You didn’t want an out. You wanted to stay. And you would go to the ends of the earth and back to make sure Alexia knew that.

“No. I don’t want an out. I want you to let me in, to let me stay.” You told her definitively, taking a step closer and looking up at her with concern etched all over your face. If the way she leaned into the hand that rested on her cheek after that was anything to go by, you knew she was fighting tooth and nail to keep her emotions at bay. “I don’t want to go. I want you, Alexia, and all that comes with having you. And most of all, I want you to believe me when I say that.”

Everything in her body told Alexia to refute that, to shake her head and to walk away for you. She knew she couldn’t be the partner she wanted to be, with all that came with having surgery, and she adored you too much to sit there and watch you shrink into yourself as a result of her own fatalistic miserableness.

However, she went against her instincts once more, and simply nodded once as her lower lip quivered. That gave her away; her whole demeanour cracked then, as you wrapped her up in your arms and hugged her tightly. It didn’t last long, Alexia wouldn’t allow that for herself, but it was enough for you. You’d take it for now.

Even despite the confirmation from you, Alexia didn’t believe you would stay. That wasn’t a problem because of you, it was because of her. The blonde thought the world of you, but not for herself. She had been labelled the best in the world countless times, but the events of the past eighteen months had caused her to strip herself of that title. In her mind, she wasn't worthy of your time and care, you deserved better than the grumpy version of her that she would be until she heard back about her surgery results.

And to no one’s surprise, it was her insecurities that underestimated you. Because you showed up the day after her surgery with open arms and love in your heart.

Alba had somehow gotten your number whilst Alexia was in the operating room, and had formed a plan with you. The younger Putellas had heard about you very briefly from her sister over the last weeks, and though she couldn’t pull more information from her sister no matter how hard she tried, it was unfortunately a gene in the Putellas-Segura family that everyone held their true feelings in their eyes. It just didn't help that Alexia wore her heart on her sleeve too. 

Alba thought of herself as somewhat of a professional when it came to reading Alexia, and she could see it in Alexia’s eyes how much she adored you. That point was further backed up by how Alexia, under the influence of some strong pain medication, spoke about you so lovingly as tears trailed down her cheeks. She spoke quietly, because even when she wasn’t sober, her subconscious knew what a sensitive topic it was for her, despite how the doubtful voices had been silenced. 

And it was then that Alba had snuck out of the hospital room and called you, forming a plan for you to visit Alexia and inject some light back into her life as she recovered. It would be some time before the results of her arthroscopy were clear, and Alexia was anything but patient especially when it came to football. Everyone close to her knew she would be miserable, stuck at home on the couch or in bed, and there was hope that you would cheer her up.

You did. Though it took some time to extract that truth from her, you did cheer her up from the moment you walked in. Alba greeted you when you first arrived, speaking in a hushed voice for a few moments outside the front door to update you and ask how you were, before she left the two of you alone.

“Hey Ale.” You smiled, slowly making your way over to where she was sat up on the sofa with her leg resting and bandaged.

“What are you doing here?” Alexia asked in a slight grumble, though that same dreamy look in her eyes made an appearance for just a second. You caught it and instantly felt reassured by that one small notion, a little more confident.

“I thought I would come and surprise you. Cheer you up a little bit.” You told her, sitting down beside her but being mindful of leaving a space so as to not overload her.

“But it is Christmas. You should be with your family.” You just shook your head at that. 

“The woman I'm falling in love with just had surgery. I wanted to come and check on her.” A glimpse of a smile appeared then as you shuffled closer and gently took one of her hands. 

“Falling in love, huh?” Alexia teased after a quiet moment with a smirk, dropping your joined hands into your lap and squeezing yours.

“You're not? I think you would be leading me on then.” You grinned shyly, giggling as she rolled her eyes and tutted.

“I… I am. You do not need to worry about that.”

You could live off of that admission forever. The little moments like that, the small gestures, you quickly learnt that they were how she showed her adoration. That was her being vulnerable, as much as she could, and you could handle that then. When some might have been deterred by it, you gave her a chance. You had a near infinite amount of patience for this woman, because she deserved the world and more. Your goal was to help her understand that. 

She had her reasons for having her walls so high, for struggling to let people in, but you had gotten this far already and you'd be foolish to give up on her.

During that day, you were able to identify something about Alexia. And as the hours went on, it only became clearer and clearer. Even though she was the one hurting, mentally and physically, she would only have it so that she was the one holding you. If you tried to reverse the positions, she didn't let it happen. She would wordlessly reject the idea and carefully move you back to how you were, with no explanation. No matter how many times you tried, she just didn't let it happen.

Even when you tried to make dinner for her, she urged you to sit back down as she tried getting up and cooking instead. That was your final straw. You had patience, sure, but you weren't perfect.

“Alexia, let me take care of you, okay? Let me help, let me be there for you. I'm not above begging, so just let me be a good partner, please?” You sighed in exasperation. A flash of hurt consumed her eyes, but like always, she disguised it in an instant. But it struck your heart like a dagger, knowing you had accidentally targeted her most insecure spot. You couldn't tell if she realised it came from a place of love or not.

“Sorry. I'm sorry.” The blonde muttered under her breath before clearing her throat, her eyes dropped to her hands on her lap. 

Exactly what you were trying to stop, you had made worse.

“Ale.” You murmured softly, placing both hands on her face to get her to look at you. Yet, she still found a way to keep her eyes averted. “Ale, look at me.”

“Do not apologise. You don’t need to.” One of her hands came up to rest on your forearm as her voice cracked and trembled. She sounded so dejected, it tore your heart in two. “I am difficult, I know that. So please… do not apologise. I do not deserve it.”

“What?” You whispered uncertainly, taking a moment to process what she had said. When it clicked, you frowned as you stroked your thumbs over the lines of her cheekbones. “Why would you say that?”

“The way I am, it… it is making you doubt what a good partner you are. But you’re not good, you’re the best I could ask for. And I am pushing you away.” Alexia fretted so quietly her words were almost intelligible. Key word almost.

“No, you are not pushing me away. I am right here, aren’t I? I told you, I’m here to stay.” You paused for a second, a silent moment that caused Alexia’s anxiety to spike. Your next words didn’t exactly help either. “I’m going to ask you a question, okay? Let me ask you something.”

“Okay.” Alexia nodded dutifully, hoping you didn’t see the nervous gulp that followed.

“I want to be your girlfriend. Will you let me be your girlfriend?” 

You gazed at her, eyes full of hope that this would be the moment she let you in. It wouldn't be smooth-sailing from here, you were more than aware of that, but this could be the start of something that would improve both your lives for the better. The start of a life together that could make you better people. 

“Sí. Sí, quiero que seas mi novia. I would love nothing more.” Her reaction was better than you could have wished for.

In an instant, she melted into you; her forehead dropped against yours and tension you didn't even know was there in the first place left her shoulders. You offered your arms out and she leaned forward into you with no second thought. You hoped that was a sign of things to come.

As you expected, though, it wasn’t always that simple. Some days, she was still distant. Not in her affection or attitude, it was just that she was stuck in her own mind more often than you had expected.. Being able to spend more time with her as her girlfriend meant you came to spot the signs, and despite the fact that you didn’t yet live together, things were even more noticeable than before.

Like, for example, when she was especially struggling, but she tried with all her might to hide it. Sometimes, when she was going through a tough week, you could see in her eyes of course the turmoil that dragged her down more everyday. It wasn’t all doom and gloom, there were countless occasions where she was smiling up into her eyes and the two of you were happy together, but for the footballer, joy wasn’t a permanent thing. It wasn’t her average mood. 

Her physical fitness could take her up the highest mountains, but over the years her mental stamina had been stamped on, it had reached its limits, and it couldn't quite break out of the confines of her insecurities. They had no boundaries, they showed up when they wanted and silently tore through her. Those eyes you adored, more often than not, were weighed down by burdens that you probably didn’t even know half the truth about. 

There was one evening, a while after her surgery when she was flying through rehab, that everything reached its peak for her. You decided to surprise her by being at her flat when she got home one day that week – what you were met with was far worse than you could have predicted. 

Your excitement at the sound of the door opening and shutting was swiftly replaced by overwhelming concern at the sound of sniffles that followed. You left the kitchen where you had just ordered Alexia’s favourite takeaway and headed in the direction of your girlfriend’s footsteps that went straight towards the bedroom. Seemingly she hadn't heard you, a curiosity instantly proven true by the sounds of choked cries coming from the figure that was slumped over, her fists leaning on the bed as her chin was to her chest whilst she cried.

Not for a second did you hesitate rushing over, coming to stand by her side and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She startled, unsurprisingly, and moved to hastily wipe the tears away in an attempt to mask the emotions coursing through her nervous system at that moment in time. It was too late, she knew that, but it didn’t stop her.

“Q-qué haces aquí?” Alexia asked, her voice stuttering and shaking as she spoke. Your arm stayed around her, your other hand wiping her tears with a tenderness too soft for her, she thought. “No, por favor.”

“Ale, talk to me. What’s the matter? Please let me in, please don’t shut me out when you’re like this.” The pleas fell from your mouth before you could properly think of what you were saying. It wasn’t the best thing to say, adding guilt to the list of things she was struggling with wasn’t your smartest idea.

“I can’t do this, amor.” 

The statement shocked you, the ease of which it left her mouth was unusual. But the shock wore off quick, making way for the worry that sprung to your mind because that short sentence was enough to signify just how terribly she was feeling.

Her voice was uncomfortably rough as she spoke too, despite her only saying five words, you could tell that she had spent the drive home forcing back her cries. It takes a lot of energy to break down and release everything in sharp sobs, but it takes even more to hold back all that emotion. Forcing back tears hurt, and it wasn’t a surprise that her voice was hoarse and hardly there at all. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” You weren’t sure if something specific had happened that day or if this was a build-up of everything, but no matter what it was, you urged her into a tight hug, ensuring she was engulfed in the love you held for her. “You will be okay, Ale, I promise.” 

It took some time for her to calm down enough to talk, but whilst she did, you moved the pair of you onto the bed so you could hold her properly. She didn’t even put up a fight when you urged her to lay on top of you, your arms wrapped securely around her back as she hid her face in your neck. All she did was cry out the mass of emotions that were consuming her, and you just prayed that being there for her as she did so was enough to ease it, even if it was only a miniscule amount. 

Feeling concerned for her wasn’t a new experience for you – feeling downright devastated and grief-stricken for the woman sobbing in your arms was new. Never before had you seen her like this, and it scared you to death. All the possibilities that could be making her feel like this seemed insurmountable, like they were too big a challenge to tackle.

That didn’t matter to you. You would try for her, always.

“Do you feel like you could try to talk to me? Getting some of it off your chest might help.” You said softly, one of your hands slipping under her shirt to trail your fingertips up and down her back, something you knew soothed her. She gave a minute nod, which you felt more than you saw, and it gave you a brief feeling of relief. “Okay. In your own time, Ale.”

A few quiet minutes passed by, the footballer on top of you allowing herself some time to relish in the infrequent position she found herself in. She loved it. And it only gave the insecure voice in her head more ammunition to use against her; why can’t she allow her girlfriend to do this? She can never bring herself to accept it, but the day’s exertion had battered her defiance and left a hollow shell of her persona. If she looked in a mirror, she would probably be unrecognisable to herself. 

Sometimes, in her weakest moments, she thought you were better off without her. Better off not being dragged down by her miserable nature. You, the definition of beauty and light, with someone that exudes negativity and weakness. Someone that is the embodiment of imperfection with a person that is priceless. It didn’t make sense to her still, she wasn't sure it ever would.

“Every… everything is just so hard.” She spoke, letting out a shaky breath into the skin of your neck. You hummed sympathetically, giving her the space to elaborate whilst acknowledging what she had said. “Rehab is so tiring and I do not know why. I am not being given the space I need by the team to recover, they still expect so much from me and there is so much pressure. People online, the media and the fans, are talking about me a lot more than usual, which I do not understand because I am not even on the pitch. Some things that are being said are bad. And… I think I am not what you need, or deserve.”

Her face stayed hidden in your neck whilst she spoke, and you let her do that. Being vulnerable and open like that was hard, you didn’t underestimate that, and you would take it in any form because it was progress. You weren’t happy with what she had said because it broke your heart, but it was the first step of her opening herself up to help.

“Alexia, it is okay to feel overwhelmed. That sounds a lot like what you are feeling right now.” You started, your hand still slowly trailing up and down her back. “I’m so glad you told me, but I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. There’s things that can be put in place to help you.”

You plant the seed, subtly, that she can get help. But really, all you can focus on is the fact they are all things you can help with. With the majority of her admission, they are things that can be changed to lessen the load of her newfound daily life after her second surgery. The last part, you know you can help with indefinitely. It won’t be quick, nor will it be easy, but reminding her of how much you value her is something you planned to do for the rest of your life anyway. Perhaps you just had to do it a bit more than you initially thought.

“You can talk to the team, tell them exactly what you need. They’re sensible, you know that, they’ll do whatever you need them to do. You just need to have the bravery to ask for help, which is a difficult step in itself, but I know you can do it. You’ve told me what’s on your mind and that’s something I’m not taking for granted because I understand it doesn’t come easy to you, and for that I’m so proud of you. So proud. And if you want me to help you come up with a plan of what you need or what you will say to the club, I can help you with that.” 

“You will help me?” She murmured, lifting her head up to look down at you with red, tired eyes and tear streaks down her cheeks. You smiled up at her and nodded, unwinding an arm from around her to brush the damp tracks away.

“With anything. Anything at all, I promise.” You told her, hoping the mixture of your words and the sincerity in your voice conveyed all that you wanted her to understand. “I also think you would benefit from a break from social media and most things online. Why don’t you ask someone on your team to run your accounts for you for a little while? Or ask your agent to hire someone to do that? I think it will be good to step away from that so you can focus on the important things.”

“I have thought about it before.” Alexia revealed a moment later. “I will do that. I should have done it a long time ago. I am thinking about going to see the psychologist for some… help. I will book a session with her tomorrow.”

She seemed to be doing better than she was when you first walked in on her. Her voice wasn’t so rough, it no longer sounded like it was taking every ounce of energy to get her words out, and her breathing was a lot more even than it was a few minutes beforehand. Accepting help didn’t seem so terrifying when the words were coming out of your mouth.

Where before, she was deterred by the idea of reaching out, too focused on her shame to find a way out of her turmoil, now she didn’t feel so scared by it. For so long, the world seemed like a tunnel with no end, but now there’s a crack, however small, giving her a glimpse of what life she could live without being restricted by her burdens. The idea that help is available felt foreign to her, and though she might still be uncertain about the path that had been offered to her, in your arms comforted by the thought of having someone to guide her down it, she found that she could breathe a little easier. There’s a sense of possibility, of no longer having to walk alone.

Hope was beginning to brew inside of her, and she felt compelled to reach out and grasp it with both hands. There was a quiet flicker of warmth that took the place of the cold numbness that once lived on inside her. Neither of you had all the answers in that moment, change doesn’t happen overnight and you both know that, and because of that there is a delicate balance of fear and relief that settled between you. 

It’s the first time since Alexia can remember that she felt like maybe things could change for the better.

“Good. Both those things will be so good for you. I’m so proud of you.” You said, turning to kiss her forehead. 

“It’s not up to you to decide what I need or deserve. I do need you, and I do deserve you. You’re the only one I could ever want, now that I’ve met you I know I could never be with anyone else again. You are struggling, and that’s okay. I’ll be here at your lowest, I’ll be here at your highest, and I know you would do the same for me. You know I love you, right?” 

At your declaration, especially the last part which she had heard a few times now, her heart clenched as she squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted to sob again, but out of pure happiness, because regardless of how many times you would say it to her over your lives, it would still be the most important statement to her. Hearing it at that very moment was so important.

“I do. I really do, amor. I just… sometimes I do not understand why.”

You pursed your lips at her response, wondering why the world had to treat her so poorly that her self-worth had been reduced to something so unimportant to her. You know for a fact there’s probably millions of people out there that idolise her, think of her as a hero, the perfect role model, but you also know that the insecurities she had weren’t on Alexia Putellas’ behalf. They were on Ale’s behalf. There were two versions of her, and the powerful woman that adorned the armband day-in and day-out for the club she’s committed her life to wasn’t the one combatting all these issues. It was just Ale, your girlfriend, her mother’s daughter, her sister’s older sibling, her aunt and uncle's niece, the ever-reliant and trustworthy companion of her friends. 

Alexia knew that, and you did too. You couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult that must be to juggle for Alexia, leading two extraordinarily different lives in one lifetime. You hope, with the right help, she can learn to allow them to co-exist together and not be so far away from each other. She had expressed similar thoughts to you before, how difficult she finds it switching between the two everyday, though you knew she probably hadn’t even scratched the surface about how much it affected her. 

You were content with not being fully clued in, because there were some things that people preferred to keep private, and for Alexia one of those things was her thoughts. Your mission was to help her deal with those healthily, unlike how she had for the past god knows how long. Whatever worked for her, worked for you.

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’m secure in my love for you, and that’s enough. I know you love me too. That’s all we need.” 

After that day, it was as if a switch had been flicked. There was a distinct difference in her, in all aspects of her life, and she seemed truly happy. You had come to understand that you couldn’t wholly fix her, especially not just with words. All you could do was love her, which you would do for as long as she would let you.

So you met her defiance with kindness, her feigned confidence with support, and her insecurities with reassurance. And slowly, you began to see the progress in her. Truthfully, it might be one of the most beautiful things you'd ever had the privilege to witness. Allowing yourself to feel every ounce of your joy made it easier for Alexia to grow and settle into that prospect of living too. 

Not only did the counselling help her mental health, it made her better at communication, understanding, and just about every other thing that you didn’t even think needed improving in the first place. Each day, you adored her more and more. It takes a lot to accept help, but it’s an entirely different thing to wake up every morning and get out of bed, knowing what lies ahead was unexplainably difficult to overcome but facing it head on anyway.

However, the biggest evident difference came when she was cleared to play football again. With each milestone, came a newer, happier version. First it was being substituted on, stepping foot in a game after months of waiting, and straight after, it was her first goal back. The rain couldn’t dampen her spirits that day, nothing could, because thought past-Alexia would be disappointed with how scrappy the goal was, the new version of her was just happy to have a ball at her feet and making a difference for her team. Maybe past-Alexia would be angry with that fact too, at how overjoyed she was with a goal like that, but she didn’t dwell on that for too long. She was trying to change and she was making better progress than she could have dreamed of, she wasn’t going to stop that.

Her hard work was clear to see in the ache in her cheeks from the amount of time she spent smiling, something she didn’t even realise she had missed. Months down the line and she was in the best place mentally than she had been all her life. With that realisation, came the understanding that sometimes things have to fall down before they can be rebuilt again. She had that moment where she broke, in your arms, and since then she had rebuilt her life. The bad goes in hand with the good, and the highs are undoubtedly worth the lows. 

Though, she still wasn’t perfect, no matter how badly that irritated her. Every part of her had improved, apart from the one thing she did it all for. It did happen less often, but she still doubted her capabilities as a girlfriend. She still worried she wasn’t good enough for you. The cloudy days of anxiety were nowhere near as frequent as they used to be, but they didn’t magically stop. That was still something she had to come to terms with.

—

A particularly harsh bout of anxiety hit one day, something that filled her unease because she thought these kinds of days weren’t supposed to happen anymore. Yet, here she was, lay in your arms as the toxic cycle of doubt circled endlessly in her mind. She tried, with all her might, to shove the thoughts to the side, to rebuke them and not let them ruin her evening, but they came thick and fast and there was simply no stopping them. 

Something her psychologist had told her was that sometimes she just has to sit and let those feelings be. Thinking about how much she loathed them wouldn’t help, that would probably just make them worse. And taking the doubts and fuelling them by ruminating wouldn’t help either. But sitting there and letting them consume her as she did nothing to stop didn’t feel useful. So she let them come, and she took each knot of insecurity and made them bigger.

Nearly every moment of the last few months was tainted by the regret she felt. She really would give anything, she'd sacrifice it all, to go back and show her affection and appreciation more. From the moment she saw you, she knew you were special. She felt like she did a terrible job to show that, to the point where she wondered how she even found herself here right now with you. 

Alexia had never really experienced impostor syndrome before, and she wasn't exactly sure that was the right term for the cloud of anxiety she was experiencing. She didn't doubt her love for you, in fact she was sure she had never loved a human as much as she loved you. It's just that, even after all this time, she still didn't think she deserved to be on the receiving end of such an idyllic thing, especially at your hands.

Her biggest fear, after all this time still, was losing you. Out of all the emotions that she had experienced in the past months, there was one that reigned superior throughout: disappointment.

Disappointment that was aimed entirely at herself. Disappointment that had so many things tied into it, she could hardly keep up. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, when she dumbed it down it all led to that same disappointment she just couldn’t get rid of. 

She knows where she’s gone wrong all this time, she sort of knows why now thanks to her psychologist, but she has no idea how to stop that pattern of thinking, that she doesn’t deserve you. And because of that, a certain feeling of distaste for herself had grown over time, and it sat nestled in the back of her mind. It’s there, always, and it’s not afraid to make itself known. In the most unsuspecting moments, it comes seeping through the cracks of her mind, weaving its way into each and every aspect of her life, whether that be her memories or the present. Another fear of hers was that this disdain wouldn’t ever leave, even with hours spent in counselling and working on herself.

Like now. Even when she’s in your embrace, all she could think about is the guilt she had harboured for so long now, that at this point it felt like a tumour she had ignored for too long, one that had grown so big that it was now impossible to remove without causing more damage than good.

“Ale? You okay?” Your voice brought her back into the room, adding another crack to the fragile glass box Alexia kept her thoughts inside. The blonde felt like that box could shatter again anytime soon, and that would mean all of them could come spilling straight out. And that would be the end of it all, for good this time. Not like the other occasion where you welcomed her with open arms. Surely you would finally recognise you were sick of her when she inevitably falls apart once more.

“Hm? Sí, bien.” She smiled, a tight-lipped one that didn't even come close to reaching her eyes. 

You knew what that was a sign of.

“Ale.” You said softly, hoping you didn’t have to fight her for her to admit there was something wrong.

“I’m okay, mi amor. I’m just going to go to the bathroom, I will be back soon.” She rose to her arms, surging forward to leave a kiss to your lips before you could protest. Then, she was gone, rounding the corner of the lounge into the apartment corridor, leaving you confused.

Five minutes passed by and you let her be, giving her her privacy. But then five minutes turned to ten, and ten to fifteen, and you couldn’t hold off any longer. Just as you expected, when you passed the main bathroom, the door was open and the light was off. It was then, when you looked to your left, you saw Alexia through the crack left by the ajar bedroom door, sat on the edge of the bed facing away. Her shoulders were slightly slumped, her elbows were on her knees, and she was looking out of the window across from her. The only positive was that you couldn’t hear sniffling coming from her this time.

The door creaked as you lightly pushed it open, but the blonde didn’t acknowledge it. At that, you stepped in and kneeled on the bed, making your way to sit behind Alexia and wrap your arms around her as your legs fell either side of hers whilst your cheek came to rest in between her shoulders.

Neither of you spoke; you didn’t want to pressure her into speaking just yet, and Alexia was building up the courage to finally get the last plaguing insecurity off her chest. It’s late evening, the sun growing ever-closer to the horizon, and the only light in the room was the orange haze of the sky, softening every feature of your girlfriend’s face with a golden touch. The light added to her vulnerability, acting as a lamp that displayed the most beautiful artwork you could imagine in a gallery. 

For some time, there’s no movement within the room. Alexia doesn’t tear her eyes away from the sunset before her, though the look that’s embedded in the hazel and amber there is distant, lost in a maze of her own mind that she desperately tried to escape from so she could give you the answers you’re hoping for. The only movement you make is the sporadic kisses you dot over her back, as well as the soft, comforting movements of your thumb over her ribs where your hands sit. 

The silence was weighted, though not with awkwardness or impatience, but with understanding – a silent invitation to speak without any pressure or expectations. In the quiet space you've provided, no words are needed, only the steady warmth of your body against hers that offers a subtle, grounding reminder that Alexia is not alone, and she never will be. You would always be there to give that to her.

“I love you.” Alexia broke the silence but not the bubble of serenity, producing a sentence that was far more layered than anyone outside of this room would ever understand.

“I know.” You reminded her, hugging her tighter back against you.

“I wish I could go back and redo it all.” She stated, a heaviness to it that had you smiling sadly.

“Redo what?”

“Our relationship.” The footballer didn’t miss the way you tensed ever so slightly, nor did she miss how you lifted your head up from its place on her back. “I am so happy I met you. I feel so lucky that you love me, that you chose me, even when I have been a mess. I would only change how I acted, because I feel like I have not properly shown you how much I love you. How special you are. I wish you had got the love you deserved rather than the coldness I showed because… I don’t think I have been a very good partner to you.”

Some time ago, you had guessed this was a part of Alexia’s anxiety, and that point had been proven when she admitted a few months back that she felt you deserved better. But you didn’t know that it troubled her to this extent. She believed the doubtful voice in the back of her mind so much that she truly thought she wasn’t worthy enough of this relationship. That killed you, because she had been nothing but perfect, despite her personal struggles, from the moment you met her.

“You were not cold, Alexia.” You started, kissing the back of her neck before continuing. “You were the opposite. You were warm and kind-hearted. You were compassionate and honest. I look back on those days so fondly because of how you made me feel. From the very first date, you allowed me to be myself and that was something that meant so much to me. And since then, you still surprise me all the time with how amazing you are. To put it simply, Ale, I wouldn't be here if you were cold or a bad partner. There is nobody else for me, it's only you and it'll always be you.”

Maybe this was the one inadequacy you could fix with your words. 

“You really think of me like that?” Alexia asked in a sheepish whisper, turning her head slightly to look at you over her shoulder. You smiled brightly, nodded, and shuffled to sit beside her. One hand came up to rest on her cheek as you leaned forward and kissed her, soft and tentative, to convey all you could never find the words to tell her.

“I do think of you like that.” You whispered against her lips, foreheads together as your thumb lightly brushed over her lower lip. “And I hope one day you can look back and not see your flaws, but instead see the woman I fell in love with.”

She nodded because quite frankly she was speechless. And then there were tears filling her eyes that neither of you expected, which had you moving again as you slotted yourself into her lap. Her head fell to your chest, pulling you against her in a tight embrace. Your arms came around her neck, one laying across her shoulders and the other resting on the back of her head. 

Your words slowly began to sunk in, finally, which was a weirdly cathartic feeling for Alexia. She wasn't sure why it was this specific moment that something snapped inside of her, but it did. What was once a topic that consumed her, took over her every thought and switched it with a venomous onslaught of overthinking suddenly started forming into a thing of the past.

All along, Alexia had no idea just how deep your understanding ran about her insecurity with the love she has to offer. She thought you weren't aware of the guilt she felt and the struggles she experienced, but you were. That, and more. She could never repay you for that. All she could do was love you for a lifetime and hope that was enough.

Half a year ago, you were just two people getting to know each other. You liked her and she liked you. You looked into each other’s eyes and saw a future together. Then, you both took that hope, nurtured it, and made a life for yourselves, together. 

To anyone on the outside, this wouldn't seem like such a huge milestone. But to you and Alexia, this was a major turning point, for the better. Something like this wasn't expected when you first met, but that's the thing about love, isn't it? Nothing good comes easy, a part of life that Alexia had come to accept. Because it was so, so worth it in the end.

—

this fic was a little different but i hope it was good. first one that i have posted in the midst of my writing anxiety so i may or may not be terrified of posting this but well it's out now anyway. hope you enjoyed it <3

[wileys-russo]

Alexia, "and you want me to believe you're not sick?", Bathroom

(please & thank you love your work)

a small bug II a.putellas

you could sense something was off the moment your body clock woke you up around two in the morning. it was the middle of winter and yet suddenly your bedroom felt like a sauna, and all of the heat was radiating off of the woman laid beside you.

you rubbed your eyes and gave yourself a moment to wake up, carefully sitting up a little more and blinking slowly. you frowned once your eyes adjusted to the dark and you noticed alexia's forehead was damp with sweat.

you noted her hair clung in little matted strands framing her face, which was contorted into a grimace of sorts as she slept on her side, arms crossed and curled into her body, something else unusual.

you thought at first you'd woken up when she rolled over, normally having a limb of some sort draped over you at all times when you slept beside one another, however today it seemed she hung right on the edge of the bed as if trying to get as far away from you as possible.

eyebrows furrowed together with concern you leaned over and ever so gently placed the back of your hand against her clammy forehead, wincing at the obvious spike in her body temperature at how warm it felt.

you heard a grumble and with seconds she'd lazily she swatted you away, muttering something in spanish and tucking her knees to her chest with a pained sounding grunt.

"alexia, despierta. mi amor you are burning up." you murmered quietly, pushing her hair out of her face and tenderly tracing a finger across her cheek, hazel eyes tiredly fluttering open.

"open a window." the catalan grumbled, eyes slamming shut again as she rolled onto her back, arms still firmly crossed and you almost smiled at the stoic look on her face even in her half asleep state.

"hey, do you feel sick? warm? does your head hurt?" you fussed, leaning across to flick on a lamp and hearing her groan tiredly, once more rolling onto her side with a discontented huff.

"you are making my head hurt." came the grunt in response, but seconds later her leg lashed out and kicked the covers off and as her t-shirt rode up slightly you noted the sheen of sweat covering the toned tanned muscles of her back.

"alexia. it is freezing outside and you-" "-estoy bien." she grunted, smacking away your hand which tried to feel her forehead again.

"déjame en paz y vuelve a dormir." your girlfriend ordered you to go back to sleep tiredly, sighing heavily and rolling onto her back again, clearly now not able to find a comfortable position as a frustrated grunt sounded followed by a mumble to turn the light off.

"fine. but please wake me if you feel sick, mm?" you hummed encouragingly, tapping her as she sighed but nodded, the room engulfed into darkness as you laid back down, a shiver down your spine as despite your girlfriends sweltering body temperature your own was still cold with a bitter chill.

though that stopped the moment a rustle sounded and an arm looped over your waist, wincing slightly as alexia exhaled tiredly into your neck, a soft kiss pressed to your shoulder blade as you in turn laid your lips against her forehead.

slightly uncomfortable laid on your back and with your furnace of a girlfriend draped over you sleep didn't come easy, your eyes closed but mind restless as at least alexia seemed to be able to doze back off without concern.

but all of that came to a grinding halt as finally you'd just started to drift off when alexia now shot upright awake, your eyes opening as her feet hit the floor and you heard them thunder across the room as the ensuite door was flung open.

you heard the retching follow a few minutes later, quickly rolling out of bed yourself and hurrying over to her, flicking on the bathroom light and turning it right back off as alexia grunted something which sounded like a no, head buried in the toilet bowl.

"oh cariño." you murmered with a pained wince, quickly scraping her hair back gathering it into a ponytail in your hand and squatting down beside her as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

it couldn't have been more than five minutes later when it seemed she had nothing else left, flushing and slumping to the ground as you let go of her hair and stood, hurrying to grab her toothbrush.

by the time you'd filled a glass of water and turned she was already stood up again, accepting the toothbrush held out to her and leaning against the sink as you ducked out

"it is just a small bug. estoy bien!" alexia dismissed as you returned with a thermometer and some ginger tablets to try and settle her stomach, pushing your hands away and spitting the toothpaste out of her mouth, rinsing it out.

"alexia." you sighed, knowing all too well how stubborn the footballer could be when she really set her mind on something. "ale!" you gasped seconds later as she seemed to falter, catching herself on the sink as you hurried to balance her.

"and you want me to believe you're not sick?" you sighed as her eyes squeezed closed, something clearly hurting as you shook your head. "volver a la cama amor." you urged gently once it seemed the dizziness has surpassed, helping her out of the bathroom and back to bed.

"two seconds." you promised once you'd help her lay back down, darting out of the room and grabbing what you needed. when you returned she'd found a comfortable position, one pillow tucked under head and another half wedged under her back.

for once there was no complaints as you draped the wet teatowel over her forehead, the ginger tablets you'd left on the bedside table gone as was the glass of water as you tenderly kissed your girlfriends cheek and climbed back into bed.

you don't know when you drifted off but you awoke hours later to the sound of an alarm and the rustling of sheets, the sun having risen though hidden behind the blinds which were still drawn closed.

"hey! ale, back in bed." you shot up as you realised she wasn't laid beside you anymore, hair damp from a shower and only dressed in a sports bra and shorts, however you recognised the shorts right away.

"oh no. no no no, alexia you are not going to training. estás enfermo!" you argued, up and out of bed, snatching the training jersey from her hand and throwing it back into the closet as she clicked her tongue in disdain.

"mi amor you are still warm, and pale, and sick." you warned sharply, back of your hand pressed her forehead and huffing with annoyance. "a small bug." she dismissed with a flick of her fingers, trying to reach for her shirt again as you appeared in front of her.

"princesa!" alexia complained with a groan as your hands settled on her shoulders, walking her backwards until her knees hit the bed and she was forced to sit down on the mattress.

"no training. bed, rest, sick!" you poked at her chest with a glare, eyes narrowing further as she opened her mouth to protest. you smiled with slight satisfaction as the midfielder groaned but none the less wiggled out of her shorts, kicking them off and laying back down.

"gracias." you kissed her forehead and ignored the way her eyes rolled. "you have that meeting today?" your girlfriend reminded, arms crossed but you noticed the way her stomach clenched every now and then, clearly cramping up.

"i do." you confirmed with a nod, swiping your phone and scrolling though your contacts, looking up and staring pointedly at your girlfriend who huffed but reached across to grab the bottle of cold water you'd left for her.

"are you working from home?" "no." "so i will be alone?" "no." you shook your head, knowing the moment you took eyes off of her she'd be up and ignoring her bodies cries for rest, likely sneaking off to training, but you had a backup plan in mind.

"hola, eli?" "oye, amor!"

[onlyhereforthestories]

Worth It? Or Not? (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

Hi guys! It's been too long. Please enjoy this long ramble that slightly resembles writing 😂. I have a few more things written and I am trying to finish Chica for you all. Happy weekend.

It was a new season, and you were so ready for what it was going to throw at you. The last season you participated in had been your best yet you think, although that was most likely due to the fact that it was your first with your girlfriend. You and Alexia had been dancing around your feeling for each other for a few years and in the off-season last year the older woman had finally asked you out. By the time the season just gone had started you were already official, and it had made last year that much more special. You got to share your achievements with the one you loved and that really was wonderful.

Now for a new season and possibly a new step for your relationship with Alexia, she had been hinting at moving in together for the last few weeks. Little off hand comments like “That would look nice in a master bedroom.” And “I wonder if we would have a feature wall if we had our own living space.” You thought it was about time you started hinting back. You needed to be sure it was something she actually wanted before you out right asked her if she was ready to move in together.

You were currently waiting for Aitana to pick you up, Alexia had to be in earlier than everyone else this morning for a meeting and so you had slept separately, at your own apartments last night. This was the first time in weeks that you could remember not sharing a bed with the older woman. She said she didn’t want to wake you as early as she needed to be up and after trying to argue with her for 10 minutes you had given up, she just wasn’t getting that you would happily wake up early if it meant spending the extra time with her.

“So why do I have to come get your whipped ass? Where’s the wifey?” You rolled your eyes at the woman as you climbed into the passenger seat of her car. Aitana had been one of the first people you had talked to about your crush on Alexia and now the slightly younger woman took every opportunity she could to tease you about your obvious love for the team captain.

“I’m telling her you called her that, but in answer to your poorly asked question, she had an early meeting and didn’t want to wake me up at the early time she had to be up.” You shrugged your shoulders in a gesture you knew was for your benefit not hers, you had been up half the night letting your anxiety get the best of you.

“It’s Alexia, you know her, she is probably just nervous for the new season and how the new signings will fit in.” You knew that Aitana was most likely right but you also couldn’t shake the creeping feeling that she was already getting bored of being with you. You knew you shouldn’t let these thoughts get the better of you but that was easier to say than actually do, it wasn’t that you doubted Alexia at all, it was more your growing anxiety over your own worth in your head. In fact you knew it was you and your head and that just made it even more frustrating, it was another thing that made you question yourself.

“Yeah, you are probably right, she has been feeling the captain pressure a lot over the last week or so. She has been watching tapes of the new girls and talking a lot with the staff after weights. Sometimes I wish she would just switch off from work and be a little more present with me, but she’s Alexia queen of Barca. She puts 110% into this club and that’s what I signed up for happily.”

After that the conversation switched to a lighter topic and by the time you pulled up at the training ground you were feeling a lot lighter and laughing with one of your best friends. Any thoughts of Alexia not wanting you any more were long gone and all you wanted to do now was get your cleats on. Football would always be a great escape for you, it was like your mind could relax whilst you had a ball at your feet.

After getting ready in the changing room, without the appearance of your love, you headed out with the rest of the girls to find Alexia in the middle of the field with another woman you didn’t recognise. Your attention was pulled from them when Pere spoke, “Okay ladies, we have a new signing starting with us today. Alexia has been getting to know her a little bit so it’s easier for her to settle in. Please be welcoming.” You all nodded your heads in agreement and followed him over to the two women.

“Hi it’s nice to meet you all, I’m Chloe.” You could tell the woman was nervous and so could Alexia as she moved everyone onto warm-ups rather quickly. Over the course of the session everyone introduced themselves to the new girl individually so that she felt as comfortable as possible.

You had just got out of the shower and was putting the last items in your bag when Alexia approached you for the first time today. “Hola, can I ask you for a favour por favor?” You could tell she was sort of in a hurry by the lack of affection she gave you. You would normally at least get a peck to the cheek, but she barely even got close enough to you for you to hear her properly.

“Si of course.” You would do anything for the woman in front of you and everyone knew it.

“I’m taking Chloe out to see the city so she knows her way around a bit better, but I didn’t get to walk Nala this morning. Can you run round mine and do it for me? I asked Alba but she is working.” There was a lot to pick out of that passage of one-sided conversation. First you were hurt that she had gone to Alba first when Nala was like your own dog too. Second, she must have forgotten your lunch plans with Claudia and Patri that had been made a while back and you knew was on her calendar as you put it there. Something you decided not to bring up, she was just trying to help the new girl settle in you understood that.

“Yes of course. Do you want me to make dinner tonight?” You thought at least you could have some time with her that evening being as you’ve barely interacted all day.

“I won’t be back for dinner, I told Chloe I would help her sort her apartment out after showing her the sights. I don’t know what time I’ll be back y/n so maybe we should sleep in our own apartments again tonight.” You really didn’t know what to say to this, so you just nodded. You got a lot of the women’s time, so you didn’t think it was fair for you to be upset over a couple days, especially not when she was just trying to help someone out.

“Okay, I’ll see you at training tomorrow then.” You turned round and walked out of training with a slight weight on your chest and your mind running with thoughts you wish you didn’t have.

After you walked Nala and dropped her back into Alexia’s apartment, an apartment that started to feel like your own until the last 24 hours. Part of you knew this was silly to think but you couldn’t help it, you are always an overthinker and this was something that you struggled with. You didn’t even take the time to make sure Nala was settled you just open the door let her in, checked her water bowl was full and left again. Being there just felt wrong today. Deciding that your mood was really not good enough to go out and have a lunch with your two friends you texted Patri to cancel, and after assuring her you were okay just a little extra tired today, she wished you a good evening and said she would pick you up for training if you needed the next morning.

An offer you ended up taking when your texts to Alexia the next morning went unanswered. You were tired and starting to get a little annoyed with the older woman, you were trying to reason as to why she wasn’t replying to your texts and even when she did it was so spaced out it felt like she didn’t care or want to talk to you. You were trying to change that thought process, but it was hard when that’s where your mind had gone.

“Hola, you don’t look so good. Should you be coming to training.” Patri’s concerned voice almost sent you into a wave of sobs, but you held it together, your thoughts were stupid so you know you couldn’t show you were sad. You didn’t want Patri to think you were an idiot for the way you were feeling about your current situation, if it was even a situation.

“I’m just tired Pats, I’ve not slept well the last few nights and I think its just caught up to me a bit today.” You sighed in relief when she didn’t push you any further just gave you a once over and then pulled away from the outside of your apartment complex.

You were hoping the journey to training would help your mood and thoughts, but it didn’t much. Patri tried her best to cheer you up and you really appreciated the younger woman’s efforts, but you were struggling. You made your way into the changing room behind your best friend and didn’t both to look up as you made your way to your cubby. You placed your stuff down and changed into your boots, leaving the changing room straight after as the first out.

You decided some air and keepy ups might help sort your head out before training. Pere and the staff were out setting up when you went to ask for a ball, they gladly gave you one and you headed to the far end of the field to have your space. The sun beating down on you felt good and a ball at your feet always helped.

Your peace was short lived as you heard the chatter of the rest of the girls and Pere calling you all in. You grabbed your ball and headed over, looking at the group for the first time. What you saw hurt your heart more than you would say to anyone, Alexia was stood near Pere like normal. That obviously wasn’t the upsetting part, the upsetting part was that Chloe was pretty much pressed against Ale. You tried not to look too long or think too much but you struggled. You really struggled.

Training started and your thoughts just kept going. You couldn’t concentrate, you couldn’t pass right, your touches were off and none of the shots you took even went close to the goal. By the end of the first half of training everyone could tell something wasn’t okay with you, so much so that Pere called you over in the drinks break.

“What’s up today? This is very unlike you. If your sick you should have just let us know I don’t want to see you get injured if you are pushing yourself too much and then end up being out for longer than you need to be. Health is important y/n.” The way he said it wasn’t scolding which you were thankful for, you were slightly worried that he would be annoyed with you for your performance.

“I’m sorry coach. I’m not feeling my best today, I thought I’d be okay to train but I think maybe I was wrong.” You wouldn’t normally miss training unless really necessary, but you were too far gone mentally and staying here wasn’t what you needed right now.

“That’s okay some days we just need the break and to rest. Go home and we will see you hopefully tomorrow. Please pop and see the medical staff on the way out to check in with them.” With that he patted your shoulder and went back to call the team back to training.

As you walked past the group Patri caught your eye and gave you the are you okay look. You waved her off with a half-smile and continued to the changing rooms. You decided that a shower at home would be the best for you and so just changed your shoes, grabbed your stuff and headed to the medical room.

They just did some basic checks on your temperature and blood pressure before sending you off with the promise to come in first thing tomorrow if you were planning on training just to have another check before you did.

You half expected Alexia to be waiting for you outside the medical room when you walked out but she wasn’t. You walked out of the grounds to remember that you got a lift, you were just about to walk home when your name was called. For a second your body warmed thinking it was who you really wanted it to be before your shoulders slump slightly. You knew that was Patri.

“I’ll drive you home come on.” You didn’t argue you just hopped in the passenger seat. You were quiet the whole way back to your place, the only words you said to the younger woman was thank you when you got out the car.

You took your shower turning the water to as hot as you could handle. Going for comfort after that you changed into your (Alexias) comfiest hoodie and a pair of tracksuits that you really weren’t sure whose they were. You settled yourself onto your sofa and turned on a random old show you didn’t need to concentrate on.

You have no idea when you fell asleep, but you must have at some point because you were blinking yourself awake in the now pitch blackness of your living space. The only light you had was coming from your phone on the table that you now realised was ringing and must have been the reason you were currently waking up.

You reached over to grab it off the table to see who it was, glancing at the screen you were faced with your favourite photo you had ever taken. Ale had this smile that reached her eyes as she stared at you through the camera, it was taken last month when you were on vacation before the season was due to start.

You were stuck in a sort of daze so you didn’t answer the call, after it rang off you were faced with 5 miss calls from the woman. You noticed the time, you had missed lunch and dinner. You almost missed bedtime if you were being truthful to yourself, so you got up off the sofa and turned the tv off. You grabbed your phone again and headed to your bathroom to clean your teeth and get into your pjs. Once in bed you called Alexia back, who picked up after a couple rings.

“Y/n where did you go? Why did you miss training?” Her words were rushed as soon as she answered, which you felt a little bad about as she had been trying to get hold of you for a while now.

You took a deep breath, trying to organize your thoughts before answering Alexia’s question. You could hear the concern in her voice, which only made your heart ache more. It wasn’t anger or frustration—it was genuine worry. And yet, the events of the past couple of days had left you feeling vulnerable and disconnected.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” you started quietly, not wanting your voice to crack. “Pere told me to go home, and I guess I just needed some time to rest. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls before I fell asleep on the sofa.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. You could hear Alexia shifting slightly, probably trying to figure out the right words. She was good at taking a moment to make sure she said the correct thing, that she said everything she wanted and in a way that would be understood for what it was.

“I would’ve come with you if I knew,” she said softly. “Why didn’t you talk to me? Or at least text me when you got home?”

“I did try to talk to you,” you replied, a bit sharper than you intended. You quickly softened your tone before continuing. “I was going to tell you before I left the training grounds but when I went to go over, I saw you were in a conversation with Chloe and I didn’t want to interrupt. I know what making her feel welcome into the team means to you so I just left, Patri dropped me home.”

Alexia was silent again, and you hated that your mind immediately went back to the image of Chloe standing so close to her earlier. You knew it was unreasonable to feel threatened, but the distance you’d been feeling from Alexia over the last couple of days was making everything worse. You knew Alexia and you knew that if she was even thinking about someone else in the way she thought about you, she would end things. It was a conversation the both of you had had very early in the relationship, it was better to say and end things than cause more heartache with something like cheating.

“You’re right,” she finally said. “I’ve been caught up with the new signings, especially Chloe. I wanted to help her settle in, but I didn’t realize I was neglecting you in the process.”

You felt a lump forming in your throat as you listened to her. The fact that she acknowledged it made you feel a bit better, but it didn’t completely erase the weight that had been sitting on your chest. It still has happened.

“I get it, Ale. You’re the captain, and you’ve got responsibilities, but…” You trailed off, not sure how to express what you were feeling without coming across as needy or insecure.

“But what?” she asked gently, encouraging you to keep going.

“I just… I don’t know. It feels like we haven’t really been us these past few days. Like we’re slipping apart, and I don’t want that.”

Alexia sighed softly, and you could almost picture her rubbing the back of her neck the way she always did when she was thinking hard about something.

“I don’t want that either,” she said after a moment. “I’m sorry, really. I’ve been so focused on the new season and everything happening with the team that I haven’t been present with you. That’s not fair.”

Tears stung your eyes at her words. You hated that you had been feeling so anxious and unsure about where you stood with her. The logical part of your brain knew that Alexia loved you deeply, but sometimes, your emotions got the better of you.

“I just miss you,” you whispered, finally letting a bit of the hurt spill out.

“I miss you too,” she replied, her voice soft but firm. “I promise, when I get back, we’ll spend some real time together. Just the two of us.”

You wanted to believe her, to hold onto the comfort her words should have brought you, but as you lay there, phone pressed to your ear, something still felt off. The doubts that had been swirling in your mind all day didn’t vanish—they just simmered beneath the surface, waiting for another moment to creep back in. You tried to smile, to let her words sink in, but it felt hollow.

"Okay," you whispered, your voice weaker than you intended. There was a pause on the line, and for a second, you wondered if she could hear the uncertainty that was sitting heavy on your chest.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Get some rest. I love you,” Alexia said, her tone soft but distant, and somehow it made you feel even worse.

“I love you too, Ale,” you replied automatically, though the words felt like they got caught in your throat. You wanted to believe them, wanted to believe her. But as you hung up the phone, the heavy silence in your room returned, and with it, the creeping feeling that maybe things weren’t as solid as you hoped.

You curled up under the covers, pulling them tighter around you, but instead of the calm you craved, a lingering unease settled deep in your chest. The conversation hadn’t been enough to ease your mind, and the distance between you two felt more real than ever. Alexia cared, you knew that, but it didn’t stop the doubts from pulling you under.

As much as you tried to push it aside, the little voice in your head that had been whispering insecurities all day grew louder. What if she’s getting tired of me? What if this distance between us is because she doesn’t want to be with me anymore? The more you thought about it, the more it felt like Alexia was slipping away, even though she’d just promised to spend more time with you. The doubts began to swirl again, faster now, and the pit in your stomach deepened.

Sure, Alexia had apologized, but what if it wasn’t just about her being busy with the new signings? What if she was using that as an excuse? You started picking apart every little detail from the past few days—how she barely interacted with you this morning, how she chose to spend time with Chloe instead of you, how easily she’d forgotten your plans for lunch with Patri and Claudia. Maybe she wasn’t as invested in the relationship anymore. Maybe she was realizing that being with you wasn’t what she wanted.

You buried your face in your pillow, fighting the creeping sense of rejection. No, this is just the anxiety talking. She loves you. She said she loves you, you reminded yourself, but it felt like a hollow reassurance. Even as you repeated it, the lingering doubt wouldn’t leave you. You wanted so badly to believe her words, to take them at face value, but the overthinking was louder than reason right now.

The phone in your hand vibrated again, pulling you out of your spiral for a moment. Alexia had sent you a text: I really don’t like how we left things. Can I come over? I’ll bring dinner. We can talk.

Your heart skipped at the message. On one hand, you wanted her here. You wanted her arms around you, her presence to quiet the storm in your mind. But on the other hand, you felt like having her here would only make your insecurities worse. What if she could see right through you? What if she could tell that you weren’t okay, that you doubted her? What if she was already tired of dealing with your anxieties, your overthinking?

Before you could stop yourself, you typed back: I think it’s better if I stay alone tonight. I might be getting sick, and I don’t want to give you anything. You’ve got enough on your plate with the new season and all.

You stared at the message, second-guessing every word. It wasn’t entirely a lie—you did feel off, emotionally and physically, but that wasn’t the real reason you didn’t want her to come over. You were scared. Scared that spending time with her would only confirm the worst of your fears. That she was growing tired of you, tired of your relationship.

After a few moments, your phone buzzed again with Alexia’s response: Are you sure? I can bring soup or tea, whatever you need. I don’t mind at all.

Her willingness to drop everything and come over only made you feel worse. How could you doubt someone who was so thoughtful, so caring? But the voice in your head persisted—what if she was just doing this out of obligation? What if she felt guilty? It wasn’t long before you convinced yourself that Alexia was only offering out of a sense of duty, not because she actually wanted to be with you tonight.

Yeah, I’m sure. You replied, forcing yourself to hit send before you could change your mind. I’ll be fine. Just need some rest.

You stared at your phone, waiting for her response, hoping she would fight harder to come over, hoping she would insist. But her next message came quickly, and it felt like a punch to the gut. Okay, rest up. Let me know if you need anything, cariño. I’ll see you tomorrow at training.

Simple. Kind. But it wasn’t the push you had been hoping for. She wasn’t coming over. Maybe she was relieved, you thought bitterly. Maybe she didn’t actually want to spend time with you after all. You hated that your mind kept going there, but the doubts kept clawing at you, relentless and cruel.

Curling up tighter in your bed, you told yourself that some space was good. Maybe tomorrow would be better, maybe by then, you’d feel less overwhelmed, and Alexia would feel closer again. But as you lay there, staring at the ceiling in the dark, the weight of your insecurities was heavier than ever. You didn’t want to lose her, but right now, it felt like that’s exactly what was happening, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

you need anything. I love you. Get some good sleep, okay?

You read the message over and over, feeling a strange mix of relief and disappointment. Relief, because Alexia wasn’t pushing you to talk when you didn’t feel ready. Disappointment, because a part of you had hoped she would sense your need for more; more reassurance, more connection, more confirmation that everything between you two was still okay. But she didn’t press further, and that left you with an emptiness that was hard to shake. Part of you knew that was silly, she had texted after your call and that should have helped but it just left you with a half full feeling. Like you were only worth that small extra effort.

As you lay there, your mind kept spiralling. You wanted to believe that this was just a rough patch, a phase, something that would pass after the season got into full swing. But the fear that something had shifted between you and Alexia lingered. You tried to push it away, to focus on the fact that she had said she loved you, that she was willing to drop everything for you. But the overthinking kept creeping back, whispering that maybe this was the beginning of the end.

You closed your eyes, pulling the blankets tighter around you, willing yourself to sleep. But even as exhaustion tugged at your body, your mind wouldn’t let go of the nagging doubts. You kept replaying the last few days in your head, every moment where Alexia had seemed distant, every conversation that had felt stilted or rushed. You hated how insecure it made you feel, but you couldn’t help it.

Alexia sits on the edge of her bed, staring at her phone, fingers hovering over the screen. She wants to call you, wants to check in, but hesitates. There’s a lump in her throat, a weight in her chest that won’t shift. You’d asked her for space, asked her not to hover, and she’s been trying, really trying, to respect that. But it’s hard. It’s so damn hard. It feels wrong to stay away, especially when she knows you’re not feeling well.

She runs a hand through her hair, frustrated with herself. She’s been distant lately and she understands that she’s not been around as much as she should have. Training, media obligations, new signings, everything’s been pulling her in different directions, and now, when you need her the most, she’s afraid she’s failing you. Alexia’s not used to feeling this way, like she’s not enough. But here she is, second-guessing everything and wondering why she let it get to this point.

What if you don’t even want her around anymore?

The thought hits her harder than she expects, and she feels a pang of guilt. You deserve someone better, someone who can be there, be present, and she’s been anything but lately. And now, with you sick, the fear creeps in even more. She worries that her attempts to give you space that you asked for might just be making things worse, that you might feel abandoned, even if that’s the last thing she ever wanted.

She presses her palms against her knees, trying to calm the whirlwind in her mind. The idea that she might not be enough, that she might not be the perfect girlfriend you deserve, gnaws at her. She’s scared she’s messing this up, that every move she makes might be the wrong one.

What if she’s not what you need right now? What if she’s been too caught up in her own world, too wrapped up in everything else to see what’s really going on with you?

Her phone buzzes, and for a moment, she thinks about texting you. But what would she even say? She feels torn, pulled between wanting to rush to your side and the fear that doing so would push you away.

She exhales sharply, setting the phone down, her hands now trembling slightly. She loves you, that much is very clear to her. But loving you and being there for you the way you deserve; it feels like two different things right now. She’s scared of being inadequate, of not living up to what you need.

In her heart, she wants to be the perfect girlfriend for you, the one who knows how to navigate all this with ease. Wants to know what you need without you having to say, wants to show you that there isn’t anyone better for you than her. But she’s scared, scared that she’s already failed.

That night, Alexia drives to your place. The streets are quiet, dimly lit by the occasional streetlamp, and the familiar route feels strange tonight, like she’s seeing it through a different lens. Her heart races the closer she gets, hands gripping the steering wheel tighter than usual.

When she finally pulls up outside, she kills the engine but doesn’t move. The silence in the car feels thick, almost oppressive, like it's pressing down on her chest. She knows she should get out, knock on your door, and just be there for you. It’s why she came, after all. But something keeps her glued to the driver’s seat, eyes fixed on the dashboard, mind spinning with uncertainty.

What if you don’t want her here?

She takes a deep breath and glances up at your window. The lights are off, maybe you’re already asleep, maybe you’ve had a long day. Her mind starts to drift even further. Maybe she’s too late. But even if you're still awake, there’s that nagging voice in her head that tells her she’s crossing a line, that you’d rather be alone. That she should have done this a few days ago not now, not when you asked her to stay away.

I shouldn’t have come.

She exhales, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her jacket. Every part of her wants to be close to you, to show up the way she should have sooner. She even reaches for the door handle, her heart pounding as she tells herself, Just get out, Ale. Just go inside and talk to her. Be there for her.

But her grip on the handle loosens, and she pulls her hand back.

What if showing up makes things worse? What if you’re still upset, still needing space, and all she does by being here is prove that she can’t respect that?

She closes her eyes for a moment, willing the doubts away, but they only get louder. She’s scared, scared that you’ll see right through her. Scared that, no matter how hard she tries, she’s already failed you.

With a frustrated sigh, she pushes the door open and steps out of the car. The night air hits her, cool and crisp, and she stands there, staring at your front door. Her feet move her a few steps closer, but then she stops, frozen halfway across the street. To any passerby she would look slightly crazy, standing in the middle of the street, car door open behind her and staring at a closed door. But alexia didn’t care, she couldn’t think about anything else other than you.

She could knock, could tell you everything that’s been going through her head, but what if it’s too much? What if it’s too soon?

Alexia takes a deep breath and steps back, retreating to the safety of her car. She sits there, hands resting on the wheel again, feeling like a coward. But the thought of doing the wrong thing, of making things harder for you, keeps her from getting back out the car.

Tomorrow, she thinks. Tomorrow I’ll speak to her.

It’s a promise she makes to herself, hoping that maybe, with a little more time, she’ll find the right words.

The next morning, you woke up feeling no better than the night before. If anything, the pit in your stomach had only grown. You glanced at your phone, half-expecting to see a message from Alexia, but there was nothing. No good morning text, no follow-up to check on you. That left a really bitter feeling inside of you, one that you hated feeling for two reasons. One, you knew in your heart she wasn’t trying to make you feel that way, and two because you felt that way.

As you dragged yourself out of bed, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. You tried to convince yourself that Alexia was just busy, that she was giving you space like you asked. But deep down, the doubt gnawed at you. What if the space you asked for was pushing her further away?

You knew you needed to talk to her, to clear the air, but the thought of confronting your feelings made you anxious. What if she confirmed your worst fears? What if she said she wasn’t sure about the relationship anymore? You weren’t sure you could handle that.

Still, as you got ready for training, you decided to talk to her today. No more avoiding the conversation. You needed to know what was happening, you needed to clear things up. Not only for your relationship but for your own mind. There was a small voice at the back of your head telling you that speaking to Alexia about why this has happened might be a good idea, but you ignored that for the moment. That would mean showing those deep insecurities. And you weren’t sure if you were ready for that yet.

With the decision made, you grabbed your things and headed out the door, hoping that today would bring some clarity and maybe, just maybe, the reassurance you desperately needed.

Stepping out of the building, you're caught off guard. Alexia is there, leaning against her car, arms folded, sunglasses perched on her nose. She straightens up the moment she spots you, waving casually as if this is the most normal thing in the world. Which a week ago it would have been.

"Hey," she says lightly, her tone casual, maybe a little too casual. Stop reading so much into it y/n.

"Hey," you respond, trying to hide your confusion. "Didn’t expect to see you here."

She shrugs, unlocking the car with a beep. "Thought I’d give you a lift to training. I know Patri picked you up and dropped you home yesterday. I also wanted to check on you properly. How’re you feeling?"

There’s a pause, you are unsure if she’s asking about how you're feeling physically or mentally. "I’m... fine. Maybe a bit tired." Short and sweet, that will do for now.

"Yeah, it’s been a long week," she comments, sliding into the driver’s seat. You follow, buckling in, and the car hums to life as she pulls out onto the road. For a moment, the silence sits between you two, neither of you quite sure how to fill it.

"Traffic’s light today," she notes, glancing briefly at you. "Should get there in no time."

You nod, grateful for the small talk. "Yeah, that’s good."

Another beat of quiet passes.

"Did you see the new kit design?" she asks, her tone light, as if she’s trying to keep the conversation safe.

"Yeah, I did. Looks pretty sharp, though I’m not sure about the neon stripes," you reply, relaxing into the seat a little.

She chuckles softly. "Not a fan?"

You crack a small smile. "Not really my thing. Maybe it’ll grow on me."

The conversation fades again, but this time it feels easier, more comfortable. She’s not pushing, not prying into anything deeper. It feels like both of you are skirting around something bigger, but for now, the surface level is just fine.

Before long, you arrive at the training centre. Alexia leads you inside, where the trainers are waiting. The check-up is routine, some stretches, a few prods here and there and soon, they clear you to train.

"You’re good to go," the head trainer tells you with a nod.

As you step out onto the pitch, Alexia lingers nearby, not hovering, but subtly making sure you’re all right. During the water breaks, she’s quick to hand you a bottle, reminding you to stay hydrated. It's nothing overt, just small gestures that don’t go unnoticed by you.

Training passes, and as you finish up, wiping the sweat from your face and stretching out your tired muscles, you see her approaching again. This time, there’s something different in her expression.

"You did well today," she says with a small, approving smile.

"Thanks," you reply, sensing the shift in the air, the conversation about to take a more serious turn.

She hesitates for a second, then takes a deep breath. "Look... do you want to come back to mine? We need to talk. I think we’re overdue for it."

Her words hang between you both, but the way she says it feels less like a confrontation and more like an invitation. There’s no pressure, no demand, just a simple request.

You meet her gaze, unsure of what this conversation will bring, but knowing it’s inevitable. Whatever is currently going on with you two needs to be addressed and soon. Neither of you enjoying your current situation and definitely not wanting it to continue on this way.

"Yeah," you say, surprising yourself with how quickly the word comes out. "Let’s go."

You hesitate to take the hand Alexia reaches out in front of you, but when she gives you that small smile and slight tilt of her head you can’t help but grab on. You are once again conflicted when she lets go once you are on your feet, but when she awkwardly scratches at her neck as she gestures for you to start walking you can’t help the affection for her that rises in your chest.

The drive to Alexia’s is quiet, not awkward, but there’s a tension that hangs in the air. The radio plays softly in the background, a low hum of noise filling the silence as neither of you speaks much. You glance at her now and then, noticing how her hands grip the wheel just a little too tight, how her jaw seems tense. She’s trying to seem calm, but you know her well enough to see the nerves beneath the surface.

When you arrive at her apartment, Alexia unlocks the door and once again gestures for you to go inside first. You step in, and the familiarity of her space washes over you, a space that’s been shared so many times, but tonight feels different. She lingers by the door for a moment, taking a breath before following you in.

You both sit down on the couch, a little distance between you. Alexia fidgets with her fingers, playing with her rings, clearly trying to gather her thoughts. Finally, she speaks, her voice softer than usual, almost unsure.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner,” she says, her eyes not quite meeting yours. “I wanted to, but... I didn’t know if you’d want me there.”

You sit quietly, listening, waiting for her to continue. You know it is only fair to let her finish without interrupting, your time to speak will come.

“I know I haven’t been... the best lately. I’ve been distant, and I can’t even explain why in a way that makes sense,” she admits, her voice wavering slightly. “And then when you got sick... I wanted to be there for you. I should have been there, but you asked for space, and I didn’t want to make things worse.” You could hear the sadness and longing in her voice as she spoke, it made your heart hurt a little more thinking about how this has negatively affected her as well as you.

She looks down, her fingers twisting together nervously. “But I just kept second-guessing everything. Like, if I showed up, I’d be doing the wrong thing. And maybe... maybe you don’t even want me around anymore.”

Her words hang in the air, heavy with uncertainty and vulnerability. She’s never said anything like this before, never doubted herself like this when it came to your relationship. When it came to you.

You feel the weight of her worry, and it’s clear that she’s been wrestling with this more than you realized. Had you not been the best girlfriend either? Had she been worrying about this for more than just the last few days? There’s a long pause before she speaks again.

“I’m scared I’m not the girlfriend you deserve,” she finally says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I feel like I’m failing you... like I haven’t been there when you needed me most.”

Her eyes finally meet yours, and they’re filled with doubt, something you’re not used to seeing in her. Alexia, who’s always so composed, so sure of herself, now looks like she’s bracing for something, maybe rejection, maybe confirmation that her fears are true.

You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment. You know this talk has been coming, but hearing her say it, seeing her so vulnerable, hits you differently. There's a part of you that wants to just reach out and hold her, to tell her it’s all okay, but you know this conversation needs to happen. You know that the both of you need to communicate these feelings and work on how you can do it without it getting to this stage again, if there is going to be again.

“Alexia...” you start, choosing your words carefully, “I never said I didn’t want you around. I asked for space because I needed it, not because I wanted you out of my life.”

She nods slowly, but her expression remains uncertain. You continue, “I’ve been going through a lot, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you here. It’s just... sometimes I need to figure things out on my own. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

Alexia exhales, her shoulders sagging a little in relief, but the tension is still there. “I just... I feel like I haven’t been enough lately. I’ve been so focused on everything else that I haven’t made time for us, for you, and then when you needed me most, I just... froze.”

You shift closer to her, your hand gently resting on hers. “I know you’re busy. I never expected you to be around all the time, Ale. I don’t need you to be. I just need you to be... present. To be you.”

Her eyes soften at your words, and she looks down at your hand that is soft on top of hers, her thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I’m sorry,” she says again, her voice steadier now. “I’ll do better. I want to be better, for you. For us.”

You nod, understanding the weight of what she’s saying. It’s not about perfection, not about always getting it right. It’s about showing up, about trying, even when it’s hard, even when doubts creep in.

“I just need us to be open with each other,” you say. “If you’re feeling off or distant, tell me. If you’re unsure about something, we’ll figure it out together. But don’t shut me out, and don’t shut yourself down thinking you’re not enough. And I’ll do better too. I have had so many insecure thoughts over the last few days and I’m sorry for those. I’m sorry that you get affected by them and I’m sorry I didn’t communicate with you about them. That wasn’t fair of me.”

You take a second to think about what you want to say next.  Alexia’s eyes stay locked on yours, her expression softening even more as she listens. Her hand tightens just slightly around yours, a silent acknowledgment of the weight of what you’re both sharing. The tension between you eases further, but the conversation isn’t over yet.

You take a breath, choosing your next words carefully, wanting to make sure she understands where you're coming from.

“I’ve been in my head a lot,” you admit, your voice steady but full of emotion. “I thought that maybe you weren’t showing up because I wasn’t... worth it. That you were pulling away because I’ve been too much to handle. And instead of talking to you about how I was feeling, I just let it build up. I guess I was scared that saying it out loud would make it real.”

Alexia’s brow furrows as she shakes her head gently. “You’re never too much,” she says quietly, her thumb still brushing softly over your hand. “I never want you to feel that way. I hate that you’ve been carrying that, and I didn’t know. That I couldn’t help.”

You nod, grateful for her words but also aware of how important it is to keep the lines of communication open moving forward. “I know you care, I do. I just... I need to trust that more. And I need to talk to you when I’m struggling, not shut you out. I’m sorry for that.”

Alexia leans in closer, her voice filled with sincerity. “We’ll both do better. We’ll figure this out together. You’re not alone in this. I want to be there for you, and I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel like I wasn’t.”

You feel a wave of relief wash over you, and for the first time in days, it feels like the distance that had crept between you is finally closing. There’s a warmth in the room now, a sense of mutual understanding and a willingness to do better, together.

“I don’t need us to be perfect,” you say softly. “I just need to know that we’re in this together. That we can lean on each other, even when things aren’t easy.”

Alexia nods, her eyes shining with emotion. “We are. I promise. I love you, and I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

A small smile tugs at your lips as you lean forward, pressing your forehead against hers. The silence that falls between you now isn’t heavy or filled with uncertainty. It’s peaceful, comforting.

“I love you too,” you whisper.

For now, the words are enough. There’s more to work through, more conversations to be had, but you know that you’re both committed to making this work. And for the first time in a while, you both feel like you're on solid ground again.

Alexia pulls you closer, wrapping her arms around you, and you sink into the embrace. The weight of the past few days begins to lift, replaced by a quiet sense of hope for what comes next.

After the heaviness of the conversation finally lifts, you and Alexia share a soft smile, the tension replaced by a quiet, comforting peace. The air between you feels lighter, and as if sensing the shift, Alexia’s lips curve into a small grin.

“How about we get some takeout?” she suggests, her voice playful yet warm. “I don’t feel like cooking, and I think we both deserve a break tonight.”

You chuckle, nodding in agreement. “That sounds perfect. I could definitely go for some comfort food.”

It doesn’t take long before you’ve both decided on your usual, something easy and satisfying. The soft glow of the kitchen light reflects off Alexia’s face as she places the order, her expression more relaxed than it’s been in days. You can’t help but feel a sense of relief, like things are finally settling back into place.

Not long after, the smell of freshly delivered food fills the room, and you both settle on the sofa, plates balanced on your laps, the comfort of being together in the small, familiar space wrapping around you like a warm blanket.

“Movie?” Alexia asks, already flicking through the streaming options.

“Nothing too heavy,” you say with a smile. “Something we can just zone out to.”

She nods in agreement, finally settling on a classic comedy that always makes you both laugh. As the opening credits roll, you finish your food and tuck yourself into her side, her arm instinctively wrapping around your shoulders, pulling you closer.

As the movie plays, the light from the screen flickers softly against the walls, casting a warm glow over the room. You’re snuggled close into Alexia’s side, her arm still draped around your shoulders, fingers lazily tracing small patterns on your arm. The comfort of it all makes you feel more at ease than you’ve felt in days.

At some point, the film becomes background noise. You’re more focused on the way Alexia’s thumb brushes your skin or the occasional glance you catch of her watching you instead of the movie. You shift slightly, turning your face up toward her, and her gaze softens as your eyes meet.

Alexia smiles, a tender warmth in her expression, and you can’t help but lean in. The first kiss is soft, almost shy, like you’re both still figuring out the rhythm after the tension of the last few days. Her lips linger against yours for a moment longer than usual, and when you pull back, you see the quiet joy in her eyes, a silent thank you for being open and honest with her, for being here.

Without a word, you lean in again, your lips meeting hers in a series of soft, gentle kisses. They’re unhurried, sweet, filled with a quiet kind of affection that says more than words could in this moment. Alexia’s hand comes up to cradle your cheek, her thumb grazing your jawline as she deepens the kiss slightly, but it’s still slow, still soft.

When you finally pull away, her forehead rests against yours, her breath mingling with yours as you both smile, the movie all but forgotten now.

“I missed this,” she whispers, her voice barely audible, as if speaking too loudly would shatter the quiet moment.

“Me too,” you whisper back, brushing a kiss on the corner of her lips, your hands finding their way into hers.

She presses another kiss to your lips, this one lingering, and you both relax into the warmth of each other, the world outside fading as the night slips by.

There’s no rush, just the two of you, lost in the soft comfort of being close, the rest of the night spent in quiet kisses and shared smiles, wrapped up in each other as the movie plays on in the background. There is no need for more words tonight. You both know you’re in this together, that the promise made earlier will be something you will both work at together. And for right now, that’s enough.

[muffinpink02]

First Day

Summary - Its Rudy's first day at school, but its not her you have to worry about.

Warnings - unwell baby? a little suggestive chat but nothing crazy

7.00 am ‘Beep, beep, beep.’

You groaned as you sleepily stretched, turning off the alarm. Your tired eyes blinked a couple times before turning around. You blindly reached your hand out like you did everyday to cuddle up to the normally warm body next to you, but as you turned you were met with an empty space. You frowned, confused that your wife wasn’t on her side of the bed. 

But you had a feeling you knew where she was.

You sat up in bed, yawning at the now new earlier routine. You grabbed your fluffy nightgown, tying it around your waist. You left your bedroom, searching for your wife, but you didn’t have to look very far.

You smirked to yourself when you saw the bedroom door already open. You popped your head into your daughter's bedroom, smiling when you spotted the woman sitting beside the small bed, stroking the blonde curls from her twins face.  

The sight made you smile, but you could see the pensive look sitting across her face.

“Morning.” You whispered. 

Alexia’s eyes caught you, she smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Morning.” She grumbled back. 

Most parents dreaded this day for many reasons, but normally the anxiety and worry was for how their child would react when facing the first day at school, not the parent.

You knew Alexia had been dreading this day for a while. 

“Coffee?” You rubbed your sleepy eyes.

“Sí.” Her eyes lingered on the sleeping girl. 

“Are you going to wake her up or shall I?”

“No, I’ll wake her. She feels a little hot, come feel her head-”

“Ale.” You gave your wife a deadpan look. 

You had made a secret bet with yourself at how soon Alexia would try that card, but you would have lost your money because it was even sooner than you would have thought.

“Okay you wake her, I’ll start breakfast.” You turned to leave the room.

“She wants me to make my chocolate chip pancakes. I promised I’d make them today before she…”

You pressed your lips together, trying to hold back the giggle. Your wife could be so dramatic sometimes, a trait your 4 year old had definitely picked up from the grown woman.

“Goes to school. You can say it, baby.”

She shot you a look, but you only blew her a kiss back. 

“I’ll let you wake the princess.” You smiled as you left for the kitchen.

You put on a pot of coffee for you and Alexia while you got the ingredients ready for the chocolate chip pancakes. Once the coffee was brewed you poured the hot liquid into your personalised mugs. You eyed the clock on the wall, you had made sure to give the three of you enough time, knowing Alexia would drag her feet. 

You were ready to go in and see what was taking so long, until you heard the soft voices coming down the hallway. You smiled into your mug when you saw the girl cradled in Alexia's strong arms. Laughing at something the older woman said.

“Good morning, princess.” You smiled at your daughter, her sleepy hazel eyes were the spitting image of her mothers. 

“Good morning, mummy!” Rudy smiled widely at you, her blonde curls falling in front of her face.

“How are you feeling for your first day? Are you excited?” You asked with your best enthusiastic voice. 

Rudy eagerly nodded her head. “I’m so excited!” She squealed.

“We’re excited that you’re excited. Aren't we Mama?” You looked at your wife, urging her to share the encouragement. 

“Si, I’m so excited, princesa.” Alexia put on her best smile, but you could see through it, luckily your four year old couldn't. 

“Mama told me she's making your favourite breakfast.” You said as you started to make yours and Alexias own morning meal.

“Yay! Chocolate pancakes!” The girl threw her hands in the air, her feet kicking excitedly in Alexia's arms.

“Sí, my baby's favourite.” The older woman started covering the girl's face with quick kisses, making the girl squeal with laughter.

Alexia placed Rudy on the bar stool, pushing her closer to the breakfast table. 

The three of you began your morning routine, it was no different to when Rudy started nursery. Though that was only three days a week and she had only done three hours per day, but you could feel your wife’s anxiety in every move she made.  

As much as you teased the woman about her worries with Rudy going to school, you didn’t want her to feel anxious or upset. It was a hard day for the both of you but clearly Alexia was taking it a lot harder than you. 

You gently gripped her hips, bringing you both a few steps back out of ear shot from Rudy. 

“Hey.” You placed your hand under her chin, bringing your eyes together. “She’s going to be okay, you know that right?” 

Alexia sighed, she looked over at the four year old, happily colouring in her colouring book. 

“But what if she’s not? What if she hates it and she cries all day.” She pouted. 

You reassuringly circled your thumbs over her tight stomach. 

“That might happen, and I’d hate for her to feel like that, but she won’t feel like that forever, Ale.” 

The blonde only pouted more, she looked just like Rudy when she wanted something you had already said no to. You called it the ‘Putellas pout.’

“Come on. You can do it.” You kissed her pouty lips, pushing her to get on with your daughter's breakfast. 

Alexia groaned as she was pushed away, but she made Rudy's breakfast in a quick time. Even if she was apprehensive for Rudy to go to school she wouldn’t dare have the girl be late for her first day. 

The 3 of you ate your breakfast together, Rudy listed off all the new activities she was going to do on her first day, you decided not to spoil her joy and tell her that she was in fact not able to play football all day. 

“Right, stinky. Teeth time. 

“I’m not stinky.” The chocolate-faced girl giggled. 

“No, but you are smelly. Mama’s going to get ready with you. I’ll do your hair once you’re done. Sounds good?”

“Sí.” The four year old agreed. 

“Come on, princesà.” Alexia helped the curly headed girl down off the bar stall. 

“I’m going to get there first! She gently kicked the smaller blonde on her bum, laughing as she ran down the hallway. 

“No! Mama!” 

You chuckled as you heard the smaller feet running after her mature mother. You quickly tidied the kitchen of the morning mess and started to get yourself ready for training. You tagged teamed with Alexia as she finished helping Rudy get into her uniform. You could see your wifes demeanour becoming sombre as she fixed the girls socks. 

You grabbed your wife once more, pulling her into the hallway. Rudy took the opportunity to play with her mini football.

“Baby, come on. She's going to be fine. I promise you. She’s been excited since we explained it all to her. Even now she's not upset!”

“But what if she gets bullied? What if the other kids are mean to her and she has no one to play with? What if she has to sit alone at lunch?” Alexia's eyes started to mist, the Putellas pout quickly turned into a quiver.

Of course it broke your heart to see Alexia like this. The woman had always been the bigger worrier between the two of you, but when Rudy came along that had only intensified.

—------

There had been one particular time when Rudy was only 3 months old, and she had caught a nasty chest infection. 

Alexia first noticed the small raspy breaths while Rudy slept in her moses basket. She asked you to listen to it and you did, but you thought it may have just been some kind of milk phlegm. But you were wrong.

The next day Rudy was letting out little coughs. As soon as Alexia heard the third one she jumped in her car and drove to the pharmacy to get Rudy baby medicine.

The normally perfect sleeper of a baby had screamed throughout the night. You watched helplessly as her tiny lungs painfully jolted every time she coughed. Her little face turned pink as she struggled for breath. 

You and Alexia had done everything by the book and internet, but nothing settled her. You could tell she was in pain, her small little lips shook as she struggled to even cry.

Alexia paced up and down the hallways with Rudy in her arms. She tried everything to soothe the screaming baby, she bounced her, cuddled her, even sang for her, but she wouldn’t stop crying. 

You could see the panic in her face, it pained her to see Rudy like this, her small little body was still so fragile. 

An hour later and Rudy had started to heat up, you soaked a flannel with lukewarm water and laid it on her skin. It cooled her down but the crying never stopped. 

“Shhh, bebita. I know, I know. It’s okay. Come on.” Alexia’s large hands rubbed Rudy's bareback as she squirmed on her shoulder. 

“I think we should take her to A & E.” You suggested in the most calming tone you could muster.

You could tell Alexis was already nervous and so was you, but you wanted to stay as calm as you could, for both your sakes. 

“Sí, sí. I agree. Grab a bag and I’ll get her ready.” She nodded. 

“Okay.” 

You packed up a baby bag with all the essentials. Alexia was waiting at the door with a crying Rudy in the car seat. She looked so nervous.

When you arrived at the hospital you were seen straight away. The doctor examined Rudy, all while she was still crying. 

“I think she has a chest infection.” She said, as she listened to Rudy's chest through the stethoscope.

“W-What? Will she be okay?” Alexia asked nervously. 

“It’s the same if you or I caught it. It's just painful and unlike us she can't do anything but cry about it. It can sometimes go on its own, but I can hear a bit of phlegm on her chest and throat. I’ll give you some stronger medicine for it. She hasn’t had a rash has she?”

“No.” You said in unison. 

“Good. You caught it early. Well done. She’s definitely uncomfortable but she’s going to be okay.” The doctor smiled kindly at the pair of you, clearly noticing the worry on both your faces. 

“Thank you.” You smiled at the doctor as you took Alexia’s sweaty hand. She instantly started rubbing her thumb on your knuckles. 

The nurse fed Rudy some medicine, through a syringe. 

“It gets easier, trust me. Well, actually It’s when they start walking, that’s when they’re the most trouble.” The woman chuckled as she rocked Rudy, actually managing to calm her down. 

You and Alexia stared in awe, watching as she completely relaxed the small baby in her arms, you tried to mentally take pictures of the motion she rocked her with to save for later. You returned home with a sleeping baby. Her temperature had already dropped, though you could still hear the rasp on her chest but it was a lot softer then it was before. 

“I’ll put her in her bed.” Alexia gave you a tired smile as she made her way into Rudy's room. 

You nodded. “Okay, I’m going to jump in the shower.” 

You took a quick shower, as that’s all you ever knew them as these days, and made your way to your bedroom. You frowned in confusion, you would have thought Alexia would have been there. Once you were dressed you made your way to Rudy's room, your heart broke at the sight. 

“Oh Ale, baby.” You whispered.

The blonde was sitting on the floor, her hands in her head, crying so hard her body shook. You sat next to her, pulling her into your chest. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay. What’s going on? Hmm?” You asked as you rubbed her back like you did for your child. 

“I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do.” The blonde sniffled.

“Ohh, Ale. It's okay. It was a lot for us, we’re still learning. We won't know what to do for a lot of things that might happen.” You tried to reassure the crying woman. 

“But she wouldn't settle with me, she always settles with me. I couldn't help her.” Her tears streamed down her cheeks. “She was in so much pain. I just, I hated seeing her like that.” Alexia's already shaky voice broke at her words.

You felt your own eyes start to tear up seeing your wife like this. You could see how much the situation scared her, how out of control she felt. 

“I know, I know, but she needed more than just cuddles, she needed medicine, baby.” You cupped her wet cheeks, bringing her closer to your face. “You’re so good with her, Ale. You are the best at calming her down, she immediately stops crying when she's in your arms. She makes the biggest squeal when she sees you walk through that door.” You stroked her tears as you kissed your wife's lips, trying your best to reassure her.

“She adores you, I can see how safe she feels with you. She’s such a Mama’s girl, it's unreal.” You smiled as you thought about the bond the two shared. 

“Sadly we won’t always be enough. Sometimes she's going to go through tough times that we can’t control, but we will make it as easy as we can for her.” 

“I just wish I could always be there for her.” Alexia sniffled. Her crying finally came to a stop, but her lip still pouted. 

“I know baby.” You pressed a long kiss to her forehead. “Come. Let's get you in the shower. We can watch whatever film you want.”

Your wife smiled, allowing you to help her to her feet. Before you could move Alexia brought you into a hug, nuzzling her nose into your neck.

“You are the best Mummy. I am so lucky you are the mother to our child. I love you so much, amor.” She connected your lips with hers, bringing you into a deep kiss. You let yourself get lost in it, the stress of the day slowly melting away. It always did, being with the person you felt most safe with. You gently pulled away, as you heard Rudy stir a little. 

But Alexia only groaned as you pulled away.

You chuckled as her lips tried to chase yours.

“Did you want to watch a film or?-”

You had to hold back a laugh, as Alexia dragged you both into your room. The film clearly long forgotten about.

—--------

“There we go, all done. You look beautiful, princess.” 

Rudy smiled at herself in the mirror,  evidently happy with her ponytail. 

“Gràcies, mummy.” 

“You’re welcome, my baby. Right, get your shoes on, we have to leave in two minutes.” 

“Okay, mummy.” Rudy happily skipped to the front door. 

You smiled at her joy, you were so relieved she was excited for school. Though, honestly it made sense, Rudy wasn't a shy child. Having grown up around games since she could open her eyes, she was used to being around crowds of people, not to mention all the different characters she interacted with when it came to the team. 

If she wasn't at nursery she was with you and Alexia at training. 

And the girls loved Rudy, it was always cheers and whoops, when the girl entered the room.  She had fitted into the group so easily, it was as if she had always been there. As soon as she could start to form words the girl would always have someone to talk to, chewing their ears off about her friends at nursery or what her favourite animal was that day. 

The girls were always happy to take turns entertaining the baby Spaniard. You’d mostly find her hanging off of Mapi’s arms, or squealing when Lucy threw her (sometimes dangerously high) in the air, she had learnt quickly that they were the biggest kids in the group. Or if she wanted her down time, you'd spot her drawing with Salma and Ingrid, sharing her crayons with the older women.  

She had a special little bond with each of the girls, and you and Alexia loved it.

You were brought back from your thoughts when Alexia’s phone started to ring.

“Hola Mapi, sí, sí, She’s just putting her shoes on.” 

You walked into the hallway where the two blondes were, Rudy sitting on the bench beside the door.

“Rudy, it's your tietes, they want to wish you good luck for your first day.” Alexia smiled as she put the screen in front of Rudy, who had actually managed to put her shoes on the right feet today. 

“Tia Mapi! Tia Ingrid!” The four year old shouted excitedly, as she saw her aunties on the screen.

“Hola, chica!” Mapi shouted back, her excitement matching the 4 year old as usual.

“Hola chicken, are you excited for your first day?” You heard Ingrid ask.

“Sí! It's going to be the best day. I'm going to make lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots….. and lots-”

“Sí, princesa, I think they get it.” Alexia chuckled.

“Aye! Let her finish! What are you going to make lots of chica?” Mapi shot back.

“Lots of friends!” Rudy through her hands in the air like she had just discovered gold. 

“Sí! You'll make so many friends, chicken!” Ingrid smiled brightly.

“Just don't forget you already have a best friend.” Mapi pouted, while also getting a nudge and an eye roll from Ingrid.

“Rudy, don’t listen to her, you can make as many best friends as you want.” The raven haired girl assured.

Rudy only nodded, giggling at her tia’s. 

“And make sure you tell me if anyone is mean to you, I have no shame in fighting a 4 year old.” Mapi stated. You found it a little concerning at how serious she sounded.

“Mapi!” Ingrid shouted.

“What? I will! No one messes with my Rudy.” Mapi nodded to herself.

You could see Ingrid shaking her head in disbelief. You and Alexia shared a chuckle at the couple. 

“Anyways…we hope you have a great day, chicken. We will see you tomorrow and you can tell us all about it. I think I have to teach your tia Mapi about manners.” Ingrid smiled all too sweetly. You laughed when you saw Mapi’s eyes widen in panic.

“Ok, bye tia Ingrid, bye tia Mapi.” Rudy waved her little hands at the screen.

“Bye chicken, we love you.” Ingrid and Mapi waved back through the phone.

“Love you too.” Rudy shouted, her little legs swaying back and forth on the bench 

The call ended, Rudy jumped off the bench and grabbed her Lion King backpack.

“Ready!” 

—------

You stood with Alexia in the school playground, the sound of children playing and laughing filled your ears. You spotted some parents having to console their children who were clinging on to their legs, some even in tears. 

Rudy was between you and Alexia, one of her little hands slotted in yours and the other in Alexias. You looked over at your wife, her face was unreadable, her hazel eyes were darting around at the other parents and children. You looked down at her twin, who also had the same pensive look, but her eyes were showing an excitement that her mothers wasn't. 

“Hey, shall we do swings before you go in, princess?” 

“Yeah!” Rudy started to jump, giggling at the offer. 

“Ready, Mama? You looked over at the older blonde, giving her a knowing look.

Alexias eyes caught yours, you could see she was thankful for the distraction. She smiled lovingly at you. 

“Sí, let's do it.” She nodded, smiling down at the young girl. 

“Okay, 3, 2, 1!” 

You and Alexia swung the squealing girl into the air, you smiled widely as you heard her infectious little giggle. You looked over at your wife who finally had a real smile on her face for the first time today. You swung the mini blonde a few more times, until a bell began to ring. 

You and Alexia stopped swinging Rudy. You took a deep breath, readying yourself to say goodbye to your baby. Of course you were nervous, and even sad at the thought of not having Rudy around like you always did, like Alexia you had been feeling all the same things she had felt, but you know you had to be the stronger one between the pair. 

Alexia bent down, taking Rudy's hands into her own, they looked tiny in comparison. You could see the older woman was trying her hardest not to cry, you knelt down beside her, putting your hand on her thigh, rubbing her leg soothingly.

“Okay princesa, make sure you listen to your teacher. And if you get scared or upset, she will be there to help you, okay?”

Rudy nodded, already getting distracted as she watched the other kids start to gather up near their new teacher. 

“You’ll have the best day. We will be right here when you finish.” You stroked her small whispers of hair behind her ear. You felt your own eyes start to water.

“Sí. I will!” Rudy smiled as she looked at the pair of you. She gently placed a hand on yours and Alexia's cheeks, it was like she was trying to reassure you. Her hazel eyes looked deep in thought, she looked just like Alexia when she pulled that face. 

“I love you, mama. I love you mummy.” She whispered with the cutest voice.

You could have picked the four year old up there and then, and happily taken her home and declared she would never need school, but you knew you couldn't do that. 

“We love you, princesa.” You could hear the shake in Alexia’s voice.

“So, so much.” Alexia could hear it in yours.

All three of you leaned in, hugging each other in your own little group hug. You tried your hardest to keep the tears at bay, as you held the two most important people in your life, pulling them in even closer.

After a couple seconds you felt Rudy start to wiggle, having already given you enough of her time. 

“Bye, I’m going now.” She pulled back, turning around eagerly to start her first day of school.

Alexia and you stood up, both finding each other's hands. 

“Bye, baby!” Alexia called out. 

Rudy turned and waved at you both, you felt your first tear slip, thankful she had already turned forward.

You watched as the mini blonde walked to the rest of the group. Happily standing beside them all, you smiled at her shorter stature against the rest. She was Alexia's twin in many ways, but she had yet to inherit the height of her mother. 

You noticed a girl sniffling next to Rudy, she had clearly been crying, her rosy little cheeks and wet eyes were a sad thing to see, even if she wasn't yours. She was one of the more nervous ones to start her first day at school. You watched on as Rudy said something to her, it was too far to hear what she said, but when you saw Rudy offer her hand out to the crying girl, your heart melted when she eagerly took it into her own.

“Did you see that?” Alexia squeezed your hand.

“Yeah.” You started to feel your lip quiver. 

“She’ll be okay, won’t she?” Alexia asked, but you could tell she was convincing herself more then asking you. 

“Yeah, she will. She’ll be absolutely fine.” 

You watched Rudy walk into the building with her new little friend by her side. You couldn’t believe your baby girl was actually going into school. It only felt like yesterday when you first held her in your arms. 

The curly headed blonde gave one more look to you both, giving you one last wave before she disappeared into the building. 

You felt Alexia thumb run over your knuckles, like she always did. It made you smile as you looked over at your wife. You spotted a single tear running down her cheek, you wiped it away just like you did with your daughter. 

“Shall we get a milkshake?” Alexia grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles. 

“Best idea ever.” You chuckled as you both began to walk out of the small playground.

She wrapped her arm around your shoulder, pulling you in to kiss your cheek. 

“Amor?” 

“Yes, my love?”

Alexia had a mischievous look on her face as she caught your eyes. 

“Shall we have another one?”

“Another what?” You questioned her as you pulled your keys to unlock your car. 

“Another baby.” 

You laughed out loud, looking at the woman who now sported a huge smile on her face.

“Maybe.” 

Alexia's eyes popped open in surprise. “Really?”

You sat in the driver's seat, chuckling at your wife's excitement. You looked over at the blonde, you could see the anxiety of today's stress slowly slipping from her features. You leaned forward, indicating you wanted a kiss. Your wife mirrored your movements, bringing your lips together. 

You leaned back, your lips just inches apart. You felt your heart race as you looked over your wife's pretty features. “Let me have my milkshake and I'll think about it.” 

Alexia dipped her fingers into your hair, bringing you into a deeper kiss. After a couple of minutes she pulled back. Smiling at you when you tried to chase her lips.

“Deal.”

[hiitsm]

Beneath the Spotlight

You try to navigate the challenges of being in a private relationship with Alexia Putellas while facing invasive scrutiny from fans.

Angst, Hurt, Comfort

-

Dating Alexia Putellas was never going to be easy, but you didn’t expect it to feel like this.

In the beginning, it was a quiet, private love. Something just between the two of you, away from the public eye. Alexia’s world was already so exposed, every move she made scrutinized by millions of fans and the media. You were determined to keep what you had safe, to protect the fragile, beautiful thing you had built together from the harshness of the outside world.

At first, it worked. You kept a low profile, attending her matches when you could, but always blending into the background, just another face in the crowd. No public displays, no social media posts. It was just you and Alexia, sharing stolen moments of peace in a life otherwise defined by chaos and noise.

You vividly remember those stolen moments. The nights you spent celebrating her victories in the quiet of your shared space, away from the buzz of the stadium. You’d sit together with her family, sharing laughter and stories over home-cooked meals. The pride in her eyes when you’d cheer her on, the way she would snuggle into you after a game, savoring the simple comfort of being with you, were all part of the intimate support you offered.

But the more you fell for her, the harder it became to stay hidden. You wanted to be there for her, to support her at her games, to celebrate her victories and console her after defeats. And it wasn’t just about her. Your relationship was something you were proud of, something you wanted to share with the world. But every time you thought about making it public, you were reminded of what that would mean. The scrutiny, the opinions of strangers, the pressure to be perfect in a way that no one ever truly could be.

You were there with her family for some of her biggest matches, your heart swelling with pride every time she took to the pitch. You watched her in awe, this incredible woman who had captured your heart, as she led her team with the same determination and passion that she put into everything. But you were careful, always careful. You sat in the stands, far enough away from the other WAGs to avoid drawing attention, never lingering after games, slipping out before the crowd could catch sight of you.

But despite your best efforts, people began to notice. You were spotted at too many games, your face caught in the background of too many photos. The rumors started slowly, with fans speculating about who you might be, trying to piece together the puzzle that was your relationship with Alexia.

It started as innocent curiosity, but soon it turned into something more intense, more invasive. Fans began scouring social media, looking for any clues about your identity. They examined every photo, every post, trying to figure out who you were. You had always been careful with your online presence, but it wasn’t enough. They found you.

One day, you logged into your social media accounts to find hundreds of new notifications. Your private world had been cracked open, your name and face plastered across fan pages and discussion forums. They had pieced it all together. Your appearances at matches, your connection to Alexia. They knew who you were now, and they weren’t shy about sharing their opinions.

At first, the comments were mostly harmless. Fans gushing over how lucky Alexia was, how happy they were that she had found someone. But as more people became aware of you, the tone shifted. They started asking why you weren’t at every match, why you weren’t more visible on Alexia’s social media. Why weren’t you as dedicated as the other WAGs? Why didn’t you post about her victories, her achievements? Why weren’t you supporting her the way they thought you should?

You tried to ignore it. After all, what did these people know about your life, your relationship? But the comments kept coming, growing more pointed, more accusatory. "She’s not a real fan." "She doesn’t care about Alexia." "Why isn’t she at the games? Does she even love her?"

You had your own life, your own career, something you were deeply passionate about. It was one of the things that had drawn Alexia to you in the first place. Your independence, your ambition. She loved that you had your own goals, your own dreams, that you weren’t just riding on her coattails. You remembered the intimate moments you shared, like the time Alexia had whispered to you how amazing she found you, both in your quiet support and in the more passionate moments you shared behind closed doors.

Your independence, once a source of pride, was now being used against you. Each time you missed a match due to work commitments, the voices in your head grew louder, accusing you of failing Alexia. You remembered the quiet night at home when Alexia had pulled you close, her appreciation for your dedication and support evident in her every touch and word.

The harassment became relentless. Strangers flooded your social media accounts with messages questioning your dedication to Alexia, your love for her. They dissected your life, your every move, making you feel like you were under a microscope. You found yourself dreading the notifications on your phone, each one a reminder that you were failing in the eyes of people who didn’t even know you.

You began to pull back, retreating into yourself. The joy you once felt in your work started to dim, overshadowed by the guilt that you weren’t doing enough, that you weren’t enough. Every time you missed a match because of a work commitment, the knot in your stomach tightened, the voices in your head growing louder, telling you that you were letting Alexia down.

But you didn’t tell her. You couldn’t. Alexia had her own pressures to deal with, the weight of her team’s expectations, the demands of her career. The last thing you wanted was to burden her with your insecurities, to add to her stress. So you kept it to yourself, putting on a brave face whenever she was around, pretending that everything was fine.

The distance between you grew, not physically but emotionally. Alexia noticed, of course. She noticed how you hesitated before answering her questions, how your smiles didn’t quite reach your eyes anymore. She saw the way you seemed to shrink into yourself, how you avoided talking about your day, how you seemed to flinch whenever her phone buzzed with notifications.

Alexia turned to you, her expression soft with concern. "Is everything okay, mi amor?" she asked gently, her voice laced with worry. Her hand reached out to touch yours, her fingers brushing against yours in a reassuring gesture. You felt the weight of her concern, but your mind was miles away, overwhelmed by the pressure and negativity that had been festering online.

“Yeah, just tired,” you replied, forcing a smile that felt more like a mask than a true reflection of how you felt. Alexia's eyes searched yours, her concern deepening. She had always been able to read you like an open book, and the worry in her gaze spoke volumes.

“You’ve been saying that a lot lately,” she said softly, her thumb gently caressing your knuckles. “Are you sure there’s nothing else going on? It’s not just work, is it?”

The memory of holding Alexia’s hand during a media scrum, offering her quiet strength, flashed through your mind. You wanted to share your pain, to let her in, but fear of adding to her burdens kept you silent. Her touch was a comfort, but the weight of your own struggles felt heavy.

You wanted to tell her, to let it all out and let her comfort you, but the fear of being a burden kept your mouth shut. "I’m fine, Ale," you insisted, leaning into her touch. "Just a lot on my mind with work."

She didn’t push you, but you could tell she wasn’t convinced. And that only made you feel worse because you hated keeping things from her. You hated the way this was affecting your relationship, the way it was making you pull away from the person you loved most in the world.

You started coming home later and later, using work as an excuse to avoid confronting the growing chasm between you and Alexia. She would be waiting for you, her eyes searching yours for the connection that was slipping away. But no matter how much you wanted to reach out, to bridge that gap, you couldn’t find the words. The guilt was too overwhelming, the fear of disappointing her too paralyzing.

The final straw came one afternoon after a particularly grueling day at work. You had just finished a major project, one that had taken weeks of late nights and early mornings to complete. You should have felt proud, but all you felt was emptiness. The satisfaction that usually came with accomplishing something big was nowhere to be found, replaced by a gnawing sense of inadequacy.

On the way home, you stopped by a coffee shop for a quick pick-me-up. You were waiting in line when you overheard a group of people at a nearby table, talking about the latest football match. At first, you didn’t pay much attention, but then you heard Alexia’s name.

"I don’t know how she does it," one of them was saying. "She’s got so much going on, and her girlfriend’s hardly ever around."

"Yeah, I saw on Instagram that she wasn’t even at the last match," another person chimed in. "I don’t get it. If I were dating someone like Alexia, I’d be at every single game, no matter what."

"Maybe she’s just not that into her," someone else suggested, and that was the final straw.

The words felt like a knife twisting in your chest. You could hardly breathe as you heard the cruel speculation. Without even grabbing your coffee, you stumbled out of the shop, your hands trembling uncontrollably. The hurt and frustration you’d been trying so hard to contain broke free, leaving you feeling as if the ground had been pulled from beneath you.

The tears started to fall as you made your way home, each step feeling heavier than the last. The weight of the online harassment, the accusations, and the misunderstandings crashed over you like a relentless tide. By the time you reached your apartment, you were a raw, shaking mess. The sobs that escaped you were more than just tears, they were a release of all the pain and guilt that had been building up inside.

You didn’t even make it to the bedroom. You collapsed onto the living room floor, your body heaving with the force of your sobs. Every ounce of your despair, every fragment of fear and guilt, poured out in a cascade of emotion. The room felt small and oppressive, the silence only magnifying the depth of your anguish.

Alexia came home to find you there, and her heart shattered at the sight. She had been looking forward to a quiet evening with you, but now, seeing you so broken, all her worries crystallized into an urgent need to comfort you. Without a moment’s hesitation, she dropped to her knees beside you, her face etched with concern and heartache.

"Mi amor, what happened?" Her voice was a trembling whisper, her hands reaching out to cradle your face gently. “Tell me what’s wrong. I’m here, and I want to help.”

You tried to speak, but all that came out were choked sobs. Alexia’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you close, her warmth a balm against the cold, overwhelming grief. She rocked you softly, her breath hitching as she held you, her love and sorrow palpable in every touch.

“Please,” she murmured, her voice breaking, “I need to know what’s hurting you. I can’t stand seeing you like this. Let me in, mi vida.”

In the cocoon of her embrace, you felt the walls you had built around your pain start to crumble. The comfort of her presence, the sincerity in her voice, made the flood of tears even harder to contain. You clung to her, the rawness of your feelings spilling out uncontrollably. Through your sobs, you managed to whisper, “They think I don’t care. They think I’m not supportive... and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

Alexia’s eyes filled with tears of her own, her love and empathy evident as she held you tighter. “You’re more than enough, mi amor,” she said softly, her voice filled with fierce tenderness. “What they say doesn’t matter. What matters is us. I see all that you do for me, all the love and support you give. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself. I’m here with you, always.”

Her words, so full of love and reassurance, began to heal the wounds that had felt so deep. Alexia stayed with you, her embrace a constant reminder that you weren’t alone. In that moment, surrounded by her unconditional support, the pain began to ease, replaced by a fragile but hopeful sense of connection.

As the tears subsided, Alexia gently stroked your hair, whispering comforting words and holding you close. You knew that together, despite the outside noise and pressure, you could face anything. Her presence was a testament to the strength of your bond, a reminder that no matter how harsh the world could be, your love for each other was a sanctuary from the storm.

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Note: I wrote this piece as a reminder that we often don't see the full picture of someone’s life. It's important to remember that kindness and understanding can make a world of difference. Let’s strive to support and uplift one another, rather than judging from the outside.

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[barcaatthemoon]

your father's daughter || alexia putellas x teen!reader ||

alexia tries to give you space after the passing of your father, but it eventually becomes too much.

Your father's passing was something that you had desperately wanted to keep away from the team. It wasn't that you didn't trust them enough to let them. In fact, that was far from the truth, you knew that they cared so much. They cared and worried, and you felt guilty that while your father was dying, he had worried about you. And so, you had tried to keep your father's death a secret for as long as you could.

The day that word spread around, you knew instantly. Your mother had let you keep going to practice like normal, but about a week later, she had informed the club that you'd be missing a day for his service. Everybody was looking at you cautiously, and it wasn't until Alexia approached you that they all finally seemed to look away.

"Are you okay?" Alexia asked softly. She didn't try to move in and hug you, not like everybody had at your mother's house. You didn't like it, all these strangers suddenly offering you kindness that you weren't used to. Alexia seemed to understand that, and while you wanted to run to you, you felt a need to prove to your father that you were strong enough to keep going without him.

"I'm fine," you told her. You were careful not to come off as rude or snappy. Alexia didn't believe you, but she didn't push you too hard. You shrank back into yourself a bit, trying not to draw any more attention to yourself.

This continued for every practice for a while. Alexia knew enough about what you were going through to keep the other girls away from you. Everybody had always joked that you were just a younger version of Alexia, right down to your mannerisms and preferences. They counted on Alexia knowing you best, and if she determined that you wanted space, then they let you have it.

"This is terrible, I hate it," Mapi whined as she watched you sit at the very front of the bus. This was the third week in a row that you hadn't been sitting back with everyone else. Normally, Mapi could rope you into having a bit of fun with her and causing chaos, but not lately. If it wasn't for Ingrid keeping her back, Mapi would have marched right up and just sat with you.

"Give her time, she's hurting," Ingrid reminded Mapi. At this, Mapi scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "What?"

"If she's hurting, then we need to help her. Enough of this staying back bullshit! I'm going up there." Ingrid could only watch as Mapi stomped her way up the bus aisle to where you were sitting. She flopped right into the spot next to you and offered a small smile when you finally looked over. "It's boring without you back there."

"I like sitting here, it's quiet," you mumbled. This was the first time that Mapi felt like she had been able to get close to you in weeks. You looked unwell, and she felt guilty for listening to Alexia. "Wait a minute, didn't you used to say that I was boring?"

"That's different, at least when you're back there, I can pick on you a little. Alexia doesn't give good banter, she just ignores me and then gets mean," Mapi sighed. You rolled your eyes at how dramatic she was being, but you loved it. You shoved at Mapi's shoulder, knowing that she'd crash back into you a couple seconds later.

Alexia walked past the two of you, and had contemplated scolding Mapi for bothering you when she heard you laugh. It was the first time in a long time that Alexia had heard that. She glanced around the bus, and it seemed like everyone else had noticed as well. The front of the bus was vacated, allowing just you and Mapi to goof off until the bus arrived.

After that day, it looked like you were getting better. Alexia had even been fooled by the show you were putting on for a while. But then you slipped up. The sad glanced into the crowd where your father used to sit weren't missed by the older woman, who had done that quite a bit too her first season. Although, she hadn't ever gotten to see her father watch her play at the level both of you were at now.

"Hola Pequena." Alexia dropped down and pressed a kiss to your cheek. It was an away game that your mother had skipped out on for one of your younger siblings. Normally, they didn't come to games that were too far away, not that you minded. It had always been this way, and where your family wasn't, Alexia's was. You had become like Alexia's little sister, often used as a weapon by both Alexia and Alba aimed at the other.

"How are you more sweaty than I am? I played longer than you," you grumbled as you wiped your cheek. At this, she wrapped you up in a big hug, which you fought and scrambled to get away from. "Gross!"

"Come over here, I want to talk to you," Alexia said as she started to drag you away. Alba and Eli both seemed to know what this was about because neither of them tried to help you. In fact, nobody on your team did, they all just turned away from the two of you. "I know it's been a few months, but I wanted to check on you again. You said you were fine before, but I think we both know that's not true."

"I'm fine, I am," you insisted. Alexia scoffed at that, completely seeing through you. "Why doesn't anybody believe me? I'm fine, I'm fine, I am fine!"

"How many times are you going to look me in the eye and lie to me?" Alexia's question made your blood run cold. You hated how easily she saw through you. All you wanted was to be fine, and you had been trying so hard to trick yourself into thinking that you were. Without another word, you broke down and threw yourself into Alexia's arms as you sobbed.

She held you while you got everything out, or at least until you exhausted yourself. Most of the girls were already on the bus when the two of you got back to it, so you found yourself with the empty seat next to Alexia. You clung to her, but nobody said anything. Maybe they could also see that you had begun to make some honest progress with your grief, that you realized support systems were meant to help you, not that they were just crutches. Everybody needed support sometimes, and there was no shame in admitting it.