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xoxomoonlightxoxo · 9 months ago

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Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye | Ch. 3: The Lucky Day

Warning: This chapter contains mentions of an eating disorder and depression, please read with caution as topics may be triggering.

a/n: Alexa, play Daddy's Home <3 Anywho, OC's spiralling summer was inspired by Bella's montage of passing seasons in Twilight ... I'm sorry, but I need to preface that OC will be going through it this whole season, I have already cried thrice. Also, a side question, can you guys actually play the songs I post for these chapters? Meaning, does Tumblr let yall do that or am I trippin? Because I truly think they add a lot to the overall experience. If not, please let me know, then maybe I'll just turn them into a Spotify playlist.

Sleep has become my escape. A temporary withdrawal from reality in which I live to remember everything Jungkook has forgotten. Sleeping through each passing day, I know that at least in my dreams we are still together. In my dreams, I will always find my way back to you, Koo. Even if you don’t remember it, the moon knows that we were once in love. It hears my helpless cries at night and feels every atom of my being that misses you, fearing the idea of us becoming strangers once again.

It’s as if my happiness was erased with his departure. Holding my hand through each step of the way, he showed me the beauty in life and ended up being the one to take it all away when my fearing heart failed to reciprocate the painfully obvious love tethered between us. Now, my life is dull and pointless. How can I love someone else when every night I dream of you, Koo?

Swallowing pills to mute the sound of my heart beating for his barest touch, I’ve become lost in my own mind, haunted by everlasting thoughts. Although I thought I would be able to at least pretend to be happy for the sake of my family, it’s all become too much. Thus, it was only a matter of days, before my deteriorating behaviour sparked concern in my parents, fueling tension in the air we shared. It all started with fatigue, which then transformed into chronic sleep and in the end began to affect my eating habits. Feeling nauseous from the mere thought of food, I’ve grown to dissociate myself from it. I was hungry, but I couldn’t eat. And, as my hope slowly diminished, so did the number on the scale.

“Mira, you have to eat,” my mom’s voice echoes in my ear as my eyes fixate on the plate of steamed broccoli in front of me.

“I’m not hungry, I told you,” I sigh, swallowing down the lie with some water.

“Mira, honey, please talk to us. What’s wrong?” my dad asks softly, placing his hand on top of mine. Hearing the trembles in his words, my eyes swell with tears before I shake myself out of it.

“I’m fine … just feeling a bit under the weather,”

“The sun has been at its highest peak this whole time, what’s seasonal about this?” my mom tries to remain composed as she shifts her chair closer to mine.

“Talk to me, honey. What’s gotten into you? You were so excited to come back,” her hands caress my tangled hair as I nibble on the dead skin on my lip.

“Mira, you’ve been silent since you came, and now you won’t even eat. Your mom and I can’t bear to see you like this,”

“Come back home, Miraya. We can find another university here,”

“No. It’s not that. I’m fine, I swear. I just … I just need this break to end already, so I can focus on my studies again. That’ll keep my mind occupied,” I whisper softly, attempting to fake a smile as my empty gaze searches their scattering eyes. Recently, that's how most of our conversations ended. With helpless promises feeding my delusions. However, with each passing day, I come to realise that promises are nothing more than sweet lies. If it weren’t true, I wouldn’t have to find excuses for the aching feeling in my heart, but rather, melt in the overflowing passion of Jungkook’s burning love.

Excusing myself, I throw away the cold plate of food and head back to my room, one which was once filled with laughter and a carefree sense of ambition. The same walls that watched me cry out of happiness upon receiving my acceptance letter just a few months ago are the ones that now echo my pathetic cries for help. Every inch of this room has become cold and numb, and I’m afraid that there is no more warmth in me that could fix this.

Crouched in a fetal position as my body shivers under the floral duvet my mom gifted me as a welcome present, I dial Jimin’s phone number. It has been weeks since he moved back to Busan, but I have yet to receive any updates from him about Jungkook. In hindsight, maybe, it’s for the best, but if silence is the thing that'll save me then why do I still hold onto the smallest glimpse of hope for us? Even if it means walking across a minefield of rejected possibilities that would ultimately send me into a never-ending spiral, why do I still care?

“How is he?” I ask with hesitation.

“Different. He’s different.” Jimin replies softly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he seems distant. Which is fair, I guess. But, he doesn’t quite seem to remember me,”

“At all?” my voice shakes as I choke up.

“Well no, he is still able to recover our memories from when we were kids, but recent events are very blurry,” Jimin goes on.

I, was recent to Jungkook. We, were recent to him. Four months, that's how long I've known Koo, but I’ve been missing him for the last seven. Each day I daydream, reminiscing our memories, feeling the void in my heart knowing that I’ve been without him longer than I’ve been with him. Maybe, Mrs. Jeon was right. I would be lying if I said that a little part of me didn’t think that the reason for her ultimatum was purely based on a simple dislike of me. You know? Like, she didn’t see me as a good match for her son? Because, even then, her disapproval of my character would have been an easier pill to swallow than knowing that now, in Koo’s empty eyes, I’m no longer his Peaches, but a stranger. God, it hurts to even say it out loud let alone accept it. I can’t accept it, but I have to now, don’t I?

“Please take care of him for me Jiminah,” I manage to let out, wiping the tears rolling down my face.

“I will Mira, don’t worry. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“See you,” I end the call, throwing my phone across the bed, my puffy eyes irritated by the brightness.

That night was especially hard. Although my body was desperately wanting to succumb to the exhaustion, my mind wouldn't shut up. It kept replaying our memories, reminding me of the things I should have said. The words Koo never heard, but deserved to.

Hugging my mom, her trembling hands tighten their hold on my sweater as I take in the smell of her perfume for the last time. I missed her a lot, and the guilt of putting my parents through that torture has been eating me alive this whole summer. All they wanted was to see their daughter smile and I failed to fulfill even the simplest of their wishes. If only they knew how much I wanted to smile again.

“Mira, I’m telling you again, we can find another university here,” my mom says with teary eyes.

“Just say yes, and we’ll deal with all the transfer stuff, honey,” my dad joins, caressing my palms, as I let out a soft chuckle before shaking my head no.

“That’s not fair. You guys didn’t raise a quitter,” I manage to let out, feeling my throat tighten from the build-up of emotions.

“You’re right, we didn’t. But, even the strongest soldier needs a shoulder to cry on. Remember that we are and always will be by your side, Miraya,”

“Call us as soon as you land, love,”

Passing through the airport security, I wave to my family my last goodbyes before heading to my gate. Am I excited to come back to Seoul? I don’t really have a choice, do I? That God-awful Nursing degree won’t finish itself, so yeah, I kind of have to go back. But, I know that school isn’t the only thing pulling me back. I know I can’t, but I still wish to see Jungkook, even from afar, it doesn’t matter. All I want now is to know that he is doing well.

I’m not sure how, but as soon as my head rested against the seat my body shut down, falling into a much-needed sleep. I probably would have slept through the whole 12-hour flight if it weren’t for the bright beams of sunlight penetrating through my heavy eyelids. Taking a glimpse out the airplane window, I no longer saw snowy mountains but rather blossoming fields of greenery scattered within the busy cities of Korea. And, as the captain went through his ending speech, a flood of international students lined up near the exit, eager to get back into their previously established routine. It’s funny because I was sitting next to one of my cohort members from last semester, but we were both too tired to even realise.

Nonetheless, putting my passport and ticket back into my carry on, I rolled my luggage down the escalator before a familiar voice called out my name. Searching the crowd of strangers filled with overwhelmed emotions, my eyes stop at a particular boxy smile.

“Long time no see, Flip-flops!” Tae shouted across the hall, before waving me down to where he was standing with Jiah and Jimin who were just as excited about my arrival. Feeling my eyes swell with tears, I couldn’t help but laugh at his cute, little dance as he pulled me into a warm hug.

“Tae, I’m certain you just don’t know my actual name,” I say with a grin, looking up at his sparkling eyes.

“Of course, I do MJ,” he grins, rubbing the top of my head. Ha ha ha, isn’t he just a comedian? For context, my government name is Mira Jean … hence, the birth of MJ.

“That’s enough, let us hug her too,” Jiah chuckles, opening her arms as my body virtually melts into her embrace. With tears rolling down our faces, her grip tightens around my form as she lets out a sudden gasp.

“Mira! My goodness, why are you so small?” she asks with a concerned tone, her wide eyes scanning my body. Although, I always managed to maintain my normal weight, I guess, not eating properly for 3 months left its mark on the way I looked. As the numbers on the scale decreased, I became more and more fixated on the protrusion of my bones. I hated the feeling, but, I also couldn’t stop. Because I couldn’t get myself to eat, I relied on baggy clothes to create an illusion that would satisfy people’s perception of me. Unfortunately, I failed to fool Jiah as she saw right through the act.

“I just stopped eating so much junk food, I’m fine. Trust me, this is a good thing Jiah, now I can finally fit into my favourite pair of jeans,” I try to laugh the pain away, caressing her hands as her furrowed eyebrows slowly release their tension. She isn’t convinced but also, doesn’t want to create a scene in public. I know that follow-up questions will be brought up along the way, but for now, my attention is focused on looking for someone who I know isn’t there. It’s silly, but before spotting Tae, a little part of me hoped to see Jungkook. To witness his sparkling doe eyes and bunny teeth, once again, like the good old times.

“Okay, it’s settled, we are all going to my favourite Korean BBQ place,” Jimin exclaims, giving me a quick wink before grabbing both of the luggage out of my hands, and handing one to Tae. And, as Jiah intertwines her hands with mine, we exchange soft smiles exiting the airport as my skin finally feels the fresh, humid air of Seoul. Stopping mid-walk, I let out a deep sigh of relief. I hated every second of my summer, it was nothing short of pure torture but, at least, it too passed.

“You’re good?” Tae whispers, softened gaze focused on my flushed cheeks.

“Yeah,” I say softly, taking another deep breath as his arm caresses my shoulder.

“He’s fine, Mira,” his words pierce through my ears as I unconsciously shoot him an alarming look.

“You’ve heard from him?” I rush my words, anticipating his answer as my chest heaves up.

“No, but I can feel your pain,” his tone is quieter now, eyes still searching mine.

“I’m fine, Tae,” I mumble under my breath, lowering my head in fear of breaking down in front of them.

“Just know that I’m always here for you, okay?” he says, pressing a soft kiss on my head before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. If only he could hear the way I’m screaming inside. The way I’m calling out for help. For someone to find hope in my hopeless state of mind. If only he knew how much I miss Jungkook.

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Following the tradition, I will be hosting my annual house party before school beats all of our asses,” Jimin chuckles, caressing Jiah’s hand as their eyes focus on each other. Forcing down some dumpling soup into my system, I feel nauseous, but can’t risk growing Jiah's suspicion more, so I attempt to eat as little as possible without her noticing.

“So, Mira, please come. Jungkook will be there as well,” Jimin continues with a soft smile which slowly fades upon noticing my gaze drop. Letting go of my spoon, my fingernails dig into my cold palms, as I’m back at square one. How am I supposed to face him when I can’t even handle the mere mention of his name? It’s not fair. None of them know about Mrs. Jeon’s ultimatum, and I fear that I can’t just simply tell them. So, I gulp down the pain and manage to put on another act, one that I seem to have mastered over the summer.

“Mira, you’re okay?” Jiah asks, gently rubbing my forearm.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m a bit jet-lagged. Sure, of course, I’ll come,” I reply with a reassuring smile, before looking at Tae. I recognize the sadness in his eyes because I see it in my own every passing minute. But, I can’t let him in. I can’t betray Mrs. Jeon’s trust, again. Even if it means that I have to betray my own heart.

We’ve been walking around the mall for probably 3 hours now and Jiah has yet to find something with that wow factor, meanwhile, I have already found 4 of the nearest exits. The party is set for tonight, and although I have already agreed to come, I can’t get myself to actually face the consequences. I can’t go, what was I thinking. What? Did I think everything was going to be fine once Jungkook saw me? Mira, he doesn’t remember you.

“Jiah, you know, I really don’t think I should go tonight?” I say, slowly walking in circles as she eyes another mini dress.

“What? Why?” she stutters, going through racks of possible options.

“I’m just not feeling well,” I lie, fiddling with my fingers to calm down the nerves.

“Mira, is something wrong?” Jiah stops what she’s doing before walking closer to my anxious self.

“I’m fine, really,” I lie again.

“You don’t look fine. You barely eat, barely sleep, barely talk to me,” she exclaims with a tone firmer than before.

“Then stop looking. Please, can everyone just leave me alone? I’m just tired, okay?” I burst, feeling everyone’s eyes on my distressed self.

“Okay, I’m sorry. What do you need?” she says gently, reaching out her hands.

“I just need space,” I whisper, crossing my arms in front of my burning chest.

“Fine, I’ll give you some space. Please call me when you’re ready,” Jiah’s words cut deep as she walked out of the store, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The ones I’ve been trying to run away from this whole time. I can’t even get mad at her. She is only trying to help, but how can she when I keep shutting everyone out? It’s all my fault, I know. I just hope that this isn’t how it ends. I hope I don’t push everyone away, and someone sees right through the mask I put on. Because I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.

Locking the door behind me I plop onto my bed before finally resting my heavy eyes. And, within minutes, I’m passed out again. I think, I've grown to become eternally tired, no matter how much I sleep, there is just no end to this fatigue. Moving restlessly, I pull the white cover over my shivering body before hearing my phone ring.

“Ugh, what is it now?” I grunt, squinting from the screen brightness as a small gasp escapes my parted lips. It was 8 pm already. How is that possible? I swear, I just laid my head. But, no, apparently I’ve been asleep for the last 5 hours.

“Hello?” I manage to let out.

“Flip-flops? Where are you?” Tae screams through the loud music in the background.

“Tae, I’m home. What happened?”

“Mira hurry, Jiah is drunk. You need to come pick her up,” he exclaims with panic in his voice.

“What? Where’s Jimin? Can he not drive her?” I stutter, lifting myself off of the bed before putting my hoodie back on.

“You want him to drive under the influence? Of course, he is drunk too,”

“Well, why can’t you drive them?” I whine, almost pleading.

“Who said I wasn’t drunk either?” he chuckles, sending me a flying kiss through the phone.

“Fine, I’ll be there in a bit. Keep an eye on Jiah,” I sigh before grabbing my keys and ID.

Thankfully, Jimin’s place wasn’t that far from our dormitory so, the ride there was only 10-ish minutes. Nonetheless, I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. And, as the driver finally pulled up to the apartment complex I practically ran inside. Following the sound of loud music, I made my way through the crowd of people who clearly had a little too much fun, as the alcohol in their system could be detected from the next block.

“Flip-flops!” Tae exclaimed with a big grin. Stopping in my tracks, my eyes diverted to Jiah, who was standing beside him with absolutely no sign of a hangover. In fact, she looked better than ever in her new mini-dress.

“What? You lied?” I snap, eyebrows furrowing more and more with each step I take towards them.

“How else was I supposed to get you to come?” Tae chuckles, trying to rub my head before I push his hand away.

“Get off me,” my tone is harsh as I lower my piercing gaze, shaking my head in disbelief.

“Oh! Mira, there you are,” I could hear Jimin’s voice getting closer before turning my flushed face. And with that, it felt like time stopped altogether. There was nothing and no one in the room except for him and I. Koo and I. Feeling my gaze soften, I choke up from the rush of emotions in my throat.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. It’s nice to meet you,” he says with a warm smile, reaching out his hand as if meeting me for the first time. Before replying, I take a moment to analyze his face. The one I dreamed about every night and the one that caused me so much pain. He looks the same, except, his eyes no longer sparkle like they used to. I guess, we got that in common.

“Hi …I’m Mira,” I let out a soft smile, before reaching out my own hand.

“Yah, Kook, you already know her, you guys were best friends,” Jimin chuckles, patting Jungkook’s back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, please forgive me. I'm still trying to piece everything back together,” Koo says, covering his mouth before shutting his eyes from embarrassment.

Feeling my throat tighten, I quickly excuse myself, before rushing out of the packed room towards the nearest fire escape. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but why does it feel like I’m going to pass out? It’s as if all the air was knocked out of my lungs. Feeling lightheaded I hold onto the railing and close my eyes for a moment. I can’t believe it. Koo, I saw you but you didn’t see me. You saw a stranger. And, suddenly, there I was, alone again, realizing that everything I feared had come true.

Regaining my composure, I decide to walk back to the party before my eyes are met with his.

“Not a party animal, huh?” Jungkook grins, stopping in his tracks as his arm leans against the wall.

“It’s my day off,” I let out a small chuckle, unable to keep his eye contact.

“So … we were best friends?” he asks softly, hands fidgeting with the chains on his belt.

“Yeah …” I nod slightly, nibbling on my lips.

“It’s funny because I don’t remember anything from last year. I could barely recognize my own dad for a while. Jimin helped me a lot, he basically recalled sparknotes of my past for me,” he laughs. Oh, how I missed his laugh.

“You really don’t remember anything?” I finally look up, searching his scattering eyes.

“No, not one bit,” his muffled words are interrupted by the growling sound coming from my stomach, as I let out an awkward smile.

“Oh, are you hungry?” he grins, bunny teeth on full display, as my gaze softens again.

“No, no, no, I’m fine. I think I’m gonna head home now,” I shake my hands, zipping my hoodie before attempting to walk past him.

“No, it’s fine, I’ll drive. I’m starving as well,” Jungkook assures, gently pulling onto the fabric as my heart sinks to my feet.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I agreed. I couldn’t say no to Koo. Not, after all the sleepless nights I’ve spent missing his mere presence. And, as we entered the nearest restaurant, everything felt real. He felt real. Even if he couldn’t feel it, my heart was beating for the both of us. For our first hellos, last goodbyes and everything in between. Just for tonight, I wanted to pretend like nothing happened.

“Oh, look, Mira, they have a special deal on shrimp dumplings, do you like them?” his voice, brings me back to reality as I mute the thoughts running through my head.

“Yeah, my mom made them for me all the time when I was little,” I smile.

“Then, I guess it’s your lucky day,” he chuckles with a satisfied grin, before calling one of the waiters.

“I guess, it is,” I say softly, feeling my throat tighten as I struggle to swallow the lie. Searching his naive eyes my own swell with tears while my body shifts restlessly in the seat. Desperately wanting to cave into the emotions, my mind is haunted by the thoughts of Mrs. Jeon’s letter. And, as I close my eyes for a moment, all I can see are the painful reminders of our enforced distance. Don’t call … Don’t write … Don’t interact. Yet, here we are, here you are, Koo. Live in the flesh, separated by a table and the forgotten story of our past. So close, yet so far that it physically hurts. To him, I’m just another piece of the puzzle that would fill the void in his memories. But, to me, he is the only piece that could make me whole again.

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cherryhanji · 4 years ago

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another day

oneshot. han x reader

genre: drama, super duper angsty, a little fluff at the end

words: 1.9k

warning(s): slight mentions of depressing thoughts, lonely reader (yeah, another day by jisung is quite a sad song for me, anyways, stream their latest album, go live!) (i really felt sad when writing this. But I hope u like it!)

Another day full of dejection. You got home early from your work after being scolded by your manager because of messing up in the cashier a while ago. You haven't started anything for your thesis. You just can't find the courage to do it.

Lots of problems keep on rushing to you. There's your landlady who keeps on knocking at your door asking for your two-month payment for your rent. The payment for the next semester. Money isn't only your enemy. But yourself too. You wanted to do a lot of things. But it feels like there's something that's keeping you away from doing it. It got slumped the most when the person you trust the most, left you in the middle of the battle. No words, just left you on the way. Jisung was your savior, your knight in shining armor, the man that keeps you from standing and fighting all the struggles that you face every day. Ever since you two split up, you feel like there's no reason for fighting anymore. There's a time that you just want to end it all. All of the pain, the loneliness that you feel. It almost got the best of you. Pressure from college, expectation from your parents whom you have to prove that you can be independent. Jisung leaving you. Luckily, your friends are still there. But they are also busy since all of you will graduate this year. You can't risk bothering them just to rant about your sulky and shitty day in school and work.

You opened your second hand refrigerator only to find out that you didn't have stocks anymore. Only bottles of water and a pack of instant ramen. You sighed and grabbed your only food for tonight. You decided to open your Spotify playlist to soothe your sullen feelings and to calm your mind.

You silently eat your ramen while scrolling through your phone. You got a notification from your online bank noting that you already received your salary for the past two months. Your face brightened at the thought. The salary is good enough(?) you think about your daily needs and for the rent. It just got delayed for two months because of the cafe's renovation. Lucky you, your salary for tutoring a kid from your neighborhood helped you for the past two months just to buy your food and stocks and some expenses on school.

After eating, you decided to give yourself a warm bath after work. You still don't have classes tomorrow and it's also your rest day from your work. However, after taking a shower, the doorbell rang stopping you from drying your hair. You checked the time, it's almost 10:30 in the evening. Just who the hell will visit you at this hour?

"Wait a minute!" You shouted from your bedroom and went to the door almost stumbling while wearing your slippers.

"Who is I-- Alexa? It's 10:30 already?" Alexa, your cousin, also your childhood friend visited.

"Oh hello to you too, dear. " she jokingly rolled her eyes at you and showed you the paper bags she brought.

"Anyways, I brought you some food and stuff cause I know how broke you are." She chirped showing you some of your favorite foods. You welcomed her inside and closed the door.

"How's my beautiful cousin? Is auntie still not talking to you?" She asked as she slumped on the sofa.

You sighed at her question. "Nothing changed, Lexie, she's still upset at me. And I got scolded by my manager earlier. Argh, it's my fault at all. I'm not with myself, It feels like my soul and sanity left me awhile ago. But something good happened, anyways. I got my salary for the last two months! I'm not broke as fuck. But I have to pay my rent. The noisy landlady keeps on bothering me. Arrgh" you said and drank some yogurt. It's been a while ever since you got to drink this yogurt again.

"Are you okay?" You looked at Alexa shocked with the sudden seriousness. You kept silent for a while before answering.

"To be honest, I'm not. It feels like the whole world already turned its back on me. I really want to do things. But I feel like there's no enough energy and motivation for me to do it."

"Is it because of Jisung?" You froze at the mention of his name. Yes, it is. You still can't move on. It's because you really don't know what happened why he suddenly left you. You should hate him for it. but you just couldn't. You slowly nod at your cousin. You heard your cousin sigh.

"Did you talk to him? You're attending the same university with him, right? Don't tell me he's avoiding you?"

"Yes, we attend the same university. But he's majoring in music, remember? I'm majoring in Psychology. So it means, we are not in the same building. And I bet he's doing all his might to avoid me." You blurted out.

"You're a hopeless case, dear," Alexa said

"I know.." you whispered.

"But, this is just an advice. If you have the courage, try to talk it out with him. You guys don't have the closure you need. Did you block each other's contact?" You shook your head.

"I didn't block his contact. And luckily, he didn't block mine too. It's just that he doesn't answer my calls. Maybe I need to talk to him in person. I just need to wait for the right time." You're determined. You just want to talk to him. Four months? Four months of not talking to him. Maybe you just need to wait a little time to talk to him.

"Yes, that's the spirit. Just remember dear, if you need something, you know you can call your gorgeous cousin." She said and winked at you. You just chuckled at her childishness.

You missed him, a lot. His smiles, his sweet voice, you missed everything about him. Up until now, you still don't know what happened to your relationship.

You wake up with a feeling of calmness after the talk you had with your cousin last night. With nothing left to do today, you decided to buy some groceries.

A calm and delightful night, Jisung playing his guitar and singing for you while you happily listen to his sweet and calm voice. You just love how he sings his heart out, you can feel the emotions as he sings.

Jisung put his guitar at the side and held your hand.

"I love you, y/n. to the moon and back. No one can replace you. We'll never let go of each other, okay? Whatever happens, we'll never leave each other." He said and kissed your hand.

"Thank you for being with me, Sungie. Even though I'm a problematic shit. You're always there for me. And I promise I'll never leave you too. I love you." You said and hugged him. He kissed the top of your head and swayed you as he hums a song.

—————

You grab a cup of coffee at the cafe near the supermarket. You take a look at the people passing by the cafe. Why does it look like they're so happy with their life? Do they have any problems at all? It seems like you're the only one who has a lot of problems. Or maybe you still don't know how to sort it all out?

While still being entertained by the walking people outside, someone cleared their throat. You suddenly turn your head to the person. You're shocked to see the person in front of you. There it goes again, the fast heartbeat, the erratic breathing as if he took your breath away. The feeling of hoping he'll stay with you again.

"J-jisung..." You called the person in front of you, almost a whisper.

"Y/N... It's.. It's good to see you here.. Can I occupy the seat?" You just nod at him. You still can't find the right words on how to answer him.

"Uhm, I shouldn't be asking this, but How are you? " he said and scratched the back of his neck. This is it. It's the right time to talk to him. Fate does its way to help you. But you can't still form any words to say to him.

"Uh, I see. Look, I'm... I'm really sorry. I mean it. I know I deserve all the hate you have for me. But can you let me explain, please.?" You just nod at him. Maybe it's good if you hear his side first.

"First of all, I'm really, really sorry for leaving you without any word. You know I love you. But you know what's my dream right? I really love to sing. So there's this agency that casted me and offered me training to debut as an artist. But the contract says there is a dating ban. I- I don't know what will I do. At first, I'm contemplating. It's hard. I love you, but I also have a dream. But I need to let go of the other to achieve one. And I'm really sorry that I sacrificed you over my dream. I'm really sorry, y/n. you can hate me. You can slap me, anything you want. I know I deserve it for leaving you." He grabbed your hand and lowered his head. You got shocked at his explanation. You're well aware of his dream of being a singer and an artist. He told you ever since he was a child, he dreams of being one. You clearly see his passion for music. That's why you understand his reason.

"But... but why didn't you talk about it with me?" You asked him.

"I'm scared. I don't know why. Maybe the thought of letting you go hurts me. I thought that not letting you know can help me. But it did nothing. I have trouble sleeping at night, knowing that you're hurting, too. I promised you I'll never let you go, but here I am, leaving you clueless as to why I left." You can feel the sadness and hurt in his voice. You really loved this man. You can't find any reason to hate him, to get mad at him. You reached out to him and caressed his fluffy cheeks.

"I understand now, Sungie." He raised his head at the nickname, that nickname you used to call him. Hearing it again makes him giddy.

"I know it's your dream. Your dream came first before me, and I don't have any right to stop you from achieving it. I'm just hurt because you left me with no word. But don't worry, I'll be okay. I love you, you know that. And I'll support you always. Be good. So that you can debut soon. And if that happens, I'll be your number one gorgeous fan." You smiled at him and held his hand. He squeezed it and smiled at you.

"Thank you, for being strong. Y/N. we can still be friends if that's okay with you. You can still love me, And I will love you. " he said. You nod at him. Hearing all the closure you two needed, a big weight just got lifted off your shoulder. Being friends with your ex doesn't hurt, right? You just need to be mature with each other. You just need to accept your fate with him.

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