#alex i love you but if dave had been here he would have stopped advance in no time. and caused evn bigger problems.

[vonlipvig]

the virgin alex: oh no the newscaster has a gun! what do i do? oh god he's gonna shoot himself do i cut to commercials? oh go-

the chad dave: OI WOT'S THIS, THEN. BLOKE'S GOT A SHOOTER IN THE STUDIO, NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT. CUE THE DANCING LOBSTERS.

[themetaphorgirl]

IT’S MY SWEET BRENNA’S BIRTHDAY!!!

we were just talking yesterday about how writing birthday posts can feel super awkward, so I wrote a drabble instead!! She loves Hotch and we were just talking about how Patron Saint Hotch is probably terrible with blood, so here’s some teenage Hotch shenanigans (with a Wonder Twin spin).

everybody go tell @thesassprincess happy birthday!!!

(also warnings for blood!)

----------

Aaron Hotchner had developed a fairly nuanced reputation at St. Thaddeus School by the time he reached his senior year. A short fuse and a bad temper (mostly rectified once he finished tenth grade). An ever-present scowl. A workaholic with straight As and perpetual dark circles under his eyes. All in all, a tough teenager who seemed to have no chinks in his armor.

Which was why his friends were a bit caught off guard by the incident at the library.

The library had become one of their go-to places once it got too cold to wander across campus, especially since Alex didn’t mind letting them in outside of established hours. She did mind, however, when Derek and Emily knocked over a photo frame on her desk and shattered the glass. 

“Guys, are you serious?” she complained as she swept up the catastrophe. 

“We know you hide snacks in here somewhere,” Emily said. “Why won’t you tell us where your stash is?”

“Because you two will eat everything I have, and leave nothing for me,” Alex said.

Spencer hovered in the doorway. “I know where it is, but I’m not telling!” he called. Derek stuck his tongue out at him and grinned at his indignation. 

“Thank you, darling,” Alex said. She dumped the bits of broken glass and cracked wooden frame into the trash. “Don’t come in here, okay? I might have missed some pieces.”

Emily scooped him up under her arm. “Come on, nugget, let’s go see if Rossi and Hotchner are still arguing over Monopoly,” she said. Spencer shrieked with laughter as she threw him over her shoulder and hauled him out of the office.

“Please don’t jostle him, you just let him drink a venti latte,” Alex said. She sighed heavily as she put the pan and broom away. “Just once I’d like to be able to have fun and not have to be everybody’s mother.”

“You’re usually just Spencer’s mother,” Derek suggested. “You’re a big sister to everybody else, if that’s any consolation.”

“It is not,” she said dryly. 

She didn’t mind mothering everyone in their little group, for the most part. And Derek was right, Spencer needed her a lot. But she did have to admit that this wasn’t how she envisioned her senior year. 

The vaulted ceilings of the library echoed with Hotch and Dave squabbling over Monopoly rules. “Are they still doing this?” she asked as she sat down beside James. “

“Yep,” he said, tossing his arm around her shoulders. “They’re so distracted with their fight they haven’t noticed that JJ has stolen most of the money out of the bank.”

Penelope stuck out her lower lip. “I’m just mad they wouldn’t let me be the thimble,” she said.

“That’s it,” Hotch said, pushing himself up from the couch. “That is it, I’m done arguing with you.”

“Why, because I’m right and you don’t want to admit it?” Dave said. 

“No! I’m just done with this stupid game!” Hotch said. “Whose idea was it to play this, anyway?”

“Mine,” Emily said. 

“You’re not even playing. You just picked the thimble and told Spencer to play for you.”

“I know. I figured this would devolve into chaos.”

Hotch huffed in frustration, blowing his dark hair off his forehead. “Well, you can play for me now and you can be the one to argue with Rossi,” he said. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and his scowl deepened. “Shit. My phone’s dead. Alex, do you still keep an extra charger around here?”

“Top drawer of my desk in the office,” Alex said, leaning her cheek on James’s shoulder so he could kiss the top of her head.

JJ spread her play money across the table. “All right, whose turn is it now?” she said. 

Dave frowned. “How did you get so much money all of a sudden?” he said.

“Wise investments.”

Spencer jumped so he could lean over the back of the couch between James and Alex, the tips of his toes dangling above the ground. “Did you know that Monopoly was originally called The Landlord’s Game?” he asked. “It was created in 1903 based on the economic theories of Henry George, particularly his theories on taxation.”

“How do you know that?” Derek asked. “How do you know so much random stuff? Where does it all fit in that tiny little fourth-grader brain of yours?”

“The hippocampus, most likely,” he said, frowning. “And technically, I’m a ninth grader.” 

“A ninth grader in a booster seat,” Derek said half under his breath, and JJ hid a laugh behind her hand. 

Spencer’s jaw dropped. “That’s not fair!” he said. “Alex said that teasing me about the booster seat is off limits!” 

“All right, all right, I’m sorry, pretty boy,” Derek said as Spencer clambered awkwardly over the side of the couch and slid down to nestle between Alex and James. “Really, though, how do you know so much stuff? You don’t even use the internet.”

“I read a lot,” Spencer sulked, tucking his cheek against Alex’s arm. 

Something clattered in the office and Alex jumped. “Did something else break?” Penelope asked.

“God, I hope not,” Alex said. “Hotch? Did you break something?”

A long pause.

“No?”

“That didn’t sound reassuring,” Emily said. 

Alex tilted her head back. “Seriously, did you break something?” she called. 

“Uh...can you come here for a second?”

She rolled her eyes. “Just tell me what you broke!” she shouted. “Jesus. This is the last time I unlock the library on a Saturday.”

“Alexandra! Come here!” 

Alex blinked in surprise. “Oh, you got the full name,” James said. “That’s not good.”

She hoisted Spencer onto James’s lap. “I’ll be right back,” she said. “Hopefully whatever he broke is fixable. Unlike my picture frame.”

“I already ordered you a new one,” Emily said. “Can’t you just tell us where you keep your snack stash so we stop snooping around?”

“Nope,” Alex said. “But thanks for replacing it.” She walked behind the desk and opened the office door. “All right, what did you do?”

She stopped dead in her tracks. Her chair had been knocked onto its side, and Hotch was leaning against the wall clutching his arm. “What did you do?” she repeated, this time with genuine concern. 

“There was, uh, something sharp on your desk,” Hotch said. His face was paper white. “I didn’t see it.”

“Did you cut yourself?” she asked.

He nodded frantically. “I don’t do blood,” he said. “I don’t do blood at all.”

“Okay, okay, well...don’t look at it,” she said. She grabbed him by the arm and forced him to sit down at the desk next to hers. His knees buckled and he sat down a little too hard. “Are you going to pass out?”

“Not sure yet,” he said, squinching his eyes shut tightly. “Oh god. Oh, god. How bad is it?”

She took his hand in both of hers. “I don’t know, you have to let me see it,” she said. But she could already see the blood seeping through his fingers, and she wasn’t surprised to see a long cut across his palm when he stiffly unfolded his hand. 

“Do I need stitches?” he asked faintly. 

“I don’t think so,” she said. She grabbed a handful of tissues off the desk and pressed them to his palm, then gently bent his elbow until his hand was level with his shoulder. “Please try to give me some kind of advanced warning if you’re going to pass out on me. I can’t catch you.”

“I’m not gonna,” he mumbled, his lips slack. 

“Yeah, that sounded super convincing,” she said. She adjusted her pressure on the bleeding cut. “Keep your eyes closed and breathe, bubba. It’s okay.”

Hotch leaned his head against her stomach as she stood over him. “How bad is it?” he mumbled. 

She took a peek. “Not bad, it’s slowing down,” she said. “Your shirt is probably a lost cause though.”

“Oh, god,” Hotch groaned. 

Alex stroked his hair back from his forehead. “I have to say, I wasn’t expecting this,” she said. “Aaron Hotchner, the most intimidating boy in the eleventh grade, spooked by blood.”

“I hate it,” he groaned. “I can’t help it. You won’t tell the others, will you?”

Alex glanced back at the glass office door. “Uh…” she said. “It might be a little late for that.”

“Oh, shit,” Hotch said, his eyes still closed. “They’re not all-”

“Staring at you through the window? Yeah, they’re all there.”

Emily rapped on the glass. “Are you okay?” she shouted. 

“Don’t tie a tourniquet, he might lose the whole arm!” Spencer said. 

“He’s fine, it’s just a little scratch,” Alex said. “And he doesn’t need a tourniquet, just a bandage. James, can you get the first aid kit from the circulation desk?”

“Already on it.”

Hotch exhaled slowly. A little bit of color had returned to his cheeks, but he was still a little too pale and clammy for her liking. “Thanks for helping me,” he said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t pass out,” she said. “But don’t worry. I’ll always help if you need me.”

He smiled, his eyes still closed. “You’re a really good big sister,” he said, almost teasing.

She grinned. “Twin sister,” she corrected, and he laughed. 

[10paezinhos]

Imaginary San Diego Comic Con 2018

On Monday, we go to the airport in the middle of the afternoon, as most international flights leave at night. So, it's rush hour traffic for close to an hour to get to the airport. We get there three hours before the flight. We don't like to take chances. We already lost a flight at LAX back to Brazil (or Houston or Dallas or Panama, I don't remember where the first layover was). We almost lost our flight to Angola, and had to carry our baggage with us inside the plane because check-in was already closed for twenty minutes. We eat some crappy airport food, because it's going to be around midnight by the time the flight attendants bring dinner to the passengers, and by that time we'll be starving even if we did eat at the airport, and the airport food will be as crappy as the one we had close to the gate. We always bring something to read on the plane, and we might read a little of it, but inevitably we'll choose a movie, preferably a movie both of us have not seen (usually a super hero movie), and watch it while we eat the plane dinner. After the movie, we'll try to get some sleep, but if we struggle to find our way to slumberland, we'll choose another movie. Sometimes we can finish this second movie after we wake up at the crack of dawn when the flight attendants serve breakfast. And then we land on Houston. Usually Houston, anyway. There are no straight flights from Brazil to San Diego, and we usually get better deals on our tickets going through Houston. We usually meet other brazilians on the same flight, also going to Comic Con. Once we met all of Jeff Smith's Cartoon Books crew coming from Columbus, meeting up with Terry Moore's Abstract Studio's crew on the gate so they could all go to San Diego together (Jeff and Terry weren't there, it was just their entourages). We arrive in San Diego before lunch, sometimes just after regular breakfast hours in California, and we go to our hotel. We could easily have a second breakfast, but we try to remind ourselves we're not Hobbits. It's Tuesday on the A.M, and we check in at the hotel. Now what? --- Tuesday is our free-pre-con-day, so we can take it easy and recover from the jet lag. With the four hour difference from São Paulo time, it's very easy to get up early in the morning while in San Diego, even with little sleep the night before, but we need this first day to be low key because our trip is long and before 10 pm on Tuesday we're already dead tired. We usually meet some friends for an early dinner (we're not the only international artists that arrive one day early to recover from jet lag, so there's always someone about, and our friends who work at many of the publishers arrive earlier to set up the publisher's booth on Mondays and Tuesdays), have some drinks at the hotel bar and crash at the room early. Wednesday is when our job begins. Before Comic Con became this crazy giant thing, we did all sorts of different things on Tuesdays. For some years, staying at the Hostel, we would hang around with foreigners from all over the world who came to San Diego because of the beaches and the weather. We would have to explain to them that we were there for this comic book convention that happened around the corner (the Hostel is right there on Fifth Avenue at the Gaslamp District), and the ones we managed to leave curious would say over the course of that week that one day they decided to try out that Comic Con thing, went there and bought tickets right then and there and got in. They had fun. We, too, went to the beach some years on Tuesdays. When we started going, Shane (Amaya, who wrote Roland and lived in Santa Barbara at the time and would drive down to San Diego) would drive us to the nice beaches and we would admire giant American biquinis and think about Brazilian biquinis instead. Back then, we would go back to that part of town even at night, after our Comic Con days, to try our luck on Pacific Beach bars, karaoke and pool included. Once, I don't know how, we ended up on a rooftop party of some local indy cartoonists. All that, and it was only Tuesday. --- You can read here the announcement of the Hellboy Winter Special 2018. We're back at Mike Mignola's backyard for a little while, writing and drawing a short story revisiting the B.P.R.D Vampire world (don't know B.P.R.D Vampire? It well be reprinted soon). Mignola did a knock-out cover for this issue, and we both did variant covers. With two other stories in this comic (one by the uber-talented Tonci Zonjic), it should be a fun read. Maybe a little scary, but fun.

---

We don't want to wake up too early on Wednesday, but the jet lag is still on full swing so we can't help it. Bá will probably hit the gym, and I'll try to join him (at least this early in the week). We have a quiet breakfast, probably our only meal for the rest of the week which isn't also some sort of meeting. I'm probably finishing a drawing I'm going to hide later as part of my Moon Art Hunt game. I'll consider going to the hotel pool for a swim (I prefer the Hyatt when it comes to a suitable pool for swimming). At lunch, we'll probably have our first meet-up, usually with our brazilians friends. This year, we would go meet Rafael Albuquerque, who's a guest of the convention and has just released a beautiful adaptation of Neil Gaiman's A Study in Emerald (with Rafael Scavone and Dave Stewart). A talented Brazilian artist going to San Diego for the first time this year is Eduardo Medeiros. It will be good for him (and for the comics' world) to widen his horizons and experience a little bit of the craziness of SDCC. This will be a long lunch, with drinks, that will last as long as it takes for the line of people waiting to get their badges to get smaller (the Brazilian posse won't mind spending an afternoon drinking). Then we'll go get our badges so we can get in for a light, commitment-free preview night. If there's some book I really want and made a mental note to track down during SDCC, I try to find it on Wednesday, because I might forget during the week, and if I don't, by the time I go back there it might have already be sold out . Last year, I stopped at the beginning of the con at the Fantagraphics booth and got some books they had published, and forgot to get the new Jason book. I went back on Sunday, and it was all gone. Saying hi to Terry Moore and Jeff Smith is usually part of our preview night. Wednesday is still preview night, so it isn't so crazy to find places to have dinner. We usually choose as we walk around the Gaslamp, depending on who we're meeting for dinner. Still, it's a relaxing dinner with friends. The calm before the storm. --- From Thursday on, the con game is on. After a breakfast meeting with one of our publishers, we usually have a signing. If we don't, it's my first chance to hide a drawing and start posting pictures online and giving people clues so they can find it. Lunch is also a meeting, probably with a foreign publisher. Our foreigner publishers from France (Urban Comics) and Italy (Bao) usually go to San Diego. In fact, we met both of them in San Diego years ago, before they were our publishers, and now, besides being our publishers, I think of them as friends. Signings await in the afternoon, and we also usually stop at the Comic Book Legal Defence Fund (CBLDF) booth to leave the original art we brought for the art auction on Saturday. Their booth is near the DC comics booth, on the way to the Drawn & Quarterly booth. Alex Cox will probably have a lot to say about their relocation to Portland, and if he doesn't, I'll simply ask. I'm curious. We leave the artwork  personally on the first day because we are not mailing it from Brazil in advance, and because we know they'll display all the artwork they got on Thursday night at the party so people can get a good look of what is available and get excited about the auction. Thursday night, the rooftop CBLDF Welcome Party at the Westgate Hotel is the party to go. It's traditional, and in this modern day of Entertainment World takeover, it's your better chance to hang out with the cartoonists you know and/or admire. And to meet new ones. It was at a CBLDF party that Bá and I saw Neil Gaiman for the first time, relaxing in a hallway before he had to go back inside to read something for everyone to enjoy. It was at a CBLDF party that we hung out next to Frank Miller in an outside balcony while he smoked a cigarette and talked passionately about comics, standing tall in his red Converse sneakers. This party has always been about the shared love for comics, and about the people who love them: the fans and the creators, interacting together and having a good time. Maybe we'll have energy to go to a second party, probably with Sierra, and probably at the Bayfront. The Boom Studios crew have good parties at the Bayfront bar. If all goes right, the night might end in pizza in the lobby. (the Bayfront bar has a brazilian bartender who makes some great caipirinhas) Friday begins with another breakfast meeting. Maybe with someone from Vertigo/DC to talk about the Absolute edition of Daytripper and decide what sort of extra material would be fun to put in this oversided deluxe edition. Maybe to talk about something else. (See, the same way I forgot to mention that every morning before breakfast, we'll try to go to the hotel gym, in real life we'll also probably forget to go to the hotel gym before breakfast) After the Hall-H celebration of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Reunion (which I'm not going, as I have never been to Hall-H in my life), I would probably stop at the Dark Horse booth at 12pm to get some of the posters they'll give away, because I think they turned out pretty nice (hint: I did the artwork). During the week, we usually have a signing at the Dark Horse booth, next to a panel or announcement we're involved. After the panel, Dark Horse normally sets up interviews from media outlets. Lunch meeting, but all day on Friday we're thinking about the Eisner Awards later that night at the Bayfront Ballroom. I hide another drawing across town, and we're thinking about the Eisners. I meet some friends for drinks around six and I try not to think about the Eisners. If these friends happen to be Skottie Young or Jason Latour, their jokes alone will keep me busy laughing and I'll forget everything. I'm still going to the Eisners afterwards. Mainly because of the Umbrella Academy Netflix show, Bá got an invitation for the Universal party. The Umbrella crew is still shooting in Toronto, so I don't think we'll be able to make it this year. We arrive at the Bayfront, where they're presenting the Eisners. Every awards ceremony is boring, I know. Still, we like the Eisners. We like to see people get happy about how other people love what they do enough to vote for them. We like the celebratory aspect of it. We miss that the ceremony doesn't have a keynote speech anymore, or a keynote speaker. We heard some earth-shattering-life-changing speeches at previous Eisner awards that motivated us, and still do, to try harder, and do more, and to do it better. There's some drinking after the awards are all delivered at the Bayfront, and then we'll probably head back to the Hyatt bar and catch up with our gang of idiots. The convention night scene is definitely more spread out nowadays, to all sorts of places and hotels and bars, but there are a bunch of us comics' folk who still hang out the the Hyatt bar. There's a panel on Saturday I can't help but think we would be in if we were there. We're usually invited to those kind of Dark Horse panels. Here's the description:

3:00-4:00 PM:  Artists Who Write: The Craft and Creation of Comics (Room: 7AB)

Whether it's a superhero adventure, a colorful fantasy world, an ultra-violent crime noir, or a new take on an old classic, creators put a lot of thought into the sequential art that drives stories told in comics. Join an all-star lineup of Dark Horse creators including Frank Miller (Xerxes: The Fall of the House of Darius and the Rise of Alexander, Sin City), Dave Gibbons (The Originals, The Life and Times of Martha Washington in the Twenty-First Century), Joëlle Jones (Lady Killer), Wendy Pini (ElfQuest), and Rafael Albuquerque (EI8HT) as they discuss turning an idea into a full-fledged story and how they continue to keep their writing fresh.

I would be interested to be there just to listen to Frank Miller and Dave Gibbons talk, but Albuquerque and Joëlle are so talented that it's no surprise they've reached the success they have, and I also want to hear they talk about how they got there. Saturday is the big hollywood day. It's crazy. It's fuller. We usually hide in the green room for lunch.  If I haven't run into Joss Whedon up until this point at a hotel bar (I like that he started going to Comic Con again after two giant Avenger movies), then on Saturday he's easier to bump into, relaxing and having a good time. We stop by Mike Mignola's booth to make sure we say goodbye to him, as he doesn't do Sundays anymore. Close by, we might try to walk around artists' alley for a bit, but nothing sticks out. A lot of crazy talented creators with original art, prints and commission lists. People who sells books usually have booths on the other side of the convention floor, where we used to have our booth, and we have always been book people. We make comics so people can read them. For the past few years, we have tried to have at least one signing at the CBLDF booth as well, where they have a great selection of our work from all publishers we work with. You'll find there (signed) copies of Daytripper, Casanova, Umbrella Academy, Two Brothers, How to Talk To Girls at Parties (with a special signed bookplate) and much more. At the end of the day, the CBLDF live art auction will take place at the Bayfront, on the Sapphire AB room, starting at 8 PM, where you'll be able to bid for some amazing original art from your favourite creator. There are some pretty neat Frank Miller, Jeff Smith and Howard Chaikin originals being offered, among many other incredible pieces of art. The night is full of wonders. We have a much better time at dinner, usually catching up with old friends. For the past few years, this has been editor's dinner for us, so to speak. Bob Schreck, Diana Schutz, Karen Berger, Sierra Hahn, Pornsak Pichetshote, all great editors, dear friends, and during the craziness of Comic Con, we catch up with them, and they catch up with us, and we start our night just right. We met some great cartoonists while on those dinners, which always involved big tables and lots of people. I'm pretty sure I met Scott Morse and Jim Mahfood in one of those dinners with Bob. I met Eduardo Barreto in a dinner with Diana (actually, Eduardo Barreto comes from Uruguay, and was the very first "international" comic book artist I met when he went to São Paulo for a book fair to promote his Batman book, and I was around 13). I met Jeff Lemire in a dinner with Karen. I met John Cassaday in a dinner with Sierra.

Saturday is the night that never ends, no matter if California law says otherwise, and we all meet up at some point after the Hyatt bar closes. The backsteps crew doesn't disappoint. (Will Dennis always has our backs, fellas). One of the recent topics I ask my friends is when are they coming to Brazil, as the Brazilian convention, Comic Con Experience (CCXP), as well as the Brazilian audience, would welcome them with open arms (I'm trying to convince myself the reason I didn't get Skottie Young to come last year was because, on a very energetic Saturday night, I didn't agree to go have matching tattoos made the following Sunday – he got an amazing Alfred Newman). The spotlight panel on Rafael Albuquerque is at 10 AM (room 24 ABC) on Sunday morning. We'll need breakfast before going to the panel. I'm not sure Albuquerque will wake up in time to get anything to eat, but at least he's a special guest of the convention and there will be people who will go to his hotel room and make sure he attends his own panel. (the convention organisers have a volunteer who speaks Portuguese, who took care of me when I was a guest in 2009. He was taking care of Eduardo Risso last year. I bet he'll take care of Albuquerque).    ​Our last stop of the Con is the Dead Dog Party, organised by Bob Chapman and the Grapphitti Design crew. Every friend we didn't have a chance to talk to during the convention will stop by, have a few drinks, have a few laughs. Things start to die out earlier on Sunday, like the magic pixie dust starting to wear off. The Hyatt bar is still open, and some other friends are there. It might close soon, tho, and so we'll cross the street and stop by the Lion's Share. When will we ever go to sleep? Probably on the flight back home, the next day, and for the entire following week. --- Maybe now it's a good time to say Bá and I didn’t go to San Diego this year. We have been going since 1997 every year. We didn't go in 2013 to focus on work (making Two Brothers, specifically), and I went alone in 2014 (Bá was still drawing Two Brothers) to negotiate which publisher would publish the book in the US. Aside from that, we've been there every year. It's our safe port in the american market, where we know our way around, where we see our friends. This is one of those years where we decided to focus on work. And, like those years, we did miss San Diego greatly throughout the week. I recommend the experience. I still think it's a special show. You don't have to go 20 times. But do it at least once.

[ocuk-dnd-5e-blog]

Session 4 - 10/08 - Kuldjargh

Participants Dave N - DM Alex D – Fyvel – Fighter Stu – Hendel – Barbarian Dan – Darvin – Sorcerer Dave R – Galath – Ranger Andrew – Eriden – Druid John – Dwon Fai – Monk Missing Alex H – Chance – Bard Standing atop a pile of recently departed foes the group rested and picked through the treasure that was now theirs. “You know how I said I was pretty certain it was a sword?” Galath mused to the group. “I think it’s actually an axe.” “It’s an axe!” Hendel perked up at this “I’ll have it, I like axes!” (DM Note; I may have made a last minute adjustment to what the magical item was to benefit the party, alternatively they may not know the difference between a sword and an axe. I will let you make a judgment call on that) As the party were debating the differences between a sword and an axe a figure walked up the corridor, it was Dwon, looking hale and hearty. “Ah, nice to see you with your blood on the inside.” Quipped Darvin as Dwon arrived. As he settled in Chance emerged from the crevasse with the remains of the town woodcarver who “he would return to the town for a proper burial.” And with that he disappeared out of the cave. The group made a brief search of the hidden chamber which had been emptied by their recent butchery turning up a few trinkets and even more gold which they passed on to Darvin for safe keeping. Heading into the northernmost chambers Eriden came across a secret door on the right of the chamber at the same time that Hendel found one on the left and, to open it, bashed it with his axe. “Jesus Christ” someone in the party muttered to Hendel’s annoyance (DM Note; rather than debating the existence, or not, of a particular sky fairy in Faerun I was too amused by the comment to either challenge it or get a note on who said it.) “are we going down here” Eriden asked nodding his head to the door to his right but before anyone could say anything Hendel had blundered through his own door, down a flight of stairs, through a second door to be confronted by a seated figure carrying a Glass Staff (DM Note; Hendel may not be the quickest on the uptake) “Who are you he demanded” In response the figure grabbed his staff but before he could react Hendel fell into his familiar trope of trying to stab him. Landing him two solid axe blows and sending him reeling, bleeding profusely the figure muttered a few words and disappeared from before Hendel, reappearing across the room in front of a door which he fled out of screaming for help. In response three Ruffians charged in and stabbed Hendel a few times, one of the leaping acrobatically atop a table to do so, as Hendel muttered curses at them and at the world in general part of the ceiling fell in and landed on his head causing further damage on top of the sword wounds (DM Note; the fact that Hendel complained vociferously about being attacked by three previously unseen assailants may have played a factor in the rood accidently falling in just specifically on his head. Just saying.) Fyvel burst through the door in his regularly dramatic style, cloak flowing out behind him and he let forth at the Ruffian only 10 foot in front of him… and shot the ceiling (DM Note; with a double critical miss) and landed in an undignified heap at the foot of the stairs. Dwon also emerged into the room, skipping past the crumpled Fyvel and with his normal malicious glee stabbed his assailant with a spear before punching him in the knackers just to ensure he was dead. Roaring in rage the two remaining Ruffians struck back, at Hendel, leaving him barely breathing he was that cut up (DM Note; 1 hit point left) Fyvel regained his feet and finished off another Ruffian with the bolt to the side of the head as he gloated over Hendel’s bloody form, the last was taken out by Dwon with a stab to his flank. As this was going on Darvin, Eriden and Galath had, much to Hendel’s disgust, lit off in the opposite direction back down the cavern, crossing the crevasse in hopes of heading off Glasstaff as he fled the scene. Darvin caught a glimpse of him as he disappeared between two sets of doorways before Eriden headed him off at the past, sprinting along in Wolf form. Glasstaff turned to beg, instead mumbled an enchantment trying to charm (the charmless) Galath who resisted his advantages and advanced on the bleeding mage who fell to his knees begging mercy. In an unexpected turn of events Darvin and Galath bound and gagged him rather than killing him, Hendel arrived demanding they cut his head off immediately “Stay away Hendel!” Darvin yelled as they kept the blood loss addled Barbarian at bay. Darvin cast a minor illusion to make himself sound more threatening and demanded Glasstaff spill the story on what was going on. Apparently these days a man in a dress is a fearsome sight as Glasstaff did indeed spill the full story about how he had been rewarded by a magical item, gold and the lure of power to betray the Lords Alliance and set up shop in Phandalin with the aim of keeping the town cowed and unable to respond to the Black Spiders plans. Of the Black Spider himself and Cragmaw Castle he knew nothing “chop his head off!” Hendel yelled “No” Darvin said firmly and a debate ensued about what to do with him when he revealed his true identity as Iarno, apparent colleague of Sildar. Hendel, unsurprisingly, advocated cutting his head off and supplying it to Halia to claim their 100 gold reward. When it was pointed out by Fyvel that returning him whole was still proof of his defeat Hendel suggested that carrying a head was easier than a whole body. “What about the staff?” Galath suggested. “What about his head?” Hendel persevered. Eventually Darvin put his foot down “I will stay with him and watch him, we are taking him alive.” Hendel grumbled (and bled) about not killing him as the party filled up with booty from Glasstaff’s laboratory and room and Eriden, Fyvel and Dwon set off to the other secret door they had recovered. “Hendel, you are not staying here alone with him.” Darvin said firmly staying close to their captive who was staring wide eyed at the swaying, growling, bleeding dwarf. Poking their head into the secret door the three adventurers found an armory and Fyvel stocked up on some bolts before they stopped in front of another closed door. “I’m not going in first.” Fyvel said. “We all know what happens if I go in first” Dwon replied glumly. “Well I’m not going in first.” Fyvel replied resolutely backing away and with that Dwon took a deep, and resigned, breath and opened up the door and from three crypts lining the walls suddenly reared three skeletons which ran toward Dwon who rolled his eyes. “Take that Bony!” Fyvel yelled as he killed one (DM Note; in perhaps the most camp, pathetic one liner ever to be uttered by an adventurer ever) before he screamed like a girl to summon aid. Both Galath and Darvin perked up at this, Hendel was glaring at Glasstaff, and they set off at a run, or a walk dragging a captive in Darvin’s case and a sullen wander in Hendel’s, to the rest of the parties aid. Eriden tried to duck between the remaining two skeletons receiving a few gashes for his troubles but stood muttering magic phrases and suddenly the air exploded outward from him in a Thunderwave which damaged both of their assailants. Fyvel fired two more bolts finishing off the second skeleton whilst Dwon unleashed his deadly combo felling the final of their three adversaries “I’m alive” He said wonderingly. Fyvel poked among the crypts finding a valuable looking ring as Dwon listened in at one of the doors exiting the chamber, he heard what sounded like multiple voices preparing to enter the chamber and the group fell back and prepared an ambush. The door opened a group of Ruffians surged into the chamber, Dwon’s javelin went helpfully sailing over their heads into a wall and combat was joined. Fyvel quickly killed one of the Ruffians now really getting into his stride (DM Note; and without a terrible quip this time) as Eriden cast ole reliable Shillelagh and charged forward thumping one of the Ruffians in the skull sending him reeling and Galath finished him with an arrow to the throat. Feeling the odds in their favor now overwhelming Hendel charged forward landing on blow before slapping his lovely, sharp new handaxe into the floor in a resounding, and probably axe blunting blow (DM Note; with another critical miss) Dwon had his party members back and dived into combat in a whirl of ineffectual spear and fists, drawing on his Ki only to manage to miss 3 times in a single round of combat. I’ve got this covered Fyvel declared as he walked within 5 foot of his target and instead managed to break his thumb as the mechanism of his crossbow kicked back (DM Note; this time a double critical miss) a Ruffian turned round laughing and ran Fyvel through sending him sprawling to the floor in a bloody heap. (DM Note; this was perhaps the most laughably inept run of rolls I have ever seen in a single round of combat) Eriden dived forward to his fallen companions aid using his Shillelagh to wound the foe who again Galath delivered the fatal blow. Hendel was not to be out done… unfortunately by Fyvel and managed to spin himself in a harmless circle with axes flailing (DM Note; in another double critical miss) Before Eriden stepped up and caved in the last Ruffians skull with his Shillelagh. As a thank you from last time, before anyone in the party could react, Hendel stepped up and gave the prone Fyvel an extremely uncompromising, steel toe capped kick in the balls as a leveler from the last time he was on the floor bleeding. Fyvel rolled on the floor now both vomiting and bleeding as the rest of the group tried to help him, Hendel just looked smug. (DM Note; as is becoming a weekly occurrence, things now got weird) The group noticed the two women (they didn’t notice the boy) who were chained up in the cages and Darvin introduced himself eloquently. “Hello ladies, we are here to help…” “Are they vulnerable women?” Hendel asked, still bleeding “Vulnerable?” “Yes, vulnerable, what will they do if I offer to let them out?” “Hendel.” Darvin shot back, disgusted. “They are not vulnerable, they have recently lost their husband and are potentially going to be sold as slaves.” “Vulnerable slave women, whose husbands have just died?” Hendel licked his lips. Fyvel had picked the locks on the cage and was about to usher the women out as Hendel barged past into the cage with the two (now worried looking) women. “Hello ladies.” He said and the whole party as one, cringed. “Just come on out.” Fyvel gently chided the worried looking women out, then before Hendel could react slammed the cage closed leaving him trapped inside. “Oh come on, I was just about to be useful for once.” “Urgh” was the overwhelmingly disgusted response from the group. As the women told their tale to the party about the death of her husband, at which point she started crying and Hendel begged to be let out, and how they had been taken captive with others who had since been sold into slavery. She offered the party a reward of a family heirloom which had been lost in Thundertree if the group could see her and her family safely home. Throughout the Hendel was hollering and making comments so the group left the room and closed the door behind them muffling his insanity. “I apologies.” Galath offered. “we actually think he is a sexual deviant.” Which made the women look even more worried than before. As the group talked the door to the chamber they had left Hendel suddenly burst open into splinters as Hendel emerged, bleeding, weaving and muttering yet more sexual innuendos (DM Note; Hendel’s best two rolls of the night were to pick the lock on the cage then kick the door down, both over 20) “Did you miss me!?” He demanded and instead the group tried ignoring him as you would a naughty puppy and he once again subsided into sullen muttering about blood loss. The group agreed to escort the woman, and their prisoner who was still under close watch of Darvin, home. Darvin stayed with their charges, Hendel loitered, as Eriden, Galath and Fyvel burst into the last chamber they had not checked to be confronted by a Goblin who was lying whining on the floor. Eventually introducing himself as Droop “a problem Hendel regularly suffers from.” Someone sniggered, he was eager to please offer the group gold, and all the information he had if only they didn’t kill him. Finding out he was scared of spiders Eriden transformed into a giant spider sending him screaming under the bed from which he begged for his life. Eventually seeing no use in him in a strange display of mercy the group left him alive and headed off back to town with their entourage. “You can have the cave.” Eriden commented. “I’ll be the richest goblin alive!” Exulted Droop. The group headed back to town and handed over Iarno to Sildar who looked furious at his betrayal, beating the man as he led him off to the jails the party were rewarded by a now happy looking Mayor with 85 gold for their services and also rescuing the missing family. Reporting their success to Halia she only offered them 50g for not returning with Iarno’s head “I told you we should have cut off his head!” Shouted Hendel sounding exasperated “We missed out on 15g. We could still go get his head.” “I don’t think Sildar would like that.” Responded Dwon dryly. As Halia had been talking Fyvel had been watching her intently and on leaving the shop he pulled up the group “She is up to something, I’m certain.” (DM Note; and with a natural 20 insight he would be right) Hendel, however, was still talking about head chopping and vulnerable women and still bleeding as no one had bothered to heal him. “Hendel.” Dwon said “Go get some tartan paint.” (DM Note; with another natural 20 roll!) “it is critical that we can discover what is going on but we need tartan paint.” “Ok.” Hendel replied, utterly convinced and trundled off. Speaking to Sildar the group discovered that Halia was in fact a representative of the Zhentarim and whilst she hadn’t done anything wrong Sildar would be keeping a closer eye on her especially in the vacuum created by the destruction of the Redbrands. Satisfied with their work the group set off back to the Stonehill Inn to rest, on reaching their beds they found a smiling Hendel. “I couldn’t find any tartan paint, but I found three dead rats and I have put them in your bed to keep them safe.” The group looked at one another as Hendel smirked. “You know, this guy really is an idiot.” Fyvel said. “Have you ever heard of the term Kuldjargh.” Eriden asked. “No” “It means axe idiot.” “Perfect.” (DM Note; The title Kuldjargh was one found by Hendel himself. On reaching level 3 at the end of the session and going for the Battlerager option he found the term which translates to “axe idiot” which with his sexual deviancy, bad attacks and general insanity fits rather well!)

[topchanel24-blog]

Life after death for Apple's Xserve Some of our perusers still get use out of equipment Apple left behind.

Apple put the last nail in the Xserve's casket in January 2011 when it authoritatively quit offering rack-mounted servers. Rather, the organization began pushing server clients toward Mac Pros and Minis. On Sept. 20 of this current year, Apple brought down that pine box into the ground when macOS Sierra dropped programming support for the frameworks. And keeping in mind that Xserves running El Capitan will continue getting security refreshes for two or three years and the present form of the macOS Server programming still keeps running on El Capitan, the equipment will soon be totally covered.

For a couple of years after the Xserve's passing, the organization offered Mac Pro and Mac Mini Server designs (PDF) that could do a portion of similar things, however even those choices in the long run vanished. Despite the fact that Apple never offered genuine server-class equipment again, that doesn't mean the equipment isn't in any case out there doing its employment. In our Sierra audit we solicited those from you who are as yet utilizing Xserves to connect, and a lot of you did.

Why Xserve?

macOS Server began getting more straightforward not long after Apple stopped the Xserve. For huge numbers of those basic undertakings, a quad-center Mac Mini with two hard drives took care of business while protecting put away information ish. However, the Xserve's equipment had a couple of special things that Apple's repurposed buyer desktops couldn't replicate.The most conspicuous of those components is likely Lights Out Management (LOM), an equipment highlight that permitted heads to remotely screen temperature, fan speeds, and other sensor information. Servers are regularly kept in remote areas and not associated with screens, so having the capacity to keep an eye those numbers was profitable. But since LOM requires a different coprocessor, it was never added to the Mac Mini or Mac Pro servers.

Since virtualization rations control and rearranges server substitutions, redesigns, and organization, it turned into a well known approach to combine equipment around the turn of the decade. The Xserve's number of processor centers and vast banks of RAM made it a solid match for virtualization.

"We have five 2009 Xserves still being used, all running [VMWare] ESXi 6 as a bunch," composes Elizabeth Harvey-Forsythe, a senior frameworks design at the MIT Media Lab. "Need a Mac VM? It's generally uncommon contrasted with Linux around here, however some of our understudies do, and for that you require Apple equipment, and we have no place for anything we can't rackmount or that we can't put fiber channel and 10Gbps Ethernet cards inside."

Alex Clay, a product advancement chief at Suran Systems, utilizes a Xserve to virtualize Mavericks with the goal that he can virtualize Mac OS 9. It's an imaginative and convoluted arrangement that is by and by "a hell of significantly more solid and stable than swapping out 10 or more year-old equipment each time a HDD goes midsection up."

"In spite of the fact that it won't run Windows, shockingly, Xserves can really run VMWare ESXi impeccably," composed Nick Neely, another fulfilled Xserve client. "From that point I can run whatever working framework I need. At present, numerous occurrences of Windows Server 2012. Obscenity, I know."Firsthand unwavering quality, used costs

The Xserve's unwavering quality was specified by more than one individual. Which bodes well, since server equipment must be worked to be more strong and face more use than your standard customer PC. Mud specified that his shop at Suran Systems had effectively moved its generation servers to Mac Minis, yet adulated Xserves for being "monsters [that] kept running with almost no support required."

Neil Miller, a director at an advertisement organization with around two dozen Mac-driven clients, revealed to us that the "end is in sight" for his Xserve, however that "it's not here yet."

"Our Xserve still works, despite the fact that not each and every piece of it—no doubt restrictive drives/sleds, we're discussing you!" he kept in touch with Ars. "The Xserve is a ridiculously well-assembled bit of unit, and I'll be sorry to learn it go."

More than one individual who purchased Xserve equipment used for shoddy revealed to us that finding used parts to make fixes isn't excessively troublesome. Turns out that absolutely ending an item and radically improving the product that keeps running on it is a decent approach to make something drop in esteem.

"It's really simple to discover prior Xserve models on eBay for alongside nothing (under $100), in light of the fact that individuals assume that they're stuck running Lion on the things," composed Neely. "I'm running a Xserve 2.1 [the mid 2008 model] with double quad-center Xeons, and I got a better than average arrangement on it a year ago at $75." Though some of those more established Xserves were dropped much sooner than El Capitan and Sierra, Neely says "install[ing] an essential illustrations card and trick[ing] the installer into running as far as possible up to El Capitan" is moderately simple.

Furthermore, a couple of the Xserves still in operation are out there in light of the fact that the IT world is a moderate moving spot, where relocating starting with one stage then onto the next can be troublesome, expensive, and tedious.

"Despite everything I have four Xserve's underway," composed system director Dave Walsh. "Two are on the grounds that they haven't bombed yet, so I haven't moved DNS onto a more current Linux box. However, two are as yet online in light of the fact that regardless we utilize Network Homes, and that requires an OpenDirectory server to keep up."

"Organize Homes" were Apple's rendition of Windows' "Meandering User Profiles," and they're utilized for the most part to make bouncing starting with one PC then onto the next simpler. Sign into any of your concern's Macs with your system account and the Mac knows to look on the server for your client profile and documents rather than the neighborhood drive. Walsh says that his school has been pushing understudies and staff far from Network Homes in the course of the most recent couple of years, however the procedure isn't done yet.

"When I can place the last nail in the box of Network Homes," Walsh let us know, "then I can move full steam into Linux and a VM situation. Be that as it may, until then I'm stuck keeping up legacy gear."For fundamental system administrations like document sharing, DNS, or RADIUS verification, a lot of Linux-based choices can keep running off-the-rack server equipment. In those cases, chairmen have various choices with regards to supplanting both their Xserve equipment and the product they run, regardless of the possibility that that implies changing in accordance with another interface.

"We will probably run with a Dell, HP, or (my inclination) Lenovo rack mount server with 8-10 centers, 128GB RAM, and a couple TB of plate space," composed Ars peruser tmoldovan. "That is ordinarily in the area of $3-6000." He hopes to get approximately six years of utilization out of such a machine and would stack it with Windows Server before exchanging his virtualized servers over from the Xserve.

"We toyed with getting Mac Pros as VM hosts," he proceeded, "however they don't fit too perfectly in server racks, and with Apple surrendering/changing equipment without notice, it would be excessively of a hazard."

A few, similar to Harvey-Forsythe, will change their work processes enough so they can supplant their Macs with Linux or Windows servers.

"At the point when either the equipment kicks the bucket or ESXi essentially can't keep running on it we'll need to consider both the interest for virtual Macs and Apple's authorizing necessities in actuality at the time," she composes. "Interest for Mac VMs is genuinely low and, truly, I can't consider anything to date that somebody has asked for that, with some exertion, couldn't have been done similarly well with Linux or Windows. While some business programming is surely Mac-driven, very little is Mac-just anymore."For others, similar to James Roodhouse, the arrangement is to make a bounce to buyer review Mac equipment and manage without the Xserve's propelled equipment highlights. Roodhouse is an innovation organizer who right now utilizes a Xserve to convey modified OS pictures to around 1,100 Macs over numerous schools in various areas. He wants to supplant the crate with a few Mac Minis, notwithstanding worries about adaptation to internal failure and information repetition.

"The way ahead for my situation is most likely to convey the undertaking to Mac Minis with strong state stockpiling," he told Ars. "The Xserve was pleasant since it could deal with a RAID setup, had double power supplies, and could deal with all picture obligations from a solitary machine."

Mill operator additionally revealed to us that "an excess match of Mac Minis is likely the substitution" for his office's Xserve since macOS Server is as yet a solid match on the product side. Be that as it may, there's as yet a cost despite the fact that the Mac Mini is less expensive than the Xserve at any point was.

"Take note of that refreshing the peripherals from FireWire 800 to Thunderbolt/USB 3 will cost us more than the new Mac server equipment," he said.

Tragically, now that Apple has pretty much quit offering server arrangement of any of its machines, some server heads who need to run with new Macs are experiencing difficulty deciding.

"I would love to purchase another Mac, yet I can't legitimize it," composes Evan Walker, a bolster designer who at present uses a Xserve as a remote workstation, to virtualize past OS X renditions, to store iOS reinforcements, and to reserve programming refreshes. "The Mac Pros aren't exceptionally speaking to me, and the MacBook Pro line is quite recently so far obsolete processor-wise it doesn't bode well. The following Mac I'm probably going to purchase is a Mac Mini to make sure I can toss it in my rack and not stress over it. Be that as it may, and, after its all said and done I'm not very enthused about them."

"Apple truly needs to consider the endeavor condition more," Walker included.