#alex being back? instant serotonin

[fanaticat]

Like everyone else, I downloaded prime and watched Red White and Royal Blue this week.

I really loved the main characters, and an enemies to friends to lovers plot is like the basis of half of my serotonin.

I was a little unsure how believable their relationship development was going to be at the very beginning. At first their conflict seemed extra contrived…even for a rom com. They didn’t get along because of some tabloid comparisons and ONE minor miscommunication YEARS ago? C’mon.

BUT…after finishing the movie and really seeing where they went with it, it makes so much more sense. And I really, really love it.

Both Henry and Alex struggle so much with their public vs private personas.

Alex is cast as the charismatic, smooth social butterfly; Henry as a reserved, pompous rock of a person.

But underneath that, they’re both insecure goofballs who want to be loved, support their families, and do good in the world for the countries they serve. (And that’s really why they ultimately work so well together.)

They’re such complicated people who want desperately to be seen and appreciated for their whole selves. That’s where their conflict stems from when they were younger. They both saw this other man in a similarly difficult position, felt this instant attraction to him, and wanted the other one to somehow recognize their struggle and see the man underneath the facade. Unfortunately, they are so worried about being seen THEMSELVES that they fail to recognize the same desires in one another…until the fall-out from cake-gate.

Once they resolve their initial misunderstanding, the conflicts in the movie really aren’t so much between the two of them anymore. Instead, the conflicts arise when their INDIVIDUAL values and public/private lives seem to be at odds with one another.

The very things they bond over - supporting their families and the people the serve - drive the wedge between them. They worry that if they show their private selves at all, their ability to be valuable to their families and to their people will be compromised.

In spite of this, we see both of them breaking down the walls between their public and private selves during their time together, and showing more and more of who they really are. Sometimes they are the exact OPPOSITE of their public selves.

As we see their relationship develop, Henry - ever the poet - is often the smooth and confident one in their personal affairs, while Alex is sometimes awkward and unsure of himself in bed.

“Your body comes back to me in dreams” (!?! Henry WTF how long did you work on that verse before you hit send).

Versus…

“Who says ‘make love these days? Are we gonna listen to Lana Del Rey while we do it?” (Alex again covering his nerves with humor for the millionth time.)

And when things really get rough, we see Alex stepping up to be Henry’s solid anchor in the storm, and Henry openly admitting to him that he’s not ok. (Is there any more perfect moment than the two of them collapsing on the stairs together, holding onto one another for all they’re worth!?! Part of me DIED. An Amazon rom com has no business making me feel feelings like that.)

Their individual progression culminates in Alex giving this beautiful speech about both his love for Henry and his hopes for the people he serves. He is every bit the charismatic leader he is supposed to be, but he’s open and genuine, with heaps of vulnerability and no pretense. He uses his experience to admonish those who would do the same to others, and re-affirms that his family will continue to fight for those who need support.

Henry’s moment is equally perfect for him. No grand speech. Dignified and understated. He simply steps onto the balcony, waves, and makes history. But he doesn’t do it alone - he has Alex on his right side the whole time. He’s firm in standing up for himself, and genuine in wanting to take that step not just for himself, but to change the precedents and expectations for everyone else in his current and future kingdom. No more hiding beautiful things in silent, dark museums, but pulling them out into the light with a calm smile on his face and steel in his backbone.

The central conflict of the movie starts with the problems caused by the discrepancy between their personal and public selves, and ends with the lovely resolution of that conflict. And their love for one another is the catalyst for all that change. Henry and Alex truly bring out the best in one another, and by the end of the movie we have to believe that they’re going to go on to do great things.

Plus it’s just damn cute.

[luridsims]

[transcript]

alex: look at you: all grown up, flying the nest.

hae-won: haha, thanks mom.

alex: i mean it, i’m actually really proud of you.

hae-won: this is crazy, isn’t it?

alex: oh god, absolutely.

hae-won: she could be an axe murderer.

alex: oh yeah. big time. but for someone who never used to leave the house, you did good. and if anyone had to live in the wilderness with a hot girl... well, i’m glad it’s you.

hae-won: hey, thanks. i’ll remember that in my final moments. then i’ll come back to haunt the shit out of you.

[radiant-reid]

Head canons for when Spencer got shot? Both times… like, taking care of him till he is allowed back at work.

i love him, and here's the hc

tw: gun shot injury and mentions of blood

Poutiest baby, similar to when he's sick

Like he has his bottom lip permanently sticking out

he absolutely hates hospitals, and he tries to get out asap by challenging the doctors and providing lots of facts

like he is a nightmare, okay? i love him, but he's out of his bed walking around the hospital way before he's allowed and complaining about how long he's going to have to be off work

but he's still the cutest ever

The leg injury is a bit worse with a longer recovery than when he was shot in the neck

5x01

and still hurts when the weather is cold

you gotta get all his favorite snacks and movies, even though he tells you not to make a fuss

but he does insist on lots of cuddling because 'it releases oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin...'

sex is difficult so he sticks to fingering you and you give him head

because he can't really go anywhere for a little while, your dates are either at your shared apartment, or you drive him around, get fast food, and then drive somewhere pretty where you can see the sunset

he's very insistent on being independent and tries to do most of his normal routine

one of the things he can't do as well as he used to do is wash his hair, which you love doing anyway

and then you braid it

which always puts him to sleep

just before he goes to sleep or randomly in the night, he'll mumble out the quietest little 'thank you'

he started off by complaining about not being at work because Hotch won't even let him consult, but he decides it's really not bad that he gets to stay at home

and while you're consulting on calls, he'll listen in and read the case files.

he also writes post-it notes for you to read out.

everyone knows because it would be kind of strange if you suddenly knew facts about the climate change in Denver.

and then he tells you that you're so smart

of course, he's excited to go back to work, but he's more excited about how you've grown ever closer to each other because of it

9x24

it's absolutely terrifying

much more than any other time you've seen him hurt because it really was touch-and-go

the hospital waiting room is nothing but tears from you, JJ, Alex, and Penelope

it's such a devastating pain to be without any information for so long

and all you can think about was how he reached out to touch you while he was still conscious

and then there's the blood which you can still see on your hands even if it isn't really there

it's so much worse when the adrenaline runs out and you can feel every second slowly tick past

at least if he were kidnapped, there would be something you could do but you're so helpless

and then they tell you he's going to be okay and it's the best news you've ever received

everyone says he's lucky but you feel like the luckiest person ever

he cries so hard when you're there when he wakes up because he thought he'd never see you again

and he makes a dumb joke but it's a 'shut up and kiss me' moment

in front of everyone (which isn't something you do) but it really doesn't matter

he sleeps a lot back at home

and you have to force him to drink water because it's not something he likes doing

it's slightly easier than the other time he got shot but he's not cleared for work which gives you two the chance to try out some new things that you've been putting off because of how much you work, like new cafes and libraries

it's hard once he can go back to work because you know much more about how either of you could be gone in an instant

but it means much less walking into buildings with your vest off if you're not 100% sure you'll be walking out

[monsoonblooms12]

Detectives by Chance: Chapter 8- The Final Bow

Series Summary: It was supposed to be a usual weekend for the four. Coffee, fun, friends and love. But an unexpected case changed their lives in a way they had never imagined. A mystery - a murder - many secrets… Will Ethan, Pooja, Alexandra and Mark, be able to survive? Or will the circumstances twist and break their lives forever?

A/N: This is the end. The end of the first ever series, the first ever fanfics I ever wrote. It's melancholic you know? Bidding adieu to Open Heart and Detectives by Chance all at one? Anywho, I hope you enjoy this piece💕

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Rating: Teen (to be safe)

Warnings: Blood, Murder, Swear Words, Gun Violence

I would recommend reading the previous parts first, because I am sure this makes little sense without knowing what happened previously.

Read the previous chapters here!

The trail from the crumpled door to the back ground felt likes hours of navigating through the blazing desert, no one in sight.

The scarlet memoirs of the wounds that now covered her skin did not give her much relief either. Blood soaked into her shirt, colouring it red from cream at a steady rate. Lazy tracks formed as solitary drops slipped down to meet the ground.

Papers clutched with a death grip, her resolve did not waver. After all the goose chase she had done in the manor, she was sure she could do this. But then again, there was not much of a choice there.

Ethan's POV:

A hazy screen appeared before his orbs as they slowly, timidly, fluttered open, as if scared to look around. A blackness had spread around him, and his mind could not make out if it was a musty old dungeon or some place else.

Soft scents of the intoxicating vanilla and bluebell perfume gently let him know of their presence, and he sighed in relief.

Wherever he was, he was close to her.

And with that knowledge came a subtle sense of calm, a realization that as long as he was near her, he wouldn't mind even dying.

He just wanted her, his strength, with him.

He tried to get up, and the wince of pain came almost immediately. His legs ached due to the cramped position in the short space of wherever. As he managed to pull himself up from the sleeping position, a very faint jingle of keys could be heard in the background of his groans.

Then with a click, the front door flew open and he unclearly made out a thud of some kind of folder in the front passenger seat. Soon the driver's seat was occupied as well, and the engine was raved to life.

The scent of vanilla and bluebell grew strong and he knew it was her.

"Pooja?" He whispered so lightly that for a second he wondered if he had even spoken it aloud.

"Ethan! Oh thank fucking god you are- Ah!" She was cutoff mid sentence by a horrifying but muted shriek which had escaped as she tried to close the door.

"Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay!" Worry laced his tone as her other hand painfully completed the supposedly easy task.

"You are okay and I've everything we need to save Lex & Mark. That's all that matters, E."

"What about you?"

But her attention had already shifted to the driving the automobile. She had always been like that, too unconcerned about herself. As well as he knew her, he was sure she had been biting her lip a tad bit harder with every moment just to keep painful screams at bay.

"It doesn't matter."

A shrill roar suddenly invaded the eerie, uncomfortable silence of the abandoned area. The voice was human, but the intensity of the sound reminded them more of an enraged tiger trapped in a cage, ready to pounce at the chance of freedom.

Staying here for a second more could be a dangerous idea.

A slow pain spread though his forehead, an after-effect of whatever that was forcefully injected during his investigation of the murky place, too dishevelled to call it even an office, let alone a hospital. The ache became all-too-consuming, his struggle to keep his eyes open turning futile. The blackness grasped him steadily as consciousness bid adieu and the dangers of the world in front of him, at bay.

End of Ethan's POV

Pooja's clutch on the steering wheel was so hard that the fingernails that dug into its material left deep moon shaped indents, as a mark of their visit. The teeth pressed so deep into her lip that it had drawn blood. The gap of the missing tooth felt like an aftermath of the reckless rescue operations she had led at the building.

Why did her mind refused to cooperate with her now, when she had finally made her way out?

Another line of thought began to form, but before it spread it's being, a second horrifying scream broke through the audible silence like a dagger.

Sweat of hardwork was now the cold sweat of fear. A sense of great danger that lingered now completely flooded every chamber of her heart & she refused to stop.

Digging her teeth into her lips, tears streaming as every movement made her want to shriek and wail in agony, she revved the engine, turned the steering & fled out of there.

————————————

A rash drive followed. She sped through the roads, going straight without a turn until she was sure the they were not being followed.

A safe distance away, she stopped. Every moment was precious now, but she was done. She could not do this anymore.

Hell, she could not do anything anymore.

The left portion of her shirt that she wore was now soaked in scarlet, the stench of blood growing on her. She doubted that if she wasn't a doctor, she would have thrown up or passed out by now.

Pooja looked behind, the scarce daylight making it a difficult job to be done. She was quite sure that Ethan had been overcome by another bout of unconsciousness and the feeling of helplessness spread through her chest, forming a hollow through its path.

Her head felt light too. The injuries were starting to show effects, although the overwhelming sense of failure and danger had already numbed their pain.

Taking a deep breath, and another, and another, she tried to centre herself, though not to much avail.

Something she had realized was now, the necessity to keep moving was a need & not a want.

A slow kick on the gas pedal & she carried on her journey to the final destination.

————————————

At the police station, the unfolding of events occurred like a film sequence set on fast forward.

Pooja had barely made it there, an urgency ringing through her mind, a constant worry that she was late, too late. But thankfully, she wasn't.

Dragging her foot (her entire body, at this point) she entered and almost fell face down on the station floor.

Hastily handing over the evidence she had meticulously collected and suffered all the injuries for, she tried to explain what she had found.

Officers repeatedly asked her to calm down, but she refused. The three of them, Ethan, Alex and Mark, They were her family. They always mattered more than her. They always will.

At last, all she managed was to point a finger at her car, before her body gave up on the fight. A small smile of satisfaction decorated her tired, overworked features. It was a win. A well deserved one. A strange sense of pride, overwhelmed her as she slowly faded into unconsciousness.

————————————

It has been 36 hours since the ghastly raid of Miles's manor.

The evidence collected opened a lot of tied knots, the page from Miles's diary, even though muddy, serving priceless for the investigation. Almost everything got crystal clear from it.

Pooja underwent a major surgery, and was still under bedrest. Minor to Major, there were a plethora of injuries that needed to be treated. Recovery was going to take a long time but her response had been up to the mark.

As for Mark and Alex, the court deemed them not guilty for any of the charges made against them & they were released. The very instant they rushed to the hospital, tears streaming down endlessly both in gratitude & in worry.

Miles Danvers, as expected, was not found. The manor was investigated after the release of Mark & Alex, a big mistake, and nothing was left behind except a few beeping machines & broken furniture. The investigators now await Pooja's recovery for interrogation & to close the case as soon as possible because stories of a deranged murderer roaming around the dark streets doesn't exactly spark a rush of serotonin through the citizens.

Meanwhile in a dark, gloomy alleyway:

It had been seconds too long. The man's pace faltered at slightest sounds, fingers fidgeting the two ring that shone under whatever little light reached the area.

Why were they not here yet?

But his wait was cut off soon. Muffled footsteps echoed like, every step closer increasing their intensity. Even though he had been expecting them, his heart leapt up his throat, which tightened in fear.

He turned around, not being able to make out their faces. But at the time, he found it to be a blessing in disguise, because he was sure he would have thrown up from the fright of being the cause of their anger.

A hand extended out, the silver bracelet dangling from it gleaming in moonlight. It gripped the lapel of his coat, and a scared murmur escaped him without caution.

The person on the other side, let out a slow growl of rage, boiling blood coursing through their veins. The man's teeth chattered, the cold pressing against his skin even more as a chill ran down his spine.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, the touch of cold metal against his neck made him shudder.

It was... It was a gun.

"Thi..s, Th..., This w-was not what, w-what we plann-nned upon." He quietly muttered, shocked that sound still escaped through the dryness of his throat.

"What were you supposed to do?" The person, no, the man, That man, growled, the evil of his heart almost visible in the spoken words.

The man stood soundless. It took two hard knocks of the metal to make him speak.

"K-K-Kill"

"And what did you do? Let her escape with a bagful of evidence." The words were being hissed now, with so much intensity that the man was surprised that he hadn't peed his pants yet.

"And since" The gun was displaced and he let out a sigh of relief. "You did such wonderful work, you deserve to be rewarded."

And before the man could even process what just happened, a single shot pierced through the fog settling around, and hit right in the forehead.

Seconds later, his lifeless body met its origin & any sign of life in the alleyway seized to exist.

End Note: Open Heart ended and it feels unreal. I have had a weird, wonderful journey with it. I would have never come to tumblr, make edits or write fanfics if not for it. It is a series which many of us, me included, hold close to our heart.

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who provided their precious thoughts over the past chapters of this series. I always have & always will hold Detectives by Chance close to my heart, because it has some of my earliest fanfics & it was the beginning of a wonderful journey for me. So if you took your time & have followed this story from the start, I am so very grateful for you. Thank you❤

With OH ending, many have chosen to continue in this fandom & some have decided to move on. Whatever your decision may be, I hope you be happy & have a good time ahead💕

Detectives by Chance gets a Bonus part, with no relation to the storyline, like not an epilogue, but something that will answer the lingering questions. As for if this is really the end of DbC or not, I will let you guys decide that😉

Tags (Please let me know if you want to be added or removed or if I forgot you):

Perma: @gkittylove99 @neotericthemis @udishaman @aestheticartsx @twinkleallnight @schnitzelbutterfingers @sophxwithers @sweatyrysconnoisseur @nikki-2406 @choicesfanaf @trrfanaddict @starrystarrytrouble @gardeningourmet @parkbarks @mvalentine @lovablegranny @mercury84choices @helloayz

Open Heart (All fics and edit): @lucy-268 @maurine07 @bellcat2010

Ethan x Pooja (fics): @aleynareads @stygianflood @choicesaddict5 @mysticaurathings @jamespotterthefirst @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[sp3mily]

Vulnerable

Summary: You’ve lost protectors before, haven’t you? Spencer Reid had lost so many protectors over the course of his life. That’s what made it so hard, history repeating itself.

CW/Tags: Description of death (not graphic though), not really much to see here, it’s just a character study essentially

Word Count: 2021 (this is total coincidence but isn’t that kinda funny?)

Spencer Reid had lost so many protectors, but he hadn’t truly realized it until she pointed it out to him. Sure, he’d had fleeting thoughts about the people he’d loved and lost, but he’d never realized how many he’d lost. He’d lost more protectors than there were words in the sentence that made him realize it. While all of them had their reasons for moving on, it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It didn’t mean he didn’t worry about who was going to be next. 

Spencer’s first time accepting the loss of a protector came when he was just ten years old. With no more than a letter with a bullshit explanation, his father left. He hadn’t known what to feel. He thought he should’ve been sadder than he was, but he wasn’t. He tried to make himself be sad, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sad, but he noticed how things changed. He noticed how the people in the neighborhood looked at him differently now that he was William Reid’s kid. No longer was he the son of the successful lawyer who was dedicated to his family despite the idiosyncrasies of his wife and son. They all saw him as the scrawny, weak son of Diana, the woman that had driven her husband away with her polluted mind. He didn’t realize that his father was his protector until years later when another protector vanished from his life.

Then, was his mom. She wasn’t really gone, he didn’t really lose her, but she’d taken on a different role in his life. He wasn’t sure when he really lost her as a protector. Maybe she never really was one. He’d taken care of himself for most of his childhood and he’d moved away to college when he was 12. It didn’t really hit him until he was 18 and he had to make some hard decisions. She wasn’t doing well on her own and he had the authority to get her some help, even though she didn’t want it. She didn’t want it, but it was what was best for her, right? He had to do what was best for her. He didn’t want to see her hurting anymore. He’d gotten her moved into a sanatorium. She hated it, for a really long time she hated it, until she settled in and started making friends. Being social. Then she didn’t hate it quite so much. Doesn’t mean it lessened his guilt. Didn’t mean that she wasn’t there to protect him anymore. He wasn’t the kid he used to be back in Las Vegas, but some days he wished he could curl up in her lap while she read him Chaucer and ran her fingers through his floppy brown hair. He missed when he could bury his head in the crook of her neck and smell the soft perfume she knew calmed him down. The protective shield she provided when things got too hard was gone.

He finally understood what he thought he should’ve felt when his dad left, when Gideon left. Jason Gideon, the man he’d looked up to for years, vanished just like his father. Left a note for him to read and use to explain to the people around him why everything became too much. Why leaving was the right move, the only right move. He was twenty-six years old yet he managed to feel reduced down to his ten-year-old self when he opened the envelope. He felt so vulnerable, so afraid. So lost. That’s when he understood what it felt like to lose a protector. One that protected you on purpose. One that made sure no one saw you as a little kid because you weren’t a little kid anymore. He found himself clinging to what little there was of Gideon left in his life. He kept their last chess game alive while he tried to grieve the loss of the relationship.

Spencer managed to live a few years of peace. Three and a half years of peace, actually. No one left, no one disappeared with only a note tucked away in a drawer, no one withered away until they were a shell of what he knew them as. Three and a half years. He should’ve seen it coming. The loss. He’d been happy for far too long, it should have been obvious that it would all come crashing down soon. And down crashing did it come, in the worst way. You see, the others were different. His father and surrogate father figure had left voluntarily and his mother, really she didn’t leave at all. Spencer could still hold out hope that one day Jason Gideon would walk back into the BAU. He could hope that a cure for schizophrenia could be found or at least a long term treatment option that worked. There was no hope in this case. There was no maladaptive daydream he could imagine to get himself through another week, another day, another hour. There were no possible scenarios that he could picture in order to leech a little bit of serotonin from his wretched life. This loss was like no other he’d experienced yet. In a matter of words, they were temporary losses that turned permanent. His next loss was a permanent one that turned temporary. Emily Prentiss was dead. 

Emily Prentiss was not dead. It was like whiplash, he didn’t even know if it counted as a true loss, but it mattered to him. She was alive and unwell in Paris. For seven months. But then she was back. She was back and he was mad, until he wasn’t. Part of the reason his anger dissipated so quickly was because he knew it was only a matter of time before he lost someone again. He needed to cherish what he had while he had it. So he made the most of the next year he got with Emily. The year solving cases and slowly seeing her get less and less content with the job, with the team, with her life. This was the first loss he saw coming. He knew it was over before it ended. That’s why he held her so close at JJ’s wedding, danced with her a little extra, spent a little more time talking to her at the bar than he had with anyone else. It didn’t make the loss hurt any less. It didn’t make the emptiness in his stomach go away when he saw her empty desk. Though it wasn’t empty for long.

His next loss...That one hurt the worst. Maeve Donavon was dead. Really, truly dead and she wasn’t coming back. For a while he thought he thought he might actually be able to help her, to shield her from her stalker. That would be the only adequate payback for the love and kindness she shared with him. Through weekly phone calls, the pair fell in love. He’d never been in love before, not like that. Not the same way as how he loved Maeve. He loved her like….He loved her like Hotch loved Haley. Despite all the bad, despite all the possible problems, he was dedicated to her. She was the only one in his eyes, even though he hadn’t seen her. Not until it was too late anyways. He finally got to see her minutes before the actual loss happened. It all happened in an instant and a lifetime all in the same. The gun was leveled near her head, the only thing between it being Diane’s. Diane may have been hard-headed but her skull wasn’t thick enough to shield Maeve from the oncoming bullet. The bullet went in one side and out the other, ripping away Reid’s happiness for the last ten months. Not only was Maeve gone, but he lost himself in the grief. For nearly four months he was a shell of a human being, less than that. He was the shell of a shell of a human being. He didn’t remember most of his days, they just went on without him. 

Eventually he was able to regain consciousness in the world and he slowly shifted to just being a shell of a person. Then, he was finally a person again. The next loss, he also saw coming. While it wasn’t easy to lose anyone, it was nowhere near as terrible as his last loss. When he lost SSA Alex Blake in his life, he was sad of course. She was just another person on the list of people to come and go from his life. For a long time he couldn’t decide if she was his protector or if he was hers. Truthfully, they were each other’s. She helped him get over Maeve and for a while, he helped her son live again. But eventually it became too much for her as well. He couldn’t fault her, he couldn’t fault any of them really, for leaving. The BAU was a lot to handle and burnout wasn’t something they were immune to. He’d considered leaving but...what else would he do? Where would he go? Maybe to Harvard to teach with Blake. Maybe just to visit. He missed her a lot of the time. She always seemed to understand him in a way that others didn’t. He liked that about her and he missed that presence on the team. 

It wasn’t even a whole year until his next loss came around. It was barely six months after SSA Alex Blake had returned to being only Professor Blake when former SSA Jason Gideon and co-founder of the Behavioral Analysis Unit became Jason Gideon (1955-2015). Reid felt like he’d been hit by a truck. No longer could he imagine the day (the day that wouldn’t have come regardless) that Jason Gideon walked back into the BAU, his glasses low on his nose as he read through his files. The maladaptive daydreams became a thing of the past and picking out a suit for the funeral became a thing of the present. Crumpled tissues littered the pockets of nearly all his clothes. He knew the day would come when Gideon coming back, even just for a visit, would no longer be a possibility. That knowledge didn’t soothe him. Just like he had seven years ago, Reid tried to keep Gideon’s last game of chess alive as he grieved the utter and true loss of Jason Gideon. 

The next loss was one he never expected. It hit him harder than he’d expected. It took every fiber of his being, every bit of energy he had, to not burst out crying when Derek Morgan slid the shiny card into his hand. The image of a baby boy stared up at him, along with the bold black text to announce his name. Hank Spencer Morgan. He appreciated the sentiment, he really did, but it didn’t quell the emptiness he could feel beginning to eat away at him. Derek Morgan was leaving the BAU to spend more time with his beautiful wife and adorable son. Spencer couldn’t have picked a better reason for someone to leave the BAU, but it still chipped away at him. It hurt even more to know that Morgan was there, still in the area, yet they rarely saw each other. He went from seeing Derek everyday to being lucky if he saw him more than twice a year. All of the losses had hurt, but Derek? That one hurt in a different way. 

Antonia Slade had been the one to point out how many protectors he’d lost. He’d never realized just how many people had come and gone. He hadn’t realized that for the last 6 years in a row, he’d lost someone that he saw as a protector. Emily Prentiss, Emily Prentiss again, Maeve Donovan, Alex Blake, Jason Gideon, and Derek Morgan. What made each loss so hard, was how history repeated itself. If you ignore history, it repeats itself. But just because you address it, because you know about the pattern, it doesn’t mean that it stops. It just made it feel different. 

That’s why losing Aaron Hotchner just weeks later felt different.

[wawawakalen]

i believ

alex is sleepin

and if i am correct

i can begin my alex appreciation post at 12am because my back hurts and i cant sleep god save me from back pain please

ive been also listening to welcome to the black parade on loop for the last hour. this is the best way to write a n y t h i n g

aight so, lets start simple i wanna make this like a fuckign essay you know but at the same time like a powerpoint- should i do a powerpoint? perhaps, one day i will. powerpoint. but not right now. i dont think.

this is such a mess but fuxk it im just writing everythknf down no filter just thots while mcr blasts in my ears. i need a bass boosted version actually ill brb. im listeming to bohemian rhapsody instead now-

ok im gonna stop fuxkign around now ok? ok. so, alex, pretty man, cute boy, lovely person, handsome dude, ya know? he is so precious, an absolute blessing and i will fist fight anyone who thinks otherwise istg 🔫🔫🔫

like, i dont have words to properly describe it all yknow but, like, literally so awesome, such a cool man- oh i didnt set loop on the song gotta do that- aight done, so, as i was saying, alex is just wow

got butterflies in my stomach and fluffy feelings because woaaaaaaa he so niceeee and he so cuteeee and like, hes super talented as well?? like his writinf? i swear- so creative and honestly such good writing i rate a 28283772/10 because woa man you got my whole soul devoted to the things you write aight?

and then he. just. he. he is, himself and that alone makes him so amazing and lovely, theres no words to described how captivatinf this man is i swEAAARRR

he gets my whole heart.

like,, his smile,,,,, so,, sweet and lovely and so cute,, the way he laughs,, makes me go all red and- actually let me make something real quick-

drawing on phone is so goddamn hard omg props to doc and whoever else draws on their phone like damn-

but basically, i go all heart eyed and shit because ohmygod hes so precious, i lovehim

and like, whenever he talks about anything, he could be rambling about the smallest little thing and i, i just love to hear it.

and if he talks about his interests i immedately go:

because yESSSIR YES KING LET ME KNOW ABOUT THE THINGS YOU LIKE IM SO HAPPY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY ITS LITERALLY SUCH A BLESSING LIKE MAN OK💕💖💕💖💝💝💓💝💖💝💖💝💓💝💝💓💝💓💕💖💝💖💕💝💓💕💓💝💖💝💝💖💕💓💝 you feel me?

he's just, such a great person you know,,, like,,, being around him is instant serotonin, he is, and i keep repeating this but, he is a blessing,,,, someone so unlike anyone else i know, it makes me so happy to be able to share my love with him, and i hope i make him happy too 👉👈

so in conclusion, i love alex, with my whole heart. and im not a pussy because he might probably be asleep so, tagging the man himself so he sees when he wakes up @golden-buddle

i lov u alex. thank u for existing.

me and u ^

[boldlyvoid]

2.1k into this fic and loving it so much i haven't written in so long... this is so good

In the elevator, he’s holding her hand and it’s starting to get a little sweaty, but she smirks, it’s been a very long time since she’s felt like this. Giddy, like a schoolgirl, she’d hold hands with a boy she doesn’t know to get a coffee and talk… she feels like she’s on a high school date.

“So,” she looks up at him, he’s so tall and pretty, she had no idea he was so handsome. “How long have you worked here? You look too young to be so important?”

“I’m 33?” He laughs, “why, how old do I look?”

Her eyes widen in shock, “33?” He nods in response and she shakes her head, “I’d say maybe 27 at most… but 33 makes sense. You’re a doctor right? I think I remember Alex saying that.”

“I have 3 Ph.D.’s,” he presses his lips together awkwardly, “I blew through school, I’m not really sure how I ended up here.”

The elevator dings and opens, she lets him lead but she continues the conversation. “What’s that like? I have no idea what to do or how to even start my life.”

“I feel like I was just doing what was expected of me, what was asked of me, and never what I wanted. If I followed my dreams as a kid I’d be a space cowboy now,” he shrugs, not realizing how funny he is.

She laughs at him and he shoves her with his shoulder, pulling her back in thanks to their interlocked hands and bumping her shoulder again. They instantly click, it’s cute and innocent and sweet and she’s so happy suddenly, like he’s instant serotonin, just being near him is enough to change her day around.

“So I hear you’re an English lit major?” He asks next.

She sighs, “yeah, don’t know why.”

He leaves it at that until they have their coffee, which he pays for and then escorts her to his favourite bench. Sitting right beside her, he turns his body to her and puts all his attention on her and it feels amazing. “What do you do for fun?”

She laughs awkwardly, “I don’t know what fun entails.”

He looked sad and confused, “you’re very funny, I’m sure you’re a fun person.”

“I’m here because I want to find myself… I don’t even know where to start?” She rants to him. “I want to try new things and find my passion and do something useful with my life, but I have no fucking clue where to find myself?”

“Strangely enough, I’ve had this job for 10 years now and I still have no clue who I really am?” Spencer agrees. “I took this job because the only person who I could identify any fatherly love from was my mentor, and then when he left I stayed because I didn’t know anything else… I didn’t have anyone but this. I still don't?”

“Which is exactly what I don’t want to happen to me,” she’s never opened up like this to anyone but her therapist. Feeling a few tears well behind her eyes. “I already feel so useless and boring, I don’t want to be 40 and have nothing to show for it… even though I know that I should just do something for my benefit, ‘do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life' and all that bullshit, you know?”

He nods, “actually… and this might be insane but—

“I think I need a bit of insane,” she cuts him off with a smirk.

“I’ve never been to New York for a non-work-related reason,” he says. “Would you like to go for a weekend and visit some museums and things and live a little? Maybe we can start there, and find ourselves together?”

She nods, “I’ve always wanted to walk in Central Park, and the fall is the best time to do that.”

“I love trains,” he adds, “would you like to take the train up and we can book a hotel or an Airbnb or something?”

She nods, “I’ll cover the hotel if you cover the train tickets?”

“I’ll find a weekend that I can take off soon, and then we can really plan, okay?”

i know i've been talking about journey to camelot 2 and a hotch fic but now i want to write a fic where reader is Alex Blakes niece and living with her in DC for a few months. and spencer spends a lot of his free time with Alex, thus he's spending a lot of time with her now too and they fall in love

[wallythayer]

Finding Calm in a Frantic World

You know the days: You wake up with a fresh mind, but worries soon emerge, triggered by distressing news stories, a bottleneck commute, concerns about people you love.

Before long, anxiety rears its wide-eyed head. Your heart starts racing and your mind trips over its shoelaces. If you were frazzled before, now you’re barely breathing.

We all get stressed, but when these isolated incidents turn into a state of near-constant turmoil, it can disrupt multiple areas of our lives. Chronic anxiety depletes the body, explains Henry Emmons, MD, author of The Chemistry of Calm: Digestion goes askew, sleep becomes less restorative, and the mind gets easily distracted and fatigued.

Yet just as the body knows how to rev up to protect us from danger, it also knows how to calm down — and we can help it do this more effectively. Techniques like meditation, yoga, and breath work can combine to create and sustain a tranquil mind.

“Training yourself in times of nonstress becomes increasingly important, because you build up those practices for accessing calm quickly,” Emmons says.

Even years of meditation or yoga practice, however, aren’t always enough to handle the challenges of the modern world. When anxiety takes you by surprise, these strategies will help you catch your breath and calm your mind.

Be Ridiculous

To calm yourself quickly, Emmons suggests, tell your autonomic nervous system that it’s OK to stand down. One cue that works surprisingly well is silliness. If you’re anxious before an important call, have a one-song dance party. Make faces in the mirror. Translate the day’s headlines into pig Latin.

Focus on a Game

In her book, Stress-Proof: The Scientific Solution to Building a More Resilient Brain and Life, Mithu Storoni, MD, PhD, recommends redirecting a racing mind by playing games, especially ones that require some concen-tration. Play Tetris on your phone or a round of 20 Questions with a friend.

Slow Your Breath

Rapid, shallow breathing is a common feature of anxiety, but Storoni points out that deliberately slowing the breath down — to six or seven breaths a minute — and inhaling twice the usual volume of air can lower sympathetic nervous system activity by as much as one-third.

Listen to Your Environment

One way to tune out the noise in your mind is to tune in to the sounds around you: the chirping birds outside your window, a humming air conditioner, a horn beeping down the street, the sound of a copy machine. “Allow your ears to simply receive whatever sounds arise,” recommends Nancy Colier, author of The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. If the sounds annoy you (like a neighbor’s television), try listening without attaching any meaning to the noise.

Sniff a Lemon

One study found that when subjects sniffed lemons at 30-second intervals for 15 minutes, they measurably reduced their heart rates and blood pressure and increased feelings of calm.

Carry a Talisman

Objects have the power we assign them, says life coach and author Jen Sincero. Pick an item that has some meaning and carry it with you. It might be a stone from a beach you love, a button from your grandpa’s old coat, even a Lego from one of your kids. Pull it out whenever you need a reminder that there’s more to life than whatever concern is dominating the moment.

Take a Play Break

If you can step away from a tense moment long enough to throw a Frisbee or pet your dog, you’re on your way to calming down. Play can trigger positive neurochemicals — serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins — that increase well-being. Storoni notes that light exercise can lower cortisol levels.

Get Tech Support

Install an app like Calm, Headspace, Buddhify, or Sattva on your smartphone. Each one has simple meditations that help you start breathing again — and then, breathe deeper. Some also have reminders that nudge you to take regular breaks throughout the day.

Drink a Glass of Water

Simply slowing down to have a glass of water can be calming; it also supports stress recovery. Staying well-hydrated may reduce your HPA-axis response to stress, Storoni counsels.

Listen to Music

If you need to get out of your head, put on some tunes you love and listen actively, with your eyes closed. Calming music especially can have a direct effect on the autonomic system. This may be why music is now being used therapeutically in emergency rooms, as well as in pain-management and stress-reduction programs.

Sing

Produce your own instant music therapy by belting out a song or two (singing loudly with the radio absolutely counts). A 2013 McGill University meta-study showed that singing can measurably improve immunity, decrease stress, and raise oxytocin levels, which help promote social bonding.

Monotask

If you’re feeling anxious about having too much to do, approach each task in a conscious way, suggests Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of The Distraction Addiction. “I’m going to answer emails for 10 minutes,” for example, or, “I’m taking 10 minutes to clear off my desk.” Even if you can’t complete them on the first try, it can be calming to get a start on lingering tasks — which is often the hardest part.

Eat Some Protein

Low blood sugar is a frequent trigger for emotional upset. If you haven’t had any protein in the last few hours, eat a handful of nuts or a hard-boiled egg.

Try Alternate-Nostril Breathing

Deep breathing is useful for slowing down the sympathetic nervous system, says Emmons, and alternate-nostril breathing can be especially relaxing. First, exhale completely, and then inhale deeply. On your next exhale, place an index finger against your right nostril to close it off. Inhale though the left nostril, and then close the left nostril as you release the right nostril. Exhale completely through the right nostril, and then inhale through that side. At the top of the inhale, close off the right nostril, release the left, and exhale. Repeat for 15 rounds.

Name the Feeling

If you’re spinning out, slow down and name the feeling: “OK, so this is anxiety.” “This is fear.” “This is anger.” Simply applying language to emotions brings the neocortex, the reasoning part of the brain, back online. This helps put the brakes on a reactive response.

Pet an Animal

Find the nearest domesticated mammal and give it a friendly scratch behind the ears. Studies show that petting dogs can lower your blood pressure, and having a pet of your own can be a reliable source of unconditional love that keeps stress in check over time.

Enjoy Some Greenery

Take a walk in the woods, if possible. Research on “forest bathing,” a practice that originated in Japan, has revealed that spending time among trees and plants can measurably lower cortisol, blood pressure, and pulse rate. Gardening is also a calming activity that gets you outdoors.

Reconsider Caffeine

Some people are more sensitive to caffeine than others. (There’s even a gene mutation associated with slower caffeine metabolism.) Ask yourself if your current panic attack could be coffee induced. If so, try drinking calming chamomile tea instead.

Make a Request

If you’re worried, try articulating what you want instead of what you don’t want, says Sincero. She suggests being wildly specific, like, “I want to have enough time tonight for a luxurious bath while listening to the deep tracks on my old Eric Clapton albums.” Whether it happens or not, at least some parts of your brain will respond to the request itself as if it’s already occurring. She adds that you may be surprised at how often you get exactly what you ask for.

Consume News Wisely

Be mindful of how much news you consume and the effect it has on you. Priming the brain with negative images can gear it toward threats, according to Loretta Graziano Breuning, PhD, author of Habits of a Happy Brain, and this can spur a state of perpetual anxious watchfulness. Set a media limit (no more than an hour a day) and be selective about your sources. Avoid sensationalist news outlets, which often use scary drama to hook news consumers and keep them hooked.

Write About What Matters

If you can take a few minutes for a writing practice, try this: Stanford researcher and best-selling author Kelly McGonigal, PhD, asks her students to write for 10 minutes about their top value, such as being a good friend or working for social justice. “The main exercise is to [understand] why these things are important to you,” she says. This can change how you relate to the stress you’re feeling.

Taste Your Food

When you notice you’re wound up and scarfing down a meal, pause for a moment. Take a deep breath and try tuning in to whatever you’re eating. Chew much slower than you would normally and really experience that sensation. Taste it completely and pay attention to the texture and smells. Bonus: This kind of conscious chewing aids digestion.

Use a Mantra

Originally used as a word or a sound designed to deepen a meditation practice,  “mantra” has evolved to mean “a statement that’s repeated frequently.” Breuning notes that this kind of repetition has cognitive benefits, allowing you to develop new neural pathways based on what you’re saying. An especially useful mantra during anxiety can be the simple “I am safe.”

Express Your Thanks

Numerous studies have found gratitude to be a life changer, bringing feelings of greater well-being and reducing depression. So write a note to a friend, say thank you to three people in an hour, express gratitude for the little things every day, like “Thank you, universe, for that amazing parking spot.” Or, “Thank you, universe. I am still alive. Perhaps my anxiety doesn’t know everything after all.”

Get the full story at https://experiencelife.com/article/finding-calm-in-a-frantic-world/