#alba analysis

[albaqae]

I rewatched MM TMNT and I noticed this one dude w a casey-like haircut??? maybe it’s his iteration???

Also the credits for the extras are hilarious lmfao

[albaqae]

And how confident Aziraphae is that Crowley will always be there for him??? Last ep of second season I think that yea his heart broken bc he formulated a happy ending in his head where they could both be happy, but I feel that most of it came from the fact that for the first time since the dawn of time, Crowley wasn’t there to back him up

Crowley shifting into protective husband mode

[albaqae]

NIMONA SPOILER RANT!!!

Soooooo I watched it a bit ago and OH MY GOD???????

The way they gave nimona a more pear shaped body as a kid really meant a lot to me, u don’t see that many kids like that in media, and as a child it felt like because I wasn’t like kids on tv i took up more space than I was supposed to (the good old “why do my thighs look like that when I sit” and “why are my shoulders wider” and ofc! The “why isn’t my face as thin as them?”) IDK I HAVENT SEEN LOTS OF PPL POINT IT OUT BUT IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME??????

Altho Merida rlly helped me out w that but kids are still rude!

Bal also put out so many questions, like why do we feel we need to prove ourselves to other people? And why does it tend to take up a bigger seat than our morale? And the way it started to erode off his character was so realistic I feel also because they were so throughout with it, they didn’t just show the viewer “love urself” they actually DEMONSTRATED how that position FEELS

It felt like it was happening to YOU

And I really love they made a character gay without making it a CONFLICT, it feels like whenever people try to make movies about queerness, they can get lost in the homophobia and conflicting gay identity, and it can sometimes overshadow over the characters themselves (their intentions, feelings, etc replaced by labels and social customs so much that the character is just lost), and in the end of it, it leaves me super unsatisfied because I never KNEW who this was even about!!!

But here yes it was a plot point, but the characters felt real, like they actually loved each other, it made this conflict between feeling like one has to choose just a million times more important

I CARED about what happened to these characters

I feel that a part of that is how they made goldenloin the screentime of him regretting what he was going to bal, like u saw the raw, unresolved conflicts in his eyes every time he cornered him and ofc the “im fine, commander” scene REALLY just completes it all

If this movie was around when I was a child, I think it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache and maybe would’ve made me feel a bit better about being “too much”

And a lot more if I saw it when I didn’t know what my identity was (fun fact- I still dunno!)

And THE ANIMATION. THE ANIMATION. THE ANIMATION.

Ima just say- I’ve never seen characters melt onto each other that well, and even LESS in 3D ANIMATION??????

Also nimona’s unapologetic feral energy and how it both brings her up and throws her down- I just discovered a lot of myself in her and idk i guess I’m trying to be kinder to myself and ruder to those who aren’t kind to me (??)

I’m still figuring it out lol

[lucawrites11]

What the Spanish Line-Up should be if Montse's head wasn't up her ass.

The Forward Line:

Salma has been unfairly been facing a lot of criticism for her familiar to score and create chances but she is playing in the wrong position in the 9 after spending two seasons at Barcelona adapting to playing on the wing. This is why I propose playing her on the left-wing.

First of all, Salma has preferred playing down that left hand side and it's clear in her heat maps against both Japan (left) and Nigeria (right).

Furthermore, in the six shots over two games that she has taken, Salma is shooting off her left foot with three on her left, two on her right and one on her head.

Ona Batlle has been playing that left and right back role but she can partner Salma well with their speed link ups down the left wing. With the other full back options, her role is best at left back at present so playing Salma on the left wing allows the exploitation of that.

The opposite wing should be occupied by mariona caldentey. The right wing is not her preferred position but the speed of Ona and Salma should be kept on the same side of the pitch. Mariona's experience should partner nicely with the relative inexperience of Laia Aleixandri.

The centre forward role should be occupied by Jenni. She is Spain's best 9 in recent history and her ability to play that false 9 is unmatched no matter how old she is. Also the ability of Alexia and Jenni to partner on the pitch should not be underestimated. Their overlapping runs and ability to occupy the space that each other needs to occupy with no communication is invaluable to a side that is struggling to score like Spain is. Jenni's positioning in the box is more effective than Mariona or Salma. She can also help improve Spain's ability to score with her ability to hold up the ball inside the box to create chances and her ability to score from corners. It's actually absurd that Montse is not playing her.

The Defense:

At right back, Olga Carmona has been poor defensively and Oihane Hernández hasn't been an effective replacement. it's clear that fourth defensive player at full back is a problem that Montse has recognised unable to chose between Oihane and Olga but there is another option in Laia Aleixandri who has played right back before at club and country. I would go so far to say that she's just as good at right back as centre back.

In the WSL this season she has effectively played that right back role and it's evident in her season's heat map.

To replace Aleixandri at centre back Codina is there on the bench with a very impressive defensive ability when she's been given a chance to show it and is familiar partnering with Irene Paredes from playing against Barcelona. Also the match tomorrow is a good time to test the defensive partnership with little pressure.

The Midfield:

The APA (Alexia, Patri, Aitana) midfield is a no brainer. it's familiar and positive and attacking focused rather than Teresa Abelleira who clearly thought she was playing rugby and was only allowed to pass the ball backwards.

The Substitutes and the Bench:

23 players are in the team but only 18 can be in the squad on matchday. I do not believe that Montse has been effectively selecting her bench. The seven players should be:

Misa Rodríguez (GK)

Alba Redondo

Athenea del Castillo

Teresa Abelleira

Vicky López

Olga Carmona

Jana Fernández

Lucía García has been ineffective at both club and country, Alba Redondo has been a much more effective scorer and plays that more traditional 9 that can replace Jenni Hermoso. Alba Redondo should be the replacement for Jenni in the sixtieth or seventieth minute.

My preferred replacement winger would be Eva Navarro for this match. Eva Navarro should be the first choice to change the game and provide a goal scoring threat considering the hard time Athenea del Castillo has been having in front of goal and partnering with the rest of the squad effectively especially in terms of the overlapping runs. With Brazil being a low pressure game, it would be a good time for her to stretch her legs.

Teresa Abelleira and Vicky López should both sub into the midfield to give Alexia and Aitana a rest in the congested schedule no matter the score.

If there are injuries, Olga Carmona and Jana Fernández are good subs off the bench. I would like to see, however, Ona Batlle being given a break by the more versatile Jana Fernández to keep her minutes managed like Alexia and Aitana in the congested schedule.

[wordsmith30]

I also just have to talk about this GIF from the training scene because it gets me every single time. It’s different from the other comfort scenes we’ve seen so far (the hug in 1×03, the “Can you feel my hand?” in Shannon’s room, and the smile in the back of the van) because Ava is just stunned.

She was starting to panic inside the wall, begging for Beatrice to “bring [her] out.” Then, when it seems she’s gotten stuck, Ava hits the ground hard and lies hunkered down on her elbows, eyes closed and just trying to catch her breath. A moment later, Beatrice’s hands are on her shoulders and Ava flinches.

Given the way Frances abused and manhandled her in the orphanage, Ava is likely expecting something similar here – for Beatrice to haul her upright and tell her to try again (or worse, lecture her on her performance). But then Beatrice is cupping her face like a child’s, comforting her, soothing her. “It’s okay,” she says. “You did it.”

And Ava just looks up at her in astonishment, like she doesn’t know what she’s seeing. She blinks, processing, as Beatrice strokes her hair, and it’s like you can see the fear leave her eyes.

Because in those words, in that gesture, is “I’ve got you”, “You’re safe”, and “You can trust me.” It’s an affirmation of faith given and faith proven – of Beatrice’s trust in Ava’s success and Ava’s trust in Bea to see her through.

“Thank you,” Ava breathes.

It’s the only thing she can say because Beatrice has come to her aid again, is taking care of her again, and that feeling is still so new and strange, and overwhelming, but it’s also the tenderest thing in the world.

Ava’s gotten a glimpse of Beatrice’s combat skills – she knows the damage she’s capable of inflicting – but in the cradle of Beatrice’s hands is the safest she’s ever been.

Beatrice will not hurt her.

(GIF credit: @avassharpe)

[albaqae]

I’ve never been too religious, but somehow their story makes me have hope for what the undertones of religion are, and how it might not be as anti-humanity as I always thought.

Religion is constantly used against minority groups, dating as early as colonialism and as late as trans youth, but making a queer story with religious accuracy and have it not make fun of the religion itself is SUCH a power move and maybe what a lot of us needed to witness. Seeing everything we thought were meant to be opposites just work so harmoniously.

It holds out hope that one can hold onto tradition while exploring these sides of oneself, that they don’t necessarily have to be separate. That balance exists and doesn’t necessarily deteriorate a ‘side’. That there doesn’t have to be one winning champion. We really are all just silly little buggers figuring it out. And that’s more than okay.

Or at least, that’s what I got out of it.

Awhile ago @ouidamforeman made this post:

This shot through my brain like a chain of firecrackers, so, without derailing the original post, I have some THOUGHTS to add about why this concept is not only hilarious (because it is), but also...

It. It kind of fucks. Severely.

And in a delightfully Pratchett-y way, I'd dare to suggest.

I'll explain:

As inferred above, both Crowley AND Aziraphale have canonical Biblical counterparts. Not by name, no, but by function.

Crowley, of course, is the serpent of Eden.

(note on the serpent of Eden: In Genesis 3:1-15, at least, the serpent is not identified as anything other than a serpent, albeit one that can talk. Later, it will be variously interpreted as a traitorous agent of Hell, as a demon, as a guise of Satan himself, etc. In Good Omens --as a slinky ginger who walks funny)

Lesser known, at least so far as I can tell, is the flaming sword. It, too, appears in Genesis 3, in the very last line:

"So he drove out the man; and placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life." --Genesis 3:24, KJV

Thanks to translation ambiguity, there is some debate concerning the nature of the flaming sword --is it a divine weapon given unto one of the Cherubim (if so, why only one)? Or is it an independent entity, which takes the form of a sword (as other angelic beings take the form of wheels and such)? For our purposes, I don't think the distinction matters. The guard at the gate of Eden, whether an angel wielding the sword or an angel who IS the sword, is Aziraphale.

(note on the flaming sword: in some traditions --Eastern Orthodox, for example-- it is held that upon Christ's death and resurrection, the flaming sword gave up it's post and vanished from Eden for good. By these sensibilities, the removal of the sword signifies the redemption and salvation of man.

...Put a pin in that. We're coming back to it.)

So, we have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword, introduced at the beginning and the end (ha) of the very same chapter of Genesis.

But here's the important bit, the bit that's not immediately obvious, the bit that nonetheless encapsulates one of the central themes, if not THE central theme, of Good Omens:

The Sword was never intended to guard Eden while Adam and Eve were still in it.

Do you understand?

The Sword's function was never to protect them. It doesn't even appear until after they've already fallen. No... it was to usher Adam and Eve from the garden, and then keep them out. It was a threat. It was a punishment.

The flaming sword was given to be used against them.

So. Again. We have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword: the inception and the consequence of original sin, personified. They are the one-two punch that launches mankind from paradise, after Hell lures it to destruction and Heaven condemns it for being destroyed. Which is to say that despite being, supposedly, hereditary enemies on two different sides of a celestial cold war, they are actually unified by one purpose, one pivotal role to play in the Divine Plan: completely fucking humanity over.

That's how it's supposed to go. It is written.

...But, in Good Omens, they're not just the Serpent and the Sword.

They're Crowley and Aziraphale.

(author begins to go insane from emotion under the cut)

In Good Omens, humanity is handed it's salvation (pin!) scarcely half an hour after losing it. Instead of looming over God's empty garden, the sword protects a very sad, very scared and very pregnant girl. And no, not because a blameless martyr suffered and died for the privilege, either.

It was just that she'd had such a bad day. And there were vicious animals out there. And Aziraphale worried she would be cold.

...I need to impress upon you how much this is NOT just a matter of being careless with company property. With this one act of kindness, Aziraphale is undermining the whole entire POINT of the expulsion from Eden. God Herself confronts him about it, and he lies. To God.

And the Serpent--

(Crowley, that is, who wonders what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway; who thinks that maybe he did a GOOD thing when he tempted Eve with the apple; who objects that God is over-reacting to a first offense; who knows what it is to fall but not what it is to be comforted after the fact...)

--just goes ahead and falls in love with him about it.

As for Crowley --I barely need to explain him, right? People have been making the 'didn't the serpent actually do us a solid?' argument for centuries. But if I'm going to quote one of them, it may as well be the one Neil Gaiman wrote ficlet about:

"If the account given in Genesis is really true, ought we not, after all, to thank this serpent? He was the first schoolmaster, the first advocate of learning, the first enemy of ignorance, the first to whisper in human ears the sacred word liberty, the creator of ambition, the author of modesty, of inquiry, of doubt, of investigation, of progress and of civilization." --Robert G. Ingersoll

The first to ask questions.

Even beyond flattering literary interpretation, we know that Crowley is, so often, discreetly running damage control on the machinations of Heaven and Hell. When he can get away with it. Occasionally, when he can't (1827).

And Aziraphale loves him for it, too. Loves him back.

And so this romance plays out over millennia, where they fall in love with each other but also the world, because of each other and because of the world. But it begins in Eden. Where, instead of acting as the first Earthly example of Divine/Diabolical collusion and callousness--

(other examples --the flood; the bet with Satan; the back channels; the exchange of Holy Water and Hellfire; and on and on...)

--they refuse. Without even necessarily knowing they're doing it, they just refuse. Refuse to trivialize human life, and refuse to hate each other.

To write a story about the Serpent and the Sword falling in love is to write a story about transgression.

Not just in the sense that they are a demon and an angel, and it's ~forbidden. That's part of it, yeah, but the greater part of it is that they are THIS demon and angel, in particular. From The Real Bible's Book of Genesis, in the chapter where man falls.

It's the sort of thing you write and laugh. And then you look at it. And you think. And then you frown, and you sit up a little straighter. And you think.

And then you keep writing.

And what emerges hits you like a goddamn truck.

(...A lot of Pratchett reads that way. I believe Gaiman when he says Pratchett would have been happy with the romance, by the way. I really really do).

It's a story about transgression, about love as transgression. They break the rules by loving each other, by loving creation, and by rejecting the hatred and hypocrisy that would have triangulated them as a unified blow against humanity, before humanity had even really got started. And yeah, hell, it's a queer romance too, just to really drive the point home (oh, that!!! THAT!!!)

...I could spend a long time wildly gesturing at this and never be satisfied. Instead of watching me do that (I'll spare you), please look at this gif:

I love this shot so much.

Look at Eve and Crowley moving, at the same time in the same direction, towards their respective wielders of the flaming sword. Adam reaches out and takes her hand; Aziraphale reaches out and covers him with a wing.

You know what a shot like that establishes? Likeness. Commonality. Kinship.

"Our side" was never just Crowley and Aziraphale. Crowley says as much at the end of season 1 ("--all of us against all of them."). From the beginning, "our side" was Crowley, Aziraphale, and every single human being. Lately that's around 8 billion, but once upon a time it was just two other people. Another couple. The primeval mother and father.

But Adam and Eve die, eventually. Humanity grows without them. It's Crowley and Aziraphale who remain, and who protect it. Who...oversee it's upbringing.

Godfathers. Sort of.

[nohasslecastle]

Watch beatrice allowing herself to be selfish for the first time in a long time.

Ever since she became a nun she convinced herself her desires didn't matter. She had been a mean to her parent's political agenda and then she became a mean to the OCS's ends.

She had fought against it first "how can we be here just to fulfill some God's providence?" but being sent to that boarding school, stripped from everything she loved, being told what she wanted was sinful, made her surrender and think that maybe [maybe], existence was meant that way "things change when you realise not everything is about you".

She stopped asking God for help, even for forgiveness, who was she to merit his mercy? She prayed in a depersonalized way, repeating the words she had been taught, over and over again.

Then it came Ava. The girl who was the living proof that she had been wrong this whole time. Sure, at first Ava's selfishness annoyed her. Who was she to think she was greater than what God had put in her path? "whatever you want is insignificant" she wanted to tell her, the same way she had been told.

The truth was, however, she envied Ava's rebellion. Even though she had agreed to help them, in her daily life Ava did nothing but to please herself (she had been able to witness that in The Alps). She ate not to feed herself but to taste the flavors, she took showers not to keep clean but because she loved feeling water falling on her back, she read books not to learn but because they entertained her, she asked Bea silly questions about herself because, quoting "I really want to know you better".

Ava knew the world didn't revolve around her, Bea had realized that one sleepless night they got to have a deep conversation (for once) while staring at the ceiling. But the thing is... Ava didn't care. She would make the world hers if she could, "what's the point of being here if you can't have a crump of joy?" she had casually told her. "What's the point of being here..." yes, Bea had also asked herself that.

So watching her lying there, full of blood and lifeless... It wasn't fair. "I know the world its hard and unforgiving" she really knew it, she had learnt it from a young age "and I know that warrior nuns die" but it was not ANY warrior nun, it was ava, she wanted to live why couldn't HE give her that? "But please don't leave me" she would be alone again without her "I don't WANT you to die" she really didn't, she desired with every fiber of her body to keep her to herself, to touch her, to feed her, to talk to her, to love her, to make her hers. She WANTED Ava, she had never wanted anything more.

Why couldn't she have her? Why was God taking Ava away from her? Who was God to decide? It was unfair. Maybe she was not the center of the universe, she didn't fucking care, it was still unfair.

If ava hadn't woken up she would've hated God.

"God knows what's best for us" does he really? "For those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" then why have you forsaken me? "You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." Wrong, there could be nothing more holy than wanting Ava.

"Give her back. Give her back. Give her back" She repeated to herself as she was holding her in her arms. "I've never asked you anything for myself but give her back to me" just this time, for all the times she didn't ask, for all the desires she put aside, for all that she had been enduring since she was sent to that boarding school.

And then Ava wakes up. "I'd like to avoid thay myself" she says, sure she does. And she hugs her because she can, and she touches her face because she can, she finally holds her because she can, because it is what Ava wants, and because "who is she to deny that to Ava?". Having her in her arms alive, she finally looks up, "thank you for not taking her away from me... don't you dare do it again" she thinks. Except... he does.

[comic-book-jawns]

“It’s been more than two months since Netflix cancelled the fantasy drama Warrior Nun, but fans’ efforts to save it are only ramping up with a billboard near Netflix’s Los Angeles headquarters, another in Times Square and another five in London, in addition to ‘PR packages’ being shipped off to rival streamers — which begs the question: what makes a show about Catholic nuns so popular?”

[albaqae]

No I will not calm down because being in the TMNT fandom has allowed me to interact w so many neurodivergent people and I’ve felt so welcomed and accepted with everything I do that I always thought was kind of bad or weird and wrong. And being more educated abt autism and neurodivergence has completely changed the way I cope with panic attacks and unfavorable moments but also has changed the way I see my movements and sounds whenever I’m really excited and it’s shown me that I’m not a sole case, that there are multitudes of us— I just really think that whether or not one is neurodivergent, it’s so so so important to be more educated about stimming and sensory stimulation because it’s been so helpful even as someone that isn’t super sure about where they’re at, and it can also help so many undiagnosed individuals cope in ways that’s specific but doesn’t require a diagnoses to try out. AND even if you’re neurotypical knowing how sensory affects you can help you cope in ways that might feel silly but can be really really effective (playlist w gentle audio stimulation to calm down, textures that feel like you’re safe, foods that feel nice to eat, movements that communicate your excitement) ig it’s just meditation but in a neurodivergent pov it changes a lot and becomes more commonplace and everyday compared to an activity you need to take time to do and are therefore less likely to consistently practice.

Idk man I’m just another one of them queers trynna figure out, like always, where I fit, and I think that this is really important to understand, no matter who you are, and I hope that as we grow up we bring these thought with us to the future.

[niehaused]

So about that scene in WN where Beatrice is reading that journal entry to Ava...

I’ve only watched Warrior nun once this weekend, but I went back to rewatch this scene in particular and, there is just SO SO much to unpack from the suitcase this scene dropped on my lap 

1. Ava being like daamn she's translating straight from french that's hot (ava is someone who has effectively so far, missed on her entire life, missed on the most basic stuff walking, sensory tactile daily input, socialization outside of abuse. So she's truly getting to know and see and experience everything for the first time, she is hungry for living and knowing and finding out. So in this sense ofc it makes absolute sense that she'd be attracted to Beatrice who is pretty much a walking library, she's attracted to her on an instinctual level from moment one, she's just not rationalized yet that she is, but the magnetism is there) 

2. Ava repeating the word lesbich, because ofc her golden retriever brain would be like hey I know a whole new word and in a foreign language how cool is that?!! While also being painfully unaware that that word carries so much weight and pain for Beatrice and must be likely cringing internally to have the object of her affection just throwing the word around like it's nothing 

3. Ava's 'yeah she did!'. Once again reaching only an initial level of analysis and being excited because the nun in the story is a bada$s who just won't put up with abuse, cause in her eyes that must be literally so cool therefore violence and retribution is righteous. 

4. And then being crestfallen when she's notices Beatrice strong reaction to the whole story, then she's capable of grasping a deeper level of understanding of everything that's behind. It's not just retribution, it's hatred and fear and abject pain. She gets a glimpse of the other side of the coin, what the nun in the story/Beatrice deals with. A blinding rage, and overwhelming pain. It's not justice driving the sword, it's trauma. Her facial expression switched in seconds as does her approach to the rest of the story. 

5. Now she's able to see a connection between the warrior nun in this journal and Bea, she knows it is something primal but still can't put her finger exactly on what, yet she can feel that an immense pain is the thread that weaves both the story and Bea's visceral response to it.

6. Bea's realization that she's isn't the only one, she's not the only gay warrior sister. Up to this point I'm sure she must have felt isolated even inside her religious community, which became her family. They know who she is, but they don't know her completely. But there was someone just like her, through time, even at the distance she's not alone,  and she can also reach that feeling of being fully herself and at peace (I’ll forever wonder how Bea related to Shanon and Mary about this specific point). 

7. Bea being pissed at Ava's obliviousness. Ava being so close to the central theme of the story but still failing to connect they last final dots, which would save Bea an enormous amount of time working to an admission or confession of her love (which we actually didn't get, only after Ava was gone. Not even when Ava kissed her, not even when Ava took the leap and actually said I love you. Bea just wasn't going to be able to take those steps on time), if Ava could just realize by herself what Bea is feeling for her... But she doesn't and then Bea snaps because rly ava?! C'mon work with us here. 

8. Bea's gut wrenching admission that she became an academic overachiever to compensate for being gay. Now this is actually personal to me and I'm sure to most of the queer community, we've been there. Bea at some point literally felt she had no value as a person, only through discipline and excellence in everything she does :’(  she probably still feels that way, up until meeting Ava.

9. Bea dead a$s saying: 'What (who) you love, what (who) should make you happy only brings you pain'... while looking directly at ava.... Ava, sweaty, darling, honey baby, adoptive child of literal divine light, god’s chosen champion... my sister in Christ. Bea is pouring out her bleeding heart, looking straight into your eyes, admitting that even tho she loves you and you make her happy, you bring her pain. And in so many ways, as a christian believer/nun who's been told her whole life that being gay means your are doomed and automatically going to super hell, as a young queer woman who has gone to the almost ultimate stage of self denial of herself and her sexuality by becoming a nun, as a sister warrior entrusted with the safety of the halo bearer, as Ava’s very first and actual close friend, as a gay mess who’s trying so hard to keep her feelings on check because her relationship to Ava involves literally the world’s salvation and she has no idea if Ava is exclusively straight/or remotely queer. I cannot even with this specific exchange pls. This pained me on a molecular level because I was transported to my crush on a girl I met at bible camp when I was a prepubescent. (Yes I was at one point and against my will, an uncool christian nerd I’m no stranger to christianity and its multicomplex traumatic interseccion with queerness). And I still to this day wonder what became of Irene my Bible camp crush

10. Ava (despite not reaching the full understanding of the situation that Bea would like her to have) is emotionally smart, so whatever it is that's bothering Bea so much, she'll offer to listen to her, and if she isn't ready to do so, she can wait; but in the meantime she'll make damn sure to let Bea know that Beatrice isn't just 'barely acceptable', nor 'simply enough'. She is seen, she is full, whole and beautiful.

I did NOT need to have Beatrice thrusted upon me, introduced only to be taken away like this. I was living just fine without this knowledge, but yet here we are 

[coldzonkprofessorturtle]

Why Ava Silva is the hero we need

Alright, let’s talk about it. I’ve watched A LOT of television over the years and there’s nothing I love more than genre storytelling. Give me an ass-kicking, self-sacrificing female lead who gives everything and still saves the day. And let’s be honest there’s plenty of shows to choose from: Xena to Buffy to Supergirl to animated girlies like Korra and She-Ra and that trope is available in spades. With great power comes great responsibility and all these characters are constantly trying to serve the greater good despite the cost. 

And then there’s Ava Silva. She’s already dead when we first meet her and what’s most tragic of all is that she was never able to properly live. A most likely orphaned quadriplegic who’s abused and then murdered by the nun who was charged with caring for her - it’s about as devastating a backstory as you can get. She never has agency over her life or even her death in fact. She’s revived by chance when her corpse is used to hide the halo. She has no say in any of it. Her initial life is destroyed by the car accident that kills her mom, she’s murdered and can’t even rest in peace before being resurrected to then live a second life in which she’s told she has to fight for the Catholic Church (an institution that has only ever caused her harm) and then discovers that her newly granted role of Warrior Nun means she’ll most likely soon die again. Despite all this though (and because of it really) Ava appreciates life. Truly and fully. In a way that we’ve never really gotten to see before. In fact, she’s even selfish about it! How dare “the chosen one” run away in pursuit of her own happiness above all. 

In Ava, I’m reminded most of Buffy and the speech she gives to Giles at the end of the first season when she has to come to terms with her imminent death. She’s only sixteen and has to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders. She just wants to be a normal teenager but instead has to become the Slayer. 

Like Ava, Buffy dies (twice!). She cracks jokes like Ava makes puns and is extremely loyal to her friends/found family. The biggest difference between these two heroines though becomes apparent when in season six Buffy is ripped from the afterlife and has to fight again. Buffy wanting to be dead was such an insane twist. Shouldn’t the hero want to live? 

Buffy’s sacrifice is still some of television’s greatest storytelling. The show was originally going to end there before finding life on a different network (say what you will about that) but for the time it was also a powerful choice. 

Fast forward twenty years and along comes Warrior Nun. At this point heroes sacrificing themselves has become the norm. They’re supposed to die. Weighted down by the responsibility of life and “the hardest thing in this world is to live in it” feels like the truest of statements. And let’s be honest, life IS hard. But then there’s Ava. 

She appreciates what life can offer. She runs, she stuffs her face with food, she dances, she drinks, she loves deeply and learns to appreciate every sunrise. She doesn’t offer any pretenses about the fulfillment of death and through Ava as an audience we’re reminded of how precious and fleeting and affirming life can be. It’s such an incredibly important message because Warrior Nun wholly embraces (and shows us) what it means to live in a way that genre storytelling hasn’t always been able to. 

Of course, Ava still has to sacrifice herself. It wouldn’t be a proper end of the world genre show if she didn’t and her journey to making this decision is what makes this show so good (bless Avatrice). Warrior Nun’s cancellation particularly stings because of this. We still need Ava to have her happy ending. At the very least we’re currently left with the semblance of divinium-fueled hope (thank you Simon Barry!). We know Ava comes back - here’s to hoping the show gets to as well. 

[juodojimirtis]

I notice, the haircut change in S2 did mature her appearance, which fits her arc.

[albaqae]

Ok but the fact I haven’t heard of this until I logged into TUMBLR OF ALL PLACES and that I DIDNT EVEN KNOW ANY OF THIS just shows how western centered the world can be <33

everyone celebrating india's mission to the moon's south pole i love you and im with you but this is NOT india's first accomplishment in space!! im seeing a lot of people saying that but its not true. some other things we've done:

confirm the presence of water and ice on the moon

was the first asian nation to reach mars orbit, and the first nation IN THE WORLD to reach it in it's maiden attempt

saved thousands of lives from cyclone phailin in 2013 over the four days, resulting in 45 deaths when without them, would have been in the thousands at minimum

launched the first successful flight using the indigenous cryogenic engine

successfully neutralized a satellite in space with an anti-satellite (mission shakti, anyone?)

launched 104 satellites with one (1) rocket

THE VIKAS ENGINE??? HELLO?? NAMBI NARAYANAN??? even if you didnt know him before, surely youve seen the movie rocketry?

not to mention everything we've done in coordination with other nations, and achievements from Indian scientists and astronauts that were then taken by other nations, usually during war. plus, we've always been much more cost efficient than our space-faring peer nations

all to say!! we've always been there, and we've always been strong. our mission now only proves that, and we should scream it loud and proud for any westerner who ignores us again

[onsomenewsht]

now playing: Moon

< track 6 || fine.

》 Alexia Putellas x Reader, Leah Williamson x Reader (platonic), María Leon x Reader (platonic), Barcelona Femení x Reader

》 words count: +6k

》 how can I be dead to you / when we're looking at the same moon?

The second leg of the Champions League’s quarter final between Barcelona and Arsenal is scheduled ten days after the first one.

Ten days in which you do nothing but think about this game. About welcoming your former club in your new home. About the tactics and the plays that didn’t work out quite as you wished, about what to do and not do to be better.

About Alexia.

Alexia’s a constant thought, and for the first time since leaving Barcelona, you allow that thought to invade every single corner of your mind.

I hope you found what you left for

The conversation you had on your favourite spot replies over and over again in your head. Lying in your bed as you relive it all late at night or surprised by a sentence in the middle of practice, it’s always with you in some way. You let her smile pop up out of nowhere and let one of your own grow on your lips without a reason. You indulge yourself in speaking about your relationship, about her, about how you felt with her and how you feel without her.

You try to forgive yourself now you know she doesn’t hate you.

To the point you permit yourself to send a text to Eli and Alba and invite them to watch the game in the family and friends’ section of the Emirates Stadium. They obviously declined, but you didn’t expect them to actually take in your offer - it was a symbolic gesture.

However, the entire Putellas family accepts your invite out for dinner that same night, even if Alexia insists on paying since they just kicked you out of the Champions League.

“You’re my guests, I’m gonna pay”

“Vale, I’m paying next time then”, she smiles.

Despite all the analysis and the tactics and the effort the entire Arsenal team and staff put into the game, despite the immense support of the fans who fill the stadium and cheer from the start to the final whistle, you lose.

Tecnichally, you tie. Claudia manages an incredible equaliser in the eightieth minute, crushing your hopes as the harsh law of football enforces the advantage Barça needs to get through the semifinals.

Your former teammates are reluctant to come to you after the game, but you accept gracefully their hands and words of encouragement. The tension none of you realise is there dissipates as soon as Alexia invites you into a group hug, surrounding you in Blaugrana’s colours briefly before you escape with Claudia’s jersey.

“As a reminder you could be playing for another Champions League if you stayed?”

“No, as a reminder to never piss you off again”

María is unusually soft in her teasing, letting a few jabs pass by and taking you in her arms when she senses that you need a place to let go of your disappointment without getting caught by the cameras.

“No te pongas triste, nos veremos pronto” (Don’t be too sad, you will see me again soon)

“Don’t you dare ask me to be a bridesmaid or something”

“¡A la mierda!”, the defender’s laugh might be able to fill the now half empty stadium, “Pero te necesito para elegir mi traje” (But I need you around to pick my outfit).

“You still don’t know what to wear?”

“Necesito buen gusto de verdad, no puedo permitir a mi futura esposa de ayudarme” (I need someone with a real fashion sense, it’s not like I can let my future wife help me).

“Frido?”, you try to ask.

“Está de su parte” (She’s on Ingrid side)

“Alexia?”

You and María exchange a knowing look. The Catalan is the most helpful person in most situations, but definitely not the right one for this job.

You bid your goodbye with a promise of a trip back to Barcelona before the end of the season, an away kit in your hand and a plan for dinner with your ex’s family.

The atmosphere in the changing room is tense, your teammates are upset about the result and not really in the mood to talk.

“Well, we lost to them and ten days later we tie”, you manage to draw their attention to you, “next time we face them we’re gonna win”

It’s stupid, it’s a risky attempt to break the ice in the room, but the different and loud reactions you get from all the girls tell you you’re all gonna be fine - even if you have to dodge a pair of boots to prove it.

I hope you found what you left for

~

That day, that loss, somehow and in some twisted way, gives you permission to feel everything you need to feel.

You let yourself be upset about getting kicked out of the Champions League by your former team, but you also let yourself celebrate every single win with your new club. You let yourself feel the bittersweet taste of a second place in the championship, but you lift the FA Cup with the same excitement you lifted every trophy in Barcelona. You let yourself miss your teammates-turned-friends when you go each on your own ways for the off-season, but you also invite them to spend time at your place that feels every day more like home.

Leah is delighted to see more than a faded shadow of who you are, this new version of you every day more present and every day clearer.

“You know, Keira used to talk you up so much back when you played together”, she says as you try to pack everything you think you need in an oversized luggage.

You will pay the extra tax, better than being unprepared.

“I don’t meet the expectation?”

“Definitely not”, she ducks just in time to avoid a pair of socks.

“She described you as this outgoing, always up for a joke person, and we got a moody footballer who barely spoke to us outside of the training centre”

The English captain is not wrong, the first weeks in London were very challenging both physically and mentally as you tried to adapt to a different style of play and a different view of yourself.

I hope you found what you left for

It took you some time, Leah and all the other girls’ patience, an overwhelming heart to heart talk with your ex girlfriend, and a devastating loss to reveal the first results of your slow healing process.

“Look at me now”

“Yeah, I don’t have to force myself in here anymore. You even cook for me willingly”

“Well–”, you’re not as fast as her when she throws the socks back at you.

Luggage filled and closed, silence spreads in the room when both of you want to address something but you don’t want to start a conversation that’s most likely to make the other uncomfortable.

“Last meal?”

“I’m leaving for a week to Barcelona, not to a war zone”

“In some sense–”

You ignore the blonde, yet go into the kitchen to cook something for the two of you. She offered to help you pack and drive you to the airport tomorrow, the least you can do is feed her one more time before letting her on her own devices.

Alexia’s comfort meal is what you go for. The ingredients are the only ones available in your fridge, and, honestly, the food looks comforting to you too this time.

“I don’t mind this version of you”

“You’re such a good friend, Williamson, have I ever told you?”

“Several times actually”

You don’t think you are the same person you were back in Barcelona, but you don’t think that is a bad thing either.

Maybe you’re not as outgoing as you used to be and you don’t find yourself involved in all the jokes your friends plan, but you’re letting yourself relax around the people you feel close to and you don’t hide your emotions anymore - sad nor happy ones.

Not a shell anymore, you can feel this new version of you growing out and taking down the wall you built around yourself one brick at a time.

You left to find yourself, even if you had no idea where to start your search.

You keep finding some pieces you thought were lost forever, others you never realise weren’t with you anymore. Some pieces you drop along the way, others you carefully say goodbye to to be buried deep down. Some new pieces you pick up yourself, and right now, you don’t care if they will stay with you forever or just till you need them.

You’re moving and, wherever you’re heading, you’re finding yourself on the way.

“Do you want to come with me?”

Leah’s reaction to your question caught you off guard, she almost choked on the food she’s devouring as a famished kid.

“Did you just fucking ask me to be your plus one at a wedding the day before you leave for said wedding?”

“What can I say, I’m known for my perfect timing”

You hand her a glass of water, knowing she’s most likely able to see right through you even if your eyes are fixed on the now empty plate.

“Are you scared to go to your friend’s wedding alone?”

“I need a buffer”

“You need a bulletproof jacket”, she really sees right through you.

“You need a new knee but I’m not here pointing it out, am I?”

It’s not like you’re scared to attend María and Ingrid’s wedding alone, and it’s not like you need a comfort blanket to hold on while surrounded by your friends and former teammates and people from your life back in Barcelona.

“Look, I’m flattered, you’re cute at everything but—”

“Ew, no, if you don’t shut up right now I’m going to break your good knee”

Leah knows that’s not the reason why you’re asking her to be your plus one, she just wants to poke at you and get the words out of you.

It takes her a couple of more quips and annoying comments to let you admit the real reason.

“Mapi let slip Alexia’s taking someone”

“Oh, sweet little Trotter, you’re asking me to make two time Ballon d’Or winner Alexia Putellas jealous–”, she doesn’t have the time to end her sentence as you sprint toward her and she has a feeling you’re not joking anymore about kicking her.

~

Leah ends up taking you to the airport the next day, insisting to drop you off as a kid on their first day of school. You have a feeling she doesn’t accept your invitation because the short notice doesn’t give her the proper amount of time to pick the right outfit, nothing more.

Another English girl picks you up when you land under the barely raised Barcelona’s sun, you almost feel like they take turns to babysit you.

“Keira, not to sound ungrateful, but I genuinely can’t think of anything worse than being your guest”

“Ouch! Do you wanna be left on the side of the road?”

“I’ll be fine in my fancy hotel room by myself, really”

“By yourself, uhm?”

The seatbelt is the only thing preventing you from hitting your head on the dashboard, despite your best effort. Of course they gossip about you. Whatever you tell Leah, you know it’s like you tell Keira too and vice versa. You even found yourself in the middle of one of they’re gossip sessions once, your life is their favourite topic lately.

They’re lucky you can admit you own them your sanity.

“I don’t know who she’s bringing”

“I didn’t ask”, you scoff as if the question isn’t on the tip of your tongue for weeks.

Well, you’re gonna find out in a couple of hours anyway.

Keira reluctantly drops you at the hotel you’re staying at, voicing once more you could have stayed with her or any of your other friends who she knows offered their home.

Your former teammates are way nicer with you now they’re once again Champions League winners.

Maybe it’s also because you stopped hide and actually made an effort to stay in touch.

Both can be true.

Once settled in your room and ready to leave, you’re so anxious one could think you’re the one getting married as you retouch your makeup every five minutes and keep fixing non-existent creases in your maroon strapless dress. It’s a beautiful tailor-made piece you never found the excuse to wear till now.

It’s a call from María herself that stops you from spiralling again about the shape of your eyebrows.

“If this is a getaway call, you must know I have no car nor intention of helping you”

“Idiota! Dónde estás?” (Where are you?), she asks with a well hidden note of anxiety in her voice.

“I’m not gonna be late and take the spotlight away from you, don’t worry”

“¿Puedes venir aquí por favor?” (Can you come here, please?)

“María, I’m gonna kill you”, you state, sliding your heels on with one hand and calling the reception to hail a taxi with the other.

You stay with her on the phone the whole ride to the venue, thankfully just ten minutes away since you planned this visit meticulously to avoid any “accident”.

You definitely didn’t plan this though.

As you storm into the room your friend tells you to find her, you should have seen it coming.

“If you need a getaway car or a pep talk, you know I’m not the right person”

“¿No tienes un discurso para convencerme de casarme?” (You don’t have a speech to convince me to get married?)

“You don’t need a speech”

“Ay, no, no lo necesito” (No, I don’t), she confirmed as you take in the grin and the attire she’s wearing, “Pero tu sí” (But you do).

María is relaxed and ready to walk down the aisle, saying goodbye to who you think is the makeup and hair team. You could have punched her if not out of respect for the incredible job they did. Just then you notice all the people in the room, Alexia in the corner with a sympathetic smile on her perfectly traced lips.

She’s stunning.

The long royal blue dress she’s wearing shows just the right amount of tanned skin, gold jewellery complimenting her features and making Alexia glow in a way you will never forget.

“I told her it was a stupid idea”

You must have been frozen in place for a second too much.

“Quiero que te levantes y digas cosas bonitas, Nena” (I want you to stand up at some point to tell some nice things)

“Just ask like a fucking normal person, María!”

“Lo hice, dijiste que no” (I did, you said no)

“So you made me think you wanted to ditch the whole thing?”

“Estás aquí temprano, ¿no? Tienes tiempo de escribir un buen discurso” (You’re here early, aren’t you? You have time to write something good)

The relaxing methods your new therapist drilled into you the past weeks better work, you’re really close to making your friend get married with a black eye as payback for the heart attack she got you.

“You’re so lucky I love you”, you sigh as the defender kisses your cheek and leads the way out of the room.

Apparently, you better hurry up as your outbursts pushed the schedule five minutes back what it’s supposed to - much to the wedding planner’s annoyance.

Alexia slows down her pace to walk next to you as you follow the indications given to you.

“Finally”

“What?”

“I can finally see you in this dress”, her smile is way too honest for the day you’re both about to go through, “Worth the wait”.

-

The ceremony is short and sweet. You’re not sure how María Pilar León manages to stay still for so long, but Ingrid’s hand intertwined with hers the entire time must be the main reason.

There’s some sort of light surrendering your friends. It may be the stunning yet intimate venue they choose or the Barcelona sun hitting at the perfect moment as they smile at each other. It may be the love you can feel radiating from the couple or the support and genuine excitement all the people in the room are sharing for the occasion.

Whatever it is, you’re happy to be part of it.

María and Ingrid exchange their vows with tender words and silent promises you know they’re making to each other. At some point you even have to hold on Frido’s arm, sit on your left side, as you start to cry big tears that are most definitely ruining your makeup.

Feeling Alexia’s eyes on you the entire time is not helping.

You have no idea that the wedding photographer is snapping a couple of pictures of you and the other guests in their emotional state, as per Mapi’s request. It surprises you way later when the Spanish defender posts the photo on her socials on your birthday - you block her for a month just to spite her.

When the sun sets and you manage to compose yourself a bit, the party starts and Ingrid takes it upon herself to make you lose your composure, handing you the first drink of the day.

You’re pretty sure the wedding planner hates you as he finds out you’re not only the reason why arranging seats and tables was so unnecessarily difficult, but he also has to brief you at the last minute about the little moments they planned and when you’re supposed to make your speech.

You know for sure he hates you when you tell him you actually still have to write it down so a delay in the schedule is needed. He leaves you with some paper, pen and cursed words.

It looks like everyone wants to talk to you and you find yourself the centre of attention way more times you’re comfortable with, even more than the newlyweds - much to their amusement.

A lifesaver comes in the form of Lucy Bronze, the buffer you didn’t know you needed, but you’re glad is around to help you deal with the Spanish excitement that surrounds you all over.

The English girl, who you now understand is the bonus member of the blonde squad that for some reason hunts you, is acting as your personal bodyguard since Keira is already not sober enough to be helpful.

“Please, tell me you wrote your speech”, Lucy’s eyeing your second refill of the day.

It’s an open bar, after all, you’re not letting María’s mother warm embrace and some girl you don’t remember the name of - but met maybe twice while celebrating a trophy’s win - messing with your mind more than what you’re already doing by yourself.

“I wrote a complaint and a draw of a monkey throwing shit”

“Classy, I can’t wait to see what you’ll go for”

“I told María fucking Engen-León not making me do a fucking speech”

Pages of scribbled words later, you’re back in Barcelona for your best friends’ wedding with no speech, no idea of what you’ll say and not sober enough to write down anything nice about a certain defender.

“Language, por favor”

You almost drop your glass when you feel Alexia’s hand on your back to get your attention and a teasing grin on her face. The desire to trace her lips with your finger is stronger now the first drinks are hitting.

“She can still scold you?”

“You have no idea the things she can still do to me, Bronze”, you mutter as you practically bottom down your drink.

“Can I steal you for a moment?”, she asks with a softer smile.

“I’m pretty sure the words were–”

Lucy doesn’t have time to finish her sentence as both you Alexia hit her without taking your eyes off each other. She gets the hint and leaves with a laugh.

“My date wants to say hi”

You’re pretty sure her words just triggered a malfunction in your already damaged brain. You could have been less shocked if she had asked to marry her right now and there.

“What?”

“Vien conmigo” (Just come with me)

Alexia is way too amused for your liking, but you follow her lead without real hesitation - leaving behind your empty glass and probably what’s left of your sanity.

As the two of you approach the table her family is sitting at, her hand finds a place on your back in a comforting way when you spot Eli, Alba and another tiny brunette you immediately know is about to make you cry.

The kid is too focused on her drawing to notice the two approaching, Alba nudges her, and the little girl retorts back with a hit. As soon as you are spotted, the colourful paper and the annoying woman are both forgotten.

Alexia’s little cousin, Zoe, comes at you at full speed and you’re able to welcome her into your arms fast enough just thanks to your professional athlete’s reflexes.

You hold on to her green dress as the girl jumps in your arms, too excited to see you again after more than a year to realise she’s speaking rapidly at you.

“En español, monita, por favor”, Alexia intercepts.

“¡Estás aquí!” (You’re here)

“Yeah, estoy aquí”

Alexia can’t hold back a laugh as you try to keep up with the little girl’s energy, who is set to tell you everything she has done since the last time she saw you. You were around when Zoe was barely old enough to walk properly.

Four years is a long time when you’re as young as the kid is.

The two of you were a pair who always managed to drive Alexia crazy and fill her heart with love at the same time.

“Ale me dijo que ya no vivis juntos, ahora tu juegas para Inglaterra” (Ale told me you don’t live together anymore, you play for England now)

“Juego para un equipo inglés” (I play for an english club)

“¡El equipo rojo! Pregunté Ale tu camiseta” (The red one! I asked Ale for your jersey)

“¡Ay, ¿de verdad?!” (Oh, did you really?), you notice Alexia’s blush immediately, keeping up the teasing thanks to the little girl.

You manage to calm Zoe enough to make her sit back. She’s mostly on your legs as the two of you keep talking and taking turns picking colours. All under the watchful sight of Alexia, who was instructed to sit down too by her cousin.

When the draw is finished and signed, you can feel the young mind running. The little frown in the middle of the forehead is a sight you’re way too familiar with.

“Qué está pensando, monita?” (What’s on your mind?)

“¿Estás de vuelta?” (You’re back in Barcelona?)

Alexia tries to divert the conversation, sensing her cousin is about to ask or say some things that are way too difficult to explain - despite being such easy questions. However, you smile and nod to let her know you can deal with it.

“He vuelto para Mapi’s boda y podemos celebrarlo juntos” (I’m back for Mapi’s wedding, so we can celebrate together)

“Lo sé, Ale me dijo que estarías aquí y quería saludarte” (I know, Ale told me you could be back and I wanted to say hi)

“Siento haber desaparecido, intentaré venir saludar más” (I’m sorry I disappeared, I’ll try to come say hi more when I can)

“¿Prometes?” (You promise?), Zoe holds up a tiny finger, mimicking a gesture you taught her years ago.

You wrap your pinky around hers firmly, shaking it three times. It’s another promise you’re not going to break.

“Tienes que prometerlo a Ale también, ella te echa de menos” (You have to promise Ale too, she miss you)

“Lo sé” (I know)

The way Zoe is tracing coloured lines around her drawing is a tell that she still has a lot of questions for you, probably not satisfied enough with the answers she got from Alexia.

The pair of you spent a lot of time with the kid as you always encouraged the Catalan to spend as much time as possible with her extended family too, knowing it pained her to have a little cousin who looks up at her with such admiration but not actually seeing her much.

Also, babysitting Zoe was so fun for you and an excuse to tease Alexia in so many ways you took the chance on any possible occasion.

“¿Aún la amas?” (You still love her?)

The chair you’re sitting in is strong enough to keep you still even if the entire room is spiralling, and you’re pretty sure there’s a huge hole under your expensive heels. You caught Alexia’s panicked face out of the corner of your eye too.

It takes you a moment, but when you answer Zoe’s question you’re the most sure you have ever been in the past year or so.

“Siempre la amaré” (I’ll always love her)

~

Ironically enough, the wedding planner is the one saving you from yourself and the innocent questioning of a kid.

You stand in your designated spot with a microphone in one hand and a piece of paper in the other - blank if not for the doodles you let Zoe draw on it. You will play the part, props at all.

There may be no speech planned or intention to do one in the first place, but you know what to talk about when talking about love.

After a short introduction of who you are - even if almost everyone knows you for some reason or other - and a couple of football related jokes, you manage to buy yourself enough time to find a pair of soft eyes in the crowd.

You saw María and Ingrid growing a supportive and caring relationship, you know both of them enough to describe how wonderful their love is and even landing some good jokes on Mapi’s expenses.

You know how being in love feels like enough to get some people emotional, you know how being loved feels like enough to make some other cry.

“Finally, I would like to propose a toast”, you raise your glass and wink at the wedding planner - he may have had a heart attack during a questionable part of your speech, but you definitely saw him shed a tear or two at the end.

“To Ingrid, who is one of the thoughtful human beings I have the honour to look up to in my life. You don’t even need words to let people understand your love for them, it’s the most important thing you taught us and the one I’ll try the most to remember when my mind and my mouth will fighting against each other”

The Norwegian woman looks at you with a warm smile as she raises her own glass, reaching for her wife’s hand.

“To María, who is one of the most annoying human beings I have the privilege to call family. You taught us that everyone deserves to be respected and taken care of, that you don’t even need to know someone to make them feel welcome. I’ll never forget you proved it to me the very first day we met, and I’ll keep trying to grant myself the same care you unconditionally show me”

Your friend is crying as you smile at her, trying to let her understand how much you appreciate everything she did and does for you, how much you appreciate her firm support despite her opinion on your choices.

“To everyone here, who is witnessing a celebration of love that’s never going to fade as we’ll keep it alive”

Alexia’s eyes on you make you believe your own words more than anything else.

~

As the night progresses, most of the guests are gone. The ones still standing are the closest to the couple and the ones who managed to take the most advantage of the open bar.

You’re obviously among those.

The break from dancing you treat yourself with is filled with rapid words from Ona, Lucy, Aitana and Keira, all engaged in a conversation about your performance at Arsenal and how you can do better next season.

It’s not really talk shop as they’re making fun of you and the unfortunate episode that saw you tripping on the ball while attempting a quite impressive shot outside the box.

You found your footing and the back of the net shortly after, so their amusing is quite frankly unnecessary if you can say yourself.

“Mary let that ball pass ‘cause she was laughing so much, that’s all”

“Fuck you, Bronze!”

“She’s right, I saved the video and I watch it every time I miss you”

“You’re worse than Mapi”, you don’t dignify Keira with an answer as you leave the group to refill your drink.

“Lo siento en mi corazón cuando hablas de mi” (I can feel in my heart when you’re talking about me)

Out of nowhere, María appears in front of you, and as the magician she apparently is tonight, it makes your glass disappear, all while dragging you toward the bubble of loud dancing guests.

You could be mad at her if not for the genuine laughs that are surrounding you, making you miss those girls but convincing you to enjoy this occasion even more.

“Gracias por hoy, Nena” (Thank you for today)

“Estoy tan feliz por ti” (I’m so happy for you)

You don’t know if it’s the alcohol, the beautiful day you’re having or the fact your best friends just got married and you couldn’t be happier for them, but you sense this is an emotional moment for the two of you.

The Spaniard holds you in her arms firmly, whispering barely loud enough for you to hear, “I want you to be happy too”

“I’m getting there”

The moment ends when the soft smiles on both your faces turn into grins and then open laughs as you start getting loose around all your friends.

You accept Jana’s hand gracefully as she drags you between her and Claudia, the two dancing as no one is watching and taking you down in a mindless movement of arms and hair.

“Still no rhythm at all”

You’re sure you’re drunk enough to imagine Alexia’s hands on your waist as she gets closer to make fun of you.

To be fair, out of the two of you, the Catalan is the one with the worst moves. She is just lucky to be incredibly sexy as she dances.

“You were sober enough to remember that night out after our first Champions League”

“¡Ajá, cállate! Someone tripped me”

“Yeah, your own feet”

The music is loud and the bodies around move in a way that you have to stay basically pressed on her to keep the teasing conversation going.

At least that’s what you tell yourself as you grip her arm to let a carefree laugh out.

“You were sober enough to kiss me that same night, what does that say about you?”

“That I have the worst timing ever!”

You mean nothing but the truth, Alexia knows and she keeps you close despite your friends trying to involve you in a group dance - the two of you too wrapped in your own bubble to notice.

Keira does though and she openly calls you out on your behaviour, reminding you this may not be the best time or place to dance with your ex girlfriend as this is your own wedding.

~

The party slows down late in the evening, the last guests bidding their goodbyes and congratulating the happy couple once again.

You’re next to María as she hugs Alba - Eli and Zoe declared the night over a while ago. The defender’s hair is messed up, and a thin sheet of sweat from the dancing and the emotion of the day is covering her forehead. She never looked better.

“When are you leaving?”, the younger girl asks when is your turn to hug her.

“I’ll stay for a couple of days, I planned the off-season under the Italian sun”

“¡Vale!, you can come at dinner one of those”

“I’ll see what I can do”, you smile as you lightly push Alba and her knowing smirk away.

When you admit the day is officially over for you too, María and Ingrid both wrap you in a tight embrace to shower you with kisses and rapid words of gratitude in three different languages you’re way too tired to even try to understand.

At least you can tell they’re happy about your speech.

“I can take you to your hotel”

“You keep offering me rides, you sure you’re not thinking of a career change?”

“I don’t see myself getting a taxi license anytime soon”, Alexia’s attempt at a serious tone is making you giggle way too much for such a simple joke.

The walk toward her car is a silent one and it doesn’t turn uncomfortable when you get cosy in the passenger seat, taking your heels off with a sigh of relief.

The Catalan smiles as she remembers you tend to drop your manners when happily exhausted.

You look at her changing her shoes, a pair of sneakers always in the car for a safe ride, and you keep your eyes on her as she connects her phone to select a playlist.

It’s a ten minute ride at best, but she has not asked where you’re staying, and you’re too curious to find out what she’s planning to point it out.

You’re content and tired enough to admit every minute more you get to spend with Alexia is a win in your book.

She’s the one breaking the silence, turning the volume down a bit and keeping her gaze on the street even if the traffic light in front of you is glowing her features bright red.

“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable with Zoe”

“I was happy to see her again, she’s getting so tall”

“Yeah”

“Lo siento” (I’m sorry)

Leaving Barcelona meant leaving Alexia, but it was your choice.

And it was your choice to leave every single one who reminds you of her too. Ignoring your friends and finding excuses to not face the consequences of your disappearing. Avoiding Eli and Alba’s calls, too ashamed of the pain you inflicted on the most important person in their life.

It was all your choice.

“We broke up, I didn’t expect you to keep in touch with my family”

“You didn’t expect me to break up with you in the first place”

Alexia turns to look at you for the first time since the ride started, no one behind you calling out to move as the light turns from red to green to red again.

“I can be held accountable for my own choices, Alexia”, you nod at her as she restarts the car to a still unknown destination.

“I was honest with Zoe”

“Lo sé”

“Tú eres mi corazón, te amaré por siempre” (You’re my heart, I will always love you)

“Lo sé”

A full moon high in the dark sky, the view from your windows is getting unfamiliar, but the woman next to you seems to know exactly where she’s going. The pace she’s keeping is slow enough to calm your nerves but fast enough to keep you awake.

There are so many things you want to say, so many useless apologies and unnecessary confessions on the tip of your tongue.

It could be so much easier if she’d hate you.

“I knew you would leave”

“What?”

“I knew you would leave, I knew you found the ring”

Her words manage to steal the breath from your lungs and stop the rhythm of your heart, you go from feeling nothing to everything in a split second. The music is suddenly too loud, the fancy car is crushing on you, and your own body is failing to respond to your commands.

Alexia immediately notices your distress, stopping on the side of the road and lowering your window to let the fresh night air hit your face. She wants to touch you, to ground you as she learned to do, but she’s aware she may make things worse.

You reach for her hand, holding on to her as a lifeline and she does everything she needs to to take you back.

“Sorry, I didn’t see that coming”, you say when you’re ready to think properly again, your attempt to joke landing just because Alexia knows you well enough to understand what you need right now.

“Yo–”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“¿Por qué no lo hiciste tú?” (Why didn’t you?)

The million dollar question, why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you let her know? Why didn’t you just talk with her about your feelings and your fears?

You pay your therapist enough to answer those questions for you.

“I don’t think it could have changed anything”

“You couldn’t know”

“And I’ll never, it’s all done now”

You need her to hate you, you need her to hate you and not want to do anything with you ever again.

You need her to leave you.

Not like you left Barcelona, you need her to leave you behind and move on. It’d be so much easier.

Instead, you’re both moving on and you both are still moving in the same direction.

“You would have said sí”, it’s not a question.

“Of course”

You realise you’re still holding on to her just when the Catalan squeezes your hand three times, keeping you grounded and keeping herself together. Your confirmation is both unnecessary and needed, hurting and comforting.

“I want you to love yourself as much as I do”

“I’m trying”

It’s a whisper, it’s a confession you’re not sure you’re ready to hear yourself.

“I’ll be here when you’re ready”

“Alexia, no–”

“Sí”, she drops your hand just to firmly hold your face, guiding your gaze and your tears filled eyes on hers, “I’ll be here when you’re ready, here in Barcelona or wherever here will mean for us”

“I can’t ask you that”

“You’re not asking”

Tears are falling freely now, her thumb tracing your flushed cheeks and your fists holding desperately on her dress. The position you both are in is uncomfortable, the air from the open window tickles your neck, and Alexia’s honesty is crushing your heart, but you never felt better.

“I know you could do whatever I ask, stay in Barcelona or marry me. I need you to know I could do whatever you ask too”

“Then we’re stuck”

“No, we’re both moving”

“You wanna see where we end up?”

“Wherever it will be, we’ll find each other”

replay to start from track 1 >

[simplykorra]

I’m going to make an “analysis” post about this two tiny shots/acting excellence from KTY because I think there is so much to it that it needs to be talked about.

The first one is this:

When Beatrice tells Ava she doesn’t want to go with Miguel and she’ll see Ava at home, there’s a sadness in her face, a longing plea to not pursue this - to stay in this tiny little bubble they’ve created. Where it’s just them against the world.

The more Ava reaches out to people, the more she sees of the world beyond the two of them, the more Beatrice is afraid Ava will believe what Beatrice believes about herself - that she isn’t good enough. Isn’t valuable enough. Isn’t useful enough.

Isn’t worthy of love, of Ava’s love.

Obviously, this is all in Bea’s head, Ava is in love with her already at this point, we’ve seen it here:

But to Beatrice, who Ava has pulled out of her shell so much in their time together, there’s still this part of her that is trapped in self-loathing - in the things she was told and the way she was treated growing up.

That she’s no good, that her love is wrong and that she is more of a tool than a person - while Ava has this light and energy that she could never reach or contain or be strong enough to hold on to.

It comes up again here:

When Ava comments on Beatrice’s “easy on the eyes” line, you can just see how it affects Bea. There’s this rift in Beatrice that you can feel throughout the first two episodes of season 2 - I think in this scene when Ava calls her out for her jealousy and makes this comment, it hurts Bea more than she says because it plays into the doubts in her mind that she’s too wrong, too tainted and too different to ever really have a chance with Ava.

Like if the halo and Adriel and the OCS and all of it fell away, why would Ava go for someone like her when she could have literally anyone?

It’s just little things (I could make a whole post about Alba’s acting choices too because they’re both so fucking talented it’s altered my brain on the importance of performance) but these subtle things are a part of what make these two and their love story so special.

[scarabjewels]

Why is No One Talking About The Hellboy Animated Movies?

This is probably a very specific cult following, a niche niche if you will. But let me tell you, if the 2D underrated classics such as Atlantis, El Dorado,Treasure Planet and Anastasia have a strong cult following, why not this?

Every one of these essays, I always have some short origin story of me discovering it and OF COURSE THIS IS ALSO HAS ONE.

I came across one of the movies in a DVD of a mix of different cartoons, such as Static Shock and maybe 70s/80s Fantastic Four episodes.

It was The Sword of Storm movie, where my love of dark mythological action animated movies continued. I was already a mythology enthusiast as a kid. My past times were reading encyclopedias and watching my mom's extensive collection of documentary DVDs. As for dark animated action movies, DC and Marvel had a lot, and it slipped into pirated DVDs back in the day.

Anyway, it was AMAZING. Hello, JAPANESE AKUMAS, THE ATMOSPHERE, THE LORE.

Fast forward to some years later, I found out that there was another movie and one that was unfortunately cancelled. Loved it too much that I went ahead and tried to read the comics, specifically the ones produced by Dark Horse, as it was related directly to the animated movies.

I craved those kinds of genres in animated media at the time, but I couldn't find ones that I really stuck to, the DC animated movies were good, the old Marvel ones were great and then Trese came, and it was just perfect. Then Castlevania and Blood of Zeus followed after, I have yet to watch it.

So again, why are these so underground niche.

I don't really have qualms or analysis about these movies, I just want to write just how much I appreciate it.

The Dark Action Comics Feel

I am not a comic reader at all by the way, I barely read them. I like manga a little more, and I like my action in moving pictures more than in panels. That said, I appreciate the art of it.

Western dark comics hit a lot different. The simplistic animated styles work well with suspense.

Though Guillermo directed the animated and live action of Hellboy, I would argue that he got the feel of it best in Hellboy Animated. I have yet to see the live action movies, but I recall seeing a glimpse and was very dissappointed. I liked the costumes but I didn't like the brightness and the subplots. It felt like Fantastic Four (2005) with Chris Evans and Jessica Alba (no hate to the movie, I actually really like that one). It wasn't dark enough, but these materials getting adapted into live action are difficult already. That's why a lot of superhero animated movies surpass the action in live a lot of the time.

Hellboy Animated was the best way it could've been adapted. Do note that Hellboy was not an original idea of Guillermo. It existed way before, and it was even darker.

It was dark enough, not too cringey. It was serious but not taking itself too seriously. it was the right blend of dark action, witty, and visually appealing.

The Dialogues and The Characters

Okay, this is one that really sold me on the movies. Somehow, the lines were humorous and short. SHORT.

I also loved that Hellboy was a character who didn't give two shits and just done with the world, yet does his job anyway and is kind. He is like a broody cool but drunk 40 year old man who just exists. WHICH IS BY THE WAY A PROTAGONIST TROPE USED IN A LOT OF LIVE ACTION MOVIES. I don't know if it's the same in the live Hellboy movies, I am really hoping that his lines are just "Crap" and have simple fun expressions.

Also, I find that Abe is a lot more ...attractive in the animated ones? I have seen the costume of him in the live and I think it also inspired a project of Guillermo after, "The Shape of Water". It's not bad at all, just...creature like than humanoid creature. If anything, maybe the creature in The Shape of Water was closer to Abe's hotness. Guillermo has so much of these characters that ...he just might be a furry (HAHAH). Anyway, Abe is like a hot fit nerd action hero, which I think a lot of us wish would even go to that level.

Okay now, Liz. First of all, why is Liz Hellboy's gal? HE HAS HIS OWN IN THE ANIMATED. Her name is Kate, and she has known him a lot longer than Liz. She is also a hot nerd ( opposites attract a type of deal). Liz is similar to Hellboy, but younger and getting used to her powers. Hellboy sees her like a younger sister, too, and is affectionate to her like one. Liz is more of the action hero that Scarlett Johansenn could play her. Her lines would be sarcastic, and her voice was very Megara, just under your breath sassy. Also...her chemistry with Abe...you can not tell me it's not PLANTED.

The other characters are also perfectly voiced and don't drag on too long in a scene even when they are the focus. Again, their "budgetting" with visuals and dialogue in a scene were straight to the point. They say a little bit while saying, just perfect in Show, Don't Tell. Other than the main trio, I found a few more characters memorable: Kate and The Professor.

I already mentioned Kate, she is this quirky girl who is hot, rocks a blonde bob undercut and dangling earrings, and almost always appears 5-10% in the movies but always memorable. Her relationship with Hellboy was told through her dialogues, without even telling us too much. It's not "We've known each other for so long" it's "He could be a big grump and he's even older than he looks", that's how you do dialogue people. Ehem, I'm looking at you. "Truth or dare." She does appear little but is clearly significant either to the plot in the story (in the Sword of Storms) or by the characters (in Blood and Iron). I just think she's cool too. She is so excited with going on about the scientific details related to missions, and the characters adore her.

Professor Trevor, aka Hellboy's adoptive father and one of the founders of BPRD (Buruea of Paranormal Research and Defense), is definitely one of the more important characters in the Hellboy Universe. He was the one who raised Hellboy, as well as doing operations at the same time. They showed me his importance with just dialogue and the smallest cutscenes ever. The mastery of that technique was evident in underrated comic movies.

And HELLBOY, the titular character was the best one ever. He is probably Sleeping Beauty because he has the fewest lines in those movies. That man is stoic, unbothered, laid back and incredibly CHILL AF. I see these characters aa side characters a lot, so seeing a character like this as the main character is so fun to watch, like he does not need development yet it's his world and we're all living in it. That man is zen to the max, yet is sad to be destined to lead the world. Reminds me of older Kratos (God of War), just 100 times more chill and more swag, out of the two, he is that gentle giant you can hang with in a bar and maybe even get high with, Older Kratos is way too intimidating but you'd feel very safe around him more.

The Mystique Tone weaved with the World Building

The dialogues already brought out the world building, how the organisation of paranormal defence is a serious thing. See, taking something so fantastical so seriously can counter its intention, when done correctly and properly, you can hone a cult following, which is why DCU, Marvel and the X-men evolved from comics for the children into basically modern art and literature for its niche. That's also why I am wondering why Hellboy is not as beloved. The comics before Dark Horse are pretty hard-core. The world building is pretty good in movies alone. It's like a contemporary take on supernatural noir. It's mysterious, dramatic, and (this is specific to me, I dunno why) smooth.

Trese (the filipino horror/thriller comic that had its show adapted during the pandemic in netflix) reminded me of Hellboy, and even Trese too, small cult following when I think it does deserve do much more.

Now, the world is building specific to the movies.

I'm referring to the inadequate tone with the existence of the BPRD, the people who work there, and that they are literally like a private organisation with connections to the government. Think S.H.E.I.L.D from Marvel. Only the organization is not dramatically futuristic and really in your face about it. It's super chill and like an underground organisation, too. They are literally normal anywhere and everywhere. Also, they feel so much more mysterious because, again, they don't say what they are doing in detail like blockbuster movies. They do it straightforward, and you figure it out quickly. An example is in Sword of Storms, Hellboy disappeared into another dimension, the BPRD is looking for him. What's so funny and awesome about it is that dimensions aren't new to the BPRD and that Hellboy's disappearance is also not uncommon. They literally casually said that he was not on the planet. The reactions are just "great, looks like we'll wait this out again." That's a subtle node to the world building of this universe, the inadequacy.

The Sympathetic Aspect and Humanity of the Story and Characters

I watched a video essay about the movies and he pointed out two stories of how much it has humanity and sadness in it. I think this is what somehow makes it separate from grandiose epic tales of the hero vs the monster.

In the Sword of Storms, the first scene is a mission in a Mayan Temple where they had to fight with a giant bat worshipped as a God in that particular setting. Long story short, the bat rose an army of the undead, and Liz, Abe, and Hellboy had to fight them all. Liz, having pyrokinesis, unleashes her powers like hellfire, burning the bat and the undead army. The score of Liz's powers feels exactly like hellfire, which is to cleanse the soiled. The sad part is that the bat may have been monstrous, but it was shown glimmer of complete sadness when it looked at its army and accepted its gruesome fate to burn with them. It reminded me of Shen's last scene in Kung Fu Panda 2, where he fought Po with everything he got, in the midst of the fight, a pillar was doomed to hit him, Shen sees this and he just closes his eyes, accepting his defeat.

The other one is a fleshed out subplot in Blood and Iron. It was about a priest the professor had met years ago in a mission. He was once a young and proud priest but faced an existential crisis, losing faith in God as he witnessed the acts of a vampire, later became a servant of that same vampire. Professor Broom and him met again, a little after the former priest killed a man as he was ordered to. The professor gave him words of wisdom and gave him a crucifix, a symbol of his faith restoring. However, it was not to be a happy ending, as he was transformed into a werewolf to become a hindrance of the BPRD succeeding in their mission. When he was eventually killed, we got a small shot of the crucifix in his transformed hand. It was incredibly a sad and dark ending, which was sort of beautiful and came full circle for him.

The point of these kinds of comics is to not glamorize the formula of epics but to emphasise the protection of humanity. Trese also did the same (Man, I should make an essay about this). Professor Broom is pretty much the character that really showed my point. He acts within reason, and even at a younger age, he was very wise beyond years. He didn't come in a monster killing hero, but at best consultant. In Blood and Iron, Erzebet, the serial vampire, was beyond saving and needed to be killed to save countless lives she plans to take. When he met the priest again, he witnessed that the priest murdered and his words alluded that he did it many times before. Yet he urges to forgive himself and that it was never too late for him as he hands him the crucifix. The professor literally adopted a demon boy and raised it as a son, to whom we know as Hellboy. He doesn't believe that everyone is inherently bad, as he chose to believe the good can be taught and redeemed again. He is probably the most beautiful person in this universe, damn to stay true and grounded with those kind of values in that kind of work, reminds me of a quote from the Emperor from Mulan : " No matter how much the wind blows, a mountain cannot bow to it".

Most of the members of The BPRD are not fully human, similar to mutants of X-Men. Hellboy is literally a demon, raised as a human, Liz is pyrokinetic, and Abe is a humanoid amphibian. Yet they are incredibly human. They would casually have a conversation about pastries they tried when they were out on a mission.

Conclusion:

While I was researching about Mignola and Del Toro, I had just found out that a new movie live action Hellboy is coming out, with an indie film feel!

Honestly, I don't think it's going to go on par with the block buster films, but what I have seen from the trailers so far, it just might do Mignola's Hellboy justice. Though, I do have a comment on the movie's filter and lighting, I want it to be close to Egger's "The Witch" if that makes sense. Just a tad but darker, like a small nod to the aesthetic theme of the comic, the noir feel. But the effects are amazing 👏 . The indie-ness of it is perfection.

Now it's obvious that I love this, and for some reason, I think my love for the animated films manifested this information of a new live action instalment.