#alas until now im somewhat introverted to ask them for updates | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

acelezz · 6 years ago

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UPDATE: I'm still at a loss for words. I found out that our other friends are in a group together. I found out before my crush did. Meaning, this would have happened either way. Because certainly they did not ask anyone else after i did if they had no idea until i told them. I just can't believe that things are going the way i want them to. I want to know what i did to deserve this.

I've never gotten this close to a crush before where we were comfortable in working together. I tried so hard to be friends with my last crush and she just did not reciprocate and so i let it be and suffered for two years and imagined and dreamed of things that would never happen. I accepted that my dreams.of being with her would never happened but still looked forward to seeing her everyday. Even though we became distant, yes it was hard, but her presence gave me something to look forward to. If i could change things, id go back to my past self and slap myself in the face. I'd say that i was wasting my time in looking forward in something that did nothing at all for me. I gave so much but all i got was nothing.

I honestly am frightened. Now, i know we are not getting married but working together on a project is a step to becoming closer. I just can't believe how easy it is to become close to this one and how they reciprocate. I'm more hesitant now after my last crush not working out. Heck, i understand that you can't help who you like but i only tried to gain friendship and i had that denied from my last crush. It seems like my current crush likes being my friend. But still im hesitant because im afraid that if i show too much interest, then they will no longer want to be my friend. Because it really be like that sometimes.

And we are getting closer, that's what scares me. I don't want to mess anything up. Even if they don't like me back, I'll be happy to be a good friend. Its better than nothing at all and they are a wonderful friend. I just need to be my kind, smart, funny, hard-working self in this situation. I hope my nerves or feelings don't get in the way of that.

And perhaps i should have seen this arrangement coming. My crush and i are the two quietest ones. The loud ones tend to forget the quiet ones sometimes because they are just so excited to talk that they forget that they are leaving the quiter ones little room to get their opinions across. I guess that's what happens in large groups. The loudest always win. And with that, the quiet ones tend to look out for other quiet people. A lot of my friends are quiet or somewhat introverted, which i used to be very much but now which i am only at times. Perhaps I make my crush feel something good. It can be hard when you’re the quietest. You can feel left out or out of place sometimes so it’s comforting to have someone who cares.

Perhaps i will get something out of this. A good grade hopefully and perhaps a chance to learn more about my crush. Perhaps through this i will see the signs of where our relationship is headed. I personally feel like we mesh so i hope that this will bring it in a positive direction

I feel like i can be insecure at times. Sometimes i wonder if they really don't like me and are just being nice. But some times i forget how intuitive i am and that I can literally sense when someone doesn’t like me. I have never felt that way towards my crush. Their kindness feels truly genuine. I can see it in their eyes. I feel like I can read eyes pretty well. And their constant smiling at me feels genuine as well. Body language is key. Sometimes my brain is just mean to me, making me think that I’m not liked as much as I think when the signs I see say otherwise. I think my brain just worries that some things are just pretend and doesn’t want me to be a burden to those who just feel like we don’t mesh. But alas! My brain then remembers how good my heart works. I need to think with both my brain and heart equally.

And with that, wish me luck. We are starting the project tomorrow. As long as I stay calm, it will go well.

I’m so shocked I feel like im losing my mind

Alrighty folks I’m gonna make this one short cuz I gotta go to bed soon. So while some of y'all we’re asking your crushes to be your valentines today I asked mine to be my partner for a project. And they agreed!

The reason why im losing my mind is cuz I’ve known about this project since yesterday and this was supposed to be done in groups of 4 but my friend group consists of 7. So this made me worried that I wouldn’t get to be with my crush. I felt too nervous to ask them over text so I just told myself that if I saw them before the one class that we have together then that’s a sign that it will work out well if we work together and to just ask them. And I saw them twice before! The first time I didn’t get a chance cuz our other friend was there and we talked about something else. The second time they were by themselves so of course I didn’t forget.

I’m just losing it cuz we really didn’t talk about the project all that much in class and didn’t get a chance to ask others to join us. And so I asked them who they think we should ask and I was surprised by who they said. They didn’t even say to ask the people who they seem closer with. And so I asked the girl if she’s in a group already and she is! And I asked my crush if they knew if the others were in groups already and they said that they didn’t know. I’m going to ask them tomorrow in school if they’d like to join but something tells me that they’re in groups already. I’m losing my mind. It just may be my crush and I.

And it’s funny cuz I’ve thought of this scenario so many times before cuz that’s what I do at night: think of scenarios in my head bc my mind never shuts up and always needs to be entertained. I wondered what would happen if we would ever had to work in groups of 2 or groups smaller than 7. I’d wonder if my crush and I would end up working together. I just can’t believe that it’s working out the way that I wanted it to.

I just really hope that my crush is a good partner. I hate doing all of the work and have never worked with them before.

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