#akira writes too long essays

[effervescentdragon]

wait you wrote an essay !! can i read it if you have it ?

knock yourself out 🥰 and let me know what you think if you want!

[effervescentdragon]

OKay so. I blame you for now knowing way more than I ever wanted to know about Nando’s racing career, or the man himself (I am avoiding him like the plague; alas, he is everywhere). He signed a 3ry contract with McLaren that was set to start in 2007. Then he broke it, and drove for Renault in 2008 - this is where I fucked up, for some reason I thought he drove in McLaren in 2008 too. Lewis outperformed him in 2007, leading to the breaking of contract etc, not the whole reason, but deffs one of. So if Lewis wasn’t there, would Alonso have broken off the contract, or would he have stayed in Mclaren? Thats another point, I mean, Lewis just fucked him up so much, we still see the consequences in the year of our lord 2022 (that fucking DRS train, i will never get over that).

2009 - yeah, I do get that, I just generally think Barichello is better than Jenson xD. I went to see the stats and Lewis won 2 races in 2009, Singapore (which I’m about to watch istg) and Hungaroring, so if we assume those two are up for grabs, from what I rmbr Seb crashed out in that one i think and Barichello was abysmal, and starting grid for Singapore is some iteration of VET-ROS-HAM, so I don’t know. May be that Seb would’ve won in 2009 too (which I would legit give my left kidney to see because that wouldve destroyed Mark Webber even sooner and I hate that guy xD)

All the other stuff I agree completely, and then we get to the Nico conundrum (it’s always him that’s the issue, isn’t it *anti-hero starts playing slowly, ominously in the background*). It would have been interesting to see if they would’ve favoured Nico. I haven’t gotten to the brocedes years yet, but what is your take on the dynamic? Were they allowed to race? In those years, Nico’s only competition (sans Lewis) would’ve been Seb, Kimi, Fernando, on pure racing talent and force only, if we disregard the machinery they were driving somewhat. Massa was there too, tho, and Jenson at that time. Would they have opted for them, and could they even? Im disregarding the Red Bull contingent because as we know, those can’t get away from that team unless its like, a very big compensation and deal. Valtteri in Mercedes, though. Would they have pulled him before the 2015 podiums? Is there another option either?

It just gets so complicated. And sucky, honestly, for most part, when Lewis isn’t there. And this is so fun :D <3

Okay SO i have my coffee, I went off about celtic mythology already, apparently I'm in the mood to write today, and I remembered your post last night. LETS GO

WHAT WOULD THE WORLD BE LIKE IF LEWIS HAMILTON HAD DECIDED NOT TO RACE

- shit. it would be shit, definitely

- nico would have more than one championship

- seb would have at least one more wdc with ferrari

- fernando would be a bit more normal because he wouldnt be holding a grudge about being beaten by a rookie 20 yrs ago

- i think val and nico would be teammates and i honestly have no idea how that would look; however, nico would be a fundamentally different person bcs lewis was legit his only friend, and i somehow think he would be both worse and better

- f1 would be even more unapproachable to anyone who wasnt a rich white guy, bcs lewis came in and fucking owned them all, and is the most successful driver of all times, so i shudder to think what it would be like if he werent there

- we'd probably still think some of the rich white men were decent people bcs they wouldnt be outing themselves as racists left and right

- ferrari would still be a disaster 💔

- who wouldve driven for mclaren tho? it was lewis and heidfeld i think during rbr domination era

- barichello? massa? ngl i think barichello shouldve won in 2009 (sorry jense), so how would that have played out, with jenson to mclaren

- god i dont know so many possibilities!!!

💖

Okay so. First of all you’re so absolutely right the world and F1 would have been way worse overall.

I made a spreadsheet of all the drivers who have ranked in the WDC standings since Lewis’ arrival in F1 in 2007 and where they ended up in the standings each year because I can’t be a normal person about this. Then I tucked away all those who were clearly irrelevant to the subject (and that’s most of them lol).

Here’s what I think. It’s long, because I think too much.

Keep reading

[toestalucia]

closed my laptop and Immediatedly thought of wizard topics i wanna talk about. but i rly like the lines about "i hope we can become friends"..... murr at the start, then akira asking murr if he thought they are friends at the halloween event, akira telling vincent in pt2 "if we become friends one day, then let me call you by name" guuuuhhhhhhh............its v important to me that akira carries that line & sentiment with them...........

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

saw your yuki/kyo dissection and i was curious to know what's the other ship you think was an obvious possible option?

... after consulting @cafedanslanuit , Imma say it. For the plot. And Imma write my essay explaining my case. But y'all... don't get mad at me for being right. Strap in, this is gonna be a long one lmao.

But before I actually say it, we need to talk about Akito and Tohru and how they parallel one another.

Because these two are the same character at the opposite ends of the spectrum and 2/3 of the key aspects of Fruits Basket that make the show work. Without them, there's no Fruits Basket.

Both of them are quite literally the same character.

Masculine naming convention? Check.

Abandonment issues? Check.

A favored parent and a parent they have negative feelings towards? Check.

Especially since their respective relationships with their parents led to those abandonment issues and how they interact with the world. Akira was to Akito what Kyoko was Tohru. Ren's unnatural hatred of Akito, viewing her as a threat for Akira's attention, Akira's death and Kureno's curse suddenly breaking for no rhyme or reason led to Akito becoming the person she became.

Katsuya's death caused Kyoko to fall into a depression so deep she neglected Tohru for an indeterminable amount of time. Very nearly left Tohru to herself before coming her senses and becoming the best mom in the world that we the audience know her as. But that period of Tohru's life was very forming for who she became.

Kyoko came back after coming to her senses, we know this. But to Tohru, her mother suddenly embracing her for the first time in likely weeks, was the result of Tohru mimicking her dad's speech. A formal way of speaking that became so engrained into her daily habits, it's completely inseparable from her now.

Akito and Tohru's respective experiences ultimately lead them to the same core aspect of their character: Loneliness.

Both of them are terribly afraid of being alone, they just keep people in their lives in very different way.

Akito relied on fear, Tohru used kindness.

Akito used violence, Tohru used compassion.

Akito's go-to was embracing her father's words that she was a special child born to be loved. As such, she could do anything she wanted to the other members of the zodiac without facing any repercussions.

Tohru's go-to was her belief that her not prioritizing her mother over rest is inherently connected to her mother's death. That she should have prioritized her mother over everything. That her mother had to be her number one even in death. Thus, she became afraid of loving anything or anyone more than her mother. And yet, she still didn't want to lose anyone else in her life.

Tohru's kindness is genuine but there is a benefit she gains from it similarly yet juxtaposed to Akito's abuse.

That's why the two of them are able to come to an understanding with one another by the end of the story. Why Tohru was able to set everything else aside to start from zero because she understands that fear of being alone all too well.

They are both a mirror into what the other person could have been like if their circumstances were different. Tohru could have been that bitter, hate-filled woman, while Akito could have just as easily been the sweetest woman in the world.

Akito is Tohru

and Tohru is Akito.

All this buildup is to say that...

I think the only other obvious choice for Tohru was Shigure.

Yes, Shigure.

Y'all heard me right.

The final piece to what makes Furuba work, the one who instigated the plot in the first place.

And I'm sorry if y'all get mad at me for saying that, but I really don't think this is an incorrect assessment. I'll die on the hill that it was an obvious what if.

There's superficial things one can have fun mentioning in regards to these two ー

Across all adaptations of Furuba, Shigure is the first Sohma we are introduced to

Shigure's cursed year is the Dog, Tohru's birth year is the Dog

But the biggest thing for me is in how Tohru is an intrinsic part of something Shigure lacks as a person, that being empathy.

To make myself clear, I'm not saying Shigure is completely void of empathy. Because we can see him expressing it to the people he cares for in the story. (Ex. Wanting to go on a vacation during Golden Week so Hatori can avoid his ex's wedding.)

But for Shigure, empathy isn't something that comes easy for him. As he words it, his kindness isn't as good as the real thing someone like Hatori has. Shigure considers his kindness a hastily manufactured afterthought.

He's someone perfectly content using someone if he gets something out of it. And if he sees someone hesitating to reach for something they want, he'd rather just provoke them into action than attempt to warmly encourage them or understand where they're coming from. Because he doesn't see a point in hesitating at all and frankly, he knows comforting people like that doesn't come easy to him. So he normally opts not to.

As such, he's fascinated by the levels of empathy and kindness Tohru has. Tohru's kindness sometimes even makes him feel guilty and Shigure isn't someone who often feels guilt in the first place.

Contrast to him, Tohru is so pure that Shigure can't help acknowledging how twisted he is. In season 1/the manga's first arc, he even tells Hatori that because of that forced realization he gets every time he looks at her he thinks Tohru is too pure for him.

Compare to that to our final arc of the manga/season ー where it all eventually escalates to Shigure's quiet contemplationthat maybe he should have dreamed of Tohru.

That it's most likely that Akito wasn't the right one to dream of.

That someone as twisted as him needs someone like Tohru to balance it. To be that beacon that can lead him into being a 'normal' person.

He genuinely thinks about it in that moment as he playfully tells Tohru 「もしもの、お話し」 which is more accurately translated as "It's a what-if story".

Had Shigure dreamed of Tohru all those years ago, what would have been different?

...

But Tohru isn't who he dreamed of and this is the bed Shigure has decided to make for himself. One he has kept on the path of for years. So he lets himself think about the what ifs for a moment before ultimately deciding to keep lying in the bed he's made in hopes of the day Akito finally comes around.

But it's in Shigure's mind, and now the audience's mind, that more than likely it should have been Tohru. Tohru and what she represents is who he should have dreamed of.

You can see signs that a relationship with Tohru is something Shigure's considered even vaguely in the series even before that point though.

Sure it's passed as a joke, but when you look back at the scene with the "what if story" goggles, you can't help wondering "was it really though?"

Hell, Shigure desiring Tohru is something that even Akito feared.

She was enraged at the thought very thought of it during the Summer Vacation arc. It's what set Akito off enough to tell Tohru that she is the God of the zodiacs and they all belong to her, Shigure in particular.

Akito was already even in an agitated state before she asked Shigure if he felt anything even partially romantic towards Tohru. Why? Because she's displeased that Shigure isn't kind to her the way he used to be. That he used to only look at Akito but now he doesn't. She wants him to be kind to her again, like he was before.

And Shigure is exceptionally kind to Tohru.

Like he is very careful and considerate when he comes to Tohru which he even confesses to Mayu at one point when she tells him that he should treat her carefully. He tells her 「これでも僕にしてはめずらしいくらい大切にしてると思うんだけどね」 which can, more accurately be given a rough translation of "I think it's unusual for me, but I'm taking good care of her" or even "I think it's unusual for me to value someone this much".

And if you look back on the series, that isn't cap.

Excluding characters like Kisa, Hiro and Momiji (who isn't the same age as the other two but acts youthful enough it is easy to forget), Tohru is the only character Shigure doesn't really treat the way he does everyone else.

Shigure has no problem poking and prodding at people, even in moments where they're very clearly in emotional turmoil when he says them.

Asking Yuki what Akito told him during the Summer Vacation arc.

Telling Kyo that he is using hating Yuki as a shield for what he doesn't want to think about.

(... Telling Akito "bitch I wouldn't have cheated on you if you didn't cheat on me first" lmaooo.)

Even if at the end of the day, it is coming from his own way of caring (trying to get people to act and move forward), that doesn't change the fact Shigure can be a complete asshole. One that will say some very hurtful things to people.

And he's done it multiple times to the same people over and over again. Measuring what's the right amount of what to say to avoid or invoke a specific reaction that he does or doesn't want. Sometimes it's played for laughs, other times it is to rile someone up so badly they cannot contain their aggravation.

So it really isn't cap when he tells Mayu he does, in reality, treat Tohru very gently. For all that Shigure is capable of doing, he treats Tohru with more care than he normally gives to people. Especially considering he has no real reason to since she was a stranger to him until recently.

It takes Shigure until the final arc to do anything of his usual nature to Tohru. And when he does, he asks her if she's mad at him afterwards. It doesn't sound like much until you realize he's never done anything of that sort for any other character in the series.

Yuki. Kyo. Akito.

He'll back off. He might sigh and state it's pointless to continue a debate when he and the other person are going back and forth in circles. But he never asks to see how that other person feels because he doesn't care. Hell, he can tell if that other person is upset with him or done with his shenanigans.

And yet with Tohru, he feels compelled to ask for the first time ever.

And, of course, I can't talk about all this stuff and not mention Shigure's calm fury when Tohru fell from the cliffside. He stayed quiet for damn near 20 seconds as he processed that Akito told him that Tohru fell and we don't see his face the entire time he's processing. Then once he finally pulls himself together, he couldn't even let Akito finish her sentence when he asked if Tohru's 'fall' was a push.

We never truly get to see in Furuba, something that could set Shigure off.

But I think in that moment we get a glimpse of it. A glimpse that shows just how strongly he feels for Tohru. Because it begs the question, if Akito had pushed Tohru off that cliff, what would Shigure have done? How would he have reacted? I don't think even Shigure knew how he would have reacted.

I'm honestly morbidly curious.

That's all to say, that, "what if" story was with Shigure. Not Momiji, not Yuki. It was Shigure.

'If you didn't end up with A, you definitely would have ended up with B'. If we narrowed this down to Yuki and Tohru specifically, there's only two other characters that come close to that. If it wasn't Machi for Yuki and Kyo for Tohru ー YuKyo and ShiTohru would have been at the finish line.

If Shigure had dreamed of Tohru... or hell, what if he had dreamt of Akito but decided that that dream alone wasn't enough to keep the canine sense of loyalty he was cursed with?

There definitely would have been more than just proposals played for laughs and musings of that 'what could have been's.

Well anyway if you're curious to see my take on what it could have been like if Shigure dreamed of Tohru (complete w/ YuKyo and onesided AkiGure) do I have the story for you because I'm writing it on AO3. Read and give me comments to validate my delusions wwwwwwwwwww

[ferret-does-stuff]

So Rimu (creator of heartless deciet) stole my rights for playing idv and turned me into a brummie so now I must write an essay in return for her giving me my rights back. What shall it be about?? Death predictions for Chapter 1 that's what. This will be like my previous Eden's garden one was, starting with the tier list

I might get canceled for this but whatever.

So I'm gonna start by saying Akira and Izanami are definitely surviving, Akira is the protag and has way too much potential development to be killed off so soon and Izanami is being set up as the antagonist so she'll at least be a late game death, she won't die so soon.

Kou is ruled out for similar reasons, although it would be funny if someone tried to kill him every chapter and he just came back. Plus, he's too cute to die.

Minamoto, Tomoya, Shion, Yumeo and Kyouran all give me late game or survivor vibes. They're all incredibly intelligent and wouldn't be so quick to die or kill (although Minamoto does have a violent streak, I doubt he'll kill someone so early on. At least give him some time for the despair to kick in). Tomoya is seemingly the support and he and Shion are definitely hiding something, which would be disappointing if either of them died so early. Akira needs her emotional support failboy! Yumeo is also very antagonistic, and I see him as a late game death (I stand by my theory of Tomoya or Shion killing him) and Kyouran is just survivor material. He would be besties with Denshi. I can also see him becoming closer to Akira when her second talent is revealed as they both have illegal talents, I can see the reveal happening around Chapter 2 or 3, so he'd at least die in 4 if he doesn't survive and I don't see him as a culprit.

For the "low but possible" these are all characters that don't have the same level as plot armour as others, but I doubt will survive. I think Hideyoshi needs more time to build his friendship with Katsuhiko before dying. Kiyoshi is my son he has lots of room for development, I can see him as a chapter 3 death, although i hope he lives. Satoru has an unhinged sprite, he's not dying soon (unless he's insane??? Watch me be wrong) anyway I think his relationship with the others should be furthered prior to his death. Takeshi definitely has room for development, I want his softer side to be explored a little more before his inevitable demise at least please, Rimu. Have mercy on my poor eepy soul.

As much as I love her, Chiemi's attitude will probably get tiring after a long time. I can see her dying in chapter 2 or 3, but i wonder if she'll get negative character development? That will be interesting. Otome give me culprit vibes, but only after the stress of chapter 1 fully catches up to her.

I'm sorry but Bani, as much as I love her, probably won't live long. I hope she does get some bonding time with Kiyoshi (she likes puppet shows!!) before her death, but it will be tragic and I WILL cry. I think Rei would be an interesting 1st culprit, her talent could be used against the cast to give them false information and who would be suspiscious of the small blind girl??

Chou... I'm sorry but you can't mention her having a bad temper without making me think she'll get angry about the situation in chapter 1 and kill a person in rage. I still love you it's ok.

[canadianlucifer]

1, 4, 6 and 14 for takizawa!

Tysm for this, this entire reply is going to pretty much just be Takizawa because he is my poor little meow meow!

1. (Hands you a free card to ramble about whatever for your favorite character/ship)

Toss up between hidekane and seiakimon but I’m gonna go with seiakimon bc there are So Many Thoughts with these three. Akira and her two ghoul boyfriends

Obviously Takizawa need So Much Therapy before any romance stuff can happen so we’re gonna assume he’s been getting the help he needs for this (and so have Akira and Amon honestly, they’re not completely insane but they’ve got problems too).

SEIAKIMON COULD HAVE BEEN SO SO GOOD.

Taki was the only one who truly saw Akira as Akira. People in the academy chalked up her success to the fact that both her parents were investigators and didn’t acknowledge the work she herself put in. Everyone saw her as a product of her parents except Takizawa. He competed with her, not her parents and that’s why Akira liked him. He saw her as a bitch because he was jealous of her natural talent and how she often got more opportunities than him in the CCG, she got to go on missions while he was stuck in the office even though they were equally talented. And don’t even get me started on them only ever seeing each other from the side and the first time they truly look straight at each other is when Akira throws away her life career to protect Taki and lays her heart bare to him, telling him about how she tried to live up to everyone’s expectations but failed and how she never stopped thinking about him, wondering if she had just stopped him at the Owl Execution Operation. That shit hurted.

Of course we’ve also got the canon Akira and Amon, they work alright but need some more development. I really think Ishida has no clue how to write romance, every single one just comes out of left field, most prominently Yoriko and Takeomi. “Hey, haven’t seen you in a long time, nice to see you again. Anyway, you make good bread, wanna get married?” ????????

And with the right development, Amon and Taki would work well too. Amon’s closeted bi ass learning that it’s okay to be queer (thanks Donato for instilling religious trauma into this himbo /s).

In conclusion: Akira has two hands.

4. What character do you (the asker) remind me of?

I don’t really know why but Mutsuki kinda! No idea what my brain is doing at any moment in time

6. What’s your favorite piece of TG fan content you’ve made?

Hmm, I haven’t made much recently do NOT ask about my 2015 era art lmfao but I’d have to say this meme, it just fits the dude so well lmao

He's a little silly.

14. Song you associate with (character/ship)

Oh dear here we go.

So Mother Mother makes some AMAZING songs and I could write an essay on how every song in Oh My <3 fits him, but besides that, I think Control by Halsey fits Takizawa quite well!

“They send me away to find them a fortune” getting sent to fight and kill the Owl

“I sat alone, in bed till the morning I'm crying, "They're coming for me"” being scared outta his wits and writing “I DON’T WANT TO DIE” on his will

“I paced around for hours on empty I jumped at the slightest of sounds” post Kano trauma

“I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head” listening and giving into his ghoul side

“And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me" I can't help this awful energy God damn right, you should be scared of me Who is in control?” Taking control over his own life and becoming a terrifying monster of a ghoul and killing Tatara while his former coworkers watch on in fear.

Gasoline works really well too!

[365days365movies]

31 (Films) to Life: End of Year Round-Up I

Well, here we are: the start of another year of movies!

Geez, 2022 was interesting. Changed up the format from doing daily films and monthly genres, and focused mostly on films in one genre: crime. Aimed for 31 films, and out of that goal hit...24. Which, honestly, not too shabby. Didn't get as many reviews out as intended, but that is honestly OK. Was a busy-as-hell year for me, so I'm pretty well satisfied.

So, what did I see last year, exactly? Well, this post is about to be a round-up, which includes the films I wrote about, and the ones I didn't get the chance to. And at the end, I'll get into my plans for 2023. So, before I hit the "Keep Reading" button, here's the full list of crime films I saw in 2022.

M (1931); directed by Fritz Lang

The Maltese Falcon (1941); directed by John Huston

The Third Man (1949); directed by Carol Reed

Rashomon (1950); directed by Akira Kurosawa

The Killing (1956); directed by Stanley Kubrick

Cool Hand Luke (1967); directed by Stuart Rosenberg

The Italian Job (1969); directed by Peter Collinson

The Godfather (1972); directed by Francis Ford Coppola

Chinatown (1974); directed by Roman Polanski)

Dog Day Afternoon (1975); directed by Sidney Lumet

Taxi Driver (1976); directed by Martin Scorcese

Scarface (1983); directed by Brian de Palma

Once Upon a Time in America (1984); directed by Martin Scorcese

Thelma and Louise (1991); directed by Ridley Scott

Reservoir Dogs (1992); directed by Quentin Tarantino

Casino (1995); directed by Martin Scorcese

Heat (1995); directed by Michael Mann

The Usual Suspects (1995); directed by Bryan Singer

L.A. Confidential (1997); directed by Curtis Hanson

American Psycho (2000); directed by Mary Harron

Catch Me if You Can (2002); directed by Stephen Spielberg

Monster (2003); directed by Patty Jenkins

The Departed (2006); directed by Martin Scorcese

Zodiac (2007); directed by David Fincher

And there you have it! Now, this upcoming short set of summaries (behind the Keep Reading wall) may be a little too long for one post, so we'll split it up a little bit. But in any case, let's get this started!

M (1931), dir. Fritz Lang - 92%

This one, you can check out my full recap and essay about if you're curious, but here's the summary: I loved this movie. Lorre's brilliant as the titular killer, the simple story is well-constructed and effective, the ending is beautiful, and the film as a whole is so impactful. Direction and shot composition is top-notch, the sound and music usage is genuinely revolutionary (having essentially invented the leitmotif), and while it's not the most iconic-looking film, it's still brilliant. PLEASE check this movie out if you haven't already.

The Maltese Falcon (1941), dir. John Huston - 92%

Holy shit, I forgot I tried writing that whole review in noir-speak. Anyway, here's another classic film that I really like! Haven't seen many noir films, especially prior to this year, but this was a great one to start with. Definitely the prototypical noir detective movie, complete with Bogart's private eye, Astor's dangerous love interest, and the twists and turns that come with the genre. Beautifully shot, excellent plot and writing, wonderful music, and great acting. No complaints; check this one out.

The Third Man (1949); dir. Carol Reed - 96%

Holy shit, this movie! Absolutely my favorite Orson Welles performance, and that very much includes Citizen Kane. He's extremely good in this movie, which is a sort of non-traditional noir in a number of ways. The cast is perfect, from Cotten to Valli to Howard to Welles (especially the last one). Plot is perfect, and contains more twists than I know what to do with. Directing is great, if a little overly-tilted at times. Production and art design is beautiful. Music is...a lot of zither music. It's...it's a LOT of zither music. As I'm typing this, the score is BACK IN MY HEAD, and I haven't seen this film in 10 months. Let that shit sink in. And yeah, watch this movie, ASAP, please. You won't regret it, I promise you that.

Rashomon (1950); dir. Akira Kurosawa - 100%

It's a perfect movie. A trope-maker, and revolutionary film in its own right, this movie...dear shit, this fuckin' movie. No words. Nothing needed. Just trust me when I say watch this film immediately. It's stellar. Man, I hit a lot of bangers early on this year.

The Killing (1956); dir. Stanley Kubrick - 90%

First of all, before anything else...fuck Sherry. And secondly, this movie is a great one, too. Still have more Kubrick movies to watch, but this one was absolutely worth it. Nail-biting and anxiety-inducing, yes, but also with one of the strongest plots I've seen thus far this year. A fantastic heist movie, it's only real weak points are a kinda normal production and art design, and sorta forgettable music. Other than that, it's an amazing film that people don't talk about. And, honestly, they really should. Check this one out if you're into heist movies and classic films!

Cool Hand Luke (1967); dir. Stuart Rosenberg - 90%

First one of these I didn't post a review on! And honestly...yeah, I'm OK with that. This Paul Newman vehicle is complicated to describe. On one hand, it's an interesting character study full of interesting characters. Newman's Luke is a great example of a rebellious character forced to face consequences for his actions, only to revert to his original nature, Frog and the Scorpion style. It's technically a trope-originator in that way, or at least a major trope-definer. And with a number of interesting supporting characters, especially George Kennedy's Dragline and Struther Martin's Captain, this is a surprisingly memorable movie...in some ways.

But it also...isn't that memorable? Don't get me wrong, there are a number of moments that come to mind in my head, as well as some shots and compositions that are great (the sunglasses of the Captain come to mind immediately), but it's also not exactly Lawrence of Arabia. Rosenberg and Hall are fantastic as director and cinematographer, for sure, but not always the most memorable and iconic. Also...there's the car wash scene. Like, I get the point of that scene, but it definitely cuts through the tone in a way that puts a weird taste in my mouth. Is it an effective scene for what it's trying to do? Um...yeah. Very, very much so. Possibly TOO much, in fact. And I realize that this is a huge nitpick that shouldn't make me give points off for editing, but it speaks to a weirdly inconsistent tone in some places. That scene isn't the only example of that, is all I'm saying. Still, excellent film, check it out if you're into prison movies.

The Italian Job (1969); dir. Peter Collinson - 92%

Holy shit, this movie is fun! I genuinely love this film so much, even if it has its flaws here and there. Other than being a movie that was absolutely made at the cusp of the 1970s, it's one of the most British heist films I've ever seen. And that's not a bad thing in the slightest, believe me. But, it may be an acquired taste for some. But that said, here are the main things to know. This is a British heist film that stars Michael Caine and features a lot of car tricks, as well as one of the most iconic film endings of all time. And that about covers it. Michael Caine is the most Michael Caine you'll ever see him, and if you ever wondered why he was cast as Austin Powers' father in Goldmember, this movie will make you understand why. Supporting cast is also very good, but everyone takes a passenger seat to the car stunts, which are some of the best care stunts I've ever seen on film. If you want Ocean's Eleven with cars, this is the movie for you. Love this one.

The Godfather (1972); dir. F. F. Coppola - 100%

Cliché? Absolutely. The obvious choice to praise universally? For sure. The most mainstream, boring, dull, basic bitch film I could possibly like? Yeah. Yeah. BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, BECAUSE IT'S FLAWLESS. Even if I didn't think this movie was essentially perfect, there isn't really anything I can say was wrong with this movie, in my inexperienced opinion. Cast and acting? Perfect. Plot and writing? Twisted and perfect. Direction? Iconic and perfect. Production design? Immersive and perfect. Music and editing? I CAN HEAR THE THEME SONG RIGHT FUCKING NOW, THIS MOVIE IS PERFECT. And you gotta understand, I put off watching this movie for YEARS because I thought it was gonna be boring. And then, I watched it. And post watching it? It's amazing. Watch. This. Movie. NOW.

Chinatown (1974); dir. Roman Polanski - 96%

...I saw a lot of good movies this year, OK? Look, this is also an excellent film, despite its reprehensible director. Just divorce the art from the artist and all that, and go into this movie completely blind if you haven't seen it. Taking it from me, it's essentially perfect. Only issues I had were that the Production Design wasn't particularly distinctive, and the music was mostly forgettable after the fact. And those were nitpicks. Watch this movie!

Dog Day Afternoon (1975); dir. Sidney Lumet - 90%

Did...did I watch a bad movie this year? I mean...yeah, I did. Black Adam sucked. And, like...Violent Night was...well, no, I liked Violent Night. Ooh, I was forced to watch Minions 2: The Rise of Gru, which was mediocre at best! I...OK, OK, look, you've heard this before at this point, but...watch this movie, OK? Another heist film, based on a true story this time, as well as being a benchmark in LGBTQ film representation, this film is a great one. Maybe I didn't like an acting performance, maybe the plot wasn't perfectly accurate to real life, maybe the cinematography wasn't always iconic, and maybe it could've used literally any music...but it's a great movie. Watch it.

Taxi Driver (1976); dir. Martin Scorcese - 90%

The "good movie" train keeps chugging forward with this one, because yeah...Taxi Driver is also fantastic. Truly one of the best character dissections I've ever seen, as well as a fascinating look at one of the most dangerous and crime-ridden environments in American history, Scorcese makes a really morally complicated film with...well, frankly, troubling consequences and implications. I didn't put out a review on this one (sorry, got stuck in the wasteland that is my Drafts page), but this film was partially responsible for Reagan getting shot, fun fact. And that may be because the shooter partially identified with Travis Bickle, who is a troubled and fascinating character. And for the record, the rest of this is fantastic as well, but De Niro's Bickle and Scorcese's NYC are the most prominent and most important parts of this movie. Love this one, too. Watch this film if you like character dissections!

Scarface (1983); dir. Brian de Palma - 90%

OK, so...is this the most stereotypical college-age dumb jock poster-in-the-dorm-room movie in the fucking world? Yeah. Yeah, it really is. But is it a great movie despite that? I mean...holy shit, yeah, it's a very good movie. Sure, Italian actor Al Pacino playing a Cuban immigrant is a weird casting choice that's aged poorly in today's sociopolitical landscape...but he's also really fucking good at it. Seriously. Over the top, absolutely, but an extremely enjoyable watch all the same. Watching him slide into depravity and chaos when he already started there is fascinating, and Pacino just EATS the movie with how hard he chews the scenery. Look...it's a fun fucking movie to watch, and that's not even talking about the iconic lines, the supporting cast, the well-structured plot and story, the iconic costumes, and every other enjoyable part of this ride of a movie. I resisted watching Scarface for a LONG time, because I associated it with college-age fuckbois, but...shit, it's a good movie. Watch it if you haven't seen it.

OK, lemme pause here. Part Two coming next!

[missn11]

@badass-at-cuddling​ you are more than welcome, I’m so glad you liked this essay so much! :D

Yes, Go Nagai has said himself that he is drawn to writing about dark and violent stories and one of the things I like about his work so much is that he never lets it be sexy or too cool, its horrifying. One of my fave parts and the one that got me emotionally, was Takuma’s backstory about the Hellquake, it was quite haunting in how much Go Nagai did not hold back how horrible and traumatic it would be to live through that. And like having the hindsight that Ryo/Satan was the one who accidentally caused it, you can see why he decided to punish himself the way he did afterwards.

Despite the many flaws Violence Jack has, and hoooo boy are there some, (i.e, bro I get it, rape is horrible please cut back on it a bit, I get it!) I still can’t help but enjoy the themes of it more than DML, maybe its cause I grasp the themes easier than in DML? IDK it could be all over the place and I would have to work harder to work them out again sometime XD And he did such a good job on Jack/Akira maybe cause Go Nagai has a better time writing male protags? I haven’t read everything of his, so maybe in Cutie Honey for example which has a female protagonist he does a better job? Or it could be that he didn’t know how to write Jun’s character growth, depending on how long he knew she was going to be half of Ryo/Satan, like I think he knew around at least volume 8-10? Which is a shame cause again I think it would been amazing to have Jun learn to cope with the guilt that she was once Satan and had ruined the last earth and Akira’s life. So much to play with there and Akira could’ve found out sooner and have a chance to come to terms with that. 

Hi friend Ask Box edition!!! While watching your AMV "The Mark," I was really struck by how different the two Akira's are. In the Devilman anime, Akira doesn't fight back much and protects a bunny, (which seems weird to me because the best way to protect a bunny is to let it run away, but maybe that's the point? He's trying, ineffectively, to protect something that doesn't need protection in the way he's offering). In Violence Jack, he's like, ripping people humans apart and reveling in blood. What do you think of Akira's changing relationship to violence? Why does he change so quickly? Is it just Amon's influence? What do you think Nagai-san is saying about the relationship among masculinity, patriarchy, and violence?

For the sake of sanity, let's assume the timeline is Devilman manga -> Devilman Lady + many timeloops until they defeat God -> the divine and the void fic series -> Violence Jack. Thank you!!!!

@badass-at-cuddling Oh yes, Akira goes through quite the transformation when it comes to his relationship with violence when he merges with Amon!

Yeah, in the Devilman The Birth OVA Akira is being over protective of the bunny cause he saw the other two bunnies' dead bodies inside the hutch and isn't wanting the bullies to hurt or kill the last bunny. Its also to show that despite him being a cowardly guy and very conflict avoidant, he is willing to stand up for others when the chips are done, which shows why he is able to overcome Amon's will enough to be in the driver's seat.

Of course that doesn't mean Amon's demoniac nature doesn't affect Akira and Akira's new found enjoyment of violence and fighting comes from that influence. And honestly I think that stays with him even after he's dead in DML's case and reborn in VJ, its just a part of him now. In my hc he and Amon(especially in DML) are almost so merged together that you don't always know where one begins and the other ends.

Its interesting to think what Go Nagai was saying about violence especially from a masculine/patriarchal view, as at first Akira is rewarded for him beating up the bullies by Miki

And her family are brushing off Akira's sudden change of character as him just being a young man getting out as much fight out of him (Boys being boys and all)

That's cause the violence he had committed by beating up the bullies wasn't horrifying, it appears heroic cause the bullies had it coming for haressing Akira and Miki, and Akira mostly just bruised them up, no-one was killed. So its easy to brush off any concerns they might have about Akira and that kind low key violence is normal to them.

And they haven't seen how into fighting Akira has become like Ryo has. Ryo has a front row seat to seeing how blood thirsty Akira has become, especially when he's in his devilman form.

Basically being in battle and feeling all of the adrenaline has changed Akira, now he knows what it means to kill someone, he can't go back to being the innocent conflict avoidant boy he used to be. Now he knows how many problems can be solved by violence. And also Akira has come to enjoy the rush of battle that even facing something possibly more powerful than he is excites him. Even after he got defeated and overwhelmed in volume four, knowing that Satan is the top dog (before he knows it was Ryo all along) makes him want to fight them, he's losing himself to the thrill of battle.

The Makimuras have no idea about that side about Akira until Ryo does the broadcast, even though he is killing demons in it, the violence isn't sexy or heroic looking, its just horrific and they are forced to face the same horrors Ryo once(when he still thought he was human) had to witness. and at first, scared, they reject him until he is able to convince that he is still human.

Which I think that's the point Go Nagai is talking about how war and violence warps people, turning them into the worst version of themselves, much how like fear made the mob rationalize themselves that they were justified in murder two teenagers and a little boy cause a demon once lived in their house. But also how most normal people are okay with violence as long they don't have to deal with the reality of it, its upsetting and scary to see and hear of it.

Like how people can be convinced that launching wars in developing countries are okay if there is a justified reason for it and you don't see the destruction it causes to the civilians of said developing country. But being faced with the reality of war makes those justifications harder to swallow, a reason why the war in Vietnam was so unpopular, the media coverage at the time was the first time normal people got to see how horrifying war truly was.

But back to Akira. By the time Devilman Lady or Violence Jack rolls around, Akira has learned to master himself when it comes to his violence, he still commits it and enjoys himself in battle, more so in VJ, but there is more of a purpose behind it rather than a desire for fighting.

In Devilman Lady, Akira fights to protect Jun and then fights alongside Satan to take down the Devilman verse God, the biggest oppressor of the Devilman verse(and Demon Lord Dante verse)

In Violence Jack, Akira/Jack fights the murderous gangs and the Slum King so the people of Kanto can see that they can stand up to their oppressors and fight back, and also cause he wants to free Ryo/Satan from his self-hatred. Of course, though he is embodiment of Chaos and Death, so he might enjoy his job a little too much XDD thought thankfully all those he kills are horrible bastards who are in need of a good stabbing.

So basically Akira/Jack is the hero/inspiration the Hellish place Kanto has become needs not wants, the world is rough and cruel and it needs someone just as rough but nicer to the innocent to help solve it! XD

Phew, that was a long one, I hope I've explained myself well enough, but this question gave me a lot to think about. So thanks :D

[lil-tachyon]

Hey logan, i'm trying to get into sci fi more, do you have any media, movies or otherwise you'd say it's a must watch for someone starting to get into it? Thanks

Super broad question! And precisely the thing I love to talk about. Although unfortunately I really don’t watch a lot of movies or TV so the best I can do for you is list some stuff I like and hope that you find something you enjoy. If we were talking sci-fi literature, that’s something I would probably write a full essay on- if anyone’s interested in reading my thoughts on that and getting my really long list of recommendations, just let me know. I might even do it on my own anyway, just for fun…

I guess if we’re going to talk about “must-watch” sci-fi movies then we have to talk about Star Wars first just to get it out of the way. I’ll keep it brief, far too much ink has been spilt regarding this franchise and you can find more in-depth opinions somewhere else. The original trilogy is great- there’s a reason it launched one of the biggest media franchises of the past 45 years. Endlessly rewatchable, somehow still looks better than basically any other big budget SFF popcorn movie and just plain fun. If you somehow haven’t seen the OT yet, get to it. 

You don’t really need to watch any other Star Wars stuff aside from the OT. The prequels aren’t exactly essential and they’re unquestionably worse in terms of dialog, acting, pacing (i.e. the nuts and bolts of storytelling.) If you’ve never watched Star Wars before you won’t have any nostalgia for them so you can skip them. Don’t even bother with the Disney sequels- pointless and incoherent. If you DO for some reason want more Star Wars in your life I can give you two recommendations: 

First is the masterpiece that is Genndy Tartakovsky’s (creator of Samurai Jack) Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) (no, not the CGI Clone Wars show you’re probably thinking of). Split into 25 episodes ranging in length from two to twelve minutes, the whole show is only about two hours long but boy is it sweet. There are no main characters and not much in the way of an overarching plot. Instead the show is composed of a series of rapid-fire vignettes that take place across the entire Star Wars galaxy and tell dozens of unique microstories. It’s pulpy and fun and never takes itself too seriously and the whole thing is on YouTube because for some reason Disney actually hates everything that made Star Wars good and hasn’t taken the time to copyright strike it.

Second recommendation is the Mandalorian. I didn’t believe it when people started raving about it, but it really is great and tells a poignant, self-contained, original story. It’s not perfect and it definitely suffers from the Disneywars curse of really obnoxious references to the OT, but it’s absolutely worth the watch.

Damn that’s so much more time than I wanted to spend on Star Wars. I always forget how much of a SW geek I am until I start talking about it…

Quick list of the other big “essentials” that I’ve seen and can recommend before I get into more personal stuff (in no particular order):

Alien (1979) - Weird and creepy and gross and with impeccable visual design in every single frame. I need to rewatch it, only seen it once.

Akira (1988) - Massive, groundbreaking, unsettling, beautiful. Brought cyberpunk into the visual realm, brought anime to the West in a whole new way. I could rewatch it a hundred times. 

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - A foundational film that moves at a foreboding crawl and leaves you feeling unsafe and unsure of what you just watched. (Also my dad’s band referenced the monkey scene in their big-label debut music video, so that should be reason enough to watch it)

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) - UFOs, the American West, and the most 70s-looking cast imaginable. It feels more a product of its time than most of the others on this list, but I love it for that and it does nothing to make it any less impactful or engrossing.

The Terminator (1984) and Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) - I waited waaaaaay too long to watch these. I only got around to seeing them this past year in fact. I had always just written them off in my head as nothing more than cheesy 80s action flicks but my God are they good and so much different from what I expected. The first one is basically a sci-fi slasher film and the second is probably the best sequel film I’ve ever seen and takes everything in a totally different direction that still manages to build on all the groundwork laid by the first. Please watch, don’t be like me and wait until you’re twenty-six. 

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984) - My favorite Ghibli movie. For being a film about people flying airships and fighting bugs in a giant toxic jungle, it really has a lot of important stuff to say and says it very well.

Castle in the Sky (1988) - Hits a lot of the same plot beats as Nausicaä and, imo, suffers a little bit in comparison but still a great anime sci-fantasy romp. 

The Thing (1982) - Disgusting sci-fi horror in the glacial Antarctic wastes

The Twilight Zone (1959-1964) - The first, the best. Sure, it’s inconsistent in terms of quality, but it’s at least consistently weird and inventive and the good episodes are really damn good. Also something I love about it is the acting- it’s very over-the-top expressive and exaggerated. Feels more like it’s meant for the stage than for the small screen. You don’t see a lot of TV like that these days. 

The X-Files (1993-2002, 2016-2018) - Absolutely in my top 5 TV shows. It was great to watch as a 14-year-old because I was still young enough to find it scary, and it’s great on every re-watch because I can really appreciate how much chemistry Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny have and how fun, goofy, and overall weird it is. As I recall it starts to decline noticeably in season 8. Season 9 you’ll have to grit your teeth to get through. The 2016-2018 revival is half composed of unwatcheable “storyline” episodes and half surprisingly good-to-great “monster of the week” episodes.

Cowboy Bebop (1998-1999) - My number one favorite anime, I love everything about it. So much effort goes into small background details and characters that only appear for a few seconds and it really goes a long way to making the whole universe of the show feel so real that you could see yourself living in it. Also the soundtrack is top-notch, I listen to it regularly. 

Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995-1996) and End of Evangelion (1997) - Another one that I took too long to get to and to be honest I probably would’ve been more into it had I watched it when I was younger, but it’s still great and I recommend it. Features a classic “inflation suit” episode

Stuff that’s less “essential” but I really like it:

Planetes (2003-2004) - My second favorite anime. Starts off as a workplace slice-of-life and slowly builds into a really, really emotional conclusion. Can’t recommend it enough.

Forbidden Planet (1956) - A sci-fi adaptation of Shakespeare’s The Tempest (I’m an illiterate piece of shit so I can’t tell you how good an adaptation it is). It’s slow-paced and eerie, and way more atmospheric than its decidedly 1950s visuals would lead you to believe.

Digimon: The Movie (2000) / Summer Wars (2009) - A short story: as a kid I probably watched the Digmon Movie about a million times. It was huge with kids my age and was probably an entire generation’s first introduction to ska-punk. It’s a great movie. Anyway, fast forward about a decade and a half and at some point I sit down to watch Summer Wars with my brother on no other information than that we heard it’s good. And it is! But pretty soon into the movie we both notice something odd- it seems to feature almost the exact same plot as the Digmon Movie. After a bit of digging we find out that they were both directed by the same guy and it seems he just had this idea in his head for a story that he really wanted to make for over a decade because Summer Wars is basically a more mature and less merchandisable remake. Watch them both!

Samurai Jack (2001-2004, 2017) - the first cartoon I saw as a kid that really made me say “finally, something for me!” I wouldn’t get another TV show aimed at me that was “cool” and “epic” and “badass” until ATLA came out. Nothing beats watching a samurai fight a million robots and bounty-hunters on an endless quest to go back to the past. Also the season 5 revival is great and I genuinely don’t get why a lot of people seemed to really hate on it. 

Moon (2009) - It’s been a LONG time since I watched it, but I liked it quite a bit. A lonely lunar miner runs into what seems to be his double and things get spooky…

Prospect (2018) - More space miners running into trouble! Really great costume and prop design on a super small budget (but you wouldn’t know it from how good it looks). 

Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket (1989) - Listen- I’m not a gundam guy. I don’t care about all the different robots and I’m not about to watch 40 years of TV to try and figure out the story. Which is why War in the Pocket is great because it’s six episodes long and it just tells a really touching story punctuated by cool robot battles and you don’t need to know anything about Gundam to enjoy it.

Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise (1987) - A story about a space race set on an alternate world. What really sets it apart is the visual design- every detail from books, to currency, to texts to vehicles, to architecture is unique enough to feel totally alien but also grounded enough to somehow feel familiar. It’s quite an achievement. Trigger Warning: there’s a very uncomfortable rape scene in the middle of the film that seems to come out of nowhere. I’m still not sure why they chose to include it.

Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (1999) - Military police get up to some real nasty stuff in alternate history fashy 1950s Japan. Very depressing, all my friends complained to me about how sad it was even though they went into it knowing what it was about and agreeing to watch it with me. You just can’t win sometimes!

That’s about all I have for now. I know it’s all kind of basic bitch stuff but like I said, I don’t often watch movies/TV. Hope it helps and thanks for the great question!

[effervescentdragon]

The History of Sebchal by A Very Delusional F1 Girlie, An Essay

for @dm3rv​ <3 hope you like it friend! 

(i will never, ever ever ever be over this picture. bahrain 2019 you are the bane of my existence and the reason i’m obsessed with them. the fuck kinda destined mythological bullshit-)

Hello I am sad and unhinged and I will make it everyone’s problem. This is an essay on Sebchal, or Cheb, and it’s very specific, very tailored, very well researched (some would say this is unhinged behaviour and ykw they would be one hundred percent right), very projections,  and very much a self-indulgence and a brain dump because sadly most of these facts were already in my brain. Proceed on your own risk! Mwah! 😘

The Beginning

Now this is a tricky one. I’m pretty sure Charles knew who Seb was since, you know. Sebastian is a FOUR-TIMES WORLD CHAMPION, and Jules was in single seaters headed for F1 or there already (Jules started in 2013), and Charles was in karting, but I don’t think he’s ever spoken about if Seb was his idol, someone who did a deep dive into Charles correct me if I’m wrong. (I won’t go into the tragedies in Charles’ life, that’s not the point and that has been chewed on and regurgitated a million times, so sadly it is all accessible and on fucking tape.) 

Imma put it somewhere around 2015 - 2016. We have this picture from Charles’ insta (which I absolutely did not already have saved in my phone), and Charles was in the FDA at the time, so they met then, but I don’t think there is any in-depth records of it. Look at baby!Charl being excited about Seb. :))))

I will point out though that Charles’ first single seater victory was in Monza in 2016, and Seb’s first F1 victory was Monza 2008. It’s all about the parallels here, you see. There is so much place to draw connections if you have imagination, and me personally, I have a lot of it, plus I’m a sucker for interconnected destinies. So then we have Seb and Kimi in Ferrari 2015-2018, While Charles was, okay let me see if I can type this out from my head - he had financial issues, Jules and Todt helped, he won GP3 in 2016, F2 in 2017, came to Sauber in 2018. If you want happiness, please watch the 2017 Bahrain sprint race, it’s legit my happy place and a Leclerc driving masterclass. 

One absolutely lovely moment in life is this - Sebastian’s win in Monaco 2017, and Charles looking at him with fucking heart eyes up on the podium. The relevant part of the video is on timestamp 1:43 :) it makes me wanna scream ngl. Look at him. So happy, despite, if I rmbr correctly, DNFing in both sprint and regular race that weekend. Monaco, please love him back. Please. 

The Süß and the Sauber

(that is such a cool pun i am such a genius sometimes) 

OKAY. SO. Charles signs with Ferraris bastard lovechild in 2018, Seb and Kimi are in Ferrari. Much more interaction only on behalf of that. Charles’ whole rookie F1 season is very nicely explained here, and Ferrari decides to sign him for 2019. Now, there was a LOT of fuckery in Ferrari. (I have to admit I haven’t done a deep dive in it all, so if someone has, please link me.) Internal fighting, clownery, all of it. Honestly, I don’t feel like going into it bcs imma just scream tbh, I already hate motorsports doc ock aka mattia binotto, but lets just call Ferrari clowns and stay at that. Ferrari announces they are replacing Kimi Raikkonen, pulling Charles up from Sauber and sending Kimi to his place. Kimi’s being Kimi, like whatever, I like racing so I race (that press conference where they ask him about it murders me every time I love that dude imma have to start watching nascar for him ewwww but i cant find the video for some reason :( ), but Seb. Oh wow. Seb. Bear with me here, I know what I’m talking about.

You see, the thing that people like to forget now that Seb is in his white-girl-activist save-the-bees-stand-up-for-human-rights era (we stan ngl he does more than 99% of the grid, the 1% is SIR Lewis Hamilton but that’s not the point thats another essay, on who has the privilege of being an activist) is that Sebastian Vettel is a petty bitch. Sebastian Vettel is a fucking demon on track and off track, and people get fooled by his dad attire and him genuinely evolving to become a better person. HOWEVER. First of all, all that dude ever anted was to drive for Ferrari, like Michael did, and then he did, and it all went to shit. Secondly, Ferrari has gag-orders, nobody can convince me otherwise, because the moment he was free of them he actually started speaking out publicly on certain issues, before that it was all no comment and whatever- (Before that, he was a twenty-sth-yo WDC in Red Bull, so basically wilfully ignorant). Watch any video of Seb in Ferrari pre-2019 and you’ll see what I mean. He is mean, he is petty, he doesn’t like to lose, and he especially doesn’t like to lose in Ferrari. Kimi and him were friends, and Kimi is a laid-back dude, and I think that’s why they managed to not damage their friendship when Seb was obviously delegated as first driver. And even then, just look at Baku 2017, Germany 2018, to name some examples. In the end Kimi was like “you do you, kid, I’m good” so he didn’t put up much of a fight, but like. Sebastian Vettel wasn’t there to be shafted, and honestly, good for him. Too bad that it took people till this season and the whole Charles&Carlos fuckery to finally admit that the problem wasn’t really Vettel, it was always, and always will be, Ferrari.

But I digress, as I am wont to do when it comes to my beloved German war criminal. Basically, we have the Monaco 2018 press conference where Charles develops his praise kink to a new height when Seb says “If he shouldn’t be praised, then I don’t know who should”, watch that, it’s fucking adorable. Charles is all like, I am so grateful I am so happy I will take whatever, bla bla bla. The guy was always a masochist, there was no Ferrari brainwashing he just fucking likes it when it hurts. However, when Charles was announced, Vettel basically said “there shouldn’t be any rush bcs Charles is young and he has time ahead of him, but it’s not up to me”. Now see, this is coming from a man who still holds the record for fastest penalty in F1, speeding in the pitlane fucking six seconds from the moment he fucking debuted. The man who made Rocky tear out his hair regularly for going for the fastest laps when they weren’t even bringing any points, just to prove he can (MOnaco 2013 my BELOVED). Now, is it a sign of some maturity, or of him realizing Charles won’t be okay with sticking to being a second driver because Seb recognizes so much of himself in Charles? Is he battling with himself, with the world, with the attraction, with perceptions? What is happening in Sebastian’s head? We may never know; we may, however, write fics about it. Also this video of when the announcement happened is kinda good from what I rmbr. 

And here is my favorite moment: Charles took a picture of Seb duringwinter testing in 2019, and someone took a picture of that. Sebastian got the picture, wrote down “To Charles, sorry I didn’t see you mate” and gave it to Charles. The fuck kinda inception I See You I Feel You bullshit- 

The development of the OTP aka Red Is The Colour of Love And Blood Both

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Okay so. I haven’t gone into details with this completely, because there is just so fucking much. I will probably be insane at some point and go rewatch the whole season but imma give you highlights here because this is just. Fucking insane. 

That picture I posted up there that Imma post again from a different angle because it’s seminal? SECOND RACE OF THE SEASON. This radio. GODFUCK.

Anyways what we have in the 2019 season is like. Fucking insane. This post outlines it a bit, and like. We get everything. The cordiality. The heart-eyes from Charles. Seb’s frustration. Both of their frustrations in Ferrari. Shared trauma of being a Ferrari driver as a narrative force. The team orders. The smashing into each other. Watch the challenges, watch the videos, it’s like. Idek it’s just insane. Charles said once that Seb would let him win stuff, because Charles is the definition of an unreliable narrator, but Seb would smoke him and Charles would come back and be like “okay senpai, please, more?  🥺️“ And Seb was frustrated, my god was he frustrated. 

If you take Monza, for example. Charles won there, but you can see how much everyone is bearing down on Seb and how many mistakes he makes and how the frustration just bleeds into his driving. Ngl, when I watched that I was honestly relieved when he fell so far behind because the fucking commentators were soo gleefully happy that he wasn’t performing well that I wanted to scream. Charles drove so well in 2019, he really did. But like. Ferrari. I mean, look at Sochi and this fuckery, and then look at Brasil and oh my fucking god. Like. They had no chance. No chance at all. And imagine the frustrations, imagine the feel of a car thats shitty and then having your teammate be nice one moment then crash into you the next. Imagine looking up to someone and then crashing into them, or having someone look up to you and then crashing into you. Idek where to start with them like every race in 2019 was pain one way or another. It’s like you’re fighting the world with someone, but you’re also fighting that someone. It’s chaotic, it’s angsty, it has so much hatefuck-but-not-really, it’s EVERYTHING. There are videos all over, whatever you google, that show much better what was happening than any fucking explaining I could do here. Look at this. Charles is panting for it and Seb is so fucking pissed off but can’t help but fucking INDULGE HIM. My GOD. THE FUCK IS THIS. ARE YOU SERIOUS.

AND THIS. THIS IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. THIS WHOLE CHALLENGE IS DIRECTLY A CASTING COUCH. IT’S PORN. SECHS MY ASS SEB HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU HAVE TO SAY IT HUH. HOW MANY TIMES. DU HAST SCHÖNE AUGEN, YEAH, YOU’D KNOW, YOU KEEP FUCKING STARING INTO THEM. AND CHARLES, CLOSE YOUR FUCKING LEGS. 

(also it’s very good to know Charles gets off on being degraded, relatable and valid) 

Anyways, we finish the 2019 season with Charles 4th. Seb 5th. Fuckery. Absolute fuckery. And it gets worse. 

The Break-Up or Ferrari Should Burn

OKay so this one hurts like fuck? Fuck I need to take a break. 

Okay. So. Charles signed til 2024, Seb gets the pink slip or whatever it’s called in the working world. No seat for 2021, Ferrari are being bitches, Covid all around, DTS is filming it all live-time, and Seb is fucking pissed. Here come my favorite moments in life, actually, and again I reiterate, people tend to forget that Sebastian Vettel is a petty king. :)

So, all you need to know is contained in DTS, namely s2Ep7 Seeing Red, and S3Ep4 We Need To Talk About Ferrari, which are interestingly the only two episodes I have downloaded on my computer and the only two episodes worth watching (except that one about Mick in Haas in s4 I think, that is fucking brilliant). Now, I despise DTS, but I will give them prompts for gifting us with absolute loveliness that was Sebchal lovers-break-up-due-to-external-forces narrative arc. Like literally, if you don’t watch anything else, watch these two episodes. PEAK DRAMA. PEAK ENTERTAINMENT. PEAK FEELINGS. Imma give some of my fave moments:

- Seeing Red opens with Seb bearing down on Charles for his shitty “Senorita” music taste in reference to this, and Charles goes “I’m born in ‘97″ and Seb just smiles teacher-student age gap vibes anyone Also Charles desperately trying to find a way to connect to Seb around music, basically the two of them being that video of a lil kitten jumping at the big cat and the cat like pushing it down with its paw but being v amused;

- Sebastian saying “In the end, it’s all about winning. Competeing against the best, it’s one thing. Trying to do that with Ferrari; it’s another one.” like yes king throw shade;

- the “we’ll start by holding hands”. fucking. i can’t- this is- gaaarhhhhh. THE WHOLE FUCKING THING IS INSANE. Silvia comes in with “bla bla bad media your rship, we know you love each other so just tell the world” and “you can occasionally kiss” and Charles goes “no i will not go that far” because if you’re not kissing then there’s no feelings it’s just fucking and Seb probs told him that and Sebastian goes “We’ll start by holding hands” and I am posting the video go look at it like i do, twice a day morning and night because PEAK EDITING and like. FUCK I CANNOT BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS!!! 

LOOK AT THIS SEQUENCE!!! LOOK!! FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!

i need. a moment. okay. i took coffee, i took water, i cried a bit, im fine. lets go onwards. 

- WNTTAF is just. Angst fucking galore. Idek how to explain it you have to watch it, Seb is so pissed off and now that he doesn’t have to obey Ferrari since he’s out by the end of the year, he fucking goes ALL OUT. PUSSY OUT DONT GIVE A FUCK, whatcha gonna do, fire me style. i adore it. im in love with him. id give him babies now. 

- Charles wanted to have his clothing line, and he was real excited abt it (tho I am so doubtful about his taste my god) and then it all died down. Why? We find out when Seb goes full bastard on main and says “oh yeah I will tell you idgaf I don’t have a contract for next year, he was forbidden, Ferrari have a sponsor *points to Puma mark by grabbing Charles’ shirt and touching him all over* so he can’t” and Charles dies underneath his mask;

- my absolute utter FAVORITE PETTY MOMENT where Sebastian Vettel lets speculations circle about his future and the announces that he’s signing for Aston Martin on the eve of Ferrari’s 1000th race celebrations  😏 like YES, THAT IS MY PETTY WELTMEISTER! THAT IS THE GUY WHO DID MULTI 21. THAT’S SEBASTIAN VETTEL AT HIS CORE. this gets adressed in the episode and Britta is the only one w rights btw, where Silvia is like “oh we know you didn’t mean it like that 🙂” and Seb is like “ofc not I had no input when the announcement was going to drop 🙂 “ and Charles was like “🤭” under the mask. also featuring Charles’ absolute atrocious acting “oh and beyond? gooud” bitch as if you didn’t know. 

- the way Charles just said Ich Liebe Dich to Seb. Like. ON MAIN. and Ferrari thought to hide it ssince it’s at the very end but like. UNWELL. UNWELL. 

now, everything else is googlable. i have been writing this for hours and i think i spent more time on this than i spent studying for the last exam i had. so imma wrap it up just a lil bit rushed, i guess. however, NOT WITHOUT GIVING YOU THE HELMET FUCKING EXCHANGE. 

THEY EXCHANGED HELMETS AT THE END OF 2020. IT IS. EVERYTHING.

Charles went full middle-school-crush aka tumblr girlie with fucking web-weaving of all the moments the spent together, using, amongst others THE BAHRAIN PICTURE. Seb wrote this - “To Charles, you are the most talented driver I came across in 15 years of F1. Don’t waste it. But be sure whatever you do to be happy and smile. Thanks for everything!”

Like are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me, he raced with Hamilton, with Schumacher, with fucking - I CANT. INSANE. FUCKING INSANE. HOW AM I NOT TO MAKE THEM MY OTP?????????

The Aftermath of Bloodbath

Well. I mean. Fucking hell. Seb is retiring at the end of the year, and I am unwell over it. Charles is getting fucked over by Ferrari, as usual, and I am also unwell over it. Imma put some highlights here, and end it with a pretty picture, because boy I am exhausted.

- Charles always making sure people don’t forget about Seb;

- Seb calling Charles handsome and Charles short-circuiting;

- The comforts after Monaco;

- This fucking thing that makes me wanna scream;

- ALL THE FUCKING TOUCHING AND HUGGING;

- Charles being a dumbass; Charles being just like me and short-circuiting about the moustache; Charles yearning;

Idk guys, gals, and nb pals. I am unwell over them ngl. As you may have seen. If you go through my #sebchal tag, there should be more. Also #redredred reference. What I will say, for the end, and then post this absolute insanity, is that there is a destined quality to their narrative arcs, and there is so much potential there, and there are such parallels that I can’t breathe sometimes, and there is the imagery of the opposites but are they really, and the hurt of being a Ferrari driver, of the red being the color of greatest passion and greatest defeat, of blood and love entangled, of just. So much, and yet not enough, never enough, because as I once wrote somewhere, red gods never forgive nor do they forget, and fast boys with pretty eyes and grand destinies are narratively doomed from the start. 

UGH. I AM SO PRETENTIOUS. ANYWAYS. PIC FOR THE END. 

also they’re this song. akira out. 

[sizhui]

hell o op.. i read your eichi essay and it made me rlly emotional and it rlly clicked that eichis desire to transform yumenosaki and the idol industry can also be interpreted as a desire to allow others intothe narrative

its rlly smart and super well thought out and like i wwas wondering if u think its intentional on akiras part given his history w engirls? also how long did it take u to for mulate the essay?

HELLO ^_^ first of all, thank you so so much! I know i just repetitively tell everyone who tells me they liked my essay "it means a lot to me" but it really does mean a lot to me whenever my essay resonates with someone and whenever I find someone else who approaches this story with goodwill, empathy and wonder!

I do think it was intentional, at least at the moment of writing EP:Link, but I think even well before that 🧐! There's always a possibility that Akira meant for it to be taken more metaphorically than I chose to take it but I think Akira is a smart writer (not always right, but a smart writer) who at some point definitely wanted to turn Enstars into a story bigger than just slice of life about an idol academy, and write an interactive story about love and narratives themselves! Though it would be really funny if I could write to Akira about this and he'd be like, huh? Today let's all read too much into enstars, the look on Akira's face will be priceless!

And hmm...this is the third version of the essay, I think I wrote the first one around September 2021, and I've been continuously thinking about it since then! This theory did not come to me all at once... I first thought about the metafictional implications of EP:link and became aware that the world of enstars was transformed in some way and connected it to Eichi experiencing love, while the realizations about narrative roles and Wataru's motivations are more recent! I really put a lot of thought and love into it through these past few months, and that's why it means a lot to me that it reached you!

[daincrediblegg]

2, 4, 28, 30, and 33 for the film questions!

2.Favorite director(s)?

Oh god there are so many to list and I know I’m going to forget so many but here we go- I’m also gonna include some showrunner directors in here bc honestly there are way more talented female directors making shows than there are those who make feature films and I need to give them credit for how much they inspire me too. Some of these may be painfully obvious and others not so much but here we go:

Guillermo Del Toro, Mike Flannagan, Peter Jackson, Hiyao Miyazaki, Akira Kurosawa, Orson Welles, Lily and Lana Watchowski, Todd Phillips, Wes Anderson, Robert Eggers, Bong Joon-Ho, Mel Brooks, Taika Watiti, The Coen Brothers, Jon Favreau, Terry Gilliam, Makoto Shinkai, Jim Henson, John Hughes, Chris AND Jonathan Nolan, Lisa Joy, Amy Sherman-Palladino, Noah Baumbach, Sergio Leone, Jordan Peele, Ari Aster, Jonathan E. Steinburg, Sam Mendez, Kenneth Branagh, Vince Gilligan, Spike Jonze, Spike Lee, Rian Johnson, Tarsem Singh, Billy Wilder, Alfred Hitchcock, Francis Ford Coppola and begrudgingly Quentin Tarantino (bc even tho he is way overrated in the film bro community he does make some fun movies it has to be said)

4.What’s a movie you watched over and over again as a child that you still love?

Another that I remember watching a LOT is legally blonde. When I started sleeping by myself at night my parents let me keep a tiny DVD player in my room and I used to watch movies on it to go to sleep (also bc I was afraid of the dark for a long ass time) and I distinctly remember Legally Blonde was the first one that I put on every night to sleep to lmao.

28.Recommend three completely different movies.

Aight. First if you haven’t seen Top Gun Maverick you should bc it’s all practical and that’s fucking insane to do and nobody else has made a flight movie like this ever. The original looks like fucking tinker toys in comparison I mean like literally but it walked so this film could fucking SOAR so… yeah. There u go.

Next is a deep cut: Bicycle Thieves. Italian Neo-Realism at its finest (which basically means none of the “actors” in it were career actors- just normal people, and no extras either- nothing is staged it’s all 100% just footage from the real world, and also probably the best child actor I’ve ever seen playing the kid in this ever. Also this was Sergio Leone before all the spaghetti westerns and frankly I think this might be my fave film of his to trump them all).

Another deep cut but since we’re thinking about star wars and obi wan kenobi I can’t help but mention The Hidden Fortress by Akira Kurosawa. If you want to know where Star Wars comes from? Thats it. In its entirety. And Toshiro Mifune essentially plays the original Obi Wan Kenobi (and god what a perfect world that could’ve been if he had but this is a great window into that- also I think he’s a better sword fighter than Alec Guinness for sure). I might have to even re-watch again for further parallels to the Kenobi series man.

30.Favorite movie with a pet/animal as an important aspect?

I mean god where do I start. First that comes to mind is Babe bc I watched that so much as a kid it’s burned into my head now. Then I thought Okja because jesus that fucker got dark (but god damn important as a film for sure)… but fuck all that we’re gonna go with Balto because that was my fave as a kid I even had a wolf stuffie I named Balto after him so there u go.

33.Name a film you could write an entire 10+ page essay on. (If you’ve done it, what was the focus?)

Well I mean I have written many 10 page papers on many films lmao. My first was on LOTR and it was focused on Merry and Pippin but in hindsight it wasn’t the most well thought out theme or execution (but then again whose first college paper is?) but WITH that hindsight it’s really a think piece about the vitality of side characters to the movement of plot- using both the book and the films as examples to how Merry and Pippin shape the story of LOTR way more than they’re given credit for. Yes I have always been a slut for them.

Another one I wrote more recently was a comparison of horror director methodology to edgar allan poe’s essays on writing structure in which I of course used GDT and crimson peak as my prime example- given time I would’ve delved more into mike flannagan and robert eggers films and shows too as examples of the grander cinematic gothic revival, but alas, that’s a whole ass thesis and it was only a 7 page assignment and I didn’t have that kind of time. Also I did a critical analysis about the ending of Apt Pupil once that correlated the nazi imagery to the american male teenager that earned me a handshake from my professor and an A for the course but like y’know no big deal. And of course y’all know how bad down I am about midnight mass I mean Y’all have seen the meta posts that are somehow still circulating. I have so much about that series living in my head and never enough time to put it to paper lmao. In fact thats true of a lot of things I literally have so many essays in my head happening all at once and I am always looking for some kind of excuse to write it but never getting one lmao

FILM QUESTIONS

[kareofbears]

long lines and cold nights

“Sakamoto-san!” the voice of a gruff middle-aged man a few spots behind Akira yells out. Akira’s smile splits even wider, knowing what will happen next. “Is that the Akira you keep telling us about?”

———

Akira visits Ryuji at work and witnesses how he interacts with his customers.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Akira didn’t think that bread would be so popular during Christmas.

It’s evening, and every store in Tokyo seemed to be flashing with multicolored fairy lights. The roads have long since turned the snow to slush, but the sidewalk still had white flurries piled high on top of each other. No matter where anyone looks, there are shoppers lugging around gift bags and wearing thick mittens, all eager to hide away from the freezing temperatures and numbing fingers. Despite the hustle, there’s a collective attitude from everyone present that exudes a certain liveliness that’s only ever present during the holiday season.

He’s next in line to get into the bakery, a thick, bright-red scarf wrapped tight around his neck and hands clutching a heavy paper bag. The scent of baked goods wafts from where he’s standing, and it makes him salivate just a little. Akira’s been standing here for half an hour now, the line moving at a horrifically sluggish pace that would get employees crucified during the holiday shopping rush. Yet, for some reason, the line doesn’t ever seem to get impatient.

The bakery exudes warm lighting through its glass windows, and Akira glances inside. It hasn’t changed much since he came in here last, but now it’s slathered with pine-colored wreaths and garlands, all twisted with bright-red ribbons and over-the-top bows that would have been ridiculous had he not known who put them up in the first place. Now, it’s just endearing.

An old woman hobbles to the glass door from the inside, hands full with bags of brioche, and just as Akira is about to open the door for her, it swings open—

“Oh! So kind of you, Sakamoto-kun!”

“Don’t worry about it, ma’am. I’m sure neither of us can take the heartbreak if that bread of yours hits the concrete, huh?”

They both share a genuine laugh, and Ryuji holds the door open as the woman shuffles away, still smiling. Instrumental Christmas music is playing from inside, and with it comes a burst of heat that’s packaged with every bakery during the wintertime.

Akira presses his lips together. “Does that mean I can come in now?”

Ryuji blinks, before his head jerks towards him, eyes wide. “Akira!”

This is probably his second favorite part of visiting Ryuji when he works; with a white button-up and khakis topped off with a red apron, he looks incredibly endearing in a way that Akira can’t begin to describe. It’s only ever improved during December, when he chooses to wear reindeer antlers for a more festive look. (His words. Apparently, the regulars love it.)

“Ryuji.” He can’t hold it back anymore—a smile splits wide across his face. “Looking good.”

“Looking hot you mean,” he gives Akira a slow spin. “Bet you’ve never seen anyone rock an apron this hard.”

He meant it as a joke, but it still rings true. Both of them are older now. A little taller, a little broader than they were in high school, but there’s something in the way that Ryuji’s changed that makes people flock to him. His hair is still bleached blond (there’s no getting rid of that one), but he has an undercut that shows his natural hair underneath, and he has bright red studs on both earlobes that have the tendency to catch light when he’s at the right angle.

When he smiles, it’s bigger than it was. When he laughs, it fills in every empty crevice in the room. When he speaks, it’s with a little more confidence.

But despite everything that had changed, when his eyes meet Akira’s, it’s still the loveliest feeling in the world.

“Nope,” he answers honestly, despite seeing him in that apron dozens of times before. “And I’ll never get tired of it.”

“Sakamoto-san!” the voice of a gruff middle-aged man a few spots behind Akira yells out. Akira’s smile splits even wider, knowing what will happen next. “Is that the Akira you keep telling us about?”

“Wait, the Kurusu Akira?” Someone else pipes in—a girl in her early twenties. “Huh, you’re right! He’s just as good-looking as you said he was.”

“Thank you for your kind words,” Akira replies, but his eyes are trained on the boy in front of him, refusing to look embarrassed. “That’s really nice of you to say.”

“Aw, and he seems like such a sweetheart, too. How’s the cafe doing? Heard you got promoted to assistant manager there recently. Good on you!”

He gives Ryuji an amused look. “Is there anything you haven’t told them about me?”

“When have I ever learned to shut up when it came to you?” he shrugs. “Pretty sure even the bookstore next door knows about your promotion too, by now.”

“Kurusu-kun, congrats on finishing your essay! Foreign policy is a tough thing to write on, you know.”

“Oh Kurusu-san, you’re absolutely going to adore what Sakamoto-chan got you for Christmas! He worked so hard on it, you’re going to love it to shreds.”

“Hold on, I thought you worked Thursday nights, Kurusu-kun. What are you doing here?”

It seems that even Ryuji has a breaking point—his face has grown scarlet, and his eyes are flittering away. It’s mind-numbingly charming. When Akira responds, his small smile has worked up to become a full-on grin. “I just got off work, actually.”

“Guys,” Ryuji groans loudly and leans over to give the long line a stern look. “We can’t keep doing this every time Akira comes over, it’s getting embarrassing.” Laughter rumbles through the lineup, warm and familiar and not a hint of maliciousness to be heard.

He clears his throat, but his soft voice does little to carry over the bustle of the city’s shoppers during their prime. “Sorry, I just wanted to drop something off for him. I didn’t mean to hold up the line or anything—”

“Dear,” an aging woman cuts him off. “Trust me when I say that we love seeing Sakamoto-san here be happy. After everything he’s done for us, this must be the least that we can do.”

“Yeah! He’s always giving us scones when there’s too many—”

“—and croissants—!”

“—once, he gave me a danish for free—”

Ryuji shushes them, panicked. “Quit yelling it out like that, or I might get fired.”

“As if we’d let that happen to you!” someone snorts, and there’s a chorus of agreements that ripple from the crowd.

Belatedly, Akira realizes that his cheeks are starting to hurt, but this wouldn’t be the first time this happened. Or the second. Or the tenth.

This is his favorite part about visiting him at work—to see him at work, to see him play the role of working in customer service.

But it never feels like that. When Ryuji’s speaking to customers, it doesn’t matter what they’re buying or how busy they are; he gets to know them. He could give less of a damn about the product they sell; it’s less about the selling, and more about reaching out to them and to make sure that they’re doing alright. He takes the time to talk to them, to learn their names and their preferences and who they are.

It just so happens that they also get to know him in return.

“I should go,” Akira mummers. “You’ll never get through this line if I keep distracting you like this.”

He rolls his eyes. “Sure, blame me and not the actual gang of people bullying a poor bakery sales associate.”

“They love you, Sakamoto-san,” he teases.

“Oh, shut up.”

“I just wanted to drop by to say hi, and also—” Akira holds up the still-warm bag in his hand. “To drop off some ramen, in case you got sick of eating bread during your break.”

Ryuji’s eyes are sparkling. Quickly glancing inside the bakery to make sure his manager isn’t watching, he pecks his cheek. He smells like sugar glaze and warmth.

“I love you,” he whispers, ignoring the small cheer behind them like some sort of romcom.

“And I love you. Go kick some ass, and I’ll pick you up at 8:30, okay?”

“Yes, sir,” Ryuji salutes, taking the weight off his hands, before turning to the person behind Akira. “Saito-san, welcome back! Two loaves of the Country Grain, right?”

Akira moves out of the way to finally let the line flow, touching Ryuji’s shoulder as he passes by. He takes one last look behind him and feels a pang of sympathy.

He’s been here enough times, has eaten enough of this bakery’s products to know that there really isn’t anything special about it. The food is fine; the scones are good, but he’s had better. Sometimes the flour loaf is tasty, but it’s hit or miss. The danishes are sweet and fluffy, but it’s guaranteed to be sold out by the time it hits noon.

It’s a mediocre bakery in the middle of Tokyo. You could find five more just like it down the street, and three better ones if you’re willing to take the bus. But, for some reason, there are also very few bakeries with this long of a line-up during the busiest time of the year.

Akira was the first person to line up for Sakamoto Ryuji’s attention all those years ago and it’s ridiculous that it’s taken this long for more people to start doing the same thing.

[ms-a-z-u-l]

All Over Again (Goro Akechi x Reader)

Summary: Every time, you wake up in April 9. Nothing works and you’re beginning to think you and him are going to keep dying until fate gets tired of punishing you. Until Akira finds the most cruel solution to break the cycle that keeps causing Goro pain, and you have to decide if you want to follow or stay.

Categories: Angst

Warnings: Character death

****************************************

A/N: This is the last one I’ve written. I honestly don’t know why I took so long in posting in when it was done some time ago but I sorta got my motivation back (my college essays have been killing me) I hope I can start writing more and post more quickly and get more ideas on more characters. Thank you for reading!

****************************************

Over and over, the same events repeated until either or both of you ended up death, blood pooling from your bodies as your eyes went dull and everything faded.

The next thing you know, you wake up once again in bed with groggy eyes, as if what happened last time was just a nightmare.

Every time, you would go to the living room to find Goro sitting in the couch, staring at nothing. Sitting beside him, you stared at your hands, verifying that, yes, you were alive once again and that, no, the cycle that’s been going on for who knows how long now is still taking you back in time to April 9. The day He arrived.

From changing routines, a significant action, a specific response, to the tiniest of details, nothing seem to change what happens in the end. Even letting both of you be killed together, that was the latest tactic and yet you managed to see the repeated light of day. There was silence for minutes, wondering and grasping at possibilities of what could break the torturous cycle, something missing in the equation. Goro’s knee started to bounce, seeming at his wits end.

“I’m beginning to think this is punishment” he chuckled dryly, clearly tired and restless. “If it is, then they went all out, huh?” You replied sarcastically. “It should only be me to be pulled into this bullshit” hearing him whisper that made you turn your head to look at him. His head was down now, looking defeated, or perhaps guilty, you never knew with him. Even though you’ve been living in the same apartment, Goro never really told you anything about himself or his past, and you didn’t pry in fear of appearing nosy. It wasn’t until the first time reset after he almost got shot, but you took the hit and woke up in April 9 that he told you more than he did in almost two years of knowing him. After all, the others had already found out about his father and the shit he got put through in the engine room, might as well tell his assistant and what he could call a friend everything he bottled up.

You didn’t show shock or fear despite knowing his deeds as a hit man for Shido, instead trying to change his actions this time around. None of the Phantom Thieves seemed to notice the reset in time, except for of course the leader himself. Akira didn’t notice right away, it took him the second reset to feel like something was amiss, going to Shujin for the first time again, meeting Ann and Ryuji, feeling like the conversation already happened. You both managed to notice his awareness the moment you “met” his eyes narrowing at Goro, not because of his betrayal, but because he was alive. Revealing your awareness  and explaining more in detail, Akira tried to contain his shock and most of all confusion, but agreed to help find a way out.

However, nothing worked and even he was getting desperate as each reset happened. This might be punishment, but what Goro wonders is why it wasn’t only for him, but for you and Akira as well. You sighed, slowly reading your hand to lay it on his shoulder, “Maybe because I was willing to take it with you. You don’t have to be alone, even in this- whatever you wanna call it, a punishment, curse-“

“You don’t get it!!” He pushed your hand away angrily, “The least I wanted was to pull you into this!! From the moment I stepped foot out of the apartment to go after them in Shido’s palace and told you not to follow, that was the goddamn moment you should of bolted and escaped from me!! But no, you decided it was best not to listen and be stupid by following me. You ruined yourself and for what? For a petty concept such as care and friendship” He sounded harsh, and yet you didn’t dare flinch, you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“Hah, it’s for the same thing that you’re saying this now, idiot” you huffed, looking at him as if he was ludicrous. “What did you-“

“You didn’t want to involve me for the same reason, Goro. Because you cared, because you believed that if I saw you like that, I would be hurt, but guess fucking what, I didn’t. And I didn’t because for once I saw you, not the “look at me, I’m so charming” facade you mastered over time, and I wanted- “ you paused as you were building your resolve and stared directly at his eyes, “I wanted to see more of you, no matter how terrifying it could be, because at the end I’ll see my friend, not a monster. And I’m not justifying you. Yes, I was furious at what you did, but that didn’t mean giving up on you was the best thing to do, or leaving you to die. You will carry on your sins, and turn them into resolve to destroy this shitty system. Now we might died just a few more times-“ you narrowed your eyes and pinched your thumb and index finger close together while he wore a dumbfounded face.

“Buuut, that’s the price I took even if it meant spending all my Aprils and Mays and Junes just to get to spend more time with you” you quickly added, “even if you can be an asshole sometimes” at that, he actually slapped his hand over your mouth to shut you up, trying to keep your laughing at bay, “Keep it up and I just might be the biggest asshole and throw you out-“ you laughed harder at those words, getting him more irked. He let out a long sigh and removed his hand from your mouth, “You’re impossible”

——————————————————————

Akira was finally able to find you in the park, alone since Goro still had his work going on again. He looked disturbed in a way and serious, as if he was anxious to speak. You looked at him worryingly and with furrowed brows, “You do still remember, right? It took you quite some time now call us” you heard him hold in a breath and after a few seconds, released and began to speak, “This time when I woke up it was different, it’s going to sound weird but I kept hearing a voice”

“A voice? Did it sound familiar? Or what did it tell you?” You were brimming with curiosity now, this time it wasn’t him telling you of those dreams where he was in a cell. If something different happened, it must mean something.

“I could only hear it saying... “you have to let go” and I didn’t know what it meant. I kept hearing it this week, what I could pick from it was “loop” “break” “let” and yesterday at night it said.. “Akechi”” and after that she appeared and showed me. Her name was Lavenza, she explained everything, why she couldn’t reach me, why time keeps resetting... what caused it, and.. she told me how to stop it too” Akira stayed silent, scared of your reaction if you had already figured out what he meant, but he continued, “She told me to let Akechi- that we were supposed to let Akechi die back in Shido’s palace” he looked down, dark hair obscuring his eyes. He didn’t hear and he was getting scared that perhaps he made you in snap, but when he felt a hand harshly grab him by the collar of his uniform, he saw the judgmental look in your eyes and tears of anger starting to brim. You hands were shaking but the hold was tight, wanting him to stay still in order to listen to her words, “How..could you think..that we should just stand there.. and.. watch him die DAMMIT!!” You bursted out, “You what me to just stand there and look as they shoot him when we could something??!! I thought you all of people had at least a little regard for him” you tell him with disappointment in your voice.

“It’s not that I want him to die either!! It’s that if we keep trying to save him, he’s going to keep dying and dying, hurting him more and more!! Don’t you get it we changed something that was supposed to happen and now it’s like fate itself is getting back at us for it! We disrupted the order, even with you we-“ He suddenly kept quiet and you looked up at him, frowning, “What about me?”

....

“Akira! What about me?!” You shake him in your grasp, trying to the answer out of him, “You were never supposed to meet him either. Before what you thought was the first reset, well it was already the second. Lavenza showed me what happened the first time.. and there beside him there was no one” your eyes widened and you slowly let go of him stiffly. He tentatively continued, “The first reset was because of me, I took the shot for him and even though I didn’t die I had already changed something. That time, no one noticed that we went back in time, not even Akechi. But for some odd reason, you appeared on his way home and stumbled upon him, and for another more weird reason you became involved in his life and work, not even Lavenza can really explain but she says she has a wild guess.” Either way, the truth of the matter is, that we have to let everything run its course, y/n, even if none of us want it, I prefer letting him go than having Akechi suffer thousands of deaths. If you care for him, please you’ll know what you have to do that day, for everyone and him” he hesitantly put a hand on your shoulder and silently retreated back to Leblanc, leaving you dumbfounded and lost.

What was right? Letting the person you cared about more than anyone die in front of your eyes one last time and ending up alone? Or keep trying to find a solution while making him feel pain countless times? With those thoughts going rampage, tears started to flow freely to the ground and tiny sobs bubbled up in your throat.

You knew the answer, and yet you kept imagining a reality in where both of you could actually exist.

——————————————————————

It happened in the blink of an eye, the last thing from him a simple message that made you cry uncontrollably in the couch. This time you didn’t get to follow, he left without warning. Of course, he had found out as well, what he needed to do, he certainly wasn’t dumb. Wether it was your longing stares, your sad tone after a day with him without work in the way, or the words “this time we’ll make it right” by Akira and the far away looks he gave whenever Goro went for a cup of coffee, you even dared think there was also a hint of longing in his eyes just like yours.

You kept wailing and sobbing, your mind full of memories, of feelings, of words you can never say now, hand tightly clutching your phone. The screen was still brightly showing his message, and it was the only comfort you had that he didn’t feel pain anymore.

From Goro:

Thank you for being the best living pain in the ass in my life.

Because I care too much, I want you to live as if everything started all over again and you took another route from mine that day.

Goodbye, y/n, and thank you for the last months of letting me forget the pain and put a tiny smile in my face.

—————————————————————

December 24, a supposedly jolly day. But as you unusual rain pouring down and bones protruding form the ground, you couldn’t help but say to yourself with a resigned smile, “What a shitty and unfair world we happened to live in huh, Goro”

[mistresseast]

You make some really good points, but I wish literally anyone in this fandom wanted to write about it. I just hate how Akira is not allowed to be happy, and even with the long wait, no one seems to want him to be reunited with Goro and to be happy. Or address how Maruki was manipulative and fucked up. It's just so unfair to him.

I know this fandom seems really doom and gloom most of the time, believe me, it kind of wears me down too sometimes. I love some nice, cathartic angst as much as the next person, but it’s hard to watch characters you care about be essentially left for dead by the fandom over and over when there’s plenty of evidence that they are actually okay and will be able to grow and heal in the future. However, I promise that’s not the only content to be found here. Since Royal came out, I’ve seen a definite upswing in fics and art that celebrate their future reunion and the positives that resulted from the revelations of the third semester. Most of the popular, well-known stuff is just still from before Royal, so the tone is admittedly darker. There’s more emphasis on grief and exploring the repercussions of Goro’s unceremonious “death” and even fix-its tend to get hung up on atonement and redemption instead of healing. And it’s understandable; when a relationship ends the way shuake’s did in vanilla, it leaves people feeling restless and upset, and the best way to vent those feelings is through generating bittersweet content. It’s a catharsis, a way to purge all of the unfinished emotions vanilla left us with. And even now that we have a more hopeful ending, most fans, the ones who have been around since vanilla, are still in that frame of mind. We were so screwed over by the last ending, that we’re just kind of...used to mourning Goro Akechi at this point. 

My experience following along with the real-time first playthroughs of Royal is something that will stick with me forever. I won’t get too into it, but when it looked like Goro’s fate in the ship was unchanged, I was devastated. But then he was back! And then he was gone again. And the translations were perfunctory at first, most of us didn’t know for sure what was going on, so we were all getting ready to accept Goro being “dead” again. Fortunately, that’s not at all what happened! He’s alive and he’s fine and in fact he was never dead in the first place, even in vanilla! It was amazing! And I was so happy for a reason to let go of the grief I’d been nursing since I learned his fate the first FIRST time around. But not everyone is as eager to leave that darkness behind. In some cases, people just genuinely don’t understand what happened in the game, and the narrative of Goro being alive bc of Akira’s wish is so tempting and so painfully beautiful that it’s become essentially fandom canon just by the sheer power it evokes. I may be wrong, but I feel like this is the majority of people. They take Maruki’s words at face value and are then inundated by fandom content that reinforces that idea, making it easy to ignore Goro’s brief appearance in the true ending or write it off. They’ve been trained by vanilla not to expect a happy ending for these characters and they just accept it. And there are also folks who prefer the darker ending, of course, and willingly choose to believe it bc it satisfies something in them. Even I’m seduced by the inherent eroticism of things going badly sometimes, and I write almost exclusively for the express purposes of getting the characters soul married or whatever. Tragedies are compelling and that’s just some people’s cup of tea. No shame there. 

That’s not to say I don’t get frustrated by it sometimes though. It’s frustrating to me that the idea of Akira’s love for Goro sustaining a new dimension is so fucking delicious that it basically overshadows the fact that Goro is actually alive AND buries the lead about what a scumbag Maruki truly is. We’re all so enamored by the High Romance of it all that we fail to recognize it for what it is: a lie. Maruki fucking got us!! He tricked this whole fandom into living in a fantasy world!! God, how meta, how unintentionally brilliant. We’re just like Akira: too in love with Goro to even question what Maruki says. As frustrating as it is, you kind of have to love it.

That said, as time goes on, I believe the fandom outlook will continue to lighten. I saw a HUGE surge of positive post-game content after the deleted scene of Goro at the clinic was discovered bc people were finally willing to give into the desire to give Goro a happy ending now that they’re less afraid of being hurt by some new revelation later on. And as that becomes the norm, the discussion around Maruki will change too. Currently he has this reputation as a well-meaning villain, but when Goro being undeniably alive becomes more ingrained in the fandom consciousness, his manipulation will be more obvious to people. I truly believe that this fandom is full of people who WANT happy endings, who WANT Goro and Akira to be reunited, but have been taught for so long that believing one can actually happen is stupid. And the ending we got is just ambiguous enough to prey on that fear of being played for the fool. As time passes, so will that fear, and the fandom content will reflect that. And there’s already hopeful stuff out there if you look for it! People are catching on! Plus, there’s my time-honored advice: if you can’t find the content that satisfies you, you just have to make it! That’s why all of my fics exist. Putting more positivity out there will only help other people get on board the happy ending train faster.

I know you probably just wanted to vent and didn’t need a whole essay about fandom psychology, but I promise you, I know how you feel, and I’ve been steeping in the shuake stew long enough to tell you that things are already better than they were. We can only go up from here!!

Also disclaimer!! All of this nonsense is based on my individual experience and interpretation. Everyone experiences fandom differently and I certainly don’t claim to be an expert. ymmv

[the-cyberpunk-zeitgeist]

The Cyberpunk Zeitgeist

>>>𝕄𝕜𝕕𝕚𝕣 "𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕥𝕪"...

>>>ℂ𝕕 "𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕥𝕪"

>>>𝔻𝕠𝕨𝕟𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕕 𝕙𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕕.𝕖𝕩𝕖...

>>>𝔻𝕠𝕨𝕟𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕣𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕜𝕝𝕖𝕡𝕥.𝕖𝕩𝕖...

>>>ℝ𝕦𝕟 𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕥𝕪.𝕖𝕩𝕖...

>>>𝕄𝕠𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪 <𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘-𝕗𝕒𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕕: 

      "𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪.𝕙" 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕>

>>>𝔼𝕣𝕣𝕠𝕣 𝕞𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖: "ℂ𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕥𝕪.𝕖𝕩𝕖. 𝕎𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕚𝕥."

>>>...

Flash into the past and look into the future. Recall the early stages of the digital age—the new millennium—and how, at the precipice of a thousand transformations, civilization was defined by its endless climbing innovation. In the 80’s and 90’s, when consumer use of the personal computer was infecting society like a virus, our entire idea of communication changed. The net became a pivotal point in shaping what it meant to be human. Through an ever-expanding web of information, human innovation seemed to spiral until promising “authorship over reality itself”. Those who felt constrained by the world, escaped into a fractal space with infinite possibilities of connecting with others. 

Douglas Rushkoff termed it ‘Cyberia’—a dreamlike place offering “a way to crack open our civilization’s closed-mindedness, and to allow for a millennial transition that offered something a lot better than apocalypse: consciously driven evolution”, but the mesmerizing unity in this newfound cyberscape didn’t last. What followed—what we see around us now—may lead us to believe that all is lost, but perhaps there’s something more than war, corporate politics, espionage. Perhaps, there still exist some humans among us interested in a higher cause: unlocking the mysteries.

While the net was first adopted solely by military personnel and groups of scientists across academia who saw fit to interconnect themselves for research and communication purposes, it soon fell into the hands of the geeks using hypertext forums to discuss niche hobbies or send pictures to one another. The net became a mystic place of interlocking minds, where interconnected collections of data contributed to the neural network of humans that composed a global brain. As this paradise aged, however, the desire of investors to monetize and capitalize from the cyberscape arose alongside it. Advertisements flooded the web; businesses sprung up in every forum, website, and chat client. It wasn’t long into the 21st century that the nature of the web was forever molded by a greed to optimize its use for social credit, capital, and leverage for everything from corporate intelligence, to data harvesting, to control and censorship of media. The symbol of freedom and exploration was thus transformed into a stratified market and a subversive survival game. It’s all so… Cyberpunk.  

In the 80’s and 90’s, alongside the rise of computers and the net, came the rise of Cyberpunk literature—a sci-fi subgenre defined by its retro aesthetics intermixed with contrasting commentary that showed us the wonders of new technology while simultaneously revealing the deep divide that emerged as a result of inequality. Pioneers like William Gibson in Neuromancer, Neal Stephenson in Snow Crash, and Katsuhiro Otomo in Akira revealed the true impact of this divide. In a world where everyone in the streets is chromed up with augmented cybernetic prostheses, but can still hardly afford to eat—a world where cities have been replaced by endlessly sprawling megalopoli—we’re left immersed in the aesthetics of ‘high tech-low life’ people struggling to get by. 

Cyberpunk showed sci-fi fans what it might look like if kleptocratic corporations spiralled further and further into the power vacuum created by advancing technology. If caution and regulation aren’t put in place to protect the people from marvelous creations that humanity could hardly predict outside of science fiction, the people are further exploited and economic classes are further stratified. When this is combined with life-threatening dangers around every corner, the difference between economic class can mean life and death. 

While the additional flourishes of weapons-grade cyborgs, sentient and sentimental artificial intelligence, and laser guns can make Cyberpunk seem like a farfetched reach into a future that will never come, I am here to tell you that this is Society, and we are living in it. Around the world, rising sea levels begin to swallow more of the coastline, and megafires consume any shred of nature or infrastructure in their path. Both of these events are spurred by human-driven climate change which is created in large part by first-world corporations churning out fossil fuels or slicing up rainforests for profit. The global hivemind that is the internet has become the limitless communications apparatus we wanted it to be, but it is covered in adverts and subverts its users attempts to harness its power with misinformation, propaganda, and profit-driven exclusive content. Riots over authoritarian state measures have propped up not only in the United States, but in Hong Kong, Belarus, and all across the globe. Pandemic disease and refugee crises displace hundreds of thousands of humans each year, and the rich keep getting richer by the billions.

In more recent Cyberpunk writing like William Gibson’s The Peripheral, Gibson describes the Jackpot:

And first of all that it was no one thing. That is was multicausal, with no particular beginning and no end. More a climate than an event, so not the way apocalypse stories liked to have a big event, after which everybody ran around with guns… or else were eaten alive by something that caused the big event. Not like that.

It was androgenic… that meant because of people. Not that they’d known what they were doing, had meant to make problems, but they’d caused it anyway. And in fact the actual climate, the weather, caused by there being too much carbon, had been the driver for a lot of other things. How that got worse and never better, and was just expected to, ongoing. Because people in the past, clueless as to how that worked, had fucked it all up, then not been able to get it together to do anything about it, even after they knew, and now it was too late.

...it killed 80 percent of every last person alive, over about forty years.

Jackpot. The repercussions of humanity’s actions finally catch up, and those bits of humanity that do remain are saved by an extreme surge in innovation that manages to save society’s elites. As Douglas Rushkoff puts it in his recent essay The Privileged Have Entered Their Escape Pods, more and more of those who have the capital to do so have already begun their plans, whether those plans are to escape to Mars or to set themselves up with a cushy work-from-home job while the lower class workers are forced into the public during the pandemic crisis. The need to automate away positions for the safety of our species is becoming even more prevalent than it once was in the minds of corporate conglomerates, but the cancerous overgrowth of our bureaucracy has become so bloated and tripped up in its own processes that we can no longer look to our political systems to keep up with the exploitation of innovation. Lo and behold, the world’s looking pretty CPAF to me.

Where have the visions of Cyberia gone? What happened to the early stages of internet punks, pushed aside in their desire to surf the datasphere purely for the rush of uncovering swathes of data? Where did visions of “authorship over reality itself” twist to become ‘authorship over reality by those with the capital to control’? It may seem that this explosive spiral of technological innovation in the new millennium is driving us towards extinction and only saving those with enough coins in their pockets to buy a ticket on the ark, but perhaps it’s not too late to change course and save ourselves from the ultimate Jackpot.

United by the global nature of the net, every one of us is connected as a single living entity that is the Earth—a Technogaia. Developments in artificial intelligence promises us exponential increase in information processing capabilities across all fields. Breakthroughs in genetic engineering could allow us to delete diseases from our genomes, and have already shown minor success in the de-extinction of species. With the first cyborg part already installed in each of our pockets, every citizen can extend their minds beyond capacity; each one of us becomes a journalist at a moment’s notice when injustice needs to be documented and challenged. Nuclear, hydrogen, solar, and wind energy lead us towards a cleaner and greener future. The rise of urban ecology shows a path to optimize the use of space to lower humanity’s carbon impact while providing more space for habitat rehabilitation and the reintroduction of lost biodiversity.

In the palm of our hands, humanity has taken control of the world. With science and technology, we’ve become the manipulators, but if we do not recognize what our impact is on the Dao of Earth, we may tip the scales too far into the Chaos. I’ll be honest in saying things look grim, but these same innovations that have paved the way for flying killbots and smoke stacks spewing gases into the sky have given us the power to reshape the world in a beneficial image. Futurist politicians call for universal basic income in a world increasingly run by machines. Transhumanists pave the way for the radical extension of the human lifespan. Technogaians design solarpunk arcologies to house a society ready to save their Earth rather than one intent on consuming it. Cyberians fight for our rights to privacy and the freedom of information. Just as the visions of grim dystopias in the 80's and 90’s saw themselves transformed into modern realities, we can use humanity’s greatest tool—this near-deific domain over innovation—to mold this fractal reality into our vision. But is it chaos, order, or some harmonious Dao in between that we seek? 

No matter our choice, it’s going to take a lot of united high tech-low life cyberpunks to get there. This is the Cyberpunk Zeitgeist, and we’re living it.

For more works by The Cyberpunk Zeitgeist, see our Twitter page @CyborgZeitgeist