#akfnetwork

[bespectacled-phoenix]

I just want FANGS so I can meet the boys 😂😂

[paulwcsley]

Have a throwback selfie.

[missi396]

Pure Positivity and Love!!

Ok This has been a long time coming but I am a very private person and its very hard for me to wear my feelings on my sleeve so to speak or admit when something is bothering me( I am always the happy go lucky person with nothing wrong kinda person and hides my feelings) but if it helps even one person I am happy....(I will try not to write a book but I can not promise anything lol) First off let me say Thank you all for what you are doing for positive thinking and just really being yourself and being true to you!! Its hard for people  to be true to ourselves and be ok with ourselves,its very raw and very emotional and you are such an amazing people for doing what you do!!

I am a 42 yr old mom of three who has suffered with major depression,anxiety and other health problems for most of my life...I think the hardest part atleast for me was not knowing what was wrong...To be really raw and honest I have tried to commit suicide on several occasions and almost succeeded a couple of times and I cannot say that it will never happen again but I always keep fighting for another day :) and I am no way an expert lol but I figured I would share with you amd everyone all my little tips for fighting,they might seem mundane to some but it works for me...

I have only gotten this in the last year or so is "Understand that you are perfect at being you"...meaning I tell myself all the time basically yea I have something wrong with me but thats ok...I might not be at the stage of loving myself but today I accept myself for who I am...might not tomorrow but I do today!

I hide my feelings all the time, I am one who if I am upset only the closest people know I am upset and sometimes they dont even know...That is because of a trust issue..I might have all these friends on Facebook but in my life I only have one person that I trust with everything that has never broken my trust,and because of that and not loving myself its sad but I have become a hermit...So being that I hide my feelings I have to kinda draw them out because its not healthy keeping them in,so I use music...If I know i am having a bad day I will hit up youtube and if I am mad I will put on some Korn,Pink or something that I can scream to while singing..If I am sad and need to cry I will put on some Matchbox Twenty or Pink or if I need to Laugh and just get away from the world I will watch some Supernatural cons :) lol

Affirmations is a big one...I use to think affirmations were a bunch of bullshit..no lie,but they have helped me so much in the last couple of years, Now they dont stop me from having bad days but they make those days a little easier..When I can remember I will say to myself..Dont Doubt yourself You are important,or you are very smart, or you were put here to do great things,You do matter,What you think is important...Those help me because I have the "Bad thoughts" of I am not important and That I am not that smart and people dont listen and stuff like that...So use ones that help with the "Bad thought" you have

Keep your mind busy!!! Find what you love and do it! For me its running my store,I have always been into Customer Service and so when I couldnt do the job I loved anymore so I opened up my own online store...I am not going to lie I dont make alot of money and if you probably come right down to it I have probably shelled out more money then made lol...but it keeps my mind busy and keeps all the negative out...It hurts so much that I dont bring in a steady income and that everything falls on my Fiancee Eddie but because of his love and encouragement he lets me do this and knows it helps me out on a day to day basis and I could never repay what he has given up to let me do it..We have overcome homelessness and alot more and because of him we are on the road to being ok!!! (He always says I lift him up but I think its the other way around)

And The Biggest one for me is like I said before I have in the past been suicidal and those thoughts still do pop in my head and probably will for the rest of my life because it is part of my mental illness but when they do creep in I stick to telling myself "See what tomorrow brings" When I say that to myself the next day is usually a lot better then the day before and the mountain that I made in my head out of a mole hill has worked itself out :) I am in no way saying dont get help for those thoughts because please do but that saying alone has help me in sooooo many ways!!!

See I guess why I have had a hard time dealing with my mental health is because I was raised with older parents..Meaning my Mom had me when she was 48 and my dad was 59 and so I was kinda raised with hiding problems not that it was their fault because it wasnt and they were the most wonderful and caring parents anyone could ask for but that was their generation...The Keeping up with the Jones generation if that makes sense..

So now I come to the closing of my letter (Sorry about the book lol) but I truly hope this helps someone else,This is the truly first time I have let the cat out of the bag and said screw it and admitted to others what i struggle with on an almost daily basis and although I am sitting here considering erasing this whole thing because thats what I do lol Its more important to me to let you all know that I think highly of what you are doing and that you had enough balls to come out and share with people what you have and are going through...Its truly Amazing to me and I cant Thank you enough for doing all the things you have done to let people know its ok to go through!!!

There are so many insperational people in this world and so many amazing stories on how they became that way and my heart is so swollen from reading and crying...Anyway I am fed up with not being myself..This yr there has been a change, I am changing for a good reason, I am starting to come out of my shell and say Fuck it I am Wayward as Fuck!! Sp Thank you all for all the #positivity you share!!! <3 <3

Thank you

@waywarddaughtersacademy   @kimrhodes4 @ruthieconnell @robbenedict @mishacollins @osrictumbles @officialbrianab @iammattcohen4real @officialgishwhes and everyone I missed!!!!

Everyday It gets better and better and I am trying my hardest to be just me...

Update:: This year I have decided to try gishwhes and pull me out into my uncomfortable zone...What helps is knowing that there are challanges that help others and with my fiancee gone for 3 months up to alaska for salmon season it will keep my mind busy lol

Hopefully this all makes sense lol and maybe someday I will get enough balls to share this on my Facebook for everyone to see

[sufu21]

Alpha Kilo Foxtrot

AKF with military phonetics.... The randomness of my brain just threw this one at me and I'm kinda attached to it as a unique-ish way to incorporate "always keep fighting" into my next tattoo. I am seriously loving the symbolism of equating the always keep fighting motto with the military and the feeling of protection and safety and unity.... Opinions?

[bespectacled-phoenix]

Clearly everyone is just waiting for Mary to use the middle names!!

[bespectacled-phoenix]

Congratulations Mark on being 27 years sober! You are a wonderful inspiration 💜💜

[paulwcsley]

This selfie is a couple of weeks old, but whatever~

[paulwcsley]

Job orientation today.

[bespectacled-phoenix]

I-I don’t think I’m going to use Funkytown anymore fam...I don’t want people telling me I using it for attention when I’m not. I love you all and I will help everyone who uses Funkytown, but I don’t think I’ll be using it again.

[bespectacled-phoenix]

Funkytown!

My anxiety is getting the better of me right now.

[bespectacled-phoenix]

The art museum where I live is really interactive. So this is what I put up on the board today. Yes I did both of them.

[paulwcsley]

I’m trying not to let those anon messages get to me. I generally brush off those kinds of messages. But what they said about akf and my anxiety really hurts. I know, don’t listen to them. But it still hurts.

Because I’m not having a good mental health night, can y’all send me positive vibes? Specifically, can y’all send me your favorite fics, so I can get distracted on something else?

I don’t care what type of fic it is, fluff, smut, or whatever. And I don’t care what pairing either. I generally like everything.

[paulwcsley]

Throwback pictures.

[paulwcsley]

I'm having a bad mental health night sooooo could y'all point some good positive vibes in my direction? (Also if you have any good fluffy Sam [maybe even Jared] fan fiction, it'd be much appreciated. Any pairing is fine. Reading helps me get distracted.)

[bespectacled-phoenix]

Follow Follow Follow!

Go follow @jaredxpadaleckey her original blog got deleted via the tumblr demons some how! So go follow her she is great and amazing and is a lovely human being who deserves all the followers!

[bespectacled-phoenix]

I really want the new AKF shirt, but I can’t afford this time around because I bought a new car and now I have to make payments on it and I have to pay for college as well so I guess I’ll just wait till the next time around.