#ainhoa was right for being jealous

[damnamour]

Episode 208 ― 30th May 2024

[demondetoxmanual]

This is what it looks like when the #spnfamily is dead set on fulfilling your one and only dream.

On Sept. 21st 2016 I was once again hit with sadness. I cried again and needed to vent. I wrote a post about my feelings and how upset I was that I would never be able to attend a convention with J2 attending. [see post]

A couple hours later my tumblr messenger alerted me of a new message. A message that changed my life.

@ladyroche: “Melanie, I want to help you. Every fan should have the experience and you have many supporters already...” Our conversation(s) went on for hours and, over and over again I explained to her that, if I can’t afford it myself, I have no business going to a convention. Thousands of other fans can’t go because they can’t afford it either, so why should I be given that chance? Why should anyone, but myself, worry about bringing happiness into my life and making sure my dream can come true? Those were just a few of the questions I sent Juli. But no matter how often I said I don’t deserve this and I have zero rights to be granted this one wish, Juli told me... “we [@ladyroche, @lipglosskaz, @electricmonk333] think that, if anyone deserves this, then it’s you. You deserve this and we will get you and your daughter to HousCon.”

I wasn’t convinced... neither of me being deserving of this, nor that anyone would actually be generous enough to support this massive quest. And yet, these three girls proved me wrong. After the first negative reply to Juli’s post, I suggested to call it quits and take the post down. Her answer was short and demanding: “Hells no, we are not taking the post down ever! We are taking you to Houston and placing you in the arms of J2 <3.”

I stayed pessimistic and made sure every donated cent would remain in my PayPal account so I could return it - in case the hate would become too much for me to handle.

Once it all started, Juli kept saying: “It’s happening, baby!” [gleefully quoting Danneel Ackles] - the second my daughter and I were on our way to the airport the quote rang in my ears and I found myself crying tears of utter joy, excitement and anxiety.

By now, most of you have seen the panels on YouTube and gif’ed the hell out of every scene that took place. So, there is not much left to say about that part.

What I do have to say is, that I have never felt so loved as I did during the con-weekend. I was given the opportunity to meet all these amazingly kind and lovely people I’ve only ever seen/talked to on tumblr. Of course, the first person I saw was Kaz ( @lipglosskaz ) - her beautiful smile woke me from a needed nap after arriving at the hotel. After I hugged her silly and spotted Sim ( @electricmonk333 ) at the front desk and patiently waited for her to finish her conversation with the lady there until I could finally throw my arms around her, hugged her long and proper, kissed her head (she’s tiny!) and felt the need to never let go. I’d like to mention again (since some people already did), that the wonderful and very talented Sim won the video contest at HousCon. When they announced the winner, and her name was heard through the speakers I couldn’t believe my ears. I mean, we all crossed our fingers and hoped she would win... but when she actually did I cried so hard I couldn’t calm down for a very long time. Sim walked up the stage to answer a couple of questions about the video and in her speech she mentioned things that just made so happy. I’m very proud of her and happy for her and I... yeah... she was the one who had to calm me down because I was just so damn happy for her winning the contest. I have no idea how, but I managed to record the whole thing - I need to upload it. Or send it to her. It was beautiful. Just like her face. xD

These two cuties, Maja and I got to share a room... best time ever! Because that way I was able to hug them whenever I felt like it. I bet Sim was annoyed with me though. I constantly worried about her... don’t hate me, please. I just love you, Ms. Frosty. Letting Sim go, on Sunday evening, however, was a sad moment. Simply because I’m not sure if it was the last time I’d ever get to see her. Saying goodbye to Kaz was just as sad... even though we didn’t mean to wake her (we had to leave Monday 5am), Maja and I couldn’t help ourselves to give her one last hug and smooches. Let me tell you all a secret: that woman is just as beautiful in the morning w/o make-up as she is all prettied up. Not fair. :P

I love you two with all my heart and I hope that we will meet again. I miss you!

Then Michael (@itsokaysammy) happened and the weekend turned into an emotional hug-fest. I’ve hugged him so many times I lost count. But that’s just what happens with cuties like him. You see ‘em, you hug ‘em, you get addicted. Whenever we saw each other I all but attack-hugged him, there was no escaping each other. I always loved him, but now, where I had the chance to actually see him face to face and talk to him, witness his honest smiles and bubbling with nerves of excitement... I just love him so much. ^-^ *kisses* (I’ll never forget how surprised Sim was when she realized how tall Michael is... xD So cute.) I miss you!

Another victim of my many hugs was the most adorable Kylie ( @sammyhale ). We never really talked on tumblr before. But, once we got to talk for the first time I fell in love with her. She’s so kind and loving and gives amazing hugs. I am beyond happy to have met her and got to spend time with her. She is a perfect mix of cool and shy and sweet. If you don’t love her, well.. you’re just wrong. xD I miss you!

There is one special person, without her I would have not even made it to the airport. This, of course, is not the reason why I love her so much. I love her because she has a heart of gold. She is smart, cute and cares so much it should be illegal. You know what all you’ve done to get Maja and me to HousCon - without you, especially without you, my dream would still be a dream. For that, I’m grateful. But I love you for being a wonderful friend. Thank you, Ally. ( @greatwallofsam ) No, I’m not crying right now. You’re crying. You’re perfect and precious and I miss you!

After one of the panels, Kaz introduced me to Destini ( @crabackles ). That was, by far, the most precious moment of all the introductions I’ve been through during HousCon. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t place a name to her adorable face - so I kept quiet. I treated careful with everyone after all. Because, let’s be honest, many folks would’ve rather not seen me at the con or at least knowing I’d not be able to go. She, obviously, was not one of them. I figured that the second Kaz introduced me with my tumblr URL. Immediately, Destini’s face morphed into a shock-surprise-squee-like-cuteness. “Oh my god. That’s you? That’s you! I LOVE YOU!!!! You are so amazing.” At first, I turned around, checking if she was talking to/about someone else. She’s a pure delight and I’m so happy I got to meet her. *kisses* I miss you!

The last person I got to meet, on Sunday, was the absolutely funny Sarah ( @jensenscomedyelbows ). She all but tackled me into a crushing hug and we fell on the bed in our room. “We made sweet love”, was her explanation of how we finally met! No bodily fluids have been exchanged. I promise. Though, it was a close call. The two of us got along perfectly and I had many interesting and joyful conversations with her. She might have fallen in love with me. The feeling is definitely mututal. I miss you!

Now, let’s get to the part where my dream became reality. ;)

With thanks to all the amazing people I got to spend the weekend with, I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I would be when the time came to see J2 in person for the first time. While the fundraiser for Maja and me was still running, and we weren’t sure if we could reach the goal, I was set on getting a Sunday ticket only, just so all the expenses could be covered. But someone (don’t worry Ainhoa & Juli, I won’t tell anyone it’s you) made damn sure that Maja and I would get the full weekend experience in form of copper tickets. However, do to a mistake by Creation regarding Sim’s seat, her whole group (which included us) was upgraded to Gold tickets (w/o autographs) before the whole shebang even started. I was crying in happiness for Sim, when they told her she would be upgraded. Though, once the lady said Sim’s group would be upgraded I couldn’t control my emotions any longer. I was shaking and crying and close to passing out. Never in a million years would I have expected this. Not ever. Not me. But it did and with this ‘luck’ we were able to access the famous Gold Panel. My heart was racing and my belly flip flopped so hard I wasn’t sure if I’d die, faint or get sick... or all of the above. Then, when Jared & Jensen were announced my knees felt weak, my hands were shaking and I mentally prepared myself for a face-dive to the floor. That didn’t happen though. Quite the opposite. The second these two dorks entered the stage, a wave of calmness washed over me, followed by an everlasting rush of happiness, with a sidedish of “OH MY GOD... IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?! AM I HERE? IS THIS STILL ONE OF MY DREAMS?!” It wasn’t a dream, it was as real as it could possibly be. Once this realization kicked in, my hand shot up and I was ready to ask a question. Which wouldn’t have been a question. I wanted to give a shout-out to the people who made it happen, who made it possible for Maja and me to be there. Unfortunately, I wasn’t picked.

However, at the J2-photo-op I had the opportunity to talk to Jared for a short moment. I hereby apologize to the people in line, I really couldn’t help myself. I told him that the #spnfamily donated, so my daughter and I could fly in from Germany. As soon as the words were out of my mouth he pulled Maja into a giant hug and squished her long and proper and said “Dankeschön for being here.” I might have been a tiny bit jealous. Not out of jealousy, but because I know my kid, I revealed to him that Maja really doesn’t like being hugged. He said he was sorry and hugged her again. xD She let it happen and smiled at him. It was too cute. Another thing Maja doesn’t like, at all, is having her picture taken. That’s why it was a huge surprise to me when she decided to be in the photo op after all. Two minutes before it was our turn. ;) If she doesn’t initiate it, she will be grumpy and pull a face during every picture. Which was, why she decided to purposely pull a grumpy/annoyed face in the pictures. For the time of my short conversation and the Jared-Maja-hugs, Jensen was mostly blocked by Jared’s large frame. Like, seriously. The guy is so tall. And pretty. I had to force myself to take my eyes off of him and greet Jensen. He, too, was too pretty for his own good and all smiles and kind and thenI explained to them what Maja wanted to do for the photo. They seemed excited and comfortable with it. Thank god. Only when we got to pick up the photo did I see that Jared pointed at the grumpy German kid. ;)) And... why the right side of my neck was tingling and felt so warm. *blush*

In our Jared-Op, Maja wanted to be annoyed again. But before I had a chance to tell Jared, Maja walked up to him and handed him a gift. Gummy Bears, duh, of course. Again, he thanked her in German and I was a little surprised at that, because our J2 op was a few hours prior. For a short moment I had forgotten how smart Jared is and that, apparently, he has the memory of an elephant. “Of course I remember. You were here earlier. Dankeschön again.” Jared said. Well, that definitely made my day. If it was possible to love him any more, then this would have been the moment for it.

I will remember and cherish these moments forever. They were both so kind and sweet to my daughter it was magical.

Saying goodbye to all the wonderful people I met, all the great friends I made, was heartbreaking and I’m still crying because I’m not sure I’ll ever see any of them again. But amazing memories have been made and I will carry them in my heart forever.

When I first began looking for flights, checking air fares for every German airport and making sure I’d get the best deal I also compared regular roundtrip flights to jaw flights. To my surprise, the jaw flights came up with the same price as the regular round-trips. Which was, why we didn’t have to return to Germany on January 30th. Instead, we took a plane to NY - for a 6 days layover.

Why NY? Why 6 days? Because there is a person in NY who I love more than anything and with everything I’ve got. My wifey. Some of you might know her. The fic-reading yous know her... or, you have seen the posts I’ve mentioned her in. I’ve known her for about 4 years. We read each other’s stories without knowing who the person behind the many words was. At some point she was looking for a beta and I offered to help. And so our friendship began. I have never trusted anyone with my writing, other than her. We beta for each other, we brain storm together. But other than our mutual love for writing we simply get each other. A wonderful and deep friendship has been built over the years and, even though some days are so busy that we don’t get to talk, our thoughts are always with the other one. We never met before, and yet, it always felt like we have known each other for decades. We share personal things that neither of us would mention to anyone else. Early on I told her about the possibility of a jaw flight and the second I had messaged her about it she started making plans. Spoil us rotten, was one of them. And boy, did she spoil us. Maja and I had the greatest of times with her and her hubby... and their cute cats. They took us out for lunch, dinner, to the arcade, Statue of Liberty, Times Square, meet family members and the highlight of it all: she invited us to Disney’s Aladdin on Broadway. I have never seen anything like it and Maja’s jaw dropped left and right. The musical was absolutely amazing and getting to experience this wonderful show side by side with my favorite person on planet earth... well, let’s just say I’m slowly dehydrating because I’ve been crying so many happy tears within the past two weeks.

My beautiful wifey is an avid reader and one of the most talented writers (she writes more than those fanties we share in the fandom) I know. For weeks my daughter and I tried to come up with a gift to bring her. I know she would have liked something to remember us by, something to keep forever, something from our hometown. Unfortunately, our hometown is kind of sucky and we didn’t find anything worth bringing. I had to think it over and then, at HousCon, Megan Padalecki happened. Megan, as well as her parents were at HousCon promoting/selling her latest book. And I knew right away: What better gift to give a reader/writer than a signed book? As I greeted all three of them, Sharon Padalecki noticed that I wasn’t from Texas - or the US for that matter. So, I told her that I’m from Germany and that’s when Gerald’s interest spiked up and I talked to him about their vacations in Germany and the Autobahn... and how we both love the no speed limit. “The next time you’ll go 170 on the Autobahn you’ll remember me”, he said with a bright smile. I did, on our way home. I promised Megan to wear two seatbealts... but, since my car only has one for each seat I couldn’t keep that promise. Don’t tell on me. Fun fact: Three times I almost bumped into Gerald Padalecki at the hotel, because my legs were a little too fast. Not to mention when Sarah and I were in the elevator, it dinged open and he stood outside.. asking which way we’re going. He needed to go down - we up, so the doors closed. I said to Sarah: “So, that was Gerald Padalecki.” She looked at me like I have two heads...she had no idea who didn’t want to ride in the elevator with us until I pointed it out. ;)

Anyway... Megan signed the book for my wifey and my day was made. A few hours later Maja grabbed her pocket money and got herself a book as well... and, it shouldn’t be surprising - the elephant memory runs in their family - Megan remembered me... even remembered my wifey’s name.

None of this would have been possible without the genorosity of: [in order of incoming donations]

Juli, Alain St., Kathleen v.W., Tony K., Sim, Anna B., Kathie M., Nancy R., Kristina B., Yvonne Ch., Brett T., Kaz, Steph C., Catherine R., Andrea B., Charlene F., Samantha M., Mia P., Paula Ch., Ann-Chrstine P., Sally B., Ainhoa, Ally, Emily R., Taresa K., Mirijam M., Katherine H., Dorota W., Sarah J., Kenedy A., Laurie St., Kerry D., Melissa B., Stephanie G., Beatrice B., Bronwyn D., Catherine M., Erica M., Sally B. Jessica G., Sandra K.

Without Juli’s determination and optimismn I would have nothing to write about and nobody to thank for. All of this, is because of her love.

Thank you. Each and every one of you. Thank you for letting me live my dream, for giving me happiness... thank you for the millions of tears I’m still shedding.

Thank you #spnfamily.

I miss and love all of you!