#ahkalklakj

[strxnged]

nothing left to say

-> SUGAWARA, DAICHI, AKAASHI x GN!READER 

based on request: headcanons for how Sugawara, Daichi, and Akaashi would grieve for the loss of their spouse (so basically they’re widowers because their spouse died suddenly).

THE DAICHI SCENARIO IS A PART TWO TO THIS FIC.

TAGLIST: @h-grangerstudies @bluefaeriefury @bokubonk,@daddyjackfrost, @rain-kissed-clouds, @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner, @serenitycushing, @lovesugawara, @ddalgineun, @milktyama​

⚠⚠⚠ THIS PIECE WILL HAVE MANY TRIGGERS: BLOOD, DEATH, GRIEF, FUNERALS, AND POSSIBLY MORE !! READ WITH CAUTION ⚠

✧ ꜱᴜɢᴀᴡᴀʀᴀ ✧

Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold.

Sugawara was paralyzed. He subconsciously tightened his grip around the phone. His heart was accelerating.

“I'm so sorry.”

He stared at the kitchen floor, his hair falling into his eyes.

The caller continued to talk, but it was just noise to his ears. He lowered the phone and set it on the counter face up. He could vaguely still hear talking.

What could they possibly have left to say?

Sugawara raised his hands to his face. He wasn't crying — he couldn't remember how to cry. He was stunned. All his time with you, he'd almost always had control. Control over your perception of him, control over the situation, and he tried to have control over himself. The last thing he wanted was for you to be unhappy. He did everything in his power to make you realize your life was worth living. And you had told him he had.

He'd tried so hard to make things perfect. But none of it mattered anymore.

You were dead.

You were gone.

He'd never see you again. He would never make things fully okay between you. The slight edge you had had this morning — he'd never find out why you were off today or how he could help. He'd never be able to kiss you until you were okay. He'd never be able to hold you again, and whisper into your ear. He'd never get to play with your hair.

The little moments were gone. He didn't even care about the big things anymore. He was going to miss waking up next to you. You wouldn't be in the room. You wouldn't be able to respond. He'd never hear your voice again. He'd never be able to make you breakfast. He couldn't take you on dates. He couldn’t tease you.

Even though you were sometimes exhausting — even though he secretly wondered if you were using him out of hunger for attention — he knew now that you were best thing that ever happened to him. Even though he had controlled your relationship because he was scared you would be unsatisfied, he realized now that nothing really was or had been under his control.

Everything was out of control. He couldn't make the right choice now; there weren't any options.

The crash took you away from Sugawara and there was nothing he could do about it.

He wasn't tearing up — but a sob rose in his throat. He clung to the counter and closed his eyes as a shaking, strangled gasp over took him.

And then he took another breath, a deeper one. He breathed slowly, pushing back the emotions as he had done for years. He forced himself to start thinking clearly again. What were his responsibilities, right now? What would you expect of him? How should he deal with this from an unaffected point of view?

He picked up the phone again. He knew what he had to do.

“Have you called their family? I can take care of it. They’ll want a familiar voice.”

✧ ᴅᴀɪᴄʜɪ ✧ (read part one)

The text was from an unknown number, so of course he was hesitant to open it at first. He showed the message on his homescreen to Sugawara, who frowned.

“Is this Daichi Sawamura?” it read.

He stared at the opened message for a few seconds. This could be a scammer.

It probably wouldn’t do him any good to respond. But he was curious.

“Should I respond?” Daichi asked.

Sugawara seemed to consider it for a second, and then silently took the phone out of Daichi’s hands and texted a response.

“Who is asking?”

“That sounds rude, Suga.” Daichi took back his phone, and his eyes widened when he saw the three dots indicative of a reply being formed. “What if you offended them?”

“It’s better than saying yes, in case it’s someone trying to get your data.”

“That’s true.”

Another few seconds of silence later, and another message popped up.

This is Y/N’s brother. I know you broke up with them because of their illness, which really pisses me off, but I also know that they would want you at their funeral. So are you able to come on March 15th?

Daichi’s heart dropped, and he reread it. Their ‘illness’? Funeral?

What kind of funeral?

He quickly responded. “A funeral?”

I thought you knew they passed away?

Daichi raised a hand to his mouth, glancing up at Suga. He leaned over to read it.

“Oh, my gosh. Daichi. That must have been why…”

Daichi shook his head slowly. This couldn’t be true.

But it made sense. In the most horrible way possible. You had refused to tell him what was going on, when you ended things with him. “I’m just tired,” you had said, several times.

He had thought you had meant you were tired of him. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that you might be sick. He hadn’t even considered that maybe, all that time, you just hadn’t wanted to tell him you might die.

A tear rolled down his cheek, his eyes still wide. Dead. Had you really thought that leaving him before things got serious would make it easier for either of you? He should have known. He should have been there. He should have begged you to stay. He should have convinced you that he’d love you no matter what and your problems weren’t going to burden him.

Love you.

Whenever he thought about you, he felt bitter, because he had never understood why you had gone. He couldn’t lie; you leaving him out of the blue had hurt. It had torn him up. It had made him believe maybe he wasn’t worthy of love.

But now he understood, and it hurt even more. In a cold, tight way. He tilted his face down, further covered in his hands. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t have happened. Why you? Why the two of you?

Daichi could feel Sugawara rubbing his back. He wiped his face and made eye contact with his friend.

“I’m sorry, Daichi,” Sugawara said.

Daichi took a deep breath. "I'm... I should have..." His voice broke. "I should have been there."

✧ ᴀᴋᴀᴀꜱʜɪ ✧

Akaashi could feel the clean warmth from the sun on his shoulders and neck, and he tilted his head to keep the light out of his eyes. Cold water from the small river splashed up the rock onto his ankles, and he could hear birds in the trail behind him. A rock behind you shifted, and you let out a discomforted whimper.

“C’mon, just a little farther, darling,” Akaashi encouraged you, holding his hands out. He was standing on the last rock before the trail continued. This path had been advised against, since the water had become more rapid and more dangerous since it was originally built, but by both of your standards it wasn’t bad. The flat tops of the grey rocks were wet, but they weren’t super slippery and they weren’t too low. Akaashi wasn’t a risk taker, and he was a good judge of both his own capabilities and yours. He knew you’d make it, and it wasn’t all that dangerous if you didn’t.

He had made it across easily, and you had been doing great, too. But there was a gap between the rocks here, and you were making a face at the gap.

You hesitated, and then slid your backpack off your shoulders and handed it to him, tilting forward a bit from its weight. He securely took it from you and turned to put it on the ground behind him so that he could reach his hand back to you. But as he lowered the heavy bag onto the grass, he heard a scrape from your rock and a quiet yelp.

He whirled around to see you disappear off the edge of the boulder.

“Y/N!”

He fell to his knees, looking for signs of you. Usually, his quick reflexes meant that he would be saving you, but instead the stress was building up as he searched around the edge of the line of rocks. Several seconds passed, filled with nothing but the sound of his beating heart, the sound of water and trees completely tuned out, and then he saw a dash of you several feet down the river.

It would do no good to jump. If he jumped in here, he’d get caught in the current. The water was somewhat shallow, some four or five feet, but spiky rocks were at the bottom — with a pang of horror, he wondered if you had fallen on one and gotten an injury.

So instead, Akaashi climbed back over the rocks to the riverbank, stumbling a bit on the last one, and landed running. He tried to keep his eye on you, but you were nowhere in sight. The water, he realized, was even faster at this point, heading more downhill than before. He ran further, swinging himself around the trunk of a tree growing directly on the bank.

That was when he saw a glimmer of red by the riverbank opposite him, down the river about twenty feet. There was a part of the bank that stook out a bit — a rock. A sharp one. And your body was—

He shuddered.

How could he get over to the other side?

The water was rushing louder than it had been upstream. There was no way he could swim across. He’d get thrown to the bottom, or crushed by rocks as… as you had just been.

But he knew you weren’t dead. He knew it. You couldn’t be.

So, back upstream he ran, back to the very rocks you had fallen off of. He never would have dreamed he’d have to run these rocks, but the wet surfaces did not phase him. As he ran, he reached into his pocket and opened his phone pressed that emergency button he never thought he’d have to use. He knew you weren’t dead.

Still, when he knelt beside your body, which was half submerged and half punctured by the slanted rock jutting out of the shore, doubts grew.

“Y/N,” he said helplessly. “Y/N?”

And then his mind caught up.

And he knew you were gone.

And he knew that it was his fault.

Completely. Utterly. You had been unwilling to attempt the closed trail. Why had he been so reckless? He was Akaashi — responsible, levelheaded Akaashi. People looked up to him for his fast thinking and leadership skills. He was supposed to do things right.

Blood ran off your body into the river, forming red clouds in the glittering water.

The phone, discarded behind him on the bank, echoed a voice. “What’s your emergency?”

This was his fault.

AN: thank you for reading... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about that last one. I don't... I don't know why I felt the need to do that. If you haven’t already, read the PART ONE of Daichi’s fic, where you find out some of the details of the break-up. thank you anon for the request, and i’m sorry we had to change the characters jklasfd