#ahh well. we'll see. anyway i gotta go brush my teeth then zzzz | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

phagodyke · 1 year ago

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the delivery stuff isn't even a real problem I'll just ask for the slip and pay the prescription charge its fine. I'm just stressing myself out abt it bc even tho I do want to at least try meds bc theyre statistically v likely to help me manage shit I'm very reluctant to medicate bc anything that "artificially" affects how I think/feel scares me

the titration providers love sending me huge blocks of text right when I'm at my least capable of processing the written word

#i hate feeling like i dont have full control i dont even like taking otc stuff that makes me drowsy. i dont even fucking drink man #and i have to monitor myself so closely to give them updates which is the worst possible situation for me bc ill worry and overthink #like im not a hypochondriac or whatever ik im unlikely to suffer any terrible side effects bc i generally have v good health #and i dont even drink caffeine like theres no way i can run into any accidental drug interactions #but it still stresses me out. ik its a whole transitional thing and can take months to get used to which just feels like such a commitment #last time i was on medication for a long time it was just an oral contraceptive but i reacted v badly emotionally and wasnt even rly aware #i only stopped taking it by accident but ppl said it was like i had a complete personality change lmao #but that was years ago and this is completely different its just an irrational unease #but maybe not so irrational ik some ppls mental health worsens and imma be real i dunno how much of that i can take #it feels kinda high stakes working fulltime too like i dont get a test run to adjust if i feel bad or whatever...#but at least i have a rigid schedule already so itll be easy to take early in the morning/at the same time every day #auorgh. im rambling now its almost my bedtime... at least i feel a bit better now typing it out like yeag im just thinking. too much #probably having a conversation w someone irl would help more but it feels weirdly vulnerable idk i find it difficult to bring up #even tho i literally have irl friends w adhd who are medicated for it that i could ask abt it......#ahh well. we'll see. anyway i gotta go brush my teeth then zzzz #ignore my 15 million tags 🥹 goodnigth everyone 👍#.vent #.diaries

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