#ahh can't go wrong with memes

[lynxgriffin]

Can we see Kris struggling to find Berdly, but he's frozen in there and they're out here and he's the sheriff and they're frozen out here and they're in there and

I can't be the first artist with this reference. I'm just kind of boggled that I can't recall seeing it before.

[virusinfected-memes]

COFFEE TALK SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. 1 OF ? ;

115 starters. CW: alcohol mention, sexual themes. Coffee Talk is a visual novel game developed by Toge Productions. Feel free to change words and pronouns as needed! 

"Welco—Oh, it's you."

"Man, that's a bummer!"

"Don't worry, take your time."

"Heh, writer's block again?"

"What are you writing now?"

"I really need that triple shot espresso."

"Hmm, that aroma... Ahh... That's exactly what I need."

"It sounded so simple when I was making the plan."

"Uh, did I say something wrong?"

"Drown your troubles in coffee."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it was such a stupid thing to do."

"Umm... Well... It was so bad that, well, after reading it... I decided to just delete everything immediately."

"You don't need to be so cynical about it."

"How about something chocolatey? It's perfect for this weather."

"I thought this place would be more crowded."

"I don't really have anywhere else to go."

"I'm a writer who works best at night and in a coffee shop."

"No matter how deep you go, there's always another layer of Hell."

"How do you usually deal with bad customers here?"

"I could go on forever complaining about her, but that won't help me."

"You should make a meme about her."

"It wouldn't be wise to talk about customers with other customers."

"They won't give us a chance at all?"

"I got into a fight with my old man. That's why I'm staying at _____'s now."

"You don't have to do this, you know?"

"I can't stand even one more second being a part of them."

"You don't know what they said about you last night!"

"So this it, then... The end of out relationship."

"Do you want to be hiding our relationship for the rest of eternity?"

"You're making this hard for both of us."

"Do you feel happy when you're with me?"

"I can't think about this clearly right now."

"I'm sorry you had to listen to our problems."

"This coffee shop has seen all kinds of stories. I do hope yours will have a happy ending."

"Do you have someone you love?"

"Out of all the people in the world, why did I fall for her?"

"You can't choose who you fall in love with."

"Anyway, I need to go now, and probably drink myself under until the sun rises."

"Hey, don't be rude! I'm being serious here!"

"What if I say you can't do that?"

"Seems like you're in high spirits this evening, _____."

"You still remember my favorite, right?"

"I'm not even sure whether that's a compliment or not..."

"You got balls, I can tell you that."

"How's the leap of faith going so far?"

"Wait... Is stealing time a crime?"

"You're making me feel worse by saying that."

"You should feel bad."

"Hey, what do you have against me tonight?!"

"This was the place, wasn't it? Where we first met..."

"They should have given you a promotion for your loyalty and long service."

"That only happens in porn."

"You don't have to feel ashamed if you like watching that kind of thing, you know..."

"I would prefer if you didn't start fantasizing."

"It's nice to see friendships that grow in unlikely circumstances."

"Please don't do jokes. You're really bad at it."

"Hey, _____, seems like there's a cat—OH MY GOD, SHE GOT IN WITH ME."

"You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"Seriously, you've never seen me on TV or social media?"

"Why does this coffee shop attract so many weird people?"

"Actually... I witnessed something scary on my shift today."

"This is the safest place around here."

"Hey, that endorsement comes with a discount, right?"

"You know I can hear you, right?"

"Unresolved problems are dangerous."

"As much as I hate to admit it... Conflict is always the best way to know someone. Even your own blood."

"You don't need to rush to a decision."

I could never imagine myself doing something so... Hmm, what's the word? Something as honorable... as that."

"Are you dealing with something I shouldn't ask about?"

"I'm not a criminal. In case that's what you had in mind."

"Isn't that false advertising?"

"Don't be naive. Truth is a matter of circumstance and perspective."

"Act like a civilized person... If you can."

"I imagine, even in a world where only one race exists, problems will still appear, anyway."

"Perhaps it's diversity that can teach us to look past the differences."

"The bottom line is, we'll always find a way to hate each other."

"Call me pretentious, but I think drinks have the power to connect people's hearts."

"I want our relationship to move forward. I want a family."

"Why do you have to care so much about what his or your family think?"

"I don't want to be held responsible if he regrets his decision one day."

"Abandoning one's family is NOT a solution!"

"What if marrying me is a mistake?"

"From what I can see, you're the problem here."

"That 'blood is thicker than water' mentality won't work here."

"Not every family is worth fighting for, you know."

"You can't have it all, _____. This is not a fairy tale."

"You didn't have to say it so harshly, you know."

"You never change, do you?"

"Dude, honesty is good and all, but... You know, try not to be a dick."

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"What did you want to talk about when you told me to meet you here?"

"Do you ever wonder what we'd be like if we hadn't met?"

"Earthlings really need to work on their communication."

"Are you urukhigh69?"

"If you're that desperate for a date, why don't you ask your friends or go to a club or something?"

"If she didn't reply, I'm a hundred percent sure she bailed. She's not coming."

"Life is never boring here."

"I always wanted to be a fiction writer, but... conjuring words is hard."

"Hahaha! Come on, you don't have to worry so much about everything."

"To be honest, I hated the idea of turning the game into a movie."

"They have the budget for the flashy visuals, but I doubt they'll do the series justice."

"You're not the first to say I'm weird."

"Usually people that play artsy games are gamers that got bored of the current state of video games."

"Whoa, that's a highly specific fun fact to know."

"My extended family is probably as big as Seattle's population."

"Ahhh, that smell... It brings back so many memories."

"You're being creepy, _____... Go back to your chair and keep your distance!"

"There's a creepy old man trying to flirt with us..."

"I apologize for earlier. I wasn't trying anything funny."

"I don't know how to talk to her anymore. Or even what to talk about."

"Give them time and space... but be there when they need you."

"Well, nothing's happened... Yet. I just feel it in my guts."

"Is it possible you're just being paranoid?"

"You'll drive her away if you keep on acting like this."

"Is it okay if I stay a bit longer, _____?"

[mad-hunts]

for the 'how well do you know barton' quiz, @deathl1es (adam) scored 1 point.

❝ hmm, you know what? i still don't know a lot about you either as we had just met each other not too long ago. so eh, i guess scoring something is better than nothing, ❞ barton shrugged his shoulders at the one point the results that showed before him on his laptop for adam. he can't really recall telling the other anything other than his name and that he had a daughter, so in this instance, he couldn't really be 'cross' about it.

however, that didn't necessarily mean that barton was going to let adam off the hook either. for, this meant that they'd just have to spend more time around each other if he ever hoped to learn everything about the doctor that was on the quiz. a devilish smile spread across his lips as he intertwined his own fingers in front of each other (this picture... i'm sorry, y'all, but the meme edits of him with the hair are back JSJSJ LMAO).

❝ but ahh, i have to say that this has really opened my eyes to how much information there is now to cover with you about my background, adam. so what do you say we set a date and time for when i can talk your ear off about one of my favorite subjects — myself — until you know about everything that my past therapist told me is wrong with me? ❞ barton announced this to the other with a straight face but soon couldn't hold it as he burst out laughing.

❝ no, i'm honestly just messing around with you. we'd be at wherever we're planning to meet for a long time if i told you all of that. and it's not one of my favorites because everyone tends to give me this look when i talk about my father, ❞ he looked down at the table and absentmindedly sniffed before looking back up at the other. ❝ he got killed when i was eight, so i bet you can imagine why. but anyways... how do you feel about indian food? ❞

[anniesfarce]

so co-mod and i have played this game a few times with the cpds characters, "guess who but with vibes." (insp by this video) each of us will pick one character and ask the other yes/no questions about their "vibes" to determine via process of elimination which cpds character the other has picked!

we've played this a few times, but i thought i would share the first round we ever played, and maybe you can play along? (we played by having a full list of the characters up and striking them out as questions eliminated them.)

we originally played this going back and forth with questions, but for readability's sake, i've separated his character and mine, so you'll only see questions and responses about one character at a time. i've also edited this to fix typos as well as condensing and eliminating some of the chatty bits.

first character

L: would this person post minion memes unironically?

R: yes i think so

L: for reference, i took out 3. would your character, after walking into a door, deny it ever happened?

R: no

L: they wouldn't deny it?

R: yeah they wouldn't deny it, i don't think

L: ooh tricky. i took down two. i just feel like i'm making the wrong decisions here. would this person talk during a movie?

R: ahh i'm conflicted about this. i think yes.

L: two down

R: oh no that's seven down for you??

L: wait but if you were conflicted...

R: you're almost there??

L: i'm doubting my final two ngl but we'll see. we'll just have to see if i'll have to start over from scratch or something. in the video once both have guessed wrong, they reveal who and figure out where they went wrong. if you've picked jonathan i'm rebelling. would your character pick flowers from a neighbour's garden?

R: i think so. yes.

[L was ready to make a guess, but we decided that you can't ask a question and guess on the same turn.]

L: can i tell u my guess now

R: okay submit your guess :)

L: is it max

R: no :(

L: aw man. who was it?

R: mine was annie

L: aw MAN. i'm pretty sure it was the movie bit that did her in

R: oh yeah i was conflicted on that. but i felt like on balance she probably would talk during a movie. not in theatres though just like at home lol

L: oooh good point. i actually did start thinking jonathan might. i was like hm well i didn't think jonathan would but also he might...

R: hold on i want to know who did you eliminate for the minion memes one

L: ha ha um trevor robert and chris

R: you were very right ha ha

second character

L: ur turn

R: would they break into a petting zoo to pet the animals?

L: no i don't think so

R: conflicted because there are some people i'm borderline on if i should cross them off for that lol i'm just like i could see them doing this but i don't think they would just do it spontaneously on their own. unlike Certain Others. you're still ahead of me, i knocked off two. would this person ride a bike to work? regularly, i mean.

L: no. i think literally the only person this would eliminate is jonathan (jokes)

R: lol well i've eliminated two so i guess our feelings differ. i hope the person i eliminated was not the person you are thinking of! maybe this is a bad question but it's all i could think of: would this person smoke?

L: hmm no

R: was sort of hoping you'd say yes :/

L: sorry

R: i still have a whole three people left in the mix ha ha would your person enjoy a jane austen novel?

L: yes

R: i have it like 75/25 rn

L: okay u can ask me another question or just guess, whatever's fine with u ha ha

R: okay... is it sandra

L: yes

R: YES

L: gg

R: gg!!!! that was hard!

L: was it jane austen that tipped ya off?

R: of course it was, i was trying to eliminate robert tbh

L: ha ha i'm surprised robert stayed in for so long

R: and annie has not struck me as a jane austen enjoyer, but i thought Maybe

[chaoxfix]

🕯️🪄🌻 for the meme!

ty for the ask!! <3

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

ahh... hmm. i like putting out the energy i want back. if i read something i try to comment, and if i dont like something or am not interested in the concept, i just dont react because it's so much worse to upset someone over something they worked hard on.

i really don't think kudos are a very good expression of appreciation, as it has almost no room for real connection. fics are free, you know? when something is free but gives you joy, you should probably meet it with love, and love in a way that really shows why you like it. thats why i think comments are much better. i get why it can cause anxiety, but there's really no wrong way to comment unless youre 1) being an honest to god jerk, 2) pointing out something you dislike / something that you think the author was "incorrect" about (especially if the commenter is the one whos wrong lmao. either way i really dont think free fanfiction is like. lol. the place to do public criticism. just saying.)

im a rather anxious person irl, so im not really sure exactly what every single other anxious person's obstacles are or how to bridge them. because of that, i won't try to give universal advice since it's something i cant be an expert on if my experience is so different.

but i will say, for myself -- i mitigate my anxiety by practicing gratitude. i weaponize my people-pleasing for good by trying to be someone who makes other people feel genuinely good. and there's nothing better than feeling appreciated and praised for things that have value. and that kind of thing usually comes back around.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

ahh... hmmm...

if it's late at night (after midnight) when i post it, i go to sleep so i wont stay up refreshing the page to see what people say, or worse stay up editing all the typos that "suddenly appear" in ao3 formatting lol. that way even if no one reads it overnight or there are errors, it's okay because at least i can face the day with some sleep.

if it's not late at night when i post it, i try to go for a walk to again avoid constantly refreshing the page for feedback or immediately editing it. bc its not super healthy to spend even more time on it after whats probably been hours and hours, and i dont want my entire day fixated on something i should be done with.

i dont really celebrate much though, probably because i just kind of expect myself to make things of a quality i can stand behind. i didnt really grow up getting praised despite being an overachiever bc it made others around me feel bad when i got a lot . . . so i. have to really try and make something worthy of praise to feel like i deserve it. idk. haha. so anyways overall i try to lean more and more into 'i dont need validation' because id hate to put all my eggs in that basket -- not just because i dont want to be motivated by others' praise, but also because, i dont want to stop writing for the opposite reason, if someday i no longer feel like the quality of work i produced actually deserved the amount of feedback it got.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

low motivation for long stretches, and losing interest in the things others like best, make me want to stop writing. both with fandom and original. low motivation usually coincides with depressive stints for me, and it makes me feel awful. like i cant do the one thing i like best, because i just can't motivate myself. when i finally manage it, it's crap for the first thousand words, then it gets better.

for me though, what makes me keep going is getting others to see my vision. getting them to feel what i aim to make them feel; crafting stories that, maybe theyre not perfect, but the emotions they generate are enough. it really is hard without an audience. even though i'm not motivated as much by getting a ton of validation, i do need at least a little lol, even just someone to say "yes. i see you. i understand what you needed me to feel from this, and i felt it." which is why i have original writing friends as well, for original stuff.

buuut also, i also keep going because i like being able to jot down what im thinking/imagining so that i can revisit it later and go back to that feeling, that moment in time where i was absolutely positive of that scene

thank you again for asking!! ^^

[gunsli-01]

Alright, let's get this set up in a somewhat digestible format. While also testing the waters. For people looking for more Mikoto info in particular this has some stuff on him within it but mostly gives a clearer idea on my experience with Milgram so far. Along with me being slightly unhinged. Soooo...woohoo...

Here's the set up. The next post will be the beginning of an in depth analysis of the two Celtic spreads found in MeMe. We will not only be analyzing them but delving into visual spin Mikoto put on the classic tarot cards with some insights his changes to them give us on his character.

There are two sets of ten cards. The first post on this will go over the first five cards in the first spread the second will finish off the first and give an overall interpretation of the reading. Then the same will be done with spread two. After we finish that then I’ll be attempting to break down the series of murders shown throughout MeMe.

Lastly, and my favorite part. We’ll finally be going over Mikoto’s character as a whole. Along with me just generally getting to talk about him without putting him beneath a microscope. Which I haven't gotten to do in weeks and still can't cause I'm stuck in tarot hell.

For those who don't read all of this and skip straight to the tarot I at least want to highlight and reiterate one part from here:

The point of Milgram is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to having their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

So, here's post 1. I will link the beginning of the tarot interpretation here when it's up.

So, when I started writing what has to be the longest character analysis essay, I've ever written... I remember in December when I was like yeah I can crank out a few pages on Mikoto it won't be that difficult I can get this done by new years. I've already gone through the tarot once too what's a second time typed up gonna do? Maybe even before Mu's song.

I was wrong. But back when I was young, hopeful, well rested, and happier. I wrote something of a Preface. Just to explain all of my biases up front and let people form an opinion on if they wanted to take anything I said on this seriously or not. What comes after this part is that Preface.

Okay, so this is going to probably seem insane, but I might as well get it out of the way just to break in the new year putting my best foot forward. Yes, this is my best foot forward. Now Mikoto has a lot of diehard fans and detractors for some reason…How can such a normal guy be so controversial? Really unlucky… Honestly. Because of his popularity I’m a bit nervous to put out anything on him even though he is my favorite. Believe it or not I can get shy when talking about things I genuinely like a lot because I don’t know how it’ll be perceived, and I can get very, very critical when I like something.

It is not a normal like situation. It doesn’t go I like you; you could do anything, and I wouldn’t care. It goes OH, YOU UNLUCKY BASTARD! YOU’VE CAUGHT MY ATTENTION I SHALL NOW EXPOSE YOU TO THE WORLD! IF ANYTHING, BAD HAPPENS TO YOU IT IS LIABLE TO BE BY MY HAND! I well wade through the façade to find the truth I’m seeking knowledge, I’m seeking your identity, I want to dive deeper.

Don’t misunderstand- It’s just natural to want to know everything about the person you like and get all torn up inside because you never can. That’s just love isn’t it~ Ahh it’s an incredibly damning feeling that love, the idea of soulmates all that trite nonsense. Because when people aggrandize others, they usually end up wanting to pull them down to their level. That sort of sadistic thing is just as much a part of love. The adult world is so cruel that way.

As such I’m going to do my very best to tear this man to shreds lovingly, okay?

So, let’s start with some context did I love Mikoto immediately? Was I like innocent he just has to be? He’s just so good looking he can’t fail, lol. Okay, to be honest when I got here, I thought Kazui was so good-looking cause of his broad shoulders that when watching Undercover and seeing the flash throughs with Star I went that’s Kazui I know those shoulders anywhere. Got damn he looks like he gives good hugs those shoulders…

Also, I like sorry cowards my apologies for the disappointment but when I saw Mikoto in MeMe I willfully ignored him. I had a visceral response to his song telling Star I hated it and never wanted to see him or hear it again. While also going he clearly killed three people… in an obviously premeditated way as well. So, yeah guilty. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m just not interested I’ll leave that to the people who are.

I came in around Amane’s first trial… Soooo I very much could’ve voted on Mikoto, but I just did not want to look at him at all. Actually, I still don’t know why that was, but he made me uncomfortable and annoyed. Despite his video involving multiple things I very much love baths, tarot cards, clouds, water, records, baseball bats… Hell even his song was a genre of music I’m partial too. Like jeez in retrospect I really don’t know.

I just did not want to even think about him, so I didn’t. That changed when YouTube recommended me an English cover of his first song, and I was like now hold on… Those Sisters You Know really did a good job on that lyrics wise. Like it just hit different okay. I was listening to that cover every day having first job flashbacks and wondering huh why did I hate this guy again this is a complete mood actually.

After that I fell into an over analyzing loop for several months. Before I had pulled a nothing to see here and once we do that my brain just deletes the information since it’s been deemed irrelevant. Incredibly convenient skill to have. Yet, as it piqued my interest music wise, I was like well hold on…I have to know everything about this specifically now. Something that none of the Milgram characters had managed to achieve at that point.

To an extent I was pretty much like there’s nothing to see here at all when I was dragged into Milgram by Star. She showed me Mahiru’s first trial song like I really just want you to see this one and my immediate response was, “Are you trying to say something about me?!” We’ve been partners for years and this is what you lob at me what are you getting at? To which she had to dryly explain no I just think she’s neat and you love mystery things and putting together stuff so I wanted your opinion on what you think is going on here.

Then I got a rundown of the situation and was like ah okay. Then went through one through six giving all my thoughts on what they did and how I would’ve voted if I was there as she explained the results. I was surprised to hear from Star that none of the things I was saying to her had come up in the fandom as far as she saw.

As Star showed me Milgram my experience was basically

Weakness: Guilty. Committed murder for attention. Next.

Later down the line I asked Star about the reasoning behind Haruka’s trial one Innocent Verdict. It was after we watched Bring It On and she told me about Futa’s verdict. I needed to understand why Haruka was voted Innocent/Forgiven but Futa was not. Weirdly long before Futa asked us that same question in Back Draft. Why did Haruka of all people get a pass when we see him kill directly? That was the first thing that piqued my interest.

However, I was pretty disappointed by the answer Star provided and maybe to some people this will seem like a reduction of the actual reason behind prevailing consensus. Yet, what I gathered from her explanation was that he was voted innocent due to Autism. Particularly, people assuming he had a learning disability the most speculated one being Autism. Now, my response to this information was to go, um…that’s ableist right? Like, just because it’s helpful to him in this circumstance does not mean ableism isn’t present.

That’s just infantilizing and belittling his intelligence. Having a learning disability doesn’t suddenly exempt a person from knowing murder is wrong. It’s the same as using a person’s age as an excuse. Made even funnier that Haruka is treated more like a child than the literal child is. So…it’s not like that interpretation is that far off or difficult to get to. Plus, do people even critically engage with who benefits from these sorts of excuses and when they’re extended? 

 Because they aren’t applied indiscriminately. A perfect example of this in Japanese media in particular comes from something else Star and I were watching when she recommended Milgram. Higurashi Sotsu and the character Satoko a lot of people in that fandom got angry and found the concept that Satoko would become a villain all because she had a difficult time studying insane. Like she should have just studied harder ignoring everything else that occurred in Gou and Sotsu up until that point.

Even some going as far as creating a completely different reason for her actions. Because having trouble focusing, studying, and being ostracized in a new environment after being taken away from the people and things that brought you comfort weren’t good enough reasons. Ryukushi-07 also has a tendency to write about neurodivergent coded characters like Maria in Umineko and Satoko herself can be considered coded that way through sotsu and gou. The excuse extended to Haruka in trial one was definitely not extended to her by the Higurashi fandom.

So, it’s not surprising that same courtesy was retracted in trial 2. Sorry, to rain on your parade but disabled people of color from any minority group are not extended those same benefits of the doubt and rarely have their impairments or age taken into consideration if they even reach a trial. So, this is when I went oh well people are gonna people glad to see some things still haven’t changed. This is what Milgram’s bias looks like. It’s almost a perfect reflection of the performatively politically correct space we live under today and highlights the pervasive biases that continue to disenfranchise many that go overlooked.

All we’re missing is overt ableism, racism, and sexism disguised as feminism and we’d have everything that’s wrong with performative morality. (Star just informed me one of these things is just Yuno.) So, my interest was piqued around here but mostly from a sociological standpoint.

Yet, I was mostly ticked off. Media is supposed to be a form of escapism for many people and I found a lot of the issues that people usually use media to escape from pulled to the forefront in Milgram through its voting system. I came in and was like this series probably isn’t saying a damn thing special. Reluctantly after telling Star I wouldn’t watch it multiple times because well I was a mad at her and she kept asking. I had every reason to hate this series given what was going on around our relationship at the time she presented it to me and didn’t really think taking something lightly could end up saying a great deal about society as whole.

Umblical: Guilty. It was clear to me from the very first video that she attempted to entrap someone in a relationship through the use of a pregnancy then committed murder when that failed. Possibly multiple times.

Later, Star told me people assumed she got an abortion. Because the woman that was clearly in a sector of sex work knew nothing about contraception. That and she may have had family issues. I said oh so they thought she was stupid. That’s insulting and then people continued to think she was stupid. So, some things never change but my opinion of her did. She’s the only person here with a consistent character and seems to be incredibly considerate but not hesitant to go after the things she wants by any means necessary. I find that endearing and respectable and really wish she’d get a 50/50 since regardless of what she did I respect her want for us not to give our opinion on it.

It’s only polite to shut up and say nothing when no one asked you to speak. Yuno not only never asked us to speak but openly asked us not to. Her character description even states she dislikes being psychoanalyzed. She sort of reminds me of Kotono Kashiwaba from Caligula Effect but I can’t really figure out why yet. I haven’t finished the game at this point and right now we’re only up to Ike-P but I just get that feeling.

 Bring It On: Innocent due to lack of information. I haven’t seen a murder. I don’t know what happened here. Having a flop Twitter account and making callouts is not murder or a crime at all. So, innocent. Then Star tells me the actual outcome and the reasoning behind it and this is when I start to get a bit heated.

Basically, went what do you mean guilty on the grounds of his actions allegedly leading to someone taking their own life??? Because they were just involved in someone’s death. It doesn’t say they directly caused them to die which means indirect involvement is on the table. Ha, ha, oh my fucking god that’s rich considering the dude that clearly killed a dog and a child was given a pass. Did that with his whole chest but he’s good. Alright, alright… I literally went back and pointed out all the kills Haruka was directly responsible for in his first mv going but this was passable. At that point don’t even try to justify it just say you don’t like Futa that’s less insulting.

Like I discussed in the part on Weakness I found this way of thinking inherently unfair. The benefit of the doubt and consideration extended to Haruka was completely absent for Futa. A lot of people want to say this is because he didn’t appear sorry. But, what gives others the right to decide when someone is really sorry or not. Futa’s entire voice drama goes into how you can’t tell how someone is feeling or what they’re thinking based on how they behave outwardly alone and that’s all anyone did when it came to him.

Not many people extended that same courtesy or empathy. They didn’t attempt to look deeper because no one cared to and that’s sad. Start didn’t see anyone go hey that’s clearly a kid with anxiety who’s attempting to garner validation through social media possibly due to a lack of external validation in his actual life. Something tackled in the writer’s previous game Caligula Effect Overdose with the character Naruko Morita. Who does the same sort of things Futa does if not worse. Because she literally outs a trans person on social media, takes pictures of people without their knowledge, and looks up someone work application to then go oh they’re not as good looking in real life let’s tell their fans so they no longer like this musician.

Like these are things she does repeatedly throughout the game. She is a terrible person and in the game she’s your teammate. She has a social link and reasons for the way she behaves. She’s obnoxious, annoying, egotistic, inconsiderate, a snoop, has an aversion to criticism, low self-esteem, and is easily dissuaded from doing things she enjoys if it’s not immediately praised or faced with scrutiny.

She goes out to eat popular limited time items at shops just to post food reviews about it after one bite. She doesn’t even post her own opinion on it at times but instead goes by reviews others have left already while giving a little bit of a different perspective but not really. Then if you say no to her being on the team because she basically airs out your entire organization on social media for likes, so everyone now knows who you are, what you look like, your name and all of your teammates information you’re treated like the heartless asshole.

Hm, it’s like she doxed you and it has real life repercussions and makes your life harder. It continues to make the lives of everyone she does this to harder and in instances is retraumatizing for many of them. All I’m saying is if you play this game and end up liking her but still hate Futa then you don’t dislike doxing you just hate men. Point blank. At which point I hope you enjoy Ayana.

After Pain: Guilty, I didn’t and still do not believe she’s sorry. Plus, the person she killed was uninvolved. When Star told me she was voted Innocent. Well, I couldn’t really say I was surprised given certain universal truths but- When she explained it was because people were saying it’s because she’s clearly a lesbian and that person she stabbed told everyone she was which led to her bullying.

I kind of went well isn’t that sort of justifying someone getting murdered or in blunter terms just victim blaming. Even if the victim did do that which I’m doubtful of that does not justify murder. Like people really immediately went we trust Mu she’s a victim now what did this clearly evil girl do to deserve to get stabbed, huh?! I found that kind of odd, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking that about me or anyone I love if they were murdered. Plus, given the circumstances I grew up under it’s very common to see that sort of mindset pushed on specific types of victims of brutal crimes. Just saying; it’s really not interrogated often enough who the whole what did they do to deserve it mentality benefits and hurts.

Ultimately, I found the whole concept kind of cruel. However, I guess as we’ve learned Es is the sort of Guard that abhors a person doing something that may have inadvertently led to someone taking their own life more than very purposefully taking someone else’s life with your own two hands. Taking into consideration the response seen in the English speaking part of the fandom this mindset is showcased twice throughout the first trial with the only noticeable outlier being Kazui.

Throw Down: Guilty he asked to be voted that and I respected it. Also, he was organ harvesting from his patients. Like what? Innocent is this some reverse psychology nonsense well okay at least he already feels bad.

This is how to be in love with you: Innocent due to lack of information. I can’t punish someone for something I do not understand I genuinely don’t know what she did. I assume she poisoned someone since she works as a florist, cooks, and mentioned herbal remedies. However, I just knew too little at the time.

What do you mean they thought she was so clingy her partner committed suicide, so she was voted guilty? I’m sorry so what I’m understanding is stabbing a woman in cold blood is okay but indirectly causing someone to end their life through social error is a irredeemable sin? That last girl stabbed another one purposely and that first guy killed a dog and kid-

Half: Guilty but also- That dudes incredibly good looking and has nice broad shoulders that is certainly an impressive physical build look at him in that uniform- Hears the song oh my god he’s an emotionally unavailable and dishonest coward too just my type! Guilty I know in my heart what he did was fucked up but got damn I’m hoping it’s fucked up at this point- not me literally getting chills at the let’s make it victim and assailant line in Cat like boy howdy don’t say such things oh no. Is this how people feel when Yuno says Come Marco I’ll Polo?

It certainly doesn’t help that Kazui’s demeanor and communication habits remind me a lot of Star and I end up feeling a little bad for him but slightly want to watch him squirm as well. Truly, it’s the emotionally unavailable quiet ones you gotta be careful with. They have such intense emotions but they hold them back to the point they can’t express them and then the right person pushes and boom it’s like a pistol accidentally discharging. People who bottle up their emotions like that for as long as it seems he has well when they blow a gasket it’s like a volcano and I want to be in lava range.

Innocent I- well I’m fine with this you saw that up there you know why I'm fine with it we don't have to talk about it but like why??? Because they believe he’s gay and was in a very loveless and performative marriage while also assuming his actions just led to his partner committing suicide or an accidental death. Wait why is that okay here but with the other two it’s not… It’s cause he’s hot and seemingly pathetic ain’t it? Lol, that dude is not as weak as he presents but have fun with that when it comes up I suppose. Good liar my ass...

Magic: Guilty even asked Star to vote on it. So, I was made aware of how to vote at this time. This was not because I want her to be punished but I didn’t believe anything could be solved through agreeing with her and I honestly don’t think agreeing with her will solve anything now either, but it will maybe stop her from getting jumped. Maybe? Though I’m unsure about that because Kotoko has jumped people who were pardoned before sooo... That and Amane told us not to treat her like a child.

I believe it’s a bit unfair or shortsighted of her to ask us to respect her agency in her own life, that she chose to make these decisions, and yet at the same time ask to not be held accountable for them if we feel her behavior was wrong because she answers to a higher power. Her mindset on her killing and being considered a murderer highlight her immaturity to me. Those aren’t two separate things but childishly and stubbornly she attests that they are. Being an adult is recognizing that regardless of if you had a good reason, or a higher law you abide by other adults don’t need to care about those things when judging you they can just objectively judge the actions you took. It truly is that simple. To me it just seems like she didn’t really know what she was asking for when she said that. Like she equates being an adult with gaining respect but it's more than just that.

Amane’s situation really reminds me of that song by Maaya Sakamoto More than Words, particularly these lines, “Isn’t freedom painful? I’ve become an adult, haven’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? I’m now alone, aren’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? Endlessly so…” Because a lot about being an adult is being able to stand on your own by the decisions you choose. The respect you get from others is fickle at best and never really equates to understanding or empathy. In a way as we age, we become more and more emotionally isolated when it comes to social communication and consideration. Because the patience and consideration that is frequently extended to children is not given to adults since they’re meant to know better by then and not need that sort of care.

Adults have the freedom to make their own choices and have that agency recognized. However, many times that agency we yearned for so badly is weaponized against us in small and insidious ways. Causing adults to become more emotionally closed off, socially defensive, or calculating. An adult would never ask to have their choices looked at while taking into account that they chose to do those things they’d simply tell the person accusing them to figure out why they did it or take into consideration their circumstances. Not pull a don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. They would know that their main focus should be endearing themselves by any means necessary like Mu attempts to do or lean on their legal rights.

So, I really feel like Amane was her own worse advocate during trial one and it ended up biting her in the butt. Also, another song that I feel properly exemplifies that feeling of emotional isolation one faces with age but isn’t as somber I think is “Love I need” by The Living Tombstone.

MeMe: Abstained due to a vague sense of hatred. I literally told Star to never show this to me again and not to bring him up I don’t have an opinion, I don’t care, I’m glad that’s over was my immediate reaction to MeMe. [Star: She said that she didn’t like the song, him as a character, and it was obvious that he committed several murders. So, there was nothing left to look into.] Afterwards I promptly deleted the information from memory until finding that cover song.

Harrow: Guilty she literally did the same thing Futa did just in a more direct way. She also seemed to jump people who had already been put on trial and had a decision on their actions handed down. Even openly said apologizing meant nothing. I’d rather give a pass to the person who says just say sorry then the one who goes lol it doesn’t matter if you try to make amends now no second chances ever once a bad guy always a bad guy.

I put all this to show that even before I was actively posting Milgram stuff on here. I did have opinions on all this that have only developed over time. As much as I came out swinging in the oh I really like Mikoto camp. I really did not want to see this dudes face when I first saw him. Like I feel as though I’m being a bit of a broken record. I said the same with Haruka. Yet, with Mikoto there was a bit of hatred there. Like a knee-jerk reaction that I couldn’t even pinpoint and didn’t want to interact with. Something, I still don’t really have an explanation for.

Even still before this I was spending months talking to Star over the phone sifting through the music videos reading the conversations and literally burning out all my investigative skills on it. Something I believe she knew I’d do when she brought it to my attention and asked, “What do you think happened here?”

Now here I am trying to churn out an entire essay on the guy. Certain characters can grow on you. However, with Milgram there’s this feeling that such a fondness like that can be broken. The point is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to have their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

I feel like being shut off, isolated or just stubborn about one’s own opinion is unfair to the social experiment aspect Milgram is trying to pursue. That’s just me personally. I really hope that by the end of this there is interesting data collected. We can vote any way we want at the end of the day. Not everyone has to take into consideration what the characters did or how bad it is objectively.

Yet, for people to trick themselves into believing the vote doesn’t matter, this is all in good fun, and no one will be held accountable for the outcome in any way is negligent and blatant denial. The verdicts have a direct impact on the sort of place Milgram is currently and could become. It's a direct reflection of the will of the fanbase. If we vote a certain way the creators take that into consideration. They seem to not just take the winning verdict into consideration but pay attention to responses from both sides overall. They’re paying attention. So, it’s incredibly short sighted to assume our collective judgement regardless of how you vote or if you chose not to doesn’t reflect on the entire fanbase in some way.

I’m not saying this to be a Debby Downer or go really interrogate why you’re voting this way. I’m saying all this to get one point across if you’re going to vote seeped in bias the least you can do is express what those biases are in your own unique way. That’s what will make this all the more fun for everyone. I don’t care if you choose to vote guilty, innocent, or abstain, but at least vocalize why that is. Especially for people choosing to abstain since that’s more difficult to gauge since it is just not an option and the closest thing to abstaining would be attempting to get a fifty/fifty.

I know not everyone is willing to be that out there with their feelings and that sort of thing isn’t fun for everyone. Though even just discussing it privately with friends, people you trust and feel comfortable around is enough. All I want personally is for people regardless of how or why they vote to look at these characters for what they are and give them the opportunity to surprise you outside of your personal opinions like with actual people. All these characters will probably disappoint someone at a point but I feel like if you keep a healthy sense of realism and treat them in an unidealized way that will help in not causing resentments towards the series or the people who work on it down the line.

Some of these resentments are already present in the fandom and being used to create a reflection of the writer that could be wholly inaccurate. Personally, I don’t find that sort of approach to be fun or fair. However, it very well could be to some. Yet, at times I find it incredibly disheartening to see. My hopes in writing all of this and thoroughly attempting to analyze my fluctuating feelings on Mikoto may tackle why that is in some way. Even if the problem isn’t firmly rooted within the interpretations around his character but extends to the entire cast.

Though it’s like Jackalope said he certainly did cause a bit of trouble.

I hope this has been a good prelude of what’s to come and helped whoever may have read this far better understand my personal perspective on Milgram. This post didn’t focus on Mikoto as heavily as I would have wished but served to properly build an understanding of what one may be getting into when it comes to my analysis of his character.

I hope by displaying my biases and feelings on all the characters that one can decide whether reading what comes after this is for them or not. Regardless of if you continue to read or go back to this post from the ones that precede it, I appreciate you reading my ramblings.

[nitrocan813]

In the Kingdom of Far Far Away

(Partial history) The complete story you will find on my Patreon page from October 2th (GOLD membership)

INTRODUCTION - Nick and Ian were friends since middle school. Together they faced puberty. Nick 19 years old while Ian 18, they were watching the movie Sherek 2 (2004). That movie was really funny and among the Sherek movies maybe the best made. Nick: Ah here comes the part where they leave to go to the kingdom far far away, ahahah! "Are we there yet?....Are we there yet?" Ian: "This movie is definitely the best out of the 3 if you ask me." Nick: Exactly! I don't even count the fourth one! They did it just to get more money, how disgusting! I said smiling while keeping my eyes straight on the TV screen. Ian: "The third one too, that one was a straight up dumpster fire." Nick: True, at least there was still a bit of the orc essence, hahaha! After twenty minutes the purchase of Puss in Boots arrived. Nick: The scene of the cat, where he makes the big eyes, is perhaps the one that has had the most memes in history. Ian: "Definitely, definitely." Ian: "I actually never knew that Puss in Boots showed up in the Shrek movies first, I always thought it was a sort of cross over." Nick: In fact he never appeared in the first film but from the second onwards, bro don't you remember? While we were talking the film was going on and was coming to an end. Nick: Oh look what I got at the hardware store today, haha! It's a special gun, or so I've been told, it was cheap. Ian: "Oo sick. What does it do?" Nick: What's wrong? Is there a problem? It's for self-defense. Ian: "Well, you said it was a 'special' gun. What does that mean?" Nick: I've been told that it neutralizes dangerous people, in this case those who want to attack me, without even firing a bullet, meaning that I don't kill anyone with this weapon. The only strange thing is that the seller was happy to get rid of it. Ian: "Hm, weird." Nick: Mmm yeah but it doesn't matter, I'll rarely use it. The movie ended but before it ended we started singing the song "Livin' la vida loca". Nick: Woww! It's always nice to see it again. Ian: "This song goes hard." When the movie ended I was about to turn off the TV when a blinding beam of light appeared. Nick: What the hell!! Shit! A few seconds later some kind of digital vortex swallowed me and Ian inside the TV. Ian: "What the hell is happening?!" Nick: I don't know!

....

Ian starts to feel a little warm. Ian: I think... ARGH! He felt a sharp pain, this time not from his stomach but from his bones breaking. First, his broad shoulders grew outward, making them wider. Then his rib cage grew as well. Then his hips popped out. And the last thing was that his spine started to arch, making him go from 1.78 meters to 1.65 meters. Meanwhile his skin turned an ogre green color. It also made his butt and chest stick out. Ian: Uh yeah!! Ahh I feel weird but now I also feel less pain!

....

When he thought it was all over her clothes started to change into a dark green dress and simple low shoes.

....

Nick: I don't know! We certainly can't leave this pile of skin here! How do we get rid of it? I asked, not knowing what to do anymore. Fiona (Ian): "Whatever we do we need to do it quickly!" Nick: Oh shit... Nick approached Fairy Godmother's skin, which was on the floor Nick: Ok, now it's my turn, I'm going to become a fucking sixty-year-old fairy... gross. He took the skin and after lifting it, he opened it from behind. He slowly and carefully inserted his feet and legs. They immediately began to change shape. The fat concentrated on the thighs and butt, while the muscles weakened and the feet shrunk from a size 43 to a 37.

....

[sometimesanalice]

Ah, Monroe! Your reblogs always give me life! Your meme game is unmatched, lol!

I'm so thrilled you liked this angsty bit of pre-Like I Can history!

more for you!

You can’t resist lightly teasing him though, “Beach jeans? That sounds like a choice.”“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Bradley says, solemnly. The drama queen.

every time i get reminded of the beach jorts i laugh. bless the ridiculous costume department on that movie.-- like I know there were other people on that beach wearing jeans (ahem, Mav), but NO ONE was doing it like him in those slutty bermuda jorts. That costume department did that for US! they're just so ridiculous and impractical you can't help but laugh and love them.

“When we’re flying together, I’m reminded how it could have been. How it should have been,” he corrects himself, roughly. “I thought I was fucking over it. It’s been fifteen years, kid. And I’m pissed at myself because he should be nothing to me, I shouldn’t care what he thinks.” His voice is a hoarse rasp. “Why can’t I get over it?”

I love the way you write him.-- ahh!! ok, but I loooovedddd getting to dig into this from his perspective!! there's so many moments like when Mav is like "show me what you've got" looking at Bradley, and how Bradley is in the first group to go up against him. And the way Bradley's voice gets all tight after Mav's "Exactly!" after he does his little "it's not the plane it's the pilot". Like I fully think them bonding and talking about flying together was something that definitely happened all the time when Bradley was growing up. So the fact they've been on the outs for so long, and then having to face those "what could have beens" would be so hard on both of them. We know that man does not let things go, so I think he'd be so frustrated that he still wants Mav to be proud of him and his accomplishments.

“I knew it was fucked up as I said it, but in that moment it felt good to hurt him the way he hurt me,” Bradley says, quietly. Every word feels chewed on, like they’d be covered in indents of his teeth. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look in his eyes, kid. I really fucked up. It’s been eating at me ever since.” He pauses and clears his throat. “I hate that part of myself. I hate that I said that to him, regardless of the shit we’ve been through.” His voice is pinched, tight. “My mom would be so disappointed in me.”

crying real tears. my keyboard is wet.--now everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but anyone who thinks that Bradley loves being purposefully callous to people is just wrong. Lololol. That man was going through Dante's Inferno on top of that carrier, but instead of the 7 deadly sins he's like thinking about all the things he can't take back. And I hate public speaking, but I will go find a busy street corner and set up shop and give a one woman ted talk about it, lol. I think he carries a lot of guilt, especially after Ice's death and how quickly they roll out afterwards. In the OG script, it's like maybe 3 days later? But the TURMOIL on his face on top of that carrier when he was trying to talk to Mav kills me everytimeeee. So I had fun with this fic not only because it adds to the LIC lore, but also because I get to be a Bradley Bradshaw Defense Attorney, lmao. Our sweet boy just has a lot of trauma ok everyone? he just needs a hug!

because you’d be able to read even the most redacted version of Bradley Bradshaw.

this line in particular...-- ahhhh! a last minute additon! I always feel like these end up being the lines that people pick out, and it always makes me so happy because they're usually things I add to fill in something that feels lacking, but they end up being really pivotal sometimes! but it always surprises me!! But i love this one too, because of just HOW well these two know each other. Like he didn't even have to say a word for her to realize something was amiss with him. your honor i love them.

He blurts out your name. “Wait.”“I’m still here,” you answer, quickly.You hear him sigh in relief. “I-You know you’re my favorite, right?”“I know.” Your throat gets thick and your eyes prickle. “And you’re mine.”“Yeah?”Your friendship with him as always mattered the most to you. It wasn’t even a question.“Of course. I didn’t make very intricate embroidery floss friendship bracelets at summer camp when I was thirteen for just anyone, you know.” You’d spent hours making him one in his favorite colors. He’d worn it until it fell off and then asked for another. “You’re my favorite too,” you repeat, wanting him to hear it again.

they are real to me, alexa.-- thank god for that because they're a bit too real for me, so I am happy to share, lol. Ok, but like her at the arts and crafts tent spending a whole afternoon making him one and then being so excited to give it to him later?? i mean, my heart. The love was always there, but that year of them being friends as adults living in the same place and getting to kind of relearn each other was what changed it from that affectionate kind to a romantic kind, but I loved them here calling the other their "favorite", like i think there's something truly lovely about them- even with all that distance- still picking the other as their like forever #1. Out of everyone they know, they both still would choose each other. 🥰

anywayyyyssssssss

I'm so happy you liked it!

California Dreaming

Summary: At sometime past 4am, the last thing you would have ever expected was to receive a call from Bradley Bradshaw. But time is a funny thing it feels like it might be running out.

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Female Reader

Length: 5.6K

Warnings: angst and a bit In-N-Out slander

(author's note: this fic is set in the 'Like I Can Universe', but can be read on its own!)

You’re pulled from the light sleep you’d just barely managed to slip into by the sound of your phone ringing.

Although you weren’t too sure if your mind was playing tricks on you again. And in that liminal space between awake and asleep, you didn’t trust yourself to know the different anymore. Sleep and you haven’t been on the best of terms over the couple of months, and you had the dark circles under your eyes to prove it.

Your boss had told you about the chatter he’d heard about a position opening up soon at the West Coast office. It was an opportunity that would be perfect for you, minus the fact it would involve uprooting your entire life and moving across the country. You still hadn’t given him an answer yet whether he should put you forward for it or not. But you’d taken to sleeping with your ringer on just in case you were needed for anything, not wanting to close the door completely. And you’d woken up in a panic more than once thinking you’d slept through an emergency call, only to see absolutely zero new notifications.

Just when think it might have been another stress induced fluke, it goes off again.

Bleary eyed, you scramble to reach it. Wanting to silence it to not wake up your boyfriend from his more-peaceful-than-yours slumber. Only half-consciously noting it’s sometime past 4 AM.

However, it’s the name splashed across the screen that makes your heart stop.

𝗕𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗟𝗘𝗬 𝗕𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗦𝗛𝗔𝗪

You sit straight up, the crisp white sheets your boyfriend preferred pooling around your waist.

“Bradley?” You don’t even remember hitting the green button before the phone was up to your ear. “Bradley? Are you ok?” The words come out a sleepy slur all jumbled together by your sluggish tongue.

He’d texted you when he landed back on US soil; a silly selfie with crinkled bag of McDonalds in his hand and the American flag in the background. It had made you grin like an idiot when your phone had lit up with it.

You knew that he had been called back to Top Gun, but that was as much as he’d been able to tell you.

With the time difference, it makes it the hour too early for you, but also too late for him. He should be asleep right now. But you know Bradley, he wouldn’t be calling right now unless it was about something important.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I know it’s late there,” Bradley apologizes. “Or early, I guess.”

Tired. He sounds so tired.

You didn’t doubt he was still probably fighting the jetlag that came with being in San Diego after living in Japan for the last year and a half. But it was the weariness in his tone that had you concerned.

“But you’re ok?” you press. You needed to hear it.

“I…” he pauses, then sighs. “Yeah, kid. Everything’s fine.”

You blow out a relieved breath, rubbing at your heavy eyes.

“Good. That’s good,” you nod, reassuringly. Not that he can see you.

He is safe. He is ok. That’s all that matters to you.

Jack groans your name. “Seriously?” The word drips of exasperation and annoyance.

You wince. Less at its sharpness, but more at the feeling like you can’t seem do anything right lately.

You and your boyfriend have been together a little over two years now. You have a comfortable life together in Boston, nice even. But you shook the snowglobe of your relationship when you’d first mentioned the possibility of a promotion and moving, and it still felt like you were waiting for the remainders of all those stirred up flakes to settle back down.

“Give me a minute, Bradley,” you whisper into the phone, “Don’t hang up.” Your voice is so quiet you’re not even sure he heard you.

You turn towards your boyfriend, an apology on the tip of your tongue, but he’s already rolled over away from you.

A literal cold shoulder.

Your eyes trace over the exposed skin of his back. It’s dark, but you could point out where every freckle is on him with bullseye precision. Sometimes you weren’t sure if he knew you as well.

Like when he’d bring you red roses, a flower you’ve never felt one way or another about. You’d tell yourself it’s the thought that counts, that it’s the gesture that matters. But for as many times as you’ve bought your favorite flowers yourself and displayed them on the coffee table in your shared living room, Jack has never once brought them home for you.

It made you wonder sometimes if he even truly wanted you, if he cared enough to pay attention. Or if he was just content in the fact that you’d be there.

And then you’d feel guilty for even thinking that in the first place.

But you didn’t just break up with someone over flowers.

Or the way he always seemed to make plans for you with his friends without ever asking you first. Or the way he was never more attentive to you until the two of you were in front of a group.

There’s a sliver of moonlight peeking through the edges of the blinds of your bedroom. A set of curtains would have solved the issue, but you’d never been able to get Jack on board. It was something you there thankful for now as you tiptoed out of the room with just enough light to make sure you wouldn’t trip over anything.

You ease the door gently closed behind you, feeling some of the tension melt from your body.

“Ok, I’m back,” you tell your best friend.

“I take it we woke up Jack?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, padding towards the black leather couch in the living room. You fight back the hiss that wants to be released when your bare thighs touch the ice-cold material. The October chill had a way of sneaking in everywhere. “He’s got a big pitch presentation on Friday,” you say, feeling like you need to explain, “So he’s just a bit on edge right now.”

Bradley makes a noncommittal sound, something close but not quite like a disapproving rumble. You distract yourself from reading into it too much by turning on the lamp on the side table to its lowest setting. A dim glow illuminating the living room.

“Tell me, how’s California?” It’s a pivot. You know you’re trying to smooth things over; you’ve been doing a lot of that lately.

“Sunny.”

You snort and roll your eyes.

“It seems you left good jokes back in Japan,” you tease. You pull your knees up to your chest and reach for your favorite soft knit blanket, tucking it around you. “Be honest, how many things did you forget to pack this time?”

Bradley groans your name. This time you smile.

“I had to take scissors to my favorite pair of Levi’s, because I didn’t bring any shorts for the beach.”

Picturing the pained look on his face as he desecrated his favorite jeans nearly sends you into a fit a giggles. But out of respect for the fallen and your best friend’s feelings you press your lips together, the corners pulling up on their own.

You can’t resist lightly teasing him though, “Beach jeans? That sounds like a choice.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Bradley says, solemnly. The drama queen.

“Is there someone who saw you in them that I could bribe for some new blackmail material?” you ask. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten my hands on anything truly juicy.”

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, kid, but I looked damn good in them.”

This time you don’t hold back the laugh, only muffling it with a hand over your mouth when you realize that your boyfriend could probably hear you through the closed door.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Give me some time and I’ll see what I can do.”

“I’ll make some space in my Bradshaw Blackmail folder in the meantime.” Bradley’s warm chuckle in your ear makes the room feel less cold. “So what else have you been up to?”

“We haven’t had a ton of down time, but I did hit up an In-N-Out with Natasha the other night.” That was a name you were familiar with. You’ve never met Bradley’s fellow aviator and friend, but you were happy he had someone with him there that he was close to. “It was the same one I took you to when you came to visit after I finished Top Gun the first time.”

It was a fluke of fate that you’d been sent to the West Coast office for some training around the time that Bradley was on leave before being sent back to his squadron. The overlap was only for a few days, but the two of you had made the most of it.

“Who knew you were such a sentimentalist?” You lean your head back against the couch.

“It’s the closest one to base,” he justifies, “Although, you’ll be happy to know their milkshakes are still trash.”

You grin. “Hey, I never said they were trash. That was all you, Bradshaw.”

You’ve only been there the once, but it had been fun getting to experience it with him for your first time. He’d ordered more than enough food for two people, making sure to get some of the more classic not-so-secret menu items for you to try. And the Neapolitan shake had been fine, but the ones from the ice cream shop in your hometown where Bradley had had his first job were much better.

“Your face said otherwise,” he bats back.

You hum noncommittally, not wanting to concede. It was more fun for you this way, even if he was right. Not to mention no one knows how to read your face better than Bradley does.

When you don’t argue, he continues, “There’s even a rumor going around that they might want to keep some of us around longer. Like they’d form a new squadron that would be stationed here.”

You perk up, “In San Diego? You could be there permanently?” Between his deployments and moving around from base to base, you don’t think he’s been in one place for more than two years since he went to UVA. “That would be amazing.”

“Yeah, it really would,” Bradley agrees, he sounds hopeful, “But I don’t want to get ahead of myself.”

‘Hope for the best, but expect the worst’ was the motto he seemed to live by. He’d had the rug pulled out from underneath him more times than anyone else you knew.

The two of you are quiet for a moment.

You don’t want to push him into talking about whatever the reason is that he’s called so early in the morning. But no matter how many jokes you trade with him, it’s still in the forefront of your mind. And try as you might, you can’t shake that feeling of unsettledness that was resting heavily on your chest.  

Outside your living room window, the streetlights are bright against the dark sky.

You’ve told him more times than you could count that he could call you any time, but Bradley being Bradley has always made it a point to call during hours that were convenient for you, even if that meant he was still up at some ungodly hour.

But that was so him, always putting everyone else ahead of himself.

With the confidentiality that goes hand in hand with his job, you know he can’t talk about the specifics. It was something you were used to after nearly a decade of Naval service behind him.

You nibble on your lower lip, weighing your words.

“How’s it been with…” You trail off, but you know he knows who you’re referring to. You run a hand up and down your calf, trying to warm up quicker.

Mav? Pete? He’d been Captain Mitchell the last time you’d seen him back when you were in high school, you weren’t sure what his rank was now.

Mav has always been the number one topic on Bradley Bradshaw’s No Fly List. The few times you’ve dared to bring it up in the past had been shut down quicker than you think he could probably fly his jet.

Bradley told you last week in a text that had simply read He’s here. You didn’t even have to ask who he was. It had been just as much of a shock to you as you imagined it probably was for him seeing the man who had derailed his dreams when everything else in his world had already fallen apart.

It was a story you’d always thought there had been more to, but between the two of them you’d always be Team Bradley. That’s how it was supposed to be for best friends.

You can feel Bradley mulling over his answer. “It’s been… motivating.”

The way he says it you can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. And maybe he doesn’t even know himself.

You sit up straighter on the couch. “Oh?” you say, casually. Neutrally. Not wanting to let your inflection to color Bradley’s response.

Their reunion has been a long time coming, you just wished you could be there for him with this the way he’s always been there for you. Not just on the phone, but there by his side.

Bradley sighs again, it’s heavier this time. Like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s probably roughly running his hand down his face, the way he always does when he’s really, truly frustrated. Like he’s trying to free those too big feelings from trapped beneath his skin.

“I’m flying with him for the first time in my career. I want him to see why I’m here. I want to show him.” The anger, the hurt rings though loud and clear. But so does the determination. “These patches I’ve been called back are the best of the best that there is. And I’m one of them, kid. And I got here on my own, without him.”

You wait to see if he is going to continue or not, wanting to give him the space to talk through his feelings, but he’s gone quiet again.

“You’ve worked so hard for this, Bradley.”

“It was all I ever wanted,” he says, his voice rough, “To be like them.”

Like Mav. Like Ice. Like his dad.

You’d been there for the fallout. He’d been crushed when he didn’t get to go to the Academy, the self-destruction that followed had been hard to watch. You’d seen the way he had to pick up the pieces of his life. The way the boy had quickly had to become a man. Every choice Bradley has made since then has been with one purpose in mind.

He’d set out to be a Naval aviator and he’d achieved it.

“You should be so proud of yourself,” you say, softly.  “I know I am.”

You imagine Mav is proud too, but you don’t say that part out loud.

After all, he practically helped raise Bradley- in his own way.  Always calling whenever he could. Sending presents. Spending his leave time with the Bradshaws. They’d been a family.

“Sometimes-” Bradley cuts himself off, trying to collect his thoughts. You can almost feel the tormented whirlwind of them through the phone. “Sometimes,” he starts again, “There are moments, when I see him fly- it’s crazy shit that no one but him can do- and I forget. Just for a second. But then I remember and it’s like I’m eighteen and feeling like I’ve been punched in the gut all over again.”

Your stomach twists in the same way it always does when you’re reminded of that rough period in time when the two of you were just teens. And now that you’re older, your ache even more for the boy whose whole world was so turned upside down by the one person he thought would never let him down.

“When we’re flying together, I’m reminded how it could have been. How it should have been,” he corrects himself, roughly. “I thought I was fucking over it. It’s been fifteen years, kid. And I’m pissed at myself because he should be nothing to me, I shouldn’t care what he thinks.” His voice is a hoarse rasp. “Why can’t I get over it?”

It’s times like this where you can feel every mile between the two of you. Every inch of space in your long-distance friendship. And it chafes at you that all you can be is an ear for him to vent to rather than a shoulder for him to lean on.

“There’s no version of this where it wasn’t going to be tough. And I don’t think you trying to brush off who he was to you, like none of that mattered, is going to make this any easier for you,” you tell him. “Not with the history the two of you have. And you can’t punish yourself for having feelings about it.”

“I told him no one would mourn him if he burned in.” He all but blurts it out.

Your suck in sharp breath and you shake your head in disbelief, “Bradley, you didn’t.” There’s no hiding the shock in your voice.

You know there’s an unspoken code of conduct between aviators from the things you’ve picked up from the way he’s talked about his career and fellow Naval officers over the years. That when everyone’s lives are so dependent on each other to look out for one another, there were certain things you didn’t joke about. Things you didn’t throw around, not even in the heat of a moment.

“Shit, shit,” he mutters, more to himself than to you. 

You don’t know what to say to him. It’s silent in your darkened living room. The only sound is of his affected breathing over the phone.

You can’t keep dancing around things with him anymore tonight. He cracked open the door, but now you’re the one pushing through it.

“Bradley, what happened?”

His voice is strained when he speaks again, “We had a couple accidents during training a few days ago- no one was hurt.” He is quick to clarify, and you know it’s for your benefit. “It was a bird strike and they had to eject, but they were cleared to fly the next morning.” It hits too close to home all the same. You don’t worry about anyone the way you worry about Bradley. “Mav found me in the Ready Room later that night, and it was just the two of us alone for the first time since everything happened. He was talking to me like I was the kid he’d helped raise, instead of the one he’d fucked over. And then all that anger came rushing back. So I did what I always seem to do, I went for all the things that I knew would hurt him the most.”

You squeeze your eyes tight in sympathy. You’ve been on the receiving end of Bradley’s sharp tongue before. You’ve never held it against him, but you’ve also never forgotten the way his words sliced straight through you.

“I knew it was fucked up as I said it, but in that moment it felt good to hurt him the way he hurt me,” Bradley says, quietly. Every word feels chewed on, like they’d be covered in indents of his teeth. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look in his eyes, kid. I really fucked up. It’s been eating at me ever since.” He pauses and clears his throat. “I hate that part of myself. I hate that I said that to him, regardless of the shit we’ve been through.” His voice is pinched, tight. “My mom would be so disappointed in me.”

The guilt in his voice is unmistakable and it's a confession you can tell that takes a lot out of him. No one holds on to regrets- or grudges- like he does. Even if the one he’s holding it against is himself. You know this is going to be something he’ll carry around with him for a long time to come.

But it is the way he stumbles over the mention of Carole that cracks your heart open.

You had grown up adoring her. She’d been lightning in a bottle. Her smile was always the brightest in the room, and her laughter always made people stop to look wanting to be in on the joke too. There was no one quite like her.

And after she died, you’d mourned that loss too. You still carried the evidence of that love with the scar issue on your heart. But for Bradley, that was a wound that no amount of time would ever fully heal for him. Forever a reminder of who wasn’t there.

He’d already lost so much. First, his dad. Then his mom. And now with his uncle.

Bradley had told you about Ice and his passing. You knew they had come to an understanding in the after of everything. It was a relationship held together by a monthly phone call or two, and a dinner invite whenever Bradley was in town. He’d called you during one of his breaks on the morning he found out, troubled because he didn’t know he’d even been sick.

Just more time missed with someone who had meant something to him.

You didn’t want him to regret saying those harsh words without the chance to make amends. You didn’t want him to miss out on any more time with people who wanted to be there for him. You didn’t want him to shoulder around that pain and resentment anymore. A decade and a half of it was more than enough to carry that around. You didn’t want him to forever push away the one person who probably cared for him just as much as you did.

“So apologize,” you gently urge him. “Talk to Mav and apologize. For him and for you.”

He sighs, heavily, “It’s not that simple.”

Gone is the quiet girl in her dark living room. You want him to hear you. “It really is though, Bradley. Tell him. Pull him aside after class or get there early. Or take him to that bar on the beach you told me about and buy him a beer. Don’t let this be a thing you can’t take back. You can still apologize.”

“I-I don’t think I can. There’s not enough time for that now.” His words are stilted.

You feel your eyebrows pinch in confusion, “Aren’t you guys there for a couple more weeks?” He doesn’t answer you right away and you feel a chill drift across you, even under your blanket. “Does that mean you’re shipping out soon?”

“It’s why I called.” There’s something more serious in his tone, you’re talking to the Naval officer now. “We got the orders, we ship out tomorrow. Or later today, technically.”

There’s a swooping sensation in your stomach and it feels like the floor has fallen out beneath your feet.

“Goddamn it, Bradshaw. Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Your voice wavers.

“I know, I probably should have.” At least he has the good sense to admit it. “I just wanted to talk to you, like normal. Although we didn’t get very far before I derailed the conversation,” he says, self-deprecatingly. “Do you think you can give me a few more minutes of normal, kid?”

You know there’s not much you can ask, and even less than he can tell you. You’re surprised you even allowed to know this much.

But you don’t need a dossier of confidential government information to tell you that whatever he’s being sent to do is dangerous, because you’d be able to read even the most redacted version of Bradley Bradshaw. You’d known something was off from the very moment you’d seen his name lighting up your phone.

You don’t want him to feel your anxiousness, you don’t want to add to whatever else he’s currently going through. Bradley called you because he wants to let his mind relax. So if he wants normal, you can give him normal. You can give him as much as he wants, as much as he needs.

“I’m sorry for making fun of your beach shorts.”

Bradley huffs a soft laugh, “No, you’re not.”

“You know,” you muse, fighting to keep your tone light and airy, “I haven't played hooky in a while and I have some miles to use before the end of the year.”

“You want to come out here?” The suggestion works just like you hoped it would, he sounds less troubled than before.

“I could use some Vitamin D and a milkshake. Do you know a good place to make it worth my while?”

“I might. It depends on your opinion is about Neapolitan shakes though.” Your nose scrunches up on its own. “Are you making that face, kid?”

“No,” you reply too quickly.

“Liar.”

You smile to yourself. “I’ll even let you pick me up from the airport and you can finally show me that Bronco of yours in person. It only seems fair that I get to see what all the hubbub is about after I’ve spent hours letting you talk my ear off about it: V8 engine this and four-speed manual transmission that.” You do your best Bradley impersonation and earn an amused scoff from him.

He’d bought it right before he’d been sent to Japan. Ice and his wife had been looking after it for him while he was away. Bradley had even documented his reunion with it after landing back on US soil by sending you a video of it with him humming the Peaches & Herb song in the background.

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Bradley says. You think he might be smiling too.

It’s all to easy for you to slip into a normal conversation with him. He asks about your mom and stepdad. You don’t mention the possible promotion, but instead tell him about the passive aggressive microwave fish debacle that plagued the entire floor for days.

The two of you talk about nothing in a way that feels like everything. And every chuckle you pull out of him feels like a victory. Your tired eyes flutter shut on their own, with them closed you can almost pretend he’s sitting right next to you, until a yawn slips out of you without your permission.

“It’s getting late, I should let you go.”

You want to keep talking to him, but you can imagine the circles that have already formed under his eyes over the last few days. “You should get your sleep. Rest up, because we have big milkshake plans…and you’re not allowed to stand me up. Got it, Bradshaw?”

“I hear you,” he promises. “Try to stay out of trouble until I get back, kid.”

“No promises.” You feel your lower lip wobble.

“Atta girl.”

You laugh. It sounds a little watery to your own ears, but you hope he doesn’t hear it. You’re grateful he didn’t choose to FaceTime you. It’s probably for the best he can’t see your face, you’ve never been a very good poker player.

“Be safe, Bradley.”

You’ve already decided that you’ll let him be the one to hang up first. You didn’t have it in you to hit the red button before he did.

He blurts out your name. “Wait.”

“I’m still here,” you answer, quickly.

You hear him sigh in relief. “I-You know you’re my favorite, right?”

“I know.” Your throat gets thick and your eyes prickle. “And you’re mine.”

“Yeah?”

Your friendship with him as always mattered the most to you. It wasn’t even a question.

“Of course. I didn’t make very intricate embroidery floss friendship bracelets at summer camp when I was thirteen for just anyone, you know.” You’d spent hours making him one in his favorite colors. He’d worn it until it fell off and then asked for another. “You’re my favorite too,” you repeat, wanting him to hear it again.

“Ok. Ok, good,” Bradley says. He lets out a slow breath. “See you soon for milkshakes, kid.”

“See you soon.” It comes out a reedy whisper.

You stay on the line until he hangs up.

And only when the screen goes black do you allow yourself to give into the emotions that had been surging up inside of you.

With the corner of your blanket, you wipe at the tears that are making hot tracks down your cheeks. There’s a hollowness that has settled in your chest that you don’t think will go away until he tells you when to book your ticket to come and see him.

It doesn’t matter that you remind yourself that he is one of the best at he does. Or that you know he’ll be with other people who are just as good as he is. In all the years he’s been in the Navy, you’ve never once heard him sound that unsure before, and it’s rattled you.

It’s not that you didn’t know there was risk every time he sat in the cockpit of his fighter jet, even if it was just to train. But this was the first time it’s ever felt like he was preparing you for the possibility that you might never see or hear from him again.

You didn’t want to imagine a world with Bradley Bradshaw in it.

He’s never once broken a promise with you, and he wasn’t allowed to start now.

You don’t know how long you sit there in the dark with only your feelings and the sound of the clock on the wall for company.

Your eyes drift towards the closed bedroom door, where you’re sure Jack is sleeping unbothered on a soft mattress between stark white sheets.

It hits you then that he hadn’t come to check on you.

It’s still just as dark outside. Only the little lamp next to the couch offers any light, as you look around your living room.

You’d liked all the exposed brick when you’d first moved in, had imagined all the ways you could soften the apartment with things to make it more cozy for you and your boyfriend. More like the two of you.

But the books on the bookcase had been carefully chosen to fit a neutral color palette, while all your favorites had been moved to the smaller one in the office. Their colorful covers hidden away. The spot where you thought some kind of landscape painting could have gone, had a photograph of a sepia-toned city hanging there instead. It was still art, but it was the kind of thing that had been made to disappear into the background.

You keep waiting to see a piece of yourself reflected in the room, some mark of you that had been left behind in the home you live in, but other than the black and white striped rug that had been too good of a deal to pass up on at a store with a no return policy, none could be found. You didn’t see any of yourself there at all.

You thought that you’d been making compromises, but it’s dawning on you that all along really what you’ve been doing is making concessions. A one-sided partnership. When all you ever wanted was to share a life with someone.

Earlier you found yourself making excuses to Bradley, but now it felt like something you weren’t sure you wanted to look past.

You are tired.

And not because it’s sometime around 5 AM now. You’re already well past the start of a new day.

You’re tired of being the one to trying to make something work.

You’re tired of being the one who always makes a genuine effort.

You’re tired of red roses.

Maybe people did end relationships over flowers. Or the art on the walls.

Grabbing your phone, you open your email ignoring all the messages that are already waiting for you, and start typing out a message. When you’re done, you read it over a couple of time before sending it off to your boss. The whoosh that follows as it bounces off the exposed brick in the quiet living room feels like progress.

You didn’t want to miss out on any more time either.

Not with the people who mattered the most to you. The people you mattered the most to.

Leaning over the arm of the couch you turn off the lamp and stretch out to get comfortable on the cushions underneath you. You tuck a throw pillow under your head and drape the blanket over you.

From this angle, you can almost pretend the city lights look like stars.

Your alarm is already set, and if you’re lucky you can doze a bit longer before it will go off all too soon.

But it’ll ok if sleep doesn’t find you.

You’re already California dreaming.

Who gave me permission to do this to myself?! Oh my heart. Don't mind me, I'm just in my angsty era. Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed these two, you can read their story from the start here!

You can read my other stories here!

taglist:

@gretagerwigsmuse @sehnsuchts-trunken  @callsignspark @notroosterbradshaw @tongue-like-a-razor @laracrofted @ofstoriesandstardust @bradshawsbitch @starryeyedstories @top-hhun-main @startrekfangirl2233 @callsign-viper @teacupsandtopgun @angelbabyange @oneelleandaneye @mizzzpink @cornishkat @alana4610 @20th-centu-fairy-girl @pono-pura-vida @donttouchmycarrots @eg-dr3amer3 @whaledots-blog @a-beaverhausen @hangmanscoming @mandolin22 @theweekndhistorybook @lilpeekabooze @high-bi-imgonnacry @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ruewrote @spiderman-stilinski @jayniebop @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @imaginecrushes @keyrani @chicomonks @artemissunn @mayempress @eddiemunsonreader

[meili-sheep]

Kaveh: Al-Haitham?

Al-Haitham: What did you do?

Kaveh: What do you mean by that?

Al-Haitham: You never call me by my name unless you need something or something is wrong. What is it?

Kaveh: Well, I was just going to tell you that Klee and I made you breakfast.

Al-Haitham: . . . so that smoke wasn't from your workshop?

Kaveh: (nods quickly) Mhm. (whisper-screeches) Help me.

Al-Haitham: (sighs deeply) I'm on my way . . .

----

Al-Haitham: (head in his hands) Children make no sense.

Kaveh: What happened?

Al-Haitham: (muffled) Klee was playing pretend and Dodoco said something to her, so now she's crying and won't speak to me. I tried telling her it was a game, but that seemed to make it worse.

Kaveh: (blinks once) Ahh, I see. (pats him on the shoulder) I'll take care of this.

Al-Haitham: (to himself) It's literally a game of pretend . . . how immersive does it have to be?

----

Klee: Mr. Al, what's a 'taxman' and why does Mr. Kaveh hate them so much?

Al-Haitham: (without missing a beat) Because he's actively committing tax evasion and the only reason that he hasn't gotten taken by them yet is that I've signed him as my dependent in the tax papers.

Kaveh: (yells from the other side of the room) He lies like he breathes!

Al-Haitham: (yells back) I don't lie, unlike some people on their tax returns.

Kaveh: Robot!

Al-Haitham: Deadbeat.

Kaveh: Stick in the mud!

Al-Haitham: Bum.

Kaveh: Square!

Al-Haitham: Free-loader.

Klee: (giggling loudly)

Kaveh: Huh? What's that all about?

Klee: You two are so funny!

Al-Haitham: I do not see what is so entertaining about me calling Mr. Kaveh out, but I suppose your amusement is optimal in this situation.

Kaveh: I- calling me out? Why you-

----

Diluc: Did you have a good time?

Klee: Yes! Klee had so much fun with Mr. Al and Mr. Kaveh! We went to the market, tried some drinks at a cafe, and got to try out some new toys!

Diluc: (nods appreciatively) Very good.

Klee: (pauses for a second) What's a 'dolt'?

Diluc: (blinks) What? Where did you hear that one?

Klee: It's Mr. Kaveh's nickname for Mr. Al!

Diluc: (tries not to laugh) Is that so?

----

I've tried, but I can't stop. The brainrot floweth regardless of what is done.

God It's so cute.

Imagine thought they accidentally taught Klee a bad word. And Diluc burst into their house, obviously upsettie spaghetti. And it' just becomes that one meme of like the mom scolding the son and the dad comes to defend but ends up getting scolded too.

That's Diluc scolding Kaveh and Al Haitham.

[rosesastrology]

hi, hope you have a nice day🧡i have random question. i have my chiron and pluto both in 4th house. everytime i try to find something more about these placements, all i can find is stuff about "traumatic childhood", "emotionaly distant parents" etc. My childhood was actually very nice and i have wonderful relationship with my parents and i can't think of any serious incident.

so my question is - are they any other meanings of these placements? some non-family meaning maybe? i find my birth chart really accurate, and this is the only thing that doesn't sit right with me.

(both pluto and chiron are in sagittarius, same as my 4th house sagittarius sun and they don't have any hard aspects from what i know)

thank you for your time and answer🧡✨

Ahh yes, the mysterious 4th house! Long post ahead:

The 4th house is the house of our childhood, which is why planets there are often associated with our childhoods. Even so, they don't always show events, but more like a general sense of energy. The fact you have your 4th house in Sagittarius, which is a benefic (lucky, happy) sign and neither Pluto nor Chiron are harshly aspected actually show us there's no 'horror' to really be found here. In fact, the fact you have your sun in the 4th house in Sagittarius along with all of this shows me more that you very much fit nicely into your family and had a happy childhood.

Pluto in Sagittarius is essentially the generation Z placement. And honestly, it shows a lot in gen Z behaviour. Rigid beliefs about right or wrong, high moral values (cancel culture uprising, ahem), humor, memes, freedom, activism, awareness, curiosity, meaning, meaning, meaning. Purpose. Purpose. Purpose. Gen Z is unbelievably aware, I believe they saw what millennials were doing and decided 'this won't make me happy' after trying it for a bit. A lot of young kids these days have like.. early life crises💀 and I attribute it partially to this exact placement. Sagittarius is the philosopher, but also the joker. It shows lots of room for strength to made amongst family, and power to be found here. The reason it shows up as abuse often, is through badly placed Pluto or having it hashly aspected (usually), so the power dynamics go all wonky. I feel like in your case, you will figure out A LOT about your identity (sun) through your childhood, ancestry, family. Yours is well-balanced, and could show you coming from a powerful family or having a family member in your life (particularly father) who is extremely important and teaches you about the duality of life.

So what are Plutonian influences in the 4th house? What do they look like? In your case, I feel like you were taught from a young age to look for answers, and to be honest with yourself even if it wasn't necessarily a positive thing. As in, don't fool yourself. There is a lot of attention here on a transformative father, in a lot of charts this is negative—but don't forget, Pluto can be positive transformation. I should say that in ancient astrology, the 4th house rules the father and the 10th the mother. I've always seen it manifest the same in natal charts. Although there is some value in lumping them together in the 4th for a more general view of 'the parents', when seperated it should be as I described before. It could be that your father played a big part in your life, or will teach/taught you things that changed your perspective completely. There could be a bit of a wall here that you might've built, as in, this is the deepest part of the heavens—the root of the skies, so to say. So it can cause troubled waters, or high emotional walls. It could, for example, cause you to front your negative emotions with happy emotions (fake smiles, nervous laughter, etc.).

The 4th house also rules our ancestry, as such, it could be your ancestry line has suffered or there is generational trauma. But, because yours is so positive in your life, it could show great genes (physically or health wise) and/or stories of strong ancestors. This can go hand in hand with the previous statement, of course. I've also heard that Pluto in the 4th natives have a lot of issues with feeling unsafe in their homes, particularly the experience of feeling like their house is haunted. This makes sense because the 4th house rules our estate and property. Many issues with plumbing, pipes, sewers, insect infestations (particularly cockroaches), mold, tend to show up with this placement, curiously enough. They all fit Pluto in 4th testimony, though. A good house insurance is a must with this placement for sure. Also beware of sketchy neighborhoods. At best, it also shows a big inheritence of familial wealth (life changes! Loss going to 'profit').

That Chiron there is also highly transformative. Where there is pain, it shows healing. But where there is no pain directly, it shows strength. It could be that your home is your safe haven, even after you leave your childhood home. Being behind closed doors feels safe to you, and you may be able to work best from at home. It brings self-awareness and growth in the closest aspect of our selves. The people outside of our homes or families may not even notice this, even our families may not. But there is much healing here for other people because you are able to comfort them and give them a safe space to come to, you have the safe Harbor of the heavens. And this is gift, a blessing, at times a burden you have to carry. To be fair, this is quite cookbook. I should say that the 4th house, I feel like, is associated with this sense of safety and comfort. At times this may have been compromised outside of your familial home, giving reason to why you're able to offer a space of belonging and openness. While your childhood may have been free of trauma, it can show deficits in the father (as in, flaws). It could show religious issues (Sagittarius), particularly in the household (4h). What it essentially shows is 'inner child issues, and needs'. This does not have to be due to an event, it could be due to something that was not done, never said, or vocalised. Even so, not everyone with this placement has a painful childhood or a pained inner child, per se. But, it's common. It tends to show a father who symbolises Chiron, he is emotionally/physically 'wounded' in some way and this is evident to the child. In a more broad sense, it shows our connection to earth and nature. You may find healing in nature, or were aised on a farm or near a forest, lake, etc.

As Chiron is the healer, this placement is often associated with healing in general (because of its sense of water, buried treasure, earth, home and belonging). I feel like this Chiron also keeps you safe from the regular atrocities that Pluto in the 4th tends to bring, and rather brings forth this huge amount of.. duty to fulfill, of change to be made. This Sagittarius influence gives the bigger picture of religion, of something bigger than oneself. Of bringing the home (4h) into the world (Sagittarius). It's like changing your home with the worldly things you've learned that are bigger than yourself, and changing the world with your values and morals. There is a lot of transformation and karmic energy found here and it's very powerfully placed. Never forget the 4th is an angular house, it's moveable, changeable, it's rooted but it moves—like the depths of the ocean. This is all within you, and it's not stuck (like 12h for example). Through all this change, this movement, all these beliefs, you'll be able to find yourself more and more (sun).

[1000-directions]

for the fic ask meme, 6 and 10! 😘

ahh thank you! been a long week but finally winding around to these!

6. What’s your favourite piece of dialogue you wrote this year?

hmm i do really enjoy the dialogue i wrote for jessica in the bucky/jessica fic, because it's so different from how i typically have characters talk, and it's fun to try new things. but i keep circling back to this scene in my bucky/sharon fic:

“You know, he never promised me anything,” she says quietly in the dark. “It’s not like he betrayed me. He never promised me a thing, even if I wanted him to. It’s stupid that I’m still so mad at him for something that never even happened.”

“It’s okay,” Bucky says after a minute. “Sometimes I get mad, too.”

“I don’t have the right to feel betrayed about it.”

She does, though. He thinks she does have the right to feel betrayed. Bucky does, too. They did everything right, and they still got left behind.

“It just made me feel special,” she whispers, and he squeezes her hand to let her know he’s listening, and he understands. “Having this secret part of him. And I think it mattered to me more than it mattered to him, and when I look back, I just feel foolish. I made it into something it wasn’t, and it’s embarrassing how long I let myself be hurt by that.”

“It’s not your fault,” he says, to her, to himself, but she shakes her head.

“It’s okay,” she murmurs. “It doesn’t have to be all me or all him. It’s okay that we both handled it wrong. I was mad at him for a long time, and then I was mad at myself, and now it’s just something that happened to me once. I’m fine, really.”

which is just like...so intensely personal and specifically based on a very specific personal thing for me, and putting that into words is just very satisfying, even if i gave the emotions and the journey to a character and not to myself.

10. What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

you know, i think i might try, like...actually writing? i know, a wild concept! it's really hard for me that i can't just like park myself at a coffee shop with a latte and a bagel all weekend and force myself to stay there until i write something, but if i keep waiting for that to come back, i'm going to be stuck forever. i think that getting my apartment cleaned is going to give me some space to feel like i can write again without it being a waste of time that i should be using for something more productive. and i need to do more little stuff. i have so many things in the works that feel like projects, and it's intimidating right now. and i think i need to let myself just write whatever little thing i'm feeling, like i had the notion for a bucky/jessica pairing, wasn't sure i would do anything with it, but sat down and wrote it that night while it was still in my head, and i think i need to stay on that path and just keep pushing.

end of year writer asks

[kannra21]

Ch 241 ramblings

So, reading the newest ch made me realize that Todo probably didn't want to cause any trouble for the obviously confused and uninformed young lady and therefore wanted to maintain a nice courteous atmosphere while Bakugou didn't give a fuck and told the audience the truth about their relationship.

Bakugou made me laugh and tbh I like his perspective better bc he's honest and stands behind his words while Todo wants to maintain a nice image and thus automatically captures everyone's hearts.

Bakugo just doesn't know how to be smart for himself. 😂 As much as a nerd he is he should have known that, by presenting a good example to people, he could've afforded himself more popularity and praise. Now he screwed it up and because of it, he shouldn't be surprised when finding out about being cut out of the interview for using strong language and insulting the interviewer.

Btw if the interviewer had been better informed this wouldn't have happened.

I love how Todo is acting so innocent to Mt Lady's thirsting over a sixteen-year-old which makes it kinda cringy in front of the students and other teachers but well..

He's so stupid 🤣💦 just look at his freaking dunce face! Kaminari is a saint for him, just look at how confident he is despite being wrong at the exact same time!

By saying 'half-assed things' he probably meant that they're too embarrassing for him and that he'd rather perform the job of a hero without making up those awkward catchphrases. It's probably bc he doesn't have one. Hell he didn't even bother to come up with his own hero name! He is solely focused on the power itself rather than being a hero.

Sure, he recently got some character development and it rly looked like with his speech that he's probably onto something but.. he haltered yet again. I think Bakugou will pull his trope until something terrible happens to him bc this is obv the only way he can learn..

And also, Aizawa protecting his trouble son from Midnight and saying that Midoriya is doing worse was actually amusing.

No offense guys but our pixelated green bean looks like a creeper during his interview. 😝 Man he was so tense it was a relief to see Mt Lady mentioning All Might and making all his insecurities go away.

It kinda annoys me that Deku can't be a hero for himself but chooses to be an imitation of someone else. I mean, it's nice to have a role model and someone who's inspiring you, but if you can't stand up for yourself and create your own picture people can admire as well, then what's the point?

Ahh the meme is finally back, what a relief!

There's also something that caught my eye.

So special ability really does define a person. The only difference is that, in the villain world, it's labeled as more brutal.

What are heroes and what are villains?

It think Best Jeanist described it all too well.

I know we won't be seeing the villains for a while but at least I'm glad that we can get some parallels so Hori doesn't leave us completely devastated. 😅

Nah just kidding, Hori is doing an awesome job.

Looking forward to the next ch!

[ppgxrrblove]

Goodbye Tittie NSFW Bloggers

I'm still laughing irl..I'm in tears, I'm laughing cause of the damn funny memes and posts y'all be making x"D I can't take this serious anymore. I just searched up goodbye Tumblr and all I saw was people leaving so freaking quick like damn, lol, some people complaining about Tumblr bots acting dumb on reporting they're posts on being "sensative" or "sexual" when it legit wasn't to be honest they were all funny shit or just art that was cute, and good. But the one thing that got me in tears was the entire Yuri on Ice posts was all taken down by Tumblr bots..😂😂!! Yoo that shit had me in tears LMFAO..freaking poor gay anime. Like dang I thought Tumblr loved LGBT people!! Than I saw bubbline being flagged as well 😂! Ahh I can't..I'm laughing too hard. None of it was breaking the rules!! Funny thing! You guys can ACTUALLY get your posts back, you just have to click the review button and tell Tumblr you reported the wrong post. And it will get back up, it's what happen to me allot of times on some posts that wasn't even anything. So it isn't a big deal rather an old thing that BEEN happens to people but y'all make it seem like it's something new, and it's the end of times. Can y'all calm the heck down?? It's the bots fault, even people who were aware of these bots STATED on a post that y'all should've seen since it got a crap load of attention, that the bots will be flagging posts that AREN'T breaking the rules at all, it's not y'all fault it's what the post has it's in the coding, someone on here was talking about this. Apparently the posts that people make have these specific coding right? Well the bots go for the codings that are actually the correct ones that ARE breaking the Tumblr rules. But! Since there is SO much of fucking posts on here, it's mixed. So from my point of view if a Tumblr bot flags your post, it's not your fault it's the bot that's confused because of the coding. So it's the bots fault on this. Which isn't a great thing, feel bad cause people who aren't doing anything at all are just getting they're posts being taken down

Which I don't like because it's gonna be annoying to review it IF your blog constantly keeps getting flagged by those bots. Meaning if your posts are flagged every second,minute and or day. That can get fucking annoying which I can understand UNLESS you reblogged legit porn or nsfw that must be the reason why it's taking it down BUT like I stated before it's the bots issue. So if you get flagged only once or a few not exaggerating much than your okay. You either make them notice, which is helping the bots know that this isn't a bad post! It's a good one! Just make it review and it I'm 100% sure your posts will come back since its harmless. That IS if you guys do want to help these bots out by telling them 'hey! this post isnt breaking such, and such please review it!' I don't think you gotta type it down so yeah lol.

But yeah..everyone really needs to calm down and just basically think correctly about what they're doing instead of acting out of drama and etc. Relax people. If Tumblr shuts down than like SOME people have been doing, having there other social medias with their Tumblr posts on there or just telling people to follow them on there encase of anything. Which I know for a fact people still do, so if you have to result to that method than do so.

Which I shall NOT be doing. For one thing, Tumblr isn't that important to me, the the one thing that made it important to me was EVERYONE that I've met, seen their art, loved the funny memes, and finally enjoyed they're shitty, awesome, fun to be around with posts and company. So if y'all leave it was nice meeting you all, have a wonderful lifestyle wherever you go, take it easy, stay safe, healthy, and god bless you all. I may or may not save some posts?? Who knows.

Finale note; those who've known about Tumblr being trash, but still staying even though it can get annoying, thanks for putting up with it for this long but that's if you leave now of course. I'm still gonna go.

[nicosbrainrot]

ahh so more people responded than I thought would & I'm really happy to write out each one but it got kind of long so I'll put it under a cut

okay so here are his thoughts on a few of his classmates (can I say classmates for the other class too? whatever, you know)

Sumiye Gemu: he sees how outgoing & friendly she is & although he doesn't know her well he enjoys the energy she radiates whenever she's around, she gives off the caring & responsible but still playful older sibling vibe that he hasn't had before in his life (being an older sibling himself) he also really wants to talk to her about video games but is too nervous to approach her on his own

Jetsam Kisa: he noticed how shy & reserved he was as soon as they met & it made him feel a little less awkward about his own shyness, although he was still too anxious to really say hi for a while, he was surprised when they eventually ended up talking & really enjoyed interacting with someone who matched his energy, & thinks he's really sweet, he also really likes seeing all the cute stuff jetsam has (that he brings to class/in his dorm/etc)

Mitsumi Togan: he honestly finds her a bit intimidating, with how cheery & popular she seems, that on top of the fact he can't really read her, he's nervous to be sitting next to her & worries about annoying her during class, but generally he thinks she's nice

Michiko Watanabe: he's jealous of how she's able to go out & make friends with so many of her classmates so easily, he can see that she has her own insecurities but is still able to put herself out there, he admires her for this & would really like to be her friend & get advice about how to make more friends & get people to like him

Kabane Higanbana: something about him makes it easy to not worry too much about saying something wrong, even though they haven't talked much, he just doesn't seem like a judgemental person, maybe that's partially because he's obviously had to deal with a fair amount of judgement in his life due to his quirk, but he seems like someone who's just easy to be around

Moa Fuwa: although her popularity & occassional angry outbursts make him very nervous around her she still seems nice & like she cares very much about the people around her, he admires her drive & enthusiasm during training & although they have very different personalities he thinks they could still get alone decently

Konekomaru Yoshino: he seems very chill & friendly, & generally is someone he isn't particularly scared of but still too nervous to talk to, he notices sometimes out of the corner of his eye during class that his ear will twitch & he feels guilty for finding it kind of cute & funny, he was a bit worried when he realized his dorm was right under his that he would hear him running around during the middle of the night doing... yknow, cat things (does he?)

Burai Banzai: as the other class's vice president he sees him a lot during events & he seems like a very friendly, outgoing person, he appreciates that he tried to teach Tano what memes were but didn't like having to explain what 'netflix & chill' was after the fact, he seems like someone who would be easy to talk to if they ever got around to hanging out

Rin Tsukikage: she seems painfully sweet, & he actually really wants to reach out to her because he can see her shyness even surpasses his own, he notices how worried she is when talking to people & understands how that feels, he really wishes he could help ease her mind a bit but that's something only a friend can do & they don't really know each other yet

Kiyoko Hagane: he admires her a lot because she seems so put together & cares so much about her classmates, he definately looks to her for guidance, even if he doesn't realize, partially as the class president & partially just as the only student in his class who seems to know what they're doing

Jaye Rokuto: although he seemed very well mannered & behaved at first, having him sit close behind him he soon realized how boisterous & playful he really was, sometimes making comments that throw him off to overhear during class, he definately makes it a bit harder to focus during lectures, but not in a bad way

Jiro Yukimura: he's one of the "cool kids" in his mind, mostly because of his nonchalant attitude, & the fact that he doesn't know much about him, he's also always a little worried he's going to get pranked when he's nearby before or after school, because he's seen him prank a few other students, but wouldn't be particularly upset about it if he was

Amorette Calhoun: he likes her vibe but is also really intimidated by it, he kind of feels a bit of solidarity with them both having weird heart-related quirks that are activated by touch, he understands the inconvencience of it (although he at least can activate his & doesn't have to wear gloves) & kind of wonders if she has any of the same issues he does with being physically close with people but wouldn't ask that as it is a personal question

Yori Hayashi: he looks up to her as someone that he wants to be like, she's always pushing herself to be better & seems very selfless in her acts to help others, the conversation she had with him about taking care of yourself really resonated & meant even more coming from her (although she is a bit of a hypocrite, a LOT of a hypocrite) & that was a small turning point for him learning to care for himself the way he does others

Tokiya Iori: his first impression was that he kind of kept to himself because he wasn't that outgoing, but after sitting next to him for a while he realized he just doesn't initiate conversation much with anyone other than the people he knows & is actually quite friendly, he is now someone Ikuto can casually ask for a pencil if he ever loses his without feeling awkward, he is also the second of his friends to jump off of their balcony in front of him (he did not like that)

@smol-hibiscus @jetsam-kisa @shinindiamond @residentquirksupport @imminent-soup @you-may-call-me-meme @buraibanzai @kamiart @cosmic-goof @zer0-10 @napstennoji @beetroot-bot @skiduffle

hey umm respond to this post & I'll say how ikuto feels about your OC :)