#ahandfulofkeys

[ahandfulofkeys]

Grief is such a weird feeling..

For once in my life, I am completely lost.. Idk what to do with myself.. Idk what I SHOULD be doing with myself..

Been a caretaker for so long.. Adjusting my schedule, having my life revolve around it..

Now, I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing..

I'm sad, that much is obvious. But I'm also completely & utterly lost..

[gamerwoo]

random texts with best friend!seungmin

aka rocket trying to figure out how this stupid fake text app works and spending almost a full hour making these bc it kept glitching and crashing so if anyone has any other recommendations pls help a girl out 😔

warnings: humor, fluff, swearing, mild angst in one text but like not really

perma tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @shmooooo @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @icarusthorn @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts @stellarstacysstuff @xxluckydreamsxx @chartrucewhore @dwaekkiracha [if you want to be added to the tag list please fill out this form!!!]

[gamerwoo]

im redoing my tag lists!!!

they've gotten too messy and are hard to keep up with. a lot of blogs are inactive now as well, so i'm trying to declutter and make it easier for me to continue doing them (even though tumblr keeps making it more difficult to do tag lists 🙃)

please fill out the new form here as i will be erasing all my current tag lists!!!

@choiminjae0325 @dumbasslonelybisexual @yoonbabe-d @exuwu @lets-get-1t

@vintageot5 @sehunnies-hunnie96 @childfmoonn @ash-is-psychotic @haoareyou

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@peachy-hoon @chaseyui @haven-cove @belledamsceno @saxtaee

@k-pop-ology @uglychildd @eclvpe @killcomet @coupsiekkuma

@sunlightwoo @jelly-fishy-babie @valtxy @birthday-prinxess @seungsanhun

@svtbubs @queenofhimbos @soonwoosz @hao-are-xu @dinosvvrs

@apple-m @cheolliehugs @imtaehyungry @superheros-and-others @semicolorn

@whimsicalwoodlands @aunty-tiger-potato @seventeensdaesang @sleeplessdailyhours @junuoyi

@yiyi4657 @randombandit77 @restless-nights-thoughts @allpiecesofmybrokenheart @charlieshelves

@allie-mcginn @peachescherryheart @brattybunfornct @henloiamaweirdobye @anissanightyoung

@caratluvie @nokachiki @liendoesja @sunoosult​ @janellxu

@meowtella @multiplums @starrysungie @l33j3n8 @angel-ishere

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@dnylwoo @shunechka @ohchangyu @honeyylin @smollquokka

@animefreak2112 @stay-berry @shuabby1994 @sarcasticsweetlara @blackcatpandora

[gamerwoo]

[SKZ Imprinted] Chan: March Sadness (Spin-Off: Part Seven)

Characters: skz (with mentions of chan x reader & skz x ocs)

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, college au, text au, mentions of vomiting

Summary: You’re stuck with your boyfriend during his rut and need something to do when Chan’s finally satiated enough to take a break. Thus, the March Sadness bet was born, where you and Chan try to see who in the pack will last the longest without getting into trouble.

Previous | Next | March Sadness Masterlist

tag list (italics are unable to tag): @honeyylin @brattybunfornct @henloiamaweirdobye @anissanightyoung @mythicalamphitrite @nokachiki @liendoesja @smollquokka @hosh1kwon @cyberpunksunwoo @jadeblackwoll @jaspriv @sankyg @animefreak2112 @stay-berry [if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!]

perma tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @icarusthorn @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts @stellarstacysstuff @xxluckydreamsxx @chartrucewhore @dwaekkiracha @ssstraykiss

[gamerwoo]

[SKZ Imprinted] Chan: March Sadness (Spin-Off: Part Four)

Characters: skz (with mentions of chan x reader & skz x ocs)

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, college au, text au, mentions of rut and some sexual themes

Summary: You’re stuck with your boyfriend during his rut and need something to do when Chan’s finally satiated enough to take a break. Thus, the March Sadness bet was born, where you and Chan try to see who in the pack will last the longest without getting into trouble.

Previous | Next | March Sadness Masterlist

tag list (italics are unable to tag): @honeyylin @brattybunfornct @henloiamaweirdobye @anissanightyoung @mythicalamphitrite @nokachiki @liendoesja @smollquokka @hosh1kwon @cyberpunksunwoo @jadeblackwoll @jaspriv @sankyg @animefreak2112 [if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!]

perma tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts @stellarstacysstuff @xxluckydreamsxx @chartrucewhore @dwaekkiracha @ssstraykiss

[gamerwoo]

[SKZ Imprinted] Chan: March Sadness (Spin-Off: Part Five)

Characters: skz (with mentions of chan x reader & skz x ocs)

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, college au, text au, angst, mentions of plotting murder but nobody gets murdered i promise

Summary: You’re stuck with your boyfriend during his rut and need something to do when Chan’s finally satiated enough to take a break. Thus, the March Sadness bet was born, where you and Chan try to see who in the pack will last the longest without getting into trouble.

Previous | Next | March Sadness Masterlist

tag list (italics are unable to tag): @honeyylin @brattybunfornct @henloiamaweirdobye @anissanightyoung @mythicalamphitrite @nokachiki @liendoesja @smollquokka @hosh1kwon @cyberpunksunwoo @jadeblackwoll @jaspriv @sankyg @animefreak2112 [if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!]

perma tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts @stellarstacysstuff @xxluckydreamsxx @chartrucewhore @dwaekkiracha @ssstraykiss

[gamerwoo]

[SKZ Imprinted] Chan: March Sadness (Spin-Off: Part Six)

Characters: skz (with mentions of chan x reader & skz x ocs)

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, college au, text au, mentions of streaking, making fun of cops (acab <3)

Summary: You’re stuck with your boyfriend during his rut and need something to do when Chan’s finally satiated enough to take a break. Thus, the March Sadness bet was born, where you and Chan try to see who in the pack will last the longest without getting into trouble.

Previous | Next | March Sadness Masterlist

tag list (italics are unable to tag): @honeyylin @brattybunfornct @henloiamaweirdobye @anissanightyoung @mythicalamphitrite @nokachiki @liendoesja @smollquokka @hosh1kwon @cyberpunksunwoo @jadeblackwoll @jaspriv @sankyg @animefreak2112 [if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!]

perma tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts @stellarstacysstuff @xxluckydreamsxx @chartrucewhore @dwaekkiracha @ssstraykiss

[gamerwoo]

skz as 5sos songs (1st album edition) with minor explanation this time but they're not really explanations it's just me going "it's the vibes"

a/n: i did this w general 5sos songs already, therefore, i'm not counting long way home or heartbreak girl bc i already used those

bang chan -- she looks so perfect

the classic. the legend. the lyrics hardly make sense and christopher doesn't know the alphabet so this works. but also there's something about the good ol' og that i can't not associate w chan (bonus: also think he'd be good as beside you. he's definitely the type to listen to cheesy music when he's away from you and he'd send you this song at like 2am)

minho -- end up here

the lyrics seem like shit he thinks in his head but would never admit to you. very tsundere vibes idk man. but also the vibes of the chorus just make me think of minho (bonus: he's also everything i didn't say because, again, tsundere)

changbin -- good girls

i know you probably thought chan would get this because of the whole "she's daddy's favorite" thing but the vibes are changbin. changbin owns this song now. changbin is the bad girl

hyunjin -- mrs all american

look im a firm believer in milf hunter jisung but for some reason this song just fits hyunjin to me i cannot explain it i hear it and my brain goes hyunjin

jisung -- don't stop

not only does the song just give me jisung vibes but the lore behind don't stop. the vibes associated with don't stop just makes sense for jisung. 5sos girlies iykyk (at least he's not don't stop acoustic oh god)

felix -- kiss me kiss me

this song is so cute and felix is so cute. that's it. no other explanation is needed

seungmin -- social casualty

if any of the kids were to go through an angsty teen phase, it's seungmin and i think he's still going through it tbh

jeongin -- 18

we all knew this was coming. i get he's a Man now but he's still the baby. im so sorry jeongin

tag list: @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @shmooooo @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @icarusthorn @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @itbtoblikethatsometimes @lillijayy-blog @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts

[ahandfulofkeys]

I always said, I didn't have to be the first priority.

But lately, I've been wondering how it feels like to be a priority, for once.

[ahandfulofkeys]

John Wick was actually the movie series I've been asking you to watch with me for years now lol.

But whatever, it's already over & done with.

[ahandfulofkeys]

If Treasure Members were the main lead in a school type of Korean Drama

For fun.. This stemmed from a discussion with my cousin about our desire to see a Treasure member in a Korean drama. 

Choi Hyunsuk:

- The shy campus crush. Everyone likes/admires him, VERY WELL AWARE of this, but also wonders why they do. Doesn’t really pay attention to them - likes to keep to himself, his group of friends, or the studio - until that “special” person. Extroverted, but gets unusually shy in front of someone he likes. The type to befriend that person first, before confessing through a song - whether it be in the privacy of his studio or in some type of event.

Park Jihoon:

- The annoying “bully”  (not aware of his popularity, everyone is either in love with him or wants to be him). Teases the person he likes, but never harmful. The type to randomly wink at the person he likes while passing by them & enjoys making them flustered. Only confesses once the person gets fed up/annoyed of his antics.

- Or, the “popular” best friend, rejects confessions “cause he’s not interested in a relationship.” But is not so secretly in love with his best friend.  Will not actively confess until his best friend starts expressing feelings for someone else.

Kanemoto Yoshinori:

- The “popular” guy that is secretly in love with his best friend, Always goes out of his way for his best friend, cause he cares that much. Willingly lets his feelings go, as long as his best friend is happy.

Kim Junkyu:

- The funny, reliable childhood friend who always jokes about being in love with their best friend, but actually secretly is. Once the feelings are reciprocated the type to be like “I’ve always been in love with you, I always say it. It’s your fault for not paying attention.”

Takata Mashiho:

- The campus crush that KNOWS everyone has a crush on him, but tries not to pay attention, until that “special” person. Not afraid to make it known when he’s interested. Will protect that person from others.

Yoon Jaehyuk:

- The “first love” type of person - he’s either someone’s first love, or the type to still be in love with his first love

- Or the shy Sunbae that everyone ADORES, will go the extra mile to assure that special person knows he only has eyes for them.

Hamada Asahi:

- The tsundere (LOL), isn’t really sure how to express his feelings. Comes off as cold in front of his person of interest, but is actually internally panicking - endlessly teased by his friends for this.

Bang Yedam:

- He is “The Sunbae” (When you think of the Sunbaes in Korean Dramas, that’s him). Confident, but not smug, genuinely nice to people. Shy, but not afraid to confess.

Kim Doyoung:

- The campus flirt (LOL), rumors of being a playboy, but in reality he’s never actually accepted the confessions. He’s just very personable. HIs person of interest will probably have a lot of animosity towards him because he’s such a flirt, but is also really reassuring.

Watanabe Haruto:

- The annoying “popular” dude that knows everyone wants him & gets annoyed that specific person doesn’t pay him any attention or “hates” him. Confesses, gets rejected, but shows his vulnerable side that eventually wins them over.

Park Jeongwoo:

- The one secretly in love with their friend. Refuses to confess (at first). Gets upset if that person looks at others, but also the first to comfort them from heart break(s). Will not take advantage of the vulnerability, but will eventually confess.

So Junghwan:

- The shy baby - WAY too shy to confess, but isn’t subtle in his interest. Only chooses to confess when the hyungs manage to convince him.

[gamerwoo]

permanent tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo

@casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts

Hyunjin: Age-Restricted (Part Sixteen)

Characters: Hyunjin x female reader (ft other skz members)

Genre/warnings: nanny!reader, ex-porn star/neighbor!hyunjin, generally inexperienced and painfully shy virgin!reader, angst but not as angsty as it's been lmao, humor, implied reader has a rough relationship w her mom, mentions of porn and sex work (minors dni!!!)

Word count: 3,386

Summary: You think it’s luck when the new family you nanny for is so stupid rich that they rent you a fancy new apartment just so you can live closer to them. You think it’s luck when the guy across the hall is the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen in your entire life and makes an effort to talk to you. But that’s just about where your luck runs out, because Hyunjin is more out of your league than you could ever imagine, and you’re just some hopeless virgin who never had good luck in the first place.

Previous | Next | Series Masterlist

Minho 😻🤢: soooo packing???

Minho 😻🤢: when??????

Seungmin 👹😌: i literally forgot we were even supposed to help with that lmao

Jisung 😐: did they not give you a notice yet??

Jisung 😐: actually what’s the time frame for that like when do you have to be out?

_____: i assumed they would’ve given me one already letting me know i have to be out by the end of the month but they haven’t

_____: i don’t wanna pack and then have like more time to stay here and im just living out of boxes tho ://

Christopher 🦘🧡: could you try asking the front desk?

Christopher 🦘🧡: honestly Felix hasn’t even mentioned you getting evicted

Minho 😻🤢: why would he randomly bring that up to you that’s so depressing

Christopher 🦘🧡: he asks about her. they’re friends

Christopher 🦘🧡: he’d probably want to know if i know where she’s staying

Seungmin 👹😌: can’t wait to kick out jisung!!!!! 🤗

Jisung 😐: i’ll sleep in your bathtub idc

Minho 😻🤢: he’ll live in the walls like the rat he is

Seungmin 👹😌: i’m gonna set traps

Seungmin 👹😌: if anyone hears a snap lmk

_____: let’s not kill jisung i kinda like him

Minho 😻🤢: EW

Minho 😻🤢: 🤮🤮🤮

Jisung 😐: YAAAAAAAAA !!!!!

Seungmin 👹😌: we’re kicking _____ back out actually

_____: no ur not bc im going to ask about my eviction notice and if i have to move back in with my mom i will start crying actually :’)

Seungmin 👹😌: yeah fuck that

Christopher 🦘🧡: we would never do that to you

Minho 😻🤢: absolutely not

Jisung 😐: i’m gathering we hate _____’s mom

Jisung 😐: yeah fuck ur mom we hate that bitch !!!!

You ignored the rest of the buzzing and put your phone in your pocket before venturing out of the apartment and going downstairs to the front desk. For the most part, you hadn’t really left your apartment – partly out of fear of running into Hyunjin, and partly because you didn’t have a reason to now that you didn’t have a job. Your friends had stopped by here and there – usually Jisung – to hang out but other than that, you didn’t really have much human interaction since the conversation in the hallway with your now ex-boss and Hyunjin.

You felt a little awkward as you stood in the elevator, thinking about how you had to ask about your eviction but you needed the information sooner rather than later so you could plan accordingly. You just didn’t want to feel judged. Everyone who worked at The Brooke knew you weren’t paying your own rent, so they would know you had gotten fired. It was embarrassing, but you needed the information.

As soon as the elevator doors opened to the lobby, your eyes widened and your heart jumped in your throat. You genuinely considered mashing the button to close the doors even though you knew that wouldn’t have been fast enough to stop the man waiting for the elevator from entering.

But to your surprise, he didn’t enter. Instead, he smiled softly and said, “Oh! Just who I was looking for.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “Huh?”

Changbin reached out and held onto the side of the doors to keep them from closing again, chuckling, “Are you getting out or are you just going for a ride?”

You felt your cheeks get warm as you slid out of the elevator, trying to stay as far away from his body as possible. But you stayed near him once you left because apparently he was looking for you and not his best friend.

Why the fuck would Hyunjin’s best friend want to talk to you? Didn’t he know what Hyunjin did? Wouldn’t he know you’d want nothing to do with anything Hyunjin related?

“I know this is probably really strange to you,” Changbin began, stuffing his hands back into his pockets like they were while he was waiting for the elevator, “but I was wondering if maybe we could talk? I’ll buy you a coffee or whatever you want.”

-

As always, your inability to say no to people cursed you again. So you found yourself at a boujee café, sitting across from Changbin at a small table as you played with the straw in your iced drink to stare at the way the ice moved instead of making eye contact with Changbin. It was already awkward considering he was one of Hyunjin’s best friends, but on top of that, you’d never been alone with Changbin before. You were feeling all sorts of uncomfortable.

“I know you’re probably really confused. I mean, Hyunjin’s best friend asked to take you out to talk,” he chuckled. “I know you’re probably assuming I want to, like, yell at you or convince you to talk to him or whatever, right? …In all honesty, I really just wanted to hear your side of things.”

You glanced up at him, your movements with your straw stopping, “He didn’t tell you what happened?”

“No, he did. But you and I both know that sometimes he’s dramatic. That’s not to say his feelings aren’t valid, but I have a feeling that maybe there was some sort of…miscommunication for lack of a better word.”

You still weren’t buying it, furrowing your eyebrows. It didn’t matter how genuine and kind Changbin seemed when he spoke to you. 

“You’re his best friend, though. You’ll take his side.”

“Being his best friend doesn’t mean I have to blindly take his side. Like I said, Hyunjin can be dramatic sometimes, and he’s rarely dated since starting in that business. Something he never got to learn is how badly proper communication is needed in relationships when working in that industry because then shit like this happens. Plus, Kitty and I have both met you and I feel like the chances that you were using him for good sex are pretty slim. Again, not trying to invalidate how he feels. He is really upset, but I know you are, too. I just want to get to the bottom of this.”

“And do what?” you asked. “What happens when you have both sides?”

He shrugged, “That’s up to you, I guess. I could either help you fix things, or I could get you closure. Or I could just fuck off and you never have to hear from any of us again. Up to you. But really, what do you have to lose in venting to me?”

“You could tell Hyunjin everything I say.”

He chuckled, “That’s kind of the plan. He needs some perspective. He’s too upset to think straight.”

There were two ways you figured he could go about telling Hyunjin: either talk shit about you and what you said with Hyunjin and Kit later and act like you were full of bullshit, or just tell him the gist of what you’d said from your view and maybe make him feel bad. Or the latter, but it wouldn’t change anything Hyunjin thought because he was heartless and used you.

No matter how you spun it, there wasn’t much to lose. For the former: Hyunjin already hated you. For the middle: you wanted him to feel like shit and know that he hurt you. For the latter: it didn’t matter anyway.

Your toxic trait of hoping Hyunjin would feel like shit knowing how he made you feel won, so you ultimately broke.

You started with him showing up at the house to bring you lunch, which Changbin was already aware of. But that was all he told you, and then he let you keep talking. You said how he suddenly wanted to take things slow out of nowhere, saying all these things that just seemed like he didn’t want the relationship to go anywhere. He liked how things were, but all things were, were just physically intimate. Sure, he acted like a boyfriend but he apparently didn’t want the title. It made it seem like he wanted to try and fuck you but without any of the strings. It made it seem like you were just someone for him to corrupt because he was into that, but when you wanted more than just learning new things in the bedroom, he wanted to put the brakes on. It was suspicious, and even Changbin agreed it came off that way.

Then you mentioned how Jisung had blurted the whole porn star thing. You had no idea until Jisung was face-to-face with Hyunjin and recognized him, and he just said it without realizing you had no idea. You were confused as to who Jin was and didn’t know until, again, Jisung accidentally elaborated. Come to find out all your friends knew and wanted to keep it a secret because not only did they think it was up to Hyunjin to tell you, but they didn’t want to tell you and potentially put a strain on a relationship that you were already so happy about.

“Sounds like your friends need to start telling Jisung things more,” Changbin chuckled, but that was really all he had to say about that.

Then Hyunjin dumped you out of nowhere. You kind of saw it coming considering he said he wanted to take things slow, and that gave you a bad feeling anyway. But he did it without any explanation. Everything was vague and, again, made it seem like he was using you. Saying he wasn’t the right guy for you and didn’t want to string you along anymore.

Changbin just sighed and nodded, looking down at his drink, “Yeah, he kind sucks with words sometimes…”

You told him how you stayed with Chan for a while. You called out of work and went back to your old place to avoid being alone and also any chance of seeing Hyunjin. You definitely weren’t doing great considering this was your first major relationship even if there was no title to it, but you experienced the most serious firsts with Hyunjin, so naturally, you were taking things hard. Changbin seemed to get that. 

There wasn’t much to talk about other than you sulking over him even though you felt like you shouldn’t because he used you – Changbin had yet to confirm or deny that theory, though. He mostly just listened and gave minimal input – none of it having to do with Hyunjin. 

Then you got to Friday night where Hyunjin accused you of knowing he was a porn star the whole time and just using him to lose your virginity in the most perfect way possible.

“I know I said what I said, and I think he heard it,” you explained, “but I was honestly just trying to say something to stop crying about the situation.”

You gave a sad laugh and shook your head, looking around the coffee shop to avoid looking in Changbin’s eyes for too long. It wasn’t like he was studying you or scrutinizing you. He was just watching with soft eyes, letting you know he was listening as he nodded or hummed occasionally. But it was still too much to consistently look at him when you spoke.

“It was mostly just a coping mechanism more than anything. It was all just a joke, but he obviously didn’t hear it in that context. So he knocked on the door and called me out, but I was too drunk and taken off-guard to even remember what was said before he showed up. I wouldn’t have even considered that he would’ve heard the conversation. So because I didn’t have an explanation, it definitely seemed like I meant what I said and just didn’t want to own up to it. So…he…called me…-”

“I know what he called you,” Changbin cut you off, seeing you were uncomfortable repeating the insult. “You don’t have to repeat it.”

“Yeah…” you nodded awkwardly before taking in a deep breath. “Anyway, he said that and left. And then a couple days later, one of my bosses – er, ex-bosses – showed up.”

Changbin seemed surprised that you said ‘ex-boss’ but he didn’t say anything and let you continue talking.

You told him about the conversation with Mrs. Park and how you originally wanted to get an apartment on a different floor, but how she had started talking poorly about sex workers and you didn’t stand for it. 

“So you stood up for him?” he asked.

You shrugged, “I guess. Just because he was shitty to me doesn’t mean I’d use him being an ex-porn star as ammo. I’m low enough to let Minho say he has a small dick if he wants to but I’m not gonna say he’s subhuman or something.”

Changbin also seemed surprised by this, but again, stayed silent. Only nodded slowly and let you continue.

You told him how Hyunjin was listening in again and told you not to quit because of him, but you were saying it wasn’t because of him and it was because of your own morals. You explained how you didn’t want to work directly under someone so close-minded, and you reminded Hyunjin you weren’t dating anyway so it didn’t matter.

“And…yeah,” you breathed. “That’s basically it.”

Changbin nodded silently for a moment longer before he finally broke out into a chuckle, shaking his head, “Jesus Christ, this all makes so much more sense now.”

“What does that mean?” you wondered.

“It means…” he hesitated for a second, choosing his words as he looked down at his drink before meeting your eyes again, “I’m hoping you’ll talk to him. I’m not going to persuade you to or anything, but I’ll say that if you’re interested in attempting to fix things with him, I’d be willing to set something up. And you don’t have to answer right now or even today. Just let me know whenever.”

Part of you still wanted Hyunjin. You wanted him to want you and you wanted to still think he was the perfect person that you had thought before he said he wanted to take things slow out of nowhere. But the other part of you hated him because you knew he wasn’t perfect. You felt used and betrayed, and you were still hurt. Part of you still didn’t want to see him at all.

But since you didn’t have to give him an answer either way yet, you just nodded and said, “Okay.”

-

Changbin walked back with you to The Brooke. Not only because he wanted to be a gentleman and make sure you got home safe, he told you, but also because Felix apparently had brownies waiting for him.

“I promised Kit and Hyun I’d pick ‘em up,” he explained.

So he went back inside with you, going up to the front desk. You still needed your eviction information, after all.

Felix seemed to be working the desk while Jihoon was standing off toward the side at one of the computers, teaching Hanni something. Ten stood off to the left gathering someone’s luggage onto a cart, but the person was nowhere to be seen. They had probably already gone up to their room. So it was you, Changbin, Ten, Felix, Jihoon, and Hanni in the lobby together.

Felix seemed confused watching you and Changbin approach the desk together, “Is everything–?”

“I’m here for the brownies,” Changbin quickly cut him off. “Kitty had another shoot today so she’s really looking forward to them.”

Felix reached under the desk and pulled out a clear tupperware, placing them on the counter and sliding them over to Changbin with a smile, “Hope she’s feeling alright after.”

“These’ll fix her right up,” Changbin promised with a smile of his own.

As Changbin took the brownies, Felix turned to you and asked in a quiet voice, “How’ve you been doing, by the way? You feeling alright?”

“You found out he’s a sex demon, huh?” Ten grinned evilly from the corner before you could even answer Felix.

You just stared at him, “Huh?”

Changbin rolled his eyes and muttered to you, “Just ignore him. We all try to.”

You looked back to Felix and took a deep breath, placing your arms across each other on the counter, “Actually, I wanted to ask if you had my eviction notice?”

Felix’s eyes went wide, “Your what?”

“I kinda quit my job, and they were paying for the apartment and everything, and I can’t really afford to stay here, so… Yeah, that kinda means eviction, and I need to know when I have to be out by so I can pack. I didn’t really want to pack and then live out of boxes for however long, y’know?”

Suddenly, Felix’s demeanor shifted. He licked his lips and shifted his weight, eyes glancing toward Changbin and then down at the counter, “Um, I don’t think I know anything about that… Yeah, nobody told me anything about an eviction, so…yeah.”

Your eyes narrowed, “Why do I feel like you do know about it?”

Obviously hearing the conversation, Jihoon stepped away from Hanni’s side to come over and help, “_____, you’re in 805, correct?”

“Yup,” you nodded.

“Your payment was switched over.”

Your eyes widened and your brows furrowed. Payment switched? How? When? Why?

“To who?” you asked. “Who the hell is affording that? I swear to god, if this was Christopher…”

“They did actually ask to stay anonymous,” Jihoon informed you. “I can’t confirm or deny who it was. I’m sorry. But it does mean that there will be no eviction notice.”

“I know you think that’s good news, but I’m actually more stressed now,” you admitted with a slightly annoyed laugh. “Please, can’t you tell me who it is? I mean, it’s my apartment. I deserve to know who’s paying my rent. It’s actually kind of uncomfortable living somewhere where someone else is paying for it and I don’t even know who it is.”

“Since there hasn’t really been any sort of situation like this before, there’s no policy in place stating we have to give you that information,” he explained as politely as he could. “I know it’s probably confusing for you, but–”

“I found it!”

All eyes went to Hanni from where she stood at the computer, proudly smiling, “The bill goes to Mr. Hwang Hyunjin in room 806!”

Felix slapped his forehead, Jihoon let out a groan as he dropped his head, and Ten started giggling wildly in the back. Clearly, she wasn’t listening while Jihoon was explaining that there was no policy in place that they had to tell you, but you were kind of glad the new girl wasn’t paying attention.

“You weren’t supposed to tell her,” Jihoon sighed, clearly trying to keep some sort of patience with Hanni.

Her face quickly fell, realizing her mistake, “I just wanted to prove I could use the computer…”

You couldn’t even focus on her getting punished for her mistake, though.

“What?” you asked sharply.

Felix looked to Changbin for help, but Changbin was lost.

You glared between the pair, “Did you know about this?”

Changbin held his hands up in surrender, “I’m just finding out about it. I’m just as shocked as you are, honestly.”

Felix, however, looked away as the tips of his ears turned red, “M-maybe I kinda knew… But in my defense, I just work here.”

You took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, trying to calm down. After you let it out through your nose, you looked to Felix and asked, “Can I have a pen and some paper?”

Felix quickly grabbed a pen from the desk and searched for a pad of lined paper. When he found it, he handed both to you, and the two boys watched as you quickly scribbled down something. Then you tore the paper away, folded it up, and handed it to Changbin.

“Can you give this to him,” you asked.

“Will do,” he promised, taking it from you and keeping it in his hand.

Without another word, you stormed away from the front desk and over to the elevators, leaving Changbin and Felix to look at each other. While Felix looked scared, Changbin seemed relatively neutral. Felix was worried that the relationship had no shot at being fixed, while Changbin had already accepted that whatever happened, happened.

Felix eyed the note, “Are you gonna look at it?”

“Nope,” he replied. “I’m just gonna give it to him and see what happens.”

————✧♡✧————-

tag list (italics are unable to tag): @hyuneyeon @ack-aashi @rindomo @fridayamirah @castledy @broken-glowsticks @smollquokka @yeetfellx @fwess @zoe8stay @fleeingreality @might-be-a-rat @sluttysohn @eliserbt2001 @catskpop @diamondsvts @minaamhh @jaspriv @sankyg @straydhampir @hyunsungbased @7miroh @animefreak2112 @junsjuly @drrramaaaqweeen @accalus @bakedlilgoonie @So_Pe07 @drugerlime @shmooooo @hwangshoneycake @notmebutyouu @vampjin0 @stay-berry @kiribirien @beombeomlovesme @lockeansonder @jisungsbff01 @ppiri-bahng @hyunniethepooh @peachessandhoney @kpopssuregi @moondustmemories @artistic-rendition @lolli4me @s-u-n-z-e [be added to the taglist by filling out this form!]

[ahandfulofkeys]

Been so unmotivated lately.. All I want to do is stay in bed.. Dread the morning for work.. Barely sleeping.. But I’ve just been watching kpop videos (as always)..

Been on a #Victon binge for the past 6 months, so why not make a journal spread lol #ahandfulofkeys https://www.instagram.com/p/CQnX9smrSV8/?utm_medium=tumblr

[ahandfulofkeys]

January 5, 2021

Should I just make this into a daily thing for myself? 🤔🤔🤔 Idek what I’m doing half the time lol.. I just wanted an excuse to keep/print out #treasure #treasuremembers MY TREASURE lyric teasers #kpop #kpopjournal https://www.instagram.com/p/CJsWfihrUEH/?igshid=xx7j0vdtc8hw

[ahandfulofkeys]

It's possible for a person to be suicidal without the "signs" or physical scars.

Sometimes a person's pain and scars are very well hidden within.

Within thoughts of "disappearing"

[gamerwoo]

perma tag list pt 1 (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts @stellarstacysstuff @xxluckydreamsxx @chartrucewhore @dwaekkiracha @ssstraykiss @lukeys-giggle @bobrouxsky @strayKidsFamily @vensweety @seoli-16 @smilefordongil @flirtyskzbutterfly @freckleboilix @immortal-imagination @stayconnecteed @slaysister2 @yelyahryan @zonked_times @seochangbins-wife @straykissss @noellllslut

Hyunjin: Age-Restricted (Part Seventeen)

Characters: Hyunjin x female reader (ft other skz members)

Genre/warnings: nanny!reader, ex-porn star/neighbor!hyunjin, generally inexperienced and painfully shy virgin!reader, angst, humor, fluff toward the end (ur welcome), sorta hurt/comfort i think???, mentions of porn and sex work (minors dni!!!)

Word count: 3,937

Summary: You think it’s luck when the new family you nanny for is so stupid rich that they rent you a fancy new apartment just so you can live closer to them. You think it’s luck when the guy across the hall is the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen in your entire life and makes an effort to talk to you. But that’s just about where your luck runs out, because Hyunjin is more out of your league than you could ever imagine, and you’re just some hopeless virgin who never had good luck in the first place.

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Changbin walked into the house with the brownies in one hand. He found Hyunjin leaning against the counter by the stove while his girlfriend cooked dinner for the three of them. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Of course she would decide to cook despite working that day. She’d rather cook and be sore than let Hyunjin anywhere near the stove.

“You could’ve ordered something,” Changbin spoke up, letting his presence be known to the pair. Hyunjin looked up from his phone but Kit didn’t even turn to look at him. “Or you could’ve asked me to grab something.”

“It’s fine,” she hummed, not sounding bothered in the slightest.

“It’s not fine, she complained as soon as she got home that everything hurts,” Hyunjin stated, throwing her under the bus.

She turned her head to glare up at him, “You try being folded into a pretzel all day.”

Hyunjin just gave her a blank look before she just sighed and mumbled, “Yeah, I know.”

“So you weren’t the one doing the folding today?” Changbin chuckled. “Sorry to hear that.”

“Being the pretzel is far worse,” she huffed. 

“Then why are you standing and cooking? Go lay down.”

“Oh, and let Hyunjin cook?” she finally turned around to face her boyfriend. “Why don’t we just give him some gasoline and matches while we’re at it.”

“Order something, Kittery,” Changbin chuckled.

“I don’t wanna,” she whined. “I want home cooked.”

“Lucky for you, these are,” he smiled, holding out the container of brownies.

The pair’s eyes went wide, having forgotten about Changbin’s promise to bring home brownies that day. Kit eagerly took them from him and immediately popped open the lid. As Hyunjin got as close to her side as possible to grab one, Changbin walked over to him and nudged him before he could get one, taking the yellow paper from his pocket.

“This is for you,” he said, giving him the folded square.

Hyunjin’s eyes furrowed, but he turned to take the note and unfolded it. Almost immediately, his face fell.

Kit had turned around and was on her tiptoes by Hyunjin’s shoulder, trying to read, “What is it?”

Changbin shrugged, “It’s from _____.”

Kit looked at her boyfriend with wide eyes, but Hyunjin’s were still scanning down the page as he read.

‘We both know how we feel about each other, and I’m not your charity case. I’m not yours to worry about. You’ve reminded me plenty of times. Stop paying for my apartment. I’m moving out either way. 

Fuck you.

_____’

Kit gasped loudly before exclaiming, “YOU’RE PAYING FOR HER APARTMENT?!”

Hyunjin held his ear closest to Kit, flinching away from her. But he didn’t even bother replying to her or scolding her because his brain was elsewhere. Instead, he glared at Changbin.

“How the hell did she find out?!” he demanded.

Changbin shrugged again, “I don’t know, she just ran into me when I went to get the brownies. She was at the front desk and gave me the note. I’m just the messenger, okay? I didn’t even know you were paying her rent.”

“Why are you paying for her entire fucking rent?!” Kit continued. “Hello?”

Hyunjin looked obviously stressed as he ran his fingers through his hair, finally looking at Kit, “I don’t know, okay?! It felt like the right thing to do!”

“You don’t even like her, that doesn’t make sense, Hyunjin!” she pointed out.

“Just because I’m mad at her doesn’t mean I want her to be homeless!”

“So you still care about her?” she pressed.

“I don’t know!” he whined. “I guess!”

Her eyes widened as everything clicked, and she got a wide smile on her face, pointing accusingly at him. “You love her! Hwang Hyunjin, you’re in love! You can’t tell me you’re not, I know you are! You wouldn’t pay thousands of dollars a month for just anyone!”

He let out an annoyed sigh and threw out his hands, “Okay, so what if I am?! Who cares?! Not her! Because she fucking hates me!” he let out a sigh, trying to calm himself down, but he looked and sounded defeated when he spoke again. “It’s too late now. I mean, I ended things, and then she said she only wanted me so she could lose her virginity.”

“If you know she doesn’t actually care about you, why would you pay for her stuff?” Changbin wondered.

Hyunjin just shrugged, “I don’t know. Because…I do love her even if I don’t want to… Even if she hurt me…”

Changbin let out a small sigh and looked up at his friend seriously, “Hyun, is there any way that maybe this is all just some big miscommunication?”

“I heard what I heard,” he stated surely. But he rolled his eyes like he just wanted to forget about the whole thing before he grabbed his keys off the counter and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Kit asked him, following behind him.

He turned and waved the note, “I have to take care of this.”

“What’re you gonna do?” Changbin questioned. “Tell her it’s not you?”

“Yup.”

And then the door slammed behind him, leaving the couple stunned in their house.

Kit suddenly whipped around to Changbin and gave him an accusing look, “You lied to him. You absolutely knew what that note was.”

Changbin just smirked, “Yup.”

“But now he’s gonna go lie and make it worse,” she pointed out.

“I have a feeling the truth will come out this time. He’s worked up and so is she. It has to come out.”

“Doesn’t that just mean they’ll blow up at each other?”

Changbin sighed, “Lovebug, I’ve known Hyunjin for years. I know how he works better than he does.”

“But you don’t know _____ that well. What if things get worse?”

“I had a chat with her about her side of things. If they want things fixed, I’m willing to help. But they need a chance to do it themselves.”

Kit’s eyes brightened as she looked at her boyfriend, “Tell. Me. Everything.”

-

“He what?!”

Suddenly, there were double the people on the screen, all trying to cram in to look at you. Chan and Jisung were overpowered by Minho and Seungmin, but all four of them looked absolutely flabbergasted at what you’d told them.

“Your rent is being paid with that porn star money!” Minho gasped.

“How did he even switch the payment over?” Chan wondered.

“I kinda forgot to ask at first, so I had to go back downstairs and ask Jihoon,” you admitted, running your free hand that wasn’t holding your phone through your hair. “He said the parents came back and paid to end the lease early, which meant the apartment went back up for grabs basically immediately. So that means Hyunjin had to buy the apartment after that. So he already paid for the first three months of rent because that’s the policy for renting here.”

“Holy shit,” Minho breathed. “Are we sure we don’t want to try again with him?”

“No, we hate him,” Jisung stated, giving him a disgusted look.

“But I sent Changbin with a note to give him basically telling him to fuck off and stop paying for it, and if he doesn’t listen, I guess I’ll have to figure that out,” you continued. “I guess I could just…move out anyway. It’s not my problem if he’s wasting money on an empty apartment.”

“No, keep the free boujee apartment!” Minho insisted. “Ooh! Or let me secretly move in! You can just take my room.”

“Why would he even do that, though?” Seungmin questioned. “Is this really the same dude who was using you? Why would he drop that much money to keep you from getting kicked out?”

“You think I know?” you huffed. “I’m just some silly little jobless i–”

“And bitchless,” Minho chimed in.

“Jobless and bitchless–”

There was a knock at the door and you immediately looked straight at the door. Part of you wondered if it was Jihoon with your eviction notice. You wondered if he just did the work for you and removed Hyunjin from the billing information because he knew you were pissed off about it.

“What?” Jisung asked.

“Shh!” Seungmin hissed.

“It might be Jihoon,” you told them, but you kept your voice down just in case it was someone else. “I’ll call you guys later.”

“But we’ll be quiet,” Minho whined.

“Just let her go,” Chan sighed. “Jesus.”

Then he ended the call before any of them could protest.

You got up from the couch, leaving your phone there as you went to the door, going carefully and quietly. You looked through the peephole and your heart jumped into your throat.

Hyunjin.

He stood in the hallway, still looking perfect as always. His hair that you had once bleached blonde for him and the roots had grown out, was now completely dark brown, almost black. It was in the typical half-up, half-down, and he was wearing a white Adidas tank top that was tucked into black Adidas joggers.

You hated that you still found him to be the most ethereal looking person you’d ever seen, even in such a basic outfit that he had probably just been lounging around in.

Either way, you decided to carefully step away from the door, turning back around to go hide away in your room for a while.

“_____, I know you’re in there,” you heard him call like he knew you had just turned around.

You stood there for a moment, frozen and silent, considering ignoring him again.

“Hanni already told me you’re up here,” he stated when you didn’t reply.

She’s really on a roll today, you thought to yourself.

Finally, you let out a sigh and turned back to the door, “So?”

“So open the door,” he demanded, not raising his voice but definitely sounding angry and frustrated.

Well, you didn’t really have many other options. If you continued to ignore him, he’d probably just keep yelling through the door. Hell, he’d probably go downstairs and get a spare key since he was the one paying for the apartment. He was the owner of it now so what kept him from being locked out?

Reluctantly, you pulled open the door.

Immediately, Hyunjin stepped forward, so you stepped back, and he held up the note you’d given to Changbin, “What the fuck is this?!”

The only other time you’d seen him mad was when he’d shown up at Chan’s apartment, and it kind of scared you because you hadn’t seen him mad before. This time was no different, but you refused to back down. Your anger you felt toward him wouldn’t let you cower and stand there without speaking.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice quieter than his but it was unwavering. “Didn’t you read it?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m asking,” he stated in an exasperated tone.

You shrugged, though the building anxiety from the confrontation was making your hands start to shake already, “It’s pretty self-explanatory then.”

“Why would you think I’m paying for your apartment?” he demanded, his voice getting louder.

“Drop the act, Hanni already slipped up and told me.”

Like a switch was flipped, Hyunjin’s hand dropped to his side and he let out a deep sigh, rolling his eyes before he started grumbling about how he made all the front desk workers promise to keep it a secret, and then something about money.

You quirked a brow, “Didn’t Changbin tell you? He was there.”

He groaned and dropped his head back as everything started clicking.

“Of course he didn’t tell me!” he said with an annoyed smile. “Why would Changbin tell me when he obviously wanted me to come talk to you. That would be stupid of him.”

You chose to ignore his annoyance because honestly, that wasn’t your problem.

“So why are you paying for my shit, exactly?” you asked, changing the subject back to the original issue. “Where did you find the audacity to think it was fine for you to do that? Actually, what made you think I would want you to do that? What made you think I wanted anything to do with you, actually?”

“I’m the reason you got fired, so I’m responsible,” he told you like it was obvious. “Hence, I should make sure you don’t end up homeless.”

You let out a sigh of your own eyes rolling out of how tired you were of having to tell him this.

“You don’t have to be responsible for me!” you burst. “You said it yourself: we’re not dating. I’m not yours to worry about. I already told you I quit because of my morals, not because of anything to do with you!”

You could feel hot tears wanting to burn your eyes. You felt so many emotions while you argued with Hyunjin about the same shit again, and saying the things he said to you just made them sting all over again. And all you could think about was the one thing he said to you that you couldn’t get out of your head.

“I’m just some stupid loser virgin or whatever, right?” you mumbled, looking away from him and crossing your arms over your chest, trying so hard not to cry in front of him. That was the absolute last thing you wanted.

Hyunjin’s stance relaxed slightly when he saw your eyes get glossy. He let out a sigh and his anger seemed to fade, at least mostly.

“I didn’t mean it when I said that,” he admitted, his voice softer now. “Honestly, once I cooled off a little, I really regretted even saying it. I know how much it bothers you, and in the moment, I just wanted to hurt you like you hurt me.”

“That’s not fair,” you grumbled, still not meeting his eyes. You sniffled to try to keep the tears back. “I never said a-anything mean about you.”

Your voice broke, and the tears started coming. But you quickly started wiping them away, refusing to break down just yet. Not while Hyunjin was still standing only a few feet away from you and basically in the doorway to your apartment. 

“You and I both know I heard what you said when you were at your old apartment,” he reminded you.

“Okay, but you didn’t hear all of it!” you burst, your lower lip quivering. You wiped stray tears away and took a deep breath before continuing. You were honestly trying to not have an entire panicked breakdown having to confront Hyunjin like this. “We were trying to just make light of the situation because I was so tired of just crying all week, and I thought joking about it would just make it less…sad? Embarrassing? Whatever. I just wanted to joke about it because it felt so shitty and embarrassing, but I never once used you for anything. I mean, you’ve literally seen me panic over a fucking kiss, and you think I could even try to use you? The amount of times you had to calm me down to do anything– How would that even make sense? I didn’t even know about the porn thing until the day you fucking ended everything!”

While you talked, you could see the gears turning in Hyunjin’s head. You could see the way your words were starting to add up with the things he’d heard, and everything was starting to make sense.

You took another deep breath to calm yourself because you were getting too worked up again. Then you continued, “The guys joked about how I fumbled you, and I went along with the bit. I was using humor to cope because you used me and I felt embarrassed because I fell for it, and I felt gross because I was just some corruption kink to you. I was just some stupid fucking loser who still had her virginity, and that’s all I was. I liked you a lot, and you never felt anything. It’s fucking embarrassing, Hyunjin. But…yeah. That’s it.”

You weren’t looking at him, so you didn’t see the way his heart absolutely shattered hearing you talk. Not only about how you thought he hurt you, but the way you talked about yourself. It hurt him to hear that, and it showed on his face.

“_____, I was never using you,” he told you softly, taking a step forward and reaching his hand out like he wanted to cup your face. But he thought against it, dropping his arm and letting the note you’d written him fall to the floor. “_____, I ended things because I found out you worked with kids and I knew what would happen. Someone like me shouldn’t be involved with someone in that field because of the possible repercussions. I just wanted to protect you. And then the mom found out and threatened to tell you, and I thought you didn’t know at the time so I– I panicked. I was scared you’d think I was disgusting or that you were disgusting for doing anything with me and I–” he sighed, shaking his head helplessly. “I just wanted to protect you the whole time. I wanted you to keep your job because I knew how much you loved it.”

“Yeah, well, we ended up here anyway,” you stated, lamely throwing your arms out to the side and letting them fall back down to your thighs.

Hyunjin let out a chuckle. You looked at him, surprised that he was capable of laughing right now, but he was actually laughing quietly as he nodded.

“Yeah, I guess it was kind of all for nothing,” he shrugged.

Then it fell silent. Neither of you made any move, just standing a few feet away from each other. Everything was out on the table now.

It made you feel better knowing Hyunjin never used you, but you were still mad at him. You couldn’t place why, you just were. It was like when you had a dream and got mad at someone in your dream, but then you woke up and still felt mad at them. It was a residual mad.

But you also felt sad. You were sad that Hyunjin worried about telling you about his past in fear that you’d feel gross being with him. You didn’t like that that was something he even had to worry about. You wished you’d made him feel more comfortable so maybe he would’ve told you.

Then all of this would’ve been avoided.

“_____,” he took another step toward you, completely in your apartment now. Cautiously, he raised his hand to see if you would swat it away or move away from him, but when you didn’t, he put a bent finger under your chin and made you look at him. “I fucked up. None of this would’ve happened if I was just honest from the beginning, or at least came clean when it started to catch up and just let you decide what to do. And I’m so sorry for everything.”

“I wouldn’t have hated you…” you mumbled, casting your eyes down again.

“I panicked. I should’ve done the smart thing but I chose the coward’s way out instead, and it only made you hate yourself, and probably hate me even more than the former would’ve. Honestly, I wanted to ask you out the day I brought you lunch, but then I saw the kid and found out you were a nanny and I just spiraled.”

You knew the part you fixated on – the part that made your eyes go wide and meet his brown ones again – wasn’t the main point to what Hyunjin said. But that was the part you held onto anyway.

“You were gonna ask me out?” you asked.

He chuckled seeing the way you looked at him, moving his hand to cup your cheek and rub the skin with the pad of his thumb, “Well, duh. I mean, I– …Okay, if we’re gonna do this whole honesty thing, I’m just gonna– Okay. I was gonna ask you out because I realized I loved you. I mean, I do love you. I love you. That’s what I’m trying to say. I love you currently. Still. Hence the apartment thing.”

“But you thought I was using you.”

“I know, and I was mad at you,” he nodded, “but it didn’t make me stop loving you right away. That would’ve definitely taken some time. A lot more than the time we’ve been apart. Think of it like a couple who lives together, and they get into a big fight but they both still pay rent because they love each other. They’re mad but love trumps mad, right?”

You went quiet, trying to consider everything. There was a lot of information to take in and a lot was happening all at once – on top of Hyunjin dropping the “L” word a lot. You went from believing Hyunjin used you and was actually a disgusting man that you unfortunately still had feelings for, to realizing he was just trying to protect you and was afraid of letting you know who he really was in case you didn’t accept him for it, and you should still have feelings for him because he was just a sweetheart who couldn’t communicate due to fear.

But you still felt the residual anger.

“I don’t know what to do…” you told him just above a whisper, eyes casting downward again even though Hyunjin still held your face.

“What do you mean?” he murmured, tilting his head to one side and trying to move his head to get you to look at him. He moved his other hand to cup your other cheek to help with trying to get your gaze to meet his.

“I’m still mad at you…” you admitted in a mumble, finally meeting his eyes.

To your surprise, he smiled softly and shrugged, “That’s okay.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, confused by his reply, “Then what do we do?”

“You can still be my girlfriend and be mad at me. I was mad at you but still in love, so,” he shrugged again.

Finally, a small smile broke onto your face, and it only made Hyunjin’s smile widen. He hadn’t seen your smile in so long. He missed it.

“That sounds good,” you decided.

Hyunjin’s face went closer to yours, but you pulled back, away from his hands that cupped your face, and his lips looking to meet yours.

He looked absolutely appalled and moved back to study you.

“I said I’m still mad. No kisses until I’m not mad.”

“Good thing I’m good with loopholes,” he smirked before he cupped your face once again and attacked your face with kisses and dramatic ‘mwah!’ sounds.

Another thing Hyunjin missed, maybe more than your smile, was the sound of your loud laughter – especially when thrown in the middle, you’d giggle, “Hyunjin!”

He definitely missed hearing you say his name.

“Hang on,” he suddenly pulled back.

Your eyes widened slightly as you looked back at him, “What?”

“I told you I love you,” he stated. “Where do you…stand? So I know where we’re both at. We need to get good at this communication thing.”

“...Honestly, it sounds really dumb and cheesy but, I’ve, uh–”

“You’ve never been in love before?” he guessed with a small smirk.

You shrugged, “Yeah. So I could’ve been feeling love or infatuation. I’m not too sure what love feels like, y’know?”

He smiled at you softly, “That’s okay. I’ll wait for you to figure it out.”

————✧♡✧————-

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