#again. i apologize of this is scatter brained. and want to emphasize i am NOT saying to get a physics degree chsjdjcjck

[deerest-me]

i offer the following information, under a readmore bc i just know im gonna ramble (and boy i sure did):

i am a (physics) PhD student for whom approximately 2/3rds of what you described holds. i.e., interdisciplinary work / education, acceptance of unorthodox students, but no vibrant culture (it is. pretty miserable. i work entirely remotely for now bc i became disabled during the pandemic, but at my school itself there is little to no community everyone says, and i can tell tbh. the lab i collaborate with is a different story! more on that later).

so, i started out as a pure math major at another institution (with a great, education focused faculty, and veryyyy warm and close department life. i miss it a lot). got a BS and MS, saw lots and lots of cool math (similar to you, took grad courses during undergrad, so i exhausted the whole course catalogue).

BUT! when it came time to decide what to do for my math PhD, i drew a blank. i liked everything! how was i supposed to choose? and mulling in the back of my mind is that i really liked physics and wanted to use my math ``superpowers'' for that. i had it in my mind that i wanted my research to be very mathy still, though!

so, i applied for a PhD program in physics, and ended up where i am now. i cant go into excessive detail about what it is i do, my research is specific enough that it would basically doxx me. the point is, though, ill talk about what i did to attain similar goals / requirements to what you described, and what i WISH i had done, potentially, to hit that mark even better.

so, what i do right now is basically mathematical modeling of an interesting optimization problem in the wonderful world of accelerator physics. it is, super applied, in that my work is about ONE SINGLE APPLICATION (well, a discrete family of single applications), but but but! the great part is it draws from so many research areas. fundamental physics knowledge is required because there is a beam of high energy particles involved, so all three standard model fundamental interactions are important, computational fluid dynamics bc fluids are there (aside: fluids are SUPER SUPER mathy. if you like analysis, probabilistic / stochastic descriptions, you could even just work in fluids directly), material science (things become irradiated), ANDDDD math because Bayesian optimization is being used, and i have made my own probabilistic models to describe parts of the problem. again... cant get too specific here.

not saying this to show off, bc you might notice that although i apply pure math knowledge (e.g. convergence theorems for Bayes Opt, knowledge of PDEs for doing CFD, etc) there is no room to do actual proof writing, and man do i miss that. this brings me to my first two pieces of advice:

1) getting a graduate math education and then going into physics/engineering for applications is a method that works to cover a lot of interests. you will be treated like an eldritch wizard by your colleagues. unfortunately you ``have'' to give up proof writing with this method.

2) it's harder to avoid specialization if you come in through the math side. you will get proof writing and get to see actual fancy stuff (group theory applications in graduate physics courses were. disappointing, quite frankly. let alone getting hopf algebras involved like i always dreamed) the tradeoff is not having as broad of a scope as if you are working on an application. interdisciplinary math is real and possible, but not as expansive as interdisciplinary physics/engineering. less related, but funding is also worse. while i am ``unemployed'' at the moment until my contract gets renewed (any day now) i get paid a lot better in physics than in math. just putting that out there.

the reason i have this setup, though, is that i collaborate with a national lab. and that arrangement... is really good. better funding, and, if school department life sucks, there is usually more life / activities at the laboratory!! certainly the case with my lab, and you work with lots of different people even in one group. also, better work culture than one advisor and one grad student locked in a concrete box in a university basement together.

the tricky part, is labs usually (usually) look for physics or engineering students first. there are still lots of things for math people to do, though! examples of labs / govt agencies that use math especially: NIST in colorado and maryland, NOAA (weather modelling rules. dynamical systems and chaos theory and multiscale modeling EVERYWHERE), Argonne National Lab (they have a whole mathematics and computing division i know), and probably even more that i cant remember. every single DoE lab has use for math people, but some are more fruitful, if that makes sense. in private i can tell you about my lab in particular, if you have questions.

also, i find with my current work that mathematical modeling is the skill i use the most. actual physics stuff usually is second, interestingly enough. this leads me to my next piece of advice:

3) regardless of being a math or physics major, consider looking for a professor with ties to a major laboratory. government preferably. the pay and work culture are better, and the potential of making friends is MUCH higher. it also makes you feel kinda cool. also, if you are a person who likes to learn a lot, they make for great employers. basically, once you get hired / in with a national lab, they will want to keep you on as a postdoc or permanent employee if you let them. so, you have the opportunity to work on lots of projects and move around in your research interests. SO, LONG STORY SHORT: profs which collaborate with labs are found in math and physics faculty, and doing your PhD at a lab has a lot of benefits.

so far i have probably come across as biased toward what i did, so ill just say what i regret about my choices:

i wish i had tried to find a similar setup with a lab, but coming from the math side. it would be slightly more satisfying i think, but is harder to pull off.

physics is more interesting when taught from a mathematical perspective, but that is almost NEVER going to happen in a physics classroom. you will have to supply that perspective yourself almost certainly, unless you are lucky and take a class in a math department on physics. they exist but are super rare.

so, these are negatives to leaving math to accomplish the goal of being interdisciplinary.

otherwise, though? i have been able to hit most of the three targets that both you and i were looking for. community is lacking at my current school (so watch out for soul-crushing technical institutes) but that can be resolved by working at a lab, where there is a healthier work culture usually. the specifics of what you want to research and work on are probably different for you and me, and so i hope this wasnt too ramble-y and biased. i want to emphasize that doing math at labs is not just for physics-y applications, there are lots of opportunities at the aforementioned places.

ive layered some mention of accommodation in the above, but to talk directly for a moment: schools are better about this now. and a lab work structure will usually make it better (im part of a disability advocacy group at my lab, and having bosses and coworkers and such usually makes it less focused on YOU, SPECIFICALLY, needing to get everything done RIGHT NOW). your idea of finding a professor first is a great one: if they are comfortable with discussing it that usually already weeds out the people who wont be good about it.

disability is always tricky, and i was super worried about how it would affect my work, but people have treated me well so far. so, if you vet people for that like youre saying, you will likely have a good situation.

anyways. i hope this could be of some help. i dont know if it is lol. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR ENDEAVORS---I AM SURE YOU WILL FIND SOMETHING GOOD!!

and finally, four miscellaneous incredibly specific pieces of advice:

w) mathematical physics is an interesting area. it is more math than physics. fascinating problems. cleaning up sloppy arguments and math by physicists to get something actual coherent and sensible is the main idea. PROBLEM: i couldnt find many places that do it. for one university i applied to (fairly big name) their math dept had ONE mathematical physicist, and he turned out to be a crank. like, serious crankery.

x) check out the engineering applied mathematics program at Northwestern in Illinois. it's a Math graduate program (Math with a capital M) but they are super interdisciplinary. i have no idea about the work culture, but i THIIINK the department is on the close knit side too. really thought about going there, and might have been better in some respects.

y) seriously consider fluids. again, not sure if you prefer analysis, but it is a really cool subfield of math. BEAUTIFUL pictures are part of the job. dont mean to oversell it but everyone kind of forgets about it because turbulence is a famously unsolved problem. Kolmogorov made major progress on it

z) if beam physics excites you, there is a super mathy area, known as Lie exponential transfer maps. this is really theoretical work that gets applied to make accelerator simulation codes, so it marries lie algebras, particle accelerators, and computer programming. people at university of maryland have a research group for it, and they have a tight department community last i heard.

and finally, general graduate life advice:

dont discount small name universities. they treat you better.

So, I think I'm finally going to apply to grad school for math!

But there are a few issues!

One issue is that I've got pretty severe ADHD. I think that means I ought to look for a professor first, and a school second. I think I need to find a particularly accommodating professor who's willing to take on unorthodox Ph.D. students.

Then there's the issue of: well, what do you want to do research in? And honestly, I kind of want to spend some time learning a lot of things in multiple areas of math. I already have a lot of exposure from taking mostly grad courses in undergrad, but I want to understand things more deeply. I don't want to be tied down to a specific area; generally, I'm interested in: understanding complex systems; connections between different fields of math; the foundations of "abstract nonsense"; fundamental theoretical physics; the places where group & representation & number theory come together; computer realizations of mathematical practice (UX for actually doing math research, knowledge organization, and formalization); and some more "philosophically-oriented" things which tend not to be part of any named fields. I've also got interdisciplinary inclinations and have some budding interest in nanotechnology; and I'd like to be in a place that mixes everything together, and exposes me to even more things to be interested in.

So really, I'm looking for either a professor or two who are also interested in all sorts of things, or a department that allows you the freedom to do all of this stuff at once! A lot of Ph.D. programs seem to signal that they prize specialization, but that's just not an option for me. Sure, I'll do a thesis about a particular thing, but ideally it'll involve a lot of things!

And that's another crucial desideratum: I want a vibrant culture. Far too often I hear about grad experiences in which the grad students are working away in isolation without much community or energy. I want to be around people who are excited about all of the things I'm excited about!

So, three things: accommodations for unorthodox working style; encouragement of interdisciplinary/wide-ranging interests; and a vibrant, exciting culture.

This is really a diary/processing post, but feel free to consider it a request-for-info post—if you happen to have any helpful ideas or connections, pls don't hesitate to share! :D

(I could also use some advice on how to find what I'm looking for, including pointers to groups of like-minded people or places to ask questions. Right now my strategy is "read the faculty bios on university websites, see if anything jumps out, and cold-email the professors", which, you know. We'll see how that goes.)

[nad-zeta]

A Chance Encounter

Pairings: Vlad x Reader

Words: 1700+

Comments: Eeeeeek and so it continues hehehe! 🥺😳😳🌸//dances around! Cutie Appreciation weekend activates! hehe, hope ya enjoy love! Hehe thanks cutie for always indulging me with all my random spam and never failing to make me smile!😆❤❤❤🥺🥺 hehe sending alllll the sparkles! Hope you are taking care of yourself and taking it easy today! ✨🎉🎁🎂

.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’ .*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’･ﾟ｡.*:・’ﾟ: ｡.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’ .*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ

Amid the springtime season, your life was destined to change forever. To leave in a month but to stay an eternity. Something that you had never anticipated to happen when you had first arrived. Why you chose to remain persists to be a mystery. The door larch released after a month, yet standing before the grand oak door on the day of your supposed departure just felt off, felt wrong, felt almost as if you were going back to a word you did not truly belong in.

You never understood your own impulsive decision. Despite having befriended all the mansion’s residents and making a new home there, you felt lost, almost like a sense of searching, a longing type feeling, like you were still looking for a home—a place you belonged— a place where your heart would feel at peace.

With wistful eyes, you scanned the pages upon pages of poetry, looking for an answer, looking for comfort, but finding none. That is, until you first spotted him, striding past the bookstore window. Gaze catching sight of wisps of white hair dancing in the springtime breeze. Your heart latched forward, eyes following the figures until he was out of sight, yet the memory of him remained with you long after he had disappeared from view.

Eyes focusing back on the book of poems before you, you almost had to laugh at the poem emanating from the pages, it certainly had your hopeless romantic mind running away from you— giving hope for an answer soon to be solved. Regardless you smiled at the little poem leaving a flower bookmark in place to remember.

‘Well, from the moment I first saw you,

there was a spark of peace and mutual energy

that will forever rest inside my brain and in my thoughts.

It was so strong that I constantly think about it

and wonder if that is something

that could be permanent for me rather than a brief moment of interaction,

a brief exchange of hope and energy.

I couldn’t help myself but to be close to you,

someway- somehow.

I believe there are only a handful of people

that come across your path

that can make you feel more than simply human.

You, yes you, you make me feel alive, hopeful, and assured

that there is more out there.'

Weeks had gone by, and still, you had not come across the white-haired stranger again, the memory of him steadily fading from your mind as daily tasks occupied your time. The newest of the errands being to pick up a dozen fresh sunflowers to celebrate the resident angel’s birthday.

With a ring of the bell above the carved mahogany door you entered into the local flower shop—a quaint little shop in the middle of the busy Parisian streets. The storefront perfectly decorated with scatters of seasonal summer flowers, enticing any person passing by to visit the floral boutique. And the inside of the store was every bit as welcoming, with flowers littered on every corner of the store, drawing your eyes about.

“Welcome, can I help you with anything,” the quiet voice came blooming from the front of the shop, drawing your attention away from the delicate blue flowers and deeper into the workshop.

A tiny gasp left your lips when you finally realized that the source of the gentle voice was from the very man who had been plaguing your mind for weeks now.

You took a few clumsy steps towards the front counter, heart hammering in your chest. You felt silly for having a crush on a man you had never even uttered as much as two words to, yet here you were— Legs heavy as led, pulse racing, and sweat dripping down your back.

Your mind swam with a million thoughts, yet your mouth refused to speak. The delicate man raised a brow at you, head tilting curiously to the side as you slowly made your way closer. You trained your gaze down, fingertips nervously playing with the seams of your sleeves as you finally mustered up the courage to stutter out your request, “I-I uh, am here to pick up an o-order.”

Your eyes finally drifted up to catch sight of the slither of a smile ghosting across his lips, and you swore your heart melted then and there. Vlad’s eyes twinkled in amusement as he watched your face flush, ‘cute,’ he thought as he leaned down to grab hold of the order book.

“Ah, let me just find it for you.” He carefully placed the book down on the table before his gaze returned to yours, “your name?” he asked politely.

“Van Gogh,” you practically yelled out, eyes widening— appalled at yourself for the sudden outburst. You gripped your sleeves, knuckles white, wishing the ground would spare you the embarrassment and just swallow you whole.

“I-i mean, the order is under van Gogh, my name isn’t van Gogh” you awkwardly corrected, wanting nothing more than to bang your head against the table in mortification— but then it reached your ears—the sound of his soft melodious laughter slicing through the tension.

His laughter was light and airy, like the gentle summer breeze ringing like the garden chimes. It sparked the memory of a poem you had come across, bringing a whole new meaning into your life.

“Calm the winds as angels sing.

Lovers’ tune and flowers bring

little buds caressed by dew

sending pretty thoughts of you.”

“Sunflowers,” he stated between huffs of delicate laughter, closing the book and making his way to the backroom to retrieve your order.

The moment he was out of sight, your hands shot up to cover your warming cheeks; you felt like a schoolgirl being confronted by her crush. Keep it together, you hissed to yourself, eyes squeezing tightly together as you tried your best to focus your mind on the business at hand.

The sound of his tender voice broke the silence once more as he returned carrying a dozen bright yellow sunflowers in his arms, “adoration, loyalty and longevity.”

“What?” you questioned, eyes bright with curiously as fingers fidgeted with the strands of hair framing your face— in an attempt to calm your restless heart.

“The meaning of the flowers, adoration, loyalty and longevity,” he repeated happily, placing the flowers down on the counter. There was a beat of silence before you came back to your senses, realizing that you needed to pay the man. The soft smile never once left Vlad’s face as he watched you nervously scrabble around for the coins to pay for the order.

Finally, you found the pouch of money Sabastian had given you to pay for the flowers, and thrust it out towards the man, eyes meeting his crimson reds. They were beyond stunning, shining in childlike mischief yet holding an archaic air.

Warm hands gently wrapped their way around your delicate little ones, “It’s on the house,” he spoke, this time a spring-like smile dancing across his features.

Your breath caught in your throat as you struggled for words, “b-but I insist, I can’t just take these for nothing.” Again you pushed your hands forward, leaning closer to emphasize your intent.

“Then,” he paused, contemplating his following words carefully. It had been long since Vlad had opened his heart to another. Yes, he loved the human race, but he had never truly allowed himself to fall in love. However, there was something about you, in the way you talked, the way your every thought fluttered across your gorgeous features that captivated him, that drew him in, like a moth to a flame. “Then how’s about you spend the afternoon with me strolling the botanical garden, and we will call it even?"

The rest of the interaction was like a happy blur. You didn’t even remember how you had gotten home or even what you had done in the time that had passed; all you knew was that you were now excitedly strolling down the cobbles stone path amid the vibrant flowers in the large botanical gardens.

It had been weeks since your first interaction with the man and every day since, you had visited his flower shop, idly chatting away about anything and everything that popped into your mind. After the first date together, you knew you had fallen, hard.

“What are you thinking about?” his gentle smile played across his features, ruby eyes gazing down lovingly at you. You returned his smile with one of your own, giving his hand an affectionate squeeze as you made your way through the gardens to your favourite spot.

“It’s a secret”, came the words, eye twinkling with mischief.

“Oh? You won’t tell me?” The corners of his lips lifted to form an impish smile.

“Nope!”

“Well, then I have no other choice!” His eyes shone with affection as he gently lifted your hand and started to twirl you around.

Your laughter filled the serene area causing a few raised brows from all who passed by. Not that you had a care in the world, especially being beside the love of your life.

Just then, he stopped, pulling you closer to fall against his chest, only, he had lost his footing and went tumbling backwards with you to fall straight on top of him with an ‘oooof’.

With widened eyes, you gazed down at him, an apology on your tongue, stopped only by the boyish chuckle that escaped him.

His hand came up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, and fingers tenderly brushed over your cheeks. Time stood still between the two of you, each gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes before you broke the silence, “a secret for a secret,” you blurted out.

Immediately following it up with a confession of your own to prompt the man to spill the beans. “I love you with all my heart,” the secret left your lips as you beamed down at the man, dusting of pink blooming across your face.

“And I, you,” Vlad returned in a soft hum.

He reached over and plucked a delicate blue flower from the nearby bush. He twirled it between his fingertips for a few moments before securing it between the strands of your soft hair.

“Forget me not,” he said, his face softened with pure love for you.

Your silly grin continued to widen, and with a brush of your nose against his, the response left your lips, “not even for a moment.”

Your eyes soon fluttered closed as the affected words were whispered against his lips before they were sealed in a feather-light promising kiss.

.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’ .*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’･ﾟ｡.*:・’ﾟ: ｡.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’ .*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ

poems: There you are, Painting Love With Words

[carol-thirteen]

Influenced - Part 2

a/n: wow i actually managed to write part 2 tonight, i am so proud of myself. i started writing this fic as 13 x reader but i kinda added in some yaz x reader as well. oops, anyway i hope you enjoy it. *Reader is 18+*

here’s part 1 if you missed it

Scanning through pages and pages of experiments and analysis, the alien language deciphered by the Tardis so that it could be read. Graham and Ryan were opposite each other reading bottles of chemicals that matched up to those stated in the writings. The Doctor’s brain scattered, trying to order the files chronologically. Yaz however, was sat next to you, perched on a tall stool, one hand holding yours, the other would turn the pages of the file that was laying on your lap.

Your body started to regain consciousness, eyes opening. It took a few seconds for you to start to move and you squeezed Yaz’s hand to alert her

She gasped in response. “Doctor, she’s up,”

“Graham, Ryan keep reading.” The Doctor raised her voice over your groans as she made her way over to you and Yaz.

You saw The Doctor scan your body with the sonic.

“It’s almost completely taken over, 90%.” She sounded slightly defeated. “We haven’t got long.”

You used all the strength you could muster and forced your hand to grab onto The Doctor’s wrist.

“Help me,” you managed to get out, resisting the fear and anger of this being.

Yaz looked at The Doctor then back at you.

“We’re trying, Y/N,” she stroked your face.

It was building within you. This strength. You could tell it was going to breath through any minute.

“Doctor, have a look at this,” Ryan spoke. The Doctor, with a pencil stuck behind her ear, stepped quickly over to the back of the room. Ryan pointed to the paragraph on the paper and then held up two small glass bottles.

“Oh Ryan, that’s it!” The Doctor exclaimed.

You felt yourself be pushed aside as the being fully took over control. You were only there observing, slowly deteriorating.

Your body wriggled out of Yaz’s grip and attempted to stand up.

“Doctor!” Yaz yelled, causing The Doctor to turn around. Her hands instantly came into view.

“Whoa whoa, hold on.” The Doctor spoke. “There’s no need for violence. We just want our friend back. You are compressing her to death.”

“They took our planet. They changed our planet.”

“I know, and I know there’s no way to reverse it now. But it wasn’t intentional. It was a science experiment gone wrong. Humans…they’re just so interested. They wanted to know your properties and uses. They made an error. They didn’t me-“

“Doctor, help me...please,” you forced your own words out.

“Trying.” She said quickly. “You can't stay in Y/N’s body.” The Doctor softened.

“Doctor, what happened exactly?” Graham spoke.

She kept an eye on your body as she began to talk. “Humans from your future came here in search of healing properties. From what I gather, they created a virus and ended up infecting the people of this planet. Turning them into..”

“Plants.” Ryan raised his eyebrows.

“Oh my god they’re people. There’s an actual person in Y/N.” Yaz put a hand to her mouth.

“I think, I figured out a way to get you out of her body. But I may not be able to save you.”

“Where will I go?” the being spoke again. “What will happen to me?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

“Doctor, h-“

You felt pain and found your arms cluching your head. Crying out for help as you lowered to your knees, The Doctor bent down in front of you.

“Can you tell me your name?” No response but continued crying. “Before all of this happened, what’s your name?”

“Luinda, my friends called me Lu.” Your voice croaked out.

“Luinda, I am very sorry. But we have to save my friend now.”

“It was all an accident?” Your face frowned.

“Totally and completely.” The Doctor reassured.

“Make sure no one comes here again,”

“Of course,” The Doctor promised. “I have to do this now. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for hurting your friend. I was angry.”

“It’s okay,” The Doctor tried to comfort Luinda in her last moments. “Everything’s okay. Thank you Luinda, for letting her go.”

The Doctor pulled up your sleeve and injected a mixture of chemicals into the prick wound. Slowly you felt the presence leave, you were coming back into yourself again, regaining control.

Being back fully came as a shock and you were very weak. You lent into The Doctor and gasped for air, mainly relief. You had been suffocating in your own body, and now you could finally breathe.

“Shhh, it’s alright. You’re safe.” The Doctor held you, her hands rubbing your back.

You felt Yaz’s hand on your shoulder and you pulled back slowly from The Doctor. You turned to Yaz and she bent down.

“I didn’t mean to say those things. I didn’t even realize I felt like that.”

“We see you Y/N,” Yaz started. “I will always see you.” She smiled at you, causing you to blush slightly. “Besides, I think you’re forgetting the many many times you have saved all of us. I could list them all but that make take a while.”

“It’s a long walk back,” you said quietly, still weakened. Soft chuckles filled the abandoned room.

The Doctor suggested you be carried but you insisted you would walk, with help from her and Yaz. You wanted to feel yourself walking again.

Later, after many “Y/N saved the day” stories, you reached the Tardis. You excused yourself to your room almost immediately after stepping into the familiar box.

You laid in your bed with your thoughts for a while. Just yours this time. A soft knock landed 3 times on the door.

“Come in,”

The Doctor’s head peered around the door, letting herself in before closing it again. You patted the side of your bed for her to sit.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better, tired and a bit less purple.” You lifted your arm to show her that the swelling and colouration of your veins had finally dissipated.

“That’s good,”

“It’s weird now,” you say. “Being alone in my head. I mean, it was excruciating. But she was so alone, Luinda, she..she just wanted to feel something again. I can’t blame her.”

“Y’know, you’re incredibly empathetic.”

“Wow thanks?” You frowned, confused.

“Empathetic,” The Doctor emphasized.

“Oh,” You let out a small laugh. “Sorry, still a bit out of if.”

A moment passed.

“I’ll leave you to sleep now, big day tomorrow.”

“What’s happening tomorrow?”

“Game day,” She smiled. “It was Yaz’s idea. The game part was her idea. Snacks and games she said you loved game nights. Why make it a night, why not have the whole day which was my idea,”

You smiled. “You lot really are so important to me, I’m sorry I ever-“

“Nonsense,” The Doctor said, “No more apologizing. Only rest.” She kissed your forehead, tucked you in, which made you laugh a bit. It made you feel like a child but it was also quite comforting and let’s face it, you loved the attention. She switched off the lamp on your bedside table.

“Goodnight Y/N, sweet dreams.”

REQUESTS OPEN

[placegrenette]

A list of things I love about “Ah! Yah! Mah!”

(It’s a long list.)

(But not as long as my draft literature review chapter, which was 16,000 words, including bibliography and a whole lot of written throat-clearing. If you have pity to spare, send it to my committee.)

1. To refer back to my original commentary: I love its bigness, the vast expanse of the song. It’s also a nice close to the promotion cycle, where “Su Asty” and “Yeski Taspa Bii’“ were similarly packed, “Bayau” and “Mooz” a little less ambitious. (A little, in the case of “Bayau.”)

2. While remaining very much a Ninety One song. I tend to favor the specific over the general with pop lyrics, songs where the performers make their skin in the game more obvious. (”Tend to”: and yet my favorite song off 1989 is “New Romantics.” I’m not consistent.) “Aiyptama,” as good as it is, was pre-packaged; you don’t have to know anything about Ninety One to enjoy it. “Ah! Yah! Mah!” is not only full of callbacks to previous Qarangy Zharyq songs but continuing the overall theme -- see the analysis by @qisforqazaq, which points out the references in greater detail.

(2a. I’ll add one more reference: Alem’s Make your brains cross the borders line echoing ZaQ’s Borders do not exist, they are only in the vastness of your consciousness in “Mooz.” The Kazakh lines are Жоқ шекаралар, ол сенің миыңдағы мекендерде бар тек and Таптаурыдарыңды бұзаын, Шекарадан ассын миың, respectively, so the repeat of “borders” doesn’t seem to be simply a coincidence of translation. Thus “Mooz” would be about recognizing the illusion of borders and “Ah! Yah! Mah!” about destroying that illusion.)

3. While we’re talking lyrics, let me rave about my favorite: AZ’s From your conversations, I feel nauseous, as if I’m drinking tea with fat. “Mooz” used tea metaphors to throw shade too, but that’s not why I love that line. It is perfect -- at once visceral, getting the feeling it wants to convey across in a minimum of words, and so culturally specific; when would an American rapper deliver an insult by talking about tea? And it’s so AZ, too, casually dismissive. It makes a whole human experience instantly legible and I love it.

4. Which leads me to AZ’s and ZaQ’s whole section. Way back before Ninety One even debuted and I was raving about Infinite’s Reality, my favorite part of “Take Care of the Ending” was Dongwoo’s and Hoya’s trading off the rap, the way they bounced off each other. AZ and ZaQ trade off with even more energy, and complement that in the video with a delightful playfulness that gets a lot of things done at once.

apologies, y'all, I still can't make GIFs for crap

With a Korean group I’d be tempted to speculate about fanservice, but Ninety One doesn’t seem to have embraced that part of idol marketing, and I don’t get a shippy vibe from this sequence. If Leslie Fiedler, God bless his memory for all time, were around he’d call this reveling in homosociality, affectionate but not sexual, a friendship on full display. But the sequence also -- after Alem staring down the camera, Ace having to cope with the unexpected (more on that in a minute) and Bala turning Bala Seduction Mode up to 11 -- injects some needed humor into the video. We’re going to make your brains cross the borders, sure, but it’s going to be fun.

5. Speaking of Bala:

I mean they all look good but Bibotta gets an extra round of applause for the sequined-jacket-and-curls idea.

6. Speaking of Bala #2: mouthing along to the sound effects during the first dance sequence, when he’s right in front and you can’t miss it. Nine out of ten video directors would have cut, told him to knock that off, and re-shot it. The tenth is Boss Yerbolat, and God bless him for it.

7. I mean they all look good:

apologies again for the small GIF but static shots didn't do AZ justice

8. Y’all know what it’s time to talk about.

@miiumao commented to me that The Hat was the second time she’d been genuinely shocked by Ninety One and their approach to masculinity, the first time being the 2016 New Year’s greetings video -- which I, used to K-pop conventions, hadn’t found shocking at all. Which should serve as a reminder to you all that I am not a good source on gender presentations in Kazakhstan. But that hasn’t stopped me before and it’s not going to now.

I love the hat. Or, rather, the decision to use the hat. Which should shock no one. (For what it’s worth I remain convinced, in the absence of direct evidence, that Bibotta was inspired by Taemin’s “Everybody”-era promotional pictures.) That said, I don’t think the hat entirely works on Ace. His scenes play as if Boss Yerbolat instructed him to act haughty and disdainful, and he overshot “haughty and disdainful” and landed on “I was promised a nap twenty minutes ago goddamn it.” Y’all know AZ would have handled that hat without a second thought. Bala probably could’ve worked the hat just fine. (ZaQ would have said hell no, and Alem would have lasted about thirty seconds before bursting out laughing.) So that Ace got the hat is interesting in and of itself.

Assume with me two different spectra of masculinity, or “masculinity” if you prefer: female/male and boy/man. Add in submissive/dominant, which is (again, in the West; I can’t speak for Kazakhstan) culturally tied to the first two, for better or for worse. AZ, for example, has been using more coded-feminine and coded-submissive gestures -- compare his body language in the “Aiyptama” video to that in “Su Asty” or “Ah! Yah! Mah!” and you’ll see what I mean -- but he never really comes across as boyish, as opposed to full-on adult. It’s something of a surprise, in the Space videos, to hear him giggle.

Whereas Ace has been in charge of boyish appeal from the very first verse of “Aiyptama.” (See Anne Helen Petersen on boyishness and the teen idol -- again speaking very specifically of a Western, Hollywood-produced set of products.) There’s a reason why my fellow Eaglez (*kisses* to Cay and Crystal) used to joke about picking him up from the day care. As late as “Yeski Taspa Bii’“ he’s the guy gently hugging and listening to the girl while the other four act out drama in the background. The appeal of the boyish hero is that he steps aside from the dominant/submissive paradigm, in his practice of gentleness and restraint. To play with dominant/submissive tropes is adult territory. To play with obvious femininity is too, for that matter: we can deal with grown men using feminine gestures to paradoxically assert their power -- think Little Richard and David Bowie; that’s the tradition that I’d argue AZ is working in, and G-Dragon worked in some before AZ -- but the feminized “boy” is another matter entirely.

But in “Bayau” we got prone, head-bowed, eyeliner-to-hell-and-back, shyly-smiling Ace talking about his personal patron of the night: the boyish member seemingly going for submissive tropes in a way that suggested he knew what he was doing. And now on top of that is a shooting-for-haughty Ace with an exaggerated hat that reads as feminine and body language that runs counter to the rest of the video -- Alem is throwing his body around the space as he does, Bala is at the head of the table, ZaQ is at the podium, but Ace has his legs crossed and arms folded close to his body. Thus boyish + feminine + haughty and imperial + submissive = ...? I don’t know! No wonder Ace needed a nap.

9. Leaving that entirely unresolved and turning to a different aspect of Ninety One’s treatment of gender: ZaQ starting his final announcement with “Ladies and the rest!” I love that. Intentionally or not, it comes across as Ninety One centering itself as a group that appeals to women and talks to women, without apology: with insolent pride, actually.

10. I haven’t spoken of ZaQ enough here, so speaking of ZaQ: his declaration that “My skill is a collection of randomly scattered rhymes in accelerated motion,” which is both sweetly self-deprecating and 100% accurate.

11. And finally: if you can do it, you can do it! Do it! Back to the point about specificity: if “Ah! Yah! Mah!” were my first Ninety One single I wouldn’t find anything particularly interesting or inspiring about the line. But knowing what they’ve done so far, and what they’re doing, and what they’re trying to do -- create an entire music scene practically out of whole cloth, in Kazakh no less, which let me emphasize is not the dominant language of pop even within Kazakhstan. And ambitious enough and grandiose enough to try and create this scene not by analyzing their steps with the question of how each will appeal to the broadest possible audience, but by building their own narrative and all but daring the audience to follow along. Not if it will work or if it will sell or if it’s acceptable, but if you can do it. And I’m listening and feeling a new energy, wanting to scream too. Ah! Yah! MAAAAH!