#again i feel like i gotta grow up too and idk maybe just fucking get help?

[moremaybank]

No but, being in a secret relationship with rafe and being a pouge🤭 BUT the other pouges suspect of you being with some one and they manage to get your phone and find ummm a video(hopefully yk what I mean)😺😝😋🤌 lol hope it’s okay if I request this

Also, Something about being in a secret relationship with this man really gets me going idk why😭💀

secret relationships with this man...think about all the unspeakable things we could do...(18+ themes)

The pogues have noticed that you've been cagey lately. You're always sneaking off to meet someone but you're never too keen on mentioning who that someone is. To say their suspicions were growing would be the understatement of the century.

They'd all tried their hand at investigating, but they can never get further than hearing that you're going to work, or that you have to help your parents with dinner, or whatever excuse you manage to muster up at the drop of a hat.

Until today, that is. This time, Kie had a plan.

"Hey, can I send myself the pictures we took today from your phone? I'm planning my post for Sarah's birthday," she asks, motioning over to the device in your hand.

Without suspecting anything, you nod and hand it over to her. "Knock yourself out. I gotta pee."

Kie watches as you scurry off to the bathroom, and once you're inside the chateau and out of earshot, she summons the group over hurriedly. "Okay, she's gone! Hurry!"

The group begins to scroll through your camera roll, but is severely disappointed when all they can find are pictures of you and them, the scenery of the island, food, and a whole bunch of miscellaneous screenshots.

But just as they think all hope is lost, they come across a video. The screen is almost pitch black, but they can make out two figures.

"Well, turn the volume up," Pope says. "If we can't see anything, maybe we'll be able to hear who's with her."

Kie does as he says, and the sounds of skin slapping fills their ears. "Oh— oh my god."

"Yeah? You like that, princess? You like filming while I fuck you?"

"Hold up," JJ says. "Is that—"

"Yes. Yes, I like it. Fuck, harder, Rafe!"

"Ew, ew! Turn it off!" Sarah exclaims. She's visibly disgusted and petrified all at the same time as her hands shake vigorously in the air.

"Shit, say my name again, baby. Love the way you scream for me."

"Rafe. 'M so close. Don't stop. Don't fucking stop."

"Oh my god, ew! I said turn it off!" Sarah yells. Kie swipes out of the video, and the entire group is slack-jawed by the time you come back from the restroom. Your eyes find all of theirs, and your brows furrow with confusion.

"Woah, what's going on? Why does it feel like you're about to give me an intervention?"

"You're fucking Rafe?!"

concepts

[themusingsofacurlyhairednerd]

In Love and War (6)

Author's Note: This came out angstyyyyyyyyyy, I'm sorry idk what happened. It's gotta get worse before it gets better, I guess.

Content Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, Azriel using Truth-Teller, Mentions of Abuse/Death

Chapter 5/ Masterlist

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I can’t breathe. The walls of the tent close in, the dark leather pressing in closer and closer. If the ground were to open up and swallow me right now, I wouldn’t even have the presence of mind to scream. The fall would be a welcome reprieve from the roaring of my heart in my own ears.

What does he mean our fathers killed each other?  

It’s wrong. He’s wrong! He’s lying. He has to be lying!

I roll over so I can face him, so close on this small mat that our noses brush. His violet eyes glow in the darkness of the tent. “What do you mean?” The panic that edges my voice makes me sound shrill, even in my own ears.

I don’t want him to answer, but I desperately need him to tell me everything all at once. The wine threatens to come back up in a rush as his hand skims up my side to cup my cheek, “Tamlin didn’t tell you?”

How dare him touch me while we have this conversation; what is so broken and wrong inside of me that I let him? I know that I am shaking in his grip and when he starts rubbing calming circles into my cheek with his thumb I lean into that touch like it might give me one last life line to cling to.

“He said you killed my father.”

He stills, wings fluttering; I feel it pass through him like its own little draft, skittering across his wings. A dark mist follows, seeping from his skin. 

I know we’re not supposed to be talking about this, but the words are already out, whether from the wine or by the sheer desperation I feel crawling beneath my skin. I need to know! I need to know that everything I had believed was true. That all that I was doing this for was not based on a lie. 

He brushes his nose over mine, lips ghosting over my forehead. “When I see what they have done to you, I wish I had killed them both.”

My stomach twists. No. No. This can’t be happening!

“But no, it was my father, in retribution for what they had done.”

But I saw him holding the sword! I saw him leave the tent! I never saw his father’s body and Tamlin had always said he arrived too late to save any of them, that all he could do was fend Rhys off to keep him from slaughtering what was left of us. 

The confusion must be evident on my face, because he asks, “You really don’t know, do you?”

It’s more than a little patronizing but I don’t even have the energy to be angry about it, because my whole life is a lie! I’ve spent decades hating him. I just offered up my body and possibly my future to destroy him for nothing? For something his father, who’s long dead, did?

“Maybe we should talk about this in the morning,” he suggests and it’s definitely because I’m crying now and not because he’s trying to avoid it. 

My throat feels like it;s closing. “No!” And it’s then that I feel the faintest prick of fangs growing behind my lips. “Please just tell me.”

His thumb soothes over my cheek again, like he can feel the sudden shift in my being. I don’t know where that rush of power comes from. Maybe it is some sort of effect of being so close to him while he repairs the wards. 

“Rhys!” It’s always Azriel that interrupts us somehow, the shadowy male hurtling into the tent with that wicked looking dagger in hand. “We’ve got movement in the hills.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Now? Of all the Cauldron damned times for Amarantha to show herself, it has to be right now?!

Rhysand is on his feet in an instant, reaching for my discarded chest piece and ushering me into it, our conversation forgotten. “How many?”

I wish I could say I possess his ability to compartmentalize tasks, but despite the worst possible danger knocking on our unguarded and unwarded doors, all I can think about is how desperately we need to finish this conversation. 

“Five, a scout and four chargers. I’ve got Nox and Avos on their trail, but I don’t see any marks yet.” Azriel continues, oblivious to my inner turmoil.

Rhysand slings my quiver and bow over my shoulders again, checking all the straps to ensure they’re in place. He’d never taken his own armor off, only the belt for his sword, he uses a tendril of shadowy darkness to strap it into place while he finishes with me. “Stay with her.”

Azriel eyes me like I’m a pile of shit he accidentally stepped in, but I’m too busy trying to wipe my eyes on my sleeves to care. “You might need me out there,” he protests.

“Might,” Rhysand counters, stalking out of the tent in search of his horse. “But I definitely need you here more.” He grabs the reins on his horse, the mount still saddled, just in case we’d needed to leave in a hurry. Dinner threatens to come back up as I watch him slide into his cloak. I’ve spent my life hating that triple star pattern that will sit over his eyes, cursing his existence, wishing him every pain and misery imaginable for ruining my life and it wasn’t even his fault?

The ground is unsteady beneath my feet, I feel myself stumble and sway and I can’t tell if it’s the wine or the reality of the situation that makes my legs feel like jelly. 

I want to go home! I want this to be a bad dream. 

For a moment, I think he might simply toss the cowl over his head and mount up, leaving me to sit here in the misery of our half finished conversation, but he comes back a moment later, hand sliding into my hair as he tilts my head back and kisses me swiftly.

He should taste as bitter as the wine we’d shared. I should feel nothing but misery when he slips his tongue behind my teeth, but when he has me like this, nothing else matters. There doesn’t have to be anything between us. I do not feel like some broken, wretched thing.

“Don’t leave Azriel’s side,” he says as he pulls away. “We’ll finish our conversation when I return, I promise.” Then he mounts up, calling for half of the men as he goes. The thundering sound of the horses hooves as they race down into the grassy hills beneath us makes it feel like we’re standing in the center of an earthquake.

There’s enough moonlight to watch them go, their mounts and flowing capes in the wind making them appear like wraiths racing towards the enemy. 

With half of the men gone, and two scouting, that leaves Azriel and four other men to guard camp. None of them look too happy about it, least of all Azriel, who keeps watching me out of the corner of his eye like he thinks I might disappear at a moment’s notice. I remain next to him, anxiously shifting my weight from foot to foot, hoping the chill on the wind might wake my dull senses up.

Shadows drift off Azriel’s shoulders, but unlike Rhysand’s that always stay curled around his body, Azriel’s drift off like inky tendrils, testing the wind around him. Some slither along the ground like snakes, searching through patches of grass for an unwanted scent, others drift away, testing the wind for him. One remains perched over his ear, and I hear the faint sound of whispering like the shadows are reporting what they find. 

We can no longer see the others, and I spin slowly around in a circle, taking stock of my surroundings. We’re a little higher than the base of the mountain, perched on a cleft in the rock for a better vantage point. The ward remains behind us, I think, without the trail of Rhysand’s magic, I still can’t see or feel this one. To the left and right, the rocky base of the mountain is dotted with ancient trees, some thicker than a house, but the coming winter has stolen their leaves, no vantage point for archers to be had there without being sitting ducks. Beneath us, the rolling hills of grass stretch far out of sight. If Amarantha brought an army behind those first five riders, she’s hidden it well. Still, the thought makes a chill run up my spine and I keep a hand around the hilt of my dagger, just in case.

Azriel does nothing to quell my nerves, just stands there, still as a statue, listening to his shadows, eyes glued to the horizon. I can’t help but wonder if his shadows show him things as much as they tell him. Can he see Rhysand right now?

My stomach twists at the thought. I can’t see him. I can’t hear if he’s ok. There’s nothing in my arsenal to tell me that he’s coming back. And Cauldron boil me, I want him to come back. If he dies without finishing our conversation, I might never learn what happened. Whether it’s the truth or not is yet to be seen, but Tamlin’s account and his account are different, and I will be damned if I don’t get some answers from someone. 

The hand not holding my dagger reaches up to rub at the scar above my ear, hidden under my hair. Tam and I had been fighting that day, he’d been on edge about something and when I’d pushed too hard he’d shoved me right into the corner of a table. I’d been in the healer’s tent getting stitches; all these years I’d thought it was the Mother looking out for me, that little accident might have just saved my life. But looking at it now, I can’t help but wonder if it kept me from seeing the truth. 

I shift my weight again and Azriel’s gaze flicks back to me once more, irritated, like I’m somehow distracting him. 

“Sorry,” I mutter, locking my knees.

I can stand still, it’s fine. I force myself to focus on my breathing, but in the silence there’s one nagging thought that eats at me: Do I really believe Rhysand is telling the truth? I take him to bed one time, accept a couple gifts from him, and what? Believe everything he says as truth? Are claims of a mating bond really enough to make me believe he’d be open and honest with me? A mating bond certainly hadn’t saved my mother.

I close my eyes at the thought of her, chest aching. Did I believe Rhysand was right about that too? That my father had used her powers to try and breed powerful sons, not because he’d loved her? I’d certainly never seen my parents be affectionate towards each other, not even in the way Rhysand was with me. They’d never held hands, never ridden out together. He’d kept her clothed and fed, sure, and entertained her obsession with fairytales when it suited him. My mother told me, on one of her days of clarity, that he’d carved her rocking chair for her when he’d found out she was pregnant with Tam. But I never saw him be warm with her. I’m not even sure I ever saw them kiss, even on the cheek. But a lack of affection in public didn’t mean he cared so little about her he let her, supposed, powers drive her insane, did it?

“A scout’s coming back,” Azriel says, breaking me out of my thoughts. 

My eyes snap open as the rider crests the hillside and comes into view. Illyrian mounts really are beautiful, all sleek muscle and rippling midnight black manes. Together they make a lot of noise, but alone, they’re pretty damn quiet until their hooves hit rock.

Azriel motions me to follow him as he goes to the edge of the cleft in the rocks and waits as the scout approaches. “Well?”

“Not Amarantha,” the scout says and I let out a breath of relief. 

“Who the fuck would come out here then?” Someone behind me challenges. 

“Spring,” the scout says and all the blood drains from my face.

Azriel glances at me, but there’s pity in his hazel gaze this time. 

I swallow the lump in my throat. Not now, I’m not ready to see them yet! 

“What do they want?” I’m having a hard time processing that Tam would waste resources looking for me, especially when we’ve barely had horses to spare to move camp, let alone ride all the way out here.

“Proof you’re alive,” the scout says, holding out his hand.

It’s Azriel that smacks his hand away. “She only rides with me or Rhys.”

The mount shifts beneath the scout, his hood falling even lower down his face. Something feels off about it and I glance at Azriel for confirmation I’m not alone. He nods at me as he steps closer, hand on the small of my back as he leads me to where his own mount chews on a dying patch of grass. 

“Be ready,” he says in my ear.

The scout fidgets in his seat like he’s not used to riding in one and it’s that more than anything that has Azriel’s shadows flying off his shoulders to grab the rider by the wrist and yank him out of the saddle. He slams into the ground with a scream, the sound of bones crunching against rock so loud I wince as Azriel hoists me up into his saddle. 

I grab the reins to keep the horse steady, trying desperately to remember where Rhysand had held his hands when I rode with him. 

Azriel stalks over to the male, wings flaring as he knocks the back of the hood back with the tip of his dagger. Even in the moonlight, I know what swatch of dark hair and golden eyes. One of Tamlin’s Wolves, Andras. Of course he wouldn’t know how to ride, we’d survived a lot of skirmishes over the years because Tam had used his shapeshifting powers to change the men into beasts to fight. 

Azriel crouches in front of him as Andras grips his clearly broken shoulder. “Let’s try this again, shall we?”

Andras’ gaze flicks to me first. Thankfully, Azriel’s horse is a lot more patient than the others and my own nervous energy hasn’t caused it to run off. If anything, I think the animal cares less about my presence than its usual rider, because it goes back to eating.

“Your whore of a warlord-” that’s as far as Andras gets before Azriel slams the hilt of his dagger into the other male’s throat.

“Start like that again and I’ll make sure you never use that shoulder,” Azriel threatens with so much venom, I shiver. 

Andras coughs, good hand reaching for his throat and Azriel slams the blade clean through his forearm, pinning him in place.

I look away as Andras screams. He is not my friend, I can do nothing. I have always done nothing. The males have their fights and their quarrels and I have always stood on the sidelines waiting for the violence to pass like a good girl. 

“Ok! Ok!” Andras rasps. “I had orders to get into the camp and get Y/N, that’s it!”

But wasn’t being tired of standing on the sidelines that prompted me to stay here in the first place? Wasn’t I trying to make things better for my people? How was sitting here helping them?

“What about the others?” Azriel questions. 

“I don’t know! Lucien was supposed to handle that.” Andras replies through gritted teeth.

Do I even want to help them? If Rhysand was telling the truth, whose side am I even on? My head hurts from the questions, my stomach still churning end over end. I don’t know what to do.

“Where’s Tamlin?” Azriel asks as he rips the dagger out. 

Andras screams, the sound echoing off the rocks. “There’s only five of us! Tamlin never left camp.”

Of course he would send Lucien and not risk coming out here himself. That would put him face to face with Rhysand and he’d lose. And looking at it now, I realize that he knows it. He’s always known it. I rub a hand over the scar on my hand. Did he know about the bond too? Had that been why he was always so sure that I knew Rhysand was the enemy?

Azriel raises the dagger to make another cut and Andras screams, “I swear I’m telling the truth!”

“Azriel,” my voice is steadier than I feel and all eyes suddenly turn to me. I need to get answers. I need to do something. “Take me out there please.” 

“No.”

I tighten my grip on the reins. I’ll go out there myself if I have to. “If it’s Lucien, then it’s not a fight they’re having. Let me diffuse this.” I’m not sure I mean those words; I’m not sure I have the power to do anything but watch horror after horror unfold around me, but I know that I have to try. I have to attempt to put my life back together. I have to find some bit of order or I’ll go insane. Besides, this is Lucien we’re talking about! Surely he could see reason, right?

Andras is looking at me like I’ve grown a second head. 

“Tie him up,” Azriel says to one of the others as he stands and wipes his blade on a cloth that hangs from his belt. “I’m not done with him.”

“But I don’t know anything!” Andras protests as two men haul him to his feet, wrenching his broken shoulder in the process. Blood drips from his forearm, down his fingers. Regardless of the confusion I feel swirling around inside me, he’s still a part of my people. Lucien is still family. If I can keep any more bloodshed from happening between our two people I will. 

“I can work this out. Not everything has to be a bloodbath.”

Azriel swings himself into the saddle behind me and steals the reins. “If I so much as hear an arrow being fired, we’re turning back around.” He snarls.

“Fine,” I concede, because at least it meant I tried. 

“Rhys is gonna kill me for this.”

----

I’m not convinced Azriel’s horse isn’t a wraith. It’s almost completely silent, save for the softest hint of breathing imaginable. When it breathes, little wisps of shadows escape out its nose. I wish I had time to ask him about it, but there’s none, not as we race over the hills, fast as the wind. 

No arrows rise up to meet us, so at least I’ve been, so far, correct about Lucien not leading an ambush. Their scout must have taken down one of Rhysand’s and stolen his mount and cloak to look presentable. At least, I tell myself it was just that and not that Lucien ordered a man killed to try and get to me. Lucien, who would sneak me snacks and who secretly taught me how to fish; Lucien who used to braid my hair for me while we sat on the creek bed, making jokes. Lucien who had always been a spot of sunlight in my world, who looked after me like a brother, and promised to scare away any suitors who made me uncomfortable. Lucien was a good male; the best of us, even, the thought that he might be capable of such violence makes me nauseous. I have had too many life changing questions hurled my way tonight, I cannot bear another one, especially not about him.

We crest a particularly large hill and finally get a glimpse of the Illyrian riders. They’re not fighting. In fact, they’re just standing there, in formation behind Rhysand’s horse. The warlord himself stands in front of it, shrouded in that heavy cloak, facing off against Lucien and his three dismounted riders. They’re all armed, but no one is actively fighting each other, I take that as a good sign.

Though Lucien doesn’t look particularly pleased to see me riding with Azriel, nothing but unbridled horror crossing his scarred face as we approach. 

When we get to the bottom of the hill, I jump off the horse, much to Azriel’s dismay. 

Lucien takes a step towards me, but growling, Rhysand steps in front of him. “Touch her and you’re dead, Vanserra.”

The men move to let me pass through and I focus all my energy on breathing evenly as I walk towards them. Does Lucien know? Did he hide this from me too? Or was he just as blind as I was?

“Y/N, are you all right?” Lucien asks, his metal eye whirring as he looks me over. 

My chest feels like it’s gonna rip right down the middle and spill my heart right out onto the floor. I don’t know who to believe. I don’t know who I want to believe. This is Lucien we’re talking about, he would never willingly hurt me. He comforted me when my entire world fell apart, he helped Tam and I bury them. I want so desperately for all these onlookers to leave, so it’s just the three of us and the truth, but the way they all stand there, armed and ready tells me that’s not happening. There hasn’t already been bloodshed here, because Lucien was waiting for Andras to give him some sort of signal that it wasn’t necessary. Because he was expecting to be able to just kidnap me.

Why do all these males constantly treat me like I’m just an object to be snatched up on their whims?

Rhysand’s hooded head is angled in my direction, watching my approach through the stars in his cowl. I don’t like that I can’t see his eyes. He doesn’t look like the Rhysand who’d just been holding me. He looks like the male I remember from my nightmares.

And Lucien looks like someone I don’t recognize at all.

How am I supposed to make sense out of any of this? Seeing them doesn’t make it easier. 

The Illyrians shift behind me, horses snuffing in agitation, kicking up loose strands of grass. I feel their unease as easily as I can see it in the males behind Lucien. Maybe this isn’t the time for answers, maybe all I can do right now is keep them from killing each other. Regardless of who’s right here, I don’t want to see either males hurt.

“I’m fine,” I lie as I come to a stop at Rhysand’s side. His gloved fingers brush mine like he might take my hand, but he doesn’t. 

Lucien stares back and forth between us. “I wouldn’t call being kidnapped fine.”

Rhys growls again, the sound skittering over my spine, “But you’d call letting her starve to death on a solo hunt fine?”

Lucien’s mouth pulls back in a grimace. “Tam made a mistake, he admits it-”

“He admits it?” His wings shake behind him, darkness drifting in waves from beneath them until it shrouds him more than the cloak. There’s so much of it Lucien retreats a step. “How brave of him to admit he fucked up and yet he still let it go on this long before someone came looking.”

Lucien keeps his gaze on me. “It won’t happen again. We’ve talked about it. Trust me, next time-”

“There is no next time,” Rhysand snarls. “She’s not going back with you!”

Lucien’s hand falls to his sword hilt, but his gaze remains on me. “Let her come home. Let this be settled and done. Tamlin sent money-”

A whip made of starlight appears in Rhysand’s hand, knocking the bag of coins Lucien pulls off his belt from his hand and scattering it across the grass. All of the men with Lucien draw their swords, even as the redhead tightly grips his own. Rhysand can easily kill him here and he will if Lucien keeps talking. I need to diffuse this, I need them all to leave each other alone. I’m not done here, and even if Lucien won’t understand it, I can’t bear to see him get hurt.

“He’s my mate,” I say and the words taste like a betrayal.

Lucien’s face twists in a mixture of horror and disgust.

“No one is keeping me here against my will.” Well, mostly. It’s not like I’ve put that to the test, but he doesn’t need to know that. 

“That can’t be true,” it comes out like a whisper, as if he doesn’t want to believe it. I suppose, if our places were switched, I wouldn’t want to either. “You did something to her.”

Rhysand huffs, “I didn’t and I wouldn’t.”

“Like you didn’t slaughter thousands for Amarantha?” Lucien snarls.

Rhysand freezes, still as death beside me.

Azriel, silent in the grass, has come up behind me, his presence a steadying energy amidst the chaos I feel swirling around us. What does he mean he killed for Amarantha? Isn’t he trying to kill her?

“That’s enough,” Azriel hisses. “The lady told you she doesn’t want to go back with you. Respect that and go.”

Lucien doesn’t move. “He didn’t tell you that, did he, Y/N?”

“Leave!” Azriel snarls.

“I’m sure he didn’t tell you how he whored himself out to her either. Why do you think the Illyrians have so much land?”

Azriel steps around me, shadows swirling, dagger in hand, but it’s Rhysand, who’s now almost wholly surrounded by a dark mist, that puts out a hand to stop him. “Everything I did, I did for my people,” he says in a voice that’s so low I almost can’t hear it over the wind. “Everything Tamlin is doing now is for himself.”

“How noble,” Lucien snarls. “If your intentions are so pure, let her go.”

Rhysand turns to look at me, pushing the cowl off his head so I can see his face. The moonlight doesn’t hide the shadows under his eyes, or the weight I see crushing down on his shoulders. It’s impossible to miss the way his wings droop behind him. My chest aches at the sight of him, something clawing in desperation beneath my skin begging me to find a way to take that burden from him. 

“Do you want to go back with him?” He asks.

I don’t know if what he’s said tonight is true or a lie, but I know here and now that if I said yes he’d let me walk away. No strings attached, if I took Lucien’s hand and got on that horse, he wouldn’t fight me.

I don’t know what I want any more. I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything I have built my life on feels like it's crumbling beneath my feet. And everyone is just standing there watching it happen. 

No one has ever offered me a choice like this before. My whole life I have been told where to go and who to be and given one taste of freedom I had still followed exactly what was expected of me, hoping that it would finally make me feel at peace. But I haven’t felt a moment of peace in all of it, except when I was in Rhysand’s arms. It’s impossible that he of all people could make me feel like that. It shouldn’t be this way. 

And Lucien, who I always considered another brother, who shared food at my table and always made me feel like I wasn’t a waste of space, was now someone I didn’t recognize. There is no sign of Rhysand’s missing rider among them. I don’t know if he’s dead or not, probably, judging by the way Lucien keeps looking at Rhys like he’s an animal. 

It’s a startling sight, not because I would have looked at him like that myself a couple days ago, but because that’s how Tam always looked at me. Like I was some thing that was so inherently wrong; some creature that needed to be tamed and bridled. Those pointed tips of the fangs I felt try to make an appearance earlier have come back, poking into my lower lip. I feel something shifting beneath my skin, a beast awakening from some deep slumber. My hands open and close reflexively at my side. The stirring feeling is strongest in my chest, right where I sometimes feel that weird pressure that’s somehow tied to Rhys.

“No, I don’t want to go back with him,” the words are steadier than I feel, my chin raised. I do not cower from them, or the fact that I mean them. Even though Lucien looks like I’ve punched him in the gut. I can’t go back. Not until I have the truth. Not until I can make sense of all this mess I feel in my head and in my heart. 

“Tamlin won’t take me back anyway,” I pull the gaps in the arms of my sweater down, so he can see the stars inked across my skin. “Nor do I feel like being tossed out again.”

“Y/N…” Lucien shakes his head, auburn hair flying around his tan face. “It was a misunderstanding.”

Rhysand won’t stop staring at me. I think he’s waiting for me to change my mind. 

“Please leave, Lucien,” I say, only looking at Rhys. I’m a terrible person, because there is so much unbridled hope in his eyes, like he’s been holding his breath this whole time, waiting for me to take my chance and run; I’d been playing games this whole time, he hadn’t.

He hadn’t been playing games. 

I’d used him, taken what I needed, and had planned to throw him out when I was done. Even if he had killed me father, I was still… I was still just like my own father. The realization nearly knocks me off my feet. What have I done?

“This isn’t the end of this,” Lucien hisses as he backs up, never leaving himself exposed, even as he reaches for his mount. The horse is old, it’s mane patchy and unkept, I’m not sure how it carried Lucien here, let alone how he expected it to carry the both of us. “Tamlin will consider this a breach of your agreement.”

“We agreed not to kill each other,” Rhysand returns. “If he comes at me now, then he’s the one that broke that agreement, not me.” 

Lucien swings into the saddle with ease, mount shifting slightly beneath him. “What of my scout?”

“What of mine?” Azriel returns.

“Food for the vultures,” Lucien snarls and my heart sinks even further. What if I’ve been wrong about everybody, not just Rhys?

“Then so is yours,” Azriel returns.

Lucien leaves with the remainder of his men, no further fight for Andras life to be had. Rhysand watches them go, wings still drooped behind them like they are impossibly heavy. I should try and comfort him, as that thing in my chest demands, but I can’t. My limbs refuse to move, feet rooted in the grass. What have I done? Where did I go wrong in all of this? I was just trying to do what I thought was right, but I’m not sure I know what that looks like anymore.

“Are you all right?” Rhysand asks once they’re gone. On instinct, he’s throwing his cloak around my shoulders again, cocooning me in that blissful pocket of warmth that smells like him. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of his kindness. 

“I don’t know,” the words slip out of me. I can’t think past the roaring in my ears. What have I done?

His hand falls to my back, gently leading me back to his horse. 

“For the record-” Azriel starts, but Rhysand cuts him off, “I know, Az. Thank you for staying with her.”

I think, even as we mount back up to return to camp, we would have all been better off tonight if this had been a fight with Amarantha.

------------------------------

Tag List:

@judig92, @randomperson1234sblog, @nyxbranwenn, @lilah-asteria, @barb00235, @landofpetrichor, @hjgdhghoe, @buttermilktea11, @yourforeveryoungblog, @sassyn, @zoeisdreaming6, @minnieoo, @girl-math-aint-mathing, @raisam, @inloveallthetime, @blessthepizzaman

[norman-fucking-reedus]

omg since your requests are open,,, idk but imagining a female reader fucking herself infront of Daryl while he is chained to chair drives me insane to think about.. like reader's feet are on his knees and daryl feels her every movement but dang he can't do anything and the reader is a bit dominant.. i'd love if you wrote smth like this. im obsessed with ur writing!!

Anon lets make out rn cause ive had this idea for a while ESPECIALLY based off this picture??? Like hello??

I changed it up a little since i got the hottest idea in the middle of writing so I hope it makes you kick your feet in the way the way I did while writing this 😽 (I SAW UR OTHER REQUEST TOO BABE YK I GOTCHU 🫶🏾)

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Dammit girl! Untie me” Daryl thrashed in the wobbly chair, growling from where it sat at the edge of the bed in front of you. You simply watched him struggle in the tight ropes, becoming redder by the second. “I like you tied up. Even more when you’re my personal chair” You ran a hand across his lap and winked.

Daryl grunted when you straddled him, hands pulling at their restraints. You could feel his bulge growing as you slowly ground your hips down, a strained groan coming from him. You cupped his chin and placed a few soft kisses on his lips, moving to his neck and back up to his lips, only pulling away from him. “Tha hell ya doin’ ta me?” Daryl watched as you opened the dresser drawer and tossed two objects on the bed, sitting down next to them.

You couldn’t hold back the wicked smile that fought onto your face as you stood up and removed each article of clothing, tauntingly slowly.

Daryl’s watched you, closely, breathing picking up as you slid your pants down, and moved to undo your bra. He watched as you teased the hem of your undies, sitting down in front of him again.

His cheeks heated up when you kicked a leg up, ankle resting on his shoulder as you spread yourself, running a finger down your slit through your panties. Daryl watched, hands fidgeting with rope as he became uncomfortably hard in his jeans. He wanted to touch you, feel all over your body and maybe inside.

You continued massaging yourself until the fabric was soaked, and Daryl’s breathing was the loudest thing in the room. His face was red and a thin layer of sweat was present on his whole body. Suddenly all his clothes didn’t fit right.

He could do nothing but watch as you pushed your underwear to the side, erotically spreading your pussy lips before reaching to grab one of the objects. It was a long, white vibrator you had “found” at the start, but really you just stole it from the sex shop when everything went to shit. It roared to life in your hands, and you leaned forward to press it onto Daryl’s bulge, soaking in the way he threw his head back and his body jerked.

You kept it there only for a minute, leaning back and bringing it down to your cunt, massaging between your folds and moaning when it reached your clit, holding it in place as you brought your fingers to your entrance, easily slipping in.

The scene was something out of a porno, and Daryl swore his mouth was beginning to water as he just watched you. The way he could feel the strong vibrations travel through your leg, the way he could see your fingers curling and scissoring open, he was starting to get desperately needy.

As you neared your orgasm, you pulled completely away from yourself, chest heaving as you came down, eyes meeting Daryl’s. His pupils had been blown so wide, you weren’t even sure there was color anymore. “Enjoying my show?” You whispered, pulling your leg off his shoulder as you moved to stand over him, bending over the bed so that he had a clear view of your backside. “J’st let me touch ya, doll. Why ya gotta torture me?” He rasped, eyes roaming as he took in the sight of your ass right in front of his face, so close yet so far.

Daryl was impossibly hard in his pants, the scratchy fabric sending lightning through his body whenever he accidentally bumped his tip against it. He was so needy it was starting to hurt, even more when the clear dildo you were bringing to your folds came into view.

You rubbed the silicone up and down against yourself, grinding when you brought it to your clit. You could feel Daryl’s eyes on you as his hands tugged and pulled at the binding ropes, but he had taught you how to tie some real good knots. He could do nothing but pitifully whine as he watched the dildo slowly slide into you, the clearness giving him a whole different show.

He could see the way your pussy stretched around the toy, working it in and out slowly, soft moans coming from you as you did. His cock throbbed as his eyes never left your cunt, wishing that instead of that dildo you would use him like a dildo, riding his sensitive cock for as long as you wanted, fuck he just badly wants to be inside of you.

As if reading his mind, you flipped yourself around so that you could face him, pulling the dildo out as you looked at him, eyes drinking up the messy state he was in. His face was so red, sweat rolling down his forehead as you could tell he was just so hard in his pants. Daryl’s fidgety hands had started to rub his wrists raw against the rope, the pain only adding to his boner. He looked a pure fucking mess. You swelled with pride at that.

Your hands began undoing his pants, pulling them only half down to his knees. For a split second, Daryl thought you were finally going to touch him, even if all you did was grab him through his underwear he just needed to be touched. Instead, he watched as you added some spit to the bottom of your didlo, and suctioned it right onto his muscled thigh, giggling to yourself like a psycho as you straddled it, purposely grinding your dripping cunt on his leg as his wide eyes stared into yours.

You cupped his sweaty face in your hands, wiping it as you just held his face and stared beyond his eyes and down into his soul. He could feel you sink down onto the toy, and watched as your gaze darkened and your eyelids lowered. “You’ve been such a good boy for me Dar. Watching and staying mostly silently. Can you be even better for me and cum without me having to touch your cock?” He desperately shook his head no, traitorous tears pricked his eyes as your pace increased. “Can’t- Need ya- Need ya ta touch m’cock, please mommy I need it so bad” He babbled and you cooed, giving him a warm kiss that he completely melted into.

He always begged so sweetly, and it went straight to your full cunt, however, you had to force yourself not to give in, not when you had already got this far, Your hands moved to grip his shoulders, lifting yourself up and down at a rough velocity, the sound of your ass slapping down on his thigh filled the room and Daryl’s head, his eyes flickered between your face and the way you rode his thigh.

You reached behind you and patted around until you found the vibrator, bringing it to life and pressing it against your clit, the one hand you had still on your boyfriend’s shoulder curled into the flesh, lewd moans pulling from your chest. Daryl felt himself getting dizzy watching you, hair sticking to his forehead and cold pain shooting from his raw wrists. It was so hot, too hot. His vision was beginning to blur, heart pounding so hard he felt like it would come out his chest. His body trembled and he threw his head back when you very lightly pressed the vibrator to his clothed cock, adding fuel to his orgasm as it pumped through his entire fucking soul, tears finally rolling down his cheeks as his cock pulsed itself empty, soaking erotically through the fabric. The toy turned off, and you slowed your hips, watching the way Daryl’s body went limp.

“Very good boy. That’s exactly what I wanted to see, handsome” Your voice was like candy as you whispered in his ear, sighing as you lifted yourself off the dildo with a wet pop, moving to cut Daryl’s hands free as you fully straddled his lap, feeling his release on your puffy pussy. His shaky hands immediately went to your hips, waist, thighs, holy hell your skin felt so good. His poor wrists were red and raw, a small amount of blood forming. “We’re gonna wrap your wrists up. Think your little friend will wanna join us?” You whispered against his lips, pressed down on his soft cock, feeling the cooling cum ooze out from underneath, sticking to your cunt. “If yer talkin’ about m’cock hell yea. Get tha’ fuckin’ dildo off me” He grunted and you realized his legs were also still bound together. You giggled, popping the suction cup off his thigh and stretching to cut the ropes off his ankles.

You moved off his lap so he could finally stand and stretch, kicking his pants completely off and his soiled underwear, which revealed how his cock was dripping in his own release. You were almost on him immediately, falling down onto your knees in front of him. “Your wrists are gonna have to wait a minute”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I need to fuck his fucking soul into my body NOW 😾

｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

It's well past the timeframe that I saw this trend (like one, maybe two months? My memory is shit), but whatever. I have a headache from not eating today, barely been able to force myself to eat, and overall feel like shit so I'm gonna ramble. Or be self-indulgent, depending on how this is interpreted, I guess

Everything I see about people liking vore for comfort, or protection, or yada yada yada, sappy stuff. Which, like, don't get me wrong, I love that shit too

But for me it's about the ISOLATION

I don't know how to describe it exactly, and I don't know if my attempt will get the point across, but I'm just fucking tired

Like 'Say I'm fine then thousand yard stare for the entire work day, oops, now it's three months later' kind of tired, the 'Just gotta make it one more day' kind of tired, the 'I find joy in nothing I do but I'm too stubborn and exhausted to do anything about it so I sit in it' kind of tired

Coupled with work to being called lazy and irresponsible by older family members, again, and just thing after thing after thing after thing after Thing After THING

I ain't special, I know this. Everyone deals with these kind of things, especially as adults, but I've always been easily overwhelmed. It just wasn't an issue growing up cause I'm a Shutdown rather than someone who maybe cries or gets frustrated enough to lash out first. Now I'm an adult, have been for over half a decade, and you're just kind of expected to know how to handle things even if you weren't taught them, expected to roll with the punches and live with the stress

Point is, I see vore as an escape above all, seeking comfort in the isolation and alone of it. Yeah, I'm surrounded by someone or something, but I like to think of it as more of a reprieve. No one can touch me, or talk to me, or fucking bother me if I'm literally placed away from existence (basically I want my own sensory deprivation chamber lmao)

I definitely won't say no to the trope of the prey being liked by the pred though. I'm not gonna say admired cause that feels narcissistic and I can't think of other words rn (loved doesn't quite fit either in my brain), but, like, kind of the happiness I feel when looking at my cats. They just exist and I'm happy about them

Idk why someone would feel the same way about me, but considering I feel like a worthless, unproductive piece of shit who can't even exist right half the time, being eaten kind of feels like a decent trade off to a pred (yes I think about friendships kind of like transactions, yes I know it's unhealthy, but if my friend just wants me to sit with them quietly like a Creature or play games in return for their fantastic company I'm down, I just want to do more for them but am tired and broke lol)

Like, I'm not good at working many things, or organizing, or being productive, or good at conversation/comforting, or even existing, but the thought of being eaten kind of gives a sense of purpose, in a way

Kind of, like, when I pet a stray cat or feed it and it's happy. Like, someone else maybe would have reached out and made them happy, but maybe they wouldn't have and how lucky am I to be making them this happy, you know? Maybe I feel like shit and don't necessarily want to see tomorrow, but I can keep making them happy

I don't fucking know if I made any sense and the phantom smells are kicking in, so I'm gonna go lay down or whatever. Fucking, isolation and purpose, I guess

[thelunarbar]

How romantic sex on a school bus. Well ig just making out but my point still stands. And Ik it’s a dream but she’s all like ooh ok and I’m just like girl no. Make him take you to a bed at least. 

I love watching the way stiles opinion of Derek changes over time esp given that Derek doesn’t make a great first impression(not that stiles really did either but Derek’s was worse)

“Ate it?”

“Raw?”

“No you stopped to bake in a little werewolf oven.”

Scott’s hair is sooooooooo bad 😭

Also forgot how much I hate this teacher(biology or math maybe? Idk) he’s annoying

This may very well be the only time stiles tells Scott not to cancel a date. 

Danny deserves more love 

Lydia’s thing of acting dumb is really annoying like if he doesn’t want you unless you’re stupid you’re better off without him girl

Stiles reaction to Scott asking Allison about their hanging out with Jackson and Lydia

Jackson is such an asshole but Ik I end up liking him more later on

Of all things to lie about; your bowling skills???

Gotta love stiles needing to know if he’s attractive to gay guys(the answer is yes. Just ask Derek 😜)

Ngl I’ve never been sure how I feel abt deaton bc he’s like kinda helpful sometimes but also super weird more often than not

I fucking adore Melissa McCall 

Dude I tried for literal months(tho without rewatching bc I didn’t wanna do that at the time) to figure out where the pic of Derek standing behind broken glass came from and it’s from ep three when the police officer and then Scott show up the hale house 

I feel like rains too much for this show being set in California 

Derek is so nonchalant about Scott’s freak out I love it

“Why is this starting to feel like you’re Batman and I’m Robin? I don’t wanna be Robin all the time.”

“Nobody’s Batman and Robin any of the time.”

“Not even some of the time?” I love this lil convo and esp this last line bc stiles sounds so sad abt it 

Seriously why is the lighting so damn dark all the time even when I have the brightness on my screen turned all the way up and to my recollection it only gets worse

Scott and his fucking one track mind 

Yikes Allison’s closet is so bad all like boho chic and sequiny

Again a parent walking in without knocking 

I mean at least he acknowledged he forgot to knock but like teenage girl who could’ve been like changing or smth jeez

Love that he’s clearly getting ready to go out and they decide to sneak out before he leaves 

Man I wanna go bowling I haven’t bowled in so long (related even if it doesn’t seem like it, Jackson Lydia Allison and Scott go bowling)

Jackson’s laugh is so obviously fake and it’s so obnoxious 🤮

I can appreciate that being werewolf didn’t make him good at everything(just most things) 

I love love love Derek’s car 

Why does Chris argent wash Derek’s windshield for him??? Oh yes very intimidating good job Chris 

I can’t wait for argent to grow a beard he looks so much better with it 

Breaking the window on Derek’s car was so unnecessary and rude 

Ofc now Scott is great at bowling 

Lydia using Scott to make Jackson jealous is so annoying 

Ah innuendo 

“How do you cheat at bowling?”

“I don’t know, but you did.” But for real Jackson how does someone cheat at bowling 

And Derek’s being a creep again cmon man no wonder people don’t like you when this is the impression you always give 

Call a code? You have to specify which one Melissa. I’m not even a nurse and I know that 

Yay another cringey make out scene 

“Do either of you even play baseball?”

I love that they’re both super honest and just say no when she asks if they care there’s a police enforced curfew

Scott’s angry voice is not great 

Derek’s echoy voice thing wtf is that?

Love that Scott’s first thought is to try to get Derek arrested, again, for smth he didn’t do 

Ooh jump the whole staircase he’s so cool guys you don’t even know 

Ooh he’s losing the jacket things are getting serious 

The noise while he shifted was gross and not necessary 

Also I’m pretty sure they change his shifted makeup look later on bc he doesn’t look how I remember 

Love the choice of Destroya by MCR for this totally pointless fight between Scott and Derek tho 

I mean I say fight but it’s more like Derek beating the snot out of Scott 

and now we have the rational conversation after punching each other 

Oh now you give him answers after you beat the crap out of him

How come we never really discuss the fact that Scott is part of Peter’s pack? At least until he becomes an alpha himself

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[johnslittlespoon]

I love your bucky is dog fic so much!!! I reread it all the time it's so heart-warming and funny and just ahhh so good!! refreshing ao3 patiently and excitingly waiting for more<33

(a BIG mix of non–brainrot asks so i don't spam the timeline <33 some of these are from so long ago i'm so sorry. also lil disclaimer at the end about some specific asks i've been getting recently and why i won't be answering them! x)

1) !!?? you REREAD IT?? my heart wtf that's so sweet??? 😭💗 THANK U SM i will do my best to not let u down with future chapters even if shit gets a little bit angstier SDJKG <33

2) LMAO backseat gala–ing from the comfort of a couch 😭 judging the outfits as if they don't show up in plain tuxes half the time <3

3) <3333 thank u omg sjgkdk i'm so happy if my lack of stfu ability brings any bit of joy to anyone LOL

4) ILY THX LEGEND @air-exec u enable me too much <33

5) ALWAYS HAPPY TO INDULGE!! thank u for indulging my constantly rotting brain ur so kind 😭 <333

6) yaurrr i think it's just bc i do Not enjoy being around children LMAO i can't ever get into pregnancy/family dynamic type fics in general, i wish i could tho bc they're so wholesome :') but YEAH exactly ugh. it's like. the action of talking about it, especially when it's unattainable, is so intimate bc it's like an "i love you this much" thing. but it's also so hot bc the possession of it (and possible feminization depending on the pairing) sighhh

also i feel that sooo hard, sometimes you just gotta go where ur writing heart takes u yk? it's hard to write something if ur not fully invested :') and omg stop i WILL cry. 😭💗 wtf. thank YOU!! ofc i would read!! some ideas just /hit/ and urs is one of them <33 but also yes omg it's UP there (if not at the top) on my list of pwps i wanna write once i finish yad(iym) <33 thank you for sharing urs too and sending u good writing vibes regardless of what u write!!

7) GAHH this ones been on my ao3 read later since u sent this ask in!!! i literally have started a doc with links to moots fics i need to read/general fics i've stumbled across that look good and this one is for sure going in it. i do love reading sooo much, i just have the hell combo of adhd and dyslexia but i did start concerta a couple weeks ago which has def made it a bit easier to read lmfao thank fuck.

i think i just get in this headspace where i'm either a reader or a writer when i'm working on smth, idk if anyone else does this? i have a hard time slipping btwn both mindsets, i'm usually locked in on one at a time LOL but i need to get my shit together bc fuck everyone in this fandom writes so damn good and i want to leave long essays on all the fics and hype people up <33 i think once i finish the dog fic i'll take a few days to just consume my reading list to celebrate SJDGK

also omg i can't believe this ask is from before i even posted it that's crazyyy MY BAD. thank u and also that made me giggle JSKDG if that's my legacy in this fandom i'm honestly so happy ab that okay dog coded bucky is everything to me and i will do whatever i can to do him justice <333 and thank u again for the rec!

8) [ X ] UGHHH stop mammal RUINED me. he's soososoo pretty i want to die i think about that barry era as curt in the motaverse so often it makes me sick. i love pretty twinks!! xx (i have a whole motaverse au curtbucky where curt looks like 2012–ish barry and he's ken's age and they're cute lil mechanics together and it's so stupidly elaborate and niche and maybe i'll do smth w it one day who knows)

9) this is very sweet and i do appreciate you respecting my boundaries! thank you <3 i think a lot of people get annoyed at adults asking minors not to interact with nsfw posts on here bc the argument is always "they're gonna look even if you ask them not to" which, yeah, true! i was a teenager growing up online, i sure as hell did not let 18+ warnings stop me ever lmfaoo. i'm not telling minors to stay off my account because ik if people wanna find specific content, they're gonna find it. if teens are learning ab gay sex thru my blog, then at least they're learning ab it from a gay man who tries to keep things realistic in fic and who isn't a creep LOL.

that being said, i more so bar off minors interacting with my nsfw posts/writing bc i personally just feel uncomfortable discussing stuff like that with anyone who isn't an adult, and sometimes i don't have the time to check bios for ages (or sometimes bios don't have ages) before i reply to comments or whatever, so it's just easier to ask that y'all stick to the sfw so i don't accidentally brainrot some cooked shit with a child JSDJKG bc i would feel icky. i hope you understand <3

10) IT MAKES ME SICKKK. not only that, but when i was rewatching it with my irl last week, i realized that in e5 when bucky's smoking in the plane after gale goes down, he's sitting in the right (gale's) seat, which i'm pretty sure he doesn't do at any other time :((( like he was trying to be close to him in anyway he could </3

11) omg i've been meaning to watch that just to get a better inside look at stuff for world building purposes lmaooo but that sounds so wholesome :( i read that a lot of the guys would get real sad/touchy around holidays (obviously), so i could see a oneshot where one of them takes it upon themselves to try and cheer everyone up the best they can under their circumstances. a little found family holiday </33

12) thank u for the rec!! i'm suuuch a slow reader, i'm still working my way thru the actual mota book LOL but i've added this to my reading list <3 i think i might've actually read a couple excerpts from that one in doing research for my fic and it looks really interesting (and heartbreaking) so i'm sure i'll pick up a copy eventually :^)

13) oh 100% agree!! as someone who already isn't super interested in fashion/pop–culture, i find it very hard to look at the men's outfits and be blown away by any of them LOL but the women?? insane. was losing it over lana and zendaya's fits tonight ngl. hunter had me in a chokehold with last year's <3 tangent alright i always say this to my friends but i'm just jealous in general that women have so many more options in terms of clothes like.

okay listen i know i can leave my house in a skirt or crop top or whatever and a lot more guys are def starting to feel comfortable doing so. but i also enjoy not worrying about getting jumped or looked at funny! it's a lot safer than it used to be to do so, even in my small ass conservative town i'll sometimes put on some dangly earrings or a bit of rodrick–liner SJKDG but that doesn't mean it's normalized yet or whatever. point being that i wish it was because men's outfits would be sm more exciting at these fashion events if they had a wider range of options too!

but that aside, absolutely. until that changes, really it's not that hard for the men who are going with women (who don't want to go crazy with their outfits/who are more lowkey like you said) to just. wear something nice and on theme that compliments their partner's outfit and they'll be FINE. anything is better than something boring with no effort; effort doesn't have to equal crazy and fancy and elaborate. like austin's 2022 look has always been a standout to me because it was still a really nice look (even if it was simple) and it also worked so well because of who he had at his side. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i also literally don't know shit ab fashion so i rly shouldn't be speaking on it LOL. i just know some things make me go oh no and some make me go YUM

and that's probs the last i'll post about the met bc i rly don't care thaaaat much, i was just happy to see barry since he wasn't at the panel this weekend <3

OKAY THAT WAS SO MUCH I'M SORRY. i just felt really bad bc some of those have been sitting in my inbox for months bc i was waiting to compile them all into a post like this :-) but also one last thing, idk if it's bc of me stepping out of mota to talk ab the emmy stuff/the met this week, but i've had a couple gossip/drama(?) asks and i just wanna say rn that i won't be posting stuff like that, even though they've been worded kindly! one, because i rly only post about fic/brainrot/mota–fandom related stuff here (aside from rare exceptions like today lol). and two, because as much as i adore our boys and try to keep up with the things they're up to, i personally don't vibe with speculating about them (esp if it's in a way that kinda. forgets they are grown men who probably don't think twice ab some of the stuff that people think they do lolol). i have no issue with people who do like to talk ab that stuff, i follow update blogs and think it's totally fine as long as it's done respectfully! i just don't feel like talking about gossip fits the vibe here and frankly i don't care enough about what goes on behind the scenes half the time; i'm just here to create and support and be insane. <33 that's all, just wanted to say that so ppl aren't waiting to have those asks answered/aren't sending more in! x

[atalienart]

that sounds like a shit situation ❤️❤️ i don‘t think you‘re unlikeable though. it can be tough to keep in contact with people, and i think it‘s gotten harder over the last couple years for everyone (don‘t mean to minimize your specific situation). i think it could just be shit luck, but if it isn‘t, i don‘t think the problem lies deep within you or anything. i know it can feel like that though. there‘s nothing wrong with you as a person, you‘re not somehow fucked up. you‘re fine, i promise. people who talk like that (“you’re unlikeable”) are just mean because for some reason they either don‘t want to be better or they just don‘t know how to. either way, it doesn‘t sound like they put a lot of effort into building that opinion, so personally, i would dismiss it (i know that can be really hard to do though). it’s not exactly constructive. it sounds like plain petty and bitter bullshit tbh lol.

even though i found some friends for life during school, after moving away from each other, it‘s been hard to keep in touch. two of them are just dogshit at texting lmao, and one is great but doesn‘t have much time for actually substantial contact, like phone calls or visits. what i‘ve found to be integral is all of it, sadly lmao. it‘s rly hard when life is happening for everyone and bigger projects take up time and energy, it‘s been a struggle to trust that we‘re still friends despite little active friendship happening, but it‘s worth it. i don‘t know anything about your specific situation, but open communication is always a banger. if you have people you want to keep in your life, you gotta tell em. again, i don‘t know if you have and it just wasn‘t mutual. i just wanna help somehow because you seem hurt and i know that and it sucks but it‘s hard to go off of so little info. anyway. baring your soul be scary as hell but everyone has one, and usually being brave enough to do it first makes people feel safe to do it back. i recommend trying it. i also highly recommend not declaring a friendship / any relationship lost because of a potentially temporary loss of contact. people withdraw from their social circles all the time bc something in their life is stressing them out, and a lot of the time people aren‘t opposed to contact with someone, they just don‘t know how to approach them because maybe they thought they‘re sending signals that they‘re not that interested, or they‘re just plain anxious. shy. if you want a relationship to grow and develop and become stronger, if you want to build a bond, i recommend getting into the habit of making the first step. i KNOW that can be really hard lmao, the first time i tried to meaningfully reach out to someone i wasn‘t already close with it took me literal months lmfao. but i did it! and you can do it too. you really absolutely can.

idk. i think the most important thing is to be openly affectionate and let people know, even just in small ways! in can be said so so casually, you can just mention that sitting down for coffee or smth is such a nice calm moment in your otherwise busy day. or customize that to fit you however you want! just let people know that it‘s fun to spend time with them. they‘re probably just as shy and insecure as you. just small things to make them feel valuable and appreciated, so that they can understand that they really are, yknow? basically just— everything you‘d want them to do for you, you gotta do for them! and they‘ll likely happily return the favor :‘) if not, that‘s tough, but you guys not being a match doesn‘t mean other people won‘t be!

i find it hard to make new friends too. i moved away from my school friends and sttttruuuuggglllleeed for a while to make new friends here, i‘m just coming out of a shit shit fucking shit period in my life so i still don‘t have any, despite having talked with and sort of started the process of building a friendship with a few. nothing lasted for me either, and i thought it was because there‘s something wrong with me too. that‘s bullshit though, for me as for you, and i gotta try again and be calm and trust that it‘s gonna work eventually, because people do want to be friends, and if you can manage not to make yourself crazy with worry about it, then it‘s just gonna go along rather smoothly and just be fun.

i hope you can believe that, but i know i would have found it hard a year ago. it‘s true though. it could be that you‘re a rarer personality hehe, i still feel like that myself lol. but that doesn‘t mean you won‘t find your people. and if you meet someone you like, i hope you can have the courage to take the first step whenever it‘s needed. if you start like that, they‘ll likely follow and take the first step towards you when you can‘t :‘)

people generally like friendship and want to make friends. you‘re not any less suited for the job than anybody else. it takes a bit of effort though, sometimes a lot. but you can do it :‘)

i hope you feel better soon, and i really hope this isn‘t preachy and obnoxious. :|

Hey, thanks for the message. I'm sorry to hear you struggle with finding your people. But even if it's hard, I'm happy to hear that you still have someone you keep in touch with. Also, I think you're really amazing being so active in building relationships, hope it turns into something great for you one day and you find many valuable friendships. You sound like really cool, smart person ❤️

You're very kind but I think my situation really is my fault. I try, but I believe I'm just tiresome after a while. Besides, even when I do my best to communicate clearly (I really do) it seems I always end up saying or doing something wrong. I guess the braver people choose to look past my weirdness but at some point they realise it's not worth it. And I'm not saying that to sound quirky, it's just that when people constantly look at you like you're a different species and tell you you're weird you start to notice you're the odd one out xD I really don't expect people to always be there for me, I just hope for some conversation from time to time, some texting, nothing more. (And I think unless something really serious is going on in your life you can find time to answer a text from someone you say you like/see as a friend.) I really admire you for reaching out to others just like that, I always have a feeling I'm a bother. It doesn't help that initial small talk is extremely hard form me, it takes a lot of energy and brain power from me Anyway, at this point I think I'm the one who doesn't want to make friends anymore. I already gave up on trying to do that irl, it's like "level impossible" because apart from horrible personality I'm additionally very visually unappealing xD But in general, I think it would be safer to not expect anything from anyone. It's always like "hey, maybe they really do enjoy talking to me" and then it's like "nope, never mind, you really do suck". I don't need that reminder every couple years xD I'm old and tired. Anyway, don't worry, I'll be fine. I just haven't got enough sleep and I've been stressed lately, that's why I'm whining. I know I shouldn't do that on social media but here we go lol. Hugs for you!

[buggledy]

Please continue liking/reblogging my silly posts I'm gonna vent about the two things going horribly wrong in my life rn because I can't talk about either of them publicly without making people very mad or uncomfortable.

ONE

I've been working on this collaborative project with some online... "friends" to some extent for about 2 months now. The deadline for my portion was mid-August. I am going on vacation this Saturday, I'm going to see Sarah Squirm 3 hours away on the 21st, and my irl friends who were involved in my portion return to school on the 19th. Naturally, I filmed it in early July and turned my cut in on the 19th A FULL MONTH BEFORE THE DEADLINE, AND BEFORE MY FRIENDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL. After several days, my "producers" (who aren't fucking paying me, this is a passion project. I don't think they should be using that title.) Finally said "Hey, we like your cut, but we have some small advice," and promised to get me on a call that week. It's been 10 days. I have *almost* no time to do reshoots, and I'll probably have to re-edit WHILE I'M AT THE BEACH, FOR A PROJECT I'M NOT BEING PAID FOR. And my cut is fine. I don't mind changing things, and it's not great (but at least on par with most of what they've done before...) but it's not so heinously bad that it *has* to be "fixed." I have told them my timeline, several times. There are likely to be continuity issues because it's 19 DAYS SINCE I FILMED ANYTHING AND MY HAIR GROWS FAST. Based on the little they've said, the pacing is gonna be FUCKED after I "fix" it. I'm so upset because I have historically liked these guys before, and I never wanna talk to them again at this point. Not to mention, I *HATE* dragging my real friends into this. They don't deserve it. They also aren't being paid. Very disenchanted by this whole thing. Like it's been so long that I consider the project finished. They are asking me to drag out a corpse and give it a makeover. AND I HAVE OTHER SHIT I WANNA GET STARTED ON BUT I'M STUCK IN THIS GODDAMN PURGATORY. Supposedly, they're gonna call this evening but idk how that's gonna go.

TWO

I had this friend. About 3 years ago, she reached the conclusion that I was obsessed with her and ended our friendship. Maybe she was right. I had a crush, sure, but what's obsessed? Maybe I'm just too autistic to know where the line is drawn as far as "feelings" go, beats the fuck outta me. It was early July, so naturally this is really the only time of year I think about her anymore. Besides passing references, simply because I refuse to gadlight myself into forgetting the good memories she just so happens to be in. This makes everyone around me uncomfortable, and they refuse to humor conversations the moment her name comes up. Hence why I have to talk about this here. I'm over her, but I miss talking to her every once in a while. She's cool. I have no idea what she thinks of me these days, thus, a problem arises. My friend & his boyfriend (the irl friends from the previous story) are moving back to the city she lives in within the year, and I'll return to my tradition of visiting them about once a month. Here's the thing: I feel antagonized in that city. Like I'm under constant surveillance by some secret society waiting for a perfect moment to hurt me (emotionally that is, this isn't like... extreme paranoia talking.) And thus, this is no longer an early July funk. She's on my mind a lot. I wish I could just walk up to her (or even message her, I'm still blocked) and be like "I'm coming to this city again. Once a month. We've gotta either hash this shit out, or agree to fully ignore each other in the event we encounter each other in public." But honestly, I just wish I could forget it. I wanna stop thinking about her, and being sad, and occasionally seeing her in dreams. I'd love to never have to think about her again, but my personality simply doesn't allow.

THREE

So also my grandpa died last year and his birthday is in July, so that's not been helping. Sometimes I'm a little overwhelmed by my friends because now that they know I'm never busy, they sometimes spontaneously ask me to hang out all day and that can be a lot. I'm also in the process of moving which is stressful enough, but I hate my current living situation so I wish I could just do it but honestly I don't expect to be in the new place by the end of the year.

Anyway, I like to drink liquor and all this shit is starting to make that a minor problem 👍

[rui-drawsbox]

I’m back on my bullshit 😔. (This got real long as I was writing it so I had to add the keep reading thing for everyone’s sake)

so… Mika as a bit of a villain, a bit of an evildooer, a bit of a malicious man. Would he transform like the magical knights or would he have to manually change outfits? Cuz I doubt that he would just go out without covering his face or disguising himself. If he has powers I would assume he gets his own special form, like an evil magical girl lmao.

Also, I was thinking about Bingus 💀. Mostly the actual threat he could pose to the magical knights. He feels like the type to use henchmen/an army of mindless henchmen, like an army of living dolls.

So, Mika’s powers, if he has em. Personally I don’t know whether he would, he could just be real good in a scrap or have powers given to him by Shu, or he could have magic of his own. If he did have magic of his own I feel like it would be something he didn’t really know to use before Shu got involved with him.

On the topic of Mika’s powers (again), I’m not sure what they would be exactly. I have a couple ideas, shadow manipulation, some kind of physical enhancement thing that lets him fight on past the point of serious injury and do physical feats that shouldn’t be possible (like bending his spine in ways it shouldn’t, or lifting cars and shit like that), or bringing plushies to life, or something to do with crows. Idk man, he has so many options but being a villain and all means he can have more than one to make him threatening : D (I’m getting tempted to write 😔)

Also what weapon would he use? I feel like he’d wield something unconventional, like a chainsaw or those giant pairs of scissors that you see in anime. Alternatively he could wield something graceful like a lance or spear (maybe one that resembles a big sewing needle ✨). Plus with the reach that the spear would have it would make him more menacing, especially in a fight against people wielding swords (cough cough the knights). Either way he’d be terrifying in a fight, I can just feel it. He’s so pathetic but if you hand him a weapon he’s fucking scary. (I really want to draw him lmao)

ALSO JUST HAD A THOUGHT!!! Shu and Mika fighting together could be really cool cuz if Mika has that body enhancement power where he can be injured beyond what’s possible for a normal human and still fight Shu could manipulate him like a doll to fight viciously. I have fight scene ideas in my head. Like straight up angsty shit tbh.

maybe Mika doesn’t know Arashi is a magical knight, and after he finds out he doesn’t want to fight her anymore but Shu pushes him on and actively makes him fight with like his powers or something. Puppet master Shu <<<333

losing my mind rn, anyways Mika screaming and crying while being forced to actively fight Arashi <<33 let him cry 😎 (I love Mika so much but like I want to see him crying sometimes)

Also Shu regretting his actions after realizing how torn up Mika is (emotionally, not just physically for once) after fighting Arashi. Shu redemption arc? Nah, that’s for season two, he’s a villain, he’s gonna double down on his shitty behavior by internalizing all of this and pushing Mika away while yelling excuses to get Mika to leave. Like calling him broken or useless because he knows it will get Mika to leave him. 🫠 I love writing too much, angst specifically.

also Mika bonding with knights at school before the reveal and seeing them as his first actual friends and companions outside of Shu. I feel like that would be really cute.

back to the girl boss and her friends cuz I’ve talked about Mika enough for now.

ARASHI AND KNIGHTS NOT BEING FRIENDS BEFORE ALL THIS BULLSHIT (except Ritsu, girlies gotta be girlies ya know?) AND BONDING OVER ALL OF THIS SHIT AND GROWING TO CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER LIKE A REAL FAMILY.

they should go sing karaoke together with Mika.

also just them doing domestic stuff together in general. Like having a movie night or cooking together.

ALSO, ya know how a lot of magical girl shows have like second forms or power ups that get revealed around the mid season, and how these are sometimes locked behind character based trials? Like, some character development has to happen first before the character can start using this more powerful magic?

I’ve been thinking. 😔 still don’t have words for these thoughts tho so I’ll be back.

Mika should unlock his true magical knight form, when.. OH HOLY SHIT HE COUKD BE LJKE A DARK KNIGHT, WAIT OH MY GOD I JUST HAD THIS THOUGHT!!! Back to what I was saying, he could unlock his true magical knight form after he leave Shu and, and! Decides to forgive him and actively starts working with the knights to save Shu from himself. Now that I’m thinking on it more, I feel like this would be more of a self actualization thing for mika. He’s finally making a decision for himself, and it goes against Shu’s wishes completely. Maybe he could get his actual powers in a burst of righteous fury over one of Shu’s self destructive actions :):):) broseph should grab that pretty boy by the collar and scream at him for once. It would do Shu some good to be yelled at occasionally, humble him.

I’m gonna shut the fuck up now. Arashi’s super magical girl form should be queen related cuz she’s the queen of knights, yada yada, I need to continue unpacking my stuff from my recent move, so I’m done opening my skull like a trap door and pouring the contents into your ask box for now.

I’ll be back (assume the tone was menacing, like an old wizard who speaks of the end times)

Your au is so fucking cool btw, thank you for the brain worms :):):)

Replying this took way more time than i thought because turns out i cant think in words lmao, so i sketched all the ideas i got from this in my free time the past days ksbxk

Starting with Mika and weapons! (And other's weapons but mainly Mika)

Yea hes pathetic but also the biggest menace with a weapon. At first i thought about double swords or some fact double weapon (u can see i recently watched the puss in boots movie) but i also like the idea of showing how inhumanly strong he is with his weapon, so a Claymore! A Big ass sword that is weird not being scared of getting closer! Im talking about his henchemen moment, because after all his redemption arc i feel like giving him a more futuristic spear, kind of like a sewing needle yea (i didn't drew that cuz i thought about It after but u get It?)

Now designs! My favorite parts! Henchemen!Mika:

An easy to fix/change-specific-parts uniform! Provided by his boss!

I honestly think he would not be completly human, mabye a genetically modified one or entirely artificial. I mean, if Knights are getting their powers from some random alien why not artificial people? I like the idea of his body being like a wooden doll, those which all their joints are joined by an elastic inside the body (or reference dolls for artists if is easier to search?), so he could stretch/broke his bones all he wants without worrying, besides, if his skin is hurt badly Shu would "heal" It for the sake of his incognito mode!

After redemption!Mika:

Dont focus in the colors--I'll fix It when i make everyone's outfits in digital skdjjs

Futuristic! Neon! Transparent parts of clothing! Bold shapes! Mika is now a brand new person, letting behind his heavy past focused on obedience to live his own life! In part thats why i wanted to give this version of him a spear, because its a lot more lighter than the Claymore and can be used a lot more freely!

Now the rest of Knights designs! Ritsu, Leo and Tsukasa:

(Tsukasa sword is in the wrong hand but lets ignore that)

Ritsu's skirt is really puffy, mainly because It makes me think its extremely comfy and soft like a cloud should feel! His cape is in the right side so It won't bother when using his sword

Leo skirt is parted at the side so he isnt limited by the cloth when fighting, talking about that! I gave him two swords mainly because hes ambidextrous but also because he gives me messy figther vibes, specially having fun when is surrounded

Tsukasa always gave me the most classical knight vibes, so he has the most simplest but not less elegant outfit! Really, search Female Knight and at least in the first five images there's someone with a similar skirt/naked legs

Now with some random ideas: i would LOVE the idea of Knights adopting Mika after he's dumped by Shu, It would be like Arashi taking care two times at week, the others one day at week and the free day they do a sleepover all together! It would be like that until him and Shu make up in the second season lmao. And yes It would be a heavy angst, the series starts with Arashi learning how to be a Magical Girl and making friends along the way and then It finish being super dramatic and sad. The only thing that could recover watchers from the finale is the classic outro where It shows everyone's getting along, Shu being scolded by Mika for being rude to someone and the final image is the graduation photo with everyone showing their diplomas and jumping like the good ol' Friends they are JWJDJJA

But no yea, come back anytime, i love reading all your ideas for the au! Theyre very creative and is super fun to imagine all the situations you describe!

[vdragon-creations]

I am sorry but I don’t think you understand Raph’s character at all if you just think he’s the angry one always starting things. He’s way more complex than that and you being incredibly close minded. If you can’t see past his flaws like you can the others I feel sorry for you. You probably think Leo is flawless and can do no wrong.

Hahaha! Bruh, we got a live one here! This folks is a prime example of how folks can no longer read on the internet without either getting pissy without thinking or automatically jump to the worst conclusion about a person. All because someone out there doesn't like a fictional character the same way you do.

(Now I see why you took the time to ask this anonymously. Coward.)

Firstly, it's you're instead of you. I know you're mad, but maybe slow down a bit.

Secondly, you're actively blind if you think I said that Raph is always starting things. My exact words where "I feel like Raph tends to start them". The key word being "tends". Meaning not always, but a good amount of the time. And I feel like you're basically ignoring a lot of cases where Raph actively make things a problem when they weren't, or when there IS a problem, he just gets pissy instead of like....idk talking. (And I feel like you're actively ignoring that he's legitimately characterized to be the "Do first ask later type" in most versions! Hell, his 84 version is incredibly violent! Do you just....not know that or??? And they changed that in the 87 version where he's more sarcastic then angry. Again, something I mentioned in my Raph post.)

And way to go, assuming you know a damn thing about me! Cause guess what, I'm aware Raph is more complex. In my Leo post, I talked a little bit about how I related a lot to Leo because of the role I was forced to play as a kid. But the thing I didn't mention was that...I also relate to Raph quite a bit. I had massive anger issues growing up too. And they where due to a lot of reasons. But the two biggest ones where:

I didn't understand quite how to deal with situations were I wasn't being listened to or taken seriously.

I cared a lot about those around me, and when I felt they didn't care back, it made me feel a way.

TWO THINGS THAT I KNOW RAPH FELT IN SEVERAL VERSIONS TOO! Doesn't mean he was right to act the way he did. But he's a teenager, and I was a child. I can look past all of that. But, can't erase the fact that he could and did act like a complete shitter in a lot of situations without really...any good reasons. And it got them into some deep shit.

But, I can see that he owns up to most of it too, and apologizes when he's gone too far. I had to learn to do the same. And I will commend him for that.

And as for the Leo thing, again just proves you didn't read what I said once more in my Raph post. I outright stated "Leo does seem to be making the worse choices in those arguments (Glares at Bayverse Leo)" I'm aware he's not flawless! For fuck sake, in 2003 (Season 4), Bayverse Out of The Shadows, TMNT 2007, and in fucking RISE, Leo could be a REAL piece of work! And I feel, just like with Raph, things could've worked out a lot better if they had just....talked!

And I'm more then capable of seeing the flaws of all my favs and can still like them despite there flaws! And the opposite could be said for characters I'm not as jazzed about. Like with Raph. I'm more then capable of seeing past his flaws and can see why people like him. Don't mean I gotta tho.

All I said in my Raph post was that I don't really like him and never really have. I don't hate him, just don't like him. I saw a part of him that reminded me of some of the worst parts of myself growing up, and it can rub me the wrong way when the shows just don't let him show off his more softer side and grow as a character. (A fault of the writers you dipshit, not the character itself! He's not real so he can't actively change if writers don't let him.) And after all of this, I wouldn't wanna see him gone from the series, cause without the whole team, the TMNT fall apart.

But you saw that I don't like Raph, and immediately jumped to calling me "Closed minded" and making some pretty, gunna be honest, closed minded assumptions about how I must view a fictional character over another. Well, says more about you then it does me in the end!

Have a nice day.

[style-and-kyman]

what are your opinions on the main 4's parents?

Oh boy, okay this requires some typing, but bare with me XD

Kenny's Parents: When it comes to parent couples, I feel like these two are the best example for South Park besides maybe PC Principal and Strong Woman. They aren't the best parents, but they aren't really the worst either. They love each other and try their best with their kids, but I'm pretty positively neutral about them. Not much else for me to say really.

Kyle's Parents: Okay, starting with the good first, I actually like Shelia a fair amount. Idk if she's my favorite parent or not, but she's definitely up there. I love how assertive she is, but she clearly cares the most about her family and kids especially and feels the most like an actual mom, which Kyle totally inherits all of that from her and it's clear to see that I am biased since Kyle's my favorite. Is she way too strict/pushy sometimes? Oh yeah, 100%, but at the end of the way she still always thinks about her family and I've gotta give her props for that. Now Gerald-oh boy-before season 20 I was completely neutral and thought that he was just a calmer and better version of Randy, but once he became SkankHunt42, oh my GOD-He was such an asshole for LITERALLY NO REASON. I don't know why they chose him to be the antagonist other than it was a good twist for the characters to find out, but MAN I can never see him the same way again. That and he was a fucking asshole to Kyle for literally just asking him questions about growing up and omg I fucking hate how much of a dick he was for literally no reason. One of my least favorite parents.

Stan's Parents: Ooooh, BOY I have some words. Let's get this out of the way, Sharon is fine. I really don't have much of an opinion on her other than I think she tries to be a good mom and that I feel sorry for her for having to deal with her husband's BS. With that being said-I fucking HATE Randy. He USED to be a pretty funny character, especially in the baseball episode and in 'The Cissy', but recently, not counting 'Cupid Ye' his character has gotten WAY too much screentime and he is just a terrible dad and husband, he's annoying, dumb, and I can't help but internally sigh whenever he's on screen in fear of him getting too much of the spotlight. So yeah, Randy is my Least favorite parent, 100%.

Eric's Parent: I'm kinda mixed about Liane, but she seems like she does mean well and care for her son, but she wants him to like her and act more like a friend than a parent which is 90% of the reason why he acts the way he does, simply because he's super spoiled. However, she does seem the most genuinely chill and respectable person out of the adults. That, and her being dude with Eric's shit during the Streaming Specials was really funny so there's that. Probably either my favorite parent or 2nd favorite parent, but that's not saying much.

SO, in conclusion for the best/worst: Best Parents: Sheila and Liane Worst Parents: Randy and Gerald (and both of Butters' parents but this was just for the main 4 so uh yeah, re)

[chihirolovebot]

Could you talk more on the Kuzuryu x Physicist, it sounds really interesting (and I love any and all Physicist content)

absolutely . tw for brief brief mention of suicide / sacrificial death.

so i think they definitely would NOT get on at first . phys is not about his blase attitude , his threats , etc . they'd definitely have a healthy fear of him , too, considering he's yakuza and plenty scary even with the height and the baby face . i would not be surprised if they accidentally insulted him once and he did the whole 'grab em by the front of their clothes' and threatened their life , or something. likewise he probably thinks phys is stupid and gullible + doesn't see the point in putting faith in the others . HOWEVER .... i think he would be one of the only people to pinpoint how smart phys is , and would be pretty careful not to underestimate them .

after ch2 is when things change . of course. phys probably freaks the fuck out and disassociates when he Does The Thing with the Knife and i think theyd feel a little guilty they didnt see it coming or try to stop him or anything so they visit him in the hospital once or twice . also just to take some of the burden off tsumikis shoulders . IDK maybe they talk about pekoyama and ( assuming phys has the same backstory ) they swap stories about growing up + phys talks about the professor . it would be the first time they sorta connect . i could see kuzuryu remembering some passing comment phys made and bringing them a gift from the monomono machine . then getting super fucking embarrassed and blustery when they genuinely rly like it .

as the chapters go on they just start hanging out.! idk i just think theyre neat . no storms canonically happen in the game but i control reality so oops theres a storm and its not safe for phys to go back to their cabin so they gotta spent the night ! kuzuryu sleeps on the floor OBVIOUSLY . hes such a freak. if we're going love interest he definitely falls first + he does that Thing where he avoids phys for like three days after he realises he likes them and then he feels super guilty about it so he apologises very sincerely but he still doesnt confess so phys is just extremely confused .

phys despair disease victim maybe ... ? links back into that post i made before about their despair disease making them hyper paranoid of everyone . maybe theyre a near victim in the tsumiki case and kuzuryu realises holy shit they almost Just Fucking Died i cant let them out of my sight actually .

PHYS AT THE THEME PARK !!!! theyre fucking giddy about the rollercoaster its the most hyped anyone has ever seen them . so even tho kuzuryu's not a fan phys drags him on with them and kuzuryu sticks to their side throughout the funhouse . BUT . the lack of food starts getting to him and he snaps and they fight + phys is on their own for a bit and starts getting all sacrificial . they think about going into the final dead room , they think about offering themselves as a victim but they dont know who to turn to ... maybe they bring up the idea to nidai but he refuses bc he doesnt see them as a fair fight + word gets back around to kuzuryu . and he gets super angry and then super scared + he apologises for snapping at them and theyre besties again .

now if phys and komaeda r cautious friends i imagine ch5 would be tough for them . the loss of nanami would also hit super hard ... i imagine phys would like her quite a bit actually . i think most of ch5 would be them patching up their relationship after the stress and rocky terrain in ch4 but they go into ch6 pretty strong . this is also Probably when phys realises they like kuzuryu too btw if u even care. i dont have the energy to think abt ch6 but maybe they kiss . idk. maybe . im squeezing the life out of both of them btw

[hermanunworthy]

writer anon from a couple months ago here… fuck man. it’s the day the music died.

(idk what this is and it’s not very good)

but when you go to meet god, you know, you wanna look nice

hermie’s had those dreams before, the kind where he can feel that his eyes are closed and he tries to open them while he’s asleep but he can’t. this is like that- except there’s no body attached to it. he feels out for… nothing. not even an ache over his heart, where the blood was just staining a moment ago. a year ago? he feels heavy. he’s not sure where he feels it. there’s no body anymore. there’s no him.

“well hello there, darling.” his father. he looks up. there’s no one here. scam’s voice is all around. “did you have fun?”

did you have fun? two years of high school theatre, that’s what it added up to, more or less, and then a few insane months with the teens. was it fun? he can’t remember now.

in this space, he sees it. it really was only two years. there was nothing before that. his memories of growing up are so two-dimensional, it feels like he could print them right out of his head and fold them up into a little paper person and be looking at his twin.

“it was just a joke, you know, all in good fun. oh, they’re wrapping it up now, story’s almost over. ‘that’s all, folks!’ and all that, you know. shame, we’ve only got so much time left.” scam didn’t sound sad. “I kept thinking your father would come after me at some point. it was good fun, messing with the king-of-hell demon-cop. pretty shitty guy, I gotta say.”

a scene materializes in front of hermie. a wooden stage, classic red curtains to frame it, and a styrofoam grave marker in the center. two actors bearing a comically-grotesque resemblance to his adoptive parents were badly stage-crying over it.

at the top, à-la-phantom of the opera, jodie peered down at the actors. he watched for a moment, then turned away to fix his attention on someone else.

did you have fun?

“I was wondering though. were you lying?”

hermie paused. “what?” his voice sounded strange.

“your last words to normal. he wasn’t conscious to hear them, you know. but were they genuine?” he could hear the rubber stretch of scam’s smile splitting far wider than a mouth should go. “did you mean it?”

“I can’t die,” hermie said slowly. “can I.”

“well, you weren’t exactly alive, so it’s hard for you to be dead.” scam sounded more distant now. “no place in heaven or hell for a puppet, just ask jigsaw.”

hermie’s jaw clenched. “I wasn’t a puppet. I wasn’t… anything.”

“right, so you get the point. I’m asking what you were teeing up for with that last line, hermie. obviously you won’t be around to deliver the payoff. were you just planning on ditching them without a punchline?”

“it’s what you did.”

“the ditch was the punchline, worthless, that’s the crux of the whole thing.” scam’s voice had taken on an edge. “I died once too. got shot off a dragon, actually. it was a lot like this.”

“was it?”

a pause. “I don’t remember.”

the curtains closed. somewhere, the sound of a gigantic clock started up, or maybe a metronome. “well, this has been fun, if ultimately unsatisfying, but I’m afraid this is where I must leave you. show’s over.”

“are you sure?”

“you’re the one who stopped dancing. oh.” scam was smiling again; he could hear it. “oh. I see it now, the prestige. you were the set-up for something truly… oh. wow. now this is a show.”

normal. hermie tried to take a deep breath. “what’s he doing?”

“making your whole life part of his own villain origin story. so sorry you aren’t around to see this, I know how you always liked the villains, but, well.”

“you can’t bring me back?” hermie clenched his fists. “you can’t do one thing for me, after…?”

scam scoffed. “oh, now he wants to live.”

crack! hermie was a five-year-old watching the big kids win the speedrun. crack! hermie was a cat in a garbage can being jumped by the pussywagon. crack! hermie was sitting in a car in hell, and normal was kissing his cheek. crack! hermie was a voice on the phone, hermie was saying “this is john.” crack! hermie was the dying papa john, hot cheese coursing through his veins. crack! hermie was dying, hermie was lying on the ground with blood spilling from his…

“your father and I were similar in one regard, actually. when our lives were threatened, when there was only one way to be free, we took it. we split, you could say, we…” scam hesitated. hermie thought about a demon and a highway patrol officer, a mustache and a fedora. “sometimes you get a card. sometimes you get a court order. but you always get a choice. you don’t get to be yourself. that’s what the world taught both of us. no matter your power, your influence, if the world doesn’t want you to be yourself, and you still want to live, well…”

he saw the joker, keira knightley, risky click, a whole parade of shifting faces flickering between his reflection and his performances. he heard his words to normal in goof’s realm- you don’t like me, you idiot.

“do you want to live? you never get to go back, you know, not to what you were. even if you’re able to reconcile the memories, once you’ve been something you never fully stop being it. and that saves you a little, the first you, but it’ll damn you just as surely.

“unless.” one giant eye in front of hermie. “was there anyone, hermie? anyone who wanted you to be yourself?”

what did he honestly believe, about what normal wanted?

he didn’t know if his last words were a lie. he didn’t know if his next ones would be either.

do you want to live?

IM SO SORRY FOR LEAVING U HANGING FOR A WHILE WRITER ANON IVE BEEN AT WORK BUT IM BACK. I WOULD SAY WE ARE SO BACK BUT NO ITS SO OAKWOVER. HERMAN UNWOVER.

I AM INSANE ABOUT THIS DO U UNDERSTAND HOW CRAZY THIS IS TO DROP IN MY INBOX. THIS IS SO WELL DONE IM GONNA EXPLODE THE FUCKING. AAUAUAUAGAHHHH

[mamamittens]

Alright, ngl, I fully planned on writing this week but work decided it was time to do inventory again. At the literal last minute.

I. Hauled. Ass.

And tomorrow I'm probably going to be counting a fuck ton of shit sooooo RIP IG

Anyway, as a small apology lemme talk about the au of Sweet Child, Grow (now the nickname for "How our Seeds Grow"). And fittingly, I'll start with the name!

I actually didn't think too much about the name before rolling with that but it's kinda genius in hindsight because now the two read as "Oh, sweet child of mine, how our seeds grow" which sounds awful wistful don't it? And sweet. I like it. And it's very poignant considering the au is all about little reader growing up with the WBP.

Also! I did write a fair bit for the next chapter but it felt short and I thought I could more or less squeeze in a few chapters now that the narrator (child reader) is way less angsty about being kidnapped and not as observant so there's less wordage to get across here. And as I did I realized I accidentally wrote in a little plot hole in the first one.

See, reader's supposed to really love animals. But what happened to their den den mushi? The snail from the beginning? So I'm taking a moment to answer what no one has asked.

They didn't get to keep the snail until well after they returned since it's apparently pretty easy to convert them into 'phones' so to minimize shenanigans, they just withheld it until they felt they could trust reader.

And since in Grow the reader is just a scared kid, they get to keep the snail with a normal shell. Reader named him 'Cream' even though they weren't supposed to because it's not 'their' snail. It's the marine's snail. Little reader has gotten better at hiding how attached they are to their issued snail at whatever base they're on but not very well.

As a treat, here's a little snippet!

Oh! And before I forget!

I'll try to remember y'all that asked to be tagged in the next update but I make no promises! If you're super concerned about it though as soon as it comes out you can also read not only Sweet Child but Grow as well on AO3! Or maybe follow the tag for the story??? Idk how reliable that is, I don't really follow specific tags on Tumblr ngl

AO3 is currently experiencing some minor issues (8/30/23) though, so please be patient if it won't work immediately and perhaps check back later!

Anyway! Thanks for being patient everyone, as well as the fairly positive-ish neutral reaction to my new rule concerning asks for updates! It's a lot less stressful thinking about which fics to update now that I have a hard line. I'm afraid the personal clash between pathological demand avoidance and people pleasing is incredibly uncomfortable to grapple with at the best of times. And it leaves me feeling like either a raging bitch or a doormat 😬

I'm hoping to get some writing done soon but with inventory in full swing tomorrow I won't be surprised if I just pass the fuck out when I get home. Istg I opened cult of the lamb for a quick sesh and next thing I knew it was 9 (my bad entirely. I know damn well that game is very hard to put down- always one last thing I can do before going to bed but it's never just one is it???)

Speaking of which! I gotta go to sleep now lol

[the-bi-space-ace]

For the character ask, I'm going to be wild and ask about two characters: Crosshair and Teal'c. Feel free to only do one, if you'd like, or both!

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Oooooh I'm excited about these two!

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Crosshair - He was a 'I have to touch the stove to make sure it's actually hot' kid (I was too so this is a self burn (lol burn... bc the stove is hot... I'm sorry). He's gotta learn the hard way. Ya know, Crossy, you could just not learn the hard way. You could just not do that.

Teal'c - (I hate saying anything bad about you my darling boy I'm so sorry) my least favorite thing about Teal'c is that he doesn't always get that people are hurt by his actions because he did them for reasons he believes in. Like leaving his family when he started fighting for the freedom of Jaffa. It fucking hurt his wife and son and he just... didn't get that for awhile. Or when he undermines Ishta. Again, he is doing and fighting for what he believes in but he doesn't seem to get that just because he is doing something for the right reasons that doesn't erase the hurt and pain caused by them. He learns. He grows. But it's frustrating to watch him not get it sometimes.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Crosshair - you know what would be funny? Dropping him in a musical. I'm talking Grease or Mean Girls or Cats. Just. Any musical. And make him aware that he's in a musical and has no clue what's going on. Do you know how funny it would be to watch him try to talk to people and have them break into song????

Teal'c - Parks & Rec. Why? They would love him. I think April would love him so much and he'd just have such good comedic timing. Imagine him looking into the camera with judgement on SG-1. Also maybe he'd eventually get to be a fire fighter like in that one episode where he was seeing himself in an alternate reality and I just think Teal'c as a fire fighter was really cool.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Crosshair - Good 4 U by Olivia Rodrigo. The drama. The angst. The lyrics. That is a Crosshair song to me. Like yeah. Good for you! You're doing so well and loving life without me isn't that great WELL I'M NOT! Idk. It just really hits for me.

Teal'c - Born For This by The Score. Just. His commitment to his cause. The way he has such faith that one day all Jaffa will finally be free. He will fight for every single last one of them. He doesn't give up.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Crosshair - maaaaaaaaaybe. On one hand I think he'd stick to himself and mind his own business and like having cats around and also scare away unwanted visitors with his general demeanor and protectiveness so that part I like! No strange men would literally ever try anything bc I mean... look at him. No one is messing with him... on the other hand I feel like he'd wander around in the dark and throw knives at the wall and be really territorial over his stuff to the point of me being afraid to touch anything so... it's a solid 5/10 chance we'd get along. I lived with 7 other people at one point and all of them had very different personalities so I can get along with a wide variety of people but he's a good toss up for me.

Teal'c - yes. 100%. I've seen the episode where he has his own apartment and that man is a perfect neighbor and probably a very respectful roommate. He's sweet! He watches out for people! He'd have a lot of candles which I like! And quite like Crosshair he'd scare away unwanted visitors. He's a quiet person and I'm a quiet person so we'd be able to sit in silence and it be okay and I looooove that. He also likes star wars so we're gonna do movie nights :)

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Crosshair - I love Protective Crosshair in fics. It's my weakness. Give me protective Crosshair any day. A man who is grumpy and snarky and petty but loves so fiercely it's almost scary. Someone who doesn't know how to show how he feels so he covers it in snark and still covers the people he cares about in his own brand of love.

And something I don't like... okay... Sometimes people pretend he doesn't gaf bc he's evil or whatever. OR they act like he doesn't exist. Both things bother me. SO he's either overly callous in a way that is just plain mean and nasty and not callous in the way Crosshair actually is. Yes he can be mean. Yes he is sharp and he speaks his mind and he's grumpy and all of that is true. But his portrayal can veer into something that is less a personality trait and more an outright evil villain caricature. It's a double edged sword in fics. There's a weird idea that he doesn't have a single good trait and he's clearly just evil and it makes my blood boil. IT'S EITHER THAT OR I'VE SEEN STUFF WHERE HE JUST HATES ECHO ALL OF THE TIME. Like... I'm not sure we're all watching the same show... but... I don't think he would constantly belittle and try to harm Echo and I've seen plenty of fics where they simply never ever get along and I just don't know where that comes from. (I'm sorry I have so much to say about this ohmygoodness)

Teal'c - THAT HE'S FUNNY. And he's a good person at his core and even though he doesn't always talk very much in fics his personality is still there. I haven't read many Stargate fics yet but anytime Teal'c is in them I am hoping he's got a pretty good role in it because he is just so entertaining.

Sometimes he just stands in the background. AND LISTEN okay I know in the show a lot of the time he doesn't speak bc he's not much of a conversationalist BUT HIS PERSONALITY STILL SHINES. He's still funny and kind and interesting and sometimes he's just forgotten. So forgotten. I love him pls don't forget him.

I had so much to say thank you for coming to my TED Talk :)