#again he was like fuck fuck fuck fuck and got a bbl. and near never even got to see his new ass. breaks my heart

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

Do you think Mello ever got competitive about ass sizes between he and Near since it's a well-known fact that L has the biggest ass to ever ass?

near being caked up was one of the bigger things fueling mello’s inferiority complex tbh

[callofdudes]

So, uh, I was watching Bad Boys 2 with my dad and when the shootout scene happened and Marcus accidentally got shot in the ass I couldn’t help but wonder after I was done LMFAOing; how the COD boys (or the guys from 141 if you have a character limit) would react to and deal with having been shot in the ass? Especially if their S/O or best friend was there?

Ouchie ouchie. Here ya go anon! Sorry it took so long!

Getting shot in the ass.

Fucking humiliated.

First off, it hurt and oh boy he would not talk to anyone. If you're not in the immediate vicinity of medical attention he is going to have to be taken care of by one of you.

He'd probably trust either you or Price. He loves Johnny but not enough to touch his whole ass.

If you're his spouse you will 100% try to make jokes to calm him down, and it doesn't end up making it any better. Simon laying on his stomach writhing in pain while you've got him pantsed.

He's never speaking to any of you again. He'd rather be buried alive than have you bandaging his whole asscheek so he doesn't bleed everywhere.

"Are-fuck! Are you done yet!?" He growled, turning into a whine near the end because he's in pain. Come on man...

"Almost Simon, just hang in with me ok?"

He whines, and you continue to as gently as you can patch the wound. And like a meanie you're trying not to laugh the whole time.

When you're done you'll pat his butt gently and help him up. "Fuck you, and fuck that last 20 minutes of my life." He winces, attempting to stand.

"It's an occupational hazard y'know-"

"In my ass. MY BLOODY ARSE!"

"Well it's not bloody anymore...??"

Yeah he's never speaking to you. Or the others. He'll go back to that coffin where he was safe and his beautiful ass wasn't being threatened 24/7.

When you get back if you tell anyone he's suffocating you in your sleep. Not like the medical team will let him go. Surgery to get the bullet out of his arse and then was hurting for weeks.

Glaring constantly because now he has one of those butt pillows that you'd sit on after a BBL. And the recruits are bugging him because, "Got a lift Lt??" "Thought it was already big enough."

His arse is a point of contention for him and now he's being pointed out for the masses.

"You... You want me to help??"

"Nope." He dragged his leg, limping his way as blood spilled.

"You've uh, got a hole in your-"

"I'm very well aware!" He grimaced, trying to ease down on his side. "Other room." He demands.

"I can help-"

"OTHER ROOM."

"Yes sir."

You step away and let Price undo his belt and survey the damage himself. The last time he was bleeding from his arse his military dad was spanking him upside down and sideways.

By the time he realizes he's going to need a little help he's already regretting his life. He's nearly had his balls shot off before, this shouldn't be news to him, but also, why....

Begrudgingly he calls you back in after messing with it enough it hurts twice as much as before.

So you grab some bandages and get to work.

"Don't-"

"I'm very well aware of where my hands are going captain, you're fine."

"Gross."

"You're bleeding."

"Thank you for stating the obvious." He rubbed his forehead, sighing.

You feel less inclined to snicker at Price because the poor man is just trying to make a living fighting crime. He doesn't deserve this. His beautiful soft ass doesn't deserve this.

When you get back he is just wanting the bullet out by that point so he doesn't fight medical. They get the bullet out and he is taking painkillers like they're going out of style. (No, not in an unhealthy way)

Will probably stay between his room and his office. He wants to do work very badly and hasn't enjoyed sitting around doing nothing for long periods of time.

Can't wear his favorite pants now because they're tighter and the seam cuts right into the stitches. Sweatpants and butt pillow it is until he's out of this hell.

Most recruits know not to poke the bear, unlike you. Or Simon.

"Whew, that was close." You panted and looked at Johnny with relief. "No kidding." But as the adrenaline wore off, Johnny felt lightheaded, and fell to his side.

"Ow-" He winced, his leg feeling numb. You quickly rushed to him and looked him over. He wasn't shot anywhere... Oh. Oh, no never mind, yes he was.

"Johnny..."

"Yeah..?"

"You're shot."

Johnny followed your gaze and saw.

Surprisingly calm. Like, out of everyone he doesn't panic as much. Pulls up his shirt into his mouth and tells you to get it out.

You're hesitant because it's trying to pull a bullet out of someone's ass. And pulling a bullet out is never... Fun. But he trusts you, even if his cheeks are glaringly red from utter embarrassment.

But he doesn't want anyone else to do it for some reason, so you do your best.

Long story short, it did not go well. You ended up messing with the wound that his right ass cheek was so swollen. He looked like an idiot. Laying on his stomach in pain while waiting for Evac.

"I'm sorry..." You rubbed his shoulder.

You'd pulled his pants down further, while still being respectful. But man if he didn't look stupid, and it looked like it hurt. One cheek much bigger than the other, red and swollen.

Johnny promised to never get shot in the ass again. After he was put on bed rest because he had an infection. So uh... That was a fun adventure.

"Why the hell did you try to dig the bullet out of my ass??" He looked over at you when you visited him.

"You told me to do that! I told you it was a bad idea."

"Oh yeah..." He sniffled and crossed his arms, pouting his lip.

"Johnny.. come on, it'll get better."

"Well it can't get worse. Can it?"

"Ow!! Bloody- shit!" He slid down a wall and looked down at his side, expecting the stinging pain he felt to have hit his leg, he was dismayed to find the bullet had got him in the ass.

"Oh fucking of course!" He groaned and tried his best to hold something over the wound while still getting bullets pelted at him.

"How're we looking, sergeant??"

Kyle looked back briefly and then adjusted his gun. "Fine! But I've got a bloody hole in my arse!"

"Say again?"

Kyle groaned. Falling out of helicopters, getting shot in the ass, what was next huh?

"I've. Got. A. Bullet. In my ass!!"

Mortified when the others get to him and see he was not lying. Kyle must have just about the worst luck because what the hell is this?? They got him to medical and they did indeed confirm he had a bullet where the sun don't shine.

His perfect, pretty, unscarred butt was now about to be dug into to get a bullet out. How humiliating. He had bad stuff happen to him, but this he refused to talk about.

"How're... How're you feeling?" You asked after he came out of surgery. Still high on drugs, Kyle glared at you. "Don't even..."

"Don't what?" You snickered slightly.

"Oh fuck off..."

You smiled a little and sat down. "Hey, you'll recover. It sucks, but you've gotten through worse."

"Bullet in the ass."

"Had a bullet in the ass."

"It was still there at one point. That was my reality, y/n!"

You lovingly shushed him with a glass of water.

Kyle did not say a word about it. Even when he needed a pillow to help him sit after the surgery, he never pointed it out. And the others saw the look, if they said anything Kyle would drag them behind a shed and suffocate them with said pillow.

And therefore, for everyone's collective safety, it was never brought up.

[tboytoby]

Clutz and Tomalgam (And a lil SepraTorm at the start)

@tomalgam @rejectclone Here it is! The format’s a little odd since we used MSPARP to do this. 

Warning: It’s a little long

-------------------------------

Clutz: Clutz is an Edd clone, this he knows. However, something he doesn't know, and would very much like to, is why he came out the way he did. He can't do a lot right. One of the few things that he can do correctly, though, is break things. He's broken more fragile items than he's even able to count anymore and as much as he hates it, it's who he is. He's tried everything but he just can't stop being so clumsy. At this point he's begun to think he was born with two left feet. What would that look like? He looks like he has a left and right foot that should work normally.. The clone is suddenly torn out of his thoughts about why he is the way he is as he trips on his shoelaces for the fifth time today. "Ow.." He lets out a soft sigh, ignoring the pain in his hand. He appears to have scraped something. Again. It's quite hard to keep a positive personality when all you do is fail at basic things such as tying your shoes. And walking.

 Separatorm: Well heres him, whos him? He is Separatorm, A reject. He was made when a tom clone and a tord clone somehow were messed with like play dough. They were smushed together than pulled apart. They didn't fully separate. Thats how they got their name. Separatorm. Even with this small little fact, for some reason, these clones liked each other, a lot. More like loved. how? we'll never know. They just love themselves. No fighting. They love themselves so much they speak in one voice all the time, unless there's an argument...but that's rare! They almost don't have any arguments. They sigh, with that giant mouth of there's. They were just leaning against a wall until they saw Clutz. They wave, and smile. And walk over. "You alright?"

 ((wheezes

 ((You did a good, babe

 ((I'm just gonna quickly have a shower while we wait for Candy uvu

 ((k

 ((im also getting lowkey tired

 ((might d i e

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy) [] joined chat.

 SCRIBBLE: shit one sec-))

 Torm|Clutz (Sky)'s connection timed out.

 TOMALGAM: Big ol' Tomalgam was not really your average clone. Some just had little defects, like not having the same interests as the originals, or some were fused, but Tommie was very different. Standing at seven feet tall, with a couple of inches on top of that, he had a face made up of ten "eyes" and three mouths (one in the normal place, one on his cheek, and one above his eyebrow). That wasn't counting the other one on his neck, either. Six arms and four legs, walking was a nightmare for the poor babe. His torso was too heavy for his legs to hold up, so often he found himself crawling like a spider. Scuttle, scuttle! Right now the nervous reject was stumbling along, somewhere near that injured-looking Edd clone and the half separated Torm.

 SCRIBBLE: *eight arms and six legs

 Torm|Clutz (Sky) [] joined chat.

 ((Okay i'm finally back

 Clutz: Clutz rubs his hand a little. "Yeah, i'm okay. Tha...nks..." He pauses as he looks up at the reject clone before him. He's seen Torm before, even a few different variations of them, but never before has he seen a Torm this... Odd..? He doesn't want to think of the poor clone as scary, as much as they are to him, as that would be judging them just by their appearance and that's rude. He decides to just sit up, instinctively patting and brushing away any dust or dirt that decided to cling to his hoodie and his torn pants. He looks up again to notice a certain multi-limbed Tom clone. The clone looks rather uncomfortable as he walks. Even though Clutz knows he'll probably make it worse, he stands up and attempts to move over to the clone. "Sorry, excuse me." He smiles softly at the Torm clone before walking over to Tomalgam. "Hey, are you oka- Ah!" He trips. Again. He groans softly as he lands face first on the ground. Ow.

 ((Clutz is great at first impressions

 ((i,,

 ((HE MADE SURE TO SAY SORRY BUT HIS MOM SENSES WERE TINGLING

 Separatorm: Oh. Hes..kinda..hurt? but he gets it. That tom clone seems like he needs help more than him. He sighs, and just watches, he pats his own back, reassuring himself. Ok, hes good. He coughs though, eugh.

 ((My replies,,,

 ((are gonna be short because im v tired

 ((Is ok

 ((You is a tired bean

 ((pat

 ((//Hugs// My tired bean

 ((:0

 ((Tfw you have two unfinished drawings bc you don't have the motivation to finish them

 SCRIBBLE: I have to do hw so ill bbl-))

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy)'s connection timed out.

 ((:0 Okie dokie

 ((//Pats Jam// You can sleep now bby

 ((ah,,

 ((fades into the astral plane

 ((There they g o

 ((jk

 ((hugs u

 ((now i sleep

 ((Sweet dreams, babe. Love you <3

 ((love you too :0

 Tom|Seperatorm (Jamie) [] disconnected.

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy) [] joined chat.

 ((Ayy

 SCRIBBLE: Heeey))

 ((//Faceplants// I'm ded

 SCRIBBLE: catches))

 SCRIBBLE: same))

 ((:')

 ((Do you wanna continue with the rp? :0

 SCRIBBLE: Yeah sorry im just drawing-))

 ((Ooh :0!

 SCRIBBLE: Two of the clones mouths yelp, creating a duet of fright. He looks down at the poor reject that just fell at his feet, eyes blinking in confusion. After a moment, three arms are held up to help the chap up. Tommie doesn't talk, he just tilts his head a little.

 Clutz: "Thanks." He wipes the area just below his nose, wincing slightly as he sees blood on his hand. "S-Sorry." He feels rather useless. He came over to try and help this poor clone, not to make a fool of himself and have to get help from this poor clone! "I'm fine, i-it happens a lot." He sniffles softly to try and lessen the blood coming out of his nose. He's probably smudged it all over his cheek at this point so he just gives up and gives Tomalgam a reassuring smile.

 SCRIBBLE: The maw on his neck chews its bottom lip testily, drawing blood. Tomalgam winces, looking at the blood smudged across this fellow's cheek. He lifts an arm and points at the spot on his own face, then at the place his nose would be if he had one.

 Clutz: He wipes the spot a little, mostly cleaning it. "Did I get it?" He looks up at the tall clone's face, only really mildly disturbed by his features. Clutz does, though, notice the chewing from the other's neck mouth. "Oh, are you okay? Does it hurt?" It hasn't even dawned on him the possibility of this Tom clone being mute. He'll probably feel really bad if he gets no response.

 SCRIBBLE: He nods at the clone's first question, then an arm lifts and forces the neck's mouth open, ceasing the biting. Another nod, Tomalgam doesn't like talking. He hates his voice :(

 Clutz: "Oh, good! Since I was gonna try and come over here to help you anyways." He smiles brightly. And he's obviously helped so much since he moved over here... He quickly dismisses the thought from his mind.

 TOMALGAM: Tilting his head again, Tomalgam points at Clutz, eyes blinking. It's meant to be a sort of "who are you?" gesture.

 Clutz: He thinks for a second. Oh, right. "Everyone calls me Clutz..." He doesn't really like the name but it's the only one he has. "Can you tell me yours..?"

 ((Oop brb

 TOMALGAM: same-))

 TOMALGAM: All of his mouths, save the one on his neck, set in a thin line. After a while, he reluctantly forces out, "Tomal...gam..." His voice is hoarse and rough, and he seems to struggle to talk. Must be difficult with a mouth pressing against his windpipe.

 ((I LIVE

 TOMALGAM: eyy))

  Clutz: He jumps slightly, having been just about to ask if the poor guy was mute. "Oh, it's great to meet you Tomalgam!" He doesn't seem to pay any mind to the strain in the poor guy's voice. He's just appreciative that Tomalgam went to the trouble of projecting his voice for him.

 TOMALGAM: Nodding again, he holds out a hand for Clutz to shake. He has to stoop a little, tall babe.

 Clutz: He laughs softly and takes the tall bois hand. He's smol anyways at a nice 5'6. Taller than his mun by an inch.

 TOMALGAM: Coughs. Though his main mouth stays straight unlike him, the one on his cheek hesitantly smiles. Pure boy. Soft boy.

 ((They were both at 6'0, were they supposed to be? :0

 ((Cause I'm pretty sure my phone is just bein a butt

 TOMALGAM: oh, mustve not worked =]:/))

 ((What heights were supposed to be there?

 TOMALGAM: 7'2" and 5'6"))

 ((Ah ok!

 ((Man Clutz is tiny compared to Tomalgam

 TOMALGAM: imagine scribbs next to him))

 TOMALGAM: three foot))

 Clutz: It's okay everyone's gay in Wonderland He softly shakes the tol soft bois hand. Tall soft and small soft. Soft team.

((T INY

 TOMALGAM: The tall soft of the soft team points at Clutz various injuries with another arm, head tilted. How the fuck can one guy get so many injuries-

 TOMALGAM: imagine if tommie picked scribbs up and fucking wrapped him up in a little arm cocoon-))

 ((AaAAAA

 TOMALGAM: soMEONE NEEDS TO DRAW THAT-))

 Clutz: "Hm?" He looks at the arm. "Oh, I'm just really clumsy. I trip a lot.. Fall down stairs... A lot."

 Clutz: Hand* hecking

 ((Aw mAN I WISH I HAD ACCESS TO MY DRAWING TABLET

 TOMALGAM: He frowned sadly, that doesn't sound nice. He gently pats the soft smol's head.

 TOMALGAM: PATS,))

 Clutz: He flinches a little but smiles. He,,, Has a head injury,,,

 TOMALGAM: nnnnoooOOOOO- He sees the flinch and frick,,, he hurt him,, He pulls his hand away, fuck, he did bad. "Sorry.." He croaks out.

 Clutz: "No, no, it's okay! I just hit my head earlier." Soft comforting arm pat.

  TOMALGAM: "No..." He whines, it's all his fault. He sniffles, black liquid starting to ooze from a few of his eyes. He's a big baby.

 Clutz: PANIC. He just quickly hugs the poor boy. "No, don't cry!" Or,, Whatever he's doing,, "I-It's okay! It's really not your fault! You didn't know." He buries his face in Tomalgam's hoodie, not wanting to see the poor baby cry. "It's okay. It's okay."

 TOMALGAM: ! Snuffle.. four of his arms wrap around the boy, a tight cocooning hold. The other two wipe his eyes. Poor cuties.

 Clutz: He smiles softly and rubs his cheek against the big boy(TM). He picked up a few qualities of cats by living with a few stray ones right after everyone escaped. He still owns said cats. Man he loves cats. They're so graceful. Wait he's hugging someone. "Soft." Soft, warm and safe from all of the accidents he has. He's very rarely experienced a hug, let alone one with so many arms.

 TOMALGAM: Tomalgam has never been called soft before. Scary, ugly, sometimes even horrifying, but never soft. It makes him feel warm and fuzzy. The other two arms join their brothers around the small boy(TM).

 Clutz: He loves the affection. He's p much smothered in arms at this point but he really doesn't mind, as long as he can still breathe he's okay. He lets out a little laugh. "You give great hugs." He absolutely loves compliments. Getting them, giving them. He just loves em.

 TOMALGAM: The mouth on his neck makes a little noise of gratitude as the arms hold him tighter. Tomalgam be careful youre going to hurt him-

 Clutz: He finds it a little harder to breathe but tries to take no mind to it. He's pretty durable but any tighter and he'll have to call it quits.

 TOMALGAM: After a while like this, Tommie finally pulls away. Don't want to kill him on the first date- He looks around, he's getting tired of standing.

 Clutz: Lowkey takes in a few deep breaths of air. His legs are starting to get tired so he just sits down on the ground with a soft hum before patting the ground next to him.

 TOMALGAM: He slowly sits down, careful to not fall. This is done by crouching, and leaning forwards onto his hands as he sits. Hoo. Job well done.

 Clutz: He smiles as a silent 'good job!' before hesitantly leaning on the other. He just likes how warm Tomalgam is.

 Clutz: Plus if he's close to someone he feels safer.

 TOMALGAM: Tommie feels safer too, he remembers cuddling Good Tord. He misses Good Tord. He puts all his arms around Clutz, pulling him into his lap. Soft.

 Clutz: Oop he's a teddy now. He lays happily in Tomalgam's lap, positioning himself as close to the other clone as possible. Aw yeah first friend that isn't dead or a cat.

 TOMALGAM: Who says Tomalgam isnt a cat? He'll purr if you stroke him in the right place. He buries him face in the lil ones hair, smiling.

 Clutz: Omg He becomes a lil blushing mess. Aaa what is this affection he is receiving.

 TOMALGAM: It's affection from a big cuddle monster. Tommie isn't blushing, he probably thinks this is platonic or something

 Clutz: He does, too. He's just a lil cutie that gets easily flustered He can't help but giggle. He's a happy smol and he's gotta show it.

 TOMALGAM: Tommie laughs too, a gravelly, wheezing noise. Hoo, babe that doesn't sound healthy.

 Clutz: He's a bit skeptical but doesn't want to ruin the situation. He can ask about it later. He just adjusts his position to be a little more comfortable.

 TOMALGAM: Ruin the situation, eh? Tommie takes this moment to lay down and turn onto his side, Clutz still clutched tightly in his arms. No escape.

 Clutz: This is how he dies- He makes sure he's facing the bby as they both lay down. He rests an arm on Tomalgam, just putting the other in a comfy position. He's happy with this.

 TOMALGAM: Clutz is now his teddybear. He hasn't been this calm in fucking ages, woah. He could almost... zzzzz...

 TOMALGAM: Okay i think im gonna skedaddle for a while, seeeeeeya))

 TOMALGAM: tommie will never let clutz escape))

 [4'2"] Scribble Tom [7'2"] Tomalgam (Candy)'s connection timed out.

 ((Oh whoops. Nearly passed out

 ((I wanted to sleep anyways lmao

 Clutz: Aw fuck it's a dang sleepin party. He yawns a little and falls asleep not long after Tomalgam. Sleepy beans.

 ((And I'm off. Night babies

Torm|Clutz (Sky) [PHONE] [] disconnected