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wisteria-lodge · 2 years ago

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bird primary + burnt lion secondary (bird model)

I wrote a lot here, and I generally wrote about the same few themes. I know that I repeated myself a lot, so feel free to cut out anything that's repetitive. (I feel kind of bad making you do that, since that's putting more work on you and I could write a more cohesive essay, but I thought I'd give you all the information at my disposal, even if it's really repetitive. I also feel kind of presumptuous for giving you permission, because you can do whatever you want to).

That's a lot of apologizing right up front. I think we might have a burned secondary here.

I just wanted to read your responses to what I wrote, since they're very interesting to me. You go really in-depth with your responses, which I appreciate.

I think I'm a Lion Bird, but I can't really see that much Lion in myself, other than being opinionated and hating lying.

Hmm. Well, being opinionated is more a personality trait than a method or a motive. And really hating to lie usually comes with Lion *secondaries.*

All that I'm really sure of is that I definitely have a Bird secondary. I really like psychology and classifying people into systems. I have trouble making sense of people sometimes (like what motivates them and drives them), and categorizing people helps me feel better about interacting with them.

Cheers. Completely get what you mean. I mean, why else do you think I'm doing this?

(And for the record, my Bird is a model that I love. Which might possibly be the case for you.)

I also like writing, but I don't have the self-discipline to finish anything, which makes me give up on ideas after a few days.

Now I know this is coming from me being a writing teacher. I kind of have to believe that anyone who wants to write can write, given enough time and support.

But I hear stuff like this from my students all the time. And it either means that they don't have the right scaffolding and framework, or that they aren't writing using the process that's ideal for them. I categorically reject words like "lazy" and "no self discipline," because I think they're symptoms, not causes. I have zero doubt that you can write... and think that this is starting to sound like the language of a burnt secondary. Or maybe just a secondary that needs some support.

I want to go into psychology, but I wouldn't feel comfortable being a therapist. I'm definitely not good at identifying with people's emotions. My family even thought that I was autistic at one point, even though I'm not (I don't show enough of the symptoms).

I'm also low-level autistic, what they used to call Asperger's back in the day. And I'm also not good at identifying with people's emotions, at least in an empathic way. Emotions are not contagious for me the way they seem to be for lots of other people. But I'll tell you a secret. A lot of people like that. Especially people who are high emotion, panicky, on the verge of a meltdown. I'm calm. I de-escalate. I can also sift though the emotional noise to get at the problem.

I probably idolize Bird primaries?

Another tendency I have noticed in myself. (Makes me think you're probably an Idealist.)

I'm fairly sure that I'm not a Snake or a Badger. I don't really care about people that much, or fitting in with groups. Badgers seem to me like they're deferring to the group at the expense of themselves, and that they either don't have their own opinions, or, worse, they're hiding them to gain other people's acceptance.

That's a description of a very immature, or very exploded Badger, but I agree - you're probably not a loyalist.

I'm pretty impulsive, and I hate lying to people (my mom will lie to someone just to make them feel better, and I can't stand it). Those are really the only Lion traits I have.

^ Those are Lion secondary traits, again.

I'm not really brave or anything like that.

That's the parent system. Means nothing here.

I read in your other SortMes that you liked anecdotes, so here are a lot of them. I was just trying to figure out what would be the most useful/helpful to you. I do that a lot...I'll try to figure out what people want me to do and try to give that to them.

'Make yourself useful' 'make yourself helpful' 'give me what you think I want.' But very consciously constructed, this isn't Courtier badger. An Actor Bird persona, maybe? But you don't seem to *like* problem solving this way. Is there maybe some Badger primary modeling going on that's weighing heavily on you, and that's why you had such a knee-jerk negative reaction to even the idea of a Badger primary. Or is this just burnt secondary stuff?

I don't think it's in a Snake way, because I'm not trying to be different people. It's more like I'm emphasizing different attributes of myself.

I mean yeah, you're a person. We all do this. We just all use slightly different mechanisms to do it, which is where the different secondaries come in.

I'm just insecure, and I want people to like me, but I wouldn't change myself for another person's acceptance (at least, I hope I wouldn't).

And we're back to burnt secondary language. There's anxiety, and no joy in your problem solving.

When I was younger (age 12 or so), I thought in black-and-white patterns and thought that everyone who didn't agree with me was wrong.

Okay, well. Classic young Bird primary. I am seeing it overlap with young Lion primaries though. Wrong/Bad/Enemy language can get very muddled together, especially if you're young.

My mom brought me to church with her, and I hated it so much that I compared her believing in God to being the same as her believing in Santa Claus. According to my mom, I've always been opinionated, and when I was around six I told my whole class that Santa wasn't real, making some kids cry. I'm proud of myself for being confident enough to stand up for myself and my beliefs like that, even if I can't remember it. I feel kind of bad that I made kids cry, though.

Definitely an idealist. And I know the easy thing would be to say Bird primary here, because it's all about debating and debunking... but factoring in how young these examples are, and how public they are... Lion primary is still totally possible. That gut deep 'this is wrong, even if my authority figures disagree' is Lion primary... and the "I must express it NOW' is Lion secondary.

I'd never be that vocal about my beliefs now (because I'm scared of people. Thanks, social anxiety). I still judge people like that, to an extent. I know it's immature and I try not to, but I still fall into the trap of judging people from time to time. I don't like people who smoke or do drugs. I know it's a disease that causes biological changes in the brain, and that people usually start doing things like that in the first place because they want a sense of belonging or to cope with depression or something, but I can't stand them. I judge their moral and character, because they chose to do that, even though I know they're not bad people. I don't like it, but that's how I feel.

It's funny that you pair these things together, because it's very common for people with untreated social anxiety disorder to self-medicate with cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much people scare you, you've got to find some way to power though.

I do appreciate your honesty, and I do appreciate that you know this is a tendency that isn't doing you any favors. That little aside about how you need to get your emotions check, though- that's really REALLY bird primary. You don't like how you feel, you're working on changing that, and it's one of the traits that make Bird primaries so admirable.

If you've got untreated social anxiety, I truly hope you can get that looked at before you pick up any unhealthy coping mechanisms. In the mean time, I'm operating within the framework of the SHC system, and I'm going to call out the burnt secondary language. "I'd like to do this, but it's scary."

Around the age of 12, I argued with my mom a lot (teenage hormones, my depression starting to flare up, ect.)

Also an especially common things for young Lion secondaries to do.

My mom said that I'd be a good lawyer because I liked arguing with her (it made me feel powerful, and allowed me to get my anger out) and criticized her about the exact words that she used. My mom even stopped during arguments to look up words and show me the definition so that I wouldn't yell at her about it. I'm pretty sure that's a secondary Bird thing?

What, nit-picking about semantics? I mean it can be. It's just a debate strategy. The thing that's drawing my attention a lot more is what you say about arguing angrily making you feel powerful. That is not true of everyone, not even a little, and is leaning me more towards Lion secondary.

I also used to be really concerned with semantics, and using words correctly. I'd correct people in class if I heard them using the wrong grammar.

*that* might just be a neurodivergent thing.

I also absolutely refused to let anyone cheat off of me, even though people asked me if they could. I saw it as them using me, and cheating's wrong.

I think that's a person thing. If you told me you *did* let random people cheat off you just for the asking, I'd think that was unusual.

I know that I was paralyzed for a few years after high school. I didn't know what job I wanted to have/what I wanted to do with my life, and I was really depressed so I thought that I wouldn't be happy doing anything anyway.

Oh OUCH. That sounds like a REALLY burned secondary.

I almost picked the military because the idea of them picking something for me sounded nice. I wanted someone tell me what my job would be, so that I wouldn't have to decide it for myself and feel responsible for my career choice. Thankfully, I didn't join the military, and psych feels relatively 'me', even if I'm nervous about inadvertently becoming a therapist.

And a burned primary. I'm glad you're doing better. (And you would not be the first Bird Lion who knocked over their secondary and froze, when their primary took a hit. Not by a long shot.)

I spent a solid two to three years feeling trapped, researching every job in existence and taking career tests over and over.

Now this has Exploded Bird primary written all over it. ALL over it.

I really like gathering research (mostly reading about one or two things, like psychology). I wish I was interested in everything. I've tried to force myself to study things that I'm not really interested in (medicine, computer programming/technology), because I really like them conceptually/theoretically, and I want to be good at things like that. I've always idolized people who I see as smart, even though I'm smart, too. Or if I can't be interested in everything, at least just pick one thing (like playing the piano, for example), and become a master at it. I'm a dilettante, but not as much of one as I hope I could be? I admire people who study everything just for the sake of knowledge.

I don't think you're a Bird secondary. And more than that, I think you have an exaggerated, idealized idea of what a Bird secondary is. No Bird secondary is interested in everything. You are smart, and being smart is a huge part of your identity, and so therefore you must be a Bird secondary. (And then you beat yourself up for not doing it perfectly.)

(cheers for using the word "dilettante" though. that's a fun word :)

I wish that I could devote myself more to the things that I'm interested in, like music theory or economics. I want to know about them, but when I actually sit down and read a book about it, I get so bored that I can't finish.

Despite my general disdain for the American education system, I loved school. I always idolized being homeschooled as a kid, to get more personalized education at a faster pace, and I begged my mom for years to be homeschooled. She always said no.

I want to learn about things like history and music theory for fun, but I can't do it without the structure of a class because they're boring, even though I want to know about them and find them interesting. I want to learn a wide variety of things just for the sake of it, even though I usually just stick with the same few things.

I remember failing a college class (it was a computer science class) because I kept failing the projects. It was hands-on, which definitely isn't the type of learning that suits me. I remember thinking afterwards that as long as my class had a textbook, I wouldn't fail, because I'd know what to study and how. I really admire computer programming and how far technology has come, but I don't like coding. I like the theory of it more than the practical applications, if that makes sense?

I'm actually very interested in this. You love school, you love being in class, studying from a textbook is not a problem but hands-on type projects are. But sitting by yourself and reading a book is under-stimulating.

Cool. You seem like the exact person that online classes and lecture series were invented for. All that stuff like The Great Courses, Master Class, Skill Share, Nebula... and then there's always the option of taking a class or a lecture locally, for fun. Learning doesn't have to look like sitting down and reading a book... which is doubly the case if you are a Lion secondary (as I suspect you are.)

I've always been unafraid to express my opinions (with my family, at least. My social anxiety inhibits me anywhere else). I'll tell my mom something like her boyfriend doesn't care about her because he likes himself more than he likes her, or something really blunt like that. I wish that I could stop doing that and try to be more open-minded.

Yeah, that's pretty damn blunt. You're blunt, and you seem to enjoy being blunt. Even in this example, it's not the being blunt that bothers you, it's the being closed-minded (which is more of a primary issue.)

I'll also get sad about societal things that I can't change, like capitalism or the education system. (I have a huge issue with society controlling people, too. That's why I hate religion so much - it's telling you one 'right' way to think, instead of letting people choose for themselves.)

How very Friedrich Nietzsche of you. And I get it. I read Genealogy of Morals when I was 17 and that was a *very* important book for me. I also read Eichmann in Jerusalem at about the same time, and thought they paired very well together.

I've always wanted to understand myself at a really deep level, knowing why I do everything that I do. I try, but I can't figure out everything. But it's always been a driving force of mine.

To some degree, I think this is just human. The unexamined life is not worth living, and all that.

I like categorizing people. I'm really interested in psychology (for example, people often use personality tests like the MBTI when it's been proven in studies to not be scientifically accurate, even though a lot of the traits correspond to the scientifically-accurate Big 5 personality test, which I find interesting. I wonder if the Big 5 being created by psychologists while the MBTI being created by two people who weren't even involved in psychology has anything to do with it.)

I mean, MBTI was created a hundred years ago by two self-taught woman because like... heck that's still early days of psychology, so getting any kind of formal degree would have taken some doing, not to even mention the whole woman-in-higher- education thing of the time. And MBTI is self-diagnostic. It's like SHC, and honestly like astrology, in that the point is to give you language you can use to describe and categorize yourself.

Big Five was developed in the 80s as a tool you could use for studying trait theory in demographic samples. It's fundamentally more useful for studying other people. It's just... really really different.

I hate lying. I lied a lot when I was a kid (once again, around age 12), but that was more me trying to avoid punishments/test my boundaries. Typical teenage things (lol, alliteration).

I also think you might be unusually resistant to thinking of yourself as a Lion secondary, because you equate Lion secondary traits with *teenager* traits. Instead of just young Lion secondary traits with the potential to mature into something cool.

I know that I have Lion traits, like feeling that things are wrong and then obsessively researching to find out why, but I wouldn't trust those gut feelings without a reason, or act on feelings without thinking things through first. Maybe I have a Bird Primary model?

Or you're just a Bird. Because that's a description of a Bird.

I know that I idolize Birds and knowledge in general, but being completely rational sounds like a nightmare. I'm interested in things that require feelings, like psychology and writing.

Birds aren't SPOCK. (And if you've read my sorting of the guy, you'll know that I don't actually even think he's a bird.)

When I look at Lion Birds in TV shows and books and such, they feel way too impulsive and emotional and confident to be like me. When I look at Bird Lions, they have way too much perseverance and stubbornness to be like me.

I mean, just going by what you've told me here, I'd say those two things describe you. There are also a lot of Bird Lions out there who are kind of *going though it.* One of the easiest ways to identify a fictional Bird Lion to spot their tendency to shut down after an existential crisis. You're telling me you didn't identify with Buzz Lightyear even a little? :D

Of course, part of the reason's due to stereotypical character personalities, but I don't see much of myself in either one of them. I know that I have Lion traits, but I know it's not my secondary, since I use Bird traits to help me solve problems (i.e., researching).

I'm sorry to say it, but I haven't seen you use Bird secondary to solve problems. In fact, researching and over-researching seems like an anxiety response. You use words like "obsessive" and you worry about not doing it well enough. The examples you've given me of problem solving involve you just putting yourself out there and punching though the obstacles, and you describe that as feeling good and powerful.

Clearly you have a Bird secondary model, and it's important to you. It's fun, you love it, it's important to your identity, and it probably helped you out during that period when your secondary was really burned. But I think there's a Lion secondary under there that needs to be looked at too.

One of the tests said that I had a Burned Lion Primary and was overcompensating with a Bird Secondary, but I don't think that's right

It's possible, and sometimes what appears to be a stressed Bird primary can end up being a Burnt Lion primary, that is a thing. But I agree that it's not the cleanest explanation, that makes the most sense for you.

I feel like I've always been in-between being emotional and logical, and that life would be a lot easier if I were either one or the other. I have a really logical personality, but I've always been drawn to humanities, which caused a lot of confusion and feeling like I didn't fit. I usually do best when I'm allowed to be creative and analytical at the same time, like writing essays when I have to analyze character motivations.

Yeah, you're fine. You're an emotional Bird who likes to factor that in when you make decisions. The DBT idea of the "wise mind" might appeal to you, especially if you're thinking of going into psychology.

I love psychology, but I'd be terrified if I were a therapist and forced to emphasize with people and understand them, even if I loved diagnosing them.

Diagnosing people IS understanding them. You don't have to be afraid of this. And you don't need high empathy.

As a sort of ending, I really admire what you're doing. I've been fascinated by personality and the way that people are different for most of my life. I'd love to do something like you're doing. When you answer submissions, you always go into a lot of detail, and they're very interesting to read. Thank you. I would apologize for the length, but you're probably going to cut out anything that's repetitive anyway. Essentially, I'm just trying to get more insight into this personality system, because it's really cool. Thanks for replying

You're very welcome. This one was fun. I always like doing Bird primaries because I always end up getting all philosophical. :)

#submission #bird lion #burnt secondary #bird primary #lion secondary #sortme #wisteria sorts #sortinghatchats #shc

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Amber & Cosmo

Amber: [okay so what if like he finds her in Dash's room obvs he's not there like lowkey ransacking it and he can either help her or walk off whatever you think he'd do and then we can do a convo after that of her being like I'm not a burglar or a bunny boiler just for your info] Cosmo: [I like it, he'd more than likely just walk-off like 😏 okay so] Amber: [that works for us cos they've seen each other so they know each other is hot but haven't spoken] Cosmo: [exactly and just set up he's not gonna deign to get involved with anything his brother/you] Amber: not a stalker but realise getting in your inbox to claim that is a defeat.... Cosmo: you either got the wrong room or wrong inbox Amber: right room to get my zip back, right inbox because you saw me hunting for it Cosmo: I'm glad Cosmo: your efforts to stop him being entirely useless are appreciated Amber: I don't rate highly for him besides 🎯 Amber: but easy mark for theft isn't a sweet identifier Cosmo: Exactly, no need to get upset Cosmo: you've got your shit back and you didn't have to interact with him again, take your wins Amber: control your emotion? is that how you're gonna talk to a girl you've just (not) met? Amber: take your chance at less....THAT....first impression Cosmo: we met Cosmo: I was the tall, athletic guy Cosmo: you were up to your waist in all the crap he has lying about, but I could just about see you over it Amber: you looked at me, you didn't meet me Amber: it would involve not keeping walking Cosmo: I'm sorry, I didn't know there was etiquette surrounding girls who just so happen to be taking back what was there's, NOT stalking and NOT stealing Cosmo: should I have offered assistance? Amber: if the idea of meeting me horrifies you more than the prospect of me leaving quicker thrills you, no help required Cosmo: I'm not part of the turndown service, sadly Cosmo: again, nothing personal Cosmo: I just have somewhere to be Amber: I didn't know it was a real hotel Cosmo: He didn't tell you? Cosmo: practically the marmont but no one cool has died here yet Amber: the in depth conversation you're picturing us having didn't happen Amber: not to make you more uncomfortable than my sudden appearance Cosmo: rest easy, I'm not picturing anything Cosmo: as I said, busy Amber: 😴👶 Cosmo: What's that meant to mean Amber: I'll sleep like a newborn, you can rest easy knowing it Amber: when you're not busy Cosmo: 😏 alright Cosmo: would hate to have you keeping me up at night, honestly, so thanks Amber: if I wake up screaming for milk I won't come & find you Cosmo: If you wake up 9 months down the like with a screaming 👶 Cosmo: I'll redirect you to the right room, free of charge Amber: can you not put a hex on me please Amber: I'm too busy myself to be carrying any 👶s Cosmo: I can promise you I wouldn't know how should I want to Cosmo: but I don't and you seem smart enough to have put your faith in something beyond magik Amber: what do those people seem like to you? Amber: I can talk in riddles all day Amber: give you a reading Cosmo: I've been assured we're both too busy for that Cosmo: but I get it, I know where you're from Amber: you know where I live Amber: that makes two of us Cosmo: I don't need to know any more than that Cosmo: do you? Amber: if you don't, I don't Amber: you don't work at the hotel and I'm not the official spokesperson for this place Cosmo: we can both agree to give the guided tour a miss Cosmo: go on then, what's your name Amber: that's a quick turnaround Amber: you didn't need to know anything because you had an idea where to leave 💌 Amber: you wanna give them the personal touch, addressed to me and signed? Cosmo: You might be used to being the hottest girl in the commune or whatever but that ain't it Cosmo: you don't wanna be spokesperson, who are you then? Amber: 😂 we don't spend our days having beauty and talent contests but if I do speak out I'll suggest it over the campfire Amber: my name isn't who I am, is yours? 🚀🌠 Cosmo: Sure being humble and selfless is in the indoctrination but give it a go Cosmo: those 20s won will all add up for you Cosmo: and I go by my last name Amber: flattery & letters, you're a patron of all the dying arts, boy Cosmo: Someone's got to Amber: valiant Cosmo: If you like Cosmo: you won't be getting the letters though, this rate Amber: don't you like compliments back? Amber: I'll use a 🖋 if you prefer Cosmo: Genuine ones, perhaps Amber: you're not too busy for genuine connection? Cosmo: awfully presumptuous for someone who only knows where I live Cosmo: touche Amber: I know your name too Amber: & what you look like Cosmo: You won't tell me yours Cosmo: it can't be much worse Amber: It's Amber and up to you how you rate it Amber: some of my roommates have it worse, or better, subjectively Cosmo: Its normal Cosmo: you won the hippie lottery Amber: but maybe I'd commit more fully if I was called Acorn Amber: love my life Cosmo: maybe you'd resent it even harder and change it to something really dull just to spite them Amber: Or go by my last name, little 🐦 told me some people do that 😏 Cosmo: Long as any siblings you've got love their stupid name Cosmo: why not, eh Amber: I don't have any Amber: officially Cosmo: Piss off Cosmo: why are you like princess of that place Amber: I have no idea what you mean Amber: if anyone is, Lux is Cosmo: You get a normal name AND you don't have 17 brothers and sisters Cosmo: you're one of the murderers on the run then, yeah? Amber: we covered that I'm no crazy ex Amber: my dad's a teacher, he teaches the ones who don't go to school Cosmo: figures Amber: what's the equation? you haven't shown any of your working out Cosmo: exactly Cosmo: that's why you're not exactly like the others I've 👀 Cosmo: 🍎📚 Amber: are you 'not like other girls' ing me or calling me a 🤓? Cosmo: You can have 'not like other girls I've met on the landing' Amber: am I supposed to want that? Amber: maybe this is a 'ask me how many other girls I've met on the landing' lead in Cosmo: Why would you need to ask? Cosmo: compare notes around the campfire Amber: it doesn't interest me Cosmo: Gutted for him Amber: how much more flattery can I take Cosmo: Maybe a question for yourself Cosmo: definitely not for me Amber: you're offering it up Amber: you're not gonna question that? Cosmo: I've got manners Cosmo: you can question why that's so shocking to you but I ain't gonna put a downer on your day now you got your bag of sunshine back Amber: the answer is because if you had manners you wouldn't have run away from me when I was going feral on your brothers belongings Cosmo: I don't owe his stuff any more than I owe you Cosmo: there's manners then there's involving yourself in business that ain't yours Cosmo: which is rude, btw Amber: I was upset & you ignored it, that's ruder btw Cosmo: He upsets lots of people Cosmo: I can't console you all Cosmo: I'm sure he'll be at yours if you need to talk it out Cosmo: or just smack him, better yet Amber: we aren't allowed to resort to violence to resolve our conflicts Amber: I came to Hotel Calfornia looking for him for that precise reason Cosmo: you're welcome to wait Cosmo: can never leave that one, yeah Cosmo: he'll be back for snacks at some point Amber: I got a better resolution, my shit back Cosmo: like I said, I am genuinely glad for you Cosmo: and I also said, you shouldn't bother being upset about him Amber: I'm not upset about him, that's why I'm not waiting for him Cosmo: What's wrong Amber: I don't like being stolen from, we share, we don't just take Cosmo: He's not from there Cosmo: and he's also a prick Cosmo: just tell all your other hippie mates and they'll not feel like sharing with him any time soon, easy Amber: he's there more than I am, he knows how things are Amber: & I'm not a teacher Cosmo: bold of you to assume he cares Cosmo: this ain't actually a hotel either, let you in on that shocker Cosmo: just treats it as such Amber: I'm not so high I see more dots than there are to connect Amber: you're easy to follow Amber: so is he Cosmo: If that's riddle for normie Cosmo: I've never been less offended, sorry Amber: if I wanted to offend you I'd have looked through your room after his Cosmo: what do you want Amber: something to do Cosmo: Do you wanna get back at him or no Amber: are you gonna out me to the hippies if I say yes? Cosmo: You've never seen me there Cosmo: you don't need to worry Amber: not worried, I'm curious Cosmo: right answer Cosmo: come back here and I'll help you this time, alright Cosmo: but not now, I have training Cosmo: later Amber: call my name when you're done Amber: now you know it Cosmo: alright Cosmo: if 12 other girls come out too, not my fault Amber: 😂 Amber: they won't look anything like me if they do Amber: we'll track each other down Cosmo: Hottest girl in the commune, I remember Cosmo: don't need to kick it that old school and insist on glass slippers Amber: what you should remember is I won the hippie lottery Amber: only Amber at the commune Amber: so if you find any others they'll be 'normal' Cosmo: quote unquote Cosmo: anyone who willingly spends their time there without reason is weirder than being born there Amber: I wasn't born there Amber: & you're being a bigger prick than your brother Cosmo: dragged there by your parents, same difference Amber: that's their reason for being there, they don't make me stay Amber: they don't make me do anything Cosmo: sure Amber: it's not the horriblest place I've lived, why is that so 👽 to you? Cosmo: Kids don't have free will when it comes to their parents Cosmo: mine don't MAKE me live here but where else Amber: I have more than most Cosmo: I already said sure Amber: but it's heavy with disbelief Cosmo: because its not real Amber: I'll send you a postcard as tangible proof when I go back to travelling & they stay here Cosmo: I'll pretend I'm impressed Amber: are we trying to impress each other now? Cosmo: Do you think you're being impressive Amber: no Cosmo: Good Amber: what are you training for? Cosmo: football Cosmo: I'm a footballer Amber: let me guess, you're the one who scores all the goals Amber: whatever that's called Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: girls don't fuck with the goalie Cosmo: but I ain't ours Cosmo: even though its equally as important, if you ask him 😏 Amber: plenty more girls don't care what position a boy plays in Amber: or if he plays Cosmo: girls you know Cosmo: not ones I need to Amber: girls existing all over the world Amber: because there is a 🌏 beyond the commune, in spite of how obsessed you are with it Cosmo: called the world cup, look it up Cosmo: nothing unites the world more than football, fact Cosmo: ain't peace and love Amber: research football hooligans Amber: 👶s are made but domestic violence spikes if you lose Cosmo: part of it Cosmo: war is the other great equalizer, fightings the good bit of, obviously Amber: conversion to your way of thinking isn't necessary Cosmo: I'm right Cosmo: its irrelevant what you think Amber: I'm not looking for deprogramming & reprogramming Cosmo: Your loss Amber: 🙃 Cosmo: 👍 Cosmo: later Amber: call me, Cosmo 💫 Cosmo: don't call me that, like Amber: this is where if I was you, I'd say don't get upset Cosmo: I told you that's not my name Amber: what do you want me to call you? Cosmo: You seriously don't know his last name Cosmo: Christ Amber: why would I? he wasn't offering to give it to me Cosmo: 🙄 Cosmo: its Haynes Amber: 👌 Cosmo: [however long you have to train for, probably a full day] Cosmo: you about, Amber Amber: I thought you'd forgotten about me Cosmo: How could I Cosmo: how bad do you wanna mess with him then, what's the level here Amber: I don't want him to think I'm 💔 Cosmo: 'Course Cosmo: I've got an idea then Cosmo: you want to come back or you want me to 📬 you the goods Amber: are you gonna also send me 💌 with it? Cosmo: does that change your answer? Amber: yes Cosmo: I thought you'd had enough flattery for one day Amber: that was before you ignored me for a really long time Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: you're funny Amber: 🤭 Cosmo: do you know what this is? Cosmo: [sends her a picture of a small ass/specialist spanner used for skateboard wheels] Amber: 🛹🔧 Cosmo: exactly Cosmo: so its just a case of if you wanna do the honours or not really Amber: I'll be there Cosmo: I won't start without you Cosmo: you can be more creative with your hiding places than he was too, not hard Amber: considerate Amber: I won't make you wait as long as you did me Cosmo: do most girls not like to be kept waiting too then Amber: it was you who singled me out as different Amber: 🕊☮️✌👽 Cosmo: comes with the territory Cosmo: but I could be beating women and rioting so you know Amber: 🌟 for not Cosmo: backatcha for being the only Amber Amber: I didn't choose my name, you know Amber: you'll have to give my mama that one Cosmo: 💔 so much for freedom Cosmo: take your wins, remember Amber: nobody can walk when they're a 👶 Amber: remember your manners Cosmo: you bringing her with then Cosmo: bit weird but fine Amber: you gonna flatter her too? Cosmo: 🌟 all 'round Amber: then no because her committed relationship would crumble & it'd be my fault for bringing her to the hotel Cosmo: hardly, I'm a prick, right Cosmo: and define committed whilst you're at it Amber: it's not up to me to define what she means by committed or to judge if she's into pricks young enough to be her son Cosmo: considerate Amber: 🤫 because I don't have 17 siblings or 4 fathers doesn't mean my mama is for you, boy Cosmo: the MILF thing is played out Cosmo: not for me Amber: 🌟🌟 Cosmo: cheers Amber: I understand why when he's at the commune, he stays Amber: it's a long way back to the hotel Cosmo: you reckon that's it Amber: do you have a pool? Cosmo: why would we Amber: he can't skate on water so that's another negative Amber: if you did Amber: & most hotels do Cosmo: yeah, for the 2 days a year the sun's out Cosmo: he'll have to learn to snowboard on it 'cos more likely Amber: you don't have to wait for the sun to come out to go swimming Cosmo: stitch that one on a pillow Amber: I'll leave it on your bed for you when I'm done Cosmo: you just that fast or you make a habit of breaking in? Amber: you don't want me in your pool or your room Amber: unfriendly Cosmo: 😏 Cosmo: gutted, obviously Cosmo: come in the front door this time, let's start there Amber: if you insist Cosmo: just thinking of my parents guttering Amber: are you calling me fat now? Cosmo: Oh yeah Cosmo: you're tiny, don't be dumb Amber: maybe you're playing blind football, I don't know your life Cosmo: I ignored you, I still 👀 you Cosmo: sorry to break it to you Amber: do you want that on the other side of the pillow? Cosmo: go on Amber: I'll just stitch some 👀s and freak you out Amber: the stalker in me Cosmo: 😍 more appropriate Amber: after you go swimming with me maybe Cosmo: got nothing more than a bathtub here, I weren't lying Amber: how big is it? Cosmo: you won't be able to do laps Amber: we'll have to float instead Cosmo: alright 😂 Amber: how long can you hold your breath for? Cosmo: I dunno Cosmo: but probably ages, my cardio is top Cosmo: how 'bout you Amber: we'll find out Cosmo: after floating Cosmo: gotcha Amber: or before Amber: I'm not setting a strict routine Cosmo: 😶 Cosmo: that's hippie talk Amber: that's what I am, boy Amber: more or less Cosmo: it don't matter what you are Cosmo: we've just got a common enemy Amber: you're being unfriendly again Cosmo: how am I? Amber: don't say I don't matter Cosmo: you understood what I meant Cosmo: just to each other Amber: that's not being stitched anywhere Cosmo: I will need another pillow like Cosmo: can't just have one Cosmo: but take your time Amber: 😏 Amber: what do you want on pillow 2? sequels are never as good Cosmo: I know, I'm the original Cosmo: does your wisdom start and end with the one quote then Cosmo: got the eyes, you may as well give me the rest Amber: my whole face isn't what you wanna be looking at every night before you go to sleep Amber: you never would Cosmo: come off it Amber: I'm an original too Amber: & the commune's hottest unless you're gonna take that back suddenly Cosmo: Not met everyone but I'd happily bet on it Amber: come meet everyone Cosmo: why Cosmo: didn't actually put a 💸 on that, if you're hiding some supermodel there for ransom Amber: because you won't find out if you don't Cosmo: I'll live, like Cosmo: tah for the offer Amber: what's your hang up with the place? Cosmo: anywhere my brother, or people like him, is, is not a place I need to be Amber: it's big enough that you can exist on opposite ends Cosmo: still Cosmo: not my scene Amber: when did you last go? Cosmo: I dunno, whenever I was last forced for some family birthday Amber: give it another 🎯 now you've been invited Cosmo: I still don't get what it is to you Cosmo: I like clubs Cosmo: and drinking over weed any day but not every day 'cos I have to stay in regime all week at least Amber: I don't get why you're so 🚫 Amber: Dash isn't gonna stop me being there Cosmo: I don't get why you care Cosmo: not the spokesperson you said Cosmo: I'm not ripe for indoctrinating, I'm good Amber: because don't you think you're too old for sibling rivalry Cosmo: There's no rivalry Cosmo: we don't like each other Cosmo: he's a loser and happy being it Amber: whatever you wanna call it, more played out than milfs Amber: it's like the kids here who draw a line down their section of the room Cosmo: I didn't ask for you opinion Amber: you don't have to be mad about it because you didn't ask for it Cosmo: I can be mad because its unwarranted and you have no idea what you're giving your opinion on Amber: I'll give you an apology if you'll take it Cosmo: whatever Cosmo: just come do what you need to do Amber: I just wanted to see you around, I didn't mean to go hard into prying into your shit Amber: sorry Cosmo: no harm done Cosmo: don't worry Amber: it's not been a typical day Amber: I know I wear stalker well but not my usual colours Cosmo: I get it Cosmo: I do know him even if I'd prefer not to Cosmo: and even if I don't know you Cosmo: no biggie Amber: that unites us if ⚽ never will Cosmo: Right 😏 Cosmo: I weren't taking the piss when I said you were different to the rest Cosmo: even if I didn't mean it as lame as it sounded Cosmo: don't feel bad, yeah Amber: shouldn't I? if I'm different then why didn't I act different Cosmo: We all make mistakes Cosmo: you don't have to be a repeat offender, you know Amber: that's less likely than the skateboarding on water trick Amber: he wouldn't offer & I wouldn't accept Cosmo: Good to know but bit TMI Amber: sorry again Cosmo: don't mention it Cosmo: seriously, like Amber: 😶 Cosmo: 👍 Cosmo: he's an idiot Amber: the way everyone talks about him, I thought Amber: we'd click Cosmo: Didn't you Cosmo: nah Cosmo: well, there's plenty other people 'round to be mates with instead Cosmo: one plus of living there, surely Amber: it's the best thing about living there Cosmo: there you go then Cosmo: and you clearly don't need any help with lads Cosmo: forget him Amber: after this Cosmo: well, of course Cosmo: not even stalker moves, just fair Amber: if you'd let me use the window it could be both Cosmo: would you like it to be both Cosmo: won't tell but I can't vouch for the neighbours Amber: you don't want your neighbours thinking I'm sleeping my way through the family Amber: understandable because you'd be 2nd Cosmo: Hilarious Cosmo: and you wouldn't want to break up my parent's stable committed relationship would you Amber: no Cosmo: I wouldn't recommend either of them and all so fairplay Amber: it'd be bizarre if you did Cosmo: you got limits then Cosmo: good to know Amber: because I consent to live with a big group of hippies you assume I don't? Amber: some of them are very limited Amber: or is it because I slept with your brother once? Cosmo: I'm not assuming anything Cosmo: that's why I said, always handy to know Cosmo: and you said you'd shut up so do Amber: have another go at asking me to & I will Cosmo: you don't get it, 'cos you're an only child Cosmo: but there's nothing I'd like to talk about less Amber: you still don't get to tell me to shut up Cosmo: If you wanna talk about him piping you, go literally anywhere else, I don't care Cosmo: I don't wanna hear it Amber: I don't wanna talk about it but I don't want you to talk to me like that either Cosmo: You stop, I'll stop Cosmo: that works in both our favours Amber: agreed Cosmo: sorted Amber: let me in & it soon can be Cosmo: 👌 Amber: [just gonna walk up in your house like she owns it] Cosmo: [doing the after you motion like 'you know where it is'] Amber: [going there cos she do] Cosmo: [following 'cos you've committed now not gonna bail, assumedly found all boards he has so more of a fuck you moment, just sitting on his bed like awks] Amber: [sitting on the floor because doesn't wanna sit on his bed for obvs reasons even if he hadn't already claimed it and getting to work but lbr she'd struggle to get some of the wheels off cos you can't tell me she's got any strength at all, look at her, so just looking at him like help] Cosmo: [shaking his head like lol but lowers himself to the floor too to get the rest off] Amber: [kissing him on the cheek when he's done it like thanks] Cosmo: [😳 and pushing her away, gently lol, like get off and just focusing on their handiwork like well 'what you gonna do with 'em all?'] Amber: [is genuinely thinking 'other than putting one on a necklace, you mean?'] Cosmo: [🙄 but not so severe 'you know they cost loads, for what they are, not joking, probably some other stoner kids you can sell 'em to'] Amber: ['there's plenty of younger skaters I know I can give them to' because what does she need money for tbh] Cosmo: ['cute' but 😒 on the low 'maybe someone can use them in a fucking, what's the word- installation'] Amber: [just nodding because another good idea thanks even if you're being salty] Cosmo: [on his phone a bit 'cos what else, also how else are you casually gonna add 'so you DON'T want me to punch him?'] Amber: [gathering up all the wheels to put in her bag because let's assume there's loads 'you said you're not assuming shit, I only said I'll get in it if I do at home'] Cosmo: [nods 😏 and hands her one that rolled away 'so what is part two of the plan?'] Amber: [shrugs like I'm not gonna tell you what to do about your brother again, lesson learned, but then looks at him for confusion because why do they need a part two 'a theft for a theft makes me and Dash even'] Cosmo: ['boring' and getting up like well if you're not gonna hit him] Amber: [gets up herself 'which door's the bathroom? we've still got plans' and does the swimming arms thing like come on] Cosmo: [laughs 'cos obviously didn't and doesn't think she's serious] Amber: [goes to find it herself because we know she is] Cosmo: [following and directing her away from his room like nope wrong way] Amber: [finds that 🛁 and sets it running and casually strips to her undies like it's no thing cos how she's been raised its not] Cosmo: [just turning so fast like horrified lmao 'what are you doing?!'] Amber: [sitting on the edge waiting for that fill like 'I spelled it out' looking at him like what's confusing you here we discussed it] Cosmo: [just looking back but only at her face to be like wtf] Amber: [goes to put her head under all 😏 but more amused than that emoji ever is 'time me' and then does holding her breath for however long she can] Cosmo: [is all 'for god's sake' under his breath but does still, also shutting the door though I assume they aren't in lol] Amber: [accidentally flicking so much water at him when she comes back up cos her braids are long af and loling like oh soz but obvs not] Cosmo: [so 😑 'are you done now or what?'] Amber: ['how long was it?' looking at him genuinely curious to know] Cosmo: [whatever number 'round about makes sense 'cos idk 'you need a baseline to know if its good or bad otherwise its meaningless data'] Amber: ['I wanna know if I'm better or worse than you, so have your go'] Cosmo: [a face like seriously but does 'cos competitive and 'I'm obviously going to be better, you could've saved yourself the effort' whilst taking whatever clothes he has on off] Amber: [just smiling cos what effort we're having a lovely time you rude hoe] Cosmo: [shakes his head but less mad than before 'don't cheat' and going under] Amber: [we all know he's gonna be better but that's hardly the point actually] Cosmo: [casually staying under 'til you nearly die, a mood, not even asking just like 😏 at her] Amber: [getting in the tub and lying down on her back stretched out like boy I am not bothered] Cosmo: ['if you just wanted to use the facilities, like...' and getting a towel to dry his face and hair] Amber: ['it's a hotel if I want, is it?' just being a mermaid over here like don't mind her] Cosmo: ['wait 'til I give you the bill' and taking the chance to look at her via the mirror] Amber: ['let me guess, am I gonna have to sell the wheels to afford it?' just loling] Cosmo: ['not in the market for a shit ton of squashes so you can't barter your way out'] Amber: [splashes him like rude but not actually offended obvs] Cosmo: ['oi' and drying himself some more like 'scuse me 'offer something better if you have it'] Amber: ['if it's too cold for you, I can add some more hot water' and does 'you've got plenty of that on offer, unlike the farm and plenty of other places I've lived'] Cosmo: ['you should've just asked if you needed a bath, like'] Amber: [splashes him harder than before like stop being mean to me] Cosmo: [a look like you said it and dropping the towel he was holding to mop the floor pointedly] Amber: [a look back like don't kill my vibe I'm having fun here] Cosmo: ['manners'] Amber: [gestures like his 'after you' one he did earlier for him to get in with her] Cosmo: [shakes his head 'small as you are, I barely fit on my own'] Amber: [looks him up and down like she's not even considered that he might not fit with a small lil pouty lip moment for half a sec before smiling 'is that a pro or a con for footballers?'] Cosmo: [just looking at her lips like can you not 'cos obviously wants to but is not going to, good distraction with football chat 'not essential but I'm faster than any short lad obviously, so that helps whatever position they wanna put me in'] Amber: ['but are you a scorer, officially?' when you think that's what they are called bye] Cosmo: [laughing but not at 'cos cute 'yeah, basically its me and the centre-forward, so his job is to just score the goals, which is mine too, but I also set him up with goals and do more attack midfielding too, like the go-between, s'more interesting' shrugs 'cos you know you're gonna have lost her and you're used to that 'cos WAGs don't actually care about the game either lol 'I'm fast, so I can be in two places at once, better than lads that only know one position and then are fucked if the formation is changed'] Amber: ['why can't every player help each other on the team how you do instead of having specific roles that they're really zoned into?'] Cosmo: [when you ain't expecting a follow-up question like oh okay 👀 'well, if we all do our role, then we work as a team like a whole, one being, so I can't fully go into midfield and do their defending side of it, and if I'm with the defenders I ain't where I need to be to pass the ball to goal, right? Like if the goalie decided he wanted to score, if we lose the ball, who's stopping it? If we all tried to do all of it, you've got 22 lads on a ball, the game falls apart, like. If everyone gets their one part down perfect, then the game is ours' pauses, trying to think of an example of his limited knowledge of her atm 'like your dad's the teacher, yeah? if he goes and does a half-arsed job of something else, then someone else has to half-arse the teaching whilst he's gone and then you end up with a shitter result than if you'd all done what you was meant to...you get brought to a team for a specific thing, so if you ain't bringing it, they'll bench you, but the more positions you're capable in, the more they can move you around...' stops sheepishly like sorry] Amber: [when you're buzzing cos he didn't make fun of you and that actually made sense and he'd be able to tell 'do they ever ask you where you wanna play though? when you start, or does the manager just decide for everyone?'] Cosmo: ['sort of. see, when you play proper, not just a local five-a-side, you work out when you're really young what position you're best in, or at least the area, even if you move about a bit within that area, like I've always been more attack than defense since I could walk- s'like any career honestly, so if your da was a maths teacher at one school, he'd more likely go to his next and do the same, you can change but you've built up a rep for that positon, you aren't gonna just waltz in and say you want a different one just 'cos, you have to prove yourself, like anything' when you feel like you're talking about yourself so much 'cos not allowed unless its with other boys at school/on the team so that's basically like work chat with colleagues 'you go same school as Dash and that then?'] Amber: [genuinely interested because wouldn't have thought about it like a career before and again it'd be obvious she's not just nodding along bored or whatever 'my dad doesn't like to let the class sizes get too big' because in my head there's lowkey too many peeps living at the commune full time never mind the peeps who come and go 'so when we got here I enrolled myself same day, takes the pressure off'] Cosmo: [that feels real to me as a vibe right before it all goes downhill 'that's good, though I'm sure it don't feel like you get much more attention' 'cos schools are always rammed esp. in cities] Amber: ['I don't want it' because I feel like she's not that academic soz father] Cosmo: ['what do you wanna do after?'] Amber: [shrugs because probably wouldn't know at this point 'undecided'] Cosmo: [wouldn't wanna sound salty about it 'cos that's most people but ultimately is 'cos not an option when you need to start as a toddler if you wanna do footie 'must be nice' half-smiles to show he's not being the rudest] Amber: ['I could become a referee, run into you again that way' also smiling but fully because obvs not gonna do that but like boy I wanna see you take the hint] Cosmo: [😏 'I reckon the songs the hippie boys write for you are more favourable than what you'd get as a ref but you'd suit the stripes'] Amber: [another pout that quickly turns into a smile because ultimately true] Cosmo: [a LOOK that's like stop doing that] Amber: [a look back because there will never be a time when I don't] Cosmo: ['you ever getting out or what, Ariel?' and running his hands through the water, making a point of getting SO close to touching her but not quite] Amber: [when you shiver but we can pretend it's because you're in the tub even though we all know you put hot water in not long ago] Cosmo: [but its more noticeable 'cos you didn't reply so another 😏 moment, going to his room without saying anything like bye but coming back with a dressing gown like there you go] Amber: [getting out immediately and putting it on like he might take it away again if I don't and I wanna wear it cos it's his so] Cosmo: [gonna drown in fabric and look so cute bye] Amber: [taking off those wet undergarments like you can't see anything but I'm now naked under this so think about that but also because it's necessary or you'll never dry] Cosmo: [just dying 'cos what are you gonna do with this obvious moment like umm] Amber: [walking out of the bathroom like it's so casual and throwing the words over your shoulder as you go downstairs to explore like 'where's the hotel bar?'] Cosmo: [let's assume you've got a few bottles of something decent in your top cupboard, when you don't need a chair 'cos tol boy, just getting out some vodka like ?] Amber: [going to the fridge to get something to mix it with cos there's no need to drink it straight we're not going that hard] Cosmo: [just leaning casually watching like okay, go off] Amber: [handing it to him as if he's the barman and walking away to go get comfy on their sofa, put music on and generally act like you live here] Cosmo: [bemused af 'how often do you do this then?' and getting himself some of whatever mixer she used] Amber: ['I never stay in hotels' because true tbh] Cosmo: ['well yeah but I could be anyone, you know' makes a face like 🤪] Amber: ['you could be someone too' and a look cos we all know what she means by that flirty nonsense] Cosmo: ['you gonna stay 'til you work it out?' and coming over to sit down 'cos just been hovering in the kitchen] Amber: [stretching out and putting her feet on him even though she's smol cos there's the answer she's going nowhere any time soon] Cosmo: [just looking down at them then looking back up at her, not saying anything but not not saying nothing you know] Amber: [drinking her drink but in a contented way and lowkey grooving to whatever music she put on] Cosmo: [when she's so cute in a way you are not used to 'cos girls you are like never get comfortable around you never let their guard down get up before you to reapply makeup types so you feel so outta your depth but not mad about it either] Amber: ['thank you, by the way' cos you remember you haven't actually said anything about him helping you earlier] Cosmo: [when you're a bit ? 'cos not sure what she's referring to at first but then you realize and shrug 'he deserves it, no big'] Amber: [nudging him with your foot like oi don't downplay it cos it means something to you even if he didn't do it for you] Cosmo: [grabbing her foot and tickling it to see if she is] Amber: [isn't so just raising her eyebrow at him like oh really] Cosmo: ['you're definitely an alien'] Amber: [laughs at that though 'plenty of people aren't ticklish, you know'] Cosmo: [shakes head 'sounds fake, hippie'] Amber: ['it'd be bogus if I did this-' reacts like a ticklish bitch how he obvs wanted her to] Cosmo: ['sometimes its polite to fake it, you know' throwing a pillow or something at her] Amber: ['whatever girl told you she was doing it to be polite...' throws it back 'that was not the real vibe'] Cosmo: ['shut up, that's not what I meant' purposefully throwing it out of her reach] Amber: [such a pout so offended] Cosmo: ['boys can fake it too, you with your assumptions'] Amber: ['I didn't realise we were waiting on your really polite boyfriend to come home, but I'll let you two be alone for the awkward discussion of why he really faked it'] Cosmo: [pushes her feet off him and gets up to go back upstairs] Amber: [just looking at him like what?] Cosmo: ['you know where the door is when you're done then' looks back 'or the window, whatever'] Amber: ['why are you so angry about anything I said that you want me to be done?'] Cosmo: ['I'm just bored of the jokes, you don't know me like that- like this' gestures between them and then does a 'forget about it' motion] Amber: [finishes her drink and goes into the kitchen to wash and dry the glass like fine I'm getting ready to go] Cosmo: [in his room, I guess] Amber: [shall I get Dash back rn or do we wanna coax him back first?] Cosmo: [whatever feels realer to you tbh] Amber: [let's get him back then fuck it, bonus points if there's a back door in the kitchen he comes through and she's just there washing up in a dressing gown like #ohhey] Cosmo: [how hilariously domestic, and you can't think she's waiting for you in your brother's dressing gown so bye] Amber: [I'm cackling but I'm not cos he'd be such a dick] Cosmo: [now I'm like, hmm, he's probably loud enough for you to hear, do you come down and diffuse/detract attention, I say yes] Amber: [just don't punch him cos then it will look like you're a couple lol] Cosmo: [just be your usual fighty selves and run girl run I say] Amber: [she'd have literally just been like I came back to get my stash and the rest is none of your business which doesn't exactly help so go back to the bathroom and put your clothes on girl] Cosmo: [just doing your best to not start a brawl here] Amber: [coming back clothed after a hot sec and giving him his dressing gown back with a genuine smile because you had fun and you're not sorry]

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