#aftershippuden

[sexyshakespeare]

Sasuke comes home - Part 1: Nostalgia hurts

I was finally back. And I wasn’t looking forward to it. 

The chunins at the gate nodded at me dutifully. There was a sense of formality and discomfort behind their carefully composed faces. I nodded back and crossed the threshold. I took in the sight of Konoha before me. It had changed so much. 

Everything had changed so much. 

I looked around with trepidation, though I imagined nobody around me could tell. I wanted to disappear, run back out the gate and into the forest where I belonged, a part of the shadows. Instead, I sucked in a deep breath and walked on towards the hokage’s office. That building was definitely still where it had always been. It gave me a sense of calm.  I watched children dodge me out of the corner of my eye. That was for the best, I was no good with children. I awkwardly strolled, one arm tugging at my pack. I quickly realized that my attire was not at all fit for the village. I climbed the stairs to the hokage’s room, praying I’d see a familiar face soon. At the door, I could hear an all too familiar voice behind the door, an exceedingly annoying one. He was talking to Kakashi. Why was he here anyway, he ought to have been at home with Hinata.  I pushed the door and walked in, not wanting to make a ceremony out of it. As I swung my pack to the ground, I heard him exclaim, “AH Sasuke! You’re back! You’re staying now aren’t you? You smell awful, when did you have a bath last, my God.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Uruse na-” is all I said as I looked at Kakashi for instruction.

“Good to have you back. We have your old apartment ready for you. Take this for your expenses. Let me know if you need anything else. And as always, good work.”  I didn’t meet his gaze, but nodded silently and took the envelope and keys from him. I lifted my pack up and turned for the door, glancing at Naruto for a second. He smiled at me. It was the only warm gesture I had witnessed in years now. It felt strange. I loosened my shoulders and grimaced at the door. “Yeah I do need a bath.” He started to laugh and clap at my back, ruining the moment as per usual Naruto.  “Oh and Sasuke, Sakura is waiting for some word from you. She’ll be at the hospital. Do get back to her.”, Kakashi’s voice sounded as I closed the door behind us. I felt the back of my neck turning sweaty. 

Sakura. How was I supposed to face her. What was I even supposed to say.  “Sakura chan’s missed you loads- datte bayou! You need to meet her”, Naruto said chirpily. “Yeah yeah. I will-” I shrugged it off the best I could, but I could tell her would not let it go, so I tried a different tactic. “How’s married life-”, I looked at him and smiled slightly.  That hit the bullseye. Just that much was enough to make this fool blush from head to toe. “Oh you know- it’s all good- I-”. I looked at him pointedly and said, “How’s- Hinata..” At this, Naruto stared blankly back at me till he looked like he would implode. I started to chuckle at him as we walked towards my shitty apartment road. “SASUKE- I can’t tell you something like that- that’s- you’re a real sly, disgusting bastard you know- Sakura chan doesn’t have a clue-”  My smile dropped as he brought up Sakura again. Great. He’d pester me to go see her again. I better focus on this wedded bliss of his. “SO- Naruto-kun.That’s what she calls you right?” “Y-yes. It’s fucking weird for you to call me that. UGH you’re ruining it”, he cringed. That was a rare sight. You only ever saw other people cringing at Naruto, not the other way round. 

I opened the lock on the door, and pushed the door in. As Kakashi had said, it was all dusted and aired out. These people spent too much time on me, I could’ve managed this little chore on my own. I stared at the wall with melancholy. There were no pictures hanging anywhere, or little curios. I had thrown out all the cat figurines Itachi used to collect, after smashing them first.  My eyes clouded over for a second, as the memories of living in this dingy apartment room filled my mind like a storm.  “Ahh Hinata is getting more and more beautiful every day. AND YOU KNOW WHAT. SHE’S SO CLOSE TO BEATING MY RECORD AT ICHIRAKU RAMEN.”  Thank God for this idiot. I smiled as his voice brought me back to the present. I turned to him, putting my pack down near my bed and took off my loose turban. My rinnegan was free now. He was very well acquainted with it after all.  Naruto beamed at me for a bit and we just stood there looking at each other. I know he felt what I felt. I know it. And it was good to be home, just for that minute at least. After that, the awkwardness set in. I cleared my throat a bit, signalling him to leave me alone. Thankfully, the message was received. 

“Alright then sasuke. You settle in. You know where to find me- OH wait you don’t. I moved to a bigger place for me and Hinata-”  “Yeah yeah, I’ll find you- just ask anyone where the hero of Konoha lives and have them walk me there to get an autograph-”  He blushed at that. Stupid bastard was forever humbled. I wish I had known how to be that way 5 years ago. God, I felt so stupid. Uzumaki Naruto was 10 times the man I ever was. This, Uzumaki Naruto. 

I was about to shut the door behind him, my thoughts straying to the bathroom and how I’d have to at least hose down everything before I had a bath in there-unless these generous fuckers thought of that too. I almost groaned at the thought- Kakashi cleaning my shitpot. That was just too painful to imagine- albeit amusing.  “Oh and Sasuke-kun. Go see Sakura-chan. That’s what she calls you, right?”  My simple thoughts were yanked to a fearsome, complex maze of emotions in an instant. I gave Naruto the hardest death stare I could manage. He just grinned at me stupidly and climbed down the stairs.  I shut the door and sighed deeply. NO- Now I will shit in peace for a while. Then worry about everything else.  The bathroom was indeed, very clean, too fucking clean. There was new soap and a toothbrush, with toothpaste. I looked at myself in the mirror. My strange eyes stared back at me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I looked like some kind of deranged animal, one that had retired from being feral. My hair was overgrown, but I didn’t mind that. Would I have to start minding that now that I had to integrate into society? Did I have to integrate into society?  How the hell would a one-armed, creepy, sullen looking Uchiha murderer like me integrate into society. I didn’t want to hope for a normal life, that was asking too much. Why was everyone trying so hard to give it to me.  I squeezed some paste onto the toothbrush. I didn’t even think I’d remember how to do this properly, until my hand just moved on its own. I smirked at myself when I was done. Teeth clean- one thing ticked off on my list of things to do to start a new life.  I took off my ragged cloak and pants, stepping into the shower cubicle. Let’s see here- hot water, wow. The soap felt amazing on my skin. I used to love being clean back in the day. There’s a specific soap I used too- I ought to buy some for myself later. That’s it. People buy things for themselves all the time. I can do that too.  I tried to pick out the grime from under my fingernails, and added yet another thing to my list of things to buy. I probably had a nail cutter around here somewhere. The dirt washed out of my hair, swirling into the drain. It gave me immense satisfaction. I felt the tired animal in me being whisked away. 

I smiled to myself. I might just pull this off.  Sasuke-kun? 

That is what she called me. She’s always called me that. It didn’t mean much to me back then. It still doesn’t really. Hinata does that for Naruto. It’s a form of endearment, right? Sakura has always given me affection. Affection I didn’t deserve. Affection I didn’t want.. Affection I didn’t know how to want.   I was completely alone, and safe. I felt comfortable, standing under the shower, not hearing a sound from the outside. It was okay to picture her face. It felt okay. I never ever let myself usually. It felt awful to even try. Sakura’s face made me feel like the most vile, cruel, beast that had ever walked the face of this earth.  I clenched my fist, fighting back the tears. I can’t look at her face. I can’t. I was a monster to her. I’ve always been. She’s forgiven me because that’s how she is. She’s a better human being than I am. She needs to stay away from me now for her sanity. I’m a broken thing. I should tell her that, forcefully if I must, and let that be that. 

Sasuke-kun.  She wouldn’t leave me just with that. It’s her. I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. Why won’t she give up on me.  Naruto’s face loomed in front of me now. I cringed at the sudden change of scenery in my head. He never gave up on me either. I turned off the water and stepped out, smiling to myself. They never gave up on me.  Wrapping the towel around my waist, I considered it. Naruto is fine. He has a life that’s separate from me, a very happy one. Sakura on the other hand.. She wants me to love her. I can’t love her. I don’t know how to love someone.  I don’t know how to love someone adequately. Maybe I do love her, but not the way she would want.  I looked at myself in the mirror, the stub of an elbow poking back at me in the reflection. Sasuke-kun. I looked away from my reflection as a small smile threatened to grow on my lips. I didn’t even deserve the way she said my name. Her pink hair, and pink personality sure did look cute on her. Why would she want my darkness around that. I can hardly stand it, dampening her spirit like that.  Sakura-chan. It was strange to even think those words. I didn’t want to belittle her by saying that. It’s something you say to babies or to a woman you don’t respect. Sakura could beat the hell out of you if you belittled her.  Sakura-chan. Ridiculous.  I frowned as I realized that he still calls her that. Ano yaro. He’s married to Hinata and still calls her Sakura-chan. Ridiculous. She can still put him in his place after all these years. Doesn’t it bother her? Sakura-chan. I put on the spare clothes left for me there by the Sasuke Welcoming team, whoever they were. First thing’s first, I had to buy myself some essentials and clothes. Pocketing my keys and money, I opened the door.  Sakura-chaaan, I muttered under my breath. I’d never do something as stupid as that to show my affection for her.