#after the 'heartbeat. increasing heartbeat' part of it ill never understand what he says next

[carcarrot]

NPR TINY DESK CONCERT LEAVES 7 DEAD 21 INJURED

[shra-vasti]

Pairing : Seungcheol x reader

Title : Symphony

Genre : angst, fluff

Warnings : few curse words but only a little.

Part : One

Synopsis : Seungcheol catches himself in love triangle with 2 of his best friends.

A/N : Why do I have lots of patience in real life but when it comes to writing something I am always so eager to finish it like damn Shravasti don't rush the plot TT. This is divided into 2 parts since Tumblr says I've reached the word limit. Wait for the next part. I hope you enjoy the imagine though. Have a great day ahead <3

"You alright?"

Your friend nodded as she excused herself to go to bathroom asking you to just stay outside.

You were currently in your college and both you and your friend had to go to basket ball court to cheer up on Seungcheol after college ended.

You, Seungcheol and Reene have been best friends since your first day in middle school and you're glad that all of you are still together in the same university.

"Let's go."

You nodded as you grabbed Reene's hand and started making your way towards the basket ball court.

"Is everything fine you look a little pale." you questioned noticing how pale she had become after her visit to bathroom.

"Everything is fine I'm maybe a little dehydrated I think otherwise I'm fine."

You eyed her as you continued walking. She was sweating a lot than usual, it concerned you but you decided to just keep it to yourself.

She'll inform if anything is not okay, you thought.

You both entered the court and made yourself comfortable on the bleachers.

You looked ahead in the court to see Seungcheol happily playing his game.

You smiled to yourself noticing how happy he gets whenever he plays basketball.

He had been trying to get in the basketball team since ages and when he finally got the chance he couldn't help but invite his two best friends to see him play.

He made a goal as both of you cheered making him turn around and notice that you finally made it to the court.

He smiled at you and you felt a tug at your heart.

He was all sweaty, his hair disheveled in the most endearing way possible but he still didn't fail to make you feel many new things.

You don't remember when was the exact time you fell for him but you figured it was long and gradual.

The game ended and he excused himself from his team and made his way towards were you and Reene were seated.

"You guys actually came." he huffed as he took the towel you offered him when he made his way towards you and sit in front of you and Reene.

"Why won't we when we know how much effort you had put to get into the team?" Reene asked him as she handed him the water bottle.

"So thoughtfull of you." He giggled as he pinched both of her cheeks.

"Stop." She yelled trying to prey him away from her.

He laughed as he freed her, softly tucking her hair behind her ears as they got on her face.

Reene smacked his hands away warning him to never pinch her cheeks like that again.

"You look beautiful when you are annoyed."

"Whatever." Reene replied as she took the bottle from his hand and drank some water from it.

"You alright? Why are you looking so pale?" Seungcheol asked as he took her face in his hands and inspect her.

You could see how genuinely concerned he was. His eyebrowns came closer in a frown as he moved her head side by side to see if he can find any sign of illness.

"I'm.. I'm fine."

Reene took his hands in her own and pulled his hands away from her face.

"Are you sure? We can go to the hospital."

"Cheolie, I said I'm fine okay?"

You looked away trying to control the rapid beating of your heart, why is he always so soft when it comes to Reene.

You tried to ignore the heaviness of your heart and took a few deep breaths.

Sometimes you feel like he is biased towards Reene and sometimes you just straightway feel like you are thrid wheeling in between them.

"Now what's up with you being sulky." Seungcheol asked you as he pinched your ears and forced you to look at him.

"Yah. It hurts." you yelled trying to get a hold of his hand as you dig your nails on his wrist making him yelp and retrieve his hand from your ear.

"Why are you guys always on each other's throats, I'll never be able to understand that."

Reene shook her ahead as you glared at Seungcheol, pouting as you rubbed your ears and you were sure it was red.

You were sitting on a park bench near your college as you tried to have some peace.

You didn't understand why the image of Seungcheol and Reene constantly popping in your head when all you wanted was to forget it.

You were sure he didn't think of you more than friend and you are okay with it but the thought of Reene and Seungcheol being together hurt you.

It was selfish of you to think like that about your best friends but you couldn't help the heaviness of your heart just at the thought of them being together.

"Boom." you flinched as you heard the sudden voice and turn around glaring at the person.

"Why would you do that?" you asked as you got up to grab Reene only for her to run away towards the other side of the bench making faces at you.

"You were day dreaming and I couldn't stop myself from scaring you." She said as she cautiously sat on the bench eyeing at you every now and then.

"Very funny." you said as you rolled your eyes at her but instantly smile as she offered you some chocolate.

"You are daydreaming a lot these days, even in the classes I noticed. Is there someone occupying the little head of yours?"

She giggled at your stiffness and told you to relax.

"What made you think like that? Stop with your stupid assumptions."

Ignoring seemed to be the best option for you since lying to her was basically impossible.

You adored Reene and you always look up to her. She's pretty, nice and friendly always ready to help.

You three have been through a lot and looking back at those moments you realise how Reene was always there to give you a shoulder to lean on.

She was the definition of being selfless which made you wonder why you can't be like her on some occasions.

You remembered the time when some of your school girls decided to bully you but Reene came to your rescue.

Reene was the class president at that time so the students feared her presence. Those girls are still attending college with you guys but since you have Reene they won't mess with you.

"Whatever you say but the truth will eventually come out." She said as she made a face at you.

"Lets head home." you laughed at her childish instinct as you got up with her following suit.

Seungcheol was going through his belongings in his locker when he felt a presence beside him and as soon as he realise who it belonged to he couldn't help but feel a slight increase in his heartbeats at that.

"What are you doing in the building this late?" Reene questioned as she leaned on the locker beside Seungcheol's cocking her eyebrows at him.

"I could ask you the same." he retorted shaking his head at the way her nose scrunched as she pout.

"I was assigned to clean up the classroom along with some other classmates and what about you? Basketball?"

Truthfully, all of his classes ended up early but he decided to wait till Reene finishes her work so he could have some alone time her.

In the college or outside, it was never the two of them. Somehow he never really got to spend any alone time with Reene and he was ready to do anything to get that.

This was the great opportunity for him since you were already at your apartment since your classes ended up along with Seungcheol but he excused himself saying he had to practice extra for the upcoming game.

He didn't hate you nor he dispise your company but a little extra with Reene was all he wanted.

He was utterly in love with Reene ever since he laid his eyes on her and as he spent more time with her he couldn't help but adore her more.

He nodded his head at her sleepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

"You're done with your work?" he asked her as she nodded. "Perfect. Let's grab something to drink and then I'll drop you off."

"Sounds perfect." She said as both of them started walking out of the college.

"You know Cheolie, I think our best friend is finally growing up."

"What does that mean?"

"She keeps on day dreaming and zoning out when I talk to her. I think she's in love or something." she laughed as he looked at her smiling fondly.

"Is that so? She's great at hiding then. I had no idea. I will ask her about it." he said as they grabbed their drink.

"Maybe who knows."

"What about you?" he asked her as he gulped. "Do you have someone in your mind too?"

"Nope. Not at all." She laughed at him. "If it was like that you guys would be the first one to know when I'll fell in love. You know I don't do the hiding."

She looked at him shaking her head. She had a lot of things to deal with other than falling in love for now.

Seungcheol's face visibily showed the disappointment but Reene decided to just shrug it.

It was going to be hard for him if she doesn't feel the same.

His thoughts suddenly came to a halt when Reene started coughing abruptly taking out her handkerchief as she frantically tried to hold onto something for support.

Her head was spinning and she panicked. She didn't want Seungcheol to see her in this condition.

"Reene, are you alright?" he asked as he supported her catching her by her waist. "Oh god why is blood coming out of your mouth? Let me take you to the hospital."

He picked her up as he hailed a taxi and took her to the hospital immediately calling you to inform about her circumstances.

She was taken to the emergency room right after reaching the hospital since she fainted on her way and Seungcheol could practically feel his heart on his throat.

You reached the hospital, your heart beating so loudly in your chest you thought it will come out.

Why was she coughing blood? She certainly had stronger immune system than you.

You reached the hospital asking the receptionist for her information as you made your way towards her room slowly telling yourself to calm down and make your mind stable to go meet her.

You stood outside her room to take a deep breathe as you heard light sobbing coming from inside which you noticed wasn't of Reene.

You peeked through the small glass hole present on the door to see who's voice it belonged to and it shocked you to see Seungcheol sitting on the side of Reene's bed where she was sleeping and Seungcheol's hand holding her as he cried.

You carefully opened the door a little bit just so you could hear his voice clearly to understand what he was talking with her sleeping figure.

"I love you, Reene. Wake up. I have many things to confess to you."

You took a step back not being able to listen to anything more. You didn't need to listen to what he said prior or after, you just heard what he exactly felt and it was like a tight slap to your face.

His heart belongs to Reene, just like you thought.

You decided not to disturb him suddenly and decided to go search the doctor to ask him about Reene's condition.

"May I come in?" you asked as you entered the doctor's cabin.

He nodded his head at you signalling you to come inside.

"I wanted to ask you about Reene Hwang. She was bought to the hospital earlier for coughing up blood. I'm her friend. Her parents live in other town so on behalf on them I would like to know about her condition."

He nodded at your words skimming through the file kept on his desk.

"Her condition doesn't show any difference from the last time we checked. I'm afraid she won't survive if she keeps on denying her chemotherapy."

"Chemotherapy?" your question came out a bit louder and stronger due to the shock it held.

Why didn't she tell you or Seungcheol about her undergoing some major disease.

"I'm sorry I'm afraid I forgot what happened to her." you gulp as he look at you.

"You didn't know about your friend's condition? My bad I thought you knew. I'm really sorry you had to find out in such situation but she's suffering from lung cancer. We came to know 2 months ago and her treatment is going on from then on but she keeps on denying undergoing chemotherapy and we decided to respect her decision if that's what she wants."

He gave you a pitiful look as tears slide down from your eyes.

"Can you.. do me a favor?" you asked as you look at him though the vision was unclear due to your tears.

"Sure."

"Don't tell her I know about her condition. Thankyou."

You got up from the chair you were sitting and made a run outside of the hospital.

You ran and ran and ran untill your legs gave up making you kneel down on the ground.

You were breathless and your ears were ringing and the constant thumping of your heart together made it more difficult for you to breathe.

You wanted to forget, forget all the words the doctor said. You just wanted to go back in time and stop yourself from walking into the doctor's cabin.

This was far more worse than a break up. This was more scarier than anything.

You started running again. You didn't want to come in your senses.

You didn't mind running like this as long as your mind could forget the fact that your best friend was dying and she didn't want to do anything about it.

Why was life always so hard on her?

Your legs gave up again as you took in your surroundings. It was a park where you met her first. Irony.

You sat on the ground not finding any energy to go upto the benches and finally feel the tears stinging your eyes again.

You cried and cried and cried feeling as if those tears will eventually take your pain away.

Is Seungcheol aware of her condition? Thinking about Seungcheol your heart hurt more. He was so in love with her, how was he going to cope up with all this information.

You wanted to curse Reene for not informing you and deciding to suffer on the own. You should have forced her to tell you when you first suspected her but you didn't and you blamed yourself for it.

You were currently in front of Seungcheol's apartment, you rang the door bell few times but no answer came so you decided to just punch in the password and enter.

You called him when you figure out he was not in his apartment asking where he was.

He informed you he was out to buy groceries and will be back in 20 minutes and that you should make yourself comfortable till that time.

You cursed at him for calling you in his home and leaving you alone like this.

You decided to just go inside his room and relax there for sometime till he come.

You made your way inside his room unconsciously making your way towards his study table.

You smiled at the photo frame that adorned on the side of his table. A photo of three of you when you first found each other in the playground.

Your heart felt heavy when you remembered those moments. So much was different and happier way back then.

No unrequited feelings, no lying.

You took the photo frame in your hand inspecting that there was some dust on it, you thought you should clean it.

You looked for tissues under anywhere near his table but didn't find any so you opened one of his drawers to find any non essential piece of paper only to find a blue colored box like thing inside his drawer.

You took it out and open it as you tried to see the content inside of it.

You three almost knew of what each of you owned but it was the first time for you to see something like this in his house.

There were photos of you, Reene and Seungcheol's inside it and you started observing that photos one by one to see it mainly contained candid photos of Reene.

Somewhere she was laughing, on some she was pouting, or just casually sitting looking anywhere but the camera.

You figured out it was Seungcheol who clicked it and made a polaroid out of it. There was another box inside it and you open it to see a silver bracelet with a small post it note.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

No she can't.

Was he planning on proposing her?

You decided that you should just keep everything back in its place since Seungcheol would be back anytime soon and so you did.

You got up and made you way towards his balcony and tears rolled down from your eyes.

You felt like you knew too much all blame goes to you being nosey and curious.

You started wiping your tears away when you heard the front door click.

"What are you doing there standing alone?" Seungcheol asked as he put his grocery on the table before making his way towards the balcony.

"Nothing." you softly said and you looked ahead trying to avoid eyecontact with him.

There were so many things, so many feelings you were feeling at this moment and you didn't know what to do.

He came up to you noticing that you still were rooted in the same spot.

"Hey" he called you out softly as he put his hand on your shoulder making you turn towards him.

"Did you cry?" he questioned as soon as he looked at your.

You shook your head.

"Why did you cry?" he asked in a more stern voice this time making you look at him.

There were so many things you wanted to tell him at that moment but all of them would end up hurting both of us.

"Nothing. I just saw our photo frame on your desk and noticed it was full of dust so I tried to clean it forgetting the fact that I'm allergic to dust and my eyes started to get irritated and hence the tears."

"God you're so careless. Why are you like this. Come inside I will make some soup for you." he grabbed your hands leading you towards the kitchen.

He motioned you to sit down on the chair of dining table as he started making the said soup.

"Where were you yesterday?" he asked still continuing his work, his back facing you.

"Why?" you asked him instead dodging his question.

"Didn't I call you to tell you about Reene but then you decided to be all worried and not show up in the hospital?"

You could tell he was angry but how were you going to tell him that you did.

"I'm sorry." your voice was hushed. "Just after you called I got a call from my mom telling me that she needs some medicine and I had to rush to her knowing that you will be by Reene's side so I'll just go meet her in her house."

"You could've informed me. I went to your apartment since I couldn't reach you through your phone when you didn't show up but your apartment was locked and you have no idea how panicked I was at that stupid."

You could feel how frustrated he was. Having Reene faint abruptly like that and you going missing, you could only feel how hard yesterday may have been for him.

"I'm sorry."

You didn't apologise to him for your behaviour yesterday but because it was the first time you have lied straight on his face.

You felt so awful but you couldn't find any other way.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not."

You were seated on your bed when Reene showed up at your doorstep and entered without warning.

With all the information you had about her and Seungcheol it was getting hard for you to face them.

Things were just getting really complicated and all you could do was to control your emotions before them.

So you opted on ignoring both of them and your anger on Reene for not telling you about her health was getting more prominent.

"Stop lying." Reene had enough of your stubborn behavior. All she wanted was happy last days with her best friends but you guys had something else on your mind.

"Am I the one lying or are you?" you glared at her. She seemed to be taken back by your sudden outburst.

"What do you mean, why would I lie to you about anything?" she questioned in disbelief.

"Well you lied to me and Seungcheol about your health issues though." you glared at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I was at the hospital the day you fainted and you were asleep so I decided to ask doctor about you health and he told me... he told me you have a fucking lung cancer and you didn't think Seungcheol and I deserved to know about that?"

Just as you finished what you were saying you heard a loud thud making both you and flustered Reene to took behind her to spot Seungcheol at the door, the things he bought in his hands sprawling across the mattress of your house.

He was broken, just like how you were when you first came to know about her health.

"Why?"

His voice was low that you almost didn't hear it. He sounded upset, completely broken. He sounded so fragile but he was calm.

The calm which you feel before the storm and you knew he was hurt and Reene really had some explanations to do.

"I'm sorry." Reene sounded defeated.

"It's just that I wanted to enjoy my last days with you as something normal not with you lounging around me as if I'm a fragile piece of China. I was scared and shocked when I came to know about it but I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I don't want to die in a hospital bed surrounded by machines."

You could feel where she was coming from and you don't blame her but at least she would have told you before it was too late.

"Forgive me." She said as she fell on her knees as she cried with Seungcheol immediately going towards her and wrapping his arms around her engulfing her in a hug.

You looked at them from afar as you wished how time would turn to when you weren't surrounded with all of this problems.

Shaking your head to decided to join them.

Reene was outside of the hospital on wheelchair after her appointment with the doctor. She had just sent you to get her assigned medications as Seungcheol left her for a second to get water for her.

It seems that a heavy burden was lift off her shoulders after her confrontation infront of you and Seungcheol ofcourse she got her fair share of scoldings but it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be.

"A penny of your thoughts please?" Seungcheol asked as he began pushing her wheelchair as they headed outside of the hospital.

"Nothing." She replied as she looked ahead.

She didn't regret anything that has ever happened in her life and she didn't get angry at herself or at anyone when she came to know about her health.

She believed it was destined as she didn't wanted to play with it.

She had everything in her life she could ask for and she was just thankful.

Her wheelchair came to a sudden halt as she followed the moment of Seungcheol who was now in front of her sitting on his knees as he looked upto her with some expression she couldn't identify.

"Here's your water." he said handing her the bottle with she took and drank but not before giving him a suspicious look.

"What do you want?" she asked as she finished drinking and eye him up and down.

Seungcheol smiled as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear.

"I have something to say." he said as she was a pink hue spreading across his cheeks and ears.

"What is it?"

"Before I tell you know that I wanted to tell you this from a long time but I don't think we have a time now but I love you. I really have from the day I first saw you and hurt me knowing that we don't have much time but I wanted to be honest with you. I wanted to have a future with you."

Reene look here and there nervously. She never expected Seungcheol to have feelings for her. She always saw him as a friend and nothing more than that.

"Cheolie...I'm sorry but I don't feel..the same for you. I know we have been friends for long but I never really thought of you as more than a friend. I love you but not romantically and no I'm not saying this because of my condition but I don't have a feeling for you."

She could really see the disappointment in his eyes as he looked down. He was never good with rejection anyway.

"I'm sorry Seungcheol." She whispered quitely as she reached her hands toward him to make him look up at her.

She wiped his tears away as he shook his head telling her it's alright, you can never force your feelings on someone and he needed to let his feelings out.

"I brought something for you but since you don't love him in that way, will you accept this gift as my best friend then?"

He asked as he took out the blue box from his jeans and presented her a silver bracelet.

She laughed awkwardly as she nodded her head, rejecting your own best friend felt so weird.

She wore the bracelet and dangle it in front of his face smiling widely cause she like it.

Seungcheol couldn't help but laugh with her crunching the small post it note which was attached with the box and keeping it inside his pocket with a smile on his face but bleeding inside his heart.

Both of them were unknown of your presence a little bit far away from them.

You could clearly see them but couldn't hear them but you figured out by the blue box that he finally proposed her and by the look of her wearing it and showing it to him, they were official.

You called Reene as you steadied your voice telling her that you forgot something at your apartment and that you'll deliver her medication later in the evening and hung up without giving her a chance to speak up.

After that you ran to your house, not having enough power to congratulate them when they broke the news about them dating in front of you without making a mess of yourself.

[megalony]

Help me, Doctor- Part 3

Here is the latest part of my doctor! Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone is liking so far.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms

Series taglist: @blog-hannahnicole

Summary: (Y/n) is referred to Ben when her other doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her. Ben is one of the best doctors to treat her… but the problem is that he already knows (Y/n) and has slept with her before.

Part 2

Ben Hardy masterlist

Enjoy.

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Leaning over the kitchen table, Ben smiled before he pressed his lips to (Y/n)'s, feeling shivers running up and down his spine when she moved her hands to cradle his face as if never wanting to part.

The doctor knew that it was wrong because (Y/n) was still his patient and she was still under his care but he couldn't help it. He felt like he was addicted to (Y/n) and he simply couldn't revert to a platonic, formal relationship when they had never had one in the first place. She was his girlfriend unless they were in the hospital, then it was professional even when Gwilym was around.

Gwilym had told Ben numerous times that this was a bad idea but Ben didn't care. The rules shouldn't dictate that Ben couldn't take someone on as his patient just because he was personal with them. He didn't know (Y/n) well at the time he took her on as his patient and even now he was still professional when he was at work and she was there.

But things were getting hard.

Ben felt horrible that he couldn't find out what was wrong and it had been a month since (Y/n) had the seizure and he was no closer to giving her the answers she was searching for. He was invested in her case and he was doing everything he could to find out what was wrong but there was no answer in sight. Ben had seen hundreds of patients with a variety of illnesses and symptoms and he had treated and diagnosed them all... except (Y/n).

It felt like he was inadequate as her doctor because he wasn't helping her but she knew he was doing everything he could.

God knows (Y/n) had been to the hospital with him over the past month for tests she didn't even know existed but she felt like giving up. If nothing happened soon and her symptoms didn't get worse she was going to tell Ben to give up and just accept that there clearly couldn't be anything wrong with her.

"Why are you up this early?" Ben questioned as he rested his forehead against her own.

Ben was up because he had to get ready for an early start at the hospital today and he was working late tonight as well. But he knew (Y/n) wasn't at work today until later on this afternoon so he thought she would have had laid in this morning. Ben had to be up slightly earlier today as well because he had to head back to his house to get a few things since he had stayed over at (Y/n)'s house last night.

"I panicked, I've got a piece I have to finish for today and I'd only got half of it done. Then I still have another two entries to complete later."

Frowning, Ben kissed her forehead before pulling back. He leaned and took a peek at the computer screen before moving to make a coffee. He knew (Y/n) tended to work on a few different stories at a time since she was a journalist and she had different pieces for different dates. But she never usually panicked about them. He had seen her get ones out of the way very early or even write some on the day and not seem fazed. When she started writing she simply speeded through until it was finished and got someone else to edit just to make sure.

But he did know what it was like to wake up early morning or in the middle of the night and realise he had an assignment to finish in the morning. It was heart-stopping sometimes.

"Are you taking your piece in this afternoon then?" Ben questioned as he turned around and leaned his back against the counter, bringing the rim of his cup to his lips.

(Y/n) knotted one hand in her hair as she tilted her head to look over at Ben. He could see there were hundreds of thoughts rushing around in her head but she seemed more panicked or just relatively more anxious than usual, he had thought she seemed more worried the other day as well but he didn't know how she coped with stress. He had only known her for a few months and they'd only been officially together for one month. He didn't know if she started to panic after being fine for a few months or if she seemed to have these moments a lot.

"I'll send it in, it's my day off today." (Y/n) absentmindedly pointed at the calendar hanging on the back of the kitchen door before she looked back to her computer and started typing a few more words here and there.

"No... babe you're working two til eight today." Ben peered over at the calendar as he shook his head. It was the first day of the month and he could clearly see in the first square it had her time written down. (Y/n) never had the same two days off every week and neither did Ben so they both wrote down their schedules. Ben had jotted down a few of his days off on her calendar so they knew what they were doing each month.

"Ben that's not funny, I'm off today and tomorrow, the tenth and eleventh." (Y/n) glanced her eyes over at Ben but she stopped typing when she noticed how his expression changed.

He was looking at her how he normally did when he was worried about her. It was a look that made her heart skip a beat for different reasons, she loved the kind of emotions she saw in his eyes when he was worried or seemingly protective over her. But it also made her panicked because that look usually appeared when she was ill.

"(Y/n), what day is it?" Ben put his cup down on the counter before he walked over and sat down on the seat next to her at the table. He turned the chair around so he was facing her as he felt his worry levels rising.

"Its... I don't know but it's the tenth. Look, it says the tenth on my phone and on the computer." (Y/n) handed her phone over to Ben and pointed at the computer but she felt her heartbeat increasing when he shook his head. When Ben looked at the two electronic devices, it clearly said it was the first of the month, not the tenth. He didn't know whether to be worried or not about her not knowing what day it was because he knew for both of them the days seemed to mush together but the date was wrong for her.

"It's the first of the month today." Ben spoke softly because he didn't want to upset or overload her mind if something was clearly happening in her head. This was similar to her getting words and phrases written down wrong a few months ago meaning it could be the same symptom arising again.

"Stop it! Just... stop. I'm fine."

(Y/n) shook her head as she pushed herself to her feet, hitting the laptop away from her as she felt herself beginning to shake. Why was he doing this? She had been fine for over a month now. When this happened at work with her messing up her words, it hadn't happened since. The seizure had been the last symptom she had experienced and nothing else had happened, (Y/n) wanted to be able to believe that she was getting better but Ben was creating a new symptom.

"Darlin', you're not okay. You're even mixing up your letters in this piece, I need to take you to hospital." Ben chewed on his lower lip as he looked at the computer screen more closely.

This was different than before because there was no pattern or reason when (Y/n) wrote words that didn't make sense or sentences that were jumbled. This was coherent, Ben could understand what she had typed and it was a good piece, but it was the letters. She was switching letters around, swapping them like she was flipping them around. With the date, she was turning the zero and the one around to make ten without realising which meant this was something in her brain that was trying to make sense of something it already understood.

"No you don't! Ben don't... I'm okay, I've been fine for a month, I'm okay." Tears fell from her lashes as she felt her shoulders trembling and pulling inwards.

Why couldn't she just be okay?

"(Y/n), listen to me, please. Whatever this is, it isn't going away so I have to try and find out what it is-" (Y/n) could think this was disappearing all she wanted but Ben knew it wasn't. He knew that if this continued for much longer with no treatment then there were higher risks that it was going to do serious damage that couldn't be reversed. The longer this disease or whatever it was, got left to its own devices, the worse it was going to be for (Y/n).

She couldn't turn a blind eye to this. (Y/n) had been the persistent one in the beginning when she told Joe and Gwilym that she knew there was something wrong when they didn't think there was. She couldn't give up now.

"You're making this up, you're doing it to hurt me." (Y/n) shook her head and pulled away when Ben tried to reach out for her. He could feel his heart clenching in his chest as she seemed to be thinking that he was trying to hurt her. He didn't know if she was simply getting upset and saying this out of fear or if this was some kind of paranoia that could also be a symptom.

When he didn't know what was wrong, he didn't know what counted as a symptom or not.

(Y/n) doubled over and pressed her face into her hands as she started to cry. She didn't want Ben to make this up, she didn't want him to try and treat her for something she didn't have. She didn't want to be his or anyone else's patient anymore, she just wanted to love him.

Just when (Y/n) was about to turn away from him, she stopped when a splitting pain arised in her head. It was as if someone was poking needles into her head at various places all at once to make her feel pain. She tried to scream but her throat tightened to the point the air in her lungs could only just scrape through.

Her arms wouldn't move, they wouldn't lift up or reach out for something to stabilise her. They would only fall from covering her eyes that wouldn't even open anymore.

Then everything started to shake.

"(Y/n)... (Y/n)!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mr Hardy?"

Ben turned his head from looking at his patient to look over his shoulder at Alice, the receptionist. He wasn't used to her coming into the office, she usually buzzed the intercom to let him know the next patient was here and ready for their appointment. He saw her when he left the office but she never usually came in. Especially not when Ben was with a patient.

"Yes Alice?" Ben tried to smile but he didn't know what to say or what to do because she looked rather panicked.

His suspicions were confirmed when she glanced to his patient before motioning with her hand for him to come over to her. Clearly whatever she had to say needed to be said in private.

"Excuse me for one moment." He smiled at his patient who was almost done with their appointment anyway. Pushing himself to his feet, Ben headed over to the door and walked out into the corridor with Alice before he closed the door behind him. He didn't know if it was still a private talk considering they were in the corridor where any patient could walk up and down to get to the other two offices here but it would have to do.

"Miss (Y/l/n) is here." Ben didn't know why Alice was suddenly being secretive or looked worried about (Y/n) being here because she didn't know about their relationship.

"Did she say why?" Ben knew for a fact that he hadn't booked any appointments with (Y/n) for this week.

It had been just over a month since (Y/n) had had her seizure and an appearance of what Ben was classing as a new symptom and he tried doing more tests but they came back negative. He tried to see if different parts of her brain weren't working effectively or were overworking but the scans revealed nothing. He tried to test her eyes again and see if there were any problems there but nothing happened.

All Ben knew for sure was that the paranoia (Y/n) seemed to have developed wasn't going away. She was getting anxious about small things that would usually never bother her and he didn't know how to help. But Ben was relieved that (Y/n) wasn't paranoid about him anymore.

She didn't think he was making symptoms up or that he was out to get her and that made it easier for Ben because he would have to back away if she became paranoid over him. Her accepting his help made it that much easier to try and get her the help she needed.

"Um, no, b-but she's making a scene in the waiting room."

Ben folded his arms over his chest as he narrowed his eyes. What did that mean? Making a scene, was she shouting, crying, screaming something about Ben? Was she beginning to get paranoid about him again?

"Excuse me?"

"She's crying and s-she seems very distressed. She says she needs to talk to you right away." Clearly distressed meant something different to Alice than it did to Ben because (Y/n) seemed to be in a bad state for her to worry Alice and clearly worry the other patients in the waiting room.

"Re-schedule another appointment with Miss Clarke, I'll go see to Miss (Y/l/n)." Ben pointed to his office as his eyes told Alice he would need the office in a minute. They both knew he had to take (Y/n) somewhere else, he couldn't calm her down in the waiting room in front of everyone else and he couldn't go into the office if Miss Clarke stayed in there.

Alice went into the office as Ben walked down the small corridor and turned left into the waiting room.

Ben tried to walk over to (Y/n) slowly in case she was going to be apprehensive around him or didn't want people to be around her because she looked like she was very distressed. Tears were streaked down her features, her eyes were frantically looking around as if searching for a threat and she was huddled together like she was trying to fold in on herself like a piece of paper. She had her arms wrapped around her middle as she was trying her best not to cry but she couldn't help it.

"Ben..." (Y/n) sobbed through the word as she reached out for him, desperate for his touch or anything about him to calm her down because the moment she got here she was surrounded by people she didn't trust.

But she trusted Ben.

"Hey sweetheart, I'm here, you're okay." Ben went down on his knees in front of her as he rested his hands on her arms to try and calm her down. He didn't care about being professional right now because there were only three other patients in the waiting room.

None of them would know (Y/n) was a patient, they could just think she was his girlfriend who was in a state and was asking for help and Alice wasn't nearby to hear his words so she wouldn't think anything of it. He had to calm her down somehow and he knew being professional with her and talking like he didn't care wasn't going to calm her down.

"Why don't we go into my office, hm? You can come tell me what's happened." Ben rubbed his hands up and down her arms, surprised by the grip she held when she dug her nails into his biceps as if trying to get his attention. She nodded at the question and made no quarrel when he pushed himself up from his knees and gently pulled her up to her feet. He felt like his heart was going to burst at how horribly she was shaking. It was as if someone had attacked her and she was asking for help.

Ben knew she was asking for help, but he knew it was because of whatever was wrong with her, not because of anyone else.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest as he guided her to his office as Alice and Miss Clarke were over at the desk to rearrange another appointment. Once Ben closed the door (Y/n) wrapped her arms around his frame like they were deadlocked around him. She buried her face in his chest as a sob left her lips.

"Sweetheart, what's happened?" Ben pressed his lips to the top of her head as he rested one hand to the back of her head and wrapped his other arm around her waist. He wanted to stand and hold her until she felt better but he also had to know what was wrong in order to help.

"P-please, make it stop." (Y/n) whispered quietly, but her words were pleaded as if she was begging him for her life.

Pulling away as slowly and gently as he could manage, Ben walked (Y/n) over to his desk and sat her down in his chair so he could kneel in front of her. He had to know what was wrong in order to stop it. He already knew that if this was a new symptom then it was to do with her brain but that could be any number of things. The brain helped control everything, it controlled the eyes and how she saw and perceived images, it controlled what she felt and her physical movements. It controlled her breathing, regulating her body and her temperature and everything in between.

If something was wrong with her brain it could be affecting anything at all, it could even affect her speech and her thoughts if it got to the frontal part of her brain.

"It's not stopping... I can still hear them, it's not quiet anymore. Ben, they're whispering so much." When (Y/n) rubbed at her temple like there was a storm inside her head, he started to understand but the more he understood the more he wished he didn't.

She was hearing voices.

"What are they saying?" Ben didn't know how to play this because he didn't know what (Y/n) was thinking or feeling.

He didn't know if she thought they were real or if she knew the voices weren't actually around her but in her head. Sometimes it could be so real for people that it was like the voices were from people standing right next to them. For others, on odd times, they knew that the voices were only background noise in their heads and they understood it wasn't real. (Y/n) could know that the voices weren't going to hurt her or that they weren't bad but it must get irritating to hear words and whispers on repeat without being able to get them to be quiet.

"Bad things... i-it's not safe, they won't stop." (Y/n) buried her face in her hands and pressed her head down to her knees as if trying to shut down would suddenly make the voices stop.

Some of them were so quiet that (Y/n) was beginning to doubt that they were actually there, but the others were whispering so loudly and so close to her ears that it was deafening. It was like they were dancing in her ears or in the back of her head and she could do nothing but listen to them and it hurt. All she wanted was for them to stop and to feel safe because all she could think was that it wasn't safe. They were making her afraid, they were worrying her and she didn't know what to do other than be around Ben. He was safe.

"Alright sweetheart, it's gonna be alright. If you come with me, I'll take you somewhere to make the voices stop and we'll sort this out." All that Ben could do was get (Y/n) admitted into the hospital and get her anti-psychotic medication. This seemed like either a psychotic episode or she was now beginning to experience schizophrenia. Either way, Ben had to admit her into the hospital for her safety and get her on a medication that will make the voices stop or at least calm down whatever storm was happening in her head.

"Y-you'll come with me?"

"I'm not going to leave you, I promise." Ben kissed her head to try and calm her down as she was still shaking like a leaf. He wasn't going to leave her alone and afraid, he was going to try and treat her and make her better.

But giving her medication to stop the voices wasn't going to cure her, it would only reduce or take away one of her many symptoms. Ben didn't know how long it would be before she had another symptom.

How could he treat her if he didn't know the diagnosis?

[cdrart]

Art by me Writing by @bloomingednae

Artist note: The inspiration and reference for future Pendrago was Lindblum from FFIX! But uh I was racing against time to draw it so :’D

Day 4: Pendrago (Loss/Protection)

If I cross that bridge, will this world smile at us? There is no clear answer for us yet, but we can surely believe in it.            ~ Calling - fhana

“Up here again?”

Sorey opened his eyes to see Mikleo taking a seat right next to him, carrying a small bag of fruit and placing it in between the both of them. Sorey was lying on his back, arms folded behind his head with his eyes towards the sky. He glanced at Mikleo for a second and laid back once more, nodding while doing so.

“Yeah. It’s quiet from the crowds.”

Mikleo hummed in agreement and took an apple out of the bag, biting it down as he stared out into the city below.

“Pendrago is certainly different from the city you once knew.”

Sorey gave a small laugh in agreement. “Completely different. Only the architecture felt familiar; and the location of the plaza fountain and church.”

Mikleo nodded in agreement. Without looking back at Sorey, his eyes scanned the city below, its inhabitants filling the streets and shops like another normal day. They both arrived in the city three days ago and had been exploring the city’s common areas and most recent news, all the while Mikleo providing Sorey information from long ago. During the first day, it was evident to Mikleo that Sorey was quite overwhelmed; his expression was distant and his smile felt even further. Though seraphs did not need sleep, Mikleo noticed that Sorey went to sleep that night fully. He thought he should be concerned, but the past two days, Sorey was back in his bright mood, absorbing information left and right.

Today was their last day, and they were to head out again first thing tomorrow morning. It was early afternoon and with the two of them finished observing everything they needed, they decided to take the rest of the day off because it would be too late to depart to the next area. Sorey had been particularly taken to a high balcony spot that overlooked the city; however, it was in the shade of the buildings, away from the eyes of the crowd. He had glanced at it for a moment on their first day, Mikleo noticed, but continued to walk on. Everyday since then, Mikleo found him in the same spot, silent and unmoving.

Looking up, Mikleo noticed one of the aircrafts flying low in the sky near them and turned to look at Sorey; and it was in that moment that he saw an expression of Sorey’s that he thought he would never see again since the first time he witnessed it.

Sorey’s typically bright eyes were dulled and passive; they were clearly focused on the hovering air craft, but his eyes were unmoving, lips slightly parted, and face completely flat. It was an expression that once scared Mikleo and it was an expression that he saw only once, after that one particular event they had encountered long ago in the very same city-

Mikleo cleared his throat and spoke softly as to not frighten Sorey. “It’s a technology the humans created. It uses the wind currents in the sky as well as the propeller blades to guide the aircraft wherever needed. Came into production about 100 years ago by a merchant trader who thought trading would be much faster with such a device. Now they’re all popular all around the Rolance Empire, though Hyland has not quite developed it into their country yet, mostly because trade is going well in Hyland already by foot.”

The sound of Mikleo’s voice jolted Sorey out of the spell, and he glanced at Mikleo. “Doesn’t it seem to be a bit much?”

Mikleo shrugged. “Maybe. But the humans found it useful and it is quite resourceful. I haven’t heard any ill-practice when using the aircrafts, though Morgrim finds them a bit ridiculous from time to time. She sees the implications of its uses, though.”

Sorey merely hummed in understanding as he turned his eyes to the sky again. The aircraft had gone and left, and his eyes focused instead on the clouds that floated by. The sounds of the bustling city was slowly increasing as it was beginning to be the middle of the afternoon, a time when everyone was getting off work. The hums bounced off the building walls that surrounded them, an ambient noise that filled the silence between the two.

Mikleo said nothing as they sat. It did sometimes frighten him when Sorey wouldn’t open up, but he’s learned through the years to just be patient and understanding. Mikleo took the last bite of his apple and placed the core on the opposite side of the gap between he and Sorey when Sorey suddenly sighed.

“This is probably the best spot where I can feel the wind, too.”

Mikleo’s stomach churned, the feelings from long ago resurfacing slowly once more. While that night was nearly 900 years ago, it still felt fresh in his mind; he could only imagine how Sorey felt about remembering it in this city, only to see the city’s layout to be completely different.

Except the church and the fountain, he had stated. The two key locations which that night had major events occur.

Mikleo propped up one leg on the balcony, the other still hanging and he leaned forward. It was a topic neither of them had revisited with each other since that night and hearing it now gave him chills. He heard Sorey shifting around and suddenly he sat up next to Mikleo, staring at the crowds below.

“Sometimes I just can’t help but think, you know? How things would have been different. And how I could have done more to help.”

Sorey folded his hands in his lap, never making eye contact with Mikleo. Mikleo on the other hand, took a quick glance at Sorey and looked away, taking a deep breath and exhaling before speaking.

“Idiot. What kind of Shepherd are you if you can’t even be sure of your own Answer?”

Sorey looked at Mikleo in a quizzical way, who cleared his throat and looked away.

“…sorry. I just felt like Rose would have said something like that if she heard you moping like this right now.”

Sorey noticeably flinched at the sound of Rose’s name, and Mikleo shook his head in order to clarify.

“What I mean is…you did as much as you could at the time. We all didn’t see what happened coming at us; when Dezel broke the contract, Lailah was just as shocked as the rest of us.”

He began to notice Sorey’s expression form into a painful one, and his eyes lowered.

“But I’m the one that pulled the trigger-“

“Yes, you pulled the trigger on Siegfried,” Mikleo interjected. “Yes, Dezel severed the link between the hellion and Rose. And yes, it was you who sent Dezel in there in which we never saw him again after that.”

Mikleo breathed in and exhaled. Coming to terms of what happened that night was much harder than he anticipated and he felt himself almost shaking. Slowly, he placed his hand on top of Sorey’s, gently squeezing them as he did so.

“What I’m saying is that….in that moment, Dezel knew what he was doing. He was sure of his actions. He did all of that in order to protect Rose.”

“Sorey,” Mikleo continued, “in that moment, Dezel trusted you with not just his own life, but Rose’s as well. While he knew you would be in pain, he also knew you were strong enough to take what would happen, and that you would be able to pick yourself up in the aftermath.”

“As Shepherd and as his friend…he saw you as the person who would protect not just your own ideals, but his own, and that included saving Rose in that moment, even if it meant losing his own life.”

Mikleo paused, noticing Sorey had gone quiet for some time. Sorey’s eyes were towards the city, but they showed no focus at all, merely listening to Mikleo’s words. He continued, giving one more reassuring squeeze to Sorey’s hand while doing so.

“And the reason why he trusted you with all this is because he knew you would be the one person to understand his point of view.”

Sorey locked eyes with Mikleo in that moment; slowly but surely, his eyes began to show signs of him connecting the pieces slowly and Mikleo continued.

“If that were both of us in that very position, he knew that we would have done the same thing in a heartbeat. Dezel had a will and determination to protect Rose in the same way I had then, and have now, the loyalty and love to protect you. The bond between human and seraph was a bond that he knew we understood very well; therefore, he entrusted everything, including his Answer, to you, knowing that you were both understanding and strong enough to hold yourself up.”

“Sometimes protecting the thing you treasure most results in the loss of something of equal or more value; however, there’s always a silver lining in everything that happens in the end, and that includes this very same situation.”

As Mikleo concluded, Sorey’s eyes had welled up, but he slowly began to show signs of understanding the situation and realizing the intentions of his late seraph and squire. Mikleo’s hand was still on top of his and Sorey turned his palm face up in order to intertwine his fingers with Mikleo. The silence between the two continued, until he heard Mikleo breathe in once again.

“Hey, I thought you had good to do in the world! Keep mopin’ and cryin’, and I’ll chain you up so tight you can’t even breathe!”

Sorey’s eyes shot up to look at Mikleo, who had his head held high, eyes towards the sky. When he noticed Sorey was staring at him, he smiled at him.

“In the most Rose-fashion I could ever imitate, make sure to engrave that specific message of Dezel’s in your heart and you better remember it or else you’ll get a good ass-kicking from the both of them,” Mikleo remarked.

The corners of Sorey’s lips began to form into a small smile before it turned into a full hearted laughter, causing Mikleo to flush red. He continued to laugh until Mikleo squeezed Sorey’s hand in a way that Sorey understood it to be slightly irritated, and he looked up at him while wiping away laughter tears.

“I’m no Rose or Dezel, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to make fun of me that much,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Sorey breathed in and exhaled, releasing the rest of the laughter in his system. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just…you must have hung out with Rose quite a lot, huh?”

Mikleo chuckled and nodded. “You wouldn’t even believe. Had us working to the bone until she passed; and even then, it was hard work to get up to the hill she ordered and demanded she be buried at the top of.”

Mikleo paused and he sighed, nostalgia filling his eyes. “She said she felt the wind the most in that very spot.”

Sorey nodded in understanding. It was so very much like Rose to always have a deeper meaning behind every single action.

He gave a small laugh, though, at the thought that Rose also found a spot where she felt the wind the most. Sorey took a quick look at the bag that Mikleo brought and noticed that there was a smaller bag within it. He gave a nod towards it, his eyes still locked on the bag, because he could’ve sworn it looked like…

“Hey Mikleo, what’s in the bag other than fruit?”

“Hm?” Mikleo reached into the bag and fished out small parchment paper. “Oh, this? I was planning on writing a couple of letters to some individuals later tonight before we leave this town.”

Sorey glanced at the paper, suddenly remembering Lailah’s words:

“…sometimes they send a paper boat down a river, imbued with a remembrance of their lost one so that it may reach them. Since Dezel was a wind seraph, I thought maybe a bird that soars through the air would be more fitting.”

He took one of the papers and unwinded his hand from Mikleo’s. “Do you think I could use one of these? …I’d like to make a paper crane and let it fly from this very spot.”

Mikleo smiled, taking one of the papers into his own lap. “In that case, I’ll make one for Rose, too. Let’s let them fly together, once we’ve finished.”

Sorey nodded. “Okay.”

There was another moment of silence as the both of them folded the papers into two paper cranes, each one complimenting the other. Unbeknownst to them, the wind around them began to pick up slowly, a warm breeze enveloping them both like a small embrace. It wasn’t until Mikleo looked up at Sorey where he felt his ponytail pick up in the wind and realized that Sorey was right; the wind was best felt in this very spot.

As soon as Sorey was finished with his crane, Mikleo picked his up and readied his crane to be let go into the wind. Glancing at Sorey, he nodded.

“Are you ready?”

Sorey nodded. Both of them let the cranes go at the same time and watched as the wind lifted both the cranes up into the sky, both intertwining and flying together side by side. Maybe it was the afternoon weather or Sorey and Mikleo’s imagination, but they watched as the cranes continued to float gracefully down to the ground, playfully moving about as if they were being guided, and eventually disappearing out of sight near a garden below. He smiled and gave a small laugh as the wind around he and Mikleo began to pick up again, this time much warmer with the faint scent of rose petals.

At the end of this journey, We will understand the meaning of our calling.

[the-martyr-of-love]

Jeff The Killer: Come Over

“Excerpt from local news paper, ominous unknown killer still at large. The spree of gruesome murders continues as authorities…”  

Piper scrolled past the Facebook article after reading the first few sentences and continued aimlessly scrolling her feed to find something to peak her curiosity. She often did this, sat alone in her basement bed room, procrastinating doing meaningless tasks she deemed more important then the ones at hand, such as work or school.

Her bedroom was a regular sized room with a double bed pressed against the wall in the middle, with her computer desk to one side and her make-up desk to the other. The walls and ceiling of the room were painted in a distasteful bright red which gave the room a heavy unnerving feeling when basking in it for too long. There was only 1 window in the room, above the make-up desk covered with an old dirty curtain which hasn’t seen the washing machine in years. You can only see the ground level of the driveway from the window where occasionally one of the dozen people who live in the house would walk by. The window was old and cracking, common for windows for basements in the foundation of a home.

Her clothes were sprawled out all over the room, which mainly consisted of underwear and leggings. The room held the scent of a cheap no name brand Febreze like product and the stench of body odor occasionally mixed into the smell.  

She opened a new tab and went to Tumblr to see if there was anything worth surfing there. After a few seconds of being on her newsfeed, a notification sound sliced the silence in the room and her eyes filled with light as she finally had something else to do, rather than mindlessly surfing. She received a Facebook message from her ex boyfriend Peter. He asked if he can come over again tonight with a winky face.

Peter had repeatedly lied and deceived her countless times, but this did not bother her. As much as she enjoyed putting others through pain, she enjoyed being in pain just as much. They still slept together plenty after “breaking up” but Piper dare not tell a soul. She was being abused and she knew it. On one occasion he came over and made her do an entire college level essay of over 8000 words and as a reward he throat fucked her and dumped all his semen down her throat into her stomach. Afterwards she was crying in her bed and asked him to stay the night, he simply walked out with his newly finished essay and empty balls and said “Nah I want to wake up in my own bed” and walked upstairs without even a thank you.

Piper pondered before answering the message. Piper told her friends that she was going to start living life for herself after the break up and didn’t want a man to be the main focus in her world. This was just one of the many lies she told the people around her to make herself seem like a dependant strong willed person. She often showed the world this strong side of herself only to indulge in the exact opposite of what she told her close friends and loved ones, to keep life interesting and fun. To Piper people’s feelings were nothing more than a poorly made sauce that clouded the flavor of what she can truly get out of a person. Manipulation was like breathing for her and she did it with such grace and finesse even the most strong-willed person would succumb to it eventually.

She messaged him back saying “Yeah in a bit, I’m going to clean my room and do my dishes and shower first.”

A classic message she sent to everyone before they come over. As she sent the message another notification popped up and her eyes focused on the new person who graced her with attention.

“Hey! we are still hanging out later right?”

Piper let out a deep sigh and closed the chat box without alerting that she read the message.

Blake was told by Piper, that he was Piper’s best friend and did anything for her. It was extremely evident that Blake had feelings for Piper, but she would never admit it. Blake after all was the man she was seeing while still with Peter and she used him as a scapegoat to break off the relationship. To achieve this sense of freedom in which she never felt before. Blake and Piper shared many intimate and deep experiences and told each other their deep and dark secrets. Blake never understood why she would hangout more often with a person who abused her than with someone who was eternally on her side. Piper hated those deep conversations when hanging out with Blake. She had to fake empathy and understanding when in reality she could not have cared less about how he felt.

She enjoyed surrounding herself with people who struggled with addictions and mental illnesses as a sick fetish. It was attractive to her. It was easy to groom these people into a false sense of security and have access to their heads as if strings were attached to her fingers and she made them dance.

Piper had many guys like Blake in her life, and it never dawned on her the severe impact messing with people’s feelings have on a victim. As a woman she lived and played the roll of the victim easily countless times to justify her cruel and manipulative habits.

She opened the chat box once again and wrote “Sorry I have plans tonight :/” Promises to her had less value than the penny and she did not mind creating and severing them at will. Blake responded instantly with a sad face and said,

“Oh I really needed to see you tonight, you promised….”

Piper rolled her eyes to his response and said, “Well I changed my mind.” And that was the end of that, promises can be severed as long as you say you changed your mind.

Piper was about to get up and start organizing her room for Peters arrival when a loud bang was heard outside her window. Instantly she jumped and swung her head around to look at the window. She could see nothing outside at the ungodly hour of 3 am and instantly felt a tinge of fear. She quickly dove towards the window and pulled her curtain shut, as she often did when she got scared. She shook the feeling of fear off and proceeded to pick up her underwear from the floor.

20 minutes went by and she found herself back on her computer and her room still was a pigsty. She was scrolling through her Tumblr feed for the millionth time when the noise came again, but this time louder and with more impact.

Her heart instantly sunk to her chest as the realization that the noise was not the wind started to creep in. It was 3:20 am, there was no reason for anyone to be near her window, let alone in her driveway. She spun in her chair to face the dark creaky window and stared at it for a few seconds. She thought about running upstairs to tell her father but didn’t want to wake him from his deep slumber. She ruminated over the possibilities of what made the noise and just as she was about to push the fear out of her mind the window shattered inwards into hundreds of pieces and a cold winter wind gushed into the room, sucking all the heat out in a heartbeat.

Piper’s brain didn’t register what happened until all the shattered pieces lay still and quiet on the floor. Her heart rate increased and her eyes dilated so large that it seemed she was on some sort of drug. She dug her hands into the armrests on her chair, about to leap up and run out of this now nightmare of a room but before she had time to lift herself from her seat she heard a voice.

“Don’t move a muscle!”

The voice was low and raspy but with enough power to tell that whoever was behind it meant what they said. In that instant a figure flew into the room legs first almost impressively swift and landed in front of the make-up desk.

Piper gazed up at the person, or what she thought was a person now standing in her cold glass filled red room. It was wearing black dress pants and dress shoes and a white hooded sweatshirt with deep dark brown stains which she realized was dried blood. The outfit of this thing was the least of her worries as soon as she caught a glimpse of its face.

Its skin was impossibly white with a wrinkled leather like texture and its eyes were so yellowed that they appeared to be rotting inside its skull. The most terrifying part of this thing’s appearance was its mouth. It had a large permanent smiled etched into its face which spread impossibly from ear to ear as it focused its’ eyes upon her.  

She knew that word-craft wouldn't work here. Just as people's feelings meant next to nothing to her, she knew her words would have no effect on the beast that stood before her. Her lips twitched as if to try to manipulate her way out of the situation, like she had done countless times through out her life but stopped herself. She knew it was futile, even though lies and manipulation flowed so smoothly through her mouth, they were meaningless in the eyes of true evil

After what felt like an eternity of staring at this creature, Piper found that now would be a good time to scream as loud as she could. Just as her mouth was about to open to let out a blood curdling and desperate scream, the thing moved at blinding speed and covered her mouth with its long white fingers.

“Shhhhhhhhh, don’t want to wake up daddy now do we?”  

Its hand was grasped unnaturally tight around her mouth and she could now feel that the skin had the exact same texture as cheap leather. It kept its hand over her mouth staring into her eyes with an inhumane animalistic stare. If the putrid eyes 3 inches from her face wasn’t enough for her to pass out, the stench that emanated from its hands could do the trick. The smell of metallic blood and rotted flesh made her start to cry as the creature slowly released its grip from her face.  

Piper stayed sitting, shivering from the intense fear she just endured and the cold merciless winter air that kept pouring into the room. It started moving its hands towards the pockets of its dress pants and slowly pulled out a large blood-soaked kitchen knife.

The sight of the knife allowed Piper to find her voice again and was about to scream only to be silenced by the other hand crushing her throat in one squeeze. She lay in her chair twitching as this thing climbed on top of her holding the knife high into the air.

“Its late, you should be in bed”

Piper just laid their twitching and closed her eyes, for she couldn’t accept that this was reality and tried to escape into the comfort of her mind.

“Here let me help you, now, Go To Sleep!”

With its hand still crushing her windpipe, Jeff slowly traced the knife on the side of her face until it found its mark in the middle of her forehead. He started twisting the knife back and forth playfully to savor every moment in pure ecstasy. Once he realized he couldn’t help himself anymore, he slowly started to press the knife in between her eyelids and then with one powerful swift thrust, he drove the knife straight into her skull. All that was heard was a satisfying crack as the blade disappeared into the cranium of the cadaver once know as Piper. With her throat crushed she wasn’t even granted to opportunity of a last breath before she died.    

Jeff ripped his trusty knife from out of the dead girls’ skull and licked the knife pridefully with purpose. He glanced around the room with a look of disgust on his face until his eyes fell upon the computer screen. A chat box was flashing, and the message came from a Peter.

“So, can I come or what?”

Jeff rolled the chair with Pipers body to the side and leaned over to the computer screen.

“Come over” Piper replied

As Peter saw this message, he glanced at his clock that read 3:30 am and didn’t bother to answer. He leaped up to drive over to her house in the icy winds of the night.

[lafaiette]

Give Yourself To Harmony - 2 / ?

This huge alien who looks like a chubby, purple potato, this loud man who is part of the newest alien species just discovered in Heleus, this angara who expresses himself so freely and openly just like the rest of his species, is his sister’s boyfriend.

Her first boyfriend, since her nerd ass never found someone intelligent enough to understand how special she is.

At least, that means this weird guy is clever.

In which Scott Ryder finally meets Jaal Ama Darav, his sister’s boyfriend. It will take him a while to get used to this.

Also on AO3

Warning: this fic contains spoilers of the game, the ending, and the post-game content!

Jaal’s arms are the safest place in the galaxy.

Warm and strong, they wrap around Ryder like a protective barrier, shielding her from any harm, drowning her in his sweet, floral perfume and his little noises of happiness, which are accompanied by the electromagnetism flowing in his body, singing in tune with her heartbeat.

He is a piece of heaven fallen from the stars and she can’t still believe she was so lucky to find him and be with him. Their first date, the one in his family home, is still strongly vivid in her mind and she agrees with what he said that day.

You make my heart sing.

He gently lowers her down onto the floor, but he hesitates a long second before pulling away; ending their hugs and kisses is always a hard thing to do, for both of them, but it got even more difficult for him after he saw her die again in Khi Tasira.

He smiles at her, watching her with that bright, loving smile he has for her only, then blinks quickly, remembering where they are and what he needs to show her.

“Look who is here!”

And behind him, Ryder sees her brother, finally standing, finally not so mortally pale anymore, finally breathing normally. There are dark circles under his eyes and his lips are chapped, but he is alive and well and that hole in her heart that Jaal and the Tempest crew managed to close quite a bit is finally almost sealed completely.

“Scott!” she exclaims happily, running into his arms. This one is an even more familiar hug, one that speaks of the first home they left behind, of the days spent at Mom’s side while she slowly lost her battle to her illness, of the times they finally saw each other again after being separated for months due to their jobs, of Dad’s awkward jokes that SAM now inherited.

“I’m so happy you are here, little bro.” she says, squeezing him tightly, already imagining all the fun they are gonna have, just like old times. Now that he is on the Tempest too, her family truly is almost complete – they only need Mom.

She makes a mental note to talk to her friends as soon as possible about this – Cora deserves to know why she wasn’t chosen as Pathfinder and everyone deserves to learn about Ellen Ryder’s actual conditions. They are her friends, her new family, and that’s something too big, too important, something that she cannot kept in her heart anymore, especially not with Jaal.

But for now, this topic will have to wait. First comes Scott, his health, the consequences he suffered under the Archon’s attack, his future life on the ship, his future relationships with the crew and Jaal.

Lexi warned her that there might be some problems with his psychological stability and Ryder doesn’t blame him; she is feeling frailer than usual too, but she has had more lifelines keeping her afloat than he has.

It’s her duty and pleasure, as older sister, to help him with this too. And she knows the others will support him as well.

“Did you see the Nexus? Isn’t it great?” she continues, without letting him go. His hold on her has actually gotten stronger, almost painful, and she can feel him tremble. He is hiding his face against her shoulder and she pauses after hearing a hiccup.

The crew falls silent and their smiles disappear as Scott starts sobbing.

Behind her, Jaal gasps and immediately comes closer; Liam and Lexi step forward too, while the others share worried looks or watch the scene with melancholic eyes.

The last time he cried like this was when Mom ‘died’. They cried together, in the living room, until the sky got dark and Dad finally left his room to tell them to eat something.

(His eyes were red too and his face too pale, but he looked calmer than what they expected and now she understands why.)

“Scott.” she calls softly, rubbing his back, but that only causes him to cry harder.

“Ryder, I’m sensing high levels of stress in Scott’s body.” SAM intervenes, his tone softer than usual, and she nods, resting her cheek on her brother’s hair. He smells like too-clean sheets and medicines.

“I know, SAM.” she says. Scott hiccups again, sniffles, and finally his sobs end. He slowly pulls away and she can see his face: mottled red cheeks, his dark circles darker than before, his eyes bloodshot.

He’s still trembling and his nose is running a bit; she sees Kallo rummage into his pocket and hand him a clean handkerchief, which Scott takes with a shaky, brief smile.

“Thank you.” he says, his voice too rough and hoarse, like sandpaper rubbed on rock, and he dries his eyes and nose, one hand still clinging to Ryder’s shirt.

“Better?” she asks, shooting him a big smile, and he nods, humming.

“I’m sorry.” he babbles, suddenly embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to… to…”

“Scott, you know what I did the first night I spent here?” Liam says, entering his field of vision to reassure him with a grin. “I cried like a baby. I’m not kidding! All night, big, fat tears that never stopped.”

“Same.” Suvi adds with a nod and a somewhat sad, but warm smile. “It is perfectly normal. And you went through so much, I would be surprised to not see you cry.”

“You know what you need? Drack’s Surprise.” The old krogan puts his hands on his hips, ready to get to work. “It’s gonna make you feel alive again in no time. Just give me three hours and it’s yours, kid.”

“What… what is Drack’s Surprise?” Scott giggles, still rubbing his eyes. His sister laughs and explains, shaking her head with fondness: “A special dish. Drack is pretty good at cooking, you know?”

“Kid, you say that as if I’m not good at other things too.”

“Don’t worry, he will make it extra spicy, just for you.” Ryder promises, patting her brother’s hand, and he nods. He’s breathing better and there is a small, but genuine smile on his pale lips.

“Remember, you can cry whenever and wherever you want.” she says slowly, almost a soothing whisper, something she learned from Jaal.

Speaking of him, he is standing next to her and he rests a hand on Scott’s shoulder, his eyes kind and full of affection.

“Brother,” he says, his deep, rumbling voice sending a warm shiver down her spine and filling her heart with peace, “there is no shame in crying. Let all your emotions out and let us help you.”

Right in that moment, she sees it. Scott’s expression changes drastically and he stiffens as soon as Jaal’s hand touches his shoulder. He casts his eyes down and just mumbles something that sounds affirmative.

That’s enough for Jaal, who apparently doesn’t notice the way her twin tensed up, but Ryder knows Scott well and she recognized the emotions on his face.

‘What is going on?’ she thinks, the warm shiver from before turning into cold sweat. She has a bad feeling about this.

On their private channel, SAM chimes in: “Chloe, Scott’s stress levels and heartbeat have increased. I do not know him well like I know you, but I believe he is experiencing what organics refer to as rage and annoyance.”

“Yes, I saw it.” she agrees, watching her brother talk with Lexi. He looks completely calm now and that dark shadow in his eyes is gone, replaced by sleepiness and drained, tired, but stubborn enthusiasm.

“Perhaps Scott’s encounter with Mr. Ama Darav…”

Ryder manages to curl her lips into a small smile, despite her worry. “You can call him Jaal, SAM, you know that.”

“… Perhaps his encounter with Jaal didn’t go well. May I suggest to speak with your beloved?”

Ryder turns to her big, tall, adorable boyfriend. A hand on her waist, he is watching Scott talk with the others too and there is a thoughtful expression on his face; he doesn’t look worried or disappointed, just very busy with his thoughts.

“Hey.” she calls softly, gently tracing the scar on his cheek. He immediately looks down at her and smiles, the hand on her waist sending pleasant vibrations into her skin.

“Yes, my Darling One?”

Should she ask him here and now? How is she supposed to ask this, anyway? Is there even a right way?

‘Hey, honey, was your encounter with my brother that you pictured in your head for days a disaster?’

She knows Jaal prefers to be talked to in a clear, direct way, without useless paraphrases, but this might be too direct even for him.

However, if things really went wrong, he would tell her, right? He would show it.

She sees no sadness or pain on his face; he was overjoyed, thrilled, when he showed her Scott and he still looks completely calm.

Maybe he didn’t realize something was wrong during his meeting with her brother?

Or perhaps nothing went wrong and she and SAM are just reading too much into this and…

“My Darling One?” Jaal’s face is so very close to hers now. “Are you alright?”

She focuses on him and his eyes and all her worries suddenly disappear, as if they never existed. He has that special effect on her and he told her she has the same on him.

“Yes.” she answers, smiling happily. She kisses him and a new smile immediately blooms on his face too. “Let’s show Scott the ship.”

“Excellent idea-”

“No.” it’s Lexi’s peremptory answer. She glares at them both, a hand on Scott’s arm. “For now, let’s just show him where his bed is, then he will go straight to the medbay.”

“Harry examined me one last time before I left!” he weakly protests, but she doesn’t even want to hear it and her next glare is for him. It’s both professional and maternal, an unbeatable combination that leaves Scott defenseless.

“Fine.” he groans, before eyeing his sister with quiet despair and a silent request.

“Of course I’ll come with you, silly.” she laughs and she is relieved to see him beam at her.

She misses the way his smile fades away, though, when Jaal tags along and she takes his hand.

She made sure to give him the best bed in the crew quarters, the one with the softest mattress, the one two centimeters longer than the others, the one with the best pillow.

Drack is right, they are not all the same, but she will never admit it.

Peebee begs Vetra to switch beds, so she can sleep above Scott and “share bedtime stories with him”, but the turian snorts and refuses, saying her turian mattress weighs too much to be moved.

“And I know what kind of stories you are talking about.”

“Not the sexy type, of course!” But her lie is evident and she tries to distract Scott by telling him of the time she used to sleep in one of the escape pods of the ship.

“Then I jettisoned Ryder and myself…”

“And me.” Cora grumbles from the terminal she’s using to add Scott to the Infoboard.

“… and Cora into a volcano, so I had to move into another room. This one, to be precise.”

Scott looks appalled by the idea of his sister fighting her way into an erupting volcano, but he has regained enough self-control to avoid snapping at Peebee’s recklessness and smile awkwardly at her.

“There, you are in.” Cora announces, then she proceeds to show him the characteristics of the chat the crew shares to exchange messages and important information.

At least, that’s how she describes it, but Scott wasn’t born yesterday and he immediately sees how funny, simple, domestic the topics discussed are.

“Suvi, you… you got your mug stuck on a box in the engine room?” he asks in disbelief, reading one of the many posts where the science officer’s mug suffered a terrible fate, just like her coffee.

“More than once.” Gil comments from the door with a dramatic sigh, sticking out his tongue at her when Suvi pouts at him.

Meanwhile, Drack and Kallo are in the galley, unboxing rations and preparing dinner – if the salarians and krogans of the past could see the scene, they would be disgusted, but Drack treats Kallo just like he treats the rest of the crew and Kallo gossips with him with the same easiness he gossips with Suvi.

There are already spicy and pungent smells in the air and even if Drack’s Surprise will take a while to be ready, there is more food they can eat before starting the real dinner.

Peebee, Liam, and Vetra agree to prepare the tables together – they needed to buy a second, foldable one after realizing Drack and Jaal took half of the space in the galley –, while Gil shows Scott the bathroom, already apologizing for the small size.

“So, the Pathfinder doesn’t have her own shower?” Scott half-heartedly jokes, smirking at his sister from above his shoulder. She and Jaal are making more space in the wardrobe, so that he will be able to put his stuff in there as he most prefers; she shoots him a pointed look, pretending to be offended, and replies curtly: “I am a selfless, humble Pathfinder.”

“You can’t modify the layout of the ship and build a second bathroom in your quarters, silly.”

“Who says that?”

“Uh, Kallo?” Gil intervenes, raising his eyebrows. “I’m sure I just heard him gasp. Don’t say these things when he’s around, Scott, or he’s gonna die sooner than most salarians.”

He and Scott laugh at that, promptly reprimanded by Suvi and Cora, but even though the joke was silly, Ryder finds herself smiling, because her brother finally looks and sounds like himself again.

What she saw before in his eyes, that weird rage mixed with irritability, was probably caused by his tiredness, a natural impulse born out of stress.

Jaal is smiling too. Now that she thinks about it, he has been smiling a lot, more than usual, since their victory against the Archon. No, perhaps even before that: he has been happier, even more open and extroverted, since their beautiful, perfect day on Aya, when they made love to each other for the first time.

She watches him move, take out, and put stuff into the wardrobe, studying its size, calculating all the space Scott might need with precision and care. He is humming under his breath, a melody she never heard before, probably an angaran tune, and she giggles.

He turns to her, blushing a little – she can see it now -, but his smile doesn’t falter and he asks, curious: “Why are you laughing, my light?”

“It’s nothing. You just look really excited.” She pecks his cheek and he grins, nodding quickly.

“I am! This is so much similar to when a sibling returns after a long journey or their trip to Aya! A member of our family is coming back home. It’s an important event.”

He looks at Scott, who is studying the desk and small pantry of the room, and calls him, raising his voice so much even Drack and Kallo in the galley probably heard him.

“Brother! Come put your stuff in here!” He laughs, hands on his hips, and promises him: “Then we will accompany you to the medbay!”

Ryder sees it again: that glint in Scott’s eyes, something akin to distaste, but not quite. It’s definitely close to anger, though, and she can’t deny it anymore.

Something is wrong, whether Jaal knows it or not.

That look lasts only a millisecond – enough for her to see it and recognize it -, then Scott smiles – a too polite, shaky thing to be considered warm and genuine enough – and says: “I’m coming.”

He starts putting his armor and clothes into the – large – space Jaal and Ryder made for him, all while Jaal tries to start a conversation with him, giving him advices to maximize the benefits of the space available, the best combinations of the different parts of his armor and outfits, his memories of home and his childhood which greatly helped him develop such expertise.

“With so many siblings, it’s only natural to learn how and where put your stuff.” he chuckles, but once again Scott replies with a simple, short sound and that same polite smile that doesn’t really mean anything.

For someone as open as Jaal, that reaction is the equivalent of someone telling him to shut up and go away with a punch to the face. For the humans in the room, it’s not that much different and the mood suddenly and abruptly changes, as if someone turned all the lights on and showed things as they really were.

Scott is still tense and stiff and every time Jaal gets too close or Ryder touches his arm, he jolts as if burned and frowns, ignoring both of them with a stubbornness that could rival their Dad’s.

Jaal now senses – sees – that something is off; that painful realization is written on his face, plain as day, but he is as stubborn as Scott or perhaps just too kind and hopeful, and so he doesn’t give up, trying again and again to make him talk, to finally start being brothers, brothers-in-law, and not just acquaintances.

Chloe is about to cry. Spending so much time with Jaal and the angara in general really made her softer, but not in a bad way, that way that mercenaries and outlaws in the vids always sneer at, believing it to be equal to weakness.

It’s a softness that makes the heart and the mind stronger and she can’t understand how she lived without it until now.

Still, it can make things harder than usual sometimes: like when she and the crew watch sad vids and she finally lets herself go without shame, promptly followed by Liam and Suvi and sometimes even by Kallo and Gil. Or like when the Nexus’ expectations are too many and she feels overwhelmed and the stress weighs on her like a boulder.

But even then, they are natural reactions, natural responses to the world around her that humans usually try to keep down, hidden in their hearts and rooms, to avoid feeling ashamed in public. But being ashamed for one’s feelings is something that doesn’t exist in angaran society and it seems like the Milky Way species are slowly learning that from them, a lesson they should have learned much sooner.

She hopes they are teaching good things to the angara in return. Jaal said they are, that the humans’ creativity and the turians’ sense of honor are precious gifts to witness and experience, and she believes him, because he is always honest and his honesty never replaces kindness.

This is why she could understand Scott’s first reaction upon being thrown into this new life aboard the Tempest. She can relate so much to him now, more than before, but this particular annoyance directed at Jaal only indicates that his stress disorder and trauma are not the only causes of his behavior.

“All done.” her brother announces, closing the wardrobe and stepping back at the speed of light, far from her and Jaal. Their family has never been particularly touchy-feely, but they still knew how to hug or pat each other’s back.

This distance feels wrong, forced: he’s deliberately avoiding them, as if he fears to catch who knows what disease or get trapped in their tight hugs.

“I’m going to Lexi, now.” he says, smiling awkwardly at them, aware of the fact that they are aware of his problem now. He walks backwards, still facing them, opening and closing his mouth while his brain attempts to find something clever to say, but nothing comes out and in the end the door automatically opens.

“We can accompany you if-” Ryder starts, but he shakes his head, eyes going wide with panic, and he cuts her off: “No! No, thanks, sis. I mean, the ship isn’t that big, I won’t get lost.”

He tries to smile again, but fails and then he leaves, leaving her, her boyfriend, and their friends alone in the room, stunned and embarrassed.

“Poor guy really needs a good night of sleep.” Gil breaks the silence in the end, getting some affirmative hums from Cora and Suvi, but Ryder watches the closed door with a growing sense of dread in the pit of her stomach.

It gets better only when Jaal’s hand touches the small of her back and she feels his lips touch the top of her head.

- - - -

She doesn’t dare join Scott and Lexi in their conversation; it’s private and too delicate, especially since it will most likely be a psychological session. She is sure Lexi will be able to make him feel better and help him understand what is causing him so much trouble and pain.

Drack’s Surprise will take a while, so she and Jaal take refuge in their quarters, far from Cora’s questioning looks – What is wrong with your brother, Ryder? – and Gil’s sorry eyes – That sucked.

She needs to talk with Jaal and this is the perfect time and place to do so. Gone are his excitement and joy: he sits quietly and somberly on their bed, cleaning his rifle, his Rofjinn lying next to him.

“Sweetheart.” she calls, knowing he adores when she calls him sweet names and uses funny endearments.

They make me feel part of your heart, he said once and she replied, causing him to nearly cry there and then: You are.

He raises his eyes from the weapon, but doesn’t speak, waiting for her to do so. She sits on the bed and rests her head on his shoulder, watching his large hands rub a smooth cloth on the rifle and dismantle it easily to reach the inner parts.

It’s a sight she saw before, back when they still weren’t together, when they still weren’t even friends; they took apart weapons and modded them together in a pleasant silence, sharing advices and ideas once in a while, learning more about each other that way.

This time the silence isn’t exactly pleasant; it’s familiar, calm, and they both feel safe in each other’s presence, but Jaal’s eyes are worried and the galaxies in them swirl sadly, slower than usual.

Chloe kisses his scarred cheek, enjoying the slightly electrical feeling, and calls again: “Darling One.”

At that, he moves his head and lightens up a little, even showing a small, precious smile.

“Yes?”

“Tell me what troubles you.”

Jaal goes back to cleaning his rifle and she doesn’t stop him, knowing he needs those repetitive movements to calm down and let his mind focus on something else rather than his worries. He told her so once, when he was busy making gifts for the crew. She remembers everything he tells her.

“I don’t think Scott likes me.” he says in the end, a barely audible whisper that contains all the sadness and shame in the world.

He is ashamed because he thinks it’s his fault? That he failed her?

She is definitely going to cry now.

“Honey,” she starts, hoping her voice won’t break too much as she speaks, “that’s not true. Scott likes you, he’s just…”

He’s just tired. Scared. I think?

Where is Mom when you need her? She could always understand Scott better than she or Dad could.

“He’s just gone through a lot, like everyone else. But he has been alone and far from us, from me, for quite some time and it’s hard to get back into things when they are so new and…”

“And alien.” he gently interrupts her, his smile smaller, frailer, than before. “I understand that, taoshay, I completely do. But I fear this is about me in particular.”

She swallows, knowing he might be right. She prays he’s not, she prays Scott is just being really sensitive to Jaal’s louder manners and that he’s going to treat him kindly in a day or two, but something tells her things are more complicated than that.

“He likes you.” she repeats, to convince both him and herself. Jaal frowns, confused, and asks: “Did he tell you so? When?”

“I…! No, he didn’t tell me, but…” She sighs, sliding her arms around his and resting her cheek on his shoulder again, watching his hands go still on the rifle. “I can see it. I know he likes you, Jaal, he just needs time to get used to all this.”

“I saw something else.” he says softly. “Your brother tries to hide his true feelings, but he is not very good at it, just like angara. I saw distaste in his eyes.”

Chloe grimaces and bites her lips. Jaal might be the biggest sweetheart in the world, but he isn’t naïve and very few people can hide things from him and his perceptive, brilliant mind.

“Jaal.” She raises her head and sees he’s watching her intently, his expression a weird mix between resignation and hope. “Maybe – maybe – he doesn’t like you now, but he will do soon. I’m sure of that, believe me.”

“It might help knowing why he doesn’t like me.” he softly whispers, self-consciousness dripping heavily from each of his word. “Maybe I shouldn’t have hugged him when I met him outside the Cultural Center?”

Chloe snorts, trying to imagine her brother being lifted up by her bulky, tall angaran boyfriend. The scene looks funny in her head, but considering how antsy and nervous Scott seems to be, it’s probable he was deeply annoyed by it.

“It’s because of that, isn’t it?” Jaal sighs, looking at the stars visible from the window with a small, adorable pout.

“You probably were one of the first angara he ever saw. And speaking of angara, he never interacted with your species before, so he probably doesn’t know how to act around you. Maybe he fears to disrupt months of delicate diplomacy or who knows what else.”

Jaal turns to her again and she smiles, feeling confident about her reasoning, which she believes to be one of the reasons her brother is being so standoffish around Jaal. But her boyfriend isn’t so sure and he tells her so, frowning as he thinks hard about it.

“But, light of my life… you weren’t like that at all when you first met me and my people.”

She blinks, blushing a little.

“I was not?”

“No.” Jaal smirks, putting the rifle aside to wrap his arms around her. “You were professional and kind. Sometimes you looked unsure about what to say or do, but you rarely lost your control. You always treated us – and me – with great respect.”

His words make her blush even more and smile goofily, but it hurts a little to know that Scott, in comparison, can be considered extremely rude.

“Well, what can I say – you guys were and are amazing.” she says, grinning at him, but his smile is sweet and soft like his kisses and the utter adoration in his eyes is vast like the sky, so much her silly joke feels out of place and she immediately gets serious again.

“You are.” she repeats, a loving whisper that caresses his lips. “You are amazing.”

She kisses him, a hand on his cheek, the other on his shoulder, and his hands pull her closer to his chest so that he can deepen the kiss.

“Especially you, Jaal Ama Darav. Never doubt that.” she concludes after they pull away, lips moist and eyes full of emotion.

His fear, which he was able to push down for a bit, comes back and he babbles, looking for reassurance: “Do you think he will change his mind about me?”

“Of course he will! He just needs more time. He needs to know you better.” She cups his cheeks and rests her forehead against his, breathing deeply. His perfume smells stronger today. He must have used more of it for the big day and her heart beats painfully in her chest at the thought.

“He’s probably a bit jealous too.” she laughs, but Jaal is confused by that notion.

“Jealous? Of what?”

“Well… brothers and fathers can be overprotective of their sisters and daughters, when a partner enters the scene.”

Jaal hums at that, frowning a little.

“Really? Angara are protective of all their children and siblings, no matter who they are.”

“I know. But things are different for some humans. They fear their sister or daughter’s partner might take her away from them. It’s…” Chloe makes a funny sound, rolling her eyes. “It’s silly, I know.”

“It is.” Jaal agrees, his frown bigger. “Why would their daughter or sister be taken away from them by her beloved? They would still be her family, still be in her heart, still belong to her soul!”

“See?” She kisses his nose. “This is why you guys are the best.”

Jaal laughs at that, but then he gets serious again – almost solemn – and asks quietly: “Darling One… do you think your dad would have been jealous too? Would have he liked me?”

That makes her brain stop of a bit. She is almost surprised not to hear SAM announce that all her brain activities have been interrupted.

She recalls her father’s mannerisms and ways, his serious face when twelve-years-old Chloe first confessed to him and Mom there was a turian kid she liked in her multi-species school; his small, but amused smile when he told her to go for it and see how it went.

She recalls the red spots on his cheeks when Mom first gave her and Scott The Talk, his hand covering his eyes when she started talking about reproduction.

She remembers him sitting on Scott’s bed, giving him advices about one of his crushes in high-school, and his voice every time he told her to be careful on the streets, no matter the time of day, because “there are seriously fucked-up individuals around, so remember your training”.

Then she thinks about Jaal, so earnest, kind, thoughtful, and loving, so protective in his own way, so funny and sweet, so strong and selfless, so smug and timid.

She pictures him shaking hands with her dad in the angaran way, modding weapons and shooting kett together, talking about the Milky Way – Dad would smile at the way he pronounces it -, about Aya, about life and family and love.

Then she pictures Dad awkwardly hugging Sahuna, standing stiffly at the center of Jaal’s house, surrounded by countless of curious siblings and children, and in the end letting them study his beard and N7 armor with a chuckle.

He would thank Sahuna for Jaal and then he would thank Jaal for the love he is giving his daughter.

“Yes.” she says in the end, tears in her eyes and a big smile on her face. “Yes, he would adore you.”

Jaal smiles too, brushing away her tears with his thumbs, and there are relief and contentment on his face. Then he gets timid and if his hands weren’t on her face, he would probably start fidgeting.

“What… what about your mom? Would have she liked me too?”

She will. If those wistful fantasies about Dad meeting Jaal and his family are just that – fantasies that won’t ever become true now -, those starring Mom can still be real. She is alive and SAM is sure a cure will be found, hopefully before Chloe and Scott reach her same age.

The problem is that she still hasn’t told Jaal that. He still doesn’t know about Ellen Ryder’s conditions and she wonders why she didn’t tell him sooner. He would only be happy, crazy with joy for her, and they would have one more beautiful thing to look forward to.

She knows she should ask Scott first – Ellen is his mother too, after all -, but she also knows that Jaal will never tell this to anyone if she asks him to, so she can prepare herself to tell the others.

She decides to tell him. Here, in their room, surrounded by stars, while Drack’s Surprise slowly takes form in the oven and Scott vents with Lexi in the medbay.

“She will.” she says with a confident nod of her head and at first Jaal smiles, looking like the happiest man in the galaxy, but then he makes a confused sound and blinks.

“She will?”

She starts to explain it to him; he already knows about her father’s locked memories and initially he nods, listening intently to her. Then she mentions the benefactor – and for a second she almost tells him about the Reapers too, but that would be a too big burden; it’s so painful she has to pretend she never heard about it in the first place and she knows Jaal would feel and experience her same pain as if he was part of the Milky Way Galaxy too.

SAM intervenes too, explaining things more clearly or offering more insight into Alec’s actions and wishes, and here Jaal’s eyes start to widen. At the end of the explanation, his mouth hangs open and he can only stare at her, speechless.

“Uh… Jaal?” She laughs nervously, tugging at his hand. “Are you okay?”

He closes his mouth and then something that she always considers like a gift from heaven happens: he starts laughing, triumphantly and joyously, and he takes her in his arms, swirling her around.

“My Darling One! This is wonderful, marvelous news!”

She laughs with him and he is as excited as she was when she learned the truth: there are tears in his eyes and he talks fast, babbling, and can’t stay still; his hands touch her everywhere, her face, her waist, her shoulders, and he asks more questions, to her and SAM, and in the end he stops, smiling at her like she is the best thing in the world, like he knew things would go this way because she is perfect and she deserves only the best.

“My love.” he says, taking her hands, and leaning in just like he did on the bridge of the ship, the day they fought the Archon, only that this time they are not going to war, but moving towards peace and a place of our own instead.

“My heart is bursting with joy.” He nuzzles her nose and she giggles, sniffling, because tears are in her eyes too. “Your father’s secret… is this why you waited to tell us?”

“Yes, but I should have told you sooner. Just… can we just wait a little more before telling the others? This is pretty big stuff and if rumors started spreading around on the Nexus…”

“Of course!” He brushes back her bangs and his gloved fingers linger a bit on her hair. He has always been fascinated by it. “Of course, my Darling One.”

She bites her lower lip and adds, slowly, carefully: “There is something else too. This concerns the Milky Way Galaxy and it’s even more serious, but… I need more time. Can you… can you wait some more to hear it?”

He chuckles, in that endearing way that means ‘you’re such an adorable woman’, and nods, still brushing her hair and stroking her face, his electromagnetism sending playful sparks down her neck and shoulders.

“Take all the time you need.” He lowers his voice and rests his forehead on hers again, murmuring: “Thank you for trusting me with this, Darling One.”

“You make me feels safe.” she says, smiling brightly, and he looks so happy she is sure she will start seeing rainbows appear in the room soon.

“Chloe, Jaal,” SAM suddenly speaks, making them both jump, “Mr. Kosta and Scott are asking for permission to enter your quarters.”

“Oh!” She and Jaal exchange a surprised look, then she nods and replies: “Let them enter, SAM.”

They pull away from each other a little bit to avoid upsetting Scott, but he will have to get used to them sooner or later, so they end up holding their hands as he and Liam step into the room.

“Hey, guys! Scott here wants to see the rest of the ship. I thought he could start from here.” Liam sighs and gestures at the whole room, letting his arms fall with a wistful expression. “Look at that view. Look at all this space.”

“The perks of being a Pathfinder.” Ryder quips smugly, earning herself a grin from Liam and a half-smile from her brother.

His eyes linger on Jaal and it seems he doesn’t know how to look at him, whether with exasperation for finding him in his sister’s quarters (although he knows this is his room too) or curiosity.

He opts for hiding it all and pretending the angara isn’t even there, so he looks around after thanking Liam - who quickly leaves the room - and whistles.

“This is quite the room.” His eyes move across it, from the planetary view that shows the situation on the outposts, to the desk, which Ryder and Jaal share with each other.

Their stuff is there – various tech pieces, small weaponry, salves, datapads, Chloe’s books -, but Scott pretends not to see it, just like he pretends he can’t see Jaal’s Rofjinn on the bed and his armor and belts peeking out from the wardrobe and boxes near the bed.

“SAM! You’re here!” he exclaims, smiling at the holographic figure of the AI.

“Hello, Scott. Are you feeling better?”

He hesitates, taken aback, but he quickly regains his composure and answers, smiling: “Yes, thank you. Lexi is a great doctor.”

“I’m glad to hear so.”

Then he sees Alec’s helmet. At first, he is almost too overwhelmed to approach the small table, but then he slowly walks over to it and hovers his fingers over the glass, then brushes them against the name Alec etched on the side of the helmet so many years ago.

It lasts only a few minutes, but at the end of it Scott’s hands are shaking and there is that haunted look in his eyes again.

“Scott.” Chloe moves near him and touches his shoulder, a gentle poke to make him look at her. “Little bro, let’s go see the cargo bay and the other parts of the ship.”

He nods and moves to follow her out of the room; Jaal of course comes with them and the two of them stop at the door, unsure whether to proceed or let the other pass first.

“Uh…”

“Mh…”

Jaal fidgets and Scott avoids his eyes, watching his sister move along the corridor; she is blissfully unaware of what is happening just two steps behind her, but if they don’t answer her soon she will turn back and see how childish and stupid they are.

Scott hesitates some more; Jaal’s good manners and his strong desire to be liked by his future brother-in-law force him to let him pass, but the human doesn’t understand his intentions or maybe he’s too proud to accept his offer.

“You first.” Scott babbles in the end, smiling awkwardly at him, but Jaal shakes his head.

“No, you first!”

Scott frowns, his politeness replaced by that same annoyance and confusion from before.

“I insist.”

Jaal’s fidgeting gets worse and he glances at Ryder, who is talking to Drack and Kallo from the corridor. She still hasn’t seen what her boyfriend and her brother are doing and he hopes they will resolve this issue before she does.

“It would make me really happy to let you precede me, brother.” Jaal insists, hoping sincerity will help him in this difficult challenge.

Scott narrows his eyes at him and stays quiet.

Maybe not, then.

“Why are you always so kind?” he suddenly asks, bitterness in his voice, sadness in his eyes. He looks like Chloe, but at the same time he doesn’t and he definitely doesn’t sound like her. It scares and confuses Jaal beyond measure.

“You don’t even know me. You don’t have to treat me like this just because I’m your girlfriend’s brother.”

“I don’t treat you with kindness because of that. Not just because of that, anyway.” Jaal shakes his head, wondering if his hug at the start of their encounter could really be the cause of all this distaste.

“You are family. You were always there for Chloe and you love her. I know you have a gentle, selfless heart. Why shouldn’t I treat you kindly and respect you?”

Something breaks in Scott and his tired, drained eyes suddenly come alive; a dangerous fire burns in them and he snaps at Jaal, fists closed, voice rising to too high levels: “That’s not true! I wasn’t there for her, for anybody! I did nothing! And you can keep your… your sympathy and pity and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine!”

If Ryder didn’t hear them before, now she definitely did. The entire ship heard them, in fact, and everyone’s head is peeking out from the open doors, like curious animals alerted by the sounds around them.

Jaal has no idea what Scott meant with that last idiom – he will have to ask Chloe about that -, but he understands it’s offensive and crude and his heart hurts. He can see pain and ire and shame on Scott’s face, together with new tears and a too heavy breathing, and he realizes that his hug and his manners weren’t really the cause of all this.

Ryder is coming back to them, almost running. She looks back and forth from Scott to Jaal, asking for an explanation, anything, but both men stay quiet, Scott looking down at the ground, Jaal looking at him, waiting for him to calm down so they can finally talk normally and fix this before it becomes too big and complicated.

He wants them to be friends. He wants Chloe to be happy. He wants Scott to be happy too. He wants him to be part of the family – no, he already is, he has always been. Why is he so scared? Why does he say he did nothing? Why does he feel worthless?

Jaal cannot understand that. Nobody among the angara is considered useless or worthless, not even those who betray their people, like Vehn Terev, who is still tending to flowers and plants on Aya despite selling the Moshae to the Archon.

“What is happening? What’s wrong?” Ryder asks, her panic rising, and Jaal shakes his head.

“I do not know.”

“I… I’m sorry.” Scott murmurs, then he finally exits the room, walking past his sister and ignoring her when she calls to him. The ship is so small and he still doesn’t know it well, so he takes shelter in one of the few rooms he already knows, the crew quarters, and closes the door behind himself.

A heavy silence falls in the Tempest, broken by Lexi’s sigh.

“This is going to take much time.” she says, almost like a warning to everyone present.

“I don’t understand.” Jaal insists, looking at Ryder with big, sad eyes. “It’s like this is because of me, but at the same time it’s not.”

“Maybe it’s both.” Kallo suggests with a shrug. He’s wearing an apron dirty with red sauce and brown spots, while Drack’s is miraculously clean.

“It’s gonna take him more than time to get better.” The krogan clears his throat, glancing at Lexi. “Mine is not a doctor’s opinion, though.”

“You are right.” Lexi concedes gracefully, tapping her thumb against her chin. “He needs time, rest, and cures. I already provided him all he needs, but the rest is up to him and us.”

Ryder lets out a sigh; shoulders slumped, she looks drained of all energies just like her brother and a bit lost. She knew things wouldn’t be easy, but she didn’t think they would be this bad.

Jaal takes her hand and squeezes it, making her smile again, even if for a little while.

“Is it a good idea to let him stay here?” Vetra asks, causing some people, Ryder and Jaal included, to stare at her in disbelief. “I mean…! Here, on an exploration vessel, where things might go wrong any minute! We still have to fight kett and other nasty creatures almost every day and the Nexus and Aya ask a lot from us.”

“He and Ryder have been apart for a year, Vetra!” Suvi exclaims, shaking her head. “Separating them again would only make things worse!”

“Yeah, he needs to feel useful. Active. Alive. Not rot some more in a white room.” Cora agrees, rubbing her neck. Gil, next to her, glances at Jaal and Ryder, who both look like two kicked puppies holding hands, and sighs.

“Guys, come on. He’s gonna get better!”

“It’s just his first day.” Peebee agrees, munching one of the dry cookies she stole from the galley while Drack and Kallo were distracted. Both are glaring at her, but she bravely ignores them. “I’m sure we will see good results in a month or so.”

“For now, let’s give him some space.” Lexi says this while looking at Chloe and Jaal, who gloomily nod. The doctor sighs, rolling her eyes. “And… let’s not discuss this in the corridor, where he can hear everything.”

A hushed chorus of ‘shit’ resonates for a moment, then everyone goes back to do whatever they were doing before being interrupted.

Ryder and Jaal go back to their quarters and they reassure and comfort each other there, kissing and cuddling, finding hope and reassurance in each other’s arms.

Drack and Kallo call everyone for dinner half an hour later and they are glad to see Scott be part of the group, even though his eyes are puffy and red, sign that he cried a lot.

He sits next to Chloe, perfectly silent, and doesn’t even look at Jaal when he sits at his sister’s other side. He cracks a smile when Vetra makes a joke about Drack’s cooking and chuckles softly when Suvi almost chokes on the spicy sauce.

Liam is unusually late; he didn’t even witness the argument in the corridor and he basically scrambles into the room after being called through the comm for the third time.

“Sorry! Sorry! I was busy looking for these!”

He hands Scott too white, plastic thingies. Everyone gasps and looks away, except for Ryder and Jaal, who looks at that curious gift in complete bewilderment.

Scott is rather confused too.

“… Earbuds?”

“Yeah, man! Nights in the Tempest are loud!”

Cora hides her face behind a napkin; Suvi and Peebee make gestures in the background, desperately trying to catch Liam’s attention; Vetra clears her throat and taps her fork against the table, hoping to obtain the same result, but in vain.

Chloe and Jaal share an even more stunned look, speechless, while Scott smiles and says: “Liam, I’m used to loud snoring. Back on the Arcturus Station, there was a colleague of mine who…”

“Oh, I’m not talking about snoring.” Liam wiggles his eyebrows.

“No…?” Scott looks both scared and intrigued, then he realizes what the other man means and he turns three deeper shades of red.

“Oh! You mean you guys… in that tiny room… uh…”

“Ew, no!” Liam laughs, grimacing. “The good stuff happens somewhere else. And believe me, it’s loud. Someone here just lets it all go.”

He nods at Ryder and Jaal with a grin. They aren’t ashamed – they are perfectly aware of how loud they can be in bed -, but they didn’t know the others used such contraptions to avoid hearing them.

They definitely know, though, that Scott is not going to like this.

In fact, another massive frown appears on the young man’s face and he stares down at the white earbuds on his hand with something much similar to disgust, embarrassment, and maybe a bit of amusement all mixed together.

Only then Liam notices the others’ murderous looks. Ryder, in particular, looks about to throw her plate at him and Jaal, who would usually laugh about this in his usual carefree, joyous way, is glaring at him.

“What?” Liam asks, confused. He stares, dumbfounded, as Suvi repeatedly smacks her little fist against her forehead and Gil pinches the bridge of his nose. “What? Does he really need to hear his sister and her boyfriend call each other cute names while going at it?”

A chorus of exasperated, desperate voices rises from the table and Scott’s choked half-snort, half-sob is almost inaudible among the confusion and noise.

I'm not sure how much longer this fic is gonna be - perhaps two more chapters? We will see!

Also I chose the default/Sara look for my Chloe! I only changed the name because "Sara" is my little cousin's name and it would have been pretty weird to hear it in the game.

[darinb]

Reach Your Full Potential 5- Managing Time

Managing time is the next area we will look at in steps to fulfilling your full potential in Christ. We've learned that we need a clean heart and a clear mind, we need to use our God-given gifts and form right, godly relationships, and now this is the one I am dreading…

The next step is to have a Balanced Schedule… Ouch, this is going to hurt me and quite a few of you guys too!

Psalm 37:18

The LORD knows the days of the blameless, and their heritage will remain forever;

 TIME FOR A CHANGE

 Time is irreversible, it is irreplaceable, and it is God’s gift to you. Life doesn't come with action replays, or a rewind button. This is your life, this is it, your one shot or doing it right, or blowing it!  Managing time wisely is an absolute essential in your becoming all that God wants you to become, and many talented, clean hearted, clear minded people have blown it at this hurdle.

Time is God’s gift to you, and what you do with your time is your gift to Him.

Psalms 139:16

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

 The Bible teaches that God measures our days, that He has them preordained and knows the time we have allotted. Time is a precious commodity, more precious than money or gold, yet we all squander it day after day, year after year. We need to Managing time better!

How we choose to spend the hours of our days, the days of our weeks and the weeks ahead of our years is vital to us reaching our potential. Squander time, and you throw away your potential. Manage it effectively, and you can become someone great in the Kingdom of God!

 THE TIMES, THEY ARE A CHANGING

 Bob Dylan sang it, and he was right… times are a changing, as they always have, but these days the pressure on us as human beings is more extreme than ever before. And our society preaches a mantra that is completely foreign to the people of God.

 We are told to work hard, earn lots of money and retire to a great superannuation and a great life. I remember a story told about a simple fisherman relaxing in a hammock on the beach. A businessman came to him and told him he should do more work. Why? replied the fisherman. So you can earn money, then you can buy a bigger boat, employ staff, blitz the fish markets, earn more money, drive a bigger car and live in a bigger house. What then? Asked the fisherman.

Then you can expand, have several boats in a fishing fleet, then you can have several fleets, and have them all over the country, earn more money, then one day after 20-30 years, you can retire back to the beach and relax for the rest of your days.

But sir, replied the fisherman, I am already relaxing by the beach!

 In Australia, we are told to work hard to earn money to buy things we didn't know we wanted or needed, then put loads of money away so we can retire and finally, at the age of 67, we can start to enjoy a life of leisure.

This is a crock, because things don't satisfy, only relationships and in particular serving the Lord bring true fulfilment that will last for eternity. You can be poor and genuinely live a fulfilled, wonderful, satisfying life! And as I have said to many of you here, God doesn't want you to retire, He wants you to refire!

Ephesians 5:15-16

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

 So we need to examine how we walk… Some versions say to walk circumspectly, which means to weigh risks and consequences before taking action. We must also be wise about what we do and, according to that verse, we must make the best use of time, or as the KJV puts it, redeeming the time.

 Are you using your time effectively, or are you wasting it, or crowding it out with unnecessary things? Redeeming time means buying it back (as Christ redeems us), and it implies that every second counts!

 HANG ON A MINUTE, IS MANAGING TIME THST EASY?

 Seconds and minutes count! If you waste them, pretty soon you're wasting weeks, months and years! Managing time is essential.

In 1965 a testimony before a Senate subcommittee claimed the future looked bright for free time in America. By 1985, predicted the report, Americans would be working twenty-two hours a week and would be able to retire at age thirty-eight.

The reason? The computer age would usher in a gleaming array of advances that would do our work for us while stabilising our economy.

Take the household, they cited. Microwaves, quick-fix foods, and food processors will pave the way into the carefree future. And the office? Copiers will replace stencil machines, computers will replace filing cabinets, typewriters and even secretaries.

And now, years later, we have everything the report promised. But strangely, the average amount of leisure time has shrunk 37 percent since 1973. The average work week has increased from forty-one to forty-seven hours.

Why didn’t the forecast come true? What did the committee overlook? Simply this… They misjudged the appetite of the consumer. Yes we are more efficient, but the free time gained for us by technology didn’t make us relax; it made us run even harder. Gadgets provided more time . . . more time meant more potential money . . . more potential money meant more time needed . . . and round and round it went. Life grew louder as demands became greater. And as demands became greater, lives grew emptier.

“I’ve got so many irons in the fire, I can’t keep any of them hot,” complained one young father.

This is what life is like… passing us by if we let it, chasing after things that don't really matter!

James 4:14

yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.

 100 years from now we will all be skeletons, every one of us. We spend so much time improving our bodies, making ourselves look good, using our talent, but these will all disappear in a heartbeat! No matter how old or young you are right now, it's time to stop and examine how we spend time!

When you reach the age of 70, you will have lived 840 months. That’s 25,550 days or 613,200 hours or 36,792,000 minutes—give or take a few minutes and hours associated with leap years.

All of it is a gift from God, and it's not yours... you must be a steward of this great gift. Managing time is important!

So let me challenge your management of time in 2 key ways…

 1.      MANAGING TIME AS AN INVESTMENT

 If you think of time as an investment, you will want maximum return for your investment. We invest financially and expect good returns, and we invest in our health and bodies expecting good results, but we often squander our most precious commodity… time!

 So when Managing time, decide what's important… what's really important, and invest you time into that. Is TV important in eternity? Is Facebook? Is your job? Is your house? Why do we invest such huge slabs of time into things that ultimately do not matter?

 2.      MANAGING TIME AS A BALANCE

 When Managing time think of time in terms of bucket of rocks. Put the big things in before you add the little things, otherwise the big things will not fit. You should prioritise your tasks and schedule the important things first. And what are important things? That's the question, isn’t it? Is TV watching important?… not really. Is prayer and reading the Word important? Yes, so prioritise your time!

 WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

 To discover the right way to steward your time, you can do no better than looking at Jesus…

Jesus never justified His schedule, He never made excuses for what He did, and never apologised for not being able to help someone.

Jesus was never hurried or flustered. He took His time, even when Lazarus was ill, knowing timing was all part of God’s master plan.

Jesus did not find His schedule stressful. He got tired, and He took time to recover. He never forced the pace, He was comfortable with how He managed the time pressures He faced.

So to finish this message off, let's look at how Jesus invested and managed time…

 1.      TIME FOR PRAYER AND BIBLE STUDY

 Mark 1:35

And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.

Jesus always, always found time to pray! He started His day with it, and so should you and I!

For many of us, prayer is a last resort. We turn to praying when things are going wrong for us. Prayer should not be a way through crisis, it should be a way of life. It was for Jesus!

 Philippians 4:6-7

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Prayer brings peace, it allows God to speak to you and lets you be still even in a storm. I don't just need this when I face a major crisis, I need this peace, this alignment with the Spirit of God every single day, and so do you.

And married to prayer is the study of God's Word.  I am committed to the study God's Word every day, and every morning I spend time in prayer and Bible Study. That's why I designed the Bible reading plan for our church, not to burden you and soak up time you haven't got, but to release you into all God has for you. If you are too busy to pray and read His Word, you're just too busy! Managing time is required.

 John Wesley would rise up at 4 AM every day to seek God for the first four hours of the day.  In his later years Wesley was known to spend up to 8 hours in prayer.

When asked what he did if he faced a busy day, he replied that he got up earlier, because a busy day required more prayer!

So turn of that TV, get out of Facebook, get off the computer and open God's Word!

Jesus prioritised time in prayer and learning the Scriptures, and so should we!

 2.      TIME FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS

 Jesus made time for family and good friends. He attended weddings, feasts and dinners and even in the cross was concerned for his mother’s provision. He had close friends like Mary, Martha and Lazarus, and he had meals with loads of people, from close friends like Lazarus to Zacchaeus. He had His disciples He hung out with day in and day out, and was closest to 3 of them in particular, Peter, James and John.

On His last night alive, knowing He was facing imminent death, He chose to spend it with His closest friends, the disciples. And He said this…

John 15:15

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

Jesus valued family and friends, and prioritised spending time with them. And so should we!

 3.      TIME FOR WORK

 Jesus had a busy schedule and He made time for His work, teaching, preaching and healing. In 3 short years of ministry, He invested time into His work, training and preparing the disciples for the future, teaching in synagogues and touching people's lives.

We have a responsibility to work. The Bible doesn't teach us to be slackers or bludgers, and the Word retirement is never mentioned in the Bible. What we have to discover is the right balance between working for money and working for the Kingdom. As your pastor, I combine the two, and I'd encourage you to do so also. I put time into being an Optometrist, and overtime into serving the Lord in church.

If you find yourself with less time working, say through retirement, unemployment or great time management, I want to encourage you to use the available time at least in part serving the Lord.

 Colossians 3:23

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

 I am committed to working hard and serving the Lord in the church, and in secular work. I endeavour to do everything as unto the Lord, not man. Whatever I put my hand to, I believe that I will see it prosper, because I do it for Jesus, not for money or pride. And He takes my feeble efforts and crowns them with great success, and He will do the same for you!

But here's what I have learned…

Being active does not automatically mean that you are effective.

Being busy does not automatically mean that you are productive.

Being overbooked and overextended does not automatically mean that you are profitable.

Let me confess to you my sin right now… it's the tyranny of the urgent! I once read a small book and realised that my time is often most heavily governed by what appears urgent, not what's important. As a pastor, there are so many urgent pressures, so many people with needs, but I need God's wisdom to discern the important, not react to the urgent!

Ask God to make your work time profitable for the Kingdom, and let Him have His way with your work. But we need to find balance in our work, and I have tremendous trouble finding the balance. Managing time is important.

Being a workaholic is as damaging as being slothful. Laziness is not taking time off work, but wasting the time we have on things that do not matter. Watching TV, playing computer games, crafts, Facebook, YouTube, they are all fine, unless they start to dominate your life. But work is the same.

One of the great lessons I have learned being a bivocational pastor is segmentation. At work, I have set hours and I work, and often work hard. But I leave work at work. I have learned to write sermons, have meetings and make calls in between appointments in my working day.

Jesus prioritise work, but He also balanced it to minimise stress and pressure. And so should we!

And don't take your work home and stew on it all night either! Managing time is essential.

 4.      TIME FOR WORSHIP

 Even in His busy schedule, Jesus made time to attend the synagogue and worship with others. We are instructed to gather with believers and to not stop attending church…

Hebrews 10:24-25

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

 I meet Christians all the time who say they love the Lord but hate church, and believe me I understand that. Often church is long, boring, overly religious, irrelevant in many ways and somewhere between useless and painful. If I make it useless and painful, I apologise.

You can be a Christian and not go to church, but that's not normal. You can be married and not live together, but that's not normal either. If church is a waste of time, find another church, but don't throw away the tremendous benefit of meeting with other believers!

Especially with the caliber of people we have in this church. They can encourage you, care for you, help you in times of crisis. They can challenge you, inspire you and stand with you. Our church is a family, and it's a great family. Sure every family has a weird cousin, but we love each other. If you need a great church, this is it!

If you are too busy to come to church, I guarantee you your spiritual life will suffer. We need each other, and that's how God designed church. Managing time is important.

Jesus prioritised meeting with believers, and so should we!

 5.      TIME FOR RELAXATION AND REST

 Jesus relaxed and rested often, and so should we!

 Mark 6:31

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.

 In our modern, workaholic lives we need to hear this.  Come Ye apart or come Ye apart… if you don't, you will!

Rest and relaxation will restore your energy, rejuvenate your soul, refresh your relationship with family and friends, and renew your walk with the Lord.

I used to think if I wasn't busy I was idle. I even felt guilty of I took time to relax, because there was always something else to do! But calculated time to relax is not idleness but reenergising.

Just this week God spoke to me in my quiet time…

Psalm46:10

Be still, and know that I am God

 In the midst of turmoil and strife, overwhelmed with the storms of life, the psalmist said be still. And in Hebrew, the word doesn't mean waste your time, it doesn't mean run from your troubles, it is a command and it literally means cease striving. It means total rest, to go limp, to drop down, to sink to relax and to withdraw.

We all need rest. For you it could mean to go fishing, play a game, spend time with people you love, travel somewhere exotic. It might mean, and I don't understand this,  go shopping! Managing time is different for different people.

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Jesus prioritised rest and relaxation. He needed it, and so do we!

 6.      TIME FOR SLEEP

 I have always thought that sleep was me wasting my time. To this day I struggle to sleep well, and struggle to turn my brain off! I am preaching to myself, because I am a self confessed workaholic. I find leisure hard to take and sleep illusive at times. Without sleep you can only keep life up for so long!

Studies show that in our society most adults are sleep deprived, not just mums! If you get 4-5 hours sleep a night, that's half of what experts say you really need.

During deep, sound sleep, your bodies hormone levels are rebalanced and reset for the next day’s activities, dead cells are replaced with new ones and your immunity is built up to help you fight off bacterial and viral infections. Doctors tell us that sleep is one of the most therapeutically beneficial prescriptions for those struggling with physical ailments, mental disorders, or emotional exhaustion.

In Matthew 8:23-26, Jesus slept so soundly he slept through a raging storm in a boat! Why? Because He knew He needed to rejuvenate His body to serve properly. So take steps to get enough sleep!

In the 21st century, blue light is an issue. Studies show that using blue light producing equipment like iPads, kindles, computers and the like reduces the production of melatonin, and literally wakes you up. So, your Optometrist says, don't use blue light emitting devices in the hour before you sleep, or get blue guard on your glasses!

Jesus prioritised sleep, and so should we!

 7.      TIME FOR HEALTH

 Jesus lived a healthy life. He walked everywhere, miles and miles a day. He was fit and healthy. Are you?

Health has 3 aspects… reducing stress, eating properly and exercising appropriately. Do you eat the right things? Do you exercise?

As far as food goes, here's Pastor Darin's  3 golden rules…

If you get it from a drive through, don't eat it.

If it has a mascot, don't eat it

If a native crawled out of the jungle, would he recognise it. If he wouldn't, don't eat it!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Some of us are busy expanding the walls of God's temple! We need to get serious about what we eat and how we exercise, see Lynn Preece.

And this includes what we do with our bodies. God wants you to abstain from things that cause you harm. This includes sexual immorality, drugs, stress or anything else. I remember one little girl who thought smokers must love Jesus more because they want to get to heaven quicker than everybody else.

Jesus prioritised health, and so should we!

 IT’S TIME TO MAKE TIME FOR WHAT REALLY MATTERS!

 Managing time, as we discussed, is limited. And we all get the same amount. Great men of God get no more time than I do, they just learn to use it more effectively.

 Do you want to maximise your time? Do you want to reach your full potential in God? Do you really want to change and impact the world for Christ? Do you? Then join me in consecrating or setting aside time for what really matters

Ephesians 5:15-16

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

If you like me struggle to balance your time, I want you to come forward and give your time to the Lord. Ask Him to reveal how you should use your time, and let's get this imbalance back into balance.

 I once made a commitment to the Lord… no Bible, no breakfast. It changed my life. I have had a quiet time, read the Bible and prayed almost every day for the last 30 years, and have never consistently eaten breakfast.  Will you join me in making this commitment too? Managing time can be a huge asset.

https://ignitechurch.org.au/?p=2051

[thestaticghost]

How to Make a Bound

((I’ve mentioned a little while back I was working on developing geists and bound away from their roots - Geists: The Sin-Eaters. I’ve finally fleshed out a direction I want to go in. It is important to note that when interacting with other blogs that have ghosts and the like, I rather go for a hybridization of whatever headcanons are standard on the blog and mine, rather than be all “mine is the correct one”. The only two things I will not bend on are A. geists and everything that makes them and B. Twilight.  The latter being because it is a very large part of D’s lore and has been created to be expansive on purpose, so if another character uses the afterlife or underworld in any way, it can easily be explained as another part of Twilight or alternate reality.

PS. I need a better name than Bound, so if you all have any ideas, please tell me.

PPS. The title was originally different, but I realized I kinda laid out everything needed to understand how to design your own bound so. Maybe one day I’ll make this an adoptable species sort of deal and design different geists and bound for people...that’d be cool.))

Before we get into geists specifically, let’s talk ghosts and spirits. Ghosts are the souls of the deceased. In DN specifically, they’re the natural plasma that occurred in a living creature’s existence. So, a mage would have more plasm than a regular human, but they wouldn’t be as strong as someone who is, say, half-elf. 

When a ghost is first “born”, they can be one of two states. The first is a ghost with full memory of their past. They may or may not be aware that they died and may try to engage with their living compatriots for awhile. These guys tend to degrade pretty quickly to the second (general) type of ghost. The second type of ghost are classified loosely by the fact they’ve begun to have memory loss. Here you find the ghosts that are repetitive in nature, doing things over and over, or have been condensed down to a single emotion, like rage. Wrathful ghosts can be extremely dangerous. Revenants and poltergeists can both fit under here, so these classifications are very loose.

Ghost forms will evolve over time, according to what their plasma dictates. That’s why when I do draw ghosts, I tend to draw animals, like Rikki and Tavi being vaguely ferretish with antlers. The older the ghost, the more twisted their image, typically. 

Spirits are not ghosts. Unlike them, they were never bound to a living body and thus are considered pure plasmic beings. Otherwise, they function similarly to ghosts on the surface but have fewer weaknesses and leave the underworld less often.

Now that ghosts vs spirits are out of the way, let’s talk Twilight. Twilight is, of course, the underworld, a world between worlds that connects all of the different realities with each other. It’s not been discussed much, but Twilight is also host to the various dominions of death. There are “levels” to Twilight, each one utterly unique, and the old dominions are where you can find Hel, Hades, and other gods associated with death and the afterlife. Another major feature are the rivers. They are not of water, like in many realities, but of plasm. These rivers can be highly dangerous unless they are utilized correctly. How does one use it correctly? To shed one’s plasm into it, so that it may one day be reused for some other purpose, up to and including new life. So, reincarnation is a thing, sort of. 

Because plasm is so charged with emotions and memories, when a ghost passes entirely those memories join the others in the plasm rivers. Another important note of Twilight - it’s time-locked. So one can feasibly leave through a door or gate in San Francisco and leave through another door in Tokyo and no time has passed. But it’s up mainly to the will of Twilight. It’s essentially a sentient creature in it’s own right, but I’ll make another post about that later.

Now for, finally, geists. And wraiths a little. They are both creatures created from ghosts but are no longer considered ghosts because of their transformation. The simplest way to differentiate them? Geists are “natural” and wraiths are artificially created by necromancers. Both of them can be hurt in much the same way a ghost can, but both are extremely powerful and nigh on impossible to destroy forever. Wraiths also have fewer limitations than geists, able to fully access their powers immediately, but unless they’ve been untethered from their creator, they’re mostly bound to the necromancer’s will. Doesn’t mean they won’t do creepy shit or try to get free though.

So what are geists? Well, they’re souls that used the plasm rivers of Twilight not to pass on, but for power (or they accidentally fell in whoops). Plasm is the magical energy of all the realities, so it becomes tempting to a creature of pure plasm to add to their personal collection so they might do more. So they try to steal from the rivers. It never turns out well. The rivers are potent and the memories and emotions of all of eternity’s living beings are there, and a snippet of those memories are dumped wholesale into the ghost as it binds to new plasm. The longer they are in the river, the more plasm they get, the more memories are stuffed into their figurative craniums. 

Obviously, even a snipped of eternity is infinite, so overwhelmed between their new raw magical potential (which oftentimes physically deforms the ghost as well) and these memories, a newly made geist goes mad. Typically, they become shadows of their former selves, and without the restraints on their powers, they could easily destroy large swathes of Twilight or any reality they wander into. Fortunately, when they first became a problem, a Law was created by Twilight, binding their powers and limiting their use to essentially party tricks. 

A geist has all this power at their potential, imbued with plasm to the point where they are no longer ghosts but pieces of Twilight as well, but they are considered half a soul now and can no longer access their powers without making a deal with someone on the verge of death. What does the half a soul have to do with anything? It’s an artificial term made to discuss the codependence of geist and bound on each other for survival. If they die and the deal is refused on either end, there is no afterlife for them. They are too volatile, and thus immediately return to plasm.

Geists are also far more likely to be cannibalistc than other types of ghosts, going after their fellow dead and devouring them in hopes that the plasm gained would stabilize their new forms. It doesn’t, but it does increase their hunger and drive them desperate as the hole they feel consuming them grows bigger. A geist without a host will not die necessarily, but the time without feels like the end of their world.

The urge for cannibalization is passed onto the bound the longer they’re alive/the more often they take advantage of the deal. The deal already requires sacrificing a random life to take the bound’s place, but it does not sate the needs of the bound, who are often weakened and confused when brought back to life at the dawn of the next day.

Some interesting powers geists do have while unbound: in addition to their normal ghostly powers such as levitation, invisibility, and intangibility, they find breaching into the world of the living much easier. They also have the ability to pull a dying person’s soul into a pocket dimension - a small piece of Twilight utterly unique to them that they can design however they think will help make a deal. In this small space, they can stop and reverse the symptoms of death and even set the body to heal longterm illnesses and defects if the deal requires. Their limit is based off the strength of the deal and their own willingness to play along. Example: D and Voice’s deal is incredibly strong. Voice has been able to help heal many long-term diseases D had, but he’s refused to cure his asthma and didn’t fix a poorly healed broken hip because he wasn’t in the mood for it. They can recreate a body completely from scratch, but there are some negative consequences of that.

A deal-made body can be visually similar to the original, down to the DNA that makes it up, but it’s an object made of plasm. Not many bound will make the deal when their original body is entirely destroyed as the more often they die, not only do their cannibalistic urges grow, but so do visual signs of their body breaking down. Blackened extremities, slowed or stopped heartbeat, lack of appetite or need for sleep, are all symptoms that grow more obvious with the creation of a plasm body. These bound that take advantage of the deal over and over and over are often considered half-dead or more, having difficulty living a normal life. They also find themselves subject to hearing the memories and emotions of Twilight’s plasm the geist stole, oftentimes leading to misdiagnosis of mental disorders in extreme cases or resulting in self-isolation. Bound who make it to this level typically retreat to Twilight if they are able, slowly deforming more and more until they’re unrecognizable for what they once were.

When a deal is made, a bound is given an unique set of powers based off their affinity for the elements and some school of magic. Popular schools include empathy, illusions, and divination, as well as the classic elemental spells. A bound will have natural access to one school of magic and one element, though they can learn more on their own depending on their magical potential. When a bound has low synergy - when the wills of the person and the geist don’t match up, often leading to a power struggle on who gets to control the body - the geist can access their own powers while in control, but not their host’s. When the host is in control, they cannot access the geist’s powers. Typically, this isn’t too big of a deal because a geist will seek out someone similar in temperament to themselves, leading to a very similar power set. For example, there is an as of yet unseen bound in a story I’m writing - the geist’s name is Slinker. Visually, they look like a blobby, watery cat creature with glowing eyes, and they have control over water and illusions. Their host, Felix, has control over water and empathic abilities. 

Permanent low synergy will lead to the creation of a shell - a body whose soul only mechanically moves it around like a puppet. There is no personality, there is no magic, there is no hunger. They are very similar to ghosts who just move in a pattern and are typically pitied by even necromancers, who have no use for them. The only thing they’re good for is energy in a spell.

When a bound has high synergy, with the combined wills of geist and host acting as one, their magic becomes wholly what was created with the deal. The geist may not physically manifest anymore either, a feature seen at other levels where the consciousness is more split. Not that all geists will manifest. Voice is not unique in the fact that he only manifests if forced to and prefers to be a literal voice in the air. 

There’s a whole lot more, but I’ve been working on this for two weeks so. I’ll make a more streamlined version later

[kiasullivan]

A sentence that changed our lives forever.. “Well the test results are back and basically confirm what you already knew”… 

In that exact moment, all the questions were finally answered and confirmed our suspicions.

Why wasn’t my boyfriend able to handle heat, any temperature above 24 degrees, couldn’t participate in any sport, and had an exercise intolerance? Fabry Disease.

Why couldn’t he sweat, therefore severely overheating? Fabry Disease.

What were the small red sore dots he had sprawled over his body? Angiokeratomas, Fabry Disease.

Why was it ‘normal’ that my boyfriend spent a minimum of 45 minutes on the toilet directly after eating almost anything, healthy or not, associated with horrible stomach pain? Fabry Disease. 

Why did he live in constant discomfort and pain all throughout his body and struggle with every day tasks and work? Fabry Disease.

Why was it that approximately every 12-18 months he would go through a stage where he became dreadfully ill for a week at a time. It would always start out with the flu, a basic cold for most people and turns into him being unable to control the pain. Literally screaming out for help while being stuck in bed, held captive in his own body feeling like his limbs are being crushed and burnt - felt initially in the hands and feet and radiating to other parts of the body. Running a high temperature that wont budge. Unable to even hold himself up in the shower in an attempt to cool off and having ice packs and wet cloths on him throughout the night to try and manage the temperature. Uncontrollable shaking from the pain. Being in absolute agony and all you can do is watch helplessly and wish that you could take the pain away. Fabry Disease 

Before his diagnosis the hospitals put it down to anxiety and said to take Panadol. Monday was the beginning of another episode, which since his diagnosis in May 2017 we now know as a ‘Fabry pain crisis’. A simple sore throat from having a good late night out, and within 24 hours we’re dealing with everything I mentioned above. He’s sleeping at the moment which is good so I’m taking some time out to write this. We’ve been waking up all through the night for the next lot of medication and we’re all exhausted. We’ve got enough pain killing medication in this house to open our own chemist right about now.  Panadol, Nurofen, Tegretol, Cold & Flu Medication, Endone, cream to cool his skin down. You name it. We got it. 

I’m not normally one to complain about my life. I spent a lot of my teenage years self harming and suffering from depression but I’m learning to see the positive in every situation and sure we all have good and bad days, however, lately, we just cant catch a break. Between my Type 1 Diabetes, struggling with my blood sugar levels and getting my ratios correct, being miserable at work and unsure on what to do in that regard, and now with the recent diagnosis of my boyfriend and the current pain crisis and running on minimal sleep…. I just feel like crawling into a hole and disappearing for a few days.

Our future looked bright. I’m sure it still is, but the vision is just a bit cloudy at the moment. Our plans to save for a house, get married and have a beautiful family. What to expect seems really unclear right now. Can he still take over his fathers business? He can barely cope at the moment let alone the pressure and stresses of being there alone. How much longer can his hands cope with the demands of being a mechanic? 

The defective Fabry gene is inherited on the X chromosome, so all of our daughters would inherit the disease and none of our sons would. Females aren’t usually affected as severe and are often looked at as just “carriers” of the disease due to females having two X chromosomes, one inherited from each parent, and therefore having a ‘non defective’ X chromosome to fall back on resulting in the symptoms generally not being as severe as males. Although, my boyfriends Aunty has Fabry Disease as well and unfortunately suffers the full extent of the disease.

During the first night of this current crisis, my boyfriend asked me what we’d say to our children in the future when this inevitably happens again. I didn’t have an answer, and being completely honest - it breaks my heart. Seeing what he goes through is hard enough as a 22 year old, let alone explaining that to a child. Are our precious baby girls destined for the same fate their father has to endure? To what extent will Fabry Disease affect our baby girls, will they just be a carrier or will they have all the symptoms and suffer every day like their daddy does? Once our girls are old enough will they resent us for consciously passing this horrible disease onto them? If we never had a baby girl, the disease would stop where it is and not progress further down our family line. It’s a lot to take in, but when the information is laid out in front of you, you’re forced to think about the future and your children. Whats the right thing to do in a situation like this?

On the other hand.. my boyfriend is facing the unavoidable complications that correspond with Fabry Disease.

- Highly increased chance of kidney failure throughout life; - Increased risk of heart disease and high blood pressure; - Enlarged heart, malfunctioning heart valves, irregular heartbeat, heart attack and heart failure; - Obstructive pulmonary disease ranging from mild to chronic; - Fabry Disease can disrupt normal blood flow in the brain resulting in strokes.

Every post you read on Fabry Support Groups or online has a negative attached to it. “My father died at 50″, “My brother had 3 strokes by 45″, “I have heart problems by 30″. 

I am so scared to live a life without him by my side. Especially if anything happened to him so young. *touching all the wood I can find* And how does a mother explain to their kids that dad can’t ever go and play outside with them because he is in too much pain, or dads had a heart attack and is spending a bit of time in hospital and that's why he's not there to tuck them into bed. What kind of a life is that for a child. Fabry Disease is complicated and daunting enough for a adult to take in their stride, let alone children trying to understand whats wrong. Not having children was never an option for me, I can’t wait to be a mother one day and experience that kind of love. So naturally you start to question your plans and life timetable.. Would it be better to have babies sooner than planned? So he can enjoy them before he gets worse. We don’t know what the future holds and can’t foresee how, when or even if he will deteriorate. I’m just praying that when he’s ready to be a father he’s still okay.

We’ve spent numerous days in hospitals having various tests done to determine if any damage has taken place yet. To qualify for treatment for Fabry Disease you need to have proof that one of your major organs have been affected by this disease. How stupid is that right? Treatment that will benefit the patient and boost their quality of life, but no you can’t have it until damage has already taken place.

We were told that he had light scarring on the heart. Yes, at 22. I wont lie, I cried a lot about that. This finding automatically qualified him to receive Enzyme Replacement Therapy (ERT). ERT replaces the enzyme that is missing or not working correctly so that the body can break down fatty substances the way it should normally. The drug is administered by intravenous (IV) infusion. This is a process that involves injecting the drug into a vein, directly into the bloodstream and is done every 2 weeks under the care of a hospital for the rest of his life. Treatment can take 5-6 hours to begin with. As the body is not use to having this enzyme it is important to administer the drug slowly to ensure there are no detrimental reactions. It will slowly decrease to a few hours. We were told that sometime in the future there would be a possibility of receiving ERT at home. 

He is due to commence ERT on Wednesday 16 August 2017. And I will be by his side every step of the way.

I am so scared as to what the future holds in all of its uncertainty. But what I am certain about, while I’m sitting here next to him and he is peacefully sleeping, is that there is nothing in the world that I love more than this wonderful man right here and there is no where else I would rather be, then going through all of life’s highs and lows with him. I will always strive to be the best I can be for him, to support him in any way possible. To help him achieve his dreams and push him to reach for the stars. To care for him and love him a little bit more when he is down, and to be his biggest fan and supporter when he is up. I love him unconditionally and do not need a marriage certificate to vow “in sickness and in health” because we already took that vow on 1,537 days ago.