#after me and jim are intimate. godDAMNIT! god fucking damn it!!! like i just wanna be able to fuck my partner and get fucked and not
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#fibro flare up hours#im fucking tired of being in PAIN SO MUCH! im tired of not being able to do the things i wanna do. im tired of my disability involving#itself in every aspect of my life. to the point where i have to decide which tasks im able to afford to do each day. im tired of flaring up#after me and jim are intimate. godDAMNIT! god fucking damn it!!! like i just wanna be able to fuck my partner and get fucked and not#end up w unbearable pain in my hips/back/neck not to mention the pain and soreness and tearing that happens from the fucking#vulvodynia that sometimes makes it hurt so badly that having p in v inter***rse is just a complete no go. or when the damn TMJ is so#intense that i cant even fucking suck c**k. like WTF body! why do u hate me! wtf is WRONG W MY BODY?! i just wanna enjoy things#i am tired of scheduling my plans around my disability. im tired of living w the ongoing inner dialogue that says- oh no u can't fit all#these physical tasks into one day and no u cannot get even the slightest bit stressed abt that either and yes u can do all yr planning#and being so extra careful and mindful abt flare up triggers but all that can be for shit if the weather decides to start fuckin w u#like just. just damn it all to hell. the intensity of pairing pain WITH the fatigue too?! it's so disgustingly cruel and i always feel so at#war w myself but it's not something that i can cure. and that's extremely frustrating beyond what words can describe. i can manage tf outta#my fibro. ive spent over ten years trying all kinds of things from the often suggested to the out there obscure.#so tell me wtf is wrong w me that this is such a part of my life. other ppl who have C-PTSD don't all get fibro. what did i do wrong?#im sorry i had to rant. i feel so shit rn and im having painsomnia and i am failing all my loved ones who need me to be strong bc#they need my help. i feel so ashamed and guilty and frustrated and confused and just like tired of living like this. idk how much longer#i can keep experiencing all this pain and all these symptoms that make it sound like im piling on to exaggerate but are for real and ik#it makes me sound like a big ass baby and im rlly not trying to be bc i hate that and it makes me feel so ashamed to say all this#i just want a break from it. i want it to be over now. but there's no end date for this illness and that alone makes me wanna quit it all.
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