#after all these years I still wish CBS a sincere fuck you

[alwaysthequietones]

Clyde <3

[celestialholz]

What's that I hear? We need a 2.10 fix stat?

You're goddamn fuckin' RIGHT we do.

... I don't know what the bloody hell was on my theoretical screen this week - and I say that because I refuse to actually watch the damn thing through, thank you Qcard Discord beloveds for saving my ass on that - but I do know that it was a fucking travesty. I've seen the Qcard bit, and I do not approve. It was cute and all, but so very wrong. Mumsy Qcard is not pleased, to put it fucking lightly.

So, yeah. To hell with that. Let me just fix that right up for you all... this is how it SHOULD have been. Because unlike Star Trek, I am not a goddamn coward.

(I've heard that the fandom legend that is @alarajrogers is also fixing this car crash, and it'll probably be better than mine - royalty trumps the peasantry. ❤ And I'm sure we won't be the only ones - seriously, CBS. What is wrong with you? We can have ladies only previously seen with men, yet we can't have Qcard? You're just going to let Q die unfulfilled, are you? Bastards. 😒)

Welcome, dears, to the unofficial Q-uick Qcard for 2.10, which I like to call: Farewell... For Now.

"I am dying, alone. I am dying alone. I do not want that for you."

It was severe and heartfelt, and Jean-Luc choked on a bitter rasp of laughter.

"Well, you've rather miscalculated then," he said simply, "because your death means I am alone."

A hundred emotions flittered across an immortal face; they settled a second later on horror-tinged bewilderment.

"... What?"

"Oh, yes," Jean-Luc murmured, vague smile hopeless. "What, did you think I'd be fine with going back home to Laris, after all of this?"

Q was stricken. "I - yes, frankly -"

"Well, would you look at that." He chuckled, amusement only a veneer. "IQ of two thousand and five, and you still can't see it."

"See what?" Q almost snapped, desperate. "This is me, freeing you - you're supposed to grasp it with both hands -"

"Oh, and thank you?"

"No," came the sincere reply, instant. "I'm not doing this to be thanked."

"And I'm very glad," Jean-Luc told him coolly. "Because I'm not certain I feel especially grateful. You could have just allowed my fear to destroy -"

He found a finger on his lips suddenly, a wild tremor running through it, and eyes that wore pure despair locked to his.

"Look who doesn't understand, now." The whisper was pure agony. "I could never have allowed that, you complete fool."

Jean-Luc's eyes widened, and a moment of soft understanding passed between them.

"An impasse, then." He shook his head. "You've helped me realise that I've needed to let go of my mother's death for eighty-one years; I finally let go, I finally understand, and yet -"

"And yet, here we are." Q smiled painfully. "In the very same room."

"Why does it have to be HERE, for god's sake -"

"Mm, something like that." Q's face burned with anguish. "Go on, ask what you want to."

Jean-Luc inhaled clarifyingly, wishing to scream.

"Why me? All these years, Q -"

"Because the sun maintains celestial control," he told him simply, grasping his hand tightly. "Because the sun has been alone for so very long; because the sun without the moon has nothing. No equal, no companion... no hope."

A tear streaked down the admiral's cheek. "And because the moon being alone is temporary."

"You're with me," Q said softly, offering him a watery smile. "The sun wasn't strong enough, darling."

"... And the moon's meant to be?" Jean-Luc's words were almost frantic. "Perhaps the sun credits me with too much."

A soft laugh left Q. "Well, I am very sentimental about mon capitaine."

"... You've also always given him the choice," he whispered, and sorrow flicked through ancient eyes.

"Yes, well - you still have one, really." He stared steadily at him, willing him to understand. "Not here, but... later."

Pure hope burned in the human. "'Later'?"

"Later," Q said, warmly. "You've got the key."

"... The skeleton key," he noted softly, pulling it from his pocket; it gleamed in red and black, and Q closed his fingers around it.

"The skeleton key," he murmured. "Every door is open to you, my dear."

Jean-Luc breathed a bitter rasp. "But it's the only key for this door."

"Yes," the god answered, certain. "The sun only belongs with the moon, Jean-Luc."

"Tell me what to do," Jean-Luc demanded, furious. "Tell me how to bring you back."

Q's gaze shone. "You don't have to, Jean-Luc - tell me you understand that. I'm not doing this for a promise of -"

"Q." His voice brokered no arguments, every particle the consummate leader. "Tell me how to bring you back."

"I... there are loopholes, and there are no guarantees, but -"

"But the moon has no desire to be alone either," was the simple interruption, the passion blazing in charcoal eyes. "And he has even less to settle."

"'Settle'," Q quoted in disbelief, marvelling at the very thought. "You could be happy with her, you know, or some vague approximation thereof -"

"Laris is a good woman, and she frankly deserves better than I," Jean-Luc murmured, gaze tearful. "She deserves someone who could love her in the way that I do you."

Q choked on air, astonished. "You... you don't -"

"Oh, I do," the admiral confirmed, with a gentle smile. "And I suspect the sun doesn't go supernova for a moon he doesn't concur with on that."

Lips met his immediately, celestial tracks of tears dampening his withered cheeks with the joys and sorrows of the cosmos.

"No," Q breathed against his mouth. "No, he doesn't."

They kissed for a long, urgent moment, the sands of time slipping from the proverbial hourglass; the fusion of harmony and spirit and finally, finally having a true purpose in a wild, unforgiving cosmos.

"So," Jean-Luc whispered into him afterwards, a single tear streaming from him, too. "Not farewell, then, mon soleil."

"Mon -" Q inhaled sharply, hand trembling fiercely against his cheek. "More... á bientôt, somehow."

"Count on it." The promise was ferocious, deafening, and Q emitted a soft, stuttered sob.

"I shall miss you, nevertheless. Every moment."

Picard spontaneously embraced him, whispered tears burning them both.

"There won't be many," he vowed, as a hand rose ever so reluctantly to click. "For once, Q, let me save you."

A tender, intimate laugh left his god, and his head shook, gaze aflame.

"You're behind the times in more ways than one, dearest - you've been doing that for the past thirty-six years." His smile could have shattered diamond with its sheer warmth. "Je t'aime, mon capitaine. Bonne chance. And trust your instincts."

With a snap, Jean-Luc Picard was flung forwards a shattered man; he called off the detonation, and swore to every star he saw through the Stargazer's viewscreen, and the god he so adored, that he would rebuild.

[wearethegladiators]

BUCKLE UP KIDS BC THIS SHIT IS WAY TOO LONG BC I HAVE 0 SELF-CONTROL: A LILY EDITION

Lily is trapped AF. She is an important figure of the Muggleborn Resistance/one of the branches of the Muggleborn Resistance… She’s quite a powerful player because she managed to secure allies… pretty much everywhere (hello Wynona, hello les deatheaters). BUT her branch is very cult-like (yes, this is canon, I thought this through and through promis). It started most likely when she helped a bunch of them to escape from a Mudblood Camp (which was mostly accomplished thanks to/with Sacha but I guess he would try to avoid the spotlight??) Then she was captured a bunch of other times, always escaped, was almost killed a bunch of times, always survived (just Lily stuff). (Also the fact that she disappeared on a crusade for months after the virus to find the muggle survivors and buried/burnt so many bodies… Imaginaries, you know). And that kept on going. At first she thought this was bullshit, she’d make fun of Fury and the bunch of other people treating her like a Wanheda. But then Aron died, and THAT changed everything. Because the building of the Muggleborn Resistance, like you said, it was all for people like him. And every fucking thing Lily did, it was all about him first and foremost. Before her people. Before anyone else. And failing at it, losing the purpose she had for years?? She almost gave up. But then they were these people telling her she survived for a reason, she was meant to do something, she was the queen of the dead of whatever bullshit… Well if she ever met an oracle confirming that, she’d accept it. There HAS to be a reason why SHE survived when everyone else around her is… dead, brainwashed, gone. So she played into that. And Lily, while being an atheist, has always strongly believed in fate and destiny. So in the long run, she’d buy it… Would come to believe she is the only one capable of saving her people from going extinct, and would take drastic measures to prevent it from happening. She has to have a reason to keep going, and so do the people around her because they fucking suffered so much. So that’s what she does – sort of brainwash herself. That’s how she survives, but that’s not how she may live.

 Random bullet points and further ranting:

 ·         CLARIFICATION 1: I’ve seen you were confused by some stuff I mentioned like the “Fenugreek drama” which makes sense because I’ve never explicitly spoken about it mdr. But basically, the idea is that Fenugreek got injured during a battle, pretty badly. Healers managed to “bring him back” but he was just done. He did not want to keep on fighting. So he begged everyone in the room to end his suffering and no one was willing to do it because he was a kid. And finally Lily stood up and she did it. (Sung The Parting Glass while doing it because hey, remember Fenugreek was Irish too). That’s the moment when things started to go ugly with Aron.

·         CLARIFICATION 2: Lily thought Aron was dead right after she was saved by the Rebellion so I need to check but… mid-1998? Sullivan had caught her and tricked her/her memory into thinking they had killed her brother (he officially did it because they needed to “stop” Lily (mdr the deatheaters thought Lily was a hell of a threat at that time remember) (and the Rebellion was just like “humpf nice kid, how did she survive tho”) ANYWAY it was his way of “stopping” her without killing her) (what a bitch, is he dead btw) (I think so). So after that she had a few weeks/months of being batshit crazy, always running away, having edgy/suicidal behavior, and ultimately savagely killing a deatheater. That’s when she decided it was too much, and since she felt something was wrong with her memory she went to NZ and found her family safe and sound :’) and brought back to the UK :’)

·         NOT RELATED BUT CANON: Lily’s ancestors were Vikings. Warriors, explorers. And overall nice people. Btw can we have talk about this? http://www.irishsurnames.com/cgi-bin/gallery.pl?name=evans&capname=Evans&letter=e PEACE. SINCERITY. WOLVES. So anyway long shot I’m sorry but………….. What if Lily’s and Nathan’s ancestors already crossed paths on the sea????

·         NEEDS MORE THOUGHT: Lily is a FREAKING GOOD Occlumens. And she uses it way too much. And it’s messing with her mind, her health, and pretty much everything around. Definitely weakens her a lot but she can’t stop. (Also because of what happened when she let down her guard and thought Aron was dead). But the whole Josephine plot….. Makes me wonder if she could not have one such moment again, because she’s frankly exhausted. What if someone takes advantage of it? What if someone attacks her in what is supposed to be her greatest strengths?? HOW BAD WOULD THIS BE???

 ·         NEEDS MORE THOUGHT: SACHA. I always thought of him as a sort of mini-Aron… (and so did Lily, for a while). But you know what Sacha really is? A mini-Lily, struggling not to become everything Lily is at the moment. And Lily, as blinded as she is atm, she can see that. She can feel that. And she’ll be willing to fucking protect that. She won’t be a perfect friend because she’s… she’s fucked up, tbh. Damaged to a point that may not ever be fixed. But she’ll try. She’ll be that one person to tell him to never, ever give up on his brother (even though she may fail at providing him with the support needed to do so). She’ll make sure he does not have to do the fucked-up shit/get his hands dirty. But even more so…. She could use him as her moral compass? Like she has her personal “circle” of counselors if you will (most of them being fanatics :’)) but gradually, she’ll end up turning to Sacha. Because she can see herself in him – everything she used to be, everything she wishes she still was. And speaking to him is like speaking to an older version of herself, a better version of herself. I really want Nathan to be the one helping her out of this mess but… This could certainly help. If Sacha tells her something’s wrong, she’ll listen. She may not seem like she is, but she will.

 Finally, I don’t know if you can tell but I’ve been getting A LOT of Nathalily vibes lately. They’re like BROTP ENDGAME YO. There’s definitely angst in there. Lily’s almost exclusively with the Muggleborn Resistance now (she stuck with the rebellion for a while because Aron literally refused to follow with the Muggleborn Resistance and stayed with the Rebels mdr). As you said, the Rebellion and the Muggleborn Resistance have different endgoals and they must sometimes clash, which means that LILY AND NATHAN CLASH. Also the Aron drama must have damaged their relationship somehow (I’m sorry bitch but because of Bellarke I can just SEE Lily slapping Nathan in the face, and the only way she would resort to this would probably be Aron-related). (Also remember that in the Excidium verse Lily had literally LEFT Nathan’s movement because she disagreed so much with it and what he was becoming) (and remember on the CB of les Ames Mortes when Nathan literally ATTACKED Lily to show her how unprepared she was to face the war) (THERE’S ALWAYS BEEN ANGST GNNNN)

But, my point is, even though their relationship might be complicated, even though they’re in conflict sometimes (what if they literally find themselves on opposite sides mdr) (I mean with what you said I could see some Resistants being AGAINST the Rebellion), they’re just ALWAYS THERE for each other. Like there’s a super sensitive thing to do and Lily just goes like “yeah, ask Nathan” without even thinking because!! she trusts him so much!! no matter what!! And everyone’s like “really????” and she’s looking at them like “wtf idiots”. Idk, like the unconditional trust and the unconditional love and the unbreakable bond is still here no matter what? She would come under a minute if she heard he was in trouble, and she would put her life into his hands without even having to think about it. Am I making sense??? And they need to have an emotional retrouvailles sequence with a running!hug and shit. Nathan also needs to help Lily out of this mess hihi. OR Lily could give up all this bullshit when Nathan goes “””dark”””?? Because it was not just Aron her priority – it was her brother, and Nathan’s just that to her.

(Also I’m a sucker for Lily/Nathan saying they’re each other’s brothers and sisters and everyone being like YOU DON’T HAVE THE SAME BLOOD. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE SAME SKIN COLOR. AND SO WHAT BITCH)

Anyway so I’m emotional, I don’t know if you could tell

(Regarding the last gifset: I mean, Lily’s a badass survivor, she’s incredibly luckily and shit. But Nathan plays a big part in her survival over the last few years, both physically and mentally, that we need to acknowledge :’))

[farewelljoshuatree]

I think I am going to just quit social media for a while and just live in LinkedIn until LA.

X posted a nasty song on her tumblr yesterday. I hadn’t thought about her in days and then I got the notification. I hesitated. “Should I open it?” I didn’t know what to expect, I hadn’t “talked” to her in weeks. Sure enough I went to her tumblr and that was so savage of her. I handled it 100x better than I thought I would. My first reaction was to write something back, which I did. After writing a page long reply: Ctrl-A, delete… probably the smartest thing. All I did was write something along the lines of “That wasn’t very nice.”

I don’t know what prompted the video. I am not sure if she just wanted to remind me how much she hates me, if she saw something online, or if for some reason her snooping ass got a hold of this page. I was following it with my original account, so there is a chance she saw this. I haven’t even looked at a picture of her in a month, it just brings memories back, both good and bad. I got the groovebook yesterday with our pictures from the wedding and the dodgers/mexico game, and I didn’t even bother opening it, it went directly in the trash. It’s just too much. Can’t slide back.

It’s odd, I feel like I am almost forgetting her face and the way she looked, but I still remember every single speck in her eyes, and the exact location of where her eyes change color. Odd. Because of the lines on her iris, I always thought it looked like a black hole exploding. It’s funny what you remember about people.

If you indeed sneaked in here, a couple of things:

1) Stop being so nosy. As I learned, if you keep looking, you will always find what you want, and it’s usually not good.

2) That’s shitty, that was some personal stuff I wrote.

3) If anything I wrote hurt, I am sorry for that, but I don’t know what you are doing snooping. This was not necessarily well hidden but not once did I think you would even consider going on my tumblr. You removed the “feelsalotlike” page (fucked up by the way, but whatever), I haven’t heard from you in weeks, and we’ve obviously moved on. So I don’t understand. You are in love with someone else yet you are taking the time to send hurtful shit… I don’t get it.

Hopefully what I just wrote just goes into the ether and she never visited this page. If she did, oh well, such is life.

I can’t wait until LA. It will be a fresh start. What a stereotype right? Guy from a town in Mexico going to the big city to follow his dreams. I feel like I am 15 years too late, but better late than never. Where to live, where to live… I talked to Pegah, and she is going to take me around next weekend. At least I will have 3 people I know when I get up there, and it will be good to catch up with her. I haven’t seen her since before I got married. It will be good to see her ex too, I miss that guy and he promised to show me the fun spots of the city and get me acclimated. Knowing him, we’ll get into some fun trouble. And then Dave, who I’ll definitely do some crazy shit with.

The Europe trip is almost planned completely, my tattoo appointment is coming up, and the holidays are around the corner. It’s good to be busy. Not sure if I should go alone on this euro-trip, or not. Was planning on bringing a date but I am not spending money on some random. Frank is trying to figure it out, hopefully he can. It will be like the old post-college days except we have money now, we don’t behave like frat meatheads, and I am about 30 lbs lighter. We’ll see if the hype about Eastern European women is real. I was going to go to sd youtopia next weekend by myself, but CB finagled her way into coming. It should be fun though, hanging out with a bunch of hippies in touch with themselves. Maybe that is exactly what I need. Hopefully my brain recovers from all the shit I will do, but it should be fun.

I have been talking to E a lot since I don’t see L as much anymore. I am proud of her. She has been a good mom and with a sense of normalcy and school, L is doing great. I wish I could stay. I am sure X thumbed her nose at me for not quitting my job, but realistically, she doesn’t understand the responsibilities of being a dad, which means you forego your happiness for the good of your child. With child support now, I can’t afford to make any less than what I am right now. Couple that with bills and the world’s shiniest horrible investment, I gotta do what I gotta do. So back to work it is, LA aint cheap and neither is my ex-wife.

I doubt by the way she has been that I will ever see X again. I haven’t heard her voice in 2 months, except of course, the one time she needed something. Fitting. Helping her with her Apple account so she and her boyfriend could watch a boxing match. I sincerely doubt she magically got into boxing. But oh well. I wonder what will happen if I run into her in LA? Will she walk the other way? Will she say hi and pretend we are old acquaintances? Will I get a look of hate? Of melancholy? Of indifference? I thought about that, and I think she will just walk the other way. Disappointing but totally expected.

And me? I think this song hits the nail right on the head:

https://goo.gl/sFTCAi

[rupertgrinthot]

Clyde <3