#adviceyoudon'twant

[tmwblog]

No Emergency Exit Found

Congratulations, you married into the military - the NCO side.  Or, in my case, my spouse joined up one day and came home with the big surprise.  That was 12 years ago, and we’re still together despite that little (read as: giant) incident.  

You’re the new spouse. So here’s the question, will you and yours make it to the two year mark?  Never mind two.  What about one?

I’ll just start with the spouses coming into the fold whose partners have already been in the military.  You’re in for a big shock and someone needs to tell you, because no one ever does.  You are never coming first.  Not if your partner wants to be a part of the military.

So, don’t throw a tantrum when they work late, or when they have to go out into the field for a week with no contact, or especially when they have to deploy anywhere from 9-18 months with occasional long durations of communication blackouts.

Don’t repeatedly call and bother them at their work number.  Unless you are completely incapacitated and incapable of caring for yourself, whatever it is can wait for them to come home, or sit in a text message on their phone until they can get around to answering it.

Also, don’t expect there to be a ton of money.  So don’t think about overspending, stop partying like you’re rich, and for the love of everything that you may consider holy, regardless of whether or not you have a religion, don’t start having babies immediately from day one.

With some of the highest divorce rates in the country, do you really even need to ask why?

Oh, but you’re in love?  And they’re about to deploy?  Trust me, marriage isn’t going to help that deployment, and the deployment isn’t going to help that new marriage.  Especially if you’re getting pregnant just as they’re leaving.  Surprise! Good chance no one may be there to help you.

Now that you’ve had some time to think about it, know it’s not my intention to prevent marriages, but to make people think before leaping into one.  I’ve seen the high divorce rates around me in friends, neighbors, and strangers in the neighborhood.  The military is like high school, people gossip constantly, you will always know what’s up even if you just talk to one person.  

I’ve also seen an immense amount of counseling go into young members of the military, who “just want to be with the person I love most.”  Not a lick of sense in the head of someone with little to no life experience outside of life with mom and dad and their short existence without them.  One of the biggest reasons they jump in is because they’re leaving.

If you can’t wait out that deployment to get married, can’t make a long distance relationship work for half a year without being faithful, then I’m afraid things are likely to go south for the marriage.

Think of the kids.

And the pets.

Poor pets. :(

But that’s for another post.  Until then, this is the W.I.F.E. with crap you didn’t want to hear. Ta!

P.S. - I’ll try for “nice” next time.