#adults with anixtery

[the-day-patient]

Final review & im Discharged!

Friday 6th December 11:39am

Last follow up review

And now I'm sad. Sad the safety is now gone. The warmtest, the dim lights, the breathing. The 'when I get there with them I'll be ok'. All gone.

Just walking into the dp room I felt safe, the darkness, silence, calm and peaceful. I could breath.

How depressing. No not depressing, more numbing, or more 'i actually don't feel anything but I know I feel like I'm missing something I should have'

I wish I could carry on seeing my keyworker, even once a month, hell even once every 6 months, or I wish we had longer to talk, a hour & a bit is not long enough. Seeing her or someone would be something to keep me held on. But no just like that I am gone unfortunately and cut off from the treatment. "I'm just another number" my father said to me when he found out he had terminal cancer.

Funding, I understand.

I know I will eventually find my own way and that I would be able to manage...but until then?

I still need my hand held at the moment.

I can't read the papers she gave me. a summary of my treatment, my behaviour, my mental gealth. It's like reading about someone else. How embrassing and sad.

She also gave me a list of treatment places (non-nhs funded) that she thinks would be helpful for me with the ed/anixtery. I'm really greatful for that. I hope within the new year I can push myself to look into these things.

Other than that it was nice to just talk, to let it out. The realise. I'm going to missing that. The way it makes you feel. You feel like you can breath again and that you are not going crazy.

I need to try, and I need to try the other therapies. I'm going to miss her and that place and the safety it brought me.

My keyworker has reffered me back to my gp and that I should go there monthly to be weighed and checked on. I don't see my GP following though on it and I don't think there is much of a point trying to push for it. Maybe I'll give them a week to receive the paperwork from the DP and then I'll give them a call to see what they think. Tbh my ed is not that in control at the moment at all, it's other areas of my mental health that I am more worried about, but unfortunately I don't see them going away for a while, I just need to push though..Fake it till I make It as they say.

So yea, final review, final weigh-in, finally done.

[the-day-patient]

Day Programme - WK 22

Monday

Monday morning weighin, I ask asked by staff while approaching the scales if I wanted to see my weight -

"I don't know, you tell me" kicking my shoes off.

Silence, so I jumped on the scales, staff tried to cover it with paper but it's too late. I wasn't too disappointed with my weight. It wasn't as high as I thought it would be surprisingly.

The numbers didn't consume me for the rest of the day, but I did write them down in my notes with the date.

As time goes on here my weeks get shorten

5 weeks full time

1 week 4 days a week

2 weeks of 3 day

2 weeks of 2 days

I understand why they have this set up, but my anixtery physically wouldn't let me sit at home & not be at the hospital - plus I knew what would happen to my eating if I wasn't in the hospital. BUT thankfully my keyworker told me my week after I would still be on 4 days, not 3.

I wish I knew how to manage my anixtery better. I wish I could be more independent.