#adult inpatient is so fucking boring no one even starts hitting someone with a lunch tray and has to be put in a wall hold

[halo-eater]

as much as adolescent psych inpatient is not a fun place to be, the melodrama was exquisite and I miss it

[alcoholicakina]

A Very Boring Then Suddenly Very Exciting Last Day (Alternate Caption: Those Sleeping Tablets Were A Terrible F***king Idea)

Slept like the dead, check. Was NOT hungry when I woke up. When I first got here, I would be starving when I got up in the mornings. Maybe I’d snacked far too much last night? To be fair though I snack far too much EVERY night.

Had breakfast anyway. And my meds, and the obs, as per usual. Went back to my room and brushed my teeth, and ... I was done. I was having cramps, and they were NOT period cramps. I was exhausted. I was nauseous. I raised the pillow end of the bed in case I had another panic attack or whatever, and then lay down.

I stayed in bed for at least two hours, actually falling asleep at one point. This is so rare for me. I never nap during the day, even when I’ve slept like shit the night before. This was the two sleeping tablets still at work, and I felt awful.

There was no freaking out happening this time, though - thankfully. I did have the shits. Yay. Since I was up at that point anyway, having run to the bathroom, I decided to do my laundry. I also checked in with the senior nurse about my discharge tomorrow, and he said he’d have to text my specialist since he wasn’t coming in today. No worries.

After lunch (which I REALLY should have taken in my room, because I was irritable and not in the mood to socialise) I checked on my laundry and after some more delightful diarrhoea, I went back to bed, feeling much better. I almost fell asleep again.

Got up, set the dryer for another hour, went back to bed. Almost nodded off AGAIN but one of the inpatients had visitors, and they’d brought along their spawn. They were loud. I did not appreciate it.

Once the dryer was done, retrieved my nice toasty warm laundry, and put on a warm shirt and warm jacket. Confirmed that I was OK to check out tomorrow, and received some discharge paperwork. I tried to do it, but the sleeping tablets still had my mind in one hell of a fog and I was still just so damn tired. Took another nap, and just after four, decided to head outside for at least SOME fresh air. I’d meant to take a walk today but it just wasn’t going to happen.

So I get myself a nice paper cup of black tea and head down out to the front of the hospital, since the sun was setting in that direction. The sun had already disappeared behind the buildings, but was hitting the autumn leaves of the trees out the front of the hospital. These trees had lost about a third of their leaves, but the sun still lit them up with a fire as it hit their red and orange leaves. The effect was quite beautiful and I would have enjoyed it more had it not been for the constant traffic.

As I was standing there, enjoying my tea and the trees, the lights of the hospital came on. I looked at my watch. It was exactly 4:20 pm. I grinned as I mentally made a 4:20 BLAZE IT joke in my head. Not long after I wanted to sit down, so I headed to the back of the hospital (literally in the front door, walk fifteen metres across the reception area, then out the back door) where there were chairs. I finished my tea there before heading back upstairs. Almost dinner time.

When I got back inside the clinic, however, one of the nurses came up to me and said to please go to my room and stay there, as there was an issue with an aggressive patient. Mentally I did this O_O;; but on the outside I just agreed and walked calmly back to my room. At this point I strongly wished that the doors would lock.

Not long afterwards, I heard a male voice, raised in anger, absolutely yelling “GIVE ME MY PHONE YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLES!” This time I went O_O;; on the outside as well and stayed right damn well where I was.

Just after five, my assigned nurse came in and asked if I’d like to take my dinner in my room. Normally she’d just say that dinner was waiting in the cafeteria. Clearly she was phrasing it as a question in order to be polite. Leaving my room when there was an upset patient in a mental health clinic on the loose didn’t seem like a smart option.

She brought me my dinner and I took my time eating it - disappointing ravioli with garlic bread, but a delicious salad and a very tasty jelly dessert. Things were quiet for a long time, and I sleepily flopped on my bed and scrolled through facebook for a while. Eventually I started watching funny videos on YouTube ... and then I heard more yelling.

It was the same guy. I wasn’t sure if I recognised the voice, and spent quite some time trying to work out who it was. His volume was lower but he was still quite upset, clearly having quite a go at the poor nurses. He made multiple accusations that they’d stolen his phone and laptop and “other belongings”, and kept demanding them back. I didn’t hear the nurses’ replies. He yelled for his phone so many times. He wanted to speak to the police, and something else he said indicated that they were already on their way. He said that they couldn’t just take his things and that it was illegal, and he demanded his phone so that he could speak to the police. He obviously got a negative answer to that because he said something similar to “so you’re denying me my right to speak to the police?”. He asked for his phone again and again. At one point I’m pretty sure he said the word “phone” about 30 times in the space of 60 seconds.

Eventually, thankfully, it grew quiet. I’d been messaging my boyfriend whilst all this was going down, as well as getting up every now and then to listen at the door, partially to know what was going on, and partially to try and work out if he were about to start barging into people’s rooms. I was nervous and stressed but didn’t truly feel in any danger. His anger was clearly directed at the staff, aside from one point in which he said that someone else here might have stolen his things.

Not long after it grew quiet, a nurse came to the door and asked me to join everyone in the lounge for a meeting. Everyone else showed up, and it quickly got loud with people talking over each other, speculating, making adult jokes, making song requests to the guy who picked up the guitar, one person yelling for a fork so she could eat her dinner. I huddled down in the corner, too stressed to laugh at the jokes.

Finally the unit director came in. She said she wasn’t normally in on Saturdays but was very glad that she happened to be in today. The patient, who I’ll call Hermann, had been removed by police earlier for being too aggressive. She said, everyone here is here voluntarily, and we expect a certain type of behaviour. Hermann crossed the line of acceptable behaviour and, so, was removed. However, he came back up, and pressed the buzzer to be let in, and the nurses let him in before they realised it was him. (They’re a bit lax on checking who’s coming in sometimes ...) And that’s when the second round of aggression started. Different police officers came to get him this time, and apparently just let him go on and on without trying to say anything like “you’ve gone too far” or trying to calm him in any way. So, yeah, the nurses accidentally let an aggressive patient back in to a clinic where no-one is able to lock their doors, yet assured us that we were safe. I mean, we are NOW. Hermann’s not here tonight.

I heard more snippets from other people. Apparently the nurses tried to get him to leave yesterday, because he wasn’t coming to the compulsory group therapy sessions, but he refused. Someone said that he didn’t engage, and I’d noticed that he always took his meals back to his room, rather than sit and eat with the rest of us. A few days ago, he’d spoken to me in the tiny kitchen, saying that the care provided here was shit, that it was useless. I tried not to engage, but said it worked for me, and that I suppose it wouldn’t be the ideal solution for everyone.

So it’s been a very strange day, filled mostly with nothing, and then suddenly all the excitement crammed in at the end.

I handed in my completed discharge paperwork, and said goodbye and thank you to my assigned nurse, as she won’t be in tomorrow morning. Discharge should happen sometime after 10. No sleeping tablets for me tonight ... not making that mistake again. Besides, I’d like to actually be able to drive tomorrow.

Goodnight all x