#admittedly im unsatisfied with it in many ways

[buff-borf-bork]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35693326

AND ITS DONE.

[lettermanjack]

Why is project shimmer on indefinite hiatus? Are you busy with school or anything? Im just really invested in the storyline and I just HAVE to read more XD no pressure tho, I can wait until I die :)

In a nutshell, the entirety of the story way born from my Mephone hyperfix and because 13 year old me thought Mephone's storyline was horrendously overlooked by by the fandom and not written about enough SBBDBDDN.

Admittedly, Inanimate Insanity was the longest hyperfix I've ever had (almost clocking a full year), but when the hyperfix finally fizzled out, so did most of my motivation.

It was also a matter of me just getting older. As I got older my standards changed, I understood the subject matter I was handling more than I did when I 13-14 and that put some of the earlier chapters in a different light to me. I'm really just not very happy with most of it nowadays.

I kinda feel like it can come off as infantilizing at some points, which wasn't my intention but to me it just reads that way.

I'm 16 now, and have kinda just moved on to easier things and other fandoms. I know this answer is probably unsatisfying and I know a lot of people are sad that Project: Shimmer won't be continuing anytime soon. But it's by far the longest writing project I've ever worked on, and even if it's not finished and I don't like some of the writing anymore, I'm still happy it exists and that it inspired so many people to make fanart and the Mephone fics I've always wanted to see ever since I was 12 lmao :]

[enchantestuff]

cursed crown (1) - pierre gasly

in which sneaking into Pierres kingdom only means one thing

warnings: smut, royalty au so there's that, language maybe?

please please please let me know what you all think

“Are you alright?” you heard Pierre quietly call from the window above you. You had just arrived at his castle and were currently trying to climb up to the kitchen window, admittedly with no help from the prince himself.

“A little bit of help would be nice, Your Highness” you scoffed. Pierre laughed at the title you gave him but obliged nevertheless, leaning out of the window and stretching his arm downwards, waving it in front of your face teasingly. You rolled your eyes as you grabbed hold of it, “I thought I was supposed to be the mean one out of the two of us” you muttered when you finally climbed through the window and planted your feet firmly on the ground. You brushed some dirt away from your coat before finally meeting his beautiful blue eyes.

“Perhaps you're rubbing off on me, my lady,” Pierre grinned. He grabbed hold of your hand and quickly led the two of you out of the grand kitchen, carefully glancing across corridors and hiding behind walls as maids and a variety of guests walked through his pristine palace. You thought you would have been used to sneaking around his home by now, you had been doing it for months after all, but the trek from the kitchen to his bedroom was never an easy one. Even though Pierre had repeatedly confessed to you that this certain day of each month was the quietest, there still seemed to be countless people roaming the halls.

“I do quite hope you haven't acquired only my bad traits, Pierre,” you whispered, quickly glancing behind you as you ran up the stairs and into his bedroom. This was the riskiest part of your journey. The stairs that led up to his bedroom were open for anyone and everyone to see, whether it be from the inside balcony above or from the spacious hall below.

Pierre laughed at your comment, quickly shutting his bedroom door behind him and twisting his body around to face you. He placed his hands on your hips as he led you further into his bedroom. “Are you insinuating that you have any desirable qualities, my love?” he joked, his beloved silly grin quickly making its way onto his face causing your own smile to erupt on your own. These moments with Pierre were the only times you could truly be yourself and they didn't come around too often.

“Well of course, your highness” you smiled, snaking your hands up his arms to rest on his biceps. Pierre jokingly cocked an eyebrow at you, his hands trailing lower down your body, unable to keep them still for a second.

“And why is that?” he pondered, frowning slightly as you pulled away from him to take off your coat and climb onto his freshly made bed, getting comfortable in the silk sheets before peeking at him through your lashes.

“Because you crawl into bed with me every month” you teased. Your eyes trailed across his bedside table, smiling at the familiarity of it. Since the beginning of your late night rendezvous the contents of the table had never changed. There always lay a map of Othain, a journal which he had forbidden you to read and his beloved crown, the one that always lay atop of his head except during these moments with you and of course, when he was sleeping.

You carefully picked the crown up from where it lay and placed it onto your own head. It was much lighter than your own, less jewels scattered around it. It was a breath of fresh air. You didn't feel suffocated wearing it. Didn't feel weighed down by what it symbolized. “Now as your queen, i command you to come over here, for i have been deprived of your touch for far too long”

Pierre chuckled at your words, his steps towards his bed were deliberately slow. He knew how to tease you and from the glare you sent his way, he knew it was working. He crawled onto his bed, positioning himself on top of you and adjusting his crown on your head. “Well then, your majesty, I suspect that I am obliged to prove myself to you?” he jokingly questioned.

“Those are quite possibly the smartest words to leave your lips, my love” you commented. Unable to contain yourself any further, you pulled him towards you, finally connecting your lips after weeks apart from one another. Pierre didn't hesitate to kiss you back, but the short lasting kiss was not what you expected and a frown appeared on your face the minute he pulled away. “As much as I love your teasing, Pierre, I would really prefer it if you didn’t indulge in those habits right now.”

He smirked evilly as he trailed one of his hands down your thigh. “Is her majesty upset with my actions?” he pondered, his smirk not once leaving his face as he crawled further down the bed. Kisses were scattered across your thigh and the silent frustrated sigh that left your lips was a good enough answer for Pierre.

“Her majesty thinks she should get what she wants,” you selfishly spoke. You pulled lightly on Pierre's hair, a desperate attempt to get you closer to him again, to remove his lips from your thigh and place them on your own instead. Was that really too much to ask for?

“Well, I personally think she needs to stop being a brat and shut up for once in her life.” Your lips parted to scold him for his language but instead of rude comments, moans of pure delight seemed to leave your lips as Pierre attached his mouth to your core. He knew how to shut you up and for once in your life, you weren't complaining.

You tugged on his hair, pulling him closer into you as your head fell back in pleasure. Pierres crown slipped to fall beside you on the pillow but you paid it no mind as you felt pleasure pass through you like lightning bolts. “Oh Pierre,” you moaned as he lapped at your core similar to a man deprived of a meal. He couldn’t get enough of you.

Pierres fingers dug into your thighs as he moved to suck on your clit. “Shit,” you cursed as you felt the familiar knot begin to build in your stomach. After spending so much time with you and your body, Pierre believed he knew you inside out, which as a result meant he knew exactly when you were going to cum. He felt oh so evil as he brought you to your peak, only to pull away from you at the last second. The frown on your face was enough to make him feel slightly guilty. Only slightly.

“I am going to declare war on you, Pierre Gasly, '' you seethed, completely unsatisfied and now purely annoyed. You hadn’t trekked all the way to his kingdom in the middle of the night just for him to bring you towards the most amazing pleasure imaginable and leave you high and dry at the last moment.

“I'm afraid you don't have the power to do that yet, love” he grinned. He didn't give you any time to come up with a witty reply as he placed a chaste kiss to your lips before undressing himself in front of you.

“Is this your form of apologizing?” because well, it was working, there's just something about a handsome prince undressing before your very eyes that got you going.

“I was planning on making you cum over and over again, love” he spoke, stretching his arm out beside your head in order to place his crown back on your head. You looked so powerful with it on. You always looked powerful, but his own crown laying in your hair brought freshness to you that he didn't know was possible. It made his chest lighten and butterflies erupt in his stomach. It made him feel five again. “But if this is enough im happy to stop here and continue another time.”

You scoffed at him. Keeping one hand on the crown, you trailed your hand down your body, gripping onto your breast, maintaining eye contact with him as you did so, before moving further down your body. You ran your fingers up and down your folds, spreading the wetness gathered there before inserting one inside. “If you cant pleasure me, i guess i'll have to do it myself,” you muttered, knowing deep down that there was nothing Pierre hated more than you pleasuring yourself in front of him. It felt like a betrayal. Like he wasn’t enough.

Your plan succeeded spectacularly, as they always did, and in no time he was positioned on top of you, his tip teasingly brushing against your entrance. He dragged your hand away from your core and held it above your head. His grip was almost death-like and you found yourself relishing in the pain it brought.

“Don't doubt me for a second, love” Pierre grunted in your ear as he tapped his cock against your clit. You bit your lip at the sensation but allowed him to continue with his scolding. You knew there was nothing but love behind his words and so, to no surprise, you got more excited with each word that fell from his lips. “I think you know first hand the kind of pleasure I can bring you.” You gasped at the feeling of him filling you up. After nearly two weeks of not seeing each other, the sensation of him inside you was better than you had remembered. You transferred his crown onto his own head, an indication that whatever power you had over him was now practically non-existent. You were truly at his mercy.

“I'm sure you haven't forgotten the many times i've made you scream, love. I can do it again if your memory has begun to fail you.”

Pierre was always one to live up to his word. His sharp deliberate thrusts made your eyes roll back and several moans escaped your lips. You haven't been with any other man except Pierre and you would never need to. He knew your body more than you did and the delight that he brought you was extraordinary.

The squeezing of your wrist made your eyes snap open. His beautiful eyes were already watching you withering underneath him. A look of pure adoration plastered on his face as his hips continued to move at a rapid pace. “Shit, Pierre”

Pierre shook his head at you, a lopsided grin replacing his usual smirk as he leaned down to kiss your chest. “That's not what i want to hear, love.”

He was playing your own game against you, but you were too full of gratification to care. “P- please, your highness.” A blush crept up your cheeks at the seriousness of your own voice. You were no longer mocking him with his title but moaning it in pure delight.

Pierre cocked his head at you, “Please what, love? Use your words.” Tingles made its way onto your skin from kisses he scattered over your neck, goosebumps trailing in their wake. You didn't even process your words until they were out in the open.

“Fuck me like your life depends on it.”

And he did. His thrusts became unbelievably precise, his free hand roamed your body, circling and squeezing all the right places while his other intertwined with yours. You knew there would be marks left from where he had held on too hard, but you didn't see it as a mark of pain rather than an indication of what had gone on between you two.  A reminder for the next long two weeks ahead of you.

The clenching of your walls for the second time that night indicated to Pierre you were close. “Hold on, love” he ushered. Something that was incredibly hard to do when he was pounding into you like an animal and circling your clit like he was under a spell.

“I - i can't,” you sobbed. You wanted so bad to release the knot in your stomach, to catch the orgasm you had been chasing all night.

“I said hold it.” He was in control, that much was clear, but you could only hold on for so long until your body couldn’t take it anymore.

“P - pierre, fuck!”

“That's it, love,” Pierre groaned in your ear, “Hold on for just another moment, such a good girl for me.” Your eyes rolled back and your gripped onto his hand for dear life. “Don't know what id do without you.” Your heart skipped a beat and tears began welling in your eyes. “Look so pretty right now, taking me like the queen you'll soon be.” Your breath increased and a whimper left your lips.

“You can let go now, love.”

Nights with Pierre were often sleepless. You had plenty of time to sleep when you were alone in your bedroom. Two nights each month you spent facing the beautiful prince, talking about utter nonsense until your cheeks hurt from smiling too hard and your eyes drooped from being awake for too long.

“Im being sent somewhere tomorrow,” you whispered into the darkness, playing with his hands as you dared to break the silence around you. You could feel him tense up next to you, obviously assuming the worst and imagining an attack his own kingdom. His own people. “Not you, “ you reassured, your heart fluttering when he immediately relaxed beside you, “Some rebels gathering together behind the mountains, I’ll have to leave early in the morning.”

It hurt you to cut your already short time with Pierre even shorter, but duty called and once your father demands your presence on a mission, you had no choice than show up.

“I hate the fact you have to go out on these stupid battles,” Pierre confided. He hadn’t taken his eyes off you all night, wanting to imprint the image of your face in his mind until the next time he saw you again.

“Well, unlike you, I have to prove myself to everyone.” It was the harsh reality of your world, one that you were reminded of at each public event you attended. You were a woman and for that reason, deemed unworthy of ruling.

“You wouldn’t have to prove yourself to anyone if you ran away with me,” he reminded. Without fail, every time you met up with Pierre, he brought up the idea of running far away to another kingdom, one where the two of you could live like commoners and not have to worry about the state of a kingdom nor dooming battles. It was a daydream that both frightened and enticed you in the best ways possible.

“You really think you can survive without all this luxury?” you pondered, your hands immediately running up and down the silk sheets on top of you as your eyes floated across the numerous jewels and paintings scattered around his room.

“With you next to me?” he asked. His hand came to rest on your jaw, moving your face closer to his own as he spoke his true desires out loud, “Of course.”

[ddaenghoney]

chapter ten

masterlist link in blog description.

As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.

Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N

disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.

Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)

Chapter warning(s): topic of unbalanced-relationship dynamic is brought up, but it’s not,,,,.,. ,real? ik that doesn’t make a lot of sense lol im sorry; yoongi is a sweetie but this time getting flustered

Word count: 5439

if you enjoy please, please let me know!

You awaken from the sound of loud greetings in the distance. As your eyes crack open from the muted light that slips between the sheer curtains, you squeeze tighter onto the pillow that ended up in your arms sometime throughout the evening. The voice continues to blare from the otherside of the apartment, but now it’s laughing contently, doing nothing to help your head stir more conscious. You simply lie there under the cocoon of blankets, thinking nothing other than the fact that you were thirsty.

When you finally sit upright, the pillow remains in your grasp. A tiny grumble escapes your lips at the discomfort of trying to wiggle your legs free of the blankets when they were dressed in jeans you had been wearing the previous day. It’s then that you catch a glance at the clock on the nightstand, and you’re able to fully wake up as you note it reading a time close to noon.

You groan at yourself for not remembering to set an alarm, and then you recall leaving your phone in the other room anyways. Another disgruntled curse dribbles out for the forgetfulness, hoping that Yoongi didn’t have other things planned today that you’ve now made him late for. You’re out the bedroom door in seconds, peeking down the hall as though there is a need to be hidden. The voice from before registers in your eardrums sounding familiar and bright, and you finally take into account that there is indeed a guest of Yoongi’s here that you’re about to have to interrupt.

But your eyes find Yoongi’s person way down the hall as he exits from the kitchen area. His head turns towards you, seemingly startled for a moment when he realizes you’re there and your hand barely waves in return as a greeting.

“You don’t have to hide back there, you know? It’s just Hoseok.” He says gesturing you over with his hand as he then takes a sip of water from a glass.

“I’m not a ‘just’, how dare you.” Hoseok speaks with an appalled tone as you stalk into the room meekly, finding him sitting on the corner of the couch you’d been in the night before. “Ah, hello again.”

“Hi,” You nod your head, feeling embarrassed that you’re still so dazed from sleeping for such a long time, and then you also take into account your appearance likely looking quite unflattering. You bite your lip. “Sorry, I’m interrupting.”

“You’re not at all, he just showed up without saying anything.” Yoongi cuts in as he turns to go back into the kitchen. “Typed in the code on his own and everything. I thought we were going to get killed.”

“He’s dramatic.” Hoseok smiles towards you after rolling his eyes at Yoongi’s sarcastic statements. You nod softly, a tiny polite smile matching it. Your throat feels so dehydrated. “Didn’t realize his girlfriend would be here too, or I would’ve called.” He turns his attention to his phone all the sudden, likely receiving a text. As the title comes into your mind, your head starts to arrange replies suitable for a girlfriend, or to further the charade along in general. Though the implications of being at Yoongi’s apartment in the morning-- in his clothing nonetheless make you stay quiet. Your voice would surely sound awkward.

“He’s just teasing you.” Yoongi says as he walks towards you from the kitchen, another glass of water in hand. “He knows you’re not my actual girlfriend.”

Your shoulders relax at Yoongi’s words, having unknowingly been made a little on edge to have to continue the act so quickly after waking up. Receiving the glass, you greedily lap it up, relief flooding your throat as you try and recall when the day before you had the last drink of water. “Good. I couldn’t think of anything to say.”

Yoongi smiles at your relieved candor and also the way that you practically inhaled the drink, then his head turns back to Hoseok who speaks up. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that; thought he told you that I knew.” You shake your head about to tell him that it’s not a big deal, until Hoseok beats you to a response. “I just came over to see what happened between him and my ex.”

“Drama seeker.” Yoongi teases, though he rubs the back of his head, smile looking contrastingly annoyed at his memory of the night before. The change in disposition makes your lips cast down in the smallest frowns, knowing that you should’ve pressed him more about it because of how much it seemed to bother Yoongi to run into Seulgi. If it weren’t for the onset of exhaustion that set in after all of the frustrated tears, you would have. “She wants me to do more for you. Help you with your comeback.”

You eyebrows furrow slightly. Considering how standoffish Seulgi was towards Yoongi, and how obviously she ignored Hoseok entirely, you find it odd that her demands of Yoongi are seemingly well-intended. Though as Hoseok groans on the couch, hand rubbing his face, you think there’s more depth in those sentences that their face value.

Yoongi’s hand toys with his hair still, averting eyes back to you as he suddenly appears to recall, “Oh, you don’t have plans today, do you? I can drive you back to your place, if you need to be somewhere.”

“Actually,” You start, somewhat hesitant despite Yoongi’s presence lacking anything distant or intimidating. Still, it could be rude to involve yourself with his affairs, but you want to help him if you’re able. “If it’s okay, I wanted to know what happened too.” You say with a small voice, before continuing a little louder, quicker, “But because I was worried about it-- Not just because I wanted to hear gossip, or something.”

“Okay,” Yoongi’s bits of chuckling make your chest rumble free of nervousness. Instead somehow giving you a secure feeling that expands as he nods. “That’s right, you were worried yesterday when it happened.” You nod sincerely, biting your lip as Yoongi’s lip curl to smile softly. “Seulgi doesn’t really like me much.” He says frankly while a nod of his gestures for you to sit in the armchair beside the couch.

“To put it lightly,” Hoseok grumbles with a bitter voice as Yoongi sits centrally on the couch with him, “But why she doesn’t like you is just to save her own face.” He says towards Yoongi then turns his head to you as he explains his point, “She blames Yoongi for why I got kicked out of my company, even though it was my fault-- but between Yoongi and her it’s definitely her fault though. Yoongi didn’t have anything to do with it.”

You notice Yoongi’s face avoid looking towards Hoseok as he speaks, instead constricting in little bits of confliction you believe. Evidently not completely agreeing with what Hoseok tells you, and the thought of it confuses you more, because you can’t rationalize Yoongi taking part in Hoseok’s removal. It’s clear the friendship between them is strong, no animosity whatsoever-- even when there could have sprouted envy from the scandal of the year prior. Hoseok isn’t suspicious of Yoongi in the slightest, or irritated that he’s still successful while Hoseok himself struggles to start over. So it’s a wonder of why Yoongi appears unsatisfied with how Hoseok relates him to the issue.

“Why would she blame Yoongi?” You don’t think anything wrong of your question until Yoongi also looks towards you, both his eyes and Hoseok reflecting shock that confuses you. Then the tone of your words play over in your head and you realize you spoke like you were offended, baffled. Defensive of Yoongi.

“Because,” Hoseok begins, voice still taken back slightly, though the hollow smile of his lips let you think he’s humored by you more than anything. “She doesn’t think he did enough to help me out of what happened when I got kicked out. Did you keep up with it at all? I probably sound like I’m over-selling it, but a lot of articles went out about it.” He continues right along, casually like the situation doesn’t affect him any longer. Perhaps the period of stress already passed while Hoseok only focuses now on overcoming it.

You nod gently, wracking around your brain to recall the majority of the facts that were presented, “You both got caught on a date and your relationship got outted.” You don’t beat around, though your tone is simply factual. “I didn’t pay much attention to be honest though. I was kind of busy back then with my job.” You add on as you recall many nights during that time spent crammed into your home studio working on two different albums at a time, and only getting away from the job when Jimin came over periodically to make sure you took breaks.

“That was practically all that happened.” You startle from your thoughts when Yoongi gripes his opinion aloud, glaring towards the coffee table while Hoseok beside him shrugs, relaxing back into the cushion, like he knows Yoongi isn’t finished. “They were just dating privately, the public found out, and that’s the only truth of it all that happened. Everything else in the media was complete crap.”

“Admittedly,” Hoseok cuts in while Yoongi groans, fiddling with his unkempt hair. “That is basically all that happened between Seulgi and I.” You nod at Hoseok’s intention to soothe over the situation, while your eyes remain trailed rather apologetically towards Yoongi who appears far more irritated by the subject than Hoseok. “But she lied to them to save her and her group’s image.” You watch Yoongi sigh at the end of Hoseok’s softly spoken sentence, frowning more at stirring these memories. You interrupt gently,

“You both don’t have to tell me-- it obviously bothers you-”

Hoseok shakes his head, “I don’t mind. Besides when you pity me by the end of this all, it’ll feel worth it to explain.” His smile is incredibly teasing, tone joking, trying to alleviate any of the heavy atmosphere because truly Hoseok doesn’t feel the remnants of the past as painfully as he used to. You try to match his expression with a tiny smile of your own, but Yoongi doesn’t believe the sight as he bites his lip. Feeling a little bad for bothering you with the messy memories. “She basically told the media that-- because I’ve had my career longer than she did, that I manipulated her into the relationship.”

Hoseok nearly chuckles as you raise your eyebrows in shock at the words. Imagining how scrutinized the entirety of his career could’ve become with a malleable statement like that, you find it shocking to say the least. Even though you can’t say for sure, you assume the two of them had a nice relationship, and for Seulgi to cast all blame onto Hoseok in such a harmful manner, you’re stunned into silence, only reacting by your expression.

“She and I both knew each other since we were trainees.” Hoseok says, stopping as you scoff. Completely thrown off by how Seulgi was able to completely toss Hoseok aside, and say something so damaging-- when it’s clearly wrong if they’ve known each other from before fame. You’re continuously baffled, glancing towards Yoongi who looks at you just nodding his head to assert that what Hoseok said is true. “But anyways, I guess now that I’m trying to have a comeback, she wants to ease her guilt by getting our dear Yoongi here involved in her place.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, sighing because the thought alone tires him. He’s so fed up with all of the things she’s done to Hoseok that now extend as far as himself like he’s collateral. The extension only serves to further bother Yoongi about everything that Hoseok struggles to go through in order to fix the damage she caused.

“I don’t like her.” You say in the short silence, voice entirely disgusted, “No offense to your old feelings, Hoseok, but she sounds awful.” Yoongi can’t help smiling at his lap while you talk with contempt, finding your bluntness in the midst of heightened emotions consistent from the past instances he’s seen. Thinking it’s somehow an endearing quality.

“No offense taken. I don’t have feelings for her like that anymore anyways.” Hoseok smiles wide at your candor, happy at least that the mood isn’t so bleak anymore.

“Didn’t you say anything to defend yourself in the press though?”

“Well,” His smile crumbles, shifting into a more embarrassed and remorseful disposition when Hoseok rubs his neck sheepishly, “I was kind of stupid back then, and thought I was doing good for her by letting most of it go uncontested.” He chuckles hollowly, and you realize that this is the part of the memories he’s evidently not completely moved on from. You bite your lip, internally apologetic to the question. “That’s my own fault though.”

“No,” Yoongi cuts in quietly, yet firmly. His head shakes softly back and forth. “It’s not.”

You stop yourself from smiling fondly at Yoongi’s stance between Hoseok and an onslaught of self-blame. Entirely parallel of how he’s taken care of you through definitive speech assuring you that the trials you face aren’t create from your own error, Yoongi now glares at the idea that Hoseok put into the air. Obstinate against it when Hoseok tries to speak again and Yoongi instead voices, “Her misusing your feelings isn’t your fault.”

“I agree,” You say without realizing, watching the two of them glance back towards your direction when you inevitably bite your lip from speaking up. “Well,” Your word is nervous for a moment until you look at Yoongi and feel more sure. Finding Hoseok’s eyes again, you’re not doubtful as you try to back up Yoongi’s claim, “She shouldn’t have lied to the media in the first place just to save herself.”

“Oh, another addition to Yoongi’s hype squad for me?” Hoseok smiles gently as you finish your sentence, speaking his own with a jovial tone. You shrug, biting your lip and wondering shortly if you were too direct in how you spoke to him. “You know, when I heard he got tied into a fake relationship, I was kind of worried the person would be annoying.” You say nothing, instead biting your lip because initially you thought Yoongi hated you. “But you’re a nice person, Y/N. I’m glad it’s you.”

You grow silently surprised at Hoseok’s assessment of your character. Sending another glance in Yoongi’s direction that is matched by a tiny twist in your neck, you find him ready to meet you with just as tiny of a shrug. Slight smile almost floral in feeling. “He has to approve of even my fake girlfriends, I guess.” Yoongi explains in a gentle voice that’s sarcastic for Hoseok’s ears. You can’t help but smile in return as Yoongi’s words that play along imply in some ways that he thinks positively of you as well. Not that you doubted, but it is nice to see actively reinforced.

“I do!” Hoseok looks at Yoongi, nodding his head once in agreement, then back to you with a nod making full use of his chin to gesture to your person, “If Y/N hadn’t been cool, I would’ve gone and ruined more of my image trying to argue with your CEO.” Little bits of laughter escape your lips as you curl your knees further to your chest, comfortable with the two of them to feel like the conversation is wholly casual. “But I’ve bugged you both enough about my ex-- you both just woke up not too long ago, right? I’ll buy us lunch, let’s go out.”

You tense from surprise, your legs nearly kicking into yourself as you grip tighter when Hoseok all the sudden hops up from his seat on the couch. Pointing theatrically to you, then Yoongi, then himself, he speaks, “You both deserve it after dealing with my spiteful ex. I’ll drive too; let me just go to the bathroom real quickly.”

“You don’t have to join if you’re busy.” Yoongi tells you as Hoseok saunters down the hallway familiarly. You rest your chin on your knee thoughtful for a second to your calendar.

“I don’t have anything much to do anyways,” You mumble as you go over every hour as though your phone’s planner is in front of your eyes. “Oh-- but if you want it to be just the two of you…” Your voice trails off when Yoongi shakes his head, then leans it at an angle to rest against his palm. A smile plays at his lips when he speaks warmly,

“No, you can always feel free to tag along.” Your head nods unconsciously, finding his acceptance of your presence something to be proud of though you’re unsure why. Maybe because of how much you’ve looked up to his skills in your shares careers, maybe because of how much he’s helped you. Maybe because you enjoyed his company. “Ah,” He rubs his hair, somewhat light-hearted in voice as he adds sheepishly, “Well, I guess as long as you don’t mind pretending to be my girlfriend again though.”

You shrug, smiling towards Yoongi to assure him as you reply without a trace of disingenuity, “I’m used to it by now, Yoon.”

---

On a sunny day early in the following month, you sit sipping on an iced drink you picked up on the way to the company. Comfortably resting your arms on the pillow that sits on your crisscrossed lap, your head nods in tune with the beat of a song playing in soundproof headphones. In some moments to quickly place your cup to the coffee table, to scramble tiny notes on the notepad resting beside your thigh.

It’s the third time you’ve listened over the song in a row while Yoongi’s off finishing touch-ups on another song of his in the recording booth. Having spent the majority of the day in there, you brought along his preferred iced coffee drink that sits beside your own while you wait for him to come to his studio. Making use of the time, you’ve looked over the tiny playlist of in-progress tracks the two of you have messed around with for the past few weeks since the party.

Yoongi said you’re free to come to his studio whenever-- even gave you the passcode a while back-- justifying the great offer by saying he plans to release something from them so your help with any would be useful. You’re quite sure that in those stated truths also hid his way of giving you an outlet away from thinking of the collapse of your almost relationship with Jimin.

The method is effective to help, you’ve noticed. Along with Namjoon dragging you to his cafe to try concoctions he’s trying to decide on for future menus, while chatting with one another about nothing in particular, and Seokjin making all three of you do his random every-other-week activities, you’ve found the time outside of work filled well without giving you the time to dwell. And you’re thankful to the three of them for that. Especially considering Yoongi’s studio being a way to hideaway in the company itself.

It makes the hard to ponder memories invisible, though they’re left with the same mass. Undoubtedly something to cross again in time, but you think by then it’ll all be easier to handle. You’re hopeful of that idea.

In adding the finishing touch of notes for the current song, you watch a shadow envelope the paper you write on, but ignore Yoongi’s presence so the thought doesn’t leave. His shoes step in the corner of your peripherals, leading him to his chair as the last few lines of lyrics play in your ears. When you finally look up to see him, his hand is deep on top of his head, tossling locks of newly bleached hair as he sighs, though you can’t hear him. You remove his headphones to rest on your shoulders,

“Long session?” You question, reaching to swap your notepad with your drink, “Oh, I got you an Americano.” His head shifts at the mention of a deverage, and he rolls his seat over to grab it happily,

“Thank you-- need it.” Yoongi sips the beverage languidly through the straw, and you wonder if he actually went to sleep when he said he would the night before when you both were texting back in forth wrapped up in work independent of one another. “Yeah, I just couldn’t get the bridge to sound like I wanted.” Another sip disrupts the ice in the cup causing clatter. “Sorry, I took awhile.”

“I don’t mind.” You tell him, relaxing back into the couch where you stretch your legs out, catching the sight of different notifications on his computer as he wakes it. “Besides it’s not like any of the stuff we’re working on is legit.” Yoongi hums with the straw between his lips, lazily dragging his mouse around to check in on various emails and messages.

“Maybe if I could get my management team to ease up on the hardass image for me.” You notice the twinge in his calm tone while he ponders aloud, uncaring of how he disagrees with his public image. Trusting you with his complaints. “But either way, it’s nice making whatever without the pressure of releasing it eventually.”

You set your finished drink back on the coffee table, using a coaster still so the ice’s condensation doesn’t leave a ring. The idea of release sounds more inviting to your ears than you would like to admit, mainly because of how much you enjoy working on the tracks thus far. While Yoongi had the overall say due to the songs being ultimately his, they nonetheless have plenty of your touch mixed in that would likely be replaced in little bits if it were other producers working on them. At least in Yoongi’s case if something didn’t fit for him he’d tell you rather than letting you find out on the release date itself when you listen in along with the general public.

“By the way, I forgot to mention recently, but I’m going to be out of town for a couple of weeks.” Your head lifts stirring the hair framing your face. Yoongi returns the gaze, but the silence that takes over feels surprising to both of you. Subtle as it may be, there’s something disappointing about the news. “I have some fan meetings in a few countries to do around by debut anniversary time.” The explanation feels lackluster, not because it bothers him to go off to see fans-- Yoongi definitely enjoys connecting with those who listen to and support his work. You nod at his words, uncertain yourself of what to say.

Maybe it’s because the past couple of months you’ve seen him practically every day that the idea Yoongi will be gone for two weeks feels odd. In your head you question what you’ll do around the time spent working for the company. You’ll likely not even have to show up to work during that time, capable of doing everything from your apartment.

“What day do you leave?” You wonder how you never heard of his departure before this. Knowing fan meetings are organized well in advance, knowing that Yoongi wouldn’t have actually forgotten to mention it this far in.

“This coming Tuesday.” Six days off and he’s just now mentioning it. You nod again, considering why he waited so long. A type of consideration? You smile a little, ready to joke it off if you were wrong,

“Were you worried about telling me because I’d be alone here at the company?”

Yoongi shakes his head a little, not combating your question with light sarcasm or laughter, showing you that you’re at least some correct in your presumption. The drink you brought him gets placed beside his keyboard, Yoongi turning his chair towards you properly as he admits easily, “Not completely, but,” He shrugs, “It was a thought.”

“I’ll be okay.” Your voice sounds sure, and you feel the same energy. “Bit bored maybe.” Yoongi’s lips cast upwards into a smile, relaxed by your tone and feeling silly that he worried about it in the first place. “I’m used to kinda being on my own here anyways, and besides I have Joon and Jin to go bother if I get really bored.”

“And me.” Yoongi’s words follow the end of your sentence, firm in how he speaks to set the point across clearly. You pause, considering intention only for a second because it sounds different how he places himself into the group. “You don’t have to get bored, you can text or call whenever.”

You bite your inner cheek, trying to push back the tiniest flutter developing from how his voice sounds entirely gentle and sweet. Yoongi likely isn’t even aware of his effect, but like usual he’s a comforting presence. “Yeah, and you.”

Yoongi smiles when the outline of gratitude makes your own lips curl upright, but you duck your chin a little into the cover over the crossed arms you left perched atop your knees. He just continues in the soft expression, continuing along with a shrug, “Plus you know the code to my studio, so you can come in here whenever. I make it sound like I’m leaving for a year. So dramatic.” You giggle as Yoongi rubs the base of his neck and avoids eye contact for a moment because of sudden fluster emitting in his throat that he worries may escape visually onto his face.

“I should get you a cake or something for your debut anniversary.” You say to break away his embarrassment, though it’s a refreshing sight to witness. “I actually bake really well, isn’t that shocking?”

“So shocking since you burnt your leftovers in your oven the other day.” Your eyebrows furrow at his teasing tone while your lips pout at the memory. “You complained about it to me-”

“Anyways,” You cut him off with a smile to which Yoongi just shakes his head and chuckles. Reclining in his seat he listens to you continue brightly, “Vanilla cake with strawberry cream cheese frosting. It’ll be pink and pretty. Sound enticing?”

“It does in fact,” He nods slowly amused by your confidence in your baking capabilities. “You don’t need to though, it probably takes a lot of work.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Don’t be humble, you deserve it for seven years in the industry.” You point to yourself, trying to continue in the light-hearted banter while you reinforce, “Just think of it as a fan from day one giving her favorite artist a gift, okay?”

“Fan.” Yoongi laughs, finally reclaiming his iced Americano after many of the cubes melted to half their sizes. “I don’t think of you as a fan, that’s impossible,” Yoongi murmurs taking a long sip, as you audibly huff and think of a new way to put it. “But since you’re insisting then it’s okay. Don’t worry if you get too busy though.”

“I won’t, I’m pretty free other than business as usual around here.” You say happy to hear him verbally accept, even though you planned to make him the gift in any case. You sit back contemplating the shape while Yoongi just chuckles mumbling something to himself about you doing things however you like no matter what he says. “Oh,” You reconsider your calendar, biting your lip at the particular day coming up during Yoongi’s absence. Timely occurrence in retrospect.

“What?” Yoongi notices the change in your eyes that narrow as you think over your upcoming two weeks without him. You shake your head slightly, trying to rationalize the event. It’s just business and not something to worry about, but now that the time has come so much closer, the two options of what you could do play in your mind cluttering your thoughts from answering him for a minute. You eventually frown, stirring worried bubbles in Yoongi’s chest that don’t settle as you shake it away to smile up at him sheepishly,

“I just remembered I have a meeting to start discussing my contract renewal next Friday.”

Yoongi hears more of the ice in his drink clatter as it melts. The news is unexpected to his ears entirely having not known that your contract with SoundWave would end this year. He considers your job and how much anguish it gives you to be unable to have recognition for anything you do. He also considers Jimin’s presence and how much it likely hurts to see him around the company, to still work with him.

Realizing you’re much more talented than what this company deserves considering your treatment, Yoongi almost feels the need to tell you not to renew and leave. Find better work, but he knows that’s a gamble as unlikely as winning the lottery. Even if you leave there’s no certainty of work elsewhere, especially not to the degree that you receive presently. When your repertoire is practically empty of accomplishment. Despite Yoongi not being in your position, he feels trapped thinking of a way to change it.

“Are you going to renew?” Yoongi asks you gently, the question liken more closely to an accidental thought than a real inquisition. He watches in dismay as your shoulders simply shrug in response, understanding that the reality of the upcoming meeting will certainly bother you more than the ramifications of your situation with Jimin ending. If anything add greatly to it. And he’s not going to be around to help you with it in person.

“Yeah, I’m going to.” Your statement ends the drought of words. The information makes Yoongi’s shoulders tense, somewhat surprised that you already have an answer of what you plan to do. To the majority of people it’s the most logical, economical-- safe of the two choices available to you. But it feels constricting in his chest to hear you say those words.

Yoongi recalls Hoseok letting the media destroy his image and now watches you say you’re going to let your career go unnoticed because of SoundWave’s manipulation. Each situation is different, but watching his friends powerless to bigger forces around them makes Yoongi’s fists clench, irritated. He sighs to himself, really at a loss of what to tell you that could be of any use, because there’s really no contest between the two options.

Your ears pick up on the sound of Yoongi sighing in dissatisfaction. You know it’s not aimed at your choice, but likely the thoughts in his head that presently make him stare towards the wall with his eyebrows hardened. Like Namjoon, he doesn’t want you to come to that decision. But you have a feeling both know there’s little for you not signing the paper again.

You’re unwilling to give up doing what you love for a living, even if the situation isn’t ideal.

“I think,” You start timidly, watching Yoongi’s eyes flick towards you intently paying attention. “I’m probably going to take up your offer to call you a few times… So sorry in advance if I get annoying by doing it too much.”

“You won’t,” Yoongi brushes his bands from his face, head shaking at the idea and that you still worry about those kinds of things with him. “I like talking with you, it’s not going to bother me.”

“You like talking to me?” You repeat hearing that your voice sounds higher from the surprise-- flattered. Yoongi’s open mouth shuts, contemplating if the phrasing sounded weird, but he just shrugs and nods, once again avoiding eye contact for the sake of embarrassment.

“Yeah.” He just says, rubbing his face, “Well, we’re friends--why wouldn’t I?”

“Yeah,” You can’t stop the smile on your face despite the pink blossoming around the site, “I’m honored-”

“Don’t tease me.” You laugh at him cutting off your sentence with a tiny growl of words, thinking Yoongi seems really endearing when he’s flustered by things he clearly didn’t think through saying. “I was going to get you dinner to pay back for the drink, but now I don’t know if I want to.” You hear him speaking like a warning as you continue to laugh softly, all the while Yoongi stands and rubs his face.

“Dinner is equivalent to a three dollar Americano?” You watch him with a testing smile, voice light-hearted. Yoongi shrugs as he sits beside you on the couch, intending to finally see your notes on the songs you’ve been working on.

“If I buy at McDonald’s it is.”

if you enjoy please, please let me know via ask, comment, rb with tags-- however ! i’d just really appreciate feedback 🥺 i hope you enjoy the series, i’m working really hard on it! : )

tag list (send an ask to be added): @jaiuneamesolitaiire​ @tsvkino-usagi​@xionysus​​

[hayleysstark]

(PT 2 of 2). I also wanted to say that, unfortunately, my Netflix account is going to be cancelled soon, so I can't watch all of Merlin. Can you recommend any must-see episodes?

Ugh, for real? That sucks, Queenie, I’m sorry. (I mean, I get it, things like Netflix are luxuries, but luxuries are nice to have around, and it’s tough to lose one, and I’m sorry that you have to.) To tell the truth, I really,,,,, don’t know if separate episodes can really stand on their own? I mean, don’t get me wrong, a solid ninety percent of the episodes are great, and absolutely worth the watch, but they all feel ((at least to me. maybe I’m alone in this)) like just scattered pieces of a whole until you put them all together into the series. But I think I can rustle up a solid handful that’ll still give you a good feel for the show as a whole ((and help you decide whether you want to continue it when you can - this series really isn’t for everyone.))

1x13: Le Morte D’Arthur: The entirety of S1 is really Merlin at its absolute best--smooth, believable dialogue, excellent comedic timing, wonderful plot structure, characterizations that are just to die for--but let’s be honest, this one, the S1 finale, is the one that takes my breath away. Colin Morgan and Anthony Head are both superb in their respective roles as the titular character and the hotheaded, short-sighted King Uther, and this episode is where they both just shine. Bradley James (Arthur) doesn’t receive a whole lot of screentime in this one, unfortunately, but there’s no denying he’s the center of the episode, and the moments we do get to see him, he’s just as incredible as the other two. The scenery is gorgeous, the worldbuilding is fantastic, and the emotion, oh, the emotion. Colin Morgan delivers some of his absolute rawest lines in this one. He knows when to play up the rage, the grief, the terror, and--I don’t say this lightly, but it’s really nothing short of flawless. Also, I’m in love with the villain. Her name is Nimeuh. I’m going to marry her someday. I am in love with that woman. she’s beautiful.

2x01: The Curse of Cornelius Sigan: This one is nothing on Le Morte D’Arthur in terms of plot, dialogue, or emotion, but damn if it isn’t the funniest fucking episode in the entire series. It’s essentially just a fun romp. The villain is so Obviously Evil, and of course no one else in Camelot SEES that he’s evil except Merlin. And Merlin??????? a petty, jealous bitch?????? yes absolutely. oh my god this one is just hilarious you would not believe. 

2x08: The Sins of the Father: Finally, an episode where we get to see the true depth of Bradley James’ talent!! Really, his performance sells the entire episode in and of itself, but this one’s got plenty more to recommend it as well. Anthony Head returns as brilliant as ever, of course, and we get introduced to yet another incredible villain. Nowhere near as fleshed-out as Nimeuh, but this lady’s definitely got spunk, and she’s just fun to watch overall. Merlin’s warring loyalties are put into conflict yet again, Arthur gives his asshole father the call-out of the century, honestly, what more could you want? And we get to see a much softer side of Arthur as well, one that almost never reappears again - which is a real shame, by the way, considering how well Bradley James does strong emotions.

2x09: The Lady of the Lake: okay this one. this one does. it doesn’t. it doesn’t need to be on the list. it really doesn’t. but Merlin gets a ladylove and it’s absolutely BEAUTIFUL and everyone can shut their mouths. the girl he falls for?? 10/10. would die for her. she is beautiful and sweet and amazing and she dOES NOT DESERVE ALL THE PAIN SHE HAS SUFFERED I LOVE HER. I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR HER. 

2x13: The Last Dragonlord: ahhh here we go!! This one’s the one. This one’s where it’s at. This episode has absolutely everything I initially started watching Merlin for - knights, dragons, sword fights, branches of magic no other fantasy series has yet explored, and to top it all off, Colin Morgan AGAIN goes above and beyond in his performance. I am convinced there’s nothing this man can’t do anymore. i would fight and die for the last dragonlord. both the episode and the dragonlord himself. 

3x04: Gwaine: if you take nothing else away from this series, then for fuck’s sake, remember that Gwaine is, objectively speaking, beautiful. honestly. what a bastard. what a gorgeous, gorgeous bastard.

4x01 (and 4x02): The Darkest Hour: honestly incredible. i weep. the knights are such bros and look, Arthur has feelings, and hE’S GOT A SMARMY-ASS UNCLE NNNN I HATE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I HATE HIM HIS NAME IS LORD FUCKING AGRAVAINE AND I WILL HATE HIM UNTIL MY DYING DAY and Merlin gets whumped!! excellent, perfect, 10/10. three cheers for Merlin whump.

4x03: The Wicked Day: ohhhh gosh just a whole bundle of emotions here. Merlin is trying his best. Arthur deserves better. Gaius watches with a raise of his infamous eyebrow. Everything goes to hell. Merlin still tries his best. that’s it. that’s the whole show.

4x04: Aithusa: I SWEAR IM NOT GOING TO RECOMMEND EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF S4 ((well maybe I am but that is because S4 is amazing and i am a GARBAGE HEAP.)) THERE ARE JUST. A LOT OF GOOD ONES. RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING. ghjhyghgb okay this one is just??? really good in general?? More dragons!! More knights being bros!!! And some serious character development on Merlin’s part like holy hell I don’t remember him having em that big in S3. this dude is getting what he wants and that is Just That.

4x06: Servant of Two Masters: okay let’s be real this one has a super intense start - in the first three minutes, Merlin is given a fatal wound, with a fucking MACE, no less - but honestly, at about the fifteen-minute mark, it just?? turns into comedy gold??? Merlin Emrys’ entire existence is a power move for forty straight minutes. he is Salty. he is Sassy. he is an absolute, stone-cold, unforgiving bitch. he takes no one’s shit. he will come for you and your family, and probably your hopes and dreams, too. he will stop at nothing. It’s somehow funnier when you stop and think about how genuinely sweet he usually is. this is just the most complete and comedic turnaround, and I love it.

4x12 (and 4x13): The Sword in the Stone: HERE’S where the myth and the series really start to collide. congratulations, only took 4 entire seasons. still kind of irritates me that the sword in the stone is Excalibur. what can you do. a lot of retellings condense. understandable but annoying as all hell. Arthur’s character arc comes to an admittedly unsatisfying end, but Tristan and Isolde make a cursory appearance, so that’s something I wasn’t expecting. Also, Merlin’s S4 character arc comes to an AMAZING head like wtf. we did not deserve that. Merlin Emrys is chaotic and vengeful. 

5x03: The Death Song of Uther Pendragon: listen,,,,,, listen,,,,,,, this one serves Literally No Purpose and Does Not Need to be on here. it doesn’t advance the plot. it doesn’t build toward anything whatsoever. it’s just really fucking hilarious. it’s Arthur and Merlin being bros. Uther is his usual bastard self. Gwen is beautiful and we do not deserve her. Sir Leon makes an appearance and is very confused. Sir Leon is extremely relatable.  

5x05: The Disir: Admittedly not my favorite, just??? not my favorite. But it really does take Merlin’s character in an absolutely stunning direction that still blows me away to this day, and it’s worth the watch just for that alone. Very dark episode though, very sad. Kind of has a “hopeless” vibe going tbh so. (May need to watch 1x08, The Beginning of the End, to get a bit of backstory for this one.)

5x08: The Hollow Queen: YOU WILL PRY THIS ONE FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS IT SERVES NO PURPOSE IT ADDS NOTHING TO THE PLOT BUT MERLIN GETS WHUMPED SO MUCH??? EMOTIONAL. PHYSICAL. IT’S ALL HERE. HE SUFFERS SO MUCH. IT’S GREAT. IT’S INCREDIBLE. maybe watch the two before it ((The Dark Tower and A Lesson in Vengeance)) before, though, because it’s kind of hard to understand unless you’ve got backstory lmao. 

5x10: The Kindness of Strangers: More Merlin whump on every side, but this one also gives us our first (and only) look into Merlin’s position in the magical community? We don’t get to see him interact with people like him a whole lot over the course of the series, and who he actually is, what he represents, to his kind as a whole, is often left very fuzzy. There’s just a lot of confusion surrounding it, and this episode goes a pretty long way toward clearing that up.

And of course the series finale should be on here, but ehh. not that great tbh. really dropped the ball if we’re being honest. SO. those are. all of them. not really going to give you a sense of the full scope of the series dfhffgfdfgb probably just going to confuse the hell out of you and give you a sudden, insatiable thirst for Merlin whump ((which I can sate w/ fic recs. do you want fic recs. I’ve got fic recs. so many authors love to torment this man.)

ANYWAY THOUGH. I hope this helped!!

[fairycosmos]

whole long message where i apologized and acknowledged that i should have gotten help sooner, and that i never meant to hurt my partner and that im really sorry that through becoming obsessively anxious i did? and we parted ways and it seemed like we'd gotten everything out but thrn they blocked me and said somewhere else they hated me and me and their ex friend (idk who) "deserved each other' so! anxiety over if i was an Abusive bad person which sounds bad but sbdfjgnhjgjnm

hey dude. to be honest, to me, from an admittedly ignorant outsiders perspective - it sounds like you've done/were doing all you can to watch your behaviour. yes it's possible to be unintentionally harmful and it's extremely rare for a relationship not to suffer some misunderstandings, but they don't make you a bad person. they don't define the rest of your life or your whole character, not in this case anyway. a relationship also doesn't have to be abusive for it to be unhealthy or going nowhere. there's a middle ground, where many people end up. unless you were consistently hurting (emotionally or physically) and controlling and manipulating your ex, you weren't an abuser. if you genuinely see those toxic traits in yourself, then the only thing you can do is learn from it, for real. you've already apologized, which is great. if your mental health was the main cause, then the only thing you're responsible for now is trying to get help to prevent anything like this reoccurring in the future, which you're doing. you literally can not change what's happened and all of us, by some narrative, have been a source of pain to someone. it's unavoidable. but it seems to me like you were just not in the right state of mind to handle a romantic relationship. you were scared. your mental illness was taking over, making you overthink everything. you needed to focus on yourself. which is not an excuse for whatever happened, but is a valid explanation. and pretty common, too. maybe there are certain factors you could've handled differently, but isn't that always the way? when two people are so involved with each other, and theres a lot of unresolved tension, something's got to give eventually. which could be why they blocked you. maybe this was their form of closure. that's all. just means they're controlling their online space. if they're bitter or they're still not over it, that's their problem to sort out. it's their battle. it's rare to find ex's who are the best of friends. and i know it feels bad. i know you don't want to be That person, but unfortunately it's not within your hands to dictate how they feel about you now. going over it in your head is just going to rub salt in the wound. it's genuinely alright for it to hurt. it's alright to be upset. you just have to try your hardest to understand that this one crappy incident isn't the deciding factor of who you are. you've taken responsibility and you've recognized your faults in the relationship. that's all you can ask. when you have anxiety, it's very easy to blame yourself and to blow things out of proportion, when in reality it's just.......the natural conclusion. as crappy and unsatisfying as it is. you guys tried, it didn't work out, and now you're not in each others lives. feelings are still hurt and it's all a bit fresh, and you're both just trying to navigate it. cry if you need to, grieve. but always remember that giving yourself the time and the tools to adapt is more important than whatever temporary emotion is overwhelming you. it's all so much easier said than done, and there's truly no all encompassing answer, but i honestly do believe you are handling this as well as you possibly can be. i hope you're okay and that you try to practice some self compassion, while overcoming your circumstances one say at a time. the initial acceptance is always the hardest part, but you're managing it. and i'm proud of u!! sending a lot of love your way. please let me know if you need a friend or if you want to talk about this properly. i'll be here dude

[prudentiae]

ascendantly submitted:

“god my ego. it needs no fueling.” - mani, 2k17.\

honestly whenever i start to praise you i have to stop and wonder if you don’t already know what i’m about to say bc you’ve heard it before.

i think it’s pretty safe to say that you’re a dash staple for most people at this point, regardless of your current blog or inclination. granted, of all the times i’ve been fortunate enough to call you a mutual, we’ve been in the same rp circle, but just seeing the way your charm ( lov thos good ambiguous words, right ) draws people from way across the fandom aisles, i don’t feel like i’m particularly wrong in understanding that you’re Pretty Okay, I Guess.

tbh i adored your squall ( and squall, admittedly, wasn’t a character i was always keen on ) but, now, a few months into watching your ignis shine, i’m really glad you decided to pick him up. you do him such justice that there’s never a moment where i’m not nodding along like yeah, that sounds about right or where i can’t hear ignis’s voice in your dialogue ( — as you’re already aware, duh, but i feel like it needs repeating, because ignis is a really daunting character to write, what with his wit and refinement but also his doggedness and the gentle side of that as well; my hat’s off to anyone who decides to tackle him and can pull it off to clear success ).

of course, you come across sharp enough that, lbr, you could probably work wonders with any character. ( lucky for me that you selected ignis though bc it gives me a decent excuse to pick your brain when i’ve got questions. & yanno. thanks for indulging me too Maybe. or is that enabling? )

hell, even if the characterization weren’t there, for whatever impossible reason, you could float the blog just by the strength of your writing alone. i don’t know how many times i’ve reread your response to that One Scar Meme, but initial few go-overs certainly set a precedent for me re: your replies — the first read is for the experience, the second asks why was this as good as it was, and the third is technical ( what can i say i like fresh syntax ). it’s how i approach most of my favorite writers. there’s just so much Substance to your content, my hands get a bit grubby.

plus idk i guess you’re funny ooc or something? i might Laugh sometimes? jury’s out on that still though

anyway dont talk to me about this idc if you post it, delete it, or w/e but as far as im concerned it didnt happen

“i am a fucking delight” - thomas. @ascendantly although i meant to use it for myself, the use of it now seems appropriate, for you.

now, i won’t get terribly wordy here, because (edited.) i know that you know how i feel about you, the writing, the portrayal, etc. and i don’t want to detract from your sentiment with my own, although i did make promise to embarrass you in some way over this (i.e. by publishing it.) .. and whether or not you find it embarrassing, i’m simply – appreciative – that you took the time to write up something such as this at all. i don’t want to say that it means a lot coming from you, but here we are, because it was unexpected as well as encouraging. i’ve held on to these words for a good while now, reading over it at least half a dozen times while trying to figure out just exactly what i want to say that would be even remotely poignant in return (because when has a simple ‘thank you’ ever seemed like enough?) 

for you, i'm aware it might(?) be enough, but that would leave me unsatisfied.

honestly, that’s what makes this easier, because while compliments can be a dime a dozen, you carry yourself in such a way that is magnetic. it’s not so much ‘complimenting’ as it is stating facts. 

so allow me to state facts. but only a few, or this will be longer than i intend it to be.

it’s easy to count you among dashboard essentials, which you’ll not hear from me alone. based on the more in-depth i’ve seen in the duration of this muse, i also count you among top five that i earnestly, really respect in terms of writers that i’ve met on tumblr. you set quite the high bar yourself, without the weight of expectation. the depth of your insight alone is incredible,but the way you phrase your thoughts allows for greater understanding in broad, beautiful strokes. you really tend to fill in those unfinished gaps that i’ve lamented the game not providing. i’m certain that we only see the tip of that iceberg and god only knows what lays beneath. while noctis is at the center, this extends beyond him to the general cast. 

& regardless of who is indulging who, the back and forth of our musings is a pleasure. you engage, while willing to be engaged, and it’s always fascinating to see your approach. in that respect, i suppose we can conclude that you’re Pretty Okay, too.

so maybe you are a fucking delight --  unfortunately (for you) you’ll never it from me ( unless it’s in reference to me. ) 

[movietvtechgeeks]

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What I'm Playing Now: Table Top Racing, Animal Boxing and Far Cry 4 still

This week, I hit the tracks with Table Top Racing: World Tour on the PS4, got the hell out of Kyrat by finishing Far Cry 4 (spoiler warning), and wrapped my hands to strike with Animal Boxing on the DS. Let’s take a look at what I’m playing now! Table Top Racing: World Tour I don’t play very many racing games (Mario Kart and Modnation Racers being the recent exceptions), but for whatever reason, I had the urge to do so this week. I thought about placing an order for Mario Kart on the Wii U, until I saw Table Top Racing sitting in my digital PS4 collection (it was free with PS Plus some time ago). Given that it was already on the console and that there would likely be enough players to find online matches (because the game was free for a while), I dove into Table op Racing, starting first with the cup missions. Once I found my bearings and remembered how to properly control an in-game car (Far Cry 4’s over-simplified one-stick control scheme was still messing me up), I quickly found that Table Top Racing is an awesome and imaginative title. Admittedly, there isn’t really much room for racing games to further revolutionize their content; whatever innovations and improvements barbecue, the fact remains that vehicles or persons of some kind will need to try and reach a specific point faster than their opponents. With this considered, logic indicates that racing-game developers would simply focus their creative efforts on improving fun. Although I’ve once again not been particularly close to the genre, it doesn’t look like many games do this (instead focusing on features and layered depth). Table Top Racing, however, does. Sure, the controls boasted by the title are solid, and similarly to the way that it doesn’t “drift” too far from traditional mechanics in this sense, the power-ups in the game are also pretty normal. Where Table Top Racing really shines is in its stages, which create an undeniably impressive quality of character and atmosphere. During my relatively limited time with Table Top Racing, I cruised through a fancy barbeque setting, the bedroom of a run-of-the-mill 80s child, a well-stocked sushi restaurant, and an auto factory, amongst others. Each of these stages is littered with cool and eye-catching decorations and items (Simon Says in the bedroom, the waving cat in the sushi restaurant, etc.), and the attention to detail is remarkable. These immersive environments—which make watching the road and other drivers a challenge—are what push Table Top Racing above the competition. Despite playing only a few online matches (partially because everyone else is so damned good), the multiplayer functions of Table Top Racing worked well, for the most part. The fun within the title can be easily found by players, as can its lesson to the industry: you’re not going to break any new ground with a racing game, so you might as well focus solely on making it enjoyable to play. Far Cry 4 I wrote extensively about Far Cry 4 last week, so I’ll try and keep the following final impressions brief. It should be noted that it DOES CONTAIN SPOILERS. I don’t know what Ubisoft was thinking when they created such infuriating story characters, allowed them to trample all over the player (defying logic and reason in the process), and then didn’t bother to include any revenge path. I chose to kill Amita only because I assumed she’d be an issue in the future, and I was hoping to overthrow and execute Sabal with as little trouble as possible (I was nearly certain that Ubisoft was going to include one of these missions at the end). The two went from being fundamentally split on core issues to ordering the main character around and saying the dumbest, most nonsensical dribble in imaginable. This same sensation, in my opinion, was found in the game as whole—especially during the last third (that jail sequence was awful). Sure, with the crazy and deceiving ending, Far Cry 4 was different than many other titles.  But it leaves the player (or this player) feeling so unsatisfied, confused, and frustrated that it’s not worth the shock value Different doesn’t always mean better, especially when the components that need to be switched-up—the missions, healing style, controls, activities, and much more—are the same as always. Animal Boxing When I purchased Animal Boxing for next to nothing from Best Buy’s used game sale a while back, I admittedly didn’t expect much. I was intrigued by a game that seemed crazy and relatively obscure. Its low price of roughly $2 was also appealing. Much to my surprise, Animal Boxing is actually fairly good! The story is predictably weak and not even worth mentioning, but you get to play as a human and compete in the Sweet Science against all kinds of animals. In the bronze cup, I faced the likes of a chicken, chipmunk, lizard, and another couple animals I can’t quite remember. Like its core concept, the gameplay found within AB is unique. I was very skeptical at first, but to play, you turn the DS completely upside down. Then you use the touch screen to select your strikes. Throwing straight punches (simply tap), hooks (slide towards the target from either side), or an uppercut (slide vertically) is very responsive and straightforward. Believe it or not, the tap-based gameplay feels excellent like this. In fact, it’s hard to imagine playing any other way; using the touchpad with the system situated normally would be cramped, given the frequency with which strikes (taps) must be utilized. The top screen also displays some imagery when the system is upside down, and the control pad is used to block punches and dodge left or right. If you’ve ever had the urge to try and outbox a chicken, I wholeheartedly recommend Animal Boxing. It’s not the best game ever, but if you play with an open mind, you’ll find a lot to enjoy—especially for the price. Purchases Because I complain so much about my backlog, I figured  that I’d add a feature to each “What I’m Playing Now” piece that highlights my video game purchases for the week, to demonstrate the essentially indestructible force that I’m forced to tackle whenever I sit down to play a game—something much more powerful than in-game enemies and multiplayer opponents. Mass Effect 3: Special Edition on the Wii U—$6.17 Shipped Because I have a free month of Walmart’s Shipping Pass until the end of August, I went ahead and ordered Mass Effect 3 on the Wii U. I’ve only played the first two games, I don’t use my Wii U enough, and this version received pretty impressive reviews. The free shipping and low price also helped. Motor Storm: Arctic Edge, Socom Tactical Strike, and Syphon Filter: Logan’s Shadow on the PSP—$9 Shipped (Total) I was on the fence with this purchase because I don’t play the PSP very much anymore, but the free shipping, low prices, and new condition sealed the deal for me. I ended up getting all three of the Sony-developed games for around $9 shipped ($2.81 each and tax). It might be a while before I tackle them, but this price was too good to pass up. Brothers on the Xbox One—$5.30 Shipped I don’t know much about it, but Brothers has always looked appealing. I missed the game a while back during a Microsoft Store sale, but this is roughly the same price it was available for there. Next week, I’ll play through Ether One on the PS4 and some other games which I haven’t quite selected yet. I can’t believe No Man’s Sky is almost here (while I’m excited about the game, the basis of my disbelief is mainly the fact that it’s already August), and I’ll be playing that upon release as well. Enjoy the games!

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