#admitedly it's not *me* that's the most excited

[dreamcast-official]

we are gonna watch barbie with some friends tomorrow!!! yay!!!

[heian-era-housewife]

Blind Date

Synopsis | Geto sets Gojo up on a blind date. Hilarity ensues.

Content | Mild cursing, mentions of sex, PG 13 at most.

Word Count | 1,002

Gojo lay back on one of Jujutsu High's frumpy, moth-eaten dorm chairs. Long legs stretched out in front of him, arms draped carelessly over the sides with palms facing up, head lolled back and mouth slightly open. A sigh of utter boredom gurgled deep in his throat as he stared unblinkingly at the ceiling.

Classes were on a break. Students were visiting families or using the time to study and train independently. He had not been called on a mission in three whole days.

Suddenly the door to the teachers' dormitory slid open with flare as Geto strut into the room.

"You can thank me now!" He declared with a pompous smile.

"For what?" Gojo said without moving an inch, eyes still fixed on the ceiling through his blindfold.

"I've set you up on a date tonight," replied Geto with an overwhelming smugness.

"IS SHE HOT?!" Gojo snapped to attention, bolt upright, eager hands gripping his knees in excitement.

"Guess you'll have to see for yourself. Six o'clock. The sushi place in Ginza. Don't be late," Geto said with a wink and a note of suspicious mocking.

*********************************************

5:55 p.m. - Gojo waited anxiously outside the restaurant, unable to decide how far down he should unzip his jacket. He had spent the afternoon showering, shaving, and changing outfits and glasses again and again before settling back on his original black jacket, black pants, and classic blindfold. His boxers he'd been sure to change though, just in case.

***

"Show me what she looks like!" He had whined at Geto over and over. "What's her name? Where'd you meet her? What did you tell her about me?" He pried.

Geto refused to budge. "You'll find out soon enough," he chided at Gojo's pleading questions.

"How will I know who to look for if you won't tell me?" He pouted.

"Oh don't worry," teased Geto. "She'll find you."

***

Awaiting his prize, Gojo looked around again, still fidgeting with his zipper. A soft sudden tap on his arm followed by a sweet, feminine voice caused him to jump slightly as he turned to see the girl Geto had selected.

She was cute, wearing a simple, but flattering dress with just enough skin to pique his interest without drawing too much attention from other wandering eyes. He made a mental note to praise Geto later for his taste in women.

"Sorry to startle you! You must be Gojo!" She said with a soft smile while she introduced herself.

"Please, call me Satoru," Gojo instisted, offering a long-fingered hand to guide her through the doorway of the sushi house.

Rather than take it, she wrapped herself around his arm and began walking confidently into the restaurant, almost pulling him along with her.

Oh! Gojo thought to himself. I am definitely okay with this.

As they settled in the booth, exchanging small talk, Gojo's confidence grew as his date's rather forward behavior continued. Admitedly, a bit surprised, he couldn't help but sit back sporting a goofy smile as she insisted on feeding him, pouring his drinks, guiding his hands around the table, and even praising him on the way he "intuitively" used his chopsticks on the rare occasions she allowed him to feed himself.

Okay, so that last one was kind of weird. But who cares? He thought. I am definitely getting laid tonight.

While the chatter continued, he didn’t delve much into his personal life. Nor did they talk much about hers. She mostly just peppered him with compliments and he attempted to do the same.

Still, he couldn't help feel that something was slightly off as her accolades dipped into the increasingly peculiar.

"Geto told me all about your noble work."

"Oh? Did he now?"

"Your students must love you!"

"Well, I'd like to think so."

"Your hearing must be impeccable."

"Uhh...sure? I guess...?"

When the check arrived, Gojo reached out instinctively to take it, surprised when his hand met hers, also reaching for the bill.

"Oops...sorr-"

"Amazing!" She exclaimed, causing Gojo to retract his hand in startled confusion. "You knew exactly where it was!" She cried, looking up at him in awe.

"I-" Gojo stammmered, working hard to make sense of what she was implying.

With a sudden flush of her cheeks, she gushed, "I hope you don't mind me saying, but if Geto hadn't told me, I would have never known you were blind!"

*********************************************

The dormitory door slammed open, then shut with a dangerous shutter as Gojo stormed inside.

"You. Utter. ASSWIPE!" Gojo shouted into the darkened dorm.

"How was your blind date?" Geto called from a safe distance.

"Hah. FREAKING. HAH! You waited in here all damn night just to say that, didn’t you?!" He growled.

Geto wheezed, doubled over in laughter as he relished the deranged look in Gojo's glowing eyes.

"Oh you think you're so hilarious. You're lucky I don't hollow purple the living shit out of you! Did you REALLY tell her this was a school for the blind?!"

Geto gasped for air, hugging the wall and pounding it with his fist as he reveled in his childish prank.

"Well joke's on YOU buddy! While you were waiting here yuckin' it up to yourself all night, I was getting mad laid at her place. Turns out chicks dig the visually impaired!"

Geto wiped a tear from his eye as he straightened up and looked Gojo dead in his dangerous blue gaze. "You suck at lying. She called a cab and you walked here cursing my name with every step. Don't deny it," He taunted.

"I-"

"Hmm?"

"I mean I-"

"Hmmmmm?"

"Screw you! At least I got a hot chick to feed me sushi."

Geto burst back into raucus laughter as his friend skulked down the hall.

"I'm going to bed," Gojo huffed.

"Need me to walk you there?" Geto called after him.

I'll get him back for that one, Gojo scowled as he threw himself down on his lamentably empty bed. One thing's for sure, though. No more blind dates.

[the-kr8tor]

Tell 🪦anon to stop being so smart. I think at some point we all bluetooth connected. Sharing one brain cell I swear.

Tasm Peter, ok? Give me villian/sidekick/henchman r who has been leaving evidence and clues for spiderman to follow because something sketchy is going on with their employeer or any of the sinister six. It's not normal... the stakes are too high.

r who Peter always fought because for some reason you always volunteered to take care of him. Recieving sarcastic remarks after his witty banter. Where bruises were less common because it was more of a sparing match than an actual fight. Spider senses tingling but much differently before, more like a warning than danger.

Where r is caught as the mole and only manages to escape by a hair and shows up on Peter's balcony before passing out. Peter seeing r's face for the first time and feels things click into place. He's seen you before. Actually...you live next door.

When you wake up you spill all the information you have on the collider under the city. Answering all of his more personal question because annoyingly enough, he actually cares about you.

Your personal lives integrating as you both work to take down the collider which is why he meets your younger brother, Miles. Doesn't matter if it's through blood or adoption. You take care of him like he's your own son after your police captain dad passed away in Brooklyn years ago along with your mom.

Friday take out isn't so lonely anymore and admitedly, you both feel like you have a family again while Peter feels his has grown exponentially bigger.

Miles enjoys Peter's company but he can see you enjoy it the most. Who rolls his eyes when you both act like his parents but secretly wishes you would just kiss and leave behind that weird flirting you two do. Who threatens to kick the other's ass? Miles is lowkey concerned.

When Peter realizes he's falling and so do you and you're both terrified. Being idiots you start distancing yourselves and it isn't until Peter catches Miles after dangling from the same collider you both were working so hard to take down. That the adrenaline kicks in and you confess. Not asking him for a relationship as you throw someone into a wall, just telling him how you feel. Peter also admitting his feeling as the collider goes boom in the backround.

Miles is not confused at the slightest, he is your brother after all. If you can figure out Spiderman's identity he can surely figure out yours. Who by the end of the fight feels the need to mention he can hang from the ceiling now. Peter coughing as he pretends not to be jumping from excitement inside. You have your work cut out for you...

OMG TASM PETER CONTENT?!!! I MISS THE SCRUNKLY!!! 😍😍😍

GASP THE DRAMA! AMD MILES HAVING TO WITNESS THE TWO IDIOTS FALLING IN LOVE? COUNT ME IN!

[mion-oyabun]

Competing to be on Inked Magazine

Hey I know its been a long time since I posted but here I am aha. Anyways, I entered a contest to be on inked magazine and have tattoo session woth Ryan Ashley if I won id, get a lot of money too.

However, I will be honest id be just as happy just being able to be on inked magazine and celebrate living art because that is what tattoos are and admitedly id be even mpre excited to have a session woth Ryan. She does the most beautiful work and she just seems flawless to me honestly.

So support an art and pokemon loving Chica that honestly loves what tattoos can represent.

#inkedcovergirl

#voteformeinked

#inkedcovergirl2024

[shadowisles-writes]

Hi, it's me, your secret santa :)

Did you guess right? I hope I didn't leave you in too much of suspense.

And I heard you're traveling, that's so exciting. Hopefully your flights are going well and you're having the most wonderful christmas eve/christmas (depending on what time zone you're in) possible.

But by the time you see this your gift should be up.

xoxo A santa who admitedly was not as secret as she could have been (oops)

Hi!!!! I’m sorry I took so long I had a crazy few days <3

I had a vague suspicion is was you but I’m still surprised!!

Thank you so much for this ❤️ I can’t wait to go read it! (As soon as I get 5 seconds to myself I promise)

[halflingkima]

Mid-Year Book Freakout

Books read: 65 Pages read: 20,485 Average rating: 2.91 (help) Primary Genre: Fantasy (wild)

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2024?

I have had a total of six 5-star reads this year; 3 are comics, and 2 are rereads. Anyway. A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland.

2. Best sequel you've read so far in 2024?

Speaking of the comics, I think Die, Vol 3: The Great Game technically counts. But also All the Hidden Paths by Foz Meadows.

3. New release you haven't read yet, but want to?

I don't keep up with new releases very much, content to wait for library copies and preferring to hear some others' reviews first. That being said, we are halfway through the year, and there's plenty of 2024 releases my library doesn't have yet. Some of these I'm most itching to read are Lucky Bounce by Cait Nary, Significant Others by Zoe Eisenberg, and (just this month) Running Close to the Wind by Alexandra Rowland.

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year?

Because I don't keep up with the newest of new releases, I don't usually know about titles before they come out, save for my very favorite authors. Case in point: I'm intrigued by Intermezzo by Sally Rooney. I'm also keeping my eye on The Truth According to Ember by Danica Nava – a romance coming out in August featuring a Chickasaw main character. That's the tribe my family's related to, and I almost never see them mentioned, even in Indigenous-focused literature. I'm also just excited for a regular romance novel featuring Native characters.

5. Biggest disappointment?

I hate to hate on the Kingdom of Bones series bc as far as internet fiction turned book deals goes, it's a respectable effort. But both Crossbones and Dark Tides by Kimberly Vale are absolutely my biggest disappointment so far this year. The premise sounds so cool but the execution is absolutely flat. I'm heartbroken that they're not the books I wanted them to be.

6. Biggest surprise?

I have fallen off of young adult stories (predictably) as I've aged, but I wasn't ever really that into middle grade as a whole, but I quite liked The Wishing Spell by Chris Colfer. I found it engaging and original without doing anything specifically gimmicky. The writing voice really carried the story, and I didn't feel condescended to at any point. (There was even a plot twist I didn't catch!) A sweet story that I plan on following with the sequels at some point.

7. Favourite new author (debut or new to you)?

Easily Foz Meadows – the Tithenai Chronicles may not be my favorite books of all time, but they are the most fun(? investment? pleasantness?) I've had with books this year. The plots maybe leave a bit to be desired but I like the characters and I'm obsessed with the worldbuilding. I will absolutely auto-read anything in this universe, but I'm also planning to look into their backlist until more is written. Honorable mention to Alexandra Rowland for similar reasons to just a bit lesser degree.

8. Newest fictional crush?

[Julia Lepetit voice] I don't- I don't... I don't.

9. Newest favourite character?

I suppose someone in A Taste of Gold and Iron or the Tithenai Chronicles... the men are too messy, but I quite like their powerful sisters (the sultan in the former and the tiern(a?) in the latter)

10. Book that made you cry?

Admitedly, All the Hidden Paths by Foz Meadows did get me at the end there. Ironically, the acknowledgements/author's notes at the end really hit me. Also, some bits at the end of Die, Vol 4: Bleed. Both happy tears lol

11. Book that made you happy?

In addition to those I've already mentioned, I finished KD Casey's Unwritten Rules series and god, I love those books. Also really loved A Little Bit Country by Brian D. Kennedy and The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandana.

12. Most beautiful book you've bought so far this year (or received)?

I've only gotten a handful of new books this year, and only preordered three. The newly published edition of For Real by Alexis Hall wins this one this year.

13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year?

I'm a smidge behind with my 24 in 24, but most pressing is Mortal Follies and 10 Things That Never Happened by Alexis Hall. Preorders from my presumed favorite author that I haven't touched for. Over a year now. Upsetting. And they're only getting more ominous...

[midnightmeteora]

MEDIA THREAD-FEBRUARY

A short month no doubt, spent most of it drawing (I gonna try to finish those wips I swear). Anyway:

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14.-Hazbin Hotel (season 1)

I'm not someone who enjoys negative ranting on media. But oh my god I didn't like this show. Thankfully I watched this along side my GF and my Bestie but still, it was quite dreadful getting through this show. The script was annoying. All of those parodies about Vivzie's shows are true, there's always a swear in most sentences. It stops being funny and it becomes annoying, cringe even. I don't get this show, is it a comedy or a genuine attempt of making a social commentary??? It tries to tell a story about redemption and the value of change, but it doesn't have the pay off nor the build up to excel imo. For most of the runtime, this show barely attempts to dive deep into the nuance of the characters, most of the time if there is nuance to be found. It later decides to either treat it as a joke or rush to no end, lacking the payoff expected for serious issues like sexual and psychological abuse. The visuals were also kinda sucky. It has a unique style no doubt. But everything blends together when there's so much color overlap and over designed characters with similar motifs and color palettes. Most of the songs are alright on their own, but in the show itself, I only enjoyed like half of them. Yeah this show wasn't for me, and the more I think about it, the angrier I get ngl.

. #15.-Kimi ni Todoke (season 1)

Love letter to shojo media (? One of my favorite shows rn, it's so comfy, yet it still pulls them punches with the drama when it needs to. Every character is so loveable and the humor is wholesome fun. I really like how it develops the characters thru meaningful interactions and moments that pushes these teens foward. I'm loving this show, quite excited for S3 later on this year :]

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#16.-Sonic Frontiers (main game replay and update 2 content playthrough)

I still really like this game! Admitedly, its luster did shine off a bit now that it's been a while since the original release. This time more cracks became more noticeable to me, particularly the plot itself is rather empty and on a second playthrough it brings the game down a tad bit. The last section in Ouranos island is veryy weak plot wise, even though I had a blast with the gameplay. I still believe that this is a cleverly designed game, but I wished it had more production values behind it. By far the main aspect that will age the game later on. This game kinda lacks the visual aesthetic and presence that many other games in this franchise have. Not only that, the new additions like the jump acceleration kind of made some of the open zone sections kind of dry... I really look foward to the next mainline game, this game is still the best step in the right direction it could've been. The update 2 content was also really fun! I really like the action challenges and the new kokos were neat to get. I mightttt need another replay to abuse the spindash to hell and back, but I still need to finish new horizons as of writing.

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#17.-Sonic Frontiers: Final Horizons update

Damn was this a mixbag. I'm a bit underwhelmed ngl. It wasn't bad, but it kinda pushed the game to its absolute limits, and not in a pleasant way. The unrefinement from the main game is in an all time high. The new island content and characters are ok. Amy is fine for the most part, doe I wish she was able to wall climb. Knuckles was so much fun and I hope they use this template for future appearances. And Tails' tornado was so broken that made his sections redundant. I think everyone but knuckles kinda show the issues with the open zone. You can skip so much of the platforming that it kinda robs you from the main draw of the game. The new cyberspace levels are really cool!! But I did not enjoy completing the extra missions, they made the experience far more frustrating and unpleasant, not only that but you hardly even need to engange with cyberspace, but i'll get to it in a second. The new mixes are nice and the new levels are pretty sick and fun to speedrun but I still feel like they don't benefit from the asset re-use and the weird jank the game has.

The tower challenges were a bit of a mixbag, the platforming got a bit obnoxious on tower 2 and 4 ngl, but I did enjoy the trials. Trial 5 is no doubt quite infamous, but I actually found it fun, I liked figuring out how to minmax my time defeating the titans. It kinda show how clunky the parry and the animations are however, and yet, it also made me appreciate the enemy design and the combat way more than I already did! Finally, we got a new final boss battle, and it was alright? The spectacle was nice, but after all the things I had to do to even get there, I'd rather have the original ouranos island section as easy and anticlimatic it might've been. The new added story wasn't that much different either, just a tad more flashy with a bit more involvement from the main cast. Overall it was an ok addition, but I wished I didn't spent that much time doing the extra missions and stuff, many of the parts of this update lacks the incentive I desired and at times, the payoff I expected. Which is why it felt underwhelming for me. I hope the next game is an improvement over final horizons, if this is going to be the main base for the forseeable future, then there's still work to be done.

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#18.-Super Mario Bros (NES)

I'm starting to play more retro games as of lately since I really want to have more games that I can replay whenever I want a quick gaming session aside from Mega man and Sonic. So I'm want to try the 2D Mario games since admitedly, I was never a Mario guy (If you couldn't tell by my Sonic fanatism). 2D Mario has never grabbed my attention since it is rather vanilla and the "new super mario" series also left a very bad taste in my mouth just like everyone else growing up. Anyway, og super mario on NES was fun tbh. It is quite challenging for modern standards, but I found plenty to like tbh. The potential for further replays is hampered by those tight physics doe, I'm already playing SMB3 (I'm gonna skip 2 for the time being tbh) and I can already tell that the control was pretty tight in this first game. Hammer bros are really agressive too. I'm glad I'm finally beat this game, even though it cramped my hands like a MF bc I played this on a 3DS.

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#19.-Kimi Ni Todoke (Season 2)

THIS WAS PRETTY GOOD, the drama got pretty interesting and it developed the characters extremely well. It has a ton of nuance that I want to rewatch and admire all over again ngl. Left extremely soft after watching it. Can't wait for season 3

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Might start to do more stand alone posts from now on if I want to continue logging these opinions lol.

[itzztay]

SEASON I // EPISODE: PILOT

With one last look at your room, you silently closed the door and carried the last bit of your luggage downstairs. Today was move-in day at InterHigh University- you’d be leaving behind your childhood home that held all your deepest and darkest memories behind. You passed your dad in the kitchen as he silently prepared breakfast as usual without even sparing a glance at you. Sighing, you continued on taking your luggage outside, but not before you passes the slightly crooked framed family photo of you, your mom, and your dad’s smiling faces. You didn’t say anything, or rather had nothing to say, just silently recognizing that you were also going to finally leave them behind with this house.

Your childhood best friend Momoi stood outside the door with a warm and empathetic smile. “Hey Y/N, are you excited for today~” she questioned as she helped roll your luggage into her parents’ car.

Almost as if your mood did a full 180, you smiled brightly as you hugged your best friend “Ready as I’ll ever be! I can’t wait to see everyone again”.

Momoi huffed as she attempted to lift your extremely heavy luggage into the trunk, “Me too! It’s nice that we got put into the same dorm and I heard the fraternity Kuroko’s in is just down the road” she beamed as she finished closing the trunk.

Kuroko… you hadn’t seen or talked to him, let alone the rest of the Generation of Miracles, since that incident. Admitedly, when you heard that they would all be attending IHU you were extremely nervous to meet each other again. Your just glad that at least Momoi still kept in contact with some of them so it would be a little less awkward.

A moment of silence passed again until Momoi softly spoke, “Are you going to say goodbye to your dad before you leave…”? An undetectable flash of anger quickly wiped across your face but soon was replaced with a somber look, “No, I think it’ll just be best if I go. He doesn’t want to talk to me, I don’t want to talk to him. It’s time for me to start my own life… away from here”.

Momoi comfortingly placed her hand on your shoulder  “Well okay,” Momoi and you smiled softly to each other. “I guess it’s time to start the first part of a long 4 years” she took your hand and opened the door to the car. As you sat at the back row of seats and the car began to move, you plugged in your headphones and looked out the window.

You were determined to make the most out of college experience and finally find happiness. You were ready for change, to meet new people, and do your best to forget your past.

But never could you have predicted what would’ve happened… that one day you’d be standing in the cold rain in your blood soaked clothes and a knife in your hand.

_____________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading the first part of “All Stars”~! I don’t usually write more angsty darker things but I decided to push myself a bit to do so. Nothing in this story is going to be extremely graphic (the smut is detailed but not graphic yk), it’s really supposed to emulate what the “college experience” can be like irl or how it is in some movies/shows like Euphoria or Heathers but like... in college lmao. Anywayyy, I'll see you all next chapter :D.

[cornfarm]

waves against the rocks

saiki kusuo x reader

word count: 2.0k

synopsis: you show saiki your powers. he’s unbearibly jealous, yet for the first time, he feels seen and understood by another person.

cws: mention of the reader having a bad family

genre: melancholic fluff

reader is gender neutral!

===================================================

notes:

greetings... i promise i’m working on cease and desist part 2 but i keep starting one shots;; I ALSO DECIDED TO CHANGE MY TEXT FORMAT... i yoinked all the capital letters away... it feels a bit more liberating

whenever i make my crazy op self insert oc, i always think about how i can make them a foil/double to the characters i like. for example my gintama s/i is also a traumatized war veteran. i thought like... wouldn’t it be fun to write the reader character as a direct foil AND double to saiki? they have everything he doesn’t, but he has a lot that they dont and it’s like,., mutual jealousy.

i also wanted to write saiki properly empathizing with someone. aiura and toritsuka are so fun because they both have different moral compasses with their powers and how they’d like to use them. however despite the fact theyre all psychics, saiki can’t really empathize with either of them.

i wanted to have saiki be excited about something, and feel truly seen. empathy is a very powerful thing.

i hope the “ability” i chose isn’t too cringe;;;

i can’t help but feel like i write saiki ooc so feedback would be super appreciated!

===================================================

perception. the way people are seen by others, the mental images and sour thoughts rooted in nothing but misconception. the falsafied persona of greatness, beauty, and kindness. perception.

you kept saiki afterschool. tugging at his sleeve, you quietly asked “i need to show you something, stay here for a few extra minutes?”. he refused you at first, but you stayed firm, “i need you to stay.” fierce. he decided to stay.

but you stood before saiki, right? were you there? he suddenly felt a bit weary, head pounding at the thought of you. your name, voice, scent, failing to find matches in his library of records. when he thought of you, his brain flickered through the faces and names of everyone else he knew.

you were a gap, a void, a sudden unconjurable memory. it was horrifying. but he quickly accepted it. the body circling behind of him was none of his concern, because there was nobody there. he supposes he should go home now. why was he standing alone in the classroom anyways?

firm hands land on his shoulders, warm, present. he remembers why he’s here.

“it’s not that i’m invisible, it’s just that your brain can’t recognize me, and refuses to acknolwedge me as a thing that exists.”

like a wave crashing against a rocky shore, the void is filled. your voice, your scent, your name, all slotted back into place in his mental library. he recognizes the hands on your shoulders as yours. 

a hand snakes around and pushes up his glasses, covering his eyes.

“it’s not about visibility, it’s perception. you are unable to percieve me as a living thing, or of anything of importance. that’s why you can’t read my thoughts, and that’s why you’re so quick to give up trying to recall me.”

he’s practically trembling- you have one power. it was simple, but it managed to find a loophole around practically all of his.

“that’s terrifying.”

“right?”

you take your hands away and step in front of him. he adjusts his glasses properly.

“were you born with it?”

you nod, “it caused me trouble when i was a kid. i almost got left at an airport,” you chuckle.

“does anyone else know?”

“i’ve tried to tell my parents but they don’t believe me. they called me a liar and delusional, so i decided to stop trying with them. nobody else knows, i’ve never told any of my past friends either. when i found out about your powers, i thought maybe someone would finally understand. that’s the only reason i wanted to tell you.”

your lip quivers, “you believe me, right?”

truth be told, saiki’s stunned. he wasn’t expecting someone like you to have such an abrasive ability. despite how reclusive and fittingly unnoticeable it is, it was certainly powerful.

he’s jealous. you were able to freely aquire something he wanted- privacy, but he does believe you, afterall he just watched you waltz around him, outside of his keen field of view. 

“yeah, i do.”

you smile, bright and wide- you’re nearly trembling. was being believed that big of a deal to you?

you take a step forward and embrace him, wrapping your arms around his torso as your head presses against his chest. he goes a bit stiff, and glances at the door. “hey, someone might walk in-”

“it’s fine.” you look up at him, meeting his eyes, and oh. your eyes are glimmering, shining greater than he’s ever seen them, “they won’t.”

burying your face back into him, he tenataively wraps his arms around your back. you continue, voice muffled, “’m sorry, you’re the first person who’s accepted me. i’m happy.”

the emotional explanation for your actions ease him a bit, “it’s fine.” he states back.

you finally pull away, and for a brief moment as you lose connection, you flicker out of his view, but you come back in again, placing your hand on his.

“actually, i can touch you while using my power without you being affected by them, but i’m manually using it on you right now.”

“if you touch someone while making sure they still can’t see you, what does that make them experience?” his voice is clear, a bit fierce in tone. you always had trouble reading saiki, but you could tell that this was interest. perhaps he was threatened, but he was certainly intrigued.

“they might whirl around and look who’s touching them and account it to a person around them, but if not, they might think they’re having sensory hallucinations. i can also talk to people, but because my voice doesn’t have any weight to it, it’s almost like a hypnotic suggestion.”

“so you can brainwash people?”

“not necessarily,” you let go of his hand, you must have released your power, your eyes are dark, “if i suggest something to someone and it’s something mild, they’re more likely to do it because it already falls into their line of thinking. if i suggest something bold, they might do it thinking it’s an impulsive thought.”

“most people won’t do extreme things, they’ll read those as intrusive thoughts. but sometimes people think my voice is the voice of god, or a passed on relative, and will do intense things regardless of their judgement. others have poor impulse control, and some are just batshit crazy.”

you sheepishly scratch your head, “but i don’t really like having that much control over people. i don’t want to use my powers to hurt anyone.”

“do you want to use them to help people?”

you pause. it seems you’ve thought about this quite a bit.

“well my powers can’t help people. they give me the ability to help people, but they can’t help people directly. i think it’s a matter of it i’m strong enough to help people.”

“are you?”

“would you hate me if i said no? of course i lend a hand to my friends when they need it, but i don’t think i’m strong enough to really make a difference. i want to live peacefully.”

you look down at your hands, “i wish i wasn’t born with it.”

saiki felt unnervingly softhearted. he struggled empathizing with his peers, but his heart pounded in solemn familiarity. “i don’t hate you for that, i’m the same. having the powers i do means i have the responsibility of keeping the world in peace. people would be jealous of me for the self-fulfilling purposes i could use my powers for, but i don’t want to use my powers to hurt people. i don’t want to help anyone either. i just want to be left alone.”

guilt. guilt was a disease, just like jealousy is. it eats at you from the inside, and creeps up at times least expected. it left both of you hollow and empty.

“i wish i didn’t have powers,” he continues, “i don’t think i’ve ever properly experienced life in the way i’m supposed to, like everyone else has. i’m envious of you, you’ve had a bit more normalcy than me.”

“i suppose we’re equally unhappy, then,” you smile at him. he had been staring out the window, but he turns to looks at you. you’re leaning on the door of the classroom, tilting your head, you ask him a silent “walk home with me?”. 

“i mean,” you begin, “i’ve missed out on a lot. i’ve always had trouble making friends- my powers made it difficult for people to remain interested in me. i’ve gotten pretty good at controlling them, pk academy has been really good to me, but it doesn’t heal the damage it’s caused me.”

your teeth gnaw at your lower lip, “your family is so supportive of you, they love you so much, it makes me angry. i wish i could say the same about mine.”

it wasn’t too empty in the school, but your footsteps were loud and clear, both you and saiki walking in sync. saiki didn’t really know what to say, so he stayed silent. 

sighing, you continue, “i don’t want to be alone, but it’s too easy to be reclusive when that’s where you’ve always been. if you live a life of isolation, making friends is scary and draining,” a grim smile forms on your face, as if you’re trying to comfort yourself.

but saiki does have to admit that the two of you have much more in common than he initially thought. he quietly thinks to himself, perhaps he could use your abilities.

“y/n,” he begins, eyes meeting yours, “will you do me a favor?”

“yeah, what is it?”

he doesn’t like being indebted to people, but he wants to test your limits. you don’t give him the chance to ask, “you want me to use my powers while we walk out together, don’t you.”

his mouth falls a bit open, lips parting, “how did you know?”.

you laugh, “you’re not the only one who can read minds,” and reach out to wrap a hand around his forearm. he raises a brow at you, seemingly amused by your comment. he expected you to take his hand again, but your firm grip on his arm was admitedly unexpected.

he felt his heart skip a beat.

“well? are you doing it?”

“yup, you won’t feel any different though.”

walking down the steps together, people passed the two of you, strangers, familiar faces, teachers. nobody noticed.

the two of you passed toritsuka at the steps, but he paid no mind. “you know,” saiki started, “when i use my invisibility power, that guy can still see me.” 

“can he?” you murmur, your voice a bit low. 

“if it’s easier, you can just think what you’d like to say to me, we can talk that way.”

you squint your eyes in concentration, “like this?” you think to yourself. 

“yeah.”

you smile. you continue to hold onto his arm as he changes his shoes. 

“that must be frustrating, that he can still see you.”

he nods. he supposes if toritsuka can’t see you, then aiura probably can’t track you- and him, down either. 

“hold onto my arm while i change mine.”

without breaking contact, he gently wraps his fingers around your wrist. you hastily change your shoes, and slide your hand a bit up, taking his in yours.

“is it neccesary to hold hands?” he asks. his expression was nearly deadpanned, but the slight crease in his brows communicated just enough. he felt sheepish, a bit lost.

“no, but it’s nice.” 

teruhashi stands idly at the exit, waiting, doing her best to gently shake off the boys that surrounded her.

“she’s looking for me.”

“is she? do you want to talk to her?”

“no.”

you pause. 

“is she the reason you asked me to do this for you?”

he nods.

you turn and head towards the gate, but not before waving a hand in front of her face. you take a deep breath, before exclaiming a loud “teruhashi!”. she whirls around, trying to find the source of the voice, looking rather bewildered.

letting out a hearty laugh, you grin up at him. a slight huff of air escapes his upturned lips.

the two of you slip past the front gate.

“but you owe me something in return, i don’t give out my labor for free!”

he sighs, “what would you like?”

“wait, really? i was joking, you don’t have to do anything for me!” you double down on your demands.

“you say that, but i know you’re secretly hoping i’ll treat you.”

“shit, i forgot you can read my mind. that’s so invasive.” you pout, “not fair!”

“it’s fine, i don’t like being indebted to people, and you did do me a favor like i asked, so i’ll take you somewhere.”

you look a bit nervous, “really? you’re sure?”

“just accept the offer before i revoke it.”

you twirl in a circle, letting go of his hand and hopping a few steps ahead of him. “you’re buying me a nice coffee then!” 

he lunges out to take it again.

“sure.”

and once more in sync, both of your hearts skip a beat.

[straight-to-the-pain]

There is so much to unpack on the CRYPTID military post, such as whether someone with that name has legit experience. 1) Admitedly military has lots of past issues to be fixed and are being fixed. 2) Those in combat roles know they may need to give their life. This is not brainwashed. It is not disregard for safety. It is a job, and the understanding that the job has certain risks. 3) Many are college grads. They're military because of a reasoned decision.

Not all like the military. Online, it's easy to be disparaged by those who have no real understanding of the US govt, it's arms, or the military. But many of your followers may be military because despite the wrongs prior Presidents have done, we believe the military has a beneficial role in aide to disaster areas, intl relations to professionalize other countries' mils into civ-led institutions that won't cause coups, etc. Please don't attack us or post false/one-sided info about what we do.

A couple things to begin: I’m happy having a civil debate about things and you’re welcome to disagree and we can come away from this respecting each other, that’s fine, but if people send me anon hate I will simply delete it. I cannot know if the OP was in the military, and I am not personally in the military, but I have had family members who were and hated it and would never want to go back to that place and those circumstances and family members who liked it well enough as a job but couldn’t continue doing it due to disability, and their experiences all have things in common.

I’m also not trying to attack anyone who is in the military. I think that most people join the military out of desperation (for money, for education, to get away from a bad family situation) and idealism (serving their country, protecting their values, learning useful skills). And I think that both people who are currently serving and veterans deserve better from their government. Being aware of the flaws in your own organisation is a good thing; blind faith in your leaders isn’t.

This might be something you personally don’t agree with but I don’t actually like the government. I try vote for the lesser of two evils and whoever wins, even if I prefer them, I will still challenge them and hold them accountable, because I fundamentally do not think that most people in power are going to do good things unless we as people force them to. That’s how I see politics, and that obviously affects my view of the military. The military is a tool of the government, it fulfils the aims of its leaders and these aims are so often those of imperialism and control and even fascism.

I understand why people might want to join, I really do. If I wasn’t considered too disabled, maybe I would have done it too, for a stable job and good pay and if I’m honest, a bit of excitement. As a nursing student, I’m going into a job that I know may well be bad for my mental health and I’m putting myself at physical risk too in order to try to help people. And that’s worth it to me, I get that, but I also know that I work for an organisation that despite its flaws genuinely exists to help people and do good. I’m sure some people feel that way about the military, but I don’t.

I am also aware that some things are getting better with regards to discrimination and abuse, but the military still has incredibly high rates of sexual assault, racism and homophobia, and often these crimes are not properly investigated and people are not held accountable.

Obviously an organisation that is focused on the physical is going to have a big focus on physical health and ability, but that in itself means that it becomes an organisation that selects people who can be useful as tools and then uses them until they break. Even if people do sign up for it and willingly take on the risks it’s still an environment that dehumanises you and makes it easier to dehumanise others and hurt others.

I’m not saying that the military doesn’t fulfil a useful purpose sometimes, but I do think that certain goals can be achieved with a less militarised force (such as aid and disaster relief). I also just think that war is bad and I understand the need for defence, but that budget isn’t going towards actual soldiers to improve their salaries and their living conditions, it’s going towards equipment that can kill people.

I’ll admit that I’ve been listening a lot to the ‘what a hell of a way to die’ podcast which is hosted by veterans who used to think the way you do but got out when things became intolerable and are trying their best to save other people their experience. And I know that not everyone will agree with that perspective, but that’s my opinion based on things I’ve heard and read and you are welcome to disagree, respectfully.

[evesbeve]

Could you rate and or discuss the handlers outfits?

okay um, yes actually, we’re doing this?? yes

(side note: i don’t really like the handler bUT i appreciate her sense of style, so this got me excited uwu)

apocalypse suit

look at this. the hat, the GLOVES, the all-dark look. it’s edgy. it’s original. one of the most iconic handler outfits. 11/10

speak to the manager

i’m like 90% sure this is the same as above without the coat, and for that reason i’m also giving it a high score. she looks great. 8/10

bath time

it’s just a hotel robe. but she wears it with pride, so i guess that counts for something. 3/10

minnie mouse

did she turn minnie’s ears into a hat and use her bow as a necklace? i can definitely see the appeal, however she looks like she belongs in a museum, or even better, a clothing hanger. 6/10

sister of pearl

she took 60′s and she took pta karen and made this. somehow it works? but..........the hat..........and the pearls.......hmph........esPECIALLY the pearls, holy shit...........she’ll lose points for these. 4/10

yellow, it’s me

FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD. it’s classy, it’s yellow, it’s! great! 8/10

cruella de vil

hide your dogs. please. 7/10

you can’t bring a hat to a gunfight

NOW THAT’S A PROPER OUTFIT FOR A GUNFIGHT. she’s keeping the glove theme going, which i appreciate. 6/10

true karen

it suits her a lot, but it’s very karen. 7/10

christmas is here

she looks like one of these christmas chocolate wrappers. they tasted horrible. -2/10

christmas is here again

it’s the same as above with an added scarf, and for what? added volume? admitedly it looks way better than the above look though. 1/10

bingo grandma

i like the black/red combo on the handler. her hair also looks great! 6/10

woozy checkers

i LOVE this one! i like the pattern, i like the colors, the hat is extra but not huge, it’s great. 9/10

army general

no. 2/10

spelling bee mom

there are SO MANY THINGS going on with this. i love the gold/metal aspects of the outfit, and the gloves are adorable, but she wears it like her life depends on it, and also she’s copying cinderella’s vibe. 4/10

willy wonka

reminds me of the og apocalypse outfit. she’s got the black coat, a briefcase. but the hat gives me the impression she wants to retrieve me for her chocolate factory, and it scares me. 1/10

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

Just some theories and critcisms that I have the the recent two volumes.

Probably to start off from the beginning, Volume 7 was... interesting the say the least. Not that I hated it, because I didn't, I enjoyed many of the characters that they introduced to us, as well as I kinda enjoyed Penny making a come back, however I do have gripes about that, but I'll get into it a little further down the road. There was always one issue that I had with 7, and admitedly, it ruined one of the characters for me. Clover. A little bit of back story, when I first started watching 7, and Clover was properly introduced in the Dust Minds with Qrow, and the phrase "My semblance is good fortune." came out of his mouth, I instantly hated him, and for 2 main reasons. I knew the shippers were going to go crazy about it, and I just hated the potential connotations that came with it. I don't know about everyone else, but I love good and propper character growth. I was gonna be kinda pissy if they spent a whole volume trying to build Qrow's character up, only to solve his whole character arc by making his depression magically go poof with friendship, and that friend having a semblance to combat his own. Not matter what people want to believe, that's not good character growth. Genuinely sit down and think of the message behind that. It might as well be implying that if you can find that one person who builds you up, all of your problems will go away, and speaking from real life experience, it is not a good idea to have your happiness revolve around a singular person, because you never know when that person can back stab you, or just kick rocks.

What really broke my heart is that it took RT killing him off for me to actually take a deep look at Clover as a character for me to realize that I actually like him as a character, I just hated how they used him for plot device towards Qrow's developement. As much as I now like Clover, I'm glad that RT killed him off, because in the long run, it was better off that way for Qrow's sake, and again, the implications of their friend ship aren't entirely healthy, and is kind of ignorant to how much of an issue things like depression is. That shit doesn't just go away just because a person is introduced into the mix. In part it's also why I don't like Fair Game as a ship, because while cute in concept, it gets boring with a lot of the content that get's produced as it's mostly happy, cute, good times. It lacks in any real complexity because it's all honestly just cookie cutter romance, and it's not really all that fun to take in. In addition to that, the main issues I had mentioned before come into play. The idea that one person is so perfect while the other is fucked up in the head, that the fucked up one is heavily emotionally reliant on the other which is in fact not a healthy relationship for either member, and it would be terrifying to see how Qrow would pull himself together if he's even able to, in a scenario where they were long time romantic partners, and suddenly Clover just up and kicked rocks, or the relationship fell a part. In all honesty, it would potentially just destroy him. In general, I just think the lucky semblance thing was a dumb idea all together. I see why they did it in the grand scheme of things, but it annoyed me.

Then of course there's Robin. Let's be real, her semblance is story wrecking levels of broken. Like come on RT. Lie Detector semblance??? Really??? That is a power no mortal should ever have, and there's so many times that Robin could have broken the whole ass story just with the touch of another person's hand. (And no, just because Harriet didn't take her hand in Vol. 8 doesn't make the semblance concept any less stupid. If anything, it just makes it worse, because it shows that Harriet can't be trusted to act rationally in a situation she should realistically be able to act diplomatically towards. Grief is not an excuse when you're on the job.) I have the same issues with her that I had with Clover, it's that her semblance is damn near unneccessary.

Now to go into Volume 8, but not before giving a genuine criticism towards the whole series of RWBY. Why is it that the majority of the antagonistic characters have tragic back stories. Roman Torchwick was the only one who didn't have that sort of back story, and he wasn't even the main set of antags. Then of course there's Neo, but what good does that actually do when that's exactly what her future drives end up being is the tragic tale of her losing a close friend and associate. With Cinder, they pulled no punches, and oh my god, the song that goes with it. Like my god RT, could you slap the veiwers any harder with your dick obviousness? I hate that they gave easily the 2nd most fucked up character a sob story. It wasn't neccessary. The only good thing about it was when Wattz used her tragic past against her to put her in her place. There's no need to humanize someone who is so driven by hatred like that, as she's done so much fucked up shit to the main cast of characters that most if not all people wouldn't bat an eyelash at her, because it doesn't change her decision to intentionally be sadistic. And while on the topic of a Maiden, let's move to another. Penny. Volume 8 did her dirty. I'm all for bringing a character back, and I'm all for killing off a character for plot purpose, but the two don't fucking mix. Penny's death was redundant and unneccessary. What was the point of giving her a human body if she was just going to die within that same day? What was the point of bringing her back again if she was just going to die? Again? There's two routs RT should have taken. Either they should have killed her vol. 3 and had her stay dead, or she shouldn't have died in vol. 3, continued on as normal, and only then should she have died in vol. 8. Option number 2 is the ladder. I get what RT was trying to do with Penny's death, and I think it was a good concept, but god damn, this is Dragon Ball, we don't need redundant, pointless deaths. At least in vol. 8, there was a purpose behind Penny's death, but in vol. 3, Penny's death was more so unneccessary, and was only used to be a maryr for Ruby's cause. In fairness to them, you can't really expect them to fix what they had done years ago, but with full knowledge that this is what their plot meant they would have to do, they should have reconsidered the handing of their events for either Vol. 8, or both Vol 8 and 7 by removing Penny from it entirely.

Some additional criticisms that don't hold a lot of weight in the over all quality of the show, and more just some missed opportunities. Okay, so remember that whole speil Nora went on about having to find herself before she could be with Ren? Yeeeeeah, so why was it again that Jean had to be the one to fall into the abyss and not Nora or Ren??? Just putting that out there. If Nora and Ren needed to be seperate long enough for Nora to figure herself out, there's no real reason that they couldn't act on this. Because now instead, they're going to have to lean on each other even more so when news comes to them that the majority of their friends just got fucking dusted, and so they'll most likely be grieving together under the pretences that their friends are dead. Speaking of the abyss, fan theory time.

From what we've seen of this abyss that everyone has fallen into, it seems to be a fairly habitable pocket demention. With enough work, a civilization could possibly grow there. Where am I going with this? Well what do we know about Salem? She's a force to be reckoned with who could very potentially kill off the whole world with or without the help of the gods. We also know that she's immortal and cannot be killed. That doesn't however mean she can't be stopped. That's where the pocket demension comes into play. How do you fight off an immortal, blood thirsty, angry ex wife? By taking away everything she has to destroy in her path. You can't cause a mass genocide if there's no one to kill. And so that's where the pocket demension comes into play. What if that's how they stop Salem? By just leaving Remnant behind completely? They could take the staff back, and move all of Remnant's population into this dimension, and start new. In addition to that, they would need to take the staff of creation with them, meaning so much for collecting all four relics to blow up the planet. Now of course, there are some flaws with this theory, mainly in regards to carrying capacity of the area around them, rather or not the area is truly as inhabitable as it appears, and how safe the it actually is to live there. It's just more fodder for thought. What is RT planning with this pocket demension? Why are they so excited about Vol. 9 in regards to this? I'm really interested in how they're going about this, and hopefully the do a good job with it.

Anyways, those are just my thoughts on RWBY so far. Hopefully Vol. 9 does make up for the haphazard ending that was Vol. 8

[shinyzango]

Sword and Shield may be a weak game at the core, but you can’t deny that they have the most character and the dopest music out of all the main games in the series.

yes the main story was admitedly rather weak (lots of missed opportunities imo), and I guess the game at the core wasn’t all that enthusiasmatic, but BOY if these games don’t scream character.

All the characters you encounter through the game feel like real people, gym leaders included who tend to be neglated from this detail. And while it is a little ech that they kept the better stories for paid DLCs, they are still a riot to go through.

And let’s not talk about the music because BOY, every battle theme is a riot to listen.

And returning to the story, now that I think about it... it is kind of bland compared to the previous games, but I actually consider it very good in its own way. It’s simply a more realistic take. Think about it: there’s no real evil team, there’s no real bad guy villain. It’s just a champion who makes his “job” of making pokemon battles engaging and fun for everyone. The bad team is just a group of fans who are just a little too noisy. And while Rose is kind of the villain of the story, he just wanted the best for his region, wanting to deal with an imminent catastrophe but in doing so he got too impatient and did a whoopsie.

While I tend to prefer the more exciting plots the previous games had, I still admire what they tried to go with this one. In a way it’s both more juvanile as well as more adult.

My favorite will always be Gen 2 and its remakes for multiple reasons, and while I really enjoyed Gen 7, I think Gen 8 is a little closer to gen 2 for me if only for the personality it has. It is a bummer that not every pkmn is available, especially my favorite Zangoose, but it’s still great.

I don’t look at a game for the battle mechanics and all the strategy and that stuff. I look at the story, at the personality, at the lore. and Gen8 is great.

Idk I just started listening to the soundtrack and remixes and I’m having a moment dfkjng

[igb220-n10063013-blog]

GDevelop About Page/Post

Hi

My name is Lachlan Taylor and I'm a BGIE (Game Design major) student at QUT. This semester I will be documenting my design process across a range of games, as well as my learnings from each project.

Game Development Interests

Games have always been my main passion in life, quite literally some of my first memories involve playing Halo: Combat Evolved, yet the process of their development has remained a mystery to me despite my avid engagement. I dabbled lightly in the topic by creating custom game modes and maps in subsequent Halo/Call of Duty and found immense enjoyment when my friends or cousins also enjoyed them. Creating shared experiences, I have since learned, was the part I enjoyed the most. Around 2015 I was offered the opportunity to study a Certificate 3 in Interactive Gaming and Programming Specialisation at local Brisbane studio Lightmare Studios. People around me however expressed their concern that I was not committing to my school studies enough, especially since game design was considered an unviable career choice to them, so I tried to give up on the idea. I think from the two or three weeks I was there though I knew the topic was something I was very interested in.

After highschool I tried a few degrees based off my strengths in schooling, confusing the feeling of enjoying success with the feeling of genuinely enjoying the topic regardless of my achievement in it, which never quite clicked with me. During this time I discovered the Youtube genre of game essays - essentially videos dedicated to discussing interesting points in game design/history - and once again that urge to explore the world of game development grew.

After this repeated interest, combined with a global pandemic and a lot of self reflection, I've realised that I have to try game development. If it works as a career and I am able to create games I'm passionate about with people I care about then that's excellent, if it doesn't work out at least I won't regret not trying, and at least I will have learnt some fascinating things about my passion.

Focusses in the Unit (What I aim to do and to learn)

My main interests in game development are focussed on gameplay, level, and narrative design. So this unit will really facilitate an early understanding, exploration of, and reflection of the first two topics so I am understandable quite excited to delve into the process. From my very brief knowledge of GDevelop it seems to be a fairly lightweight engine using code-blocks (i.e. more similar to creating the logic behind games rather than full fledged coding such as in unity), which specialises as a very fast way to develop and iterate upon design concepts. The assessment seems focussed on this very concept but also emphasises on the importance of reflection and mapping out your thoughts on how/why a project may have done well or maybe not so well.

I aim to attempt pieces of design that inspire me to develop them the the highest standard I can, which should improve my conceptualisation skills and the methods I take to transfer them to a tangible product. I will attempt to adhere to the prescribed textbook readings the best I can (something I admitedly ancitipate may be problematic) as the knowledged gained will not only inform my design process, but also supply me with the tools, terminology, and techniques to reflect on my creations in what will hopefully be an enlightening and interesting post-mortem.

Unforunately I know I'm not quite there yet in terms of skill to create piece of game design which evokes more profound experiences from a player (such as emotions more complex than enjoyment/not enjoyment), but hopefully this unit will provide me with the foundations of such skills and fascilitate a journey to mastery in latter courses or personal projects.

[ad-melixra]

Anonymous asked:

👀 + Nemu, what are your complete, unabridged thoughts on a certain lieutenant of winds?  [ Send my muse “👀 + a question” and they’ll have to answer with 100% honesty. / Accepting! ]

“My thoughts on Kōtarō -san?” That was an admittedly difficult question for her, she had so many thoughts on her fellow lieutenant that she found herself at a loss for a moment on where to start; It wasn’t often that people were interested in her thoughts on people, after all. Still after a moment of thought, she found the words coming to her. 

“Well, he is very kind, it confused me a lot at first, he’d always be so sweet to me when, admitedly, most shinigami tend to keep me at an armslength, I think many people find me unnerving or something of the sorts, but he never seemed to.” a slight smile began to curl upon her lips at the thought, “The thing is, he doesn’t just treat me like I’m normal, he treats me like I matter, which is strange to me as well, but it makes me happy, I think?”

“I admire his passion, he truly seems to put his all into everything despite the consequences to show that he cares. He has this joy and excitement about him that is contagious, whenever he talks about the things he loves I can’t help but want to know more, it incites this curiosity within me that is usually reserved for my work, but I enjoy it. He always humours my questions, let’s me understand what he’s saying and, really, he has opened my eyes to a whole new set of possibilities.”

“I... I want to protect him too. He is very strong and capable, but I find myself dreading a day where he may end up hurt or worse; I had thought that it was because he has become an invaluable source of information, always sharing with me his thoughts that have taught me a lot about not just him but myself, but I suppose I think that changed rather quickly, I find myself afraid of him getting harmed because, well, I care about him.”

“Even now, as I say all of this, I find myself so confused. I know my purpose here has nothing to do with him, or this strange fluttering feeling I get when he is around and yet, I find myself with the desire to devote more time into our relationship, to learn everything there is to him - which would make sense, my thirst for knowledge is explainable, I am a scientist - and yet, I wish to invest my time in him not only for that, I just find myself feeling... safe around him too. Which is confusing again, because I am admitedly much stronger than he is at the moment. Yet, I suppose his very essence is confounding to me and everything I have been taught.”

“Truly there is no way to share my ‘complete’ thoughts on that man, for I do not even know them myself?” Her brow furrows slightly and yet, the small smile stays upon her lips. “All I know is that I am a different person for having known him, and the person I am makes me much happier now than it did before and so I will try my best to make him happy in return, whether through gifting him some of my work or through continuing to talk to him often. His smile is rather nice too, and I can tell his happiness makes others happy as well so I think he deserves it more than anyone.”

[cinemaocd]

Atlas Fucked

Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac Vol. 1 & 2

Like the movie Intimacy (2000), Nymphomaniac Vol. 1 & 2 is a movie that I wanted to watch because it has one of my favorite actors in it, but put it off because I was intimidated by the subject matter and the mixed reviews. After Mark Rylance made Intimacy, he said that he regretted ever being involved with it, because of what the process of filming did to his co-star Kerry Fox. She was in a long term relationship which ended because her boyfriend couldn’t deal with seeing his girlfriend having sex with another man. Over and over again. And not just simulated sex, but very graphic and clearly not faked sex. As a film, as a piece of art it is excellent, but he questioned whether it was worth hurting an actress to make it. 

I bring this up because I have to wonder what the process of making Nymphomaniac did to it’s female stars Charlotte Gainsbourg and particularly young Stacy Martin (who was 23 playing 15-20 year old Joe, the Nymphomaniac of the title). 

Stellan Skarsgard has described his involvement with the film as “Lars phoned me up and said he was making a porno, but that I wouldn’t get to fuck..I told him I would do it.” 

While Stellan’s performance is unquestionably brave, honest and excellent--one of the most impressive of his career, he is 60 year old man with a long and trusting association with the director. And while he makes himself completely vulnerable in this film, he is still in a position of relative safety that neither of the women enjoy. 

The film tells the story of Joe, who Seligman (Skarsgard) finds bleeding in an alley near his home. He takes her home, makes her tea, puts her in his pajamas and then listens patiently as she tells him the story of her life as a nymphomaniac. So far, this very well could be the set up for a porno (with perhaps a lot less care spent filming the alley, and not opening up with a loving three minute sound montage of trickling water over black screen.) But the basic premise: man brings home total stranger who tells him a variety of graphic stories about her sex life is more or less the premise of such classic works of pornography as Fanny Hill of Penthouse Letters. Seligman’s reaction to these stories is different than would be expected in porn though, as he seems completely unbothered by the sex and is continually sympathetic and counseling about her guilt. He peppers his reactions with a lot of pretentious literary metaphors about fly fishing, Fibonacci numbers and music theory. In one of the best scenes in the film, Joe confronts him and accuses him of not really listening to her because he’s not moved to sexual excitement by her stories. Seligman tells her that he is asexual and a virgin. From then on their friendship grows and is one of the most satisfying parts of the movie, though it is sadly under-cut by the final scene.

Joe dwells on episodes which have made her feel the most guilty. Many of these are harrowing in their detail: her bald seduction of an unwilling married man when she’s 17, the married man she unwittingly convinces to leave his wife and children whose chillingly angry wife (Uma Thurman) turns up at her home, her abandonment of her child and husband in order to pursue her sexual demons, her descent into a life of crime and her project to groom a 15 year old girl into becoming her lover and successor in her criminal enterprises. All of this eventually comes to blow back on her in a hard way, and is how she winds up bleeding in alley. Seligman softly counsels her that she has done nothing that a man wouldn’t do, and that the society which demands her reformation has isolated her and made her lonely. This whole trajectory seems uplifting, except that in her honesty Joe tells us a lot of deeply troubling things which DON’T cause her guilt: she defends a pedophile as being admirable because he hasn’t acted on his urges and compares him to herself, because his sexuality has ostracized him from society, she uses racist language and happily fetishizes black men, all the while mocking Seligman’s liberal explanations that racism is bad for society as being “hypocrtical.” While liberalism can certainly bear criticism, having it come from a far right stance, has the effect of making the film seem to defend pedophilia and racism. Joe is so independent that she would be right at home in Ayn Rand novel, her anti-social behavior is forgiven and glorified to the extent that it almost seems like the world view of the filmmaker.

Last year I said we need to stop praising films made by rapists and brought up Chinatown as an example of a film that slyly espouses the point of view of a rapist, making it seem like his crimes-admitedly monstrous-are too engrained in the social order to be effectively punished by society. And I think we need to add to that, a request that we stop getting films that put women in physical or emotional distress, in the name of art or a great part. I don’t blame Gainsbourg or Martin for participating in this film. It is a terrific role in many ways. But I have a hard time believing that it wasn’t hugely difficult and physically demanding (the sheer number and variety of sex scenes, nude scenes, very graphic scenes of bondage and sadism among them) and I wonder if looking back on it, they regret their involvement.