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nuraynadiba · 8 years ago

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That Turning Point

Hello Assalamualaikum. One more paper to the end of PASUM. Well to be exact I have 4 more days as KUAZians (don't ask me why). Today's paper is GENETICS AND DNA TECHNOLOGY - FQAH0114. Honestly I've studied this subject dari awaaaaaaaaal, wayyyyyy before study week but still can't consume all those facts, pedigree bla bla bla bla bla (even our Bonda Dr Shida did say that this subject is a tough one). I've almost gave up last night. After what seems like a veryyyyyy long hour (even I have only studied that subject for an hour), I pulled out my earphones and started scrolling YouTube videos while mumbling "I GIVE UP GIVE UP GIVE UP LANTAK LA BIO 4 NI" but when I press my Home button, the wallpaper came to my view. The smiling face of arwah Abah (a forceful smile of course cause I forced him to do so) and Mak. Macam satu tamparan hebat la bila nampak that photo honestly. Two years ago, that turning point of my life, masa tu tngah Trial Negeri (I think). Mak didn't tell me about Abah cause "Adik tengah exam and Mak can handle this" and so I believed her. I went back on the last days of Ramadhan, straight to the hospital. There he is, trying so hard to look so okay when I know he is not (obviously). Mak gave him my Trial results (well tak straight As pun, sangkut subject Bio B+ Addmath A- yang lain I don't really remember). He just kept quiet and I really thought that I've disappointed him. The next thing I know, the WHOLE ward even the nurses knew my results. One of the nicest nurses there said "Abah Aina yang bagitahu, siap tunjuk result lagi. Bangga betul dia. Untung dapat anak macam Aina ni." and there I was, STUNNED. That very last moment he talked to me, he said "Anak Abah ni pandai sbenarnya. Addmath tu mesti careless mistakes, dari kecik Adik macamtu. Apa sangat Bio tu, tapi kalau nak straight As kena la belajar betul-ii. Abah tahu Adik tak suka Bio tapi belajar kena ikhlas. Adik belajar rajin-ii tau. Abah tahu Adik boleh, Abah support Adik." And that's it. Itu je cukup da nak buat semangat datang balik (walaupun gigih tahan air mata) cause I know if he is still here, he will definitely say "Abah tahu Adik boleh." It hit me hard, very hard seriously cause if only he knows that I almost gave up minutes ago then I might have really disappointed him. So then I struggled through the study of FQAH0114 and the paper. Well now (so done with the paper) I can always say "Thank You Abah for EVERYTHING. I know you ARE here, you're ALWAYS here and you WILL ALWAYS be here. AL-FATIHAH."

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maisa-ahmdj · 8 years ago

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힘내?

Oh.

It’s already April.

It has been awhile.

Nothing great happened this recently.Just me living up my everyday by doing the same routine everyday.I have to keep breathing and breathing to make sure that I’m still going to be alive.I hate living,honestly if someone asked me.But it doesn’t mean that I want to die either.I don’t want to die.The idea of dying scares me.What’s going to happen next when I died?As much as i hate living,i am totally not ready to die.I’ve seen and heard young people died.I’ve seen young people getting various disease as if they’ve live long enough.Just by imagining me living with the kidney failure-need to get dialysis every week or just by imagining myself getting cancer because of my life diet,it terrifies me a lot.Maybe,that is going to explain ‘why’ if you see me drinking water at every 10 minutes HAHA kidding.Therefore,I have to always remind myself to never ask more but be thankful and grateful for having a healthy body.

um AHA if i can’t die,it does mean that i have to keep living la,right?God..Help..Life is sucks.Nothing comes easy for me since I was a kid.Well I’m sure I’m not alone.Everyone has been with their own struggle too.But as day by day comes,I began to start panic for everything.I literally have no clue about my future.I really really want to get into a nice university and then have a good career and gain money so i can buy cute outfit,cute stationary,bouquet of babybreath every weekends,hang out around aesthethic places and eat nice foods wihtout worrying how much it costs and heck i want to go travel around the world until i have no time to go back to my own country???aren’t those things were just so freaking nice?I want to be free,ofcourse.I don’t want to keep stuck doing endless work everyday that it’s going to feel like are you living to work or work to live?

Yet,my exam result is NAAAAAAh.I don’t know,dude.I mean,everything is not fine as if they’re really fine but it was totally fine like ok i got it i know what i have to do to improve.I’m okay because I am satisfied anough i do a few of preparations before the exam. But sadly it’s not fine when it goes to physics and never going to be fine for addmath.I don’t understand physics,peers.Look,it’s nice that physics explain every theory on what’s happening around us but ???????????????? everytime my teacher was teaching in the physics class,i only find myself nodding at whatever i-dont-know-what-she’s-talkinhg-about-someone-hELP and sometimes i almost doze to sleep zzz.While in addmath class,oh how i wish i had any superpower to do that stupid nonsense problem solving question or it’s going to be lots helping if i can just vanish into the thin air whenever it’s addmath period smh.NAAAAAooooowwwhkay whatever lets move on.

hey,i was wondering if any chemistry teacher in this world has issues with me?like seriously last week we’ve got changed into our new chemist class and i really hope someone is going to give a detail explanation to me on why i am the only one who got SEPERATE with my friends and WHY am i the only one who got into group 1 class among my friends.Does the universe hates me that much?The universe really really loves to make me hate learning chemistry.I was just planning to start a new chapter and learn chemistry in the peace without any pressure and tension.The class was fine to be honest.I have a good friends there too and the teacher who is teaching was kind too.I don’t want to boost up but really in fact,if someone sends me to somewhere odd,I’m pretty sure i could survive after all.It’s just that there’s somebody in the class that i want to avoid.Somebody that i am not comfortable to be around with.Somebody that used to talk a lot with me but now we’ve stop talking. yeah,we don’t talk anymore like we used to do. SIGh.Life really don’t go well as we planned,right?

If today we’re at our highest,don’t forget that any time soon tomorrow there’ll be time we’re going to fall and be at our lowest.If today we wonder when it’s going to be our time,here i’m telling you-soon,baby,it’s coming ahead you just don’t see it.Everything is about the timing.We’re going to be success if we work hard.But the result may not be as fast as you wanted.There’s a timing.Maybe you can’t get what you wanted today,because who knows if you get something better in the upcoming 10 years soon.In order to be a success man,you have to know what it feels like to fall and fail for many times.When the moment comes for you to become who you should be,then only you would know that it’s going to be alright after this because you’ve faced the taste of failure so many times.Nothing is going to scare you anymore.Step harder,little moon.Then only you could shines the night better.

xoxo,A.

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