#additionally it is factually true that hot pokers should not go in the fundament | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

une-sanz-pluis · 1 month ago

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the accounts of Humphrey Duke of Gloucester's deaths are like:

"we don't know how he died. Some said he just got really sad and just died, just like how Henry IV and Edward IV said Richard II and Henry VI got really sad and just died. Some said that he was smothered between two featherbeds, just how Edward II and Thomas of Woodstock were probably murdered. Others still said it involved a hot spit going into a place no hot spit should go just like the very famous and very untrue account of Edward II's death."

And when you finally stumble on a new one it's like

"Yeah, they drowned him in wine. Just like how George Duke of Clarence is said to have been killed."

#i lie there's another one where he gets drowned in water #(iirc the logic for that one is that he was killed on william de la pole duke of suffolk's orders and pole = pool = water = drowning)#i need to go through my sources and find if there is actually an account that has the stroke/heart attack option #i mean in fairness the drowned in wine story predates george duke of clarence's death so maybe humpers was the original #blog #humphrey duke of gloucester #the death of humphrey duke of gloucester #for legal reasons i am joking about humphrey's death not edward ii's #additionally it is factually true that hot pokers should not go in the fundament #sometimes people don't want to write a graphic description of a hot poker death that never actually happened #and find a euphemism that uses black humour instead #and if you're sitting there going 'this sound weird what is this about'#a prominent edward ii historian attacked a twitter user for making the exact same joke i made #(and kept attacking them after they outed themselves as a queer survivor of SA and homophobic violence)#and tends to graphically describe his death by poker to 'prove' how unfunny and untrue (?) the story is...

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