#adding rachel to this because i forgot her name before and got her mixed up with sarah

[mikurulucky]

Would they say fuck?: Smurfs edition!

Well, I guess for smurfs, their equivalent would just be smurf. So I guess, which smurf would say smurf? XD

Well, except the humans, they can say fuck at least lol.

Regularly says fuck: Grouchy, Gutsy, Sarah the Sorceress, Old Rachel, Scruple, Peewit

Has sworn off saying fuck, but has said it at some point: Papa Smurf, Handy, the smurflings, Homnibus, Princess Savina

Has not said fuck before, but can if so desired: Smurfette, Brainy, Lazy, Gargamel, Johan, the king

Has not said fuck before, and refuses to say it: Greedy, Hefty, Harmony, King Gerard, Oliver (Homnibus' assistant), Dame Barbera

Legally cannot say fuck: Clumsy, Jokey

[caps-lockdown]

Poll Winner...Hotel Horrors!

Hotel Horrors

Hey everyone so so sorry that this took forever and a day to get out. The short version is I quit my new job because it was leading me down a dark path of anxiety and depression so I’ve been struggling with all of that nonsense and quite frankly lost the motivation to write anything at all. I want everyone to know that your mental health matters and no job (no matter the money or benefits) is worth putting that at risk.

Anyway, here’s the winner of my 200 follower poll! I do plan on writing the other choices eventually, but again I’ve been struggling HARD with writer’s block.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Words: 5,586

Warnings: Mentions of booze, a few swear words. A crude joke. Pretty much all fluff with some panicked!Steve and switching of names.

Summary: Steve Rogers lost something extremely important at your hotel during an undercover mission. What will you do when you find out your celebrity crush was staying under your roof?!

It’s in Y/N Y/L/N format, and I own no characters save for the reader and her coworkers/family. No beta, so mistakes are mine, ALL MINE I tell you!

ENJOY!

“Y/N my happy little orange blossom!”

You looked up from your mug, hot tea sloshing in your mouth until you could force it down. It was eight-thirty am on a brisk Monday in New York City, the hustle and bustle of morning traffic mixed with the grogginess of another too short weekend over. The hotel lobby had been quiet a whole half hour before your uncle had made his presence known. The Wilson hotel, named after your grandfather’s first dog had been in your family for just shy of sixty years, your father and uncle taking over when your grandfather decided to retire five years ago. It was a quaint but lovely little building, boasting just fifty six rooms and four luxury suites. Your grandfather had bought the building on a splurge, wanting to create his own income and become his own boss, much to the encouragement of your grandmother. It was an instant success, the small homely atmosphere mixed with the most affordable prices in the city kept you busy as a receptionist.

Things had slowed down just a touch now that the new year was here and the holidays were gone, people not traveling as much to make up for the money they had spent on presents for whatever they were celebrating. You were usually never caught dead at work on Mondays, never one to really enjoy the swarms of grumpy travelers in the early hours. Sundays and Mondays, until this week unfortunately, were your prized days off. That all changed the minute Mandy the other receptionist who usually worked days where you worked nights decided to bring her third hell spawn into the world a week early. A New Year’s baby. How lovely. Now because of the aptly named “Kia”, you were forced to pull double duty until her replacement started next week. So much for your Christmas wish of working less. You took it in stride though, after all Mandy was your soon to be cousin, your cousin Brent popping the question Christmas morning surrounded by all of your family. The very same family who was quick to point out that you were now the last of six children to be engaged. Or the last of six to have children. Or the last of six to be in a remotely serious relationship. And no, your crush on Captain America most certainly did not count. The only one who hadn’t spoken a word against you was Uncle Todd. He had always been your favorite, and you his. He never married, nor had kids of his own, so he was always quick to jump down your family’s throats. After all, he owned sixty percent of the Wilson and he turned out just fine thank you very much.

His only downfall was that he was simply too happy in the mornings.

His deep chuckle brought you back to the present, an annoyed expression passing over you as he lovingly patted you on the top of your head. He’d been doing it since you were a child. You had hated it since you were a child too. “Oh come now Y/N, surely you aren’t that hung over from the New Year’s celebration? It was a week ago after all. Put some spring in your step!”

“First of all, it’s too early for you. Now I know why I don’t work mornings.” You muttered the last bit into your oversized mug before draining the rest of your English breakfast tea. “Secondly,” you cleared your throat, picking up your electric kettle that sat at your desk and started on brewing your second cup, “You know damn well I don’t get hangovers Uncle. Fortunately I have your alcohol tolerance instead of my hopeless father’s.” The tea bag fell into your now full mug with an uninterested plop. “And thirdly, I’m only here because Mandy is out and Rachel doesn’t start for another week. Last I checked you don’t pay me enough to care about “peppiness” this early on a Monday.”

The shaking of his head normally would have you fearing for a spiel about being more carefree and positive, but the grin he was sporting brought a small one to your features. “We’ll make a morning person out of you yet Y/N. Carson here yet?”

“Nope, I’d wager dad’s stuck in traffic,” you pulled a face before adding “Again”.

“I swear that man will be late to his own funeral. I expect we’ll get a phone call any moment now, be sure to rip him a new one for me eh? Oh my new year’s resolution is to leave the house earlier so I can be on time my left foot.” You giggled, stirring honey into your beverage as he continued to rant and rave all the way to his office, the loud creak of his large chair announcing his defeat on the subject of your father’s constantly late arrivals.

As if on cue the main lobby’s terribly outdated phone rang loudly, a surprised yelp leaving your lips as you set the cup down and picked up the receiver.

“Good morning and thank you for calling the Wilson,” Your customer service voice was a common shock to your family and friends, the usual snark and sarcasm replaced with a sweet and patient tone. You quickly added, “Dad if this is you calling to say you’re running late, it’s been like this for five years. You don’t need to give us a heads up. We know you’ll show up, but you should know uncle Todd prefers it be before the next turn of the century.”

“Well Mandy your uncle seems like a reasonable man although I can assure you I’m extremely punctual.” The voice was certainly not your father’s, and for second you were extremely embarrassed and looking for quick way to end it. It wasn’t normal to get phone calls this early. But before you could do anything rash the person on the other line let out a short laugh. “I needed that laugh today, thank you. It’s been a stressful morning.”

“I’m sorry about that! I’m afraid Mandy is out, my name is Y/N.”Your face burned with the intensity of the sun as you quickly moved on, “How can I help you today mister….”

“Rogers. I’m sorry I assumed you were Mandy.”

“It’s alright mister Rogers.”

“Great.” He continued, taking a breath “Mandy alright?”

“Yep the baby just came early and she went into labor during our charity event last week.”

“How beautiful. I recall her saying something about contractions now that you mention it. Listen Y/N I was wondering if you could help me out on something urgent?”

“Sure mister Rogers, anything for my favorite neighbor.” You blurted out and then inwardly cringed at your own terrible joke, but again it was met by the stranger’s rough laughter. It almost sounded familiar. Like maybe you had heard it in person. Or on the television.

“Cute. I’m sure he…I mean I’ve never heard that one before.” The man recovered and you raised an eyebrow although he couldn’t see it. “So the long story short is that a friend and I checked in last week for your New Year’s charity Gala. It was stunning, had a wonderful time.”

“We had Pepper Potts as a consultant for the event, she’s incredible with event planning. Tony Stark donated some of the art work we auctioned off that night if you recall. Many were saddened to hear he wasn’t able to attend, but miss Potts looked lovely and did a great job.”

“That she did, and I’m sure he was there…in spirit I suppose.” The man got out hastily before recomposing himself. “Anyway I’m afraid my colleague and I were so partied out when we checked out the next day I realized I forgot a very important flash drive somewhere in my suite.”

“Not a problem mister Rogers, our suites are extremely private and we haven’t had any guests in them since last week so I have no problem calling housekeeping and seeing if they found anything. Just a thumb drive you said?”

“Yes a small black thumb drive. I’m super boring and predictable. And please, call me Tony.”

“Alright mister-“You stopped yourself, “Tony. What suite were you in? And we can check your friend’s suite too if you want to give me his name.”

“Oh of course suite number two. He was staying under the name Steve Stark.”

You held in a laugh. It was normal for high-caliber people and celebrities to check in under false names, sometimes even using the names of other celebrities. Kim Kardashian-West checked in as Princess Jasmine once somewhere.

“And you’re Tony Rogers. Funny, I’m sure Mandy didn’t catch that one. She isn’t the brightest crayon in the box I’m afraid.”

“I can agree with you there. “ The man laughed again, and you realized you were finding yourself in a good mood talking to this man. Why was that?

“Well I’ll do some digging and see what I can find. Is this a good number to reach you at Tony?”

“Yes this number is the right one to snag me at.”

“Perfect, I’ll get housekeeping on it right away as no one has been in there since your stay. I’ll call you in a couple days with our results. Hopefully we find it for you. Have a great day!”

“You too Y/N, talk to you soon.”

You hung up the phone and promptly dropped your head on the desk. Where did you know that  voice from?

~~Earlier at the Tower~~

“For the last time Steve I haven’t seen your thumb drive!” Sam waved Steve away from blocking the game on the television in the common area. “Now you make a better mountain sized door instead of a window.” Steve huffed angrily out of the room.

“Haven’t seen it Cap, might I suggest checking your shoes?” Tony got out in between bites of his cereal, Bucky laughing with him at the Captain’s deadpanned expression. “What? Worth a shot.”

He stomped out of that room too.

Even Nat had jumped on the skeptical side, narrowing her eyes as he dug through his luggage again for the seventh time in the past two days, “Are you sure you didn’t pack it?”

This was it. This was how Steve Rogers was going to lose his mind. The sleep deprived and stress-ridden super solider pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to take deep breaths. It proved fruitless and he smashed his phone into the wall a day later at the suggestion from Tony to just call the Wilson. The same hotel Tony and him had stayed at the previous week for an undercover mission.

The team had accepted the circumstances, Strange and Nat running communications while Tony and Steve underwent massive amounts of makeup to change their appearance. Tony of course went the craziest. Bald cap, clean shaved face and a suit that made him look even more buff than he already was. Nat kept calling him “Daddy Warbucks”. Steve however had kept it simple. Changed his hair color, grew his beard out a little longer, contacts, and wore a slightly ill fitting suit.

Truth be told he didn’t understand why they needed to be there at first. “Catching art thieves” wasn’t something that usually required action from The Avengers. NYPD were more than capable most of the time, so it came as a shock when one of the owners of the Wilson reached out to them via email. The message didn’t say too much, other than a time, date, and small description of the group of men needing apprehended. Todd and his partner didn’t want these men getting to the very expensive masterpieces they were auctioning off for charity, and just wanted some extra security. Apparently the thieves had been snatching works of art for nearly a decade and hadn’t been caught. Tony loved a challenge and accepted. Todd suggested setting a trap and sending a couple of them undercover so as to not draw unwanted attention. As an added bonus Tony donated some of the art to be auctioned off at the Gala held in his hotel on New Year’s Eve. He even offered to put them up in two of their nicer suites for no charge.  

Tony was in the minute he mentioned undercover. He even took to making some secret compartments in their attire, you know just in case.

“You too Y/N, talk to you soon.”

Speaking of the billionaire, he was now putting his phone back in his pocket, a smug expression on his face.

“Y/N the receptionist said she’d look into it and call back in a couple days. Now will you calm down?”

“I can’t calm down Tony, that thumb drive had all the evidence to put the art thieves away.”

“Wet Bandits” Tony corrected, Steve rolling his eyes. “The trial isn’t for another week and worrying is only going to force you into an earlier grave. So cool it.”

The blonde man ran a hand through his hair. He truly hated it when his friend was right. Though he’d never tell him of course, his ego was big enough as is. He let out a sigh, “Fine.”

“Great. Now make a list of places you were in the hotel during the Gala, we can go retrace your steps if they don’t find anything. I think your ancient brain is finally catching up to you Cap.”

Steve slammed the door to his room with that remark, seething with embarrassment and anger. It’s not like he had meant to lose it. He’d never lost intel like this before. Actually now that he thought about it he couldn’t think of a time he had ever lost something this important. Falling into his desk chair with an ungraceful thud, he began writing the places he had been during New Year’s Eve.

~~Flashback, Night of the Gala~~

“We’ll get right back to the Auction after the ball drops!” A jolly looking man, who the team learned to be Todd interrupted the evening, encouraging everyone to mingle and enjoy themselves. Tony didn’t need to be told a second time, making his way to the open bar while Strange noted his obvious distaste in their ear pieces.

People nearly trampled Steve as he got up from his seat, emptying out of the large conference room and into the beautifully decorated grand ballroom just outside. He couldn’t say he blamed anyone, being squished like sardines for the last two hours was starting to even get on his nerves. And he lived in a compound of superheroes with no real sense of boundaries. He was enjoying his solitude, no one recognizing him for the first time in years. It felt liberating, only having a select few know his true identity. He almost didn’t miss it.

He felt a slight shove into his shoulder, turning his body to glance down at the elegant figure draped in simple green velvet, your wide eyes burning into his in embarrassment.

“I’m…I’m such a klutz my apologies!” You stuttered out, giving him the smallest hint of a shy smile.

“No harm no foul. Tony.” He stuck out a hand, giving himself points for not messing up his alias.

You placed your small hand in his and immediately Steve was struck by how soft your hand felt.  But before you could give your name your heads swiveled at the shouting coming from the far side of the room. He noted how your eyes shown slight disappointment as you broke from the greeting.

“Forgive me. My relatives and booze never makes for a good outcome.” With a defeated sigh you turned on your heel, clicking away towards Todd, muttering to yourself. “Way to go Y/L/N, always running into gorgeous people and then running away.”

Ok, he missed it a little. You were the sort of someone he would have liked to ask to dance. If under different circumstances of course. Maybe. But silver lining, at least he had been able to catch your last name. He watched you run off with a dreamy look on his face.  

“Heads up lover boy, we got company.” Nat jolted Steve from his thoughts, four men entering the large room and nonchalantly casing the place. How these men had gotten away with stealing art for close to a decade was beyond him. Hiding within plain sight he moved to a vantage point high up on a stairwell.

“Tony you got them?”

“You mean Steve. I’m Steve, you’re Tony. Geesh that dime wasn’t in your orbit for more than two minutes and you’re this scrambled?” Tony teased, Steve groaning into his ear piece and earning a smirk in response. “Yea I got them, shall I go ahead and set the plan in motion?” He caught Steve’s nod and reaffirmed it with his own, making his way towards the group. “Then the game is afoot!”

Steve made a mental note to ask Thor for some meade after all of this was over.

The rest of the night went easy enough. The “Wet Bandits” fell for the trap, they were caught red handed and arrested on the spot. Steve managed to swipe a USB drive from the ring leader of the group before the police carted off the criminals, the crowd clapping and cheering for them. They looked like normal, non-super people, just doing the right thing at the right time. It gave the team a sense of pride, knowing even without their suits or names they still got the job done.

“Where should I put this?” He fiddled with the small storage device. Nat had mentioned it would most likely have very incriminating evidence on it. She also put extra emphasis on keeping it safe.

“I don’t know, somewhere close to your soul?”

“That makes no sense Tony.”Steve muttered from the punch bowl, watching his partner walk towards him, empty glass in tow. Typical.

Tony joined him while everyone began to count down the minutes til the new year, gloating about how he couldn’t wait to kiss Pepper.

“That’s rich considering you look like mister clean right now. Think of the headlines.” Strange muttered into the comms and Tony laughed, forgetting temporarily what he looked like in his present state. “Hey there’s that girl you were making eyes at Rogers.”

The contacts he wore were starting to itch from dryness, and Steve found himself exceptionally happy that the night would soon be ending. He couldn’t help but gravitate toward you, your smile and light laughter ringing over the small group of people around you.

“Hello again.” Steve tried to think of what Tony would do in this situation, and then decided the cocky approach probably wouldn’t go over well. Your eyes twinkled in the glow of the gentle lighting, the room dimming as it got closer to a new year.

“Hi again.” Sixty seconds to go.

“I didn’t get to tell you earlier but you look stunning.” You were happy your blush was hidden in the near darkness of the room. The people were getting louder in their chanting of the time, Steve swallowing hard as your smile grew wider with the passing second. As so did his confidence.

“Thank you, that suit is an…interesting color.” Steve remembered his current attire and internally grimaced. What a claude you must think him, showing up in an ill fitting suit, beard barely groomed, his slightly red eyes. Of course he gets the gumption to make small talk and introduce himself and what happens? He looks like a homeless vacuum salesman.

“Ten…Nine…Eight…” He watched as you looked around the room, loudly calling out the numbers, unaware of how smitten he must have been looking at you. You seemed so genuine in your happiness, your smile beaming and lighting up the whole room.

“Five….Four..” He had no idea what was making him inch closer to you, but he couldn’t stop himself. It was like he needed to be near that sort of energy. He hadn’t met anyone that put him so much at ease so quickly before. Why was that?

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!” The crowd erupted in cheers and shouts, guests pulling on party popper strings and Todd and Carson popping bottles of champagne open with sabers. He laughed at you while you shook your head at your obvious relatives. Of course it had to be sabers. Perhaps it was the atmosphere. Maybe it was the loud music. He blamed a large portion of it on the alcohol, although it did nothing for him. Whatever it was spread throughout his entire nervous system and pushed him to place a small kiss on your blush tapped cheek.

“Happy New Year.” He managed to get out, taken aback by his own actions. You didn’t seem to mind, only beamed a smile that seemingly blinded him. Which wasn’t difficult to accomplish thanks to the stupid contacts.

“Yappy Hew Near.” Your alarmed expression at your jumbled words caused Steve to let out a deep laugh, you joining in shortly after. The night concluded with the art being bought back by Tony, not truly wanting to see them go in the first place. He could already hear the argument he and Pepper would be having later. If the look she gave him was any indication, he fully expected Stark to be in sofa city for the better part of the new year. He headed back to his suite with a bounce in his step, happy with the overall outcome.

Steve’s happiness was gone the minute they got back to the Tower and he noticed the flash drive was nowhere in sight.

~~Present~~

Which lead him to this moment of staring at Sam while he went over his paper. There weren’t that many places on it which made for a short list. The lobby, ballroom, conference room, and of course his suite were the only places he went after swiping the drive. Sam took note of all of the sighs leaving the tall man’s lips as he perused the list, growing slightly annoyed.

“Steve, man you gotta get laid. Or go fishing. Somethin’. Anything that will make you less mopey.” His friend grinned, it sinking into a frown when Steve gave him murderous side eye.

“Sam I appreciate you inserting yourself into my personal life again but I still haven’t found that drive. It means everything to the trial and without it –“

”The Wet Bandits won’t be convicted and you will have failed this city…yadda yadda…” Bucky finished, putting his hands on his hips as he stood alongside Sam. “Seriously pal, we know. But worrying about it ain’t gonna make it appear out of thin air. Stop making it worse.”

“Easy for you to say Buck,” Steve scoffed. “You weren’t the one that lost it.”

“Well Cap, I guarantee it will be in the last place you left it!” Tony said, smiling cheerfully at him while he snatched the list from Sam, nodding once he had finished going over it. “We’ll find it, stop getting your old man undies in a bunch and go do something productive.”

Steve went running for three hours, the entire time thinking of ways to get away with murder.

~~~Meanwhile at the Wilson~~~

“I’m telling you Uncle I have torn these rooms apart and I haven’t found anything!!!”

You were laying on the floor of the suite Tony Rogers, or whatever his real name was had stayed in the week prior, your uncle staring down at you from the doorway that lead out into the hall.

“I can see that.” You uncle stated matter of fact, astonished at the sight. “Orange blossom it’s been two days and you haven’t found anything, I think you should give the nice man a call.”

“Ughmnpf” Was your response, your voice muffled from your face in the carpet. Housecleaning hadn’t found anything when they had cleaned both rooms, and you had spent the better part of forty eight hours digging through everything. Todd had rounded up a crew to search the rooms the Gala had been at just in case, and had turned up nothing. Well they did find your uncle’s most prized bottle opener that was shaped like a large great white shark he had gotten from the Caribbean three years ago, but that wasn’t doing anyone any favors. “He’s gonna be so upset Todd. I don’t know if I can to talk to him again.” You complained weakly, rolling onto your back to stare at the ceiling.

“Nonsense, if I remember him well enough I know he’d be very impressed with how you managed to tear these rooms apart looking for something he lost in the first place. Give yourself more credit.”

You dragged yourself off the plush floor and made your way to the phone located in the room, taking out a small slip of paper out from the pocket of your dark gray slacks and punching it into the phone. It rang four times before you were sent to voicemail.

“Hey you’ve reached the personal voicemail of Tony Stark, obviously I’m too wrapped up right now to take your call, so leave a message and I’ll call back when I feel like it.”

You stared into the phone in shock, the loud tone making you jump and sputter into the receiver.

“Ssss…sorry to call this number, I was told I could reach Tony Rogers here. This is Y/N from the Wilson, if you’re free to stop by at three this afternoon I’d greatly appreciate it. Thh..thank you.” You hung up the phone. Now you were certain you had been played. What was this mystery man playing at? First he gives you an obviously fake name and then gives you the phone number of THE Tony Stark?

“What’s wrong Y/N? You look like you just discovered spit in your cheerios. Which might I add hasn’t happened in years.”

“Um, who stayed in this suite Uncle? Tell me the truth.” You narrowed your eyes, attempting to look menacing in your bright mustard sweater and messy bun.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but it sounds like you’ll meet him soon enough. Which lucky for me, I’ll be here to record it.” Your face paled as your heart started to race.

Who the hell was coming to the hotel?!

~~~Three p.m~~~

“I don’t know about this Tony,” Steve muttered into his new phone, trudging up the slightly slick steps of the hotel. It was snowing, wet globs falling from the sky and sticking to the warm pavement creating a walking hazard for most people. He wasn’t most people though. “You called her. You should be here.”

“And you lost the drive, so you have retrieve it. Now get that stick out of your ass and maybe after ask her out afterwards. ” Steve rolled his eyes, the sass evident in the brunette’s tone. Everyone had gotten fed up with him over the last few days, although he was certain that was a massive understatement. “Let me know how it goes, I’ve got a meeting so I’ll talk to you afterwards.” Steve ended the call with a firm click, taking extra care at putting his phone into his pocket upon entering the lobby. Would hate to have to purchase a second phone within a week.

He was delighted to see you behind the counter, recognizing you from the gala. Granted your eyes were as big as dinner plates and you were choking on whatever was in your mug but you still managed to look lovely. He had it bad and he didn’t have the faintest idea why or how. But he did know that your smile had plagued his nights and swept through his days the entire time he had been looking for this drive. He would definitely be asking you out today.

“Hello I’m looking for Y/N?” Steve said politely, knowing good and well he was staring at her. He noticed Todd off to the side, clearly recording the whole ordeal on his phone. He had mentioned at the Gala that Y/N had harbored an intense school girl crush on the captain most of her life, and had been slightly looking forward to meeting him. Granted this was technically the third time they had met, but she didn’t know that yet.

“She’s right here!” Todd said brightly, your brain attempting to pick itself off the floor and reinsert itself back into your skull. You shook your head out of your shock and smiled, trying hard to calm your nerves. You could probably beat a hummingbird with how fast your heart was racing.

“He’s right I’m Y/N. You must be mister Rogers.” You mentally smacked yourself. Of course he was. His small grin at your expense made the humiliation twenty times worse.

“That I am. Any luck finding my drive?” He was trying to be direct. Right. He had no business here otherwise. You lowered your head, both out of disappointment and guilt.

“I’m afraid not. I personally searched both suites myself for hours and couldn’t find a single black flash drive. I’m so sorry but I was hoping maybe if you revisited the room that it would jog your memory?”

“Good luck with that,” Todd chimed in, your gaze ripping from Steve’s blue eyes to look at your uncle sharply, “It looks like a bomb went off up there.”

“I think it’s a decent idea, sure.” Steve admonished, finding himself at wits end over the matter.

You nodded and lead the way to the elevators, your uncle electing to stay behind much to your behest. Perhaps you would have a heart attack on the way up and that would be the end of it. No, that was being too optimistic. You took the space closest to the far wall, keeping your distance and blush ridden skin as far away from the super solider as possible.

“Ya know this isn’t the first time we’ve met.” Steve said simply, giving you a heartbreaking smile. “You quite literally bumped into me during the gala. And I was with you during the countdown later on that night.”

“I surely would have remembered running into you mister Rogers.” You retorted back just as simply, attempting to study the buttons on the elevator in great detail.

“Not if I was undercover. I had a long beard, terribly fitting suit. Black hair. I’m afraid the contacts made my eyes a little red from the dryness. You were looking absolutely breathtaking, wearing a beautiful green velvet dress. I’ll admit I was pulled to you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. What were your exact words at midnight?” Your breath caught in your throat when you met his eyes, the recognition hitting you like a freight truck.

“Yappy Hew Near.” You both said it in union, your face going from tinted pink to full on tomato red when you realized Captain America had kissed you on the cheek that night.

“I am SUCH an idiot I am so sorry!” You stammered out, hoping for the first time in your life that the elevator would NOT break down with you stuck in it with Steve Rogers.

“Hey doll it’s alright, really. I wouldn’t have done what I did if I didn’t want to. Your smile is something else.” That caused you to blush harder, if that was possible. “Now let’s go see about that suite huh?”

You really hated how cool he was about the whole thing.

Deciding it would be in your best interest to get this over with as soon as possible you practically tore  down the suite door, the inside looking like a tornado went through it. After a band of criminals ransacked it. You tensed up when you heard Steve let out a slow and low whistle.

“You’ve uh…you’ve been busy.” He tried, not easing your nerves and surveying the area. “I believe you when you say you didn’t find anything.”

A nervous chuckle escaped you, “Can you walk me through what happened when you got back here? It might help talking through it.” Steve nodded at you although he wasn’t looking in your direction, his tall stature breezing around the large room with ease.

“I went to the bathroom after taking off my jacket,” He looked in the closet. Nothing. “I took out the awful contacts and shaved.” You giggled as he mimed running a razor over his face in the bathroom. He placed the invisible facial tool down on the counter and walked back out, looking slightly behind you at the nightstand. “I placed my watch there and went to take off my sh…”

The sentence died in his throat, you becoming slightly concerned as he proceeded to stand ramrod still. “Steve? Did you remember something?”

He took off his right shoe, staring into it with a slack jaw.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Steve? You’re making me nervous, talking into your shoe and all.” You had begun to back away when a slightly hysterical laugh escaped the man’s throat, the timber wavering as he ripped the insole out of the piece of footwear. You were starting to rethink being alone in a hotel room with him.

It was only when he took out the small thumb drive from a hidden compartment in his sole that you began laughing too. But yours was partially due to extreme anger.

“It���was in…your…shoe….the WHOLE time…?” You managed to get out, heaving breaths and attempting to catch them while the good Captain continued to lean onto the nightstand for support, his own breath ragged.

“Tony….made a joke…about putting it…close to…my soul.” He stood up straight, slowly regaining composure which you were not finding helpful. “I must have been so tired that I thought putting it in there was a good idea.”

“Well clearly it was a good place, you couldn’t even find it. But who uses a shoe? Honestly.”

Steve had the good sense to look embarrassed, running a hand through his hair and offering an apologetic smile. “I am so embarrassed. You tore this hotel apart looking for this and I had it the whole time. The team will never let me live it down once they find out.”

“Who says they have to know?” Came your reply, already heading to the suite door and pulling it open with a bit of effort. “I won’t tell anyone. It’ll be our secret.”

“What’s the catch doll?” He held the door for you and you gave a mumbled thanks.

“Drinks. Right now.” You said confidently, looking into his eyes, his real blue eyes with ease.

“Can’t I’m afraid.” Steve grinned at your sad expression. “We have dinner plans first.”

“Pizza?”

“You read my mind Y/N.”

You couldn’t stop yourself, beaming another mega-watt smile.

“Maybe we’re SOLE-mates mister Rogers. Shall we?”

You both laughed the entire way to the restaurant down the street.

The end.

Tags: @kaytizzle @pies-wands-and-more @cuffski @giggleberts 

[ghost-comets]

YA GIRL GOT THE GREAT COMET BOOK!

and then binge read it all in one night. Anyway,these are some of my fave bits, somewhat in order!

In an email to the cast in 2012, Prologue’s original title was “Look It Up In Your Program, You’re In A Complicated Russian Novel, What Did You Expect?”. The lyrics “We’d appreciate it, thanks a lot” was also “What did you expect?”, but Rachel Chavkin suggested Dave be nicer to the audience.

People are referred to as Unicorns on two occasions, “This cast of beautiful unicorns” by Jason Eagen on Pg 22, and “We’ve always said that The Great Comet is an ensemble of unicorns” by Sam Pinkleton on Pg 56.

“This is what happens when you mix mass anxiety with a lot of vodka.”-Paloma Young, about the costumes.

Andrey is there during the Duel, rocking the party from Pierre’s study-turned-DJ-booth. He has been nicknamed both “DJ Andrey 3000” and “DJ Dreteen 12”.

Pierre is a conspiracy theorist, and the robe for Old Prince Bolkonsky’s costume was once used in some shrouded Freemason activity.

Phillipa Soo and Nick Choksi went to Juilliard together!

For about a week at A.R.T., Nicholas Belton gave out Scott Stangland’s phone number during Letters with a note reading, “My friend Pierre is lonely, won’t you give him a call?”. Scott received several awkward voicemails and text messages from women wanting to know if he was busy later.

When Josh Groban joined the team, Josh Canfield decided to start calling him Josh 2, and Groban referred to him as Josh 1 since Canfield had been there first.

You know that snow machine in No One Else? Well when it was added, it took a few shows to calibrate it to snow the right amount, so on occasion Natasha would be singing her sweet love song to the moon in the middle of a full on blizzard.

“Pierre shook his head and arms as if attacked by mosquitos or bees”- a line from War and Peace, which Dave desperately wanted to include. For the sequel! 

Josh Groban named his accordion Olga.

Lucas Steele says that he first thought Dave seemed pensive and slightly gruff-looking, but he later learned that he was “an absolute teddy bear”.

One of the first times Lucas sang Natasha and Anatole, Rachel Chavkin had the casting director Henry sing as Natasha. Lucas had no problem with this, and said he knew he was capable of having chemistry with a tin can if needed. He then proceeded to make direct eye contact with Henry for seven whole measures before slightly cocking his head and flashing him a smile. Everyone at the table laughed.

Now we get to the actual lyric annotations!

The original draft of Prologue was “a lyrical nightmare” and features lines such as “and Dolokhov, his friend, is fierce. Wouldn’t wanna mess with him.” and “Mary and the Old Prince are minor characters. They’ll get things going and you’ll never see them again.”

Sometimes during rehearsal Pippa would sing “Oh I can soothe myself with ironing” instead of “irony”

The first draft of the show did not have the Duel, but rather a scene where Pierre, Anatole, and Dolokhov get roaring drunk, tie a policeman to a bear, and throw them both into a river. This was actually in a workshop, using a large stuffed bear. Sadly, this idea did not survive the workshop.

Dave and Rachel would say that Balaga’s age is probably a few millennia into immortal.

Denisov has a speech impediment which is transliterated in different ways, one of which is literally the uwu voice. Meaning Paul Pinto originally gave his speech in the Duel as “As the advewsawies have wefused a weconciliation, we shaw pwease pwocede with the duew…” This was cut.

Dave calls the strings after Anatole and Natasha’s kiss “the strings of doom”

During rehearsals, sometimes Brittain would sing “I burst into flames” instead of “I burst into sobs.” (Starchild, anyone?)

“On the day that Sonya decided to save her” Oh so Dolokhov is an omniscient narrator, at least when it comes to the woman he once proposed to.

“What a foot she has”- Dave’s annotation literally just says “Anatole is totally into feet” 

Nick Choksi, aka Dolokhov, cannot whistle, so when they say “When they reached the gate Dolokhov whistled” either Or or Andrey has to do it for him.

“So thankful I am here on earth during the same time Grace Mclean is visiting.”-Dave Malloy, page 192.

Sometimes during rehearsals, Dave would sing “I have been snorkeling” instead of “I have been studying.”

The high C# on PETERSBUUUURG was written as a joke in a moment of Dave’s frustration that he forgot to about until rehearsals when Lucas just...did...THAT. 

On the page with the Pierre & Andrey lyrics, there’s just???? A picture of a drumset on the side????? With no context whatsoever??? Dave Malloy what????

Sorry this was so long! I might make another post with the great ponytail hairstyle Lucas had on page 112 because it wouldn’t let me put it here, but that’s all for this one.

[kyouryokusenshi]

Micaela Part 1/2

Ok ok, I’m finally getting to posting fics on Tumblr.

Post MSIV. Just a ton of fluff after Scully has the baby. And maybe a little surprise.

Tagging @today-in-fic

Many thanks to my BETA, WildwingSuz!!! :)

Mulder looked down at the tiny bundle in his arms. Their little miracle was fast asleep. She was already worn out from her big day as was her mother. He looked over to see that Scully was fast asleep. "You may not know it yet, but your mother is the most amazing person I know," he whispered as he thought back to how difficult and challenging Scully's pregnancy had been due to her age. He would never be able to thank her enough for making him a father to this tiny being. As if on cue, the baby's eyes slipped open and she mewled. "You are our little miracle," he whispered as he smoothed down the tuft of copper hair and lifted her to kiss her head. "We love you so much."

Mulder looked over to catch Scully gazing at them sleepily. He rewarded her with a wide smile and moved to hand the fussing baby to her. She sat up in the hospital bed as she received the baby. The hospital gown she was in was growing uncomfortable. Tiny arms waved about to indicate her dissatisfaction at being moved from her father's arms. "Hey there, baby girl," she whispered. The infant quieted instantly at the familiar sound of her mother's voice. Mulder and Scully had talked to the baby a lot while Scully was pregnant. She had explained that babies could make the distinction of their parents' voices fairly early while in utero.

"Have you decided on a name?" Mulder asked. Scully gazed down at their daughter who began rooting for the source of her food. Gently, she moved the baby's mouth towards her chest as she exposed one of her breasts and helped her latch on. It was another one of the many ways his partner was amazing. Not only because she was a doctor, but she had done this before. Even if it was many years ago.

"How about Micaela?” Scully asked. “My mom said if she’d had another daughter, she would have named her Michaela, because it means “God’s gift” and well, she is. Sometimes, I still wake up wondering if this is real.”

Mulder nodded. “It’s beautiful, just like her.”

“There are so many ways to spell it nowadays though,” Scully laughed.

“At least it isn’t Fox,” he smiled.

“I was thinking of Micaela, but without the “h”, that way people don’t confuse it with “Mitch”.”

“It’s perfect, Scully.”

Mulder smiled as she watched his daughter suckle hungrily at her mother's breast. He looked up at Scully. Her free hand was stroking the tiny arm that rested against her chest. "You told me you had wanted another child, and then told me in that church that you wanted another chance to start over and make things right. I lit that candle not because I believe in God, but because I believe in you. And then you told me a week later that I was a father," his voice broke. "But you know me, I want to believe, and I believe our daughter is a gift from God," he added with a teary chuckle. "I'd never thought I'd say this, but her existence makes me believe."

Tears welled in Scully's eyes as she looked back down at her daughter. She had beautiful eyes and only time would tell if she would have her or Mulder's eye coloring.

"I just wish my mom was here to see her. She had always wanted a granddaughter," her voice broke and the tears spilled over her cheeks. It was difficult holding back. Technically Emily was her granddaughter, but she died before Scully could be a mother to her.

"I know. She’d love her. She does. The dead aren’t lost to us,” he reminded her.

Scully imagined that her mother would say the baby was a gift from God. Especially since she was infertile and pregnant at fifty four. Her mother had told her about St. Rachel when she was much younger. A saint that was infertile and became pregnant late in life. The name of that motel they stayed in. She couldn’t believe she didn’t realize it sooner.

Mulder leaned down and kissed Scully’s forehead. He reached out and stroked the baby’s tiny cheek as she nursed.

Scully missed the close bond she had shared with her mother. The same bond she’d desperately wanted to have with Emily before she passed. It was the connection only a mother and daughter had. She hoped she would have that same bond with their daughter.

"I want to be able to give her everything that Mom gave us."

Mulder sat down on the bed next to Scully and their daughter. “We will. Age isn’t going to change how much we love her.” The baby had stopped suckling and Scully pulled the top part of her hospital gown back up as she moved to burp the baby with expertise.

"How about Micaela Margaret, after your mother?" Mulder suggested.

Scully pulled the baby back once she finished nursing and gazed down at her. "It's perfect. She's perfect."

"Just like you," Mulder smiled. "You still got it goin' on," he teased.

Scully narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm going to kill you if you say 'scoot in your boot' one more time, Mulder. That's what got us into this situation," she said knowing full well she'd do it all over again.

She’d had mixed feelings when she first found out she was pregnant so late in life, but she loved and wanted this child no matter how impossible it was. She knew Mulder did too.

The newly-named Micaela watched her parents as Mulder moved in to kiss her mother with a fierce passion. She mewled and tiny hands reached towards their faces.

Mulder pulled back a bit and they both stifled their laughter at their daughter's protests. That was when a nurse came into the room to check on Scully.

"I'll be right back, I need to use the boys’ room."

Scully nodded. "Okay, don't be long."

Scully looked down at her daughter, her eyes full of love. "I love you so much, I need you to know that." William had told her that he knew she loved him, although it was when he was disguised as Mulder. She still felt the need to make sure her child knew every day, even if she was never great at verbalizing her feelings. The baby cooed in response. When she first found out she was pregnant, Scully had no idea how she was going to do this again at fifty-four. She was in utter shock, yet she felt an immediate connection to the tiny being growing inside of her. Despite a difficult pregnancy, Scully yearned for this moment. "I'd do it all over again, just for you."

Micaela crooned in agreement.

Mulder returned in less than three minutes. "Hey,"

"That was fast," Scully said.

"Can't stay away from my girls long," he chuckled.

Scully's arms were growing tired. "Could you take her?" She needed to stretch desperately, as much as she didn't want to move her sleeping daughter.

Mulder gently took her into his arms and rocked her. "Hey there," he whispered. . The baby opened her eyes and mewled. It was a scene that melted Scully's heart.

He rocked the baby for a moment and then looked up suddenly as if he forgot something and handed the baby back to Scully, who looked at him curiously.

"I'm going to grab some coffee, I'll be right back.”

Scully nodded and smiled. "You better."

The baby started whimpering once Mulder left. "Hey sweetheart, it's okay. Daddy will be back soon, okay?"

As if on cue, Mulder walked back into the hospital room. Without the coffee.

"No coffee?" Scully asked curiously.

Mulder stopped and looked at her. "No, I'm good. Just had to use the restroom. Why?"

Scully's mouth opened slowly in startling realization.

Mulder grew worried. "What is it, Scully? Was I supposed to get you coffee? I'm sorry--"

Scully looked back at him in shock. "Mulder, he was here!"

"Who?"

"William... Jackson," she said as she gently rocked the baby.

Mulder gave her a puzzled look.

"He was here, Mulder. After you left... you came back and held our daughter and then said you had to go get coffee." She started to get up.

"No, Scully. You can't, he reminded her. Her recovery would take a while longer since she had a C-section.

Before she could protest, he ran into the hallway outside the hospital room and looked around. Even though part of him knew it was futile, he hurried down the corridors, much to the surprise of the staff.

He finally gave up after several minutes of looking.

In the distance, Jackson, while disguised as a nurse, watched as Mulder returned to join Dana in her hospital room. That had been very close. Mulder had nearly run into him, so he had to make the visit with his sister fast. She was beautiful and looked a lot like their mother, and he could see Mulder in her eyes and skin tone.

One thing was clear, they were dead set on finding him. Even now. He had wanted them to believe he was dead so that they could move on, but he still couldn't control all of the visions that he knew connected him with his mother. She knew he was alive.

He assumed that Mulder knew by now that Jackson, or William as they called him, wasn't biologically his child, but that didn't stop the man from chasing after him.

He knew they both loved him, but how much was hard for him to contemplate at times. No one else had cared that much, other than his adoptive parents, the Van De Kamps. They had already died because of him and he was determined that no harm would come to anyone else he loved.

The danger seemed to be over though, at least for now. The man that called himself his creator was dead.

Maybe he could go home to them someday.

END Part 1

[ckerouac]

Fic: Operation Secret Santa

Klaine Advent 2017 Day 22: Width

Summary: After finally meeting Sexy Santa in the last chapter, today we go back and find out what really happened at Kurt’s when Blaine took his drunk ass home weeks ago.  (2800 words)

Also on AO3

Chapter 22

A few weeks ago…

“So it’s an entire bar decked out in Christmas decorations?” Sam asked as he pulled his coat closed against the cold.

Blaine nodded.  “Yeah, it’s a whole thing.  Decorations, themed drinks, I think they keep one of the tvs on Hallmark.  Last year they had a sleigh you could take pictures in, along with a full sized cutout of Beyonce wearing a Santa hat.”

“And it’s worth standing out here for an hour and a half to get in?”

Blaine turned and looked back at the line snaking its way down the sidewalk.  The Miracle on 10th Street, or the Yellow Canary as it was known for the other eleven months out of the year, was the most popular spot in town.  And it only got more so once they went full on Christmas bar December 1st.  Floor to ceiling Christmas.  It was an Instagram paradise.  Plus, it was a fun excuse to drink festively colored mixed drinking without the judgmental glare of other bar patrons.  Not that that was the main selling point for Blaine, but it certainly didn’t hurt.  “Definitely,” he promised.  “You’re gonna love it.  It’s run by the same people who did the Game of Thrones pop-up bar last year.”

Sam’s face lit up.  “That was amazing,” he exclaimed.  “They had the throne, and there was a guy dressed up like a direwolf, oh my god and there was that drink called ‘The North Remembers’...”

“Which if I remember correctly, you didn’t remember anything after two of those,” Blaine pointed out.

“Yeah, they mix them strong here,” Sam said.  “I used to date one of the bartenders here.  I never could tell whether she added an extra shot to my drinks because she liked me, because she didn’t like me, or because she just forgot and lost count.”

“I heard there’s a drink here that’s basically chocolate, liquor, and regret,” Blaine continued.  There was a wave of people coming out now so hopefully that meant that they would be letting in a new wave of people.  They really should’ve left work early to get in line.  “Cooper had one a couple nights ago.  Apparently they’ve hired him for some gig on Christmas Eve.”

“How much clothing is he going to have on?”

Blaine shook his head.  “I didn’t ask.  I didn’t want to know.”

“Oh my god, it’s BLAINE!”

Blaine turned his head at the exclamation of his name and saw a couple of their coworkers running towards them in the line.  Well, one was running.  “Hey Kurt, hey Mercedes.  You guys just getting out?”

Kurt basically skidded to a stop in front of them and whipped his head back with a flourish.  “It was amazing, as always,” he declared.  “If anyone can drink in there without becoming overwhelmed by the Christmas spirit, I don’t want to know them.  I simply don’t want to know them!”

Apparently you get a few drinks in Kurt and he became incredibly talkative.  Blaine wasn’t sure he’d heard him utter more than a couple sentences at a time at work, so this was a change.  “Yeah, I went last year, but I haven’t been in this year yet.”

Kurt reached out and grabbing him by the arm.  “Blaine, you just have to go inside.  You have to let the Christmas spirit wash over your body.  It’s life affirming.  The season of change and love and glitter and sweaters.  Who doesn’t love sweaters?  Sweaters are one of the greatest things ever invented, and although I’d caution anyone against too much sweater festivity, it’s something good to embrace.”

“I am a fan of the Christmas sweater,” Blaine laughed.

“I know this,” Kurt said.  “You had that amazing reindeer sweater.  It shouldn’t work, but it totally did.  And I commend you for the fashion risk.  Look at you, kicking Christmas ass and taking names.”

Blaine wasn’t 100% sure what was happening, but this drunken Kurt was full of so much joy it was actually contagious.  “Thanks.  I love that sweater.  Um, are you ok?”  

“Sure, why do you ask?”

Blaine watched as Kurt started to sway and held onto Mercedes’ arm like a lifeline.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Hey Blaine,” Sam said.  “The line is moving.”

“I just need to take him home,” Mercedes explained.  “He just needs to sleep it off.”

“Do you need a hand?” Blaine asked before he realized what he was saying.  They’d waited for almost two hours to get in, and the line was finally moving again, but Kurt seemed like a handful when he was drunk and it wouldn’t be fair to just leave Mercedes to fend for herself.  Besides, Kurt was kind of cute when he rambled.  “He looks like he needs a second hand.”

“I don’t want to take you out of line,” Mercedes said.

“No!” Kurt interjected.  “No, you let him take me home.  I am going home with God’s most perfect ass, so you let him take me home.”

Blaine was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to overhear Kurt say that, but since Kurt’s volume was continually getting louder, there was no way to avoid it.  “Yeah, it’s fine.  Here, you take my place in line, introduce Sam to the Christmas bar, and I’ll take Kurt home.”  Was this really the best way to spend some time with the cute guy down the hall, Blaine thought, but he didn’t have long to consider before Mercedes draped Kurt’s arm over Blaine’s shoulder and stepped into line.  “Didn’t have to ask you twice,” he chuckled.

“Nope, you boys have fun,” Mercedes said.  “I know better to argue with him when he has that tone of voice.”

As Blaine led Kurt slowly towards his car, he had the realization that he didn’t exactly know where Kurt lived.  Or his last name.  Guess there was no better way to get to know someone than escorting them home to bed.  His brother claimed it was because Blaine liked saving people, but why was it so wrong to be helpful?  “So, you remember where you live or do I need to find your license?”

“I’m just drunk, I’m not passed out,” Kurt pointed out.  “And you didn’t have to help me with this.  I could call an Uber.  Or find some cute guy at the bar to take me home.”  He glanced over at Blaine, considering.  “Outside the bar counts.  I guess I did that one.”

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t leave me a choice,” Blaine laughed.  “C’mon, let’s get you home.”

***

As soon as they reached the apartment, Blaine was completely enamoured with Kurt.  Sure, he was drunk right now, but he was also funny, and smart, and still really sharp for drinking ‘a bucket full of Christmas cheer and liquor’.  His words.  It was a shame he’d gotten transferred onto Kurt’s team at work.  Sure, it’s how he’d ended up on that floor and that coffee bar near his desk, but the rules against dating within your own project team were incredibly strict.  If he was on another floor, he’d ask this guy out in a heartbeat.  

Probably already had a boyfriend, though.  A guy like this didn’t stay single for long.  

“Home sweet home!” Kurt announced as he pushed off of Blaine’s shoulder and started pacing the width of the living room.  

“Are you… counting steps to your couch?” Blaine asked.

Kurt shook his head.  “No, just trying to figure out how to ask you what you’d like for the Secret Santa exchange at work without actually asking you, because it’s supposed to be a secret.”

“Are you my Secret Santa?” Blaine asked.

Kurt sighed.  “Yes, but shhhhhh I’m not supposed to tell you.  So you can’t tell you that I told you.”

“My lips are sealed,” Blaine promised.  “I won’t tell me what you said.  But I will ask you to help me with mine.  I have Rachel Berry and I am completely at a loss.  She’s...”

“Intense,” Kurt supplied.  “Yes, I’ll help you with her.  No one should be forced to conquer the Berry alone.”  He turned around and dropped backwards onto the couch.  He’s lucky he had good aim because, damn, he just fell back like he was expecting Iron Man to pull up and save his ass off the top of a building.  “So what do you do exactly?” he continued.  “I mean, I’ve seen you around, hoped to talk to you, and I still don’t know what you actually do.”

“Finance,” Blaine answered.  “Is there water in your fridge?”

“Bottles in the door.  So you, like, make sure I have money to work on my work?”

Blaine rummaged through the fridge and procured two bottles of water.  When he looked up, Kurt was sprawled out, one leg over the back of the couch and the other dangling over the side.  Which was impressive considering how tight his jeans looked.  Not that Blaine was looking.  But… he was looking.  “Well, I make sure that the money we have is properly allocated so that yes, you have money for the project,” he explained.  “Ugh, it sounds even duller when I explain it out loud.  But I’m hoping to move up into project management.  Take in the whole operation instead of just my little part.”

“Yeah, it sounds super dull,” Kurt laughed.  He reached his hand out and Blaine gave him one of the bottles.  “Did you want to be a finance guy growing up?”

“Hell no,” Blaine laughed.  “I wanted to sing.  Which I still do, but you have to pay the rent some how, right?”

“What does your super hot boyfriend think of that?”

“My boyfriend?”

Kurt turned and fixed Blaine with a ‘look’.  “Yeah, the super hot guy in the photo on your desk.  The one who looks like he’d bang you naked in a field of lilacs and you’d only be able to reply with ‘please sir, could I have another’.”

Oh, god, the mental image.  It burned.  “Ew, no,” Blaine said.  “Cooper?  Cooper’s my brother.  I’ve seen him naked enough for one lifetime.  Actually, most of the tri-county area has,” he grumbled.  Kurt just continued to look at him.  He really did have the most interesting eyes.  Blaine sighed again.  “Cooper has a side hustle as a bachelorette party stripper.  And for some reason he’s incredibly popular and he makes a lot of money doing it and he’s booked solid.  I don’t get it.”

“Because, and I mean this with all sincerity Blaine,” Kurt said slowly.  Deliberately.  “He looks like a goddamn Disney prince, and every little straight girl and gay boy imagined what it would be like to get plowed on the beach by Prince Eric.”

“He’s not that attractive,” Blaine insisted.  God, if that wasn’t the conversation he’s had with ever girl friend and every boyfriend he’s ever brought back to the house.  Every time he thought he’d gotten over being ‘the lesser Anderson brother’, someone had to point out that given the choice, they’d pick the taller, sexier, charismatic Cooper.  And it’s not like he could blame them -- Cooper was incredibly hard to dislike.  And he loves his brother, he really does.  He just doesn’t need to get reminded of how great Cooper is by every since guy he meets.  

“Not to say that you aren’t attractive,” Kurt continued.  “I only saw Cooper’s face.  You have an ass that just refuses to quit.  It’s all round and bouncy.  Here, give me a spin.”

“Are you serious?”

Kurt motioned for him to spin.  

“I’m pretty sure this could qualify as sexual harassment,” Blaine said, as he gave Kurt a small spin.  Maybe a second spin with his coat hiked up so that Kurt could actually see his ass.  And maybe a smile over his shoulder to make sure that Kurt was watching.  Dammit, Kurt really was cute.  

“Yeah, you got the goods too,” Kurt decided.  “Should I not tell you how hot your brother is?”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t,” Blaine said.

Kurt leaned his head back and considered.  “Are you jealous?” he asked.  “Cause people tell you that all the time?”

Blaine shrugged.  “I dunno, it’s not great when a cute guy starts talking about how hot my brother is.  But I’ve heard it ever since I was old enough to walk, so…”

“Ugh, that sucks,” Kurt said.  “Sorry.  That’s totally rude.  You deserve better.  You are hot, Mr. Anderson.  Hotter than that weird looking guy on your desk.  Ew.  Who would ever want something like that?  You should know that you’re just as hot as your brother.  Repeat after me, I’m just as hot as my brother.”

“Kurt…”

“Repeat!”

“I’m just as hot as my brother,” Blaine repeated dutifully.

“Good,” Kurt said.  “You’re too great a guy to compare yourself to him and find yourself lacking.”

It was a long time since someone told that to Blaine.  And Kurt seemed so sincere, even if he was filterless from the alcohol.  But maybe this was just him after hours?  Blaine didn’t really know, but he did know that he wanted to get to know Kurt better.  This guy… this guy was a catch.

“I bet you’d be an even better stripper than your brother.”

“I mean, I did take a couple lessons with Cooper,” Blaine admitted.

“Whaaaaat?” Kurt perked up.  “Are you serious?”

“It was pole dancing, and it was just a couple of times,” Blaine laughed.  “It’s a good workout.  Hey, if you want to go to Coop’s girl, I’ll give you her number.  You can get just as good as I am.”

“I might take you up on that,” Kurt said, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath.

“Yeah, I mean, we could… make a date of it,” Blaine suggested.  As long as it wasn’t serious, would would turn them in to HR?  “And go find a Secret Santa present.”

“Yes, because if we wait too long, the elves will find me and take me away for spilling secrets,” Kurt giggled as he stretched his arms above his head.  His eyes were still closed.  He wasn’t going to be awake for much longer.  

“I don’t know about the elves, but I think you need to get some sleep,” Blaine said warmly.  “Where’s your bathroom?”  Kurt motioned down the hallway.  Blaine slipped back in there and opened the medicine cabinet.  He was tempted to rummage, just out of curiosity and the fact that he wanted to know everything he could about Kurt, but he found the bottle of aspirin he was looking for and closed the cabinet door.  

Kurt, for his part, was already asleep by the time Blaine came back.  He took the bottle of water from Kurt’s hand and placed it and the aspirin on the side table.  He’d make sure to text him in the morning just to make sure he was feeling okay.  “Goodnight, Kurt,” he said softly.

...but apparently not softly enough.

“Are you leaving?” Kurt said suddenly, his eyes jerking open.  

“Yeah,” Blaine said.  “It’s getting late.  I need to head to bed myself.  I put your water and some aspirin on the side table for the morning.”

“Oh, thank you.”  Kurt swung both legs off the couch and stood up surprisingly smoothly.  “You are just so damn thoughtful.”  He walked over to Blaine and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.  “I’m so lucky to know you.  I want to know you better.”

Kurt smelled like candy canes and a warm fireplace, Blaine realized.  And had arms he wanted to stay wrapped up in all night.  Can’t do that tonight.  Get to know the guy first.  You have to let go, he scolded himself.  “Me too,” he admitted.  “So we’ll go Secret Santa shopping.”

“It’s a date,” Kurt replied, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.  “Oh, wait, give me your phone,” he said, grabbing it as soon as Blaine pulled it from his pocket and entering his number.  “Now you can text me.”

“Now I can text you,” Blaine said with a smile.  This night was better and better.  “I’m gonna head out.  I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Blaine.”

“Goodnight Kurt.”

Blaine waited outside once the door closed until he heard the deadbolt lock and Kurt shuffle back into the apartment, hopefully to collapse onto his bed and get some sleep.  It wasn’t the way he thought his night was going to go, but dammit if he wasn’t thrilled this was the way it went.

After all, even if it was just for Secret Santa shopping… he had a date.

[gleefail]

Glee Memories 1x5: The Rhodes Not Taken

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x5: The Rhodes Not Taken Glee Club Invitational posters go up. A showchoir invitational means other showchoirs are invited to perform but it’s not a competition. …but it’s Glee

“Can we please talk about the giant elephant in the room?” “Your sexuality?” Me: hmmm…I think I like this gal. Thus began my fondness for Ms. Lopez

Okay, Mr. Schue just suggested that Quinn’s solo will work if he layers Mercedes and Santana in with her…um, 1. he knew then they’d sound awesome together, yay, but 2. why not instead just give the solo to Santana or Mercedes?

“That Rachel chick makes me wanna light myself on fire” – Puck just foreshadowed my future

Mr. Schue just said he’d give Tina some of Quinn’s verses in the solo to ease up her stress cause Finn’s worried about the baby. Seriously, what universe is this where he’s immediately thinking of giving Santana, Mercedes, and Tina solos?!

Emma is telling Finn that he shouldn’t attempt an athletic scholarship because very few kids get them…but he still goes for one and is heartbroken about it 2 years later. #BlessFinnsHeart #oops

It still makes me snicker that Jacob asks Rachel to show him her bra…and that it makes me remember I saw Lea Michele in Spring Awakening where she got a lil naked. And I get uncomfortable.

Haaaa – Will goes on April’s website and there’s basically porno music playing. Awesome.

APRIL RHODES!!! Oh, Kristen Chenoweth, you are soooo fake tanned!

It’s bout 10 seconds in and I already adore April Rhodes all over again.

“Then Ralph had an affair with Vinnie, I had a set of mixed race twins…”

”You guys look like the world’s worst Beneton ad”

I said it when I first saw it and I’ll say it again: Lea Michele has a beautiful voice, but Kristin Chenoweth is a damn professional who knows how to use her instrument. The style she can put into Maybe This Time, His Name, and Alone, making them each unique to their genre and still giving an exceptional rendition of it speaks to the genius of the Cheno…whereas Lea Michele will do a high pop belt interpretation of her songs 98% of the time.

”April should stay. I adore her.”

So far, with the exception of the Technicolor zebra ensemble, Mercedes is dressing pretty normal. Actually, she looks pretty fashionable and hot about 60% of the time. Not an animal print in sight. When did that change? WHY did that change? Amber Riley looks so good so far!

”I once got a cake out of a kid’s birthday party – with the candles still lit!”

”You’re a really good actor, Finn” – oh, if only you knew his ‘dream’ then, Rachel

”Talent doesn’t age, sweetheart” *wink* Oh Cheno, I love you.

“Me me me me me me” “You you you you you you you” Yeah. Still not funny. Cheap joke that I’ve heard a million times since elementary school choir vocal warmups.

“Oh, Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.”

”I’m pretty sure it’s not a fake ID because he looks like an eleven-year old milkmaid”

”I think it was April. Her backpack’s always clinkin’ with empties”

“We have obligations as teachers, Will, to give kids opportunities for growth and enrichment” – I needed her to tattoo that on Will’s forehead so he was reminded everyday. Cause he forgot that for about 80% of the kids in the club. Everyday.

Seriously, Lea Michele is real good at the crying scenes. Like, impressively good. Makes your heart break a little cause she ugly cries.

“Um, do you have any NyQuil? I could use a little pick-me-up.”

”That Finn Hudson is one cutie pie I gots mah eye on”

Seriously, April Rhodes was top bitch of Glee when Glee ran the school like the Cheerios and athletes do in current Glee. She was like, Crey-Crey Rachel Berry and Top Bitch In Charge Quinn rolled into one. Do NOT fuck with her, Rachel.

“Sober? I’m rollin’ on a fistful of horse tranquilizers. I can’t feel mah lips.”

”I mean, that’s how you get better, y’know? Singing with people who are better than you.” – I totally forgot that there was a time that Glee said things I thought were really smart and wholeheartedly agreed with (especially if you replace ‘singing’ with ‘performing’ or ‘working with’ in that statement, then it’s even more accurate)

I have never been able to listen to Alone the same way again. These two do it so insanely well.

Rachel’s eating pizza at the bowling alley. Pepperoni pizza. Too bad she’s not only vegetarian, but a vegan. #oops

Rachel kisses her bowling ball before taking her turn. EW. Emma is somewhere having seizures from all the germs.

For the second time, Rachel and Finn kiss while he’s still with Quinn. Only this time, he now knows Quinn’s pregnant with what he thinks is his child. How was he NEVER called out for this cheating?

“This is a hot damn mess.”

Wait…in the pilot, Finn said he’d been dating Quinn for about 4 months…why is anyone (let alone everyone) shocked to hear Finn’s the babydaddy? #oops

Finn dropped off an application for a music scholarship for college…as a sophomore#oops

“I hope you have fun playing house with Quinn while you languish in your little ensemble but MY dreams are bigger than that…and they’re bigger than YOU” oh Rachel…you will eat those words in about two and a half years#oops

Oh. Hell. No. Mr. Schue just walked in and stopped vocal warm-ups to say the house was packed. Nice music teacher …but it’s Glee

“I’m hoggin’ their sunshine”

”You were right, Mr. Schue: she’d massacre Mariah in a diva-off”

”I realized being a star didn’t make me feel as special as being your friend” Man. I’m remembering why I used to love Rachel. The things they did to her character…Season One Rachel, I’m so used to S2 and S3 Rachel, I barely recognize you.

Somebody to Love really pinpoints that New Directions was better then. I mean, talent-wise in terms of dancing. They only had Finn who was a bad dancer and Puck soooometimes looked a lil akward, but everyone else danced real well. Now they have no Matt, and added Sam (who I love but can sometimes look real uncoordinated), Rory and Joe who are both bad movers per Glee Project. Oy vey.

SOLOS: Rachel (2), April (3), Will (1), Finn (1) MERCEDES TAKING THE GLORY NOTE: First time (1)

[sean-chris-13]

Our Story

“It wasn’t love at first sight. In fact, I wasn’t even going to try….

"I was going to college at SUNY Fredonia living in an apartment with a couple of friends off campus when I first heard about Siobhan. It was early in the school year and Kevin (my former roommate) and his girlfriend (now wife) Rachel invited me over for dinner and to return some laundry that had somehow gotten mixed up from the last semester.

"It was nice just hanging out for a little, talking, and playing with their dog Manny. Rachel was texting with her cousin Cooey occasionally and said I should text her too. I said no. Eventually, it got to the point when I’m getting ready to go and Rachel tells me she gave this "Cooey” my number.

“‘Oh.’

"And I didn’t mean 'oh’ in a good way. I just didn’t see the point; this is a girl on the other side of the state. I didn’t know anything about her or even what she looked like. I didn’t know her real name! Actually, I think Rachel did say her name once, but she just kept calling her Cooey and I just called her 'Rachel’s cousin.’

"So I started walking back to my apartment and I get a text from 'Rachel’s cousin.’ Probably just 'hey.’ I don’t remember. It didn’t matter. I wait a few minutes and text her back; nothing too interesting. She’d text me every so often and I would text her back when I got the chance between video games or songs I was listening to. I wasn’t going to put any effort into it. I’d probably never meet her.

"But it turns out I was going to meet her. She was coming to Fredonia to celebrate her 21st birthday with Rachel in late October. She and Rachel asked if I would join them in celebrating and I didn’t really have a reason to deny. It’s not that I didn’t think Cooey was nice, I was just indifferent. Worse comes to worse, I gained a new friend.

"Before she showed up, friend or stranger or more, I figured I owe her the courtesy of at least learning her name. She added me on Facebook earlier and I saw her name was 'Siobhan’ and I said 'what is that supposed to be?’ I got the answer from a YouTube video. To be embarrassingly honest, it was the very first effort I gave her. It was pretty cool to me that we both had Irish names, but a little weird that she and my brother Jimmy have the same middle name.

"Her visit kept getting closer and I started to worry more. I was pretty sure she was interested in more than a friendship judging by how often she text me and how flirty the texts were. So did she want a relationship, a friend, or just a friend for the weekend she was visiting to keep her from being a third wheel? Would I ever hear from her afterword? And, if she does want a relationship, how? Up until her arrival I just ignored all the questions I had.

"Then she was here. Rachel pulled up to my apartment and there was 'Shavon’ in the front passenger seat. I said 'hi’ and we all went to Tops for ingredients to the Ziti she was making. I hadn’t really seen her well enough yet, but I remember thinking her voice was lower than I imagined. Eventually we made it to the store and when she got out of the car I realized she was taller than I previously thought. Of course, none of that mattered to me. I was making a conscious effort to not think of her in that way. She was still cute, though. For the first part of our shopping experience, the girls split up and so I followed Rachel. I knew Rachel and I didn’t expect anything to happen with Cooey and I. After a few minutes of trailing Rachel and adding commentary to her selections, I remember Cooey’s texts about being excited to meet me. I found her and tagged along for the remainder of the trip with minimal conversation. I had text with her some before, but it’s different in person. It was more awkward. Without a screen to hide behind or as much time as you want to respond, everything is different.

"After Tops, we went to Rachel and Kevin’s to let Siobhan make her ziti while we all hung out. We all talked about nothing in particular and just got over the meeting stages for Cooey and I. At the end of the night, I decided I had a good time but I wasn’t convinced it was going to last for anything but the weekend.

"Over the next couple days we got closer. We didn’t need Rachel to start our conversations anymore. In fact, there were some times when it was just us, and it was just fine. I showed her my freezing cold apartment, introduced her to my roommates and played her some guitar. It was a nice weekend.

"Then, at one point she said something about me being cute and kissed me. She’s always been a bit more impulsive than me, but I can’t deny I kissed her back. The next morning the four of us went to Bob Evans for a goodbye breakfast and we two held hands under the table.

"It was after she left that I realized I was in for it. She was still texting me, and what’s more, I was much more willing to text her back. Our conversations got more in-depth. We send each other pictures of our day. My pictures were mostly of my room and me lazing around while she sent pictures donning an orange apron at Gymboree. She wasn’t just Rachel’s cousin anymore. She was Siobhan. She was my friend. She was something just a bit more.

"We talked daily until she came to visit again in December. This time, however, she wasn’t visiting her cousin; she was visiting me. She was making an effort and I realized I owed it to her to either make my own effort or shut it down.

"The next time we saw each other was January and it was in my hometown of Wellsville. Her first night there she ended by insistently asking me to define our relationship. I was going to officially declare us dating at the end of the week if it went well, but she’s impatient; we officially started dating that night, January 13th 2014.

"She again visited me in Fredonia in February for our first Valentine’s day together. My roommates Meaghan, Katie, and I were considering getting a kitten, so on Siobhan’s way to see me she got a kitten. I told her I had to ask my landlord permission first and she just responded 'well ask now because he’s on his way.’ Enter Fitz. He’s the little black and white beast we call our first-born child and follows us wherever we end up.

"I moved back home to Wellsville for the summer with Fitzy. She continued to visit me monthly wherever I was, but if this was really going to progress we had to see each other more. Despite some significant apprehension, I agreed we would get an apartment in Fredonia for the next semester. We got Fitz’s younger sister Rhian in July and we moved in together in the middle of August.

"It worked as well as we wanted. I enjoyed it immensely and think she did too. We didn’t do much, just lived life together. She got a job for some money and to occupy her time. We went for walks around the SUNY campus and sat in Starbucks. My friends were her friends. We took naps and she cooked (I’m not much help in the kitchen). I’d go to class and then we’d take the bus to Walmart for supplies.

"Our time there went fast. For the next summer we wanted to stay together. I needed a job other than my summer position at Allegany Arc and we concluded that in all likelihood it would be easier to find a job in her home of Albany so that’s where we went. We loaded up the cats and set off 6 hours to her parents’ house in Albany.

"Albany was my adventure. She’d moved to Fredonia for me and now it was time to repay the favor. She showed me around where she grew up and points of interest around the area. I spent time getting to know her parents and looking for a job. I’d watch movies and listen to her dad Dan play guitar and have conversations with her mom Carrie about whatever was on her mind. Most every day, I’d take their dogs Scotty and Frankie for walks around the pond down the street. Eventually, Wal-Mart responded to my résumé and I started working there. After some time of saving money, we wanted to move back west.

"Siobhan got a job at GEICO near Buffalo and I was able to transfer to the Wal-Mart in Lockport where we were headed next. We found a small apartment on Craigslist, packed up a moving truck, and had immediate regrets. The power wasn’t on in our new apartment that only had one small window, a terrible smell of smoke, and a flea problem. We suffered there for as short a time as we possibly could while our neighbors tried to burn the place down and we looked for anywhere else to live. I walked back and forth to work while she borrowed her mother’s car to go get harassed on the phones at the little green lizard’s place.

"Two apartments later, a slightly used Jeep, more adventures around the state, and two promotions for me, we arrived to about right where we are now. We’re up to three cats with our newest addition of Stella, we’re still at GEICO and Wal-Mart, and still have the red Jeep (Carrie’s Honda is safely in Madeline’s care).

"My final anecdote leads me to the reason we’re asking people to join us in October. Now, our engagement didn’t go as I had planned. I didn’t plan anything too extravagant, but it was still able to become completely unraveled. At one point, I realized that I was going to marry her. We’d talked about it, and it was time for me to do something about it. Well, one day a couple weeks before Christmas she found a non-traditional ring she made clear that she wanted so the next day I took the Jeep back and bought it while she was at work. I showed my family the ring she had picked out and called her mom and dad to ask permission. Once I was given their blessing, I waited for a good time to do it.

"Well… I kinda forgot about something. There was another ring I was giving her for Christmas. My Great-Grandma Betty had helped me get a promise ring for Cooey at Christmas. It was kept at my Grandmother Dixon’s house and I was so ready to propose it just slipped my mind. So, we’re at Christmas with the Dixon side of my family in Belmont when the little box with the ring is placed in front of Cooey. I start to understand at that point there might be a slight dilemma. Siobhan gets her promise ring and loves it and wants to call her mother. The issue is, I did not tell her mother about the promise ring and the last thing I want is for the engagement to be ruined for her. I walk with Cooey and try to text her mother, but I’m not getting any response. The poor woman is confused and concerned that I’m keeping this from her mother and that I’m being so secretive. At one point she thinks I’m either breaking up with her or dying or something else terrible. She’s sobbing on a bench with me in a small park in the middle of Belmont, New York and I know if anyone has to let her know about my plans, it has to be me.

”'Listen…. This isn’t the only ring I bought you.’

“So the truth comes out. I tell her about the engagement ring I left in my bag at the church and this entire story I’m writing now. I’m pretty sure she hit me. I didn’t have the ring, but I got down on one knee and asked the question. She said 'yes,’ as you might expect since this is a wedding website you’re on.

"But this wasn’t quite our engagement. I still had the ring of course. She just knew it was coming, but I still had to at least try to surprise her. So one day I did nothing. I was supposed to do dishes and laundry, but instead I went down and, unbeknownst to her, picked up her engagement ring from being sized and waited the rest of the day in bed. She was not happy when she made it home. We had to go out to eat since I didn’t do any dishes but that was part of the plan. The meal we had wasn’t great and the restaurant wasn’t special to us. We actually haven’t been back since we got engaged in the parking lot. We finished our meal and on our way to the car I lagged behind her and pulled out the ring.

"The only time I figured I could surprise her was with the most innocuous day and that’s what I tried to do.

"Besides, it’s not about where; it’s about us. She and I. Wherever we are is special to us, as cheesy as it is. I want to spend all my life with her, not just the special and fun parts. The days where we don’t do anything are just as important to me as the days we do a once in a lifetime activity. I truly love her and hope you can be with us on October, 13th 2017 to share that with us.”