#adams ackler fanfictions

[watchmegetobsessed]

Different - Adam Sackler (pt. 3)

thank you soooo much for all the love and support you’ve been showing to this series, this means so much to me! this series has been pretty dear to my heart so I’m happy that so many of you like it! this part is a little shorter than the previous ones, but for the sake of the plot this is where I had to cut it. given the fact how fast I’m writing the story, I’ll probably stick to the daily posting, and there will be approximately 5 parts all together, meaning 2 more until the end! as always, feedback is very much appreciated!

series summary: Hannah lets you move in with her and Adam as you are her second cousin and in need of a place to live. Your relationship with Adam starts rocky, but things soon seem to be taking a turn.

pairing: Adam Sackler x Reader

word count: 3.3k

PART 1 - PART 2

masterlist

It’s been hard on Adam as well and he has been struggling just as hard as you. The past couple of weeks has left him with a lot of emotions and he has been working on sorting them out, but it’s a situation he hasn’t faced just yet. Following Hannah’s departure Adam definitely had fears, but it took some time for him to realize they weren’t about her, but more about you. Living with you alone, with no third person scared him, because he has already been having inappropriate thoughts about you before and now that Hannah was away, he felt like he had one less thing to keep him in his place. 

He knows it’s not okay to watch you do your everyday things and think about how much he loves to just look at you, that catching himself thinking about you several times a day is not what he should be doing and that the endless jealousy he felt when he found out that you are going on a date scared him more than almost anything in life. When you told him the truth that’s hard to accept for the both of you, he kind of realized you were right, but when he lied in his bed that night, sleepless from his racing thoughts, he still couldn’t make himself believe it’s best if he keeps himself away from you. He has tried that already and it ended with him sleeping in your bed after that night you got drunk. There is just something in you that keeps pulling him in and he can do nothing against it. And slowly, he realizes he doesn’t want to do anything. He is tired of fighting with himself.

He wants to know where this could lead, he just doesn’t know how to figure it out in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone.

A few days later Tyler asks you out on a second date to which you say yes and because of everything that went down you don’t tell Adam. Hannah is set to come back for the weekend exactly when you are going to go out with him again so you think it’s the perfect timing.

The week goes by pretty uneventfully. You and Adam hang out on evenings, usually having dinner together when he gets home in time from work, but when he doesn’t, you’re still up when he arrives so you just watch TV together for a while before you feel like you can’t keep your eyes open any longer. He is nice, chatty, seems to be okay with where you two are heading and it brings you a little peace too, knowing that you might have finally found balance.

Coming home from work that Friday, when you walk into the apartment Hannah greets you with a scream.

“Hey!” she throws herself on you and you barely catch her keeping your balance.

“You’re back!” you chuckle hugging her.

“Yeah, just got here like twenty minutes ago. How are you?”

“I’m good! Everything is fine.”

As you reply Adam walks out of their bedroom and joins the three of you, kissing the top of Hannah’s head and a rush of jealousy washes over you by this small gesture. It’s been quite long since you saw them together and almost forgot the fact that they are really a couple.

“How was living with Adam without me? Did he drive you crazy?” she asks grinning, glancing up at Adam and you notice the anxious look in his eyes that he tries to cover with a warm smile.

Did he drive you crazy? Kind of, and you guess he knows the answer too, he is just scared what you might tell Hannah, but you are not a petty person.

“No, he was alright,” you exhale smiling.

“Good, I’m glad you two got along well,” she nods as you and Adam look at each other and chills run down your spine from the look he gives you before turning back to Hannah. “We are having dinner at that new place a few corners from here, you wanna join us?”

“I’m sure you’d rather be alone.”

“No, I want you to come! This is my time for everyone here, not for just Adam. We’ll have the rest of the weekend together.” “Yeah, but…” you sigh, not wanting to go into the details why you don’t want to go, but she forces it out of you.

“What, do you have a date or something?”

“I…”

“You do!” she gasps. “Who’s the guy? Oh my God Y/N, that’s amazing!”

“Is this the Tyler guy again?” Adam sternly asks and looking at him you can’t really decide what his expression means.

“Yeah.”

“Wait, you’ve met him already? So it’s not the first date?”

“No, we had one already.”

“Is he taking you to dinner?”

“No, he said we are going to this art gallery opening.” “Okay, then you can have an early dinner with us, tell us everything about him and then meet him, this is just perfect!”

“I think she doesn’t want to share the details, Hannah,” Adam chimes in, trying to hold his girlfriend back, but she is just too stubborn and you both know that.

“I demand to be told about it! Go, get ready, we are leaving in thirty,” she urges you and you just know you can’t say no to her.

An hour later the three of you are sitting at a small table in this restaurant that you just can’t tell if it’s Italian or Japanese, but you let this detail slip.

“So, let’s hear everything! How did you meet him, what is he like, is he treating you right?” Hannah seems excited to hear all about Tyler, but she is probably the only one feeling that way at the table.

“Maybe not everything,” Adam mumbles, his eyes focused on the menu even though you’ve already ordered. Hannah dismisses his comment.

“Um, we work at the same place, he is on HR. He is nice, I guess,” you shrug, feeling nervous to talk about it all, especially with Adam sitting right in front of you.

“Is he cute?”

“He… is.”

“Has he kissed you? Or have you already slept with him?”

“Hannah,” Adam growls and she looks at him confused as you try not to choke on your own saliva by her blunt questions.

“What?” she growls turning to Adam. “Out of the three of us you are the least prude person, so what is your problem?”

“We are in a fucking… restaurant. Have some morals,” he quietly tells her, but she just rolls her eyes at him before turning back to you.

“Um, nothing has happened yet,” you say and your eyes meet Adams. You wish you could read his thoughts right at that moment, because there is something in his eyes, but you just can’t tell what it is.

“Oh, he is moving slow, how romantic,” she smiles to herself as you just awkwardly nod. You don’t share the detail that he has tried to kiss you last time, you just ducked and his lips ended up on your cheeks. You were really not into getting physical so fast and luckily he seemed to understand and accept your decision.

“So, how is Iowa?” you ask with the pure intention of diverting the attention away from you to her. You watch her face drop a little, but then her smile is back a moment later.

“Oh, it’s nice. I don’t have many classes, so I have tons of time to write.”

“That’s nice! I’m glad you are enjoying your time.”

“Yeah!” she nods, but you feel like it’s not genuine.

The rest of the dinner is just as awkward as the beginning was. You hate sitting there and watching Hannah and Adam be affectionate with each other. This is a whole new level of third-wheeling, because when they kiss at one point, you catch Adam’s eyes on you and it makes you want to scream. The intensity of the moment is just throwing you over the edge, you hate this, you hate seeing them together and you just don’t understand. It’s not like a new thing, you literally lived together for months before she left, what’s so different now?

You can’t wait for the moment it’s time for you to leave and when it finally comes you basically flee.

“It’s been great to talk, I hope you’re gonna have a nice evening together!” you say forcing yourself to smile before hugging Hannah goodbye and heading towards the exit.

You’re almost out the door when someone grabs your wrist and turning back you see Adam standing in front of you.

“Wait, I just…”

He struggles to find the right words as you wait for him to finally tell you what he wants.

“Yes, Adam?” you urge him to speak.

“What I told you before the last date still stands.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” you furrow your eyebrows at him confused.

“That if you need help, just call me.”

“Thanks, but I’m sure everything is going to be alright. Besides, just enjoy your time with Hannah.”

That second part comes out a little spicier than you intended, you can actually see the change in his eyes, but before he could say anything else you just turn around and walk out.

You take a few minutes to yourself outside in the cold night air. This past few hours has been harder on you than you would actually admit and now the thought of them spending the rest of the evening together just makes you want to cry even though this is the most normal thing to happen on the planet since they are a couple.

You hate this, you really do, because you really thought things are going to get better after what went down recently between you and Adam, but Hannah’s return just made it a hundred times harder and made you feel worse than ever.

When you finally get your shit together you head to the subway because you are already a little late.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t get your mind fully away from Adam and it shows. Tyler is trying his best to make this evening as nice as possible, but you just can’t wait to go home, crawl into bed and cry yourself to sleep probably. The date cuts shorter than last time as you tell him you’d really like to head home when he suggests to go for a walk just like last time.

“Thanks for everything, Tyler,” you smile at him when you arrive to your building.

“I hope you didn’t find it too boring,” he chuckles scratching the back of his neck.

“No! I really liked it, so thank you.”

“Alright…” There is a short pause before he steps closer and he tries to kiss you again.

And you turn away, again.

But this time, the reaction is a little different.

“Okay, this is not cool, Y/N,” he sighs, clearly frustrated by the situation.

“I’m sorry?”

“This is not middle school where you hold hands for six months straight before you let the guy kiss you for the first time.”

“Are you mad because I’m not kissing you? I’m really not feeling well, this is why I would rather not.”

“Why do I feel like you’ll always have an excuse? You know what? Last time I let it slip because I thought you are just a little shy, but this gotta be something else.”

The fact that he is pissed at you for such a nonsense thing is making you mad as well, wanting to just punch him right now.

“Grow up and learn to respect others, Tyler,” you spat at him, but he just scoffs.

“You telling me to grow up is the joke of the month, honestly. Other girls usually ask me to come up at this point and you don’t even let me kiss you, this is just ridiculous!”

“Well I’m not like other girls!” you retort and you are just about to turn around and leave this unbelievable conversation when he grabs your wrist and yanks you back, causing you to almost lose your balance and fall.

“I’m not fucking done with you! You can’t just walk away from me when I’m still talking!” he sneers through his teeth, hand gripping your wrist tightly.

“Let me go, asshole,” you hiss at him trying to free yourself, but he is just too strong and his hold is starting to get really painful, probably already leaving a mark on your skin.

He is just about to say something else when the door to the building flies open and the next thing you know is that someone just throw a punch at Tyler, and he lets go of you to cover his nose that immediately starts bleeding.

“Oh shit,” you gasp, in shock at the sudden events and you turn to see a very angry looking Adam, shaking his hand lightly and he definitely looks like he is ready to kill Tyler any moment.

“You better get the fuck away from here, you fucker, before I break your neck!” he warns him and Tyler stares back in shock, the blood staining his shirt.

For a moment you feel like he is going to hit back, but then he decides it’s better to leave. He mumbles something under his breath before spitting on the pavement right in front of you and then walks away.

“Are you okay?” Adam turns to you, the threatening tone is long gone from his voice, turning soft in just a heartbeat. He cups your face in his hands, checking if you have anything on you, but there’s nothing, just pure shock in your eyes.

“I-I’m alright. It’s just my hand,” you whimper, feeling the tears building up in your eyes as it all crashes at you once. He gently takes your hand, taking a look at it and it’s a deep shade of red and you’re already sure it’s going to bruise by the morning.

“Come on, let’s go back inside,” he softly says wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he pulls you to his side and walks you up to the apartment.

You sit on the couch, sniffing quietly as he gets you an icepack, and you still can’t believe this just happened.

“Here,” he sighs joining you on the couch, handing you the icepack. You mumble a faint thank you as you push it to your skin, hissing at the sudden coldness of it. “Are you sure he didn’t hurt you anywhere else?”

“No, he didn’t have the chance, you arrived in time,” you say with a sad smile.

“What the fuck happened though?” he asks with a grimace, running his fingers through his hair.

“He… got mad at me because I didn’t want to kiss him. He said we are not in middle school and girls usually ask him to go up at this point. Told him I’m not like that and he didn’t take it well.”

“That dickhead!” he curses shaking his head.

“How did you know you had to come down? And where’s Hannah?” The questions start to flow into your mind as you slowly adjust to the happenings around you. The apartment seems quiet, you’re more than sure she is not home.

“She went out with Jessa and Marnie,” he shrugs and you find it odd that she spends her first night out with friends instead of being with Adam, but you don’t say anything about it.

“And my other question?” you ask remembering he never answered the first question.

“Huh?”

“How did you know you had to come down?”

“I uhh… I was just looking out the window and spotted you two. When I saw his annoying ass face turn from a smile into that fucking frown I knew something was about to happen.”

“Were you waiting by the window?” you quietly ask.

“What? No, I wasn’t.”

“So it was all one big coincidence?”

“Yeah,” he nods, but you see right through him and he knows it too. “Okay, fuck it! I was waiting at the window, you happy now?”

“But why?”

“Why? Because I’m one big fucking loser and I wanted to see the fucker you are seeing. I wanted to see how you look at him, if he makes you laugh, if he is what you deserve.”

He exhales sharply, pouring his heart out finally. He has been holding it all back for too long and he just can’t keep himself back anymore.

“I hated the thought of you being with someone, I could barely sit still after you left and when Hannah said she is meeting her friends I just came home and stood at the fucking window like some fucking creep, waiting for you to finally come home.”

You stare at him completely shocked at his sudden confession, not knowing what to do or say, but one thing is for sure; his words are making your heart flip.

“I can’t keep pretending like I’m fine with just being friends with you, because I’m not! And it’s literally the worst feeling ever, and I—“

He doesn’t get to finish, because without really thinking through what you are doing you move forward and press your lips to his, kissing him hard, dropping the icepack from your hand to cup his face in your palms.

It takes him a moment to realize what’s happening, but when he finally does, he doesn’t waste any more seconds. Wrapping his arms around you he pulls you to his lap and you put a knee on each of his sides, pressing up against him while your lips move in sync.

You feel him in every bit of your body, it’s like electricity. You’ve thought about what it would like to kiss him before, but reality is nothing like those ridiculous daydreams. The way he pulls on your bottom lip, how his fingers dive into your hair on the back of your head and feeling his broad shoulders under your palms, it’s just making your mind explode. You want to kiss him every day for the rest of your life, feel his plump lips on yours all the time, the weight of his arms around your body, the way his hair sticks to your forehead upon touching.

It all crashes when you suddenly hear Hannah’s laugh coming from outside and in a blink of an eye you push him away and jump off him, shocked at what you just did. The two of you stare at each other for a moment at a complete loss of words for what just happened, but when you hear Hannah’s key wiggle in the lock you decide it’s time to disappear.

Covering your mouth with your hand you run into your room and shut the door closed just when she walks in. You press your back against it sliding down to the floor and you hear their conversation while you just sit there in utter shock.

“Y/N?” she calls after you. “I wanted to ask how her date went,” she sadly sighs.

“Um, she… It wasn’t the best,” you hear Adam answer and your throat closes up at hearing his voice.

“Really? What did she say?”

“The dude was a dick. I think she just wants to sleep it off,” he cleverly says so Hannah won’t come into your room to interrogate.

You hear him talk about her evening before they move into their bedroom and the voices become too muffled to make out what they are saying. You don’t know how long you sit there on the floor, but after a while you just blankly crawl up to the bed and pulling the covers over your head you pray to wake up with an easier heart, because right now it feels like you are carrying a rock in your chest, thinking about what you just did.

-

general/forever taglist for Adam Driver

i do separate taglists for different people, but not for different works of mine! if you ask to be on my Adam taglist, you’ll be tagged in all of my Adam fics!

@superdriver​ @siren-queen03​ @holacherrycola90​ @spencer-is-amazing​ @unusual-kindred-spirits​ @hailthemightywoecloud @holy-kylo-stars​ @kowalskibro-adamdriverblog​ @hurricanesunset​ 

if you’d like to be taken off or added to the list, please let me know!

[watchmegetobsessed]

Different - Adam Sackler (pt. 4)

one last part is left, so exciting!!!

series summary: Hannah lets you move in with her and Adam as you are her second cousin and in need of a place to live. Your relationship with Adam starts rocky, but things soon seem to be taking a turn.

pairing: Adam Sackler x Reader

word count: 4.2k

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

masterlist

You sleep for fourteen hours straight, making it already noon when you wake up the next day. You feel like you’ve been hit on the head or like maybe you have a hangover, but it’s neither of those, you just had the most stressful day yesterday and as the thoughts crawl back to you the anxiety shakes through your body again.

You really did just make out with your second cousin’s boyfriend last night, officially winning the title of worst relative on planet Earth. You feel horrible, even disgusted by yourself and the fact that you have to face her now is just sickening. You deserve to be punched in the stomach at least.

As you walk out of your room you are met with a dead silent apartment, everyone is gone. You take a quick trip to the bathroom before heading to the fridge to find something to eat after your hibernation.

Just when you are about to pour cereal into a bowl the front door opens and a shirtless Adam walks in, probably back from his usual run. Both of you freeze for a moment seeing each other, given the circumstances of the last time you two interacted.

“Hey,” he softly says closing the door and stopping a few feet away from you.

“Hi,” you breathe out nervously.

“I feel like we definitely should talk,” he suggests and you just silently nod even though you have no idea what you want to tell him. You haven’t had the time to figure it all out. “Hannah went back to Iowa this morning,” he admits and you frown.

“Already?”

“Yes. Things hasn’t been… the best between us.”

You nod, curious where he is heading with what he wants to say, the new information about them slowly sinking in.

“This whole Iowa thing has taken a toll on us clearly and we both know. We haven’t said it out, but I’m pretty sure the next time we meet we’ll call it quits. This is not working and I don’t want to pretend like it is. I wanted to tell her this morning, but she was kind of in a hurry, saying that she forgot to hand some papers in, so I didn’t want to get into this conversation while she was on the run. But it’s gonna happen when she comes back, I just don’t want to do it on the phone either.”

It’s a lot at first and you just slowly nod as he walks a little closer, leaning against the counter, eyes focused on you.

“Look, I know guilt has been probably eating you up alive, so I definitely thought this is something you needed to know. And now that it’s out… we can talk about… about us.”

You stay silent a little longer, trying to find the words and Adam just patiently waits for you to speak up.

“What do you think about what happened last night?” you shyly ask. Things happened, but you never found out how he saw it all.

“I think it was the best fucking thing that has happened to me in a while,” he chuckles and his reply makes you smile. You were afraid he sees it in a different way, but now you are sure you’re on the same page.

“So you don’t regret it?”

“Not even a bit, no,” he shakes his head confidently. “Do you regret it?”

“A little,” you admit truthfully. “Because of Hannah.”

“I get that,” he nods. “It’s a complicated situation. But… I really want to give it a try. To give us a try.”

Chewing on his words you try to figure out what would be the best to do. After hearing how they are now with Hannah your guilt is still not completely gone, because regardless of all the problems they are having they are still technically a couple and he basically just cheated on her with you.

“I don’t want anything to happen until you are still with her.”

“But—“

“I know,” you cut him off already knowing what he wants to say. “But my conscience just wouldn’t able to live with it if anything happened before you called it quits officially. Even after, it’s a whole different story, because she is family, but at least I won’t feel like a cheating slut.”

Adam clearly doesn’t agree with you, but he respects your will, he understands your reasoning and he definitely doesn’t want you to suffer even more than what you already did.

“Alright. I can live with that,” he nods.

“So… friends until…?” you ask with a shy smile.

“Friends until we break up. Yeah,” he nods returning the smile. “Can I at least hug you?”

“Yeah, sure,” you chuckle and a moment later his long arms wrap around you, pulling you to his naked chest.

A part of your heart is aching that it’s not a grand romantic story, because the two of you started off the worst possible way, and now that these confessions have been finally made it’s still complicated and not what you imagined for yourself.

But you know one thing for sure: you are falling for Adam Sackler harder than you did for anyone in your life before.

Already thinking about the next steps to be taken, you start looking for a new place knowing well living with Hannah will never be an option. You just wouldn’t be able to look into her eyes even if she’ll know about everything and decide to forgive you.

“You could live with me,” Adam suggests one morning when the two of you are having breakfast together and you are checking out yet another apartment online.

“That’s not an option.”

“Why? We’ve been living together for months and it’s working out.”

“Yeah, but it would be different and I’m not ready for that.”

You can tell he doesn’t agree, but he keeps his thoughts to himself, he has been doing this a lot. The amount of patience he has been showing to you is just incredible, honestly. You were afraid this whole slowing down thing wouldn’t work out, but it did all thanks to Adam.

Looking up at him from your computer you see him deep in his thoughts as he drinks up the rest of his milk and you shut the laptop down leaning closer to him, putting a hand to his knee.

“Hey, this is not against you.”

“I know,” he nods.

“Then what’s bothering you?”

“I just… I keep wishing things weren’t this complicated.”

“Well, we can’t change the past, so let’s just… look forward. It’ll be okay,” you say squeezing his knee gently before returning to your breakfast.

Living with someone you know you’ll be romantically involved with very soon is just a situation you never thought you would face or that it even exists. You keep showing affection to each other in a very subtle way, tiny touches, secret looks, hidden smiles, but nothing crosses the line actually, you just both think about it, but don’t do it, making promises to the times when you’ll be actually able to do whatever you want.

One evening when Adam comes home from work you are on the couch, watching some random documentary on the TV.

“Hey,” he breathes out throwing his stuff into his room before joining you on the couch. Taking your feet he lifts them up and after sitting down he pulls them to his lap.

“How was the play today?” you ask with a tired smile.

“Good, almost messed up a line but it was alright.”

“Crazy I’ve never seen you on stage.”

“You want to?”

“Yeah, I’m interested what you’re like when you are not… you.”

Adam lets out a chuckle as his fingers start to gently work on your feet, massaging it like a professional. You hum at the feeling, sliding lower on the couch so your head is on the armrest.

“Is this a hint that you are into roleplaying?”

“What?” you chuckle with a frown.

“You said you want to know what it’s like when I’m not me. That’s what roleplaying is based on.”

“Yeah, but I was talking about acting, not about sex,” you say feeling yourself growing anxious about where this conversation is heading.

Talking about sex is always hard for you. You’ve never been that open about sex like you know Hannah is, the only person you’ve slept with is your ex-boyfriend and even with him, it took months for you to get comfortable enough to have sex. The whole topic just brings you a lot of anxiety you don’t know how to deal with, so most of the time you just try to avoid talking about it, but there are some cases when it’s not an option and you feel like this is slowly turning into one too.

Adam examines you curiously as you keep your eyes focused on the TV, trying to ignore his stare, but you can’t fool him.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” you shake your head, still not looking at him.

“Okay, then why are you so tensed suddenly?”

“I’m not tensed.”

“Y/N, we made a promise to be honest. This situation is fucked up enough already, we don’t need more bullshit in it.”

You bite down on your bottom lip, hating the fact that you can’t hide your feelings and thoughts. And also how he is right, you really did make a promise about that a few days after everything went down and now you are breaking it.

Peeking up at him your gaze meets his soft eyes as he rests his head against the back of the couch, waiting for you to speak up.

“Come on, you can tell me anything.”

“I just… hate talking about this.”

“About what? Sex?”

“Sort of,” you shortly nod.

“Why? Did something happen in the past that made you uncomfortable?”

“No,” you sigh shaking your head. “It’s just… it’s a touchy subject for me, I was never open about it. Intimacy doesn’t come easy for me and…”

You cut yourself off as the words form in your mind, but you realize you are afraid to say them out loud.

“Y/N, talk to me!” he pleads in a low voice and you let out a whiny sigh losing your patience with yourself and the whole situation.

“Adam, I’ve heard things about you before. I know how you and Hannah started off, the kinky stuff you’ve done and I’m just not like that. I’m anxious when it comes to sex because I honestly don’t have too much experience in it given the fact that I’ve only been with one person ever in my life and I definitely don’t feel comfortable with this whole… thing.”

He stares at you silently and you immediately feel judged and this is truly what you were trying to avoid, but here you are.

“I know you said it’s okay if we take things slow, but I’m… I’m afraid I’m too slow for you.”

Wording your fears you’ve been thinking about for a while now is scary, especially because as always, you can’t read his face and it’s driving you crazy. He is silent for longer than you’d like him to be, but then he finally speaks up.

“You know I’m an alcoholic, right?” he asks and for a moment you’re not sure if it’s a trap. He didn’t tell you this, you know this just like a lot of other stuff because Hannah likes to run her mouth. You nod your head shyly. “And did Hannah tell you about the fight we had about this whole kinky shit?”

“No.”

“Alright,” he nods, ready to tell you all about it. “Yes, I used to do weird shit when it came to sex, that’s just how I used to be. As long as I found someone who was willing to do it with me, I didn’t see it as a problem, because that was what kept me back from drinking. But then I started dating Hannah, a lot of shit went down and I changed. Just like everyone, I changed and my preferences changed with me. I didn’t need what I needed before, I didn’t have these elaborate fantasies, because… reality was enough for me. We had a fight about it, because she thought that it was her fault I’m not into those bullshit things anymore and I had to tell her that it’s all because I’ve matured and changed. My life is nothing like it was before, I’m in a way better place now and it sucks that people who knew about my shit back then can still judge me about it.”

You sit there in silence, soaking up every word that leaves his mouth and you feel slightly ashamed that you were so fast to judge him for something you heard months ago.

“I did enjoy doing fucked up shit during sex, but that was a long time ago. I don’t need that shit anymore to distract me, because I’m completely fine with just being with the person who I’m with. And that is you right now. I want to be with you, as me, not like someone else.”

You feel tears forming in your eyes and you wish you weren’t so easy to make cry. Adam grabs your ankle and pulls you closer, so your leg is across his thighs and he puts his hands to your hips leaning close to you.

“I can do slow, if that’s what you want. I’m okay with that. Because I just want to be with you and want to make you feel comfortable around me. I want to make you feel happy and secure.”

“Stop it,” you choke out chuckling lightly.

“Stop telling you the truth?” he smiles at you, giving your hipbones a light squeeze. You sit like that for a while, you sniffling a little as Adam just silently watches you. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I never talk about it,” you admit, but he shakes his head.

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to talk about it?” he repeats his question and you think for a moment before shrugging your shoulders.

“I guess I’m anxious because I don’t have experience. With Ben, my ex, I was always just… there for him. I mean we were basically kids when we got together, neither of us really knew what we were doing and we fell into a habit and it was mostly about… him. It sounds bad, I know.”

“It doesn’t, we all start off in an unsure way. You just got stuck with the same person and it made it harder for you to experience what you want, but that’s okay. It doesn’t make you less.”

“So you don’t think of me different, knowing that I’m unexperienced?” you shyly ask.

“Of course not,” he smiles tilting his head. “I think it’s going to make it all… special.”

It’s like a rock has been lifted off your shoulders. You were really afraid of this aspect of your forming relationship with Adam, but he took it in the best way possible, just strengthening you in your belief that you are heading in the right direction.

“I really want to kiss you right now, so I’m gonna go and have a shower to clear my head,” he sighs lifting your legs up so he could stand up. Flipping his hair into place he heads to the bathroom when you call out after him.

“Adam, wait.”

He stops and watches you with curious eyes as you walk over to him. Placing your hands to his chest you tiptoe and press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. When your heels get back to the floor you just shyly smile up at him.

“Thank you,” you whisper tilting your head to the side as he returns the smile. He doesn’t reply, just kisses your forehead and disappears in the bathroom.

 You mostly never know when you wake up in the morning that something life-changing is going to happen that day. You start it just the way you always do and then things just happen and at the end of the day you can’t believe you didn’t see it all coming.

It’s a Friday morning, the day you are moving all your stuff into the new apartment you finally found. You’ve told Hannah already that you are moving out, she sounded completely fine with your decision even though she didn’t know the real reason behind your leaving. The place you are moving into is not too far from Hannah’s apartment and close enough to Adam’s place he rented for the time he is going to move out, just the perfect place, a one bedroom apartment just for yourself, to start a new chapter in your life. You try your best not to feel like you are just getting ready for a betrayal, you like to think this is what must be done.

After an early breakfast Adam and you start your rounds with your boxes and bags to your new place, going back and forth for hours. It’s past 1 pm when the last box finally arrives and you are ready to unpack.

“I like how close this is to my place,” he huffs while you are putting your books on the shelves.

“It was kind of a reason why I liked it,” you smile back at him and he gives you an amazed smirk, liking the fact that you had considered him as a factor while looking for your new home.

“I gotta head back home, I’m meeting my agent soon. You’ll be fine on your own?” he asks kissing the top of your head.

“Yeah. Wanna swing by later?”

“Sure, I can bring food,” he offers and you nod. “See you later, Kid,” he smiles at you before walking out.

You get lost in your own little world, unpacking everything and finding the right place for your stuff and hours go by. When it’s dark outside you find your phone that you haven’t checked in long under your pillows and you see that you had a text from Adam about an hour ago.

“Hannah showed up, I’m gonna talk to her.”

Your stomach immediately drops as you read his words. You were not ready for this at all and you haven’t even really talked about what he is going to tell her. Is he gonna tell her about you? Are they still talking? How did Hannah take the breakup?

“Shit,” you mumble anxiously, feeling the urge to go back to the apartment to check in on them.

What if he doesn’t break up with her? What if he doesn’t want to leave her, he was just playing with you?

There are millions of questions crossing your mind as you nervously pace the floor back at forth, trying to figure out what to do. You are just about to get your stuff and leave when you get another text from Adam.

“I told her about us, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to but it slipped! She fucking locked me into the apartment, I think she is going to see you. I’m trying to get out.”

“Oh my fucking… Shit!” you curse again, your hands shaking from fear when suddenly there’s a violent knock on your door.

“Let me the fuck in, Y/N!” Hannah demands, nonstop hitting the door with her hand. For a moment you think about not letting her in, but you can’t do that. You have to face her.

You take a deep breath as you turn the lock and open the door just to find a raging, red-eyed Hannah standing there.

“You could you,” she hisses pushing her way inside. “How could you do this to me?”

Closing the door you slowly turn around in a complete loss of words, giving the perfect chance for Hannah to lash out on you.

“I fucking trusted you! And what do you do? Steal my boyfriend when I’m away? Y/N, this is so fucked up! How long has the two of you been sneaking behind my back?”

“We-we didn’t. It was just one kiss a-and nothing else happened, I swear!”

“And I’m supposed to believe that? How fucking believable is it that you two didn’t do anything while I was away after that kiss happened?”

“I didn’t want anything to happen until he hasn’t sorted things out with you!”

“How fucking generous! Am I supposed to say thank you?” she scoffs throwing her hands into the air. “This is literally the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen, Y/N, and the fact that it came from a family member, is just blowing my mind.”

“Hannah, he said you were already having problems, not connected to me,” you whisper, trying to fight your tears back, but your vision is turning blurry already.

“But that doesn’t mean you can just scoop in and be the shoulder he cries on and then fuck him!” she screams and you jump a little at her voice. “But you know what? You two deserve each other!” she spats. “I hope the poisonous thought of how you two played me will keep you together forever! And I hope you are proud of yourself for ruining my life!”

Finishing up she marches past you and just walks out, shutting the door behind her as you just stand there, tears running down your face, completely and utterly disgusted by yourself. Because every word she said was true. You really did just played her and for what? Because you couldn’t behave like an adult and control yourself around Adam?

You deserved every bit of it and it has opened your eyes.

You have no idea how much time goes by when you hear another knock on the door and you jump at the sudden noise of it.

“Y/N? Are you okay? Did she come here?” Adam speaks up on the other side and your body just can’t move. You stare at the door like it’s him, the tears still soaking your cheeks, but you are just unable to move. “Y/N please let me in!” he begs, but you can’t do that. You can’t face him.

“Adam, go away,” you call out in a shaky voice.

“What did Hannah tell you? She was just mad about the whole thing, I’m sure she didn’t mean half the stuff she told you! Please just let me in so we can talk without this fucking door between us!”

“Go away!” you repeat and as the words leave your mouth you choke out.

“Fuck!” he slams his hand on the door. “I’m gonna break this fucking door if you don’t let me in, I already broke one door today, don’t fucking test me!”

Rushing over to the door you lean against it, like you could stop him from breaking it when in reality you know he would easily sweep you off your feet if he decided to break the door.

“Adam, please go away. This is not working,” you beg him and hearing your words coming from closer he forgets about breaking in, he just leans against the door wishing it wasn’t there.

“I thought we had a deal. I know it didn’t turn out how we wanted, but I still want to be with you. Do you not want to be with me?”

“Don’t make it harder than how it already is. Just admit, it would have never worked.”

“How do you know if we never tried?”

“Not under these circumstances. Hannah was right, we played her and it’s the most disgusting thing ever.”

“Fucking Hannah and her manipulation! She was just angry at the situation, I’m sure she wanted to be the one to break up with me, so now she is playing the drama queen like always to make herself the biggest fucking victim! Don’t fall for her stupid shit!”

“Go away, Adam,” you repeat as you already made your mind up. This is not going to happen, it would have never worked and now you just want to live with the guilt that’s slowly eating you up alive, because that’s exactly what you deserve.

“Y/N, just open the fucking door, let me see you!”

“But I don’t want to see you. Goodbye, Adam,” you say before pushing yourself away from the door and going to the farthest corner of the apartment to get as far away from him as possible.

He doesn’t leave for another hour or so, talking to you through the door, but you never answer. You’re afraid he will for real break your door, but he stays outside. At one point you realize he hasn’t spoken in a long time, so you tiptoe to the peephole and you see no one outside.

Softly opening the door you peek outside to make sure he is gone and you just find the empty hallway, no sign of Adam. He is gone.

He really is gone, and even though you wanted him to be gone, it still breaks your heart. It’s like for the first time in your life, you are completely alone and this void is pulling you in, no matter what you try to tell yourself.

Adam has become a huge part of your life and you realize that you shouldn’t have depended on him so bad, because your relationship was doomed from the first moment and you should have known that. You should have been smarter than that. But now you are left on your own, living with the consequences of your poor life choices.

-

general/forever taglist for Adam Driver

i do separate taglists for different people, but not for different works of mine! if you ask to be on my Adam taglist, you’ll be tagged in all of my Adam fics!

@superdriver​ @siren-queen03​ @holacherrycola90​ @spencer-is-amazing​ @unusual-kindred-spirits​ @hailthemightywoecloud @holy-kylo-stars​ @kowalskibro-adamdriverblog​ @hurricanesunset​ @writerandee​ @luxury-0pps​ @prncess91​ @malefoygal​ @zaahidahhh​

if you’d like to be taken off or added to the list, please let me know!