#actually whatever the fuck they had going on in the 90's everybody looked so cool

[teddybeartoji]

i wish my gender was a detective from like any detective show/film from the 90's

[artificialqueens]

Everybody Knows You're High, 1/4 (Rajila) - Dartmouth420

“I found myself all alone in the grocery store, more stoned than I think I’ve ever been before.”

Summary: Raja smokes way too much weed and develops horrifying self-awareness, Manila’s there to rescue her but takes none of her bullshit. Maybe, just maybe, they fall in love. A lesbian college AU friends-to-idiots-to-lovers tale based on the song Everybody Knows by Partner. Loosely inspired by Off Limits by V&albatross but like wayyyy dumber :) 

A/N: my computer died and I’m in the process of getting all my files back so I wrote this mostly in the notes app on my phone to cope lmao

tw: weed induced anxiety & paranoia

-

It was a wonderful Sunday afternoon and Raja had been taking massive bong rips for the past two hours because why the hell not.

She sat in a sunbeam on her couch in the living room, deeply at peace with the world. Her roommates were out, and Raja was supposed to be working on a paper for her philosophy class that was due this week. But whatever, wasn’t a big part of college about having fun?

Raja glanced over at her Nintendo controller and stared at it for a good minute before reaching for it and selecting Super Smash Bros. After several minutes of staring glassy-eyed at the screen and trying to beat the computer generated competition, Raja blindly reached over for the bag of chips that usually rested in the corner of the couch and found… it was gone.

Raja paused the game and glared at the corner of the couch, suddenly really hungry.

She got up and went to the kitchen, digging around in the cupboards, reasoning she could always pay Delta or Carmen back for chips if they had some… but to no avail. If Raja wanted chips, she’d have to leave the house.

But that wasn’t such a big deal, the grocery store was a block down the street which was part of the reason they’d picked this house in the first place. Raja knew the route like the back of her tattooed left hand.

So, Raja took another big hit off her bong for courage, enjoying the satisfying bubbles in the dank bong water and subsequent thick smoke that went deep into her lungs.

Then she left the house, lazy in loose shorts and a crop top, yellow-tinted sunglasses to take the glare off the sunny afternoon, and her wallet reliably in her back pocket. What a beautiful day, it almost felt like a movie as she wandered down the street in the golden afternoon light. The clouds were small, fluffy and perfect. It just like how Raja imagined the 90s.

Glancing up at the big three-pane window in the house a few doors down across the street, Raja wondered if anyone was home. A few other students lived there, including Manila, who was one of her close friends. Raja decided not to stop and kept walking, the need for chips overpowering the desire to stop by and visit Manila.

At the grocery store Raja smiled to herself, took a plastic basket and wandered gently down the brightly lit aisles. Mmm, food. She got to the chips aisle and put a couple of different bags in her basket, letting elderly people and families and other folks pass her as she moved slowly. Then Raja decided she might, in fact, want ice cream too and moseyed over to the dairy section.

But as the cool air of the diary aisle hit her Raja began to experience doubt. She didn’t smell like weed, did she? Her mouth still tasted a little smoky, but surely it wouldn’t be a problem…

… and suddenly Raja saw somebody behind the glass in the big wall of fridges, blending in to the little cartons of whipping cream. Who the hell was that?

Raja peered closer, curious about the weird gremlin that lived in the fridge only to realize, with absolute horror, that it was her own reflection.

Long, greasy black hair, a slack expression, yellow tinted sunglasses through which her bloodshot and lined eyes were clearly visible. A twenty-year-old mess.

Clearly and distinctly, a voice inside Raja’s head said, Everybody knows you’re high.

Shit.

Raja looked around slowly, and inched into the corner at the end of the aisle between the shredded cheese and a big granola bar display. Her breath grew shallow as the sudden anxiety swallowed her whole. Oh god, oh no, everybody could tell-

What the fuck was she supposed to do now?

Raja gulped, completely glued to the spot as she watched the other shoppers go by. She needed a rescue mission. She took out her phone, holding on to the basket of chips for dear life.

Raja stared at her phone. Delta and Carmen were both out today and too far away, Shangela was mad at her, Raven was out of the question, who else, who else lived nearby… 

Raja hit call.

“Hello?” came Manila’s voice, a little out of breath.

“Manila,” whispered Raja, shrinking further into the corner between the display and the glass fridge, as she realized that everyone in the store knew she was high and could probably also hear her conversation, “I need you to come pick me up.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“I’m like… super high,” whispered Raja, anxiety spiking as her too-slow body fought her too-fast mind, “I’m at the grocery store and everybody knows and I’m trapped in the diary aisle and I can’t move.”

“What?” laughed Manila, “Oh my god, how much weed did you smoke?”

“I dunno, I did like… thirteen bong hits,” whispered Raja pathetically, “I needed chips.”

“You are so stupid,” said Manila with affectionate exasperation, “I’m out for a run, I’m just around the corner. I’ll come get you.”

Raja whispered a thank you and hung up and took a deep breath and stared at the floor. The floor was moving a little bit not too badly.  Maybe she could just walk down the dairy aisle and people wouldn’t be able to tell how high she was- but no, everybody knew. Someone was probably calling the grocery store cops right now and Raja would go to stoner girl jail and she’d never get to tell Manila how much she liked her…

After what might have three minutes or possibly an hour, Raja looked up and saw Manila approaching from the end of the aisle. Raja breathed a sigh of relief, but found she still couldn’t move. Manila’s curly black hair was up in a high ponytail, her face glowed a little from her run, and her colourful leggings were really showing off her legs…

“Hi, bitch,” said Manila, stopping in front of Raja with a huge, teasing grin. “I can’t believe you did this to yourself. Come on.”

With that, Manila turned and motioned for Raja to follow, her but Raja couldn’t.

“Nnh-“ managed Raja, shaking her head. If she left the corner now-

“Raja,” said Manila, rolling her eyes. She reached out and took Raja’s loose hand, forcefully leading her down the aisle. Very shocked to suddenly be moving, Raja followed her passively, letting herself be led. But when they got to checkout Raja froze again, causing Manila to jerk to a stop. Raja shook her head frantically.

“Are you like actually having a panic attack or something?” asked Manila, concerned, looking carefully into Raja’s expression as Raja suddenly noticed a few loose curls that had come loose from her ponytail, sitting soft and almost weightless on Manila’s head-

“Nope, you’re just really high,” said Manila to herself, shaking her head, and then redirected her. “Self-checkout it is.”

They made it through the self-checkout and paid for the chips even though Raja really didn’t like the beeping machine and kept asking it to be quiet. And then finally Manila led her back outside into the sun. Raja breathed out a sigh of relief, glad to have escaped. They crossed the hot expanse of the parking lot and headed for home. It was rare that weed made her anxious and paranoid like that, but it did happen occasionally.

Manila let go of her hand and Raja immediately missed it, because Manila’s hand was warm and soft and fit nicely in hers. Hmm. Manila always showed up for her, reflected Raja vaguely, she was an exceptionally reliable force in a flakey world. Raja kept walking, gently swinging her plastic bag full of chips as her anxiety faded. Manila said something but Raja wasn’t really paying attention.

“Do you want to come over and play Nintendo?” asked Raja instead. “I’ve got Super Smash Bros.”

“That’s your response to what topic you’re doing for the paper for Professor O’Hara’s philosophy class?” laughed Manila.

“Uh, I’m working on it,” answered Raja, noticing the way the sun caught in Manila’s hair. Had she noticed these things about her before? They’d been friends for a while now, and Raja was pretty sure Manila liked girls too… or was at least willing to experiment. “I’m gonna write about Plato’s Symposium, probably.”

“Yeah, cool,” replied Manila, nodding so that her curly ponytail bounced, “I’ve got about six hundred words on The Republic so far.”

“Are you like dating Alexis?” asked Raja, changing the subject, “Or was that just a casual thing?”

“No,” said Manila, momentarily hesitating, “Well yeah, uh, it was unclear. But we ended it a little while ago, she’s with Yara now.”

“Right, I thought I saw them together. I didn’t realize you two were over.”

“Yeah I mean, you had your own drama going on…”

“Huh?” Raja couldn’t recall any drama in her own life. Raja liked to keep things really chill.

“Uh…” laughed Manila awkwardly, “You were dating Raven and then you broke up with her like super callously right in the middle of that party at Morgan’s and she screamed at you and then knocked that bottle of wine off the table and it broke and went everywhere and someone filmed it-“

“Oh yeah,” said Raja, shrugging and recalling the incident, “Well, she’s a very intense person. I don’t remember you being there, though?”

“I don’t know where you went but I was trying to help Morgan get the stain out of the carpet while she panicked about her damage deposit and Raven locked herself in the bathroom,” said Manila dryly.

“Well,” said Raja, and looked up at her house as the approached, blinking slowly, not sure if she had anything to add to that, “I guess I should apologize to her or whatever. But uh, you should come over anyway, all my roommates are out.”

“Okay, I’ll come up,” said Manila, poking Raja’s arm, “Just to make sure you drink some water and don’t green out on me.”

They went inside and Raja threw herself on to the couch on her side with a bag of chips in her arms, melting down into the cushions with a contented sigh. This was where she was meant to be.

Manila walked in to the kitchen and came back out with two glasses of water, sipping hers and handing the other to Raja.

“Ooh, thank you,” said Raja, half-sitting up to take the glass, and chugged the entire thing, only now noticing she was totally cotton-mouthed and thirsty. Finally hydrated, the munchies were hitting hard and she tore open the bag of chips.

Manila sat down on the couch, shoving Raja’s long legs out of the way.

“Mmm, salt,” commented Manila dryly, taking a handful of chips and shoving them into her mouth. Crunching happily, she wiped her hand on her thigh and asked, “So, where’s the controller?”

Raja pointed it out and Manila picked it up, cancelled out Raja’s long-abandoned game on the screen across from them, and returned to the main menu with a flick of her thumb on the mini joystick. She held the controller with an easy confidence, and it made Raja wonder what else Manila could do with with her hands and how exactly Alexis had benefitted from that…

“Are we gonna play two player or are you just watching?” asked Manila, turning towards her.

Raja considered everything for a moment: the beautiful golden sun streaming in the window, the glorious high she’d relaxed back into, the tasty chips, Manila’s truly beautiful ass that was just about touching Raja’s knee given the way they were positioned, and the fact that, well, Manila was really pretty and recently single and Raja had always preferred casual hookups or friends-with-benefits to relationships anyway, especially given the recent disaster- no, situation, with Raven…

“Do you wanna make out?” asked Raja instead, with what she hoped was a very seductive look.

Manila hesitated for a split second, then burst out laughing and said, “Uh, no?!”

“What, really?” complained Raja. She couldn’t recall the last time a girl had said no to that suggestion. Raven, Mariah, Alaska, Bianca, Shangela, Yvie, Courtney… they’d all been into it, even if just for an afternoon or a night.

“As if!” said Manila, affecting her voice like she was Cher Horowitz before she laughed again and shook her head. Manila leaned forward and flicked through the menus, selecting the single player option, then her character and the arena. With a satisfied little smirk on the side of her mouth, Manila added, “Ask me again when you’re not stoned out of your mind.”

The music played out and Raja sulked and ate her chips and watched Manila play without really seeing it. Being stoned and mildly horny was usually a really fun combination, except when the other person wasn’t interested. Which like never happened! Maybe she’d invite Manila to stay for dinner, let her high fade and they could hang out and maybe things would get interesting a little later in the evening…

“Uh, so,” said Raja again, after watching Manila repeatedly beat the computer generated competition as Pikachu. The screen was starting to hurt her eyes a bit and she put the bag of chips down, craving human contact. Their friendship was platonically affectionate and hopefully that would still be on the table today. “Can I braid your hair?”

“Has anybody ever told you how weird you are?” said Manila in response, jabbing the A-button as she kicked Luigi off the platform.

“People think I’m very cool…”

“Yeah, but that’s what you make them think. I can see right through it, though. You’re afraid of commitment, you’re kind of an anxious bitch and you use weed and the idea of being chill to cover all of that,” stated Manila, “But yeah, you can braid my hair.”

Raja decided to ignore the first part of what Manila had said and sat up, shuffling around behind her until she sat with her legs apart, Manila perched on the edge of the couch cushion between them as she bent forward with her elbows on her knees to play.

While Raja was mentally celebrating the perfect position for hair braiding she’d placed herself in, Manila aggressively jabbed at the controller and kicked the other players off the platform and won the round.

“Sweet,” said Manila, as the victory music played, reaching back and pulling the elastic band out of her ponytail to let her hair spill down her back. Happy and hazy, Raja carded her fingers through Manila’s hair as Manila loaded up another arena. 

Manila continued, “Better hope Carmen isn’t mad that I’m beating all her high scores. I’m gonna unlock metallic Peach for her.”

Raja spent an indefinite period of time gently braiding Manila’s beautiful hair in a soothing repetitive pattern as her high slowly faded and Manila kicked ass at Super Smash Bros. Raja hadn’t ever really noticed Manila like this before. They were pretty good friends, and they’d always had a flirtatious undertone, and Manila went out of her way to hang out and even do favours for her… but Raja had always assumed she was just like, nice or whatever, but maybe it was something more that Raja simply hadn’t registered before. Playing with Manila’s hair wasn’t helping Raja feel any less horny, and there a low strum of sexual tension between them that Raja was sure Manila must be picking up on as well.

Suddenly the door opened and Raja looked up, dropping her hands. Delta was in the doorway, calling out a hello. Raja called back to her, vaguely shocked by the existence of other humans in the universe other than herself and Manila.

Manila paused the game and got up off the couch and touched the back of her head, feeling at the multitude of little braids in her hair. 

“Ha, I must look a mess,” said Manila, then she stretched her arms over her head, grimacing as her back cracked and continued, “Well, you’re barely high anymore and Delta’s back, so I take it my work here is done. I have to finish that paper tonight, see ya.”

With that, Manila sauntered off towards the door, leaving Raja distinctly abandoned on the couch.

“Uh, bye?” called Raja sarcastically after her as Manila shut the door.

Delta gave her a strong side-eyed look.

“What?” asked Raja.

“Since when are you into Manila?” asked Delta bluntly, sitting down into the couch next to Raja. Delta was keenly observant and it was something Raja admired about her, except when she was on the receiving end of that power.

“Since like an hour ago?” replied Raja, and told her about the grocery store adventure.

Delta laughed and totally roasted her while Raja whined complaints.

“She said to ask again when I’m less stoned, so I’m gonna do that the next time we hang out,” said Raja, with complete faith that the idea would work without any problems whatsoever, “What were you out doing this afternoon anyway?”

“Fooling around with that chemistry major I told you about,” replied Delta smugly, poking Raja’s arm, “I can’t believe you got too high and let a cute girl get away on you, you’re losing your touch.”

“You’re a terrible roommate,” complained Raja, but her smile gave her away, “And she’s not just some cute girl, she’s our friend…”

“Sure, but that can all change real quick if you get intimate…”

“It won’t change anything, it’ll be totally casual,” said Raja, casually, “She’s gotta be into me, she’s always nice, and we’re both like queer or whatever,” Raja flipped her hair over her shoulder and adopted a sexy voice, “So why wouldn’t she wanna make out?”

“You’re so annoying,” laughed Delta, and then shook her head, “Just don’t break her heart, bitch, that’ll make our parties super awkward.”

Then they hung out and made dinner and Raja remembered she was still pretty greasy and took a shower. After that she was really, truly, no longer high and it was time to actually work on her philosophy paper.

But Raja knew that something today had shifted. Maybe getting super high, freaking out in the grocery store and having Manila rescue her had brought something to the surface that always been there. Or maybe the affection and desire was totally new. It didn’t make that much of a difference to Raja. The next time the moment struck, she’d simply ask Manila again if she was interested. If Manila genuinely wasn’t then Raja would leave her alone, they’d remain friends, and she’d move on to someone else. But should Manila say yes… well, that would be super fun, wouldn’t it?

[gayenerd]

This interview was the cover story for the 17th issue of Jaded In Chicago. It was conducted in September of 2004, several weeks prior to the release of American Idiot. It was a fitting end to the fanzine that was named after the band, as “Jaded In Chicago” references Green Day’s 1994 MTV concert special. To come full circle by interviewing the band that inspired the zine’s moniker was somewhat surreal.

With the release of American Idiot, Green Day has transcended punk rock. By crafting the first punk rock opera and fashioning what is likely the first tasteful concept album of the new millennium, they’ve provided pop punk bands everywhere with a blueprint for how to mature gracefully. Additionally, as much as American Idiot is about innovation, it’s also a return to the fundamentals of punk rock. The album sears with dissent, takes aim between the eyes of the Bush administration and contains a dangerous sense of unpredictability. It’s been ten years since Green Day was the most popular band in the world and with any luck American Idiot will allow them to recapture that title in no time. (Interview with drummer Tré Cool).

Bill – Before we talk about American Idiot, I wanted to discuss the infamous “lost” album first. About a year and a half ago, you guys recorded what was to be the follow-up to Warning, but reportedly the master tapes were stolen. What can you tell me about what happened?

Tré – We just knew that if it ever came out, we couldn’t do any of those same songs on the actual record. If somebody puts it out, like crappier versions of the songs, it’s going to totally ruin it. Plus, it happened right around the same time that Billie wrote the song “American Idiot” and most of “Holiday.” We were in the middle of working on those songs, so we just decided not to look back and we kept going forward.

Bill – I’ve read that you feel American Idiot is “maximum Green Day.” Why exactly do you feel this way?

Tré – Well, because we’re firing on all cylinders, ya know? Everything about even just being in the band now feels so right. Everything from the recording process to the live shows to our ambitions. This might sound kind of dumb, but even the clothes we’re wearing during photo shoots. It’s more together like a band.

Bill – People are certainly expecting this record to be political, but I think they’re going to be surprised when they hear how you really go for the throat with some of the lyrics. Examples of this would of course be the title track and also the breakdown section of “Holiday.” What are some of the main reasons why you’re so pissed off with this country?

Tré – It’s more like confused and jaded, if you will, (laughs). The bombardment of bullshit, fake news, like Fox News and CNN. All the reality-based shit that’s on television, stuff like Fear Factor that the government is using to keep everybody like good little sheep and not asking too many questions. It’s like how if a cop hears you use the word “terror” it basically means he can take any normal American citizen’s rights away from them. A cop can do that at his or her discretion if they think you might be a terrorist or whatnot. The whole Patriot Act. It’s like do we actually have any rights after all? We don’t have the right to a proper election, we already found that out. The fabric of our government right now is basically just made out of one hundred dollar bills that are drenched in oil. As far as this upcoming election goes, I know that John Kerry is extremely conservative and he’s nowhere near the liberal we need in the White House to clean up the mess. However, he’s not George Bush. Kerry’s money is in ketchup. Bush’s money is in oil and blood. I’d choose ketchup over that, (laughs).

Bill – How do you hope people react to these songs?

Tré – I hope they can look past the strong language and go into the meaning of it. I hope they realize there’s a bit of sarcasm. I hope they don’t feel that we’re telling them what to do. We’re just sort of pointing the fingers at ourselves, saying like “I don’t want to be an American idiot or I don’t want to be a part of this bullshit.”

Bill – Talk about the character called “Jesus of Suburbia.” What sort of journey does he embark on throughout these songs and what made you choose this type of format for your songwriting?

Tré – The album is sort of like a timeline of his life. Depending on where you’re at with your life, you probably fit somewhere on that timeline yourself. Whether it’s the “Holiday” party stage, or the “Give Me Novacaine” drug stage or the “Extraordinary Girl” being in love stage; all these different stages in life show that what paths you choose will inevitably lead you somewhere. It’s not necessarily the happiest ending in the world, but it’s pretty realistic.

Bill – Are you at all worried about some of your fans possibly being alienated by the two nine-minute rock operas found on the album?

Tré – I don’t think they’ll even notice they’re nine-minute songs. They’ll think they’re a bunch of short songs put together. It’s definitely short attention span theater. It’s not like Wilco, where they have a ten-minute song with the same drumbeat and the same chord progression. Not saying anything bad about Wilco, they’re a fine band. They’re great to relax to and drink iced tea to, (laughs). I think we’d get bored doing that. We just sort of get to the point, say what we want to say and move on to the next part of the song. The way the energy flows in the songs is sort of like the way America is now too, just so scattered. There’s a big misrepresentation of how we feel in this bullshit climate right now.

Bill – One of the most important topics you address on this record is the American media. Specifically, how it perpetuates fear amongst the public and does little to question the President’s follow-through on his promises. Do you think the average American is aware of how the wool is being pulled over their eyes?

Tré – No, not at all. Say you see some guy driving down the street with a Bush/Cheney sticker on his Chevy S-10, beat-up truck with a pair of flip-flops hanging off the back. I want to ask him, “Why the fuck are you a Republican? What’s in it for you, dude?” Bush isn’t doing a thing for those people. He’s not helping them get a better truck or put food on the table. He’s not going to give them a tax break. Republicans don’t care about you. They’re not going to try and help you in any way. They just want to use you and get your dead peasants insurance once you’re gone.

Bill – Tell me about the upcoming club dates that you have scheduled where you plan to perform American Idiot in its entirety. Who came up with the idea and what are you looking forward to most about it?

Tré – I’d credit Pete Townshend with the idea. We’ve always admired The Who and their lack of inhibition as far as going for whatever crazy idea they had. As crazy as something like Tommy was when it was just a small idea, compared to what it’s become now, it’s pretty insane. They did A Quick One, where they played that live. That was a quick one, but ours is an hour. Basically, we just want to kick The Who’s ass. I listened to Who’s Next yesterday, which a lot of people are comparing American Idiot to. We totally got them beat. I’ve always aspired to be as good of a drummer as Keith Moon and I think I’ve fuckin’ passed by him on this record.

Bill – Roughly ten years ago, Dookie was released and went on to sell over ten million copies and become one of the most notable albums of the ‘90s. A decade later, I think you’ve constructed in American Idiot what is arguably your strongest record yet. Is there anything specific that you hope American Idiot accomplishes?

Tré – Yeah, I think it’s about time that people think of Green Day in a different light. We’re not snot-nosed kids anymore, we’re men now. I want people to think of us more as one of the mainstay supergroups of today. I’m not asking for too much, (laughs). We’re superheroes in our own minds. We think we’re really cool, why doesn’t everybody else?

Bill – What was the weirdest thing about being the biggest band in America in 1994?

Tré – I don’t think we really had time to enjoy it when it was happening. We were just trying to pay our rent and be able to make records for the rest of our lives. We didn’t know anything like that was ever going to happen. It sort of freaked us out a bit, but at the same time I was kind of busy just moving and doing it. We didn’t have time to look back since we were doing so much. By the time we had taken a break to make Insomniac it was like, “Do you guys know what you just did?” We were like, “Oh…shit.”

Bill – Earlier this year, Thick Records released the Out of Focus DVD, which featured live Green Day footage circa 1992. What are some of your favorite memories from playing at McGregor’s in Elmhurst, Illinois?

Tré – Demetri. Demetri was this male stripper that came onstage for some girl’s birthday at McGregor’s one night. They had her sit in this chair and the stripper did his thing for her. It was fuckin’ hilarious. In the middle of our show too. We took a timeout and let her get her strip on. I think that was the last time we played McGregor’s actually. I remember seeing State Street and I remember taking acid in Chicago. I remember going to the lake and wondering why all the fish were dead. I was inside Buckingham Fountain too. It was real hot out and I got in there during the Blues Fest. There were like a million people down there, but just one in the fountain. Of course this cop was like, “Get the fuck out of there! What are you thinking?” I was like, “I don’t know. I’m fried, dude.”

Bill – Do you have any comments regarding the rumors connecting members of Green Day to the mysterious band known as The Network?

Tré – The only connection is that their record was on Adeline, which is a label run by Billie Joe’s wife. That’s a few degrees of separation if you ask me. I think they’re getting a lot of mileage out of telling people they’re Green Day or pretending to be Green Day. The Network is not Green Day. Bastards.

Bill – Growing up I know that bands like the Ramones and The Who were very influential for you. What’s it like to now be one of the biggest influences on an entire generation of punk bands?

Tré – It’s kind of wild. Especially when younger bands meet you and they’re all nervous and stuff. You sort of get a little paternal with it, like “Ah…my children.” I feel like Michael Landon from Little House on the Prairie.

Bill – What has been the hardest part about achieving all the success you’ve attained?

Tré – I think you can pretty much choose what you want to deal with. You can choose for it to be difficult or you can enjoy it. It’s kind of up to the person.

Bill – After seven albums, what aspects of punk rock are still fresh and exciting to you?

Tré – I like seeing new bands. Bands that aren’t carbon-copied pop punk bands. Bands like Dillinger Four fuckin’ excite me. I think the Rock Against Bush compilation is a pretty damn good CD. There are some older bands on there that are still going strong and some younger bands that are real fresh and exciting too.

Bill – What does the future hold for Green Day?

Tré – I think whatever we put out next has got to be really fuckin’ good. After American Idiot we set the bar so high. It’s kind of like, “Now what are we going to do?”

[aion-rsa]

How Ginger Snaps Explored the Subversive Horror of Womanhood

https://ift.tt/30jSLcc

In 2000 Mission: Impossible 2 topped the box office, Gladiator triumphed at the Oscars, and the first X-Men movie ushered in a new era of superhero movies. Meanwhile in Canada, while no one was watching, a new hero was emerging. Her name was Ginger, she was a 16-year-old girl, and ok, she might have turned into a monster and killed a few people but, wow, was she a ferocious figurehead for females everywhere. 

“That’s what she’s about. She’s about fuck you, fuck the patriarchy, fuck the standard, fuck society, fuck the norm. And to me, that’s a hero,” says Katharine Isabelle, speaking with Den of Geek via Zoom from her home in Vancouver, 20 years after the film’s debut. Isabelle was just 17 when she stepped into Ginger’s very cool boots and she had no idea it would become a massive cult hit.

“When it first came out, no one fucking watched it. It did well with some critics at a few festivals, but no one cared. No one went to see it,” she recalls. “It wasn’t until it hit the VHS circuit in small town Canada that people were like, ‘Oh, Ginger!.’ Emily [Perkins, who plays Ginger’s sister Brigitte] and I thought we’d be the only people that liked it because we were weird and dark. We had no idea that through the generations it would continue to have an effect on people.”

Watching 20 years on and Ginger Snaps absolutely holds up. More than that, in fact, it looks positively progressive and even transgressive in a year where we were onto our third Scream, our second Urban Legend, and our first Final Destination. Glossy teen slashers were the thing, which didn’t often make for great parts. 

Read more

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By Sarah Dobbs

“In the ’90s, as a 17-year-old girl it was ‘be hot, get murdered’,” says Isabelle. “There weren’t a lot of really interesting characters coming out of that, especially in my small Vancouver, Canada acting world. So to see this and be like, ‘Holy shit, this really speaks to me, I am this dark, insecure, troubled, deep, dark humored girl who feels outcast and misunderstood by everybody,’ I was just like, ‘Yes. 100%.’”

Written by Karen Walton who would go on to write for Queer as Folk and Orphan Black, and directed by John Fawcett (one of Orphan Black’s co-creators), Ginger Snaps was a fresh take on the werewolf subgenre and a brand new slant on teen horror. This was about girls for a start – sisters Ginger and Brigitte who are weird outsiders fascinated with death. Though there’s sex in the movie it’s really a love story between the two females while the only male character who we have any sympathy for is a drug dealer who has no sexual interest in either. There are dog maulings along the way, and as we head towards the climax with Ginger becoming more and more monstrous, there’s plenty of gore.

But the most scandalous splash of blood is Ginger’s own first period.

Period piece

“You never see that. The visual of bloody panties is so shocking,” says Isabelle. 

“It’s what, 2020 and we’re just seeing feminine hygiene products using red dye instead of this fucking blue shit? We’re always so mortified by this human experience that half of the people on the planet go through. And you know what? At the same time you should be, because being female is a fairly horrific fucking experience in itself. So guess what? Why don’t you fucking look at it once in a while? For it to be labeled as shocking is just so boring to me.”

It would be bold even in 2020. That color matching company Pantone only last month released a new shade of red inspired by periods as part of a campaign to end menstruation stigma shows it very much still exists. So to be this open in discussing it in 2000 in a horror movie – traditionally assumed to be the playground of young men – was a brave move.

“I remember a friend of mine, his older brother had taken his friends to see it and he was like, [Isabelle does impression of bro-tastic young man] ‘Oh yeah, we were all screaming and throwing shit at the fucking screen and then we walked out. All this fucking women shit.’ I was like, ‘Cool. Thanks, buddy. Awesome.’ Fuck you! They thought they were going to see hot girl tits and werewolf stuff and they weren’t prepared for an actual look into what the female experience is like. And they couldn’t handle it. Pussies.”

Suddenly it’s like I’m talking to wolf-Ginger, fierce, articulate, full of fire, the Ginger that punches the mean girl in the face for hurting her sister, the Ginger that isn’t going to stand for any of your shit any longer, the Ginger that could tear the flesh from your bones if she wanted to. 

The metaphor of werewolf transformation and puberty is a no brainer to Isabelle.

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“You’re going along your life perfectly fine, something happens to you, boom. In one day, you have all these strange urges, you have all these weird thoughts. Your body is completely abandoning you and morphing into something else that you are not comfortable with,” she says. “It’s a complete betrayal of everything you know and how you feel. And it creates this monster in you that you have to reckon with and deal with. It’s a brilliant allegory.”

Ginger Snaps is body horror. It’s a movie about a woman’s own body destroying her from the inside out. Before she knows what’s really going on Ginger is bleeding, weak, crippled with cramps. Weird hair starts sprouting – a shaving scene really hammers home the horror of teenagers taking razors to their legs.

But with this pain comes power. Ginger is suddenly confident, beautiful, strong, the boys at the school all desire her and she knows it. She will take who she wants and do what she wants – there’s some serious wish fulfillment going on at the same time as the trauma of her transformation.

Being Ginger

It’s not really surprising that Isabelle is so like this iconic character. She says she had an immediate affinity to Ginger – both sides of Ginger, the troubled outsider as well as the she-wolf.

“At that time, I wasn’t a good enough actor to have acted it. I just had to be myself,” she laughs, “They showed a pieced-together trailer halfway through to the cast and crew and I had a complete panic attack. It was my first panic attack, and I was like, ‘I’m fucking this up.’ This is the best character in the best movie and I clearly have no idea what I’m doing. I’m obviously the worst, this is terrible. I’m ruining this, I should just die. So all of the insecurity and the manicness…”

This just in: it’s shit being a teenage girl. Even more so when you’re 17, on location without your mother for the first time and working 18 hour days. 

“I nearly fucking died!” she says. “Towards the end, it’s like a seven hour prosthetic piece when I’m full blown werewolf. I was living off of Oreos, McCain Deep Delicious Chocolate Cake, cigarettes, and Coca Cola. It was not good. And honestly, I wasn’t a good actor. So everything in that was just me being manic and sleep deprived and upset and insecure.”

Whatever was driving it Isabelle is excellent, flitting from difficult outsider with an undercurrent of fury to a whirlwind of teenage angst, sex, hunger, and violence that feels absolutely authentic.

Becoming the wolf

The effects are practical rather than CGI, which helps Ginger Snaps not to look dated on a rewatch. Ginger transforms gradually from woman to full blown wolf over days – she’s not a traditional werewolf who only becomes a wolf during the night of a full moon, instead once she turns fully she’s not coming back. Her different looks in the movie are cool and iconic – unsurprisingly Ginger Snaps cosplay is a ‘thing’ – which pleases Isabelle. The prosthetics procedure was somewhat less pleasing, however.

“I didn’t understand what the process was,” she says. “You see it in your head like you do when you read a book or whatever, or how the movie is going to be. You don’t think of the six hours on top of your 18 hour shooting day that you’re going to be inhaling alcohol-based paint until you’re high out of your fucking mind.”

The transformation came with other obstacles too.

“The process of losing my senses was a first for me. By the time I’m in the very late stage werewolf with the hair, the contacts and the claws, I can’t see anything, I can’t hear anything, I can’t smell anything, I can’t talk. I have fangs. I had to ADR most of the movie when I have fangs in. Because I had a lisp, so I’d be like, ‘Ask Tham. He’th the exthpert.’” She says, mimicking a line from the movie. 

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“It’s just terrible. I couldn’t touch anything and there is blood all over me, and it’s drying and I was trapped in my own body nightmare. You don’t really realize that when you go into it. So now when I read scripts, ever since then, I’m very like, ‘What does that exactly mean for the physical torture I will be experiencing through the duration of this?’ Let’s take a step back and just really look at this more closely,” she laughs. 

Pain and gain

Isabelle is funny – like Ginger, she has a dark sense of humor and though we genuinely get the sense that the shoot was traumatic (“We were all fucking ill and we were shooting nights for about three weeks in a row, so you do not see daylight. You lose your mind. It wasn’t quite Apocalypse Now, but it felt like that to me when I was 17.”), she’s got great stories. Like the time she gave herself a concussion… 

“There’s a scene where I slam my head on a desk and I was like, ‘Ginger probably really slammed her head on the desk.’ So I really did it a bunch of times and then woke up the next day with a fucking full on concussion headache. They had a doctor come in because I was fucked. He gave me Tylenol T3s and I took them on an empty stomach. I’m vomiting on set and they’re holding the roll, and I’ve got a bucket I’m puking into. And then immediately I had to do the slow motion walk down the hall scene. I was so fucked they had to put tape on the floor. I couldn’t walk in a straight line. I’m so mad every time I see that. I’m like ‘Fuck, you only get so many slow motion walking down the hallway looking cool and hot in your whole career, and you really fucked this one.’” 

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Of course, it doesn’t play that way on screen. It’s a key moment in the movie and even 20 years on, Ginger’s look still stands out. Costume designer Lea Carlson put together her outfits from thrift stores to create a kind of indie/goth cool with spot on accessories for an aesthetic that matched Ginger’s newly awakened give-no-fucks vibe.

“When that infection hits and she’s got that fucking attitude, it’s like, don’t we all wish we could just walk around with that attitude like a hero?” says Isabelle.

She says she can watch the movie now and enjoy it, though she couldn’t for a while.

”I haven’t seen it in 15 years because I tend to not revisit my most awkward moments on film as a teenager,” she laughs. But she now speaks fondly of this “wonderful sisterly love story.” 

Ginger and B

She and co-star Perkins had known each other “forever” before filming began, having even been born in the same hospital and gone to the same elementary school so they auditioned for Ginger Snaps together. Perkins as the younger Brigitte (even though Isabelle is actually four years younger than Perkins) is sympathetic, awkward, vulnerable, and eventually heroic and there’s an obvious chemistry between the two. Isabelle recalls how between one of the auditions and the first time director John Fawcett came out to meet them Emily had shaved her head.

”I was like, ‘What are you doing? You’ve fucked this for us!’, I didn’t even recognize her in the room. And then thank God, we got the part. And that’s why she’s wearing this wig, this very offensive wig throughout the film…”

Why did she shave her head during casting for this movie? We can’t not ask…

“I don’t know. I don’t know. She was having a moment. She’s a very smart, progressive woman, and she was feeling her oats,” Isabelle laughs.

Despite the traumas of the prosthetics and the shoot, Isabelle has clear affection for the movie and a character who rings incredibly true even 20 years later, largely because of her authentic performance  “It connects still to this day with people who weren’t even born when it came out. And that’s always shocking to me,” she says.

So what would today’s Katharine Isabelle tell her 17 year old self, 20 years ago?

“Oh, God. Fucking suck it up, you whiny bitch.” she says, all wolf-Ginger before swapping back to pre-transformation Ginger. “No, I would be like, ‘Yo, this is good, and you’re going to be okay. You’re gonna be good, and you’re not going to hate yourself as much as you think you do. And eventually, in 17 years, you’ll be able to watch this without having a total meltdown about how obviously terrible and insecure you are.”

She pauses.

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“Isn’t that what everyone says to themselves 20 years ago? ‘You’ll be okay, don’t be so insecure, believe in yourself, you got this?’ I think that’s what everyone would say to their younger self. Also, ask for more money.”

The post How Ginger Snaps Explored the Subversive Horror of Womanhood appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[queencocoakimmie]

Just Us (Jim Mason)

Jim Mason X Female Reader

Word Count: +6000 

Warnings: Angst, talk of suicide, smut, unprotected sex, drug use.

A/N: So, Surprise! If you know me, you know that I love Cody’s character, Jim Mason. I think I’ve seen The Tribes of Palos Verdes so many times, and it always leaves me feeling so brokenhearted. I’ve always wanted to give him a different ending, maybe even a happier one. This fic runs along the same theme as the movie, except it diverges in the middle. I changed a couple of characters and some big parts. The Real Estate Agent (Ava) that Phil (the twins’ dad) falls in love with, has a son in the movie, but in this fic, she actually has a daughter, our protagonist. It gets really deep for a bit. The girl suffered a big loss in her life and her memories of it are pretty raw. Anyway, I hope that you like it. Here we go.

           Life in Palos Verdes was boring. Every day was literally the same thing over and over. School, the country club, this fucking house. It was all so monotonous. I hated it here and longed to be away, maybe someplace new. New York? Miami? Mexico? The only thing that I loved about this place was the beach. It’s like the ocean would call my name and beg me to go out there and sketch it. It was all around us, and it was mine.

           I would stare out of my window for hours, it would seem and daydream about moving away from everyone. From her. My relationship with my mother was complicated at best. At worst? I hated that bitch and she hated me. She was your typical Palos Verdes sheep. They all played tennis in their tight, little green tennis outfits, trying to bag the next rich guy or fuck the towel boy. They would gossip in the club’s restaurant and be drunk by noon. Every time there was a new member, they’d swarm them like sharks at a feeding frenzy. I hated them.

Ava (my mom) would always try to get me to hang around with them and maybe go on dates with their sons. Seriously? What would I want with them? They all looked the same. Like they all came out of the same lame factory or something.

Then one night, she dragged me to some party at the club. “We have a new family to welcome”, she said. Like I cared. “Honey, they have a son and a daughter, maybe you’ll hit it off with them. I sold them a house, isn’t that funny? The kids’ father seems so…nice.” Dear God, I knew that twinkle in her eye. She thought he was attractive. I feel sorry for his wife, against my piranha of a mother, she’ll stand no chance.

The party was like everything else here, bland and full of middle-aged rich people, trying to be cool. I saw some kids from school and waved to them. But I had zero interest in talking to any of them. It was enough that I saw them at school during the day, but here? Now? Nope. I wanted to get away. Take a midnight swim. Sketch some doodles by the water. Forget about my life for a few hours.

I saw the pack descend on the new family. There were people all over them, I couldn’t even get a good look at them. All I could hear were people saying how good looking a family they were. How nice they seemed. Great, another group of social climbers, as if we didn’t already have enough. I had to leave.

I walked outside onto the lanai and felt the cool breeze from the water roll off my skin. The air was clean and fresh, not like other places. I could taste the salt in the air when I opened my mouth. The DJ put on some 90’s hip-hop and I started to sway to it. It reminded me of my dad. He loved 90’s music. God, I miss him.

“Hey” I heard a small voice from behind me say. I turn to see a pretty blond girl who looks a bit lost. “Hey,” I say back. She stands next to me and we both look out at the ocean. We don’t say a word to each other. It’s like…it’s like we just understand. Is that weird?

After a few minutes of silence, I say, “My name is Kassidy, but people just call me Kass.” She nods her head. But, before she can tell me her name, she sees her mom and takes off without saying a word. I call after her, “Nice to meet you.” She turns back to wave then continues walking over to her mother.

It’s a curious sight watching the two of them. The mom was sitting there smoking all by herself. The girl walks over to her and sits next to her on the steps. They’re actually talking to each other. I wish I had that with my mom. After dad died, our relationship was never the same. She didn’t talk to me for a while, she said that I looked too much like him and it hurt her to see me. As if that was my fault.

I see them both look off into the distance and I follow their gaze. I see Heather has caught another boy in her web. He’s cute and a bit dorky. He’s wearing a sombrero, with a white shirt and tie. Totally not Heather’s type. He has a nice smile, though.

No longer wanting to stick around, I leave the party, without my mother. What’s the worst the could happen? I get grounded? Big deal. I’d rather walk along the beach anyway, alone. I look back and see the mom and daughter still talking. Tears sting my eyes. Ava and I would never be like that. There’s too much baggage there. In two years, I’ll be 18, then I’ll go wherever I want. Do whatever I want. I’ll be away from her and this place.

At school the next day, I see the new girl at the lunch table by herself. I contemplate walking over there to sit with her because she seems lonely. Instead, I join my friends, if that’s what you would call them. They’re in mid-conversation about the new kids. “She’s weird. Her brother is over there with them and she’s sitting by herself?” “What a freak!” I shake my head, “Guys, you don’t even know her, chill.” They laugh and call me sensitive. “It’s gotta be hard coming here from another place. We’ve been in Palos Verdes our whole lives. It’s gotta be a culture shock.” They nod their heads in agreement and then start talking about plans for the weekend. I look back over to her and feel her sadness. She’s staring at her brother. He seemed to fit right in with everybody. Ugh, Heather is sitting on the edge of the table, flirting heavily with him. I roll my eyes. I hate that girl.

In class, I say hi to her as I pass her desk. She looks up at me and smiles, “hey”.  I sit at the desk next to her and get my books and pencils out. “My name’s Medina. I didn’t get to tell you the other night.” I smile at her. She seems like a sad soul. Kind of like me.

After school is over, I wait for my mom on the steps of the school and see her and her brother ride off on their bikes. I wish I could go with them, they look so happy. What I would give to have that. If only my dad were here…

One night, I overheard Ava on the phone with some man, making plans for the night. It makes me sick to my stomach. Here she goes again. Pretty soon, she’ll come up and tell me to get lost, go stay at friend’s house, so she can have some privacy. I leave before she comes to knock on my door. I run out to the beach and strip off my clothes. My tears mixing with the salty water. I sob into the waves. My lonely mother, stalking her prey, like a hungry animal. She can’t have her own happiness, so she’s going to take someone else’s. It’s not fair.

I swim until my arms are sore. I can’t do this anymore. I contemplate drowning myself right here and now, to escape the pain. But, a memory of my dad flashes through my mind. He’s laughing and teaching me how to swim. We were so happy then. It’s been so long since he’s been gone, that I’ve begun to forget his voice. He had such sad eyes. Like Medina, like Jim. I drag myself out of the water and dry myself off. I go home to pack an overnight bag. I’ll have to find a place to sleep tonight.

I text Medina. She says come right over. We all stay up late that night. Laying on the floor, me, her and Jim. Talking about moving to Bali or Fiji, getting away from here. Jim rubs my back and I feel a tingle go down my spine. Medina throws a pillow at me and laughs. We all end up falling asleep on the floor of Medina’s room, wrapped up in each other’s arms. I wish I could freeze this moment and keep it forever.

As time goes by, Medina, Jim and I spend more time together. Most of it is spent watching them surf, while I sketch them in my notebook. We laugh and talk about the future. What we want to do or hope to have. I can tell there is something just underneath the surface. A tension going on behind the scenes. There’s a real sadness that’s taken over the two of them. I want to ask, but I’m afraid.

Medina texted me one afternoon and told me to meet them at our usual spot. I rush out of the house and arrive to see a big group of people hanging out. I’m confused because the Bay Boys are there. I expected just the three of us, like always. The guys are passing beer and weed around, and pills too. I see Heather and she’s cornered, Jim. I watch helplessly as she reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss him. It hurts and I feel my heartbreak. I turn to see that Medina has seen it too. She looks at me in horror. She knew how I felt about him.

When it would be just me and her, she would tease me about how I looked at him, how I acted around him. “Medina, you’re insane. You guys are like my family. I don’t see him like that, he is like my brother.” She would roll her eyes and nod, “Yeah, ok Kass. I see things y’know.”

The sun goes down and they’re all high and drunk. Even Jim. His eyes glazed over and blissed out. He’s not acting like himself. I watch as he runs and jumps on the hood of someone’s car and hangs on as it drives around in circles. It’s not like him. I look over to Medina and she shakes her head. She doesn’t know what to do either. We get away from the group and find ourselves sitting together on the rocks watching the waves crash against the shore.  

“You should tell him, you know.” She breaks the silence. I don’t look at her, but I know what she’s talking about. “You should tell him that you’re in love with him. If you don’t, I will.” I sigh, “But Medina, he’s with Heather. I don’t want to break them up. I’d be just like Ava.” It hurts to say that out loud. I’ve never said that to anyone. I’ve never actually acknowledged what she had done to our family. “You can’t tell your heart what not to feel, Kass. You should just tell him.”

Medina calls me frantic one day. Her father told her that he’s fallen in love with someone else. That he has a new chance in life to have love. “How could he do this to us?” She screams over and over into the phone. When I get there, her and Jim are standing outside, hugging each other. I can still hear their mother screaming at their dad. It’s hard to hear because it reminds me of my parents. I grab them both and we all stand there, locked into this triangle embrace. I feel their loss. I’ve been through this before.

When my Dad found out that my mom was cheating on him. He flipped out and lost it. It really broke his heart. They argued and argued, and things never got better. After the divorce, I would still try to see him every day after school, but it got really tough. He was so sad all of the time. Until one day, I came to visit him and there were an ambulance and police cars outside. I tried to run to the condo, but they kept pushing me back. One of the neighbors came over to me and hugged me. She kept apologizing to me. I saw them roll the stretcher out of his condo. Realization and nausea hit me like a wave. It was him. It was my Dad.

I’m there long enough to hear my mom’s name come up in their parents’ argument and I crane my neck to hear what they’re saying. He said that he loves her and has a chance to be happy. She screams when she realizes that Ava is the Real Estate agent, they had dinner with a year ago, the one that sold them this house. Jim and Medina look at me and Medina says, “Isn’t that your mom?” I nod my head and we all just stand there in silence. We don’t know what to say to each other.

My phone buzzes as I see Phil’s car pull away from the house. It’s her, it’s Ava. I don’t answer. I know what she wants to tell me. I throw my phone into the sand. I hate her even more now.

Time passes and Phil has now moved into our house. It’s so disturbing to see him at the kitchen table in the morning. Sitting in the same spot my dad used to. He tries to talk to me, to reach out but I have nothing to say to him. I don’t want a “relationship” with him. Even if they are engaged. She scolds me for not speaking to my soon-to-be stepfather. Disgusting.

Medina and I have grown closer as we’ve grown apart from our parents. All we have is each other these days. Jim is growing more and more distant. When I see him now, he’s always so wasted. I’m worried about him. Medina tells me that she’s watching him spiral and she can’t do anything to stop it. Their mother, Sandy, is so deep into her depression, that she doesn’t even notice Jim’s change. She’s even begun to treat him like a husband instead of a son. She reminds me of my Dad when he started to lose himself.

A text in the middle of the night from Medina, makes me jump in my seat by the window. I have insomnia so at night when I can’t sleep, I draw. I was lost in concentration. Sketching the planes of Jim’s face from memory, when her frantic texts ping on my phone. She tells me to meet her at the hospital. When I get there, I find her sitting next to a sleeping Jim. He’s wearing a hospital gown, with tubes in his arms. She looks up at me with red-rimmed eyes. “He overdosed tonight. He almost died.” She cries. I feel myself get faint. My poor sweet Jim, laying there like an Angel. He looks so…

I walk over to him and touch his cheek and it’s cold. My heart is heavy because I know that he is struggling with so much inner turmoil. Trying to be strong for Medina. Trying to be supportive to Sandy. But who is there for him? Who can he turn to? He can’t lay all of his problems at his sister’s feet. My poor Jim is lost. But, not anymore, he has me. I lean forward and kiss his forehead and whisper in his ear, “I love you, James.”

Medina and I walk outside, arms around each other. Her mother looks at us both with so much spite. I’m almost certain that she hates not only me but Medina as well. We sit together in the waiting room all night. We make a promise to each other, from here on out, it’s just us. No more Sandy, Ava. No more Phil no more Heather. Just us.

It’s been months since that night. Jim hasn’t touched the drugs. We’ve stuck to our pact, even after Ava married their Dad. The night of my 17th birthday, they all planned a party at the country club. I didn’t want to go, but Medina convinced me. I knew that they were going to be there, so it made me feel better. I had shut myself off from the other people I used to hang out with. They were toxic and immature. Lately, my life seemed to revolve around the twins. At times, I thought that maybe we suffocated each other, but in all actuality, we needed each other. No one else understood loneliness like ours. My love for Jim grew by the minute. I was in love with every detail of him. His floppy hair that always fell into his eyes. The beauty marks that dotted his face and chest. His smile and the way he would laugh at my stupid jokes. Medina would beg me to tell him, he wasn’t with Heather anymore, so there’d be no excuse not to.

           She helped me pick out the dress I got for my party. We had gone into town that previous weekend to buy it. Jim didn’t want to go with us, he couldn’t stand shopping at girly stores. Instead, he went surfing. We worried so about him but he assured us that he would be safe. She picked out a pretty, pale pink sheath dress that fell like silk against my tanned skin. I secretly hoped that it would catch his eye and make him look at me differently.

           The party goes off without a hitch. The country club ballroom was cordoned off just for me. Ava and Phil stood over there in the middle of it all like it was their party. They were it new “it couple”, holding court for the masses. They see me and wave me over to them, to bask in adoration. These people are fake and clamoring for their attention. Half of them don’t even know me.

           After, all the glad-handing, I searched the crowd for the twins. I had started to get nervous until I saw Medina. Her head thrown back in laughter, she was talking to a boy. I remember her talking about him, a few weeks back. His name was Adrian. He was cute, with dark hair and long eyelashes. I watched as she touched his arm and he touched her hand. It made me smile to see her so happy. She deserved that. I kept looking through the crowd for Jim. But when I couldn’t find him and that little bit of pain grew in my heart, I left the ballroom to get away. I couldn’t let anyone see me cry. Today of all days.

When I reach the end of the hallway, I look around to make sure no one is there. I feel the tears well up and the sob begins to rip from my chest. Tonight, was the night I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him that I love him. I’ve loved him since the first time I saw him, with that silly sombrero on his head. I was going to tell him that I needed him more than a friend.

A hand touches my shoulder and I jump. “Hey, what are you crying for?” His voice, so sweet and smooth. I don’t want to face him, I’m too embarrassed. He walks around and steps in front of me. He places one hand on my waist and one under my chin. “Hey”, his voice softer now, “Kass, what’s wrong?” I look up at him, eyes blurry and I say, “I thought you weren’t here. I thought you hadn’t come.” It sounds stupid when I say it out loud. “Why wouldn’t I come, you’re my best friend.”

He pulls me closer to him and stares into my eyes. His face full of understanding, and I think for the first time, he really sees me. He understands my tears. He holds me and we look at each other for what seems like forever. I’m sure he knows how I feel. But I’m too scared to say it.

I hear my name being called, and I know that this moment is gone. He takes my hand and we walk back to the party, not wanting this to end. We walk in and everyone starts singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me. I smile, cheeks blushing. They bring out the big cake and it has seventeen beautiful candles on it. I look over at Ava and she smiles at me, a real smile. She tells me to make a wish. I look over at Medina and Jim, as they flank either side of me. They smile big smiles at me too, they’re happiness filling me with joy. Jim squeezes my hand, I close my eyes, make my wish and I blow out my candles.

A few weeks later, I hear Phil tell Ava that Sandy is going away for a while to get some help and that he wants Jim and Medina to live with us. But he worries about Jim and I being around each other too much. He suspects that we are more than just friends. “It wouldn’t be right, Ava. They’re step-siblings”. After a minute of silence, she says, “If they are in love, it’s not our job to stand in their way. They have been close since before you and I were even together. How horrible would it be to tear that apart?” She’s never stood up for me before. Not for school, not with anything, so I stand there eavesdropping at their door in shock. “Besides, who gives a shit what anyone has to say about us or them?” She continues, “It’s none of their goddamn business. If the kids want to, let them move in for however long they want.”

After they move in, everything is like a dream. We hang out every day on the beach after school, them surfing, me drawing. We have study sessions and throw chips at each other when the topic is getting too boring or we’ve had enough. We have big breakfasts with each other and laugh at our inside jokes. Medina’s boyfriend, Adrian comes around a lot, so now our group of three has expanded to a group of four. Jim and I are getting closer and closer. We have tiny moments when I think something will happen. A brush of his fingertips across my hand when we pass each other. His hand on my hip, when he reaches up to get the cereal over our heads. When he lingers in my bedroom after we all say goodnight. It’s there, that sexual tension. It hangs over us, like a cord ready to snap.

Movie Fridays we all usually go out together, but this time Medina is sick, and Adrian is upstairs taking care of her. Ava and Phil have gone to Paris for some work conference thing of his. It’s just me and Jim and it’s my turn to pick the movie. He makes a huge bowl of popcorn and grabs candy from the pantry. “Ok, Kass, what are we watching tonight?” I picked out ‘A Quiet Place’, I remember Jim saying that he had seen it and thought it was so good. “I thought scary movies freaked you out?” I nod and say, “But you’re here with me. I won’t be too scared.”

As the movie goes on and my anxiety level ratchets up, I feel my nerves bundling. I moved so close to him, I’m almost on top of his thigh. A jump scare happens on screen and I gasp and bury my face into his chest. He wraps his arm around me and when I look up at him, I become hyper-aware of his body and that we are alone. Our eyes lock onto one another and everything else falls away.

Our eyes saying things to each other that words could never convey. I move closer to him, doe-eyed, lips wet. He brings his other hand down to touch my face. “You are so beautiful, Kassidy.” Slowly, our lips meet, and the kiss is passionate and tender. I was expecting it to be hungry and ravenous. But it’s gentle and loving. He runs his hand through my hair and grips it at the base of my head. I feel him moan against my lips when I touch his inner thigh. He pulls me onto his lap and lifts my shirt up over my head. I’ve been around him plenty of times in my bathing suit, but this is so intimate, I suddenly become nervous. I cover up my stomach with my arm, not wanting him to see my soft belly. He pulls my arm away and places my hand on his face. I kiss him again and help him take off his shirt. We share an unspoken understanding. We belong to each other. He asks for my permission to keep going and I nod. He then unfastens my bra and frees my breasts, from their constriction. I sigh audibly at the welcome relief. He holds them in his hands and bites his bottom lip. I’ve never been this close to a boy before. I’ve made out with boys before, but never like this.

He bends his head down and licks languidly at my nipple. I breathe in a sharp intake of air at the sensation. He takes my nipple into his mouth and sucks on it slowly, lazily. I grip his hair, absentmindedly, and pull his head back. “Do you want me to stop?” He asks, huskily. “Please don’t.” I moan. I can feel the wetness pool in my panties, I’m almost certain he can too.

He keeps sucking at my nipple and caressing and pinching the other. I feel my body rocking back and forth on his lap, rubbing myself against his thighs. I don’t know if I can take much more. His bulge growing and becoming harder against his grey sweatpants. He suddenly picks me up and wraps my legs around his waist. “Not here, not like this.”, he says against my neck. He takes me upstairs, kissing me, hands gripping my ass. Our breaths are ragged from excitement. I hear Medina’s door creak open and then shut. I hear her and Adrian laugh. I look down at him and smile, “I think they can hear us.” His blue eyes shine at me, under the moonlight. “I don’t care. I only care about you.” He opens the door and lays me onto the bed.

I look around his room, and his walls are littered with pictures of the three of us. Always the three of us. Laughing, smiling, happy. I look at him standing there and warmth flushes through my body. “I love you, James Mason. I love you with all of my heart.” I scoot to the end of the bed and start to untie his sweatpants, but he stops me. He gets down on his knees and kisses me before he says, “I love you too. I’ve loved you since the beginning. I heard you that night when I was in the hospital. You gave me the will to live. I’m here because you saved me.” I wrap my arms around his neck and tears begin to fall down my face and splash onto his shoulder.

He pulls back from me to wipe my tears and kisses me again. He lays me back down and helps me shimmy out of my pajama pants. Then he hooks his thumbs into the waistband of my panties and slowly pulls them off. The air hits my naked skin, and goosebumps pimple my flesh. I feel so exposed, I put my hand over my vagina. He looks up me, a lust has darkened his face. His eyes look like he is ready to devour me. He pulls my hand away and licks his lips. I raise myself up onto my elbows in anticipation. I’ve always heard how good this feels, but I’ve never experienced this before. I’m not sure what to expect.

He scoots in closer and pushes my legs apart. He starts with tiny little kisses on my inner thighs, and my hips are already bucking against him, “Not yet, kitten, you’re going to have to wait.” I feel the heat low in my abdomen and my mind is starting to spin. His tiny kisses turn into tiny licks and when he gets to my entrance, he licks a flat wide, stripe against my folds. I gasp so loudly, I have to cover my mouth with my hand. He licks slow and gentle against my clit, as I buck against his mouth. My hand buries itself in his hair and pulls on it. He groans and sucks on my clit vigorously. The sensations I’m feeling wrack my body. I’m writhing on the bed and push his face into my dripping cunt. His licks and sucks are becoming wetter and the noises are obscene. The tensions building and building until he gently pushes his index finger into me. He starts off slowly and then in between licks he pushes in a little further. I begin to unravel as I breathlessly call out his name. “Please…don't…stop James.” He inserts another finger and stretches me wide. My body can’t take anymore, and I explode. I scream out his name against the inside of my hand and cum all over his tongue. My body still rolling with pleasure, he licks my cunt clean.

I scoot my body up the bed and he crawls on top of me. His chin glistening with my juices. The moonlight streaming through the windows, playing shadows across his face. I’m so turned on by his smile, I pull him towards me roughly. Kissing him, I can taste the tanginess of myself on his lips. He kisses down the side of my face and onto my neck, I turn my head and see the ripples of muscles in his arms as he holds himself above me. He moves down to suck on my nipples again, but I stop him, “I want you, James. I want all of you.”

“Are you sure? I want you to be sure this is what you want” I nod at him and tell him that I am. He hops off the bed and unties his pants, they drop to the floor and there he is, in all his glory. His dick was hardened and the tip was slick with precum. My mouth waters wanting to taste him in my mouth, but before I can, he crawls back on top of me. Kissing me hungrily, rubbing himself against me. I reach down and grab his dick and he tilts his head back in pleasure. I begin to rub up and down the shaft, circling my thumb on the tip. He growls through gritted teeth, “I need you now, are you ready?” I squeeze his dick in response and open my legs wide. He lines himself up with my entrance and slowly starts to guide himself in. A rush of pain pools in my vagina as he thrusts. He’s so gentle, but my body craves this release. I grab his hips and pull him forward. His eyes go big and he takes this a sign to keep going. His rhythm, in tune with my body, rocks back and forth, going deeper and deeper. We’re both breathing so heavily, moans mixed in unison with each other. I feel so much pleasure that I don’t feel the sting of the loss of my virginity. I dig my fingers into his hips, begging him to fill me up. Harder and faster until we both are slick with sweat; his thumb finds its way to my clit and rubs it in circles. With him pumping in and out of me and playing with my clit, I feel the pressure of another orgasm building. “Do you like that, Kass? Does it feel good inside of you?” He says in my ear. The sensation of his breath of the outer shell of my ear, send shocks down my body. I can’t hold on anymore. My body bucks against him and the sounds of our sweaty bodies slapping against each other is explicit and loud. I cum so hard that my body shakes under his. Still clenched onto him, I feel his movements getting sloppier until his body gives out. He cums, calling out my name and collapses on top of me.

Neither of us moves, even after he’s gone soft inside of me. He lays there, kissing my shoulder and my face. “Are you ok, baby?” I smile at him and tell him that I am. He finally pulls out of me and we both get under the covers. He wraps his arm around me and asks, “I never did ask you, what did you wish for on your birthday?” I roll over and look up at him, “I’ll never tell, but this is pretty damn close.”

2 Years Later

The summer we all turned 18, we decided to leave Palos Verdes, like we had always planned. Sandy, the twins’ mom, was doing so much better now. She had moved back to Michigan and started teaching again. She seemed really happy. They would go visit her at Thanksgiving or Christmas and she’d always ask them to stay. But their lives were here in P.V they weren’t ready to leave just yet. Ava and Phil had a nasty divorce. He cheated on her with one of the nurses, apparently, this wasn’t news to Jim and Medina, as it had happened many times before when he was married to their mom. They were surprised though that he had been faithful this long. Ava kicked him out, but let the twins stay with us, much to his chagrin. He moved into a condo on the beach and we’d see him when we’d go surf and hang out. Adrian had been accepted to college but convinced his parents to let him take a gap year. Phil must have felt so bad about disrupting the twins’ lives in the first place, that he barely needed any convincing on letting them travel the world.

When I sat down and told Ava about our plans, she was hesitant at first. She said we were too young to travel without supervision. But I explained to her that we’re all of age now, and could just leave if wanted to, without permission. She seemed to think it over before saying, “Ok, but you have to call every day and check in. I need to know where you are at all times. Do you understand?” I hugged and kissed her cheek, something I hadn’t done since before Dad died. “Thank you, Mom. I love you.” She was so shocked that tears sprang from her eyes and she hugged me so tight I thought I would suffocate.

The day we left Palos Verdes, we all stood on the rocks, arms around each other and said goodbye to this place. Let the spray from the ocean sprinkle our faces. This was the last time, I’d feel this here. This was the last time this sun would set on my face. We were taking the good memories, like the ones I had of my dad and the laughs the four of us shared together, with us. We were leaving behind the bad memories, like the twins’ parents breaking up and Jim’s drug overdose. That stuff didn’t matter anymore. We had each other, and we were going to look out for one another.

We packed up the van and said our goodbyes to our parents. I sat in the passenger seat as Jim drove. Medina and Adrian played Uno in the back, singing along to the radio. This was as close to perfect as life could get. I was staring out of the window, lost in thought when I felt Jim’s hand enclose around mine. I look over at him and smile. He was so beautiful, and he was mine. All mine. I turn back to the window and I’m reminded of the wish I made for my 17th birthday. It had come true after all. I wanted to leave Palos Verdes and its perfectly manicured lawns and glistening white sands. I wanted to leave this place and be with the people who loved me the most. I wanted to be with him. Just us.

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[madcapmoon]

Ian MacKaye - 2009 interview

by Mark Prindle

Ian MacKaye IS Washington DC punk rock. Beginning his recorded career with high school punk band Teen Idles, he went on to found Dischord Records, lead seminal harDCore band Minor Threat, pioneer emo-punk with Embrace, and create some of the greatest, smartest guitar rock of all time in Fugazi. These days, he's recording with his partner Amy Farina as The Evens, caring for their infant son Carmine, periodically conducting live Q&A sessions for fans, and continuing to run Dischord with founding partner (and former Minor Threat drummer) Jeff Nelson. Thanks to the persistence of Citizine editor Thom White, Ian was kind enough to take 90 minutes out of his morning one cold March day to talk to me on the old telephone. Unfortunately I had just woken up and was a bit groggy and out of sorts. Thankfully, he was NOT! My questions are in bold print; his responses are in straight edge.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello?

Hello, Ian?

That's me.

Hey, Mark Prindle.

Oh hey. Hold on one second, okay? Let me put you on hold.

(*hold occurs*)

Mark?

Yeah.

I've got a huge gig ahead of me today, but I have a few minutes now if you want to do a little bit of work. I gotta write royalty checks today. We've had all sorts of problems, including that snowstorm yesterday, so today's my big day. It takes me about, I don't know, five or six hours of writing checks. It's insane. I do it twice a year. But I kinda like doing it. I think it's good. I do it by hand, and it gives me an opportunity to kinda think about everybody in all these bands. Because basically I'm paying royalties on some records that have been out for almost 30 years now. It's kind of amazing, so I sort of take a second as I write each check to think, "Oh! Where the hell is that person these days?" Yeah, do you have a recorder?

Yeah.

Do you want to check it and make sure it's working?

Yeah, it's going.

Alright.

Is today okay?

I think we should just go for it, and at some point I may get a call. They gotta print out and analyze some stuff before I get on it - the other people in my office - so I've got a couple minutes now. I was actually just getting my desk cleared off so I could do that work. I can talk to you while I'm doing all that.

Okay. So you're a father now, right?

Yep.

How's that treatin' ya?

It's cool.

You getting much sleep?

I've never slept much, so it doesn't make much difference to me. I mean, I think people often.... Well, first off, I'm not particularly inclined to make this a 'He's a Dad!' kinda interview, but I will say this: that I was, and I continue to be, struck by the deep cynicism that surrounds people becoming parents. It's sort of like the weather conversation; when people know you're about to have a kid or if you have a kid, the first sort of comments are like "Oh, how hard is it? Your life's really different now! Get ready; your life is gonna change!" and all this really strangely negative tonality, which really was striking to me, especially right before our son was born. I'd meet people and they'd say, "Oh, it's hard. It's just awful." What are people talking about here!? Surely this is the most organic act in life! And though I don't recommend that everybody do it, that's not the point but rather that, for those people who decide to engage in it, what possible constructive purpose is there in these really negative kinds of warnings and cryptic comments?

And obviously, again it's like the weather, one of the first things most people say to me always is like "Getting any sleep?," that sort of thing, which I don't think of as necessarily.... Again, it's like a "Boy, it's cold outside!" kind of conversation, but the truth is that human beings, when they're new to this world, they're not on a particular, like - their cycles are different. And by and large, I think that the cycles that most of our society operate on are deeply unnatural, because they're keyed to the workplace. So yes it's true that, for instance, Carmine, our son - he got up this morning at around 5:00. Or 5:30 or whenever he did, I don't remember. But he wakes up periodically because he's hungry or disoriented or because he's a baby! And of course I wake up as well, or Amy wakes up. But here's the deal: you're being woken up by a human being which you actually were partly responsible for creating! That's okay! It's okay to be woken up by that. It's kind of incredible, when you think about it. It's sort of like a gift; you wake up and you're like, "My God! This actually... Did I have something to do with this?" And another point about rest and all that is that - you know, tour with Fugazi. Go on tour, get up at like 4:30, play a show til 3:00, get up at 6:00 to drive to catch a ferry to get to Denmark, drive all day and then play another show and don't get to sleep til another 3:00 in the morning - THAT's tired. This is easy. The baby stuff is easy.

Have you seen this Ben Kingsley video?

Yeah. By the way, I'm not saying -- if you have a question about it, I'm happy to talk about it. I'm just always leery, in terms of the kid, of sort of like, you know, "MacKaye and Fatherhood." I just find that kind of angle really -- it's strange to me, because it suggests somehow that for everybody it's this sort of total conversion, and for me it's all one thing. Did I see the Ben Kingsley video? Yeah. I was well aware of that thing, yeah.

What is it? What was it for? What was it made for?

There is a magazine from Los Angeles called Mean Magazine, and they have sort of developed this stylized approach to interviews. What they do is they interview people and then they have these highly sort of conceptual photo shoots for the article, and they videotape the actual shoot, which is then used on the web site as sort of something you can do, just a way to s-, I don't know - synergy! Or whatever the fuck. So in the case of the Ben Kingsley - they actually contacted me and asked for my blessing. The guy that was interviewing Kingsley, or I think it was one of the editors, is a Minor Threat fan. And when Ben Kingsley had a new movie out, probably his publicity person was knocking on doors trying to get him interviewed. They were interested in talking to him, and, while thinking about what to conceptualize this photo shoot, the editor was thinking about Kingsley, and of course one of Kingsley's most famous roles was that of Gandhi. And because this guy was such a huge Minor Threat, and he said that he often associated ME with Gandhi, he thought, "That would be funny!"

He pitched it to Kingsley. He told me that Kingsley knew nothing about me or Minor Threat or the punk underground; he just didn't know really anything about it. But then they looked at some videos on the computer, and Kingsley was really kind of like, "Oh, this is cool! Okay, let's do it." And Kingsley said, "I'll give you forty minutes." Or half an hour or something. So they basically hired an audience; they paid a bunch of people 25 or 50 bucks to come out to a club. They essentially recreated the Minor Threat At 9:30, which is the show that is on this Minor Threat live DVD, which is probably the best visual evidence of the band that exists. Moving visual, I guess. They kinda recreated that, and Kingsley studied the video - looked at me in the video. It's interesting to me to see his technique because you can see that there are, you know - it's been a while since I've seen it, but there are certain little things he does - he picks up on very subtle gestures. By and large, he doesn't look anything like me to me, but there are moments where I'm like, "Oh! He's actually acting here!"

It was touching, and flattering of course, but mostly it was just fascinating to me to be an observer of a phenomenon. The one thing about any time Minor Threat or Fugazi pop up in that way, I find it encouraging because I can say for sure, 100% positive, that neither one of those bands is being inserted into public discourse by media handlers. And I can say for sure that we're not connected to any major corporation and there was no synergy involved; like we didn't have a new Minor Threat release that we were trying to promote. So when Fugazi or Minor Threat or any of the Dischord bands pop up in this way to the surface of American culture, it's nice to think that those channels still exist. The fact that the corporate media, the larger media and the labels - the machinations that are behind that haven't managed to completely sew the whole affair up. Do you follow?

Yeah.

So when, for instance, Fugazi's "Waiting Room" was suddenly being played at Redskins football games, people were outraged - which I appreciate, because it's nice that people were like "What the hell do they think they're doing?" - but it's also kinda funny to think that somewhere in the bowels of that stadium, or in the bowels of that organization, somebody who's responsible for picking the music, like, put a Fugazi song on there! It was not of our doing! We didn't have anyone placing it. I can say again with absolute 100% positive assuredness that there is no insertion going on. This is actually people's choice. And I like that. I think it's reassuring. I don't like it because it makes me feel good about my music, or I don't like it because it helps advertise my music. Rather, I like it because it means that the channels still exist, and that's a nice thing to think.

Do you think that Fugazi is permanently retired now?

I don't know. I'm not trying to be vague or coy. I have no idea. I can tell you that we are very close friends. We are constantly in touch with each other. We have worked with each other on various projects, not all musical, but we're a family. And I don't think there's a single one of us who doesn't have deep love for the others and for the music and the work. But we also made a decision to go onto an indefinite hiatus, and that indefinite hiatus, again though people thought it was really sort of a cheeky phrase, it wasn't meant to be. It just means exactly what it says. We didn't know what the future would hold; we still don't know. But we chose that because we don't see ourselves as like -- we're not a store. We're not out of business. And we're not even a band, in a way. We just can't simply break up. We've known each other for many many years, and we were in a band together for 15 years, and that is an extremely intimate experience, the amount of time we spent together. And our development in our lives, in the way we grew up and all the developments in our lives, were deeply affected and attended by the others. So it's not something as quite as simple as, you know, "Fuck you! I'm gonna quit the band." It wasn't like that. It was rather a moment in time in which circumstances in our lives made it impossible to continue working in a way that was necessary for Fugazi to work. Would I like to make music with those guys? Well, of course! I mean, are you kidding? I loved it. It was amazing to work with them. And I do occasionally play music with Joe, or work on some recording things or mix some stuff or talk about music with Guy or Brendan or whatever, so it's entirely possible. But I will say this: at the moment, Joe's living in Rome, which throws a pretty interesting little monkeywrench in terms of rehearsals. But we'll see. Who knows?

There's a pretty major, major change between what you were doing before Fugazi and then Fugazi. And then as Fugazi kept going, each record seemed sort of different from the others, yet each record was smarter and more - you just seemed to keep it fresh, but it was just (sigh). The question I'm trying to get to here is how did you manage this? I mean, was it different music you were listening to, or did you guys purposely try to come up with album sounds you hadn't done before? I mean you started off as hardcore in Minor Threat, and Fugazi was just so smart and full of all the guitar interplay and just (sigh) I don't know. I'd just like to know the -

Well, how long have you been writing?

How long have I been writing?

Yeah.

Mmm, about 15 years.

So have you ever gone back and listened to your earliest writings?

Yeah.

Would you say there's been any evolution since that time?

Yeah.

Just over 30 years ago, right now, I decided that -- Jeff and I had seen the Cramps. It was our first show; it was February 4th, 1979. No, February 3rd - which is 30 years almost to the day before Lux Interior died. The first show that I ever saw was the Cramps. Also ironically, I didn't know Guy at the time, but it was his first show as well. But when Jeff and I and all the rest of us came out of that show, we were absolutely committed to forming a band. Because it was just so incredible. "We gotta make a band!" I had never been in a band prior to that. The only thing I'd really ever played was a piano. I'd never played a bass or a guitar. Hold on one second, okay? Speak of the devil, it's Jeff Nelson. I'll be right back. Hold on a second.

(*holds, because former Minor Threat drummer JEFF NELSON has called Ian on the other line*)

Hi. Sorry about that. So basically there was four of us at Wilson High School - Geordie Grindle, Mark Sullivan, Jeff Nelson and me. And Mark and Geordie had been sort of in bands before; Mark was a singer and Geordie was a guitar player. Jeff had played tympani in the school orchestra, so he had to be the drummer. And I said, "Okay, I guess I'll play bass!" That was 1979. So essentially I just taught myself, and Geordie taught me how to play bass. We just played, and then over the years obviously if you keep working on something.... Music was never a choice for me. The instruments and the approach - that I will say is a choice. But the music is coming out one way or the other; it's looking for the portal. It's looking for the way out. I would actually say that - you know, Slinkees and Teen Idles, I mean, okay that's maybe rudimentary music. I actually think that Minor Threat was extremely smart music. I know that it seems simple, but try playing it some time. Or try writing a song that sounds like it. It's hard! It's not quite as simple as it may seem. And I can't really take credit beyond, I mean obviously I wrote the lyrics. I wrote a lot of the music, but really it was the way that Brian, Lyle and Jeff played music. They were phenomenally good! Lyle Preslar is a very underrated guitar player. The guy played lightning-fast with incredible precision, and he played - do you play guitar at all?

Mm-hmm.

Lyle played six-string bar chords. It wasn't three strings. To this day, when I play a bar chord it's just the top three strings really. Lyle is playing full-position bar chords at that speed. The guy is a phenomenal guitar player. So I think if you listen to Minor Threat - for instance if you were to study the discography, you'd hear the beginnings, which is songs like "Stand Up" or "Minor Threat," these sorts of things. They were my songs for the most part. But then you start hearing the sort of evolution where, I mean "Out Of Step" is actually quite a departure! The "Out Of Step" album, when you start hearing songs like "No Reason" and "Think Again," you can hear evolution coming in. And then "Salad Days" - it's just pursuing music and pursuing this ideas of the sound - trying to understand it. I will say this: I've always resisted change, but I've always accepted evolution. The idea of deliberate change - let me rephrase that: I have resisted deliberate change. "We need to make different music." I actually think we're gonna make different music, because every day we're different people. We just need to be organic about it.

And obviously Embrace was a different kettle of fish and different people in the band -- people who were in different places with their ability and their styles of music. And Fugazi - first off, we practiced for a year before we played a show. We toured for a year before we put out our first record. We practiced, even throughout the '90s, we would practice three, four, five times a week for at least two, three or four hours a day. We played a lot! That's what we did; we were playing music. And then when we toured, Fugazi played over a thousand shows. Played a lot of gigs! And just the sheer reputation of that, that constant work -- one's relationship with their instrument, one's relationship with their music, one's relationship with each other, the interplay with each other, one's perspective on it is so affected by that. You just can't deny it. For instance, people who are fans of, say, Fugazi -- they may think that a song like "Waiting Room," for them, the version that is on that record - the first song on the first record - that is the definitive version. For me, it is not. That is a baby picture. I played that song thousands of times after that, and it changed and changed and changed and changed. It grew up. So in terms of the way that Fugazi developed, I like to think that we always responded to the moment. And if you respond to the moment, then you always have a fresh moment in front of you, so it's always going to be fresh.

This is just a side question - something that I've wondered about for years. What is "Epic Problem" about?

Ha!

At the time, I read the lyrics and it seemed like it was about writer's block, but there didn't seem to be any evidence of writer's block on the record, so -

That is very interesting. Well, first off the title - "Epic Problem." The title "Epic Problem" was actually a working title for that piece of music, and the reason it was called "Epic Problem" is that the foundational bass riff of that song is something that I wrote in 1990. And it was something that we kicked around for a decade trying to make sense of it. It became a problem. It was our epic problem! We kept going back to it, and we just called it "Epic Problem" because we couldn't figure out how to get our minds around it. It never seemed to make sense entirely. I have probably a dozen different arrangements of that thing - this is all instrumental.

So that at some point led me to this idea of what an epic problem might be. An epic problem is a problem of the ages, you know? I mean, I'll have to think back; my relationship to my lyrics is a strange one, so I'm gonna have to think about what the actual lyrics are. But as I remember, it was a song about appearance, and how quite often people think of me specifically as somebody who doesn't have any problems. And everything's just fine, they don't have to worry about me, and also it results a little bit in abuse because they figure I can handle it. So like with somebody else, they'll be like, "Oh, you know, don't give that person a hard time because they're really sensitive" or whatever, which means that if you give me a hard time, that would suggest that they don't think I'm sensitive. Everything's sorted out and fine - I'm fine, you know? I think the idea of "Epic Problem" is that on the outside I'm working, but on the inside that's not necessarily the case. I am a sensitive person. I do actually feel things. What I feel though is interesting; I don't take things like personally, but I do take affronts as discouraging reminders of the human capacity for cruelty. I'll use a very simple example, for instance. Are you familiar with Poison Idea?

Yeah.

They at one point released a 12" EP, and the cover of this was a close-up of a giant spread asshole, and the record was called "The Ian MacKaye EP." I don't know those guys. I've never met those guys, or I had not met them at the time; I may have met one of them since then. I didn't have any problem with them. I didn't know anything about them. But that was, you know, "Hey! What did I do!? What did I do to deserve THAT?" And at some point I read an interview with them where they said, "Well, you know -" Or no, actually I think the guy that was distributing it contacted me and sent me a copy of it. And he said, "We just wanted to let you know that we weren't going to hide this from you. We did this and we're not trying to hurt your feelings; it's really aimed at the people who think you're a God." And I can't say that it hurt my feelings, because I just thought, "This is so ridiculous!" But it does actually make me feel bad, because it's just such a pointless exercise. You know, fight crime; don't fight nice guys! What the fuck did I do? Furthermore, they did not understand -- and I think that people who often do this sort of tactic like "Well, it's not really about you; it's about the people who worship you," this sort of thing -- what they don't understand is that by assailing me, by throwing stones at me or my name, if they don't think that they are injuring me, then they must think I'm impervious. They must think I'm a God! So in fact they are reinforcing the notion that I am not a human being, because they are taking shots of me and expecting me to not fall. Do you follow?

Yeah.

Over the years, I've had a lot of inconsiderate and sometimes cruel and sometimes destructive pranks done in my name. And it doesn't hurt my feelings personally, but it is again a discouraging reminder. So the point of "Epic Problem" anyway is that I am actually a human being. And there are sets, there are sceneries, I do actually put things up because it's not something that I'm necessarily going to discuss or share with people, but at the same time it's something that I'm wrestling with. It's an epic problem. It's a way of like "Well, how do I go forward?" I'd have to go through the lyrics; I can't remember the rest, and there's a bit more of a stew than that, but that's a couple of potatoes.

The thing I remember from back in those days when I first saw Maximum Rock & Roll -- which was pretty late actually, not until '89 or '90 -- is that there seemed to be a group of people who didn't like you because they thought you were really judgmental.

Right.

Do you consider yourself judgmental? I mean, I know you have a strong -

No actually, I don't. I don't think I'm judgmental. I don't think of myself as intolerant, and I'm not a fundamentalist. I think that is other peoples' issues, not mine. I mean, what does it mean to be judgmental?

I guess stuff like when you - I mean, I understand why you did it, but stuff like being up onstage making fun of people for slam dancing or that kind of thing.

Well, I don't see that as judgmental; I see it as a way of defusing an ugly situation. It's very difficult out of context for people to understand what was really happening. But for those of us who stood night after night on stages, in which you had -- I had situations, for instance once in Tampa, Florida, where I had 40 or 50 white power skinheads sieg heiling and beating the crap out of people. And of course most importantly, and this is most serious, there are situations -- I think probably half a dozen, maybe fewer, or even if it was just one! -- but situations in which people left our shows strapped to gurneys, backboards. They'd had their necks broken. And you're a writer. Imagine that every time you wrote an article, there was a frenzy to get to the newsrack, the newsstand or whatever publication your piece is appearing in, and people were trampled to death or to injury. At some point, you might think, "Well, this is absurd! I don't think I should be writing these articles, because I don't want people to be killed or injured in pursuit of this. Especially since there are plenty to go around!"

Jesus. I didn't realize it was that bad.

Yeah! It was bad! And worst of all is that it had nothing to do with the music. There was no relationship to the music. It was a behavioral ritual which then was fanned by MTV's insanity in the aftermath of Nirvana. There's a great story - a friend of mine was doing production work for rock gigs and he was working for a Bob Dylan show. And he said that Bob Dylan was playing, and suddenly a kid was crowd surfing and did a stage dive! My friend's a punk rocker and he was appalled! Like so embarrassed, because it just seemed completely so embarrassing. But then he heard a couple of Dylan's people in the back saying, "Wow, that was so exciting! That's really good for Bobby, you know? A little excitement. That's the kind of energy we want." And it just goes to show that it has really nothing to do with the music. And I don't think the people who were crowd surfing by and large intended to really hurt people; they might have on some level, but I don't think they were really thinking, "I'm gonna cripple somebody." I do think they were just exhibitionists. They were goofballs for the most part. However, it got to the point where it was just -- it's hard to play a show when the people in the front row, who by the way are often your biggest fans, are being perpetually injured. They don't need to have their necks broken; just think about having a 180-pound boy land on your head from behind you. Can you hold on one second for me? Hold on.

(*holds*)

Cool. That's my royalty call. I've got 15 or 20 minutes. So also, there's another component of this, which is that Fugazi worked very hard to bring music to people. We did venues that we thought were humane, venues that were open to all ages, that were safe places, and for $5 - really low ticket prices. The economy of rock and roll is deeply fucked up and largely driven by guarantees that bands make and the greed that exists in that world. We did not operate on guarantees; we worked on percentages. And by working solely on percentages, you're able to then readdress the way the economy of the gig will go. If you're demanding money, then the ticket price is not really yours to claim, you know? It's not for you to set. But if you're doing it by percentage, you're showing that you're willing to risk it along with everybody else. It also sets a certain cadence in terms of how much money can be spent. Let's say the room holds a thousand people, it's $5 a head, so we know right there that the gross is maximum $5000. So then we start factoring out what the rent's gonna be, how much it costs for the PA, the staffing, all this sort of stuff -- you gotta take that off the top, and then what's left we do a split with the promoter. Usually 70/30 - 70 to the band and 30% to the promoter. The promoter gets a little bit less money than a promoter might get at another gig; on the other hand, it's a no-brainer and it's no-risk because there's no guarantee.

So we put in enormous amounts of work constructing these things and working on these gigs, and we spent an awful lot of time double-checking and triple-checking and trying to make sure that everything was good and right and okay. Because of the fact the way we worked was so unorthodox, it meant having to go over it with people, because they were so used to the other ways of doing things. Even to the day, when we'd get to the gig, we had to remind the guy at the door, "Oh yeah, it's all ages. You don't have to card people." It's that sort of thing you have to go over, because they're just so used to the other way of doing things.

Now think about the fact that one of the skyrocketing costs of all the shows was security. I mean, there was a show we did in Chicago where the barricade made four times as much money as we did. The BARRICADE. And because you have a barricade, then you must have security people. You have to have security people - crowd management people - between the stage and the barricade. Because the barricade is a hole. So once you put a barricade in, then you have to staff the barricade. So it just costs more and more money, and this results in higher ticket prices. So these people that were just 'having fun' and just 'going off' - what they were really doing was they were perverting the peoples' music. They were creating a corporate climate. Do you follow?

Yeah.

This is something that I've spent a lot of time thinking about. I mean, this barricade in Chicago - we played at this place called I think the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago, and at that time there was these 'T' barricades. Are you familiar with that? It was a giant room that held 5,000 people, and the barricade was shaped like a 'T,' so you had the horizontal bit in front of the stage, but then right in the middle there was a barricade that goes straight down dividing the 'pit,' so to speak -- or the 'crowd,' if you prefer -- into two. But then you had to bring in even more security people to be in the middle slot. And we argued and argued about it, but the fix was in. The security people were connected, insurance rates drove up costs, and everything was just creating this insane confluence of things that jacked the cost of the show higher and higher and higher. I couldn't get them to waive it, so finally I said that I insisted that we include in the budget 100 balloons and a can of helium. And the guy was like, "What? What are you talking about!?" And I said, "If you're gonna have such a draconian set-up, and since when people are entering the room that's the first thing they'll see, it sets a contrary tone. So as a form of protest and an absurdity, I would like to soften it by having balloons tied to it all the way around." They did it! But I was just spitting in the wind, because that night we just got banged. We had 3900 people at that show, and we made less than the guy that drove the forklift. That's the risk we took by working percentages.

So what drove me nuts is that punk rock for me was, at the beginning, kids writing their own songs, forming their own bands, making their own music, putting on their own shows and creating their own scene completely off the radar. And part of being off the radar is, like Dylan says, "to live outside the law, you must be honest." So our point of view in Washington was we don't do vandalism, we don't shit where we live, and the rooms that would let us play were important to us. When there were scuffs or scrapes at those shows, it was people being basically served for like smashing a bathroom. "You can't do that! This is our lifeline!" So the idea was to stay off the radar and stay out of the view of the police. I didn't want the police to come to our shows. I wanted the shows! So this extended all the way through Fugazi -- the idea that so much energy and effort was spent, and so much MONEY was spent dealing with such a minority of people - and ne'er-do-wells! Did you ever see me give people their money back?

No.

We always had an envelope with $5 bills onstage. And there was like a show in Olympia where these skinhead guys were going crazy, and I said, "You know what? Time for refunds." And I got off the stage and I led a dozen guys out to the lobby and gave them $5 each and let them out the door. It's just not worth it! It's not worth 60 bucks! The show was so much better after they left. But in our society, the way we have a consumer mindset, the consumer is always right. The customer is always right, so therefore they think that by paying $5, they get to call the shots. Well fuck that, the $5 is just the turn of the key! We're just trying to make the gig happen! They don't get to call the shots. We collectively call the shots, and I'm at that show too.

That brings up something else that I wanted to ask you. By your refusal - not your refusal, that's not the word - by your decision not to compromise your beliefs or your art over all these years, did you end up having to worry about money a lot? Or was enough money coming in?

I've never worried about money particularly. I am frugal. Extremely frugal. And I'm not a cheapskate; I just don't need much. I see waste in most areas of our society, and it's so easy to avoid and just to live simply. I prefer to live simply. Hold on one second; let's see who's calling here. Oh, it's Brendan! Hold on a second.

(*holds, because Fugazi drummer BRENDAN CANTY has called Ian on the other line*)

Hey. He's just coming down here to pick up something. But also, Fugazi worked REALLY hard, and we sold A LOT of records. First off, Minor Threat -- and this is crazy, but Minor Threat has sold collectively like well over half a million records. And Fugazi, I think "Repeater" probably sold almost half a million records. So we sold a lot of records. And though our records are cheap, we were also super-efficient in making them. "The Argument," our last record -- we spent the most money on that one of all our records in terms of recording, and that was probably about between 12 and 14 thousand dollars. By some standards that may seem like a lot, but for a record that sold a couple hundred thousand copies, it's nothing! The first record - the one with "Waiting Room" on it, that thing? We probably spent $1200 recording that. And we never had a manager, we didn't have a booking agent, we didn't have lawyers, I don't have a lawyer, Dischord has never used contracts, so there's ways of doing things. It's creative response. It's like looking at a situation and being like, "Okay, how can I navigate it?" The amount of money you save by not engaging in business as usual is incredible. So I've never been particularly worried about money.

I will say that I also don't think in terms of making my money from my music. People say, "Well, this kind of stuff is easy for you to say, because you can make a living from your music." I make my living from my work. I'm not playing music right now. I am WORKING right now. I will be writing checks for five or six hours today. I haven't actually practiced with Amy for a month and a half. I'm not playing music everyday; I am running a label, and returning to Fugazi, there was so much administrative work. That is WORK. It's just straight-up work. One aspect of DIY that I think people really miss out on is that you actually have to "Do It" yourself. It's work! It's not just a classification, like "Well yeah, I'm DIY!," then you sit around at home. If you're DIY sitting at home, NOTHING is happening. It doesn't make any sense! The work has always been central, but I like to work. And of course I always have to credit reading a Black Flag interview in Damage magazine from San Francisco in probably 1980 or '81. I think Dukowski the bass player said he'd rather work a day job for the rest of his life than ever become dependent on his music. And I thought, "That resonates with me in a hell of a way!" I don't want my art to be compromised by my monetary issues. So I decided that that wasn't going to be the case. It wasn't going to happen. It was deeply liberating.

Who aside from your own bands are the most popular bands, or the best-selling, on Dischord?

Well, Jawbox of course sold quite a few records. Nation of Ulysses sold quite a few records. Dag Nasty sold a lot of people. Rites of Spring sold a lot of records. Shudder To Think did quite well. Lungfish have eleven records, so cumulatively they're doing pretty damn well. I mean, none of their records have been huge sellers, but they do well. Recently, Q And Not U did great. None of the bands come close to Fugazi or Minor Threat in terms of sales. I think probably the best-selling records of the bands that are not by either Fugazi or Minor Threat sold probably about 50 or 60 thousand.

Me and probably most people, when they look back at their teenage years or early twenties or whatever, kinda cringe at certain things they've done or certain ways they've acted but, at least from the outside, you seem to have always had it together. Even in the earliest Minor Threat lyrics, your moral ideas seemed pretty solid, and I was just wondering -- were there things you did either artistically or personally that you look back at and go, "Jeez, I can't believe I did that when I was young"?

Not artistically really. If I have sort of a tender point on that front, it's usually things that I did in the name of humor. Sometimes I'll hear things I did that I thought were very funny at the time that are just not very funny now. And of course in the early days, there was a lot of tension and a lot of misunderstandings, and I think if I looked back, I might think, "Oh, I wish I had been less defensive." I think I was pretty defensive. I was extremely defensive and very territorial in terms of Washington, and very provincial in terms of like DC pride, that sort of thing. And of course there was a lot of violence going on, and I was certainly a fighter in 1981-82. But it seemed at the time to make sense, and I also had developed what I thought was a very ethical code of 'Bruise the ego and not the body.' That was my sort of mandate in terms of violence. But it was a conceit because obviously violence is not containable, and even if I was able to maintain that code, certainly the people around me weren't. And it spilled over into something that was very ugly.

And I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so outspoken about violence. I'm not shying away from my responsibility or my role in that virus. At some point, I was a carrier. I don't think I created it, but I definitely carried it, and it became suffused as at least one component of hardcore punk. And today there are people that will trumpet it in their recollections; you know, people talk about war stories. Especially people who I think are somewhat circumstantial or peripheral players in their connection with the American underground -- often they like to sort of trumpet about the violence and the nihilism. And I feel disappointed because I wish that I had been able to be more prescient in terms of my behavior, and to have not been a contributor to that. I can't say I regret it, because it's brought me to where I am. And at the time, I think I felt pretty clear that it was the right thing to do.

Regret is a tough one for me. I'm not George Bush, and I definitely will admit some mistakes, but I gotta say that I see life as a flight of stairs and every step brings me to where I am. And I'm not a 'phase' person; I don't look back like "Oh, I was that person then, and I'm this person now." I was real since Day One; that's the way I've looked at it. In the American society, there's this idea that you're a teenager or you're a young person, and then at some point you gotta get 'real.' I would submit that we are real, period -- that kids are real, teenagers are real - it's REAL! It's something we should be mindful of and thoughtful about. I don't believe in phases, at least not in my own life.

So to answer your question -- no, I don't really think about it that much. Occasionally, like I was just transferring some tapes the other day, and there was some incidental stuff on the recordings. It was a control room tape of some Fugazi stuff. It was just like the tape running in the control room while we were doing vocals or something, and it's very interesting to hear the process. But I was making these jokes, and I'm like, "Oh, these are terrible jokes!" Because I'm being obnoxious. I mean, I can be obnoxious but I don't really mean to be. I don't want to be cruel. And sometimes I hear myself saying things that, like I know I didn't really mean to be cruel, but if someone else heard it, then it might hurt their feelings. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings.

I did also have an interesting experience not so long ago. Mark Andersen, who did the book "Dance Of Days," which is about the DC punk scene -- now I've never read this book, because I decided that I didn't want to read about basically my own history. But I know Mark, and I know Mark Jenkins, the co-writer, and we're friends. In a discussion with Mark Andersen, we were talking about the process of putting that book together, and I knew he had interviewed many, many, many people in the DC underground. And I asked him about cassettes, and he had a crate of maybe 200 or 300 cassettes just sitting in his basement. And I said, "Listen, I'd like to digitize those." Because they're 90-minute interviews, I now have 400 CDs of interviews. It was an enormous project; it's been a year of just knocking these things out. But I've realized what an incredible treasure it is from the point of view of a sociological study or something, to be able to hear that much information and that many observations about a specific music scene or social scene.

I haven't listened to all these things, but I've listened to a handful and it's really interesting to hear. These are interviews largely conducted in the late '80s and very early '90s, and there are some times I'll listen to it and the person will just SAVAGE me! Like say the most really uncharitable things about me. And they're friends of mine! And I think quite often that they're incorrect. They're saying things about my motives, and they're not right about it. But they will say things that are really not nice, and I never think, "Well, fuck that person!" I never get angry. My feelings don't even get hurt. What I think about is "What on Earth was my behavior? How was I behaving that would prompt such an uncharitable outlook about me?" And I'm not mad at the people; it's just interesting. It's just a very interesting thing. I mean, imagine if you came across a box of cassettes where your friends are basically talking about your life together when you were 18. And they might say like, "Yeah well you know, Mark was a fucking greedy shithead." You'd be like "Whoa! Where did that come from!?" You'd think, "What did I do that made them want to say that? Or what was I doing at the time of the interview?"

See, that's the thing. That's the problem with doing histories. Quite often, histories are really skewed because they're retrospective, and the interviews are done with people after the fact. There's a book that I found very enjoyable called "City Of Nets," which is about Hollywood, written by Otto Freidrich. It's a really in-depth fascinating book about the origins of Hollywood, and Freidrich says that in doing the book he decided that to interview people in 1980 about what was going on in 1920 - even for those few who might still be alive, their vision of it would be so affected by the passage of time. Even in this conversation, I'm talking about my past, but obviously I'm, you know - I'm.... 'editing' is not the correct word. I'm 'repositioning' it in a way, because I'm me NOW! So I'm able to talk about it in a different light. So he didn't do any interviews with people. What he did was very intensive research, and he read especially magazines -- just thousands and thousands of magazines from that era, because those interviews were done in real-time! It was Bob Hope as like a 22-year-old talking about his life, or talking about his work, or talking about other people! And that's history. That's the reality of that time. And if you talked to Bob Hope now, Bob Hope might have a different way - well, he's dead now, but if you talked to him back in the '80s, then he would've had a really different outlook. He would've managed it a little differently. Do you follow?

Yeah.

Really interesting! So even in this situation with these interviews, they were five to ten years after the fact. And people - where they were in their lives, what was going on, and where our relationship was, like my relationship with them or their relationship with music - it was really relevant to the tone of their recollections. It's also interesting to discover just how somebody with an agenda can manipulate the past. Because the way people approach histories now, and certainly the way they approach documentaries, is they're hung on basically faux-narratives. They create stories and then they fill in the blanks. But life is not a story. It's just not a story! And in my mind, the DC punk underground -- that scene was not a story. It was an existence.

And don't get me wrong - again, I'm not being critical of the book specifically. It's actually just the notion of histories altogether. And I read histories, so you know - like I recently read a book called "Grit, Noise And Revolution" about the late '60s Detroit scene - the MC5, the Stooges and all that. Very interesting book! Fascinating. But while I was reading it, it's not lost on me that essentially there are probably people who were involved in that scene that are just like, "That book is... That guy missed this and..." So I accept it. I don't think that "Dance Of Days" shouldn't exist; I don't think that at all. What I think is that for my own sanity, I try to avoid reading about that which I've done, because I don't want it to interfere with that which I'm gonna do. How far down the list are we?

Oh, you can stop me any time. I'm just jumping around here. If you have to go....

Does this have anything to do with anything? This interview? Why does he want me interviewed anyway?

Because you're a legend! I wanted to interview you because I've been a fan of yours for so long.

You know, you and I have crossed paths before. And I actually figured it out at some point, but I can't remember what it was. Your name is so familiar, and just recently I realized, "Oh, THAT'S where I know him from!" But I cannot figure out what -- you don't remember ever interviewing me before?

I never interviewed you. I interviewed Guy once.

Oh! Maybe - what was that for?

Umm... maybe my web site? I don't know.

Maybe that's what it was. Just recently I came across your name again, and I was like "THAT'S what it was! There it is."

One thing that keeps showing up for some reason is that I asked Guy about emo, and he said something about "I don't attribute that term; I think it doesn't mean anything. I just thought the bands I was in were punk bands. What, were the Bad Brains robots or something?"

Ha!

That quote is in a lot of places for some reason. Probably because of Wikipedia.

Ah, yeah. Guy's a genius. He's a deeply brilliant man. I love his interviews.

Yeah, he was really nice. Okay, I have plenty of other questions, but I'll -

Well, go ahead. The sand is going to run out momentarily, but -

Okay. A long time ago I sent ten questions to Henry Rollins, and one of them was what was he most proud of, and his answer was his friendship with you.

That's nice of him to say.

Yeah. And I was just wondering if there was any point during that weird period after he joined Black Flag and sort of shut himself off, did he shut himself off from you too?

Yeah.

Really!?

Sure. There were certainly moments where it was tough. It was a hard time! But Black Flag was hard. Things got very dark with them. I remember very clearly a certain point in time where Henry and I had to have a sit-down basically to try to - I really was like, "Something's not right here. This is crazy." It was like we didn't even know each other. He wasn't happy. It was a terrible mindfuck, that band. But I did go on tour with them; I was their roadie in England, which was an absolutely incredible experience. It was good, but it was incredible. You have to remember, I've known Henry since I was 11. So there were even periods of time prior to Black Flag, where - you know, we're friends! And you kinda have moments of like "Alright, well fuck you then!" You know? And at that point in the early '80s, of course Minor Threat was in full throttle, and with Black Flag there was a little bit of -- I wasn't really too aware of it, but I think there was actually some kind of weird competitiveness. It just got very strange. And I was too young to understand the dimensions of it.

I hope someday that somebody will go and do a proper overview of Black Flag, because they were a really fascinating band and probably the most responsible for the spread of American hardcore punk rock and stuff. Those guys toured so hard; their ethic was so insane. They would do these tours where they would go around the country, do 30 or 40 shows, come home, and not even stop - just go back out AGAIN and play all the other cities. They lived out of a bag. They had two bags in their van for clothes: clean clothes and dirty clothes. Nobody had their own clothes; you just wore whatever was in the bag! I mean, you were just "Okay, my clothes are now dirty," put that in the dirty bag, and then you just reach in and get whatever you want out of the clean bag. But also there was really almost Machiavellian stuff going on within the band, I think. It was really very interesting. But it's difficult because you can't really write about the band - well you could, but it just would be bruising, and nobody wants that.

Yeah. That's unfortunate for history.

But they were, God, such an important, amazing and influential band. And one that really had a profound effect on me. They were my favorite band before they were Henry's favorite band. Not that it was a race or a competition, but the point is that I was really passionate about them. I actually made the first contact with them; I called Dukowski up. I called the number at SST and said, "Hey, I'm from Washington DC," and we just talked for two hours. Their first show on the east coast was New York. A bunch of DC people drove up there - maybe 15 or 20 of us. And then they came down to Washington, and they stayed at my parents' house. Imagine coming upstairs and Robo's having pancakes and smoking cigarettes with your mother! That band - they're a deeply important band, certainly for me. But because of the kind of darkness in their history, it's kind of too bad because I think it's affected peoples' ability to -- no one can really talk about them.

Do you think you would've joined them had you been asked?

You know, people ask me that. Henry told me at one point that I was the next person on the list. They had done this sort of talent search. Dez wanted to play guitar; this is the story I was told at least. And they had toured the country and met people and seen people and heard records, and they wanted to go back out and try out a couple of people. They first went to New Orleans; there was a band called The Sluts in New Orleans, and there was a guy named Dee Slut who was the singer, and they practiced with him. And then they came up and practiced with Henry in New York. He went up to New York and practiced with them there, and they decided to go with them. Henry told me that I was the next person on the list. However, I think it's worth noting that I knew nothing about this whatsoever, and I don't know at what point I was going to be tried out. Somehow there'd been some negotiations between him and them, because he knew to go to New York.

And I remember really clearly, I was in Cynthia Connolly's house hanging out and the phone rang, and it was Henry. And Henry and I - we were best friends, but I think at that time there'd been a little bit of guff between us because he was singing for SOA and I was in Minor Threat. Lyle and Brian of Minor Threat went to GDS, which was Georgetown Day School. And Mike Hampton and I think Ivor Hansen or - well, members of SOA basically also went to GDS. They were younger than us and, unbeknownst to me - or Henry, I think - there was a really savage kind of competition going on with them. There was a lot of like smack talking. I was not aware of it, because it was their school. I had graduated high school. I went to Wilson anyway; I wasn't part of that scene. So there was a lot of smack being talked, and I think that Henry and I got kinda caught up in that. Because we were best friends, and yet somebody would say like, "Fuck those guys!" So we were in the middle of a quiet period. I hadn't seen him in a few days or something.

So he called me and he said, "Guess who the new singer for Black Flag is?" And we had heard of course that they were looking for a new singer, because this was always a perpetual thing with Black Flag. Like if you look at old Flipsides, Black Flag was always looking for a singer. And there were always these rumors like "Oh, Mugger's gonna sing!" or "Merrill's gonna sing!" or all these different L.A. luminaries. So I'm trying to guess who this new singer for Black Flag is; I can't guess, and he says, "Me!" And I was completely floored. I couldn't believe it! I mean, it was so bizarre! And then of course it was pretty exciting. And SOA played their last show opening for Black Flag in Philadelphia in June of 1981, or late May. And it was an absolutely chaotic show. There was this huge riot with these locals, and people were sent to the hospital. And Henry came home, got all his crap and brought it over to Dischord House - no, I guess he brought it to my parents' house, because I hadn't even moved to Dischord yet. I was still living at home. He got all of his records and everything he owned and just stuck it all in my parents' house, and then I drove him to the bus station and that was that. He went to Detroit and met up with Black Flag and off he went. But you know, we're probably closer now than we've ever been. We're really dear friends. He's a hero.

I'm not mad at him about Black Flag. Ha!

Have you ever wished for a different voice, or to be able to play other instruments, or anything like that?

A different voice? Yeah, I always wish I could sing better.

Do you listen to the same amount of music as you used to?

Yeah. But not new music. I listen to music every day, but I don't really follow new music that much.

Gotcha. What are you into besides music?

What's that?

What are your other chief interests? I guess history; you were talking about reading -

Mmm, I guess. But I like to talk!

Ha! Do you have more of the interview dates coming up, or is that over?

I'm gonna do some more. I'm gonna do one up in Saratoga Springs at Skidmore. The thing is that it's sorta by invitation. If people like it, I'm gonna do it. But I should try and do more, because I like doing them. They're pretty interesting. Sometimes it gets a little disturbing because it becomes sort of a cult of personality. I'm also keenly aware that, you know, when The Evens play a show, people come to see us, there is money being paid and we're being compensated, and there's an exchange. And what I like to think is being exchanged is the music. When I'm doing Q&A's, I'm also being compensated, but I try to be really aware of the fact that, you know, "What is it that I'm selling at that point? What is on the block?" And the concern of course is that what is on the block is me - my personality. And I'm not too interested in selling that. So I'm trying to strike a balance between the kind of thing where I just lay it all out, talk about everything that ever happened to me and bring in all the personal things that have occurred and all my friends and all these really private things - you'll see this happen a lot with people who get in this position, where they'll start talking at length about these really intense personal things, because it's part of this sort of package. And I try to strike a balance between that and the idea of engaging with people in a sort of conversation and being - maybe 'transparent' is not exactly the right word, but it's something along those lines.

The initial idea of doing the Q&A's sprang from a couple of considerations. One was that in the early 2000s, the United States government was engaging and waging a war against other people in the world, and the media was really lockstep in favor of that and anybody who had access to the media basically seemed to be like, "Yeah, this is the right thing to be doing." I never agreed with that, I never believed that, and I think that there are many people who shared my feelings, but that we by and large were kept out of the mainstream media. This was most evidenced by the oft-repeated dismissal of artists by saying, "Well, what do they know about politics? They're just artists and musicians," and thus rendering our opinion as insignificant. And the first way I would respond is "What did the Bush administration know about politics? They're businessmen. They're not politicians; they were always businessmen." That was their concern.

But in terms of this idea that media was so monopolized by hawks - people who were pro-war - I felt that any opportunity to speak out against war, to speak out against the military crimes that were being waged on other people in this world by our government, I thought it was my responsibility to take it. If I had a stage or if I had a mic, I tried to get up and take a few minutes every night, not to condemn the government and expect that to change things, but rather to publicly declare it, so that people who have sat quietly will not feel alone. Then they'd realize, "Oh wait, there are other people who also agree with that." And I would like to think that the fact that there are enough people like me - writers, speakers and even just everybody - that it eventually did create a momentum and it did put this situation in Iraq into disfavor. There's still a lot more work to be done, but at least I like to think that, to some degree, it was a successful campaign to try to stop this disgusting insanity.

The second aspect of doing the Q&A's was the idea of revealing the ladder -- people who are in the public eye, if you were to imagine them as sort of being in an ascendant position, to be somehow raised. Because if you think about it, if you're in the public eye, then you must be, I guess, a little bit higher. Because if you're in a giant crowd and you're visible, then you must be elevated in some way. I think that many people who are in elevated positions would like other people to think that somehow they were either born there or that God delivered them there or that that's just part of who they were. Whereas I see that, if I am in that kind of elevated position, I clearly see it as a result of work. And I thought that for most people when they come to talk, if they have questions, what they're really interested in is how things work.

So for instance when you asked me about being judgmental, I went on at length about the machinations. I told you how things work! You see? And that was the idea - to talk about how things work, and let people know that there was actual thinking and rationale. It's not a gift from the Heavens; it wasn't like "Oh, I'm just that way! I'm a genius." I don't think of myself as a genius. I think of myself as a person. I just do the work, and I think about stuff. So I just thought it would be engaging to let people ask me any question they wanted, and it has been. I mean, there's a surplus of straight edge questions, but that's okay. I don't mind responding. I don't back away or back down from anything, and I stand behind every lyric I've ever written, so I don't mind talking about it -- to a degree. At some point, it seems like "Let's cover some other ground, for God's sake."

Ha! Yeah, I was watching one of them online a couple of months ago, and one of the kids asked you about The Obsessed or somebody?

Uh-huh, yeah.

Yeah, that was kinda cool. He asked you about Wino.

Yeah, I just saw The Wino Band about two weeks ago - his new band. It was fantastic!

He has a new band?

Yeah, he's playing guitar, and he's playing with Jean-Paul from the band Clutch and Jon Blank from a band called Rezin. It's just called 'The Wino Band.' I guess he's doing Obsessed songs, Spirit Caravan songs, he has a few new jams, and it was really a great nght. He's a super-hero.

Nice. Okay, I'll let you go now. You've given an hour and a half.

Alright, well I imagine you can cobble something together from all this.

Oh, of course I can.

Thanks for the good questions. You made me do some thinking; I appreciate that. You got me all fired up. Brendan will be here in a few minutes to pick up some stuff, and then I gotta start writing checks. So I'm ready. I'm ready to do it.

Have you had time to write any songs? I know you've been -

NO! Ha!

Yeah, I didn't think so.

That part is not, at the moment -- I mean, it's not merely being a Dad, although I gotta say that you're never bored, so the time spent with the boy is so incredible. Obviously, that has had an effect on my time, but the last year of Dischord has been very, very intense. We've just gone through an enormous shift in our operations. We'd partnered with this company Southern Studios for 25 years, and last year they shut down their Chicago office, so we've taken over all the production ourselves and rearranged everything. That's sorta the trouble with getting the royalties together this time; we've had to remap all the accounting and we just got the tax stuff done.

I'm also in the midst of a huge archive project, basically going through all of my collection and doing a database for all this stuff. In fact, in terms of Fugazi, we have a database and we're already over 1500 pieces for audio and visual-like things -- including 900 live recordings.

GOD!

Ha! I mean, I've only lived in three houses my whole life. I lived in my parents' house, I lived in Dischord House, and now I'm living with Amy and Carmine in town. I'm at Dischord House right now! And my parents' house on Beecher Street is still - my Dad still lives there. My Mom died a few years ago, but my Dad still lives there. So I still have all my fanzines that I never got rid of in the early '80s. Because I didn't need to get rid of it; I never had to deal with it. So now I'm trying to get the collection organized to create a living archive, and I imagine at some point I may well give a goodly amount of it to a Collection or something. I'd like it to be used; I don't want to keep it to myself, but I'm also trying to come up with a really creative way to address making it really accessible. I don't want it to be an academic sort of thing; I want it to be open to all people. I want it to be open to people like me, and I'm not an academic.

So how much room does all this take up?

I don't know. A fair amount. I'm not a mess, at all. I'm not messy, but I also don't have time to sit down and label everything. So I have basically boxes where like, "Okay, in this box I have 10,000 photographs" or something. One of these days, I'll sit down and get these things organized. But I'm finally now starting to get to that process, because I'm working with an Archival Arts grad student and he's all over that. And this process also involves digitizing and basically trying to transfer -- probably half of the live recordings are on DAT tapes, which is a terrible format. So we're having to transfer all of those to a different format, because if we don't, they'll be lost.

I remember when DAT was the wave of the future! What happened to DAT?

Exactly. That's right. Remember, the cutting edge of technology is a very dangerous place to be. That's why I've never been cutting edge. I always let the people decide; once they decide, "Alright, this is what we're gonna use," alright then I'll use it. That's why it took us years to get a digital download thing. It took us years to get a CD out! Because we're not on the cutting edge; we're always waiting for the people to decide for themselves, and then if they decide that's what they really want, then we make it available. DATs were extremely pragmatic at the time. They were small, you could get up to 180 minutes on them, the quality was decent, but nobody had any idea how short-lived they would be. Terribly short-lived. They're falling apart already.

But here's the other thing, then I'll probably jump off. I do try to take care of this stuff and it is important to me but also, as a caveat, I always keep in mind that it really is nothing. If all this stuff were to disappear, it would be okay. I'm not made up by this stuff. I have this sort of "I care... but I don't give a fuck." I'm trying to do right, because I think that somebody else would enjoy that and it'd be good, so I'm trying to look after the stuff. But it's not my sole purpose in life. I'm enjoying it though! It's interesting. It's given me the opportunity to revisit a lot of stuff and think about it, which will help me talk about things. Always learning.

Excellent.

Good luck transcribing!

Hey, I'll have fun.

He's gonna put us on like a fucking half-page.

Ha!

Let's do a book. Fuck that guy! Fuck him and his.... Nah, he's nice. Okay, I'll talk to you again.

Okay, thanks!

Take care.

Bye.

[thequietmanno1]

Thelreads, Vigilantes 73, Replies Part 1

1) “…Time for Vigilantes! Yay! Time to get back to pop being used as a human puppet to an evil parasitic monster! double Yay!”- Time to Witness Koichi get a cold, hard dose of reality and realise how ineffectual he is at actually saving somebody as a ‘pretend’ hero. Yay!!! 2) “Now, that little detail shocked me, but so far I think I`m into it. I have a few grips in general, but this is the first actually-impactful event that can leave some permanent marks on the characters, one that there`s no easy way out, nor a way to brush off the aftereffects. Fuck, I don`t think they can find a replacement eye for Pop, you know? Well, they could kill her as well, but I doubt that Furuhashi would have the guts.”- I mean, if they mishandle the brain surgery or if the parasite’s evolved since it was in Tamao’s head, then it might not actually be possible to get Pop back at all, much like 90% the way she used to be. We saw how a successful surgery was done last time by a trained hero, who’s no doubt had first-aid training, but that also had the backing of the unspoken plan guarantee. Now we know it can work, the narrative logic that would otherwise support whatever plans Koichi came up with to achieve the same result if it was a first-time showing won’t be in effect to guarantee Pop’s revival this time round. If nothing else, Furuhashi’s proven he’s willing to use Pop as the resident chew toy for emotional and physical damage since Koichi was handling the slapstick shenanigans for most of the series.

3) “And we immediately cut to Detroit. Glad to see the series is branching out to new horizons…”-  I really do wonder what other series/stories can be told in this world outside of Japan. Like, we get glimpses of it in the movies and such, but it would be pretty cool to actually have different series set in various international countries around the world, each dealing with different conflicts relevant to the respective countries’ political and social situation as affected by quirks and their various histories. 4) “Oh yeah, you were here. fuck you, as usual, and now let`s see the carnage you have in store for Pop to unleash. If she`s really full of trigger like I imagine her to be, it`s gonna be quite the show.”- It’s a real banger of a tune, all-inclusive free viewing, with plans for an explosive encore if the ratings are high.

5) “OH NO LOOK OUT THE PERSONA FANS ARE ABOUT TO DROP DOWN ON US! EVERYBODY RUN FOR SAFETY!”- Now Koichi has to beat up Pop’s shadow self to save the day, sans Metaverse. He’d better have an impressive Showtime attack. 6) “And it seems like I wasn`t wrong, her skin is darker now, she definitely is full of trigger.”- Nomura spared no expense or designer drugs to make sure Pop was fully prepped as possible to give her maximum performance. 7) “five minutes in and I already hate the way the parasite is guiding Pop. Not because of the whole mind control to turn her into a homicidal maniac and what amounts to a terrorist attack to her neighborhood and the innocent people she knew, no, I meant the puns.

I swear to god, if Pop Queen here starts dropping puns i`m going to beat her to death myself.”- Beeing the evil counterpart, since Pop was never really into the whole hero/villain/vigilante deal in the first place, comapired to beeing an Idol, of course Bee Pop would be a Saturday morning cartoon villain, full of awful themed puns that make you want to slap something out of sheer cringe.

8) “I definitely will need to keep joking to distract myself from the fact that Pop is going to kill a lot of innocent people ha ha how fun ( : “- She certainly caused a lot of property damage at the very least, and with the wider range she can reach with her extended mobility compared to the prior host, her ‘show’ has the potential to cause damage or injury to civilians in a several-block radius, to say nothing of the fact the enhanced bees seen to pack a larger blast in addition to greater numbers.

9) “Huh- Are those- Are those hacker bees? Did she hacked into the speaker and the cellphones to make sure they all know that she`s the one doing that? Or did I got that one wrong, because it sure as fuck like those drones are hacking in on the devices below.”- Fitting with Pop’s social media savvy that aided Koichi before, Bee Pop’s drones are not just limited to a combat or experimental drug function, but specialised to create a spectacle, which means that she can rewire electronics to spread the word about her show…and also ensuring that everybody can ID Pop’s body as the bomber. There was a remote chance that in the chaos, nobody would be able to positively identify her, but now there’s video evidence of her in action. On a more serious note, it also means she can disrupt communication between heroes trying to contain her whilst maintaining communication throughout her multiple Beeombs, meaning it’s harder for group efforts to successfully pin her down. 10) “Oh it was that, that there`s no doubt. It seems like since Pop was so focused in being brave enough to stand center stage, not only professionally but also romantically, the parasite is making her go all-in on being the center of attention

Well, sure, McBee also is responsible, he organized this event, but still, I bet her desires had some degree of influence on making this new “her””- She wanted to stand out. Now nobody will ever forget her…for all the wrong reasons.

11) “oh yeah, time to burn baby, burn. Now koichi, I hope you`re sitting down, because what you`re about to witness will definitely make you fall from your chair. That is, if there is even a chair left intact after she`s through.”- Oh he had a great fall all right…now it’s time for a certain long coat-wearing individual to put this humpty-dumpty back together again in time for him to hero up for the second showing.

12) “And off we go everybody. Boy that`s a lot of explosions she`s putting up, I hope the trigger in her organism at least give her some degree of resistance, otherwise she`s gonna fry her brain before the night is over.”- TBH, I kinda got the impression that as long as the queen bee parasite has enough time to spawn specialised bees over the course of several weeks/days, Bee Pop can use and detonate plenty of them without feeling too much negative feedback on her body mid-show. That’s another reason why she decides to cut the show short at the end, because her available ‘stock’ was running a bit low to fully pull off her planed grand finale, so she needed a bit of time to ‘recharge’ and build up her swarm again for the next show. Tamao’s body doesn’t seem to have quite as much resistance as Pop’s did, possibly because Pop’s quirk, and accordingly her body, was stronger than Tamao’s, and in addition, Knuckleduster caught her off-guard when she wasn’t prepared for a fight, so the bees she had on hand to attack him with weren’t what she was fully capable of if she’d been ready for him. Bee Pop, however, is all about the preparation for putting on a grand showing, so she’s got plenty of Beeombs on hand to handle Koichi’s poor attempt at a rescue, though not enough to suit her new anarchic aesthetic for the finale, which is why she’s gonna get it right next time.

13) “No pop, you have the bombs, koichi is the one with the gun, you make “boom” he makes “bang”, and everybody dies in the end. Dammit, you got possessed by a monster and you`re already trying to steal his thunder? smh those stars nowadays…”- Who knows, maybe part of Pop’s mind still in there based this bit off Koichi specifically, as a sort of tribute to the man who was once/might yet become her hero

14) “Oh wow, that`s- That`s a fuckton more than what the previous queen was able to put out. Holy fuck, she`s pretty much bringing down the whole block with a single show- “- New Bees, new host, whole different ballgame. Though, there’s also the angle to consider that Nomura and his masters don’t seem particularly interested in preserving Pop’s body from the rebound of pushing her powers too much. Tamao was all about keeping a low profile, which is why she lasted for several chapters, but something on this level will bring the heroes down on Pop STAT. Whatever the reason they’re allowing Nomura to use their resources to push his petty vendetta against Koichi as Knuckleduster’s ‘true’ successor, it seems they’re perfectly ok with this Host’s body self-destructing like almost happened with Tamao’s

15) “Meanwhile, I can`t help but imagine Pop singing this requiem of evil like a death metal singer. Or at least that Kawaii metal that used to be popular back in the day. Ah, good times… “- Idol J-Pop wasn’t working for her, so she branched out into different Music types to try her luck there. Certainly leaves a different impact than her prior work did.  @thelreads

[weaselle]

I put them both in one post.

I have a brother 10 years older than me and a younger brother and sister 5 and 7 years younger than me respectively. I call the older by his name, and also “dude” a lot. You know those twisty metal puzzles you have to figure out how to take apart or put back together, like puzzle rings and shit? He can do those in seconds without even thinking about it, like, idly while talking to you. He’s a daredevil bombs and blades tinkerer, and a practical joker. Once he told me he was getting out of the lake because it was noon and that’s when the sun shone straight down to the bottom and woke IT up, and then got out and snuck halfway around the lake to climb back in and swim up from underneath me to wrap a hand around my ankle and suddenly yank me down about ten feet at an angle toward the center of the lake. He went to jail for building a bomb, it’s a good thing they never found his other homemade weapons, like arrows with exploding tips, or the underslung potato gun mounted to the frame of his car. And I SAY potato gun but I saw him use his tester model to launch a wad of duct tape through a truck camper shell at the junk yard in the R&D phase, and he use to load it with a wad of something for batting topped by a snapple cap and a handfull of roofing nails and disintegrate mail boxes with it. He is a good wood sculptor and has a surprisingly delicate yet raw style when drawing with charcoal or graphite. He can take apart and put together almost anything. I could just write a whole book about his antics.

With my younger brother it’s mostly his name and “dude” quite often. Every once in a while, I will call him bro, or brother, but usually when I am low-key reinforcing our age difference. Like if he thought mom would react one way to something, but I had seen her reaction to that same thing before he was born or whatever, like, brother, I’ve known her longer. He is one of two people I know personally who may be legit geniuses. He used to play video games in the early 90′s by hacking their code and modding them - I’d walk in and he’d be 12 years old like “Instead of cannon balls, I made the cannon shoot cows that bounce around randomly a few times and explode, and I’m trying to make it so that each time a cow bounces, it spawns another bouncing cow bomb”. He has a… I want to say a Masters in Physics. His math teacher in high school tried to hold his interest by having him teach the first 15 minutes of each class. Once when the rest of us siblings were all standing around talking about sneaking out of the house, we asked if he ever did and he was like “why would I sneak out in the middle of the night… that’s when I sleep.” Now he’s a very mellow polyamorous hacker who brews his own beer and “isn’t allowed to tell you where I work, it’s so silly”

Our youngest I call by her name, and dude a fair amount, and a combination of the word sister and her name (like if her name was Brittany I would call her Sisttany) I do call her sister more than I use brother for my fraternals, but she calls us all brother quite a bit.  I think there are some complex reasons for that, but it boils down to her having been teased terribly and given a very hard time growing up by us, her brothers, who had a certain alliance against her. Of course by now we’re forced to admit that she is awesome and special and maybe the best of all of us. Certainly the coolest. Like, my younger brother is hella cool on paper, but when you’re in a room with him, he’s a little.. the only way he pulls it off is by truly not giving a fuck if people think he’s cool, which, as we all know, instantly awards coolness to whatever you’ve got going. On the other hand, when my sister is in a room, people laugh when she decides something is funny. Someone else is often making the decisions, but everyone only agrees to go along with them if sheagrees with them. She’s not wearing those clothes because they are cool, those clothes are cool because she’s wearing them, Once she worked at the same hotel I did for a while, and I asked her what she thought of it, and she said “I only ever want to work in a hotel again if I OWN it”. She was 19. She once knocked out her (now ex) boyfriend for forcefully taking his car keys away from her too roughly when he’d been drinking. He realized what he’d done too late to save him and she pulled him down from the fence he was climbing to get away from her so she could lay him out. She ran her own business for a while doing marketing stuff for publications and wineries and things, but she felt she was working too hard for the return she was seeing, and now she works for some firm overseeing the people who manage their social media or something.

And then there’s me, the Bard of the group, basically. I travel around on lots of adventures (I was arrested by the US airforce in Germany, I got stuck in England for a summer when they took my passport away from me at Heathrow - I stayed at a circus school with a few of the circus students who had no real home to go back to for the summer, and I put together a circus busking group with some of them and that’s how I made enough money to eat every day.) I used to write and produce full length comedies for the stage. I was SO sure I was going to be a con-artist, so I studied slight of hand and magic ( I ran a crooked poker game at recess) but as a young adult, when I picked my first pocket, I found I had no taste for stealing from real people (I’ll fuck up Coke any day, where’s Amazon’s pocket? Side note: I tapped the guy on his shoulder and handed his wallet back to him and said “I think you dropped this” and never picked a pocket again, but I can still do some pretty interesting stuff with cards and coins and things, Juggle knives and torches. that sort of stuff). Anyway, I adventure, and I write songs and stories, and my siblings mostly call me by my name, and very occasionally, dude. Also, my origins are steeped in mystery and my siblings are actually my cousins by blood, but that’s another story. Okay, here is that story.

My Grandmother was left-handed and the reason I love cooking and definitely some kind of Being. Her title was The Grandma. She had 4 great grandchildren by the time she died, and so her daughters became Grandma, but she was THE Grandma. She had this way about her, like she was incredibly present, but also paying attention to everything in the whole world. And then sometimes (notably when you fucked up) it was like she pulled her attention off all those things and put the whole thing on you; it was very unsettling. And she had the Voice, which she almost never used.

The last time Grandma traveled on an airplane with us, we were going though security and she couldn’t go through the metal detectors because by then she couldn’t get out of the wheelchair for longer than twenty seconds at a time. The TSA agent said she was going to search her or pat her down instead, and reached for my Grandmother. And Grandmother said, in the Voice

“Don’t touch The Grandma”

The TSA agent blinked and looked at grandma’s eldest daughter (a celtic witch if ever there was one) who merely shrugged and said “…don’t touch the grandma”.

TSAgent hesitated as if about to reach forward and insist, thought better of it, called TSA Supervisor over. TSA Supervisor explained everything to The Grandma - it’s just a quick pat-down, everybody who can’t go through the detectors has it done, they won’t even ask her to stand - and then reached forward to pat down my grandmother

“Don’t. Touch. The Grandma”

TSA Supervisor’s hands stopped as if hitting glass. She looked confusedly back and forth between the TSA agent and my grandmother for a second, and then the confusion left her face and she stepped aside, looked at the TSA agent and said “Don’t touch the Grandma” and waived us through security. They didn’t even scan the rest of us

It’s a shame she couldn’t fly anymore after that, she loved to fly; when her first husband died, she married P, a WW2 B52 crewman who taught her to pilot small planes, and they would fly up and down the coast to any cities they wanted to visit - she knew the West Coast in a way few people do.

One morning in the deserts of Nevada a year after P’s death she woke me up and said “get dressed, were going to into town to the casino; P visited me in a dream last night and told me I’d win a video poker jackpot with a royal flush today” and we drove into town so she could spend fifteen minutes playing video poker. I say fifteen minutes, because after fifteen minutes she hit her jackpot with a royal flush in hearts, and we went back home.

She used to sit in her chair in her living room with her back to the kitchen wall, and I’d go to leave the kitchen and I’d hear her from the other room “don’t you leave my kitchen mat like that” and I’d look over my shoulder at the mat in front of the sink, and sure enough, it would be all rumpled up; sorry grandma.

Grandma and I shared a birthmark, a red stain I won’t describe fully. And my grandmother and I were both adopted. Let me explain.

My Grandmother was adopted by a nice family.

And then that family all died, and she was adopted AGAIN.

She grew up and married a man whose Irish father I am named after: K, who came here from Ireland to work the Alaskan gold rush. She and her husband lived with his father K for a while, and this is a story about that:

Every Sunday. great grandpa K would go off on his own for a couple hours to “walk in the woods”. Grandma followed him one day. K walked into the woods, packed a pipe, sat down with his back to a tree, and took a small handful of nuts and seeds and fruits and leaves out of his shirt pocket. He scattered them around. Soon, as if expecting him, several animals came and helped themselves. The squirrels climbed all over him, on his head even. The raccoons sat in his lap. The birds sat on his knees and shoulders and in his beard and peered into his face. The deer checked his jacket for more snacks. After they hung out for about an hour, they all went on their way. Then K smoked his pipe and went home.

Grandma and K’s son had 5 kids.

One died as a child.

The eldest became an ER nurse and a savant witch. She would never admit she is a witch, but there’s a horseshoe over her door (not the front door, mind you, but the door she actually uses) and she’s the one who taught me to always leave a single spider in your house when you clean. She has a natural way with plants and animals -  the deer eat everything but her herb garden, which isn’t even fenced. This year one of them stayed in her backyard for nearly two months raising twins to be big enough to take back to the herd. She recognizes the individual squirrels and birds in her yard and knows their personalities and habits and things about their families. And of course as an ER and ICU nurse, she’s a hell of a healer.

The youngest was a witch, but sadly neglected, remained immature. Still, she had talents. She could fool people and make them laugh as easy as breathing, like some kind of glamour. Every long line of strangers she ever waited in became a party among friends. Could literally smell if you were lying to her. As in, she’d lean close and take a couple deep sniffs and then be like “Nope. Tell me, where did you really go after school?”

The only brother became a wandering holy man of sorts. Used to hitch-hike around the country in robes and junk, with a small, like, cult; then he quit them to just grow his own holy experience. He died in his 30s.

And the middle sister was my mother. She was double jointed and very dyslexic, and everyone says she was incredibly gifted in many ways. She did intricate artwork in ink, fractal gardens and faux woodgrain that was made of salvador dali faces, stuff like that. She was self taught on the piano, used to just walk up to a piano and play songs she made up on the spot that sounded how she was feeling and little crowds would gather. Made her own exercise equipment. Could pick up an accent within minutes and become semi-conversational in days. She had me with a half Japanese guy in the Air Force (he didn’t stick around). Then when I was about three, she sent me to live with her eldest sister, because her life got too, ah, interesting. Like, her partner had a hit put out on them. It wasn’t safe for me. By the time I was six it all caught up with her, and she died in an accident when she jumped out of the passenger side of a car and tried to run away as it stopped at a red light.

That’s when her eldest sister adopted me. The paperwork was messed up and my name is different on my birth certificate, my SS card, and my ID. Then, the person who filled out the “messed up” paperwork was fired, but I’m still a mystery to the bureaucratic world.  

So here I am, same birthmark as my psychic grandmother, orphaned son of a savant creative criminal and a Japanese-American soldier, named after my Irish, gold hoarding, bearded, pipe-smoking beastmaster great-grandsire; raised by a celtic witch, hidden away from the official world. Sometimes I feel like all those hero origin stories are trying to call me out of hiding. More about my adventures soon.

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 22/07/1996

WCW opens this week with a shot of Mickey Mouse...

Because why not, I guess. As Tony welcomes us to the program we get a better image of the entrance area:

Probably should have opened with that instead of Mickey to be honest, but what do I know?

We’re treated to a shot on Tony and Larry Z with a VERY excited guy to their left.

That dude is ready for some WCW action. Going to be brutally honest and say neither of those shirts do Larry or Tony any favours.

Schaivone talks about the Olympic Games and Muhammad Ali lightning the torch at the opening ceremony. They then show video of Bishcoff giving a cheque to Ali at Halloween Havoc 1994, for a charity of some kind I assume.

Ali in his prime would have been 100% nWo, for the record. 

As Tony continues to go on about this, there are two ladies in the crowd looking very confused:

Like the cameraman is actually an alien or something.

They then switch to Shaq with Hogan, for some reason...

Again, from years ago. Not sure what relevance this has to the current program. Shaq looks like he’s just realised Jimmy Hart is squeezing his ass, though.

Tony says they will have an answer tonight from the Giant as to whether he’ll accept Hogan’s challenge for the Hog Wild PPV on August 10th. Larry says the Dungeon of Doom will force the Giant to defend his title against Hogan. Because you obviously can’t say no to Sullivan and those stupid, painted on eyebrows.

They show the Outsiders’ bedsheet stunt from last week (it’s amazing how much of the Outsiders they show on this program, considering they apparently don’t want them there).

Our first match begins 3 minutes and 30 seconds into the program. The Blue Bloods music is playing and I’m hoping it’s No Fucks Given Steven Regal, but unfortunately it’s just Squire Dave Taylor along with Jeeves. 

Tony says this is “the hottest ticket in Orlando”, which is funny as I’m not sure the people there actually paid for tickets. I could be wrong but I think they were just allowed in as general park guests.   

Next out is the eternally pissed off Scott Norton. The commentators tell us that Ice Train Vs Scott Norton has been signed for Hog Wild, on the basis of last week’s argument I guess.

 “Squire” Dave Taylor Vs Scott Norton

The Squire is the bad guy here, pretty much just because he isn’t American. The crowd chant “USA” at the start of the match to confirm Taylor is not welcome. This match consists largely of Taylor hitting about twenty european uppercuts whilst running into Norton a few times and falling over. Then this happens. 

Taylor is thrown over the top rope onto the floor. No big deal, right? WRONG. The ref calls for the fucking bell and disqualifies Norton. There is no crowd reaction whatsoever. This was a total waste of time for all involved.

“Squire” Dave Taylor defeats Scott Norton via Disqualification.

The pair of them brawl on the outside for a while as Tony and Larry finally catch up to the fact Norton has been disqualified, as if the bell ringing constantly wasn’t a big enough indicator. 

Norton carries Taylor on his back past the announce team, including the silent blonde woman, and they all duck to avoid being hit by Taylor’s boot or Norton’s girth. Taylor then just kind of falls off Norton’s back and rolls onto the floor. The referee declares Taylor the winner, and he’s very pleased with this. 

Wonderful. Jeez, have only 7 minutes of this show gone by so far?

IRS, aka VK Wallstreet, is cutting a pre-taped promo for his upcoming match against Konnan.

You’ve gotta love the dollar symbol on his jacket. Just to let you know he’s all about money.

Anyway, he tells Konnan that “VK Wallstreet knows international markets and knows international superstars”, he calls K-Dogg the “kingpin of Mexico” but that there’s going to be a “hostile takeover” and Konnan had better be ready. He says this with all the intensity of an infomercial about the benefits of herbal soap.

We come back and Mean Gene is with Arn Anderson, Mongo, Benoit, Debra, Woman and Liz.

They’ve set up that fucking VIP area again. WHY CANDLESTICKS? IT’S STILL LIGHT AND THEY AREN’T EVEN LIT. WHY A MASSIVE PINEAPPLE AND A BIG BOWL OF FRUIT? 

Well, at lest they’re using the area I suppose. Gene asks where Flair is. Anderson says it might be a question in Gene’s mind but it isn’t in any of theirs. He says Flair likes expensive cars and beautiful women, but that he likes one thing more than anything else. Gene says “he likes to showboat” and Arn continues “he likes to make an entrance”. I suppose that’s broadly the same thing. Arn says Flair will be here “right on cue” then takes a bite out of an apple. 

Doesn’t look very tasty.

Gene switches to Mongo and says he’s got his work cut out for him tonight. Mongo yells “OH! Thank you Mean Gene” and says it’s been his pleasure to “take care of a few pretty boys in the WCW” and now he gets a shot at the “real pretty boys” in Macho, Luger and Sting. One of those three fits that description a lot less than the others. Mongo is certainly happy though.

Okerlund suggests to Benoit that Sting, Luger and Macho Man might take out their frustrations regarding the nWo on the Horsemen tonight. Chris Benoit says the three of them will experience the crippler first hand, “unrelentless, vicious, merciless. Silent but violent”

Not sure what the fuck Arn is doing with his face here - did he bite into a sour part of the apple? - but for the record “unrelentless” isn’t a word. You could tell Benoit knew he’d fucked up as he paused briefly after saying it... but it was too late. 

Gene gets a bit too comfortable and asks Mongo for a banana. Mongo pretends to throw it at Gene, who reacts like Mongo is about to chuck a rock at him.

Arn is also holding up a banana. 

Our second match is set to begin. 

Why this guy is wrestling rather than checking the stock market or whatever else is beyond me. There’s an “IRS” chant as he comes out. 

Next out is Konnan looking... colourful.

I swear these guys both came out to the exact same generic, plodding instrumental rock song. Most people are cheering Konnan, but...

Check out the guy on the right. He is booing and giving the thumbs down to Konnan as aggressively as he possibly can. He looks fucking enraged. There is a sharp contrast in style between him and the three beside him. 

Konnan Vs VK Wallstreet

Larry says that Konnan wants the US title back because “he might not get back into the country without it”. It’s not a green card, Larry. 

There’s a fat kid in the front row entertaining himself by doing poses.

In fairness the match is nothing to get excited about. 

VK “IRS” Wallstreet dominates the match and spends the bulk of it working on Konnan’s leg. At one point Larry starts talking about putting women in their place again, but Tony shuts it down straight away. 

Fat kid and his mother or father (can’t really tell) are waving at the camera a lot. 

Well at least they’re having fun I guess. Dat Marvin the Martian t-shirt.

There’s a lot of rest holds in this one. Fairly sure I heard some “boring” chants. 

Match ends when Wallstreet hits Konnan with a samoan drop (which Tony calls the “Wall Street Crash” - geddit?) but then Konnan rolls him up for the pin and this one is over.

Konnan defeats VK Wallstreet via Pin.

Okerlund is back with Sting, Luger and the Macho Man.

Sting is half-hopping on one leg like he forgot to take a piss before he came out. 

Gene notes to Lex Luger that Flair isn’t here yet. Luger says Flair is “probably somewhere”. Yes, you’d hope so. Luger says that last week he got “stomped into a mudhole” (but wasn’t walked dry), “but where were (sic) everybody else? The Stinger and the Macho were in Japan”. He pauses for a moment, giving the camera a look...

Before repeating multiple times that they are here to make “a statement” - seriously, he says this about five times in the space of a minute. 

Sting says that there’s only one guy around here who rides around here in a “big fat limo” and he can “stick it” ... Gene’s face here is hilarious.

Um...

Anyway, Sting says he doesn’t care where Flair is, he just wants to chomp on a Horseman tonight. Alrighty. 

Gene says to Savage that he knows the Horsemen very well. Macho yells that he just wants to fight everybody and get it over with in one night. Oh, Macho, if only you knew.

Another Glacier promo airs. It’s funny because the original promos said “Glacier - coming July 1996″, then it changed to “Glacier - coming soon” and now it just says “Glacier”. From what I remember he debuted in September, so... yeah. Not sure what the delay was other than the realisation Glacier was a really shit concept... but I suppose after all the money spent on vignettes they felt they had to put him out there. We’ll get to that.

Tony says we’re about to see a “brand new 8-man tag”, as if that hasn’t been done before, then there’s a vignette on the participants. It starts with the four of them just... standing on some bridge, whilst generic rock music plays.

I think that’s “jobber” Jim Powers on the right, aloof from the group. He’s way too cool to be standing around with those dorks. Then Powers is walking towards us on the sand taking his shirt off, so we’re now essentially watching Baywatch...

He throws down the t-shirt aggressively, like he’s angry, but we don’t know what he’s angry about. Did he open the fridge and find that his last can of tuna had been eaten? Did he find his girlfriend cheating on him with another dude? Did another wrestler steal his “happy juice”? We’ll never know. I’ve just realised Powers is what would happen if you fused early 90′s Scott Steiner with Rhyno. 

Anyhow, we basically see the exact same shots of Joe Gomez, Alex Wright and the Renegade. Close ups of their faces followed by them walking towards us on the sand taking their shirts off whilst the same generic rock music plays. WCW does realise this show is watched largely by men, right? I mean, I’m sure some guys enjoyed that, but I can’t help but think the general demographic isn’t going to be enthused by these guys posing like they’re in a crossover between Baywatch and a boy band video.

The original JOB squad. 

We thankfully cut back to the arena (where that same fucking song still is playing) and Tony says this will be a “wild and woolly” eight man tag. I’m pretty sure only half of that description makes sense. 

Schiavone tells us a “new member” of the Dungeon of Doom is about to be revealed in this eight man tag. This should be good. Sullivan did say he wanted to bring “all athletes” into the Dungeon so maybe it’ll be Linford Christie. 

Three members of the DoD come out (along with Jimmy Hart), then suddenly a ginger guy wearing stereotypical old Irish clothes comes running out. As he sprints around the ring baring his teeth like a rabid dog, Tony says that he’s called “the leprechaun”. 

I mean, it’s not worse than “the Shark”, but for goodness sake. It’s basically a normal-sized version of Hornswoggle acting like he has the infection from 28 Days Later. This guy is better known as Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker and was one of the main trainers at the WCW Power Plant. This was clearly a demonstration of how some gimmicks will leave you dead on arrival.

The Original JOB Squad Vs The Dungeon of Doom

We are literally about ten seconds into the match before Tony says “there’s a disturbance in the back” and the cameraman literally turns away from the ring and starts running towards the backstage area. Because fuck the match. Some asshole is constantly blowing a whistle, also, which is annoying as hell.

We see a bit more of the match before cutting again to the back.

Hard to see in the dark light but basically the Outsiders have entered the production truck, which evidently has absolutely no security in place whatsoever. It’s amazing how Hall and Nash are pretty much able to do as they please with no security there to try and intervene. 

The Outsiders make the screen fade to black in and out. Tony and Larry are asking how and why Hall and Nash are able to waltz in and just start fucking around with a pretty huge TV show’s live production. Good questions.

Hall and Nash put in headsets and start directing camera shots. Obviously as the TV cameras are actually focused on them they are literally affecting nothing, but... whatever. They look like they’re having a lot of fun, and in fairness this is probably more entertaining than the match going on in the ring.

We do start seeing random crowd pans. 

This kid’s tank top appears to be a few sizes too big. It’s literally falling off him. At first I thought it said “milf” along the top but I don’t think it does. I’m fairly sure that wasn’t a term in 1996. Those were more innocent days. 

WCW yellowshirt security finally arrives and calmly ushers the Outsiders out of the production truck, telling them “we’re trying to do a show”. No shit. 

We go back to the match, which Tony calls “high impact”. We wouldn’t know because we’ve literally seen nothing of it. Schiavone is getting more and more upset by the Outsiders being at “master control”, as he keeps calling it, and says “it’s a crime”. Well... yes, it probably is. 

As Jim “Jobber” Powers stands around outside the ring...

Holla! Teddy Long comes out and informs him next week on Nitro HE’S GOING ONE ON ONE WITH... no, no he doesn’t. We can’t really hear what he’s saying because Zybszko is yelling, asking why Long is out there. 

Powers is fired up by whatever Teddy says and starts cleaning house on the Dungeon. The match breaks down, then out comes the Giant.

He chokeslams the Renegade, Gomez, Powers and “Junior Hitler” Alex Wright. The jobbers are disposed of, the match is obviously thrown out.

The Original JOB Squad defeat The Dungeon of Doom via Disqualification.

Giant accepts a well deserved round of applause for ending that match.

Okerlund rushes to the ring to get involved. He tells Jimmy Hart “you scare me... especially when you’re behind me like that.”

OK. By the way, check out the back of Jimmy’s jacket.

Now if the Taskmaster actually made the effort to put that facepaint on then he’d actually look slightly less stupid. Instead he just chucks on a couple of silly eyebrows and says “that’ll do”. Put a little pride in your work, Sullivan.

Gene asks Giant whether or not he’ll accept Hogan’s challenge for Hog Wild. Giant says that when he came into WCW it was his mission to win the World Heavyweight Championship, and he did that. He said once he won the title he “swore an oath” to defend the belt wherever he needed to defend it. That’s kind of how it works when you’re a champion anyway, but sure. 

Giant says that whilst Hogan has been off in Hollywood making movies and trying to win an Oscar (lol), he’s been wreaking havoc as the “cancer” of WCW. Giant says that once the nWo turned up WCW came running to him, asking what they can do about the nWo. Giant says he’ll chokeslam them all in the middle of the ring. There you go. Easy solution. What was everybody so worried about? 

Gene says to Jimmy Hart that “we saw you at the top of the program with Shaquille and Hulk” ... does Okerlund realise that was in the distant past? Hart ignores Gene and simply says “Hogan, the Giant will be ready for Hog Wild”. Good to know.

The Giant has at least one supporter behind him. 

There’s an advert for WCW Saturday Night, before we cut straight back to a match. The entrances were not televised so we’ll get straight into it.

Diamond Dallas Page Vs Prince Iaukea

I had to google the Prince’s last name. Easy to say, harder to spell. It’s just a case of getting all the vowels in the right places. 

Prince is still wrestling barefoot for some reason. You would have thought somebody would have advised him to put some boots on by now. They aren’t just a fashion accessory, kid.

This match lasts a couple of minutes before Page bounces off the ropes and hits the diamond cutter.

Diamond Dallas Page defeats Prince Iaukea by Pinfall.

Chavo appears in an “up next” promo where he basically tells Dean Malenko to get ready for a fight.

Those eyes mean business.

We get a promo video on the Benoit/Sullivan feud. It focuses on Sullivan’s worrying obsession with taking his opponents to the men’s restroom. No comment.

Chavo Jr is out... no name graphic, though.

For some reason these people are dancing along to Chavo’s generic rock theme...

Except the little girl in the bottom left, who looks bored beyond belief. In her defence, it’s not been a stellar night as far as matches are concerned.

Deano is out next... no name graphic for him, either. I wonder if the Outsiders legit fucked up something in the production truck? 

Chavo Guerrero Jr Vs Dean Malenko

The match begins and there are two oddities. Firstly I’m fairly sure the bell doesn’t ring to start the match, it just starts. Also the camera is panning across the crowd/nitro logo and totally misses the match starting. Good job. Maybe the Outsiders are actually still in the production truck controlling this thing.

A fast paced start to this one. Stinko eventually slows it down and starts hitting a bunch of suplexes and shit. Hour two is about to start and Tony has to remind us about the countdown because the little dynamite count down stick that’s usually in the bottom right corner is not there. I guess they really can’t get any on screen graphics up!

Fireworks go off and Eric Bischoff comes screaming through the audio as if he’s yelling to us from the end of a telephone line. They eventually get this under control, and Bischoff is way more enthusiastic than Tony was towards the end of that first hour.

Bischoff says that Heenan looks nervous, and although Heenan starts to talk you can’t actually hear him. He’s wayyyy in the background. Looks like production glitches aren’t just limited to the onscreen graphics. Some kind of gong sound affect briefly cuts off Bischoff before Heenan comes roaring into commentary on an unnecessarily high volume. 

Malenko continues to work over Chavo as a lone person chants “boooring”. It really isn’t. The match is decent enough. 

I’m telling you, that fat kid and the people who I assume are his family must be some of the most annoying people on the planet judging by how they’re acting like the front row. They’ve spent most of the show waving at the camera, making stupid poses and pretending to ‘fight’ each other. See example below: 

To be fair to the guy on the far left, he’s not really getting so involved with it, but mustache, pink shirt and the chubby funster are just acting like idiots nonstop. Check out the expression of the kid sitting next to fatso:

Yeah. I feel for you.

Malenko has Chavo in this hold for a while, as fireworks randomly start going off. 

Towards the end of the match Jimmy Hart randomly appears to start shotuing encouragement to Malenko. It wasn’t really needed as Malenko has been in pretty much total control for 95% of the match anyway. 

Malenko gets distracted by the mouth of the south, which allows Chavo to sneak up from behind and nearly get the roll-up victory.

But he only gets a two count. Chavo then attempts an inside cradle for another two count.

Match ends when Chavo jumps off the top turnbuckle, but is caught in mid-air by Malenko, slammed to the mat and then wrapped into the Texas Cloverleaf. Game over. 

Dean Malenko defeats Chavo Guerrero Jr via Submission. 

Bischoff continues to hype up Hog Wild with the tagline of one million bikers and you, or whatever. They all get in free so no gate receipts for WCW. Great idea. 

Meng is yelling largely unintelligible stuff. Jimmy Hart tells Ice Train that after he faces Meng he’ll be “cold as ice”. So, dead then? 

We’re back with Bobby and Eric, who says the Outsiders were “slippery enough” to get into the production truck. I mean... come on. Look at them. Two guys over six and a half feet. They aren’t ghosting in there, are they? It’s just lack of security. 

Eric then starts talking about the Giant/Hogan match, he says “talk is cheap, Hogan, and so are you”. There’s a lot of accusations you can level at the Hulkster, brother, but being cheap certainly isn’t one of them. Dude was one on hell of a wedge. 

We’re onto the next match, out comes Ice Train...

Bischoff reckons Ice Train could be one of “the brightest stars in the years to come”. Not quite, Eric, not quite. They’ve at least got the on screen graphics back up, so that’s something. I do love how happy Ice Train looks when he comes out though.

You get the feeling he’s just a super positive guy. 

The crowd are apparently loving the Train...

Except the little girl in the right. I think she’s actually crying. “No more jobbers, please”.

His opponent is Meng.

Get the feeling this one could be quite a stiff match. Ice Train is an absolute tank and Meng is... well, Meng. Speaking of Meng, Eric Bischoff says that “one hundred years ago, these people were cannibals”. I’m not sure that’s true. Apparently Tonga was known as “the friendly islands” when first discovered by European settlers and that was in 1773. It wasn’t the amazon jungle. 

Ice Train Vs Meng

Ice Train starts off this match with some impressive agility, managing a leapfrog over Meng and hitting him with a flying cross body. 

That is one heavy collision. 

Teddy is out here again, watching the match. This guy is all over the place recently. 

Meng and Train exchange some brutal chops outside the ring, before they get back inside and Train takes control. Meng swings momentum back his way and hits a huge leg drop. Meng pretty much continues to dominate. The match is very slow, as you might imagine. 

The match ends when Meng and Train are fighting on the outside, and suddenly Scott Norton appears and attacks Meng.

Norton rams Meng’s head into the ringpost and that’s a DQ.

Meng defeats Ice Train via Disqualification. 

Norton yells into the camera that he’s got Ice Train’s back, and Train won’t have to worry about anything until Hog Wild.

Could have just told him face-to-face, he’s literally a few feet away, but OK. Also not sure how this is watching Train’s back, he just got the guy disqualified. It’s not like Train was being double-teamed by the Dungeon. 

A promo airs of Hogan’s heel turn at the Bash of the Beach and subsequent events, with an attempt at dramatic storytelling by some guy. He asks “who’s next to join the New World Order?” 

Up next...

Eddie says to never underestimate a person, even after you’ve beaten them. Um... well, by that point it doesn’t really matter, does it? I guess he means in the subsequent rematch. 

We then get another Glacier promo. The same one as earlier in the night. They could have at least made two or three to help add variety. 

Now it’s a promo for Hog Wild. Jeez... are we ever going back to the arena? 

Finally, out comes Psychosis.

He has cool music. I can remember thinking Psychosis in general was a decent wrestler with an interesting look. A shame he never really did anything useful in WCW.

Eddie it out and he gets a random burst of pyro from the top of the set. 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Psychosis

Early “Eddie” chant from the crowd. 

Fast chain wrestling to open the bout. It continues in typical lucha fashion. Eddie clotheslines Psychosis over the top rope...

That’ll be a DQ, right? It was for Scott Norton earlier. No? No. Apparently not this time. Always cool when the rules are just applied whenever it suits the storyline. Helps build consistency. 

Well anyway, Eddie flies off the top onto Psychosis...

Bischoff says this is what makes WCW the most exciting place to be. What, rules applied differently depending on the match? Sure, very exciting.

Eddie rolls Psychosis back into the ring, hits a belly-to-back suplex and gets a two. Psychosis manages to hit some offence, then gets up onto the top turnbuckle and hits a flying spin kick.

Eric says that it is “magic”. Psychosis hits a suicide dive on Eddie, then a guillotine leg drop from the top rope.

The landing looks brutal on the back and buttocks though. Bischoff mentions that Psychosis is from “Triple A” and also name drops NJPW, which is interesting, as usually they just say “Mexico” or “Japan” rather than naming specific promotions. From what I remember WCW did have a working relationship with AAA and NJPW so it makes sense for them to mention the companies. They just don’t normally do so.

Match ends when Eddie hits a frankensteiner off the top rope on Psychosis, then gets up there again and flies with the frogsplash...

Doesn’t get much air on it so the landing looks kinda rough for poor old Psychosis. Anyhow, your winner is Eddie Guerrero. 

Eddie Guerrero defeats Psychosis via Pinfall.

Eddie has possibly been the most over wrestler on the show so far. Not a high bar, granted, but still...

Ric Flair’s music hits and some random guy is peering out of the “C” of the WCW sign.

Hello.

We’ve got two horsemen and three horsewomen (?) but no Slick Ric. 

We come back from a break to this...

Arn Anderson peering through blacked out limo windows, I assume looking for Flair. I find it odd that Flair hasn’t so much as contacted his best friend to let him know where he is, and Anderson instead has to resort to trying to see through dimmed limo windows. I know this is the era before cell phones were a big thing but surely somebody could have borrowed Booker T’s huge ass phone to make a call.

Arn eventually gives up and walks to the ring. Looks like he’ll be taking Flair’s place. 

Out come Sting, Luger and Savage.

The name graphics have disappeared again, by the way. Never mind.

Bischoff is insinuating that Flair might have joined the nWo. Heenan refuses to believe it. 

Mongo, Benoit & Arn Anderson Vs Sting, Luger & Savage

Sting and the Endomorph start things. Anderson pushes Sting, who shoves Arn back. Arn goes flying like Sting smacked him with a sledgehammer. Sting gives Arn a back body drop, then Benoit enters the ring. 

Dealt with.

Macho is wearing an extremely colourful outfit.

Like somebody took a paintbrush and just went crazy. It works for him though.

Mongo hits a fairly basic neckbreaker and the commentators act like he just performed a flying headscissors. “What a move from Mongo!” yells Heenan. Yeah. He then calls Mongo “phenomenal”. I think we have very different definitions of that word, Brain.

Mongo hits one if the shittiest looking drop kicks I’ve ever seen.

Heenan goes wild, screaming “look at that drop kick out of McMichaels!” ... maybe he’s actually being sarcastic. 

We get a shot of the limo...

Did they not do this same schtick a couple of weeks back? Just ban limos from the area. Problem solved.

Benoit beats on Sting in the ring. I don’t think Luger or Savage have literally done anything yet. Sting’s done all the work. 

The Horsemen are still beating on Sting. There’s only a few minutes of the program left so we aren’t going to see much from Macho or Luger tonight. Easy money. 

After what seems like an eternity Sting FINALLY tags in Luger, who comes in and starts decking all three of the horsemen.

Luger’s body is extremely shiny. It’s really noticeable.

The match starts to break down with all six men fighting in the ring.

You know something is about to go down. The camera cuts to the women - Debra is about to throw the metal briefcase in to Mongo, but for some reason Woman grabs it before she can and they have a brief tug-of-war. The Macho Man then appears and grabs the briefcase off them.

Bad intentions.

Savage comes in with Mongo’s metal briefcase and whacks Benoit in the back with it. Luger makes the cover...

And your team of babyfaces win using decidedly heel tactics. OK. I guess if you can’t beat them, join them? The crowd are delighted either way. 

We come back after the break and Mean Gene is in the ring with Sting, Luger and Savage. Something gets thrown in the ring, Gene says “please lady, don’t throw your underwear in here. It’s in bad taste” ... at a theme park, I would say so. Jeez. Macho says “that’s OK”. He doesn’t mind.

Sting is first up. Gene asks him about the match he and Luger have against the Outsiders at Hog Wild.

For some reason Sting is holding on to the briefcase. Not a bad idea if the nWo are around in fairness. He seems to be pondering Gene’s question carefully.

Sting says that last week “the Total Package was feeling kind of beat down, you know what I’m saying?” ... well, yes, he was quite literally beaten down. A bit harsh for Sting to be making light of that but whatever. Sting says he and Luger aren’t feeling down, they’re just feeling mean. “I mean real mean”. Sting says he knows when the Outsiders’ birthdays are, and he doesn’t believe in horoscopes, and he was thumbing through the newspaper and the PPV is going to be really bad for them. The date matches Leos and that makes the Outsiders Leos... erm... 

Indeed.

Luger says that the Outsiders have been pushing all the wrong buttons since they first came onto the scene. He says they’ve done a good job of pushing the three of them over the edge. Luger screams that he’s “losing it”, he says he cares about WCW and the Outsiders have had nothing but “disgust, disdain, and sarcasm” for it. Sarcasm doesn’t seem as bad as the first two but I get where he’s going. He says that at the PPV they’ll learn what he, Sting, Macho, WCW and the fans mean. I rag on Luger sometimes but I thought he had good, intense delivery here. He can cut a good promo when he isn’t stumbling over words.

Macho Man is next.

He says he’s talking directly to Hogan (with Luger giving the evil eye in the background). Macho says he’s going to beat Hogan up in the aisle before he gets to the ring to even face the Giant at Hog Wild. You might have wanted to keep that plan to yourself, Macho. Savage says the army, the navy and the militia aren’t going to be able to stop him kicking Hogan’s head in. Not sure the navy would have anything to do with it unless the fight spills onto a boat somewhere, and what’s the difference between the army and the militia? 

Macho finishes the promo by saying “we’ve got a date, don’t be late, suckerrr!” as Luger gurns into the camera and Sting makes a weird face.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

The show ends there. So no Outsiders or Hulk Hogan. We never find out who was in the limo either. Could have just been somebody randomly parked there, terrified as the Endomorph creepily tries to peer in. 

“If I stay really still and quiet, he’ll go away eventually.”

[doomedandstoned]

The Doom Doc Traces Metal’s Heaviest Genre To Its Roots

~Review by Shawn Gibson, with Billy Goate~

The story of doom begins two generations ago in the UK with a band called Black Sabbath. An important new film, titled The Doom Doc, seeks to connect the dots from those early days to the present, just one city away from Ozzy, Tony, Geezer, and Bill’s Birmingham roots. Directed by Connor Matheson, the Sheffield documentary was released the same year as Black Sabbath played their last.

DOOM /do͞om/

noun

      death, destruction, or some other terrible fate

verb

      condemn to certain death or destruction

The Doom Doc made its timely appearance in 2017; the year Birmingham legends Black Sabbath decided this was (really) The End. Roughly an hour-and-a-half north, we’re met by the hustle and bustle of Sheffield, England. Traffic is awash in a glowing red hue. Pedestrians going to and fro in crowded movements reminiscent of a group of ants.

Sheffield is home of Def Leppard, Human League, and Pulp for the mainstream. For the underground, it’s home to Kurokuma, Regulus, Ba'al, ARAE, and a steady swell of others who are making sure the UK doom scene stays on the map right where Black Sabbath left it.

We hear the voice of Craig Bagshaw, who lives in Sheffield and also fronts Holy Spider Promotions. He tells a tale of going to a party and one of his mates answering the door with a screwdriver in hand and a wild look in his eyes. Upon entry, Craig's friend tells him that he's got some MDMA and he's already toasted. There is an argument about quality of said MDMA. Craig's friend then takes his belt off and starts whipping his mate’s asses as if he was their dad! He screams some twisted gibberish about the Holy Order of the Spider.

Most everyone reading this understands how DIY metal is and even more so with doom and sludge. Jack Newnham of Slabdragger argues, "You’ve just got to make your own scene. You've got to make it happen! If you don't, there isn't a scene." Not surprisingly, heavy music for these folks has become a lifestyle. "It goes beyond hobby to a lifestyle," insists Slabdragger’s Sam Thredder.

Doom may mean different things to different people, but to George Ionita of Kurokuma and ARAE, "Doom’s like fucking apocalypse! It's like when it rains down on you, like when it's so heavy...When we come out with a heavy riff, we'll take off our plugs and stuff and just fucking mosh. That's what doom is! It's the pleasure inside, when I close my eyes playing the song and I see visuals.” George has an example in mind for us, too. “We've got this song about a fucking volcano. I close my eyes and I think about the volcano. I see the volcano overflowing, exploding. It's boss! It's all I've got to say."

Bandmate Joe E. Allen chimes in: “You don't go to doom-sludge shows to hear nice melodies and to hear someone singing nice songs. You go because you want feel like something heavy hitting you in the chest and that's the kind of shows we put on with Holy Spider. We don't want something that feels like a normal metal gig. We want to do something that feels like you’re on some other plane of existence. It's just mashed together into this experience of really loud, really. Really extreme heavy, affecting music."

Sheffield-based writer Rachel Genn serves as narrator of The Doom Doc, tracing doom metal all the way back to the almighty Black Sabbath.   Sabbath changed everything and influenced everybody. They’re the first band to tune down, she recounts, because Tony Iommi had to in an attempt to play guitar after an unfortunate industrial accident clipped several of his fingertips. The incident is recounted in Tony’s own memoir, Iron Man: My Journey Through Heaven and Hell with Black Sabbath (2011).

"That started the whole thing," affirms drummer Vinny Appice of Black Sabbath, Dio, and Heavy & Hell fame. "Tony plays in the pocket, playing these chords. You wanna hear doomy chords? Just let Tony riff for a little bit. It's amazing! That's why we call him Mr. Riff -- The Riff Doctor!"

"Yeah it's all about Sabbath really, isn't it, to be honest?” turning back to Slabdragger’s Sam. “Like, they just smoke weed all the time -- so did all the bands in the ‘60's -- and they make the music we pretty much make."

Rachel sums it up nicely for us all: "Doom metal is a subgenre of metal and involves very slow tempos, extremely loud volumes, repetitive, sometimes psychedelic, riffs, and long compositions. Lyrics dealing with evil negativity, spirituality or fantasy. It’s the musical equivalent of wading through black treacle."

I’ve not had an experience with black treacle, but it sounds tantalizing.

"I think like one of the main things with like the Conan guitar sound is, in general, that the fact that the guitar is tuned to drop F, which is totally, ridiculously low,” Says Chris Fielding of Conan and Skyhammer Studio with a chuckle.

Breaking down doom even further, the documentary tells us where the subgenres of sludge metal and stoner rock fit into the equation. "Sludge is like a wilder, greased-up version of doom,” we’re told. “It was Melvins from Washington who first begun the sound." The Seattle band, of course, famous for its punked-up doom tendencies. Other bands like as Eyehategod, Sourvein, Thou, and Crowbar would go on to define the genre even more distinctively.

Speaking of which, the great Kirk Windstein now makes an entrance to tells us about the sludgey roots of the venerated NOLA band Crowbar. "We had come from thrash backgrounds and all that kind of shit. We were like, We just want to do something completely different. We're burned out on it. We kinda just did the opposite of what everybody else was doing. Everybody else was tuned to E standard, playing 1000 miles an hour [so we] tuned it down to fucking B and drop A, playing super slow. We felt it made it a lot heavier.”

It appears that Kirk has been caught up in the Spirit at this moment in the interview, as he then exclaims: “God it's so fucking heavy! There's no way to describe it. I love heavy music!"

Cheers to Kirk Windstein and his earth-shakingly heavy riffs.

In the '90s there was another scene that must be mentioned to understand the evolution of doom metal. Several states down from Washington, another important development in heavy music was taking place in the much sunnier terrain of the southwest. Most famously, bands like Kyuss and Fu Manchu dabbled in fuzzy, tuned-down rock ‘n’ roll, which we simply call stoner rock. Stoner bands began appearing not only in California, Arizona, and Texas, but all around the freaking world.

Rob Graham of the Sheffield-based Wet Nuns and Drenge mentions being a little irked by the term stoner rock. “I think it's sad when any form of expression becomes just about the drugs that the people are into,” he says, while also noting: “It's pretty cool to smoke weed and listen to heavy music.” A better word to focus on? Blues. “To begin with we were sorta just a blues band. Like we were this thrashy kinda garage blues band. Bored, creative people that wanted to really [make] fuckingly stupid loud music.”

As the conversation goes along, we stumble upon a familiar theme: “Somewhere along the way we stumbled across this like kinda thing heavy, so heavy!” Rob says, notably enthused. “That's what we're about we were trying to be as heavy as we could be. It's like trying to run in a swimming pool! It's like being stuck in a tar pit and melting. That's what it conjures to me, anyway."

Anyone up for little skinny dip in a lake of treacle?

While “stoner” may be used in a derogatory sense, there’s no denying that marijuana has been a huge influence for doom metal and stoner rock bands alike, leading to the advent of stoner-doom. If Black Sabbath started doom’s love affair with their ‘71 single “Sweet Leaf,” bands like Electric Wizard and Sleep (with their monumental opus, Dopesmoker) forever married Mary Jane to The Riff. Others, such as Weedeater, Weedpecker, Bongzilla, BelzebonG, Dopelord, Dopethrone, have become important mile markers for the scene.

"Yeah the two seem to go hand in hand," says Kez Whelan of Terrorizer Magazine and Nottingham doom-grind act Shrykull. “Even though it's associated, that sweet leaf is the influence it isn't for everybody in the doom scene.”

Not everyone is down with the dope, however. Craig and Joe’s counterpart in Holy Spider Promotions, Terry Larkin, is introduced to us next. A UK doom fan, he is quite; a marijuana fan, not so much. "I was never really into the whole listening to music and smoking weed. It doesn't affect me nicely at all!” He does seem to contend that we can get high on the music composed by a musician under the influence. “They can actually channel it into the music effectively giving the listener that same feeling, too." Music makes you high? That’s a thesis we can get behind.

Kirk Windstein returns, because you know he has stories to tell from all those years hanging with Phil Anselmo, Pepper Keenan, Jimmy Bower, and the rest. "A lot of the guys did smoke weed,” he recalls, “so we were very creative sitting in a circle together with a good buzz, you know, coming up with shit that ended up being great. Down was much more of a collaboration and a jam session type thing. So we jammed from fuckin’ in the afternoon until whenever -- fuckin’ two o’clock in the morning. By then, everybody was tanked or high or whatever might be. We were able to come up with some great music doing it that way!"

By this point in The Doom Doc, we’re clear on at least one thing: doom, whatever the flavor, is about keeping it real. You’ll never be short of songs about the despair, depravity, and greed in this dog eat dog, eye for an eye world of ours. Doom metal bands are straight shooters. Whether it concerns religion, politics, or human nature, they call it like they see it.

"Bands like us and in our genre and the whole nine yards, we write and speak about reality," Kirk says. "A lot of people are scared of reality. The truth hurts. A lot of people try to sugarcoat it [and] sweep it under the rug. I think it's important. People always ask me, you know, ‘Can we talk about this, can we talk about that?’ I’m like, you can ask me anything you want. I might not answer, [but] chances are I'm gonna.” What he says next really resonated with me, as I’m sure it will with many of our readers: “I think it’s really for people struggling, you know, with depression -- or its alcohol and drugs. It's very important for them to realize they’re not alone and other people have been there."

Ethan McCarthy of Primitive Man chimes in: "We're writing about real life stuff, you know, so it's like a way to release bad feelings about life's shit, if that makes sense." It makes good sense to me.

"I don't know what we're into, but I fucking like it!" proclaims the great Bill Ward, adding: “You know, for me, playing in a loud, aggressive band, which is what Black Sabbath was, it’s the most comfortable, sonic, and heartfelt place one could be.”

Doomed & Stoned’s Elizabeth Gore and Hugo Guzman were fortunate enough to contribute to this portion of The Doom Doc, visiting the Black Sabbath drummer at his studio in Los Angeles.

This scene we invest in. We choose to nourish this garden.

"Doing a live gig,” Bill Ward says, “I need to thrash and to play and get everything out of me and reach that place of satisfaction inside. I like to come off the stage wasted...It’s very sexual. It’s like, you know, it’s the same thing we have to do when we get together and have sex!" Oh, Bill. You do have a way of leaving us speechless.

“Playing live on stage gives me that same feeling," Bill continues. "That's what music is supposed to do! It's supposed to go wherever it's supposed to. It’s pretty simple. I find no faults, no judgement, you know. Leave that to someone who’s more righteous. As far as I'm concerned, metal's fucking metal!"

Returning now to Joe E Allen from Kurokuma: “I remember Conan being extremely atmospheric, extremely heavy, extremely loud -- and that was only amplified by the way we were feeling. It was almost a transcendental experience. I was touched by the finger of doom that night!"

As a vested fan of the genre, this was pretty much my “Hell, yeah!” moment of the documentary. From start to finish, The Doom Doc is an evident work of passion. For fans of doom, it should be required watching. I’m not sure how newcomers to the genre will take it -- it’s hard to be objective when you listen to it, write about it, play it, and live it. Nonetheless, this 90-minute film is a welcome entry into a fairly small collection of documentaries on the heavy underground. Hopefully viewers will be inspired by it to dig into their own local scenes and do a little riff-mining of their own.

Upcoming Screenings of The Doom Doc

International Film Festival Rotterdam (Holland), January 2018

Desertfest London (UK), May 2018

Bristol (UK), May/June 2018

Brutal Assault (Czech Republic), August 2018

Look for The Doom Doc on DVD by this summer at www.theDoomDoc.com

UPDATE!

The Doom Doc DVD is now available pre-order, with worldwide shipping and streaming options availalbe.   Visit: thedoomdoc.bigcartel.com

[skold]

this post is Marina’s List Of Favorite and/or Iconic Music Videos

this could also be subtitled as: if you truly want to understand me as a person, watch these videos because it’ll answer a lot of questions

it’s gonna be a long one so i’ll pop it under a cut

alright we goin by artist then chronological

AIDEN

knife blood nightmare - this is iconic for me simply bc i rly wanted to look like wil in this video so bad in 6th grade.

die romantic - WHAT A BOP. i used to do my black eyeshadow like wil in this video too lmao

ALL TIME LOW

poppin champagne - because blonde alex and also?? honestly?? what a wild video. this is truly late 00s oversaturated pop punk at its finest

i feel like dancin - i’m not the biggest fan of this record or even this song in general but this is like, quintessential all time low to me video-wise. like. it’s everything i want from an all time low video.

ARCHITECTS

follow the water - or as sam carter says, follow the wah-uh. first of all i love that this is in a church. second of all when will i get to go to an architects show this lit here in the states

heartburn - bc they all look pretty. ok. aesthetically on point as well.

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

beast and the harlot - i don’t always bop this song but when i do, the whole cul de sac does too. no but really this was so influential to middle school me i wanted nothing more than a boyfriend who looked like zacky or jimmy and whatever eyeshadows zacky was wearing in this clip

BLINK 182

i miss you - the video that inspired this post. THE AESTHETIQUE. 20′s inspired romantigoth film noir. i don’t yell about this music video enough.

BRING ME THE HORIZON

chelsea smile - it’s literally just a house part video but the song literally defines the year 2009 for me. emetophobia warning at 1:08

it never ends - this video got mad shit but i love it. pretty heavy gore throughout this video

alligator blood - CREEPY ASS AESTHETIC SHIT!!!! i live for it. 16 y/o me had it so bad for matt nicholls and him getting tied up and violated was like, god tier for me

visions - more creepy aesthetic shit. the videos on there is a hell were underrated

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

hey john what’s your name again? - i gotta throw this one in just bc this hurls my ass right back to the year 2008. that bible imagery. those haircuts. it was a better time for music

html rules d00d - THIS SONG STILL SLAPS LMAO DON’T READ ME

ELISSA FRANCESCHI

salt - i’m not crying you’re crying!!! how did anne and christian franceschi manage to spawn two flawless and talented siblings!!!!!!

EVERY TIME I DIE

ebolarama - it’s a performance video in a roller rink what more could you want

wanderlust - you’ve probably caught on to the fact that i love creepy aesthetic shit.

decayin with the boys - THIS VIDEO HAS ME HOWLING. there are too many good moments to list here but the personal highlight is the dude admiring the lesbians making out, then he turns and admires they gays making out at about the 1:30 mark. also the jenga dream sequence. there’s a dick in this video, just a heads up. and a whole bootyass. i love andy williams. mild emetophobia tw at 2:30

FOXY SHAZAM

a dangerous man - eric nally’s screeching was the soundtrack of 2008

i like it - the chorus of this song is literally just “that’s the biggest black ass i’ve ever seen and i like it” and i have nothing more to say

holy touch - it’s a performance video but it’s. different. i really don’t wanna ruin this by saying too much about it. that’s just kinda how foxy shazam were. this song is a fucking banger. yes, they did have a trumpet player in the official lineup.

FRNKIERO ANDTHE CELLABRATION

joyriding - another performance video that’s. different. lmao. aesthetically perfect

GOOD CHARLOTTE 

lifestyles of the rich and famous -  the proletariat banger we weren’t ready for in 2002, but we’re ready now.

girls and boys - old people being punk rock. that’s all.

predictable - i SPECIFICALLY remember watching this on the good charlotte website the day this dropped. THE EARLY 2000S BAD CG IS REAL. i was literally ten years old but i somehow Felt every word of that spoken bridge, man. WHEN THE LITTLE GIRL GIVES JOEL THE ROSE AND IT TURNS BLACK i deadass thought that was so fucking dope y’all

i just wanna live - ignoring the irony of joel whining about being famous, this video had THE MEMES. 

GREEN DAY

longview - iconic simply by virtue of being their first video.

when i come around - ask me about my favorite songs of All Time and i’ll probably mention this one. it’s still great nowadays. i love all the shots of berkeley.

brain stew/jaded - this is such a great piece of art lmao the fucking. sludgy feeling of brain stew going into the chaos of jaded is great on the record, but even better in video form going from being stoned in sepia to tripping acid in an oversaturated cluttered space

walking contradiction - comedy gold

hitchin a ride - creepy weirdness and an iconic bassline. also mike dirnt looks fine as hell in this video

minority - i’m running out of ways to explain that a video is iconic to me purely bc of how important the song was to me at a given time lmao.

american idiot - is there anything i can truly say about this video? it was perfect in 2004, it’s perfect in 2017. uncomfortably relevant. epilepsy warning for strobe lighting effects in the second half

holiday - technically this was released before blvd, but since it chronologically precedes blvd in the story, i’m putting it first. this is like 90% here for the bridge section y’all. fucking iconic. i wore a fedora on the first day of sixth grade bc tre cool wore one in this video. not my proudest fashion moment. emetophobia warning at 1:56 but them playing EVERY character in the bar scene is perfection

boulevard of broken dreams - ah yes, 2005′s most overplayed song. i could not escape this song. every time the intro started everyone would just look at me bc i was The Green Day Chick. this video is aesthetically perfect though. shout out to mike dirnt’s jawline in profile

HOZIER

work song - first of all, this song makes me cry. second of all, the video is dreamy as fuck. it gives me irl chills. i love the choreography so much. the whole vibe is very modern southern gothic. and it’s incredibly intimate feeling without being... sexual or vulgar, i guess. 

IN THIS MOMENT

adrenalize - first of all i’m gay. second of all i’m gay. this video is decidedly nsfw

whore - aesthetically pleasing. chris motionless being subby is the real highlight here

sick like me - again, it’s here for the aesthetic.

big bad wolf - also aesthetic but THIS MAKEUP LOOK. maria’s makeup look in this video is actually literally my aesthetic goal. epilepsy warning for strobe light effects

sex metal barbie - say it with me: aesthetic. i also love this one bc the lyrics are largely lifted from people talking shit about maria on the internet, shaming her for being a woman with sexuality and agency, so fuck yes i support it. mild body horror warning for this one

JOHN 5

making monsters - john’s videos are mostly performance based but this one is so cute lmao. where do i cop a j5 action figure

LADY GAGA

paparazzi - i’m only including the RLY vital gaga videos here and the full version of paparazzi is her best work imo......

bad romance - .......but bad romance is a close second.

telephone - i can’t not include this one though. the collab of the decade.

LINKIN PARK

one step closer - i think this was the first linkin park video i saw Back In The Day......... it was 2 heavy 4 baby me at the time lmao but nowadays it’s one of my fave lp songs. the video is super corny let’s be real but it was 2000

numb - this song is so fucking emo but i love it. the video is like peak emo too. i swear the main girl in this video was like my fashion icon at the time. layered tank tops, ripped loose jeans, oversized hoodies and jackets. i wanted her hair so bad lmao

what i’ve done - this video is really visually solid. i thought this was like the Deepest Shit in middle school lmao

MARILYN MANSON

sweet dreams (are made of this) - THE CINNAMON TOPOGRAPHY!!! god i have no complaints about this video except that twiggy is in it. visual fx?? dope. wardrobe?? dope. location?? dope. manson in the wedding dress?? dope. unsanitary warning for the later half of the video bc manson gets pooped on by birds lmao

tourniquet - one of my fave vocal performances by manson tbh. i prefer this one of the two videos floria did w/ manson. 

long hard road out of hell - femme manson and religious imagery need i elaborate

the dope show - the first manson video i ever saw. i was... so creeped out lmao. LOOKS ON LOOKS ON LOOKS. john 5 lookin like a snack in this one

i don’t like the drugs (but the drugs like me) - this is probably the most heavy-handed manson has ever been with the christ allegory lmao and yet......... i love it. also shout out to manson and rose’s dogs bug and uncle fester for guest starring. body horror tw here

coma white - basically a flawless music video i have nothing to say here that isn’t already said by the video itself

disposable teens - everybody looks great in this one except twiggy fuck twiggy. i actually love the mtv version of this video too, which is all performance, but i can’t seem to find it rn??

the fight song - one of my fave manson looks. those boooooots tho. the gloooovessssss. i’m gross let me live

tainted love - sorry to send y’all to vimeo for this one but i couldn’t find one on youtube that didn’t look like it was filmed with a potato or watermarked. y’all slept on the genius of this video tbh

mobscene - hello it is me gaogfucker666. 

this is the new shit - still me, gaogfucker666. this video feels misinterpreted too honestly

(s)AINT (director’s cut) - specifically the director’s cut bc more tim skold in a dress and boots smoking a cigarette. this video is seriously fucking nsfw. needles, drugs, sexual content, vomit etc watch with caution pls

personal jesus - i love this glam rock look so much. tim looks so good in this he never wore the look again bc he knew he looked so good we could never handle it a second time.

putting holes in happiness - I CAN’T FIND the extended version with tim’s full solo and i wanna scream. but. here’s the official version

say10 (short) - i really fucking wish he’d compounded off this for the official say10 video, beheaded orange man or not. just the verse. it’s so good. moody and creepy and AHHH.

we know where you fucking live - heed the warning at the beginning lmao. i honestly loved this video. i know some people thought it was edgy but i rly rly don’t see that. it’s offensive and obscene yeah but it doesn’t have that edgelord feel, as much as i love to call him an edgelord.

MOTIONLESS IN WHITE

reincarnate - old school horror vibes!!! as a Humble Fetishist of Boots and Gloves, this is a great video. also this is one of those songs where i Feel the lyrics for real

eternally yours - THE COLORS!!! THE FUCKIN IN A COFFIN!!!! i have nothing more to say

MOTLEY CRUE

looks that kill - please watch this corny ass fuckin 1983 ass hair metal ass music video. please. i’m tryna add more shout at the devil era nikki sixx vibes to my wardrobe tbh

wild side - i love a late 80s arena performance video ok also where do i cop nikki’s shirt

dr. feelgood - i will always credit this as one of the songs that made me want to play bass tbh

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

vampires will never hurt you - too emo to view with the naked eye.

i’m not okay (i promise) - the video that spawned a million high school AUs. god i love this one. even watching without the nostalgia goggles it’s great.

helena - perhaps my favorite music video of all time? if not then top 3. this video still remains my ideal aesthetic 12 years later. HOW I’M TRYNA BE. i just wanna look like an extra in this video, okay.

the ghost of you - time to cry!!!!! emetophobia warning at 0:47

welcome to the black parade - it’s hard for me to talk about these videos bc they’re so universally iconic that to explain why i love them so much would be mostly redundant.

famous last words - see above. this song means the world to me

desolation row - if i had to pick a video other than helena to look like an extra in i’d pick this one. has gerard ever looked this good, before or after this video?? peak.

NINE INCH NAILS

down in it - these are getting linked to vimeo since the official nin account has them all uploaded there in better quality. anyway i love so many of the shots in this video and i love the colors and i love bab trent

head like a hole - SO dated y’all but bab trent leveled up and became baby dread trent.

happiness in slavery - this is seriously graphic. but it’s great. also where’s the extended version that shows trent getting eaten by the weird carnivorous robot

gave up - bABY BRIAN!! infants, y’all. INFANTS.

march of the pigs - it’s a one-take performance video but it’s...... so much more than that. this video hurts me in my hand/glove kink.

closer - this is in the top 3 with helena honestly. it is... a piece of art film before all else. a Must Watch. 

burn - another case of a video being important to me because of the song it’s for tbh.

the perfect drug - marc romanek is a GOD. also a piece of art film honestly. just y’all wait till i make my dnd character based on trent in this video lmao

starfuckers, inc - hm, another nin video that trent invited manson to be in. interesting. all memes aside it’s a great video even as much as i hate the use of the “fat = ugly” trope. epilepsy warning for flashing effects in the last part of the video

deep - why. are. y’all. SLEEPING ON THIS!!!!

only - this may have been the first nin video i willingly saw and recognized as nin. this video still holds up, especially with it being 95% cgi and still looking as good as it does.

ROB ZOMBIE

living dead girl - the theme song of my life??? iconic couple costume idea????

meet the creeper - i have to include this video because it’s BAD. it’s terrible and i fucking love it

american witch (live version) - WHEN ROB PICKS UP JOHN AND STARTS SPINNING HIM AROUND!!!! this is here specifically for all the long hair john content

dead city radio and the new gods of supertown - the aesthetic. everybody looks great. matt is in a gorilla suit

well everybody’s fucking in a ufo - highly nsfw. where do i begin with this fucking hot mess...... sheri’s huge fake boobs. john and matt and ginger as astronauts. john jerkin off. the aliens with dicks. the fact that the whole story is about getting gang banged by aliens???? nothing will ever reach this level

SKOLD

self titled promotional clip - epilepsy warning for a lot of flashing and smash cuts. sort of a few partial music videos in one, but there are only two official skold videos, so i gotta include both of them. the quality is garbage. it’s so incredibly 1996. yet i love it. the last song, anything, is pretty nsfw as in there’s actual femdom porn clips but this is why i love it.

better the devil - if there were more skold videos i’d put them here. but as i said there are only two. tim out there lookin like not just a snack but a full course meal in 4k quality. goddamn. the only man i can ever truly call d*ddy. tiffany and eli lookin like delicious side dishes as well.

TAKING BACK SUNDAY

you’re so last summer - flava flave is in it

this photograph is proof - this song makes me so fucking nostalgic............. it transports me right back to eighth grade lmao. tbs were one of my fave bands in middle school.

makedamnsure - the most emo song of all time?? side note regarding tbs: real talk, being fat in middle school, seeing another fat person in a band was so fucking reassuring and great. i love eddie. 

liar (it takes one to know one) - these visual effects are SO cool, even now.

YOU ME AT SIX

jealous minds think alike - ART... no but actually look at these literal fetuses. i fucking love this song. it’s probably my fave track on take off your colours.

kiss and tell - you right it’s another house party video BUT. baby josh with an undercut. he must be 18 or barely 19 here??

liquid confidence - WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

stay with me - jkfljkghdfskljgs okay serious time: this song got me through a seriously rough part of my life and i have the title tattooed on me partially because of the video. 

loverboy - i have never seen a fandom in such utter chaos as the ymas fandom was on the day this video dropped. holy fucking shit. the THIRST was REAL. 

bite my tongue - peak ymas captured in one music video. that’s truly the most important part. that peak sns era ymas was preserved forever in this video.

lived a lie - is it bad if i still kinda want a “we are believers” tattoo lmao. i really....... love this song a lot. is it obvious by now that ymas love a big chorus lmao

give - this song gives me The Feels. it deserved better than a performance video in an empty arena but it’s all we got, so here it is.

[berserker-official]

Then allow me to be the one who does it. -ahem- Answer all 200 questions, please.

YOU

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now?

199: I was born in: A hospital in Colorado

198: I am really: Really tired

197: My cellphone company is: Cricket

196: My eye color is: Blue

195: My shoe size is: I think 12?

194: My ring size is: I have no fucking idea

193: My height is: 6′2

192: I am allergic to: Nothing that I know of

191: My 1st car was: I share a Jeep with the family

190: My 1st job was: A pizza man at Little Caesars in Texas

189: Last book you read: All You Need is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka

188: My bed is: Small.

187: My pet: She a good girl and like 6 different breeds

186: My best friend: I have too many

185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever’s cheap

184: Xbox or ps3: Both but I’m a sony man at heart

183: Piggy banks are: Neat

182: In my pockets: I don’t have pockets right now

181: On my calendar: Nothing special today but I have the Danganronpa V3 release date on it in a couple of weeks

180: Marriage is: Neat

179: Spongebob can: go steppin on the beach

178: My mom: is neat but I’m mad at her right now

177: The last three songs I bought were?

Silence by Marshmello & Khalid, OTONA HIT PARADE and Emotional Literacy by Bradio

176: Last YouTube video watched: Oney Plays D. Premonition WITH FRIENDS - EP 6 - Minesweeper175: How many cousins do you have? I honestly don’t know. My parents don’t really keep in touch with immediate family. My mom is an only child and my dad doesn’t talk to her sister.174: Do you have any siblings? I have a little brother who’s a fucking loser going for an astrophysics degree.

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope

172: Are you taller than your mom? By two feet.

171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play percussion in middle school

170: What did you do yesterday? A bunch of stencil work[ I Believe In ] (I’ve already answered these but here u go)169: Love at first sight: Not really168: Luck: Heart of the Cards167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Nope165: Aliens: Yeah164: Heaven: Not really163: Hell: Not really162: God: Not really161: Horoscopes: No but I look at them randomly160: Soul mates: Yeah159: Ghosts: No but not yet158: Gay Marriage: HELL YEAH157: War: No it bad156: Orbs: I BELIEVE IN THE ORBS155: Magic: No but not yet[ This or That ] (I’ve answered some of these already but here u go)154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Neither152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair but I don’t really care?150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blonde cuz I’m ready to have fun149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Apples143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight hair142: McDonalds or Burger King: Doesn’t matter141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: I hate showing off my feet and I actually wore high heels once so HIGH HEELS138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m sweet and poor so that one137: Coke or Pepsi: Neither one I actually don’t like carbonated drinks136: Hillary or Obama: Thanks obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremated it’s better for the earth134: Singing or Dancing: Singing even I fuckin suck133: Coach or Chanel: I have no idea132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Neither?131: Small town or Big city: Big City130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller128: Manicure or Pedicure: Whichever is the hand one127: East Coast or West Coast: I’m in the middle so doesn’t matter126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas cuz my birthday is in the summer so I’m dying of heat.125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Neither cuz going outside sucks123: Yankees or Red Sox: Cubs cuz they finally won the world series[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: It bad121: George Bush: He did Nine Eleven120: Gay Marriage: It’s great why the fuck do people think it’s bad119: The presidential election: In general I used to not care but NOW GO FUCKING VOTE118: Abortion: I think it’s important117: MySpace: I never had a myspace but bring back the grunge emo shit116: Reality TV: It’s obviously fake so115: Parents: Parents are good without them I would not be here (But if they’re abusive fuck them)114: Back stabbers: Drop them faster than you can say bye bitch113: Ebay: I’ve only used it once and it was good so I say sure112: Facebook: Needs to chill the fuck out111: Work: Work is good you get money and gain retail horror stories110: My Neighbors: One of them is a drunk so meh but The Best Neighbor is a guy that used to build his own motorcycles but has heart problems so he had to sell them but he’s a chill guy and I love him109: Gas Prices: TOO DAMN HIGH108: Designer Clothes: Too rich for my blood107: College: A good choice for your future but it’s not for everybody106: Sports: The only sport I care about is MLG Gaming105: My family: They cool but highly problematic104: The future: I’m at a big turning point right now so[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Last Saturday?102: Last time you ate: A couple hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Last week I think I hung out with a friend and we watched Willow100: Cried in front of someone: Months probably99: Went to a movie theater: I went to see Spider-Man Homecoming when it came out but next month I’m going to see Jigsaw with @warlord-official so that’s fun98: Took a vacation: I don’t know? When I got out of school for summer vacation?97: Swam in a pool: 2011?96: Changed a diaper: I actually never changed a diaper95: Got my nails done: Never94: Went to a wedding: Two years ago93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Sophmore year I got my lip pierced so...2008?91: Broke the law: I think I ran a red light once so a couple years ago?90: Texted: A day?[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Me cuz I do the dumbest shit88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dog87: The last movie I saw: I was watching the Rugrats Movie on Netflix a little while ago86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Danganronpa V3 and then Jigsaw in October and the Ixalan MTG set at the end of the month.85: The thing im not looking forward to: The next time I have to go to jury duty84: People call me: by my name83: The most difficult thing to do is: Be an adult82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Leo80: The first person i talked to today was: My dad79: First time you had a crush: Probably in elementary school? She was partially deaf and my teacher told me to help her out for the year and we got pretty close78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: My friends cuz I gotta let my baggage out77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I don’t remember cuz all my friends think the same way76: Right now I am talking to: No one75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I wanna do photography maybe teaching74: I have/will get a job: When I graduate73: Tomorrow: I gotta get up early for school72: Today: I did a bunch of school readings71: Next Summer: I’m gonna die from heat again70: Next Weekend: Hopefully I can hang with friends69: I have these pets: A good dog68: The worst sound in the world: When a racist opens their mouth67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Roman from the FH team cuz he’s NOT FUCKING NERFING CENT66: People that make you happy: All my friends65: Last time I cried: Just now boi we goin in hard64: My friends are: Good boys and girls63: My computer is: I have an 5 year old ASUS laptop that I should try to upgrade cuz it runs Overwatch poorly62: My School: MSU Denver61: My Car: I share a Jeep with the family60: I lose all respect for people who: Treat my friends like they’re subhuman59: The movie I cried at was: Death Note cuz it was fucking awful58: Your hair color is: Dirty blonde57: TV shows you watch: The only stuff on now that I’m watching is Rick and Morty and AHS: Cult56: Favorite web site: Tumblr even though this hellsite is full of sin55: Your dream vacation: Japan?54: The worst pain I was ever in was: My wisdom teeth were pretty obnoxious53: How do you like your steak cooked: Rare52: My room is: Very messy and small51: My favorite celebrity is: Gal Gadot50: Where would you like to be: Anywhere not stressed out49: Do you want children: Only if I have an S/O that wants kids48: Ever been in love: Yeh47: Who’s your best friend: I have too many to count but @warlord-official is one of them46: More guy friends or girl friends: I think it’s a tie?45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when my friends are happy or I eat a good burger44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My friend that’s in Japan I miss her43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Nope42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope41: Have you pre-named your children: I did when I was dating someone and thought we were pretty serious but then I found out she was cheating on me so not anymore40: Last person I got mad at: My mom39: I would like to move to: Japan or somewhere that is cool all the time like Washington maybe38: I wish I was a professional: Photographer[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Pay Day36: Vehicle: Reasonably priced car is one of the new Jeeps. Super expensive car would be an Aston Martin or Maserati35: President: Obama34: State visited: Georgia was nice33: Cellphone provider: Cricket cuz it’s the only one I’ve had32: Athlete: John Elway31: Actor: Chris Evans30: Actress: Gal Gadot29: Singer: Kesha28: Band: Bradio or Starset27: Clothing store: DXL cuz it’s the only store that sells clothes for Big Boys26: Grocery store: Safeway25: TV show: Hannibal or Future Diary. Rick and Morty is always good24: Movie: Saw, Pacific Rim, Back to the Future, or Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift23: Website: Tumle dot hell22: Animal: Dog?21: Theme park: NONE OF EM20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: idk18: Sport to play: I used to do tennis so that one17: Magazine: Shonen Jump or Game Informer16: Book: The Disaster Artist15: Day of the week: Friday14: Beach: I’ve never been to a beach13: Concert attended: Either PVRIS or A Perfect Circle with @warlord-official12: Thing to cook: It’s like a mix of pizza and spaghetti11: Food: A nice burger10: Restaurant: I like Smashburger9: Radio station: I don’t remember the one that plays rock music here but that one8: Yankee candle scent: Something about rain?7: Perfume: There was a vanilla one that I thought smelled nice a long time ago6: Flower: idk?5: Color: a deep blue4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres?3: Comedian: Bo Burnham2: Dog breed: Mutt1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I hope so   

[tenpercentsugar]

1-101 my bitch

1. If you could be any mythical creature, what would you choose?a SIREN bro i dont know how many times i gotta fuckin say that i wish i had a scaly ass tail and a thirst for the blood of a sailor
2. It’s summer time and you’re thirsty, sweet tea or lemonade?lemonade no matter the season
3. Who is your #1 all time crush?damn near zayn malik
4. What book would you like to see made into a movie?bruh i dont even know at this point i havent read a book in so long
5. Create a new ice cream flavoror what? ;-)
6. Top five favorite songs at the moment?n64 x denzel curry, everybody wants to rule the world x tears for fears, ultimate $uicide x $uicideboy$ and denzel curry, exodus x $uicideboy$, nature feels x frank ocean
7. You get to choose a superpower but it can’t be the ability to fly, what do you go with?ability to read minds so i can reallllly know how ppl are reacting to me
8. Who’s your favorite Muppet?taylor dugan
9. You get to have a lifetime supply of one kind of food, what is it? probably chicken bro theres so many things you can do w chicken
10. What type of lunch meat do you typically choose when making a sandwich or sub?turkey and bacon but not turkey bacon
11. Water slides or roller coasters?this is so hard wtf?? uh rn it’s be water slides but i also fuck heavy w rollercoasters bro
12. What two musicians/bands would you like to see collaborate?the weeknd and frank ocean
13. Favorite Disney princess?damn near mulan that bitch is ballin
14. Is there anyone on tumblr you wish you could meet in person?stephanie, also thedeathmerchant
15. You can only watch one tv show for the rest of your life, what one do you pick?bob’s burgers
16. Top five celebrity crushes?zayn malik, frank ocean, asap rocky, vince staples, michael b. jordan 
17. Any rules you try to live by?be respectful, see things from all points of view, use turn signals, smoke w friends even if they can’t match, never let anybody feel alone
18. Have you had an serious medical injuries? i stabbed myself once but thats abt it
19. Fruity pebbles or cocoa pebbles?fuck pebbles they get soggy so quick aka Not Ideal
20. Do you have any new years resolutions?mine was to quit smoking but i literally j put out a cig so idk how thata gonna go
21. What’s your birthstone and would you change it if you could?i think it’s sapphire? and no cuz that is beautiful
22. What’s your element of choice? (earth, light, water, fire, etc.)light!!!!!! i’m obsessed w light and being a light
23. Have you ever had to have stitches? If yes, what for?no just staples for the stab wound as previously aforementioned
24. What is a fictional creature you hope actually exists?nessie
25. Do you have a favorite Crime series?law and order: svu for sure 
26. If you could go see a Broadway play/musical right now, which would you pick? damn near mamma mia hahaha i fuckin love that movie
27. What’s at the top of your holiday wish list this year?money, weed, a fuckin clean teen shirt
28. What are some things you would do if you were invisible?eavesdrop. what else do you need to be invisible for
29. Describe your very first kiss.thank you but no thank you!
30. Do you have any guilty pleasures?i don’t feel guilty abt liking any of the shit i like but i mean i wouldnt play hollywood undead in my car for just anybody
31. Have you ever performed on a stage?yeah a handful of times
32. If you could meet any one of the Muppets which would it be?taylor dugan probably
33. Do you have a favorite mixed drink?kahlua and milk lmao
34. Anything you miss about being a child?uh everything? my brain is both 40 years old and 6 years old
35. Who is the hottest person that you know of on tumblr?@teenybug
36. Any good book recommendations?if you wanna laugh, helter skelter x vincent bugliosi is a good start
37. What’s your favorite pokemon type?i think u have the wrong number?
38. What’s the most hurtful thing anyone’s ever said to you?as if i have the time to remember all the hurtful things ppl have said to me when im already super busy remembering all the mean shit i’ve done
39. Is there a song that always makes you want to dance when you hear it?plenty bro i can’t even help it
40. What’s the best selfie you’ve ever taken and can we see it?go thru http://deathchamp.tumblr.com/tagged/me and you tell me
41. If you could pick just one extinct animal to bring back to life what would it be?i would need to consult an entire list and then i’ll let you know
42. What’s your least favorite name(s)?keith, roger, becca
43. If you could change your name to anything, what would you pick?probably just the color light blue. like my name would j be a color. no letters
44. What are three things on your holiday wish list this year?pussy money weed haha classic
45. If you could get away with any crime what would it be?running stop signs/red lights
46. How do you usually break the ice with strangers?i don’t even know i prolly j make jokes
47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment? What are they like?no that’s not the wave i’m on at all
48. Anyone you’re dying to see in concert?tame impala, the weeknd, frank ocean, bryson tiller, zayn, denzel curry, vince staples
49. Are there any bands/musicians you really dislike?meghan trainor, carly rae jepsen, taylor swift
50. What are you made up of?ashes, summer sunsets, perth x bon iver
51. Biggest fictional crush? nathan scott from one tree hill boiiii
52. Do you have a favorite bird?damn near the bald eagle hahahah that dude is crazy
53. If you could completely erase one person or memory from your mind would you do it?hahahaha yeah i’ve been doing that
54. What are some thing’s you are always happy to receive as gifts?anything cuz if u thinkin of me enough to get me a gift (or make me one or steal me one or whatever), then i’m stoked abt it
55. What do you like to do on rainy days?get high, drive, watch netflix w dani 
56. Chinese take out or pizza?za
57. What do you usually wear to bed?t-shirt n shorts or sweats depending on the season
58. As a child, what are some of the things you wanted to grow up to be? stay at home mom, a teacher, a psychologist
59. How many pillows do you prefer to sleep with?two
60. What’s your favorite type of weather?sunny and 70 right now but i also get hella good vibes from cloudy and low 60s/high 50s when it’s fall time
61. What’s your Hogwart’s house? (even if you’re not a Harry Potter fan, you’ve still thought about which house you’d been in, don’t lie.) 🙄
62. Favorite month of the year and why?september cuz thas my birth month and its also like the perfect time of year. not too hot not too cold
63. What is your board game of choice?i love playing life!!! i wish more people played that w me
64. Are there any commonly held beliefs that you don’t buy into?i’m sure but i try not to think abt things i passionately disagree w cuz i’m still working on dealing w anger appropriately
65. Describe the best kiss of your life thus far.haven’t had the best kiss of my life thus far
66. What is something you wish didn’t exist?benzos
67. What’s the most painful thing you’ve endured?the tattoo on my god damn foot dude
68. Do you collect anything?just bitches tahaaa 
69. Is there anything in particular that you’re looking forward to this summer?warped tour idiot duh
70. If you had a pair of wings, what would they look like?white and lined w gold
71. Dinner and a movie is so old, what are some other things you’d enjoy doing on a date?gettin cross faded and sittin outside, lookin at the trees
72. What’s your favorite breed of dog?rottweiler
73. How do you like your chicken wings? If you don’t like chicken wings, then wtf is wrong with you?i’ll eat em bone in or boneless but honey bbq is really the only sauce i want them tossed in
74. Anyone been on your mind lately?dylan, ashley, michaela (even tho we aint even cool like that), ash
75. Are there any things about yourself that you dislike that others seem to love?my laugh? i’ve been getting compliments on it since middle school but it is one of the ugliest parts of me
76. What’s your favorite part of the playground?the swings!
77. Do you like to write?
i love to! but i never do it

78. What’s the best birthday gift you’ve ever received?klonopin hahahaha
79. What is something you never leave home without?my sunglasses cuz i got sensitive ass eyes
80. If you drink, what kind of drunk person are you?in my feels hard as fuck, sayin dumb shit i think is funny
81. Do you listen to music while you shower?not anymore but i used to 
82. Are there any classics films you wish would be remade?no keep em as they are
83. What’s your go to party song?shots x lmfao cuz who doesnt fuck w that song
84. Have you got a favorite outfit? Can we see it?not really but yeah come thru
85. What’s the longest you’ve ever talked on the phone for?me and taylor used to talk on the phone for hourrrrssss bro like forever long calls
86. What’s your favorite emoji? 😟🤙🙄
87. Have you ever had raw fish?not that i’m aware of….
88. What accent do you find most attractive?mexican accents bro ughhhh fuck me up
89. What’s one bad thing an ex might have to say about you?who
90. Would you choose to be immortal if you could?nope im like terrified of death but i know it would suck to keep living when all the people i love are dead
91. What’s the most expensive thing you ever bought?my car and it wasnt even that expensive
92. Have you ever had a black eye?yeah actually in first grade
93. What are some questions you’d ask on a first date?what’s your favorite song rn and do you like going for drives
94. What do you think happens when we die?nothing that i wanna talk abt i’ll throw up
95. Any pets you’d enjoy having?i want a bunny!!! i know i’m not responsible enough for one but fuck!!
96. What are some reasons you might end a relationship?if there’s no trust then i’m outtie
97. Is there anything in your room you wouldn’t want your parents stumbling upon?no actually they know abt all the stupid shit i do i’m not worried abt it
98. Are you still friends with anyone from grade school?like elementary school?! not really at all dude
99. What is one song you will never, ever get sick of?perth x bon iver, minnesota, wi x bon iver, nature feels x frank ocean, the moment x tame impala, as you are x the weeknd
100. Waffles or pancake? And what do you put on top of them?waffles w syrup n butter bro it dont get much better than that
101. One word you’d use to describe yourself?tweak

thank u emo stranger

[amorremanet]

Star Wars, the trilogy of ur choice for the ask meme!

I am indecisive as Hell and couldn’t pick and as such just did all three of them, ooops?

original trilogy

my all-time ultimate fave character: um. I have loved Darth Vader since I was five and decided that he was my husband now and this meant that he was going to hold my stuff while I ran the galaxy and also buy me a puppy, because my parents wouldn’t let me have one but he’s the head of an evil empire, so I assumed that he had enough credits to buy me a puppy. Anyway, my answer hasn’t changed. He’s garbage and I love him.

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: Lando is a sort of complicated answer, because it was never that I disliked him?

But when I was younger, I bought into all of the nonsense about him, “betraying” Han, Leia, and Chewie (which is ridiculous, because: 1. he was trying to save his entire city,

and 2. Vader turned the tables on Lando and sprung a bunch of shit on him that Lando cannot be held responsible for, because Vader is the one who made it an issue and it’s not like Lando didn’t read the fine print because there was no fine print for him to read)

—and yeah, basically, I never disliked him, but have come to appreciate Lando more.

a character I used to like but now don’t: …well, it isn’t that I dislike Yoda or Obi-Wan (though the latter benefits from the prequel trilogy a lot here, since Ewan McGregor kinda saved the character from the gigantic dumpster fire of GLucas’s bullshit retcons and Alec Guinness being a huge tool), but when I was a kid, I took everything they said at face-value and have since learned that both of them are totally bullshit unreliable narrators, at best.

a character I’m indifferent about: idk, the Emperor, probably. Like, my biggest feelings about him in the OT are, “Excuse me, you’re in my seat. Trophy husband, please be a hunny and murder him for me so I can get back to my ridiculous power-fantasy daydream of being an overpowered evil overlord with no chill and an OTT evil laugh like a bad girl in a late 90’s anime.”

a character who deserved better: Lando Calrissian, full stop.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: uh. ……pass?

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: Han/Leia remains one of the only m/f ships worth caring about, for me, but ijs, Han/Luke is good, too.

a cute, low-key ship: Luke/Wedge, Luke/Lando, or Luke/Biggs.

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: Han/Lando (it’s not unpopular in my particular corner of tumblr but for most people out there, it’s Not A Thing that they can see happening). ……but come on, they act like exes! If they aren’t secretly married (probably under questionable circumstances, for pretty ridiculous reasons) in at least two star systems, I’ll shave Jean-Ralphio’s head.

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: —technically, my answer never did. But when ROTS came out back in 2005, there was a commemorative issue of Rolling Stone that I stole from my Dad because it had a special feature about Darth Vader, and in it, Kevin Smith proposed the idea of Vader/Leia (which he apparently kiddie LARPed with a girl he liked before they knew that Vader is her bio-father), and…… ew, Kevin Smith, what the fuck. Like, even without the parental incest factor, ewww.

my favourite storyline/moment: if it happened in Empire, I will probably never be over it because I am a human cliche and Empire is my favorite (but in my defense: it was not written by George Lucas, and that has a lot to do with why it is noticeably better-written than the other two OT movies). If I had to choose? “I love you” / “I know,” or the final confrontation between Luke and Vader.

Because I am a human cliche, that’s why. …Also, fun fact: when they originally shot the Infamous Scene, the big reveal about Luke’s parentage was kept so under-wraps that even David Prowse (the guy who physically portrayed Vader) thought that the twist was that Obi-Wan killed Anakin.

a storyline that never should have been written: Okay, it isn’t that I object to how the parentage twist meant that GLucas had baited sibling incest with Luke/Leia. What I object to is that GLucas acts like this was intentional, and wants to erase and retcon real-world history (there’s a whole book about it, documenting what actually happened and how GLucas tried to retcon reality), all to make himself look like a genius Auteur™ when, actually he is a fucking hack who stole the credit for the movies’ success from the actual creative people involved.

my first thoughts on it: “pew pew pew, i love star wars, i want a lightsaber, i want to rule the galaxy, pew pew”

my thoughts now: “pew pew pew, i love star wars, i shouldn’t be allowed to have a lightsaber at all bc i would totally mishandle it, fuck george lucas with barbed wire, pew pew”

prequel trilogy

my all-time ultimate fave character: *points above* …like, I have never had it in me to hate the prequel trilogy — the closest that I got to it was, “Okay, it’s not the OT, and it’s kind of silly, but it’s not bad” — and I could never hate it because it’s primarily about Anakin Skywalker, and that’s my trophy husband. He’s space trash and I love him.

I also never hated Hayden Christensen. Like, most of my friends in high school did, but I loved him, and I said things like, “Maybe he’s not the greatest actor but he’s not exactly working with a great script here” but that was the worst he ever got from me (and if I’d known then just how shitty a director GLucas actually is to the actors in his flicks, I would’ve been even more generous).

He was definitely one of the guys who I “had crushes” on, back when I was still trying to convince myself that I wasn’t into girls at all, and all of the lingering fondness for him was a huge part of my, “okay, but were any of my crushes on dudes legit or was there a lot of compulsory heterosexuality that I didn’t get because I was a teenager with homophobic parents who went to a high school where we couldn’t even talk about the homophobia that went on because everybody wanted to think that we didn’t have a problem with it just because nobody got, like, physically assaulted or anything that we assumed happened at other high schools in the area, regardless of how we had almost no evidence one way or the other”

……In retrospect, a lot of the, “crush” that I had on Hayden was that he was a soft-featured pretty boy who was, “like… almost pretty enough to be a girl” (—all I have to say for myself is that I was an ignorant teenager), and I found him attractive because he was: 1. soft and pretty; 2. playing my favorite space trashcan; and 3. hella famous and therefore unavailable

anyway, I love Anakin and…… well.

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: …uh. I have no idea?? The closest I get here is that I went from not caring about Palpatine in the OT to thinking he’s actually an interesting and well-done villain in the PT.

a character I used to like but now don’t: can I pass on this one, too? I don’t have a lot of characters like this in any of the Star Wars movies tbh???

a character I’m indifferent about: Count Dooku (the late Christopher Lee was always amazing but Count Dooku just… really doesn’t interest me as a character), and General Grievous.

a character who deserved better: Padmé Amidala, Mace Windu, and I want to say Anakin, but not in the same way as Mace and Pamdé (who got the shit kicked out of them unfairly and got robbed of some of the moments that they deserved).

Where Anakin deserved better is in how the narrative handled his fall and the issues of agency, responsibility, how he was manipulated and how it affected his ability to be held responsible vs. all of the ways in which he was responsible for his actions and where, how spending his formative years as a slave affected everything, the ways in which the fucking Jedi Order was also culpable for some of this and how their approach to literally everything is emotionally unhealthy, and so on.

Because GLucas handled all of those issues with the grace and tact of a drunk rhinoceros. Which I feel is an incredible insult to both alcohol and rhinoceroses.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: any Qui-Gon ship that isn’t Mace/Qui-Gon, and I will fully admit that that is just my headcanon and my feels of, “Oooh, that could be cool.”

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: Anakin/Obi-Wan and Anakin/Padmé because I am a human cliché.

a cute, low-key ship: Obi-Wan/Dexx (or however you spell the name of his smuggler friend from AOTC).

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: well, these days, Anakin/Obi-Wan and Anakin/Padmé are apparently on the Shipae Non Gratae list in this fandom, to the point that people who ship them will get harassed, dehumanized, bullied, and suicide-baited for shipping them, all because a small but vocal contingent of assholes don’t like them and want to enforce their own ideas about the morality or lack thereof of whatever ships they like or not on everyone — but they weren’t unpopular until very recently, so

otherwise, basically all Mace Windu ships are unpopular by default but come on, Mace/Qui-Gon and Mace/Obi-Wan would be cool

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: uh. Padmé/death, Mace/death, and Star Wars Fandom/suicide baiting people over ships when they’re doing everything that they can reasonably be expected to do in terms of tagging responsibly and respecting their fellow fans.

my favourite storyline/moment: I’m sorry but actually not, but… I love ROTS, and I love the game of torturing myself by watching it like, “Maybe Anakin won’t make all the wrong choices this time. Maybe if I lovingly yell at him loudly enough, he won’t break my heart.”

Also, fuck everyone, his, “I don’t like sand” thing is endearingly doofy, and I can’t flirt any better than that so it is not unrealistic (not least since he hasn’t exactly grown up or come of age in an environment that’s conducive to developing decent social skills or learning the social scripts that one uses when doing things like flirting without saying, “I don’t like sand, but you are very not like sand, and I appreciate that you are dissimilar from sand because sand sucks”)

—I mean, I’m not saying that Luke Skywalker: actual gay space autistic has a father who is also an actual space autistic? ……But, see, I’m totally saying that, and that I also believe the borderline!Anakin headcanon that I’ve seen around

a storyline that never should have been written: idk, I just want my space babies to be happy

my first thoughts on it: “…pew pew pew, i know it’s not the OT but it’s still fun can everybody like stop hating on it, wouldn’t it be more fun to LIKE things, i love star wars, pew pew”

my thoughts now: “pew pew pew, fuck everybody, the entire prequel trilogy deserves better than it got and fuck george lucas especially, but also fuck the jedi order what the fuck, that life isn’t healthy, fuck the haters i love the prequels, i love star wars, pew pew”

new trilogy, inasmuch as i can say with only one movie (since rogue one isn’t in the trilogy and i still haven’t seen it):

my all-time ultimate fave character: Finn or Poe or Rey, it depends on how I feel at any given moment

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: *shrugs*

a character I used to like but now don’t: Well, it’s not that I outright dislike KyBen, but I was so excited for him when the first trailer came out, with his lightsaber that looked so cool, and him being all, “*aggressively fanboys Darth Vader*” — and then we got the actual canon, and like? It’s impossible for me to completely hate him when he’s so fun to make fun of, and he loves his grandfather almost half as much as I do? But…… wow, have you ever met someone who is like a letdown in human form? Because I have and his name is Kylo Ren.

I will say, he is moderately less of a letdown in the novelization of the movie (though I haven’t gotten a copy of the YA novelization and there are apparently some major differences between that one and the “adult” novelization), but: 1. only moderately; and 2. he is even more over-the-top ridiculous and dramatic and kind of asinine in the book. Less of a letdown for various reasons, but still.

a character I’m indifferent about: Phasma, I guess. Like, I am certified lady villains garbage, but she doesn’t really DO anything? She has no discernible personality beyond being the token girl with KyBen and the Annoying Fascist Space Ginger, which could actually be a cool thing — I mean, Gwen Christie is a tall, white, blonde, and physically intimidating as fuck, and it would be super interesting to use Phasma as a Star Wars style reflection of the white women who get involved in the real world movements that inspired the First Order — but?? So far, all she’s done is be an abusive shit to Finn and get shoved in a trash compactor.

a character who deserved better: #Protect Finn Stormbreaker At All Costs.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: Phasma/anybody — like, I know it’s usually misogynistic to say, “she has no personality” about a lady character…… but Phasma genuinely has no personality, so far, because she has done a grand total of bugger all in actual facts canon.

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: …I feel like it’s too early to say this because this trilogy isn’t even fully out there, yet? But solely in the sense of, “this is my favorite”… Finn/Poe/Rey, because it means that I don’t have to choose between Finn/Poe or Finn/Rey when both of them are so good.

a cute, low-key ship: I am literally only putting Rey/Rose and Rey/Jessika here because we know nothing about Rose yet, aside from how she works in maintenance with the Resistance and is adorable, and I love Rey/Jess, but it’s objective fact that Finn/Rey has more to work with, because Finn is a major character and Jess isn’t.

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: eta: okay, I forgot to do this one, because all I could think of was, “idk I’ve read some Ky*lux fic that didn’t suck because I wanted one of my kinks satisfied and I wanted Star Wars and the only game in town was Ky*lux so I read it, and… eh, it didn’t suck?” — but Ky*lux is objectively not unpopular (it’s unwelcome among some fans and that’s their prerogative but the numbers don’t lie and they say that it’s not unpopular), so idk

Also, the nicest thing I could say is, “those fics didn’t suck” but in fairness that’s probably less a function of them being Ky*lux and more a function of how they’re for one of my kinks, and the writing that exists for said kink is largely pretty…… Not Good.

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: I’m waiting for the reveal that Rey and Kylo are cousins or something, because I’m expecting it to happen, and then a lot of the people who ship it, “because Kylo is totally better than Finn because of reasons that have nothing to do with racism because the shippers said so” will jump ship and I will go, “I told you so, did you not pay attention to Luke and Leia or what.”

Note: I am specifically only talking about that particular kind of Rey*lo shipper, because in fairness, there are plenty of people who ship it in ways where they don’t actually want Rey and Kylo to be together, and in ways where they don’t bash Finn, and yes, it’s a pretty fucked up ship, but there are people who ship it in fucked up ways and tag all their shit responsibly, and I will have nothing to, “I told you so” about at them, in the event that Rey*lo gets jossed by them being blood relatives.

my favourite storyline/moment: the one where KyBen is all, “*ACCIO GRANDPA’S LIGHTSABER*” and Finn is all, “NOT TODAY JACKASS” and then Kylo tries it again and the lightsaber is all, “NO I LIKE REY BETTER” and the theme music swells and FUCK IT YESSSSS

a storyline that never should have been written: … *shrugs*? the trilogy is still being played out, we don’t have a lot to work with here yet

my first thoughts on it: “pew pew pew, i love star wars, i love the theories that kylo ren is actually jacen solo, zoom zoom fights in space and flying in space, whoosh whoosh shiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnng lightsaber noises, i love star wars, pew pew”

my thoughts now: “pew pew pew, i love star wars, lmao i am so glad that kylo ren is not jacen solo, jacen sweetie i am so sorry that i ever wanted that you deserve so much better, finn and rey and poe and rose and jess should all be happy and like adopt a puppy, also luke is gay now because fuck george lucas, i am so proud of my gay autistic space son and how he now wants the jedi to end because he has realized that the only way for the force to have balance is if there are NO jedi and NO sith, whoosh whoosh shhhhiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnng lightsaber noises

“like seriously how has it taken this long for this idea to make it to the main canon (since lbr most people don’t know jack about the EU or KOTOR or anything), i mean wow it is almost like the jedi and the sith are both totally fucked up beyond all hopes of salvaging either faction not least because having either faction in the first place makes humans more likely to fuck up everything with the force because people suck, WHOOSH WHOOSH SHIIIIINNNNNNNG MAKES SAID LIGHTSABER NOISES EVEN MORE LOUDLY TO PISS OFF GEORGE LUCAS AND HE CAN’T DO SHIT TO STOP ME BECAUSE HE DOESN’T OWN THE EXCLUSIVE RIGHTS TO THE UNIVERSE ANYMORE HA HA FUCKEDDY HA HA HA, #KreiaWasRight #TotallyVindicated, i can’t believe that rey and luke are going to be queer autistic space icons together #blessed

“i love star wars, pew pew pew”

[bryersmiggs]

How to Find Your Real Type

I’m somewhat loath to make this post because 1, I don’t like telling people what to do, 2, what the fuck do I know, really; there are loads of people far more articulate and knowledgable who’ve already written on this subject, and 3, real people are infinitely more complex than fictional characters.

Also I already did the one on fictional characters and I don’t know how redundant this might end up being because I’m too tired and bleary-eyed to re-read it right now.

But what the hell, let’s give it a bash. Short version: you’re probably more of an S than you think. Long version:

Once upon a time when I was a wee bab, probably 10 or 12 or so, my dad (ENTP btw) handed me an old secondhand copy of Please Understand Me II he found somewhere because he thought I might find it interesting. That was my introduction to MBTI. The Internet wasn’t really so much of a Thing back then (shut up, I’m old) so my education on the subject all came from that book, taking and retaking the test with different colored pens. I didn’t realize, of course, that as a 10 or 12 year old, I wasn’t going to get an accurate read. For a long while I thought I was INFP

(all though further fun fact, that is my mom’s type!). Time went on and the Internet became a thing and unsurprisingly I spent several years being obsessed with any and all personality tests. I needed to know what Lord of the Rings character I was and I needed to know it now (Merry, usually, I think, or sometimes Frodo).

Thus I was reintroduced to MBTI, and I noticed a funny thing: I didn’t always get INFP. The only fixed letters were IN and the others changed based on the weather and time of day. I realized whatever I was, it wasn’t INFP. I actually started paying attention to the other types, though mostly at first only the other INs. Through further tests, study, and self-evaluation, I finally realized I was INTP. And once I realized that, it seemed so obvious in hindsight. What else could I be???

What’s the point of this story? Well, there are a few things you can take away from it but let’s focus on the fact that I was wrong when I relied on Internet (and book) tests and was only able to figure it out through my own study and self-evaluation. I had to consider different types and zero in on which was most accurate.

I refer a lot to the tools in the toolbox. I stand by that. I think everything that gives you information is worth taking into account. Start with the standard Internet quizzes. That’s cool! It gives you a ballpark, an easy introduction to the concepts.

Here’s the problem! Tests are biased, especially when it comes to S vs N. N is much more rare than S in the general population and yet to go by Tumblr you would think Ss were virtual leprechauns. Now, I do think it makes sense that Ns, especially introverted ones, would be drawn to fandom spaces, so to a degree, this extreme imbalance does make a little bit of sense. When 90% (slight exaggeration) of Tumblr checks in as INFJ, the single rarest type, I... admit I start to get a little suspicious!

People also often count themselves as two different types, which is actually something I think is useful when you’re working things out, because it means you’ve narrowed it down, and now you can compare, contrast, and eventually find the one that fits best. Strictly speaking, according to the fundamentals of the theory, you can’t be more than one type. Usually I take this to mean someone is still in the evaluation stage, though, and that’s fine.

So, how did I eventually figure out I was INTP? Well, getting a good handle on the functions gave me a big shot in the arm. Remember: everybody has all eight functions!! The difference comes from what’s best-developed and most-trusted. Reading about the functions made me realize that I was a walking occasionally talking stereotype of Ti and Ne. I can relate to the other functions to varying degrees (except Se, is that real? It sounds fake) but Ti and Ne are by far my strongest, most used and trusted functions, and it got more and more obvious to me once I noticed it.

Focusing in on INTP, reading more about it, I began to see a clearer picture of myself and how much better it fit me than any of the other types. And that’s pretty much the crux of it. You need to be honest with and aware of yourself. You have to look beyond any one test or any one description. You need to be able to look past stereotypes and see to the heart of each type, what each discrete piece means as well as the sum of all those parts.

tl;dr: evaluate and re-evaluate. One type is going to be a better fit for you than all the others. It’s okay if that type is an S. It’s even okay if it’s an SJ. You’re still a unicorn. MBTI doesn’t mean anything if your understanding lacks accuracy and truth.

[nora-reads-homestuck]

Nora Listens to HS: Homestuck for the Holidays

Hello everybody! You’ll have to forgive my reprehensible lateness on this one; I had a HELL of a New Year, and things are only really just starting to settle down. But, technically, until Epiphany tomorrow, we’re still within the historical bounds of Christmas, so at least I have a (partial) excuse.

I’m here today with an extracurricular on the recommendation of my ask screener @SkaiaMechanic, who pointed me to this “unofficial official” album arranged on the side by the otherwise-legit Homestuck musicians, just for funsies. I’m actually really excited! I know that most of the time they’re probably composing exactly what they want to compose anyway, and Andrew Hussie just uses what he likes, but this is even more free rein, if that makes any sense. Granted they’re working toward a unified theme (and you know how I usually feel about theme albums), but the holidays are a pretty broad topic. So let’s see what they’ve got! ^0^

Quick aside: oh my god, that album cover. It’s super cute and well done, but I am losing my shit at Rose’s outfit. Ok, on to the actual music!

Time for a Story: Listen my children and you shall hear / of the midnight ride of Paul Revere Ahaha ok, let me actually hit play on this. ...Oh. Oh, god. Who is this?? OH MY FUCKING GOD, THE NON-CANONICAL CHRISTMAS APOCRYPHA, AHAHAHAHA. OH MY GOD. The ex-Catholic in me is HOWLING.

A Skaian Christmas: And that faded right into the first song, which has all the Christmas trappings, like sleigh bells, and horns, and... Oh, haha, it’s this theme! I kind of dig it! The additions actually go really well, festive but unobtrusive for the most part. 1:28: Oh heck yeah, that choir is rad! Short and sweet. I’m enjoying this so far.

Anthem of Rime: Aaand we’ve faded into what’s starting off as Carol of the Bells. Are we going to fade into another familiar theme? That’s what I’m predicting and hoping. Ding... dong... ding... dong... I sang this song in a Christmas choir once, and actually knowing all the words makes me some kind of weirdo, apparently? Oh hey! Yeeeahh! We’ve got... what’s the name of this one? *looks back* Terraform! Looking back on my initial review of this song, I think I’ve warmed up to it a bit. (Because the song title has ‘rime’ in it?? GET IT??? :D) Or maybe it’s just that it sounds more badass when it’s all Christmassy? Not sure. Heh, this chopped and screwed ending is fun.

Pachelbel’s Gardener: Basically if you’ve been on the internet any amount of time and you haven’t come across this video before, then... Well, I don’t even know what. Anyway! Hah. Yep, there’s those chords, and those eight notes. Whoa, that’s a weird synth. And this beat! I’m getting, weirdly, Taco? 1:25: Aha, there’s Gardener for realsies. I’m not sure if it actually really fits with the Canon in D bassline, especially considering the melody phrase is 4 measures to Canon’s 8, but it’s close enough. I’m not sure if I actually like it, but it sure is interesting. My feelings on the original were pretty tepid too, IIRC.

Carefree Perigee: D’aww. This one’s short, but I loved the Carefree Victory melody a lot, so it’s nice to hear it again. I like the reimagining of the chord progression. So syruppy and sweet. <3

The More You Know: Oh lawd.

The Squiddles Save Christmas: Woo, Squiddles! The Squiddles album has been getting a lot of play on my iPod lately. Unironically, even. Huh, this is another neat reimaginning of an existing progression! Oh... ok... these vocals are a tad bit creepy. Sounds like the singers might have had a biiiit too much eggnog before recording, haha. 1:17: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHSAJKHD. ...Nog baby????? Wtf???? Like a ‘food baby’?? WOW THIS TOTALLY WENT OFF THE RAILS WOW.

Billy the Bellsuit Diver Has Something to Say: It’s beginning to look a lot like Squiddles... Hmm, this one’s more fun so far, but I just know it’s going to get weird in a second. Isn’t it. ISN’T IT?? 0:47: Ok, yeah, here we go. 1:55: OH GOD. Unpleasant ASMR back twitches, oh no. Wow, turned down to like, 3 kbps or whatever, it starts sounding like whale song. ...Huh, the ending is actually sort of nice. Overall I don’t think I enjoyed it much, though. :(

Squiddly Night: Oh wow, I looked away from the window and didn’t realize that it had actually become a new song. AHHHHHH NO THAT ENDING WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

The Santa Claus Interdimensional Travel Sleigh: Wait, so they do believe in Santa, but Jesus Jegus is non-canonical? EVEN BETTER.

Land of Light and Cheer: Noel, noel, etc., etc. Are we going to bring in LoLaR’s theme here? Whoa, yep! And it’s actually really nice? I like the instrumentation in this one. That flute is gorgeous! This is a Ferkol piece, so it might very well be live.

Gog Rest Ye Merry Prospitians: Let nothing you dismay! And... somebody chugging eggnog? More like, NOG REST YE, AMIRITE? Oh whoa! Suddenly Sburb. Cool, though. Is this another Ferkol piece? The sudden loudness changes smack of his style. Hah, yep, I’m getting good at this. It helps that he’s working with established pieces that have very definite melodies; keeps the meandering to a minimum.

Carolmanthetime: Oh whoa. This is neat! Pretty heavy for a Jit piece, but I like it. And that’s hints of Showtime and Walk-Stab-Walk, if I’m not mistaken. Jit’s compositions often use somewhat cheesier-sounding instrumentation, but they’re always pretty solidly put together, and of course his piano talent is damn amazing.

Candlelight: Hah, Candles and Clockwork. To be honest, I’ve always felt like this melody had a lot of potential that’s never really been realized so far. So far this arrangement is pretty pleasant. I’d love to hear it performed by live instruments sometime. ...Wait, this one says ‘lyrics’ next to it. Eh? Oh. Oh. Welp, scratch that off, then.

Oh No! It’s the Midnight Crew!: ...Exactly what it says on the tin. Oh wait, shit, they have an actual cameo?? Ahaha.

Let It Snow: Hah, this is fun! Kind of like an off-brand Vince Guaraldi Trio. Very ‘mall food court’ vibe, especially with all the reverb. It almost makes it creepy without the accompanying voices and laughter. An abandoned mall food court at 3 in the morning? (See what I did there??)

Hella Sweet: ...Mighty big sack indeed.

Shit Let’s Be Santa: OH SHIT, this one has lyrics too. On the plus side I’m not really expecting any kind of quality, so what I hear can only be an improvement. ...Huh, this has a lo-fi early 90′s synthpop feel to it. I actually... like it?? The lyrics rhyme, too. I almost wouldn’t expect that of a SBaHJ-themed song.

Choo Choo: George the Conductor of what? ......1:12: AHAHAHAHA.

Overall thoughts:

Well, it’s a bit less than I was really hoping for, given that a good number of the tracks are just bizarre rambling (but still with extra points for the Apocrypha thing), but I don’t know that there was anything on the album that I heard and thought ‘wow that’s terrible’. I’m a fan of Christmas music, generally speaking, anyway, so I’m not sure if it would be everybody’s cup of tea, especially if you celebrate different holidays. But hey, it’s free content, and there’s certainly a few things worth listening to if only to hear some interesting rearrangements of your favorite tunes.

Top five six tracks in order or favoritude:

Carefree Perigee

Land of Light and Cheer

Carolmanthetime

A Skaian Christmas

Anthem of Rime

Shit Let’s Be Santa

Album Rating: 6/10. Drink some eggnog first for a funner experience!