#actually that one guy who almost hit me also was mad about this insurance lmao. exact same thing

[arytha]

I love united healthcare. fuckers.

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E69

What an episode! Easily in this mathematician’s Top Five for Drama and Cinematography but ah…. *kicks Angst Points program* the heartbreak is really going to kill me one of these days. Thank you to @softazelma @critiquingsoul @hla-rosa and @alarnia for helping out with data entry! Masterpost here.

+50 to Sam/Debate The speed with which he comes….up with good talking points is commendable, but his stamina leaves something to be desired

+52 to Liam/Politics See above.

+20 to Jester/Her Inner Dominatrix as she adds a snazzy whip to her fighting repertoire! An incredibly tactically useful weapon, as it has the ability to restrain and drag people by force across the battlefield! Not to mention how it can be used for Indiana Jones Shenanigans! Point loss because tragically she is not yet Proficient in making people beg for mercy whipping, and despite best efforts, could not manage to use it at certain……key parts of the battle this episode

+15 to Caleb/Fjord as Fjord continues his “lmao we have to take a short rest so CALEB can IDENTIFY things” excuse to make the party let him regenerate his spell slots. Caleb following immediately behind Fjord’s approach of the sarcophagus either to Save This Curious Troublemaker or because he, too, is a Curious Troublemaker. Caleb throwing up a Wall of Fire, a Certified Caleb Panic Spell to help rescue Fjord from the Laughing Hand and…..company.

+29 to Caleb/Caduceus Hoo boy, these guys get a LOAD of battle points this ep, with Caduceus Standing! In Front of Caleb! To protect him! And nearly dying! Caleb in turn deciding that That’s Just Not Acceptable and #WidogastShaping into KING KONG, and SMASHING Caduceus’ attackers, SCREAMING in the Laughing Hand’s face, before scooping up Caduceus like a wee bab and carrying him safely out the door. Both damsels in distress, both knights in shining armor! Caduceus clutching at the Periapt, one of Caleb’s gifts, because he’s so near death! Shouting at Caleb not to hit himself! Then, as they both agree on the necessity of warning others on what happened in the tomb and support each other in planning their next steps out, Caduceus!! Thanks Caleb!!! So quietly!!!!! And Drops The Honorific while doing so, that is a classic Romance Moveeeeeeee

+2 to Caleb/Self Hatred as he self-crits himself with a punch in the face. It’s pretty on brand for him, honestly.

+16 to Caleb/Jester What these two lack in Battle Points they make up for with Cute, as Caleb gifts the swhip to Jester while Effusively Complimenting Her Strength and she thanks him for it! Jester hanging from the whip and saying hello to Caleb, who is Charmed To Death by the silliness and pushes her so she swings! Jester protecting Caleb’s back in marching order! Jester telling Nott that she can rely on her and Caleb above all else, and once again complimenting Caleb’s handsomeness and his nice chin! She Really Has A Thing for that chin, huh?

+5 to Nott/Matchmaking as at this point we can see Nott is just trying to set Jester up with all of the guys in the party. Fjord, Caleb, probably Caduceus next, the point is she wants Jester to get some lovin’

+50 to Obann/Playing Himself as, after avoiding a series of attacks from the Mighty Nein in a Very Cool And Villainous Manner, he manages to bean himself with the very tomb he exploded. Smooth.

+5 to the Mighty Nein/The Angel of Irons as Obann tells them they’re blessed by her, to come as far as they did! Gosh, it’s almost a shame they killed this guy, it looks like if they joined his cult they could have gained some rank in it! Some people are bad guys just because they’re better at it, y’know?

+15 to Jester/Fjord as most attempts at Battle Points didn’t work out (+20 to Dice/Cockblocking), but with Fjord effectively distracting the Laughing Hand from Jester with a Balgura to absorb punishment. Jester backing up Fjord’s awkward “Can I get a HEY” shtick. Also, Fjord thinking Jester’s investigation of the mirrors is a good idea, that is some Detective Solidarity right there. Many point gains for how Fjord is Suspiciously Into Jester having the whip, but point loss as they Massively Disagree on the Yasha situation and what it means.

+10 to Beau/Nerdom for identifying the likely location of Caduceus’ Kiln! She’s just a walking encyclopedia, look at her. Also Beau trying very hard but to no avail to understand how the Angel Blood Statues work—even help from Caleb only yields the same old Pre-Calamity nonsense, ugh.

+9 to Jester/Beau for Jester trying to mimic Beau’s parkour in battle! Majority of ship points gained because Lavorregard was said in game, you guys really need to make this your official ship name, I’m begging you.

+14 to Beau/Yasha as Beau supports Yasha’s desire to stay in the front, but stays just behind her in Marching order. Asking if Yasha is feeling okay, and also asking “What about Yasha??” when the party begins their escape from the tomb, and defending Yasha’s agency and choice to the others later

+40 to Beau/Search and Rescue. In a move recalling her rescue of Nott from the lava of the Fire Giant’s cave, this time Beau, she of Little Strength, through sheer force of Friendship YANKS a nearly-dead Fjord away from an IMMORTAL CHAMPION OF A GOD and carts him off to safety behind the door, in the most clutch of moves!

-100000 to Yasha/Being A Team Player Between refusing protection from the rest of the party and………other things, twas not a great week for this one

+20 to Yasha/Family Reunions as she’s reunited with Obann and her new brother! Critical Role, showing us some great family values tonight!

+17 to Nott/Yasha as Nott fucking….breaks our hearts by giving Yasha a protective flower even after she stabs her, and reaching out to her as the door shuts! Point loss for Nott’s reaction to Yasha stabbing her being to mock Yasha for not stabbing her harder.

+24 to Jester/Yasha as Jester also supports Yasha’s desire to be in the front, listens to some more celestial music with her, and stays with her to confront Obann on the top of the tomb. Trying so hard to bring her through the door, through Charming and Whipping alike, and screaming after Yasha when it shuts on her. Defending Yasha more than anyone else afterwards, wanting to talk to her more than anything, and not being able to think very clearly about next steps because of her grief. Point loss for, y’know, the stabbing

+20 to Nott/Jester as Jester is Incapable of directly lying to Nott, and admits that she has the flask. Nott only being sad that Jester wouldn’t talk to her about her concerns, and saying she “couldn’t stay mad” at Jester. Them talking about how they can rely on each other, how Jester is always standing beside Nott, and Nott confessing how she’s scared and she just wants to be on an adventure right now and not think about anything else. Jester confessing in turn how afraid she is! Hugs, that most wonderful of #BodyContact! And Nott being a little salacious in loudly announcing No One Should Make Upskirt Paintings of Jester, though +4 to Pants/Cockblocking for that literally being impossible. Point loss for Jester’s heartbreak over Nott immediately getting drunk again after her flask is returned.

+9 to Caduceus/Fjord as Caduceus very sincerely mimics Fjord’s “Hey,” and for all but shouting that no one is stupid after Fjord puts himself and the rest down for not anticipating Yasha’s actions. Caduceus’ Bless coming in Very Useful in allowing Fjord to score a killing blow. Point loss for Fjord seeming to doubt whether the Kiln is actually going to be helpful for this current situation.

+10 to Caduceus/“Staff” Dysfunction as he just can’t use the damn thing to finish……off Obann

+8 to Caduceus/Jester as Caduceus in Peak Cute tries to dodge Jester swinging her whip all over the place, saying in a Highly Suspicious Manner that she can really deal some punishment with it, and getting tripped up by it as he tries to make his escape. Dare I say it….this boy is Whipped.

+1 to Nott/Yeza Yeza was mentioned! Nott loves him, it looks like.

+40 to Fjord/The Laughing Hand/Exandria’s Next Top Model as the Laughing Hand does a walkway and pivot as he’s introduced. Fjord, too, is given a Fashion Runway Of Fire by Special Effects Man Caleb Widogast, who wants to see Fjord to snatch the competition from the jaws of defeat

+900 to The Laughing Hand/Dental Insurance because more teeth means more chance of cavities. You can only imagine how many toothbrushes this guy goes through.