#actually so sad we didn’t get the family photo album montage

[bigforeheadbaddie]

everyone say thank you zelda

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Ridiculing VKM 18

As expected, Hino’s obsession with dreary funerals continues.

Obligatory disclaimer for my anti-fans: This post is zeki criticism, vkm criticism, hino criticism, and anti ky. Please blacklist those tags accordingly.

Scanlations can be found in the usual places.

The Good

Gotta give credit where credit is due!

Hallelujah! Kaien Cross bites the dust (literally) at last! Praise the heavens! At last, one of the cancers of this story has been eradicated! Screw you, Hino, for trying to make him more than oozing pustule he was. (And LOL @ that guy facepalming in front of his coffin, who the hell is that anyway, I want his autograph? XD)

Kaien’s melodramatic “woe is me, what a shitty way to die” and then his pathetic “oh a girl is finally crying for me after all this time!” dramatics were hilarious. Like...how sad of a person are you that you’re relieved any girl is crying for you at your death?

Ren is a girl. I repeat: Ren is a girl. At last we can put to bed all that nonsense.

Ren is null!Zero’s and Yuuki’s child. I repeat: Ren is null!Zero’s and Yuuki’s child. Farewell, fantasies of test tube babies and clones and in vitro. Not only that, Ren was clearly conceived in the usual fashion of conceptions, not via any Zeusian head-births or immaculate conceptions. 

Null!Zero lived to raise Ren. I repeat: null!Zero lived to raise Ren. At least the “null!Zero can’t have anything Kaname doesn’t get” rule no longer applies. 

Kaname is too much of a chicken to look at the photo album of a man who worshipped him. Methinks nu!Kaname has received some intimations about how much of a shithead he was in the past. Makes me think better of him.

Kaname is actually interested in someone from the past who isn’t Yuuki and what that person might think of him. Also that he actually genuinely seems interested in finding out how much Ai suffered from Kaien’s loss and is trying to empathize for the first time in his life. 

Ai finally showed up for a funeral. ‘Bout time, since she didn’t even bother to show up for Yori’s. 

The little girl the Prince was living with is not the mayor’s daughter, thank god. 

The mad scientist got a stylish cameo! 

And that’s about it!

The Bad

Perhaps I should rename this section to “The Stupid”? I’ll have to consider it.

Hino forgetting her own lore and that pureblood blood can cure wounds and illnesses--see Shizuka with Ichiru. Ai was right next to Kaien--she didn’t need to offer him vamprism, she could have just fed him her blood. For him to die in such a stupid fashion, despite how great it is, is positively mind boggling given the established vampire lore in this story. 

Hino retroactively trying to act like Kaien meant something to these characters when he’d routinely fucked them over in order to rescue his precious Kaname. 

Yuuki boo-hooing over Kaien dying when she didn’t bother to spend any time with him during the 100 years of life she had to enjoy his company.

Kaname’s unexplained “curse” on Touma that came out of the clear blue nowhere with no foreshadowing or set up in order to “justify” Touma’s insane behavior. Hino’s just phoning it in at this point. 

Touma is the Prince, snooze. Boring and obvious and a narrative dud. 

The “Mayor” is useless and already under arrest, and why the hell does anyone even still care about him?

Kaien’s funeral was a joke and got more panels than Yori’s, which is ridiculous.

The timeline is fucked. Ai was acting last chapter like a bunch of time had passed between the mad scientist kidnapping and the Ren pregnancy being discovered, yet the little girl is still the same age. Either she’s a vampire or Hino has no clue what the timeline is.

Instead of talking about how excited they are to meet Ren, Yuuki spends most of her pregnancy screentime rehashing bullshit about Ai’s childhood with Ai. We already spent 6 chapters on Ai’s childhood Hino, you might want to give us some time to enjoy Ren for once yeah? 

Yuuki whining about Kaien and Yori not being there is a complete joke. Bitch, please, you waiting seventy years to get in bed with your side piece is the reason they’re not there with you now. You have no right to complain because this is your own fault. You squandered the time you had with your precious people.

Null!Zero’s apparently barely there as a father figure since Hino didn’t care to show him in more than one panel with his child. 

The Ugly

All of the ugly this chapter was packed in at the end, appropriately.

Hino just completely excised null!Zero from the family. In the montage of raising Ai images, Zero doesn’t even get a panel with Ai or Yuuki--he’s separated in his own itty bitty panel as if he’s still an outsider in his own family.

No sex scene, no waiting for the baby scene, no naming Ren scene for Zeki. That’s a pretty low blow to make us wait all that time and then skip over everything, Hino. Fuck you, too.

Zero’s and Ai’s little argument at the end would be cute if we’d actually gotten some fucking answers as to why Zeki didn’t get together for an entire human lifetime, but no, Hino doesn’t care to tell us why, we can just make the answer up for ourselves!

Whether Hino intends to “make good” on this implication or not (and my bet, given how gross Ai and Ren act in the future, is that she’ll make good on it), it is utterly reprehensible that Hino made Ai have a sexual attraction to a fucking innocent baby. We all know the VK/VKM world has established that vampiric hunger the way Ai experiences it in VKM 18 is sexual in nature. Hino trying to act like it’s cute there at the end is not ever acceptable. It was not even remotely acceptable when Kaname did it, and it’s not at all acceptable now just because the girls are sisters. Just like slapping Aidou, child grooming is not appropriate or laudable behavior. Ai having a sexual interest in her baby sister is not okay.

And last, but certainly not least, null!Zero and Yuuki approving Ai’s interactions with Ren without having any concerns is deeply disturbing to me. Hino trying to play this off as a cute and normal happy family is even more troubling. I’m very concerned about how this all is going to play out in the future. 

General Aside

@vampireknightmeta brought up a few ways in which Hino might be able to salvage the story as it is now in our private conversations, but I will leave any public speculation on future positive developments to her should she choose to share them with the fandom at large. 

At this point in time, I myself have no interest in speculating about potential positive narrative developments because Hino has shown time and time again that she’s happy to sink lower than even the lowest bar I set for her. I’d rather be happily surprised by Hino saving this story on her own and just laugh at her bumbling in the meantime rather than investing my heart into trying to uncover the “secrets” of the story of a repugnant and morally bankrupt failure of a writer. From now on, I’ll only be speculating about worst case scenarios, the worst I can possibly imagine, and maybe Hino will do even worse than that just to prove to me that there’s no low she’s above sinking to. 

As such, if you’re looking for positive theorizing, you won’t find it here until I see some significant improvement in this sorry excuse for a story. Please look elsewhere for your hit of “positivity.” 

Crackpot Theory Corner

Can’t end this debacle without some crackpot theories. Here’s what could happen that could make this story sink even lower than it has already sunk!

Null!Zero might actually get suspicious of Ai’s “attentions” to Ren, but he’s going to die before he can stop anything. =P Null!Zero does still seem to have some fatherly instincts.

Null!Zero is up next for being killed, probably next volume. We’ll probably have a funeral or two every volume, because that’s totally what everyone’s reading for!

In the chapter where null!Zero dies, we’ll have Ren dying in the future while protecting Ai or Kaname! Gotta kill off dem pesky Kiryuus!

When Yuuki meant “short time after Zero” when he died in VKM 4, what she meant to say was “null!Zero died 20 years after I screwed him and I put myself to bed for 900 more.” Hence, “short time.” Time’s relative, doncha know.

After Ren dies, Kaname and Ai will mourn, then resurrect Yuuki to ease their sorrow and the Kurans will live happily ever after. 

Yuuki never intended to marry Zero, and that’s why she let Yori die before getting together with him officially so Yori wouldn’t have to know Yuuki loved Kaname and not Zero (why, only Hino knows). The wedding Yori and Aidou were waiting for will happen after they’re long dead with Kaname and Yuuki instead. 

The baby from Yuuki’s dream is her second kid with Kaname, a boy who she’ll name Zero. Ai will imprint on her new brother and the horror will start all over again with a new generation, this time blessedly free of Kiryuus, who are all dead.

Oh, and the Vampire King will never be found, because who cares. ;)

Until next time, see you later!

[sugamacchiato]

[3/3] two lefts don’t make a right…but three do

Pairing: Yoongi / Seokjin

Summary: Yoongi and Seokjin celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary. 

Word count: pt3 2,953 & 5,748 overall

Genre: Uh… my sad attempts at humor? idk it’s pretty light imo

Warnings: other than light swearing none I don’t think?

pt1 here | pt2 here

Even after 12 years Yoongi still can’t help but smile stupidly into Seokjin’s lips when Seokjin wakes him up with his “I can’t believe I’ve put up with your ass for 12 years” kiss. His morning breath is probably disgusting but Yoongi hears no protests from Seokjin when he deepens the kiss, pulling him over so Seokjin hovers on top of him as Yoongi threads his hands through his hair.

Pulling away, Seokjin has that infuriating smirk on his face that would irritate Yoongi a whole lot more if it was any other day. “Happy anniversary babe,” he says, leaning over the side of their bed to grab his gift for Seokjin.

They were celebrating their fifth anniversary as a married couple that day. A lot had happened in the last four years. They had moved into a larger apartment and despite Yoongi’s initial hesitation had adopted two fur babies. Seokjin brought back Jjanggu randomly one evening without so much as a heads up text to Yoongi. It took Yoongi a few days to warm up to their new addition to the family but after waking up from a nap on the couch to find Jjangu cuddled into his side all of Yoongi’s initial hesitation wafted into the air.

Holly’s addition to the family was much smoother. One of Yoongi’s coworker’s dog had just had a litter so when Yoongi stopped by one afternoon and his coworker asked if he wanted to meet the babies Yoongi couldn’t say no. He had no intentions to bring home a new puppy but when one of the little fluff balls climbed into his lap, something inside his heart snapped and he left their house with Holly in one arm and the big stack of files in the other.

Yoongi walked into their apartment that evening with Holly in hand and simply placed him on Seokjin’s lap. “Who’s this?” Seokjin asked skeptically. “Your new son,” Yoongi answered matter-of-factly with a half shrug and the discussion ended with an amused scoff from Seokjin.

Besides that one week Seokjin had gotten so passive aggressively jealous over one of Yoongi’s new friends that culminated to a massive fight (which in turn led to another week of Seokjin groveling to make it up to Yoongi) the couple had lived in relative peace. All other disagreements and disputes far too childish to cause any damage to the foundation to their relationship. They bickered but they did it with love so there was never anything difficult about their relationship.

Between Seokjin fussing over what to wear for the day and Yoongi overcooking their breakfast it was like any other day. They had exchanged gifts earlier but they had no other real plans. They decided ages ago that if their anniversary landed on a weekend they’d bother doing something more special than gift exchange or special meal but since it was a work day this time around they would settle in for a usual easy movie night in with double extra butter popcorn and a bottle of wine.

That evening when Yoongi gets home he expects Seokjin to have picked out some thriller or horror movie to watch (“We can’t watch a romance movie on our anniversary, Yoongi! We’re supposed to be the happy couple tonight!” he clamored on when Yoongi questioned his movie pick the first time he chose a graphic genre for their anniversary movie night). Yoongi doesn’t really know how to react when he sees the DVD from their wedding loaded up on their TV. He places the take-out fried chicken Seokjin had texted him to pick up on the coffee table next to the expensive champagne Seokjin likes to keep on hand for special occasions.

“Seokjin?” Yoongi calls through their apartment and is answered immediately with the sound of rustling coming from somewhere in their apartment followed by the unmistakable patter of Jjanggu and Holly’s nails running on the hardwood.

Yoongi bends down to greet his two overly excited furbabies and the three are met moments later by Seokjin who was already in his pajamas and ready for their lazy evening in. Standing back up, Yoongi doesn’t even get a moment to compose himself before Seokjin swoops down for a kiss. Yoongi feels hands wrap around his waist and pull him forward and he instinctively wraps his arms around his husbands neck and pushes himself up on his toes. A lifetime ago Yoongi was embarrassed about how he melted whenever Seokjin kissed him like this but Seokjin has always been so brazenly obvious about how much he liked having Yoongi in his arms that Yoongi stopped feeling so self conscious about being so needy.

“Hey,” Seokjin murmurs once they pull apart but tightens his grip on Yoongi’s hips to keep him from moving away. Yoongi hums in response but suddenly remembers their wedding DVD.

“Where the hell did you even find that thing?” Yoongi asks, motioning at the TV. The menu image was a photo of them posing with their marriage certificate. When Seokjin proposed they had decided to just go into city hall and sign the papers but Yoongi knew that he was just doing that to make him happy. He recruited his and Seokjin’s mothers to help him plan a surprise wedding, nothing big of course. But since they were actually going to do this getting married thing Yoongi figured they’d give in to tradition and actually have a wedding. Seokjin’s mother is probably the worse person at keeping surprises secret so when she unintentionally let it slip Seokjin took over all the details and Yoongi’s small wedding got a bit more out of hand than he had hoped. Still nothing major but definitely bigger than just a backyard thing he had been picturing.

Seokjin asked Jungkook to be their videographer and he put together the whole thing. He did a great job with the editing but they’ve only seen it once years ago. They didn’t even make it to the end since Yoongi got bored halfway through and just straddled Seokjin’s lap and started making out with him instead. Yoongi hadn’t seen the DVD since then.

“It was in the box titled ‘sentimental shit’ we stuffed in a corner of the hall closet when we moved in,” Seokjin says, letting Yoongi go and walking over to bend down next to the box sitting next to their coffee table that he missed when he walked in. Yoongi remembers that box since he was the one that titled it but he just thought it was filled with photo albums and stuff from their childhoods. “Look what else I found in here!” Seokjin says, pulling out one of Yoongi’s old composition books.

He had most of his other ones stored in his office but that specific one held the notes for the song Yoongi composed for Seokjin for their wedding day. Yoongi gave Seokjin two sets of vows that day: the ones he declared at the altar for the world to hear and the ones he gave Seokjin later that day in private through song. They were all the promises he only wanted Seokjin to hear and even though Yoongi was half mortified to sing them to him, both due to it being an overly mushy gesture and because he’s not the most confident in his singing voice, he left Seokjin speechless… a feat Yoongi can count on one hand how many times he’s been able to do.

“I totally forgot about this thing,” Yoongi grins while he flips through the pages. He agonized about that song for weeks and can’t help but laugh at all the crossed out passages he scribbled over in frustration. “Oh my god! I can’t believe I wrote some of this shit,” he said far too amused going through the thoughts of his past self. “Fuck, I was whipped for you. It’s honestly kind of gross.”

“Oh, please! You still totally are!” Seokjin mocked. He had settled in on the couch already. “You still creepily stare at my ass all the time! In public too! Where people can see you being a creep, Yoongi!”

“Hey,” Yoongi interjected. “Me perving on your ass is not the same as being the lovesick puppy who ‘vows to love you even when I hate you. What even is that? I think I stole that from Grey’s Anatomy.” Yoongi was still far too engrossed in his composition notebook he didn’t realize Seokjin was staring at him.

“Maybe.” Seokjin sighed. Holly had hopped up on the couch and curled up next to him. “But you have kept that vow though.”

Yoongi looked up at his husband who was looking at him with those stupid stars in his eyes he got whenever he was trying to be gentle and makes Yoongi blush. “Go change so we can watch this thing,” he says after a minute. Yoongi didn’t bother hiding the smile that had creeped onto his face.

Seokjin had already popped the bottle of champagne and was on his second piece of chicken when Yoongi came back, pajama’d-up and ready for the sap fest of corny vows and intoxicated speeches. There was nothing truly extraordinary about their wedding. It was a basic ‘obligatory-romcom-ending-scene-cookie-cutter’ wedding and while it was still one of Yoongi’s most emotionally charged days of his life he didn’t look back on it often. His actual marriage to Seokjin is what he treasured but still it’s been more or less five years since they’ve watched the DVD so an evening of good old fashioned nostalgia is probably overdue. Yoongi also figures it’s time Seokjin find out the truth so either way he’s in for an interesting evening.

The opening photoshoot montage makes Yoongi laugh. Seokjin was a natural in front of the camera and looked great... Yoongi on the other hand was overly posed and his forced smile made him look sort of like a scarecrow. “We look like a puppet and ventriloquist,” Yoongi says, amused more by Seokjin’s laugh than the actual photos.

The first half of the DVD is pretty boring. Their wedding ceremony was lovely but honestly it did drag on too long. Seokjin curls into Yoongi’s chest with a hum when they start reciting their vows. “I wish we had gotten your real vows on video,” Seokjin says, adjusting his head so he’s looking up at Yoongi.

“No way. Those were only meant for you,” Yoongi half heartedly protests. Seokjin doesn’t press further and merely presses a kiss to the base of Yoongi’s jaw, curling back further into Yoongi’s chest.

Their reception is a cringefest. Last time they didn’t make it to the reception part before Yoongi got impatient. Oddly enough Yoongi had somehow repressed most of what happened. Their mom’s a crying mess, both their dad’s drunk off their ass, and can’t forget to give honorable mention to the “what you’d like to say to the happy couple” clips that Jungkook got from all their friends and family with various crude innuendos about their wedding night.

The rest of the DVD is uneventful by comparison. A lot of dancing and half drunk speeches from random friends and family members. Overall it was an average wedding day. Nothing too spectacular but Yoongi has to admit that even he enjoyed looking back at it.

It was a lovely evening but Yoongi is a little disappointed. Jungkook, that brat, added a credits section where he credited himself for everything. Yoongi opted to skip that part and started clearing the mess off their coffee table and heading to the kitchen to drop off their dirty dishes in the sink.

When he comes back into the living room he’s met with a slack jawed Seokjin, eyes widened and his finger on the pause button. “You look like you just saw a ghost,” Yoongi says, far more amused over his husband’s state to immediately look at what caused it.

“What the fuck?” Seokjin curses under his breath. Yoongi gives him a look and turns to the TV. He feels laughter bubble up in the back of his throat but holds it back. He wants to see what Seokjin has to say still.

“Yoongi,” Seokjin says after a beat. “What day is it today?”

Yoongi can’t help a smile, “the 16th.” He bites his tongue again.

Seokjin looks as if his entire world has been a lie. He can’t take his eye off the TV screen. It was a shot of them at the altar sharing their first kiss as a married couple with the words “Congratulations Seokjin and Yoongi. Married on November 15th, 2017” displayed.

Yoongi can’t contain his laughter any longer and busts out laughing much harder than he intended. This moment has been five years in the making and Yoongi was savoring every second of it. “I can’t believe it took so long. “

Seokjin snaps his head back from the TV to look at Yoongi. “You knew?” he asks, betrayal dripping from his words. Yoongi’s still smiling, far too amused by his husbands revelation. “You knew all this time and you never bothered to tell me?”

Seokjin was getting pinker and pinker by the second, he was at a loss for words and Yoongi could see he was about to pop. “Babe, deep breaths,” he reminds him. If looks could kill, Yoongi would be dead on the floor from the glare Seokjin was giving him.

“So let me get this straight,” Seokjin began again, “for the last four years…. You’ve just let me believe our anniversary was on the 16th?” Seokjin’s still fuming and Yoongi’s finding it harder to keep his laughter in. “Why?” he asks, this time narrowing his gaze on Yoongi.

Instead of responding right away, Yoongi presses himself against Seokjin and pushes himself on his toes to give a quick kiss to calm him down even just a little. “Do you remember our fourth anniversary?” Yoongi asks coyly.

“What the hell does that have to do with anything Yoongi?” Seokjin snaps and tries to push Yoongi off but he stays resolute. Seokjin looks annoyed but doesn’t move to get Yoongi off him again.

Seokjin was a stickler for dates and Yoongi knew he’d be horrified to find out he’s been wrong all these years. He had been preparing for the pushback but in all honesty Yoongi hadn’t expected Seokjin to take this long to figure it out. The longer it dragged out the bigger of a deal it was going to be so Yoongi was expecting fireworks and fire.

“Babe, think hard about our fourth anniversary?” Yoongi tells him. Seokjin furrows his brows as he tried to piece together what that meant.

“So...” Seokjin starts, still putting together what was going on. “For the last five years of our marriage… you just let me go on believing that our anniversary was on the 16th because… you’re a petty asshole?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. Seokjin still wasn’t getting it.

Seokjin was getting even more frustrated and pushed Yoongi off him, reaching for his champagne glass and downing the rest of it.

“Babe,” Yoongi tries again, “I forgot our fourth anniversary and you were such a dick about it for the next three years. Ring any bells?”

“THIS IS A REVENGE PRANK?” Seokjin yells indignantly. He’s bright pink and Yoongi’s pretty sure he sees fumes coming out of his ears. “Min Yoongi, tell me you’re not so petty to let me go on believing our anniversary was on the wrong day for five years?”

“Wish I could,” Yoongi says with a little shrug. His shit-eating grin only annoying Seokjin more. “But hey! It’s not all my fault! You’re the one that got the date wrong. And need I remind you that you were so passive agressive about me forgetting our anniversary.”

“But I didn’t forget, Yoongi. I just… must’ve put the wrong date in my calendar.” Seokjin’s reduced to a pouting mess. He pours himself another glass of champagne and the red in his cheeks starts going down.

“You’re such an asshole,” Seokjin says after a beat. “I forgave you after three years. I haven’t reminded you once after we got married.” He’s almost sheepish it’s then that Yoongi starts to feel a little guilty.

“You know,” Yoongi says, taking a seat next to Seokjin on the couch, “I was so pissed at you.” Seokjin raises a brow. “That first anniversary. I thought you had forgotten altogether. I waited the whole day for you to remember. I was fuming when you came home late from dinner with your brother and still hadn’t remembered what day it was.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then? Why keep up this lie for so long?”

“You said it yourself, I’m a petty asshole,” Yoongi says, it pulls the slightest smile out of Seokjin.

“I can’t believe you.”

“I love you, you know that right?”

Yoongi didn’t expect Seokjin to kiss him just then but he pushes further into him. Seokjin pulls back with a huff, “It’s been 12 years now…. 12 years of putting up with your bullshit. I deserve a medal. At least a plaque.”

Yoongi hadn’t expected Seokjin to forgive him so soon. He had planned on having to grovel for a bit. Even at his worst and most annoying Seokjin always gives into Yoongi.

“12 years.” Yoongi intertwines his fingers into Seokjin’s. He places a soft kiss at  the top of his hand and looks Seokjin in the eyes. He was still a little pink. Yoongi liked looking at him when he’s like this. Stripped of his defenses, allowing Yoongi to see him at his weakest. “Here’s to many more.”

���Yeah, yeah…many more to come where I can get you back for this humiliation,” Seokjin adds.

“Fair enough.”

END

[oh-ishouldnt]

Night series: It’s A Lie

It’s A Lie | Josh Pieters | imagine Night series is a little thing I’ll be doing today because of The Vamps’ new album, Night & Day. It will be 7 imagines, one new song for each Buttercream boy, and you can check them here. A/N: (Let’s just talk about how this should be a single, please.) Since the 24HourJoe, I think Josh has a certain rough side and I’d like to play with this a little, so here we have! Also, Y/S/N is for your ship name. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

⇢ Buttercream masterlist can be found here

“Joshua Pieters!” Josh heard someone scream at him on the other side of the call. “Are you fucking insane?” Josh laughed. “Stop laughing, moron!”

“Relax, Y/N.” He told you, still laughing.

“My mom thinks we are together again now, Pieters!” You complained.

Your not-so-smart sister asked Josh’s help to set her birthday’s video and his condition for doing it was that she needed to put on TV one thing he prepared while you had lunch Sunday, knowing that every Sunday your whole family had lunch together. Basically, it was a short video with funny photo edits of you and him when you were still a couple and now your entire family was making fun of Y/S/N getting back.

“Are we?” He asked.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I saw Jack’s snaps of you kissing a girl last night! Of course we aren’t back! We never will!”

“Don’t say never, Y/N. You know, never is a strong word, babe.”

“Fuck off, Josh.”

“I’m glad you were jealous. You know, it could’ve been you! If I had you available, I would never prefer any other girl.”

“Well, good luck with that, Josh! I won’t be available for you that soon!”

“So now there is a possibility? I knew the video would work out!”

“Ugh! I hope you didn’t do anything in my sister’s video.”

“It is her big day, Y/N. You know I wouldn’t ruin it for her. You naturally steal everybody’s attention when you walk into a room, I couldn’t put you in her video, it would be mean.”

You heard someone entering the kitchen behind you. “Is it Josh, dear?” Your mom asked.

“Yes.” You answered, refusing to believe she actually saw you talking to him on the phone. Damn it.

“Send him a big kiss and tell him I loved the video!”

“Mom!” You complained.

“Is that your mother?” Josh questioned through the call.

“Yes.” You grumbled.

“Say I miss her!” He exclaimed.

“Oh, fuck you.”

“Y/N!” Your mom looked at you mad.

“Sorry, mom.” You sighed. “Josh said he misses you.” You told, just to avoid the angry look.

Just like that, she had a smile on her face. C’mon, woman!

“I miss him too.” She said, making you roll your eyes.

“Great, she misses you too, Joshua.” You snorted. “Oh, I almost forgot, she loved your video and sent you a kiss.”

“She is the best.” Josh commented ignoring your irony. You knew that he meant what he said, the two of them really get along. You easily could say Josh was her favorite boyfriend you ever had.

“Yeah, she is.” You smiled watching your mom doing her mom stuff through the kitchen.

“So, now we are back together?”

“You ruined it, Josh!” You moaned.

“What?”

“Everything!” You declared, shouting at your phone and ending the call.

“What he did this time?” Your mother asked.

“Besides the crazy video?” You asked with an eyebrow raised. “He is in-sa-ne! Insane!” You yelled, however, you laughed just after. He was insane, alright, but he was insane and amazing. Who would think in doing a thing like that video?

You went to the living room and found out that your family was replaying Josh’s montage. They were watching the last bit of it, the only one it was an actual video.

“Look, Y/N!” He was telling the camera while laid on bed. His room was dark, his face lit by the cellphone screen he was showing. “It’s our song on the radio. You know what it means, right? It’s time for you to accept we are meant for each other! I know your family has accepted already! Right guys?”

You laughed at the TV and your cousin looked at you. He had that “Don’t try to fool me, Y/N. I know you still like that guy.” look, making you roll your eyes.

“Oh, for God’s sake, there isn’t, like, some football match passing?” You complained to the people sat on the sofa and walked away from the living room.

The sun was shining on your face, making you grumble while opening your eyes for the first time of the day.

“Good morning, babe.” You heard Josh’s voice and you searched for him in the room, finding the ginger guy by the door, holding a cup of coffee. He gave it to you.

“I will swallow this coffee and, then, I will be out of here.” You announced.

“You can stay if you want.”

You raised an eyebrow at Josh. “You being good in bed isn’t the fact that is going to make us get back together, Joshua.”

“Hey, it was you that started kissing me.”

“You opened your front door without a shirt on!” You pointed out.

“I had just got out from the bath.” Josh explained, laughing at you. “Glad I was, by the way.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, well, I guess my sister can return your pen drive next time.”

“You wouldn’t make her come all the way to my house just to give me a pen drive, would you?” Josh sat next to you.

“Well, I came, didn’t I?” You took a sip of your coffee. Josh made coffee just the way you liked.

“Yes.” He agreed. “But you’re use to it and your house is near mine.”

“I was used to it.” You corrected.

“Yeah, right.” Josh seemed upset for real, it wasn’t your intention though. Too late now and you were too proud to say sorry.

“Okay, look, I have to go.” You informed, standing up. “Thanks for the coffee.”

Josh sighed. “Your toothbrush is in the guest room, you can have a shower in that bathroom if you want to.” He informed.

You were surprised he still had your toothbrush in his house.

“Thanks.” You smiled and walked away from his bedroom. You let your mug in the kitchen and went to the bathroom.

You knew the reason why Josh put your toothbrush in the guest bathroom was that girls he would bring home wouldn’t think he had a girlfriend, still was nice knowing he kept it in there.

You brushed your teeth and washed your face, deciding that taking a shower would be inappropriate. You sighed at your reflection in the mirror. It was your ex-boyfriend’s house, not your boyfriend’s house.

You took your purse, Josh watched you put your heels before leaving.

“I gave you the pen drive, right?” You asked. “It would suck if I had to come back.”

“Would it?” Josh asked with a smirk. “You seemed to enjoy it while you were here last night.”

“Yeah, you are kinda nicer at night.” You snapped back, not denying you enjoyed to have sex with him.

You were a couple steps away from the door when you felt Josh pulling your arm. He grabbed your waist and kissed you hard.

“I miss you, Y/N.” He told you.

“I miss you too, Joshua.” You gave him a sad smile. “But you know the difference between us?” You asked as you stepped away. “I didn’t fuck random girls as soon as we had our first fight.”

You heard someone pushing your door like crazy and you knew exactly who it was. You bit your lower lip, getting in the tip of your toe while getting up from your bed.

It was a few days after you gave Josh his pen drive back. The device was with your sister because of the videos he left with her and she asked you to return to him. Now, it was Saturday morning and your head was aching.

“What do you want?” You asked as you opened the door.

“What the hell, Y/N?”

You left it open and went to your kitchen take an aspirin, Josh followed you.

“What the hell what, Josh?” You asked.

“You know what I’m talking about.” He exclaimed.

“You are the one knocking at my door all mad on a Sunday morning.” You argued and went to your bathroom to brush your teeth and brush your hair, Josh followed you once more.

“The Instagram’s video, Y/N.” Josh snorted.

Of course, you knew what it was all about. Of course you knew. You knew what would happen as soon as you published that shit.

You were laughing like you were having the time of your life. Maybe you were, or maybe it was only the drinks you took earlier that night, you couldn’t remember. You were dancing with a pretty boy to a song people could barely hear in the video, however, it was a specific song that you knew that the right person would recognize it. After all, you could recognize it just like you listen to it with your heart and not your ears.

“Oh, that.” You shrugged.

“Don’t say ‘Oh, that’ to me, Y/N. You knew I would know you addressed it to me.”

“We can see that this upset you.” You went to your room and started choosing something to wear, just like Josh wasn’t even there. It just pissed him more.

“You won’t even try to deny it?” You shrugged again, deny for what? He laughed at scorn. “Are you kidding me? Oh, I’m glad we broke up. I didn’t know you were that childish.” Your eyes flooded with tears and you were thankful to all the gods in the universe that Josh couldn’t see you since you were looking to your wardrobe. “You won’t tell me nothing? Like, anything?”

“What do you want me to say?” You asked, trying your best to not show you were crying.

“I don’t know, that you’re sorry maybe? It was our fucking song playing in the background, Y/N! Our song! I was declaring myself to you about that and you used it just…”

“You want me to say sorry?!” You couldn’t hold your angry and hurt anymore, so you turned to him, seeing Josh be paralyzed for a moment for seeing your tears. “Sorry for what? You own me an apology, Josh, not me!” You said, approaching him mad. He took a few steps back.

“You just were such a spoiled little girl doing that, Y/N.” He argued, as angry as you.

“Yeah, I was, Josh.” You admitted. “I was! I was pissed that one day you were saying you missed me and, in the next one, you were kissing another girl again while I was thinking if I should give us another chance. I was pissed, I was upset, I was hurt, so, yeah, I’m sorry if I behaved like a child.”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N, I told you this already: if I could have you, I wouldn’t want any other girl! They aren’t as good as you!”

“So why you go after them?”

Josh took a deep breath, passing his hands through his ginger hair. “Because I miss you. I fucking miss you. For real. It is not just some sentence I used to make you stay in my flat the other day. I miss you so freaking much, Y/N. And having anything to distract myself is better than just stay in my house missing you.” You looked at him, he seemed to be really sad now that you were looking at him carefully.

“Josh, I…” You were speechless.

He stared at you as well. Your lips slightly parted, your t-shirt that you used as pajama showing more of your legs than it should, the look on your face and the way your skin reflected the sun. He couldn’t help himself, he walked the steps he took back and kissed you with passion.

His hands were all over you and you held hard his hair, you two kissing like you would never do that again. No, no, no. Not good, Y/N. Break this! Break this now! You were hurt still, therefore you stopped kissing Josh.

“Get out of my apartment.” You commanded.

Josh held your waist and pulled you closer. “No.”

“Get out, Josh.” You said again, not as angry as you wished, his eyes were too close for you to form sentences.

“I can’t, Y/N. I just can’t.”

Good. You couldn’t let him go either.

[petty-crush]

“No Small Affair”

-an odd, wonderful, joyous teen comedy that resonates quite well, even over patches of sparseness

-it lingers in the mind due to the strong direction and especially the magnificent, tender cinematography

-no surprise, as the main character is a photographer, and there is a warm blanket of nostalgia by both the writer, director, and cinematographer

-I actually really really enjoyed Jon cryer’s acting here, he plays a earnest vulnerability surrounded by a wall of faux cynical protection

-nice bit with all the frame with a frame as cryer’s character tries to photograph moments of empty space and animals, +he wearily notes how he cannot stand humans

-I can’t tell if his character’s voice over narration was part of the original intent, or a boardroom note. +It comes off as unintentionally clumsy in the first twenty minutes or so (as does the music)

-I laugh as I see cryer’s father figure(really step father) is played by Jeffry tambour. He really filled in that niche early, didn’t he?

-funny bit where cryer talks to his mom about his brother bringing home another fiancé, which leads them to argue about whether or not he is just saying that so he can sleep with them with impunity

-great visual moment where Cryer notices that he accidentally did snap a shot of a human and, more shockingly, he likes her. +He then proceeds to blow up several photos of her, assembling them in his wall like a giant jigsaw piece

-the mysterious woman is played by Demi Moore, who handles the role with good cheer

-I must stress that cryer’s character is 16, and combined with his numbness to his family (and those feelings coming out obtusely) this makes clear why cryer does certain acts but does not condone them

-Tim Robbins plays a wanna be punk dork, and he has his moments

-cryer is getting TV eyed by this nerdy girl who loves arcade games with coke sized glasses, and her thirst is palpable

-personally I think this girl is way more of a catch than Demi moore’s character, but there is no accounting for taste

-the fact that she’s played by Jennifer Tilly at the dawn of her jaw dropping beauty and attitude doesn’t hurt

-ok, now cryer’s brother and his fiancé is revealed and she is played by Elizabeth Daily (“Dottie” from pee wee, the singer of the title song of “Better Off Dead”) +this director has an eye for interesting and stunning women

-Demi Moore is finally found, and she is a singer in a band, reminding me of that early tori amos album where she did all that hair metal/“material girl” stuff that just didn’t suit her

-cryer’s brother is a tall glass of knucklehead with a thin layer of good hearted slobbering dog

-cryer’s awkwardness is like a beacon in the night

-there is an odd subtext of cryer’s character being a minor wandering in strange lands he shouldn’t

-the next day he goes back to the bar and overhears Moore arguing with her guitarists; perplexing moment where the guitarist says he is too old at 28 for bands and if he doesn’t make it young, he’s out the game (I call chickenshit)

-Moore goes to the aquarium to see a tumor fish to calm down

-cryer ingratiates himself to Moore in a bewildering way

-cryer’s brother has a bachelor party where they all buy him an escort; leading him to drolly note “there’s only one room in this apartment; where we gonna do it?”

-so cryer takes a under aged drink (first of many) and suggests they go see Moore sing

-the escort is touched by this tells cryer he can have her

-cryer’s blushing is a thing of beauty

-this is definitely a 70’s vibe where pretty much anything goes,

-cryer is too shy but meekly asks for a hug; the escorts laugh and adds “now that is a first”

- cryer’s mom catches them (they hilariously share a pillow to cover themselves-although cryer is still wearing underwear) and the escort excuses herself + kids in the 80’s got away with everything

-cryer boyishly finds Moore again and tries to connect more

-I don’t believe for a second Moore finds anything of loving value in cryer, but I do believe she loves the attention-the desire to be loved as a icon; in turn he can only appreciate her on a surface level + this disconnected relationship gives the film a unique emotional registry

-Moore follows cryer to school and wants to be photographed again, shocking his classmates

-again, cryer ignores the cauldron of lust that is Jennifer Tilly’s arcade girl, and I just gotta wonder why

-what is tambour even talking about with being a dope smoking kid who grew up? I find this a pretty accurate summation of a certain group of people who can’t accept they aren’t hip anymore. Pretty funny

-I also laugh at the fact the owner of the bar Moore plays at is acted by George Wendt, who did a pretty gotdamn similar role in TV. +I guess bar crawls are a mixed media thing

-this 80’s montage is one of the very, very best I have seen; the great cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmund is texturing every shot in this film with outstanding lighting and angles + it parts the oceans to let the synth music land like a ufo

-funny spot where cryer is trying to take moore’s picture, but a couple asks for a photo of them, so in one long double speed shot cryer runs around and takes twenty shots of them +kinda reminds me of “A Clockwork Orange” or “Benny Hill”

-in one of the best sequences of the whole film, cryer and moore crash a wedding for free food and drink; while she’s in the bathroom cryer is accosted by the father who demands money +his sputtering is a joy to behold

-cryer gets Moore to sing, and she totally slows down his style to do a cover of a old standard, essentially turning into a 80’s Norah jones

-this is where the film really gets cooking, this pause and abstraction shows that even with the robo music, there was a artistic bent to directors in 80’s films if they had the courage to pursue it

-this is definitely one of the most 80’s films I have ever seen; I mean that as a compliment

-in that it is a series of escapades, very loosely connected, but also surprising and varied

-in a move wholly surprising and seemingly out of a young banksy, cryer takes all his money (six grand) and has his photos of her plastered on every cab in the Bay Area

-this leads to my favorite line in the film “I’ve learned that you may be disappointed by people’s humanity, but never by their greed”

-Moore is getting all kinds of sketchy calls, realizes what happens, then freaks out and finds cryer at French class

-the French teaching is both irked and delighted at being told to fuck off in French

-cryer’s reasoning is so perfectly adolescent, and so starkly sad in his inability to differentiate true feelings and obsessions

-so after they part he goes to drink himself to death

-Moore is talked back into singing at her old bar (people are waiting around the block to see her) and she stuns then with her throaty renditions of older songs, perhaps proving people don’t want a new drug, just one in a newer suit

-I’d call bullshit but every five years some other sparkling turd carries on the baton + thus proving “same as it ever was”

-cryer has a trash bag apparel, to die like the garbage he feels he is

-thank gawd “Dottie” is here to take slobbering dog brother to find him, and then slobber bro breaks his foot on the bike

-funny jump cut to said foot

-as cryer finds out that Moore “loves” him he goes back to her apartment (which I neglected to mention is bohemian to the extreme) where she tells him thank you, and now she must go to Los Angeles

-cryer comes off as rather small here for selfishly wanting her, but, again, he is sixteen and has no healthy emotional support

-this clearly didn’t blip as a problem at the time, but now moore’s young twenties character is clearly doing statutory assault

-but I guess it’s love (or something approaching it) so sure why not

-ok, funniest moment of the film, where cryer (in bed next to Moore) calls his mom(in bed next to tambour) and says he won’t be coming home tonight +tambour says to say goodnight and then takes the phone and says “good job, son”

-like he knew without ever seeing it; he just had a hunch

-this is the first time I’ve ever seen a couple naked in bed calling another (let alone older) couple naked in bed + usually it’s a lawyer or some shit

-a long lingering look at each other in a airport, then off forever

-why am I getting recollection of “la la land”?

-so this airport has a arcade

-cryer remembers his brother saying that “love only happens once, but sex washes off” (source?)

-so, finally, (and with one more montage to establish all her past horniness) cryer goes to Tilly’s arcade girl to see if he can gobble her ms pac man fruit

-this is a very kitsch, offbeat teen humored film that is a series of escapades; there is a weird alternatively randy and sentimental vibe that permeates it; it’s also a blast and I can’t recommend it enough