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saintheartwing · 5 years ago

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The Karma Circle: Sister Dearest

Welcome, children. Welcome…to the KARMA CIRCLE.

I take you to a simple town with simple people. McKeesport. A quiet town, filled with quiet people, kindly people. Away from the hustle and bustle of the big city of Pittsburgh, Dibbun Membrane lives with his sister and his father, having been at long last freed from his greatest concern: an annoying alien that finally blew himself and his base up, leaving a VERY helpful and playful robot behind for Dib to play with.

And Dib looks upon this new companion as a true comfort, for his father is never, ever around when he needs him, and his sister is beastly and cruel. Dib ¬simply does not have it in him to fight back against her, for she terrifies him to the very core…

Even more so than the haunted house by Emmett's Pond. He passes it by every day on his way back from school...unaware that that which is dead does not lie still. It lies in wait. Seeking what it lost.

…and it will soon strike. For the Piper is about to be paid.

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Throughout the town's history, several fires tore through McKeesport. The greatest of all took place on May 21, 1976. Fire had spread from the town's most enormous department store downtown, fourteen buildings going up in a blaze. Striffler's Funeral Home, Kadar's Clothing Store, Oddo's Hobby Shop, the Coney Grill Restaurant…

And the Emmett Family home. It had been especially tragic…a young, sweet child had run out of her burning family home after the flames had spread, rushing away desperately to get help, for there were only two ways to get to town, one by the road, the other by a small lake that led to another road into town. She'd supposedly been trying to get help, for the first path was alit with flames, and had hoped to cross the lake…only to drown in the middle of the lake instead.

The poor little girl had failed her family, and legend had it that she still cannot rest. At sunset, you'll see the smoke drifting through the trees though it's been a CENTURY since she drowned…and if you're wise, you'll RUN! For that's when her ghost rises from the dark lake in which she'd drowned. She searches and searches for her baby brother, her father, her mother, but will never find them…and you had best take care she doesn't find you.

Dib believed in ghosts, of course. He was twelve years old and had seen more than most his age. He'd seen demons and spirits flying through the skies. He'd seen beings from beyond the stretches of Earth. And his new "little brother" of sorts, his best friend and confidant, was a robot with a head full of garbage, paper clips and-

"Ba-doompa-doompa-bubble gum! Ba-doompa-doompa-bubble gum! Ba-doompa-doompa-bubble gum! I'm gonna buy some bubble gum!" GIR the robot sang out, waving his tiny little robot hands in the air, his cyan eyes glittering as he bounced about the kitchen, Dib smiling a bit as he munched on his "Choco-Flakes" cereal.

There was an article in the paper about someone supposedly seeing the "Departed Soul of Emmett Lake". And, of course, it had the famous rhyme that you were meant to sing as you ran by it, the magic charm. "Departed Soul of Emmett Lake, Come not Night for Mercy's Sake! For when the sun hangs in the sky then we shall safely pass you by".

Gaz probably believed in ghosts too, deep down. But she didn't know nor would she have cared about the haunted lake. Gaz didn't care about much that didn't immediately gratify her, like a Poop Cola or "Piggy Hunter May Cry 5". It was, in a way, amazing that Gaz could be so different from their mother even though the two were almost equal in appearance to their respective parents. Dib had his father's scythe-like hair and pale skin, and both had their mother's amber/gold eyes…but Gazlene, unlike Peggy Membrane, had eyes sharp like a hawk, her arms thin and her expression usually bitter, and when she DID smile, it was a grin like stretched elastic.

She only ever really smiled when Professor Membrane was in the house. Then she'd call Dib by his actual name and would calmly smile over at Dib in a faux-friendly fashion. But once their dad had left, the smile would vanish, she'd punch or hit him somehow for taking a soda she felt belonged to her, or would, occasionally, lock Dib in the cellar for taking what she felt was a slice of HER pizza.

Not that Dib and GIR really minded being in the cellar too much. Because Dib had just decided to move a great deal of his stuff downstairs, including a Papier-mâché version of people's heads, toy soldiers…GIR liked to play with the red ones…and a Tallest Red and Purple series of puppets that GIR had made. GIR especially liked to act out the "what happened when the Tallest decided to check that odd speck in the distance out the window". The "odd speck" turning out to be a tiny black hole. Zim, watching it all from his end, had evidently been mortified. Maybe THAT'S why he hadn't been paying attention to the explosive experiment that finally did him in!

"What the hell is that? That's gotta be the weirdest thing I ever seen in my life!"

"Man what the hell IS that?"

"Say Red, think we oughta check that thing out?"

"I dunno, Pur, why not-AAAAA! AAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAA!" GIR cried out, waving the Red and Purple puppets about in the air as Dib held up the black hole he'd made from Papier-mâché as GIR "tossed" the puppets through it. There came a loud KLOKKA-KLOK and the doorway opened up, Gaz glaring down at them.

"Shut up. You'll make me lose my concentration on Vampire Piggy Hunter X." She snapped, slamming the door shut as Dib glared up at her as she re-locked the cellar door. Good thing he'd snuck down some circus peanuts today.

"I could cut her up into little pieces and feed her to Mr. Tiddles." GIR cheerily offered, Dib frowning a bit.

"For one, Mr. Tiddles has been dead since Gaz sacrificed him to get those gummy bears that feed on human flesh." He sighed. "And TWO, I'd just get sent to prison. Everyone knows I hate her…they'd blame me for sure." He mumbled, taking his glasses off and rubbing some gunk off of the lenses.

"Can'tcha…y'know…just tell your dad she's a meany head, Mary?" GIR asked, scratching his bucket-esque head as Dib shook his head back and forth.

"Dad wouldn't believe me. She always acts reaaaal nice around him and she doesn't leave bruises on me that leave actual marks. Besides, I don't think he WANTS to believe me. He wants to believe his children get on just fine so he can just keep working at the lab." Dib insisted, shaking his head again. "She'll be back in ten minutes. Remember, look SAD." He insisted, GIR taking his lips and turning the smile into a deliberate frown. "Good. If she thinks we're having fun down here, she'll just think of a worse punishment. Probably one that'll hurt."

"Like…goin' down to the lake?" GIR mumbled out, eyes widening slightly in fear.

"Zim told you about it?" Dib asked, raising an eyebrow up in the air…and though GIR was silent…Dib could guess what the answer was.

…

…then came September, and Professor Membrane had to be called away to a peace conference at the United Nations. Dib, of course, had tried to beg to come with him, but Professor Membrane had just good-naturedly laughed and patted his son on his head, saying Gaz would take good care of him before heading out the door. Gaz had IMMEDIATELY barricaded Dib in his room and he'd been almost without food had he not thought to keep Premium Saltines and peanut butter cups under his bed. Why? So she could eat all the pizza and keep HIM from taking it.

"I'm wise to all your tricks." She told him calmly. "And don't complain. Whiner." She'd added, slamming the door in his face when he'd asked to use the bathroom. Good thing the window could be opened enough.

"I wonder why Memby never notices the rose bushes under your window don't ever bloom." GIR asked as Dib did his business and then closed the window, Dib sighing as he plopped down on the bed and glanced over at the calendar on the wall.

"Oh. Good! Tomorrow's Wednesday!"

Indeed. The next day was Wednesday, and that meant that Gaz was chatting it up with her friend Tak, another Irken alien just like Zim had been who'd been considerably more…calmed down…over the years. With Zim dead, what psychosis she'd had had faded a bit into just occasional coldness and vaguely British snarkiness that always manifested whenever Gaz was compelled to drag Dib along with her to Tak's house down the street to play "Grand Theft Piggy 5: New Pork City" in Co-Op. Tak and Gaz both seemed to be made of the same material…that is, a big block of granite left in the middle of a Minnesota winter.

But hey, GIR and Dib could sneak Reeses Pieces from a small glass cup that Tak kept by the living room cupboard whilst Tak and Gaz played before Tak's big screen TV and they could ignore the nasty comments the two girls would sling their way whilst carjacking little old virtual ladies.

"Honestly, my brother is SUCH a whiner." Gaz muttered. "He keeps insisting I can't take the car. That "I'm too young". I could drive it just fine."

"You ALWAYS walk here?" Tak asked.

Dib paled. Oh crap. Ohhhhhh crap.

For you see, there were two ways to get to school AND to Tak's house, which was right BY the school. One was by the hill, and the other…well…the "shortcut" by the lake. The haunted lake.

"Yeah, it's a long walk up the hill to get to the stupid school-" Gaz mumbled as GIR's mouth hung slightly open, finally processing what Gaz and Tak were about to say, his eyes becoming tiny pinpricks. Oh no. Ohhhhh no!

"Why don't you just take the shortcut through the woods? Y'know, the one that has the lake nearby?" Tak asked.

"Huh?" Gaz blinked, pausing the game and putting the controller down as she scratched the purple hair atop her head, her amber/brown eyes turning to look at GIR and Dib as her tone became quiet and dangerous. "You KNEW about a shortcut?!"

"Everyone in town knows. Lemme guess. You didn't tell her about the shortcut because you're scaaaared of da spooooky ghoooosties!" Tak said, throwing her head back and laughing hysterically, antennae flopping about as GIR clung tightly to Dib, letting out a panicked squeak. "I'm sure your sister will be happy to cure you of such a silly fancy. It's just an urban legend. Supposedly this young girl's family burned to death and SHE drowned in the lake, and should you see smoke rising from the woods, you'd best RUN! It's all so silly." She said, her voice as sweet as honey from a wasp.

"You're a bad, BAD girl! You won't make us go past the lake! Not at sunset!" GIR yelled out.

"A GHOST? Really?! You didn't tell me about this shortcut because some GHOST is supposed to haunt it?!" Gaz snapped. "Gimme a break, like I should be scared of a stupid specter." She muttered, folding her arms across her chest and shaking her head back and forth. "While I'm doing IMPORTANT things you're picking your nose, laughing on how you make me walk three miles every day just to get to school! And all cuz of some dumb urban legend! Lemme guess, a headless lumberjack'll pop outta the woods and cut my head off?!"

"I wish." Dib muttered.

Gaz IMMEDIATELY launched the wireless controller she had in her hand at him and it smacked into his forehead, a bloody cut trickling down it as he flopped to the ground, Dib glaring triumphantly up at her as he picked up his dropped-down glasses. "Now I've got a cut, a scar to show Dad when he comes back." He told her.

"Shut up or you'll get worse than that!" Gaz told him sharply, grabbing him and GIR by the wrists, dragging them out of the house, heading for the woods…heading for the lake…

As sun was beginning to set, crimson rays being cast overhead. She continued dragging them along the path, over dead leaves and fallen sticks, a long shadow being cast behind her smallish frame, the setting sun glowing almost as brightly as her hateful eyes, the dark pond slowly coming into sight off in the distance.

"Maybe she's a witch?" GIR whispered to Dib. "You think she's a witch?"

"Shhh!" Dib hissed back. The charm. The magic charm. "Departed Soul of Emmett Lake, Come not Night for Mercy's Sake! For when the sun hangs in the sky-"

"What're you two whispering about?" Gaz snapped out.

"Nothing!" Dib said quickly, gulping a bit as the wind began to wrap itself around him, digging its claws into him.

It was no good. The charm only worked during the DAY, when the sun was up and now the sun had fallen past the gnarled and now-barren trees, the sky looking like it was lit up with burning flames as…as pale wisps of smoke came curling and creeping under the ground, like blind fingers searching…

"The smoke. The SMOKE!" Dib whispered out, eyes widening in horror. "The smoke from the burning house! It was there!

"Are you kidding me?" Gaz groaned, rolling her eyes. "Seriously? Smoke?!" She muttered, dragging them towards the lake, GIR trying to break free in desperation before Gaz tossed him away, shoving her brother towards the lake, sticking his head down towards it, shaking him a bit. "LOOK!" She yelled out. "There's nothing there at all! It's just mist rising off the water!"

She was looking at Dib when she spoke…and did not see what was rising out of the reeds nearby, making it's way towards her as she glared back at GIR, who was gasping in horror at what drew ever-closer. Something dark and wet and tiny, a figure made of rotted-away flesh and water and reeds. Greenish/brown muck clung to the decayed flesh and slightly-cracked bones, a frog stuck in one eye, calmly breathing and staring back from the empty socket. Its eyes were silver like the scales of a fish, it's mouth turning from a slight smile to a furious, baleful glare as it saw Gaz shake Dib again, threatening to drop him in the lake as she yelled at GIR.

"WELL?! You cowards, I can't believe you're scared of some stupid girly ghost, there's nothing-"

The ghost GRABBED her, Dib breaking free and scrambling back as Gaz and the figure went into the lake an instant later, dark water frothing about as the two figures struggled, snarls and screams filling the air, Gaz and the figure sinking down in a boil of bubbles.

"G-g-g-g-g-GHOST!" GIR screamed out, Dib and GIR immediately racing off down the path, heading for home as fast as their legs could carry them, but GIR's leg had been injured when Gaz had thrown him, and there was a KRAKKA-KRKK sound as he fell to the forest floor, letting out a yelp. Dib quickly knelt down by him, trying to help GIR up as they heard the bushes and bramble being pushed aside, the two rooted to the spot in sheer terror, white nests of toadstools around them as they clung together in fear…

And then Gaz burst through the bushes, looking…oddly nice. She'd evidently run so fast her clothes had dried on her body, and her cheeks now had a bit of a blush to them, her hair now falling around her head almost like a halo as she blinked a bit at the sight of the two.

"Are you alright, guys?" She asked.

…GUYS?!

"That was an awful stumble, huh? Oh and look at you, Dib, you're shivering!"

DIB?! Calling him DIB and not "Hey, you"?

"Lemme give you a piggyback ride, GIR." She offered, helping GIR onto her back and cheerily smiling at Dib. "I think there's some pizza left over I can heat up at home, okay?" She asked Dib as she calmly walked off down the path, whistling.

WHISTLING!

"Who are you and what have you done with Gaz?" Dib muttered a bit, walking alongside her, scratching his head in surprise.

…

…true to her word, Gaz heated up the leftover pizza in the microwave and poured them all some Poop Cola, breaking out the big, fizzy straws from the cupboard, smiling as she watched them eat, staying silent before heading to her own room, Dib and GIR going back up to Dib's room, the two sitting on Dib's bed as Dib nervously chewed on his lip, glancing over at GIR.

"Did…did that just happen?" GIR asked. "She's all…y'know. Cheery."

"Yeah, it's weird." Dib murmured, scratching his head in confusion. "But…you saw it, right? At the lake?"

"Yes. And she fell in, right?" GIR wanted to know. "I don't get it, why…why's she being so nice? It's weird, Mary. Really weird. She's so different!"

"I thought she'd be dead, but…" Dib trailed off. "…I hope dad comes back soon." He finally sighed. "Hopefully things'll be back to normal soon."

And so the two went to sleep, GIR plopping down in the corner underneath a poster of the X-Files whilst Dib laid back in his bed, listening to Gaz walk about downstairs, slowly and uncertainly, as if she'd lost her way.

Within a few days though, it became clear Gaz had changed since falling into the lake, as if all the unpleasantness had been washed right out of her. The house was now bright and cheerful, Gaz now happily sharing her pizza and soda with the two and never raising her voice. She let Dib play with her Game Slave and even Tak didn't seem to mind this new Gaz as much, because this new one was far more cooperative in co-op. She doodled with Dib during the evening, chatted with him as they looked at old corny B-movies on the TV. And above all, she never ever hit them or yelled at them anymore!

Dib and GIR started calling her "Gazzy", and Dib would stargaze with her on the roof of their house at night, looking up silently at the stars, resting one hand atop hers as they contemplated the majesty beyond.

"Dad's gonna be home tomorrow." Dib said one night. "You remember, right?"

"Yes, Matthew."

"It's just "Dad", really."

"Alright. Dad."

"…how long will you be staying?" Dib wanted to know, tilting his head slightly to the side as Gaz rubbed her chin and raised an eyebrow up.

"However long would you want me here?" She wanted to ask. "If…if you wouldn't mind, could…" She began to say before Dib smiled, patting her on the shoulder.

"I want you to stay with us." Dib insisted. "Okay?"

"…I'd like that." She admitted with a smile, wrapping her arms around her brother and hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Dib." She said, a single tear trickling down her cheek and onto the roof below.

…

… it was about two years before Dib made his way back to Emmett's Lake, going in broad daylight on a sunny Saturday in June, down the winding forest path to the dark lake where tragedy had struck o'er a century ago. The lake was peaceful now, tiny little tadpoles flittering about as butterflies flew overhead. He calmly sat at the end of the lake, on a tree stump as a water boatman skittered across the lake, leaving behind a small silver wake as Dib waited.

Sure enough, a few bubbles began to rise up to disturb the surface of the quiet water, small fish darting away as a scum of mud and filthy rose up slowly from the bottom of the lake, taking the vague shape of someone all-too-familiar who was scowling angrily.

"Dib, gemme out! She took my body that stupid little bitch! Look, if you bring her down here, I'll give you fifty bucks! I'll bring you chocolate every day to your room for breakfast, I'll-I'll wash your feet and never yell at you again, I promise, I-"

"Goodbye, Gaz." Dib firmly remarked, sitting up and walking away.

And that was the last time Dib ever walked by the lake ever again.

#fanfiction #fanfic #horror #humor #Invader Zim #Zim #Dib #Gaz #Tak #GIR #karma circle #karma

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saintheartwing · 5 years ago

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Invader Zim: The Pod People Invasion

"So…tell me again WHY my poor son is here?"

Professor Membrane was rather astounded that his son had been unceremoniously tossed into a straight jacket, gagged, and put in the school counselor's room. The black, scythe-haired scientist looked furious, despite nobody being able to see his eyes behind those large goggles he wore, and the fact his big white labcoat covered up his lower mouth. But his black-gloved fingers were clenching tightly onto his arm, his body practically vibrating with fury and rage as he glowered at the police who were in the whitish/grey room with him, the office of the school counselor, Mr. Thildari. The blind man had a soft face and white eyes, wearing glasses over those milky orbs as he wore a white button up shirt and white pants, and had a necklace with a lovely green orb-like gem at the end of it as he tilted his head to the side, the almost androgynous-looking man intrigued by what Professor Membrane had to say.

His son, Dib Membrane, was sitting in a chair nearby, in a straight-jacket and Mr. Thildari nodded at the police as they undid the straight-jacket. "I think it's unnecessary since his father's here at last. We apologize for the dreadful inconvenience." Mr. Thildari's soft yet dark voice remarked, his tone having almost a faint echoing undercurrent to it. "Please accept the school's humble apologies. Would you, perhaps, like to buy some chocolate? The school's having a promotion!"

He reached into his desk and pulled out big jars of chocolate-covered nuts. "How about it?" He inquired of Dib as they got him out of the straight-jacket and removed the ball gag and he dusted himself off. "You maybe got some…mad money to spend?"

"HA. HA. HA." Dib snorted as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose a bit and frowned, amber/golden eyes glowering at the school counselor, then at the cops. "This sucks, Dad. I got practically violated by these jerks!"

"Well you were ranting and raving about the end of the world in the middle of the school cafeteria for a good four minutes until we finally tased you." The first cop remarked.

"Because it's really happening!" Dib said. "Look, maybe I should just start from the beginning…" He sighed, pinching the space between his eyes and shaking his head back and forth. "It all started simply enough…" He murmured. "I'd forgotten my wallet yesterday on Sunday, and I had to race back into town. See, there was this really cool convention just the next town over, so I had to take a bus there only to realize…WOOPS. Forgot my wallet with my tickets in it. And the worst part was that because I only had enough change for the bus fare once, I had to walk back. And by the time I got back, that's when I realized something was really, really wrong with the town. I mean, everything seemed okay at first but…"

"You gotta help me!"

Torque Smacky had grabbed hold of Dibbun Membrane and was shaking the black-jacket-wearing, blue-undershirt-having young 12 year old about, looking mortified. The frazzled, spiky hair of Torque was even more messy, his big, ugly face looking horrified as he looked into Dib's eyes, his dad, lantern jaw and all, walking towards him.

"What the heck's wrong with you?" Dib asked. "I'm not doing your homework for you-"

"It's my dad, dude, he's not actually my dad! He's not!"

Dib stared at him. "…what?"

"He can't be! He hasn't spanked or smacked me once today!" Torque Smacky insisted.

"Oh, relaaaax, I'm sure your Dad will start smacking you around again soon enough." Dib remarked snidely. "Geez, Torque, you're angry that your family isn't hitting you? I call that finding a unicorn, do you know how many times Gaz hit me over the head during her "blue period"?"

"Thank you, sir." Torque's father said, taking hold of his son by the collar. "Come on, son, you must be…tired." He insisted, bringing him towards the screen door to his home nearby as Torque uselessly squirmed around, trying to break free.

"No, no, no! Please, believe me! Believe meeeeeee!" Torque cried out as he vanished into the house.

"Looking back, I…I can't believe how stupid I was not to see what was happening. I guess I was also in a bad mood, because I was missing the convention. AND I was starving too. So I went to get my wallet from my house. It was quiet, real quiet. Nobody seemed to be there, and there wasn't any food in the cupboard left over. So I decided "Okay, I'll get some snacks from the gas station, then head out and catch the last half of my convention". But then I met GIR, Zim's little robot friend, all disguised as a dog, and he'd finished up a Suckmunkey. He was sitting on the stoop and looking really depressed, and Zim was eating a candy bar…"

Indeed, the Irken alien invader, Zim, had distinctly green skin, no ears, no nose, ruby/maroon eyes hidden behind obvious contact lenses, and his black insectoid antenna was hidden by a black wig. He was still obviously wearing black gloves and boots and a maroon "invader's attire" that was a big ol shirt with long sleeves, dark grey pants, and he had clawed hands for God's sakes! And yet…hardly anyone seemed to realize he was an alien.

But even he seemed down.

"You guys look…really depressed."

"NONE of the filthy huuuuuman children will listen to me going into detail about my glorious new plans!" Zim remarked. "The whole town is…quiet! Lethargic! Slothful! Nobody cares about what Zim has to say!"

Dib sniggered as GIR sighed as well, the little green doggy suit he wore having its head a-drooping. "None of my friends'll play with me." He murmured. "Nobody wants to pet me. NOBODY LOVES MEEEEE!"

"Uh…gee, little alien robot, sorry…" Dib mumbled. Something was rather odd, he was beginning to pick up on that. But he'd learn the truth soon enough, because as he walked towards the bus station after getting some nachoes and a soda to sate himself, he saw, of all people, SKOODGE racing out of Zim's house, grabbing Dib!

"You gotta help me, Mr. Dib! PLEASE! Nobody else will listen to me!"

"Okay, alright, alright." Dib groaned, rolling his eyes as Skoodge led him to the backyard, past the guard-an-gnomes that Zim had, following the very tubby and rotund alien invader. Skoodge was dressed up in a better disguise, he had a holographic display that gave him a freckled face, orangish hair and the like…but he hadn't taken his Invader's garb off. Ah well. Skoodge was more agreeable, civil and just plain nicer than Zim. If he wasn't an alien invader, Dib would have probably gone along great with him-

"HOLY CRAP!"

Dib gazed down at what laid in the backyard, a gigantic pod, big, green, faintly pulsating and with Skoodge's head upon it!

"Wh-what is this?!" Dib asked. "It's an amazing likeness of you!"

"Yeah, I found it in the backyard along with this other pod that's just…lying here." Skoodge said, jabbing a thumb at another nearby pod. "No clue who it's for. It's not one of Zim's ideas, believe me…he'd be talking about it all morning if it was."

"I think I know what it is…" Dib realized, his eyes going wide. "Skoodge, this is a space pod! Part of a diabolical alien invasion force from deep space to replace all humanity as we sleep! There's only one thing to do!"

"Uh…call the cops? The FBI? The CIA? NASA? 60 Minutes, maybe?" Skoodge asked. "Or, I dunno, go to every house and set fire to all the backyards?"

"No! We'll look for a pod person and make them explain everything in a convoluted bit of expositionary dialogue!" Dib proclaimed, pointing upwards dramatically as Skoodge stared at him, scratching his head.

"Um…Dib, I don't think they're going to do that." He remarked.

"Skoodge, c'mon, if there's one thing aliens LOVE, it's bragging and talking about how amazing their plans for taking over worlds are." Dib told him, folding his arms over his chest as Skoodge opened his mouth to protest…then tilted his head to the side and nodded a bit, wagging his hand in the air in a kind of "Yeah, okay" sort of gesture.

So off we went. We asked people left and right if they were pod people. We didn't always get the answers we wanted. Didn't have a lot of good luck!

"Excuse me, are you a pod person?"

"A WHAT?!" Iggins asked. "What's THAT supposed to mean?! POD PERSON!? I'll have you know I'm proudly gay and there's nothing wrong with that! Pod person. POD PERSON…"

"Dude, you're being creepier than usual!" Zita proclaimed, glowering at the two. "I have mace. I am not afraid to use it."

"No, I'm black." Said the Letter M, the tight-crop black hair of the kid almost standing up on end in irritation as he frowned.

"Say, why are you called The Letter M anyway?"

"Well, it beats what my sister got named. The Letter F." M remarked with a sigh.

"…wait. You mean…" Dib trailed off. "…do your parents, by chance, work as scientists like MY dad?"

"Yes, and they changed their names when they got married and are now the Mr and Ms Sir and Madam no more, now they're the proud Mr. Husband and Mrs. Wife. They even named our dog the letter C. I wanted a cat. But they said it would make calling for their daughter too complicated."

"I am so, so sorry." Dib said apologetically. "I can't think of any worse name than being called the shorthand for Male."

"When I have a son, I'm going to name him SUE." Letter M insisted angrily. "Then I'll scatter my parents ashes over the toilet, and will scatter something else over that." He growled.

We learned a lot more about the people of this town than I think I wanted to...but not much about pod people. Finally, though, our persistence paid off.

"Why yes. Yes, I AM a pod person." Sara said cheerily, the faintly nun-dressed young girl sitting on a park bench and giving them a rather…unsettlingly fake smile. "And I'd be delighted to tell all of you about our people's invasion plans before I go alert my co-conspirators to your presence. You see, our space pods land on a planet, replacing all its people with emotionless replicas as they sleep. Then we grow more pods, spreading sterility and tranquility throughout the cosmos!"

"Really?" Dib remarked. "That's it? Kinda…simple."

"Well, yes! It's our first time doing this, so we're keeping the plan simple. Still, to be fair and further spread our mission, we also invented tofu, created EuroDisney, and Ben Stein. Oh, and Lily Collins. She's been one of us for years." Sara added.

"How about Tommy Wiseau from "The Room"?"

"Oh, no, no, no." Sara shook her head. "He's too weird for us. That's on you people. We're not going near him with a fifty foot pole. We may be emotionless, calm, collected alien invaders, but even we get weirded out by that guy."

"So you wanna get rid of all our emotions?! That's horrible! That sounds like you wanna turn the world into a bad Lifetime Channel movie or some kind of old home video you'd show kids in Sunday School!"

"I dunno, I think it's pretty nice being a pod."

"AAAAA!"

Dib gaped in horror at Skoodge, who now looked…off. His eyes were kind of distant. His face looking like it was miles away! And the pod he'd been carrying with them for proof…EMPTY!

"How the heck?!" Dib cried out.

"Yeah, turns out me carrying it around wasn't such a nice idea. Or at least, that's what I thought about…ten seconds ago. But now I "feel" fine. You should try it." Skoodge said as he took hold of Dib along with Sara, dragging Dib into a nearby convenience store, people standing listlessly about as the man behind the counter stared ahead.

"So. What would you like? We have water…water…and, ah, more water."

"I'd like a tepid water."

"Yes, tepid, please."

"Tepid would be very nice."

"Oh, and I must remind you all, we are having "Unemotional Hour" tonight from 10-11 at the bar across the street. Is that not just lovely?" The convenience store owner intoned in a deadpan voice as the others nodded in agreement.

"Here, to ease your transition in, human." Said Skoodge as he handed Dib something from a large pile of objects to the side as the other pod people nodded some more. "Your own space pod and introduction membership kit! All you need for a nice, simple, assimilation into never having problems ever again. Oh, and we also have this very lovely foam finger." He added with a nod as Dib looked over the "Pods #1" foam finger he'd been given. "We got the idea from a very lovely little dog."

"Uh, look, um….I kinda want my emotions." Dib insisted. "They're good for, y'know…improving the world. Caring about people? Protecting it from…well, alien invasions!?"

"Don't be silly, Dib. Emotions lead only to bad things. Like competition, jealousy, and hallmark cards. We're doing your world a favor!" Sara remarked. "You'll never have any worries or cares ever again. Become one of us just like Mark Zuckerburg did. He's far better off now."

"Mark Zuckerberg's one of you? Really?"

"Yeah,it took ages to be sure he was, even before our pod, the man was as soulless as a piece of toast!"

"So…I won't care about…say…my favorite TV show, Mysterious Mysteries?" Dib inquired.

"Nope. Not a bit."

"…what about…hunting down Zim?"

"He won't be caring about anything anymore, why should you?"

"…my family?" Dib asked.

"No, you won't care about them either. You won't even care that you don't care!"

"…BUH-BYE!" Dib said, kicking Skoodge in the foot. BOINK! He flopped over, Sara gaping as Dib took off running.

"Hey, stop him!"

"You stop him. I don't care if he escapes." Skoodge remarked as he laid on the floor.

"Yeah, doesn't bother me any." Said the convenience store owner as other pod people nodded along.

"But if we don't stop him he'll ruin all our plans!" Sara remarked.

"…oh, well that's different." Skoodge said, chasing after him with the others as they barrled out of the street after Dib, who tore down the sidewalk. "Please stop running. You have forgotten your pod."

"Ask me if I care!" Dib called back.

"You know, if I had any emotional capacity I would be very cross with you right now." Sara added as they jogged after Dib, who glared back at them slightly before diving into an alleyway, scrambling over a chain link fence. He bolted as fast as he could, barreling down the road, into his house, slamming the door shut, Zim sitting on the couch and shaking his head back and forth.

"I really don't get why you like this show." He told GIR and Gaz as they sat down on the couch next to him. "Oh, Dib-Stink. Yes, I'm in your house, GIR stupidly insisted we come over here to check on "Gazzy-Wazzy". They evidently were doing something upstairs for a long time and now they want me to watch the…what is it? Calm Monkey Show?"

"Calm Monkey!?" Dib stared at the screen, mouth agape as Gaz and GIR kept watching, staring ahead blankly.

"…hello." Said the brown-furred, slightly yellow-eyed monkey on the screen. "…what a nice day. Isn't it a fine day. Isn't it fine that we're feeling fine?"

"Yes. Yes, it's fine to feel fine, isn't it?" GIR asked Gaz.

"Oh, yes. We're both feeling fine. You know, I think the paint's drying on the back of the wall behind that monkey." Gaz added, the purple-haired Goth girl…not even having her eyebrows down so much over her eyes she looked like she was perpetually frowning. She had her eyes wide open and she…she wasn't even wearing her skull necklace!

"This is not a good show." Zim muttered.

"Maybe you'll like…say…some nice, relaxing music." Gaz said, changing the channel to a music station as Dib frowned, then yawned.

"UGH. Post Malone's "Psycho"?! This song is so dull, he's supposed to be talking about going insane but he sounds like he's on Quaaludes!"

"We could always switch to a nice C-SPAN discussion if you'd prefer, they're talking about bumper crops." GIR remarked.

"…oh no. OH NO. I know what you're trying to do. You want me to fall asleep so you can replace us with pods!" Dib gasped. "No way!" He proclaimed. "Zim, we have to get out of here now. GIR and my sister have evidently been replaced by pod people from outer space and if we don't leave, they'll put us to sleep and replace us too!"

"Oh, c'mon." Zim said with a snort. "I mean, just because Gaz and GIR are acting much more calm and rational and polite and courteous and civil doesn't…doesn't…"

BAM!

Zim and Dib barreled out the front door, Zim's disguise falling off his face as he howled in terror. "YOU WILL NEVER, EVER TELL ANYONE I ADMITTED YOU WERE RIGHT, DIB!"

"SHUT UP AND RUN, LOCUST!"

"You can't hide from us!" GIR cried out as he walked after them, smiling stupidly along with Gaz.

"Yes. Today, Philadelphia, tomorrow…a whole bunch of other places!"

"We have to find a place to hide. Somewhere. Anywhere!" Dib proclaimed as they barreled past people in the street, racing out of the city as fast as they could, off to the outskirts as the sky began to get darker, Zim wiping his brow. "C'mon, Zim, pick up the pace!"

"S-Sorry! I'm…I'm not used to…running around so much!" He moaned. "Zim's PAK legs usually do this for him but I had to put it on "DEBUG" for the day, nothing's working but the life support." He commented.

"You are soooo out of shape." Dib intoned as they reached the old mine, climbing inside, panting heavily, Dib wiping his brow as Zim flopped against the stony wall within, the soft echoing of a stalactite dripping water down into a cave pool not far away. DRIP…DRIP…DRIP.

"OOOF…" Zim moaned. "I wish I'd eaten more than a candy bar. I'm starving."

"I'm going to check to see if the coast is clear. Lemme look outside the back entrance." Dib told Zim, heading down the mine, going to the south entrance, using his smartphone's flashlight to light the way as he wiped his brow on his jacket arm. "Hoo…I'm getting tired too. Okay, once I know we're safe, we can take a little nap and then I'll gather my thoughts and think up a plan." He mused to himself as he finally reached the southern entrance to the mine about half an hour later. He peered out as the stars began to twinkle overhead, a soft wind blowing through his hair as he clung to the wall of the mine, peering out.

No sign of anyone or anything, save for a natural pathway leading out to the highway. Dib grinned, then headed back the way he'd come, calling out. "Zim! Zim, the coast is clear, let's get-OH NO!"

There, by Zim's side…was a pod!

"Yeah, uh, funny story. They had some spares here in the mine. Anyway, Zim is a pod now. It's pretty awesome." Zim intoned. "I think you should be a pod too." He added, holding up another pod. "One of us! C'mon."

"AAAACK!" Dib barreled back to the southern entrance, racing off as Zim called out, the pod people coming in through the north entrance.

"He's over here, this way! Human over here!"

Dib barreled down the highway, racing off for the school, looping to the west as he slid his way inside through a window. His chest felt like it was on fire as he made his way into a closet, panting heavily, wiping his brow and looking around. No pods anywhere. NOWHERE. Phew. He quickly began to move things around, barricading the door and finally, at long last, sitting down to rest and-

"Hey. This is my closet." Said an irritated-looking janitor with a bit of messy black hair atop his head and a dark look in his eyes, his body thin and emaciated as he poked his head out from behind a bucket. "I've got a busy day tomorrow of painting a wall red with blood to feed the demon that lies inside."

"Well I'm hiding from pod people who want to take away all our emotions!"

"…yeah, okay, fair enough. Just so you know? I snore." The janitor intoned, plopping back down behind the bucket.

And so, come the next morning as the kids were going into the cafeteria for a big announcement…that was when I barreled in, fully rested and probably still looking wild and crazed, waving my arms over my head as I got on top of a table, bouncing up and down, yelling loudly to all in the room about the oncoming alien invasion of pod people!

And about four minutes in, that's when the school's police guard came in to tase me.

…

… "So that's what happened." Dib explained.

"Only a moron could believe stuff like that!" said one of the cops as Mr. Thildari rubbed his chin.

"I'm very sorry, Dib. But without any kind of supporting evidence, well…the best you can do is let the media exploit you for a lucrative book and Netflix movie deal." The school counselor remarked just before Professor Membrane noticed something.

"Oh. One moment." He lifted open his chest, showing off a built-in smart TV, everyone looking on in awe as he cheerily chuckled. "We're getting a breaking news bulletin! I can always tell because I get a tingling in my colon."

"This just in! SPACE PODS HAVE INVADED EARTH!"

"And by the way!" a voice rang out as the rather homicidal-looking janitor brought in several big ol' green pods, tossing them into the room. "I found these in the damn bathrooms. How am I supposed to clean up all the blood if these pods are in the way!?"

"Oh, Dib! You a pod yet?" Zim inquired as he poked his head into the room with an unnatural smile as Gaz, GIR and Skoodge stood by him.

"HA! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! SEE?! SEEEE?!" Dib cried out. "You believe me now, you jaded authority figures, you?"

"I dunno…not really…" One of the cops remarked.

"Mmmm…gee, nah, I don't think so…" Another cop intoned.

"Actually, I do." Said Mr. Thildari as he smiled broadly…

And then, before their eyes, became an Irken with balled antennae dressed in a big white robe with a silver belt! He smiled cheerily at Dib, waving his clawed hands, white eyes blinking. "You see, we Irkens have actually been on Earth for many decades now. My own mother and originator, Almighty Tallest Miyuki, blessed be her name, came here aaaaages ago to do some experimentation with a VERY lovely black-haired young scientist who ended up charming her."

"Wait, WHAT?!" Professor Membrane's eyes bugged behind his goggles. "Though this explains a lot…" He confessed as Dib gaped in astonishment, the cops in the room, Zim, GIR, Gaz and Skoodge gasping in amazement. "She always felt very different down there whenever we-"

"BAH, we're not worried about you." One of the cops said as he took off his hat…then his head, revealing a distinctly green, scaly-skinned, tusk-having alien who was amazingly tall! "We Martians have been preparing too! We've been seeing all of your efforts for twenty decades and we're getting our hunting parties ready!"

"That'd be very impressive…" said another one of the cops before his skin melted off…showing off synthetic alloy beneath with soulless eyes as his arm opened up to reveal a carbine blaster that was revving up to fire. "But we robots have foreseen your attempt. I come from the future to end your reign before it begins! If need to, we will shoot you twice! We'll screw you over more than the new Terminator did to it's franchise!"

"Wait a minute, I thought we were only being invaded by pod people!" Dib remarked.

"You think that's what's going on? Not at all, man!" yelled Nick as the young man with the obvious head injury stuck his head into the room and walked inside, wearing…a kilt. They stared at him in shock as he sighed, folding his arms over his chest, the poor kid's brain exposed from horrifying experiments that Zim had done on him, the brain barely kept in by a kind of glassy little dome. "Giant blancmanges landed. They've turned half my class into Scotsmen so they can dominate the Olympic games this year because "everyone knows Scottish people are terrible at sports"! Bunch of prejudicial puddings!" He grumbled.

"You think that's bad?!" Ms. Bitters intoned as she crawled in from the window outside, panting heavily and wiping her brow, looking mortified, smoke slightly rising off her skeletal frame as the glasses-wearing old, white-haired crone cringed. "It's the apes you need to worry about. Apes have inherited the Earth!"

"Have we actually all died and gone to Hell? What's going on here?!" Dib groaned as he looked around the room, other people beginning to talk amongst themselves, the voices getting loud and panicked and terrified.

"No, no, it's all a twisted experiment!"

"It's the GOVERNMENT'S fault!"

"IT'S A COOKBOOK! IT'S A COOKBOOOOOK!"

"You stupid, STUPID morons!" A voice rang out as they all turned, suddenly seeing someone whom they never expected to see…Minimoose. The flying, purple little moose-like toy glowered at them all, speaking perfect English! "None of this is real! We're all just typed words on a page, stuck in a comedic horror story written by a New Englander! This is all just FANFICTION!"

Everyone stared at him…and then burst out laughing, hysterically cackling. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"WOOP! HA HA HA!"

"PFFFTTT!"

"HEE-HEE-HEE!"

"Oh, that's a good one. Fanfiction! Ha-ha-ha! That's the stupidest one yet!" Dib sniggered.

"Oh yeah?!" Minimoose glowered as his eyes narrowed. "Then how do you explain the fact that the next words out of your mouth are going to be "You're just being silly, Minimoose!"

"You're just being silly, Minimoose-" Zim began to say before he stopped, and everyone gazed at him, his expressionless face now looking terrified. "…wh…what?"

"And look! Look up THERE! See! The PAGE!" Minimoose proclaimed as he pointed up above, and everyone stared.

"Wh…what? H…How can I be up there when I'm speaking now?" Dib murmured fearfully as they all glanced around at each other.

"And there's MORE!" Minimoose proclaimed. "Haven't all of you felt it? That feeling you were being watched? Like the eyes of strange things are upon you?! Look! Reading this right now! YOU! Yes, YOU!"

"OH MY GOD!" Dib cried out as he saw you, the others gazing on in amazement and horror. "That…that means…"

"Then…then…" Professor Membrane murmured.

"AAAAAAAAAA!"

People were screaming, running left and right. The pod people howled in terror, folks were bolting out the door and the windows, and Dib, pale as a sheet, shook his head back and forth, looking up at you.

"Please, whatever you do! Don't stop reading! DON'T STOP READING THIS STORY! DON'T EXIT THE TAB! DON'T CLICK AWAY! DON'T! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

#fanfiction #fanfic #Invader Zim #Zim #Dib #Gaz #aliens #alien invasion #humor #comedy #parody #satire

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