#actually insane bc not only did he ruin his life but they dont even interact at all hardly??

[lobotomy-lady]

I was just asking bc even though I’ve been into anime since middle school, I feel like joshi/danshi terms are things I’ve only seen on image boards

I tend to see them used all over the internet, tho of course fujoshi is the most common. tbh I am personally not a fan of imageboards. every time I've been on one I have seen smth horrid & had a terrible time. I went on the site you mentioned in the previous ask out of curiosity & within 5 mins saw art of my most hated ship of all time. had to breathe into a paper bag for a bit until I calmed down

[rockheadcd]

@reconductor​ said: i grab u like a squeaky toy and shake you around.

you are literally doing god's work out here with your muses!!! i am gonna go insane!!!!!!

roark. roark my sweet little sunshine my little guy my ambiguous disaster. you give him SO MUCH depth for someone that in game is basically just there to introduce you to the gym challenge? i always felt it was a shame how little the gym leaders get explored in canon for how important they actually are, and also roark somehow always stuck out to me as one of those few gym leaders i would keep thinking back to- honestly ngl i got excited when you first followed bc i saw him there in your blog and i went THATS THE BOY!!! i just love how much you have worked on him and how much you have fleshed him out, even in the silly little details like his metal shirts and his music likes- it all just comes together so well and i love to read everything you're doing. and thats not even mentioning whatever the fuck is going on between him and volkner :) thats free serotonin right there thank u for indulging me and this mess it's a delight to even just talk it all out in discord!! so yes roark 10/10 perfect rock boy i would let him have a hug with volkner that will confuse the straights again

NOW STEVEN. i will admit i dont remember much from gen3, im not even sure if i played it in full and i still need to get to oras and finish xy? but my god how i fucking love to see your other silly rock man, it's just so much fun all around to read anything you write with him and see him lose it at the credit card fraud :) hes just so full of character beyond the rock love and you are doing such a good job at making him clearly steven the weird cryptid fucking off to caves for rocks while still having so much more to him than that- and his much clearer relationship with wallace is also just so good all around?? love to see the guncles. please adopt more kids that need it we got plenty of trauma going all around. another 10/10 hope volkner's box won't kill him

LASTLY BUT NOT LEAST ADAMAN YOU FUNNY DUMB CLAN MAN I LOVE ADAMAN. honestly i have to keep reminding myself that hes not? a rock man too technically i guess?? but you just got him nailed so well i see him in here and he just fits with roark and steven even when they have no fucking interactions whatsoever. he's just so great all around i am so so glad to see how you write him and the chaos that things turn into its so much fun. 10/10 again i hope dialga will show him the rest of crush 40's sonic hits

(zoroark is also nice i GUESS. fuck you. fuck you for that (affectionate) )

AND YOU. YOU ARE SO GOOD. YOU'RE SUCH A NICE PERSON AND IT'S SO FUN TO TALK TO YOU AND HAVE YOU AROUND AND ALSO YOUR ART GIVES ME LIFE DON'T FUCKING STOP!!! i will kill god for you that is a threat and a promise. / portrayal vibe check. | accepting.

i’m gonna fuckin GET YOU, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO SEND ME AN ESSAY?! FAE..........I DON’T DESERVE YOU UEHUEHEUEE Q_Q.....

but you’re so right roark was made to get stomped on and be your tutorial buddy but like....i did not expect so many people to be like “no he’s a fave” and i be like WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS LIKE 10 PLAYING THIS. idk he’s been. a muse i’ve kinda wanted to write and it’s buddies like you that can give him the environment to thrive and fit into. i can fit so many useless tidbits of info in mildly obscure characters i cannot be stopped. thank YOU for indulging me in whatever the fuck they’re doing rn bc i’m loving it and you’re ruining my spoofy wrapped this year.

i’m so appreciative that you enjoy steven’s absolutely chaotic life bc i have way too much fun with it.. we need to write more muses together bc it’s very fun. and adaman is just the only sane bitch on this blog i’m pretty sure HE’S LITERALLY HERE TO VIBE AND BE SEXY. i hope he gets hooked on crush 40 so any of his descendants have absolute garbo taste in music. :)

( we don’t talk about zoroark. except that we do. a lot. i can’t wait for him to stab the depresstie. ♥ ) BUT FOR REAL THANK YOU.... i’m just a tired dad but i’ve enjoyed every moment chatting with you and completely destroying my sleep schedule in the process. 

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

i saw in your bio your pronouns are “she/her probs” if you wouldn’t mind could you elaborate on that? you 100% don’t have to bc at the end of the day it’s none of my business but i’ve been thinking a lot about my own gender identity recently and your pronouns caught my eye

okay so basically, when i was born the doctor wasn’t there, he was helping out the teenage girl next door, and my mom had done it a bunch of times already so it was kinda no big deal? so there was no one there to be like “it’s a girl!” and i’ve been chasing that high ever since.

i was the youngest of too many, growing up on street with only little boys and my parents were never home so we’d basically be out and about until like 11pm trying to decide which god from the greek mythos was our secret parent and never once was i a girl with them we just didn’t have gender it didn’t exist

my two older sisters were extremely close whereas my two older brothers were hated each other and I was close with both of them individually so i never interacted with my sisters bc they were always hanging out together

when i started being a woman in middle school (my mom said I had to :/ ) i didn’t do it right and the first question i got asked was “are you a boy or are you a lesbian?”

i was so obsessed with looking like my older brother i kept my hair super super long and to this day he hasn’t cut it he keeps it in a man bun but i cut mine short directly after high school so i could go to an hwc like the fucking lesbian i am

the first girl i dated had four fingers in total on both her hands, not counting thumbs, and we fell in love play wrestling and like, physically rough housing, like i had with the little boys on my street growing up. she plays the viola to this day i think

when i first saw my now ex-boyfriend my first thought was, he’s either a lesbian or he’s trans, and to this day he’s identified as every label on the lgbtqa spectrum which is funny to me

i like the way i look in a binder but maybe that’s just cause i hate my body and want to punish it?

growing up i played a bunch of sports bc the commutes were the only guaranteed time alone i had with my dad and it was on a softball field in sixth grade that i realized i was a lesbian while looking at the short stop. her sister was a lesbian but the girl i liked was very straight :/

every dress i buy makes me look like an ethereal woodland goddess except for the one i bought that makes me look like a witch, and i look objectively gorgeous in them all except i dont wanna be pretty i want girls to jump out of their boots when they see me so i can catch them in my big strong arms and carry them home

once this kid i had a crush on and i watched the carmilla movie together. they were dating someone and i was pretty sure i was in love with them and when the sex scene came on i did not kiss them which i am both proud of and deeply regret

we also watched the miseducation of cameron post together with similar results

my grandfather carried around a pocket knife around with him everywhere bc he wanted to be useful, i carry around a backpack with a playing deck, a phone charger, a portable charger, a charger for my portable charger, a bar, bandaids, hand sanitizer, pen, pencil, notepad, pencil sharpener, a candle, a flashlight, a compass, matches, a book, lip stuff, pads, tampons, advil, neosporin, and a knife.

my dad has a big leather jacket i steal from him constantly and it’s big and brown and i keep an acorn in the pocket of it like i’m a stardew valley character who might need a nature snack. it’s very good for hiding in and definitely conceals my body

whenever i go shopping with my sisters they always try and dress me up as femininely as possible, despite neither of them being feminine in the slightest. whenever i go shopping with my brother i always empty my wallet. so i dont go shopping.

once i explained this problem to a close friend and he dropped off four shirts and those are pretty much the only thing i wear now. i found one pair of jeans that fit and i just wash those when they get dirty and hope low rise comes back into fashion eventually cause high rise hurts my belly

over time my friend group and family (extended family) has become increasingly trans allowing me to explore my gender for what it is, i don’t feel as though i always need to present anything bc often they’re too tired or in chronic pain to present anything either. in truth, my name is not gus, but it’s one i’m considering going by offline and that a few friends call me. i have warned my fam that i might change my name and pronouns and they were all like :/// okay sweetie, but not they/them okay? the grammar would be a nightmare which like. i’ll take it. they accepted me being a theater kid when i thought i was a theater kid, i’ll give ‘em a break on this one

this snl sketch is a very good thing that was made, my sister is one of those women at the beginning, she’s extremely fashion minded and so smart and aesthetic. the line ‘as a child you were humiliated in a kohls fitting room where your mother said something so harmful it seared off the top layer of your brain”

it was actually my mother’s room where i had been called fat one too many times by my brother and went to her and asked if i was. she said i could stand to lose a few.

my mother really struggled to lose her own baby weight as she had me late in life and with so many kids financial woes didn’t really ease out until i was maybe 7? 8? i didn’t realize at the time but she was looking at her reflection in one of the big mirrors she had in her room and even if she was talking to me she wasn’t talking to me, you know?

my mom did eventually lose the weight and got really in shape, like insanely in shape, she can now outrun god and dead lift satan on the days where her knee isn’t bothering her.

what else what else.

this poem:

“the tomboy grew up and she never went tame and she never found boys or makeup or nothing – nothing wrong with the girls who did but also it’s not inevitable, this progression womanhood rejected you, because where are the grownup tomboys? there’s no room for the rough-and-tumble girls to become rough-and-tumble foulmouthed broad-shouldered women. it’s alright to play at, daughter, they told you, but you have to grow up, and you were confused because you were playing at nothing the tomboy grew up, nonetheless. and instead of wrestling with friends she wrestled with herself for a while. but despite what they said, here she is, still rough, still wild. don’t believe the lies, daughter. grow as you need to. allow yourself to be pruned only to become stronger. grow bold and proud, daughter, like the trees that give you shelter, tomboy, wild girl. love the girls you dream of being strong for and the friends who bear you up when the storms shake your roots. there is value in the crabapple trees, wild daughter, even if the orchard-keeper turns up his nose. know this always, daughter: i love you exactly as you are, and however you need to be” by @sailorshadow

for julia in nebraska by addrienne rich

my friend got me that shirt during quarantine and i got the haircut a few weeks later

on the subject of rita mae brown who wrote ruby fruit jungle, i read the book while overseas in two days, didn’t look up the entire time, and was one of the first gay books i read. one of the things i loved about it was how the speaker was so unapologetically herself. how it ends on a note of bitter strength and triumphant defeat. i reread it while in georgia last year and found i had outgrown it. you might find some comfort in it, idk, just watch out bc there is some terf stuff in it? it aint perfect so just keep an eye out for that, it doesn’t ruin the book i don’t think, there’s other good stuff in it.

here’s some pictures of men:

growing up i was also surrounded by picture books, my grandmother was a children’s book librarian, and here are a couple of important figures:

then how to catch an elephant by amy schwartz but in particular this page:

and i’m sure i’m forgetting things but here’s my gender euphoria playlist:

i’m sure there’s stuff i’m not thinking of but i think that’s the gist of it? if you have any questions feel free to ask

ope! i almost forgot a couple of other important things:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq27hcPTzDo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENxbcvUXfnM

hope this helps you on your journey!!!!!!

[theskyexists]

In this show they pretend that these men and women are IN THEIR TWENTIES. THEIR EARLY TWENTIES. THEY ARE ALL AT LEAST 35!!!!

it’s an incredibly crazy psyche that theyre characterising for the emperor - he can dote on his consorts but not love them...hm

YINGLUO AND THE EMPEROR’S EVERY FUCKIN INTERACTION IS SO GOOD

E: don’t you want a nice life?

Y: you put me here so uhhhh -nah obviously what use is wishing hello

E: you could beg me

Y: lol nope

Emperor literally pulls out all the stops to get her to go through the process to give him an excuse to pardon her

fuheng is not at all handsome but he’s nice looking. love how you can see the mongol influences in the clothing

why is the wedding so insular

lol. double standards there. yingluo has to walk in a snowstorm for 24 hours and fuheng gets a promotion and a wife. lovely

they look enormously handsom in their winter clothes

literally tears in my eyes over fuheng saying: ‘she must be so cold. so cold’ AAAAAAA

damn yan - that umbrella’s really helpin. he probably told her: DONT DO IT. ITS NOT WORTH IT

erqing wanting to be free isn’t bad. but revelling in being able to admire the snow while yingluo is dying in it s abit much

the weird thing about the show now is - why isn’t the empress more upset??

lol emperor realises empress was right. poor fuheng...

he really elevated her to concubine status???? fuckin hell. she’s gonna hate him.

if this veers into ACTUAL romance between yingluo and the emperor ill be fuckin upset

YOUR MAJESTY, WHY FORCE OTHER PEOPLE? LOL she’s really talking around the fact that she IS unwilling

.............................................................uh. they did make the emperor a rapist! INTERESTING CHOICE with how the keep skirting around how much of a monster he is

but wei yingluo instantly adapts and uses what he said against him. wow fuckin hell. they won’t let the implications of how much of a piece of shit emperor is stick i spose. bc yingluo plays him like a fiddle. she perfectly replicates the horrible speech patterns of the harem women. she asks for AN INCREDIBLY INSANE RANK OF COURSE. the plaintive ‘your majesty!’ - the crying! oh my god - she’s so good. HE ACTUALLY BELIEVES HER. god he’s so dumb.

‘i will never want a woman with ulterior motives’ - WELL THEN, you’re out of luck with your harem dude

what. oh right. the empress was depressed or something. jfc. yingluo went through the fuck snow for her.

why is the empress so mad? what the fuck is up with this now. wHy??????? what the fuck is going on???? this empress doesn’t communicate honestly AT ALL.

‘if not for protecting me, you wouldn’t have become caught up in power struggles’ uhhhhhhhhhhh she was throwing her life away on revenge lady. and throwing her out of the palace won’t protect her at all. shes sending yingluo away bc she sees her whole household going down. well maybe you could have ARRANGED something for her in another palace maybe? OH WOW the empress can RELEASE PEOPLE FROM THE PALACE???

THEY HUG!!! THEY”RE HUGGING!!!!!!!!

how did that one eunuch survive

i wonder if this is a convention for the drama of the series. i would have guests announced ALWAYS so they can’t overhear shit!

the DRAMATIC theme is used so much it’s getting annoying

they didn’t have budget for portraying the maids in the palace

it sure sucks when you have so little freedom and an ideal vision of married life bc that’s at best all you’re afforded

the wounds and disease on this show are always so shit

couldn’t you have given the girl some compensation for getting tortured???

married life does not agree with erqing. why does she write letters to her grandfather? because she wants to have just a little bit of power. why does she go MAD with bloodlust? because it’s what she feared to be the victim of - what she was taught.

oh Fuheng - you’re such a good man.

but terrible at marriage. she didn’t even kill the woman (yet).now you’ve ruined shit entirely between Erqing and you even though you’re kind of responsible for her paranoia and loneliness. oh patriarchy

‘what have i done wrong?’ - she really really doesn’t get it lol. her mind draws a blank even though fuheng told her. she’s like - all the other women in my position act like this! im trying to be a good wife! ya. he’s quite different

exaclty lol - you’re locked in marriage now so then you’re just

they’re casting erqing as a villain for not wanting to be sent into the KILLING FIELDS of the forbidden palace to serve some cruel mistress and delighting in no longer running the risk of being ground underfoot

feminism? Yes! anti-hierarchy/class system? NO!

fuheng really is quite shitty to his wife - a wife he chose and he thinks simply helped him preserve Yingluo’s life. He should be a lot nicer to her

Erqing doesnt want to talk about how she could learn from this - or say sorry - or make up for her mistake or reconcile. she just wants to run and hurt who’s hurt her. it’s really exceptional how they lampshade the absolutely bullshit character change they’ve given her lol

Erqing came here especially to harrass Yingluo and she’s getting SLAPPED. literally lol

‘all the citizens in this empire are my children’ - oh rlly. you dont treat them so good then.

and he does cry. look! the show says, look the emperor has a heart! he loved his son!!! but he’s too proper to cry!!!!

can’t believe im only halfway in this goddamn show