#actually i’m lying down in the dark rn n it’s kinda making me sleepyish
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i’m scFfredscsfed scatsdww scared
#i just wanna embrace my mania but i have work in 4hrs n i barely slept over the last 4 days n pulled an all-nighter last night#like ik it’s not smart to work a 12hr shift without sleep but Fuck i just wanna!! b awake!!#actually i’m lying down in the dark rn n it’s kinda making me sleepyish#but now i’m worried my body will want to catch up on +56hrs of zero sleep n i’ll sleep thru my alarm uvhhhh#i had work yesterday and did surprisingly well despite the all nighter i pulled ??#i got all my IV sticks!! n im getting better at burping the saline bags!!#my only issue is i’m kinda slow but idk i just get caught up talking w the patients or their families#like i like spending time w the kind ppl and joking with them and taking the time to help educate them abt their ailments#but i work i the ED so i gotta pick up the pace!! but also manic me loooooves chatting n that’s where i fell kinda short yesterday lol#but a pt’s grandma was so genuinely grateful for me taking the time to explain everything we were doing to help her grandson#she said ‘god bless you’ and her genuinity was real i felt she truly meant it#she even said ‘and god bless the woman who put you here on this earth’ n i was like#;-;tyvm i’m actually here doing this bc of my mom!! she passed away when i was 16 n the woman said a little prayer jsut basically telling#god to Reallh watch over me n im not religious at all and i hate god but my mom was v religious n i have no problem w others beliefs#but idk i was really touched i guess like wow maybe i’m not that annoying/horrible of a nurse bc i’m kinda unprofessional when i talk?#i just like to make light out of things to help pt’s feel heard and validity and i want them to know i care and want them to feel as safe#w me as possible during the#time they’re in my care#ik i probably just should’ve been a psych RN from the start but i rlly felt a calling to the ED??#also there’s a Lot of psych in our ED sooo 2 birds 1 stone !!#also the grandma told me she really appreciated how i spoke with them so openly and teach them things abt their loved ones condition#she said ‘never change that. your soul is beautiful and one of a kind’ or smthin like that n it was incredibly validating to me#cuz i felt like an idiot talking so much or maybe explaining things more than they wanted to know?? but the o grandma was soo appreciative??#i know i need to practice reigning myself in but with certain patients it’s just so easy to see them as another human being than a body#ok i’m kinda tired now but i’m fuxk dd bc if i fall asleep i’ll o my get 2.5hrs MAX n imsooo scared of not waking up on time!!#ok ok okimvinn finn big gonna go#ramblings
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