#actually i will keep ranting. I LIKE MY BODY. and then ppl misgender me or fucking LAUGH WHEN I SAY IM NOT A GIRL

[rowan-ashtree]

im fucking so angry. can trans ppl just be normal ppl to y'all. im a fucking human being ok

[totiredtowrite]

emergency request pls? with (any) hq boys and for those like me who keep getting misgendered? ive been out for god knows how long and i just feel like ppl just cant look past me being a girl and apparently not presenting as a guy enough ,, rlly just makes me feel invalidated as heck, like i haven’t been “myself” enough even though im finally comfortable in my own skin an forgetting being a girl and them someone goes “hey girlie” :/

im sorry this is so long and i think eventually became a little rant, i saw the emergency request thingie and took the chance, i hope you get this tho, and hope it counts as an emergency req ahaha, absolutely your works!!

ᴇᴍᴇʀɢᴇɴᴄʏ

Kyotani and Tsukishima (separately) comforting their transmasc boyfriend for being misgendered

Warnings - Talk of misgendering, insecurity, and dysphoria, cursing bc kyotani

Note: I hope it gets better dude :(. If it's any consolation, remember that technically you were never actually a girl. You don't owe anyone masculinity by any means, n as long as you know who you are you're set up for success <3333

FEM ALIGNED READERS (SHE/HER, SHE/THEY), DO NOT INTERACT PLEASE

⇰ Kyotani Kentarou

Kentarou's always been good at reading people.

That's why he can always tell when you need him, it's like a sixth sense. He can tell when you're out of it, or need help, or if you generally don't feel okay. He'll find you wherever you are. You won't see or hear much aside from him grabbing your arm and muttering something about "Stupid people with their stupid ideas."

He's surprisingly rather good at helping you. After all, he doesn't really understand why people misgender you. You look like a guy to him? Hell he forgets you're trans a lot, simply because you say you're a dude, so you are. There aren't any two ways or second meanings.

You'll never actually get the chance to say anything before he wraps his body around you, sitting there like a guard dog. It would be hard to get out until he deems that you feel better. You'd have to tell him multiple times, and he'll make you say it, that you're 'man enough.'

It's endearing, if not a little aggressive.

⇰ Tsukishika Kei

God he's...something, that's for sure.

Unlike Kyotani, he won't make you promise anything. He won't encase you in a human cocoon, he won't sit there with your face in his hands and tell you that you're man enough. What he'll do, though, is equally as effective.

Tsukishima was never one for showing his affection in big ways. It scares him, if he's being honest, to do so much for someone. That doesn't mean he won't help though. He's over six feet tall, his jackets and shirts are huge. (Even on him, seeing as he's a pretty lanky guy). He silently drags you away from whatever you're doing to throw one of his giant hoodies on your face, telling you to "just put it on already, you're making this weird."

He never wants you to feel bad. He is soft for you, deep deep down, and every once in a while you'll see it. If he ever catches you feeling insecure, too feminine, he'll gently put his hand on your back and say something along the lines of "you're my boyfriend, not my girlfriend, idiot."

He calls you handsome and he gives dirty look to people who call you the wrong things. It's your body, after all, nobody else should have that invisible right to make you question your validity.

~

Do not repost, translate, or copy my work on to other platforms.

[dead-thorin]

everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD 

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore. 

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot