#actual video is maybe 3 and a half minutes long but i cut it cuz my dad kept panning over to me

[mx-misty-eyed]

I WAS SO CLOSE

[wack-ashimself]

A long one, but worth the read...

I just got the most sleep I've had in 3 weeks. And I had to wake up to walk the dog. But I still fell back asleep. That is nearly impossible for me. Seriously. And I will tell you this. A lack of sleep makes you paranoid and anxious as shit. The smallest sound would make me jump that something was about to attack me. And being in an old house that doesn't help LOL

I had the most Vivid dream I've had in a long time. It wasn't a good one though. It was interesting though. Basically yellow lasers extended across the sky like a checkerboard, and beamed down. Nobody thought anything about it. But then I can't remember if it was weeks or months later (in dreams, I will time skip without realizing), but all of a sudden a huge chunk of the human race started trying to kill the other chunk. It turned out some aliens had offered some of the worst of humanity God like powers and immortality if they killed the rest of us, and let the aliens rule. And a ton of them agreed to it. It wasn't Invasion of the Body snatchers. It was aliens bribing humans to kill the rest of humanity (ya know: like the military or cops). And my entire dream was trying to stay in this gigantic mansion with some random people, and stay alive. It worked. Until we realize that some of the people inside were the ones who sold out, and they started killing us. I should have known it was a dream because they fired a lot of bullets at me, and I never got shot. But I was too into the dream to realize it. And I kept trying to kill those people, but they kept healing. I didn't realize it at first cuz I would basically attack them, and then run away. Then I watched one of them heal in front of me in real time. And I got pissed. I felt a little bit hopeless. Somehow we found out the lake where we first saw the lasers had an underwater alien pod (again I should have noticed it was a dream because I had random information that had no source.) Which we could use against them or take refuge in. But it only came up when the lasers were out. I can't remember, but we had to abandon that idea. I think because there was too many enemies around. But I was like maybe they can't heal if they're cut in half. And I'm not joking this is how the dream ended, and you're going to go what the fuck is going on in your brain.

So earlier in the dream, Catherine o'hare, yes the actress, and yes I love her, attacked me. I stabbed her in the neck with a fire poker. Later on in the dream, when I find out that they can heal, she attacks me again. And she's pissed at me for stabbing her. So I said fuck this. And I use the same fire poker to pin her to the wall, and then I cut her in half with it by twisting it back and forth (which by the way I don't think is actually possible.) And she kind of like...melted. It was fucking trippy. Then I woke up. Minutes before my alarm.

That is definitely one of the most violent dreams I've ever had in my life.

I wonder if it's a premonition?

I just got to say it was the longest craziest dreams of my life. And it only happened in like an hour and a half. But it felt like an entire couple days in my dream.... brains are fucking weird... and before you ask, no i didn't do a bunch of crazy drugs beforehand. I kinda wish I had... would explain some things...

< I can say this. As somebody who has played video games since he was like six, and tons of them with guns, I've never had a dream where I used a gun. I don't like guns. But reflecting I probably would have tried to get a Gatling gun and cut them all in half. But I know my soul. I don't like violence let alone guns. I only did what I did in the dream to survive. I would never want to do that. I will say though it was intense. You had no idea when or where you would be attacked or by who. That is a lot of fucking pressure. I should have mentioned the second time the yellow lasers came across the sky, they would randomly do it again. And I think it was not only for communication, but I think they were also offering More Humans the powers if they sold out. And more people were selling out because they were afraid to die.... again like reality now. >

[lilysdaydreams]

The Artist and The Musician

→  I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don’t think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Fluff.

→ Words: 5.6k

→ Request:  Hey! It’s me again lmao I was curious maybe like sykunno or raes little sister (like 2 or 3 years younger) meets the group and her and corpse just click. How would either of them react to them hearing the news that their little sis is dating corpse and like they’ve moved in together and everything idk I thought it’d be cute💛

→ Warnings: Swearing.

→ Authors Note: Its been a hard couple of weeks and im really sorry that this took so long to be done but depression rlly hit me and I could barely move myself. I hope you enjoy this, and if you do, please comment some words of encouragement or feedback 💛

→�� if you have some spare change , consider buying me a coffee.

You sighed as you finally dropped the last box in your new room, stretching to get rid of the pains in your back. Grabbing your phone, you moved over to Sykkunos room, knocking before sticking your head in.

"You want subway?" you asked when he looked up from the computer. He nodded with a quick smile, and as you closed the door behind you, you could hear him talking to the stream, letting them know that it was just his sister. Quickly ordering on Ubereats, you slumped on the sofa, closing your eyes and resting for a bit.

You had decided to move in with Sykkuno a month ago, the same week you'd decided to drop out of college. It wasn't something your parents were happy with, but after seeing how big your art and business had gotten, they had let you drop out. You'd dropped out and moved to LA, moving into an apartment with Sykkuno since he had to leave the OTV house. Sykkuno had moved in a week earlier which was why his room and computer was all set up. You'd only moved in today, spending a few weeks at home with your parents before leaving for LA. Stretching, you grabbed your phone, checking how long it would be until the food came, and then clicking on Instagram. Your most recent post was of this morning, a photo of you sitting on top of half the boxes in your room, throwing a peace sign at the camera. Sykkuno had taken it for you, the whole process taking 10 minutes cuz you made him take it at 45 different angles. Scrolling through the comments, you liked a few, replying to the ones by your best friends.

@selinaissss: "HOW DARE YOU LOOK THIS PERFECT AT 8 IN THE MORNING????"

→ @junefarie: i look like a racoon dont u dare

@onlyalyssa: "we need a house tour"

→ @junefarie: bitch I dont even have a bed yet

You grabbed the subway order when the bell rang, saying a quick thank you to the delivery man. You left yours on the table, and went to Sykkunos room, yelling "Sykkuno catch!" before throwing it at him, giggling as he leapt forward from his chair to catch it. Closing the door softly behind you, you jumped onto the couch, sitting cross-legged, grabbing your sketchbook and pencils from your backpack and setting them on your lap. It was time to wind down a bit.

~

It was a week later and you had unpacked fully, now focusing more on creating new pieces of art for a shop update. You were also working on some designs specifically for shirts and hoodies. Sykkuno found you in front of your computer, blanket wrapped around you and glasses perched on your nose as you emailed the manufacturer you were working with for the hoodies.

"Un, y/n?" he said hesitantly knocking on the door. You spun around in your chair, raising your eyebrows at him. "What's up?"

He walked in, sitting down gingerly on the edge of the bed and you got your water from the table, taking a sip as you wait for him to talk.

"I um- You know how I- I play Among Us right?" he asked, scratching his neck.

You hummed in response, urging him on with a nod. Sykkuno was almost never this nervous around you. Most of the time, you guys talked normally, joking and teasing each other. For him to be stuttering around you, he must have been extremely nervous.

"Well, you know Rae right? She um, she asked me to make a lobby," he said, standing up and pacing now. You furrowed your brows, confused as to where this was going.

He was explaining what a lobby was (which what the fuck, you watched his streams, of course you knew what a lobby was, why was he explaining that) when you cut him off, getting up and grabbing his shoulders to stop him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" you asked, holding his shoulders with both your hands.

He sighed and slumped into you, his head coming to a rest on your shoulder.

"Rae asked me to make a lobby and it's the first time I've ever made one and I'm really nervous about it. I've already invited people, but um I was wondering if you wanted to join as well? I- It would help me to have you there." he muttered, the words muffled as he spoke into your shoulder.

"Me?" you asked, a little shocked because you had never played among us before.

He nodded against your shoulder.

"Um sure!" you said, wrapping your arms around his middle, "It'll be fun!"

"And hey," you added on when he didn't say anything after that, "I can meet all your friends as well!"

He finally lifted his head a little, smiling as he muttered out a quick "Thanks y/n."

"However," you added, jumping back onto your seat and wiggling your eyebrows at him. "You have to buy me pizza for tonight's dinner."

He chuckled, grabbing his phone and already mutterng the order to himself as he opened up the ubereats app and walked out of the room.

You turned back to the laptop humming a tune under your breath. From interactions like this, most people would probably assume that you were older but the truth was that Sykkuno was 5 years older than you. Your roles were reversed and you were probably more protective over him than anyone else. Once in high school a girl had called him cute and asked him for his number only to write it on the bathroom walls. After the first three prank calls, you'd taken the phone from him yelling at anyone who called that if they called again, that you'd personally track them down and shove a dildo up their ass.

Both of you had always been close, but with the amount of bullying and teasing he got in high school, you'd got even closer, eventually becoming his best friend in a way. Seeing Sykkuno grow as a person, get new friends who were genuinely nice and kind made you the happiest person alive. When Sykkuno had first started streaming you'd been worried, scared that people online would say something mean. When he had first started streaming with other streamers and then met Lily and all his other friends, you had been anxious, worrying that they might only be putting up a friendly facade. You were also the happiest though when he grew even closer to them, when he smiled more, laughed more, talked more.

You had yet to meet or talk to any of his friends, mostly because you'd been in college, and the pandemic had made it harder. Maybe it was finally time.

~

The day came and you sat in your room, once again a blanket wrapped around you, glasses perched on your nose as you accepted the discord invite Sykkuno sent you.

"DO I GO IN THE CHAT THINGY?" you yelled to Sykkuno, hearing a "YES" before clicking on the voice chat.

You mumbled a "hello", wondering if your mic was on.

"Hey, yeah I can hear you y/n."

Breathing a sigh of relief, you logged into the game, smiling as you heard sykkuno introduce you to his chat. "Hi everyone," you said, feeling a bit weird only talking to a screen. You rubbed your hands, a little nervous to be doing this.

Just then someone else joined and before you could even speak another three people joined as well, all of them yelling hello as they joined.

"He- Hey guys, how's everyone doing?" started sykkuno.

"Im doing great oh my god, guess what guys, I'm-" started Rae, cutting herself off. "wait, whos um "ms snores a lot"?

You were a bit confused for a second, furrowing you eyebrows for a second before realising what had happened.

"SYKKUNO YOU ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK?" you yelled, staring at the name underneath the voice channel that you now realised belonged to you. You could hear Sykkunos laughter from the other room but you just spluttered indignantly. He was the one who had set up everything on your computer yesterday because technology was something that you rarely messed around with.

"Sykkunooo" you whined, when he kept laughing, "How the fuck do I change it now?"

"Um wait, sykkuno who is this?" asked Rae, the other three echoing her. You glanced at the names and from the voices figured out that it was Rae, Toast, Sean and Corpse in the lobby.

"Hey okay, so guys this is my sister, her names y/n and we recently moved in together, so I asked her to be in the lobby because... um.." he said stuttering at the end to find a reason.

"Because he wanted to embarrass me apparently!" you exclaimed, giving him a way out.

"Oh god, um - you can change it in settings, at the bottom near where your name is."

"Ahhh," you said finding it and then simply typing in your art business name.

"Its nice to meet everyone by the way," you started. "I've been watching your videos for ages so it almost fels like I already know you"

Raes voice started in your ears and you winced at the volume befoe turning it down a bit.

"I would love to say that Sykkuno has told us a lot about you, but the truth is that he keeps a lot of secrets and I didnt even know he had a sister, I AM SO SHOCKED RIGHT NOW"

You gasped. "Sykkuno what the fuck, you didn't even tell Rae?"

"You told me not to tell a lot of people!" he protested.

You heard someone saying "they're so different!' but you ignored it and kept talking.

"Yeah at the start! and on stream! I can't believe you never even said you had a sister." you spluttered out, followed by another gasp.

"Are you embarrassed of me?" you whispered dramatically.

"N-What no of course not!" he exclaimed, and you could also imagine how wide his eyes would have gotten.

You giggled before telling him that you were only joking.

"Um since sykkuno is embarrassed of me," you said jokingly, "I'll just tell you myself."

"I'm like five years younger than sykkuno, I'm a June baby, I do art, my star sign is cancer, I'm 5'4, I recently moved in with sykkuno, and my favourite colour is purple!"

"Oh is that why your username is junefarie? Because you were born in June?" asked Sean.

Before you could say yes, someone else cut in.

"Wait, junefarie?" asked corpse, "like the artist?"

Your eyes widened as you realised that he knew you. Sure you had quite a few followers, but you never expected any of Sykkunos friends to know you from there.

"Um yeah," you said letting out a shocked laugh, "I didnt expect anyone here to know about me."

"Dude, your art is fire!" he exclaimed, voice louder now. "I was honestly thinking of buying a piece soon, I've followed you for ages!"

"Wait, I wanna see as well." whined Rae, "Ima look you up, are you on Instagram?"

"Um," you said still shocked by the fact that somone this big knew you. "yeah I'm on instagram, its just junefarie." you said first replying to Rae, "Um corpse, thankyou so much! thats so nice of yo!"

"Um my art isn't that great yet," you chuckled, embarrassed by all the attention now. "I'm hoping to improve a lot more and I have a bunch of ideas for it as well. I'm hoping to work more now that I moved in with Sy."

"Oh my god, this is amazing," whispered Rae, Toast and Sean echoing her. You ducked your head even though no one could see you. Your cheeks were blazing hot and you pressed your hands to them to cool yourself down.

"Thankyou," you mumbled, not sure what to say.

Someone else entered the lobby, and said "hi" and you welcomed the source of distraction.

"Hi! I'm Sykkunos sister, y/n!" you said , wanting to move away from the topic of your art.

The reply of "sykkuno has a SISTER?" made everyone laugh, successfully moving the attention to Sykkuno and off your art. Finally Sykkuno started the game and you breathed as you lost yourself in the art of gaming.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled Rae as the game ended and everyone appeared in the lobby. "That was like amazing, Y/N I cant belive you pulled that off!"

She was talking about the last game where there was 50/50 between corpse and Sykkuno (because you refused to kill sykkuno when you were imposter) and you somehow managed to convince Sykkuno that it was Corpse.

"Honestly, neither can I!" you exclaimed back staring at your screen, eyes blurring the screen because of how tired you were.

"I can't believe Sykkuno," mumbled corpse. "I literally said I saw her vent and kill toast and Sykkuno was still like "hmmm, I don't think so."

Giggling at Sykkunos yell of "SHES MY SISTER" you yelled out a bye as everyone started leaving and then struggled to find a way to end the call.

"Wait, how do I end it," you muttered to yourself.

You jumped as Corpse talked, not expecting anyone to be there.

"You can see yoru name at the bottom left right? Its above that but a little to the right." he said chucling a little.

"Oh." you said, you cheeks heating up. You didnt know if it was because of him or because you were utterly useless with technology.

"Um thankyou," you said awkwardly.

"No problem."

You exited out of the call, a small smile at your lips.

Sykkunos friends were nice.

~

After the stream, your fanbase grew, and with it, the number of orders as well. For the next week, you were buried under orders, only leaving the house to go to the post office.

An Instagram post on @junefarie account: 

[ID: A photo of y/n and sykkuno standing in the middle of the living room, packages scattered everywhere. Y/n is hugging Sykkuno tight and Sykkuno is staring at the camera, a distressed look on his face.]

Caption: Thankyou so much for all my supporters and all the love shown to me. Sending out loads of orders and I cant wait for you gusy to get yours! Special thanks to @sykkuno for helping me send out orders. luv yu.

Comments: 

@Sykisacutie: best sibling duo!

@valkyrae: hope my order is in their as well.

→ I SCREAMED WHEN SY TOLD ME THAT WAS YOUR NAME.

@corpse_husband: sykkuno looks like he's accepted death.

→ @sykkuno: I would have welcomed death at that point

→ @corpse_husband @sykkuno: okay ill be honest, I would have welcomed death as well.

@ariesin: go best friend, go! we need to get together to paint soon !!

→ SOONNNNNN

~

You flopped onto your bed, every part of your body hurting. Carrying boxes filled with orders down the stairs had tired your whole body, which wasn't used to any exercise at all. That had taken practically the whole day and then you had to clean your room because the mess from the orders had barely left any room to move. You flung your hand to the side, grabbing your phone from the table and bringing it up to your face. The "1:02" was clearly visible on your screen and you unlocked the phone, heading to Twitter. Scrolling through your feed, you liked a few tweets from friends before gearing yourself up and moving to the messages. Ever since you'd played with Corpse, Sykkuno and everyone, you'd been getting a lot of messages. Most of them were just the streamers fans, asking you if you know them or telling you to take care of sykkuno. There were a few though that targeted you, telling you that your art sucked, that they didn't know why Corpse could like my art. You'd taken to deleting them before sleeping so that your inbox wouldn't get cluttered and you could still find any serious requests or messages from your followers. Therefore, you didn't really think anything of it when there was another message from someone with a Corpse icon and you clicked on it only to see the message and gasp, immediately sitting up in bed.

Corpse_Husband → Hey, I was wondering if I could work with you on something? I really love your art and was wanting to commission or collaborate for an album cover or some merch designs. Message me on this number cuz I barely see my dms.

Underneath was a number.

"Oh my god," you whispered, unsure as to what to do.

When you had decided to drop out of college, you had expected hard days. You had expected your normal orders and mostly just improving your art and marketing it more. You had expected long days and not much money in the bank account. You certainly had not expected the immense amount of orders you'd gotten. Along with that, the amount of love and support had taken you by surprise and you had spent the last night crying because of how much love you and your art were getting.

You had also not expected such a big opportunity just landing at your feet.

Quickly you clicked on the number, putting it in your contacts with the name Corpse and then writing a quick message.

"Hey I got your twitter dm! I've personally never done art for merch or album covers but I would love the opportunity!"

You bit your lip, confused as to whether that was enough before deciding it was fine and just sent it.

Your heart beat a little faster as you slumped back onto the bed.

~

@junefarie Instagram story:

[ID: A zoomed-in picture of a drawing, the only part that was visible was curly hair. The text read: "Working on something SO COOL"]

~

Your phone was ringing. Stuffing the rest of the pizza in your mouth, you swept your hand over the covers of your bed, trying to find it. With a muttered "aha", you grabbed it and swiped on the call before it ended. Pressing the phone to your ear, you mumbled a "hello", still chewing the pizza bite.

A low rapsy voice came out of the speaker, one that you definitely didn't expect. You choked on the pizza, coughing out pieces onto the bed.  Sure you guys had messaged each other a bit (you kinda had to because of the commission), but you hadn't expected him to call out of nowhere.

"Um I hope this isn't a bad time," he said when you didn't respond for a second. Of course, he didn't exactly know that hearing his voice so close to your ear had you frozen for a second.

"Um no," you replied, coughing slightly to clear your throat. "It's fine! What did you wanna talk about?"

"Oh, um I know you're already working on the commission and its looking great! I can't wait to work with the merch team to create something really cool with it, but um-" he broke off for a second sounding hesitant. "I really wanna get another commission done as well."

"Oh?" you said after a second when he didn't reply. "I'd be happy to do another one for you!"

"Uh yeah, but I'm afraid that I might be a bit late, You see I was wondering if it could be done before Christmas?"

You sucked in a breath as you counted the days in your mind.

"Hmm, it depends on how big it is tbh. There's still 2 weeks to go till Christmas so I could fit it in," you mumbled, biting your lip as you remembered the onslaught of orders you still had to send out.

"Well," he started and you smiled a little as the excitement crept into his voice. "You know that Sykkuno, Rae, Toast and me are called the 4 Amigops right? I kinda wanted a portrait of all 4 of us, in our um among us colors, and I basically wanted to print it out and send to each of them for Christmas."

"Aww, that sounds like such a good idea, I'm sure they'll all love it!" you smiled, thinking about how much Sykkuno would appreciate that.

"Uh thanks," he mumbled, "do you think you can get it done?"

"Sure!" you replied immediately. You did have a lot of orders, yes, but like, you could fit Corpse in. If you pulled a few all-nighters. "I'll send you the sketches soon okay?"

"Oh thank god, thankyu so much for this y/n, I really appreciate it. Youre one of my favourite artists and I'm really happy that I could finally commisison you after so long."

"So long?" you questioned. "Since when have you known about my art?"

There was a moment of silence and then "Um, around the time you still posted your sketches and stuff I guess?"

You furrowed your eyebrows thinking for a second before letting out a gasp.

"Corpse that was 4 years ago!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, oh my god, I cant believe you've seen those, I was so bad then!"

"No no, they were really good at that time as well! I was so shocked when Sykkuno told us you were his sister because like, I'd been following you for ages and I had absolutely no idea. You guys are like really different."

"Hah yah, Sykkunos so soft, and then there's me. An actual devil."

"Your usernames so different as well! I remember when I first saw a picture of you on your account and I was kind of shocked because based on the name junefarie, I was expecting someone very soft I guess but then you were literally the opposite and wearing actual devil horns."

"Oh god, that was one of the first few photos I posted of myself. that was on Halloween I think,", you took a deep breath still shocked that Corpse had known about you for that long,

"Yeah, I chose junefarie because...”

It was 2 hours later when Corpse said that he should probably be working on his music.

"Oh I'm so sorry," you apologized, "I didn't mean to keep you,"

"Oh no, I um, I liked talking to you."

Your breath caught for a moment and you smiled like a lunatic at your Pokémon covered bedsheets.

"I liked talking to you as well," you whispered out, heart sinking a little as you realized the call would be ending soon.

"Um, do you, maybe want to stay on call? like I'll just be writing and we can just chill?" he asked and you felt like your prayers had been answered.

"yes" you said quickly, not giving him a chance to back out.

He chuckled, and you fell in love a little.

Just a little.

~

You continued like that, calling each other every few days, talking so much and then at times, not talking at all, simply content with each others company.

He had even started facetiming you, the first time with a mask and then the second without it. You hadn't made a big deal about it, but the first time you saw him, you could barely breathe.

There were five days left until Christmas when you got the idea.

You were entirely not subtle about it, because, well to be honest, there wasn't a subtle bone in your body.

"Hey Corpse, do you like surprises?" you had asked, in the middle of colouring Raes hair (her hair was the last thing left before you could finally print the goddamn thing)

"It depends," he had murmured after a second, voice sending shivers down your spine like every time. Now whether that was because of his voice or because of him, you weren't entirely sure.

"on what?" you prodded when he refused to answer.

"On whether its a good one or a bad one" he had huffed out.

You had hummed, waited for a second and then blurted out that next question because you did not have a cent of patience.

"So what are you doing at Christmas?"

"Sleeping, if I can manage it," he replied, his voice taking on a sardonic tone, eyes flicking to you on the screen. The only thing he could see though was the top of your head because you had your iPad on the bed and were laying over it as you drew.

"Not with that attitude you aren't," you replied right back, making a small smile appear across his face.

"Hmmm, okay!" you said when he didn't reply.

He looked back over, eyebrows furrowed and mouth opening as he started to question you.

"Hey did you see the video I sent you?" you quickly asked distracting him from his question.

He would probably guess the surprise but that was okay. You only wanted to make a smile appear on his face. And honestly, for someone with anxiety, a small warning of a surprise was definitely needed.

~

It was Christmas day and you woke Sykkuno up at 6 in the morning with the promise that you'd buy him McDonald's. 30 minutes later, you were both in the car, yelling the lyrics to "All I want for Christmas" at the top of your lungs.

You had told sykkuno of your plan a few days ago and he had smiled at you with that stupid smile, agreeing with a small "alright."

You'd immediately realised that he knew. Even though you pretended otherwise, Sykkuno was the older one and the thing about older siblings was that they always knew.

They always knew.

So there you were, snacks loaded into your car, McDonald's fries practically everywhere, and a cake you had made in the backseat, on your way to Corpses house.

There was a lull in the music, and you were only 30 minutes away from his place, butterflies fluttering in your stomach when Sykkuno asked you a question.

"You like him right?" he murmured, head leaning against the window, eyes closed.

There was a moment of silence as you thought about what to say. Did you like Corpse? Of course, you liked Corpse! He was funny, he was nice, he made you feel like you were the only person that mattered and your heart beat faster than ever whenever he looked at you. Hell, that was through a screen, in real life, it would probably be even worse. So of course you liked him! The question was, did he like you back?

"Yeah," you answered Sykkuno, eyes straight on the road.

A second passed and then he smiled. "Good," he replied. and well. That was that. You sighed.

At least you had your brothers blessing.

~

Pulling into the apartment building, you breathed in, your heart beating a million times a second and the butterflies in your stomach had turned into snakes. Maybe, maybe this wasn't a good idea at all. I mean, you expected Corpse to get the hint but what if he didn't? and what if he didn't want you to come? Maybe you were being too quick. After all, It'd only been a month since you'd met.

These thoughts plagued your mind as you trudged up the stairs, turning to Sykkuno as you reached the door.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come," you whispered to him.

He looked at you, eyebrows high, "We just travelled two hours to get here. There's no way im going back without at least giving him the print."

"What if he doesn't want us to be here?" you hissed.

"Then we'll go away." he stated, "after we give him the print."

"But what if-"

Before you could even finish your sentence, the door opened and you both jumped, turning to face the person standing in the doorway.

You forced yourself to breathe as you finally saw him. It was him. Wearing a black beanie, half his hair spilling out the sides, stubble clear on his chin... it was him. At that moment, there was only one thought in your mind.

You were gonna marry this man.

"You suck at whispering," he said, and you huffed out a laugh, jumping onto him without even responding. You wrapped your arms around him, not letting go until Sykkuno cleared his throat from behind you.

You turned back immediately, grabbing the stuff in Sykkunos hands so he could greet Corpse too. As they awkwardly did their handshake/fistbump thing, you walked over to the couch behind them, putting down the print and the takeaway bags, and putting the cakebox down on the table.

You turned around to see them both standing there staring at you.

"Surprise?" you said when no one else spoke. That broke the ice a little and you grabbed the print from the couch thrusting it at Corpse.

"Open it. Open it. Open it." you mumbled, your heart beating fast as he carefully ripped the paper off. The smile that overtook his face made your heart immediately calm.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, eyes roaming everywhere, trying to take it all in. Clearing his throat, he nodded his head further into the apartment, mumbling that he was going to put it in the room, eyes still on the print as he walked there.

"You smile is gonna blind me," muttered Sykkuno.

"Oh shut up."

~

A few hours later, you stood in the kitchen, putting the leftover cake into Corpses fridge. You had all chilled, eating cake and the takeout that you and sykkuno had bought, laughing every few minutes. It felt like you were all on an adrenaline rush. You had facetimed Rae and Toast, Rae shrieking when she realised where you guys were. Sykkuno had just fallen into a nap, still tired from being wakened up so early, you assumed.

You leaned against the kitchen bench, smiling as Corpse walked in.

"Thankyou." he said as he came to a stop next to you, matching your position.

"For what?" you mused, even though you had a good enough idea.

"For the print. For coming here. For making my Christmas, a much happier affair than it has been my whole life." he stated, chuckling at the last point.

You turned your head sideways, and you didn't know what it was, but something about his face made you spurn into action. You grabbed his collar, pulled him down, and kissed him before he could even say anything. It would be too cliche to say that fireworks erupted. And if you were being honest they didn't. Instead, it felt like everything was finally right. You fit perfectly in his arms as they wrapped themselves around you, and you smiled into the kiss as he lifted you up, making you sit at the counter. You twirled the hair at the nape of his neck with your left hand, taking a deep breath in as you both slowed down and pulled away.

"Well," he whispered, "that was unexpected."

You raised a single eyebrow. Honesty you'd done a lot for this relationship. You just drove for nearly 3 hours! If he wanted it to progress, he was gonna have to say it himself.

"But not unwelcome," he continued when you didn't speak. A moment passed, where you could see that he was psyching himself up to say something. Finally, with a heaving sigh, he whispered  "Darling, would you do me the honour of being called yours?"

You melted right there.

A nod was all he needed before he grabbed your lips with his again, both of you giggling when he accidentally hit the side of your mouth instead of the lips.

The sound of a picture being taken filled the air, making you spring apart and swing your heads over to the doorway, which had sykkuno leaning against it, his phone in his hand.

"Thank god. Rae and Toast bet that you wouldn't confess until after Christmas, so now they both owe me 20 bucks." he said, now fiddling on the phone. "Dont worry Corpse, I'll add a circle over your face or something."

Your mouth dropped open as you stared at your brother.

"You bet on my love life?" you scoffed, still shocked.

At his nod though, you swung off the bench, marching until you were eye to eye to him.

"I want half the winnings."

Rolling his eyes, he turned back to the living room, jumping onto the sofa.

"C'mon, let's watch one more episode before heading back," he said and you jumped in next to him, patting the space next to you as Corpse came in behind you.

You grabbed Sykkunos hand and squeezed it, letting him know that you were grateful that he didn't make it such a big deal. Leaning your head on corpses shoulder, you smiled to yourself.

You'd have to leave in 30 minutes, to drive back to your parents and spend the rest of Christmas with them, leaving Corpse behind. And that made you a bit sad sure, but it couldn't overpower the feeling of pure happiness at being here. At giving him a happier Christmas. You smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

Nothing could overpower this feeling of absolute happiness.

fin.

Corpse husband taglist:  @mythicalamphitrite @ramble-writes @atsumubabe @anxiouskat5646 @itssierramcquade @xaestheticalien @jotaroslightning @starstruckllamapuppy @gxldenskiez @shinyshimaagain @cavanana @fee-btheweeb (send an ask to be added!)

[steve0discusses]

The Full Metal Alchemist Live Action Movie Part 8: Watch This Episode Covered in Butts be the Only One Not Flagged by Tumblr

Gonna be risky business and not only upload all of these caps the way I screenshot them--which has just SO MANY poorly CGI’d butts but also gonna do it on the Tumblr Drafts folder, which I have been assured works now.

I’m so worried about so many things, but considering all the fears I have about like...everything else in the world right now...I guess I’ll take a risk on tumblr.

Edit: I cannot believe that I had 8ish episodes of Kaiba’s tall dueling tower get flagged but not this movie. I just....wow I cannot.

So anyway, last we left off, General Hakuro stepped in and was like “Hi guys, you like my wily plans that no one in their right mind would have ever guessed???”

Yo remember this part of the anime? Where the bodies drop from the ceiling and it’s a hunk out of the final arc--it’s here. In this movie. This movie that can’t possibly afford to do that. Lets get some CGI animated bodies in here ASAP.

(see some texture regrets under the cut)

It’s like a Monet, as the Mean Girls say, because far away and shrinked to 500 pixels this looks kinda neat. They sort of look more like those slime ball that grow in the back of your throat rather than human bodies, but they still look pretty gross hanging up there.

But then.....we zoom in. Remember again that this was full screen on my computer, and at one point was on a freakin movie screen. This level of 3d...was on a movie theater screen.

The mind boggles. The mind boggles!

Like as you know, I am an artist, and I’ve dabbled in...basically everything in my pursuit to make a dollar...and I have taken about 2 years of classes in 3D art with Maya and all those. I’m not thaaat great at it--I’m much more an illustrator/painter--but I feel like I have that reference point. Can I just say--the model is...fine...you can do a lot with layers of bump maps so you don’t need a truly detailed model (not like they did that, because they didn’t do that, but I can figure that maybe they had an intention to do that and forgot?)

But, there’s no connection of the wires to bodies. They just kinda float? The bodies are also all the same shiny-ness? To the point that it looks like a copy paste? (I don’t think it is, the wires are slightly different on a few of them) There’s just not much in the way of a texture map or a bump map. It just...there’s also something missing from the skin.

Skin is actually kind of rough to render, so when I did it back in the day, I followed like a checklist to make sure I had all the layers and steps to make someone look...clammy. Some things are kinda translucent, they reflect light a different way...especially white skin like this wouldn’t be just...white like putty. Dunno if you ever saw a white person, but we got so many veins...there was so much potential to make something really gross and fleshy.

Instead we got silly putty. It’s fine. I’m fine.

So General Hakuro decides to just...kill everyone right now.

This makes no sense to me.

That means that the whole thing of Lust killing Hughes was completely unrelated to General Hakuro. All Hakuro needed was Shou Tucker, who has been in prison for...I assume months since Ed shipped him off. And Shou was only released today? Just now? Just now when Hughes was shot?

So this all just happened at the same time by accident?

I mean the General sent us to the wrong lab initially, so he didn’t actually want us to be here, and now that we are here, he’s going to set off an entire army as a reaction to three people walking in and going “oops”?

So, lets get a look at our army.

Oh it was so disappointing, this reveal. Not just the eyeball that has a bounce light coming from below the top lip there (how did that even happen???) but also when it opened it’s mouth, it had a flat animation of skin breaking--it wasn’t actually rendered 3d skin, it was like a jpg wrapped around it or something (or at least that was the illusion I got. That is fine for a video game or a TV show, but this is a movie. This is shot so that it can be displayed in a size bigger than your own house.

What happened to the animation team on this one? Not saying I can do better, cuz no, I can’t, that 3d chapter in my life was a while back, but I’m just one guy. This was an entire animation studio and they just...didn’t render 3d face ripping (which is their entire job, to work in 3d) and then they kinda just turned on the stock physics dynamics and dropped em instead of animating them.

The way they fell was like fish from a bucket--the same amount of speed, too. they all ragdolled like a 3D shooter, their rigs just hanging on for dear life (and yes, you could see the deforming happen on the joints of these models.) I’m fine with having a computer program render something out with a physics engine...but there is a balance.

You do have to still go in there and finangle it back because...real life is hella stupid. Real physics? So stupid. It was hilarious how nonthreatening it was, too because they’re like...the size of shrimps in that zoom out image. The scale is just so wild!

It was like one bored guy in a sound booth and they multiplied his voice three times. Golden. Absolutely golden.

So these guys stride over, all of them with the same amount of speed (leading me to think it was probably a recorded walk cycle they all share with slight alterations between all of em) and they kinda just...pile on eachother in a weird way.

I will give them this: I was happy to see something that wasn’t physics or procedural. They mo-capped and animated that part for sure. It had the touch of an artist’s hand. It was also a very funny way for Hakuro to die because this guy was on screen for like 5 minutes, and maybe 7 minutes of this whole movie.

Youknow...I think it really says a lot about your nude 3d models if they’re not disturbingly human enough to trigger the tumblr filter, youknow?

Anyway, Envy looks on.

And then Gluttony saves the city.

Meanwhile, they decide to bust out the fire effects and Mustang becomes the most useful person in this entire movie. Like honestly this movie was poorly named, because it should have just been “Mustang saves the FullMetal Alchemist’s Entire Ass.”

The next part seems like I forgot a cap, or maybe missed something. I swear to you, I did not.

First off, Al becomes fullmetal and makes this happen without an alchemy circle. The show doesn’t really care to talk about that though, it’s just a thing he can do now, and you’d only notice it if you were writing a Tumblr post about it.

I swear to you, Winry is just inside of Al and there is no explanation.

There is no explanation for this.

She was on the couch...why is she not on the couch? What?

And then when you think they might have a moment, Ed’s like.

Damn.

For reals what the hell was that entire scene except for a way for Ed to get his arm stitched back on in like 2 minutes?

Outside, Envy and Lust are just strolling around the back-alley of this red brick building we have seen used for this entire movie.

And like...it’s so funny to me because they weren’t trying to run or hide. It makes complete sense why they got shot. This is what happens when you just...walk away when the whole military guard wants to kill you.

Now lets go see how Hawkeye is faring.

Luckily, all of the ambling bodies have decided to walk slowly through this one weird grass section between extremely long buildings.

And Hawkeye tells everyone “You have to shoot their heads off” and I want you to look at that scene and tell me how many of those bodies still have heads.

Oh, all of them. Don’t worry about it.

Kinda hard to see, but Ed shows up to give Mustang a hand, which was fully unnecessary but we’ll get to that in a bit.

This movie is such a gem.

Ed goes big brain and realizes that Envy is still burned up, and thus is about to pass on.

And whatever, I’ll take it. It’s not like the movie has told us that they are made out of 1000000 lives, for all we know, in the movie universe, they really are only 4 lives. Like half a cat. Maybe Father only killed half a cat instead of an entire city.

Yugi Muto would be so freakin proud of Envy for how often this guy gets hit square in the chest with fire balls. It’s basically every scene where Envy and Mustang share screen time.

And don’t worry, I don’t think Envy died? But they sure made it look like he did, which I’m sure everyone everywhere was really happy to see, since Envy’s death was one of the climaxes of the whole series. Like people used to make these lists of “top 10 saddest anime deaths” and how many people had Envy on there? Like everyone? People freakin love Envy and they did him so much dirty in this movie.

Again I have no explanation for Winry.

So Mustang is like, Ed, you make sure Winry doesn’t biff it in that corner, and I’ll do my actual job over here on this side. And yo, he did.

And so then that’s it, Lust is dead, and now we have a Sorcerer’s stone.

Man it looks delicious, right?

I’d eat the hell out of that.

Anyway, we only have one more update and we’re done with this movie!

I know!

I know! They only have 10-15 minutes to resolve pretty much everything, and that’s assuming that the credits don’t take up a heap of that. Hell, I might only have 3 caps next episode if that’s all credits. I honestly don’t remember.

Anyway, hope y’all take it easy this February, here is a link for people who just got here to read these FMA recaps in Chrono order.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/fma/chrono

[boymeetsweevil]

MBD - 04

Grouping: Reader x Yoongi

Word Count: <8k

Summary: Three lessons to be learned: 1) don’t read the comments. Ever. 2) Baking will never let you down. 3) Don’t tease Yoongi.

Warnings/Themes: Angst?? Heavy doses of body image and related unhealthy behaviors, low self-esteem, cyberbullying? May be triggering for some. Some suggestive content. A jealous Yoongi.

part 0, part 1, part 2, part 3

A few more days pass through your break from work. Yoongi stayed with you the morning after coming back from the club to help you nurse your hangover, but he’d been in the dorms and studio since then. This left you with extra time on your hands.

In that time, you visited your best friend and your cousin who both lived deeper in the city, a mere hour’s ride from your apartment in the outskirts. You also got ahead on some work despite the fact that your boss gave you strict warnings about fully enjoying the break after seeing how hard you worked on the project for the quarter. But eventually you ran out work you could do and had nothing left but Netflix and the internet.

As it turns out, being alone with the internet ends up being a horrible set of circumstances. Curiosity and boredom get the best of you, and you find yourself breaking a cardinal rule.

You google Yoongi to see what pops up and get recent news about him being spotted with a lady friend. You know better, but optimism pulls you in and you’re opening up one of the articles. Apparently a fan that snuck into the VIP booth snapped a picture of you dancing with him at the club you went to a few days prior. Yoongi looks handsome with his bare face half obscured by his mask and a soft expression as he looks at you. But you let out a raspy gasp at your picture.

The only good thing about the photo is that your face is turned away from the camera, leaving your identity barely undiscovered. But your neck is coated with sweat, gleaming under the club lights. In the picture, the dance-move you’re doing is frozen, awkward and contorted, your body looks all wrong. With the powerful camera flash, you can see all the spots on your clothes where sweat had accumulated, all the spots where your amateur makeup skills failed. There’s no grace, no elegance, no dignity afforded to you in the photo.  It’s not the first time you’ve seen of yourself in a random pap site or careless photos. But it’s by far the worst one you’ve seen.

Like a magnet is drawing you there, even though your stomach already feels like shards of ice are forming inside it, you break a second cardinal rule. You read the comments.

It’s amazing that she feels comfortable looking like that when there’s a literal GOD standing next to her. I could never do that. I wouldn’t even leave the house

Why is something like this allowed when there are much prettier girls to pick from?

I don’t think Yoongi would be stupid enough to date this girl, the picture probably just makes it look like they’re together when they’re obvi not

actually I think this is the same girl in that ##0524 photo. Look (image01) same hairstyle and earrings. I think she just turned into a blimp...

Guys plz be nice u don’t know this person. Maybe she has a really great personality

so? This is what she gets for trying too hard to cling to Yoongi

Yo it’s prolly cuz she’s rich. You see those leggings? I didn’t even think they made them in that size but they’re from that brand IU wears. And they’re like $250 :0

She wasn’t even that pretty before this but now I REALLY don’t get it. Yoongi~~ there are skinnier girls who would suit u better

Load 675 more...

You slam your laptop shut before fumbling for your phone. Breathing levelly, you’re the picture of eerie calm with the exception of the way your hands tremble. You pull up your text messages to text your best friend when you stop yourself. While the company knows that you’re dating, you’re not allowed to disclose any information about Yoongi or the relationship to any third parties. To the public he’s still single despite his dating clause having expired long before you even met. And there’s no way to explain what you’re going through to your friend without bringing up your secret boyfriend’s stardom.

So who can you turn to, you wonder. You can’t tell your friends. You can’t tell your mother either. As much as you love her, she’d spill the secret in minutes out of well-meaning pride. And there’s no way you can tell Yoongi.

Taking a deep breath in through your nose, you hold it for as long as you can before shoving a pillow over your face and screaming.  All that’s left to show for the few minutes you spend screaming is the fact that you feel about 1% better and your now-hoarse voice. But the relief doesn’t last. The relief leaves room for heat to rise on your skin. Annoyance fills all your empty spaces. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and feel more anger.

Maybe you just aren’t working hard enough and people can just see that. Maybe you just aren’t being productive, you haven’t earned your spot yet. You hop off the bed and look around the room, almost frantic in your search for something to work on and actually improve.

Start with a deep clean, you tell yourself.

Two days later when Yoongi comes over, you’re still in the process of purging your tiny apartment.

“What’s all this,” he kicks gently at the garbage bags full of clothes littering the walkway to your bedroom. You jump at the sound of his voice, having forgotten that he mentioned coming over.

“I’m just doing some tidying up. I started with towel folding videos on YouTube and ended up realizing I have a hoarding problem.”

“I don’t think having dust bunnies under your bed counts as hoarding, but okay.” He searches for some space on your bed to sit in. The duvet’s surface is also covered in a mixture of old clothes and little knick knacks you’ve had since before you graduated college. “I didn’t realize you had so many clothes.”

You watch him pick up a spaghetti string top that you hadn’t gotten around to sorting yet. He gestures towards the two trash bags full of clothes on the floor.

“Put it in that one,” you point to the one furthest from the bed.

“Is this the donate pile?” He folds the shirt almost neatly and places it on the top of the other items with a sympathetic pat.

“Uh, no.”

“Then what is it? Looks like you already have everything you’re keeping,” he peers into your stocked closet.

“That’s actually the...inspiration pile,” you explain quietly.

“What?”

“It’s the stuff I'm gonna keep as motivation for me to lose weight.”

“Oh,” you’re surprised to see what looks like faint disappointment in Yoongi’s eyes as your words register. “I mean...makes sense.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean that’s one route you could take.”

“Is there another route?”  You turn to face him fully from your spot on the ground with a confused smile. The shoes you were organizing lay unattended.

“Well, you could not lose the weight,” he shrugs.

You avert your gaze to the ceiling, as if the true meaning of his words will be scribed there. It sounds as though he’s suggesting you don’t try to get back down to where you were before the huge project your boss assigned you, but you figure that can’t be it.

“I just mean that you could donate these,” he points at the clothes in the inspiration pile. “Some of them look like they’re brand new—I’ve never even seen you in them. And you could just get some new clothes.”

“You mean like ones that fit me now?”

“Or like before.” He shrugs. “Your style was nice, I don’t know why you changed it.”

“It changed because nothing I had before fits now. So I have to wear this other stuff.” You’re talking about the shapeless sweaters and the monotonous greyscale pants.

“You don’t have to.”

He makes a valid point, but it’s a small one. Besides, there’s something else you’re digging for. “So you really think I should buy bigger clothes?”

“Yes,” he says, like it’s so simple.

“Okay...but these clothes are supposed to be there to motivate me to lose the weight. If I just get a new wardrobe, that’ll mean the motivation is gone.”

“Okay,” he draws out the syllables while waiting to hear what your point is.

“That means I’ll stay like this.”

“What do you mean ‘like this’? What’s wrong with that?”

Your fists clench at your side as you think back to the photos of you in the club. And the comments from the netizens all saying roughly the same thing. With the puzzled way he stands there and looks at you, you feel another wave of frustration rise up. Did he really not see what was happening? Was he really going to make you say it?

“Hey,” he peers down at the veins rearing against the skin of your hands. “I mean it. What’s wrong?”

He gets up like the discussion is about to go somewhere but his phone ringing loudly with the little jingle reserved for one of his producer buddies stops the conversation in its tracks. You take this as a moment to shoo him out your place before your head explodes. Yoongi looks conflicted, he truly does. Still, he answers the call dutifully and gives a few affirmative words to assure that he is going to be at the studio soon and is ready to work. The call is short, but the mood is still tense like an angry, trapped breath.

“I have, like, 5 more minutes before I have to go—”

“You know what? Never mind. You’re clearly busy with studio stuff and I’m...busy too.”

With steely eyes, you take the clothes he was trying to help you with and add them to your own pile. He picks up the few things he brought with him in his brief visit and eyes you like he wants to say more. His gaze lingers over the sides of your face like a regretful touch and you turn to the side to shrug it off.

Another beep from his phone shatters the gossamer thin atmosphere further. He sighs and pulls his phone back out before hunching his shoulders.

“Can I use your laptop to check my email really quickly before I go? They just sent me a file and I can’t open it on my—”

“Yeah, yeah, just take it with you. I don’t need it,” you cut him off and wave a hand in the direction of your computer.

He looks almost upset when he gathers your laptop in his arms with the rest of his things, but doesn’t push the issue any further. The air is too tight for anything, even a genuine goodbye. Your throat is sore with oncoming angry tears and you just want him out.

The door shuts behind him softly, in place of the usual goodbye kiss. You wait until you know he’s gone let it all out.

*** Yoongi opens your laptop when he’s in the back of the car taking him to the studio. It takes him a minute to remember your password, but he logs on with minimal difficulty and the last thing you were looking at pops up obediently.

The rest of your break from work passes without a visit from Yoongi again. It’s not a coincidence. It’s because you turned your phone off for 48 hours and even after you turn it back on, you mute all other notifications and only look at it to check your work email and tell your friends that you’re ‘unplugging for a bit’.

In that time, you get all your clothes sorted. You burn through an entire fitness-based podcast series.  You declutter your whole apartment. But there’s still an unpleasant buzzing under your skin that doesn’t go away. Even with the reintroduction of at-home cardio and the shady water fast you did that promised a lifted mood and a loss of 2 pounds.

Then you’re home from work one day, and you find yourself pacing all around the rooms of your place. You’re fed up with bottling things up, but you don’t know what to do with this knowledge. Yes, it’s nice to realize that everything you’d been chasing wasn’t worth the torture you put yourself through, but you can’t seem to get any further. So you try baking. And when that doesn’t put you at ease immediately, you break down and call Yoongi.

Yoongi picks up immediately. Part of you is surprised because he’s been working on new mixtape stuff and when that happens he’s usually unreachable. But another part of you isn’t surprised because, to him, you dropped off the face of the earth after a near-argument and he’s still technically on break from promotions for a little while longer. There’s no reason not to be answering the phone. In spite of all this, his tone is a tentative mix of concern and relief that has you blinking in confusion before curtly telling him you wanted to talk at your place.

He arrives in a defensive cocoon of layers and squared off features. Only one of the two he sheds at the coat rack by your front door before going to find you in the kitchen, just finishing shoving dozens of muffins into the oven.

“Hey,” he says after clearing his throat to make his presence known.

“Hey.” You turn around and remove the oven mitts you’re wearing. “We need to talk about some things.”

“I know,” he chuckles humorlessly. “I saw that shit on your computer.”

Your brow furrows in thought as you recall the last thing you used your laptop for. Recollection comes eventually. Briefly you wonder if Yoongi read past the top comments. If he gave into the urge to comb through every single one to satisfy morbid curiosity. You nod.

“It definitely has to do with that.”

“Fuck what those people are saying. You don’t need to change or to—to keep an inspiration pile.”

At that, you groan. Your fingers tap on the countertop impatiently. “Can you please stop saying stuff like that?”

“What? That you’re perfect the way you are?” He spits.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not true.”

“Why wouldn’t it be true?”

Frustrated tears well up in the corners of your eyes because while you get that this isn’t an issue he’d ever have to worry about, part of you still don’t understand how he doesn’t get it. He’s trying so hard to be a good, romantic boyfriend that he doesn’t even see how much he misses. It’s supposed to be comforting, you’re sure, but it only infuriates you.

“Because I don’t fucking match you like this!”

He jumps at the sound of your raised voice, eyes wide. “Match me? What the hell?”

“You heard me,” you mumble.

“Yeah, I fucking heard you, but it still doesn’t make any sense. You’re not signed to some stupid contract, you’re not mandated to do anything with your body.”

“Haven’t I, though? I signed that fucking non-disclosure agreement after all. And I get a fucking angry call from your PR agents every time I show up in your pap photos, even though my face is never in them.” At this point you’re pacing again. This time it’s in tight circles in front of your fridge. “You said it yourself, you saw those awful comments. You saw how mad people get when I don’t show myself in just the right way. Those fans ripped me apart, Yoongi.” Your voice cracks and you curse yourself for being an angry crier. Crossing your arms around yourself, you try your best to beat back the tears.

“So you’re going to let a few fans tell you how to feel?”

“A few fans?” You’re close to laughter. “Try six hundred comments on one photo. Six hundred comments about the person who isn’t even the celebrity. And then multiply that by the number of times someone’s caught me at an unflattering angle or when I was bloating or when I started gaining weight back for real. Do the fucking math, Yoongi.”

That shuts him down instantly. Immediately worry replaces the incredulity. “I—how many times has this happened? Is this not the first time?”

You sigh at his ignorance. “No, but this is first time I was dumb enough to read the comments.”

“Why didn’t you say anything the first time something like this happened?” Yoongi’s face is full of distraught guilt. It’s hard for you to look at.

“What do you want me to say? Did you really want to hear me say all this stuff about some of your fans? These are people that love you. And you love them.”

“I love you, too. You know that,” he whispers, voice raw with emotion.

You can only sigh again because you do know. He does love you. He loves you perhaps too much. At this point, it seems like he’s so infatuated with you that he can’t fathom that people would have issues with you. But he’s also so in love with his career that you don’t have the heart to show him the things you’re facing. The dissonance would be too much to add to his already-full plate. And knowing Yoongi, he might do something stupid and get himself in trouble with his own fans. You’d hate to be the cause of something like that in his career.

The oven beeps and you use that as an excuse to escape the way his eyes shine as he contemplates just how much he wasn’t aware of until now.

He leans on the doorframe to watch you pull out the muffins from the oven and drop them unceremoniously onto the stovetop. The muffins are perfectly golden-brown and give off a warm, sweet scent that fills the kitchen quickly. You stand silent with your back to him, shoulders rising with the careful breaths you’re forcing yourself to take.

“Do you still love me,” his voice is small when it floats over to you.

“Ughh,” you claw at your face with your oven mitts. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t have asked you over if I didn’t. But...you have to understand that this is hard for me.”

“And what is ‘this’?

You turn and lean back against the counter, gesturing vaguely with a gloved hand. “This idol thing.” He tilts his head, not understanding. “I just mean that you have this amazing image because you’re out in the spotlight and I don’t want to sully that for you by...not looking like I should.”

“Why do you care about what other people think so much?”

“That’s so easy for you to say when people love you and you look like that. It’s different for regular people.” Your voice cracks once more as the shine lighting up your eyes breaks and runs down your cheeks. “It’s different because I’m already not deserving of you in their eyes. I can’t be regular and not look perfect.”

His hard demeanor softens at the sound of your sniffles and he comes to pull you into his chest, smoothing over your back. “Baby, there’s nothing wrong with the way you look.”

“I know that,” you sob. “I know that there’s nothing wrong with me, but you’ve seen what people say on those stupid forums. No amount of self-confidence could protect anyone from that shit.”

“Can I ask you something,” he says softly after a few aching moments of listening to you try to rein in your breathing.

“Y-yeah.”

“Who are the most important people in your life?”

“Huh?” You look up at him with watery lashes and he wonders how you could ever find fault with what you see in the mirror.

“Whose opinion matters to you most?”

“I don’t know,” you rub wet cheeks against the fabric of his top and think. “My boss since he pays me, obviously. And coworkers, I guess. My friends, definitely. My family, although they’re pretty easy to ignore.” He snorts. “A-and you,” you add on at the end hastily.

He gives you a sad smile when you look up at him. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“I mean...doesn’t how you feel matter? You just listed a bunch of other people.”

“Of course what I feel matters,” you say suddenly. You push back from him to clear your head. The tears have stopped flowing, though your cheeks are still wet. “I just can’t go through the world only ever hearing or caring about what I think. But I like myself, Yoongi.”

He nods seriously.

“Even if it doesn’t seem like it because I’m shy sometimes, or quiet. I like myself. But it still hurts to have people tell me they think I shouldn’t. I’m not the type of person who doesn’t react when people attempt to hurt me. That’s the part that hurts the most, I think. Knowing that it was their goal all along.”

“I get that. Or,” He purses his lips, “I think I do. I want to get it, anyway.”

You give him a weak smile because he’s cute, even in moments like this.

He squeezes your hand before bringing it to his lips. It’s not quite a kiss, just him brushing his lips against your skin while he talks. “But I still want to be there for you. And I hate that I could only guess when you were hurting.”

“I should have told you, but I was embarrassed.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?” He moves back to pull up a chair at your dining room table. His gaze is genuine and engaged as he looks to you for an answer.

“I’ve been dieting since the company approved us dating privately. This is the first time I’ve been...normal around you. I was worried you’d have this epiphany. That I’m not who you thought I was.”

“Do you remember the first night we met,” he asks all of the sudden.

“Yeah? You came to visit me at work and freaked my supervisor out. She still has that napkin you autographed.”

“That’s not the first night we met,” he shakes his head and chuckles. “We first met at my party. The one your cousin brought you to.”

“Oh, god. I hardly remember that, I was so drunk. I think I blocked it out.”

“You looked like this back then,” he smiles softly at you, memories of that night settling over the surroundings as they play out in front of him.

“Yeah, I know,” you nod softly, eyes averted.

“And you were so pretty that night too.” His gaze turns slightly salacious. “In that little shiny dress you wore��what ever happened to that?”

“You’re dumb,” you shove him with a simpering smile. He merely grins before pulling you slightly closer towards where he’s seated at the kitchen table.

“You still have it?”

“Oh my god, leave me alone.”

He leans into your space, making you duck your head to hide the way your cheeks flare up at his personal attention. Seeing you like this makes something coil in his belly. In due time, he thinks as he backs off. In due time, he’ll really give it to you. But in the meantime he behaves and doesn’t do anything more than intertwine your fingers together.

“I’m donating the clothes from the inspiration bag,” you mumble into his hair.

He pulls back and is careful to keep his face neutral. “Yeah?”

“I did a lot of thinking. And I realized that I don’t think I can say I really like myself if I keep forcing myself into this...mold.”

His brows furrow, lips pouting prettily as he focuses on following your train of thought. “So, what does that mean now?”

“So, this is me. For a long time probably, unless something major happens. I’m telling you so it can sink in. This is your out.”

“Okay,” he stands up from his chair slowly. Large, warm hands come to cup your face tenderly. “And this is me telling you I don’t want an out.”

“Okay,” you breathe out a sigh of relief so deep you don’t know where it came from.

“Glad that much is worked out,” he says before planting a sweet kiss on your cheek. “Hey.”

“What?”

“Can I have a muffin?”

You roll your eyes but go and get a plate from the cabinet. He watches you carefully as you hesitate at the oven before gingerly putting two muffins on the plate. When you return to the table, you mumble something about just wanting to see if they came out good and he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he takes a bite of one of your rare instances of culinary genius. He lets out a moan that makes your eyes widen and you take a bite before nodding to yourself.

“Just open a bakery already,” he says with a semi-full mouth and reaches out with grabby hands until you get the message to leave your chair. He pulls you into his lap and you try not to feel too self-conscious as you settle your thighs on top of his own. His hand lands on top of your lap casually, large hands splaying out on top to squeeze affectionately at the softness he finds there.

You worry you’re cutting off the blood supply to his legs but he sits happily with you in his lap and even kicks a little rhythm out while finishing his muffin. You get up and he snags the untouched part of your muffin before pulling his phone out of his pocket.

There’s a stream of messages in the group chat asking about his whereabouts and what he wants to do tonight. He answers that he’s with you and the other members all complain about how long it’s been since you visited them. Jungkook even tells Yoongi to bring you over to his place since they’re having a small kickback with just themselves and your post-break workload is still light. He purses his lips and asks for a raincheck, not wanting to push you into being on just yet.

***

A few days pass and the messages get more and more annoying as the other members whine about not having seen neither Yoongi nor you in far too long. So during one of the last days of their break, while he’s trying to dictate a cookie recipe to you, he breaks down at the 13th ping from his phone in a short period.

“Do you want to come hang out with me and the guys tonight?”

Normally if you’re invited over, you jump at the chance because you love getting out of your apartment and you like seeing Yoongi in his element with the people he’s closest to. But you don’t jump on the invitation now because it’s been so long since you last saw the guys and you know that you looked different then.

“I don’t know,” you fold toasted almonds into the cookie dough.

“Why not?”

“You know why,” you sigh. “And as nice as they are, I don’t really want to deal with the ‘did you do something with your hair’ or ‘wow you look so different’ comments.”

“They’re not gonna say that, they’re not total assholes. Look, if anyone says or does anything stupid, I’ll rip them a new one and take you back here.”

You purse your lips while you think it over. “And then will you stay the night?”

“If something stupid happens, I’ll cancel my studio appointment and stay over,” he smiles at you, eyes crinkling. “I’ll tell them we’re on our way now.”

“I can’t leave now,” your hands flutter up as you go from 0 to 60. “I’m a mess, I need to—”

“It’s just the guys. There’s literally no one there worth impressing. I would know.”

“Fine,” you groan. “Just let me change. I’m covered in flour.”

In your room, you find yourself unsure of what to put on. You no longer have any of the clothes you used to wear when you needed to feel like you objectively looked good. But you do have the gorgeous leggings Yoongi gifted you. You switch out your current shirt for a cleaner one and slip on a pair you’ve become obsessed with.

Yoongi punches in the code to the front door of Jungkook’s apartment while you hold the tin of cookies you made. Your fingers slip against the container due to having grown a bit clammy on the ride over. It took a heinous amount of time to wrap them in a way that would keep them warm all during the ride across the city. And now you’re nervous despite the fact that Yoongi sensed it in the car and hurled reassurance after reassurance at you.

But when Namjoon pulls the door open and greets both of you with a smile and a hug and no weird looks, you let out a tiny sigh of relief.

The guys crowd around you after Yoongi announces that you baked. Hoseok mumbles to himself about Yoongi hiding you purposefully so he could hoard your baking and takes two cookies for good measure. Jungkook says thank you politely before splitting one with Jimin. Taehyung takes two for himself and Namjoon and tells you ‘welcome back’. While the rest of the members snack, you count off the remaining sweets in the container and realize you didn’t give any to Jin.

The oldest member is standing in the hallway, drinking from a glass of water and scrolling through his phone when you find him. He must not have gotten the memo that you arrived, so you make your presence known by softly clearing your throat.

“Long time no see,” you smile at Jin.

He peers at you over the rim of his glass for a few long beats and you work to keep your smile natural. You can’t help but worry that he’s looking at the way you’ve has changed since he last saw you, chiseling away at the outside to see the familiar you he knows underneath.

“I guess it has been,” he finally says when he drains his glass. He leans back to rest his back on the wall. “Whatcha got there?”

“Oh, um, they’re just some cookies I made today. Yoongi had been bugging me about making them and I gave some to the others. I just thought I’d see if you wanted any.”

“I’ve always liked your baking.” He reaches out and plucks a cookie from the tin. A second later half of the cookie is gone. He chews thoughtfully.

“This is a new recipe, so I don’t know if it’s as good as it could be. I haven’t had much time for experimenting in the kitchen with work up until now so they might be—”

“I can only imagine how good they were when they first came out of the oven,” he finishes the rest and cuts your rambling off.

You stand there, oddly nervous, while he chews. When he finishes, he watches you fiddle with the lid so the cookies don’t get stale.

“Something’s changed about you,” Jin says finally, his eyes moving from your hair to your toes. You nearly drop the tin in your fumbling, and cringe from both the comment and your clumsiness.

“Yeah, I... gained some weight recently,” you blurt out in the hopes that it’ll be less uncomfortable if you’re the one to say it. But it’s not.

“Hmm,” Jin’s eyes rove over you more thoroughly, making you stand ramrod straight. “I don’t think that’s it. It’s something else, I think.”

“Oh. Well I don’t know, then.”

“What’s going on,” Yoongi’s voice creeps into the mix.

When you turn your head, you’re greeted with the sight of Yoongi in the doorway. He looks comfortably settled against the doorframe, like he’s been there for a while. His gaze isn’t directed at you, but at Jin, you realize. A quick glance back shows that they’re both looking at one another.

“Nothing. We were just talking.” Jin shrugs before walking over to you. A hand on the small of your back brings you with him and up to Yoongi.

Yoongi fixes Jin with a narrowed stare. “The guys were wondering where you both were. They want to play a game together.”

“We were here. No need to worry about us.”

“Well, why don’t you go in and tell them that? I’m gonna speak with my girlfriend.”

Jin gives him an amused smile before giving you a two-fingered captain’s salute and heading to the living room. It might have seemed dorky if anyone had done it, but you marvel over how cool he makes the gesture look. Yoongi turns to you then and takes in your distant expression.

“He didn’t say or do anything to make you uncomfortable, did he? Jin sometimes is a total asshole.”

“No, he—well, he said I looked different.”

“Do you want me to beat him up,” he steps forward to rest his hands on your shoulders. “Because I can, just say the word.”

“It’s really okay. He said it wasn’t just the weight. That it was something else.”

Yoongi’s lips thin as he tries to look for some other message in your words. “I don’t know what the hell that means.”

“It probably didn’t mean anything bad. Just let it go.”

Yoongi nods but takes both your hands in his to kiss them. You lead the way to the living room, feeling a little more like you can handle the night. There’s not much space with all seven members and you. You end up seated away from Yoongi, on the couch between Jungkook and Jin.

Somehow you get roped into playing some Mario game with two teams. You don’t know anything about video games, but you listen to Jungkook’s instructions carefully when you get one of the controllers because he’s one of your teammates. You’re not very good, though. Jin, your team captain, eventually has to maneuver his hands over yours so your character does the right thing.

“You sure you didn’t change your makeup style or something,” Jin asks during one of the rounds where you’re supposed to be playing against Hoseok.

The question takes you by surprise and you turn toward the sound of his voice only to realize just how close he is when he’s acting as a gaming coach of sorts.

“Uh, no. Why?”

“Dunno,” he doesn’t look at you while he converses with you. He’s watching the screen with a hawk-like focus. “You just look prettier than I remember.”

You stutter around nothing, not sure what to say. In the end you settle for saying nothing, though you do spare Yoongi a glance. His gaze must have already been directed at you because you make eye contact immediately. Knowing that he’s probably just making sure you’re having an okay time, you give him a thumbs up and attempt to make Kirby spin on the large screen in front of you.

The night stays that same level of odd. No one else does anything out of the ordinary, barring Jin. He’s strangely attentive even after you get the hang of playing enough to take full control of the controller. After that point, he still slings an arm across the back of the couch, which makes full contact with your shoulders because of how tightly packed you all are on the couch. And when he wants your attention, he makes a habit of brushing his hand down your arm and sometimes leaving it there.

You figure you just don’t spend enough time with Jin to get used to him. But you’ve seen enough interactions between him and the younger members to know how touchy-feely they are with each other. Maybe you’re just enough of an extension of Yoongi to be included in that touching. So you try your hardest not to question it. It’s just nice to know you've been accepted that much and you start to lean into the touch like you would with your own friends.

Soon enough you’re taking part in the high fives that melt into hand holding when you score a goal.

‘Quite a feat for a beginner’, Jin tells you.

Yoongi watches from across the room as your face lights up once again from Jin’s praise. You look like you’re having wholesome fun and the urge to interrupt that is what kills him. But what kills him more is the way Jin’s thumb strokes gently against the curve of your flank as he gestures to something on the screen while Jungkook takes a turn with the controller.

He didn’t think he was the jealous type, but when Taehyung orders pizza one painful hour later, Yoongi’s come to the realization that he’s much more selfish than he knew. Jin whines until you let him feed you a bite of the pepperoni pizza on his plate, knowing you’re too nice to say no. You think this is run of the mill behavior, but even Jimin raises his eyebrows at the display before peering at Yoongi’s furious profile.

The last straw, though, is when Jin wipes a trickle of grease from the corner of your mouth and waits until you’ve turned your head to say something to Jungkook before sucking the residue off. At that, Yoongi stands up abruptly, nearly toppling over the empty box that was near his knees.

“It’s getting late,” he answers the curious stares watching him trudge over to you. “We should head out now if we still want to get back to your place at a decent hour.”

“Oh,” your eyes are wide, “You don’t have to. I know you wanted to do your thing in the studio tomorrow. I should be fine on my own,” you hint back to the promise he made to stay over if the night was a bust.

“I changed my plans already, so I’ll go later in the week. Come on, let’s call a car and go.”

“I can drive you guys. I brought my car,” Jin offers suddenly. His arm is back to resting behind your shoulders. And because his fingers are close enough to graze your shoulder, they do.

“You really don’t have to,” Yoongi bites out. His stare is potent with silent accusation.

“Yoongi, why not? Jin’s place is across the bridge from mine. It actually makes some sense, and I was getting kinda tired. If we wait for a car, I might not be able to get up early enough to go to that brunch spot you mentioned.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jin claps his hands with finality and gets up from the couch before extending his hand out to you. Much to Yoongi’s chagrin, you take his hand like it’s a genuine gesture of chivalry.

Jin somehow manages to get you to sit up in the passenger’s seat with him, leaving Yoongi to fume in the backseat. Occasionally Jin’s eyes will meet his in the rear view mirror and they’ll crinkle with impish amusement before returning to caressing your silhouette.

“So,” Jin says once he gets on the freeway. “Is our Yoongi treating you good?”

You laugh because you don’t see the game at play. “Of course he is. He’s the best boyfriend I could have asked for.” Yoongi’s resolve softens momentarily at your sincere tone. “I love him, even when he gets weird like tonight.” That comment has Jin cackling.

“You know,” he says once his laughter dwindles down, “I actually had the flu the day of Yoongi’s party. The day you guys met.”

“That explains why I didn’t actually see you there. I remember everyone else being there, though.” You gaze wistfully out the window. “I was too shy to talk to any of you guys then.”

“That’s okay. If I had been there, I would have talked to you.”

“That would have been a fun night, I bet.”

“Yeah,” he makes sure Yoongi’s looking in the rearview mirror. “Who knows how close we’d be today if I hadn’t gotten sick.”

Yoongi’s cheek nearly bleeds with force of his teeth gnawing on the inside. If he could, he’d reach forward and throttle Jin. But he’s driving so that’s not an option.

The torture doesn’t last much longer because about 10 minutes later you’re directing Jin to the parking garage of your apartment complex. The goodbyes are annoyingly drawn out and Jin manages to invite himself to brunch the next morning. All the while, Yoongi stands behind you, dying to get inside and away from the eldest member.

Finally, the door gets slammed shut before Jin can say something stupid about seeing you both tomorrow. Yoongi gives the door a smug look and then turns to catch a flash of your eyebrows raised in amusement. His eyes narrow and he approaches you slowly as you shrug off your layers in an almost too mundane way.

“What’s so funny,” he drawls. He attempts to peer at your face only for you to keep whipping it away every time he gets too close.

“Nothing,” you turn and give him your back while you smooth over your already made bed. “It’s just interesting watching you with Jin. I never really get to see you guys together.”

“What’s interesting about it?”

Yoongi starts unbuttoning his own outer layers with painstaking care, giving you ample time to twitch under the weight of his gaze. You fight to keep a smile from sneaking onto your face, but it’s too hard and you let your lips turn up in a little grin. He can’t see it, but he can hear it in your voice.

“You’re just cute when you’re mad.”

A muscle in Yoongi’s jaw jumps.

“You noticed that I was mad, huh?” He shirks off his jacket roughly, sulking in his subtle way. Luckily—or perhaps not luckily—you’ve come to recognize it well.

“I did.” Your voice is high and steady as you remove your sweater, leaving you in a soft and worn t-shirt. “I’ll admit it was entertaining. A little bit.”

“Is that so?” He hums.

“I mean, I don't know what you were mad about. But I could tell it wasn’t about something serious.”

He merely nods and watches you fidget. You peer at him through the side of your eye and see him meticulously undoing the clasp of his watch. From the way he moves slowly through the process of undressing for bed, you can tell something’s coming.

“Let me ask you something, then.”

“O-okay.”

“Is Jin still your favorite?”

“Are you kidding?”

You have to stop hunting for pajamas at your dresser and turn to him to see if he’s in fact kidding. But he looks dangerously serious, and you have to fight to keep your eyes from rolling.

“That’s what this is about? All this sulky Yoongi is because of that?”

“Just answer the question,” he shrugs his shoulders lightly.

Supposedly he’s calm and collected and not jealous, but his eyes are sharp as they zero in on you. Easily, he pushes himself off the wall he was leaning on. The steps he takes toward you are measured and slow. You still find yourself holding your breath as he comes to sit benignly on the bed across from you. It’s something he does sometimes when you’re getting dressed or undressed. Because ‘he likes the view’, he usually says. But tonight it makes you grab the first thing that you find out of your pajama drawer so you’re not leaving your back vulnerable.

“Of course he’s not my favorite anymore. I haven’t felt that way since before we got together.”

“I was just wondering.”

“Yoongi,” you sigh and pull the old t-shirt off to replace it with a sleep shirt. “When you asked me who my favorite was half a year ago I didn’t realize you were flirting with me. And I didn’t really know much about the group either.”

He nods like he thinks what you’ve said is completely reasonable and you stuff your legs through some of your yoga pants roughly. When you finish, you’re still standing defensively on the other side of the room. He looks up at you and beckons you over without a word. You feel compelled to move forward. Unsure of what would happen if you didn’t humor him.

When you’re finally approaching the V of his parted legs, he motions for you to sit next to him on the bed. You do.

“You know,” he begins slowly, “You looked like you were having a great time tonight.”

“Oh,” you blink. “Yeah, I was having fun. Even though it took a while for me to win a round. And even then I think Hoseok might have let me win.”

“Was Jin a good teacher?”

“Yeah, he was a good teacher.”

“I bet he was. He had a good student. He looked like he was enjoying himself.”

“Maybe,” you tap your finger on your chin pensively. “It didn’t seem like he hated having to show me how to play.”

“No, trust me, he was enjoying it.” Yoongi’s tone dips audibly, and you stop yourself when you realize what he’s implying.

“God, Yoongi, stop it. It wasn’t like that. He was just being nice.”

“I’ve known Jin a long time. I know what he looks like when he’s flirting. It started as soon as you walked through the door.”

“That’s crazy,” you mumble. But then you think of all the lingering touches and glances again and it clicks. “He...he was probably just trying to rile you up. Jin likes to mess with people sometimes. You’re always saying that.”

Yoongi pins you with an odd look. It’s partly amused, partly pitying. Then it turns cold. “You know, Jin’s been sweet on you since I first introduced you. The first night you met, he told me he used to date someone who looked a bit like you when he was younger, before debuting.”

“Oh my god,” you whisper again.

“You really didn’t know?” Yoongi leans in so the words practically brush against the skin of your cheek. “He was shoving himself all over you the whole night and you didn’t notice?”

You shake your head, at a loss for words. His hand finds its way to your opposite arm, pulling you closer to him.

“Hmm,” he hums in acknowledgment.

Then Yoongi’s lips are pressing gently to the skin of your neck. There’s a hint of something in the kisses that makes them feel a bit too heated to be chaste. At first you think it’s gratitude, but when you turn your head to meet his lips with your own, it’s clear that it’s not just that. His tongue snakes in between your lips, and you let it happen as you turn the evening’s events over in your memory.

“Yoongi,” you whisper between kisses.

“Hmm?” His large hands are splayed low over the swell of your back, a pinky finger just barely dipping under the waistband of your pants.

“I think I did know.”

“Huh?”

“I think as soon as he said that thing in the car—about being in your place—I knew he wasn’t just being friendly anymore.”

“Yeah?” he mumbles against your lips.

Taking you by surprise, he pushes deeper into your mouth until he’s stealing your breath. His lips are plush but insistent. And you’re conflicted. But suddenly he’s pulling away with a damp mouth and a firm grasp on your hip.

“You knew and made me sit through all that and then invited him to brunch in front of me?” He nips at your lax mouth. “That’s not very nice.”

“I know,” you sigh.

“Don’t you think you should be punished, then?” When you pull away looking like he’s grown a second head, he shrugs mildly and like he didn’t just threaten to take you over his knee. “Or not. Your choice.”

[unproduciblesmackdown]

evens. go pee.

awesome Thank you, i Did pee

2:How long have you known your best friend?

a year

4:Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

fun fact i didn’t go to high school. in middle school i sat at the corner of the odds n ends losers lunch table and usually read, lol. in college i eventually was kind of in the peripherals of a theatre-dept-y group, like, the odds and ends of some odds and ends right there really

6:Do you wish to travel a lot?

it would be cool if i at least knew that i Could 

10:Do you like the way that you grew up?

it was lucky in some ways but overall it was some real bs

18:A random memory from you childhood:

idk in kindergarten there was a field trip to just some nearish-by farm i think to pick strawberries as a goal and after we got there it started to rain and the teachers were like “if it keeps up we’ll probably just have to go back” but then it stopped raining after like five minutes, so that was exciting for us as 5 yr olds. also i just always remember these two kids were “dating”?? which like, what’s that possibly mean when you’re five, but whatever, but this also afforded them some sort of Cool Kid status. and now i’m just like christ how can a 5 yr old possibly be cool. one of their names was jordan, i remember still

20:What was the last thing you watched on tv?

there was this show about like, refurbishing / repurposing old furniture basically, and it was on and i was sitting there. the last thing that was on that i like, picked, was i thiiiink still the pre-halloween movie marathon

22:Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

sure

22:What was the last dream you remember having?

just boring too-irl-based anxiety dreams. boo

24:How many pillows do you sleep with?

one

26:What color is your hair?

brown

28:What is your favorite soda?

grape

30:How’s the weather right now? 

i knew it was cold and clear like 45 min ago thanks to me peeing outside

32:Who do you miss right now?

well last night i got kinda fucked up abt the idea of ppl having this in-person solid group of friends / people who want to see you and be around you, but then also like, i don’t know if i’m cut out for that as something i’d Actually enjoy, and it’s even less certain that it’d ever happen so it’s like, that was half the depressing stuff, then the other half being “well sucks that that’s never quite happened before already, either.” missing a theoretical concept of people

34:Are you still figuring out who you are?

unfortunately...........there wasn’t much room for “be urself and have your interests and feel free to try stuff / have ur actual identity”

36:What is your favorite restaurant?

idk! lol

38:Would ever adopt kids?

if it was like, an apocalyptic scenario where there was literally nobody more equipped to make sure some kids didn’t die, sure. but also like, if this question is just asking like “adoption: ew or I Guess It’s Fine” then like, obviously i don’t want kids but adoption is great if the parents are actually equipped to handle their kids needs, which is just as true for non-adoptive parents obviously, and it’s not like, a Lesser family member or something, or not as good as ~having a baby yourself~ or only okay as a last resort or anything. if i wanted kids i would adopt kids

40:What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

it was just like aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

42:What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

probably just some kind of funky food combo i’ve ended up w/ cuz of just being hungry, which i can’t think of anything in particular rn lol

44:What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

haven’t had one

46:Do you have a bucket list?

no

48:When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i don’t remember.......i’ll laugh p hard at funney video sometimes but not That hard

50:5 random facts about yourself:

1) i’m sweaty at random and if Only i still smelled good....maybe half the time it’s neutral but sometimes i just am like, im stinkey

2) i don’t think i have any allergies (that ppl aren’t allergic to pretty much always, like mosquitoes. mosquitoes love to bite me actually)

3) i like math

4) i used to read / watch / play a lot of mystery-solving media including eventually like, murder mystery related, but not so much in recenter times and it’s like, was that just kinda easing into enjoying the horror genre or what. idk maybe i also just like Mysteries but kinda cooled on that. also speaking of earlier stuff i remember being real bemused after finally finding out that everyone on scooby doo is technically a teenager??? they just Drive Around being given authority to investigate shit and do whatever the hell they want so i figured these were grown people. i also was confused abt the age of sesame street muppets b/c it was like, idk, i figured grover and big bird were also just grown......everyone out here doing Whatever

5) lol idk i like cats and birds like this is obvious lore already but i’ve honestly been sitting here for like 20+ min like “think of a fact” and just like aah no that one sucks.....no that’s just like a boring memory, Think Of A Fact......nah this other one is also shit.........lol like idek what’s a Fun Fact. i’m not too inchsting

[aelincreativ]

VC #79 Curtis

I wouldn't have any problems with Shiro ending up with Curtis if there had been more development and time for Shiro to heal and move on. It's literally like they thought, oh shpot, our big gay draw is not happening, we already killed the other guy, lets add in this dude! Curtis is adorable and in the wedding shot they do seem so happy. I could accept them as canon with no problem if Shiro had been given time to mourn. If we cut out Kuron's time, cuz he wouldnt have given a shit, Shiro still had a very long amount of time missing Adam and not knowing. And if Shiro got to do any mourning at all, it was kept off camera. And that pisses me off. Adam had 3 minutes of relevant content. But he aas a big part of Shiro's and maybe even Keith's life. A few of the new Adam antis are saying that Adam is bad because he made Shiro choose. Im sorry hun but if my fiance was going to head into space, while suffering from an incurable disease, and was going to be gone for maybe a year, then I sure as hell would put up a fight. We dont see it but theyve probably talked and argued over Shiro going for a long time. And Adam probably thought they had settled the issue and had decided together that Shiro wasnt going to go. So then Shiro comes back to their room and tells Adam he's going. No discussibg it again. Shiro decided on his own that he was going to go. Adam had every right to be upset. So then Shiro's gone abd Adam may be bitter, possible planning abd preparing for the argumebt when Shiro gets back. But after the months of knowing Shiro's journeying to Kerberos, it's made news that the mission failed and the crew is called dead. Adam thought Shiro was dead. At least thats what we can assume. With so littke screen time for Adam it is hard to judge and know how in the loop Adam would have been kept. But assuming Adam wasn't told anything, he has thought Shiro was dead for a year before the show takes place. Possible a year and a half since they broke up. So by the time the show even begins, Adam has been moving on. But Shiro doesnt get that. He spends the months flying to Kerberos focused on the mission, trying to proce that his disease isnt holding him back. And then he has a year in captivity. Where he is put through torture and worse. Id bet my life that Shiro probably cried himself to sleep some nights wishing he had listened to Adam. Shiro goes on though. He fights a war. And he does it well. For all we know, the only knowledge and thought of Adam he carries for those years is one of regret and sorrow. But is any of that shown on screen? Hell no. Why? Because Adam was added and killed for baiting and nothing else. If they had been real they would have existed. We would have seen Adam before season 7, wven just a mention of his name. Adam would have had an actual presence. Hell Shiro could have sent a video back with Sam for Adam. And Shiro would have gotten to mourn him on screen. Because it's one thing to believe that you lost that chance, knowing that you were done and living with it. It is another thing to learn that someone very dear too you is dead and died a hero in a war. Because Shiro didnt move on, at least not to a new relationship, before learning Adam was dead it would have hit him very hard. But we dont see anything. And if Shiro's mourning occured in the months between 7 and 8 then why not mention or show it somehow. Shiro visiting the memorial with flowers or just standing there quietly. They could have shown that he moved on very easily. But they didnt. And it pisses me the fuck off. Curtis could have been great. But they didnt build it on screen. Curtis and Shiro had little on screen interaction and none of it was noticeable because i was blindsided as fuck when they got married. There was absolutely no development. Nothing. I only know about Curtis cheering Shiro on at Clear Day because people went back and had to find Curtis and figure out who he was. I loved these characters too much. Im like a parent with kids. I dont just let my kids get engaged without meeting the s.o. first. Shiro could have been obviously gay from the start. But he wasnt. There is a reason the shiro and allura content is everywhere and rampant in any fic pre lotor. And when Matt came along, the shiro matt shippers took yarn and went bungy jumping. It just there was so little proper development. For everyone. This post mainly focused on Curtis, Adam, and Shiro but i am going to be dissecting every aspect of what failed in voltron as it comes to my attention. I was going to do the obvious Allurance one first but Curtis is popping up everywhere and was on my mind when i opened up the new post. There is so much more that voltron could have become. But it didnt. Ezor and Zethrid were the most we got out of a lgbt+ couple. And we all thought they were dead! If voltron had just stayed ship free it would be one thing. Find a way to leave it open ended. But they didnt. By giving us supposed endgames they gave us the right to argue and critisize them on how they developed the story. A show is nothing without a fanbase. And the voltron fanbase can be very toxic but we are what made voltron big and made it happen. We all loved and adopted the characters of this show. And the endings we got are subpar and feel like a knife in our chests.

[hardeepcox]

The Chronicles of Hardeep Cox - Bangkok pt 1

Intro

Hi my name is Hardeep Cox, I may or may not be a guy born to an Indian mom and a white guy from Boston in the DMV area. Then again I may or may not be just an extremely immature adult with a ridiculous sense of humor. Quick warning: if you are easily offended then I suggest you just exit this shit right now and idk go watch cable tv or something.

I am writing this as we prepare for our first legit night out in Bangkok, as I and a dude named Paper awkwardly wait for my dad to finish showering so we can head out. Tonight’s destination is Above Eleven, but I’ll explain more later on. Let’s begin with our arrival.

Flight and Night 1

After about 20 hours of flying we met up with Paper, our guide/family friend (on my dad’s side). Paper picked us up from the airport and helped us hail a cab. My first impression of Bangkok when I stepped outside of the airport was that it seemed so similar to Los Angeles, I guess because of the weather and vegetation. Anyways, the cab dropped us off at the Doubletree where an enormous wooden figure of a football (soccer) sat in the lobby. To my unbelievable surprise, it turned out that Paper was actually going to be staying in the hotel room with us because he lives outside of the city (my dad of course manages to leave out important details like this when planning trips). Because of the timezone change we were hungry upon arrival, at 3 in the damn morning. So we did what any idiot American tourist would do, we went to 7 Eleven. I had to accept the fact that chili and cheese quarter pounders would no longer be an option, so I went with the spicy basil rice and fish sauce. I gotta say that it was pretty good, even though it was spicy as hell. After crushing my first meal in Thailand, we did our best to sleep for the next couple of hours.

Day 1

Sleep deprived but feeling ready to roll, we got ready and headed downstairs for breakfast. The buffet included the usual American stuff, sushi, dim sum, and some freshly made Thai dishes.The dim sum was by far my favorite, and today it was Chinese egg tarts.

We went to some Buddhist temples, hundreds of years old. There were so many Chinese tourists, and so many lame pictures being taken by them (sitting down in lotus position next to a statue of the Buddha, a chick looking dramatically and diagonally down at the floor while her boyfriend takes a picture for her instagram and you KNOW she’s gonna add some kind of bullshit philosophical caption to it). It was hard to get into the spiritual groove with all these tourists, and the only places where I could feel peace was in the praying rooms where I wish that I could have stayed longer. The best part was the Wat Phra Ram, literally the place where they filmed one of my favorite childhood movies Mortal Kombat. It was totally unexpected and spontaneous, the most interesting part about it was the dog that had managed to sneak up into the actual ruins and seemed to be searching for something at a calm pace. My pathetic attempts to whistle loud enough for the dog to hear me led me to run around the ruins hoping to catch a glimpse of it. I heard it howl a couple of times after that and I’ll always wonder why, maybe its spirit led it to the ruins to discover a link to a past life. Who knew I would have accidentally stepped into the Netherealm, but too bad I couldn't meet Raiden, Shang Tsung, and Liu Kang's dead brother (if you don't get this reference please find a time machine and go back in time to 1995, break into a Hollywood video, steal a copy of Mortal Kombat, watch it, go back into the time machine, return to the present time, and punch yourself in the fucking face).

Tired as hell we walked around markets near the Chao Phra Ya river, they were pretty generic developing country markets and I was extremely tired so I just wanted to go back to the hotel and pass out. We tried some sticky rice dessert that was pretty good so we bought some, and my dumbass ate my entire portion in the cab and felt even more like a piece of shit after. We made a stop for some roadside Pad Thai, it was delicious but again I was exhausted. Back in the cab again I pretty much passed out from exhaustion.

Night 2

I woke maybe 45 minutes later still in the cab but the sun was setting and the nocturnal city was coming alive. Suddenly it dawned on me that we had to be in Chinatown and my street-mode immediately turned on. After driving us through some beautifully sketchy streets, our cab driver dropped us off at a main road. All the lights made it look like it was an attempt at giving it a times square feel. I was now totally awake and ready for more exploring, and after walking for a bit we walked by a Chinese restaurant (Chinatown in Bangkok is an extremely fast-paced environment full of beautiful chaos, if you can’t keep up you might as well stay in your comfy apartment and drink lattes or something). The menu had so many choices, but no combination fried rice, general tso’s chicken, or lo mein (at this point I realized that I should just forget about these options because I’m not gonna find this delicious diabetes-maximus anymore). I got the egg noodles with roasted duck for $2, and the portion was just right for me since I was still full from that sticky rice and exhausted from the jetlag. Before the food coma took over, we took a tuk tuk to the nearest metro train station and made our way back to the hotel. The metro was actually very organized and technologically advanced, the DC metro could learn a thing or two from it. Because of the timezone change, the beers, sticky rice, and random stuff that I had eaten, I hadn’t really used the bathroom all day. Walking from the metro to the hotel at some point became truly difficult and I had tell myself just breathe man don’t shit yourself on your first night in Bangkok goddammit.

Now back at the hotel and totally relieved, our night actually began.

Nocturnal Adventure

We started out at the Queen Bee, a little bar across the street with shitty mojitos but a damn good blues band. From there we went to a place that my dad would not stop mentioning, Above Eleven, a local Peruvian restaurant. Probably one of the coolest restaurants that I’ve honestly ever been to. This was some upper class bougie shit as the kids say, but the view of the city was breathtaking and the food was absolutely delicious (and I am a picky fuck when it comes to flavors). The Peruvian food was authentic, the Pisco Sour was legit, and we got to meet Chef Omar Frank Maruy. Chef Maruy is the Japanese-Peruvian chef in charge of keeping the food quality at Above Eleven at its exquisite level. After downing a few Pisco sours, and devouring a few dishes (ceviche, jalea, and anticucho) we made our way to Havana Social. I could tell this place was throwing a good party as we walked to the entrance which was a random door in an alley with working girls in the corner. Too bad some of us were wearing shorts so we were ultimately denied entrance. Bummed out we walked to the nearest bar, Oskar, and had Lavender Pisco Sours. Seriously so creative and surprisingly delicious!

After downing these drinks we basically gave up and made our way back to the hotel. Maybe like 5 minutes away from the hotel we walked past a really sketchy alley and I shit you not, my dad says “let’s go into a small street shithole bar!” He’s already walking towards it so Paper and I say fuck it and we join him, plus I mean come on I gotta watch my dad’s back since hookers have been flirting with him for the past 25 minutes. We walk in and of course all these chicks are so psyched to see us, a very pretty hostess welcomes us so we sit at the bar and get some Tiger beers. With Youtube as our DJ, we start sipping on beers and my dad is just having a blast with these two chicks. They try to flirt with me but I’m like meh, I’ve honestly seen hotter escorts in Lima. Then one of them says, “I’m gonna bring my sister for you.” I’m like ok cool whatever, totally unimpressed as I watch my dad party at this little bar. This chick brings the pretty hostess over and introduces her as her “sister”, and I notice dude this girl is actually super cute and obviously not an actual escort. Me and her are both like uhh… hi? She’s not sure how to interact with idiot foreigners, but I can tell and I am just my usual super chill self with her. She gets a jack and coke, and I continue sipping on my Tiger. Her name is May, I was like “is it pronounced like the month May, or is it Mai like my?” She looked at me like if I was a dumbass but she was playful about it, and I start crushing on this chick because I mean duh I am a fucking idiot and I do shit like this. This all ended with a bill of almost $200 USD, an escort angry at us for not taking her back to our hotel, and me DJ’ing some old school reggaeton on their Youtube. As we made our way back to the hotel we ran into into girls selling booze on the sidewalk in what seemed like the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo but cut in half the long way, and the girls turned the bottom half of the car into a mini-bar. As I took a whiz on a street corner, Paper points out that dude there is a toilet at this mini-bar on the sidewalk! I look behind a little curtain next to the mini-bar and there is in fact a toilet there, I mean not connected to any plumbing or anything, just literally a tiny toilet placed on the sidewalk. Did I whiz into this tiny toilet like 20 minutes later? Yes. Did I drink a few too many rum and cokes at this sidewalk mini-bar? Yes. Did I have any idea of what the hell to expect the next day? Hell no.

Night 3 - Let’s try not to die tonight shall we?

I’m skipping to Night 3 because the highlight of Day 2 is just me holding a lemur (by the way lemurs are freakin adorable and they have actual fingers and thumbs!), and realizing that my dad should move to the Thai countryside cuz he is actually genuinely happy there (he greeted random people from a canoe, including a naked fat guy who was in the middle of a soapy bath in the river).

On Night 3 we make another attempt at Havana Social (if there ever is a place with reggaeton and Cuban rum then you’ll probably find me there). The entrance is the #1 coolest that I have seen in my life so far, some dude gives you a code and you punch it into an old phone-booth, this then unlocks an old door next to it which you push open and find a little piece of Havana hidden within Bangkok. So there I am doing my thing downing Cuba Libres, dancing, and laughing at tourists dancing like idiots when I notice three pretty cute chicks dancing near us. I am not the most extroverted dude, but when I hear Latin music the beast is then awakened and I just let it take me places. So I slither over to these girls and pull off some of my signature moves, including one borrowed from my grandpa which I call the Egyptian knife hands. One of the chicks starts dancing with me and my first thought is “wow my dad is watching me spit some legit game, now I AM THE MASTER!” But anyways yeah we dancin and shiet. Suddenly she asks if I wanna go with her and her friends to another club, I thought it was a bad idea but the rum and Daddy Yankee had me saying “yeah screw it let’s go.” The four of us leave the club and somehow fit into a tuk tuk that says VIP on the seat and one of the girls say it’s free! RED FLAG - free shit usually comes with a price later on, and these girls seemed way too excited to have me along. One of the girls pulls out a wrapper with a bunch of pills and puts one in my mouth, my first thought is oh fuck I’m about to get roofied, or flooried, dammit Zack Galifianakis! I pretend to swallow the pill, then I look over into the street and spit this shit out. The girl is like are you feeling okay? I’m like yeah I’m great (meanwhile internally trying to think of an escape plan without freaking out)! We get to this club called Mixx, and this party is poppin. Every tourist is dancing with a local, and I’m thinking wow is every girl at a club in Bangkok an escort… like every single damn one?! My phone only has internet if there is wifi, and I tell the girl that I wanna call my friends to come but I need the wifi password so she hooked me up with her hotspot. Instead of figuring out how to use the wifi to escape, I’m in the bathroom FB messaging my friends back in the states how I almost got roofied and that I’m probably gonna die cuz I mean that is a brilliant idea right? I go back out there and one of the girls goes “if you wanna hang out with me it’s gonna be 3000 baht (like almost $100 USD).” Since I don’t wanna die I go “okay sounds good, let’s hang out every day this week okay?” Her eyes brighten up and she has a huge smile on her face, she tells her friend who then makes a face like “we did it bitch!” I’m thinking okay thank god I’m not gonna wake up tomorrow in a tub full of ice with my internal organs missing because they wanna take all my money throughout the week. Suddenly the Thai DJ starts playing the cumbia song “Colegiala”, and it was at this exact moment that I knew that everything would be okay! I stopped freaking out and danced the night away, didn’t sleep that night, and somehow found a really nice cab driver to take me back to my hotel afterwards (he charged me 300 baht but had no change so I just gave him my 1000 baht bill, really nice guy and really grateful). Yep definitely not doing that again, from now on I will assume every chick at a club in Bangkok is an escort. If you are asking yourself if I hit up that girl again to hang out and continuously pay her $100 USD throughout the week, the answer is dude of course not wtf.

[ilovederenglish]

Queer Film Review: Un Bacio (2016) [SPOILERS]

The plot of “One Kiss” circles around three young outcasts at a public school in the outskirts of Italy. Blu, a aspiring writer, has gained a notorious reputation as a slut. She attributes this to the school’s popular clique being jealous that she has an older (and I guess cooler?) boyfriend who's abroad, but also because she was convinced by him to participate in an orgy with 3 of his other friends...(more on this later.) Lorenzo, a flamboyant, fabulous, butterfly-pattern shirt wearing, openly gay boy, has just transferred to the school with his new parents after leaving foster care. Luckily for him, his parents completely accept him and defend his right to express himself. Though somewhat of a cliche, his loyalty to his true self is audaciously courageous, especially since it seems like the whole school is full of homophobic arseholes. You see very quickly that Lorenzo is prone to fall into fantasy, turning all the haters momentarily into his pathetic sycophants. Lastly, we have Antonio- a shy and quiet basketball player who talks to no one. He goes hunting with his father every morning and so he’s late for class almost every day. Over the course of the movie, he talks to his older brother, who we soon learn had died recently in an accident and appears to Antonio as more of an embodiment of his insecurities and fears.

so much angst these vespa driving italian teens with their “fuck you” helmets

On day one, Blu and Lorenzo immediately hit it off in class, brought together by the mutual hate and isolation of their peers. They notice that Antonio is one of the kids in their class that isn’t entirely loathsome (and also wasn’t invited to a huge party by one of the “it” girls in class). They plan an elaborate dance sequence in matching outfits to send him a ransom-style note telling him to meet them at a pizzeria. Lots of montages later, they are an established trio of wholesome friendship, and we see hints of flirty eye contact between the three. Of course, no tale of teenage angst is complete without some kind of love conflict, so a sort of love "angle" forms. Or even a love line and point? Because it's pretty apparent that Lorenzo fancies Antonio, Antonio fancies Blu, and Blu kind of plays around with Antonio but is still pretty loyal to her boyfriend.

Cuz every dress-up montage needs synchronised dancing <3 

One of the most important plot points is throughout the whole movie, Lorenzo gets bullied by the whole school. Even the teachers condemn his "outlandish" behaviour. For example, one of the teachers tries to get his suspended for wearing nail polish, since it "provokes" the other students in to cackling at him. What the fuck kind of schools does Italy have? There's unoriginal name-calling by the boys and girls, the students make a Facebook page called "I HATE LORENZO" and rally over their open hate for this lovely boy, and I already despise this school as much as Lorenzo does. A particularly poignant scene includes Lorenzo showing Blu a page of "Gay Teen Suicides", and saying that he isn't going to be like one of them, because he loves life and has a lot of to live for.

Oh baby...

They have their revenge when Lorenzo posts a hilarious video exposing some embarrassing secrets of their most antagonistic peers, with a message of "Remember, don't criticise others. We can all be criticised. No one is normal, and we invited you to mind your own business." In retaliation, the "I Hate Lorenzo" group graffitis the classroom with dumb phrases that blatantly frame the trio, and no one will believe the trio so they end up wearing matching overalls to repaint the room and are suspended for three days.

Cue a super cute idyllic day dream sequence.

And they look like a indie pop band in a music video.

The main catalyst comes when the trio school to go swimming in the local forest during their suspension and Lorenzo comes onto Antonio, who obviously flips his shit and runs away immediately.

Sadness. Masculine fragility is so strong. He proceeds to ignore Lorenzo and Blu, enduring the verbal abuse of his teammates. Lorenzo takes this especially hard, trying to make amends for what happened but not apologising for it. Antonio's fear of being called "gay" manifests as violence towards Lorenzo, where he gives him and black eye and won't stop kicking him...his teammates pull him off Lorenzo, who heartbrokenly goes home, only to be lightly interrogated by his adoptive mother about what happened. His half-heartedly pins it on Blu, since he "stole her lipstick" (as if Blu would beat the shit out of you for that). Blu tries to confront Antonio on why he's acting like this, and he confesses that he's in love with her, and that her boyfriend is evil, and that she and Lorenzo "set him up" since she knew he liked him. He angrily storms off.

A few days later, with Lorenzo's mum extremely worried about someone bullying him, Antonio shows up outside his window. He apologises for his behaviour and Lorenzo kisses him. Of course, Antonio runs away. This same night, Blu's boyfriend is in town and there are super bad vibes. At some point, he shows her a horrific video of what actually happened on the night of "the orgy". Turns out they all raped her in spite of her drunken protests. She watches this while resting on her boyfriend's chest and suddenly remembers a few fragments. It all becomes clear as she runs home into the arms of her mother. Lorenzo texts Blu to tell her the news of the kiss, but she's too busy having a long overdue emotional breakdown.

Who the fuck still goes hunting in 2016? Go away big bro! 

The next day, Antonio is hunting again, and while he's about to shoot a rabbit, his ghost-brother-figment-of-his-imagination appears and whispers down his neck, revealing to the viewer that Antonio might have actually enjoyed the kiss. Lorenzo goes to school next morning excited to see what might happen. Blu goes with her mum to school, probably to explain to teachers why she understandably needs some time off. Antonio looks extra intense this morning, and the camera shot foreshadows something. The background music soon becomes intensely melodramatic, using a song by __ that always makes me want to cry, and this is when I understood that this film was not going to end so nicely.

The second that Antonio enters the room, Lorenzo gets up to greet him but Antonio takes a gun from his backpack and shoots him point blank. . . .

I just need a minute.

Blu and her mother hear the shot from the head master's office and someone reports that "a boy was killed at school", and Blu's face looks like her worst fears might have come true.

Next, a funeral sequence. From the beginning of the film, the voiceover of Blu writing letters to herself are to make sure that this story is told, and the ending of the film makes it clear that she started writing these bits after Lorenzo's death. It doesn't mention what happened to Antonio...maybe he killed himself as well shortly after, or he went to jail for murder...Did the school learn anything? Did his death teach anyone a lesson about the effects of homophobia and bullying? The worst part about this ending is that it's not entirely unrealistic, what happens to Blu and Lorenzo, and that is the most disheartening thing. Blu concludes that if they had just behaved just a little differently, this could have been avoided. If they had been less afraid, if they were better, stronger, that it wouldn't have taken much.

They cut back to the scene in the lake, and instead of Antonio storming off, he explains to Lorenzo that "it's not something I want. Not now at least." Lorenzo then asks, "What now?", and they all run off into the lake and have a good time like they had planned.

AND THIS IS WHERE THE MOVIE SHOULD HAVE ENDED UP.

This movie is teen angst, friendship goals, catwalk montages, daydream sequences, kitschy matching outfits, shitty school moments, and fucking heart-stopping in the finale. The most unrealistic thing is perhaps how Lorenzo, being an openly gay adopted teen in Italy, where I imagine the culture of homophobia is pretty strong in its outskirts, can still manage to be the bright shining star that he is. Bursting with confidence, he doesn't give a shit about what anyone thinks of him, and that is what makes his character the most adored. Similarly, Blu is his partner in crime as they defy societal expectations of what they ought to be. Antonio, on the other hand, was probably a lonely butterfly who could never talk to anyone about his feelings. All he had was an image of his brother to converse to, and we can see how his internalised homophobia could manifest so terribly.

Apparently, the movie was based on real-life events of a school in America from 2008, and the beautiful Mika (the singer that my dog is named after) released a single with the film called "Hurts", documenting the strength of words and how much hate speech can affect vulnerable people.

I give this movie 4 stars. 1 for Lorenzo, 1 for morality lessons against hate-crime and bullying, as well outlining the potential neglect that parents and teachers have for the young people around them, 1 for showing the extreme effects of internalised homophobia because it's a very important topic to be discussed, and 1 for all the realness/unrealness that pops in and out of the movie in honest twee fashion.

While this film appears at first as a very classic coming-of-age film, we understand that the message of the film is very dark. On reading articles about it, suppose all the mainstream gay pride references of being proud of who you are, glamorise and simplify the emotional ease in which it takes to evade the retaliation of society and culture when you go against the norm. Even when people have accepted themselves for who they are, it by no means makes it easier. And that the things you might have easily accepted, might have actually been horrific acts of abuse that have been so normalised, you didn't even realise it was wrong. Or how it just takes one kiss to unlock the crippling fragility of a vulnerable teen to murder his friend. SIDENOTES: There are so many little tidbits that make this movie so delightful. I recommend watching it. 

On the recent light of US gun laws, this movie is particularly jarring.  Valentina Romani plays a queer teen in the Italian version of NBC’s Parenthood called Tutto può succedere, which is a pretty strong performance and pretty much the reason why I wanted to watch this movie. 

[pparkchimin]

I ’m making a tutorial for @victuuri-moonandsun on how I downloaded the YOI episodes and how to make a basic gif. I decided just to make a tutorial for everyone else who wants to learn? I’m like hella basic at making gifs so ill be providing resources in hopes it will help! 

The tutorial includes:

How to download

Capturing Method: VLC vs KMPlayer

Importing + Making the gif (Timing, Cropping, Sharpening, Saving)

Ill teach u how to go from:

to this:

+ A shit ton of screencaps to make up for the fact i’m bad at explanation. ++ what is grammar n spelling? +++ cursing a lot of it

its like legit 3 am and this tutorial is so bad good luck

You will need:

Vuze

Photoshop (I use CS6)

VLC Player or KMPlayer (I will later discuss the difference usage of these programs)

I. Downloading

Sup yo! Okay let’s start with downloading the actual episodes! I usually use torrents when i’m downloading the episodes. This is what Vuze is for. Like most things u wanna be careful when you download shit off the internet but idgaf i’ve been downloading shit off the interwebs for a while. 

So you wanna either google “yuri on ice 1080p torrent”, but im gonna use HorribleSubs for my example. You wanna make sure you download the 1080p version of the episodes so you can have the clearest/more HQ gifs.

If you’re using the horriblesubs site then you wanna click on “1080p” for whatever episode you want and right click the magnet link.

Yay! Now we gonna wanna open Vuze. First you gonna want to click the “add” folder > Add Magnet > Paste URL > Then hit okay.

Okay. So once you hit ok this should pop up:

Then hit ok again! You can also change where you wanna save it at this stage too. Okay now your file is downloading and now we wait! The more seeds the faster the download. 

Once the file is done downloading we can move on to actually capturing for gif making.  

II. Capturing:

OKay. SO I personally use the VLC capturing way because it’s easier for me. With VLC you;re basically recording the scene you want so you can import it into Photoshop. With the KMPlayer you’re taking a shit ton of sceencaps and you’re importing each image into Photoshop. I used both methods and they both get the job done. The only time i use KMPlayer is when VLC is acting wonky. Ill show the VLC method first then the KMPlayer (cringes).

Yay VLC. My fav bby right here. OKay So you’re gonna wanna open that shit up. Okay, so the first thing you wanna do when you open the program is go to view > advance controls. This gives you the option to record!

Hell yeah bro now we in business. Okay you’re gonna wanna open the episode you wanna be gif-ing. Since I showed how to download episode 12 i’m just gonna use episode 12 for this too cause fuck it man. You’re gonna wanna decide what scene you’re gonna want to make a gif of. I think for the purpose of the tutorial i’m just gonna do the scene where yurio finishes his program and creys cause hella yeha bro.

okay so for myself, i tend to start recording couple seconds (like 5-10 *my computer is really wonky ) before the actual scene because I want to make sure I record the whole scene without cutting anything out.

You also notice that the record button is red now. So you’re basically just gonna click it once and let it record until you want it to stop!

Where i began to record (actual a couple secs before becuz i forgot to screencap):

Where I ended:

***note: Notice how the record button changes while you’re recording vs not recording! (i’ve done the dumb thing where i forgot to stop recording and watched the rest of the episode .-. )

Now that short clip will be saved. my video was saved in my video file im sure you can change where you want it saved but idk how. This is where it is saved on my computer. Probably can search “vlc” on your computer if it is absolutely lost (sorry I can’t help much in finding the file).

Basically after this step you’re done deezy. You can skip the KMPlayer and go directly to the gif making portion of this shit tutorial.

OKAY FOLKS HERE’S THE KMPLAYER TUTORIAL ON HOW TO DO GIFS HAHAHAhahaha *sobbing*

I need to explain this program a bit more. So unlike VLC you’re not recording or anything like that. This captures screencaps into jpg or png files. When you do the VLC method, photoshop will make the screencaps for u. This method you’re gonna have to load the each photo (This usually takes photoshop longer to load for me, but than again my computer is old as shit so it may not matter to you).

OKay u gonna wanna open that satan spawn and open the episode u wanna do. Again here im gonna do the same scene cause yeah. Basically just go to the scene you want. 

Okay here the annoying shit happens. SO unlike VLC for me, I don’t have to a big gap of recording time. I can get closer to the actual scene and want and start capturing (ctrl+G).

When you hit ctrl+G, this window pops up and this where all the settings happen. 1. You decided where you all the pictures will be saved! 2. You can pic the image quality. I go for JPG because my computer just cant handle doing png. If you’re computer can do the png go for it. 3.) Seconds refers to how long you want the program to capture for. I just put 5 seconds to make sure i get the whole scene. You also want the images to be in the original size. 4.) I WILL DISCUSS THE TIMING THING MORE INDEPTH LATER, but for the time being i’ll do every 1 frame. 

When you click start on the small window your video has to be playing to actually capture. I just hit start and hhit play cuz fuck it.

When the program finish capturing this will pop up in the corner. *note: I ended up doing 10 seconds because my computer hates me. So there’s a lot more caps than i needed. this is what you end up with!

A shit ton of fucking photos! YOU READy TO GO TO PHOTOSHOP.

III. IMPORTING-VLC

*if you need help downloading photoshop send me an ask and ill try my best to help you. I downloaded ps cs6 a long time ago and the link i used to download it doesn't exist anymore. 

THis step is gonna be different depending on what method you used for the capturing. I’m going to begin with the VLC method. So you’re gonna wanna go to file > importing > video frame to layers.

Find the clip file and hit open. a window will open and now you can select what part of the video you want to actually gif! the two point thingies on the bottom are adjustable. FOr example maybe you recorded too much in the beginning? drag the 1st arrow thing to where you want the gif to start. Same with if you recorded to much at the tale end of the video. You can adjust the right one.

Make sure to have frame animation box is check.

And now we’re at the frames part.This is where I feel conflicted and you will see why when I get to the timing part of the video. (I use to make a lot of gifs for real action tv shows and this is the first anime I ever edited and I just feel like i haven’t found the best timing yet?). For this screencape i left the limit box and just do every frame.

So my video was too long at the end and decided to cut that unwanted shit out. (you can hit the play button just to make sure you’re happy with what you got. Hit ok when u done deezy

THEN BOOM THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. THAT BOOTIFUL ASS YURIO’S FACE HELL yeAH. Okay. So on the right hand side you have all your layers. but we missing the timeline bro. SO you go to window> timeline

DAMN LOOK AT YOU YOU’RE READY TO MAKE A GIF. You can skip ahead and learn about timing. Keep reading for the KMPLAYER way.

III. IMPORTING- KMPLAYER

oKAY. You’re gonna wanna go to file> scripts > load files to stacks

A window will pop up and basically you’re gonna select all the screencaps you want for the gif and hit okay.

This shit takes my compouter f o r e v e r (compared to the VLC method.) to load and even longer afterwards when it’s being uploaded as layers. This method took my computer to load the files 3 minutes compared to the 5 seconds the VLC method took me. Like i’ve mentioned before it might just be my ancient ass computer’s fault. But this it what it looks like when it’s done loading

Okay you;re gonna wanna do the same step as VLC to create the timeline (Window>timeline).

But because this was loaded in differently the the stacks will not automatically have frames. You’re gonna want to click create timeline and you will notice you have one frame only.

So on the top right corner of the timeline you will have the option to make the layers into frames.

Now you maybe noticed that the frames are fucking backwards son like wtf man. a simple fix to that! in the list of options where you made the frames from layers, you can reverse the frames.

NOW YOU’RE DONE DEEZY. WE CAN MOVE ONE.

IV. TIMING 

OKay this gets really iffy for me. I’ll just basically show you the times I use and what it may look if you capture every frame of you choose to do every 2 times (anything else isn’t recommended). In this section it’s what I use and probably not the best, but you can play around with photoshop and you can do whatever the fuck you want yo!

Anyways as you can imagine if you decide to do every frame youre gonna get a shit ton of layers(i’m gonna be working with the vlc method from this point on. any kmplayer question can be sent my way!). But it may look smoother! *will make a note on this*. Downside, the file is prob gonna be WAY bigger.

For ex: Every frame. 103 FRAMES FUCK MAN.

Every 2 frames: 53 frames

So it’s basically about half cuz u know math

OKay. so when i do gifs I usually set the time to “0.06″ but I put “0.07  for every 2 frames. To change the timing make sure you have all the frames selected (click the first frame then go to the last frame and Shift+click it). Now that all the frames are highlighted you want to hit the down arrow and click other. This is where you set the time and hit okay.

every frame @ 0.06  (No cropping/no coloring/no sharpening)

every 2 frames @ 0.07

So it’s really personal preference. I just have it so ingrained to do every frame at 0.06 since i started making gifs years ago, but i feel like the every 2 frames at 0.07 looks smoother for anime? Really guys experiment and see what you like better!

V. CROPPING

Yay lets get to cropping! These are the current dimensions for tumblr

one picture/gif: 540px width two pictures/gifs: 268px three pictures/gifs: 177px, 178px (middle), 177px spaces: 4px

-itsphotoshop

I always crop my gifs. I just think they look nicer when they’re crop.To start cropping you either wanna hit “C” on your keyboard or clip the crop tool. Afterwards you can put a value of the dimensions (i tend to do 268x165 or 268x170 when I to he gifset with 8 different gifs). Now you can drag the box over the gif to position it where exactly you want the focus to be. You either double click the box or hit enter when you wanna crop.

You might not want to have it dead center. so yeah this what it looks like if you just dragged it:

Damn yurio is looking good dead in center, but you noticed the 2nd half yurio isn’t in the middle no more. When you’re cropping you wanna keep this in mind. (you can always make two separate gif to have it all centered but i can make a dif tutorial for that).

This what it looks like if i decided to keep the cropping in the center:

Overall both scenes are more centered.

BUT WHAT IFF YOU JUST WANNA ZOOM IN ONTO YURIO’S FACE?? i got chu bro. I’m goning to delete the 2nd half of the gif for the purpose of this example. So what you’re gonan want to do is drag a side of the square until you’re happy with what you want.

Here i just dragged the bottom. Since I have my measure inplace from before, no matter what side i drag it it’s always gonna be the same ratio of 268x170 so no need to worry !

Regular crop:

Crop to zoom in on the face:

THE MORE YOU KNOW ABOUT CROPPING :D!!!

OKay. Once you’re done cropping you’re gonna want to resize that!

I’m going back to the original gif with both scenes.

To resize an image you either can hol the CTRL+ALT+i or go to image>image size

a window will pop up and youll type in what size you wanted. Because i had the dimensions typed in while i was cropping it will basically do the ratio for u

the original size was 1702x1080. Once i typed 268, the program kept the ratio and changed the height. SORRY IM NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW. 

We went from this:

to this:

it’s not a HUGE change but there is a change!

VI. Coloring *bonus

I have no authority on color tbh It takes me to forever to color shit and i’m h o r r i b l e at it. so i aint gonna discuss this much but here what coloring can do for u!

original:

to this garbage:

I don’t really like it but i just did it quickly for the sake of this tutorial. If you wanted an idea of what I did

The best way I learned to color was from PSDs others made or just fucking around in PS. Here are some resources:

PSDs:  x x x Tutorials: x x

VII: Sharpening:

Oh man okay so i use an action for my gifs but the thing is i downloaded a long ass time ago. It may be this, but im not entirely sure. This hella easy yo!

so you wanna select all the layers:

then you wanna convert the frame animation to a timeline (make sure you changed the time you want the frames to be before you convert!)

You will notice the frames changed on the bottom. Now you wanna go to filter>convert to smart layer

Now you only have one layer!

With this one magic layer you can sharpen all your goddamn layers all at once.

If you don’t have the action you can do the basic sharpening. Okay now go back to the filter tab>Sharpen>smart sharpen. I have use this option in YEARS but i believe the kinda go too was this:

and hit okay!

Before sharpening:

After sharpening:

the lines are more defined in the 2nd gif, If you were able to download the action this is how you use it. 

GO to Windows> actions.

WHere the red circle you click, and find the option for load actions. Once you load it you wanna make sure you selected the smart layer and hit th eplay button and the action should sharpen it for u

BOOM. your gif is sharpen. So lts compare all three now.

No sharpening:

Smart sharpening only:

Action (Smart sharpening + blur)

I like the action th most because it’s not as intense as the smart sharpening only. WOW U FINISH A GIF CONGRATULATIONS NOW YOU WANNA SHOW THIS BABY TO THE WHOLE WORLD RIGHT? WELL IMMA SHOW U HOW,

VIII. SAVING THAT SON OF A BTICH

So basically you either hold alt+ctrl+shift+S or file>save as for web 

and a window aPPEARS. These are the settings i use to save:

BE CAUTIOUS OF THE SIZE OF THE GIFS: I BELIEVE THE MAX SIZE IS 2MB

this gif is under 1mb so im safe yo! Some tips if gif is too large is to add a selective layer>black> then +5-10 

another tip is to use optimize tool if yOU HAVE TO: go to the top right corner

now u done deezy

u save that shit

and cry 

send me an ask if you need shit cleared up.

[iotplumbings--com]

How to Fix Common Leaks

okay so I'm going to talk for a few minutes about how to fix some of the most common plumbing leaks that you might see in your home or business okay but first before I go into that I should talk about the types of joints that you have when we say joints in the plumbing world we're talking about connections between pipes of like or unlike materials so the most common one of the most common is what we call it IPs joint IPS stands for iron pipe size this being an iron pipe this is most likely found in gas which is a no-no so stay away from it but this also translates to other pipes too you could have a brass pipe all right exactly the same as this which is called a nipple but this would be made out of brass that would be found in the water distribution system okay this is a three quarter IPS steel nipple you could just dis Ainley have a three quarter IPS brass nipple so let's just assume this nipple is brass okay and when you have a leak on something like this as long as it's not decayed or old banged up or dented or otherwise destroyed okay you can seal that leak by doing two things one is teflon tape okay this is a non sticky type of sealing tape okay I always try to take the first few inches of it off and get rid of it cuz it's been dusty okay what you want to do is you can see that tape is just kind of laid on the tip of my finger I would take the pipe that I'm going to be sealing and wrap the tape around it three times one in the direction of the joint in it so turning clockwise to three a lot of amateurs and homeowners will try to mummify the threads of these things in tape it's just not necessary three is the number now that could actually serve that could be enough but I also like to use pipe dope the amusingly named pipe dope or pipe thread sealant okay and again same as a kind of in my video about soldering a joint you don't need a ton of this stuff the first three the first three threads are more than enough when you take your master with the city of New York they'll actually fail you for using too much of this okay so it's kind of go gently around and make sure that you've got a film of it on these threads so now you've got a sealed joint okay now if we were taking this if it were brass and we're screwing it into a fitting in the wall we're turning a clockwise into the fitting and you're going to feel it stop it's going to be too much for your hands to do that's when your trusty channel locks come in or a wrench you would grab down and turn it in a lot of people use like The Incredible Hulk type strength to turn these things in it's not necessary these threads you can see this side better they're tapered okay as you turn a nipple in an IPS nipple in those threads we'll bury into the fitting you'll leave about four threads it's enough it's enough you don't need to kill it you don't need to put it in there like it's never ever going to come out of there again just snug is good if you have to do it more than that there's something wrong maybe you've damaged the threads or maybe you know the fitting it may be the fitting is bad maybe the threads are damaged so you don't need to kill it putting it in there that's an IPS joint another type of joint that you'll see in the plumbing system is a compression joint now a compression joint works on a very very different different mechanism okay this here is a 3/8 what we call a 3/8 compression coupling coupling meaning it joins two sections of 3/8 pipe together all right this works on a nut in ferrule system this is the nut and this is the ferrule this little brass ring what happens with this type of joint notice threads are only in this nut to hold the ferrule down to the pipe it's kind of a neat way of working they call a compression because when you slip this nut over the pipe followed by the ferrule now we're over a pipe and we're going to thread it on to this coupling okay as you turn this nut down that brass ring that brass ferrule inside actually crushes down to the pipe wall and it crushes down so tight it crushes down so tight that it effectively makes one piece of pipe once you crush the ferrule down to the pipe it's on the pipe forever if you need to make a repair you have to get rid of it cut in another joint and then fix it that way but that's another type of joint so this would be the other side you put your nut over the pipe first followed by the ferrule and thread it on and then you would kind of hold back with two pair of channellocks or two adjustable wrenches and just join that together it's a very very tight leak what we call a mechanical joint this is a mechanical joint the last joint that you would see with some exceptions in the plumbing system is the one that we covered earlier the soldered joint this is generally seen on any pipe from half-inch up to six seven eight inch six or seven eight inch pipe is going to be about that wide around and a lot of times you see a different type of mechanical joint with them as well but for your purposes doing a home repair that's going to be completely irrelevant but this is your typical half-inch joint here soldered joint and if you had a leak in a solder joint that would indicate either a poorly soldered joint the first place or just aged corrosion in which case you would get like let's say this 90 was leaking right here we would cut out the affected area right and install a new 90 and join it okay and solder it much the way we did in the other video and that is how you would fix a leaking pipe

https://youtu.be/QrD_oPhMVWs

[s3venpounds]

1-64. 65 What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

65 questionsssssssssss yeeeeeeeeee boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii letsss fucking goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thanks for the ask btw! also sorry for late reply

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

honestly sometimes, the whole “ life is a simulation” got me kinda scared ya never know

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. because im not afraid of the dark im afraid of what can be in it that im not aware of

3. The person you would never want to meet?

idk. cuz if i say someone i hate then i can’t physically meet them to punch them

4. What is your favorite word?

love

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

idk whichever lives for millions of years i wanna be like those giant ass trees that you see in animes that are like whole cities wide

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

should i finally cut my hair? or do i perservere

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my ed sheeran concert shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

someone with the capacity of good but chooses to be an asshole

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

seeing if my new friends were playing games so i can join

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

21

12. Who told you they loved you last?

off the top of my head? my mom pretty sure. 

13. Your worst enemy?

myself, my fears, hesitation and past mistakes?

14. What is your current desktop picture?

its a picture of hinata shoyo from Haikyuu!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

15. Do you like someone?

yes.

16. The last song you listened to?

Jacob Lee Slip

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

trump

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

trump. and i want like brass knuckles when i punch. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

probably a volleyball coach/ trainer or a professional volleyball player to just drill basics into me and make me a better player. (that or just gal gadot to like help me clean up my life and give me life advice)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

i guess my energy? its a fucking mess though cuz sometimes i get tired after like 4 minutes of activity but then sometimes i get like a second wind and i just go for hours 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

i mean there was that snapchat trend of every guy making a female version of themselves so i guess theres that. i would definitely try anything i could. periods, cramps, catcalls, masturbating anything i could so i truly understand what women have to go through every day of their lives

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im a very open person so most of my obscure talents are known but i am kinda proud of how i can name pokemon by just hearing their cries limited to like the first 3 generations tho lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

what happens after we die

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

i wanna make the most bougie sandwich in the world. I want abelone, puffin, black truffle, caviar, just all that super high end shit

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

save it. im going on a trip somewhere out of the city and i could use the extra pocket money

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

venice italy. no question.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

oh shit booze! i love me some booze! i guess it would have to be like smirnoff kissed caramel vodka, or this one whiskey i saw a video of irish people drinking american whiskeys

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? 

dont be a fucking dickhead idk. i can’t make concrete rules cuz theres loopholes

29. What is your favorite expletive?

definitely fuck just because i say it more than actual normal words

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

haha “loved ones” lmao. oh uhhh my letters from D.O when we were kids. that or my journal

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my dads abuse. oh wait no then thats free forgiveness for him lmao no uhhh one of my past relationships. it was a mess and i still struggle a little with it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Venice italy. that or greece or rome idk. i really like their aesthetic with small white houses, small walkways and all that

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Steve irwin or Robin williams. or just to make a couple people near me happy, Kyle Fundytus

34. What was your last dream about?

uhhh I kissed the person I’m currently interested in. not just a normal dream too I felt everything. it was crazy. Felt, their hands, warmth, lips, body against mine and even their skin it was just magical.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

boyfriend? honestly? idk. i’d like to think that i am but from what I know apparently im not

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yes and no? i guess? i had one of those shots you give to enfants when their family is moving to a new country and i still have the scar so possibly? i mean technically any baby born in a hospital has been admitted to one lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

YES AND SOME OLDER KIDS BROKE IT DOWN AND USED IT AS A BENCH . I fought them and got sent tot he principals office

38. What is the color of your socks?

im not wearing any.... but i do have a favourite pair of green ones that have a print of pringles sour cream n onion on it!

39. What type of music do you like?

Jazz, big band, kpop, RNB, rap, rock, swing music, electro...? sort of?

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

i can’t choose, I love both and have fond memories of both

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa maybe some caramel in it

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

uhh i dont know much about football but i can say i would support my local team edmonton eskimos

43. Do you have any scars?

a ton! i love em! its like the sentimental stuff i keep in my closet but on my body and i always trace my finger over them whenever im just in the mood to reminisce

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

im not currently taking the courses i need to get my dream job but i’d love to be a power ranger either the stunt double or the cheesy actor. that or a school councilor

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

how dependant i am on others. i hate it. if i was alone i dont think i’d survive. i need other people

46. Are you reliable?

I like to think that i am though again, you’d have to ask my friends

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Did you find her?

48. Do you hold grudges?

hell.yes. if you couldnt tell i reallllllllllly hate my dad. like really.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

whatever animals it takes to make dragons a thing again

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I would have to say when this random stranger came up to me to complain about the transit system because the one in vancouver was so much better apparently. dude went on a 20 minute rant and i just drowned him out with music and pretended to “pause” my music while nodding like i understood

51. Are you a good liar?

not sure. I think i am considering my parents dont know half the shit i did AHEHEHEHE

52. How long could you go without talking?

couple days. long as i got my music.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

god there was this one christmas where my parents gave me like a stereotypical suburban kid hair cut where the whole head is like flattened with hair gel the at the forehead its just a tall wall of spiked hair. BUT HERES THE KICKER. they dyed half the wall red and half green for christmas. god it was awful

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

does cheesecake cupcakes count?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

ive been told i can do a good russian one, chinese too

56. What do you like on your toast?

nutella omg. fresh toast with gooey nutella? god its so good

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

uhmmm some secret stuff for a friends personal project

58. What would be you dream car?

Dodge Viper

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I love singing in the shower when no ones home. I can only sing when no ones home cuz the walls in this house are thin AS FUCK. 

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i believe we’re not the only ones out here but due to how we’re literally killing our own kind and planet for no good reason they choose to ignore us

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yep! all the time! whenever i get my hands on the local paper i read my horoscope while i wait on the train or if theres a horoscope thing on tumblr!

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

X idk x is just cool

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons are you kidding me? dragons are dinosaurs that can fly. AND BREATHE FIRE

64. What do you think about babies?

I dont think im a good father figure but spending time with kids is a pretty okay time for me long as its not long term lmao 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

I punched them full force in the stomach for calling me emo. it was a bad day but lo and behold that person became my best friend loooooooooooool

[martywurst]

Mish-mash of Comedy Musings

I write my name on the paper strip and glance into the bucket to see if the paper strips are folded and then fold my paper accordingly. I got a tip early on that if I should drop my name into the bucket 5 minutes before the mic starts, my name would be closer to the surface. Superstition among comedians. Sure enough, I got called up first at The Hollywood Improv with this method. Most of the time I drop my name too early and then my name isn't pulled for a good hour. Maybe there's something to this. When my name is on the bottom, the host doesn’t always mix it well enough to get that baby back to the surface.

Why do I even think about this bullshit, just throw the name in.

********************************************************************************

The Devastator (a partial set)

One day she decided to meet me half way. She decided she was on board with anal sex...yeah. So that way technically she could still be a virgin...at least in God’s eyes and I would get what I want. And BOY let me tell you man, everything they say about the ass is 100% true, the tip just slides right in man and aww fuck... my asshole hasn’t felt the same since.

Scattered laughs. It’s over-rehearsed, but the joke sort of delivers. He’s wearing a loud Aloha shirt of the Weird Al variety. It feels like a put-on. He came with his friend, who of course is filming his set. He’s going by the name of Devastator. I can’t stand him and I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing. His tone is vaguely arrogant, but there’s clearly no truth behind his material and his delivery is boring.

The last girl I was dating was a fucking asshole. She made me do things I didn’t want to do. The last time I talk to her was...pretty rough. She made me stop watching black porn. Which is ridiculous man...I don’t fuck black women- I have nothing against them, I just can’t have babies with them because I have something weird called sickle-cell trait- you guys know what I’m talking about...it means my kid would come out retarded, so that’s the only reason I wouldn’t go out with them...that and cuz they’re black.

Wakka wakka. He ends his next joke prematurely, leaves the stage, putting on an air of “That’s EXACTLY how I wanted this to go down,” and exits through the side door to the parking lot.

Part of me wants to follow them down the sidewalk, close enough to hear them brag about their accomplishment,

"How fast can we upload this video?"

"That was so Andy Kaufman right there!"

Then I would interrupt,

“Excuse me, DEVASTASTOR? That was amazing man, I’ve never seen anything like that. So BALLSY and unfunny, just like you planned!”

"YO this guy GETS ME!"

**********************************************

Some guy saw me standing around and introduced himself. He turned out to be the one thing that made that open mic worthwhile.

***********************************************

I was sitting next to a heckler at a bar while an open mic was going on. The host almost had a meltdown dealing with the guy earlier and for now it seemed like the heckler had won. I was tempted to ask him for an interview, but he gave me the information I wanted pretty quick. The heckler complained to his neighbors that it was a bar, "Fuck them if they can’t handle it. Maybe they should perfect their craft first!"

Meanwhile, this guy showed up alone to drink, sharing boring conversations with like-minded idiots. I guess he perfected his craft.

(dramatic One-Up sound as if Marty schooled the man through a shitty blog entry)

************************************************

The crowd slowly filtered out, and I recognized an elderly couple giving each other loving looks. My heart swelled. They had chosen stand-up comedy for a date night. They were laughing through the entire show and on their way out the old man excitedly explained to his wife, "It was THE WAY he made the microphone stand an extension of his penis...that's what separated him from the other comics!" For a moment, I felt triumphant, until I realized he wasn't talking about MY SET, but Jareth's...who had stolen my bit for his own selfish shot of glory. (to be continued)

**************************************************

I'm going to be guesting on a few podcasts:

Comedian Talk (comedians talking about comedy)

Comic Gab (comedians talking about stuff related to comedy)

Funny As *%#! (comedians talking shit about stuff and comedy)

I Can't Stand That Mother-*%@! (comedians talking shit about comedians)

Comedians That Love Cats (comedians having cat discussions with token pussy jokes)

I'm Depressed (comedians working on their openers)

Dude, How'd You Do It? (comedians begging successful friends for advice that doesn't involve actual work)

Yeah, But You're White (black comedians guilting white comedians one joke at a time)

Yeah, But White People Have Problems Too (white comedians trying to convince black comedians that they understand the struggle)

Let's Get Baked (comedians getting high and struggling to make it funny)

Comedy Club Podcast (club owners talking about comedy classes and name-dropping. They need interns!)

I Killed Last Night (2+ year comedians bragging about their amazing sets to anyone who will listen)

Too Soon? (comedians ripping into celebrities that just died, with discussion about cutting-edge comedy)

I Have A Podcast (a comedian who co-created a podcast with a guy who gave up on it after 3 episodes. Should he keep recording?)

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"SO you're a comedian, ay? Tough racket. Have a seat son. How long have you been on stage? A YEAR? Wow, you're still wet behind the ears. (fondly) I remember when I told my first rape joke. Seems like the day before yesterday. I went by the name of Johnny Bonkers. I used to take a banana and stick it up my ass. Then I never addressed it- I just went into my act. I alienated millions! It was very courageous for the time. But anyway, let me give you one piece of advice. Sometimes, you'll feel alone up there, when it's so dark you can't see if anyone is out there and there's that devil of a spotlight BLINDING YOU... and you can't remember the next joke, you're covered in flop sweat, and you start to feel the old ticker head-butting your chest, trying to escape the nightmare that is taking place. But you can't just leave! Because there's always that ONE COMEDIAN out there. Watching you...and you know what? He WANTS to watch you shit your pants. So let him have it."

- excerpt from "A Stand-Up Guy" A one-act play written by Johnny Bonkers.

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The laughs are not good enough anymore, I'm chasing after that laugh-clap. Am I a comedian or a bonafide junkie?

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There seems to be a pattern where I bomb miserably at a show and then I hit up a second mic where I have no expectations...or hope. Got to get that second mic in though. I'm completely numb from bombing, but I end up having a good set. Because I'm loose, relaxed, and just being myself. For awhile after that, I tried to go into every mic with the mentality that I already bombed in spectacular fashion, sulking my way to the stage, but I could only trick myself so far.  I would start mugging my way through bits and trying too hard once again. Maybe I need a little guardian angel to approach me as I'm walking to the stage- give a quick whisper,

"You suck."

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[takemakelove]

Wordpress October 2010

Eating out

October 10, 2010

is actually not that bad. Yesterday we went to sushi house and the boys were surprisingly well-mannered! But they usually are and I feel super lucky to have, not one, but two babies that we can take out to a restaurant and enjoy a meal. And my boys are so cute! They were staring and giggling at all our dining neighbors, and were overall pretty quiet during our long stay there (service is always slow there). They ate all the food  i packed for them, including the cheese toast croutons, plus some cheerios. They drank their whole bottle during our dessert and only shrieked/squealed super loud a few times for fun. They were so good-and I am so proud ^_^

But this post isn’t to say that my boys are so perfect when we go out– oh no. they will throw their tantrums and crying fits. We went to BJs once for a friends going to the monastary party, and demetri cried for such a long time and nothing would sooth him maybe it was molars coming in. And then when we go out to parties on the weekend and they don’t get their long 3 hour nap, they used to be so horrible! so inconsolable and crying forever and so not fun. Always cuts our outings shorter than desired.

I have to mention, though, that when we got seated in the non busy restaurant, the hostess obviously saw that we have babies and I told her we needed two high chairs. And she sat us but then she didn’t remove two seats from the tables and didn’t even bring high chairs to replace them. And she walked back to her post and I had to walk to her again and ask for high chairs. Eventually a dude/waiter came over and gave us highchairs. It might not have been her job, but she totally seemed like she forgot about the high chairs.

It’s interesting cause on my facebook for mommies, i saw a post on my twins group that a mom encountered a twins-unfriendly establishment that refused to give her two highchairs cuz their policy was like they can only give one incase another family comes in and they don’t want to run out of high chairs…. but the restaurant was very empty. They even brought out the manager and he said the same thing about their policy. The waitress even suggested the parents switch off holding one and eating while the other baby is in the high chair! The finally gave in to giving her another high chair when she grabbed all her things and was heading out the door. They even told her that they would make that exception that one time but that for future visits, they would only grant her that one high chair. This was at outback steakhouse, by the way. I dunno what state though.

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Competitive Walking

October 13, 2010

To be honest, I’m a competitive person..and kinda a competitive mom >.< I’m sorry! Please don’t judge me! It’s so deep in me that I’d like to think that I cage it well, but sometimes it’ll crawl up and I have to mention something to darrell

I think there was a baby boom around the time Aizen and Demetri were born back in September of last year. I swear: everyone’s friend was pregnant when I was pregnant. And distant friends I sorta knew in HS were pregnant. And 4 of darrell’s cousins were due the same time we were. So we all had our kids around the same time…and therefore..it’s really hard to avoid comparing all of those full term singletons to my preemie twins. I know, I know, I shouldn’t ever compare kids, and it’s hard enough trying not to compare between the two let alone with all those other singleton kids, but still – deep down, in a cage, my competitive nature come out.

My boys are always behind in their developmental milestones — compared to all the other kids. They are on time according to the Doc’s records and all, and they are especially on time when you adjust your expectations with their adjusted, prematurity age…but my heart kind of tremors ever so slightly when I see or hear that the singleton kids are already rolling over or crawling or talking or reading and especially – walking. And it also tremors when I see or hear that they are so much bigger/heavier/taller than my boys at their well baby check ups. The only thing my boys have on all of those kids combined is- the amount of teeth they have.

But I’ve come to realize something. When “they” (developmental charts, online parenting websites, doctor’s visits) say when to expect babies to walk, they always say there is a range. Most kids will hit the milestone at this age or that age but some kids will hit it faster or later and not to be worried bc all babies are unique and develop at their own rate. I realize that if your baby is born at their due date or past, then they will hit those milestones ahead of most. And that if you have a preemie, you have to adjust their prematurity age and they will hit those milestones later than the rest. That’s why there’s a range. But anyway….

I always felt like walking is such a huge achievement. It’s always in all those new parenthood commercials and videocameras and all that, that’s it’s really hyped up for me. I then I started feeling pressure that they should be walking by their 1st birthday. That didn’t happen. But once i realized that they were going to be last again in the imaginary development race, I kept saying to myself and hearing from other mothers that walking isn’t all that awesome. It gets way harder on mom and dad and that I should enjoy the non mobile phase as much as possible because, oh man, once they start walking – all hell breaks loose! They get into everything and run away and it’s all so much harder once they walk. And besides, they have all their lives to walk and run from here to there, but they only get a few months if anything (their older cousin walked at 9 months -_-) to be cute little rugrats. And man, they were fast little rugrats! but…

Aizen is walking now ^_^ He took his first independent steps a few weeks ago. I want to say on Monday Sept. 20 (i think bc their ninong came over for lunch and we all saw aizen take 2.5 steps!) And I want to say that Demetri took 1 step on his own a few days later. Then 2 weeks later, I come home from school and Darrell tells me that Aizen can now walk from the couch to the table when placed a few feet from the couch! SO exciting! I got a video posted on youtube of him doing it the next day.

We have been spending a lot of time with Darrell’s side of the family because his grandmother passed away exactly 2 weeks ago. So we’ve been all hanging out with the cousins and there are a few of the boy’s cousins who are toddlers and they all play together. (A&D are the only ones still crawling) And the aunties and uncles (lolos and lolas to the boys) are always taking the boys and holding them up so they can walk supported and it was on the night of the funeral that Aizen took some really strong, solid, slow steps on his own! No more of this rigid stepping and stumbling, now Aizen toddles and will squat and lower his knees so that get can start crawling again He’s getting better and better everyday. He now can cross half the room. Demetri is right behind him tho, still a little lazier with jellier legs, but still, he can toddle a step here and then. I have yet to get a video of Demetri and I need to get a video of Aizen walking for longer than a few steps.

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No More Bottles!

October 18, 2010

We took away all their expensive a** avent bottles and gave them sippy-straw cups.

Aizen’s doing way better than Demetri.

I’ll explain more later. If I remember to come back to this post to edit.

Aizen is on the left, enjoying his sippy straw cup, and demetri is on the right- showing how hard it is to keep his straw in his mouth.

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Butt butt butt!

October 18, 2010

I think my sons have big butts. Like..bigger than the average butt for a baby their size O_O

I’ll explain more later. If I remember to come back to this post to edit.

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Every since they were about 5-6 months old, whenever their grandpa (my future FIL) would hold one of them, he would always give them back after a few minutes and proclaim that they “were wet and need a diaper change” but they didn’t poop. I would smell their diapers and look inside and even pat around their diaper to feel for some fullness. I guess it felt kind of full. Whatever- I would change them cuz sure, they’ve been in their diapers for a an hour or two, and sure, it could be full. But every time I would change them, their diapers were barely even peed on. And eventually Dad and I would think “dang, what a waste of a diaper -_-”

So then one day I decided to change them right before I gave one of them to their grandpa. And sure enough, within a few minutes or 1/2 and hour, he would give them back claiming that they were wet and needed a diaper change. So again, I would smell their diapers and look inside and even pat around their diaper to feel for some fullness. And again, I guess it felt kind of full. And then I started thinking about it. So then I changed him into a fresh diaper and started patting around the diaper to feel for some fullness. And sure enough-it kind of felt full. But how? It is a fresh diaper-surely there was not time for him to pee!

And then I thought- it must be their butts! They must have big butts! And consulted with my sister and with Dad and yes. We all skeptically agree-maybe they do indeed, have big butts for their age and that is why their diapers always feel full-because of their big, squishy-apple bottom butts

The one on the floor is when they are 8months old, and the one against a window they are almost 10months. I think both times, Aizen is the one I made show off his butt