#active writing and napping are the two instances where i can mentally picture things so they go hand-in-hand extremely well

[chitsangenthusiast]

can i ask about your writing process? i’m just curious like how do u go from thoughts to outline to drafting to posting? how long do u work on something before posting? do u have a beta? i feel like your word choice is so intentional and distinct and that’s pretty unique to your writing style :)

!!!! first off: thank you so much 🧡🧡 my writing style is definitely a product of being inspired by writers who love to take the time building scenes that you can really see and feel, as well as just being ridiculously in love with tiny details!

but also: i'm really bad with words+at picturing things in my head at first lmaooo it takes a lot of work to get to the final version and my writing process is honestly a mess, but usually goes like:

generalized bare bones plot -> conversational 5+1 fic format outline -> shitty first draft -> second draft to begin ""stage blocking"" -> drafts 3-500: wordsmithing until my fingers and brain hurt -> final review and then post :)

i call myself a slow writer but really i'm just a slooowww editor bc of the wordsmithing part lol

since the summer i've really allowed myself to indulge in my writing style, so not only are things longer+take more time to edit (mallrat chpt 1 is like 5.3k words vs chpt 5 at 16.8k lmfao), but i also do in fact try to be really intentional with my words and descriptions. it's a huge compliment that you think the same, bc it's a fun/painful part of writing that is damn near heavenly when i'm finally satisfied with how i write smth 🧡

but my biggest bestest writing aid? naps lol <3

(a v lengthy, more detailed process stages explanations under the cut, if interested!)

generalized bare bones plot: i'm actually v big on starting with basic plots/concepts and then, if needed, molding the idea to fit specific characters. some are obv specially built (hmlyd!), but being primarily plot-focused inspires me to just write vs worrying abt getting everything on brand/in character right away

conversational 5+1 fic format outline: i enjoy writing fanfic basically the same way i like interacting with fandom, so how i write my tumblr posts+tags are generally how i begin my outlines! they're basically lighthearted conversations with myself lol it's like my version of rubber duck debugging? but doing it this way and in a 5+1 format forces me to figure out the major plot points bc otherwise i will 100% lose the plot lol

shitty first draft: and it's shitty ofc! helps me decide how to lay the scene/chapter out as well as the overall emotions i want characters to feel. writing a first draft is fairly easy bc it still follows the outline's conversational nature to an extent, but also the words are bad and basic and repetitive and there's more [bolded brackets] than actual content, bc i use them as reminders to fix things/find better words later so to not break my focus

stage blocking second draft: i didn't realize this until it was pointed out to me recently, but i will do a terrible imitation of stage blocking in the second draft. obsessed with details = having /very vivid/ imagery in mind when i'm writing a scene, and so i try to do a first pass in describing everything as best i can here! i also tend to act out certain motions/facial expressions until i can figure out how to describe them lol

still lots of brackets and bad/repetitive words, but getting there!

wordsmithing drafts: jk not getting there <3 this is where all the emotions and actions and etc get attacked until i've properly obsessed over every word and description lol

this is a stage that's become more and more involved as i indulge myself with my writing style tbh. sometimes it goes extremely easy! sometimes it's very painful!!!! hmlyd took a combined seven drafts between the two chpts before posting. mallrat chpt 5 took 26 🙃

i keep an extra word doc on hand to catch any lines/dialogue/etc that i decided to change or remove altogether, just in case they can be used again later, or to replace any of the edited stuff if i like the original wording more!

(or. even to be used in other fics. i've taken lines that were originally meant for hmlyd and put them into mallrat lmaoo)

final review: i use scrivener to write in bc it nicely groups things together in one place (example below), but i do a final review in word to find any grammar mistakes and still-too repetitive words. i use word as my final attempt to be a bit more creative/deliberate with the words i choose lol

and then! post!! whew 🧡🧡

[yogaposesfortwo]

How to Create Peaceful Moments: For Parents or Parents to be

There has never been a far better time, than now, to ask a yoga or meditation practice into our lives. once I say yoga, I don’t necessarily mean a physical (asana) practice, which is usually what yoga is related to , as there are many facets including breathing techniques (pranayama), meditation, mindfulness, to call a couple of . Whether you’re a mum, a father or parents-to-be or have any parental responsibilities, it'd be just what you would like to carve out some dedicated time for yourself, which let’s face it, can sometimes be challenging. As a mum myself what I’ve found works best is to possess set times once I practice yoga or meditation. This not only creates a touch of structure, but repetition helps us build good habits. It also gives me something to seem forward to and that i guarantee help with our daughter by booking it into our shared family calendar. We are in unusual times. A situation that was thrust upon us with little or no warning or time to organize – and by that I don’t mean bulk buying, I mean mentally. We’ve had to adapt quickly to simply accept our new reality and alter happened fast. Companies without flexible working policies now have employees performing from home. We have even more resources at our fingertips, online, to assist us feel connected, a part of a much bigger entity and to bring us together. I believe that what we do now's future proofing and it'll change the way we work and our mindsets forever. As a yoga teacher, I too have brought my offering online. it's not only given me something to specialise in hebdomadally , aside from my daughter (I became a mum last year) but it's aiding my clients and my very own mental wellbeing. We’re experiencing a time when anxiety is rife and if, like me, you've got been finding it hard, i would like you to understand that you’re not alone which it’s actually okay to not feel ok, all of the time. I went from feeling calm and connected whilst pregnant, with ounces of your time for myself, to suddenly feel disembodied and with no time for myself in the least . Having an almost one-year old during lockdown means some normality and routine remains, but it’s also made it tons harder to navigate. I’ve heard people say they’re becoming bored – bored, I thought, I wish! Making the small moments count If you’re reading this as a parent already, you’ll know that it’s full on from the instant your children wake, to the instant they sleep, by which point you’re almost ok for the sofa and Netflix. this suggests little or no time for yourself, something I dearly miss from my old life. When we become parents, we learn even more to place others first. But, we also got to take care of ourselves in order that we will stay fit and well, mentally and physically. I’ve learnt to utilise the tiny nuggets of your time i buy during the day to try to to things for myself. for instance , rather than using my daughter’s first nap to manically get something done round the house or do some admin, I’ll use a number of the time guilt free for a physical yoga practice, maybe a meditation or another sort of exercise. This didn’t happen overnight and it's taken me time to determine this pattern and to offer myself the permission to try to to so. I use time when boiling the kettle or making her bottle to bring awareness to my breath. Slowing our breathing down really helps us to ignite our parasympathetic systema nervosum , which enables us to be calm. For me dialing down the noise from external factors has also been crucial to my mental wellbeing – especially during this point . once we filter the noise we are ready to make more intuitive decisions. Acceptance and slowing down We sleep in a society where ideologies are fierce and that we can feel pressured to present the right picture, especially once we first become parents. We’re often our own biggest critics, something that my journey into motherhood has shown me. What I’ve come to understand is that as parents or parents-to-be, we'd like to be kind to ourselves, we'd like to possess patience and that we got to give ourselves an opportunity when things are out of our control. I stumbled across this quote recently by Phil Cooke which really resonated with me, ‘Let go of the items you can't change and begin changing the items that you simply can’. So, once we start to simply accept the items that we will not change we will take hold of the items we can. In this instance, we cannot change the very fact that we face a worldwide pandemic and therefore the rules that the governments have set, but we will choose how we experience it. So, if you’re a parent or parents-to-be give yourself permission to hamper . If you’re parents-to-be use this point to enjoy peaceful moments and to organize for the arrival of your baby. If you’re an expecting mum and therefore the prospect of going into hospital alone is daunting, know that you simply are going to be in safe hands with the doctors . Then use the time once you click to bond together with your baby and your partner. With no visitors you’ll get just the time you would like to seek out your way with no other eyes watching. Be kind to yourself in those youth and weeks, allow every day to be exactly what it's – some are going to be harder than others but know that it gets easier. If you’re already a parent and you’re struggling to seek out some moments for yourself, try shaking things up a touch . getting to bed half-hour earlier could mean awakening half-hour earlier, potentially before the remainder of the house wakes up. you would possibly find you'll do a brief meditation, write a journal or just have a cup of tea or coffee in peace. Before I close, here are some final thoughts from me that i think are relevant for everybody , parent or not… Take every day because it comes Know that you simply aren't alone, there's support out there Try to not be too judgmental of the choices you create thereon day Make activities throughout your day more mindful, be present once you eat, drink or whatever it's you’re doing – even changing a nappy! Look away from the ideologies that present themselves on social media, know that what we frequently see isn’t real Join a web class, whether it's Yoga, Meditation, Yoga Nidra or something else – it can boost your mood and cause you to feel connected Most importantly, be kind to yourself Author: Katherine Yousefi Source: https://www.yogamatters.com/blog/how-to-create-peaceful-moments-for-parents-or-parents-to-be/ Discover more info about Yoga Poses for Two People here: Yoga Poses for Two Read the full article

[erraticfairy]

How Busy Working Moms Can Take Meaningful Breaks

When you’re a working mom, it can easily feel like you have no time for genuinely restorative breaks—or any break for that matter. Which can quickly lead to everything from resentment to burnout.

But mothering doesn’t have to be one massive hustle without any respite. We just think it does. And these narratives dictate how we spend our hours and our minutes—minus real, meaningful pauses.

Namely, we have “outrageous expectations” for ourselves in every arena of our lives, according to Lauren Smith Brody, mom to two and founder of Fifth Trimester Consulting, which helps businesses improve their culture for new parents and offers back-to-work coaching for moms.

For instance, we think we need to Parent with a capital P, said Amialya (Mia) Durairaj, MSc, a proud mom of 2-year-old identical twin girls who were born three months early. Durairaj helps new moms of special needs children incorporate their newfound identities as parent advocates with their desire for fulfilling careers. She’s the co-creator and moderator of Mindful Return’s Balancing Career with A Special Needs Baby.

“This is especially true for moms of special needs kids who get frequent feedback from specialists about all of the exercises and therapies we should be doing more often.”

As a new mom, Durairaj was convinced that she determined her girls’ developmental progress. (“In retrospect, it was pretty narcissistic of me!”) Which meant that she didn’t sleep enough and didn’t take good care of herself. Which also meant that she’d frequently get sick.

Over time, though, she had a realization: “A village would be far better at raising my daughters than a frazzled, martyr of a mom.” She also realized that it’s important for her daughters to see her taking care of herself, so they can do the same for themselves as they get older.

Another reason we rarely break has deeper roots: “We don’t value ourselves as much as we should,” said Lori Mihalich-Levi, JD, a healthcare attorney and founder of MindfulReturn.com, which offers online courses to help parents transition back to work after having a baby. For instance, most of us are a lot more likely to attend an evening yoga class if we promised to meet a friend there than if we’re going alone. Because we tend to honor our word to others, but not so much to ourselves, she said.

Breaks are vital for our sanity and survival, said Mihalich-Levi, also mom to two. Without white space in our day, she said, we can’t reflect on the bigger picture. “We lose perspective on what’s really important in life. And we sacrifice our [mental and physical] health. Our families and employers would appreciate if we’d operate on fuller tanks, I’m certain.”

But how can you take breaks when so much needs to get done? Here are five tips for carving out genuinely fulfilling pauses in your days, even with a towering to-do list.

Use your commute. Brody underscored the importance of knowing what helps you to feel like you’ve cared for yourself—and your commute is a great time to focus on that. For instance, a psychologist she interviewed for her book The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom’s Guide to Style, Sanity and Success After Baby suggested tending to one of our senses.

Maybe that’s taking a bite of chocolate. Maybe it’s applying lavender-scented lotion. Maybe it’s listening to a podcast. For Brody, it’s hearing the opening song of The Daily, the New York Times podcast, because it reminds her that she’s “planting her feet in the world.”

When Mihalich-Levi’s kids were smaller, she’d stop to sit on a park bench or inside a hotel lobby for 5 minutes on her way to work. She’d turn on the app Insight Timer, and simply breathe. “It didn’t take much time, didn’t extend my commute by much, and completely changed my mindset before I stepped into the office. If you have 5 minutes to check Facebook, you have 5 minutes to sit still and decompress.”

Add a regenerating activity to your routine. Durairaj, also a writing consultant and owner of Little Octopus LLC, suggested engaging in an activity that regenerates you, and doing it at the same time every week. “Hold that time as sacred.”

For instance, every Saturday afternoon Durairaj’s in-laws take care of her daughters while she gets a foot massage or takes a long walk with a friend who also has kids with special needs. “I look forward to it all week. It restores me!”

Sink into small pauses. “I try to find little pauses every day to keep my equilibrium,” Durairaj said. For instance, she meditates for at least 10 minutes while her daughters nap. Every morning, she also spends several minutes savoring her cup of coffee before they wake up.

Every morning in the shower Mihalich-Levi sets an intention for the day, stretches and savors the solitude. Focusing on herself—versus her clients’ or kids’ problems—gives her a better start to the day, she said.

Relinquish some control. A big reason it’s so hard to take a break is that we try to give everything to everything. We do this so things don’t fall apart. But this tight grip is ever-exhausting (and while you try to hold it all together, you just might feel like you’re falling apart).

Mihalich-Levi also struggles with the need to control it all. One of her Mindful Return students shared this invaluable perspective with her: “If I give even 75 percent at work and 75 percent at home, that’s already 150 percent of me.”

For 2019 Mihalich-Levi has adopted the word “trust.” She said: “I’m leaning into the idea that I can take care of myself and trust that everything else will indeed fall into place.” Can you lean into this idea, too? What can you remove from your to-do list? What can you delegate? What can you let go of to make room for yourself?

Reconnect with friends. Turning to your supportive tribe, even for a bit, can provide a transformative break. For instance, a 10-minute phone call or a 15-minute coffee date with a friend can fill you up for a week, Brody said. A text chain might do the same. Brody has one with three close friends, where they share everything from laughs to work wins. “I feel a part of something bigger than just me.”

Taking breaks is vital for our well-being. And what these breaks look like, of course, is entirely up to you. As Brody said, the key is to “use your time in a way that feels good.”

from World of Psychology http://bit.ly/2G0o6Y0 via theshiningmind.com

[psychotherapyconsultants]

How Busy Working Moms Can Take Meaningful Breaks

When you’re a working mom, it can easily feel like you have no time for genuinely restorative breaks—or any break for that matter. Which can quickly lead to everything from resentment to burnout.

But mothering doesn’t have to be one massive hustle without any respite. We just think it does. And these narratives dictate how we spend our hours and our minutes—minus real, meaningful pauses.

Namely, we have “outrageous expectations” for ourselves in every arena of our lives, according to Lauren Smith Brody, mom to two and founder of Fifth Trimester Consulting, which helps businesses improve their culture for new parents and offers back-to-work coaching for moms.

For instance, we think we need to Parent with a capital P, said Amialya (Mia) Durairaj, MSc, a proud mom of 2-year-old identical twin girls who were born three months early. Durairaj helps new moms of special needs children incorporate their newfound identities as parent advocates with their desire for fulfilling careers. She’s the co-creator and moderator of Mindful Return’s Balancing Career with A Special Needs Baby.

“This is especially true for moms of special needs kids who get frequent feedback from specialists about all of the exercises and therapies we should be doing more often.”

As a new mom, Durairaj was convinced that she determined her girls’ developmental progress. (“In retrospect, it was pretty narcissistic of me!”) Which meant that she didn’t sleep enough and didn’t take good care of herself. Which also meant that she’d frequently get sick.

Over time, though, she had a realization: “A village would be far better at raising my daughters than a frazzled, martyr of a mom.” She also realized that it’s important for her daughters to see her taking care of herself, so they can do the same for themselves as they get older.

Another reason we rarely break has deeper roots: “We don’t value ourselves as much as we should,” said Lori Mihalich-Levi, JD, a healthcare attorney and founder of MindfulReturn.com, which offers online courses to help parents transition back to work after having a baby. For instance, most of us are a lot more likely to attend an evening yoga class if we promised to meet a friend there than if we’re going alone. Because we tend to honor our word to others, but not so much to ourselves, she said.

Breaks are vital for our sanity and survival, said Mihalich-Levi, also mom to two. Without white space in our day, she said, we can’t reflect on the bigger picture. “We lose perspective on what’s really important in life. And we sacrifice our [mental and physical] health. Our families and employers would appreciate if we’d operate on fuller tanks, I’m certain.”

But how can you take breaks when so much needs to get done? Here are five tips for carving out genuinely fulfilling pauses in your days, even with a towering to-do list.

Use your commute. Brody underscored the importance of knowing what helps you to feel like you’ve cared for yourself—and your commute is a great time to focus on that. For instance, a psychologist she interviewed for her book The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom’s Guide to Style, Sanity and Success After Baby suggested tending to one of our senses.

Maybe that’s taking a bite of chocolate. Maybe it’s applying lavender-scented lotion. Maybe it’s listening to a podcast. For Brody, it’s hearing the opening song of The Daily, the New York Times podcast, because it reminds her that she’s “planting her feet in the world.”

When Mihalich-Levi’s kids were smaller, she’d stop to sit on a park bench or inside a hotel lobby for 5 minutes on her way to work. She’d turn on the app Insight Timer, and simply breathe. “It didn’t take much time, didn’t extend my commute by much, and completely changed my mindset before I stepped into the office. If you have 5 minutes to check Facebook, you have 5 minutes to sit still and decompress.”

Add a regenerating activity to your routine. Durairaj, also a writing consultant and owner of Little Octopus LLC, suggested engaging in an activity that regenerates you, and doing it at the same time every week. “Hold that time as sacred.”

For instance, every Saturday afternoon Durairaj’s in-laws take care of her daughters while she gets a foot massage or takes a long walk with a friend who also has kids with special needs. “I look forward to it all week. It restores me!”

Sink into small pauses. “I try to find little pauses every day to keep my equilibrium,” Durairaj said. For instance, she meditates for at least 10 minutes while her daughters nap. Every morning, she also spends several minutes savoring her cup of coffee before they wake up.

Every morning in the shower Mihalich-Levi sets an intention for the day, stretches and savors the solitude. Focusing on herself—versus her clients’ or kids’ problems—gives her a better start to the day, she said.

Relinquish some control. A big reason it’s so hard to take a break is that we try to give everything to everything. We do this so things don’t fall apart. But this tight grip is ever-exhausting (and while you try to hold it all together, you just might feel like you’re falling apart).

Mihalich-Levi also struggles with the need to control it all. One of her Mindful Return students shared this invaluable perspective with her: “If I give even 75 percent at work and 75 percent at home, that’s already 150 percent of me.”

For 2019 Mihalich-Levi has adopted the word “trust.” She said: “I’m leaning into the idea that I can take care of myself and trust that everything else will indeed fall into place.” Can you lean into this idea, too? What can you remove from your to-do list? What can you delegate? What can you let go of to make room for yourself?

Reconnect with friends. Turning to your supportive tribe, even for a bit, can provide a transformative break. For instance, a 10-minute phone call or a 15-minute coffee date with a friend can fill you up for a week, Brody said. A text chain might do the same. Brody has one with three close friends, where they share everything from laughs to work wins. “I feel a part of something bigger than just me.”

Taking breaks is vital for our well-being. And what these breaks look like, of course, is entirely up to you. As Brody said, the key is to “use your time in a way that feels good.”

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-busy-working-moms-can-take-meaningful-breaks/