#acting in a selfless and reckless way. he tried to be the one to split from the group during mingle when the number 4 got called out

[itadooori]

quick lil dae-ho thing

[ateliersss]

Red Dead Redemption 2

...is part of The Bookshelf.

⇨ This is a collection of my favorite fanfics/oneshots on Tumblr I love to re-read once in a while. None of those works belong to me! Feel free to use it as well.

⇨ My own works are here

Arthur Morgan

He Used To Be Mine

Crimson Snow

Young Love

Hibernate

Just Friends Summary: You’ve been good friends with Arthur for some time, and when he visits Mary, your jealousy gets the better of you.

Happy Ending Summary: When the gang splits and Dutch shows his true colors, you and Arthur grab the gang's money from deep within Murfee Brood Cave and escape to live a happy life together. 

A Selfless Act Summary: Your former partners abandon you in the mountains. Luckily, you come across a lonely cowboy who saves you from freezing to death.

Chance Encounter Summary: You have been working on Emerald Ranch as long as you can remember. One day, you notice a cowboy who from this day on seems to appear more often to do business with Seamus. You are not sure why, but this man has your fullest attention.

My Last Confession Summary: A robbery goes awry and you find yourself fighting for your life.

Lost and Found Summary: After getting separated from the gang, you thought you would never see Arthur or any of the other Van Der Linde’s again. That is, until you run into a familiar outlaw in the streets of Rhodes.

The Gala Summary: Dutch and Hosea take you out on your first job to a fancy gala. And Arthur isn’t too happy about it.

Leather and Lace Summary:  Arthur is out on a scout when he comes across a woman in need and brings her to the camp.

First Kisses Summary: Robbing rich folk in Saint Denis takes an unexpected turn, when Arthur and you are running from the law and in order to blend in, Arthur decides to kiss you - not knowing he had taken your first kiss. After finding out about it he hopes for a chance to redeem himself.

Placeholder Summary: You and Arthur have been together for a while, but Arthur gets another letter from Mary and goes to see her. You overhear their conversation, and it wasn't what you were hoping…

The Job Offer Summary: You get an offer for an honest job outside of the gang, making Arthur begin to confront his feelings for you. 

No Offense Summary: You unintentionally offend Arthur while out in town.

Violet Flowers Summary: You find John Marston staring at you longer than you'd come to appreciate. As you confront your friend, he can't help but let it slip that Arthur has a big surprise for you.

Our Dear, Green Little Friend Summary: Oh, jealousy. When the thought of you straying too close to the comfort of Charles, the green monster claws its way into Arthur’s head.

The Final Choice Summary: Arthur has to make a choice, you or Mary?

Delicate Summary: When Arthur and the gang are out in Valentine, you can’t help but notice that he left his journal by his bedside, unattended. You’re aware that Arthur is never careless enough to leave something so valuable to him in camp and see you see it as an opportunity. Upon reading his journal, you discover something that changes everything…

Spark (Series) Summary: An impulsive and reckless girl who stands for everything Arthur tries to overcome joins the gang. Even worse, she is related to Micah Bell. What starts off as a relationship of mistrust and hate slowly transforms into a beautiful, deeper connection, as both parties realise that there is more to the other person than what meets the eye at first.

Your Protector Summary: Arthur comes to your rescue while you’re being harassed.

A Proper Woman Summary: After getting all dressed up for a day on the town, you need Arthur's help getting off a corset.

Low Below 0°C Summary: You’ve just escaped from Blackwater, barely ducking from bullets that were shot your way. Your trusted horse, however, wasn’t so lucky. Stuck in Colter with no stables to buy a horse from, Arthur decides to go out and get you one, but not just any one, a White Arabian. Is the horse the only thing he’s bringing back?

A Bastard Child Summary: After finding out that the reader is pregnant with his child, Arthur can’t help but think about Eliza and Isaac. Hosea comes to find him when after Arthur stayed away from camp for a while.

I'll Be Here in the Morning Summary: Words spoken so late at night are not always the most honest.

Accused of Love Summary: It reaches your ears that there in camp goes on a bet that you and Arthur will end up together. You decide that as an involved party you should get a cut from it, and go on to make sure that the bet is won.

Can't Buy Me Love Summary: Almost everyday like clockwork, Arthur brings you gifts like some sort of offerings. Is he trying to win you over? It doesn’t matter though, because you already like him, but a personal conflict is keeping you from telling him that. Until…

Walk Cut Short Summary: The tension hung thick and heavy as you walked down the deserted main street of Rhodes. “This don’t feel right,” said Arthur. That would be an understatement, you thought as you looked around the town that usually bustled with people, currently looking like a ghost town. Suddenly, a gunshot rang, sending everyone in action, and you on the ground. Was this it for you?

Liquid Courage Summary: Confessing your love to Arthur while he’s drunk is a great plan, since he wasn’t going to remember it in the morning, right?

Protector Summary: You can defend yourself. Arthur knows this. But he makes sure Micah knows you aren’t the only reason he should keep his hands to himself.

Defender, Protector, Keeper Summary: Arthur steps in to help you with your son after a run in with Micah.

More Take Than Give Summary: After Blackwater, things are only getting more strained between you and Arthur. 

Loyalty and Liabilities Summary: Sometimes you can’t help but to stand up for Arthur when Dutch talks down on him. 

Intuition Summary: You fear Arthur may have done something horrible. 

Captive Summary: On your way back to camp, the O’Driscolls attack.

Lake Summary: He's walking in on you bathing.

Graphite and Gratitude Summary: After a difficult day in camp coming to a head when Micah crosses a line, Arthur comforts you in an unexpected way - by sharing his journal with you.

Drunken Flirtations Summary: Arthur is drunk, and some drunken flirtation ensues between the two of you.

Downtime and a Bath Summary: You take a part time job at a hotel near camp, hoping to find some leads on potential jobs for the Gang. Being called away from your normal duties to give a gentleman a Deluxe bath, the last person you expect to find in the tub is the Gang's enforcer, Arthur Morgan.

The Art Of Thievery Summary: A curious evening in the Parlour House when you meet a certain deputy.

Through my Eyes Summary: Karen explains Mary and Arthur's story to you. Saddened, you're convinced you could never compete with her until the man in question proves you wrong.

Conflicted Spaces Summary: Your father is a gambling man and you’re always the collateral. He refuses to pay the wrong man and now you’re being dragged across country roads to a man you’ve never met. Arthur Morgan, an outlaw down to the bone, is in charge of making sure you get there in one piece. Except, he doesn’t feel right selling a woman off like she’s property.

Charles Smith

Beer Bottles and Broken Fingers Summary: Charles doesn’t like how Micah speaks to you.

Lake Summary: He's walking in on you bathing.

Knight in Shining Armor

The Protrait of Charles Smith

Dutch Van der Linde

No Title Summary: Dutch seems like a stranger to you now and maybe it’s time to take a step back.

Of Cigars and Delicate Flowers Summary: Dutch just wanted to get new cigars. Who knew you had to save him.

To a New Beginning Summary: Dutch and reader used to be an item, but had a bad breakup after a bad job. Over a drink, they confess that their feelings still remain.

Thus With a Kiss I Die

Bruises

Pregnant?

Micah Bell

Lilacs Summary: Someone keeps leaving flowers on your bedroll. Guess you have a secret admirer.

Lake Summary: He's walking in on you bathing.

Hosea Matthews

That Old Time Feeling

Flaco Hernandez

Home With You Summary: You hadn’t seen Flaco in ages, so decided to pay him a visit.

Mrs. Hernandez Summary: Whilst finally being reunited with your sweetheart, Flaco calls you something that he’s never called you before, and you love it.

Sean MacGuire

I Will Always Come Back

All I Need

Home

No Title Summary: Sean seems to have disappeared, but on his return he seems to have a strange surprise with him, and is it for you?

[aki-draws-things]

If, somehow, that happens before they go to top gun, while there Ice is worse than Goose back at the academy when he got his callsign.

Sure, Slider is constantly wrapped around his shoulders, never straying a step too far from him, and yes, mav is deadly sure he's more a protector than a RIO.

What's not seen, or actually, people fail to see, is the absolute protective streak following Ice. He checks, and double checks, for Ron. He makes sure he's alright. Safe. Hell, he makes sure he stop spending most of his night over review of flight plans to be sure they're flawless. (Because yes, Ice is one hell of a pilot, but he got am equation wrong one time and ron went all "and gentlemen, this is why I'm the RIO. Ice, honey, you follow through that shit you got there, we say hi to the mountain side from very close.". It was the only time, but for ron his safety was always before his own.) And eat. Because everyone who thinks slider is always eating can't be more wrong. He always has snacks hidden everywhere, sure, because Ice eats all the time. Ron would straight up forget sometimes.

But people don't notice the subtle ways.

Ron gets into one of his...uhm... usual trouble, at top gun too, if the way he sways on his feet and becomes pale after the afternoon playing beach volley means something. "I didn't not notice your boyfriend got heatstroke. I swear." Is the first thing he says to Chris over the phone, people would think he's calm, Ron and Chris know he's not. "You didn't not-- mh. Okay... I'll cross out heatstroke from our tab of shits that man got himself into to lead us to an early grave. Is he alright?" "Sleeping it off. He's better."

Mav learns, after hop 31, after top gun, after the Layton rescue, after getting together with Ice. Mav didn't really care for slider much before, him always being draped over ice made it also somewhat hard to have a moment alone with him. Not to mention the pet names. He honestly believed they were together, not realizing it was exactly the same way he always acted with Goose. But mav didn't exactly care, at first.

Until Ron bloody catches him when Mav slips from the ladder like an absolute rookie while trying to build a tree house for Bradley in their garden. It was the split decision, the way he didn't technically catch him, more like stopped his landing before Mav could crack himself open.

Ice is not sure how he feels, what he feels, when they walk back in the house, covered in dirt and a bit of blood.

"If you landed yourself another concussion I'm not gonna cover your ass with Chris. if you didn't land yourself one I swear, I'll make your head wish you did."

Mav learns that Ice is not actually angry, he's worried.

"Fine. Next time I'll let your idiot boyfriend fall all the way to the ground without trying." Muttered, like he doesn't really care. Ice knows him enough to know he would never. Mav's head is still wrapping around Ice's words.

"What you mean with another?!"

Mav learns.

And he learns it again, the hard way, when a car hits him, again.

But it's different this time, Ron learned, through a lot of threatening, he learned. But there was that kid who ran after his ball in the middle of the road. And there's a car coming up way too fast to stop in time.

The point is, mav learns that Ron is not just reckless like he had once thought, getting himself in various trouble, he's not like him. Most of the troubles have a reason that goes beyond Ron himself. And sometimes being reckless and selfless merge into a bit of a mess on the side of the road, with a kid wrapped securely in his arms, people screaming, mav running to him and ron trying to comfort the kid sniffling.

Mav learns, when he has to call Ice and Chris at home. From the fucking hospital. As his voice tremble as he tries to explain.

(Mav didn't care, he used not to care too much for him, all he knew was that he was a good enough RIO for Ice, and he could trust Ice's life in the air with him. But they all live together now, same roof, same rooms, living room, same days. And God, that fucking giant of a man will make him, them, go gray before they're even 30.)

@oh-surprise-its-me

Still a sketch, but a bit less messy, currently named "moments before disaster", just because.

Not sure what might have happened for sure, but sure enough Chris won't make it easy for Ron to be forgiven (for the scare). Nor will Ice the moment he finds out, and he will find out. He has a special sixth sense for his RIO. If they both found white hair on their heads, they know who to blame.

Might end up thinking of the angstiest idea for that. Or leave that to you, it's fine either way!!

[depressedkakashihatake]

kakayama, hospital, blood, migraine

((yes im in an angsty mood))

(Fair warning, you asked for angst and i think i delivered. That heart of yours? Ya, say goodbye to it XD)

AO3 Link

  Consciousness is an experience created by the most talented interrogators. The kind of people that can bring pain to a person’s life without lifting a finger.

               And pain is exactly what Tenzo felt when he drifted back to consciousness. A searing, screaming pain that started somewhere in the right side of his brain and emitted outwards.

               It felt like someone was trying to drill down into his brain. The pain was so bad that even with his eyes closed he felt like he was going to vomit.

               “Cat,” a voice calls beside him, hands coming down on his shoulders to stop him when he tries to curl into himself. “Cat, calm down please. You’ll rip the needle out of your arm if you’re not careful.”

               Needle?

               Cracking one eye open, Tenzo hissed when a blinding light hit his retina and made the already unbearable migraine a thousand times worse. He didn’t even see who it was trying to talk to him, or where he was, before he was forced to close his eyes again to block out the light.

               “Lights!” The voice beside him called out to someone else, followed swiftly by the sound of movement. “It’s ok Cat, you’re safe. You’re at Konoha general hospital.”

               Konoha?

               How had he gotten back to Konoha when the only memory he can bring up past the excruciating pain in his head is his mission.

               Two days.

               They were still two days away from Konoha when Kakashi-senpai sensed someone closing in on them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               “Tenzo,” Kakashi stopped suddenly, his eyes searching the area around them. “We have visitors.”

               The tone in Kakashi’s voice tells him that whoever the visitors are they’re not friendly. Moving into a defensive position, he watched as his Senpai scanned the area. Searching out where exactly their enemy was.

               “Behind!” they both acted at the same time. Tenzo weaving his hands with ease and slamming them into the ground to produce a wooden wall in front of them just as an enemy came out of the bushes with their weapon drawn.

               While Tenzo’s wall slowed them down Kakashi burst out from the side and went straight for the attack. When he heard the clash of steel, Tenzo lowered the wall and started to weave signs for another Mokuton, this time intent on protecting his Senpai and helping him win the fight as quickly as possible.

               Unfortunately, it seemed that their enemy was fast. Before he could finish his jutsu he found himself faced with a second shinobi directly in front of him, and their fist hit him square in the jaw Hard.

               Enough to send him flying backwards into the ground.

               “Tenzo!” Kakashi’s voice is distant, and for some reason Tenzo feels like he had just been hit by a cart. His head is spinning from just the one punch.

               “Are we fighting Gai?” He groaned, bringing a hand up to his head as the world spins around him. “That’s not…that’s not fair…”

               If he had known he was fighting someone fast and incredible strong, he would have reacted appropriately. Instead they hid behind their partner and waited for him to be mid jutsu to attack. It was rude.

               “Are you alright?” Opening his eyes, Tenzo looked up to see his Senpai standing directly in front of him. He wasn’t sure when exactly Kakashi had gotten there, or even how he had gotten past the enemy to be able to protect Tenzo like this, but he certainly appreciated it.

               “Fine just…need a moment…” His head was splitting. For one hit the enemy sure had done a lot of damage to his ability to think or focus.

               A minute wasn’t something that was granted to him. Before he could even hope to recoup, Tenzo found himself face to face with the same bastard who had hit him. Somehow, the slick bastard had gotten past Kakashi.

               Guarding himself was the only option he had. There was no time to weave signs for a jutsu, and there was already a fist flying towards his face so grabbing his weapon was out of the question. His arms surged up, getting between the enemies fist and his face just in time. Unfortunately, that same sheer strength was waiting behind the enemies attack.

               Tenzo screamed when he felt his bone crack under the pressure.

               “Get away!” A foot came crashing against the enemies head, sending him flying off to the side.

               Staggering backwards, Tenzo watched as his Senpai took position in front of him once again. This time leaving no space for anyone to get behind him. How he had managed to land a hit on such a fast bastard Tenzo would never know.

               “It’s something in the air,” Kakashi’s voice is calm even in this situation. “Something slowing us down.”

               Damn it. No wonder he couldn’t keep up to the bastard.

               “Just stay down, Tenzo,” Kakashi orders. “I’ll get us out of here.”

               He’s about to protest. Scream that he can protect himself and help get them out of this alive. That he doesn’t need protection.

               He doesn’t get a chance.

               Before he can even open his mouth there’s an attack headed their way, and Kakashi’s guarding him with his whole body. Every muscle in his body screams to move. To grab Kakashi’s uniform and pull him out of the way.

               As soon as he tries to move, though, his head starts spinning. Sending him crashing back to his knees and forcing him to sit there. Forcing him to do nothing as Kakashi meets the attack head on with his own, and to watch as the enemies attack cuts through Kakashi like butter.

               There’s blood everything.

               He can feel it on his face.

               Tastes it on his lips.

               And he can see it everywhere. Staining the ground in front of him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Tenzo surged upright in his bed, his eyes scanning the room franticly for any sign of Kakashi. Searching desperately for his team captain.

               His best friend.

               That reckless, selfless, idiot that he couldn’t force himself to stop loving with all of his heart no matter how hard he tried.

               A hand came down on his shoulder, pulling his attention over to his side. He hopes it’s Kakashi. Wishes that it was Kakashi and he could stop worrying so he can lay down and close his eyes again. Block out that little bit of light that dug deep into his eyes and set his brain on fire.

               He’s disappointed to find himself face to face with fox instead. A hard, concentrated look on the thirteen year old’s face.

               “Senpai,” there’s panic in his voice, but for once he doesn’t care. He needs to know. Even if the answer will break his heart. “Fox, tell me that Senpai made it back with me.”

               Fox’s face softens, but he can’t tell if that’s good or bad. If he’s about to be told something that will shatter him, or heal his already aching heart.

               “Hound was the one who brought you home,” that’s good. That means Kakashi made it back. He had survived the battle and dragged both of them home, even after getting hit. “He was in bad shape. The doctors are surprised he was able to walk at all, but Gai-san said it was because he wanted to get you home safe. To keep his promise.”

               There’s information missing from Fox’s explanation. Not once did he say whether or not Kakashi was still alive. All he had done was confirm that he had made it back home with Tenzo.

               “Tell me he’s alive,” his words are met with a sad look, and suddenly every bit of pain he had been feeling in his head is drowned out by a crushing sorrow. “Fox…please…”

               “He’s not…dead,” Itachi winces when the words leave his mouth. Tenzo’s heart shatters when he hears the way Itachi says it. That hopeless, sad tone of voice he’s using. “But, he’s not…the doctors aren’t sure he’ll…”

               He doesn’t finish his sentence. There’s no need for him to. Tenzo understands immediately what he’s trying to say.

               The hopeless of the situation sinks in, and slowly the pounding migraine starts to come back. Finding a common ground with his broken heart to ensure it wasn’t just his soul that was in pain.

               “They’re trying, cat,” Itachi reached out and placed a hand over his, not mentioning the tears that had started to roll down Tenzo’s cheeks. “And you know how stubborn he can be. He’ll make it. I’m sure of it.”

               The words are reassuring, but the voice gives away Itachi’s real feelings. The sense of lose deep down inside of his gut as he processes what might happen.

               Tenzo doesn’t have the strength to hide away like Itachi, though. Maybe it’s because he has known Kakashi longer. Or perhaps it’s because he loves Kakashi so deeply. The man who took his hand and pulled him out of Root into a better life. A calmer, more accepting life.

               Itachi’s losing a friend and mentor.

               Tenzo’s losing the love of his life.

               Their pain is in no way similar, and Tenzo knows that for a fact because there’s not a tear on Itachi’s face while he’s unable to keep them from falling.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under A Purple Rain prt 25 start

Distressed by Lance’s distress, and seizure, Keith went to great pains to make his husband comfortable. The pain Lance was suffering was written all over his face, from his bitten bottom lip to the tight lines near eyes. Lance had scared him half to death when the video on his comms started shaking, his heart in his throat until he caught sight of Lance’s blue eyes open in the top of corner of the transmission. As far as seizures went, it was one the lightest he’d seen his husband have, barely lasting 10 seconds before it was all over. Keith wasn’t sure it even counted as seizure given how quickly it passed, but with how drained Lance was, it most certainly had to be. Getting his husband into the shack and settled on the sofa was easier than expected. Lance reaching for him from the floor of the cargo bay, allowing him to lift him up to his chest with ease and carry him down and straight through to the sofa were he laid them both out, his husband’s head resting on his chest as Keith stoked his hair. He really should have expected a seizure. Trying on clothes had sent Lance into a panic attack. Keith was kicking himself for not considering online shopping. Not only was the variety larger, his husband didn’t have to feel like a freak for wearing women’s clothes, when he definitely wasn’t. People could wear whatever the hell they liked, the only one it really affected was them themselves. And, if he’d really been thinking, he knew Lance had self image problems dating back longer before they'd become a them. He’d unthinkly pushed Lance into a minefield of triggers and felt like a quiznakking douche for doing so. Still. He was proud. He was stupidly happy at the memory of the expression on Lance’s face as his eyes landed on the white cot. Sheer love radiated from him, as if he could see one of their children already sleeping. When Lance fell asleep, Keith went to work. His husband oblivious as he opened up a browser in his comms. Despite his love for Razzel-Dazzel, his husband had wanted plain clothes that would suit him as his body grew. He may be pregnant, but his whole sexual identity rested on him being very much male. Unsure where to start, he types in “pregnancy plain clothes”, because his brain had forgotten that “maternity” was a work. The ads along the top of the browser made him wrinkle his nose. All the blessing and plunging necklines wasn’t his husband. Lance had made it very clear that he wasn’t comfortable with showing cleavage, so Keith was going to do his best to respect his husband’s wishes. Not that Keith had a problem with Lance’s changing body. He adored his husband for him. The brain damage, missing fingered, scarred, scared, anxious and changing him. Yes, there were times when they drove each other crazy. When they didn’t talk for days, but even so, he loved Lance. When he was scared and acting like an idiot, he loved Lance. Seizures still scared the quiznak out of him, yet he was sure with a little time and fiddling around, they’d be able to find a successful way for his husband to be able to take his medication. The most important thing was getting Lance comfortable and feeling safe enough to attempt taking them again. * When Lance woke from his nap, his husband was starving. “Keeeeeith, my stomach is eating itself”, was his actual words, so Keith was sent food shopping semi-alone. Kosmo in a supermarket was asking for trouble. Lance couldn’t stomach crowds at the moment. The solution to the problem was to leave his husband with the remaining ration bars, and on video call, meaning Lance could boss him around while he did the leg work. Keith was sure that they didn’t need as much food as Lance had him fetching. Half the things he wasn’t sure of, nor was he sure of the various cuts of meat he was instructed to buy. It didn’t help that Lance kept changing his mind. Growing tired of it, he left the call connected and stopped listening to his husband’s ramblings, Lance noticing Keith had stopped listening, started singing broken up show tunes, jumping from song to song mid-sentence. Progressively the volume of Lance’s singing grew until Keith couldn’t ignore him further, raising the comms up to scold him, he found Lance grinning brightly as he held onto Kosmo. His idiot truly was one of a kind. Keith’s reward for shopping was to be promptly kicked out his own shack. With the two seater kitchen table sagging under the weight of the bags, Lance started shooing him, “la-laing” over his protests. He was hot, tired and annoyed at not being able to come home and kick back on the sofa with Kosmo. The server had recognised him from his stint as Black Paladin. All he wanted to do was buy goddamn food for him, his husband, and their wolf. Not pose for photos, sign signatures on whatever was available and be followed back to his ship. Voltron was old news. Really old news. He’d much rather be recognised for the humanitarian work, and the work of his team... mostly the work of his team... all the work of his team... He’d take the background character that edges his way out of public sight and mind. If he hadn’t been the Black Paladin, then he wouldn’t be forced to wait with Kosmo outside his own damn home. When Lance finally let him inside his shack, his husband’s hands were covering his eyes. Laughing against the shell of his ear, they nearly tripped as Lance guided him inside “Babe...” “We’re almost there... ok, take two steps to the left for me...” Keith’s stomach rumbled loudly, despite the fact he couldn’t actually see any food. The shack, however, smelt amazing. There was definitely some kind of herby scent in the air and meat... and... he didn’t actually know. He was starving and there was food. That was all he and his stomach were getting at the moment. Feeling his hands hit the wood of the dining chair, he came to a stop “Ta dah!” Dropping his hands, Keith was greeted by Lance’s work comms acting as a candle, a simple green salad, and some kind of stew like meat dish that looked amazing “Y-you made dinner?” Now that his hands were free, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist, digging his chin into his shoulder as he nodded “Today was hard. My head was all over the place and I not only scared you, but bossed you around, had a seizure, had a breakdown and forced you to have cuddly naps on the sofa. It’s all simple things. I’m still pretty drained, but I really wanted to do this for you. You’re my husband and I love you. I appreciate the things you do. Even when I can’t tell you I do. And now I’m crying... Baby hormones are a force to be reckoned with...” Turning in Lance’s arms, Keith was stunned “You cooked dinner... for me?” “You’re acting like it’s never happened before” There was dinner, and then there was dinner... with a table cloth that looked suspiciously like a sheet, an attempt at candles, and a meal that was actually somewhat adult “This... all of this... I should be the one cooking dinner for you” “I wanted to cook for you. I didn’t do dessert though. My stomach looked at ice cream and said no. Then when it looked at the cake boxes... it got worse. You can totally knock yourself out though. I think I put things away in the right position. I mean, I tried. I gave the fridge a wipe out while you were ignoring me. Kosmmmmn-“ Silencing his husband with a kiss, Lance’s mouth tasted of mint, his husband having found time to brush his teeth. Indulging himself, Lance broke the kiss as Keith grabbed a fist full of hair to deepen it “You’ll have to save that for after dinner” Though playfully toned in his reply, Lance’s scent had shifted to fear. Keith momentarily hurt, then reasoning his husband had had a long day. He’d hit his limit and though the touch wasn’t unwelcome, his anxieties weren’t in his control “I’m looking forward to. Especially if it’s as good as this meal looks” “It’s... uh... Let’s eat. Yeah. I don’t know what I was about to say, but I’m hungry” Dinner was amazing, but dessert was better. Splitting the washing up with Lance washing and Keith drying, they settled down on the sofa to watch a movie. Cuddling into his husband, Lance has his arm wrapped around Keith’s shoulders as the movie began. For the life of him, Keith couldn’t remember a single thing that happened. He was too focused on the way Lance was looking at him. The love in his eyes was on a whole other level. A level Keith felt he didn’t deserve, yet was grateful as quiznak to be receiving. This was the shack he was conceived in. This was the shack where his parents fell in love and he was born. This was the shack that was the last remaining solid remnants of his father. Willed to him, along with everything the man owned, then left to sit after death until Keith found himself with no where to go. Now he was living here with his husband, all be it temporarily, who was pregnant with their children. Normally he wasn’t one for nostalgia, if asked that is, but having his husband here. Having his family here... He was struck hard with waves of emotion. A life where he came home fo Lance everyday... that... he wanted that. He thought that was how things would be with the outpost, even if he couldn’t return every day, it’d be at least once a movement. Only. Before he knew it he’d left Lance struggling for phoebs. Lance was far from alright. Keith knew he wasn’t being completely honest over how many things he’d missed or how many ways he’d hurt him by accident. He knew because his husband was a decent and kind man. He’d take every ounce of another’s pain if he could. He was a selfless and reckless pain in the arse, that adored to point of possessiveness. He knew they wasn’t healthy, but when your husband has a habit of ”accidentally” getting himself into trouble, it was natural to want to be by their side to prevent something going wrong. “If you don’t like the film, I can change it” Brought back to reality by Lance kissing his cheek, Keith felt himself blushing for no reason “Sorry. What was that?” “The movie, if you don’t like it, I can change it” “It’s fine...” “Your head’s up in the clouds anyway?” Keith nodded, wriggling down lower to cuddle into Lance further “Wanna tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, Samurai?” Keith sighed softly “I was thinking about how lucky I am to have you” Kissing the top of his head, Lance echoed his sigh “I’m the lucky one. I’m so fucking lucky you haven’t got sick of me yet” “Like I’d get sick of you. I was thinking about how I was born in this shack and then about how nice it is to have my family here, with me...”

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

CHAT:

#1 after the Whispering removed

Following on from Anna telling Jo to get over it, Jo making a comment about how Anna had her changed by someone who hates her while Jo was changed by someone who claimed to love her.

*Anna rolls her eyes* “Right because doing something out of hate is teh same as doing it out of love.”

“It’s /better/ than doing it out of love with the amount of damage that happens.”

“So should I be screaming at you for what you did to me?”

“I always thought you should have. Though really it was out of love for my mother, not you, that I did what I did.”

*Anna shrugs* “I don’t even know what you did, just heard in passing something about crazy pills and you. It just seems like everyone hurts everyone else for their own good is part of teh normal. Why are you so upset?”

“I got given the option of drugging you like you had been in past, or my mother would be facing the same wrath that the rest of us have from Crowley. It wasn’t for your own good, or at least not mostly.” *Jo shakes her head, not quite sure how to explain it* “I’m upset because.. because this is completely against what I’ve been told in past from hi- it.”

“Do you love him?”

“I… ….I don’t even know if what I’m feeling right now is what I feel or what I’ve been made to feel any more…”

“What did he do to you?”

“It-He changed the way I think, about how I view myself when it comes to hunting and stuff. Made me more careful and cautious and less likely to be selfless in situations. But I don’t actually know if that’s /all/ he’s done - given he made me forget he did it before. Could have done it before with something else without my knowing.”

*Anna tries to not smile* “Gee can’t imagine how that feels at all.”

“And you’re not upset about it..?” *Jo frowns back at her, not liking the almost amused tone*

“I don’t know. Should I be?” *Anna run her hand through her hair* “If Grey had asked you to not do something dangerous would you have not done it?”

“I would be if I were you and everything had been tweaked. Though maybe not remembering that it has other than what people say is a bit easier..  Of course I wouldn’t, I told him that when he asked. It’s not the way I am, and he’s known that for months. He’s never tried to actually stop me doing what I thought was necessary before.”

“You kind of strike me as the type that tells her mom she’s not eating a cookie from the jar and then walks out of the kitchen with them in her pocket.”

“Well in that circumstance - so long as I didn’t have a cookie in my mouth - I’d be telling the truth..”

“but then as soon as you get in the other room you eat them.”

“But then they’d be from my pocket, not the jar. It’s a simple matter of getting the words right… Really important, sometimes.”

“Being told to not eat cookies before dinner and saying your not, only to turn around a min later to do it is still wrong. Splitting hairs doesn’t make a real difference. I just think that for Grey to do something that drastic there must have been a good reason behind it.”

“Always was a little worthless telling me not to eat before dinner - I eat far too much.” *Jo sighs and glares at the other making a reasonable argument* “The good reason being that he could? Or that he didn’t trust me? Or he had some crazy feeling that I was going to do something crazy? He did it because he was paranoid and he could.”

“Rightttt….”

“What would /you/ think a good reason for altering a part of someone you claim to care abouts personality would be? Completely and against their will, and then making them forget that you did until such a time as you see fit to change them /back/?”

“I think if it was a matter of life and death it would be different. But running out infront of a car to get to the other side of the street because it gets you to your objective faster is a bit different than waiting to cross at the light when it really doesn’t change anything.”

“Do I really seem the type whose stupid enough to run infront of a car to get across the street? Maybe if there was only a distinct amount of time I had to cross the road, but otherwise..”

“You seem that impatient, yes.”

“Well, I wouldn’t. Usually. And that just pisses me off if that’s what he thin-thought.”

“Well you can always take up my answer to everything, icecream. It’s kind of hard to be angry with brain freeze.”

“I mostly hit the bars, hit or kill something, bake something or go curl up on the couch wit- …”

“With?”

“With someone who calms me down.”

“Talk to him about it, if you two love each other then it’s worth putting aside your anger and forgiving him Jo.”

“You don’t make the people you love change, Anna.”

“No you change because you love them.”

“By that logic then neither of us love the other.”

“And maybe that’s why he felt the need to do what he did.”

“…I’m not following.”

“You wouldn’t change or meet him in the middle..I mean I don’t know Grey that well but he just doesn’t seem like the one that do that on whim.”

“…I wouldn’t have thought so either, but honestly, what do I even know. Can’t remember how we became friends, seen him acting more and more out of character - or at least more like his siblings. I don’t even know any more.  …I didn’t need to meet him in the middle or change though! I wasn’t doing anything that would have prompted me to need to.”

“Because you’re just so great at understanding people right?”

“… point.”

“Just talk to him. You don’t want to end up alone. It sucks and from what I’ve seen you’re still you.”

“I don’t /want/ to talk to him! I’m furious at him and I don’t want to blow up or shoot or burn hi- things. He did something..really really wrong, you might not get it but our entire friendship has been based on mutual /trust/ and he obviously doesn’t trust me and now I don’t trust him.   …I am fine on my own. You on the other hand…”

“So you’re friendship is different to any other friendship? I thought they were all based on mutual trust.”

“Not always. I’ve got friends I know I can’t trust and they know they can’t trust me and it works out just fine..”

“That’s called having an acquaintance not a friend.”

“…You don’t get it. And I don’t want to talk to him right now.”

“How do I not get it? Because you have an idea that isn’t the same as the rest of the world? I do get it. You don’t bend to anyone or anything. You have a totally different idea of what a friend, you haven’t acted like one since I started talking to you and you just get mad and defensive. I never said go right now and talk to him, I just said talk to him.”

“You don’t get how damn stupid this entire thing makes me! I thought that we trusted one another, when obviously we don’t, and I’ve just…  I apologise then, seriously.  ..I don’t want to.”

“God, everyone here so fucking prideful. You know what, stay pissed. Don’t talk to him, save your fucking pride and everything that makes you a special snowflake and live alone. I don’t care. I don’t know why I even talk to any of you. Being an adult means doing things you don’t want too.” *Anna storms off*

#2 - Anna continues with the “You did this to yourself” argument/blaming everything on Jo

Hows Anna doing in deciding if she wants to talk to Gray yet still?

she doesn’t know but shes okay with talking

*nodnod* That’s progress, right?

maybe lol

hows Jo?

Jo’s more mopey than angry, been eating frosting since her bakings been burning, and just very weird. So progress lololol

awwwwww

Anna thinks Jo should still get over it

Understandable.   Jo’s not sure its something you can ‘get over’, and she’s feeling sort of really bad for treating Anna like she had about not remembering things or being freaked out.

“okay let me put it this way. How many other people are you going to find that’s going to put up with your ass? And willing to go to such extremes because he cares?”

“Probably none, with all things considered. But going to extremes isn’t a very good thing, especially when it restricts someone you’re supposed to care abouts freedoms.”

“You should know all about going to extremes from what I hear.”

“What is it you hear then?”

“Careless, reckless, gets the job done but is sloppy.”

“Doesn’t mean I effect anyone but myself usually”

“You effect everyone that cares for you, idiot. Grey most off all.”

“I haven’t died since the last time, I think I’m doing okay, so maybe I just dont get why people are worrying”

“……………. maybe Grey should have tweeked your IQ level when he was in there.”

“Why? I have…barely even gotten close yet again. I don’t get why it effects everyone that cares about me how I do my job, because the job gets done and I get out mostly unscathed. I’m not a complete moron, I don’t take on what I can’t do myself.”

“Do you even hear yourself? You judge things as being okay by how close or not close you get? That mentality worries every, you aren’t a cat, you don’t get nine lives.”

“Maybe not, but I’m on my second one, so who knows maybe I am. I judge it that way because..well, that;s the easiest way to. I might break some bones one hunt, I’m not dead. I might get a concussion or have a large amount of blood loss, but I’m not dead. I’m still moving, I’m still breathing, I’m fine.”

“And what happens when you don’t care about being dead anymore?”

“I keep doing the same thing I’m already doing until I’m not any more?”

“and what about the people you leave behind”

“People die all the time.. you learn to live with it.”

“You learn to live with it? Have you ever mourned anyone as an adult? Not as a kid?”

“Not I’m guessing in the way you’d mean.”

“then think about that, and I’m going to guess Grey and Gray have a longer life than us..”

“Uh… longer than me, that’s for sure.”

“So they get to the time you have..and then Grey gets to mourn you for the rest of his life and if you act careless, you’re taking time away from him.”

“Are you applying this same theory for yourself? You realise you somehow got the most psychotic, murderous, uncaring creature I’ve ever met to feel something for the first time ever and you’re not even trying to patch things over or work out the kinks or help him get over the woman he fell in love with?”

“Turning this on me isn’t a good way to get out of this conversation and he’s not the only one trying to get over tht other woman. But the point is I plan on being around whenever the time is right for us to talk if at all again.”

“Sure it is, I’d much rather talk about you than me. I’m not /planning/ on dying.”

“You aren’t doing anything to make anyone feel assured by that claim either.”

“Why not? I don’t want to die. How is that not reassuring?” (sorry was making lunch)

“Just..never mind you’ve never been in the place where you have to worry about someone. I don’t know how to make you relate.”

“I try not to worry about others anymore. I swear it aged my mother ten years and then another ten after.”

“Clearly.”

“Course that’s a lie though.. I worried about the..other Anna? Is that what I should call you, er, her, um..”

“I don’t know and you cared enough to hurt her. So..”*Anna shrugs*

“That was a case of caring about my /mother/ more so than my not caring about her.”

“Is all conversations like this? With Grey? You justifying your actions with the attitude that you’re in total control and not at fault at all?”

“I’m not saying I wasn’t at fault there, I very very clearly was - but I was saying that I worried about her before. A lot.  …I dunno. Probably?”

“And you wonder why he just did something like that?”

“I told him I wouldn’t lie to him and say I wouldn’t do something reckless in order to get rid of Crowley…”

“And the rest of the time?”

“…I’m not going to promise not to put myself in danger to save others.”

“What about because it’s a rush and there’s no one in danger?”

“Sometimes if you don’t rush to get the job done, it’ll get out of reach and then someone could get hurt or worse later.”

“Do you really hunt to save people or do you do it because like simply like it?”

“…Why can’t it be both? Why’s everyone seperate them out as the only answers. I want to save people, I want to help people and I like to do both those things, but, yeah, I like hunting outside of that as well.”

“Because you hide behind saving people like a shopping addict hides behind needing just one more top or it was on sale.”

“Well I don’t. I want to stop other people losing their families, I want to do something which makes me happy too.”

“Sure..but maybe you should start by saving Grey’s only family first.” *Anna walks off*

#3 -Scene right before Jo called Grey back to talk for the first time after the Whispering (and when Anna ends up sleeping over while Jo talks to Grey)

*After the last few excursions out of town repeatedly the last week, it had slipped her mind about having broken the coffee pot and running out of instant before the last demon chase; and with her sleep not being anywhere near as peaceful as normal, she’d headed into town for an after-dinner coffee run to get her through the night. Though as she got to the footpath in front of the house and spots Anna sitting on the stoop, Jo starts to regret getting a take away option or three.* “Hey… what are you doing here?” *Moving past the other, Jo juggles the drinks holder while unlocking and opening the door with the other*

*Anna hasn’t had a good night since she last spoke to Gray and she doesn’t know what to do, she feels lost as to how to handle him and everything else. Jo seems to know her as well as Gray and she knows him so she had put on her coat and headed over to the house she was staying in. When no one answered she checked around back, still seeing the car so she had sat down waiting on the steps. Jo returning fairly soon was a good thing as it’s getting cold now fast when the sun goes down and she stands as Jo walks past her holding her coffee.* “I..wanted to talk. Is it okay to come in?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” *Jo steps back against the door, holding it open and waving Anna in, tossing her keys haphazardly onto the small cabinet against the staircase in the hall, not caring when it slides down the back. She’s got time to get them later* “..So… whats up?”

*Anna walks inside looking around, she isn’t sure how to start or what to even say at first so when they move into what she guesses is the living room she bites her lip.* “I talked to Gray, my Gray and well yours too but it’s more about what my Gray said that sort of made me realize everything and just let me start off by saying. I’m sorry for my attitude and everything.”

*Jo nods in understanding when Anna talks about talking to the shadows, though she doesn’t hide her surprise at Anna having talked to the both of them that well. Sitting down, she sets her drinks on the table in front of her before kicking a few things off of the rest of the sofa for Anna as she grabs a drink* “Anna, no apology needed. Honestly, I’m starting to get a bit of an idea about your perspective, so.. it’s okay. Like I said first time we re-met - forgive and forget. Though, gotta ask, what’d he say that’s…” *Jo waves her free hand as though to encompass everything and Anna, raising an eyebrow*

*Anna sits down looking around, raising a brow at the holes in the ceiling.* “Gray, told me what happened. What all I did to him. I guess I finally got it, watching him talking about it. I don’t know what to do about it now.”

*Taking a large mouthful of her drink as Anna raises her eyebrow, Jo shrugs a shoulder* “He told you everything? Start to finish? Or just about..what ended up making things tense between, well, most of us?”

“About Crowley and what happened in the last few weeks. I already knew about like how he and I met. Gray’s been upfront about things I’ve been asking.” *Anna leans back letting out a sigh.* “Everyone seems so miserable now. It’s not fair that you all live with it and I can’t remember it.”

“Right, well.. things were hard at that time for everyone - you can’t really be blamed for reacting to such a change like you did. Lord knows how most people would handle it.” *Anna’s comment about everyone being miserable gets a laugh out of her, shaking her head* “It’s not your fault if people are any more; and last time I ran into Gray he seemed in a pretty good mood actually.”

“Probably because he was without me. I don’t get it, why he even wants to be friends. I said some really shitty things to him it seems and I just don’t get why any of you have tried to talk to me. At least Grey is clear, we aren’t friends.”

“Because? We’re all fucked up and who the hell else is going to put up with our crazy asses?” *Jo lets out another laugh, a tad more bitter sounding than the last one, before shaking her head and shifting to kick off her boots* “Because in our own way we - I mean me and your monster - love you, same as you do us, and it’s sorta easy to take the hits after a while?  …yeah, I’d have guessed that would be pretty clear enough..” *She takes another gulp of her drink, glad it’s cool enough not to scald her mouth as though it’ll wash away the topic of the other monster, before leaning over to set it on the coffee table*

“Love isn’t supposed to be about taking hits. If it’s toxic and it sounds like ours was then you purge it.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she looks at Jo.* “Grey’s hiding out in churches, it’s where I ran into him.”

“Sure it is, Bobby always says that family, love, whatever, it’s not supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be hard and you’re goin’ to get beat down with it sometimes. That’s just how it goes.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder before shooting Anna a look. Turning away after a beat, she adds quietly* “Yippee for him.. …he.. …is he alri- not acting like his brother?”

“Besides looking like he kicked a puppy he seemed fine. We talked for a while before I wore my welcome out.  He really doesn’t seem the type to go out and pick up girls.” *Anna smiles some and she looks at Jo feeling awkward.* “I don’t know how to make any of this right with anyone. What should I do?”

“I meant more eating /people/. …don’t care if he decides to go out and do whatever else.” *Jo shrugs, tucking her feet up under her and shifting on the couch. Anna’s question though startles her, not having expected the other to really want her opinion  “Well, things are pretty right with me. We bicker, we fight, we don’t really apologise much and we just hang out. And you’ve never been friends with Grey, so it doesn’t really… count.  As for Gray…”

“Gray I don’t know what to do the most, I hurt him bad it seems and he’s still hurting over it I think. He wants to just take it slow. He out right said that’s why he put conditions that he knew I would never agree with.” *Anna sighs as she thinks about what Jo said about them bickering and so she reaches over and takes on of the cups of coffee for herself.*

*Jo makes an outraged squeak when Anna grabs one of her cups, before shaking her head* “Yeah, I didn’t think his…well, what I broke up was likely to be something you’d be alright with. Do you not want to take it slow though? What’s the issue? If you guys aren’t sleeping together and going to try for friends, then I guess both of you being yourselves is a good thing.”

“I don’t mind taking it slow, but I think by slow he means just be friends.  I don’t even know why, just you and him provoke the strongest feelings. And yea, basically he wanted to be free to do what he wanted too and when I said fine I get too as well he didn’t like it.” *Anna takes the top off the coffee, blowing on it before taking a sip.*

“Probably does, to begin with.. He’s bad at - heads up, its a double - being ‘just friends’. …probably as bad as I am.” *She laughs quietly to herself at the attempt at a joke, nodding though at Anna’s comments* “That would probably be because you and I were really close, friends, hunting partners, actual partners of sorts. And Gray… well, it’s like you both just connected. Really strongly. As for the not liking that kind of stuff, yeah, just..not in their nature to be alright with that.”

“I just don’t know where to start to make things up to Gray, he tried really hard to not be mad at me but he’s still hurting and I don’t want him to look at me and constantly be reminded of the bad things.” *Anna sighs before looking at Jo and then looking around at the house.* “Are you and Grey over with for good?”

“Just… well, you don’t think he’s any of the stuff you told him do you? That he’s said you said, I mean.” *Jo raises an eyebrow at Anna before tilting her head at the question, leaning over to grab her drink before shifting back and taking a few sips as though considering things* “I dunno. Haven’t spoken since he broke the news and went. …I doubt so, though.”

*Anna shakes her head quickly.* “For someone that’s supposed to be an evil monster, Gray tries really hard to be there and no, I don’t think he’s like his brother or that he’s weak.”

“All you have to do is keep feeling that around him then. Treating him like how you, like I dunno, feel he is. He’ll pick up on it.” *Jo shrugs again, relaxing back again and pulling the lid off her coffee to lick the frothy underside before tossing the plastic away and continuing to sip from the open cup* “Honestly, even I acknowledged he was a good guy for you. One of the reasons I agreed not to kill him, and didnt hand him over to his brother when Crowley gave him to me..”

“But this isn’t about if he’s good for me. I don’t think I’m good for him.” *Anna looks down at the partially drank coffee in her hands as she sighs.* “I don’t want to hurt him anymore and I feel like I keep doing it. He practically lets me get away with anything even though it annoys him or he doesn’t like it. I don’t know what to do to make him happy.”

“Yeah well, you’re good for him too. He’s less deadly when he’s been with you, he’s a lot less aggressive and definitely seems more happy than giant-jerk-asshole-dickish all the time.” *Jo lets out a small laugh at just how serious Anna seems to be feeling and how bogged down* “I’d say sex, but that’s kind of against the going slow idea. ��….try to pump up his confidence a bit, maybe.”

“How? It’s not like we date or anything and like you said sex isn’t a going slow method of things.” *She can’t help but feel frustration coming on as she doesn’t know what Gray likes or doesn’t like and the main things he seems to really enjoy she isn’t exactly a fit partner for.*

“It’s not like any of us actually do dates, though lord knows what he think would be an appropriate one.” *Jo raises an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side* “You’re the expert on friends out of us Anna.. How did you make your friends feel better before… everything?”

“I don’t see Gray as the box of chocolate and a spa trip sort of guy to make him feel better.” *Anna snorts at the suggestion of what she remembers for her other friends before this life and then the church.* “And a prayer circle is I’m sure totally out of the question.”

“Never know, he’s got a twisted sense of humor.” *Jo tries not to laugh at Anna’s suggestions, the mental images sure to haunt her for a while. Tilting her head to the side, she tries to think of something that could be helpful* “Well.. all I can think is he likes sex, killing girls and his razors. I’d try to think of his hobbies but that sort of sums them up.”

“Yes, take him to a spa and have the heated stone massage he can kill the girl and then relax in the steam room. Sounds like a plan to me.” *Anna can’t help the sarcasm in her voice as she’s not any closer to finding out what she should do.*

“Its sad that that could probably work as a plan. Though I strongly disagree with it.” *Jo sighs, smiling slightly at the sarcastic response* “Be much easier if he had non-destructive hobbies or interests.. Course, you could always just flirt with him a fair bit. Goes against the slow but if he knows you’re not givin’ it up, he doesn’t seem to mind the playing.”

*Anna sits there in thought for a while and she sits up placing the coffee on the table.* “I think I have an idea, do you have like around three hundred dollars I could borrow?”

*Jo jerks at Anna’s movement, giving her a strange look* “You’re not getting him another hooker, are you? Cause I don’t think he played with the last one really.”

*Anna turns red instantly at the idea that she bought him a hooker and she nearly chokes shaking her head quickly* “No! God! No! I..just something that seems to appeal to him that is perfectly safe!”

*Jo bursts out laughing at Anna’s response, finding her reaction beyond comical* “I.. …do I even want to know what this idea is? But yeah, I have some cash you can have. Don’t worry about paying me back, not mine anyway.”

*Anna still red as her hair nods and stands up, checking the time. She couldn’t do it tonight but in the morning she could.* “Alright thank you Jo. I should probably head back to my place, it’s going to be freezing soon.”

“You can always crash here if you want. Not like I’m sleeping tonight anyway.” *Jo just throws it out there as she stands up too, moving into the hall to open the drawer she keeps most of her cash rolls, an old habit from at the Roadhouse sticking with her, credit cards, and credit card offers. Grabbing one that would be more than enough, she holds it out to Anna like its nothing*

*Anna takes the money and thanks Jo again, putting it away, last thing she wants is mugged on the way home.* “It has to be lonely here after being used to Grey always being here with you. If you want the company and you promise to not shoot me then I could stay I guess.”

#4 - Putting this one up because of the ‘breakfast, lunch and dinner’ remark from Jo that just needs to see the light of day (Grey absolutely has to see that line because jesus girl) but also Anna yet again accusing Jo (whose been perfectly nice) of being a bitch offhandedly…

“What do you think I should do Jo?”

“Honestly? I’d give him a taste of his own medicine and let him know what he’s missing..”

“I mean about everything..as much as I try I’m always going to be that other Anna and I

’m tired.”

“…well, if you want to learn about her - I’m happy to talk; but..otherwise maybe trying to get your memories back if you want them.”

“I don’t know..I’m me, part of the memories I have are real right? Crowley only messed with part of them and when the other Anna came  back, it was like I died..the angel took over but now I don’t know anymore if I should have stayed dead or maybe both of us should have died.”

“That right there sort of sounds like her. ..She kind of regretted coming back for the second time. But Crowley messed with a bit - though the angel? She still remembered right up until you first went into the hospital years ago, actually. Just a little - or a lot - more than that as well.”

“She fell and I was the result, so in truth I was the lie all along..” *Anna makes a bitter laughing sound as she takes the bottle and fills a glass.*

“She didn’t want to be an angel, do you know what their like? They’re emotionless, cold, hard. Nothing feels the same as it does for us, like our human emotions but layered and layered in cotton buds.” *Jo sighs* “She wanted to be you, so badly. And I get the feeling she never quite knew if she was that angel or you any more in the time I knew her.”

“You know what’s stupid. I want to be me too and I can’t because no one knew me, all they knew was her and I’m never going to get out from under the shadow of her.” *Throwing back the shot Anna pours another one and downs it as well before pouring her third.* “She was a failure at being an angel, she fucked up everything she touched and now I’m paying the price and I’m not even real!”

*Anna’s reaction actually makes Jo laugh, reaching out to grab the bottle and pour herself a drink* “You were real Anna. All your memories up until your hospitalisation were real, your childhood, your parents..Your dad might not have biologically have been your dad, but your mom gave birth to you, they loved you as their own and you are real, Anna. …I wouldn’t mind getting to know you, if you’ll forgive me if I forget sometimes, that is.”

“Right..gave birth and because of me or Anna or us they died. And face it, you would have never tried to get to know this me, you would have just brushed me off as being a..what do you call it? A civillian and moved on with your next hunt. The angel was useful at least somewhat I guess.”

“My mom died because of me, thing I’ve learnt is that what demons do? Isn’t our fault.  Course civillian you wouldn’t have bothered to speak to someone like me as it is, would you?”

“I don’t know you look like you could use some saving..” *Anna snorts throwing back another shot, feeling it burn going down.* “But then I think I would have been talking at you than talking to you because it would have just bounced off that thick skull.”

“Just a little!” *Jo laughs, running a hand over her hair as she watches the other before leaning forward on the bar* “Course, I know my scripture, or at least enough. Apocalypse signs and everything… Still, I’ll get to know this you, civilian or not.”

“It’s not just you, did you know Gray is borrowing a body like I would socks..because I didn’t but it seems everyone assumed I knew. Everytime I think I get things figured out, someone decided to make me feel like an  idiot.”

“Oh god, I forgot to mention that didn’t I?” *Jo pulls a face, looking awkward as she takes her drink and pours another* “Sorry, I forget that some things aren’t common knowledge.”

“Doesn’t matter. I tried to do something nice but I messed it up I think and then I had a small freak out when I learned about monsters and angels being able to possess people. I’m sure Gray in the end is tired of dealing with me, I would be if I was him. He wants to just be friends and friends doesn’t mean dealing with the baggage because that’s all I am.”

“Wouldn’t write him off, but honestly, Anna, if you want to move on then you should either that or tell him you don’t want to be ‘just friends’, that your feelings are deeper than that and you want to work out a solution that makes the /both/ of you happy. …Don’t ask me where I’m getting all this from, I’ve been watching a lot of daytime tv and romcoms.”

“I don’t know, you and Gray cause feelings that I don’t understand. Gray, I get frustrated at because I don’t know what to do, everything I seem to try doesn’t work. He doens’t want anything but to be friends now because we got in a fight over if he has free reigns to hook up then I should but that didn’t seem to fit. He doesn’t like the idea of whats fair for the goose is fair for the gander. Gray opened up, told me what Anna did to him, he looked so sad and I don’t understand why he even talks to me if she did so much wrong to him but he does and he’s been nice and I tried to do something nice for him but I don’t think he liked it, I may have checked to see if he had been in to the shop and he hasn’t. So I don’t know, I feel like I owe him for what she did and he needs someone but I don’t know if I’m that person because my feelings are messed up and I want to do whats the right thing but I feel like I shouldn’t be selfish and push anything.” *Anna probably doesn’t need another shot but she takes one any way when she runs out of breath*

“What’ve I got to do with this?” *Jo shoots her a look before shrugging a shoulder, pouring the both of them another drink* “Just so you know, whatever idea you had was probably a good one if he wasn’t so uncomfortable in some situations. …my question is why don’t you just say he has free reigns and keep him too happy to do anything about it? Lord knows that that is not an undesirable task..”

“You just I guess you were the other person Anna felt attached too..” *Looking away she feels awkward saying that to Jo but she shrugs, reaching over and picking up a peanut on the bar and cracking it, peeling away the shell.* “He does have freedom to do what he wants..and I’m not what he wants so I can’t use that plan..”

“Yeah well, I was pretty attached to her too up until some stuff, so no biggie.” *She shrugs again, tossing her head back before coughing half her drink up at Anna’s comments* “You’re joking right? Pretty sure he’d be pretty happy getting back in the sack with you Anna..”

*Anna raises a brow at Jo’s choking and she laughs* “Once..we were together once and that’s when the whole just be friends thing started so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that he really doesn’t want me that way now.”

“Yeah, no, that wouldn’t be it. It’s the goose and gander comments, goes against their nature really and he’s done it once before but… that didn’t end so well.” *Wiping her mouth, Jo sighs and pours herself another drink* “Probably just scared and calling it something else. God knows I’ve hidden behind ‘just friends’ for months even though I want to fuck them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

“It doesn’t matter if he wants me or not, I tried to start over, I did. I just wanted to be normal but I’m a coward and I’m afraid of being alone. I don’t want to be cut off from the only people I know.” *Anna throws the peanut down and has another shot, she’s lost count at how many she’s had and she’s feeling it hard now.* “If he wants to be friends then what right do I have to ask for anything else, the other Anna did everything against what he wanted and I’m not her..”

“Normals for people who’ll get their necks torn open in their beds.” *Jo quips back, shrugging before dusting her hands off* “So you’re going to just..what?”

“I don’t know. I’m not going to ever be normal. I could learn to hunt again I suppose.” *Anna doesn’t mention Gray because she’s not going to stop being his friend but she’s at a loss as to what she wants for herself personally now.*

“Take it from me, the other Anna kind of hated it.” *Jo lets out a laugh, sipping from her glass* “I could show you the research ropes again, that was sort of you and Harry’s /real/ jobs here until..you stopped.”

“I guess. It’s not like if I get killed now it’s going to matter much. You could use me for bait, I’m sure that would make hunts go faster and you say you’re a good shot. At least this way I’ll feel useful again in some way.”

“Think you’re underestimating how good your memory and research skills are, Anna. Hell, I’m guessing you were doing pretty good in college, am I right? As for the bait thing…I tend to end up in that role when theres more than just myself on a hunt these days”

“Research is fine and I’m just talking.” *Anna stands up, swaying as she steps back, her foot catching on the bar stool and nearly falling because she didn’t feel it.* “I should go home or to that place I sleep, home..that’s a laugh. You know what they say, can’t ever go home again Jo.”

*Jo leans across the bar to steady Anna, shaking her head* “Should just go upstairs, knowing Harry and Lily neither of them probably moved rooms.” *Anna’s babbling about home makes Jo sigh, barely containing an eyeroll even though she knows exactly what the other means*

“Nah I can make it home, walk off what I drank.” *Anna reaches over and hugs Jo tight without warning.* “You’re nice even though you act like a bitch at times. Thanks.” *Anna turns and makes her way out of the bar, trying to walk straight.*

[ayeshayeshbby]

So I’ve seen a few people do this, and @80s-magic tagged me to participate, so here is my Hogwarts Mystery MC: Ayesha Peridot, currently a fourth year and already a legendary Slytherin if I do say so myself.

Bold the ones that apply to your muse

Italicize the ones that are applicable

Eyes: blue | green | brown | hazel | gray | gray-blue | black | other

Hair: blond | sandy | brown | black | auburn | ginger | grey / white | multi-color

Body Type: skinny | slender | slim | built | curvy | athletic | average | muscular | pudgy | overweight

Skin: pale | light | fair | freckled | tan | olive | medium | dark | discolored | other

Gender: male | female | trans | cis | agender | demigender | genderfluid | other | doesn’t like labels

Ayesha Peridot is a halfblood witch of South Asian descent. Her skin is brown and discoloured in some areas from exposure and reactions from eczema; she would not consider herself to be either light-skinned or dark-skinned but somewhere in between. Her eyes are a dark brown - so dark that when she was a child, she believed them to be black - which she received from her mother. Additionally, she inherited her mother’s very curly, almost-too-hard-to-control black hair which she likes to wear in several different styles, though usually half-up-half-down. Ayesha is a short girl, coming up to almost 5ft. She doesn’t think much of her body, recognizing only that she is small, rather slender, and seems to have broader shoulders than some of her family members.

Sexuality: heterosexual | homosexual | bisexual | pansexual | asexual | demisexual | other | unsure | doesn’t like labels

Romantic Orientation: homoromantic  | heteroromantic | biromantic | panromantic | aromantic | demiromantic | unsure | doesn’t like labels

Raised following the Islamic faith, exploring sexuality and romantic interest has been difficult for Ayesha. She has always seemed to be more worried than others about possibly liking girls and may have a teeny crush on her close friend Penny Haywood, but she claims to only really like boys and uses her realized crush on Andre Egwu as evidence for this. She’s only ever divulged her fears and questioning to the Weasley brothers, both of whom she is extremely close to.

Species: human | undead | shapeshifter | demon | angel | witch | ghost | incubus/succubus | werewolf | alien | mutant | android | other

Education: high school | college | university | master’s degree | PhD | other

Ayesha attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where she is currently a fourth year, sorted into house Slytherin. In addition to being a halfblood witch, she is also a Seer and a born Legilimens. In her third year, she endured the process of becoming an Animagus and can now transform into a Bengal cat.

I’ve Been: in love | hurt | ill | mentally / physically abused  | bullied | tortured | brainwashed | shot | other

Positive Traits: affectionate | adventurous | athletic | brave | careful | charming | confident | creative | cunning | determined | forgiving | generous | honest | humorous | intelligent | loyal | modest | patient | selfless | polite | down-to-earth | diligent | romantic | moral | fun-loving | charismatic | calm

Negative Traits: aggressive | bossy | cynical | envious | shy | fearful | greedy | gullible | jealous | impatient | impulsive | cocky | reckless | insecure | irresponsible | mistrustful | paranoid | possessive | sarcastic | self-conscious | selfish | swears | unstable | clumsy | rebellious | emotional | vengeful | anxious | self-sabotaging | moody | peevish | angry | pessimistic | slacker | thin skinned | overly dramatic | argumentative | other

Ayesha can be boiled into two parts personality wise: she can be either extremely expressive and warm and bubbly, or she is stuck in a whirlpool of self doubt and insecurity. When she is in the former state, she can come off as quite a charmer and proves to be a wonderful friend; in the latter state, she can be quiet or temperamental, sometimes acting rebellious or recklessly to try and prove that she need to be taken seriously. It is hard for her to find a balance between the two, and at fourteen, she hasn’t grasped how to adequately handle these more negative qualities.

Living Situation: lives alone | lives with parent(s) / guardian | lives with significant other | lives with a friend | drifter | homeless | lives with children | other

Parents/Guardian: mother | father | adoptive | aunt | uncle | foster | grandmother | grandfather | other

Sibling(s): sister(s) | brother(s) | none | other

Ayesha splits her time living at Hogwarts, where she schools, and at home with her mother and father, Sreya and Ariq (often mispronounced at Erik). At Hogwarts, she shares a room with fellow fourth year Slytherins: Rowan Khanna, Merula Snyde, Liz Tuttle, and Ismelda Murk. She has no idea which of her two homes she prefers, though it is a lot more lonely at home considering how much older her siblings were to her growing up and how they are no longer living at home. Her eldest sister, Samia (currently 26), is currently working in public relations for a business focused on beneficial potions usage and creations. She is also planning for her upcoming wedding with fiance Kiran Khatri. Her older sister, Fariyah (currently 21), stays busy with her work within the Department of International Magical Cooperation while balancing dating and living on her own. She is rather close to both, often being cared for by them and being able to visit them when she’s out on holiday. Ayesha also has an older brother, Jakob (24, if alive), who she has never known too much about. When she was still a baby, he had already gone off to school at Hogwarts and he later disappeared entirely from her life when she was six. Everyone has always seen similarities in the two of them which she finds confusing since she had never had the chance to truly bond with the boy. She doesn’t know if she wants Jakob to be truly missing, hiding safely somewhere, or dead.

Relationship: single | crushing | dating | engaged | married | separated | it’s complicated | verse dependent I other

In her fourth year, Ayesha has opened herself up excitedly to the idea of possibly dating someone. It’s something she’s once discussed with Andre Egwu when they had first met, and it’s something she and Rowan Khanna sometimes dream about during late night talks in their room. When the Celestial Ball took place, many students at Hogwarts were worried over what to wear and who to take, and eventually it came down to Andre and Ayesha going to the ball together, both styled by the young Ravenclaw himself. Neither child knows what exactly going to the dance means for them, but after that night, they are much more considerate in how they interact and crushing very heavily on the other.

I have a(n): developmental disorder | learning disorder | personality disorder | mental disorder | anxiety disorder | sleep disorder | eating disorder | behavioral disorder | substance-related disorder | PTSD | mental disability | physical disability | other

Things I’ve done before: had alcohol | smoked | stolen | done drugs | self-harmed | starved | had sex | has a threesome | had a one-night stand | gotten into a fist fight | gone to hospital | gone to jail | used a fake ID | played hooky | gone to a rave | killed someone | had someone tried to kill them

Ayesha has some history with depression and anxiety, though she only realized the presence of the two in her life at around age nine or ten. Acknowledging the possibility of the two at around eleven, it was much harder for Ayesha to start successfully at Hogwarts. Not only was she separated from her childhood home for months at a time, but she was also now in a place full of people constantly distrusting her and underestimating her and, worse, comparing her to her older brother who they had all painted as ‘evil’ and ‘mad’. Whenever she felt like she wasn’t quite enough or overwhelmed by outside pressure, she would unfortunately end up hurting herself in some way to clear that frustration or simply to punish herself for feeling so badly.

[harukaemberfall]

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it?

"Several months ago, just before I had found a new Legionnaire for Fall, I was on an assignment to Divinity's Reach at the request of the Seraph, to remove of an unsavory, belligerent Charr character who was suspected to be Flame Legion. There was no denying that I was a bit nervous. It was reported that this charr wore the armor of a Flame Legion Champion. He was either very skilled, or very fake. Me and my warband were ordered to dispose of this threat in the event that he is an active Flame Legion insurgent, or detain and retrieve him if he was an impostor. Several days went by, and no signs of the charr had been found still. On a side note, this trip to Divinity's Reach was considerably more pleasant than my last few. As I looked for the charr I stopped by a few of the taverns and had a chat with a few of the people there. Turns out that a considerable number of charr live there... More than I thought at least. After finally receiving a tip from a few sylvari, I had a lead, so I instinctively began reeling in. It was 3 days later that I had sighted this charr. I completely zoned out and approached him without realizing that I was nowhere near my warband at the time... After shadowing this charr around the perimeter loop for a few minutes, I got a little closer, and closer, until we stopped, and made it into melee distance of one another. It then struck me that I wasn't with my warband. So my pride ridden self remained in eye contact with the stranger as a blanked out for a moment, eventually uttering my orders unto the Flame Legion Champion like a complete moron. Oh, and did I mention that I was completely unarmed? Luckily, he knew this too, and any charr wouldn't attack an unarmed opponent. After he knew my objective, I felt hostile vibes towards him, but it wasn't for the worst. His mind set was put off balance, while I was able to regain mine. Once again, I felt my ash legion training kickstart my train of thought once more, and I was able to effectively and discreetly probe him for information for a brief period while he regained his bearings. This was fortunate, as the more time I was able to waste, the more my mutated powers were able to take effect. Due to the mutation, any flame blooded charr will begin to feel nauseous and weak in my immediate vicinity after a few minutes. After several minutes, I found out that this charr is formerly a flame legion champion, named Ruhk the Discordant, and fled to divinity's reach to try and antagonize the flame legion. He walks around the city shouting out at the flame legion that he supposedly thinks are spying on him, to try and come kill him. At this point I was disappointed in myself for not finding him despite his imposing acts of recent. My mindset shifted to detainment. the way we ash legion go about this is.... shall I say... 'Touchy Feely?'... Anyways, I started playing the "danger" game by opening myself up to, and sympathizing with this former flame legion charr to try and get him to trust me, so I can quietly remove him from the premises. at this point, the poor charr had began feeling quite sickly, and a tad frightened. I couldn't blame him, it was a lot to take in. But just before my plan started to work, another charr came up and intervened. it was a priory scholar named Tiberius Rapidshot. He came in between me and Ruhk, and thought that I was "Doing Something" to "This poor Charr" This priory scholar was ignorant of the situation, and I acted very irresponsibly to him... When someone disobeys me, or is ignorant of something, it triggers me, hard, And Tiberius was both. It really brought out the worst in me, and it wasn't good for this mission. Tiberius and I began reasoning. I told him that this was the Legion's business, and that he needs to butt out. I didn't bother to tell him that ruhk would be fine or anything, and as any selfless, caring citizen would do, Tiberius tried his best to protect this charr from the ash legion. I was almost to the point of exploding, but that's when finally got the chance to regain my composure over my arrogant self, and try to console Tiberius, tell him the truth (The confidential information the ash legion trusted me with) and apologize for the misunderstanding, eventually, Tiberius backed down, and Ruhk was getting even more sick. Finally, Ruhk agreed to come back to the citadel with me. I turned on a small device that suppressed my field of power, and Ruhk began to feel better, so that I didn't have to carry him across the city on my shoulders. Tiberius split ways as we headed back... Or so I thought... We made it back to the citadel, and I kept Ruhk in the Fall Warband Barracks, fed him, and gave him a change of clothes that weren't a dead giveaway. Sure enough, the adamant guard was informed of my operation, and told that a flame legion charr may be passing through, but I suppose some of them didn't get the memo. the sight of a flame legion champion turned them into kittens... the curious and reckless kind... The next day, as I headed out for my debriefing, I was held up by the adamant guard. They didn't tell me why, and demanded entrance into our barracks. I obliged, much to the danger of my guest, Ruhk, who was in our barracks on order. The adamant guard were antsy as can be, just about ready to pop someone's lid with a rifle. I tried to ask them to talk to their commanders about my operation, but they simply told me to shut up, and that I cant be trusted. They hauled me out, In chains, and placed my warband under house arrest. As Centurion, I am responsible for all wrongdoings of the warbands under my command, especially with the advent of corruption within the higher ranks of the charr empire, and doubly special for my prior history with flame legion powers. I could hear the adamant guard talking about shooting me, I was famous for being weird. It took a while, but the adamant guard finally backed down after linking up with their commanders about the operation, and let me and my warband free. There was quite a bit happening to us afterwards, but that is all that pertains to this question."Throughout Haru's life, it has always been the kindness of his own heart that get's him into the deepest trouble, from lying to his sire about his sisters stealing cookies, and taking the blame for himself, to harboring repressed individuals, in need of help, and being targeted by their enemies for being responsible, being kind is always going to come with it's drawbacks. Despite all the trouble he has gotten into, Haru still hasn't found a way to stop being nice...

[hush-ricky-blog]

Rant

For a while I’ve been running into some interesting posts about Rick, and I say interesting, because some of these arguments about how overall awful Rick Grimes is, come from a section of the fandom that praise and excuse every questionable action if it’s done by a certain redneck and/or grey haired queen.

According to this special kind of Rick haters, there’re specific moments when Rick was especially selfish, manipulative, a terrible leader, a plain asshole, and so on.

Some even like to compare him to Ed and Merle…Yep.

I’ve collected some of my favorite arguments that I’ve read or heard from these haters about why Rick is the absolute worst, and tried my best to understand their reasoning. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

*Warning for heavy use of sarcasm and some strong language*

Merle. Everyone remembers the oldest Dixon and his peculiar personality. And we all remember how he and his brother got separated in Atlanta. Yes. It was all Rick’s fault, because, Merle being (probably) high and dangerous, pointing a loaded gun at people in the group, brutalizing them and yelling them racist and sexist insults is definitely Rick’s fault. Rick! You were supposed to let that one pass and just hope nobody got killed instead of handcuffing Merle! How dare you, Rick Grimes? Don’t you know whose brother Merle is and how upset he is going to be when he finds out?

Rick’s assholeness is so strong, it’s even able to make T-Dog trip and drop the handcuff’s key down the drain without him needing to be present. What a dick! It’s not like he went back to Atlanta with Daryl to get Merle out of his dire situation. What a selfish prick! You only went back for the guns, didn’t you? Don’t you know Merle is a good fella by association and totally worth risking your life? He’s Daryl Dixon’s older brother. For that alone, he’s better than you!

Another one of Rick’s most dickhead moments was when he completely dropped the search for Sophia for a few days. I know, what a selfish coward! Rick, it was only your son in the brink of death. You’re the leader. Carol counts on you to find her daughter that not only did you lose somehow, but abandoned too because you were supposed to be an expert walker killer by then. Drop the selfish, fatherly worry, leave your son to die, and go look for that girl who shouldn’t even be your responsibility in the first place!

Oh, and there’s more. Rick turned into a grade ‘A’ asshole at the end of season 2, didn’t he? A dictator. Dictator of a group of people who can up and leave whenever they feel like it…Something I don’t understand is, if no one HAS to follow Rick, why would they continue to do so? To follow such a terrible, selfish, coward, dicktator when no one’s forcing them to? Why subject themselves to live under such an oppressive regime, I wonder? Could it be because if they leave they’d have to be responsible for themselves and they’re just not up for that? I mean, it’s easy. Rick’s responsible for everyone’s actions. Everything ends up being his fault somehow. He’s even responsible for the kids of the group like they were his own. He’s the leader; therefore, it’s his fault Sophia got chased into the woods by a walker. But why would Carol continue to stick around the man that got her daughter killed when she could’ve perfectly gone off into the night in search of that man of honor she so desperately craved for, and send Rick a post card with a picture of…Daryl, probably, since he’s the only honorable man around? Doesn’t matter that said “honorable” man yelled at her in her face, called her a stupid bitch (Daryl sure has a lovely way of talking to women), called her pathetic, blamed her for her daughter’s death (Even though I deeply dislike him, I have to say, I’m with him on this one. Unlike Carol, at least Rick tried to help her. He didn’t just stand there and watch as a flesh eating monster chased her into the woods, letting Lori of all people hold him back) and pointed out to her just how alone and hopeless she was. But that’s okay, because Daryl is allowed to act like a tremendous dick when he’s upset. Let him vent! He’d just lost that little girl that he…uh…well…They occupied the same space for a while, okay? So he was in every right to feel as upset as he needed to, making everything about himself, throwing all his anger on that little girl’s mother who’s duty was to put her grief on hold to comfort that grown ass man, even putting her face up in case he’s feeling in need to punch something. He sure looked like he wanted to.

Nah, but Rick’s still the worst.

And there’s more. Rick’s selfishness reared its ugly head once again when they rescued Maggie and Glenn from Woodbury and he dared, he DARED to tell Daryl he needed him. What a manipulative asshole that Rick is! To use such a delicate situation to take advantage of Daryl’s loyalty and manipulate him into helping him? What a selfish prick! It’s not like it was dark as hell and they were being shot at from left and right, or that Glenn could hardly walk after being tortured by Daryl’s own brother. These are Daryl’s feelings we’re talking about. He was upset and to hell with everything else if Daryl’s upset! Everybody, stop the world and coddle that huge man-child! How dare Rick be so selfish and ask him to wait at least until they got Glenn and Maggie safe back to the prison after they were harassed, tortured and almost executed, to talk to Merle, AKA the causer of such atrocities toward the young couple? How dare you, Rick Grimes? Don’t you know Daryl wants to talk to his torturer of a brother after he lost him because of you?

Good thing Daryl didn’t give in to Rick’s manipulative ways and got what he wanted. He split from the group anyway and of course, got himself caught. So it was up to Rick to risk his selfish ass once more and go back to Woodbury with —still traumatized after Merle took her to the Governor who sexually harassed her— Maggie, to save Daryl and his torturer brother from having to kill each other. How more selfish can Rick get? Can’t he stop thinking about his own gain for two minutes?

The worst of Rick’s selfishness and dickness comes right after, though, when he DOESN’T, I repeat, he DOESN’T immediately jump to welcome Merle to the prison to live with Maggie and Glenn after he tortured Glenn, brought Maggie to the governor to be harassed, tied Glenn to a chair and threw a walker at him, and almost executed them both. How dare Rick have doubts about letting torturer, racist Merle into their home and become part of their family? How dare he make Pookie upset? So much selfishness going on around, it’s unbelievable!

But good thing Daryl didn’t give a shit about those selfish assholes and came back to the prison with his torturer of a brother in tow. He even saved selfish Rick’s ass in the process. That lousy leader surely owes him his life. And good thing Daryl saw to his own interest for once (‘cuz he’s so selfless, oh yes) and FORCED Glenn to just be okay with the man who kidnapped him and Maggie for absolutely no reason and brought them to the hands of a maniac, living with them from then on:

“Don’t be selfish, Glenn! Yer not s’pposed to make me upset. I’m Derle. Ma feelings come first. And Rick was a total dick for not putting down the welcome mat for my torturer brother Merle! Don’t he know he’s supposed to give me what I want? Besides, Merle ain’t a rapist. He’s just a torturer, sexist and violent racist like myself. Oh, yeah. I tortured a kid, too. Totally Rick’s fault, though. He made me do it…”

Really? Season 2 Rick Grimes, who at the time of the farm couldn’t even leave Randall to die in that fence, told the man who just happened to have a brother who liked to torture innocent people for fun, to torture him? Suuuuuuure.

 “…We like to call women names, me an’ ma brother: like stupid/dumb bitches, whores and ugly skanks (Hey, that one was dead, so it don’t count!). We yell at them all we want. Heck, I even come off as shy to the fangirls even when I’ve rudely yelled my piece of mind on people’s faces for half the series. It’s all part of our Dixon charm. Like my jokes toward Glenn. No harm feelings. It’s all in good fun. He still thinks I’m one of the good things in this world (LMFAO. What a forced fucking line, my God!), even when I’ve been racist toward him, put ma brother’s hand in his backpack even if it grossed him out, forced him to live with his torturer, got him killed, leaving his pregnant wife a widow, then went to Hilltop for absolutely no reason other than to force ma’ presence on her and putting her life and her baby’s life in danger by solely showing up there when the saviors were after my ugly ass self— not giving a crap how much it clearly hurt Maggie having me around— till she forgave me. To hell with Maggie’s pain. I’m Derle and ma feelings come first. Maggie had to make me feel good about myself and absolve me of any guilt. Wasn’t ma fault, anyway. I’m Daryl and I had to punch Negan ‘cuz I was pissed. Dwight stole ma’ vest, ma’ bike and ma’ crossbow and killed my best friend in the world, Denise. I had to avenge those very important things to me, along with my bruised pride. Don’t matter I’m pushing fifty and should have at least some control of my actions by now. And while we’re at it, I’mma pretend like it wasn’t my idea to kill the saviors in the compound in exchange for food from The Hilltop. All the blame will fall on Rick’s shoulders, anyway. Don’t matter it wasn’t his idea. Don’t matter it wasn’t his, but my fist connecting with Negan’s jaw. I can act as reckless as I want without repercussions ‘cuz I can do no wrong. I can get a teenage girl drunk on moonshine, get drunk myself (and very violent) and whip my dick out with her in the room (Hey, I turned around!), pee in front of her, yell at her, make her feel bad for having a good childhood, manhandle her outta the shag to teach her to use ma’ crossbow while pressing my body up against her back. (No, it ain’t inappropriate! I’m Derle and I’m always innocent) I can yell at her, mock her pain and suicide attempt after she saw her dead mother walking out of that barn, and label it as just a call for attention! Mock her way of coping with her dad’s death, comparing her with a dumb college bitch. I can tell her all the people she cares about are dead, that she ain’t ever gonna see her sister again and there ain’t hope left. But it’s totally fine ‘cuz I was upset! I’d just seen Hershel’s head being sliced off the rest of his body and I needed to lash out at his teenage daughter (who saw the whole thing too, by the way), ‘cuz when I’m upset, don’t matter who’s with me or how old they are or who they’ve just lost, they gotta think of ma’ feelings first and comfort ME! But all is good, cuz don’t matter how gross I act, all I gotta do is flex ma’ biceps, ride ma’ brother’s neo-Nazi bike (yeah, I know that shit stayed at the prison, but he’d still be riding that shit if it hadn’t) and blow shit up to have fangirls drooling over me and praising or excusing all the gross shit I do.” 

Seriously, how does he get away with all of this? Had Rick done half this shit, you haters would, to this day, still be calling him a violent sexist, racist torturer and you know it! 

Anyway, let’s move on.

Another one of my favorite arguments to why Rick sucks so bad is when some of you Rick haters gave him shit when he took some time for himself and his son during season 4A. Like he wasn’t busting his back under the Georgia sun, from sunrise to sundown, to put food on their plates. But who gives a shit about fresh vegetables when Daryl can go out, shoot a couple arrows and have some real food on their plates instead? Everybody pat Daryl in the back and shake his recently licked hand (gross) because he’s the real hero and Rick is just being selfish and useless again. “What do you mean Rick’s growing food? He’s not bringing in as much meat as Daryl Dixon, so it doesn’t count!”

Honestly, I never got why Carol gave him shit for stepping away from leadership (and killing for the group), after she gave him shit for being a bad leader. She wants him to lead; she doesn’t want him to lead? I don’t get it. I mean, they had Sasha, Glenn, Hershel, Daryl and herself to lead the group during Rick’s break. Why did she need Rick for? To look for the Governor and kill him? Well, he’s Rick and everything is his responsibility, right? It’s not like Daryl had THE biggest reason to kill him. The Governor only killed his brother after all.

But seriously, what was her deal with Rick? Whatever it was, if Rick was doing it, it wasn’t good enough. Was she taking on her late friend Lori who never seemed satisfied with anything Rick did or say, maybe? Oh, right. Rick was abusing Lori by not talking to her during the prison, so he deserves it. That’s why Carol gave Rick her abusive husband’s watch, because she saw and abusive man in Rick (or what I like to call: “The reach of the century”). So it’s like she was telling him: “Here, keep this watch, you abusive bastard. It suits you. It belonged to another abusive bastard.” Seriously? After everything Rick went through with Lori— and by everything I mean, Lori picking up one-sided fights with Rick before the apocalypse just to get a reaction she knew she wasn’t gonna get from him (Lori, you should’ve gone to Daryl if you wanted a man to yell in your face and call you a bitch…Oh wait. He did. Or was it Rick he called a bitch that one time?), getting pissed off at Rick for being quiet, calm, and reasonable, telling him to speak about his feelings then acting impatient like she didn’t want to hear him after all when he tried, telling him she doubted his love for her and Carl in front of Carl, followed by Lori abandoning him in that hospital, not even bothering to check for her own damn self if her husband was alive (well, I guess we can’t really blame her for that. Why would she risk her life for someone she wasn’t sure she even loved anymore?), and just a couple weeks later, she was playfully having sex in the woods with Rick’s best friend like they’d been at it for a while; then, when said friend turned dangerous, she insinuated to Rick, in not too subtle terms, that he had to kill Shane to protect her and Carl, and when Rick did just that, not only to protect them, but himself as well (Yes, Shane took Rick to that clearing to kill him, even if some of you like to brush over that fact just so you can compare it to Carol killing Karen and David. Seriously, you would defend Shane over Rick even when he tried to rape Lori, just so you can frame Rick as the bad villain that exiled poor, innocent Carol… *smh*), she pushed him away — After all that treatment Rick got from Lori, which reeks of psychological/emotional abuse for it left Rick feeling insecure and like everything he did or say was the wrong thing in her eyes, he was supposed to pretend like nothing had happened and things between them were fine and dandy? He was already giving her his share of food and keeping her and Shane’s baby alive. Wasn’t that enough?

Nope. I guess it wasn’t. Rick was totally being abusive....But yelling in someone’s face that they got their child killed because they minded other people’s business instead of keeping an eye on them and telling them just how alone they are while calling them a stupid bitch isn’t abusive? Suuure.

Huh. Interesting how Daryl blaming Carol for her daughter’s death parallels so perfectly Negan blaming Rick for Carl’s…Interesting.

But I’ll give it you. Rick WAS a dick when he exiled Carol. Yes. And he should’ve left the decision to the Council instead of making it himself— although I do understand why he might’ve wanted to make sure Carol was away from his kids when, had they been the ones sick, there was a high chance she could’ve killed them if it was for the benefit of the whole group— but don’t tell me those were mercy killings on Carol’s part, because all I saw was Karen walking into that room with just a cough, then next thing I know— and judging by how awfully smitten Tyreese was with Karen, he probably was gone the time it took him fetching those flowers—she’s turned into a pile of ashes. Glenn survived. Sasha survived. Lizzie survived. There’s no guarantee that Karen and David would’ve died. Both Rick and Carol fucked up. Both did things they shouldn’t have done and made decisions that weren’t theirs to make, but only one of those ended with two innocents dead.

But who cares about that? Rick’s still a coward for not immediately telling Daryl that he exiled Carol when he got back from that run. Wait...so Carol didn’t just stand there watching as Tyreese and Rick beat the shit out of each other and kept her mouth shut about killing Karen? Oh, I believe she did.

Also, Rick exiled Carol, yes, and that makes him the worst and blah, blah, blah, but Daryl didn’t seem as upset with Rick as he should’ve, considering Rick pretty much sent the love of his life to an almost certain death. Hell, he even seemed more upset about losing Rick when he was yelling at Beth. He almost teared up at saying his name. And this is why I often wonder, how is it that to this day, Rick is still getting shit for that, even after he accepted he made a mistake and apologized to Carol, but Daryl, expert tracker he is, was instantly forgiven for not even making the slightest attempt at trying to find Carol??? Oh, right. Daryl was huuuuurting during that time, so he gets a pass on that. He always gets a pass on everything.

Let’s continue, though.

I’ve read more than once the argument saying that “Rick is a narcissist who thinks he’s better than everyone and no one else can handle things like he can, and he’s a jerk to people for the same reason,” from some of you, and it just baffles me. Didn’t Carol treat the Alexandrians like little kids (except for Sam, who probably would’ve preferred the kiddie treatment), and didn’t she totally patronize everyone at the Kingdom and was unnecessarily harsh on everyone, calling the place and everybody living there a joke? Didn’t she also act like a total jerk to Jerry, the most adorable person on the apocalyptic world, after he made her a pie? And didn’t Derle act all high and moral, in other words, a total dick toward Bob, an alcoholic, because he had a bottle of liquor in his pack instead of medicine after he was more than helpful in their search for medicine then prepared the shots that saved Sasha, Glenn and Lizzie? And wasn’t he a gratuitous jerk toward Denise more than once, making fun of her anxious gestures, while she was talking to him? They did. They fucking did. They are BOTH guilty of the exact same thing you blame Rick for…But oh, no! God FORBID Rick Grimes from being a jerk toward Gabriel, who tried to get them all kicked out of Alexandria.  

So if Rick is harsh on people, he’s a narcissistic dick, but Carol is queen and totally in her right because damn! Those overly nice kingdomers and their overbearing hospitality won’t leave her in peace! And Daryl is…the absolute hero? Did I get it right?

Oh, but there’s the Andrea, Tyreese, Michonne, Glenn, and OBG thing at the prison. I mean, Rick handled Andrea pretty roughly when she showed up at the prison, and he nudged Michonne’s bullet wound and was overall awful toward her, and he choke-held Glenn against the wall. I know, right? What a tremendous dick!…Except, Rick was hardcore hallucinating during that time. He was having actual conversations over the phone with Lori, Shane, Jacquie, etc. He saw Lori several times, and Shane too. His mind was in complete wreck. He was going through a psychotic episode, so bad, he’d had to be medicated, and possibly, temporarily put away into a mental health facility had the world been what it used to. He was NOT in control of his actions. But somehow, he was on his own, armed, wandering the portions of the prison that were infested with walkers, going outside the fences in search for his wife’s ghost, putting himself in danger over and over again, and aside from Glenn and Hershel who tried to talk to him once or twice, no one else even bothered to help him, or at least, prevent him from endangering his life or the life of others. They all just let him fend for himself.

But putting blame aside, shouldn’t Rick’s temporary mental illness excuse him from his deplorable actions during that time (which lasted till the end of season 3) or that only works with that unwashed man-child?

And since Rick had to pull himself out of that mental breakdown on his own, his self control was still pretty weak when he beat up Tyreese into unconsciousness. Even then, he still tried to keep himself together and reason with Tyreese, but I guess his still frail mind just lost it after those two brutal, and very much unprovoked, punches.

But wait…do you even remember Tyreese? He’s the one who totally didn’t get Judith out of the prison. It was all Carol who saved that ungrateful bastard’s daughter, even when he got hers killed, because that’s how selfless and forgiving Carol is. And she singlehandedly saved Rick’s ungrateful ass out of Terminus, right after he sent her to her death. She is so the queen of the universe!

…Please.

Carol created the diversion and killed some snipers, yes, no one argues that, but if Rick hadn’t gotten loose and killed those two butchers, they would’ve still gotten slaughtered, your precious Daryl included, and we wouldn’t have had the absolute best reunion in the history of the walking dead. Forget about Rick finding his son. That Caryl hug is the real deal! *wink*

Now we’re on the shipping subject, remember when some of you gave Rick and Michonne shit for being selfish in bed right after Denise got killed? What a couple of selfish asses! They’re so meant to be!

Well…at least when Rick and Michonne are being selfish, they either stay within earshot in case shit hits the fan and they’re needed by their people, or they do it while ALSO gathering supplies for their community; the community they’ll come back to no matter what. Unlike Derle’s unreliable ass who fucks off every five minutes for some personal revenge, or Carol who downright abandoned them (also, right after Denise was killed), knowing there was a war coming and knowing she’d be needed to go all Rambo -armed with machine guns up her sleeves- on the saviors, but unwilling to kill for them anymore.

“Good luck fuckers! It’s time for some me time.”  

But Carol and Daryl are totally not selfish, though. Rick is the only selfish one around. Sure.

Hey, I’m not blaming Carol. Good on her. She deserved her time off from killing for them. Hey! Just like Rick in season 4— No wait, Rick didn’t deserve shit, because he never killed for them, and he totally hadn’t carried the weight of leadership all the way from the farm since no one else wanted to burden themselves with it.

What am I saying? Rick LOVES to be the leader. He gets off on the power it gives him. Even though he’s said MORE THAN ONCE that he didn’t ask to be in that position and basically, didn’t want to be in it. Even though he seemed perfectly happy at the prison with planting veggies, setting up snares in the woods, feeding the animals, and raising his kids as his main obligations; even though he told Maggie he’ll follow her lead once the war’s over. Even though he told Michonne he’d be up to lead the new world after the war, but ONLY if she’s by his side leading with him (Oh, in case you don’t know what I’m talking about, this conversation took place in 7x12, that Richonne episode a lot of you sabotaged by not watching). If he were in fact thirsty for power, like some of you like to claim, why on earth doesn’t he take full advantage of it and enjoys the privileges that come with it like Negan does? Why doesn’t he have the first claim on every supply they find and keep the best for himself? Why doesn’t he sit in a throne and have people call him King? Why does he even bother to go out on supply runs anymore, risking his life, when he could snap his fingers and have ten of his people doing it for him? Why doesn’t he just send out orders left and right while he sits back on his rocking chair while sipping on margaritas?

Nah, but he still deserved Negan to humiliate that power thirst out of him.

And just in case you’re that special kind of Rick hater that says: “…But if it weren’t for Rick, none of the saviors mess would’ve happened!”

Excuse me; I must’ve missed the scene were Rick put up signs leading toward Alexandria, or the scene where he shot up a flair to let their position known to the saviors. If we’re gonna start handing out blame for their encounter with Negan, your precious Daryl had A TON more to do with the saviors mess than Rick ever did. He was the one with the brilliant idea to kill all the saviors in exchange for food (and a cow) from the Hilltop. He was the one (along with Abraham) that underestimated the saviors in the first place, forgetting to mention that tiny HUGE detail that he had the advantage of an RPG when he finished those bikers on the road in the blink of an eye. And he was the one that let Dwight get away, allowing him to later lead the saviors to Alexandria...But you’re right! I do blame Rick for that. I blame him for listening to Daryl’s dumb ass idea and trusting his gut when he clearly shouldn’t have!

And as for the whole Oceanside community argument... I know. What they did was awful in every way you look at it. But I find hilarious how the blame is put mostly on Rick’s shoulders. I must’ve missed the scene where Rick says, “Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna go in and rob those women of their guns, and you’re all gonna do it and like it.” And where is the scene where it’s stated that this was his idea at all? It’s more than likely that it could have been Tara’s…or even your precious Daryl’s idea? It was HIS idea to attack the saviors first, after all. It could’ve perfectly been his idea this time too. And even if it wasn’t and it was in fact Rick’s idea, Daryl was there as well, setting up explosives and taking those women hostages and stripping them off their guns like the rest of them. And unlike under Negan’s ruling, no one’s life (or that of their loved one’s) is at stake if they don’t follow Rick’s “orders.” They’re all free to either go with him or stay back if they don’t agree with his approach, or speak up if they don’t agree with his plans (though they probably should do it before said plan is being executed, Derle!). Everything they do as a group is on everyone who participates. They were ALL there. ALL of them who went there willingly are equally as guilty and horrible as Rick. 

*whinny voice*  “Oh, but Pookie’s still so good and pure…”

LMAO! No, he’s not.

And last but not least, the Jadis thing. *Sighs* I mean, this woman betrayed Rick and his family, shot him on the side, threw him down the wall and down the mountain of garbage, took him and Carl to Negan where Negan almost killed Carl, had one of his people beat up Michonne, made him fight a walker twice with no means to defend himself, stripped him down and took photos of him half naked for her own twisted pleasure, objectifying him and downright sexually harassing him, but he turns his back on her once…ONCE!...and you’re trying to paint Jadis as his poor little victim and Rick as the mean woman abandoner????

Wow…*snorts*

To be honest, I’m not all that surprised. Like I said before, some of you would defend Shane (who tried to rape Lori, let’s not forget) over Rick, to make Rick look as the bad guy… Again, SMDH.

Now, I’m not saying Rick’s never done inexcusable shit. Of course he has. Among other things the, at times, indiscriminate killing (that of which Carol AND Daryl are also guilty of), he punched Aaron without having a reason to and threatened to kill him, he killed police man Bob when he tried to run away, his overall behavior during 5B-6A, he considered giving Michonne up to the Governor. He backed out, yes. But still considered it and got Merle to —“Oh, that’s right! Daryl lost his brother for real this time because of this and Rick is the one to blame!”

Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break.

Merle already had the idea to ambush the Governor set in his mind way before Rick even told him anything about taking Michonne to him. He was going to do it anyway. It was HIS damn decision.

But good thing though, that good ol’ Daryl Dixon, redneck with a heart of gold (even though he was very into killing innocent workers from the sanctuary, rammed a truck into the Sanctuary and effectively killed a bunch while handing Eugene an escape plan in a silver platter which then led to the saviors attacking both Alexandria and The Kingdom…Good job, dumbass!), got to kick evil Rick Grimes’ ass this season and finally stood up to him for all those times he was a prick toward him…

LMFAO!!

Standing up to Rick for what, exactly? For taking him in as part of his family? For trusting him? For influencing him into becoming a better person?

Yes. You read that right. Rick had a major role in Daryl becoming a somewhat decent person. Remember when Daryl asked Rick if Glenn was worth risking his life back in season 1 after he got taken by The Vatos? We all know what Rick’s answer to that was, and that answer had a huge impact on Daryl’s future actions. If Daryl ever learned to care for other people, aside from his brother and himself, to the point of risking his life for them, that’s the moment that did it. Shocking, right? Selfish Rick Grimes taught golden boy Daryl Dixon how to be selfless? How about that? Hell, even Merle found his brother awfully changed after those months spent with his buddy officer friendly, and I’m thinking Merle knew what he was talking about since he knew Daryl all his life. And to quote Merle’s exact words to Daryl after he stopped him from robbing that family on the road:

 “Is that something your sheriff Rick taught you?”  

 Yes, Merle. That’s exactly what Rick taught him. After all, before Rick came along, Daryl was just a racist, sexist, violent redneck waiting for the chance to rob a camp filled with innocent people, and children among them…wait, that sounds familiar. And Rick’s supposed to be the bad influence on Daryl? Ha! Yeah right! And if there’s ever been a Merle 2.0 in the show (what I’ve seen some of you like to call Rick), it’s Daryl himself. That’s exactly who he would be, had Rick not entered his life.

 You can praise and excuse Daryl’s questionable behavior all you want, but try to make him look as if he’s better than Rick…and even…better than Ezekiel (excuse me for a moment while I have a laughing fit) out of some of yours desperate need for him to be with,  also NOT better than Rick, Carol!?!? Not a freaking chance! That would require for him to start acting like the grown man he is, taking full responsibility of his actions (not just admitting guilt to get forgiveness after he gets people killed), and drop a whole lot of that innate selfishness, that of which Rick’s being widely accused of having, but Daryl himself has in spades. And maybe take a fucking shower without having to be threatened to be hosed down if he doesn’t. Gross!

 Oh...one more thing. Some of you actually want to steal Judith from Rick and Michonne when they just lost Carl so Caryl can raise her? Are you freaking for real?!?!

[avenger-hawk]

Hi, can you compare team taka to team 7? I mean, I want to know why you think that Taka members are better friends for Sasuke than team 7 (I'm referring to one o your post) and I don't want to be rude (if that sounded like that- I'm sorry), I'm just curious about you opinion ✌️

“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation” (Osho)  

If Sasuke were a flower, Team7 would pick it up and put it in a vase, not caring about its well-being, only about their own enjoyment, while Team Taka would sit on the grass and admire it, making sure of not stepping over it.

(anti-S*kura, anti-N*ruto, anti-SS, anti-ending, anti-Team7 long post under the cut. It’s my opinion, on my blog, PROPERLY TAGGED. Which means that if someone decides to bitch aboout it they’re just looking for trouble)

I’m not offended, why would I be? I find it annoying when I receive troll messages that clearly want to raise drama over anti vs pro stuff, or when I receive asks I already replied to, not real ones.

Preliminary notice: I don’t hate S*kura when she’s at her best, like being her own person living her own life, getting stronger and interacting with characters she is herself with. All the negative things I sayabout her refer to her behavior around Sasuke, or around N*ruto, whenever Sasuke is concerned. Also I find N*ruto’s possessive side interesting, because it makes him less of a random shounen protagonist, and more of a layered character that is not just a ball of sunshine.

Team7’s teamwork was terrible most of the time, S*kura was mostly concerned with Sasuke without considering N*ruto, who instead wanted to shine. Of all them Sasuke was the best at teamwork. He put his life on the line to protect them. He gave them support when they needed it, like sharing hisfood with N*ruto, or training with him when he wasn’t able to focus chakra on his feet and climb trees, or when he discreetly cheered S*kura up when she was worried about the chuunin exam. They eventually got better, but still they didn’t really act as a real, mutually supportive team, not as well as Team10 or Team8, who have excellent teamwork and great friendship.

N*ruto and S*kura cared about Sasuke in their own way, but they never stopped to think what Sasuke really wanted and why. When S*kura tried to stop Sasuke from leaving, in part 1, she made it all about her, like don’t leave me, I have family but I’ll be sad if you leave me, I’ll do anything to make you happy. It was all about her. Just like she did the second time. During the war she was self-centered, as the reunited Team7 was fighting, she was thinking about finally showing the boys that she was equal to them now, instead of focusing on a war that was putting everyone in danger, from the comrades around her to her parents back home. And when it’s over she makes it again about her, when she starts whining and crying, if you care about me don’t leave, I love you, things can return the way they used to be…she never realized that for Sasuke things weren’t fine. Despite she was always watching him and had a crush on him. Even though she met him after he killed Danzo so she might have easily learned the truth. But she was too set on killing him without knowing his reasons. No matter how you put this, her behavior is nothing like being a good friend. Or a friend. Or a comrade.

N*ruto is definitely not as oblivious, because he knows Sasuke’s loneliness and he shares a bond with him, but he’s selfish too. He imposes his own ideas and wishes on Sasuke all the time, not realizing that while to him being happy meant having friends and being acknowledged in the village, to Sasuke they meant nothing, because more than friends he wanted his family back, because what he wanted was revenge, and even though he had cherished their time together, he had another goal ahead, without which he’d feel useless and lost. N*ruto threatened to break Sasuke’s bones to drag him back to the village, which is very possessive and selfish. Not to mention the whole “I’ll either defeat you or we’ll die togehter”, and how he imposed his own ideas on how a Hokage should be (more like he said nothing but he said it out loud) not even listening to Sasuke’s, instead using his love for Itachi as a (manipulative) weapon, claiming that he hadn’t understood him at all, hinting that he had understood him instead. And in the end, after having promised him help to change the world, he let Kakashi treat him like a child who did something stupid, instead of someone who tried to obtain the justice his brother and his family deserved. I mean, I know he means well with Sasuke, he’s just too self-centered to put himself in his shoes, and besides I’m all in for possessive domineering Naruto in Nar*sasu scenarios, but it’s nothing like being a good friend. Not like Team Taka anyway.

Team Taka is different.

When Suigetsu and Karin were fighting because no one took Suigetsu’s sword after the fight vs Killer B, Juugo made them stop saying “our relationship is like fish and water”, to remind them of how close they had become, and how they lost the sword protecting each other. It’s a very strong and beautiful way to define it.

They aren’t from the same village, there is no common ideal or belief. They are different people with different pasts. What they have in common is that they’re all alone and troubled, even though they’re not given the space they deserve, their background is often downplayed and a lot of their moments are written for comic relief.

Suigetsu is Orochimaru’s prisoner since who knows how long, he had a brother who died, there isn’t much about him and despite he’s a fun character, he surely didn’t have it easy. Juugo is bipolar, he’s a gentle creature but when his dark side takes over he becomes violent and bloodthristy, killing people and then getting consumed by remorse, he only loved Kimimaro who died, he willingly accepted prison so not to harm anyone, Orochimaru did experiments with his blood to create the curse mark, including let him kill other prisoners. Karin is the only survivor of a destroyed village, which is very similar to Sasuke’s story, she lost her mother who had her same ability to heal with her chakra, she was bitten and used, literally, by every shinobi ever, so much that her savior was Orochimaru, an evil guy, who used her for experiments but gave her more safety than she ever had.

There is nothing about Sasuke’s years in Sound. It would be interesting to know more about him getting to know their abilities and decide to recruit them. What we see is that he’s certain about them. He needs them for his goal, finding and killing Itachi, but he gives them freedom first, he tells them he won’t force them to follow him, before he explains his goal. If they refused he’d just let them go their own way. 

They aren’t bound by some code of honor, yet they stay, helping him find Itachi first, then staying by his side when he decides to destroy Konoha. They have nothing against that village and they know it’s a dangerous mission, but they don’t hesitate. Because Sasuke, their leader, but most of it all their comrade, friend and savior, needs them. 

(Suigetsu, who’s usually snarky and sarcastic, frees prisoners in Orochimaru’s hideout telling them to spread the word about Sasuke, the person who will bring peace to the world. This was later downplayed and overlooked, but it’s a strong statement, that speaks volumes of how much Team Taka appreciated Sasuke, not -just- for his looks or his coolness, but in a deeper way)

They’re not convinced of his decision of joinin Akatsuki but they stay, they fight Killer B with the best teamwork ever, just rewatch that fght and you’ll see the difference with Team7, who trained a lot to get nowhere near their level. They fight and get hurt and risk their lives to protect each other. Sasuke activates Amaterasu control to estinguish the flames injuring KArin, who previously had healed him, Juugo heals Sasuke to the cost of turning into a child, Suigetsu protected them as they left. Same when they attacked the Hokage meeting, another dangerous situation where they were outpowered, yet they didn’t back down. No matter how risky, no matter how reckless and old their friend become, maybe precisely because their friend had become like that, he needed them.

Later, they end up split because of circumstances. Karin is almost killed by Sasuke and then is captured and taken to Konoha, Sasuke gets Itachi’s eyes transplanted so he stays in the hideout, Juugo and Suigetsu manage to get free and wander, but still, when Suigetsu finds the scroll with the Edo Tensei the first thing he thinks about is giving it to Sasuke, and certainly not just because he’s better at doing it, but because he still sees him as their leader. Same for Karin, whose love and loyalty to Sasuke should not just be used as comic relief, since not only she followed him promptly, but she was the first one to jump in to action when he was almost dead, not fearing to get hurt or almost killed, and unleashing Kushina’s power for him, followed by Suigetsu and Juugo. I won’t consider Gaiden that much even though KArin’s loyalty was absolute there, and Suigetsu and Juugo were the same, only because I hate that the ending put them aside.

Team Taka was selfless and tolerant, they always respected Sasuke’s will, when they disagreed with him they voiced it, but they never imposed anything, neither their ideas nor their feelings, instead following his lead and supporting him unconditionally. And  Sasuke cared for them and respected them too. That’s why I say they’re the best team and the best friends Sasuke can have. I hope this answers your question~

[oumakokichi]

i saw your ask explaining the 'duality' motif running throughout ndrv3's cast, and its honestly super fascinating! would you mind explaining why harumaki, momota, kaede, shinguuji, kirumi, and hoshi follow that kind of theme? (i know it's a lot, but i am SUPER curious about it.)

No problem! That ask was a really fun one to answer and it’sone of my favorite ongoing themes with ndrv3! I absolutely love that the whole “liar”and “duality” aspect of each character was something so prominent that theyeven decided to emphasize it by giving each character’s shadow the whole “ominouspurple eyes” thing in the opening.

Also, here’s the first question for anyone who might’vemissed it! It ties in with what I’ll be talking about in this one quite a lot.

Maki is a fairly easy one to start with. Although she seemsstraightforward, cold and emotionless and off-putting at first glance, there’sso much going on under the surface with her. Where most people guessed that shewould be the Kirigiri-like figure of the story due to the sprite similaritiesbetween them and her “main girl” vibe, she actually lacks the cool composureKirigiri has, and is hardly the thinking or rational type.

Where Maki seems composed and emotionless at first glance,she’s actually highly emotional. She’s one of, if not the most temperamentalcharacters in the entire ndrv3 cast—and unlike Momota, whose temper tends toboth flare and recover quickly, Maki’s tends to flare bright and then stayburning for a while. Her anger has very real and dangerous consequences to it,because it’s a very cold, committed anger: she knows how to kill, and she’s notafraid to do so.

It’s easy to see where the duality lies with her whenlooking at her talent especially. She’s also one of the many characters inndrv3 with two talents, or rather, who lies about her first talent. The juxtaposedimages of Maki’s lie about herself as the SHSL Caretaker, as well as her realtalent as the SHSL Assassin, are interesting—because the first title isn’t entirely a lie. She does enjoy takingcare of children, and it’s true that she values and misses the orphanage morethan anything else about her life before becoming a trained killer.

There’s a very real side to Maki that is lost and insecureand unsure of where she’s heading, because she’s never been allowed to decideor want things for herself. And that aspect of her is almost childlike in howunaware of things she is, unfamiliar even with what the feeling of falling inlove is like, or what it’s like to actually have friends. This uncertain,hesitant Maki is just as real a part of her as the brutal, well-trained killeris, causing a very noticeable streak of duality which becomes apparentespecially in Chapter 5 when we see her break down and confess her feelings toMomota just before he dies.

With Momota, most of his duality lies between the role hesets himself up to be in the group vs. the lengths he’s actually willing to go inorder to back up the things he’s said. He very much acts the part of theshounen protagonist, especially at first. He wants nothing more than to serveas a very Kamina-like figure, an inspiration to other people in the group likeSaihara and Maki who can help bring them out of their shells and get them to “believein the him that believes in them,” etc. But as ndrv3 shows (much better thandr3 ever did), it’s one thing to say something hopeful and inspirational, andit’s another thing entirely to mean it.

Momota has a very real streak of jealousy to him, which I’vediscussed a little bit before, something which still very much reminds me ofsimilar character arcs for Junpei and Yosuke in Persona 3 and 4 respectively.It’s true that Momota wants the best for Saihara and wants him to become abetter detective and a stronger person overall. But it’s also true that it’shard to accept that that’s exactly what Saihara is doing when it means havingto doubt and suspect the others around them. Momota wants to believe in everyone, and that’s just not somethinga detective can afford to do—something Momota didn’t actually consider prior toChapter 4, where it was made painfully clear with Gonta’s case.

There’s also the matter of his illness. Despite his claimsthat they should all talk openly and honestly 100% of the time, and his outspokenhatred for Ouma’s lies as “messing around like a brat,” Momota isn’t nearly ashonest as he wishes he could be. His illness is something which would threatento unbalance the group if they knew about it, particularly after having triedso hard to become a leader and an inspiration to them all. And so Momota,despite his outward honesty, is much more secretive than he would initiallyseem. But this secretive streak is also something that serves to counter hisusual hot-headedness, and is one of the biggest reasons in my opinion that hewas actually willing to rethink his previous opinions and cooperate with Oumain Chapter 5.

Kaede’s streak of duality is really fun because it becomesso much more apparent on a reread. Very much like Momota, we’re initiallyinclined to take Kaede as she seems at first glance: a gung-ho, take-chargeprotagonist who is optimistic and inspiring and generally willing to believethe best of others in order to get them to work together. There was thisfeeling with Kaede, both in the demo and the early parts of Chapter 1, thateven if she was sly and willing to lie in order to do what it took in thetrials, she would still be honest with her feelings and with us, the players.

But all of that gets blown out the window by the twist inChapter 1, not to mention the later reveals in Chapter 6 that Kaede wasn’tnearly the optimist or the group leader that she wished she could be. Kaede’sskepticism and inability to fully trust people around her was something verymuch inherent to her personality—not even the remember lights could fullybrainwash it out of her, and it’s exactly why she’s so incredibly secretivewith her plan to try and kill the ringleader.

Despite her claims of wanting everyone to work together,Kaede couldn’t work together with anyone. This is something lampshaded, as Oumacalls her out on it, but of course, Ouma seems so needlessly antagonistic on afirst playthrough—but in hindsight, it’s easier to see that he’s actuallyright. She couldn’t work together with anyone, not even Saihara. Kaede wasfully unable to trust anyone or let anyone in because of the horrible paranoiacaused by the killing game itself, quite similar to characters like Oumahimself, and Amami as well. It wasn’t until she was actually about to die inthe Chapter 1 trial that she came to terms with the way things were andentrusted her will to confront the truth and leave the school to Saihara,trusting him fully to make it happen.

Korekiyo is an interesting one because on the one hand, italmost seems like there’s not much duality with him because everything abouthim is so obviously sketchy. He’s pretty straightforwardly evil in terms ofmotivations; he cares nothing about anyone who isn’t his sister, takes pleasurein cruelty, and isn’t portrayed sympathetically by the narrative even once. Butagain, by scratching the surface a little, certain elements of duality arise.

Korekiyo strikes me as what I would call perhaps one of themost rational and seemingly composed characters in the game most of the time. Whenhe’s not actively planning to murder anyone himself, he’s quite intelligent,actually—he’s one of the only characters who actually suggested that theringleader themselves was responsible for Amami’s death in Chapter 1. Becausehe’s quick to doubt others, he’s not one to fall into the “hope vs. despair”pitfalls that the others do. His doubtful nature actually makes him fairlyperceptive, and if he hadn’t been set on murdering for unrelated reasons toMonokuma’s motives, I don’t doubt he might have made it much further into thegame than he did.

But the thing with him is, despite his rationality, hisdubious nature, and his obvious intellect, he’s willing to be extremelyreckless on exactly one front: his sister. His composure and self-preservationinstincts melt away entirely in the face of his completely delusional andself-imposed motive of killing 100 young women in order to resurrect hissister. And he knows that this is a huge risk to take within a killing gamewhere getting caught means being executed, and he continues to do so anyway. It’sa fact that most of the clues for Angie’s murder actually come from Tenko’scase later on, and that he would’ve stood a much better chance at getting awaywith things had he limited himself to killing only one person.

But this uncharacteristic reckless abandon pretty muchdefines him when you bring his sister into the picture. Just as he becomes ashaking, incomprehensible mess when cornered, and retreats into terrifyingdelusions of being possessed by his sister’s ghost when taking off his mask, he’sincredibly reckless, dangerous, and willing to kill for reasons that havenothing to do with the killing game itself—an interesting twist in a way, sinceI don’t think something like that has really been done in any previous DRgames. Syo never killed anyone, after all, and she was our other big serialkiller character.

Kirumi’s duality is most easily seen right at the end ofChapter 2. I think a lot of the split reactions many fans have had on how totake her explanation of her motives summarizes it best. With Kirumi, there isvery much this selfless streak a mile wide willing to throw away her ownemotions and thoughts and preferences if it’s “for everyone else’s sake.” It’strue that she believes selfless devotion is the best creed for a maid, and thatshe works hard to accomplish this goal, even if it means sacrificing a fewlives for the sake of many.

It’s also true, however, that people don’t alwaysnecessarily live up to their creeds. Just as Kirumi was (for her in-gamebackstory anyway) a selfless maid who worked as the shadow prime minister ofJapan and for the good of the country, she was also a high schooler, a teenagedgirl. Kirumi’s outward loyalty gives her an aura of seeming honesty, which iswhy it’s so hard for the rest of the group to believe that she could possiblybe the culprit at first, even when all the evidence stacks that way. She’s sogood at emotional manipulation and lying her ass off, and telling them how of course she would never do something likethat, she cares about them so much, can’t they see that?

This willingness to do absolutely anything that it takes is,I believe, as much for survival’s sake as it is for “the good of the country.”After all, she wholeheartedly believes that she can’t do anything for anyone ifshe herself is dead, and that’s why she has to survive at all costs. But thereare so many lingering questions, intentionally I think, of where the line isdrawn between living for the sake of selfless duty, and living because youdesperately want to live and you’re terrified of death.

Kirumi was willing to kill Ryouma brutally, taking advantageof him when his back was turned—what’s more, she was willing to lie to everyoneelse about it. She was willing to keep lying even after the trial was over, shevoted for Saihara out of spite at having been caught in the act, and she kepttrying to manipulate everyone into laying down their lives for her so that sheherself could get away and survive. All of these things create an interestingjuxtaposition of Kirumi’s very real, very well-meant urge to take care ofpeople and sacrifice herself for people, as well as her cutthroat, cold,calculating willingness to do anything and lie about it in ways very much meantto appeal to people’s emotions, rather than their rationality.

Finally, with Ryouma, we have an interesting character witha lot of duality. There’s so much to talk about with him in particular, thoughI know this particular meta is getting long already. First off, there’s thefact that he was clearly meant to resemble an “obvious joke character” with hisdesign. Similarly to Yamada and Teruteru, I feared prior to the game’s release thathe wouldn’t be given much more purpose than to make gross jokes and behave obscenelytowards the other characters. And yet, he’s one of the most down-to-earth,level-headed, and well-intentioned characters in the entire group.

His entire character arc deals with very serious themesabout wanting to die and what it means to find a purpose in life. He has ahorrible, tragic backstory which really isn’t funny no matter how you look atit, and it’s left him miserable and depressed and suicidal. And this is a veryserious character arc which ties in quite well with ndrv3’s larger overarchingthemes of “meaningless lives” and children who are willing to throw their livesaway entirely for the sake of participating in the killing game show in thefirst place.

There’s also the matter of Ryouma’s dual talents. Neithertalent is a lie—he really does just have two, since his SHSL Tennis Player talentis something he “discarded” willingly when he left his life of playing tennisbehind in order to go hunt down the mafia that killed his family. His SHSLPrisoner talent is never really openly talked about by the rest of the group,but it’s very fun to see it alluded to all throughout Chapter 2, especiallywith the actual reveal of his SHSL Prisoner Lab after his death. Much of Ryouma’sdesign reflects both tennis player and the prisoner imagery (the symbol on hishat can be either two tennis rackets or two handcuff keys), showing that hehimself is someone torn between two lives and unable to move forward or find areason to keep living, really.

And yet, despite having so many reasons to want to die andso little incentive to keep going in life, Ryouma is one of the characters whofights the most furiously to live anyway when push comes to shove. He wanted tosee his own motive video in Chapter 2 not in order to give in to Monokuma’smotive, but simply to see with his own two eyes whether there was anyoneimportant out there waiting for him at all. And even after seeing “proof” thatthere was “no one,” the fact that I find the most interesting is that he didfight back against Kirumi when she tried to kill him.

When she says he died willingly, it’s an outright lie.Ryouma fought back so much that he had to be handcuffed at his prisoner lab,and even when she was holding his head down in the sink to drown him, hescratched at the sides of the sink so furiously that it left scratch marks in the stone (which iskind of terrifying, really, to think about how long it must’ve taken him todie). Despite Kirumi’s claims that he had “given up” when he turned his back toher, he was a character who had not given up, despite everything. And that’sincredibly inspiring, really, and definitely proves that there was a lot moreto him than meets the eye.

In any case, this response has gotten really long so I’llleave it here for now. But thank you for letting me talk about these othercharacters! I really like getting to discuss the whole ndrv3 cast like this,and these kinds of questions are so much fun! Thanks for asking!

[lotornomiko]

The Dark Flavor Of Addiction Chapter Five

3B cannon divergence with a heavy focus on a secret sexual relationship between Hook and Belle. Both devoted and swearing to love others, Hook and Belle both can't deny the irresistible passion and attraction they have for one another, leading to repeated secret trysts, hurt feelings, and a whole lot of jealousy. But what happens when feelings unravel completely,& secrets come out?

Captain Beauty Endgame...so not safe for work....

Broken by it, by her, the feelings that I have had, that I have harbored for Emma, twist. Until little is left but ugly resentments, and the regret that even now I can't tell her no. Maybe I'll never be able to. Maybe I'll find myself forever in Emma's thrall. Always helpless to resist, always on the outskirts of his shadow, watching and waiting for the love that I will never have.

It and love's promise of happiness never seem farther from me than it does now, the chance of it dangling just out of my reach. I can grab for it all I want, can and have made a fool of myself trying, but in the end it amounts to nothing, my hand alone not enough. I am not enough, some fault from within leaving me unworthy. Of it and of her, some stone carved rule setting out my path. Villains don't get happy endings, and I'm as rotten as they come. Have been that way for a long, long time, and all the wishing in the world won't change it, my past misdeeds or me.

Knowing what I am, even accepting it, doesn't lessen the blow. There's an anger simmering inside me, a darkness boiling over in direct response to the hurts that have been dealt me. I resent her, and I resent him, and it's all I can stand to do as Emma asks of me. Favors both voiced and not, the staying with him, and the standing aside. Both deal in equal measures of pain, the hurt that I am feeling and my resentments increasing. I don't want to be anywhere near them, don't want to see, to witness the love that they have expressed.

To that end, I excuse myself from the room. It's no easier to breathe out in the hall, the dark press of emotion crushing me in it's grip. But at least I can't see them, can't watch the way they hold hands, or witness every second that she continues to linger by his side. I can't escape my disappointments however, or the anger inside of me. At her, at them, but also at myself. For all of it, for her, for the disappointments I had set myself up for, and for the fact I had known from the start that this is how it would all end.

There's a part of me that has never lost sight that we weren't really meant to be, that has always been aware of the fact that there had always been some sort of obstacle between us. Her love for Neal, the kind of man that I myself am, even whole realms between us, a part of me had still foolishly tried. And just as I had tried, I had set myself up to fail, a part of me divided, my interests split between the two. Emma AND Belle, and neither one of them were what I had originally set out to make them be.

A part of the equation long before my interest in Emma became romantic, Belle's been a part of my life for years. She's been the means to my revenge, she's been my pleasure made real, and most of all, Belle has been there as comfort, seeing me through both the good times and the bad. She's been there for the highs and the lows, has even saved my life. She's as close to a friend as I can call, and she doesn't remember even half of what she's done for me.

An indispensable, invaluable facet of my life, it's no wonder that I haven't been able to cut her free. My secret addiction, the sweet drug I've grown dependant on, I've gone from using her for revenge, to actually needing her. Especially now, the bad habit established, the hurt that Emma has dealt me, leaving my emotions raw and reeling. Sparking need within me, my desires and instincts mingling, the response that I've conditioned inside me seeking an end to the pain in the only way that I now know how. That brand of comfort that Belle is so good at, my pain pushed aside, forgotten in the moments that I am buried inside her.

In those moments, no one else seems to matter. Not Emma, not Neal, not anyone else in this God forsaken town. The problems that seem to plague Storybrooke, the things that even I should be concerned with, turn inconsequential, and I'm back to being that greedy, selfish pirate. Existing only for my wants and needs. It's not just about coming, not just about comfort. There's a burning need there, a passion that's well met, Belle just as addicted, yearning for me, WANTING me in a way that Emma has never.

It's that wanting that tips it all over, that sexual longing we both feel for one another that has kept me coming back. It's been a sizzling awareness from the start, an undeniable chemistry that neither one of us has tried very hard to fight. We're a well matched pair, Belle and I, right down to our complete disregard of the consequences our actions may ultimately have. On each other, and on others, this reckless, lustful need stopping just short of complete self destruction.

A volatile thing, a need this powerful won't just end because Belle demands it to. There's a reason it's called addiction, why you can't just quit cold turkey. Belle is naive if she thinks otherwise, and I'll be there to catch her when she finally falls. And if she needs a little push in the process, I'll do THAT too. Because I've already decided, and I don't care if my actions will be dragging us both down. Belle doesn't get to decide when and how this ends. Any more than I do. It's not smart and it's not sane, this addiction such that it may get one or both of us killed. It'll be one hell of a ride in the process, and perhaps that thrill will be worth the trouble that follows.

There's only the slightest thread of worry within me, the slightest sliver of concern. Some damnable soft emotion, a feeling born of noble intentions. I'm not anywhere strong enough to heed it, that same voice from before doing the faintest of whispers. I realize it's not just the strength that I lack, but the desire, and I'm so tired of trying to do right. In trying to become good enough for Emma, I've lost sight of myself, and I can't be that selfless any more.

I feel a weight lift up off me, all attempts at playing the hero gone. There's a weary acceptance in me, but also a sense of right. We all have roles to play, and mine fits me like a familiar glove. I slide into it without looking back, don't pause to say so much as a goodbye. The man that I could have been, that love that I had been striving for, nothing but distant and bitter memories better left forgotten.

It's the cold eyes of Captain Hook that meet Emma's, and the woman's so addled with her love and concern for another that she doesn't even notice the change. Maybe none of them do. Maybe they've never seen me as anything but a pirate, never believing in the chance that I could be better. The man that I had once tried to be would have flinched, hurt by that realization, by the mere idea that they had doubted in his ability to change. The man that I am now simply doesn't care, untouched by their opinions, by their complete disregard of who I had tried to become.

That wanna be hero makes my lips curl. He's weak and pathetic, and an existence who has brought me nothing but pain. I certainly won't miss him, not the pain, not the heart break, not the numerous hurts that Emma herself has helped to inflict. That man who I had tried to be, hadn't known any better, too caught up in the pursuit, trying his best to become worthy. He---I had never stood a chance of that, or of her, and all the wishing in the world won't change that.

The raw realization is one I have known for just short of forever, and it's one I have been fighting, blindly protesting and outright denying. I have just hurt myself more for all those attempts at denial, Emma's every action sharpening the dagger I have willing thrust inside me. I've bled for her, and I've bled all over Belle, every time Emma so much as thought of Neal sending me running to the brown haired beauty.

Emma's done a lot more than just worry, the love expressed today open and honest. There's no room for doubts, no room for ME, Emma just as in love with Neal as he is with her. The wounds that I've helped Emma make, lay open, and it is anger and resentments that fester inside them. Blame bubbles in my heart, the twisted dark emotions ugly with what they make me feel, what they make me think.

It's with dark sullen eyes that I watch the two say their goodbyes. It's sickening the way she lingers at his side, the way she acts as though this parting is going to be longer than a handful of hours. Most rage inducing of all, is the one trust she gives me, Emma expecting me to stay, to watch over and protect the man that she loves. That I do must mean some flicker of the hero must still remain inside me, that or some self loathing need to inflict as much pain on myself as possible.

There's a million tortures to be found in this room even after Emma has left it. The scent of her perfume lingers,and it's strongest by the bed. By HIM, Neal sitting there, smiling, as love addled as Emma. Not even the danger that he's in, can make him focus on anything else for long, Neal aware of his victory, and just how lucky a man he now is.

I turn away from him, turn away from that love addled smile. Turn away from the soft warmth in his eyes, and go to stare out a window. There's people out on the hospital's lawns, but they barely hold my attention. Especially when he finally speaks, Neal's voice soft, wistful.

"Hard to believe that a whole year has gone by."

I glance sideways at him, but don't turn from the window. "What's it like to lose a year of your life?"

Neal shrugs. ""I'd say strange, but...that doesn't begin to cover it. It feels like just yesterday that I watched Emma and my son go driving over the town line..." He's a blur of restless movements, rubbing a hand over his face, shifting his legs on the bed. "Are you really sure it's been a whole year?"

"I'm sure." I don't bother to tell him I counted out every day since I had been torn from Emma's side by Pan's curse. "And if you don't trust my way of counting, then there's the fact that Snow White is due to give birth just about any day now."

"Makes me wonder what else we missed out on, what else we all got up to during this past year." I feel his curious gaze settle on me. "I understand you weren't cursed."

"No." A curt answer is all I give him. I'm not willing to go into the details, not willing to share with him the sacrifices I had made. Both to avoid the dark curse, and to play hero to a woman who doesn't want me.

"Don't you find that at all strange?" He asks me. "Why you out of all the people in this town?"

"Just lucky I guess."

"No one is that lucky by chance!" Neal retorts. "Something or someone had to warn you. I want to know who."

"Too bad for you but we don't always get what we want."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Neal frowns at me.

"Nothing." I lie. "Instead of focusing on what you can't remember, you should focus on what you do have. Emma and your son...."

"He doesn't remember me." Neal whispers. "Henry doesn't remember a damn thing about me. No, it's worse than that. He thinks I'm a loser. He thinks I abandoned him and his mother..."

"Didn't you?" I asked, and turn a curious gaze on him. "It's my understanding you left her to rot in a jail for your crimes."

"It wasn't like that!" Neal protested. "I was...I didn't, that is..I thought I was doing what was best for her."

"For her, or for you?" I demand. He frowns in response. "We both know you didn't want to go back to your father. We both know you were ready to do just about anything to avoid him. I bet when you found out she was the savior you couldn't run far enough fast enough...."

His face turns an angry shade of red, and his hands are clenching into fists. Neal shakes his head again, and then abruptly tears out the iv line and it's needle from his arm. "This is stupid." He announces, and goes to stand and gather his things. I am half hearted as I move to block the door, not really wanting to stop him, not really caring to try.

"Get out of my way Hook."

"Emma asked me to stay here with you." I point out, my gaze just as hard as his.

"And we both know you do whatever she asks, right?" He demands, and my jaw clenches in reply. "Look, it doesn't matter. I don't have time for your games. I need to be out there, with Emma, trying to find my father and whoever is responsible for the curse that was cast. We need to work together to stop her...."

"In your condition you'll just get in Emma's way."

"I'll be fine." He insists, and then pushes past me. "The sooner we find this witch, the sooner we can all go back to our normal lives...or whatever passes for normal in this town."

"Yeah, good luck with that." I mutter insincerely. But I let him go. I've little real interest in stopping him, and if Neal's that energetic, than he deserves whatever he gets. And I'm through caring about what happens to him, or about what Emma's reaction will be. To him, to me, to all of it. I'm through with their problems, and with the problems plaguing this town. From now on I'm out for myself, and myself alone, taking what I want when I want it, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under A Purple Rain prt 25 full

Distressed by Lance’s distress, and seizure, Keith went to great pains to make his husband comfortable. The pain Lance was suffering was written all over his face, from his bitten bottom lip to the tight lines near eyes. Lance had scared him half to death when the video on his comms started shaking, his heart in his throat until he caught sight of Lance’s blue eyes open in the top of corner of the transmission. As far as seizures went, it was one the lightest he’d seen his husband have, barely lasting 10 seconds before it was all over. Keith wasn’t sure it even counted as seizure given how quickly it passed, but with how drained Lance was, it most certainly had to be. Getting his husband into the shack and settled on the sofa was easier than expected. Lance reaching for him from the floor of the cargo bay, allowing him to lift him up to his chest with ease and carry him down and straight through to the sofa were he laid them both out, his husband’s head resting on his chest as Keith stoked his hair. He really should have expected a seizure. Trying on clothes had sent Lance into a panic attack. Keith was kicking himself for not considering online shopping. Not only was the variety larger, his husband didn’t have to feel like a freak for wearing women’s clothes, when he definitely wasn’t. People could wear whatever the hell they liked, the only one it really affected was them themselves. And, if he’d really been thinking, he knew Lance had self image problems dating back longer before they'd become a them. He’d unthinkly pushed Lance into a minefield of triggers and felt like a quiznakking douche for doing so. Still. He was proud. He was stupidly happy at the memory of the expression on Lance’s face as his eyes landed on the white cot. Sheer love radiated from him, as if he could see one of their children already sleeping. When Lance fell asleep, Keith went to work. His husband oblivious as he opened up a browser in his comms. Despite his love for Razzel-Dazzel, his husband had wanted plain clothes that would suit him as his body grew. He may be pregnant, but his whole sexual identity rested on him being very much male. Unsure where to start, he types in “pregnancy plain clothes”, because his brain had forgotten that “maternity” was a work. The ads along the top of the browser made him wrinkle his nose. All the blessing and plunging necklines wasn’t his husband. Lance had made it very clear that he wasn’t comfortable with showing cleavage, so Keith was going to do his best to respect his husband’s wishes. Not that Keith had a problem with Lance’s changing body. He adored his husband for him. The brain damage, missing fingered, scarred, scared, anxious and changing him. Yes, there were times when they drove each other crazy. When they didn’t talk for days, but even so, he loved Lance. When he was scared and acting like an idiot, he loved Lance. Seizures still scared the quiznak out of him, yet he was sure with a little time and fiddling around, they’d be able to find a successful way for his husband to be able to take his medication. The most important thing was getting Lance comfortable and feeling safe enough to attempt taking them again. * When Lance woke from his nap, his husband was starving. “Keeeeeith, my stomach is eating itself”, was his actual words, so Keith was sent food shopping semi-alone. Kosmo in a supermarket was asking for trouble. Lance couldn’t stomach crowds at the moment. The solution to the problem was to leave his husband with the remaining ration bars, and on video call, meaning Lance could boss him around while he did the leg work. Keith was sure that they didn’t need as much food as Lance had him fetching. Half the things he wasn’t sure of, nor was he sure of the various cuts of meat he was instructed to buy. It didn’t help that Lance kept changing his mind. Growing tired of it, he left the call connected and stopped listening to his husband’s ramblings, Lance noticing Keith had stopped listening, started singing broken up show tunes, jumping from song to song mid-sentence. Progressively the volume of Lance’s singing grew until Keith couldn’t ignore him further, raising the comms up to scold him, he found Lance grinning brightly as he held onto Kosmo. His idiot truly was one of a kind. Keith’s reward for shopping was to be promptly kicked out his own shack. With the two seater kitchen table sagging under the weight of the bags, Lance started shooing him, “la-laing” over his protests. He was hot, tired and annoyed at not being able to come home and kick back on the sofa with Kosmo. The server had recognised him from his stint as Black Paladin. All he wanted to do was buy goddamn food for him, his husband, and their wolf. Not pose for photos, sign signatures on whatever was available and be followed back to his ship. Voltron was old news. Really old news. He’d much rather be recognised for the humanitarian work, and the work of his team... mostly the work of his team... all the work of his team... He’d take the background character that edges his way out of public sight and mind. If he hadn’t been the Black Paladin, then he wouldn’t be forced to wait with Kosmo outside his own damn home. When Lance finally let him inside his shack, his husband’s hands were covering his eyes. Laughing against the shell of his ear, they nearly tripped as Lance guided him inside “Babe...” “We’re almost there... ok, take two steps to the left for me...” Keith’s stomach rumbled loudly, despite the fact he couldn’t actually see any food. The shack, however, smelt amazing. There was definitely some kind of herby scent in the air and meat... and... he didn’t actually know. He was starving and there was food. That was all he and his stomach were getting at the moment. Feeling his hands hit the wood of the dining chair, he came to a stop “Ta dah!” Dropping his hands, Keith was greeted by Lance’s work comms acting as a candle, a simple green salad, and some kind of stew like meat dish that looked amazing “Y-you made dinner?” Now that his hands were free, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist, digging his chin into his shoulder as he nodded “Today was hard. My head was all over the place and I not only scared you, but bossed you around, had a seizure, had a breakdown and forced you to have cuddly naps on the sofa. It’s all simple things. I’m still pretty drained, but I really wanted to do this for you. You’re my husband and I love you. I appreciate the things you do. Even when I can’t tell you I do. And now I’m crying... Baby hormones are a force to be reckoned with...” Turning in Lance’s arms, Keith was stunned “You cooked dinner... for me?” “You’re acting like it’s never happened before” There was dinner, and then there was dinner... with a table cloth that looked suspiciously like a sheet, an attempt at candles, and a meal that was actually somewhat adult “This... all of this... I should be the one cooking dinner for you” “I wanted to cook for you. I didn’t do dessert though. My stomach looked at ice cream and said no. Then when it looked at the cake boxes... it got worse. You can totally knock yourself out though. I think I put things away in the right position. I mean, I tried. I gave the fridge a wipe out while you were ignoring me. Kosmmmmn-“ Silencing his husband with a kiss, Lance’s mouth tasted of mint, his husband having found time to brush his teeth. Indulging himself, Lance broke the kiss as Keith grabbed a fist full of hair to deepen it “You’ll have to save that for after dinner” Though playfully toned in his reply, Lance’s scent had shifted to fear. Keith momentarily hurt, then reasoning his husband had had a long day. He’d hit his limit and though the touch wasn’t unwelcome, his anxieties weren’t in his control “I’m looking forward to. Especially if it’s as good as this meal looks” “It’s... uh... Let’s eat. Yeah. I don’t know what I was about to say, but I’m hungry” Dinner was amazing, but dessert was better. Splitting the washing up with Lance washing and Keith drying, they settled down on the sofa to watch a movie. Cuddling into his husband, Lance has his arm wrapped around Keith’s shoulders as the movie began. For the life of him, Keith couldn’t remember a single thing that happened. He was too focused on the way Lance was looking at him. The love in his eyes was on a whole other level. A level Keith felt he didn’t deserve, yet was grateful as quiznak to be receiving. This was the shack he was conceived in. This was the shack where his parents fell in love and he was born. This was the shack that was the last remaining solid remnants of his father. Willed to him, along with everything the man owned, then left to sit after death until Keith found himself with no where to go. Now he was living here with his husband, all be it temporarily, who was pregnant with their children. Normally he wasn’t one for nostalgia, if asked that is, but having his husband here. Having his family here... He was struck hard with waves of emotion. A life where he came home fo Lance everyday... that... he wanted that. He thought that was how things would be with the outpost, even if he couldn’t return every day, it’d be at least once a movement. Only. Before he knew it he’d left Lance struggling for phoebs. Lance was far from alright. Keith knew he wasn’t being completely honest over how many things he’d missed or how many ways he’d hurt him by accident. He knew because his husband was a decent and kind man. He’d take every ounce of another’s pain if he could. He was a selfless and reckless pain in the arse, that adored to point of possessiveness. He knew they wasn’t healthy, but when your husband has a habit of ”accidentally” getting himself into trouble, it was natural to want to be by their side to prevent something going wrong. “If you don’t like the film, I can change it” Brought back to reality by Lance kissing his cheek, Keith felt himself blushing for no reason “Sorry. What was that?” “The movie, if you don’t like it, I can change it” “It’s fine...” “Your head’s up in the clouds anyway?” Keith nodded, wriggling down lower to cuddle into Lance further “Wanna tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, Samurai?” Keith sighed softly “I was thinking about how lucky I am to have you” Kissing the top of his head, Lance echoed his sigh “I’m the lucky one. I’m so fucking lucky you haven’t got sick of me yet” “Like I’d get sick of you. I was thinking about how I was born in this shack, then about how nice it is to have my family here, with me... I wonder what my father would have thought of it all” With a soft sigh, Lance nuzzled into his hair, speaking between the kisses he peppered on his hair “He would be proud of you. So proud of the man you’ve become” Shoving his husband playfully, Keith hoped Lance was right. That somewhere out there, his father wasn’t being forced to watch Krolia fall in love with someone else. Would they have stayed together? Or fought? Would he have stayed with his mother if she’d stayed on Earth? Would his father still have died? Would he even have attended the Galaxy Garrison? Would he have approved of Lance? Or that he was gay? There were so many things he wanted to be able to tell his father... all the things that fire had taken away from them. “Babe, you want to go bed?” Leaning back slightly to look up at his husband, Lance had a soft smile upon his lips “I thought you wanted to watch this movie?” “I did, but there’s something on your mind. You don’t have to tell me, but I thought maybe you’d like an early night?” “It’s nothing... I’m...” He was what? Longing for a different reality with the chance of seeing his father again? “You’re still thinking about your father. It’s ok. It’s ok to miss him. To wonder about what might have been. It wasn’t fair that he was taken so young... and it’s ok to be angry about that too” “I hate it when you look at me and read my mind. Have I ever told you that?” Feeling slightly embarrassed, Keith dropped his head back to resting against Lance’s chest “I don’t remember. Probably. It sounds like something you’d say. Just don’t go forgetting you can talk to me. I’m not great at a lot of things, but I’ll listen when you talk” He could never let go of the pull he still felt towards his father, yet Lance calmly reminded him that he didn’t have to choose. He didn’t have to choose between the family he’d had and the one they were building, and that was ok “Yeah. Yeah. I know you will babe. Bed sounds good. Want a hand up?” Lance groaned as he stretched “God, yes. I think your sofa is trying to eat my pregnant arse” “I’ll fight it for the right. That arse is mine” Letting out a brilliant laugh, Keith’s heart skipped at the sound of Lance’s happiness “I don’t mean literally. Sheesh. Now help me up. I’m beached” “You’re not beached, you’ve been eaten” “Ahhhh. I see. That’s why I love you. For that amazing intellect of yours... it’s definitely not for this sofa” Keith scoffed was he dragged himself to his feet “This coming from you? The man who broke the spring... My sofa is fine, thank you” “It’s vicious attacked me. Tried to eat me, and you say it’s fine?” Holding his hand out, Keith nodded “Yep. Now come on you big baby. I need my cuddles” “And you call me the baby...” * After Lance cooked him dinner, Keith wanted to return the favour by making his husband breakfast in bed. Soft sweet nuzzling and gently kisses had turned into slow sex. Lance riding him and Keith falling in love with his husband’s changing body all over again. He marvelled in the way Lance’s stomach seemed to have grown a little more since that morning. The tiny jiggle in Lance’s breasts, and the way his hands wandered over his belly... Keith wasn’t one for random fits of crying during sex, yet his pride and love for Lance nearly reduced to him to just that. Things were so much better when it was the two of them. Lance didn’t hide nearly as much shit as he did when he feared it’d affect the way they acted around their friends. When he’d tried to wake Lance earlier, his husband had told him he couldn’t get out of bed. Suffering from a nightmare after they’d fallen asleep spooned up together. Being asleep, and Lance not waking in a fit of screaming, Keith felt guilty for missing it. Lance had waved it off, giving him a small kiss before moving to cuddle into Kosmo. Having spent the last varga in the kitchen, all that had happened was Keith learned he was a way worse cook than Lance. Having found an old box from the back of the shack, he’d cut it down to make a breakfast tray... that was a little wonky around the edges, but the main point to take away was that he’d tried. He wanted to do the kind of setup one sees in movies and adverts... but he hadn’t had any flowers, so he’d butchered some paper cutting the out and then being embarrassed over the job they’d promptly been scrunched up and discarded. He’d poured a glass of juice for his husband... then looked to the fridge for inspiration. If his husband wasn’t feeling great, he wouldn’t want a heavy or big meal. This all resulted in him making scrambled eggs on toast... which he somehow butchered. The toast was slightly burnt on the edges, so that was scraped off. The bread bag melted to the side of the toaster... worsening his mood. When it came to tipping the eggs on, they were... a mess. They were big and fluffy... no. They were washed out granules of egg. That was the final straw. All the emotions of everything he’d been holding onto breaking, as he clutched the edge of the kitchen sink and cried. In his head, this was all going to be perfect. Perfect like Lance was... His husband had a fault or ten, so things like the edge of the toast being burnt wasn’t a major deal. He just... he didn’t understand how he’d butchered the eggs. Had he put too much milk in? You’re supposed to use a lot...? Why hadn’t he looked this up? Why was he being so inept when... “Keith?” Quiznak... “Go back to bed, Lance” “You’re crying” Lance’s voice was soft and full of concern “It’s nothing. Go back to bed” Lance said he wasn’t having a good day, so why was he up? Padding softly through the kitchen, his husband drew him into his hold “I’m here... you’re ok” “I’m sorry...” Clutching Lance, Keith couldn’t stop his tears “I tried to make you breakfast and I ruined it. I can’t even make scrambled eggs. How am I supposed to look after you? How am I supposed to be a good dad if I c-can’t make breakfast” Lance hushed him, kissing his cheek “You tried to make me breakfast?” Nodding, Keith was ashamed of himself “You made dinner and you weren’t having a good morning and what are you even doing out of bed?” “I had to pee... then I heard thudding out here” Reduced to mumbles of shame, he wanted the world to open up and swallow him “I fucked up” “I’m sure it’s not that bad” “It’s worse than bad. All I wanted to do was make you breakfast” “What were you making?” “Scrambled eggs on toast... but everything went wrong. I couldn’t cut the s-stupid flowers and the bag melted and...” Lance laughed at him. He was crying his eyes and his husband was laughing “Get off me!” “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing because you’re so fucking special to me. Can I try the eggs?” Lance wasn’t quite off the hook for laughing... but Keith had laughed at how adorable Lance was before, so didn’t have the right to argue “They don’t even look like eggs” “I don’t mind... We could make them again together, if you want?” Moving out of Lance’s arms, Keith wiped at his face, before casting a glance at the pathetic cardboard tray on the counter “That’s probably safer” Sidestepping around him, Lance picked up the fork on the tray and started poking at the eggs “I know what went wrong here. I’ve done it a hundred times before. You made the eggs too wet and started mixing them too soon” How did one make “eggs too wet”? Eggs were naturally wet... “Eggs are supposed to be wet” Stabbing at a few eggy fragments, Lance brought the fork to his lips and Keith once again wished the Earth would swallow him. Chewing, Lance hummed thoughtfully “Yeah. Too much milk and too much salt” “I didn’t even add salt!” He hadn’t... because he wasn’t entirely sure where the salt was. Piling the fork up again, Lance moved it to Keith’s lip, Keith not exactly willing as he opened his mouth... The moment the eggs hit his tongue, he was wrinkling his nose. Maybe the heavens above were looking out for his husband by preventing him from poisoning him with this meal “Why’s it salty?” “I have no idea... I don’t know where the salt is...” Lance snorted, placing the fork back down “That’s somewhat worrying. It’s ok. I’ll talk you through how to make scrambled eggs like a professional. Mami never needs to know about this murder” “But your... you said... you said you weren’t having a good day” “It’s not uncommon for me to have a bad day, babe. And yeah, I wanna go back to bed, but how could I possible leave you when you look so sad? Why don’t we make breakfast together, then go back to bed? I mean, I’m probably going to go back to sleep, but that’s alright once in a while, isn’t it?” This vacation was supposed to be about sleeping and healing. Lance shouldn’t have to worry about sleeping too much “Yeah. I’m sorry I killed breakfast” Casting a glance to the washed out eggs, Lance started laughing again “It is pretty dead... I don’t think a healing pod could save it” Instead of being insulted, Keith felt warmth in his chest. He was falling in love with his husband all over again, laughing falling from his lips as he nodded “I think it could give Coran’s cooking a run for its money” “Oh god! Don’t make me remember. You rinse the fry pan, and I’ll be back” Hold up. What? “Be back?” “Laughing while pregnant apparently makes you need to pee again. I think your twins are messing with me” “I’ve noticed they’re my twins when they’re giving you trouble” “As you should have... I think I’m fatter again” Keith suppressed his smile. The clothes he’d ordered would be available for collection the following day from the city backing the garrison. It used to be a trek from the Garrison into town, but with all the refugees the population had tripled in size. Until then, he just needed to keep quiet over his surprise “You’re pregnant, not fat. I think I’ve still got a few of dad’s things if you want something looser and comfier” Lance’s whole face lit up “That would be awesome... but only if you’re ok with it. I don’t want you doing something that you’re not ok with, because of me” “I’m choosing to believe he’d be happy that his things are helping. Besides, Shiro used to knock around in his clothes” “You , are the best husband I could ask for” “Just go pee already” Stealing a kiss, Lance limped off towards the bathroom. They were really going to have to pick positions that weren’t going to cause further strain on his husband’s knee... and the little shit needed to use his damn crutches. Talking him through remaking scrambled eggs, Lance had far more patience than him as his husband sipped at his juice. He’d been wrong about the milk. In scrambled eggs, he wasn’t supposed to have a near equal ratio, and letting them half solidify in the pan before starting to stir made for way fluffier eggs. Adjusting the knob on the toaster, the toast came out without being burnt. The successful completion of their meal gave him a ridiculous confidence boost. It was just scrambled eggs. He didn’t need to be so damn happy, yet as he loaded the cardboard tray, he couldn’t stop smiling. He’d made his husband breakfast... an edible breakfast that didn’t involve roasting meat or heating up goop... Telling him to wait a few ticks before following, Lance headed into the bedroom first, going through the motions of “waking up”, and “acting surprised”. Calling his husband a dick, Keith was more than happy to climb in beside him. Feeding each other bites, Keith could smell Lance’s dropping mood. Knowing husband didn’t mean it and that his depression wasn’t under his control, he tried extra hard to make Lance laugh and smile, “accidentally” poking him in the nose with the fork, and stealing bits of egg before Lance could, only to feed them to him. His husband’s appetite ran out halfway through the meal, so Keith cleaned the tray up and carried it back out to the kitchen where he finished off his share and left the rest for Kosmo. By the time he came back, Lance was sleeping again, Kosmo skipping out on food in favour of being curled in Lance’s arms... where Keith should be. Leaving Lance sleeping, the half-Galra was left with little to do other than pulling his father’s remaining clothes out of storage and more quiznakking cleaning.