#acsftn

[nishimaru]

wishes from shooting stars aren't honest whatsoever.

synopsis: xena finds herself lost, longing affection and some attention from the woman who gave birth to her, so she turns to a coincidental event that happens in the night.

notes: xena katrinova from acsfitn has my absolute heart and im reviving this stupid fandom thats been dead for years </3 come back to me acsftn fans imy. this entire post screams word vomit. ((BYE I JUST SAW I DIDNT PUT THIS ON PUBLIC THIS IS EMBARASSING))

a heads-up: angst NO COMFORT BITCH, hopeless thinking, mommy issues, broken relationship with mom, refusing to let go of already broken relationships, sorrowful self pity, xena being delusional. lowercase intended, and fast-paced, btw. xena being childish hrlp

as long as xena remembered, her mother has always been "too busy" for her. when in reality, the woman has been lounging around god knows where, finding excuses to avoid her daughter, and muttering empty apologies for the past 17 years xena has been alive for.

this time, xena plans to improve her and her mother's relationship using everything she can. she tried communicating with her mother more than she usually does, and doing favors for her which end up being fruitless, she tried going for advice from friends who's relationship with their mothers are more preferable, for the lack of a better term.

but alas, all her attempts on bettering her relationship with her mother have been ill-fated from the start if the receiving end did not want anything from xena. day after day, she began to lose hope and think to herself if it was her fault all along and it was because she wasn't trying enough.

she always felt bad at how envious she became to her friends who had a relationship with their mothers that only a girl like xena, could wish for during the night of when shooting stars were existent. suddenly, an idea popped into her head, she smiled. feeling like she discovered something that could finally make her dreams a reality. it seemed silly to count on a shooting star to make her relationship with her mother improve but she was yearning for the love of the woman who has seen her from the beginning till now.

xena quickly sprang up from her bed, rushing over to her laptop, going to the search engine as she typed in the words, 'nxet shootig star near kaia avenue'. xena typed in the words so fast, some spelling mistakes occurred in which she snickered at. a few searches coming up, she clicked on the local weather forecast, the website said shooting stars were gonna appear tomorrow night. "how conventional." lena softly sighed, wishing to whatever godly being that her relationship with her mother will improve. she couldn't find herself to fault her mother of her shortcomings to relieve the burden of a strained relationship, even if it was a devestating impact on her own life because, her mother was a girl who was trying to find herself, but is doing an awfully shitty job at that. (she might blame her mother for that though, who knows). whatever, she just wanted this silly little wish to come true, as she imagined her mother finally giving her praise and unconditional love that she was promised at a younger age, but now became fruitless as she became older, more perceptive. she brushed her thoughts off as she got ready for bed, silently praying for anyone to answer her wishes tomorrow.

the day came, xena's memory of the day became a blur, her only priority making it to night so she can await the shooting stars that she had craved to make countless wishes of her ''own selfishness.'' as she said in her own words. the moonlight shone on her raven hair, her black pupils dilated as she shut her eyes, opening her window and clasping her hands together, putting it near her forehead as she kneeled down to face the sky. "if it's not too much to ask, please make my mother finally acknowledge me so we can finally have a stable relationship, i want her to care for me like a mother should and love me as her own. i always wanted a mother figure like on those tv shows or like my friend's mom's." she pleaded, as she heard tiny 'fwoosh's' in the gleaming night sky, assuming its the swift shooting stars. she finally got up from her knees, dusting off any unwanted particles on the silk pajama pants that she wore. she thanked whatever being that would grant her wish and closed her window, heading off to bed and yawning.

the next day came, xena was filled with hopefulness and bliss as if it was Christmas morning and she was six years old again, with her father and mother, but she wasnt. she's become 17, who's still clinging onto a thread of affection that anyone is willing to throw at her. she rushed downstairs to greet her mother. "mom, good morning!" xena had greeted, opening her arms slightly, nervously awaiting for her mom to give her an embrace and whisper sweet nothings into her ears and apologies, just like she had dreamed. her mother scoffed, looking at her with an annoyed face as she shoved xena out of her way. "xena, what the hell are you doing? don't you know any better than to get in my way? I've told you this already, haven't i?" her mother grimaced. xena's frowm immediately made itself known as her nose stung everytime she breathed and her eyes became glassy, and her heart piercied and laced with anguish as she forced a nod. "i-.. i just thought that you-" xena said before she got cut off. "you thought wrong, xena. now move, i have somewhere to attend in an hour and i don't want to be late for whatever pitiful excuse you throw at me." xena's mother spat, opening the front door and walking out, slamming it close. her presence gone as swiftly as she first saw xena this morning. it's pitiful on how she thought a simple shooting star could fix all the problems she had with her mother, but she was desperate for any solution and a shooting star is what came up as a last resort. she trudged to her room, salty tears of sorrow painting her dejected face.

how silly, in the end all her attempts to rekindle the relationship she had with her mother became fruitless, maybe it was time to finally sever the already broken relationship with her mother that she was so gullible to think that it would be fixed, but she tried, and that's all that mattered.

a few more months and she would find her own place to stay, far, far away from the place she called home once.

(crying rn as we speak)