#acsanpascual

[acsanpascual]

TO ALL THE FRIENDS I HAVE SINCE THEN

Life, as we know it, is always full of surprises. It’s full of inevitable challenges, countless failures, infinite choices, and thousands of confusing emotions. But most of all, life, as hard as it could get for us, is always surrounded by different people with different personalities and values.

Truth be told, among the billions of people in this world, it is hard to find someone who shares our interests, thoughts, hopes, and dreams. It’s a priceless present that any of us could ever receive, and one could never be so lucky to have such people in one's life.

Friends, as we call them, are the family that we unknowingly build from nothing. But it is something that we all must continue to work on with effort and patience. It doesn’t require us to have any proof. Trust, understanding, enough care, and a little bit of fun are all that is ever needed. Speaking from experience, becoming friends with people is one of the most challenging things. We will undoubtedly experience new things, discover new life lessons, and deal with various personalities daily. What is more, we will be faced with many issues, which, at some point in our lives, could become one of the ultimate reasons why we begin to draw a line and even end the friendship we nurtured for as long as we can remember. However, the gift of friendship is also the best thing that could ever happen to us, even on the most ordinary of days. It will give us moments to treasure, memories to keep, and things to hold on to when we are down and unmotivated. Being friends with people will make us realize that there is something more to life that even our own family couldn’t show us. Friends - they don’t bring out the version of you that most people think is what you only are. Instead,  they allow you to explore more about yourself. They help you bring out the person you never thought you could be for yourself. With them, you will meet both your best and worst versions. But don’t worry, because that’s precisely where the fun is. And if you’re lucky enough with your friends, you’ll find yourself not alone even when that fun has ended.

Some people might wonder about the difference it makes when you have your family as your friends and your friends as your family. To answer that, I’m not sure about what difference it does make, but I do know a thing or more about friends and families. The thing is - while the family is the friends with whom we share our life in this world, friends, on the other hand, are the chosen family with whom we share our life in our world. Indeed, both sides have ups and downs, and one can never be too careful when dealing with all the dramas. Regardless, we can count on many more remarkable things about these two. Things to be grateful for. Things that are, indeed, worth living for.

And so, to all my friends since then, I give you this message of love. Life has always been challenging for all of us, and that’s precisely the reason why it’s pretty rare to find a friend in someone who has always been fighting his own battle. And so, in light of all these, my ever-dearest friend, I thank you.

Fate. Not fate. Whatever brought us together, I thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me. Thank you for choosing to stay despite meeting a part of my worst version. But most of all, thank you for entrusting your life and story to me. It is true that with everything that has happened, we build walls to protect us against pain and sadness. But knowing that you shared a part of your life with me as your friend, is something I will always cherish.

     We may be saying goodbye to another year that gave us all the happiness and sorrow we could ever feel, but know that saying goodbye is welcoming another chapter of our story. And with all of my hopes and prayers, may we live life to the fullest as we say hello to a new year. Let’s be strong together as we face yet another ride of life. And please remember, my friend, I will be there for you.

Truly,

AC San Pascual

[acsanpascual]

Of Fallen Times and New Beginnings

College is a long narrative of epic moments. Anything can happen. In a day, we might find new friends. In a week, we may already be struggling. In a month or two, we’re juggling between our breakthroughs and setback moments.

Not so much like the beautiful stories I’ve read and heard; my story is typical. Yet along the typicality lies my indefinite days of joy, hope, new experiences, and all the remarkable moments we live for. I risked leaving home from a faraway province to explore more of life. To begin the journey, I passed the exam. I got enrolled. I found a place to live in. I met strangers who became friends. Over time, I found a new home in this foreign city. The connections I found provided me with an immense value of strength and courage to face adversities. I was never that strong, independent woman. I was just that girl. But being in the university and meeting diverse and empowering people has lit a fire within me to redeem my lost self. Hence, my journey to personal growth.

I was never confident about what I was. I always turned my back on many great opportunities that came my way. My lack of experience became my ultimate excuse not to try. Many times, I allowed society to decide about my life. I chose to be silent on days when my voice was utterly needed. I looked the other way and let fear cloud my judgment. I underestimated many things about my disposition.

Interestingly, the things that scare me are what led me to all the good changes in my life today. For instance, living alone gave me the privilege to be responsible and take control of my life. My unfortunate experiences kept me open to perspectives. Opening myself to trusted people provided me comfort, a well-established connection, and better company. Letting go allowed me to invest more in myself. My doubts and hesitations pushed me to challenge my limits.

Spending a thousand days at the university helped me begin again, grow stronger amidst the uncertainties, find light even in my darkest days, and not lose hope during my greatest downfall—just like the centennial tree, just like how she battled the trials of her time. Perhaps her greatest downfall may not be the very end of her. Wondrously, it may count for a new era of witnessing life in all its hues and manifestations for hundreds of years.

Perhaps - it is hope.

Truly,

AC San Pascual

[acsanpascual]

Some Days

Some days, we live for fun and adventure. Some days, we stick to one corner, mainly empty and quiet, because, at times, the presence of silence is everything we need.

Some days, we seek the most connection. To be with our people or to find a new friend in a stranger we met across the street. Some days, we would instead choose to be alone. We need to be in the comfort of our own space and do the things we have always loved without fearing judgment or embarrassment.

Some days, we will be happy. Some days, we will live with regrets. Some days, we will live with both. Perhaps we can never know what we will feel seconds after this moment. And tomorrow, it could all be the same again. Or maybe not.

That's one of the million truths about life. There are days when you will have to enjoy the company of other people around, but on some days, you just have to embrace the company of yourself.

Truly,

AC San Pascual

[acsanpascual]

The Art of Dreaming of the Impossible Things

Life is a story of chasing our purpose, passion, and dreams. This is precisely why we can always live another day and endure the pain that life offers us every second. No matter what or where life brings us, we cannot easily give up without trying or fighting. Our dreams, our goals, our hopes - these are what make us go all the way and give the best that we have. We always believe that everything is possible in life and that at the end of the day, we will claim what we seek most. But what if there is only the impossible? What if we’re only left with outlandish things, choices, or dreams?

When I was but a young kid, I had no idea what was possible or what was impossible. All I ever cared about was playing, having fun, and crying whenever I was hurt by a small wound that I got from not always listening to the words of the elders. Life was pretty great to me back then. I was probably careless and self-centered. But alongside that character of mine were the dreams that stayed with me for quite a long time. I still remember sticking to that dream of becoming a nurse growing up. It went on for six or seven years, give and take. But the thing is - when the world starts to show you what real life is and how cruel it can be to you, your dreams as a kid will change, or worse, they could fade. But the worst part? Aside from your dreams, everything around you will also change. YOU, in particular, could change. Because truth be told, I did.

Becoming a nurse was the first impossible dream I’ve ever had. Because if I were to summarize my list of reasons, it would all come down to the fact that I have a weak stomach. Only in high school did I start to dream of becoming a writer someday. How and when did it begin? I don’t know. But I know I was genuinely inspired by the idea of writing stories, letters, poems, and more. I even remember writing stories back then, which somehow only reminds me now of how jologs I was before. Sometimes, along with writing my stories, I also dream of publishing them and inspiring the young generation of writers with me and my writing journey. More than this, I also dream of running a publishing house one day. And there, I see myself working with people who share my dream.

Now, what makes it impossible? Well, there are two things. First, it would be the fact that I lack experience. I never joined workshops, campus journalisms, or other related events that might have honed my skills and creativity. I write whenever I feel like writing or have ideas that push me to grab my pen and paper and start writing. The second thing that makes it impossible is that I still lack trust in myself, my capabilities, and what I have right now. Every time I try to start writing a story, I can't seem to finish it or make it halfway through the story.

 I didn’t say anything about giving up on this one. Because this time, even though some things are still quite blurry, I know I still want to be that good writer who inspires people. And that, I hope, will come true.

Moving on, another dream included in the list is my dream of having a small apartment. And there, I’m going to live alone and independently. I want to do that someday. I want to try and see how things will go for me when I’m already all alone. I want to find out how I will handle and figure things out without considering asking for help as my first option. Owning an apartment, living alone, and being alone will help me the most. But don’t worry. It will eventually take a long time before I even buy my small, comfy house and live a better life.

And, of course, I also dream of going to beautiful places. I’ve always wanted to travel, see the world, ride a bus now and then, walk in the park, and sit on a bench while enjoying the day with hot coffee. I want to meet new people, talk to them, and have fun with them. I want to know how dancing on the street with other people feels, which I've only seen in movies. Thinking of doing these things makes me feel like a free, grown woman. And that’s absolutely how I want to live my life someday.

     Some things are pretty impossible to achieve from where I stand right now and what I know about myself. And yes, maybe it’s because I’m still hesitant to dive into risks and take the fall. Perhaps I’m giving too many excuses instead of just allowing myself to accept the opportunities that come to me. But you see, this is why I’m writing this: this is the part where everyone should realize and learn some truth.

The truth is - nothing in this world is impossible. And if ever there is, none of us could tell what is possible and what is not. At least not until you’ve reached the end of the race. Nothing is certain at the moment because we still have so many things to fear, things to lose, and so many things to learn. But this doesn’t mean that it’s already impossible. We’re just currently trapped in our wall of reasons and excuses. And that’s what needs to be changed.

You see, dreaming of something in life is what keeps us alive. We may look at things differently or see every situation negatively, but these drive us to move forward and do something about our lives. Certain or uncertain, bad or good, possible or impossible, the thing is - as long as we’re not giving up, and as long as we’re on the track, nothing is over yet. Because the moment we start to dream of something, that’s when we begin making changes. That’s when we started to see the world in its authentic colors.

Right now, all I have are my dreams. And maybe I still have those thousands of reasons with me. But I’m not giving up because, as most people would often say and believe - it’s not over until it’s over.

Keep on dreaming and do what you know is right. As cliche as this could seem, you must never forget to follow your heart, especially when you sometimes feel lost. And someday, we’ll all know that everything is worth the while.

Truly,

AC San Pascual