#ace's malewife /j

[tricksters-maze]

Remember when I had a entire telenova 💀

💀..i surprisely remember that HELP

[wyn0rrific]

primarch sexuality/gender headcanons bc im lit rally john warhammer (/j)

lion el'johnson- cis (he/him) gay (you cannot tell me that this man is interested in woman in the SLIGHTEST /j)

fulgrim- bigender (he/she) bisexual (no im not projecting wdym /j)

perturabo- cis (he/him) gay (ur grumpy old gay uncle i dunno)

jaghatai khan- transmasc (he/him) straight (im ngl i have no reason for this except that it just makes sense)

leman russ- cis (he/him) bisexual (male lean + the space wolves are just very fruity bastards idc)

rogal dorn- cis (he/him) straight (this may change once i get further into the HH books but who knows mans is literally so hard to read)

konrad curze- nonbinary (it/he) gay (tired of the "mentally ill = ace/aro" hc he can still fuck and be deranged!!!!)

sanguinius- cis (he/him) gay (god is gay and his name is sanguinius)

ferrus manus- transmasc (he/him) gay (he picked out his name himself and all of his siblings were very much embarrassed/disappointed by his decision /j)

angron- cis (he/him) straight/ace (something something he most likely physically cannot show love bc of his nails)

roboute guilliman- transmasc (he/him) bisexual (pathetic malewife coded i don't make the rules)

mortarion- agender (they/them) ace/aro (similar reasons as dorn but also they definitely just dont care too much to identify as anything atp)

magnus the red- genderfluid (he/she/they) pansexual (insert funny warp magic joke here)

horus lupercal- cis (he/him) bisexual (female lean mans just gives off "i can swoon anyone" vibes)

lorgar aurelian- transfem (she/they/it) bisexual (something something uhh religious trauma tgirl go brr)

vulkan- cis (he/him) man pansexual (mans just loves everyone honestly)

corvus corax- transfem (they/she) bisexual (read a tgirl corvus fic once and immediately was hooked on this hc)

alpharius (and omegron ig??)- agender (they/he/it) ace/aro (again same as morty but also "hehe funny secret third gender")

[mushibashiraas]

djsjxjsj i hope i'm not late?? i probably am. aaaa my own faultcjxjsj [but] i haven't written for my fave disney nrc malewife (/j ily, jamil bbg—) in a while. but i forgot the contest either ends on the 10th?? or submissions close on the 10th aka. i missed the deadline?? aaaaa for submissions to @merotwst 's and @cvlutos 's #jamilsummercontest (here) aaaaaa also was this also an excuse to write for najma/write some najma-jamil brother-sister action? uhhhh looks away. LISTEN. i love them! the crumbs we got of their interactions are still on my mind aaaaaa lastly, am i also using this fic as an opportunity to brainrot about the new spiderverse movie and its album? yes.

mention of the ramshackle prefect (gn!yuu). but it'll mainly be about jamil and najma bc i love his sister almost as much. spoilers for al'ab naariya story, scarabia chapter plot, jamil's backstory, and maybe???? a spoiler for the new spiderverse movie?? if you squint. also really bad arabic.... i tried.... other than that, i present very cute, soft fluffy letters between reader and jamil detailing their lives apart during summer break (assuming the scalding sands' fireworks festival is in the summer. aaaa).

jamil could practically see (name)'s red face as they read his letter briefly written amidst the asim family chaos.

Dearest (Name),

Kalim and Najma were disappointed you couldn't join me this year for Summer break. I actually had to stop him from convincing his father into sending for you personally... Camels, elephants, and all. You're welcome!

Despite that, they wish you all well. My mother is insisting I return to NRC after break with some of her homemade shawarma. And please tell Grim that there will be enough for him as well.

The fireworks were beautiful but it wasn't the same without you by my side, ya nujumi. I missed turning to the side and seeing your smiling face, eyes alight with a childlike wonder. My heart swells with remembering that first Al'ab Naariya. You turned back to me urging me to join you and the others to dance.

Najma just asked what I was smiling about. I tried to lie but the smug look on her face told her all she needed to know. She'd like to also say a few words.

Hello, (Name)! My older brother is laying on his bed right now screaming into his pillow. Ya ummi and I are laughing right now; she has never laughed so hard in a long time. Yesterday the Asims gave us the afternoon off to enjoy the bazaar. You should see the haul Jamil brought home for you and Grim. There's— lotliIItLyjkq

Sorry, ya shamsi. Najma does not know what she's talking about. I got them as gifts for her— ljyIL

Jamil is lying! He is so red right now, (Name)! I want to take a picture to send you but he took my phone! So awful, right? Ah, the Asims are calling for us and abina is about to bring out the belt if we don't resume our work soon.

My apologies, ya qamar, but as Najma said, I have to return to work. There are rumors from the other servants that Kalim is "missing." He's probably with the animals in the garden. I will write to you again shortly. You are always in my thoughts, (Name), ya hubi. Make sure to not stay up too late talking to Ace and Deuce. Take your medicine and potions and eat at least two full meals a day (I know you're not a fan of breakfast). Don't forget to drink plenty of water too.

With Love,

Jamil Viper.

he wanted to write more and tell them all about the new stalls selling mouthwatering foods, soft, vibrant, assorted silks, and other painted, colorful wares he saw at the bazaar. he wanted to tell her about the concert he miraculously got tickets to for one of their favorite music artists. there was also the pet parrot his parents finally let him get! it had to stay on the asims' property. but kalim said he'd personally look after iago for jamil.

there was also a new playlist he made the other night after coming home from a movie he and his sister went to see. jamil lays in bed thinking of his sister's latest fictional crush and thinking of all the things he'd do to keep his girl and her father while living his best life doing what he loved. jamil wished that were him. he wished he could have (name) by his side, still please his family, and see the world. he wanted to learn about the magic and cultures of other lands in twisted wonderland.

wishes and reality are two separate things, though. and the chance of them intersecting and wishes becoming reality was slim. for now, though, he was content and letting things be. he'll find kalim, drag him to his next meeting with possible mergers and other clients, read the evening itinerary to kalim, go home, help with dinner, wash and dry najma's hair for her, bathe, and go to bed.

....that was the original plan. however, najma must have thought it funny to hide his headphones after she finished her chores and homework.

"what are you looking for, brother?"

jamil glared at the girl leaning against his door frame as he rifled through the belongings on his desk. "you know exactly what i am looking for. drop the act, najma!"

"not until you write another letter to (name)." she grinned and crossed her arms over her chest, straightening her posture.

"huh?!" he stuttered.

"it was written all over your face. you wanted to write and tell them more about everything that you saw and experienced yesterday and today. ever since you came home from school with your friends and (name), you've changed. mom and dad haven't stopped talking about it; they think i went to bed but i can hear them. they aren't as quiet as they think." the younger sister laughed at jamil's stunned face. "you don't know all this since you sleep like that one princess in those fae tales. i've caught you snoring a few times, actually. wanna hear it? i can show you if you don't believe m—"

jamil grabs najma's phone again before she can pull up the videos. "just—! give me back my headphones. and i'll write to (name)."

"nah," najma shrugged and walked off. "letter first. mom and dad are out finishing up some business with kalim's parents in their estate. you can blast your music all you want."

groaning in exasperation, he still couldn't deny that he'd rather have sent (name) a proper letter rather than the one he mailed earlier that afternoon.

normally, he and (name) would text each other or call. but one magic carpet ride after a rough exam, they told him about how they used to write letters to their childhood friends whenever they'd change schools. so the first time jamil and (name)'s other night raven college friends went home for holiday break, he started writing letters to them. and ever since that sweet, thoughtful surprise, whenever they were apart, jamil'd write letters to them while they'd send back recipe cards with handwritten notes featuring the story behind each food. sometimes they'd drop details about their family back home or include tiny magic trinkets or bits of stationary sold at sam's shop. a note and a smiley face tied around each item: "saw this and thought of you, ya qamar. ;p"

bringing himself back to reality, jamil sat down and began another letter. with this one, though, he made sure not to leave out a single detail of his day. softly he smiled as he included lines from old poets and added in folded star maps, photos of a dog he saw sitting outside a cafe, a tea bag from the little old lady next door. but this time — instead of signing off with a simple "With Love" like his last letter — he penned a lyric from their favorite song, nodding his head to the music as it played from his speakers.

"Your my star, hubi. My one light. We gon' link up, just like the rumors."

Jamil Viper.

VOCAB:

ya shamsi: my sun

ya qamar: my moon

ya nujumi: my stars

hubi/ya hubi: love/my love

ya ummi: my mother

abina: our father

— is2g if i got the arabic vocab wrong, i am going to cry. @softbajis djsjsj idk if this is right or notdjdjdj i am so upset. oh well....?

[1moreff-creator]

Brain go brr on the Q&A

+Xander trying to hide his piercing from his school is so him, I love it.

+Listen, I don't want to overthink the Q&A too much, but my brain won't let me be normal about some things. The birthday thing caught my eye. Supposedly, some of the dates are important, but the rest are meant to be spread out, right? But Veronika and David's birthdays are, like, two days apart, so does that mean they're important? Same with Ace and Arei (ike three days), but at least Ace's birthday is Halloween so it's not hard to figure out. I don't remember most of the other birthdays, so I don't know if there's more examples.

+Why is this the "new David"'s default sprite? Is he so smug it runs all the way to his default pose? What.

+David can cook, malewife status confirmed. Also, "how does he handle his feelings? Badly" That's hilarious.

+New info on the Spurlings! This is getting outta hand, now there's two of them! I'm really intrigued as to what the hell their deal is. And Duke could have been alive during the Tragedy? What are we implying here? So many questions!

+Ace is officially gay! Many people are happy with this development. Though I have to ask, did anyone ship him with any woman? Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen that. Anyways, not like it matters now!

+Pan Veronika, pan Veronika, pan Veronika yes! I love it! New headcanon; she just dates/has sex with anyone she thinks will be entertaining to date/fuck. "Bit-sexual", as internet funnyman Alpharad would put it.

+I swear the David sexuality thing is an actual quote from somewhere. Hold on.

Found it! Not the exact wording, but Andrew Garfield said something like it once. I love it, it's perfect for David!

+So Charles' scar is a dog bite, but he doesn't remember and thinks it's a birthmark? Is it... related to his brother's death? Dev, what. You can't just say things like that and then not elaborate. /j

+Levi with a sweet tooth is fantastic. I think it was already implied in his profile, but it's still great!

+Alright, about favorite colors:

Teruko: red (reasoning: association)

So... Xander or Mai? I'm leaning towards Mai, frankly.

Charles: "Why would I assign emotional value to colors? That's a ridiculous waste of energy." (cerulean)

That quote is hilarious. And now I can't help but imagine Charles unironically writing "cerulean orbs" in a fanfic-

Whit: neon pink (reasoning: "Pink!!")

God, I love these characters.

J: black (reasoning: cool)

I wouldn't expect less.

Nico: none (reasoning: no interest)

I honestly kinda love this, but also what does it mean.

Ace: dark blue/purple (reasoning: refuses to provide reasoning)

Acevi shippers are eating today, holy.

Arei: azure (reasoning: "I'm blue, so clearly it's the best color!")

Why did you have to die?

Min: taupe (reasoning: comforting)

Min information: absorbed. Love it. Also her design has a lot of taupe (I think) so it's comforting to me too.

Veronika: white in conjunction with other colors (reasoning: brings out other colors well)

Huh.

Alright, now least favorite:

Whit: gray (reasoning: boring)

Alright, tone it down, Kamukura.

Rose: none (reasoning: all colors have their value in the right situations)

Fantastic, I adore this.

Eden: blue (reasoning: "Kind of a downer color...")

Areden shippers in shambles. How would you say this about your girlfriend's color, Eden?

J: pink (reasoning: obvious)

If you listen closely, you'll hear Whit's heart breaking in the distance. But this is expected.

Hu: blueish white (reasoning: sterile)

This is Arturo's fave. Are we setting up a foil thing here? I'd honestly love to see it, Arturo and Hu may be the characters I want to see the most of after maybe Veronika.

Nico: white (reasoning: unsettling)

Nico, what- what the hell are you talking about?

Ace: titian (reasoning: doesn't like himself)

Ouch.

Min: white and pink together (reasoning: annoying)

Dude, Whit cannot stop catching L's here, what is going on. Anyways, Min info absorbed.

Veronika: white in the absence of other colors (reasoning: soulless)

So, this is pretty interesting and all that... but she dislikes the same color as Nico? The Vero-Nico dynamic grows stronger! You love to see it. Or I love to see it, I adore them as friends/spiritual siblings.

+Ace has nine siblings?! That's a lot of kids!

+Nico cuts their own hair, and gets the cat ear things to stay up? Ultimate Hairdresser in the bulding!

+

Veronika's single green earring is a 'good luck charm' given to her by her dearest friend.

Aafgsj- Who?! Okay, first, I didn't even realize she had that, so thanks for pointing it out. Second, you can't just say that! Because you know I'm gonna assume that's Mai, especially with it being a 'good luck' charm when Mai is (kinda) the antithesis of Teruko and thus (kinda) the antithesis of bad luck. Am I to assume Veronika will be plot relevant now? Because I sure hope she is! I wasn't supposed to overthink the Q&A, dev, but look at what you're doing to me!

+Now the ice cream flavors:

Charles - coffee

This is actually stated in his profile. You gotta admire the consistency.

Hu - rose

Honey, wake up, a new random ship based on one (1) detail just dropped. It's a pretty cute one, too.

Nico - "the flavor" (doesn't elaborate further)

What is Nico doing in this Q&A? What am I supposed to gather from this?

Min - lemon

Min info drop spotted. I'm very normal about this character.

Xander - sauerkraut???

Xander, what the fuck are you talking about.

Veronika - funfetti

Honestly love this. White with other colors, right? It's perfect!

+Rose's painting preferences are cool to know, and she does give off a bit of middle child vibes, idk why. And two moms? Pog.

+That concept art! DRDT would have ended a lot earlier if Arei simply had a gun.

+Smells! (which of you people-)

Veronika - Womanly perfume (heavy)

I... was not expecting that! But it's Veronika info, so I absorb it. I kinda like the idea.

Nico - Cat

The more I learn about Nico, the more I love them.

Min - Lavender/eucalyptus/lemons/whatever essential oil she decided to use that day

W-Why does she use essential oils? I guess they must help her relax, because there's no way she actually believes they have any other benefit. Unexpected, but it's neat.

Whit - Fruity fun shampoo (for kids)

Yeah, yeah.

+Interesting that the Spurling Foundation and XF-Ture Tech don't have any connection, I guess that post I made on Min's secret is slightly outdated. Still, XF-Ture Tech "seems to do a lot of other things", huh? Peculiar.

I loved this Q&A, it was so much fun! I hope something like this is done again in the future, it's great.

[teachingmycattoread]

Things We've Yelled About This Episode #3.10

Alanna: The First Adventure, Tamora Pierce

The Song of the Lioness quartet, Tamora Pierce

In The Hands of the Goddess, Tamora Pierce

The Immortals quartet, Tamora Pierce

The Protector of the Small quartet, Tamora Pierce

Tempests and Slaughter, Tamora Pierce

Sabriel, Garth Nix (our ep here)

Ursula K. LeGuin

A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K LeGuin (our ep here)

The Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan

Joss Whedon (imdb)

Timeline of allegations against Joss Whedon

Joke Rowling

“God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason he made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine: because he wants humanity to share in the act of creation." Julian K. Jarboe

Everyone On The Moon Is Essential Personnel, Julian K. Jarboe

This post summarising Tamora Pierce's position on trans rights, aro-ace lead characters

The Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett

Warbreaker, Brandon Sanderson (our ep here)

Mistborn: The Final Empire, Brandon Sanderson (our ep here)

Way of Kings, Brandon Sanderson

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J. K. Rowling

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Anon (our ep here)

I cannot find the post about Alanna throwing her life-force into everything while every other Gifted mage in Tortall is doing finicky things with runes and shit, I literally reblogged it at some point in the last six months but Tumblr Search Is A Nightmare - if you see it, let me know!

If anybody knows the Naruto fic Eli's talking about, give us a shout!

Survival is a Talent, shanastoryteller (ao3)

Wild magic, D&D

Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss/Mansplain Manipulate Malewife (meme)

Spidey-sense (wiktionary)

The Provost's Dog trilogy, Tamora Pierce

Rent-lowering gunshots (meme)

Cat Rating: 5 1/2

What Else Are We Reading?

The North Remembers,qqueenofhades (ao3)

In the Hands of the Goddess, The Woman Who Rides Like A Man, Tamora Pierce

Thief in the Night, K. J. Charles

The Gentle Art of Fortune-Hunting, K. J. Charles

Men at Arms, Terry Pratchett

The Lost Metal, Brandon Sanderson

Next Time On Teaching My Cat To Read

Nicholas Sayre and the Creature in the Case, Garth Nix

[m00n-elixir]

cicero is not your "sexy sadistic yandere smut" kind of jester

he's your "dedicated and loyal (but also murder-crazy) malewife who would kill to protect you and who looks at you with admiration whenever you do something either extremely cool or extremely simple" kind of jester

i can confirm since i'm the listener >:) (/j but not really bc one of my characters is the listener so kinda /srs?)

[onefey]

the assistants in ace attorney can be separated into "girlboss" and "malewife" categories but ONLY IF kristoph gavin and kazuma asogi are in the girlboss category

[girlbossfranziskavonkarma]

The Tumbler AA Awards were born of the chaos that you have sown on Twitter and you're surprised that people on Tumbler are calling the judge a malewife?

Chaos reigns in Ace Attorney Tumblr and you are its hierophant.

/j

sigh...yah i guess i shouldnt b surprised by anything anymore